Tiffany Jewell, author of This Book is Anti-Racist, joins us to explain how we can raise teens who actively fight against discrimination of all kinds. We discuss the difference between race and ethnicity, explain how teens can explore their own identity, and break down the harmful effects of microaggressions.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesInstead, Tiffany says we should encourage teens toMicroaggressions, intersectionality, gendered language–all these concepts are floating around the internet and even coming out of our teens’ mouths, but what do they really mean? We know that teens shouldn’t be racist or sexist, and that it’s important to treat everyone equally, but is there more to the discrimination discussion than just telling teens to be nice to others? The answer is yes–If we want teens to create a better, more equitable society, we have to educate them on the nuanced reality of discrimination. Not only that, but we have to teach them how to actively fight against it!To help our kids become warriors against injustice, we’re talking to Tiffany Jewell, author of the New York Times #1 Bestseller, This Book Is Anti-Racist and The Antiracist Kid. Tiffany is an educator who has been working with children and families for nearly two decades! Her work focuses on anti-bias and antiracism education for kids and teenagers everywhere.In our interview, Tiffany and I are discussing the difference between race and ethnicity and explaining how you can help your teen discover their own intersectional identity. Plus, how teens can deal with microaggressions from both friends and strangers.Race vs. EthnicityTiffany and I talk a lot about racism in the episode, but to understand racism, we first need to understand race! Tiffany explains that race is actually a social construct, instead of something found within the natural world. The word “race” typically refers to a person’s skin color, hair texture or other physical attributes. While race has often been a way to categorize people over time, it’s not entirely accurate and even has a pretty harmful history, as it’s often used to justify oppression against minority groups. embrace the concept of ethnicity. Ethnicity refers to ancestry, and the origins of those whom you and your teen are descended from. While “Asian” might be seen as a racial identity, ethnicity goes deeper to discover what region a person is actually from, like South Korea, Thailand or Cambodia. Ethnicity also encompasses language, religion, and other aspects of culture that truly provide the nuanced reality of a person's background.In our interview, Tiffany explains that we often don’t know the difference between the two terms because our education systems don’t teach us to differentiate. Even government forms are slow to adapt to these different definitions, often just asking if we’re “black or white”, “hispanic or non-hispanic”. These general categorizations leave little room for nuance–it wasn’t even until the year 2000 that the census allowed citizens to identify as more than one ethnicity.Understanding the difference between these terms is often a good start for teens exploring their intersectional identity. In the episode, Tiffany and I are breaking down what intersectional identity means and how teens can develop a strong sense of pride in who they are.Intersectional IdentitiesYou may have heard the term “intersectional,” but what does it really mean? Tiffany explains that we all have various different social identities–our ethnicities, gender identities, and sexuality, among others. Intersectionality refers to how each of these traits intersect within our own identity, and how they change our relationship to others in society. For example, Tiffany shares that she identifies with multiple ethnicities, while also identifying as a cisgender woman. This means she’s faced some forms of discrimination–but not necessarily all of them. She can speak to the reality of experiencing racism, but she hasn’t had hateful rhetoric like transphobia or homophobia aimed her way.She reminds us that teens shouldn’t compete with others to prove who’s more “oppressed”, but instead see how others also experience discrimination thats similar to or different than what they face. Understanding that different kinds of people can face a multitude of forms of oppression can be critical for teens who are still piecing together the realities of discrimination within the world at large.In the episode, Tiffany and I discuss how teens are often taught to feel embarrassed about all the ways their identity doesn’t fit into the dominant white, male, neurotypical culture–but those differences can actually be superpowers. Teens who are neurodivergent, differently-abled or simply unique can learn to embrace what makes them stand out and harness it, says Tiffany. In the interview, we talk more about how teens can turn these “weaknesses” into superpowers.For teens who identify with certain ethnic or gender identities, stereotypes and microaggressions are an unfortunate part of life. Tiffany is explaining what microaggressions are and how teens can deal with them.Managing MicroaggressionsMicroaggressions are comments that might seem small or inconspicuous, but are actually quite harmful, says Tiffany. Often, these comments refer to someone’s ethnicity or identity in a way that’s demeaning or inappropriate. In our interview Tiffany shares an example from her own life, when someone tried to make a game out of guessing her ethnicity. She found their behavior dehumanizing–as do many people who deal with microaggressions.So how can teens deal with microaggressions if they find one hurled their way? Tiffany explains that it's good for teenagers to have the right friends, people who can defend them if somebody makes an offensive comment. And if their friends aren’t around to witness it, teens should have someone they can talk to about how the microaggression made them feel–whether that's a friend, parent, or mentor.Sometimes teens might want to call out the person who uttered the offensive comment, and Tiffany says that’s typically appropriate. If someone utters a microaggression, they should be held accountable, especially if they’re a public figure of any kind. There are some instances, however, where teens might want to “call in” instead of calling out, meaning they might want to just pull the aggressor aside for a talk. Tiffany explains that this is often in order when it’s a friend who’s made an inappropriate comment, and the talk needs to be a bit more personal. In our interview, we talk more about how teens can face microaggressions and other forms of hateful rhetoric as they move through the world.In The Episode…Tiffany and I tackle so many important issues in this week’s episode. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why activism is much more effective than charityHow schools cherry pick which cultural histories to teachWhy we should change our gendered languageHow kids can make space for ot...

Darby Fox, author of Rethinking Your Teenager, joins us to discuss how we can implement discipline without falling into negative cycles with our kids. We also talk about how why we should rethink the sex talk and the importance of teaching kids kindness.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWe all know what it’s like to get caught in a negative cycle with our kids. They break the rules, we crack down, they retaliate, then the whole thing happens over and over again. All we want is to keep the peace, but it feels impossible when teens constantly test our boundaries and nerves!The truth is, it’s not easy to implement discipline and still maintain a positive relationship with teens. We want to set rules, but we don’t want teens to think we’re suspicious of them. We want to maintain authority without being a tyrant. How can we keep our close bond with teens while enforcing the rules?To find out, we’re talking to Darby Fox, author of Rethinking Your Teenager: Shifting from Control and Conflict to Structure and Nurture to Raise Accountable Young Adults. Darby is a child and adolescent family psychologist with a private practice in Connecticut. She has over 20 years of experience working with families, and is here to help us take a new approach to our communication with teens.In our interview, Darby and I are discussing why we need to understand our kids’ mindsets, why parents should rethink the sex talk, and how we can enforce discipline without sacrificing our relationship with our kids.Understanding the Teenage MindsetAs parents, we have dreams and goals for our kids. We hope they'll get great grades, go to a prestigious university,  become successful adults and live happily ever after. It can be terrifying when we feel like they’re straying onto the wrong path–and our fear can lead us to say some things we regret. We tell them we’re disappointed, that this isn’t how we raised them, and that they should know better….but this only seems to make both teens and parents feel worse in the end.Instead, Darby suggests that we try to get into teens’ heads to figure out what’s motivating their behavior. She recommends that we stop looking for solutions to whatever problem teens are having, and instead talk to them about what’s causing the problem. Finding out teens’ motivations, fears, worries, and thoughts can open up the door to some great, productive conversations about their behavior, she says, instead of just shutting them down by scolding or yelling.Teen’s brains are still developing, and this means that they’re often driven towards short-term gratification and excitement. They’re not trying to get themselves into a bad spot, they just want fun and novelty, says Darby. If we really want them to make good choices, we might just have to let them make bad ones, she says. While we can spend all day telling teens why they shouldn’t drink, it might not stop them from blacking out and crawling home. When they do, Darby recommends that instead of shaming them, we sit down with them and help them break down what happened. This might help them rethink the situation, and whether or not they really want to touch alcohol again for a while, Darby says. She believes parents should behave like gutters in a bowling alley–there in case things go off their intended path.Of all the tough conversations parents have to have with kids, the sex talk might be the most awkward. In our interview, Darby and I are talking about how you can take a more accepting approach to “the talk.”Rethinking The Sex TalkDarby’s first recommendation for parents heading into a sex talk is to be direct. There’s often a lot of hemming and hawing about what we should and shouldn’t tell kids, if we should shelter them or avoid specific topics. But if we’re just honest and open, the talk can be a lot more effective, she says. She even recommends asking about what’s been going on at school–if they’ve been hearing about what other kids are doing and what they think about it.Sometimes teens’ feeling about sex can be layered. They might feel a social pressure to start before they’re ready, or a need to seek validation from others that might result in promiscuous behavior. Maybe they have questions that they feel like they’re not able to ask anyone, and this can lead them to feel isolated. All this can make having the talk even harder–but also more essential, says Darby.When you’re dishing out information to teens, Darby says it's ok if they don’t respond, or run away cringing after. What’s most important is that they listened and received the information, she says. In the episode, we talk about what topics we should emphasize in the talk, including adolescent identity formation, how to notice red flags in potential partners, and possible gendered differences when it comes to first love.To wrap up our conversation, Darby and I are talking about discipline, and how some parents set their kids up to fail by disciplining too much or too little. Plus, the importance of mutual respect when communicating with kids.The Key to Effective DisciplineWhen kids are pushing our buttons, it's easy to let our emotions escalate. But when we’re yelling and pointing fingers, we aren’t really our best selves, says Darby. It’s important to stay somewhat neutral, or at least not let our emotions get the better of us when teens are exhibiting triggering behavior. Darby recommends that we pause when we feel ourselves getting riled up, and take a minute to ask ourselves why we’re feeling so emotional.When you do lose your temper, Darby recommends taking a second to apologize. Parents aren’t perfect, and it's ok to acknowledge that, she says. It can help to remind teens that you might not agree with them, but you still trust them and understand their way of thinking. Darby explains that a parent-child relationship requires mutual respect, just like any other relationship.Modeling manners and respect can actually be critical to helping kids develop healthy self-esteem, says Darby. Although most parents aim to teach their kids the value of kindness in a small way, Darby says this should actually be a major priority. Helping kids realize that they're not the center of the universe is essential if we want them to grow up with a sense of selflessness. When they help others, they also build up their own self worth, all while making the world a better place.In The Episode…Darby shares so much wisdom with us in this week’s interview. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:How we can change the conversation around substancesWhy we shouldn’t compare ourselves to other parentsHow we can approach the topic of divorceWhat to do when teens get a bad gradeIf you enjoyed this episode, you can find more from Darby on her website, darbyfox.com, or on twitter @askdarbyfox. Thanks for listening, and don’t forget to share and subscribe! We’ll see you next week. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagr...

Tamara Raymond, author of Careering,  joins us to discuss how teens can get a head start on career development while they’re still in high school. We talk about how teens can build a professional network, find their passion, and handle the job application process.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesTeens these days are expected to have everything figured out by the time they finish high school–which is a nearly impossible task. Even though they're only taking their first wobbly steps into maturity, it seems like they’ve got to have their college major, future career and financial life plan all worked out by the time they turn 18!Needless to say, they’re going to need a lot of help if they’re going to make it out there in the real world. As parents, we want to assist our kids as they transition into adulthood–so how can we help teens start making smart career decisions when they’re still living under our roofs? Is there a way we can prepare them to go into adult life with their best foot forward?That’s what we’re asking Tamara Raymond, author of Careering: The Pocket Guide to Exploring Your Future Career. Tamara is a certified leadership coach and career strategist with over 15 years of experience helping people become their best selves! Today, she’s helping us see how teens can get a headstart on career development before they reach adulthood.In our interview, we’re covering how teens can start  discovering their passions and how they can build a professional network with resources they already have! Plus, how parents can guide teens through job and internship applications–and help them handle rejection.Finding Passion and PurposeTo find out what they’re passionate about, Tamara recommends teens try anything and everything. Luckily, high school is the perfect time to do so! Signing up for lots of extracurriculars and activities is a good way to start figuring out where their purpose lies.Plenty of kids pick extracurriculars with the singular goal of getting into college, only to find themselves transferring schools or changing their major three times once they get in. While this isn’t inherently bad, it can cost a lot of time and money, says Tamara. High school gives teens more wiggle room to try on different potential career paths and see what fits, she explains.In the episode, Tamara and I talk about a concept called “indepent study,” in which teens can explore their interests on their own outside of school. If a teen is interested in learning a language, working with animals, or developing a skill, high school is a great time for teens to create their own “program” and dive into these topics  on their own time.Volunteering is another good way to not only get experience for a first resume, but also try out different possible career opportunities, Tamara explains. Teens can try volunteering at an animal clinic, at the local hospital, or even serving food nearby to see if they’re interested in one of those fields. They’ll never know until they try, Tamara says.When teens get involved in their interests outside of school, this often creates space for a mentor to enter the picture. Tamara and I are talking about how teens can find mentorship or even develop a professional network while they’re still in high school.Building a NetworkCreating a professional network doesn't have to include fancy conventions or Linkedin–it can start within your own family, Tamara explains. If teens reach out to uncles, aunts, cousins or family friends, they might find that there are plenty of interesting connections to be made. Maybe an aunt knows someone who works in radio, or a cousin heard about an internship program for aspiring designers. Whatever their interest, teens might be surprised to find out how many connections are already available to them, says Tamara.She also recommends that if teens are taking part in extracurricular and volunteer opportunities, that they make time to talk to those around them. These people can offer great insights or advice about life, or even help teens get a job one day. If teens are able to score an internship or entry-level job at a company they hope to work for one day, building a network there should be one of their biggest priorities. That way, if they ever return, they’ll already have relationships in the organization, Tamara explains.The internet can also be a powerful tool, particularly social media, says Tamara. Although we often see the negative side of social media, there can be benefits as well, if it’s used right, she says.  Teens should make sure to watch what they post however, as certain comments might get them in trouble in the future, she warns. There are plenty of examples of this among celebrities, and teens might learn a lesson or two about posting impulsively from paying attention to these stories in the news.As teens get older, they’ll find themselves applying for more and more things, including jobs, interviews, scholarships or even colleges. Tamara and I are talking about how you can guide teens through tough application processes and even help them face rejection.Facing the Application ProcessThe job search process has changed over time, and continues to change, Tamara says. Gone are the days of simply waltzing in and handing over a resume–most applications, networking, and job opportunities are online now. This can come with a whole host of new problems, says Tamara. Zoom interviews can be troubled by bad connections, background noise or technical problems. Emails can be full of typos, scheduling apps can get confusing, and the internet can simply be less personal. Kids are up against all of these problems as they move into the professional world, but Tamara’s got some tips for handling it.The most important tip for handling the world of digital mix ups? Just be honest, says Tamara. If teens are having problems with Zoom, they shouldn’t ignore it, but instead acknowledge it. Talking about these problems can be a good way to help teens be present in the moment, instead of tense or scared or making mistakes. In the episode, Tamara shares the story of a time when her stomach wouldn’t stop growling in an interview, but acknowledging it actually helped her get the job.How can parents help? Tamara says pushing teens to leave their comfort zone can be a start. Teens might not always be quick to believe in themselves, and that’s where they need parents to step in and provide some encouragement.Tamara also recommends that we create an aura of fun around the process instead of turning up the pressure. Teens are likely going to face a lot of rejection, and a light-hearted approach will help them bounce back when things get tough. In the episode Tamara and I talk more about how you can help teens handle the sting of rejection.In the Episode…Tamara has plenty of helpful career advice, no matter where your teen is at in their journey. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why teens should double check their reference lettersHow teens can make the most of scholarshipsWhy it's important to ...

Chantel Prat, author of The Neuroscience of You, joins us to talk about how every brain is unique. We discuss the left and right brain, how to use psychology to motivate teenagers, and why every teen has a different way of thinking.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWe all think differently–it's what makes our world so wonderful to live in. We each have unique opinions, perspectives and ideas to bring to the table!We often chalk up these differences to our individual upbringings or life experiences–but what if there are fundamental structural differences within each of our brains that change the way we think? What if our brains aren’t one size fits all?These are the questions we’re attempting to answer this week in our interview with Chantel Prat. Chantel is a cognitive neuroscientist, internationally renowned speaker and professor at the University of Washington! She’s joining us today to discuss some powerful ideas from her new book, The Neuroscience of You: How Every Brain is Different and How to Understand Yours.In our interview, Chantel and I are breaking down how the left and right hemispheres of our brains affect our behavior differently. We’re also discussing why some teens are motivated by reward, and others by punishment. Plus, how each person’s brain operates in a unique way and why it matters.Left Brain vs. Right BrainYou may have heard that the left brain is more analytical, while the right brain is more creative. While this is an interesting idea, it’s not totally backed by science, Chantel explains. There are differences between the function of the two hemispheres, but they aren’t as simple as one might think. In the episode, Chantel and I are discussing the existing research about the differences between the left and right sides of the brain.One study examined people who lost the tie between the two hemispheres, meaning that each could be studied individually, says Chantel. The researchers asked the participants of the study to draw a picture based on a prompt, and found out that the right brain is engaged when creating visual interpretations.However, when people were asked to use their own language to describe what they’d drawn, they suddenly started to make up totally new explanations for their images that had nothing to do with the prompt!Chantel explains that this phenomenon occurred because the left brain is responsible not just for generating language but also for making inferences about causality and justifying our own behavior. This means there’s often a disconnect between the true reason for our actions and our conscious justifications for them, says Chantel. In fact, much of our decision making is done within our subconscious, Chantel explains. This is especially true for teenagers, whose brains are still developing. When they seem unable to justify their behavior, it’s likely because they don’t have the brain mechanisms to do so yet, says Chantel.While kids can’t always explain their behavior, it’s clear that they have certain motivations for their actions. Whether it’s the thrill of winning a homecoming game, the fear of failing a test or the satisfaction of saving for their first car, each teen has their own motivating forces. Chantel and I are talking about what motivates teens and how parents can understand their teens’ own method of motivation.What Motivates Teens?Although motivation is complicated, Chantel explains a basic spectrum we can use to understand what motivates our kids (and ourselves). Chantel explains that at one end of the spectrum, there are “carrot”  learners, who are spurned forward by rewards. On the other end are “stick” learners, or those who make decisions based on their desire to avoid negative outcomes. You may have heard of the chemical dopamine, and that it plays a role in happiness. As Chantel explains in the episode, dopamine is a reward chemical that makes us feel satisfied when we achieve or obtain something. On the other hand, when we find ourselves disappointed, we experience what Chantel calls a “dopamine dip” and receive less dopamine than we expected.Carrot learners are motivated to seek out dopamine, and learn to repeat the behaviors that bring it–like eating food, buying something they’ve had their eye on, or even reaching a lofty goal. Stick learners, on the other hand, are motivated by the memories of those dopamine dips, and want to avoid the same unpleasant feeling they associate with disappointment. Chantel and I talk about how you can figure out if your teen is a stick or a carrot learner and what that means for your relationship with them.Although we can look at the science of different hemispheres and motivation styles, each individual’s brain is truly unique, Chantel explains. In the episode, we’re breaking down why everyone’s brain operates differently, and how we can help our kids embrace their own way of thinking.Why Your Teen’s Brain Is UniqueChantel finds it frustrating that we often approach neuroscience with the belief that brains are one-size-fits-all. The truth is that our brains each have unique ways of interacting with the world and processing information.To demonstrate her point, Chantel tells me about some of her research, in which she monitors participants’ brain activity while they’re doing nothing. When a brain isn’t given a task, researchers can measure the frequencies emitted by their brain in different areas. By measuring these frequencies, Chantel is able to make interpretations about how each person’s brain works uniquely.Particularly, she measures these frequencies as they relate to long term planning vs. sensitivity to the current environment. Essentially, Chantel can read how much energy people spend working towards long term goals, and how much energy is spent navigating the present. Each person’s brain does this differently, she explains, including teenagers. In the episode, we’re talking about how we can understand this concept as it applies to our kids, in educational, social and personal contexts.In the Episode…Chantel’s extensive knowledge of the brain is remarkable! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why we should rethink standardized testingHow parts of our brains become specializedWhy left-handed people think differentlyHow extroverted people receive stronger dopamine responsesIf you enjoyed this week’s episode, you can find more from Chantel at chantelprat.com. Thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next week! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

David Arms and son Steven Arms, authors of Milestone to Manhood,  join us this week to talk about how families can organize a coming-of-age ritual that helps teens embrace their impending adulthood. They break down their family’s ritual, and explain how you can create your own.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesPreparing kids for the responsibilities of adulthood is one of parenting’s most critical challenges. Although kids officially become “adults” at 18, the journey to adulthood starts long before then. Teens are figuring out their values, career, love life and identity as they move through puberty and high school! For parents, it can be nerve-wracking to watch as kids attempt to handle the challenges of growing up. When teens are wracked with self doubt and insecurity, it can be hard to reassure them that they're ready to take on new responsibilities! If only there was something we could do to help them enter maturity with confidence and security…This week, we’re talking about a special ritual parents and kids can complete together to signify the beginning of kids’ journey to adulthood. We’re talking to David and Steven Arms, authors of Milestone to Manhood. Our first ever father-son guest duo, these two men are here to tell us all about a ritual that takes place in their family whenever a boy turns 13–and how you can use their model to create your own family rite of passage. In our interview, we’re discussing each element of their family coming-of-age ritual, and its significance. Plus, how David and Steven use this rite of passage to have important conversations about everything from faith to sex, and how you can plan a coming-of-age event for your own kid.What Is A Rite of Passage?When someone in the Arms family turns 13, the older males–uncles, cousins, brothers, grandpas and fathers–plan an entire weekend of activities for them. Throughout the weekend, the 13 year-old faces a slate of leadership tasks, and receives advice about life from each of his older relatives. This entire trip is kept secret from the participant, until it's already underway, Steve and David explain.In the episode, David breaks down the rite of passage weekend he planned for Steven, which took place at a lakeside cabin. Throughout the weekend, there was a burning fire that Steven was expected to maintain. Instead of stoking it himself from morning to night, Steven took leadership and delegated its upkeep to each member of the family. The ability to practice leadership on a small, controlled scale is a big way to nudge kids towards adult responsibilities, they explain.To David and Steven, devout Christians, the fire is an important biblical symbol or resilience. They encourage the listener to find their own version of this activity based on their personal faith or values. Other parts of their ritual, like each man reading a bible verse, can be replaced by recommending important books or sharing significant stories between the group–whatever your family is comfortable doing.Beyond just activities, the rite of passage also includes having important discussions about life and growing up. Steven and David are breaking down how to approach heavy topics with teens as they’re coming of age.Talking About The Big StuffDuring Steven’s rite of passage weekend, the men of his family had an open discussion about sex–which helped him develop a healthy relationship with his own sexuality, he says. Steven explains how hearing his family members discuss sex in a non-judgemntal manner among one another made him feel as though he could ask them anything. By removing the stigma around sex, the men were able to create a safe space to discuss it.One of the main messages the older men attempt to impart on each trip is one of unconditional love and support. Reminding kids that you’ll love them no matter what provides them with the ability to have open dialogue with you no matter how old they are.For example, Steven recalls a period where he was questioning his own values, and didn’t know if he could talk to his parents about it. Once he remembered the rite of passage weekend, however, he realized his family was a safe place for challenging discussions, and opened up to his grandfather about what he was feeling. His grandfather’s advice set him back on track and reminded him that he’s not alone.David explains in the episode that kids are going to look for ways to feel like an adult as they move through teenagerhood, and sometimes turn to drugs or other risky behavior to feel mature. If we can have conversations with them about maturity while they’re in the process of growing up, we can help prevent them from going down a bad road. So how can we create our own rite on passage weekend? What if our kids are older–is it too late? David, Steven and I are explaining how you can create a version of the ritual for your own family.Creating Your Own RitualIf you’re interested in recreating this coming of age ritual or designing your own, David and Steven recommend planning far in advance. They always send emails to family members months and weeks in advance, to ensure that they’d be able to fit the weekend into their busy lives. The more planning you do, the better, they explain, especially if you’re feeling nervous or overwhelmed. With a schedule and prepared discussion topics, no one will have to wing anything.For parents who aren’t as close to their extended family or are pressed for time planning the weekend, a one-on-one event between father and son is better than nothing, they explain. David and Steven also encourage a little bit of spontaneity, recalling the valuable memories they made doing unplanned activities during the weekend. And although closer to 13 is better, it’s never too late to plan a weekend like this for kids.David and Steven touch on the value of a gift passed between father and son at the end of the weekend–a gift that requires responsibility to signal their newfound maturity. This gift doesn't have to be expensive, but instead rich in sentimental value. David gave his sons each a piece of his own father’s coin collection, but encouraged parents to find their own version of this gift. It could be a piece of jewelry, a pet or a family antique, something to remind kids that they’re burgeoning adults with a new level of expected responsibility.In The Episode…I enjoyed talking to David and Steven this week about their unique family ritual. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why this ritual prepares kids to take on household choresHow different cultures inspired their take on a rite of passageWhy each mentor should leave teens with a book to readHow handwritten letters can play a role in the ritualIf you liked this episode, you can check out David and Steven’s website, milestonetomanhood.com. Don’t forget to share and subscribe, and we’ll see you next week! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Caroline Clauss-Elhers, co-author of Eating Together, Being Together, joins us to talk about how cooking and eating with our kids creates opportunities for deeper connection.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesFor centuries, food has brought people together. Whether we’re preparing a holiday feast with the whole family or grabbing lunch with an old friend, there’s something about cooking and eating together that creates a connection between human beings. But sometimes we lose track of the value of sharing a meal–especially when it comes to daily family life. After a long day of work and school, it’s easy to throw a frozen pizza in the oven and sit your kids in front of the TV while you go upstairs for some much-needed peace and quiet.Although it can be hard to find time for family dinner and even more difficult to muster up the energy to cook a meal, food can be a great way to connect with your kids. Cooking together provides opportunities to teach valuable life lessons, and sitting down for a meal can bring laughter, bonding, and essential communication. If you can find the time to cook and eat together, food might just bring your family closer than ever before.To help us get the spices flowing and the conversation going, we’re talking to Caroline Clauss-Elhers, co-author of Eating Together, Being Together: Recipes, Activities and Advice From a Chef Dad and a Psychologist Mom. Caroline is an award-winning psychologist and professor at Long Island University, Brooklyn. She teamed up with her chef husband to write this book full of fun ways to incorporate food into family bonding!In my conversation with Caroline, we’re discussing the important practical and philosophical lessons kids can learn from cooking.Creating delectable meals is a great way to bond with our teens, and provides a unique space to discuss fun and serious subjects.How Cooking Can Be EducationalCooking is more than just preparing tasty food–it also includes things like math, physics, and plant science! Preparing food together is a fun and productive way to teach kids about everything from fractions to fruit, says Caroline. Younger kids might be fascinated to learn about the composition of an egg, while older kids can try converting teaspoons to quarts. No matter how old your kid is, they’ll likely learn a thing or two if they step into the kitchen, Caroline says.If we want our kids to learn life skills like leadership, perseverance, or patience, cooking is a great place to start, Caroline says. Making a meal is messy, and typically involves some trial and error. Before kids can produce the perfect omelet, they'll have to learn to remain resilient through pooly cracked eggs or burnt mushrooms!  If there’s multiple cooks in the kitchen, Caroline suggests letting kids be in charge of delegating duties. This lets them try out a little bit of leadership and critical decision-making, she says.The grocery shopping process is another chance to get kids learning–this time about money! Caroline suggests comparing the prices and attributes of multiple brands and asking kids which they think is a better deal. At the end of the trip, kids can look over a receipt and see how each item, discount, or fee was combined to make a total payment amount. These lessons might seem minor, but can be formative for kids still learning about the value of both money and food, Caroline explains.Cooking and eating as a family is more than just educational! Parents can also use food to bond with kids in all sorts of ways. In our interview, Caroline and I are discussing how food preparation and consumption can be a path to better communication with kids.How Food Brings Family TogetherIn our interview, Caroline and I are discussing all the ways families can use food to bond. In Caroline’s family, for example, making apple cider is a common activity. She hops into the car with her husband and kids and they drive to the apple orchard before bringing the fruit home to make the cider and enjoy it together. Caroline explains that the car rides are often the highlight, because they give her family unstructured time to talk about their lives with one another. Although they could simply buy cider from the store, this from-scratch method is much more fun and creates opportunities for connection, says Caroline.Sometimes, there’s a specific topic you want to bring up to your teen, but you aren’t sure of the right time and place. Caroline says cooking and eating together creates opportunities for heavier topics to come up organically. When your family is gathered in a comfortable environment doing something low-effort like eating or caramelizing onions, it often provides the chance to nudge your teen about their college applications or find out more about their friends at school.You might be thinking to yourself, I don’t have time to cook! I’m too busy working or running kids from soccer practice to tutoring! In the episode, Caroline and I talk about different methods for busy parents to bond with kids over food. There are three meals and multiple snack occasions to capitalize on, she says, and there’s bound to be at least one opportunity in the day to cook or eat with kids. Even something small like cutting fruit together or making a sandwich can be a good opportunity to chat about your day.But what do we do when we’re munching away on mashed potatoes and teens suddenly bring up a serious topic? In our interview, Caroline and I are discussing how we can listen and respond to kids who are struggling with everything from school to social anxiety.Why Listening Goes a Long WayWhen kids are coming to us with concerns about dating, drinking, or a bad grade, the conversation can get pretty tense. Parents tend to have opinions on these subjects, and sometimes when we’re listening, we just can’t wait to blurt out our own feelings about what teens should do. However, jumping in with a solution might do more harm than good, says Caroline. In the episode, she’s outlining a strategy for responding  to teens who are struggling–and listening without our own agenda is step one.Instead of chiming in right away, Caroline suggests listening attentively and trying to understand how kids feel. And when we do offer our two cents, she recommends we validate teens feelings and opinions in the process. This can be tricky, Caroline explains, as sometimes teens are being irrational or unreasonable. But their feelings and your feelings can both be right, she says. Acknowledging the validity of both stances can be a good way to start breaking down the problem at hand in a practical way.Caroline explains that simply having someone to talk to can be immensely valuable for teens. Studies show that having one trusted adult in their corner can do wonders for kids who are struggling with growing pains and trying to make sense of the world. In the episode, Caroline and I talk about how parents can guide teens through tough situations like social anxiety, the pandemic, and more.In the Episode…I had so much fun interviewing Caroline this week! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about…Why cook...

Kate Lund, author of Bounce, joins us to explain how teens can face obstacles and practice resilience when life gets tough. We also discuss the importance of stress management, goal setting and trying new things.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesYour teen might have the perfect life plan–become class president, get a basketball scholarship, and go to the medical school of their dreams. But no matter how put-together your teen is, they’re likely to encounter plenty of obstacles on the road to success. They might not make the school basketball team at all, or maybe they’ll receive a rejection letter from the college they swore they’d go toIf teens let these challenges bring them down, they might not reach the future they’ve envisioned. But if they’re resilient enough to push past hardships, they may find that all of their dreams are entirely possible!Building resilience is no easy task, however. That’s why we’re talking to Kate Lund, author of Bounce: Help Your Child Build Resilience and Thrive In School, Sports and Life. Kate is a psychologist and life coach with over 15 years of experience helping people of all ages overcome hardship.In our interview, Kate and I are discussing how teens can gain resilience from learning to manage their emotions. We're also talking about how teens can stay motivated, and why teens need confidence and courage if they want to strive for greatness.Modeling Emotional ManagementThere’s no shortage of frustrating situations in life, especially for teens who are still figuring it all out. When things go wrong, teens tend to get stressed–and how they deal with this stress makes all the difference, Kate says.In order to find resilience, teens have to master stress management, she explains. When teens manage their stress properly by exercising, painting, or spending time with friends, they’re able to remain even-keeled and calm most of the time, explains Kate. But when they let their stress run free, any triggering situation can put them over the top and cause them to melt down. By scheduling time to regularly de-stress, teens can stay grounded when challenges arise.To help teens gain emotional management skills, try modeling them yourself, Kate suggests. When you're dealing with something frustrating or overwhelming, you shouldn’t hide this from teens, she explains. Letting teens see your negative emotions can remind them that stress is totally normal. When kids see parents handling their emotions in healthy ways, they'll be reassured that they’re capable of the same, says Kate.Another way parents can model healthy emotional habits is by practicing kindness in a visible way. When anger or sadness go unmanaged, these emotions can lead us to become unkind to those in our lives, says Kate. Showing teens that we’re capable of being kind to anyone, no matter their beliefs or opinions, is an incredibly powerful way of modeling emotional management, she says.If kids are truly striving for resilience, they’ll have to keep their motivation going, no matter what obstacles are in their path. In the episode, we’re talking about how teens can stay motivated through any challenges they might face.Motivation and Goal SettingTo maintain motivation, Kate recommends that kids set attainable goals. They might have a grand goal of getting into their dream school, but they’ve got to have smaller goals along the way if they want to stay motivated, she says. Their first goal might be getting all the necessary letters of recommendation by a certain date, and their second goal might be finishing their essays in time for early admission. Reaching these small goals helps teens feel accomplished, which in turn motivates them to keep going.Sometimes parents push teens to pursue activities that teens just don’t seem to care about. This might be because we don’t want kids to be quitters or because we have our own selfish interest in the activity. This can cause kids’ motivation to stall out. Instead, Kate recommends that you encourage teens to pursue what they actually enjoy, letting their natural motivation take over. As a parent, you can help kids stay motivated by encouraging them to follow their passions.What if your teen doesn’t feel motivated to achieve anything? Kate says you should give unmotivated teens time to figure out where they want to direct their energy. Not every teen moves at the same speed, she explains. She suggests that both parents and teens remain open to new experiences and connections through their teenage years and even into young adulthood. We never know what might inspire us, and teens shouldn’t hold themselves back from the possibility of finding their spark.There are a few other things that factor into resilience, including qualities like confidence and courage. Kate and I are discussing how teens can gain these traits and find resilience.Courage and ConfidenceFor teens who are facing the impending world of adulthood, confidence isn’t always easy. But the more kids embrace challenges and overcome them, the more confident they’ll be the next time an obstacle comes around. Resilience comes with learning to be uncomfortable, says Kate, and if we want to raise confident teens, we’ve got to encourage them to leave their comfort zones.The same goes for courage, Kate explains. Kids might be scared to try something new, but courage comes from trying anyway, she says. If teens fail, parents can push them to approach the activity from a different angle, or prompt them to simply try again. Once teens realize that they’re capable of overcoming failure, they’ll eventually gain the courage to try anything they desire, Kate says.Although it’s typically helpful to encourage teens, there are some cases when we should refrain from pushing them too much, sys Kate. Some parents tend to overschedule kids, filling up their day with sports practice, test prep, tutoring sessions and chess club. This overscheduling can lead teens to burn out, and hurt their ability to focus on anything at all. Kate recommends we monitor how much teens are sleeping, eating or socializing to make sure they’re not overworked to the point of exhaustion.In the Episode….I enjoyed talking to Kate this week about resilience, stress management,  motivation and more! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why teens might benefit from meditatingHow teens can fight distractions to stay focusedWhy it’s important for teens to have hopeHow parents can model motivationIf you enjoyed listening, you can find Kate’s book, Bounce, on Amazon. Thanks for tuning in, and don’t forget to share and subscribe! We’ll see you next week. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Dr. Elena Lister, psychologist and author of Giving Hope, speaks about why it’s so essential to discuss death with our kids. Elena explains how to have age-appropriate talks when a loved one passes, and how to help grieving teens who are struggling to open up.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWhen a loved one is seriously ill or passes unexpectedly, there’s no easy way to tell our kids. While we want them to know the truth and feel supported through any grief they might have, we don’t want to freak them out or say the wrong thing. This is particularly true when it comes to teenagers, who typically don’t want to talk to parents about anything–especially intense emotions.But talking about death and loss can be immensely valuable for teens, especially after a tragedy. Opening up a conversation about grief reminds teens that their home is a safe space for difficult feelings. For teens who feel like they’re mourning on their own, having a parent to turn to can make all the difference. Today we’re talking to Dr. Elena Lister, co-author of Giving Hope: Conversations with Children About Illness, Death, and Loss. Elena is a psychology professor and practicing psychologist. In her work, she specializes in treating people who are struggling with grief. She also travels to schools to help kids deal with the loss of teachers, school staff or other members of their community.In our interview, Elena and I are covering why conversations about death are so essential, and what we can say to support teens who are working through the loss of a loved one. Plus, how you can help teens who don’t want to open up about their grief.Discussing Death With KidsAlthough it can be one of the most difficult topics for anyone to talk about, discussing death can also be incredibly important. Death is an inevitable part of life, explains Elena, and kids are often already aware of it before we ever bring it up. Pixar movies touch on themes of grief and loss, and school curriculums tackle famous figures who’ve passed. Without a conversation about death at home, kids can sometimes feel like they’re grappling with the concept alone.When we allow kids to feel comfortable talking about death, we help them claim ownership over their emotions, says Elena. These talks remind teens that they’re capable of managing difficult things in both the present and the future–tough emotions included, Elena says. If we don’t offer them this refuge, teens can bring the trauma of these losses into adulthood, where they may have even more trouble working through them.Elena explains that it can sometimes be tempting to lie to kids when the reality of death arises–like telling kids that the family dog went off to live on a farm when the truth is that he’s passed. But lying can undermine the bond of trust between you and your teen, Elena says, leading kids to be suspicious of anything else you might say for years to come. Plus, teens can often sense when you aren’t telling the truth, and might feel upset if they know you’re hiding something, she explains.Whether you have to break the news of a loved one's passing or just want to help kids understand the concept of death, these conversations aren’t easy. Elena is helping us understand what we can say to help teens feel supported, and what terms or topics to avoid.Finding the Right Moment To TalkIf you want to have a conversation about death with teens, Elena recommends weaving this talk into everyday life. It might not seem intuitive, but bringing these heavy topics into a more casual environment can make them easier to discuss. She suggests leaving time for kids to ask questions after the talk, and then returning to daily activities. It can also be comforting to spend some time together doing something simple after, like watching a movie.What’s the best time of day for the conversation? Elena advises us not to break the news of a loved one’s passing before bedtime, she says, as humans are predisposed to feel lonely at night. If possible, she recommends we  avoid telling kids before they go off to school, unless it’s someone in their immediate circle. Elena explains that kids often perceive a shift in energy among parents and peers when someone passes, and this might cause confusion if the circumstances are clearly communicated.Elena suggests that parents choose a moment when they're free to spend some time with kids afterwards–if the situation allows. If you can sit with teens without distractions, they’ll know you're there to comfort them and guide them through any grief they might have. In our interview, Elena and I talk about how important it is to put down our phones and other electronics during this time–even though it can be tempting to scroll through emails to deflect tension.Sometimes, however, teens don’t want to start up a conversation at all. This can lead parents to wonder if teens are struggling to communicate their grief, or simply talking about their feelings with someone else. Elena and I are talking about how you can interpret teens’ closed-off behavior and help them accept any feelings they might be wrestling with.Guiding Teens Through GriefWe all react differently to grief, Elena explains. If teens aren’t crying or showing outward signs of sadness, it doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling. Some kids even feel guilty about not crying, and might need a gentle reminder that any reaction they’re having is ok, says Elena. When kids seem to be avoiding emotion altogether, Elena suggests trying to find a non-verbal way they can express their grief. We share more specific ways to do this in the episode.Teens are usually experiencing the natural process of finding their independence, and may not want to talk to parents about what they’re feeling. If they aren’t sharing their grief with you, Elena recommends ensuring that they’re talking to someone else. Whether that person is a friend, a teacher, a counselor or a different family member, having someone else to open up to can be an essential part of processing the death of a loved one.Sometimes teens need the help of a professional, like a therapist or grief counselor. But how do we know when it's time to call for this resource? Elena says that if teens aren’t able to reacclimate regular life in four to six weeks, it might be wise to set up a professional appointment. If they aren’t eating or sleeping, refuse to come out of their room or suddenly begin acting up, they might need additional help beyond what parents can give.In the Episode…There’s so much to learn from Elena in this episode. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:What to do if a loved one dies while kids are awayHow to speak to kids about suicideWhy celebrities’ deaths can trigger kids’ own traumaWhy every kid should have a goldfishIf you enjoyed this week’s episodes, you can find more from Elena at elenalistermd.com, or on Twitter @Elenalistermd1. Thanks for listening, and don’t forget to share and subscribe! We’ll see you next week. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on

Doni Wilson, author of  Master Your Stress, Reset Your Health, joins us to explain the science behind the body’s stress response. We talk about how everyone’s reaction to stress is unique, and how teens can take some steps to de-stress.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesToday’s teens are at risk of major stress overload. On top of managing their grades and competing for spots at exclusive universities, they’re battling the onslaught of a recession and a world battered by a pandemic. They’ve also got to navigate a complicated digital landscape! With phone notifications going off every five minutes demanding their attention, it’s no wonder teens are chronically stressed out.You may have heard of some stress relief methods for kids, like yoga, journaling, or taking long walks...but do they really work? Do teens need to go to therapy to feel better? Should they quit their extracurriculars to make more time for relaxation? What could possibly give kids the stress relief they need?The bottom line is, stress isn’t one-size-fits-all, and neither is the solution! If we want to find out how teens can de-stress, we’ll have to learn more about how each teen’s body processes stress in the first place.To learn more about the nuances of stress and possible solutions, we’re talking to Dr. Doni Wilson, author of Master Your Stress, Reset Your Health. Doni is a doctor of naturopathic medicine, a certified nutrition specialist, a bestselling author and an internationally renowned speaker! As a clinician, Doni focuses on stress recovery–specifically the regulation of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.In our interview, Doni is breaking down the body’s stress response and how it affects everyone differently. We’re also discussing how teens can take some steps towards de-stressing, and how we can spot a teen that’s overwhelmed by stress.Cortisol And AdrenalineLet’s say your teen is driving, only a few weeks after getting their license. They’re on the freeway, trying to merge into traffic, when suddenly a huge truck shows up on their left. They might feel a jolt of panic, as their body alerts itself to this new danger. This sensation is a result of their adrenal glands releasing adrenaline, says Doni, which is the body's first response to a stressful situation.The human brain is constantly monitoring its environment, ready to react to stress at any moment–and when something sets off a stress response, our adrenal glands get to work, says Doni. With the release of adrenaline, our bodies go into flight or flight mode, alerting our sympathetic nervous system and making us more alert.When responding to stress, our body also produces cortisol, another hormone. This raises our blood sugar, halts our digestion, and suppresses our immune system so that our body can devote all its energy to handling the stressor at hand, says Doni.These chemicals are necessary for human survival, as they help humans navigate intense situations–like our teen avoiding a truck on the road. But these hormones are supposed to subside once teens aren’t stressed anymore, so that the body can reset itself. When teens' lives are filled up with tests, college admissions essays, football practice, keeping up with their friends on the internet and worrying over the state of the world, they’re not giving their body a break from the stress. This can cause their stress monitoring systems to go haywire! Doni explains this system failure further in the episode, and the repercussions it can have on teens’ health.If we want teens to relieve their chronic stress, they’ll have to help their body reset. But how can they do this? In the episode, Doni is explaining how everyone’s body is different–so treatment has to be unique.Address The High StressDe-stressing looks different for everyone, Doni says. That’s because everyone’s body responds to stress differently. Everyone has varying levels of cortisol and adrenaline, she explains. Some people have a cortisol deficit and others produce too much. Some people are more prone to producing stress hormones in the morning, while others get stressed in the evening. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to such a complex and varying problem, Doni says.Some of these differences can be attributed to genetics. Doni explains that some people are genetically predisposed to produce more cortisol, and feel higher levels of stress. There are also genetic differences that affect how quickly these hormones are metabolized. For some, a stress response can last a few minutes, while others feel stressed for hours. There are also generational aspects, Doni explains–the stress our parents and grandparents experienced can have an effect on how our own bodies process stress.Because everyone’s stress response is different, every individual requires a unique solution, says Doni. Instead of assigning blanket remedies for stress, Doni suggests taking your kid to a doctor to have their adrenaline and cortisol levels measured. In doing so, you can find out specific information about how your teen is handling all the stress of modern teen life–and how you can help them manage it.To get you started, however, Doni reveals some practices she often shares with her patients to help them both resolve and prevent stress.Stress Relief BasicsA huge part of healing from chronic stress comes from certain herbs and nutrients, according to Doni. As she explains in our interview, chemicals like dopamine and serotonin that make us feel happy and content come from amino acids–which ultimately are produced by our diet! Eating nutritious foods can help us reset our systems and can even prevent teens from becoming overly stressed.Doni also recommends teens get adequate sleep. Humans need about seven to nine hours of sleep each night  to maintain a healthy lifestyle, she explains, and without this, teens can easily become susceptible to stress. Exercise can help, but not always, says Doni, as it can raise cortisol levels for some depending on the intensity of the workout. Higher cortisol levels can make it harder to sleep, so Doni encourages teens to avoid exercising before bed.If you’re worried that your teen might be overwhelmed by stress, Doni says there’s a few signs you can look out for. Chronic headaches and stomachs can be the result of constant stress, as can tiredness. If teens show a sudden disinterest in something they used to enjoy, they might be struggling under a load of stress they can’t seem to get rid of. Doni suggests taking your teen to a doctor and having their hormone levels measured, to find individualized treatment that actually works!In the Episode….If your teen is chronically stressed out, you won’t want to miss this episode. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:How chronic stress can lead to autoimmune disordersWhy scheduling can help teens de-stressHow teens can stick to new habitsWhy humans need some stress to function properlyYou can find more of Doni’s work on her website, drdoni.com, or on instagram @...

Dr. Robert Lustig, author of Metabolical: The Lure and the Lies of Processed Food, Nutrition, and Modern Medicine, joins us to talk about how sugar and processed foods really affect our kids. Plus, how we can make a shift towards a healthier lifestyle.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWhen life gets stressful and busy, convenient processed foods can be an easy fix. If you’re already late for work and your teen is scrambling to get out the door in the morning, frozen waffles or fruit loops are suddenly much more realistic than scrambled eggs and fruit. When you’re exhausted coming home from work, it can feel impossible to do anything more than throw some pizza rolls in the oven for the kids and pour yourself a glass of wine.But these processed foods aren't just slightly bad for your health–they can be downright poisonous for you and your family. The refined sugars and lack of nutritional benefits in these convenience foods causes serious damage to the digestive system and contributes to the  development of metabolic diseases like heart disease, diabetes and more.If we want to take care of our kids’ health (and our own), our families have got to start eating better. To learn how, we’re talking to Dr. Robert Lustig, author of Metabolical: The Lure and the Lies of Processed Food, Nutrition, and Modern Medicine. Dr. Lustig is an Emeritus Professor of Pediatrics in the division of Endocrinology at the University of California San Francisco. He lectures globally about health and is the best selling of several other books about nutrition.In our interview, Dr. Lustig and I are covering the surprising science behind our sugary diets–and why it's so essential that we change our eating habits. Plus, why our families should be consuming more fiber, and why today’s kids are so addicted to junk food.The Sugar ProblemWhen we think of sugary foods, we often envision donuts or candy…but there are all kinds of sugars in processed foods. In fact they’re usually the number one ingredient, hiding under names like “high-fructose corn syrup,” says Dr. Lustig.All this sugar in our diet is causing insulin resistance in our bodies, Dr. Lustig explains. This means we’re often overproducing insulin to compensate. As a result, humans are developing kinds of metabolic health issues–everything from polycystic ovary syndrome to cancer. All this insulin can also cause us to be pretty sluggish, Dr. Lustig explains. If your kid is chronically exhausted, high insulin might be the culprit.Insulin isn’t all bad! We still need it in our bodies to function normally, says Dr. Lustig, and without it, we'd have type one diabetes. But with all the sugar we tend to eat these days, our insulin levels are a lot higher than they should be, leading to poor health and chronic conditions. While exercise can help improve our health, nothing can fix this high insulin crisis except changing our diets, says Dr. Lustig. This is especially true for teens who are still growing and need all the nutrients they can get! So what changes can we make to our diets to bring our insulin levels down and restore our body’s healthy diets? As you might be able to guess, cutting out sugary and processed foods is step one, according to Dr. Lustig. This means cutting out things like chips, processed breakfast cereals, and soda.But what about diet sweeteners? Dr. Lustig explains that while these fake sugars are about half as toxic as sugar itself, they’re still not a good idea! Teens would be better off cutting soda and other “sugar-free” treats out altogether.Once we've cut these foods out, what can we eat instead? One incredibly important nutrient our families should be eating more of is fiber! Dr. Lustig and I dive into what fiber actually is and why it’s so good for us.The Power of FiberYou may have heard that fiber is good for you… but what is fiber exactly? Dr. Lustig explains that fiber is often found in fruits, vegetables, and pretty much anything else that comes out of the ground! Fiber is especially important because it feeds our microbiome. In our guts, there are trillions of bacteria that break down our food and regulate what goes into our bloodstream. Our bodies don’t absorb fiber the way it typically absorbs other foods. Instead fiber feeds this bacteria in our guts and keeps our microbiome healthy. Without fiber, our bacteria eats away at our intestinal lining instead…causing irreparable damage to our digestive system. This means bad proteins can slip through the gut into the bloodstream, causing inflammation, leaky gut, and more! If we want our insulin to stay down and our digestion to remain healthy, we’ve got to eat more fiber, says Dr. Lustig. Educating our kids on why fiber is essential to their health might help even the most unenthusiastic teens pick up a vegetable or two.Why is it that kids are so resistant to eating healthy, nutritious foods? Dr. Lusting and I are diving into this dilemma in our interview.Junk Food and Public SchoolsIf you’ve walked through the cereal aisle at your local grocery store, you know that most of the sugary, processed products are covered in cartoon characters and bright colors meant to draw kids in. And although teens may have grown out of that kind of stuff, they’re likely still hooked on the cereal inside the boxes. By targeting young kids, these companies have created an addiction to sugar that often continues into young adulthood, says Dr. Lustig.Our school system isn’t helping, Dr. Lustig explains. Every kid’s birthday is suddenly a cause for cupcakes, cookies, pizza and soda….and every day is a different kid’s birthday! Not to mention that America’s #1 vendor of fast food is the public school system. Kids are constantly fed fried chicken, sugary drinks, and processed sweets instead of fresh, healthy food. This is largely due to the measly budget of $2.80 the government provides for each student’s lunch!Junk food in schools isn’t  just causing health problems, but damaging kids’ cognition! These high-sugar foods starve kids’ cells of nutrients, making it impossible for those cells to deliver chemical energy to kids’ brains.In the episode, Dr. Lustig explains how healthy lunches are the key to keeping our kids focused and active. In the Episode…Dr. Lustig is full of valuable advice! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about…How sugar affects kids’ teethWhy we shouldn’t blend fruit into smoothiesWhy we need to treat sugar like a drugHow we can make breakfast healthierIf you enjoyed this week’s episode, you can find more from Dr. Lustig at Robertlustig.com or on twitter @RobertLustigMD. Thanks for listening, and don’t forget to share and subscribe! We’ll see you next week. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok...

Kathryn Tuggle, author of How to Money, joins us to discuss the essential money advice teens need for a financially independent future. We talk about first jobs, saving for cars, and how teens can avoid impulse spending.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesIt’s time for the talk. You know, the big, nerve-wracking one you’ve been putting off for years. The one you know you have to have before kids reach a certain age, but you’re afraid it’ll be awkward and you won’t say the right thing. The talk is essential to your kids well-being and chance for a bright future…..the money talk, of course!Chatting with kids about money isn’t easy–there’s a lot to cover. It can be uncomfortable, and kids don’t listen half the time anyway. Plus, you might feel like you don’t know enough to give teens the right financial advice to prepare them for adulthood. But if you ask most people the thing they regret most in life, it’s their bad money choices as young adults. If we don’t teach teens how to handle money, they might end up making huge financial mistakes that could have been avoided!To help us raise money-smart teens, we’re talking with Kathryn Tuggle, co-author of How to Money: Your Ultimate Visual Guide to the Basics of Finance. Kathryn is the editor-in-chief of herrmoney.com, an incredible financial resource for young women! She produces the HerMoney podcast, and co-hosts its popular mailroom segment, where she answers questions about finance. Kathryn’s book is a rich mine of financial advice for young adults, and she’s here today to share some of the highlights.In our interview, Kathryn and I are discussing the basic financial topics parents should be discussing with kids. Plus, how to teach your kids to manage money and what we can do to help them save for big purchases like cars or even college.Finance 101 For TeensNo matter how smart and educated your teen is, they may not know the basics of finance, says Kathryn. They don’t teach financial literacy in the classroom, and most teens feel like a financially independent future is so far off that it’s not worth thinking about while they’re still in high school. Don’t assume your teen will figure it out on their own, says Kathryn. Make sure that you’re having conversations about how to earn, save, and invest while kids are still living at home.One way to do this is to implement discussions about money when you and your kid are at the grocery store or a restaurant. If you’re looking for an after-dinner dessert, have kids help you pick one out, says Kathryn, and help them understand the differences in pricing. When it comes down to choosing between a generic or name brand box of cookies, she suggests you remind kids what they could do with the extra three dollars you’ll save on the store brand–along with all the accumulated money you’ll have from buying that store brand every single week!When it’s time for teens to get their own job, there are plenty of ways parents can help, says Kathryn. In the episode, she walks me through some of the tips parents can give to teens who have their first job interview. We’re also covering whether or not you should talk to your teen about income taxes this early in life, and if kids should already start investing or putting money in a Roth IRA to save for retirement.Once teens make money, they’ll have to learn how to save it! Kathryn and I are talking about how teens can develop responsible habits now so they won’t be in trouble later.Teen Money Management Kids love to spend money on clothes, video games, hobbies they’re really into for a month before they lose interest…the list goes on. But as adults, we know how smart it is to save! We can teach our kids to keep their money in the bank, says Kathryn, but to do so, we’ve got to embrace their spendy perspective! She suggests asking teens about the pricier items they’re interested in–a new keyboard, a nice dress, even an iphone–and showing them how to save for it.It’s not just naivety that brings kids to spend lots of money on glitter eyeshadow or a trendy new hoodie. Social media companies are marketing products to kids on an enormous scale, with algorithms that track their activity to know just what advertisements they’ll click on. Influencers are telling them all day long that they NEED to purchase the latest jeans or supplements in order to fit in, look good and be cool!If you want to help your teen avoid spending lots of money on things they don’t need, Kathryn suggests sitting them down to discuss this social media advertising frenzy and why they should be questioning it. Remind them that influencers are being paid tens of thousands of dollars to promote products…and these items are probably not as remarkable as influencers might make them seem. She also recommends kids wait 24 hours before hitting purchase on anything, which helps them curb impulse spending and think critically about what they really want to spend their money on.Saving money is the path to lifelong financial prosperity, says Kathryn. This is especially true for teens who are looking to make their first big purchase. In our interview, we’re talking about the process of saving for a car or even college tuition during the teen years.Preparing Kids for Big PurchasesFor many teens, a car is the first big purchase they’ll make! This is a seriously expensive transaction and won’t come without quite a bit of saving. To motivate them, Kathryn suggests that they use visual reminders of their goal. Some teens benefit from putting a picture of the car they want on their bathroom mirror or bedroom door. Others find it helpful to set a reminder of the car on their phones on the weekend, when they’d typically spend a lot of money! This motivates them to limit their spending so that they can eventually make that big purchase they’ve been saving for.For other teens, college is the financial goal to focus on. Saving for college starts with knowing exactly what you're saving for, says Kathryn. Some teens want to become teachers, others want to become doctors…and these two things require vastly different financial plans. In our interview, Kathryn and I talk a lot about student loans, and how easy it is for parents and teens to get in over their heads. She drops some helpful tips for keeping student debt under control, even after teens have left college.At the end of the day, the most important thing is not to skip out on these money conversations, Kathryn says. There’s often a harmful stigma around discussing money, especially in American society–and only we can change that! Kathryn explains that kids almost always pick up money habits, both good and bad form parents. So while we have the chance, she recommends we help kids start off on the right foot and build strong financial futures.In the Episode…There’s lots of great financial advice for teens in this week’s interview! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about…Why teens should consider community collegeHow teens can ask for a raiseWhat teens should know about health insuranceWhy women invest 40% less than menThanks for tuning in! If you want to find more of Kathryn’s work, check her out at

Derek Borthwick, author of How to Talk to Anybody, joins us to share how we can create better communication with teens. We talk about body language, initiating tough conversations and more.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesYour teen comes home with a less-than-desirable score on a math test. You want to talk to them about it, but the moment you try, they run upstairs, close the door and refuse to come out. When you ask why they scored so poorly, they freak out and maybe even accuse you of calling them stupid…when all you wanted to do in the first place was make them feel better.Communication with teens is no easy task. Teens have a lot on their plate and their brains are still developing, meaning they can be pretty testy. But there’s a lot of things we might need to speak to them about–sex, drugs, college, and mental health to name a few. Open communication would make parenting so much easier, if only teens were willing to try!To help us solve our communication conundrum, we’re talking to Derek Borthwick, author of How to Talk to Anybody: Learn the Secrets to Small Talk, Business, Management, Sales & Social Conversations & How to Make Real Friends. Derek is a communication expert and certified business coach who specializes in neuro linguistic programming–meaning he knows a lot about how we use our bodies and words to communicate. He’s worked with some of the world's largest companies and lectured in many of Scotland’s most prestigious universities!In our interview, Derek and I are discussing how you can read a teens’ body language, how we can ask teens questions that don't scare them off, and why we need to focus on emotional rather than logical reasoning when talking to a teenager.The Basics of Body Language Although body language might seem secondary to verbal communication, it’s actually an essential part of how we express ourselves. How people stand, walk and move can tell us a lot about how they feel, says Derek. If a teen is hunched over, walking with their head down, or standing far away from you, it’s possible they’re feeling anxious around you…and maybe not in the mood to have a chat. But if their chest, arms and palms are open and facing towards you, they’re likely feeling comfortable and open to vulnerability, says Derek. Paying attention to their subtle cues can be a good way to know how receptive teens are to a conversation, he says. Derek suggests we practice by observing the body language of anyone who happens to be around. Does the person walking down the street towards us seem confident, nervous, relaxed or stressed? How can you tell? Is it in their shoulders, their hands or their stance? Learning the ins-and-outs of body language can help us become better communicators with our teens, but also with our coworkers, spouses and friends! So you’ve read your teens’ body language and can see that it might be a good time to finally bring up that bad test score….but how can you initiate the conversation without scaring them off?Asking the Right QuestionsAfter a week of avoiding the topic, you decide to have a talk about the math test–and ask your teen why they did so poorly. Suddenly, your teen starts throwing all kinds of defensive excuses your way, saying they haven't had time to study, they’ve been distracted, they’re just bad at math anyway…until the conversation ends up with an upset teen and a confused parent. But what exactly was the part of the question that triggered your teen…and how can we ask a better one? Derek explains that the word “why” can be a recipe for disaster when talking to teenagers. “Why” can often make teens feel you’re interrogating them, and waiting for them to say something wrong, says Derek.. Instead, Derek recommends using “what”, “when” or even “how”! Questions like: “What distracted you from studying?” or “When do you think you can make time to revisit the material?” prompts kids to give a more well rounded answer without having to defend themselves so much.If you want teens to feel safe enough to open up, Derek recommends softening your language when bringing up a heavy topic. One way to do this is to pad your sentences with reminders that you care, says Derek. This can help soften the intensity of talking about these tough topics with your kids. Remind them that you’re asking about their sex life or drug use because you want them to be safe…not because you’re trying to get them in trouble! To truly reach our teens, however, Derek explains that we have to lean into our emotions. In our interview, we’re talking about how we can do this…and why it's so essential!The Power of Emotions To explain the importance of leading with our emotions, Derek uses the example of flirting with a stranger. If we went up to someone we fancied and laid out ten logical reasons why they should marry us...they’ll probably make a run for the door! But if we tapped into their emotional state, we’d understand that they’d likely feel weird about that kind of introduction…and that we should find a more subtle way to approach them. The same goes for communicating with our kids. We’ve all had conversations with our teens in which we present perfectly factual information…only for them to cringe, tell us we don’t know what we’re talking about, or just ignore us completely! Derek reminds us how essential it is to harness our emotions instead when trying to get through to them.He explains that the middle of our brain–the part that regulates our emotions–tends to be in the driver’s seat for both parents and teens, no matter how logical we think we are. That means that teens’ first reaction when they feel provoked is to either flee or become aggressive– and no logic can take them out of that emotional state! If we want to make teens feel comfortable opening up, we'll need to pay attention to their emotions first.In our interview, Derek gives lots of tips for putting teens' emotions at ease. One is a technique called mirroring, which requires parents to repeat what kids say back to them in conversation. This can help teens feel heard instead of isolated, and ensures that parents get all the information they need. Listen to the interview for a deeper dive into this topic and more!In the Episode… Derek and I had a fun and informative conversation about communication this week. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about….How we can change our memoriesWhy teens are so resistant to communicationHow we can be more charismatic in everyday lifeWhy we should avoid “yes or no” questionsHow to get people's attention by changing our voices If you enjoyed listening, you can find more from Derek at power2mind.com. Don’t forget to share and subscribe and we’ll see you next week! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

D.J. Vanas, author of The Warrior Within, reveals how teens can find purpose, develop resilience, and maintain motivation by adopting the community-focused mentality of a Native American Warrior.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWhat comes to your mind when you think of a warrior? A sweaty, grizzled hunk swinging a sword around? A brave air force pilot in aviator sunglasses? Although we might think warriors are battle-hungry and reckless, some traditional Native American cultures have a completely different view. Instead, Warriors are pillars of the community: service-oriented, passionate, and hard-workers who are always ready to give back to those they love. No matter our cultural background, this version of a warrior is something our teens can take inspiration from. To help us pass on this new warrior mentality to our kids, we’re speaking with D.J. Vanas, member of the Ottawa Tribe of Michigan and author of The Warrior Within: Own Your Power to Serve, Fight, Protect, and Heal. D.J. is a powerhouse speaker for Fortune 500 companies, hundreds of tribal nations, and audiences nationwide. His ideas have been adopted by companies like Disney, P&G, Intel, and even NASA!This week, D.J. explains how teens can embody a warrior mentality and define their values, vision, passions, and purpose in the process. We’re also highlighting the difference between good and bad growing pains, and discussing how teens can stay focused in a world full of distractions.Values and VisionTo give back to their communities, kids first need to figure out what exactly it is they want to contribute! The first step is for teens to define their values, says D.J. Some teens want a life that incorporates love and compassion. Others may be driven by curiosity or the need for intellectual discovery. Whatever their values are, teens will benefit from deciding which principles to live their life by! This can help them pick and choose what people, places and things they want to welcome into their life–and which  ones can be respectfully removed. When we know what our values are, we can eliminate the things that don’t align with them!D.J. also encourages teens to ask themselves the big questions: What do I want to create in this world? What do I want to leave behind? How do I want to be remembered? Although these questions can feel intimidating or scary, D.J. reminds us that warriors are courageous! If teens are brave enough to ask these questions, they’ll be one step closer to uncovering their purpose.Some teens do know what they want to do with themselves… but don’t have the confidence to believe in their dreams. D.J. and I talk about how this lack of confidence often comes from being criticized or put down by others. Young kids are so certain that they’ll become an astronaut or the president of the United States, but are dissuaded as they grow up, leading them to feel incapable or lost by their teen years. In our interview, D.J. reveals how we can help teens push past this criticism and believe in themselves!For teens still figuring it all out, there’s bound  to be some growing pains involved. Some pain is healthier than others, however! D.J. and I are discussing what healthy growing pain looks like, and how teens can work through it and come out on top.Persevering Through Growing PainsGood growing pain is the kind that helps teens learn. It pushes them to become stronger, more resilient people, says D.J. Disappointment, embarrassment and failure are all painful experiences, but they're necessary for growth. But when teens focus too much on these painful experiences and allow the hurt to take over their lives, they can shut down, lose their creativity and find themselves at a dead end. This is the bad pain, says D.J., and it’s characterized by rumination and fear. D.J. explains that fear plays a big role in our lives as we’re growing up, and it’s up to teens to face it with courage. He explains that fear can sometimes cause teens to rewrite reality and believe they’re doomed! When a classmate or teacher criticizes  teens' work, they might let their fear of failure overwhelm them, and get stuck in a pattern of believing they’re not good enough. But if they have the courage to be resilient in the face of rejection, they’ll pick up their pen and start again, leading them to grow instead of getting stuck. Warriors are persistent enough to power through painful experiences–and your teen can too!If we want to help teens face their negative emotions, D.J. recommends that we bring some positivity into the picture. He suggests we point out their strong qualities, applaud their hard work and praise their dedication, even when they’re facing failure! This reminds them just how capable they really are. In the episode, D.J. and I discuss more ways you can help a teen who’s feeling bogged down by negativity.For teens in today’s world, focus can be a challenge as well. D.J. is helping us see how a warrior mentality can help teens cut out distractions and stay motivated.Maintaining MotivationBetween school, SAT prep, soccer practice and student government, It’s easy for teens to overbook themselves. It’s hard to focus on any one thing…and having 24/7 access to the distracting internet doesn't help. D.J. suggests that kids learn how to say no to things that aren’t aligned with their values and purpose, like a true warrior! This keeps teens from getting overwhelmed and allows them to focus on what’s really important to them. When we focus on the right thing, we can create something incredible…but when we try to focus on everything, we often end up with nothing, says D.J.D.J. and I talk a lot about motivation in our interview–and how it has to come from within. Friends, bosses and teachers won’t give teens the motivation they need; they have to create it themselves. Intentionally developing the right habits and surrounding themselves with the other motivated people will help teens keep their motivation going! In our interview, D.J. and I discuss how parents’ praise can be helpful to a teen who’s struggling to stay motivated or focused.When someone is expecting us to deliver, we often work harder and achieve more than we ever would on our own, says D.J. This is called accountability, and it has a pretty powerful effect on our productivity! D.J. proposes that parents hold teens accountable for achieving their goals…and ask teens to hold parents accountable as well! This two-way system helps teens learn responsibility and creates a bond of accountability between parent and child, says D.J. In the Episode…D.J is such an intelligent and powerful individual, and his brilliance shines through in today’s episode! On top of the topics mentioned above, we also talk about:How we can benefit from mentoring othersWhat questions we can ask besides “how was school?”How teens can find their tribeWhy self care is essential when caring for othersIf you enjoy this week’s episode, you can find more from D.J. at nativediscovery.com. Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to share and subscribe and we’ll see you next w...

Donna Jackson Nakazawa, author of Girls on the Brink joins us to talk about the drivers behind sky-high rates of anxiety and depression among young people—and how bio-synchronicity and emotional attunement might be the answer.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesNowadays, kids have 24 hour access to the internet—meaning they can scroll through pictures of perfect models on Instagram, check the ever-terrifying news or log on to a chatroom with random strangers at any time of the day! And while this allows them to connect with others and learn more about the world, it can also lead to an overwhelming level of exposure to everything from cyberbullying to predators. Without parents there to steer them clear of danger, are kids bound to get into trouble?Not to mention that constant use of the internet–especially social media–can have seriously adverse effects on a kid's mental health. The perpetual pressure to live up to the images of perfection they see online has been linked to sky-rocketing growth in depression and anxiety disorders among kids. And it’s young women in particular who face the most expectations online–the expectation to be sexual without being too sexual, the need to have the perfect body, and the constant fear that they aren’t going to fit in with all their other peers.So how can we help girls who are struggling with the stressors of being online? We’re asking Donna Jackson Nakazawa, author of Girls on the Brink: Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media. Donna is a science journalist who’s written for Wired, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, and more! She’s also a mom, and was inspired to dive deeper into girls' mental health when she saw how much her daughter was affected by the perils of the online world.In our interview, we’re discussing how estrogen and the female immune system contribute to the development of mental health disorders among young girls, especially in our modern, media-driven world. Plus, how adverse childhood experiences affect kids into adulthood, and what we can say to help our teen girls feel supported during this stressful time.The Estrogen EffectThe internet can add stress to anyone’s life…so why do we need to focus on young women? Research shows that women are developing mental health disorders at an alarming rate compared to their male counterparts, explains Donna, and this ties directly into how much these young women use social media. But why?Donna explains that estrogen is the culprit. Since the dawn of the human race, women’s bodies have responded to stress with an intense surge of estrogen. This is because women typically have smaller bodies and even smaller organs than men, says Donna, and therefore need a stronger immune response to combat threats! This is why girls often have stronger responses to vaccines and have longer-lasting reactions to viruses like Covid-19. When their brains are still developing, girls are constantly looking to the world to sense if they’re safe or not….and with social media and the internet, girls often feel that they aren’t safe! This bumps their stress levels, leading their estrogen to provoke an immune response that floods their bodies and brains with inflammation. No wonder so many young girls are developing chronic physical and mental health conditions like autoimmune disorders and depression, she says.But that’s not even the worst of it! Donna explains how adverse childhood experiences  can make this immune response even more harmful to young girls.Long Term Effects of Childhood ExperiencesWomen have more robust immune responses to stressors because of their hormones, says Donna, but there are other factors that can cause people to have intense reactions to stress. One of these factors is adverse childhood experiences. When we think of childhood trauma, we often think of intense moments like divorce or physical abuse–but Donna explains that these traumas can be milder and more common than we might expect. Feeling bullied by siblings, having a parent with substance use issues or experiencing mild parental neglect can all be adverse childhood experiences, she explains.With their brains still in development, young girls are perpetually trying to discern whether or not they are safe. Because these adverse experiences are often chronic and unpredictable, it can send a message to kids' minds that they are frequently in danger. Donna explains that this is largely a product of evolution–social ostracization of any kind could be extremely dangerous if it meant they were cast from the group without food or protection from predators. And although kids are no longer typically in physical danger from emotional neglect or bullying, their immune system still behaves as though they are! The more adverse experiences girls experience in childhood, the more their brain becomes acclimated to responding to stress, and the more intense it’s immune response. This causes chronic mental and physical health disorders to develop among young women at an alarming rate–and social media is not helping, says Donna. That’s why she believes parents need to give their kids the least traumatic childhood possible, so they don’t develop serious conditions like anxiety or depression as teens or adults.But how can we keep our homes as free from trauma as possible? And what can we say to teen girls who are really going through it? Donna helps us see how parents can step in to help girls when they’re at their lowest.Helping Our Girls HealThe first step to helping our girls is to heal ourselves, says Donna. When we’ve dealt with our own traumas and stopped our impulsive reactions, we can be there to calmly guide our kids without passing our trauma on.  The developing brains of our kids are constantly looking for reassurance from caregivers, so if we can make kids feel safe, they’ll live happier, healthier lives. In the episode, Donna explains how kids watch parents react to stressful situations and then learn to practice the same patterns themselves–a scientific concept known as bio-synchrony. If we yell, freak out or bully others when we’re in distress, our kids take notice–and will likely carry that pattern on into adulthood themselves. If we can learn to center ourselves and practice techniques that take us out of fight or flight mode and back into a level head, Donna explains that we’ll be able to teach our kids to do the same.If your daughter is struggling, Donna recommends bringing some positivity back into her life. In our interview, we discuss the value of praising our kids in healthy ways. Donna encourages us to remind our kids that they are intrinsically valuable, and can accomplish anything they hope to do if they work hard. It’s never truly wise to measure their success against other kids’–even if you’re telling them how much better they are! This only leads to a life of comparing themselves to others, and despairing when they fall short.This doesn’t mean we should overshelter our kids or make life too easy for them, says Donna. They still need to stumble and fail, learn how to figure out their own solutions to life’s problems. Plus, parents aren’t per...

Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Transcend and Wired to Create, joins our show to explain how we can help teens on their journey to self-awareness. Scott and I talk about healthy self-esteem, goal-setting, creativity, and more.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesFiguring out who we are takes a lifetime. In our teens, we might think we’re destined to become a doctor…only to find out that med school isn’t for us. We might believe we’ve found our perfect match in our twenties, but then discover that there’s other fish in the sea. We might even experience a mid-life crisis and become an entirely new person at age fifty! Identity and self-awareness are complicated and different for everyone.To teenagers, however, it can feel like adult life is rapidly approaching….meaning they’ve got to figure it all out right away! They might rush into a college major, a relationship, or a big relocation when they’re not fully ready. It can be hard to know what you want for the rest of your life when you’ve only been alive for 18 years! This week we’re talking about identity, awareness and self- actualization, so we can help kids slow down and embrace the process of finding themselves. We’re joined by Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization. Scott is a humanistic psychologist who has taught at Columbia, the University of Pennsylvania and New York University. He writes the regular column “Beautiful Minds” in the Scientific American and hosts The Psychology Podcast, which has over 10 million downloads! His work has appeared in The Atlantic, Harvard Business Review, and Business Insider. He’s here to help us define self-actualization–and how our teens can harness it for a happier life.In our interview, we’re discussing how we can guide kids to develop healthy confidence, define their life’s goals, and access their creativity to discover who they truly are.Confidence Vs. NarcissismSelf-esteem can be complicated, Scott explains. While it’s definitely possible for teens to have a healthy sense of confidence in who they are, there’s also the possibility of narcissism. And although we often think of narcissists as loud, attention-hogging types, there are also quiet, unassuming narcissists, who keep their self-obsession in their internal thoughts and close relationships, he explains. Scott and I talk more about the difference between these two types of narcissists in the episode–but neither type is healthy or a sign of self awareness, Scott says.To help our kids develop healthy self esteem instead of narcissistic tendencies, we’ve got to treat them with compassion…but not too much! Scott explains that we shouldn't tell kids they are “the best” or teach them to compare themselves to others. Instead, Scott says we should remind kids that they are intrinsically valuable simply for existing. Instead of making them feel like high achievers, we should simply strive for them to feel like they are enough, he says.In the episode, we also talk about how kids can have healthy selfishness as well. This means they set proper boundaries with others for their own well-being, have a stable school/life balance, and generally just take care of themselves. People often give away too much time and energy to others, Scott says, and not necessarily in an altruistic way. Sometimes people can develop a certain kind of narcissistic complex that’s fed by helping others, but only in pursuit of their own egos, he explains. In our interview, we discuss how some of the worst behavior in human history has been declared “for the greater good”, despite being destructive and even inhumane.So teens have a healthy sense of self-confidence…but where are they going to direct it? Scott and I also talk about how teens can figure out their life’s purpose.Setting Growth-Oriented GoalsTeens love to set lofty goals, but they’re not always realistic…or what teens really want. Many teens strive to be famous on the internet, he says, but this goal often fails to help teens grow and self actualize. Scott advises that teens stay true to themselves when deciding what to do with their lives, and evaluate their strengths and deeper spiritual needs when planning out their latest ambition! He also recommends  that parents sit down status-obsessed kids and help them reorient their goals towards personal and spiritual growth.Scott describes something that he calls a crystallizing experience–an affirming experience which helps us realize exactly what we want to do with ourselves for the rest of our life. Some teens are lucky enough to have this moment when they’re still young, but some don’t have it until later in life. Scott explains that it could happen any time, and even more than once! Our identities continue to grow and change, so teens shouldn’t feel pressure to have it all figured out right away.In our interview, Scott and I have an interesting discussion about hope in the face of rejection. While some animals have been researched and shown to experience a natural sense of hopelessness, humans retain the ability to remain resilient. While the sting of rejection is strong, Scott explains that teens can use both their sense of purpose and strategic minds to persevere. In the episode he explains the strategy he used as a teenger to get into the college of his dreams–despite being rejected.One important trait kids can strive to develop is creativity! Scott and I are discussing how we can work to foster creativity among our teens.Raising Creative TeensThere are a lot of surprising ways we can help teens be more creative, including letting them daydream! Scott explains that when teens are zoning out, they’re giving their conscious, focused minds a break and entering the world of creative thinking. By turning off their productivity, they’re able to access originality! He believes that if we want to raise teens who think outside the box, we should give teens scheduled time in the day to day dream, doodle, journal, and let their mind run free.  Teens who are open to new experiences also tend to be more creative, Scott explains. The more welcoming teens can be of new stimulus, the less confined their thinking will be. In the episode, he shares some fascinating examples of famous, accomplished scientists who didn’t just focus on one area, instead expanding their knowledge across different regions of the scientific world. This allowed them to think outside the box and have some of the most inventive ideas in modern science.There are a lot of ways our education system could change to encourage more creativity, says Scott. In his view, schools need to assign more project-based learning, to help kids self-actualize and build something that incorporates their own perspectives. This is the first step to encouraging inventiveness and originality, he explains. He also suggests that kids learn to disagree with what they read in the textbook, and that teachers be more open to divergent discussions that push kids to think for themselves.In the Episode….Scott and I cover a lot of interesting ground in this week’s episode! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:The...

Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids Sports, joins us to discuss how the competitive culture of kids’ sports can be damaging to both  parents and teens.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesDoes your kid love sports? Whether they’re sliding into home base or scoring a touchdown, sports can be an incredible way for kids to stay healthy, make friends, and learn the value of teamwork. For some kids, sports can become a way of life, granting them a chance to travel or even bringing in college scholarship money. With so much to offer, it seems like sports are the perfect activity to sign kids up for.But it turns out that kids’ sports aren’t always the character-building extracurriculars we think they are. The youth sports industry is valued at over nineteen billion dollars, and that money is coming from parents who feel obligated to pay for everything from equipment to sports tourism. Severe injuries from playing too much can destroy our kids' long term health, and the status-driven nature of these sports takes a toll on our families and our culture as a whole! It’s time to take a critical look at our kids' sports teams, and decide if they’re doing more harm than good.This week, we’re joined by Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids Sports. Linda is a freelance journalist, researcher, former cross country coach and mom to an athlete herself! Her work has been featured in The Atlantic and Runner’s World, and she’s a regular contributor to NPR’s education site MindShift. Today, Linda is warning us about the dark side of kids’ sports, and what we can do to help our young athletes stay happy and healthy despite it all.In the episode, Linda and I are covering the damaging effects sports can have on families, why the pressure to win is harming our kids, and how we can help teens create a healthier connection to the sport they love.The True Cost of Kids’ SportsIf playing sports was totally free, the world would probably be a better place…but unfortunately most kids' sports force parents to spend a pretty penny. Memberships for private club teams, equipment, uniforms and traveling to games gets pretty expensive, meaning low income families are typically excluded, says Linda. And it gets worse–research indicates that the more money parents spend on sports, the less kids enjoy them. Linda explains that this is likely due to increased pressure kids feel knowing how much money is riding on their soccer victory.The damage to families goes past the financial costs, however. The current culture of kids’ sports drags parents into an obsession with status that can be very unhealthy, says Linda. She explains that kids’ wins and losses can start to feel like our own, and it’s not always easy to draw strong boundaries. This infatuation with our kids’ victories can even cause us to behave poorly at their games, yelling at referees or cursing at kids on the other team, Linda says. This isn’t exactly the kind of good citizenship we hoped kids would learn from these sports!Linda points out that traveling can also be a seriously damaging factor for families, especially for single parents. It can spread parents thin and force them to prioritize one sibling over another, she says. Kids are very attuned to this kind of imbalance in parents’ attention, and it can have lasting effects. Linda explains that this is especially true if one sibling is an athlete while the other enjoys more internal activities like reading. In the episode, we talk more about the strain kids’ sports can put on families and parents.While the family unit as a whole can be seriously affected, the damage that modern day youth athletics has on kids can be even more severe. Linda and I dive into the overwhelming pressure and even physical harm these sports can cause in our interview.The Dangers of Too Much PressureWe often look at college admission and scholarships as a major benefit for young athletes…but it can be a source of major stress too. Many teens who joined sports for fun as kids feel immense pressure to keep playing in order to get into better schools. Linda reveals in our interview that prospective students are 14x as likely to get into Harvard if they’re recruited to play on the schools’ sports teams. This can put kids in a difficult dilemma–and parents too. We might feel like we need to put all our money and time into kids’ sports careers, to ensure that they have a bright future.The pressure doesn’t stop there, says Linda. Prestigious, competitive club teams perpetuate an individualist approach to sports, she says, by pitting kids against each other for spots on the team, individual accolades and even financial aid. Plus, by recruiting kids from all over, these club teams aren’t striving to create community in a local place–they’re aiming solely for victory. In the episode, Linda also explains how these teams tend to cause tension between teens and their high school teams by forcing them to pick between the school team and the private club.When teens feel overwhelming pressure to succeed at their chosen sport, they’ll do anything…including permanently injuring themselves, says Linda. Recent research has indicated that the number of serious injuries sustained by kids on the field has increased at a staggering rate. Linda uses the example of an ACL tear in our interview–an incredibly common sports injury among kids that requires surgery and usually causes arthritis after 10 years! The annual rate of ACL tears in the Boston area alone has increased from 500 to 2500 in less than a decade, says Linda.So are sports all bad? Is there anything we can do to shield ourselves and our kids from the havoc these sports can wreak?Making Sports Fun AgainTo help ease all the toxicity of youth sports culture, Linda recommends that kids engage in other activities and interests too. If not, they’re susceptible to a syndrome she calls “athletic identity foreclosure.”  This occurs when kids have no other interests outside of sports–and then suddenly can no longer play due to injury or other factors. If they’re identity is entirely wrapped up in the sport they play, teens can feel like they no longer have anything to offer the world and experience a serious identity crisis. It can also help for parents to set up boundaries for their involvement in kids’ teams, says Linda. She believes it's important for parents to miss a few games here and there, so that kids know parents have their own lives! This allows kids to take ownership of the activity outside of parents’ interest, taking  some pressure off and reminding them that they can always quit if they’re no longer dedicated to the sport. It’s good for parents too, as it allows them to pursue activities that aren’t all about their children!The bottom line is, sports aren’t bad–but toxic sports culture is! Sports can be fun, educational and great for kids' health…in fact, playing a varsity sport in high school is the number one predictor of lifelong physical fitness, says Linda. But alternatively, college athletes have been shown to live a lower quality of life and experience less general happiness due to physical and mental stress, she explains. If we...

Dana Kay, author of Thriving With ADHD, joins us to talk about the traditional solutions to ADHD and the emerging science behind the likely triggers of the growing epidemic. She’ll walk us through natural solutions to remedy ADHD, chronic pain, and more. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesMore and more kids are being diagnosed with chronic illnesses these days–anything from allergies to severe depression. You may have experienced this with your own teen, whether it’s constant trips to the psychiatrist for changes in anxiety meds, or endless food sensitivities that seem to come out of nowhere. In 2018, research revealed that 54% of kids are chronically ill, up from 15% a few years before. This means that chronic illness is growing among young people at a rapid rate…but why?The answer lies in our guts. We might view our digestive system as having one function–food in, waste out–but the truth is a lot more complicated. Our guts contain the mechanisms that monitor our immune system, regulate our bloodstream and even control our mind’s function! The food we put into our gut doesn’t just affect our digestion…it shapes our long term physical and mental health!This week, we’re talking to Dana Kay, author of Thriving With ADHD: A Guide to Naturally Reducing ADHD Symptoms in Your Child and founder of the ADHD Thrive Institute. Dana is a holistic health expert who focuses on educating parents about gut health. She helps families understand that a better diet can relieve symptoms for a myriad of health issues among children–including ADHD and other mental disorders. She’s worked with over one thousand families to create better overall health for chronically ill kids!In our interview, Dana breaks down the function of the gut within the body, and why so many kids suffer from conditions that result from poor gut health. We’re also discussing what dietary changes can be made to heal our guts, and how we can convince our kids to change their diets for the better.Why We Should Rethink Our DietAlthough we don’t always think about our digestive tract as central to our body’s long term health, it’s actually immensely critical to our physical and mental wellbeing. It contains 80% of our body’s immune system, billions of nerve cells and trillions of bacteria! It controls what enters our bloodstream–and therefore our entire body. Plus, it has a direct channel of communication with the brain. 90-95% of the body’s serotonin and 50% of the body’s dopamine are produced in the gut, meaning that our guts manage our moods, emotions, and cognitive function, says Dana.Dana explains that the typical American diet is full of substances that are pretty harmful to our guts. Packaged, processed, and convenience foods are chock full of artificial preservatives and chemicals that aren’t a natural part of our diet, and therefore damage our bodies. These foods break down the lining of the gut, which regulates the bloodstream, says Dana. As this lining breaks down, it no longer restricts toxins from flowing through our bodies, and doesn’t retain water and other important nutrients that are essential to the body’s function.When these toxins enter the bloodstream, our body tries to reject them, leading to inflammation. This causes a multitude of issues, including stomach aches, allergies, inattention, poor emotional regulation, brain fog, constipation–the list goes on. This means that when kids are suffering from serious anxiety or depression, diet can ultimately be the cause of the issue, as well as the solution, Dana explains. If we can focus on helping kids create a better daily diet, we can stop these chronic mental and physical health issues and get kids back on the right track.So what changes can teens and parents make to our diets to create a healthy mind and body? Dana and I are giving you a dietary breakdown on how to heal your bodies and minds.How To Have a Healthy GutIt turns out that lots of the food we eat on an everyday basis is actually pretty terrible for our gut health, says Dana. The worst three? Gluten, dairy, and soy. Dana explains that gluten is the most harmful, as it destroys the lining of our guts most severely and causes intestinal leaking. Dairy is central to the American diet, but awful for our gut. And while soy seems easy to cut out, Dana explains that there are a surprising amount of food products that list soy as an ingredient. In our interview, we talk more about how soy mimics estrogen production and can be really harmful for growing teens.Sugar is also not the best  for our gut health, Dana explains. Sugary foods tend to be very artificial and refined, which is damaging to the intestinal lining. If the gut is in poor health and fails to deliver dopamine and serotonin to the brain, kids will seek these chemicals out anyway they can–including eating sugar. They can quickly get caught in a cycle of eating sugary foods every time they need stimulation or a pick-me-up, which can even lead to a serious sugar addiction, especially for kids with ADHD, says Dana.Instead, Dana recommends kids eat fruits and veggies, grass-fed animal proteins and healthy fats. These foods don’t cause damage to the intestinal lining, and can even help it regrow! Dana also recommends only drinking natural spring water, and replacing artificial sweeteners with natural ones like honey, maple syrup and dates. Although it might be outside your family’s comfort zone, making these substitutions in the family diet can totally transform your quality of life, Dana says.But even if we’re ready to make a change, it doesn’t mean our families are. Plus, eating healthy comes with other obstacles…and how do we even know what exactly our kids need? Dana and I are covering all of these challenges as well.Making the ChangeAs the mom of a child with ADHD, Dana wanted to change her family’s habits to improve her son’s health…but found herself struggling when she tried to do it all in one day. She recommends that parents make these dietary changes slowly or increments, to warm kids up to the idea of giving up gluten, dairy and certain sugars! Teenagers aren’t likely to listen if you try to force them to adopt this new diet, says Dana, so you’ll have to get them to buy into it. Once they realize that this healthier diet makes them more social and focused, they’ll likely want to eat healthier all the time.Dana recognized that eating healthy isn’t cheap–even though we wish it was! However, she explains in the episode that spending the extra money on healthier foods is likely to save parents a lot of time and energy in the long run. When kids are feeling better both mentally and physically, they’ll need much less medical care–and won’t have tantrums and meltdowns on a regular basis, says Dana. Plus, there are other things we can do to lighten the costs, like meal planning and buying in bulk. Dana and I get into these cost-savers further in the episode.If you’re not sure where to start, Dana recommends taking some tests. Functional lab testing can help teens locate weak points and stressors in their bodies, whether that’s in the immune, digestive or nervous system. It can also be helpful for kids to complete a food sensitivity panel to discover what foods irritate ...

Alex Pang, author of Rest, joins us to explain the cognitive benefits of taking time off and doing nothing! Plus, how non-work activities like sports, naps, and gap years can boost teens’ productivity and creativity!If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWe want kids to be the best version of themselves, meaning that we often push them to their limits. We stack on extracurriculars to buff up their college apps, add in SAT classes, and sign them up for private lessons to make sure they’re the best flute player in the orchestra. Kids only have so much time to make the most of themselves, so they should spend every last moment studying, practicing, and bettering themselves…right?But what happens when kids suddenly find themselves burnt out? What if, with a crazy schedule, they’re not able to focus on their homework or pull out the sheet music as enthusiastically as they did before? Even though we have the best intentions, we can sometimes push our teens (and ourselves) too far past what’s healthy–and create not only exhaustion, but a lack of productivity, creativity, and imagination.That’s why, in today’s episode, we’re talking about the importance of doing nothing! We’re joined by Alex Pang, author of Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less. Alex is the owner of the consulting company Strategy and Rest, which works with companies and individuals to create maximum productivity with shorter workdays! He’s a visiting scholar at Stanford, and the author of three other books about productivity and cognition.In this week’s episode, we talk all about the importance of taking restful breaks, and the psychological benefits of doing nothing! Plus how teens can benefit from non-work activities like sports, napping, and even playing video games!Why Rest MattersThe basic principle we often follow about productivity is that more time working=more work accomplished. We might load ourselves up with eighty hour work weeks, working long nights and weekends to try and max out our capabilities. But Alex is prompting us to challenge that. Once a busy, overworked employee in Silicon Valley, Alex left the United States to take a trip to the U.K., where he discovered a shift in culture and less structure in his work day! He found that working shorter hours and taking more breaks actually improved his productivity and creativity–and it can improve yours too!Alex explains that our brains have something he calls a “default mode network”, which turns on when the focused, working part of your brain turns off. When the default mode network is activated, your body goes to work behind the scenes, tackling problems that evade your conscious mind. Have you ever found yourself frustrated because you can’t recall a song lyric or the name of an actor…only for it to pop into your head ten minutes later while you’re watching TV? This is an example of your default mode network doing its job!Many prominent, iconic, and successful people have learned to harness their default mode network to improve their productivity. They know that this part of the brain allows the mind to come up with new ideas, make connections and recharge…then get back to business with a much more inspired and productive mindset, says Alex. Individuals like Beethoven and Nobel prize winners have strategically built time into their schedules to rest and let their default mode network run…basically doing nothing with the goal of increasing productivity!Alex is also a proponent of shorter work days and a four day work week. In the episode, we talk about a wealth of research which indicates that humans are most productive when they work only four or five hours a day! After that, our focus and concentration starts to wane, and we often get very little or nothing done. But with an extra day or extra hours in the week built in for intentional rest, we can take on the challenges of our work week much more efficiently and with extra creativity and imagination.The power of doing nothing only works if we’re doing the right kind of nothing, however. Alex explains that certain activities are more restful to your brain than others. The key is to do something that takes as little focus or concentration as possible, so that your subconscious mind can activate and restore you to your most creative state, he explains. Activities like television, video games, or even social media can have this restorative effect for teens–as long as they’re not overindulging, says Alex.There are some other methods of rest and rejuvenation that boost productivity and creativity for teens! Alex and I dive into these in the episode.How Teens Can UnwindIn our interview, Alex and I discuss how exercise can be a great way for teens to let go of work and stressors and let their mind wander. In fact, effective cognition is tied significantly to physical health, says Alex. Our brains love oxygen, and will take as much of it as possible! When we exercise, we increase our body’s oxygen capacity, and therefore power our brain to maximum sharpness and efficiency. The stronger our circulatory system, the more powerful our mind, says Alex.Even a simple walk can have terrific benefits for the teenage mind. Research has shown that walking improves cognition as well as creativity! Alex explains that people like Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg even have walking meetings, where they combine business with exercise. This setting allows ideas to flow more freely, and is a more casual social environment. Alex recommends encouraging teens to take walks during study breaks or when working something out with a friend–the benefits of doing so are clear!Getting involved in a sport is even better for a teen, says Alex. In his research, he’s found that many of history's greatest thinkers have also been accomplished athletes. A study of scientists spanning over thirty years found that those who made incredible or notable discoveries in their careers were also individuals who set aside ample time for sports, while those who weren’t athletes faded into obscurity. Alex explains that this regular athletic activity gave the scientists time away from work to mull over ideas and come back to their research with renewed focus and imagination.Alex and I also talk about a somewhat controversial relaxation technique…napping! Some believe napping leaves us more tired than before, while others think a nap is a great way to refresh and recharge. Alex argues in favor of napping…so long as we do it right! If your teen loves to nap, Alex recommends they nap between twenty or ninety minutes. Twenty minutes constitutes a light nap that’s shown to recharge the body, while ninety minutes is the cutoff before slipping into deep sleep. A nap of this length can have benefits for memory, cognition, and more, says Alex. We talk about napping more in the interview!In The Episode…My discussion with Alex brings an unexpected perspective to common notions about creativity and productivity! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:How self-criticism hinders our creativityWhy teens should spend time abroadHow school damages teens’ perception of restWhat other cultures can teach us about relaxation

Erik Huberman, author of The Hawke Method,  joins us to talk about how we can empower teens to be self starters. Plus, how teens can pick a career path and think critically about what they spend their money on.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWe hope to prepare our kids for all of life’s challenges: staying healthy, maintaining relationships, and of course, managing money! The last thing we want is for our adult children to run home to us, bankrupt and ready to live in our basement. We hope that they’ll make wise financial decisions, fund their own lives and maybe even have enough to start families of their own someday!But money management isn’t something that's typically taught in schools…and there’s no script for how parents should teach it either! Parents have bickered for ages about the best way to set kids up for financial success. Should kids be getting allowances, credit cards and bank accounts? Is it wise for them to get a job while they’re still in school, or should they simply focus on their education?To give us some perspective from the other side, we’re talking to Erik Huberman, successful entrepreneur and author of The Hawke Method: The Three Principles of Marketing that Made Over 3,000 Brands Soar. Erik is the CEO and founder of Hawke Media, a marketing agency that has worked with over 3,000 different brands! He’s here to share some brilliant ideas about how we can teach young folks the ins and outs of financial responsibility.In our interview, we’re debating whether or not teens should follow their passion or pick a more responsible path. We’re also discussing how we can prepare kids for the brutal financial realities of life, and why we need to encourage teens’ to think critically about social media marketing.Helping Teens Find Their CallingSo your teen wants to be an artist…or an actor, or a professional soccer player, or a movie director. And you’re wondering…should I encourage them to chase their wildest dreams or pick a safer avenue? In Erik’s eyes, the solution is somewhere in the middle. Humans spend the majority of their waking hours working, he says, so trying to force our kids to spend all of that time doing something they hate isn’t exactly sustainable.In his eyes, we should stop using the word “passion”, as it's too nondescript. Instead, we should encourage teens to pursue something that brings them energy, something they’re good at and willing to work hard at! Instead of a passion, he refers to this as a “calling”. Lots of kids love the idea of being a rock star, but rarely actually feel motivated to sit down to play the guitar. Even though music might be their dream, they’ll find themselves becoming mediocre players. And if this is all they’ve got careerwise, Erik warns they might find themselves stuck in a bad spot.Erik explains that he loves to ski, but he doesn’t think he should become a professional skier. Only a select few skiers are good enough to truly make a living skiing, and there are other things he can do–things that make him excited and enthused to go to work in the morning. He suggests that kids go for the safer, more reliable route, so that they’ll have something to fall back on and not get stuck. This doesn’t mean they should do something they hate, however. They can still find something they’re good at and bring in some income, he assures.No matter what they choose to do with their lives, teens are going to be up against a lot of challenges in the adult world. Erik and I are discussing how we can start preparing kids now so they’ll stay afloat when grown-up obstacles come their way.Raising Self StartersTo equip kids with tough skin they’ll need to handle adulthood, we’ve got to empower them in a healthy way, says Erik. Giving kids the confidence to take on the world doesn’t come from flattering them at every corner and giving them empty compliments, he explains. Instead, we’ve got to help teens realize that they have the ability to tackle their problems –if they work hard and find creative solutions, that is.Erik believes that one of the biggest issues with today’s society is that we don’t encourage kids to solve their own challenges. Too often, we fix their issues for them before they have the chance to figure out their own solutions, says Erik. He suggests that we prompt kids to pay for their own movie tickets, or encourage them to bring their concerns up to teachers without our help. It might seem small, but solving these lighter problems will prepare teens to take on bigger problems in the future. In the episode, Erik dives deep into his own childhood growing up with an entrepreneur for a father–and how this shaped him into the smart businessman he is today. When, at the age of eight, he asked his father for a guitar, his father told him to go get a job and pay for it himself! So Erik took the few bucks he made in weekly allowance and turned it into a business reselling beanie babies and made more than four thousand dollars! This encouragement from his dad pushed him to build something for himself–and we can do the same with our kids.Good money management is about more than just making money–it’s about spending money too! We’re also discussing how you can help your teen become a more educated consumer.Creating Smart ConsumersWhen kids see their favorite internet influencers promoting sneakers or skincare, they suddenly have to have this sparkly new object. They beg you for a bump in allowance so that they can purchase these shiny, trendy (likely overpriced) goods! Kids are remarkably impressionable, and advertisers know that if they market to kids, they’ll likely see some engagement, says Erik. Plus, now that every teen has an iphone loaded with Tik Tok and Instagram sitting in their pockets, it’s easier than ever to reach them.Erik recommends that we try to have conversations with our kids about consumerism while they’re still under our roofs. Prompting teens to think critically about the advertisements gracing their screens can help them see behind the marketing smoke and mirrors. Marketers are trying to hit the reptilian part of teens brains–the part that craves the satisfying dopamine hit that comes with hitting “complete purchase.” Helping teens see that they’re being manipulated can help them make smarter choices as consumers.It’s not bad for teens to spend a little money on something that brings them joy, but it’s important that they think critically about what they’re buying too. Erik suggests that you encourage your teen to think about the functionality of each purchase before they make it. Sure, their favorite make-up influencer says they need to buy a new eyeshadow palette…but they already have six at home they barely use! With parental input, kids might realize that their extra cash might look a lot better in a savings account.In the Episode….Erik has so much advice about finding financial success, drawn from his own entrepreneurial experiences! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:How Erik built his own company from the ground upWhy young adults should experience being “broke”How tobacco is marketed to kidsWhy teens need to fail before they thrive...

David McRaney, author of How Minds Change, joins us to explain why it’s so hard to change a teens’ mind! We also talk about the psychology behind persuasion and the power of peer pressure in the teen social world.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesIf you’ve ever tried to change your teen’s mind, you know that it’s nearly impossible! No matter how much you try to persuade them to take harder classes, hang out with different friends or pick more lucrative extracurriculars…they tend to stick stubbornly to their own choices. It can start to feel like you’re going crazy, spending hours of your life begging teens to change their minds–especially when it’s over something serious like drug use or toxic relationships.This disconnect applies not only in our homes, but our society at large. Our world is more divided than ever, and it seems like there’s no way to have productive conversations about what really matters. Online forums and social media have contributed immensely to this polarization, by allowing us to find people who agree with us wholeheartedly, never challenging our opinions or encouraging us to think critically. In some cases, this can lead people down rabbit holes into conspiracy theories or even cults–and it’s not easy to change their minds and bring them back!So how can we start up  productive discourse and change people’s minds for the better? We’re talking to David McRaney  to find out. David is a science journalist and author of the popular blog, You Are Not So Smart, which ran for years before becoming a successful podcast and bestselling book. Today,  he’s here to talk about his latest book, How Minds Change: The Science of Belief, Opinion and Persuasion,  to help us understand the fascinating psychological process of forming and changing  opinions.In our interview, we’re discussing why it’s so incredibly difficult to change our teens’ minds about anything! Plus, David explains why we need to consider teens’ perspectives before making decisions, and breaks down the importance of peer groups in the persuasion process.The Importance of IntentionYou’ve asked your teen a hundred times to stop eating junk food, stop vaping, start going to SAT prep. You’ve even laid out all the facts to show them why they should listen to you…but they just don’t seem to care! Why is it so difficult to get anyone, especially teens, to change their viewpoint or lifestyle? David explains that providing facts and logic to try and sway someone doesn’t usually work. Teens are bound to cherry pick the information they want to hear, and conveniently ignore any facts that might disprove their opinion. So how can we change teens’ minds? David suggests that we start by revealing our intentions. Oftentimes, we don’t realize that we actually have the same goals as teens–and that we could be working with teens instead of fighting against them. For example, say you want your teen to stick to a strict curfew of 10:00 pm….but they haven’t been home before midnight in weeks. Although your main concern is keeping them safe, your teen might interpret this curfew  as an attempt to control them and reject it outright. As David explains in the episode, people tend to resist when they feel their agency is being taken away–especially teenagers!The result? You continue to nag, and your teen continues to break curfew. If you want to stop the cycle, David recommends communicating your safety concerns to your teen, and help them understand that you just want them home in one piece. Most likely, they want to stay safe as well! Now the two of you have a goal you can work towards together–their safety. They might even agree to a compromise that makes the both of you happy, like texting you every hour or only going out late with certain friends.Even if you’re being honest about your intentions, however, kids can be pretty stubborn. But how did they get that way? In our interview, David and I are discussing the psychology of forming opinions…and refusing to budge from them!How Humans Handle the AmbiguousWhen we’re confronted with  confusing information, our brains tend to work out some kind of solution or interpretation for the information we’ve just received–a process called disambiguation, as David explains. This process depends highly on our former life experiences, our access to information and our environment. This means that everyone disambiguates differently. When we see a new, trendy clothing style we aren’t used to, our brain might turn it from an ambiguous piece of clothing to something we dislike. Our teens, however, being from a different generation, might disambiguate these clothes in an opposite way..meaning you might be seeing them suddenly wearing something you think is strange or even ugly!These variations in disambiguation often cause serious conflict in society. People from different backgrounds form remarkably different interpretations of events and issues, and fail to understand how anyone could possibly disagree with their particular viewpoint. David explains that we’re so hyper aware of our own disambiguations that we often can’t see the validity of anyone else’s. Then, especially with the help of the internet, we find others who agree with us until we’ve formed a group of people who reinforce our opinion and rarely encourage us to question it.This stubborn divide in perspective is common among parents and teens, says David, and can be one of the reasons why teens and parents struggle to resolve conflict. Teens often fail to understand parents’ perspectives, but parents can also be out of touch with what teens feel and believe. We might try over and over again to get teens to study harder when all they want to do is hang out with their friends, forgetting that we were once rebellious teens ourselves. During those years, socializing often feels like life or death…and parents might benefit from remembering that feeling and interpreting situations from their teens’ mindset as best they can, says David.Social pressures are incredibly significant for teens, and can be a big part of their opinion forming process. In the episode, David breaks down just how influential peer groups are in decision making.The Power of Peer InfluenceWe all know that teens can be pretty susceptible to peer influence, but Dave explains just how powerful peers are in our interview. For humans, reputation is incredibly valuable, even more so then we may realize. He explains that humans actually fear “social death” (or being rejected by peers) even more than physical death. When confronted with the need to form an opinion on something, human beings will most reliably choose a conforming  viewpoint that keeps them from being ostracized from the group.David explains that this is often what keeps people stuck in cults or radical groups. Because members of these groups are encouraged to cut off friends and family who don’t agree with the organization, they no longer have a safe social space where they can express disagreement. Re-establishing that connection to others with different perspectives is typically the only way out of these groups.  Although your teen likely isn’t in a cult, this logic still applies! Peer pressure can f...

We’re hitting some of the highlights for our 200th episode. Take a listen to favorite insights, guests, and memories from the vault!If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Welcome to our 200th episode!In the past four years, we’ve covered a lot: dating, drug use, homework, hormones, screen time, sexuality, mental health, race and much more. We have had an incredible array of experts share their knowledge with us, and couldn’t be more grateful to see how our little show has spread to a worldwide community of parents of teens. To help our newest listeners peer into our archives and remind long-time listeners of favorite gems, we’ve pulled together snippets from our most beloved interviews into a Supercut for our big 200th episode. We’re so happy to have you here as we reach this important milestone. From all of us here at Talking to Teens–Andy, Virginia, Brian, Priya, and Tancredi–thanks for tuning in. Whether it’s your first week listening or you’ve been here since episode one, we couldn’t do this without you. We’re honored to be a part of your parenting journey. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Eliot Schrefer, author of Queer Ducks, joins us to shine a light on how same-sex relationships and gender fluidity occur naturally in the animal kingdom—and how to use this knowledge as a conversation starter about sex and gender in your home.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesTalking to kids about gender and sexuality isn’t easy. Maybe you want to start the conversation but don’t know how to approach it, or maybe teens are dropping some terminology about their identity that you don’t quite understand. These days, kids seem to have an entirely new language to label their sexual preferences and gender, and it can make parents feel confused or alienated. Not to mention, it can be pretty awkward to discuss sex, no matter who or what our kids are interested in!But starting this conversation signals to kids that you accept them–which can be incredibly powerful. A recent study by the Trevor Project found that 42% of gay teens have considered suicide…and in many of these cases, parents didn’t even know their own child was gay. Whether your teen is out and proud or struggling in silence, they’ll certainly benefit from an open conversation around sexuality and gender in your home.So how can we get our teens talking about sexuality? Well, we can start by reminding them that it’s totally natural! This week, we’re sitting down with Eliot Schrefer, author of Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality. Eliot is a New York Times bestselling young adult novelist and book reviewer for USA Today. While getting a Masters in Animal Studies at New York University, Eliot learned the fascinating ways that the natural world defies heterosexuality and gender binaries–and decided to write a book about it!In our eye-opening interview, Eliot dives into how various species exhibit homosexuality and gender-bending behaviors in the wild! We also talk about how we can start breaking down heteronormative narratives for our teens, and how we use certain language to help teens feel comfortable opening up about their own gender and sexuality.Gender and Sex In Other SpeciesWe’ve all likely been raised to believe that humans are the only species that exhibits homesexual tendencies…but that couldn’t be further from the truth! In fact, according to Eliot, there are around 1500 different species in the animal kingdom that have significant same-sex interactions in the wild. We often don’t see this in nature documentaries because most animals are sexually monomorphic, meaning they look the same to humans regardless of their gender. However, these creature are definitely involved in same-sex relationships, according to scientists. But why would animals behave this way? Isn’t their main goal to reproduce and pass on their gene pool? Eliot explains that while reproducing is significant to these animals, they’re also interested in the oxytocin–the feel-good chemical that motivates animals to bond and floods the brain during sex. This oxytocin can lead animals to have intercourse with those of the same sex, to not only feel good, but also form strong social ties within their community that can give them a competitive survival advantage.In our interview, Eliot and I discuss various species who have both same-sex and reproductive sexual relationships. Eliot explains that some species like bonobos, our closest primate relative, actually have more female-on-female sex than reproductive, male-on-female intercourse. Similarly, male bottlenose dolphins will mate with females to reproduce, but only form long-term partnerships with other males–having sex over 2.4 times an hour while the females raise the baby on their own!There are lots of other examples same-sex relationships among other species, which we discuss in the episode. Eliot explains how some animals break the gender binary, while others have asexual same-sex partnerships! All of this occurs naturally in the animal kingdom, reminding us that nature isn’t heteronormative or cisgender. Eliot and I talk about how we can work towards helping kids understand that their identities are also natural and not something to be ashamed of.Should We Censor Sexuality?Growing up in a different generation, we were rarely given helpful or even accurate information about homosexuality. In the episode, Eliot shares an anecdote about growing up as a gay youth, trying to find more resources or confirmation about his own sexuality. Instead, he found damaging and confusing information that made him feel as though he had a defect! This hurt his confidence and self-esteem for years, and kept him from coming out to his friends and family. And although resources have certainly improved, there’s still work to be done, Eliot explains.In our interview, we discuss recent legislation which attempts to restrict the inclusion of gay and trans identities in children’s school curiculum. The logic behind this is to keep the existence of gay or transgender individuals out of kids heads, so that they won’t be “swayed” to change their own identiies, says Eliot. The underlying assumption is that questioning our sexuality is unnatural…but the prevalance of same-sex intercourse across species begs to differ, says Eliot. It’s inherent within all the members of the animal kingdom we coevolved with, he explains, and isn’t something you should stop any kid from learning about.That might prompt us to ask a question oft researched in the late 20th century–is there a distinguishable gene that indicates if is someone gay? Eliot shares some research from the 1990s that tested the genes of fruit flies and claimed to have discovered the “gay” gene–but this study was conducted and sensationalized during a time of high anxiety over the gay population…and was later debunked. Modern research which examines the sexuality of identical twins separated at birth has found that sexual preferences are determined by a mix of genetics and cultural factors…and that there is no identifiable “gay” gene. Eliot and I dive further into this research in our interview!All this scientific information might interest a teen who is questioning their own gender or sexuality. Eliot and I are helping you understand the best way to approach a conversation about all this with a teen, even if you don’t know where to start.Helping Teens Feel AcceptedWhen kids start busting out words we’ve never heard to describe their gender or sexual preferences, we can feel intimdated or out of touch. Words like “demisexual” or “genderfluid” might have us scratching our heads, wondering if we’ll ever understand. It can make us want to avoid the conversation altogether! Eliot says that even he struggles with this occasionally, despite being the author of several books about sexuality and being a part of the lgbtq+ community himself.However, he urges us not to pull back when we find ourselves confused by a new word, but instead push through and understand what it means for our kids’ identity. It can be incredibly significant to our teens if we just make the effort to understand and accurately use these labels, Eliot says. These words give teens a shorthand to communicate who they are, and help them start to build a strong definition of their purpose and place in the world.Eliot explains that kids...

Thibaut Meurisse, author of Master Your Emotions, joins us this week to explain how we  can process negative emotions in healthier ways.  He also shares why we need more self-compassion and how we can stop caring what others think.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesMastering our emotions is no easy task…especially when we have teens pushing our buttons all day long. It can be nearly impossible to keep our anger and frustration from overflowing when teens talk back, stay out past curfew, or repeatedly refuse to put down their phone! Whether they’re purposefully trying to antagonize us or just have a bit of rebellious teen spirit, kids’ behavior can stir up some serious negative feelings for parents.When we don’t learn to process these negative emotions, they can build up and last for weeks, months, or even years–harming our mental health, productivity, and overall quality of life. But if we can learn to handle anger or sadness in healthy ways, we can unlock a more peaceful, prosperous existence for ourselves and our families.To help us harness our emotions, we’re talking to Thibaut Meurisse, author of Master Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Overcome Negativity and Better Manage Your Feelings. Thibaut is an acclaimed author of over twenty books about behavior and mentality, and the founder of lifestyle website whatispersonaldevelopment.org. His work has been featured on wellness websites like Llife Hack, Tiny Buddha, and Goalcast!In our interview, Thibaut sheds some light on how both parents and teens can process their negative emotions in a healthy way. Plus, we discuss the immense value of self compassion, and Thibaut explains how teens can stop caring about what others think!Reframing Our EmotionsWhen negative emotions arise, we sometimes let them stick around for a bit too long. If a teen says something that really hurts us or we fumble an important project at work, we can walk around for days ruminating about it. We let the anger and sadness keep us from being productive, or feel so guilty about what happened that we don’t let ourselves relax. But what if there was a better way to handle all this excess negative energy so that we could be happier in our daily lives?Thibaut explains that there are three steps to processing our emotions: interpretation, identification, and repetition. When something happens–say, a teen slams a door in our face–we’ve got to interpret it. In this case, we might interpret this as rude behavior or disrespect! Then we’ve got to identify how we feel about it, says Thibaut. We might feel angry, frustrated, or powerless. Finally, we emphasize this feeling to ourselves over and over, making it hard for us to get out of a negative thought loop, Thibaut explains.In order to get ourselves back on the path to positive feelings, we have to change the way we go through this process, says Thibaut. In the episode, we discuss some methods that both parents and teens can use to prevent negative emotions from taking over their lives. One valuable technique is the daily or weekly practice of recording your emotions, Thibaut explains. He suggests writing down the emotions that arise within you every day, noting where they originated from, and brainstorming what you could have done differently to prevent those tricky feelings from bubbling up. He recommends encouraging teens to do this too!One important way we can prevent negativity in our daily lives is by practicing self-compassion. Thibaut and I are explaining how self compassion works on an everyday scale and how you can start being kinder to yourself.The Secret of Self-CompassionSometimes, when we’re trying to implement self-discipline, we ditch positive self-talk in favor of harsh criticisms of ourselves. We might think that being friendly to ourselves will only cause us to backslide into weakness! But being kind to ourselves can actually have the opposite effect, Thibaut explains. When we’re struggling to meet a goal or find ourselves frequently failing, tough self-criticism can sometimes lead us to just give up altogether. If we dont believe we’re good enough to succeed, then we won’t give ourselves a fighting chance.This can be especially true for teens who are still trying to figure it all out. It’s not easy to  decide what you’re doing with your life, all while navigating all the social, academic and emotional challenges of modern day teenagerhood. Thibaut explains that teens today are also especially affected by all of the media they’re constantly consuming. Everything from Netflix to Tik Tok forces them to compare themselves to other, seemingly more successful people. In the episode, Thibaut and I talk about how teens can be more encouraging towards themselves as they’re growing into independent adults.Thibaut and I also dive into a discussion about defensiveness, and how it often originates from negative self-talk. When teens are constantly berating themselves, feeling bad because they flunked a chemistry test, they may feel deep down that they are stupid or incapable, says Thibaut. When we later call them lazy in the heat of an argument, they can be seriously triggered by our confirmation of their internal self-assessment. This can lead them to get defensive and blow up in our faces. Thibaut tells us how we can help teens change their inner dialogue to show themselves more compassion.For both parents and teens, the opinions of others can play a part in this constant self-criticism. In our interview, Thibaut is giving some tips to help us stop thinking about others’ opinions to live a more carefree life!How To Stop Caring what Others ThinkBecause we have to spend 24/7 inside our own minds, we tend to see ourselves as the center of the universe, says Thibault. We think everyone is watching us, judging us, and even laughing at us as we go through our daily life. However, we often fail to realize that everyone is caught up thinking the same thing about themselves! Thibault reminds us that people are usually so worried about their own lives that they aren't paying very much attention to what we’re doing. While we’re still thinking about our embarrassing slip up the next day, they’ve likely forgotten about it, he says.Thibaut encourages us to question how much time we spend thinking about others’ actions. Sure, we might be frustrated that the grocery store clerk forgot to give us our discount, but by the next day we’ve moved on! We tend not to dwell on the mishaps of others–meaning  others likely don't dwell on our mistakes either! Thibaut recommends prompting teens to think about this when they’re ruminating over a presentation or a romantic rejection. Gently reminding them that it’s not the end of the world can go a long way, Thibaut explains.Sometimes, the belief that others are judging us simply comes down to miscommunication. Since we tend to center ourselves, we often assume people are making fun of us…when really they’re not even thinking about us at all! When someone doesnt follow your daughter back on social media, she might think it’s a diss and feel deeply hurt…when maybe that person just hasn't logged on in a few days! De-centering ourselves and refraining from assumptions can help us stop caring wha...

Loretta Breuning, author of Habits of a Happy Brain, joins us to talk about how oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins create happiness and habits in our teens’ minds.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesSometimes teens behave in ways that seem truly inexplicable. One day they'd rather die than miss a trip to the mall with their friends...and the next they can’t stand a single one of those same friends! They want to join the lacrosse team but won’t go to a single practice,  date someone new every week, and change their future career three times in one day. It seems like they’re being motivated by something behind the scenes…something that even they don’t understand!In reality, teens are acting under the influence of all sorts of brain chemicals that developed as a result of evolution. Beyond just the reproductive hormones like testosterone and estrogen that we often associate with adolescence, kids are motivated by their internal reward system, including chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals cause teens to form habits and reward-seeking patterns that not only shape their teenage lives, but potentially their adult lives too!To understand how these chemical forces work in the teenage brain, we’re talking to Loretta Breuning, author of Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, & Endorphin Levels. Loretta is the founder of the Inner Mammal Institute, which provides resources for people to understand their pleasure-seeking brain chemicals and cultivate a happier life! In our interview, Loretta explains how oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins work, how these chemicals change teens’ behavior, and what happens when teens don’t get enough of them.The Chemicals Behind Your Teens’ BehaviorYou may have heard that brain chemicals like dopamine or serotonin are related to happiness, but how do they really work? Loretta and I dive deep into the different chemicals that motivate us by signaling pleasure in our minds. In our interview, she explains that these chemicals are not a part of our conscious, reason-driven mind, but instead our inner, mammalian limbic system. This part of our brain controls how we feel, while the outer cortex uses logic to process our lives, says Loretta. Because these two are somewhat disconnected, we are often confused about what’s motivating us and making us happy!Loretta explains that dopamine is one of the most important and significant chemicals in this reward system. It’s stimulated in our brains by attaining something we need or achieving a difficult task! For example, our ancestors had to scavenge for food in order to survive, so when they finally found and obtained nuts, berries, vegetables or meat, their minds were flooded with dopamine. This signaled to their brain that they should check back in the same place for food next time, ensuring their survival! In the modern day, this dopamine might come from ordering something we really want online, or finally finishing a book we’ve been reading for months. Nowadays, we can achieve this dopamine a little too easily, says Loretta, leading us to occasionally feel depressed. In our modern society, we don’t have to scavenge through the woods for food…we just have to walk to the refrigerator! This can lead to a lack of stimulation in teens’  brains, and may cause them to feel bored or complain that there’s nothing to do. This could lead them to seek out dopamine in less healthy ways, Loretta explains. She and I talk about a feeling she calls “dopamine droop”, further in the episode.Another important chemical is serotonin, which motivates us to earn respect from others. We receive serotonin when a crowd laughs at our jokes or cheers us on. Many times, we receive this chemical when we’re provided entry into some kind of exclusive clique, or feel ourselves move up in a hierarchy. This is what motivates teens to win football games, run for student body president, or accumulate hundreds of Instagram followers! It doesn’t last forever, says Loretta, leading us to constantly seek more and more. Even when we’ve received the highest award we can possibly get, our minds are often desperate to know when the next one is coming.In the episode, Loretta and I talk about two other pleasure chemicals: oxytocin and endorphins. In addition to explaining what these chemicals are, Loretta and I are also discussing how they motivate teens to act certain ways.Cultivating a Happy MindIn our conversation, Loretta explains that teens are at the peak of neuroplasticity–meaning that they’re particularly susceptible to falling into reward-seeking habits that stimulate these chemicals. These habits might just stick with them as they grow into adults, so Loretta suggests encouraging them to think critically about how they search for that regular boost of happiness in their daily lives.Loretta and I talk about how humans tend to receive a serotonin boost when they put others down, especially when this negative talk is shared with peers. It’s easy for us to make others seem small in order to boost our own status, says Loretta–it’s just a product of our mammalian brain. This mean-spirited behavior is pretty common among teenagers, and can lead to some serious drama. Loretta recommends that we help kids find ways to lift themselves up and achieve something for a serotonin boost, instead of bringing others down to get the same result.This practice of dragging others down is often seen as a product of modern social media, but Loretta says we’ve been doing it for centuries. For most of human existence, we’ve been competing to be the most impressive and attain whatever brings us an increase in status. Nowadays, modern luxuries make it possible for us to obtain pretty much any physical object we want–meaning that social media and the online world has become the basis of modern day status-seeking. In our interview, Loretta explains why social media activity can be so emotional for teens who are trying to find their place in the high school hierarchy.When discussing the effects of these chemicals, Loretta and I also talk about what happens when we don’t receive them. We’re prone to feeling the physical and mental sensation of disappointment–what happens when we anticipate a hit of serotonin or oxytocin that we never end up receiving. Disappointment can often spike our cortisol levels, leaving us stressed and in a negative thought loop, says Loretta. For our ancestors, this feeling of disappointment may have come from not having enough food to stay alive. For us, it might come from having to wait a long time at the grocery store, or finding out our favorite show is no longer on Netflix!In the episode, Loretta and I talk at length about the power of distraction: how giving ourselves or our teens small rewards can help soften the blow of disappointments. A few spoonfuls of ice cream or dancing at a party can help teens remain stable and healthy throughout daily life! Loretta warns against making these small pleasures taboo–if we don’t have little rewards along the way, we can go overboard when we finally boil over from too much stress.In the Episode…My conversation with Loretta wa...

Jesse Prinz, author of Beyond Human Nature, joins us to discuss the role of both nature and nurture in teens’ development. He explains why we shouldn’t attribute teens’ abilities to biology, and shares the significance of both parental and peer influence on teens.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesFor centuries, parents have been locked in a nature vs. nurture debate, trying to uncover the forces behind our teens’ development. Some parents believe nature has majority control over who teens become, and that things like personality, mental health issues and risk of addiction are passed down through the gene pool. Others think that these factors are mainly influenced by socialization, parental behavior and cultural influence–meaning the way we treat our kids shapes who they become. When teens are exhibiting behavior we’re not exactly proud of, it can be tempting to blame biological factors. We let ourselves off the hook, claiming that there’s nothing we could have done to stop their substance use or aggression anyway. But constantly attributing kids’ behavior to nature can be inaccurate and even harmful! It stops us from critically examining the way we've influenced our teens, and even perpetuates certain sexist or racist agendas by declaring “natural” differences as the foundation for discrimination.To understand the nuances of this ongoing nature vs. nurture debate, we’re talking to Jesse Prinz, author of Beyond Human Nature: How Culture and Experience can Shape the Human Mind. Jesse is a Distinguished Professor of philosophy and Director of the Committee for Interdisciplinary Science Studies at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York. He’s been conducting research on the mind for over twenty years, and has authored multiple books and over a hundred articles on topics like consciousness and emotion.In our interview, Jesse and I are discussing how using nature as the default explanation for kids’ development can lead to harmful discrimination. We’re also discussing how affluence plays a role in who teens become, and debating whether parents or peers have a biggest influence on teen behavior.Why We Shouldn’t Blame Genetics With so much revolutionary tech and research in the field of genetics in recent years, Jesse notes that humans seem to be trending towards biological explanations for a variety of human conditions. However, as we discuss in the episode, he finds that we’ve been categorizing too many things as innate and out of our control–and it’s been holding us back.In the episode, Jesse and I discuss a concerning conclusion drawn a few years back, when this idea of natural, biological differences was incorrectly used to explain discrepancy. When Harvard president Larry Summers was examining levels of enrollment in STEM fields at his university, he found that there were significantly less women in math and science majors. To explain this gap, he remarked that there must be an innate difference between men and women that endows certain natural talents to males–and males only.As Jesse and I discuss in the episode, this explanation fails to take into account the real reason why women shy away from STEM professions. Young women are constantly socialized to believe they aren’t as capable as men when it comes to crunching numbers or solving equations! In our interview, Jesse dives into a wealth of research that indicates parents and administrators are much more likely to encourage male students to challenge themselves on math or science homework, while simply giving female students the answers. Most shockingly, Jesse explains that we usually do this subconsciously, even if we believe that male and female students are equal in their capabilities.In fact, students face a lot of unequal treatment, and not just on the basis of gender. Jesse and I are also discussing how lower socioeconomic status can hold students back, even on tests that are simply supposed to measure innate intelligence.How Affluence Affects Teens’ AbilitiesRelying on nature to explain the differences in our teens’ aptitude can often fail to account for differences in socioeconomic status, Jesse explains. Our education system hands our kids a lot of standardized tests, assuring us that if our kids are naturally smart, they’ll perform well. But as Jesse and I discuss in the episode, wealthier students who can afford private tutoring or advanced classes for the test typically score 20% higher than those who can’t…meaning that being gifted sometimes isn’t enough.Some students also face a phenomenon known as the stereotype threat, a sensation experienced by minorities who fear that stereotypes about their race or gender might apply to them personally, explains Jesse. This often occurs during high pressure situations, and is especially common for those from poorer backgrounds. Many women and people of color have been socialized to believe they aren't going to perform as well as their counterparts on these standardized tests–and studies show that when they have to write down details like their race or gender before taking these exams, they usually score lower. The same is often true within the world of sports, Jesse explains. Although certain aspects like height and build are a result of biology and give some kids an upper hand, they don’t always promise athletic success. Affluence plays a huge role in which athletes get a leg up. Having access to better coaches or expensive lessons, a healthy and individualized diet, and certain digital assets are all indicators of probable athletic success–and also cost an arm and a leg! So if kids are struggling to make the basketball team, it might have less to do with their innate abilities and more to do with the fact that you don’t have thousands of dollars to spend on their dunking skills.Affluence and socialization clearly have a significant impact over who a teen becomes… but how much responsibility lies on parents? Jesse and I are tackling the “nurture” side of the debate and explaining how much of an effect parents really have on their teens’ development.The Influence of Parents and PeersIn our discussion, Jesse brings up a commonly believed theory, originating from those who tend to lean more towards the nurture side of the debate–that peers actually have more influence over kids than parents do. Those who subscribe to this theory typically believe that parents don’t have a remarkably deep impact on their kids, given that the parents are decent enough caretakers. Instead, kids are mainly influenced by the peers they hang out with regularly. This can lead parents to become a bit nervous about who their teen is spending time with, and maybe even cause them to micromanage their teen’s friends.However, Jesse explains that peer groups can actually be a safe haven for teens. The validation that fellow kids provide while your teen still evolving can do wonders for confidence and identity formation. Sometimes, this group of friends might be a bit more rebellious than you’d like, but the rebellious crowds can actually help your teen break free from convention and feel more comfortable stepping out of their comfort zone, says Jesse. This can be critical for teens’ long term happiness and wellbeing.

Ruth Gotian, author of The Success Factor, explains how teens can cultivate the right mindset for success. Plus, how our kids can figure out their life’s purpose and find strong mentors to guide them.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWe want our kids to be successful: find and excel at their passions, achieve remarkable things and of course, make enough money to be independent from us! But how can we help them get there? Some teens have plenty of ambition but can’t quite match it with work ethic. Others seem pretty apathetic to their future career, and some just don’t know what to do with their lives! Whatever situation your teen is in, the road to success is bound to be a rocky one. Luckily, there are ways we can help our teens make success a reality! Teens can achieve anything–if we just guide them towards developing the right mindset. There are tools we can use to help lost teens find their spark, and bring already ambitious teens even closer to their dreams and goals.Our guest this week is here to share some incredible tips for cultivating a prosperous life! Her name is Ruth Gotian, and she’s the author of The Success Factor: Developing the Mindset and Skillset for Peak Business Performance. Ruth is the Chief Learning Officer and an Assistant Professor of Education in Anesthesiology at Weill Cornell Medicine. Her work is featured regularly in Forbes, Psychology Today, and the Harvard Business Review, and she is internationally recognized as an influential thinker in the world of management and leadership.In our interview, we’re talking about how teens can develop the right mindset for success. We’re also discussing how we can help teens find their life’s passion and why mentors and social circles are so critical to finding success.How Our Mindset Can Make or Break UsWhen we talk about becoming successful people, we tend to talk about habits. We imagine waking up at 5 AM to exercise, mediate, drink green smoothies and watch the stock market. Then we try all that….and it we just end up tired, hungry and still far from successful! While these habits can help some people, they’re realistically not for everyone, says Ruth–especially not for teens! With the grueling schedule of high school, homework and extracurriculars, these kinds of habits are only going to exhaust them, not bring them closer to success.Instead, Ruth suggests that we help teens emulate the same mindset, but figure out their own habits. She recommends we prompt teens to evaluate their schedule to figure out the hours in which they’re the most productive–which is likely not 5 AM! Ruth refers to these as “peak performance hours”, when teens can do the most challenging active tasks. Then, during times when they typically get more tired, they can schedule in some passive tasks like answering emails or reviewing flashcards! Figuring out how to optimize productivity is one of the most essential parts of having a success-oriented mindset.In the episode, Ruth and I also discuss how the right mindset can help teens block out negativity! Ruth explains how we can act like either teflon or velcro when someone tries to bring us down. If we act like velcro, we allow their negative words to stick to us all day and make us feel less than. But if we decide to adopt a teflon mindset, we can deflect their comments, and let them slide off of us without a care. Easier said than done though, right? In our interview, Ruth shares some tips for adopting this teflon mentality.Even if teens have the ambition and mindset for success, they might not know what to apply it to! It’s not always easy for teens to find their purpose, but with Ruth’s help, we can guide teens to figure out their life’s passion.Helping Teens Find Their “Why”It can be frustrating when teens seem to quit everything they try, leading us to wonder if they’ll ever figure out what they’re passionate about. Ruth encourages us to be patient and let them try lots of things until they discover  what’s right for them. Doing this allows teens to find their “why”, which Ruth defines as the underlying motivation for anything and everything they do. In her work with med students, Ruth has found that those with the strongest “why” are the ones who persevere through every challenge.For some people, their “why” is self-improvement, pushing them to become great athletes or musicians. Others may have lost a loved one to an illness, and want to join the medical field to help others in need. Some are angered and saddened by injustice, leading them to become lawyers or politicians. The sooner your teen can figure out what gets them out of bed in the morning and motivates them to work hard, the sooner they’ll start seeing successes in their lives. In the interview, Ruth and I talk about how teens often don’t feel passionate about what they’re learning in school–and how we can change that. As an educator and former PhD student herself, Ruth knows what makes students thrive or struggle. She explains that subject based learning, where teens master facts and numbers, doesn’t quite stick the same way as applied learning. When young adults understand how they can actually use the information being taught to them, they’re much more likely to retain it. We discuss this further in the episode!If teens have the right mindset and a passion-fuelled goal to work towards, they can also benefit immensely from having mentors and the right social circle.Why Mentors and Peers Make a DifferenceIt can be pretty hard for teens to find strong mentors, but it’s often because they’re not looking in the right places, says Ruth. Teens often search for people with whom they share many similarities, but oftentimes those people aren’t going to help teens break out of their comfort zones and consider new perspectives, says Ruth. Ideally, teens should have lots of different mentors from different industries and corners of life. Together, these people can shape your teen in individual ways that are altogether greater than the sum of their parts.Ruth advises against asking someone outright to be a mentor. This can make people feel nervous or uncomfortable, and they may not feel like they have time for another commitment in their busy life! Instead, she suggests that teens simply ask them for help with a specific task, and demonstrate how interested they are in the achievement at hand. For example, if teens want to become educators, asking a teacher for some college teaching program recommendations could be a great way to show a possible mentor that they’ve got ambitions and may need some advice!Ruth and I also talk a lot about how the right social circle can either elevate a teen to success or bring them down. When they’re spending time with other high achievers, they’re constantly surrounded by a high standard. This encourages them to push themselves towards their full potential. Teens who spend time with slackers might not see the value of striving towards success when the standard set by their peers is lower. Finding the right set of peers is one of the most important parts of becoming a successful individual, says Ruth.In The Episode…Ruth has a lot of great advice, whether your teen is a go-getter or still needs a little push to reach their potential. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about….

Dr. Louann Brizendine joins us to talk about how sex hormones affect teen’s behavior. Plus, how teens establish a social hierarchy with their peers and why seemingly simple conversations with teens sometimes turn into full blown arguments.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWhen our kids are being moody and dramatic, we tend to just roll our eyes and chalk up their behavior to hormones. We know their bodies and brains are changing…so they’re going to have some growing pains! But when we say the word “hormones”, do we know what it really means? Beyond just affecting our kids' emotions and physical development, how do these chemicals really work within our teens' bodies as they evolve from kids to adults?To understand how hormones affect our teens, we’ll have to go way back…all the way back to conception! Hormones have been affecting our kids since they were little more than a fertilized egg. Understanding how hormones act on the mind and body throughout the human lifespan can help us understand what’s going on during the teens years–and why teens can be  so angry, sad, confused and angsty!To help us get to the bottom of all the hormonal changes, we’re talking to Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of both The Female Brain and The Male Brain. Louann is an endowed professor of clinical psychology at the University of California, San Francisco, where she also founded the Women’s Mood and Hormone Clinic. She’s dedicated her life to studying how hormones change human behavior, thoughts and emotions.In our interview, Louann is helping us understand our kids’ hormonal timeline, from the womb to adulthood. We’re also discussing the difference between female and male social behavior during the teen years, and how hormones can cause simple conflicts to escalate into intense  arguments with teens.The Hormone TimelineAlthough we often associate hormones with the teenage years, these chemicals are  powerful forces that shape our kids  before they’re  even born! Louann explains that our hormones, especially testosterone, begin to have major effects on humans when a fetus is only six weeks old. If the fetus carries XY chromosomes, its entire body and brain will be marinated in testosterone after six weeks, says Louann, creating male anatomy. For fetuses with the XX chromosome, this testosterone is absent, leading them to develop female features as a default!Louann explains that males face an intense influx of testosterone as they go through puberty. For boys, testosterone levels go up steadily for their entire childhood, hitting a peak around age fifteen. During adolescence,  Louann says that boys see a 250x increase of testosterone, making them rather eager to begin mating! This is the period in which young men begin to find themselves interested in females, says Louann, something that’s incredibly normal. In the episode, we discuss how we can help our sons understand that all these new feelings are simply a part of getting older, not something to be ashamed of.For young women, a hormonal timeline tends to look more cyclical, especially after menstruation begins, says Louann. In the episode, we talk a lot about the hormone cycle women go through every month. You might be worried when your daughter suddenly starts dressing differently or talking about boys, but it’s likely a result of her ovulation, when her body tells her to turn on the charm, says Louann. And the idea of “PMS” is more than just a joke–women really do experience intense emotions as a result of hormone changes when they’re about to experience their period, Louann explains. For teens, hormones cause  more than just body changes–they also affect social and emotional behavior, especially when it comes to interacting with peers. In our interview, Louann and I are discussing how boys and girls experience social hierarchy and rejection differently.Hormones and Teen Social HierarchiesInterestingly, Louann tells us that friendship between females is incredibly rewarding–much more so than friendship between males. When women are sharing secrets and confiding in one another, their minds release hormones  like oxytocin and dopamine, meaning they feel happy and safe. This likely developed for evolutionary purposes, explains Louann. Having deep connections with other women can help females develop an extra layer of protection and support for both herself and her potential offspring.On the other hand, teen girls can have very catty and conflict-filled relationships! But why would this happen, when female friendships are so rewarding? Louann explains that this drama is most prevalent in the teen years, as girls are still developing self-image and find themselves constantly comparing their own bodies to those of other women. During this period, young girls can have a lot of very painful, self loathing thoughts, says Louann, leading them to lash out against other young women who are potentially receiving more attention from males.It’s different for boys, however, Louann explains.  Male hierarchies are most likely to be founded on physical strength and aggression. In the episode, Louann shares an interesting piece of research in which ten young men, all strangers, briefly met and then ranked themselves on a hypothetical hierarchy. Because so much of the male pecking order is decided through physical strength, every single one of the boys had an identical ranking, based on the physical fitness of the other participants..  Louann explains that the natural male hormonal response to strong negative feelings or threats is to become physically aggressive, creating a hierarchy of physical dominance.When tensions are running high in your home and an argument breaks out, emotions can escalate pretty quickly. Louann explains that this is because of a process called “emotional contagion”.How Emotions Can Be ContagiousOne minute, it seems like you and your teen are just chatting it up about their day at school, and the next they burst into tears, run up into their room and slam the door. You’re left there wondering, how did this happen, and how did I not see it coming? In our interview, Louann explains that while women can read people’s faces and predict if they’re about to cry, men struggle with this a lot. If you’re a man, you night find yourself grappling with this!And when men do sense that a young woman might cry, they are often struck by my emotional contagion, says Louann. This is the ability of one person's strong emotions to transfer to another during an argument or a conversation. This emotional contagion can trigger our pain response when a teen is crying or yelling, which can stress us out! We want the emotional intensity to come down a notch, so we might try to calm our teen down or even just leave the room altogether. Louann suggests that we take a minute to try and de-escalate the situation. This can bring your teen back to a better place while also helping you settle your own emotions. In the episode, Louann and I  talk about how males and females channel emotions differently, but otherwise have brains that are 99% the same! Boys  are likely to become more physically aggressive when upset while girls may cry or become verbally...

Gabe Karp, author of  Don’t Get Mad at Penguins,  joins us to talk about how we can handle conflict with our teens in healthy ways, stay calm during heated arguments and help teens develop critical communication skills.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWe all have conflicts with our kids. Whether it’s over something big like their college major  or something as small as what they’ll eat for breakfast, disagreement is natural. As teens grow into independent thinkers, there’s bound to be some tension in your house. But when your  discussions keep turning into a screaming match and doors start slamming left and right…you might find yourself left wondering, is there a better way??It turns out, disputes with teens don’t have to feel like emotional warfare! With better tools, we can take the friction between us and our teens and turn it into something productive. Although it’s not easy to keep your cool when teens push your buttons, there are some things we can do to avoid escalating the conversation into a toxic argument! If we can bring the right energy to these quarrels, we can create a more peaceful home and strengthen our bonds with teens along the way.To help us solve our squabbles in a healthy way, we’re talking to Gabe Karp, author of Don’t Get Mad at Penguins: And Other Ways to Detox the Conflict in Your Life and Business. Gabe’s trial lawyer who later joined a small tech start up and helped turn it into one of the biggest companies in the world! As  a venture capitalist, he’s negotiated multi-million dollar deals. A powerful businessman and a parent, Gabe knows just how much our conflicts can drag us down if we don’t find healthy ways to handle them.In the episode, we’re discussing why clashes with teens are a natural part of life, and how you can tackle them in a productive, nontoxic way! Plus, Gabe explains how you can use a “shopping list” voice to keep a conflict from escalating, and why sharing  your own experiences with teens can help them feel understood.Keeping Disagreements Docile Although we might see conflict as something to be avoided, it’s pretty much inevitable that we’ll squabble with teens, says Gabe.  It’s not only a natural part of life, it’s a sign that your teen is developing strong critical thinking skills and confidence! Gabe explains that if we can lean into conflict instead of constantly avoiding it, we can be happier and more successful people. It’s important, however, to distinguish between toxic conflict and nontoxic conflict, he says. While nontoxic conflict pushes us to be more honest and find solutions, toxic conflict simply exists to create more problems.So how can we take the toxins out of our disagreements? Gabe explains that ego and emotional thinking are typically at the center of this problem, especially for conflicts between parents and kids. When kids say they won’t be home by curfew, we start to get anxious about their safety and frustrated that they won't listen, leading us to get angry or lash out. We feel like they’re challenging our authority, which can bruise our ego! But if we can let go of this kind of thinking, we’ll be able to solve the conflict with calamity instead of yelling or fighting, says Gabe.It can also be effective to try and remove judgment, Gabe explains. We’re often quick to judge our teen’s friends, as a way of sorting out who’s a good influence and who’s bad news. But if we express these judgments to teens and declare they stop seeing these “bad” friends, they’ll only continue doing it behind our backs. It might even drive them further towards a bad crowd! Gabe suggests keeping these judgments to ourselves, and instead prompt teens to make their own judgments.In the episode, Gabe shares a particularly interesting method for approaching disagreement with teens, which he calls the “shopping list” voice.Staying Calm During ConflictWhen our kids talk back or break our rules, our first instinct is to often remind them who’s in charge by raising our voice and going on a verbal tirade. However, this not only drives a wedge between the two of you, but also makes it literally impossible for them to process what you’re saying, Gabe explains. When humans feel like we’re under attack, many of our neurological pathways shut down and we can’t take in new information properly. This is typically what goes on in kids’ heads when you’re yelling at them to do better!Instead Gabe recommends communicating your frustration in what he refers to as a “shopping list” voice. This means talking to your kid in a neutral,  matter-of-fact tone, as though you’re reading them a list of the  grocery store items you might need. Keeping your tone dispassionate while still expressing your frustration with the situation helps you communicate your message very clearly to a teen, making sure they don’t miss the message at hand. It can be hard, however,  to stay this calm and collected when you’re about to boil over. Gabe shares some tips for keeping cool in the episode.Oftentimes, this shopping list talk can start to sound like a lecture. Although you don’t want to react emotionally in the situation, it can be helpful to speak with empathy, says Gabe. Teenagers are feeling a lot of things, and showing that you understand where they’re at emotionally will help bring them around to your side of the issue. Some teens truly feel  that their  life will be ruined if they don't go to a particular party. Even though we know that’s not true, it can be valuable to validate those feelings and even share a time when you felt the same way!In fact, sharing your own experiences and feelings can be an essential part of conflict resolution. Gabe and I talk about this in length in our interview.Why Vulnerability MattersMost of the time, we really do know how teens feel…because we were teens once too! We know the crushing feeling of being rejected by our crush, the social pressures of seeming cool in the high school hallways, and the constant confusion about who we are or want to be. If we can share stories and feelings from our own youth, teens might understand that we’re not trying to ruin their lives, but instead lead them down the right road. It doesn’t have to be a story from your teen years either, says Gabe. Maybe you’ve got a situation at work that feels just as challenging as finding a date to the prom!Once you’ve presented an idea to your teen and shared all the reasons why you think you’re right, Gabe suggests giving them a chance at a rebuttal. Even though you might not want to hear it, your teen might just make a good point that shifts your perspective on the entire situation. Teaching kids to justify their beliefs, speak about their emotions  and provide explanations for their behavior is a great way to instill positive communication skills that they can bring into adulthood.However, Gabe recommends straying away from telling teens what it is they’re feeling. Although you may have felt angry and sad about your SAT score as a teen doesn’t mean your own teen is feeling that way! If you try to assign them feelings, they’re bound to get defensive. Gabe suggests we tell them how we felt in our own version of the situation, and then wait for them to t...

Kimberly Wolf, author of Talk with Her, joins us to talk about the challenges facing dads when it comes to raising teen daughters. Plus, what to do when teens rebel against what we believe in, and how we can create safe spaces for our kids to be vulnerable.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesRaising a girl in today’s society comes with so many challenges. Young women are juggling puberty, sexuality, academics, friendships and more, all while trying to navigate the pressures of the online world. The constant presence of social media puts pressure on teens to have the perfect body, the best clothes, and the coolest friends–basically to live an impossibly perfect life! When teens are obsessing over instagram, suddenly wearing crop tops,  fighting with all their friends and declaring that they’re failing chemistry….it can be easy to feel like there’s no possible way to help them get through it all.To make matters worse, our teen girls aren’t exactly receptive to talking about any of it. As young women inch closer to adulthood, they tend to resent taking any advice from parents, and it seems like everything we say just makes them mad! But just because girls are changing, doesn’t mean we can’t still be an important part of their lives. This week, we’re helping guide you towards having more positive, productive conversations with your daughters, especially during such a critical period in their lives.Joining us today is Kimberly Wolf, author of Talk with Her: A Dad’s Essential Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident, and Capable Daughters. Although her book focuses on dad-daughter relationships, Kim knows quite a bit about how all parents can cultivate healthy communication with their girls! She’s an educator and speaker who holds both a bachelor’s in gender studies from Brown and a master’s in human development and psychology from Harvard! Her education as well as her own personal experiences growing up as a girl inspired her to dive deeper into the struggles of today’s young women.In our interview, we’re covering what you can do to maintain a positive relationship with your teen, even when they start to reject the values you raised them with. Plus, what to do when your daughter leaves the house in an outfit that’s a little more revealing than you’re used to, and how you can signal to your kid that you’re open to hard conversations whenever they’re in need of support!Navigating a Teen’s Changing IdentityKids are still figuring out who they are, and adolescence is a period of experimentation. Kids are not only forming understandings of sexuality and body image, but also values and spirituality! Although you may have raised your kids to think one way, this adolescent period is when they might begin to diverge from your teachings–and we’ve got to learn to be ok with that, says Kimberly. In the episode, we talk about how kids approaching adulthood are experiencing a tumultuous inner confusion over what to believe and what to value, and how hard it can be on parents.In particular, many parents can grow frustrated over an adolescent’s religious choices, Kimberly explains. During this period of change, teens question everything: their clothes, their friends, their personality–so why wouldn’t they question their faith as well? Although it can be a pretty emotional topic for parents, Kimberly suggests taking a rational approach, and letting kids find their own religious reasoning. As free-thinking individuals, they’re going to take their own stance on religion anyway, says Kimberly, and trying to force them to conform to what you believe will only drive them further towards rebellion.If we want kids to follow the same practices that we subscribe to–whether those practices are religious, nutritional, social, etc–Kimberly recommends simply setting an example. Kids are pretty observant, and if you show them how your lifestyle benefits you, they might actually come around to it. In the episode, Kimberly explains how teens tend to drift from the teachings of their parents, but often return to those values later in life.As young women are going through these rapid changes, they tend to find themselves dressing differently! They’re navigating sexuality and body image, leading to some outfits that can make parents a little uncomfortable. In the episode, Kimberly and I are talking about how we can handle these sudden changes without ostracizing or shaming our daughters.Are My Daughter’s Clothes Too Revealing??When we see a teen about to head out with quite a bit of skin showing, it can make us a little nervous. Our head might be swimming with thoughts, worrying about their safety and wondering what people will think. It’s tempting to vocalize these worries to teens as soon as we see them, and we might even want to send them back upstairs to change! But surprisingly, Kimberly recommends against saying anything at all. In her research she’s found that most teens do not react well when parents comment on what they’re wearing.Instead,  Kimberly encourages parents to do some research! It can be helpful to ask around to other parents, school staff members and other people in the community to see if your teen is dressing in a way that’s particularly out of the ordinary. As she explains in the episode, kids are often dressing this way not necessarily to sexualize themselves, but just to fit in with current trends. Teens tend to cherish the approval of their peers and want to create a curated image on social media, so they often wear these more revealing styles as a way to blend in. Although we can be quick to assign these clothes to our teens’ “bad” choices, we also have to realize that our daughters are under intense scrutiny as young women. The pressure to perform, fit in and buy what’s being marketed to them can push them towards dressing this way. Plus, some teens just feel more confident in garments that are more flattering than those which are baggy or loose fitting!Although we might want to avoid a conversation about clothes, there are plenty of other things that we may want to communicate with our teens about, whether that’s friendships, sexuality, or puberty. And even though teens can sometimes run screaming from these kinds of talks, there are also ways we can help them feel safe being vulnerable.Helping Teens Open UpOne common thing that can inhibit conversations between parents and teens is the ever changing vernacular teens seem to have about tech, sexuality, fashion, and politics. Parents may not know the definition of words kids throw around when describing their sexual orientation or their political standing. Kimberly says we shouldn’t stress this too much, and if we don’t know what teens are talking about, we should just ask! Prompting our teens to teach us something is a really valuable way to show them that you want to listen, learn, and take the time to care.In the episode, Kimberly and I talk about a specific scenario parents often find themselves in–when a teen comes to you, telling you that a friend of theirs is in a bad situation. Kimberly explains that sometimes teens are framing this as a friend’s situation instead of their own situation, even when in reality, it’s your teen who’s going through it. This helps them deflect judgment from parent...

Anthony Lynch, author of No Limits,  comes on the show to explain how the right mindset can help teens reach their full potential. Plus, how teens can find their purpose and passion.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesKids tend to have big dreams…but are constantly told to be more “realistic.” When they say they want to be an astronaut, pop star, or professional athlete, we might lightly suggest they pick a safer option. Have they thought about accounting? What about coding? Maybe they should just stick with something stable and consistent, and stop trying to disrupt the status quo.But what if we could step outside of our limited way of thinking to see infinite possibilities for our teens? What if, by striving for the seemingly impossible, our teens may just exceed everyone’s wildest expectations? If they’re dedicated, persistent, and hardworking enough, they may be able to accomplish something extraordinary. This week, we’re discussing how letting go of limits might be the key to truly successful teens.Joining us is Anthony Lynch, author of No Limits: How to Build an Unstoppable Mindset. Anthony is a certified fitness professional who focuses on youth athletic performance training, as well as a bestselling lifestyle and fitness author. In his work he helps both kids and adults reach mental, physical and financial prosperity. In our interview, he’s helping parents see how a strong mindset can propel teens into the life of their dreams!In the episode, Anthony explains why it’s critical for your teen to have a “high-agency mindset.” Plus, we discuss why physical health is a jumping-off point for success in all areas, and how we can help teens grapple with big dreams and find their life’s purpose.Why Mindset MattersWhen teens have big, wild ambitions, people tend to try and talk them out of it…parents included! Of course we want to see our teens successful, but we’re also scared to see them fail–so we encourage them to stick to safe and small goals, for fear that they’ll bite off more than they can chew. But Anthony says that it’s the teens who can strive for what they want despite naysayers that will truly find success. He calls this a “high-agency mindset”– the idea teens might trust their dreams more than their critics. When someone tells these teens their ideas are impossible, they don’t just give up and go for something simpler, they continue to work towards their goal in spite of others’ opinions! The teens who choose to persevere are the ones who’ll really find success, says Anthony. While most people allow fear of failure to hold them back, those with a high agency mindset rise to the challenge.However, some teens have the confidence to defy critics…but lack the clarity, Anthony explains. They want to aim for greatness in something, but they’re just not sure what they’re passionate about yet! Without passion, people tend to get bored, disengaged or frustrated with their goals, leading them to give up at the first sign of trouble. But if teens are working towards something they truly care about, they’ll have a reason to show up everyday to do the work!If teens want to cultivate a strong mental capacity, Anthony believes that they’ll have to simultaneously build up their physical strength! In the episode, we’re talking about how we can get teens off their phones and out the door to get some exercise.How Physical Wellness Creates Mental StabilityWhen we watch Olympic athletes dominate the competition, we know that it's more than just brute strength that makes them such good players. It’s also mental power–how they use strategic information and determination to masterfully defeat their opponents. Anthony explains that life works the same way. Being mentally strong helps us strategize and conquer life’s challenges, but being physically active helps us stay happy, confident and focused. By combining the power of both, we can reach our full potential.For some teens, physical activity isn’t exactly the top priority. They’re more concerned with scrolling on Instagram or playing games on Discord than they are with their physical health! With the pandemic forcing us all to stay inside, teens have become a bit more inclined to lie in bed on the weekends when they could be out in the world, riding a skateboard or hitting the gym. In the episode, Anthony and I discuss how annoying it can be for parents to constantly beg teens over and over to get out and get some exercise.Anthony recommends helping teens find some kind of physical activity that gets them excited! For some teens, it could be hiking, for others, it might be playing basketball with friends down the street. These activities won’t just help teens be physically healthier, but also encourage them to set new goals, like winning a weekend pickup game or setting a personal best! When they put in the hard work to achieve these goals, they’ll learn an important lesson about what it takes to go above and beyond in the quest for greatness.So your teen has cultivated the physical and mental strength that’s necessary for success…but do they know how to set a goal or what steps to take to reach the top?  Anthony and I are talking about how we can help teens orient themselves by asking the right questions and setting concrete goals.Setting Their Goals in MotionTo help teens define their goals, Anthony recommends asking them some big questions. Questions like: if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? Or: if you had all the money, time and resources possible, what would you do? These questions help teens begin thinking about who they are and what they want to accomplish in their life. Anthony encourages you to sit down and do this with your teen, asking yourself the same questions! It might bring the two of you together–and help teens see that they’re not the only ones still figuring it all out.In the episode, Anthony and I talk all about creating vision boards, and how you can do it with your kids at home! This involves taking a piece of cork board or poster board and putting pictures, quotes, inspirational people and more on the front. These boards are a way for your teen  to visualize and materialize their wildest ambitions, and then have a physical reminder of them everyday! But how can teens take these general ambitions and turn them into reality? Anthony suggests starting with a mission statement. This is a direct statement of what exactly your teens’ plan is and how they intend to go through with it! For example, if your teen plans to lose weight, their mission statement might state how many pounds they aim to lose and in what time frame. They could add specific actions they’ll take to do it, like running twice a week or eating less junk food. This propels teens from just dreaming to actually doing!In the Episode….Anthony’s perspective on motivation is fascinating, and can be helpful to both teens and parents! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why we should reject conventional wisdomHow we can encourage teens to dream in a realistic wayWhy it’s important for teens to failHow we can ditch negative self-t...

Jamie Ducharme, author of Big Vape, demystifies the vaping industry and explains how teens have been lured into vape addictions. Plus, she shares some tips for relaying  to teens the truth about e-cigarettes and vapes.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWhen most of us first heard about vaping, we were told it was a way for smokers to put down a cigarette and try something a little healthier. We probably didn’t think it was particularly dangerous…or something our teens were likely ever to become addicted to! But in the past few years, e-cigarettes have become massively popular among young adults. These affordable, fruit-flavored, colorful devices are not only easy for teens to obtain, but also easy to hide–they often look just like flash drives!For parents who know the dangers of cigarettes, it can be confusing and concerning to watch these devices develop a massive young fan base. With little science to help us understand their ingredients or effects, it can be hard to know if they are even remotely safe for kids to use. As far as we know, beyond their extremely addicting qualities, they could have life-threatening side effects!Today, we’re separating fact from fiction to discover the truth about vaping. Joining us is journalist Jamie Ducharme, author of Big Vape: The Incendiary Rise of Juul. Jamie covers health, science and medicine for Time magazine. She’s been writing about the rise of vapes since 2018, when the invention of the popular Juul device brought vaping to the forefront of widespread public fascination. Her research can give us some insight into the mysteries of these electronic cigarettes, and help us finally figure out what effects they’re really having on our kids.In our interview, Jamie is explaining the potential dangers vapes pose to developing teens. Plus, we discuss the powerful marketing and deliberate spread of misinformation surrounding these devices, and how we can encourage teens to make educated choices before they pick a vape themselves.Is Vaping Dangerous?We know that cigarettes can cause cancer, emphysema and more…but do vapes do the same? Jamie explains that the parts of cigarettes that cause cancer are largely tied to the combustion process–in other words, lighting stuff on fire and inhaling the smoke! Vapes don’t need fire to operate, as they use electricity to heat up a nicotine fluid that can then be inhaled. This means they might not be as cancerous as cigarettes–but according to Jamie, the jury is still out on how dangerous vaping really is.Part of the problem is a serious lack of information and regulation. Jamie explains that the FDA has yet to deliver a regulatory process for big vape brands like Juul–meaning that these products are flying off the shelves without being properly evaluated. E-cigarette companies have done remarkably little research on the effects of their products, says Jamie, simply testing them on employees on occasion instead of running consistent, sophisticated trials.Some research suggests that vapes cause brain and lung damage, but we could definitely do with some more information on their effects, says Jamie. No matter what’s in them, they’re still designed to deliver nicotine, one of the world’s most addictive substances…and that alone is pretty concerning, Jamie believes. On a spectrum from inhaling clean air to inhaling the smoke from a cigarette, vaping falls somewhere in the middle, she says. The safest thing for kids to do in her opinion? Avoid nicotine products all together.But it’s not always easy to keep kids from using E-cigarettes, especially because they’re designed and marketed to appeal to young adults! Jamie and I talk in our interview about how vape manufacturers are trying to get kids hooked on their products.Marketing and MisinformationVapes were originally created to help smokers curb their cigarette addictions, but manufacturers found an unexpectedly massive market among teenagers who’ve never smoked cigarettes at all. When they discovered that this demographic could put money in their pockets, they began using young, millennial models to advertise their products, to make them seem cool and trendy, Jamie explains. In the process, they totally neglected to mention that these devices existed to dispense nicotine, says Jamie. In fact, many young people believed they were just inhaling flavored water vapor! Nowadays, these products are required to reveal their nicotine content right on the box, on a sizable warning label. The few regulations the government has set up for proper labeling and education has had some effect, with rates of use dropping from 27% of high school students to 10% within a few years of requiring labels.Although big vape companies require people to verify their age online or in stores before ordering the products, teens have said that there are plenty of ways around this obstacle. Some people buy the products in bulk and resell them to underage kids, and some teens even scam the Juul customer service department by using a serial number to claim a broken product and demand a replacement! However kids are doing it, they’re able to get these products pretty easily for an affordable price, says Jamie.So…does this mean your teen is vaping? Jamie explains how we can strike up a conversation with teens to find out if they’re using e-cigarettes or to prevent them from ever starting.How Can I Talk to My Teen About Vaping?Unfortunately, it can be hard to spot any physical symptoms of regular vape use in teens, says Jamie. Unlike cigarettes, they don’t produce ash or a strong smell. Many times, parents begin to detect that teens become more distant or withdrawn, have mood swings and anxiety or seem to lose interest in things they care about, and that’s how they discover their teen has been vaping, explains Jamie. If your teen seems to be a little off, Jamie recommends opening up a conversation to find out if they might be using these products.Whether or not a teen is actively vaping, Jamie encourages parents to strike up a conversation about e-cigarettes. She explains that teens today are often very conscious of mental, physical and environmental health, three things that vaping could potentially endanger! In her work, she’s found that teens tend to stay away from these devices when they become more educated and aware of what they really do. She also recommends pointing out the way companies are marketing vapes directly to teens, as they typically don’t like being manipulated! When kids realize that these billion dollar corporations are attempting to take advantage of them, they start to realize they’re better off prioritizing their health over looking cool or keeping up with trends. In the episode, Jamie and I extend our conversation into discussing marijuana vapor products, and why these haven’t quite caught on the way that nicotine vapes have.In the Episode.,..Talking with Jamie was incredibly informative and thought provoking! Her wealth of knowledge surrounding e-cigarettes and the vaping industry is remarkably valuable to any parent looking for answers about how these devices are affecting teens. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:How ...

Charlotte Markey joins us to discuss why market-driven media is toxic for teen body image, and how we can strike up important conversations about  body positivity with our teens.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notes­­For kids growing up in the social media age, comparison is a constant struggle. Teens are bombarded 24/7 by influencers who post pictures of their unrealistic lives and seemingly perfect bodies–making teens feel like they’ll never measure up. This can cause both young men and women to constantly scrutinize their appearance, to the point of developing eating disorders or facing serious damage to their mental health! Although body image may seem like an afterthought to some adults, it’s a seriously significant part of young people’s lives that can even yield potentially dangerous outcomes. Luckily, there are some things we can do to protect teens from the pressure to have a perfect body–and it starts with communication in our homes. Normalizing talk about body issues can do wonders for teens, especially those who feel like they’re struggling with it all alone. If we can guide them to become more conscious and critical about what they see online, we can help them learn to love themselves and their bodies unconditionally! To help us get the conversation started, we’re talking to Charlotte Markey, author of Being You: The Body Image Book for Boys and The Body Image Book for Girls: Love Yourself and Grow Up Fearless. Charlotte is a professor of psychology at Rutgers University and a leading expert on body image research. She’s studied everything from weight management to eating disorders, and is the perfect person to talk to about how we can encourage teen body positivity! In our interview, Charlotte explains what body positivity truly feels like, and how we can encourage teens to strive for self-acceptance. Plus, we’re talking all about online influencers, and how teens can defend themselves against the damaging messages of a market-driven media. The Path to Body Positivity Before we can really talk about having a positive body image, we’ve got to get to the bottom of what “body image” really means, says Charlotte. She explains that it’s greater than just wanting to be fat or skinny, have the perfect chest or defined features. It’s a much more encompassing feeling that includes being active, happy, well-rested and mentally sound. It’s largely related to mental health, says Charlotte, and takes into account how we feel, not just how we look.           This means feeling more than just neutral about our bodies, Charlotte explains. Body neutrality is ok, she says,  but the goal is for us to be happy in our own skin. If teens can learn to have unconditional love and acceptance for their bodies, they’ll be able to free themselves from constant body negativity. Instead, they can dedicate that energy to other things like educating themselves, nurturing their relationships, and helping those in need! In the episode, Charlotte emphasizes how this unconditional love starts with parents opening up the conversation about body image at home. But how can we actually get teens talking about body positivity? In our interview, Charlotte and I dive into why teens often don’t like to discuss their bodies. This is especially true for young men, who are typically taught to be strong and hold in negative feelings. Not to mention that our kids are two years into a pandemic, meaning they haven’t exactly had the easiest time connecting with peers over anything–especially body size! Having this conversation is certainly necessary, but it won’t be easy, Charlotte says.Don’t fear, however, because Charlotte is giving you some helpful tips for striking up this talk with your teens. Creating a Conversation Around Body Image So how can we start this critical conversation around body image when teens would rather lock themselves in their rooms? Charlotte recommends starting with being vulnerable yourself. Although we adults aren’t always on social media as much as kids, we’re still being affected everyday by online messaging! We might have our own issues with comparison, or feel anxious about the effects of aging on our bodies. If we can help kids understand that these concerns are totally normal, they might feel more comfortable opening up to talk about their own body. Charlotte suggests asking lots of questions instead of giving kids a lecture. This can be especially useful if you notice a teen commenting on their own body or someone else’s. Prompting teens to explain their feelings further or think more critically about their comment might help them dig deeper and understand the origin of their judgements about the way bodies look! This can be a great first step to encouraging kids to challenge the things they see online.  Sometimes, kids just don’t want to listen to their parents. If this is the case for you and your kid, Charlotte suggests looping in another resource to get kids the help they need. If your teen is really struggling with body image issues, a trained counselor might be the best move. For teens who do better processing things on their own, there are some helpful websites that you can direct them to–or you can give them good old-fashioned books, like the ones Charlotte has published! No matter how much work they do, kids are still going to be faced with the media saturated world they live in­. But if we can develop an understanding about how these online forces affect teens' well-being, we can prevent social media from doing too much serious damage.The Importance of Media LiteracyAlthough social media can be damaging, there are ways we can mitigate its effects on teens. The first step is to encourage teens to be more critical of what they see online. Teens need to know that the pictures of influencers on their Instagram feed are not only highly edited, but depict unrealistic bodies! Models and online personalities are usually paid to look good, meaning they put more time, money and effort into having the perfect image than the rest of us could likely ever manage! When teens see these images, they start to immediately compare themselves to the person on the screen–and who could blame them? These apps are set up to run on the capitalization of beauty, explains Charlotte. When teens compare themselves, the app can sell them more beauty or fitness products. Cosmetic companies make money, the app makes money…but your teen is left feeling worse than ever. This market-driven social media ecosystem is definitely harmful for young minds and bodies, Charlotte explains. Charlotte recommends reminding teens that they have the power to keep themselves from falling for this messaging. Our brains are hard-wired to compare us to others, but ultimately, we’re in control–meaning it doesn’t have to happen! Teens can unfollow those who make them feel bad, or choose to follow others who make them feel more comfortable in their own skin. Charlotte explains that this can sometimes be hard for kids to do, but with some encouragement, they’re more likely to take these steps towards a positive body image.In the Episode…It was eye-opening t...

Neuroscientists Ted Brodkin and Ashley Pallathra share tips for finding harmony and connection with our teens and with ourselves. We discuss attunement, meditation, conflict resolution and more!If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesThe hectic life of parenthood can make it hard to take care of your body and mind! When you’re waking up at 5 AM, trying to prep lunch for everyone before dropping them off and barely making it to work on time, running home to make dinner and still squeezing in time to help with homework, you can start to feel a little disconnected from yourself. Taking care of your family is so essential…but what about self care?If we’re not putting aside time for self-restoration, we end up taking our stress out on our kids! We become reactive instead of communicative, yelling instead of listening. We want to be the most patient, level-headed parents we can be, but we can’t do that unless we take care of ourselves!  If we’re practicing mindfulness in our own lives, we’ll not only become more connected to ourselves, but also to our kids.We’re joined this week by Ted Brodkin and Ashley Pallathra, authors of Missing Each Other: How to Create Meaningful Connections. Ted is an associate professor of psychiatry at  the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania, as well as the founder and director of the Adult Autism Spectrum Program at Penn Medicine. Ashley is a therapist and neuroscience researcher currently pursuing a Ph.D. in clinical psychology at the Catholic University of America. Together, they are dedicated and passionate researchers of human social and emotional behavior.In the episode, Ted and Ashley are defining the term “attunement”, and how parents can practice it to benefit themselves and their families. Plus, we’re discussing how we can become better communicators, forge stronger connections and work through conflicts with our teens!Self-Reflecting and ReconnectingIn order to create harmony with ourselves and others, Ted and Ashley believe we should strive for what they call “attunement”. This state of being requires being deeply aware of our own emotions and physical senses as well as the feelings of others. It’s a combination of being relaxed and calm as well as alert to our surroundings! Ted explains that we all have a natural sense of attunement as babies that gets lost over time as a result of the stresses of everyday life. If we can work on shedding that stress, we can move closer to attunement, says Ted.Ted and Ashley describe a process called interoceptive awareness that can help you reach a sense of attunement with yourself. To do this, Ashley explains that you’ve got to listen to your own internal processes. When you and your teen are in the heat of an argument, is your heart racing? Are your shoulders tense? Asking yourself these questions is the first step of self awareness, says Ashley, and can keep you from being reactive when triggered. Developing an understanding of how your mind and body respond to stress can help you manage it better and stay calm when things get intense.In the episode, the three of us talk about various different ways parents or teens can destress to reach attunement. Ted and Ashley describe different kinds of meditation, explaining everything from standing meditation to meditating with others in a community! They also recommend taking a little bit of time on a regular basis to practice physical de-stressing techniques, like releasing tension from your shoulders. This can be good preparation to prevent physical stress when you’re in a triggering situation later down the line.After we’ve reached attunement for ourselves, we can strive for attunement with others. Ted, Ashley and I dive into how mindfulness can strengthen our relationships!Creating Stronger ConnectionsAttunement is a powerful part of interacting with others. When we’re attune to people’s emotions, physical state and mental wellbeing, we can be better teammates, colleagues, partners and parents. Ashley explains that even though our generation has the power to forge connections online, we’re less synced up than ever before. The important nuances of nonverbal communication can only be experienced in person, says Ashley, not through the phone screen!The next time you’re having a conversation with someone, Ted and Ashley suggest trying to sense their physical and emotional state. By understanding where the other person is at, we can create better communication and connection. When it comes to teens, It’s especially important to pay attention to subtext, and sense what they’re really saying under the surface! Even when they’re lashing out at you or seem to be deliberately striving to push your buttons, they may be experiencing a deeper sense of frustration about their lack of independence or upset about something that has nothing to do with you!Sometimes, we can find our relationships strained for a while, without a clear path to reconnection. But this doesn’t mean that things can’t be patched up, says Ashley. She explains that rekindling starts with self forgiveness and compassion for ourselves and the relationship. Natural connection ebbs and flows with the rhythm of life, she says, and these moments of negativity or loss of connection can actually help us gain some perspective on the relationship.When teens are driving us up the wall over and over again, it's hard to feel connected to them at all! But attempting to find attunement with our teens might just help us end the cycle of conflict and restore peace.Restoring Harmony In Our HomeUsing attunement to identify and prevent the progression of negative patterns is one of the best ways to heal your relationship with your teen, says Ted. When our minds become accustomed to the cycle of a power struggle, it becomes a habit, behaving like a domino effect to create conflict over and over between us and teens. If we’re aware of how the cycle starts, we can deliberately break the usual chain of events, and instead usher in a new way of communicating and solving conflicts.In the episode, Ted and Ashley talk about how parents can put their own agendas aside to meet teens where they are. For example, teens tend to want more autonomy, and they grasp for this by resisting your rules and insisting they go to that party past curfew. And while it's tempting to assert your authority and just say no, Ted and Ashley suggest really striving to reach attunement with teens and understand why exactly it is they want to attend this party. Showing them you understand their growing independence and making a compromise is a great way to start rekindling a connection and end a cycle of defiance.If a talk with a teen is getting really heated, Ted and Ashley suggest taking a minute to pause and practice those de-stressing techniques to get in tune with yourself, before checking back in with teens. It’s like an oxygen mask on an airplane, says Ashley–sometimes you have to take a second to set yourself straight before you can really help a teen. We’re capable of having fluid, productive communication with teens–if we’re able to set aside reactivity and anxiety, expand our emotional capacity, and make time to work towards reconnection.In the Episode…It...

Mark Herschberg joins us to talk about the kinds of skills they don’t teach in school, like negotiation, planning, compromise and collaboration! We’re discussing how teens can develop these skills to find career success.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWhat makes a person successful in the real world? Is it their technical knowledge, their accounting abilities, or anything else they might learn in school? While these qualifications  are important, there are other skills which are just as essential to personal and professional success: things like teamwork, negotiating, and planning! Without these abilities, your teen could be the greatest math whiz of all time…but find themselves unable to communicate or collaborate enough to bring their innovations into the world.If kids aren’t learning skills like this in school, how can we teach them to be strategic and savvy adults? Turns out, we as parents can set examples about compromise and negotiation that kids take with them into adult life!  With the right conversations, we can encourage them to become leaders, developing the confidence and collaborative abilities they’ll need to cultivate the career of their dreams.To understand how we can set up our kids for success, we’re talking to Mark Herschberg, author of The Career Toolkit: Essential Skills for Success That No One Taught You. Originally an engineer and chief technology officer, Mark has spent much of his career launching and developing new ventures at startups, fortune 500s and academia! His MIT Undergraduate Practice Opportunities Program is often referred to as MIT’s “career success accelerator”. Mark is the perfect person to tell us exactly how teens can  thrive in the professional world!In our interview, Mark and I are discussing some of the most important qualities teens need to find success, and how they can cultivate these abilities. We’re also talking about how teens can take notes on their failures or success to inform their future endeavors, and how parents can become better negotiators to reach compromises with teens–without either side sacrificing their interests.Essential Skills for Successful TeensAs Mark was navigating his own career as a young adult, he found that there were certain skills that were necessary for success–skills he didn’t learn in class. These abilities were not only desirable to those striving to be leaders, but to anyone with goals and dreams within the professional world! Mark realized that if he could cultivate skills like confidence, collaboration and teamwork, he’d be able to launch his career in a major way. In the episode, Mark uses the ability to negotiate as an example. When our teens find themselves at their first professional job,  they may simply settle for whatever salary they are initially offered. But if they attempt to negotiate, there could be some seriously awesome benefits, says Mark. Even if they just negotiate an extra thousand dollars annually, they could rack up forty thousand over forty years ... .or, more importantly, learn a lesson about how to negotiate, making them a bit better at it for when they’re hired the next time!Mark explains that essential skills like these are not taught in high school or college. Instead, they’re discovered either by simply doing or through peer learning. If you want your teen to get a head start, Mark suggests creating a peer group to foster peer learning. In this community of young people, teens can dissect a book, podcast, or video centering on self-improvement every week. By speaking and listening to one another, they’ll gain perspective about how to change their own lives, and learn things they may have otherwise overlooked!Another way Mark believes kids can learn is by self-reflection. Examining our past success can help us be successful again in the future–and the same goes for avoiding failures!The Power of Self ReflectionIn his experiences working in tech, Mark has often found that projects tend to go off the rails, leading those involved to complete a “post mortem” and find out just what happened. In these situations, collaborators realize that things started to go badly only a few weeks in, but no one stopped to reflect long enough to do anything about it. This causes a lack of communication, only for the whole project to go up in flames.Mark recommends that we encourage teens to practice self reflection as they go through life, so that they don’t end up in this situation! For a teen routinely struggling to score well on the SAT, looking at the specific sections that challenged them and engaging in focused practice might allow them to improve the next time around. He explains that systems like the military and medical science often do this, calling it an “after access report.” If teens and parents can do this in their own lives, Mark believes they’ll cultivate a greater rate of success!When a failed project is collaborative, it’s human nature to point fingers and assign blame for why things went wrong. If only our coworker wasn’t so incompetent, everything would have been fine! But Mark points out that although this is a common human tendency, sometimes we have to realize that there might be other reasons why they never responded to our email or turned in their report on time, like a sick family member, or a miscommunication! If teens are going to be successful in their careers, they’ll have to learn to be flexible when working with others.When it comes to communication and collaboration, compromise is essential! In the episode, Mark is sharing how we can be better at compromising with teens without sacrificing what we want…while also showing them through example how to work well with others!Why Compromise is CriticalAs parents, we tend to dig in our heels and take a strong position–teens can’t have a phone until they’re a certain age, can’t go to the party they so desperately want to attend, can’t stay out past midnight. And when teens argue, it’s so tempting to throw them a “because I said so” But this isn’t going to set a very good example, says Mark. When kids enter the professional world, “because I said so” isn’t exactly the best way to communicate their intentions! Plus, it will only frustrate teens as it makes us seem like we’re just bossy and care more about control than teens happiness!To set a better example and get teens to actually listen, Mark suggests expressing your intentions instead of taking a position right away. If you communicate what you want and your teen does the same, the two of you might be able to find a middle ground that works for both of you…as well as reach a greater understanding about what the other person is striving for! If you want your kid home before you go to bed but they want to stay out extra late, extending curfew by an hour could help both of you achieve your goals! Mark explains that compromises like this one are much more effective than “because I said so.”In the episode, Mark talks about how parents can set a good example by making compromises. Good examples and role models can be an incredible way for teens to start developing important skills like teamwork and communication by seeing them in someone else! Mark suggests that teens take a clo...

Jo Wimble Groves, author of Rise of the Girl, shines light on how we can encourage teen girls to chase their dreams. Plus, she shares how to help all teens to find their passions, take risks and learn from failure—no matter their gender.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesOur hope is that kids will shoot for the stars, dream big, and believe they can do anything they put their mind to. We encourage them to be ambitious, hardworking, and self assured. But sometimes, even when we act as their biggest cheerleaders, teenagers–especially teenage girls–can struggle with confidence! Kids are up against a lot these days, and young women face extra barriers despite years of fighting for equality. In many ways, these barriers are subtle, small forces within our culture. They aren’t written into our laws or taught in school curriculum, but they’re working against the ability of our teen girls to grow into the powerful individuals they were destined to be. It’s in the way adults tell young girls to be quiet and polite while letting boys run wild, or how we might comment a little more on the way our daughters look than our sons. But it doesn't have to be that way! If we can learn to inspire our girls instead of inhibiting them, we can encourage all our teens to follow their dreams.This week, we’re joined by Jo Wimble Groves, author of Rise of the Girl: Seven Empowering Conversations To Have With Your Daughter. On top of being a mom of three, Jo is also a successful tech entrepreneur as the co-owner of the global mobile communications company Active Digital. As she climbed the ladder to success, Jo felt that she didn’t always have the right role models or encouragement. Now, her goal is for today’s teens to feel like they can do anything they aspire to do, no matter their gender.In our interview, Jo and I are discussing why we still have to fight for our daughters to have an equal chance at success! We’re also talking about how you can help any teenager find their passion, and how we can encourage teens to be comfortable with failure while on the road to figuring out their life’s purpose.Why Our Girls Need a Confidence BoostTeen girls today aren’t always encouraged to be the confident, outspoken people we know they can be–and it shows. In the episode, Jo and I talk about how boys are willing to raise their hand in class, even when they’re only sixty percent sure they know what they’re talking about. Meanwhile, on average, girls won’t raise their hands at all unless they are 100% they have the answer–and even then they’re reluctant! Girls often feel an overwhelming pressure to be perfect, or have a fear of judgment so powerful that they stay quiet, says Jo.Jo explains that this might be due to our tendency to encourage young women to be “good girls”. While we often tell boys to run free and play, we’re more cautious with letting our daughters do the same thing. We might view them as more fragile or naive, praise them for being quiet and unobtrusive. And while it’s important to protect and praise our kids, Jo believes that the way we speak to our daughters might be doing more harm than good.As kids grow older, this double standard often doesn’t change. Girls are told to be careful what they post online, how they dress, and how or express themselves, because we fear they’ll send the wrong message to predatory men or boys. But we often don’t have conversations with young men about how to be respectful towards women, says Jo. If we want to work towards a more equal and just society, we have to have conversations with young men too. In the episode, Jo and I talk about how we can have these kinds of talks with our sons.Whether we’re talking to our sons or our daughters, we hope to guide them to not only impart values, but also help them find their passion. Helping Teens Find their SparkJo is an incredibly successful business woman, but before entering the professional world, she often struggled in school. For a long time, Jo felt that perhaps she lacked intelligence…but eventually discovered that her brilliance lay outside of academics! Every teen has something they’re naturally talented at, but it might not always be obvious right away. That’s why Jo encourages parents to sign their kids up for anything and everything. In our interview, Jo and I talk about how the teenage years are a time to explore and experiment! The stakes are pretty low, and if a teen doesn’t like something, they can easily try something else instead! If teens are lucky, all this experimenting will lead them to find what Jo describes as a “spark”: something that they love, that excites them endlessly and propels them into making the world a better place. Jo stresses that if we don’t encourage our teens, especially our daughters, to take risks, they may never find this spark!When kids are in the process of discovering what they’re meant to do, they tend to quit a lot of things. It can be frustrating when they commit to the swim team for the whole year and even drag you to the store to buy a new racing swimsuit…but then suddenly don’t want to go to practices.  However, if teens are forced to keep doing something they don’t love, it might be holding them back from discovering what they do love. As Jo says in the episode, putting this kind of pressure makes teens “dreadfully unhappy”, and can put some serious strain on your relationship.For teens and parents still figuring it all out, there’s bound to be some failure along the way. However, Jo and I talk about how failure is one of the best ways to get to success!How Failure Leads to ProgressIn our interview, Jo shares an interesting idea about how we can address failure in a productive way. When kids are trying over and over again to get something right, they might get frustrated. But Jo suggests we frame their fumbled attempts not as one-off failures, but as steps in the right direction! Instead of telling them they’ve gotten it wrong, Jo says, we should suggest that they just haven't gotten it right yet. This helps them see why they shouldn’t give up after being met with obstacles, but instead persevere until they get the result they desire!Jo explains that this can be shown through example, with parents being vulnerable enough to show kids that they too, make mistakes. It’s not always easy, especially when we're trying to be the perfect parent–but the perfect parent doesn’t exist, says Jo. Showing kids that we can bounce back when we get knocked down can be a totally critical part of teaching them the skills to survive life. Plus, putting up a flawless facade isn’t going to make you a better parent, says Jo…..it’ll just make you more stressed out!For young women, this kind of encouragement can be especially important. Women are constantly faced with the challenge of smashing stereotypes in male-dominated subjects and activities–meaning they’re expected never to mess up! If we can help them see the value in failing as a part of the road to success, they might feel more comfortable trying new things, messing up and improving until they’re prospering at their passion....

Jennifer Morton, author of Moving Up Without Losing Your Way, joins us to discuss how young adults’ identities change as they leave the nest and find new communities beyond their hometowns.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWhen kids leave home, they embark on an entirely new adventure. New friends, mentors, classes and jobs can help them develop different perspectives and ideas. And while we want our kids to grow and change, it can be disorienting when they suddenly come home with a new hair color or completely different college major! It’s especially jolting when they seem to have new opinions and values beyond the ones you raised them with. So how can we help teens stay connected to their roots, even after they leave the nest? It’s no easy task. When teens leave home for a totally new environment, they might not fit in right away…leading them to change their wardrobe, behavior and even their beliefs. For some, the approaching professional world might force them to conceal their real selves to get ahead. Every teen has an unpredictable journey to adulthood, and there’s bound to be some identity conflict as a result.To help kids grow into successful adults without forgetting where they came from, we’re talking to Jennifer Morton, author of Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility. Jennifer has worked as a professor of philosophy everywhere from Penn state to the City College of New York–meaning she’s worked with students from all kinds of backgrounds. Over time, she began to notice that those from lower income households tended to struggle with the social and cultural expectations of college, inspiring her to think critically about how young adults change as they leave home.In our interview, we’re defining the term “code-switching”, and how young adults often use this technique when they feel pressured to fit in. Plus, we’re discussing why entitlement can actually be a good thing, and how we can start having tough conversations with our teens about the real world while they’re still under our roof.Code-Switching: What it is and Why it Matters For teens being catapulted into higher education or the professional world, it can be hard to hang on to their identity! They might find themselves talking differently, dressing differently, hiding where they’re from or what their interests are. This process of purposely changing the way one presents themselves is called code-switching, says Jennifer. And although it can often be seen as inauthentic, she believes that this technique can actually be pretty useful. When we’re trying to get ahead, we tweak things about ourselves, like wearing a nice suit to a meeting instead of our favorite jeans. But this doesn’t make us inauthentic, says Jennifer. It just means we know how to present ourselves in a way that prompts others to take us more seriously.  When teens ditch their hometown slang for more professional language, they aren’t necessarily concealing their identity–just editing it for context! However, if teens are constantly changing their personality to fit in, it can be hard to draw a line between what’s real and what’s manufactured, Jennifer says. To make sure teens aren’t overdoing it, she suggests prompting them to think about their core values before code-switching. If they feel that changing their hair or accent is disrespectful to their own culture or community, Jennifer encourages teens to refrain from doing so! Holding on to this sense of a core identity is one of the ways teens can stay in touch with their roots.Entering the real world often means that teens have to start speaking up about what they want or need. For some, expressing their concerns is nothing new. For others, it’s a serious challenge. In our interview, Jennifer and I are discussing the idea of entitlement, and why socio-economic background tends to affect how entitled our kids can be.Is Your Teen Entitled? When Jennifer began working at a prestigious private university, she noticed that many of the students felt very comfortable speaking up in class or even coming to her office with concerns. When she compared this to her experience at the city college, she noticed that public school students from low income households behaved in the opposite way–nervous to raise their hand or confront authority. What Jennifer discovered was a difference in entitlement between individuals from different backgrounds.  As time went on, Jennifer began to see how a lack of entitlement can actually hurt students. Those who came from less-wealthy families didn’t feel empowered to take control of their own education…because they often grew up without the privileges of small class sizes or personal tutors. Jennifer realized that these students needed to gain a little more entitlement! Not so much entitlement that they behave rudely or expect the impossible, but enough so that they felt their voice matters within their own education. So how can we help our teens develop a healthy sense of entitlement? Jennifer explains that within a school context, it can be beneficial to have kids create a relationship with the educator. If the teacher knows a teen isn’t always the most confident in class, they can keep an extra eye out for your teen’s hand when asking questions, says Jennifer. She also encourages parents to remind kids of all backgrounds that they’re allowed to speak up when they feel something isn’t right! All of this real-world stuff can be a little overwhelming for teens taking their first steps into adulthood. In the episode, Jennifer and I discuss how you can start having conversations with your teen about impending adulthood so it doesn’t hit them like a brick!Talking to Kids About the Future When we’re helping kids plan a life for themselves, it can be easy to just emphasize the positive parts. We don’t want to freak them out too much, so we might gloss over the pains of searching for jobs or finding apartments. But Jennifer warns us against this! If we don’t prepare kids for the challenges they’ll face, they may think that they’re to blame for the difficulties they’re experiencing. Jennifer encourages us to have trust that our kids will be able to competently face life’s curveballs . Teens are going to transform as they grow into adults, and even if it’s hard to watch, it’s not a bad thing, says Jennifer. Parents who try to stop kids from evolving will only drive a wedge between themselves and their kids, Jennifer explains. If parents can validate kids’ feelings and at least attempt to understand the choices teens are making for themselves, Jennifer believes parents can maintain a strong bond with their kids as they grow into adulthood. Once kids do leave, they may come to you with complaints–they suddenly hate the roommate you always knew was bad news, or they can’t find a job with the arts degree they begged you to pay for. And while it’s tempting to just tell them “you’ll get over it” or “I told you so”, Jennifer recommends practicing a little empathy and patience. If we can support teens emotionally through all their growing pains, we can maintain a relationship with them while they’re still figuring it all out!In the Episode…<...

Fiona Murden, author of Mirror Thinking, explains the overlooked influences on teenager’s behavior and character development. We’ll discuss which adult role models matter, which are largely ignored, and peer and celebrity influence.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWe know teens need role models…but what does that mean exactly? Are we as parents supposed to provide a perfect example? Are these role models supposed to be teachers or coaches? What about celebrities? It’s not easy to ensure teens have the right heroes to look up to–and social media doesn’t help. In our digital world, it’s tricky to tell if teens are following positive role models online or just obsessing over seemingly perfect Instagram influencers.As hard as they are to find, good role models can be critical for growing teens. They provide young people with a metaphorical mirror, encouraging certain behaviors and discouraging others. With the help of role models, teens can find career success, improve their physical and mental health, and gain a deeper understanding of their place within the world. But without these examples to follow, our teens might just find themselves lost!This week, we’re talking all about role models, and how teens can find them in today’s world. Joining us is Fiona Murden, author of Mirror Thinking: How Role Models Make Us Human. Fiona’s been a psychologist for over twenty years! She also works as a public speaker and consultant across business, health care, sports, and politics. Fiona has spent much of her life working with leaders within organizations, leading her to wonder…how do leaders and role models affect those in their sphere of influence?In our interview, Fiona reveals how much of an influence parents really have over teens. She’s also explaining how parents can destress in order to become better role models, and why social media is damaging teens’ self-awareness.Parental Mirroring and Mental ModelsParents aren't perfect…but that doesn’t mean they aren’t role models. In fact, parents are a lot more influential in teens' lives than we tend to think! When asked to name their role models, teens are more likely to list their parents then their friends, teachers or coaches, says Fiona. And the research shows that it’s true! Even though your kids might not listen to your opinions on what movies to like or what clothes to wear, teens have been shown to look to parents for cues about career, social nuances and values.A lot of parental influence stems from the way parents behave…not what they say! Kids often unconsciously observe things that parents do, and then, without conscious thought, mark those behaviors as socially acceptable, explains Fiona. For example, if a parent tends to solve conflict by raising their voice, a teen’s unconscious mind will pick it up and replicate it. Fiona refers to this unconscious assumption as a “mental model.” Even if parents warn kids to “do as they say and not as they do”, parental behavior can be incredibly significant to teens as they grow up!But what if teens are conscious of their parents’ behavior, and actively choose not to practice the same habits? Fiona explains that this is called “counter-mirroring.” Although it can be a helpful way for teens to avoid replicating unsavory parental behavior, it can also backfire, says Fiona. Sometimes, teens are so afraid of being like their parents, that they stray too far in the other direction. And oftentimes, teens tend to practice the same behavior as parents anyway–and then feel guilty about it later!In the episode, Fiona and I discuss the idea of mirroring further, and how we can use it to set the best possible example for our teens. But sometimes, parents are stressed, frustrated, or distracted, leading them to be less than stellar role models. How can we as parents de-stress to become better influences on teens?How Self Care Sets an ExampleFor parents trying to balance working, cooking dinner, paying bills and raising kids, stress is pretty inevitable! Parenting is one of life’s most challenging endeavors–of course parents are going to find themselves at the end of their rope. And like anyone else, when parents get stressed, they don’t always practice model behavior….but kids are still watching and taking cues about how to behave! If you want to set a positive example for your teens, it starts by taking care of yourself, says Fiona.When we’re stressed out, we tend to be more directive, telling kids what to do and how to do it, Fiona explains. Instead, we should strive for non-directive parenting: listening, reflecting, and asking kids what they think is best. Fiona explains that non-directive parents often have more influence. Plus, non-directive parenting requires modeling the ability to patiently listen–something teens are certain to pick up on and unconsciously replicate. But non-directive parenting is only possible if we’re able to de-stress.So if we want to be the best role models possible, we’ve got to relax! Fiona suggests making a plan ahead of time for when you inevitably find yourself stressed out. At the beginning of the pandemic, Fiona worked with ICU doctors to do this same thing. She prompted them to make a plan for who to confide in and how to de-stress when things become overwhelming. And although many of them found it silly at first, they reported back later that it was incredibly helpful! If there are a few small ways you can reduce stress in your daily life, it can do wonders for both you and your family.Even if teens are able to look to parents as role models, they’ll also eventually turn to sources outside of the home for direction. Nowadays, more and more kids are logging onto social media in search of examples for how to act and behave. But is this a good thing? Fiona and I are discussing this in our interview!Are Influencers a Good Influence?When we were growing up, we may have turned to a famous author or popular activist as a role model. But we only had a few to choose from–kids these days are bombarded with hundreds of different people online who are vying for their attention. Instead of one cohesive role model, teens might have dozens of people with conflicting viewpoints that they’re attempting to look up to. This can be pretty disorienting and confusing, leaving teens with a sense that their values and ambitions are scattered.Fiona suggests sitting your teen down for a conversation about who these influencers really are. Where are they from? How did they gain a following? What makes your teen admire them? Questions like these encourage teens to think critically about the people on their screens. Fiona reminds us that influencers often portray their own lives as perfect, and dissecting their profiles to gain deeper understanding can help prevent teens from being tricked by the illusion of perfection online.For teens to really develop their own values, they need time to reflect, says Fiona. Unfortunately, social media is making it harder and harder for kids to reflect these days. Teens are on their phones for nearly seven hours a day, using any moment of downtime to pick up their phones and start scrolling. This means that teens don’t always make time to stop and ask the big questions. In the episode, Fiona and I talk about how teens can take more time to reflect, and figure out who they truly are!

Magnus Resch, author of How to Become a Successful Artist, reveals the key to succeeding in the art world, and explains how your teen can get a head start on making all the right connections.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesThere’s nothing we want more than to see our teens to grow up happy and successful….with stable careers! So when they mention they might want to pursue acting or painting or playing the trombone, we can start to get a little nervous. While we love that they have a creative side, we know that a life in the arts is anything but consistent. If they could only see the benefits of a degree in engineering or business, they’d understand that the artistic struggle might not be as fulfilling as they think.But alas, they won’t listen! Teens are stubborn, and will likely maintain that they are destined for the artist lifestyle. So what can we do to help them find the success they’ll need to stay afloat? Is a fancy degree from a prestigious art program their ticket to the top? Or is there some kind of magic secret that all the iconic superstar artists are in on? This week, we’re tackling these questions and more with Magnus Resch, author of How to Become a Successful Artist. Magnus is an art market economist who studied at Harvard and the London School of Economics. He’s a successful entrepreneur, as well as the bestselling author of six books about the art market–plus, a professor of art management, teaching at Yale and Columbia! After conducting research on half a million contemporary working artists, Magnus has discovered the secret to a successful art career, and he’s here today to share it with us!In our interview, we’re discussing just how essential the networking process is for young artists making a name for themselves. We’re also covering why teens need to create a strong artist’s statement, and what a career in the arts might realistically look like for teens dreaming of glory.Why Networking is Absolutely NecessaryWhen Magnus was researching the key to artistic success, he paid particular attention to which galleries were associated with the most prestigious artists. He found that to garner acclaim in the art world, artists had to be able to get into a small, concentrated group of popular galleries. If not, they aren’t likely to reach the level of recognition it takes to have lasting financial and critical success–meaning they end up becoming art teachers or settle for doing art in their free time  while having a different full time job.In order to gain entry to this exclusive world of popular galleries, Magnus emphasized the absolutely critical nature of networking. If teens can get to know people on the inside, they might just be able to break in and carve out a place for themselves amongst these thriving artists. Magus and I talk a lot in the episode about how teens can use tools like Instagram to reach out to gallery owners, curators, buyers and museum directors. Teens can create an impressive portfolio of their work on their social media accounts–that way, when they reach out to others, their artwork is readily available!This networking is the difference between those who prosper in the art world, and those who falter. Once you can get into these galleries, you’ll be successful for life…but if you don’t find yourself exhibited at these places early in your career, you’re likely to flop. And although Magnus talks about physical art like painting or sculpting, the same principles can apply to music, filmmaking, or the literary world. Without the right connections and early success, it can be pretty difficult to curate a career in the arts!In our interview, Magnus describes the career trajectory of multiple acclaimed young artists and how they used social media to propel themselves into a prosperous career. One thing that can help is having a succinct, powerful artist’s statement.Creating a Strong Artist's StatementFor teens networking online or creating social media portfolios, a lot can be gained by creating a mission statement. A detailed but easy-to-read description of their influences, inspirations, aesthetics and goals can be helpful for anyone scrolling through who wants to learn more about who the artist is! In our interview, Magnus shells out some helpful tips for crafting a statement that not only captures the artist’s essence, but hooks the reader’s interest.Magnus explains that this statement is like a resume, but one or two descriptive paragraphs. It describes the artist's passion, their experiences, and ambitions! It’s your teen’s chance to tell the world what drives them to take on the challenge of becoming a successful artist, says Magnus. He suggests that teens explain the emotional side of their work, and give it detailed context. That’s what buyers, curators and other arts professionals remember and what makes them excited to work with young artists!Although it’s tempting to sound fancy in this statement, Magnus recommends straying away from words that are too complicated or confusing. Keeping things simple makes the mission statement accessible to anyone who might be reading. The mission statement serves as an elevator pitch–and the last thing teens want is to alienate people who could potentially put their career on track! In our interview, Magnus and I talk more about how these statements can work seamlessly with a well-curated social media profile.Even when we’ve imprinted the value of networking and self-promotion into teens’ brains, it can still be nerve-wracking to watch them dive into a career in the arts with no safety net! To help us understand what their future might look like, Magnus is mapping out what kind of experiences teens can expect to have as they make their way in the art world.A Timeline for Creative TeensSo your teen has decided to go to art school. They walk across the stage and get that diploma, with a portfolio of work now in their back pocket…but what next? Magnus outlines potential phases for budding artists. The first is the “shopping” phase. This is when teens are fresh out of school, talking to different galleries, figuring out their place in the professional world. Magnus explains that this is when that networking is going to be essential. In our interview, we discuss how many of the skills needed during this period aren’t actually taught in art school!When young artists have been in the scene for five or ten years, Magnus explains that they reach a critical juncture that defines whether or not they’ll be able to find further success. If they’re being exhibited by the most prestigious galleries or performing at well-known venues, they’re likely to continue being successful and financially stable. If not, this is when artists begin phasing out of a professional art career, instead finding work teaching or bartending and doing their own artwork on the side.Even if artists are exhibiting their work on a regular basis, it usually has to be within the most exclusive and pretentious places and communities–or it won’t really make a difference. Smaller, less acclaimed galleries or agents represent so many clients that young artists can rarely make their own footprint and gain financial stability. In our interview, Magnus and I discuss how this system is re...

Andrea Brand, author of Stop Sweating & Start Talking, shine slight on why sex talks are so essential, and what we can do to make them less awkward. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesFor centuries, parents all over the world have been plagued by the sex talk. How could we possibly cover all the intricacies and complications of fornication with our teens? And even if we’re able to sit teens down for “the talk”, they aren’t exactly excited to get into an awkward discussion about the birds and the bees. As soon as you start talking about body parts, teens run the other way or cover their ears.…and you’re left wondering if the two of you will ever be able to talk to about sex!As difficult as it is to have these discussions, they are essential to teens' physical and mental health. Kids are going to be interested in sex regardless, and if they dont learn about it from you, they’ll turn to the internet. And while the web can have some educational info, it also houses plenty of dark and disturbing content that can lead kids to develop harmful ideas about consent and sexual violence. If we want to help kids form a healthy relationship to their sexuality, we’ve got to step in sooner rather than later…. and have that dreaded sex talk.To get some much-needed advice on navigating “the talk” , we’re sitting down with Andrea Brand, author of Stop Sweating & Start Talking: How to Make Sex Chats with Your Kids Easier Than You Think. Andrea has decades of experience working in public health and as a research consultant, and now has a career as a sex educator! Today, she’s giving us some innovative tips for making “the talk” less painful and more effective!In our interview, we’re getting into why it’s so essential to have these talks…and why it’s so dang hard! Plus, Andrea tells us how we can form community groups for teens to learn about sexuality, and what we can do to ensure a sex talk goes smoothly.Why Sex Chats Are So StigmatizedIf things were ideal, kids would get a decent sexual education at school–but that’s not what’s happening, says Andrea. Although federal U.S. guidelines suggest that schools have sex education programs, only thirty states actually require sex ed to be taught–and only fifteen states require these classes to be medically accurate! And even the schools who do pay attention to medical facts often have a curriculum that’s out of date, with no regard for current research, Andrea explains. `So we can’t rely on schools to give our kids comprehensive info about sexuality…where are they going to get the education they need? Andrea explains that if we don’t want these lessons to come from random internet searches, they’ll have to come from parents. By surveying parents from all over, Andrea found that most want to have these talks, but are too embarrassed! Andrea explains that a lot of this is generational–if our parents were too uncomfortable talking to us about sex, we often feel uneasy about discussing it with our own kids.In the episode, Andrea and I talk about how we can break this generational cycle. If we can work up the confidence to have these conversations, it can be a great way to share values with our kids. Sex talks include discussions about consent, relationships, and self esteem–all of which are important to talk about even independent of intercourse! Andrea encourages parents to consider their own values, and how they can pass these on to kids who are still forming ideas about what sexual relationships look like.Having one-on-one conversations can be incredibly valuable, but talking in groups can be helpful as well! In the episode, Andrea and I explain how you can get your teen involved in a community sex education group.The Power of Peer SupportAndrea believes that talking to others in the same age group can be a transformative way for teens to learn about sex! This kind of community, formed around sex and body discussions, isn’t particularly common–but Andrea says it can be remarkably powerful. These kinds of groups can be part of a wider organization, like the regional “OWL” program of the Unitarian Universalist church. They can also be found online or, as Andrea recommends, you can form your own!Now, starting a group for teens to discuss sexuality doesn’t sound easy. But after forming one herself, Andrea believes anyone can do it! She explains that with an informal setting and some basic resources, these groups can be formed without too much of a challenge. If you want to find success, Andrea suggests being deliberate about who is in the group–hers contains teens who already knew one another, none of whom are her own children! Although the group began was formed to discuss sex, it soon grew beyond that. Andrea explains that the group expanded to talk about the many challenges of adolescent life–from school and overbearing parents, to body image and worries about the future. By participating as though she was just another member of the group, Andrea was able to forge trust among everyone involved, and create a safe space to discuss anything and everything.Whether it’s one-on-one or in a group, a lot can happen over the course of the conversation about the birds and the bees. Andrea provides some pointers for handling the tricky discussion.Tips for Tackling “The Talk”To really provide proper sex education to kids, Andrea recommends having many talks over the course of your kid’s life. Instead of one long conversation, short, casual discussions can feel a lot more accessible to a teen. The earlier you can start, the better, says Andrea. She recommends starting as soon as kids develop basic language skills–although it’s never too late! The conversation could come from anywhere, whether it’s a scene in a TV show or a lyric in a song on the radio.One way to ensure that teens are up to maintaining this dialogue is by not being too reactive, says Andrea. If you freak out or make a teen feel ashamed of their questions, they aren’t likely to come to you again for advice. If a teen says something that triggers you, Andrea recommends taking some time away from the conversation so that you don’t lose your cool. As long as you circle back to the topic eventually, it’s better to pause and process than explode and violate teens’ trust.Andrea suggests letting kids know upfront when a topic is challenging for you. By being open and vulnerable, you’re allowing them to do the same, she explains. Kids might have opinions about sex that are different from yours, but Andrea believes that disagreement can be a good thing. If you can have open communication despite differing viewpoints, you can broaden each other’s perspectives while teaching kids that it’s ok to respectfully disagree with someone.In the Episode….It was so enlightening to speak with Andrea today about how we can handle the perils of the sex talk. In our interview, we also discuss:How to set a tone of respect during sex talksWhy we should be concerned about pornHow to discuss tricky topics that aren’t sexualWhy it’s important to talk to kids about sexual pleasure Thanks for tuning in this week! If you enjoyed the episode, you can find mor...

Jonah Lehrer, author of Mystery, explains why the unknown is so tantalizing, we just can’t seem to resist. Turns out, we all could use a bit more uncertainty in our data-driven world, because curiosity is a powerful driving force in our lives.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesAs parents and people, we tend to seek out certainty. We keep our kids in the same schools so they can have consistent friends. We cook the same group of recipes, so we’re sure to have something ready for dinner without too much stress. And we encourage our kids to study hard so they'll be sure to get good grades, get into a good college, and get a good job. We feel that if things are certain, we can live comfortably without worrying about our teens too much…even if it can get a little boring!But what about mystery? Could adding a little bit of unpredictability into our lives make us happier? Might it prepare our teens better for the complicated world ahead? The truth is that uncertainty can be good for us…even if we try our best to make our lives predictable! Our guest this week champions uncertainty…in fact, he believes we should all encourage ourselves and our teens to incorporate a little mystery into our lives.This week, we’re sitting down with Jonah Lehrer, author of Mystery: A Seduction, A Strategy, A Solution. Jonah is a neuroscientist who’s written multiple bestselling books, as well as contributed to The New York Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal and more! After discovering his son’s fascination with mystery, Jonah dove into research about the effects of unpredictability on the adolescent mind. Now, he’s here to talk about just how powerful uncertainty can be!In our interview, Jonah explains why curiosity is an essential component of effective teen learning, and we discuss the importance of experiencing awe for both adolescents and adults. Plus, Jonah emphasizes the significance of living with uncertainty instead of searching for finite answers.Curiosity is CriticalIf we really want kids to be engaged in their education, Jonah believes curiosity is key. Kids who are interested in the mysterious and unknown are much more likely to find a  connection to learning! Research shows that curiosity is the number one indicator of a strong school performance–even beyond a teen’s ability to focus. And curiosity isn’t just something kids are born with. It can be fostered, says Jonah. In fact, the ability to foster curiosity is one of the reasons why the wealth gap is so prevalent in our education system, he explains. Parents with more disposable income have the cash to take kids to the aquarium for the weekend, or buy kids books. However, this can change if we encourage curiosity in schools, says Jonah. The problem, he explains, is that we don’t! Our current school system tends to push memorization instead of critical thinking, avoiding mystery in favor of certainty. This limits kids to only understanding certain aspects of the subject at hand, Jonah says. In our interview, we discuss The Noble Academy, a system of charter schools in Chicago that places curiosity at the forefront of it’s curriculum. Kids are provided with complex problems and asked to solve them with groups of their peers. This method encourages teens to take intellectual risks and embrace the unknown, leaving the memorization behind. And the result? These students outperform the others on state standardized tests. In the episode, Jonah and I talk further about how curiosity has the power to transform education. When we engage in curiosity, we often find ourselves with a sense of awe. This awe can have incredible implications in the lives of both parents and teens, says Jonah.Why We Need a Sense of WonderWhat is awe, exactly? Jonah explains that it’s different for every person. For teens taking their first steps into maturity, awe might come from their first time driving or their first kiss. But it could also be a vacation, a beautiful sunset, or anything that pushes them out of their bubble and into a new experience! Jonah explains that awe can be a really powerful way of gaining perspective, and pushing our kids towards awe-inspiring environments can help them prosper as they grow into adults.Awe can help teens become kinder people, says Jonah, as they learn to enjoy the unfamiliar. It can make them more accepting of the inevitable unpredictability that comes with life. Finding healthy ways of experiencing awe can also help teens from seeking out thrills in risky behavior. Teens are drawn to exploring higher emotions and big ideas, says Jonah, and a trip to the Grand Canyon is a much safer way of experiencing wonder than drug use, Jonah explains.For parents, awe can often be hard to achieve! We’ve seen and done so much–what possible unknown could shake us to our core? In the episode, Jonah and I talk about mastery, and how becoming skilled and efficient at whatever it is we do can make our lives feel pretty stale. He encourages parents to try doing something they’ve never done before, something mysterious that makes learning fun. In doing so, we can connect the awe of our inner child, says Jonah.In our discussion about awe, Jonah and I are talking about games! But not just Monopoly or Go Fish…we’re discussing the difference between finite and infinite games, and how infinite games can change our lives.How We Can Embrace AmbiguityWhen we play video games, board games, or even sports, we are mostly intrigued by the possibility of winning. In the majority of games, there is a finite ending–Mario saves Peach, someone takes the king on the chessboard, one team scores the most goals. But what about games that are infinite? What if you played baseball without keeping score? Jonah explains that if there’s no specified goal, the game can be played just for the sake of playing–and learning.Jonah explains that these kinds of games don’t just have to be a conventional “game” like Uno or hockey. They are found in everyday life, in things like kids building legos or reading a sophisticated novel. There isn’t a way to win, only ways to explore. In our interview, Jonah and I talk about how social media has the potential to be an infinite game, by giving people the ability to interact and share with millions of other people...but ends up being finite because of “likes” and “followers”.Parents often want teens to have finite ideas about where they’re going to college, what they want to study, and who they want to be. But Jonah recommends that instead of pushing teens to have all the answers, we should be encouraging them to embrace the unknown. Life is going to throw them plenty of curveballs! The more we can help them learn to roll with the unpredictability, the more they’ll be able to thrive when they step out into adulthood.In the Episode…There’s so much we can learn from Jonah’s understanding of the mind. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:What slot machines can teach us about our brainsWhy personalities are more fluid than we thinkWhat Steve Jobs and a piñata have in commonHow sports rules create fairness of playIf you enjoyed this week's episode, check out more o...

Marcus Du Sautoy, mathematician and author of Thinking Better, shares how laziness and the wish for a shortcut can actually push our teens to come up with creative and time-saving innovations.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesHard work is essential to success…right? If we want teens to thrive they have to hustle, grind and work laboriously to achieve perfect SAT scores or a spot on the basketball team. We condemn teen laziness, hoping that kids will understand the value of blood sweat and tears. For goodness sake, how will they ever get anywhere in life if they’re not spending hours with their chemistry textbooks or practicing their free throws all afternoon?But maybe it doesn’t have to be that way. Perhaps there’s some merit to taking the easy way out–so long as it’s clever! If teens can find ways to get to the same result without all the effort, they might just stumble upon a great discovery. This week, we’re talking all about shortcuts and laziness, and why these things may not be as bad as we assume! Sometimes, figuring out a way around hard work can lead to some seriously innovative thinking.Joining us this week is Marcus Du Sautoy, author of Thinking Better: The Art of the Shortcut in Math and Life. Marcus is a brilliant mathematician and the Simonyi Professor for the Public Understanding of Science at the University of Oxford. His books and regular media appearances have done wonders to spark public interest in science and mathematics!This week, Marcus and I are talking all about shortcuts–and how they can make our teens lives’ easier. We’re also discussing why laziness is underrated, and how collaboration might just save the future of the human race.The Power of ShortcutsWe tend to encourage teens to avoid cutting corners. We hope that if they struggle and toil and do it the hard way, they’ll learn to be disciplined, and they’ll realize that nothing in life comes easy. And while Marcus agrees that hard work is often necessary to achieve great things, sometimes shortcuts can help. If we come up with clever ways around problems, we can save ourselves time–or even make exciting new discoveries.Marcus explains that finding a shortcut starts with identifying promising patterns. He uses the inventors of Google as an example. The patterns they saw in computer data allowed them to create a shortcut for searching the entire web! Great musicians are able to discover patterns within music–to the point where they don’t even need to read the notes on the paper to create good tunes. If teens can take a close look at the data of their workout routine or college applications, they might be able to find a shortcut that maximizes results.Sometimes, however, it feels like a shortcut defeats the point!  When you step out of the house to take a hike, you’re in it for the journey, not the destination. Marcus explains that this kind of hard work is defined as “praxis”, or work done simply for the enjoyment of the process. We can still often benefit from shortcuts in these pursuits though, Marcus explains. When we’re ready to take that hike, it’s nice to still be able to drive up to the trailhead! In the episode, Marcus and I talk more about finding shortcuts, and where teens can apply them to make their lives easier.We might see shortcuts as a teen’s excuse to be lazy…but Marcus believes laziness isn’t so bad either! Is Laziness Good For Teens?As a species, humans have always condemned laziness, even including it among the seven deadly sins! But Marcus thinks there might be some benefits to being lazy every once in a while. Taking some time to lie around can often allow us to ponder our surroundings and come up with outside-the-box ideas. Laziness can also push us to find new and interesting shortcuts. Babe Ruth famously hated running around the bases…and learned to hit home runs so that he wouldn’t have to.Marcus and I discuss how being lazy for the long haul might actually take some work up front. If teens want to figure out ways to make their lives easier, they may have to spend some time building something. For example, outlining an essay may seem like an effortful extra step, but can make writing the paper much faster–so teens can relax sooner! In the episode, Marcus explains how the construction of a tunnel through the alps took nearly seventeen years, but now only takes seventeen minutes to travel through.In our interview, Marcus and I discuss some fascinatingly relevant research about chess players. When chess champions underwent brain scans, the results were surprising. The researchers expected that scans of their brains would light up, showing these players using their brain to the max. Instead, these players used less of their brain to play chess, instead relying on intuitive ways of thinking to figure out each move. Sometimes, less is more…and we don’t always have to be fighting laziness, says Marcus.To find shortcuts that make life easier, we’ve often got to apply a different perspective. Marcus and I discuss how these new perspectives can come from working with people who are totally different from us!Collaboration is CriticalHave you ever found yourself at a loss for solving a problem, until a friend provides you with a wise new solution that you never would have thought of yourself? In our interview, Marcus explains his vision for a world that thrives off this kind of collaboration. In this world, people from different backgrounds with different experiences and perspectives come together to find solutions for humanity’s most complicated problems. Taking the language of another discipline like music or English and applying it to math is one of the ways Marcus has come across remarkable mathematical discoveries!Some problems, like climate change, suffer from having only one set of people behind the solution, says Marcus. Climate scientists need the help of psychologists, politicians, and marketers to help people change their behavior and move towards sustainable practices. Biologists, chemists, and health care experts need to weigh in and assess the true results of this gigantic threat. With the help of engineers and financiers, we can create and assemble technology that can slow the tide of global warming. Without all these perspectives, we would be hopeless against the challenge!To Marcus, this lack of cross-collaboration is one of the biggest issues with our schools today. We compartmentalize science, English, math and history in schools, leading teens to believe these things are totally separate. The reality is that the intersections between these subjects is where some of the most interesting learning happens! If we want kids to be excited about academics–especially science and math–showing them interesting and different applications of each subject is a good place to start.In the Episode…Marcus’s brilliant mathematical mind makes for a richly informative and entertaining episode this week! On top of the topics discussed above we also cover:How math and music are connectedWhy perfectionism is a “killer of success”How teens can find a college major they loveWhy practice is essential in math and lifeI was struck with a new-found love and respect for shortcuts after speaking with Marcus and I hope you enjoy our talk as much as I did—listening to podcasts are pe...

Shane Trotter, author of Setting the Bar, sits down with us to discuss how our technology-obsessed, individualistic culture might be holding our teens back from reaching their full potential. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesTimes are changing—and so are teens. The introduction of technology to each aspect of everyday life has fundamentally altered the way teens act, think, and experience the world. Our education system is not the same as it was 20 years ago, and it’s shaping our teens dramatically. Our culture has changed, pushing teens to become more individualistic than ever before. For better or for worse, growing up has become an entirely different experience than the one many of us are familiar with.For kids, this new world has benefits…but also serious drawbacks. Young people are more connected than ever. They’ve got comforts and conveniences that we never could have dreamt of in our teen years. But rates of teen depression and anxiety are skyrocketing, and many kids feel like they aren’t prepared for the brutal reality of adulthood! For parents watching the world change, it can be nerve-wracking to wonder how we’ll help teens manage.To understand how our kids can navigate it all, we’re talking to Shane Trotter, author of Setting the Bar: Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Era of Distraction, Dependency, and Entitlement. As an educator, writer and parent himself, Shane has found himself observing some seriously concerning behavior from teens–behavior he feels is motivated by the forces of our evolving world. Today, he’s helping us see how we can give kids a fighting chance at a successful life! In our interview, we’re discussing the fierce individualism of our modern culture, and its effects on growing teens. We’re also discussing bullying, and the surprising reasons why Shane thinks we shouldn’t stop it from happening. Plus, we’re covering where our school system is missing its chance to truly prepare teens for the world ahead.The Issue of IndividualismWe want kids to be their best selves…but what happens when self-improvement becomes self obsession? Shane believes many teens are headed down this path–not because they're inherently selfish, but because our culture puts self-interest above all else! Social media constantly bombards teens with advertisements and influencers telling teens they NEED to get the newest clothes or try the trendiest fitness craze. Over time, teens can become so consumed by consumerism that they turn a blind eye to the possibility of helping others.But serving others is often the key to happiness, says Shane. Although material gain or changes to our appearance might help us feel good about ourselves, working towards a greater purpose is ultimately the way to a happy existence, he explains. Teens today run the risk of living unfulfilled lives, especially if we are constantly encouraging them to strive only for their own happiness, says Shane. In the episode, Shane and I talk further about encouraging our kids to work towards the betterment of others.In our discussion about culture, Shane and I also touch on the difference between honor cultures and dignity cultures. Honor cultures push people towards accomplishment, he explains, by rewarding them for their achievements. In a world full of easy digital rewards and distractions, encouraging teens to seek true accomplishment can have a lot of benefits. However, Shane also acknowledges the toxicity of pushing kids towards constant achievement. We also discuss the positive attributes of dignity culture–believing every human has intrinsic value and dignity without needing to prove it. In our interview, we’re talking about how we can take the best parts of each to create balance.As our culture and technology has evolved, one particular issue that’s taken center stage is bullying–whether it’s online or IRL. Interestingly, Shane doesn’t believe bullying is always a bad thing.The Surprising Truth About BullyingWe’ve been working towards ending bullying in schools for quite a while…but what is bullying, exactly? Is it physical, verbal or digital? Is a fight between two students bullying? What if it’s an anonymous online post? The lack of subjectivity in defining what bullying really is can be a big problem, says Shane. As we crack down more and more on bullying, our definition of it becomes increasingly lenient, to the point where we might consider any kid to be a bully, Shane explains.And being marked as a bully can be pretty harmful. Most of the time, kids who are harsh to others at school are behaving this way as a result of patterns in their home life. Instead of labeling kids as a threat, we should be examining the nuances of what causes them to bully or harass others, Shane says. Kids marked as bullies tend to develop a dislike of going to school or feel vindictive towards their teachers and classmates, says Shane. Plus, Shane believes the effects of bullying might be less detrimental than we often think. Kids are going to be up against a lot as they get older, and they aren’t going to have adults around to sort everything out. If we’re constantly intervening to fix teens’ social problems, we might be doing them a disservice. We could be keeping them from developing the conflict resolution skills and resilience they are going to need to survive romantic relationships, the workplace, and life in general!As an educator, attitudes around bullying aren’t the only problem Shane sees in schools. Why Schools Need to ChangeAre schools really teaching kids what they need to know? One of the biggest problems in today’s school system is that it has become too outcome oriented, says Shane. Instead of putting emphasis on increasing knowledge, they’ve become overly obsessed with metrics, ratings, college acceptance statistics and making sure every kid “passes.” Schools are often giving out easy As to simply move kids through the system without really challenging them, says Shane.Shane explains that this problem has been worsening because teachers are under too much stress to accommodate every student! Some students have learning disabilities or are disadvantaged, meaning they may not be able to keep up to pace with the rest of the students. This means that teachers often have to lower the difficulty of material. But because they don't have the facilities to create and keep track of lesson plans for each student, the whole class has to adjust to this drop in difficulty, says Shane. This means kids are often not pushed or even taught at their own level!Schools are also trying to keep up with the technological times, but often miss the mark. The use of Ipads and laptops in the classroom can encourage a culture of dependence on screens that’s already a problem for so many! In the episode, Shane and I talk about the rise in mental illness and drug addiction in teens, and how much of it may be tied to teens who are too attached to screens or who feel incredibly stressed, blocked in or even just bored by modern schooling.In the Episode…It’s always so refreshing to hear from educators and learn how we can build a better system for our teens to grow up in. Although there’s a lot of obstacles in our kids’ way, experts like Shane can...

Zach Westerbeck, author of You're Not Alone, joins us this week to talk about how mental illness manifests in teens. He also shines a light on what we can do to help a teen that’s struggling with anxiety or depression.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesCaring for teens with anxiety and depression can be incredibly difficult. No teen is the same, and living with mental illness is different for every family. Because these disorders are so stigmatized in our society, we rarely talk about them–making them even harder to spot, diagnose and treat. Some days it might feel like there’s nothing you can do to help your teen feel better…and that’s not a good feeling!No matter how hard it may seem, however, you’re not alone. Plenty of people are going through the same thing–probably more than you think! And by talking to professionals, you can discover some tried-and-true ways to help your teen get a hold on their mental health. Today we’re sitting down with Zach Westerbeck, author of You're Not Alone: The Only Book You'll Ever Need to Overcome Anxiety and Depression. In his post-college years, Zach found himself fighting some serious mental health battles. Although he tried to shove these feelings down, they only grew, culminating in suicidal thoughts. When he reached rock bottom, he called the only people he felt could help him–his parents. This set him on the road to recovery! Now, he’s talking to parents and teens all over the globe to help us understand how we can cultivate a better culture around these disorders to save lives.In this week’s episode, Zach and I are discussing what he calls a “vicious thought vortex” to help parents understand what depressed or anxious teens might be going through. We’re talking about some small steps teens can take to get a handle on anxiety, plus sharing how you can make your home a safe space for teens to express their true feelings.When Thoughts Feel ThreateningIn our interview, Zach dives into his own story, sharing his personal struggle with mental illness and the negative thoughts he battled with. He explains that he often felt overwhelmed by the anxious feeling of fight or flight, even when he wasn’t confronted with a threat. The world suddenly became much less colorful and exciting, instead looking washed over and gray. It got to a point where he felt he’d lost control of his thoughts.For teens struggling with depression and anxiety, feelings like these can be pretty typical. Although we may think it’s easy to deflect these ideas, they tend to be pretty stubborn in young minds. Zach describes something that he calls a “vicious thought vortex.” When teens try to deflect these troubling thoughts, they often just come back stronger, creating a cycle that’s difficult to escape from. Zach explains that if these teens continue to ruminate on these thoughts, the effects could be incredibly damaging.So how can we combat this cycle of challenging thoughts?  Zach explains that it starts with teens distancing themselves from these dark ideas.  When teens realize destructive and harmful thoughts aren’t a part of who they are, these ideas lose power. Over time, the cycle can fade away, and teens will likely feel better! In the episode, Zach and I dive deeper into this cycle and the steps teens can take to end it.For some teens, these darker thoughts don’t surface–some just struggle with anxiety about everyday life. Whether it stems from socializing, school, or the football team, there’s a lot to be anxious about!  Zach’s giving us some tips to help relieve teens’ anxiety.Aiding an Anxious TeenTeens might be anxious about all sorts of things: driving for the first time, high school cliques, figuring out college and their future career–the list goes on. For some teens, these events cause mild nervousness that goes away with time. For others, these things can be intense, terrifying notions that keep them awake at night. It can be hard to help teens who harbor lots of anxiety, but Zach’s sharing some ways we can ease their worries.Some teens exhibit avoidant tendencies, and simply stay away from things that make them nervous. A teen with social anxiety might not approach other students at school to try and initiate friendship, or might even beg you to skip school altogether! Zach recommends that teens start small. Is there another quiet person in class they could sit next to tomorrow? And the day after that, try saying hi? Maybe there’s a club they could sit in on, even if they aren’t ready to speak up in front of everyone yet.Zach warns against the dangers of letting kids remain avoidant. Too many kids are sheltered these days, he says, and can’t transition into the world properly as an adult. Helping teens push through their anxiety incrementally can be critical to helping them grow. He suggests exposing them to uncertainty–not in overwhelming amounts, but just enough to help them feel confident encountering new things. When they face their fears, they often realize they had nothing to be afraid of in the first place.But what if a teen never clues us into their mental health battle? Zach explains that many people, teenage or otherwise, think that they can’t talk about what they’re feeling. In the episode, we’re explaining how you can create a safe space in your home for kids to speak up when they’re struggling.Making Space for Mental HealthEven when Zach was at his lowest, he felt as though he couldn't talk to anyone about what he was feeling. He thought he might be considered weak for sharing his struggles with suicidal thoughts, or that no one would be able to understand. When he finally decided to open up to his parents about the situation, he found that he wasn’t alone. He was encouraged to get help, and started the journey to getting better. If he’d been raised in a time and place where discussing mental health was normalized, he may not have gotten to such a dark place to begin with!That’s why creating a space where teens can express their thoughts and feelings can be incredibly impactful.  But how can we do this? Zach explains that we can start by being vulnerable ourselves. One of the worst things parents can do, says Zach, is act as though they’re perfect. If parents can talk to kids about what’s going awry in their lives, kids feel more comfortable joining in on the conversation and sharing their own troubles, Zach says.But aren’t parents supposed to be strong? Shouldn’t parents hide their weaknesses so that they appear stable to kids? Zach explained in the episode that there is often a lot more strength in being vulnerable than there is in pretending everything is fine. Zach encourages us not only to admit to kids when something’s wrong in our own life, but to repeatedly check in with our teens. Encouraging them to talk about their feelings might be a small effort, but it can have a huge impact.In the Episode…It’s so important to talk about anxiety and depression, and I’m so glad we could bring Zach on to discuss mental health this week. In additions to the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why we shouldn’t tie happiness to successHow emotions behave like water in a kettleWhy you shouldn...

Dr. Roni Cohen-Sandler, author of Anything But My Phone, Mom!, sheds light on how toxic tech use affects teens’ self-image. Plus, she doles out tricks for more productive tech talks with adolescents.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesHave you ever tried taking your teen’s phone away? How did they respond? Did they scream? Cry? Bargain and beg for you to give it back? For many families, arguments over tech use are an exhaustingly repetitive part of everyday life. Devices can have plenty of benefits for teens, but can also be addictive and problematic! As a parent, it can be scary to feel like teens are ditching their homework for tik tok, talking to random strangers online, or running free all over social media.Helping teens create healthy tech habits is hard work–but not impossible! Surprisingly, it starts with encouraging teens to be themselves. Confident teens are less likely to hide behind screens, and more likely to immerse themselves in the real world. But how can we help teens create this confidence? That’s what we’re getting into this week!Our guest is Roni Cohen-Sandler, author of Anything But My Phone, Mom! Raising Emotionally Resilient Daughters in the Digital Age. Although Roni’s book focuses on young women, her years of experience working as a psychologist has taught her a lot about young adults of all genders! In her work, she’s found that technology is the number one point of contention between parents and teens. Today she’s revealing how we can talk to teens about tech and much more.In our interview, we’re talking about how technology can complicate kids’ sense of identity, and what we can do to help them feel secure in who they are. Roni gives us tips for striking up critical conversations with teens about their tech use, and explains how we can guide them toward enjoying their phones–in moderation.Social Media and Sense of SelfKnowing who you are at 16 is hard enough. Imagine having to curate a good-looking, smart, popular persona on social media! Kids these days are under a lot of pressure to seem cool or interesting online, says Roni. This can lead them to get a little lost on the road to self discovery. Many teens (and adults, for that matter) find themselves obsessed with finding validation online, she explains. It can be crushing for them when they don’t receive as many likes or followers as they hoped. And even when they do get the attention they’re striving for, it’s usually aimed at their online persona–and not the person they truly are.One of the first steps parents can take to combat this identity crisis is making sure teens feel validated at home, says Roni. When teens come to us with feelings about school, friends, or practice, Roni explains that validating those feelings can go a long way. Although teens might seem dramatic, it can do wonders for their self-esteem to meet them where they’re at. Roni explains that teens who don’t feel like they can express themselves authentically at home often turn to the outside world for approval–which can be harmful.In our interview, Roni and I also talk about the importance of making sure teens don’t feel stuck. When we’re investing time and money into kids’ piano lessons, soccer league or dance studio, it’s tempting to pigeonhole them into an identity. But sometimes fifteen year olds no longer want to pursue certain avenues any longer, and we’ve got to learn to be ok with it, says Roni. Although guiding kids towards a niche might make us feel more secure, it can lead them to feel trapped or held back as they grow and find their authentic selves.It’s one thing to talk to teens about self-identity, but what can we do when it’s time to have an honest talk with teens about what they’re doing online? Roni and I are discussing this in our interview.Having Tough Tech ConversationsSo you want to talk to your teen about tech use…but you don’t know where to start. Roni has some suggestions! In her opinion, it’s best to start with some questions about intent. What is your teen hoping to get out of Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat? Do they use it to talk to friends, to network? Once you’ve asked these questions, you’ve paved the way for a conversation about online boundaries and expectations. An example Roni uses is cyberbullying. If you’re worried your teen is being bullied online or bullying someone else, she suggests asking them where they draw the line between being funny to being mean. Your teens' answers might cause them to reflect on something they may have said on Twitter, or a comment left on their Instagram post.This reflection can be a lot more useful than simply taking your teens phone or computer away. Instead of just temporarily removing the problem, you can help them think twice about what they’re doing online, and practice better internet behavior. Plus, deploying productive talks instead of punitive measures can help teens feel like you’re working with them creating healthy tech limits, instead of against them.Beyond the dangers of social media, some teens simply find themselves obsessed with their devices, and won’t listen when you express your concerns! Roni and I are touching on how you can get teens to think critically about how much time they’re spending on their screens.How Teens Can Enjoy Tech In Moderation For teens to have a healthy relationship with technology, they’ve got to be able to self regulate. To help teens accomplish this, Roni recommends giving teens some autonomy with tech use, and checking in to see how they do. Can they put the screens down when it’s time to start homework? Do they spend time outside with friends instead of constantly playing match after match on Fortnite? These kinds of assessments can help you figure out if your teen has an obsessive relationship to tech, or if they seem to be striking a comfortable balance all on their own.If teens don’t appear to have balance, Roni says it’s time to step in. She compares this process to learning to drive or ride a bike. Parents can step in and monitor for a while, helping teens navigate the digital landscape, before taking off the training wheels and letting teens run free. Once teens can move through the world of YouTube and Tik Tok without getting dangerously sucked in, they can go at it alone, Roni explains.One thing Roni recommends is making sure your teens know what it feels like to be bored! Before kids had endless access to video games, television and social media, they had to entertain themselves by playing sports, or reading. Nowadays, kids don’t really get creative about pastimes, which Roni believes is a shame. If you can cultivate tech-free times that encourage kids to explore other activities, they might find themselves a cool new hobby or two!In the Episode..Taking on teen tech management is no easy task. That’s why it was such a treat to have Roni with us today! On top of the topics discussed above, we talk about:What to do when teens seem to quit everythingHow parents can use tech as a communication toolWhy kids need solitary time after schoolHow you can deescalate a heated conversationIf you want to check out more of Roni’s work, you can find her at

Christia Spears Brown, PhD, author of Unraveling Bias, explains how prejudice develops in children, even if we don’t teach it to them. In this episode, we’ll learn how to have conversations about equality in our own homes.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesTalking about discrimination is pretty complicated and scary…so sometimes we just don’t! We hope that if we just don’t mention offensive stereotypes or racist notions to our kids, they won’t develop prejudiced thinking. We’ll remind them that everyone is equal, and just pray that their schooling will do the rest. If we wouldn’t know what to say in a conversation about discrimination, it’s better to just abstain…right?As much as we might wish for our kids to naturally grow up without bias, studies show that it’s bound to happen. Influences from TV, movies, video games and social media can shape the way young minds think. When young people see racist and sexist stereotypes in the media, they don’t know any better but to believe it! If we don’t teach them to think critically about what they see, they might end up with life-long beliefs about race and gender that can hurt both themselves and those around them. To learn more about why we need a discrimination conversation–and how to have it–we’re talking to Dr. Christia Spears Brown, author of Unraveling Bias: How Prejudice Has Shaped Children for Generations and Why It's Time to Break the Cycle. She’s been researching the development of discriminatory beliefs in children and adolescents for nearly 30 years! Through her work, she’s discovered the real reason kids grow up with bias. Today, she’s providing us with proven ways we can combat prejudice in our own families.In this episode, we’re diving into the psychological origins of bias in adolescents. We’re also getting into how we can change our dialogue about gender, sexuality, and family to create a more equitable world.Parenting to Prevent Racial BiasAlthough kids don’t intend to develop discriminatory opinions, they are often influenced by what they see in the media and the world around them. When Black and Latino men are portrayed as criminals on TV, or their favorite video game features exaggerated stereotypes of Asian culture, they don’t know any better but to believe it. They’ll take these influences in without thinking critically, unless they’re taught to, Dr. Brown says.This is largely a result of certain evolutionary brain patterns that have been heavily steered by our society’s thinking, says Dr. Brown. We do have an innate tendency to categorize people, because sorting individuals into “friend” and “foe” has allowed us to survive as a species. Plus, the world can be very overwhelming to a young mind, and sorting people into categories can help kids process it all. But why don’t we have discriminatory opinions about people with different eye colors? Why is it so often about race?Dr. Brown explains that this particular phenomenon has occurred as a result of societal influence. Because we put so much importance on racial differences, kids learn to sort individuals by race. Kids are still developing their understanding of the world, so when they see discrimination happening, they start to think that racial divisions must be necessary or proper. This is not because their parents taught them to think so, but simply because it’s what they’re observing in our racially divided society. In the episode, Dr. Brown and I talk at length about how you can intervene to stop this belief, and help your kid develop a less prejudiced view of the people around them.But what about gender? Do kids develop beliefs about gender as part of a natural process, or is it created by external influences?How Subtle Cues About Gender Have Serious EffectsGirls are just as capable as boys are at math and science…so why do they so often believe they can’t measure up? Dr. Brown says that young men and boys show high rates of confidence in their math abilities, while women are much more likely to have intense anxiety surrounding mathematical activities. Girls tend to exhibit underconfidence when math is involved, and often don’t raise their hands, even when they’re sure they have the answer, Dr. Brown tells us.Where does this lack of confidence come from? Dr. Brown explains that it develops over time as a response to subtle notions about female inferiority. Studies show that parents are much more likely to ask female students if they need help with math homework over male students. Educators often attribute male success at math to natural brain power, while young women are told that the reason they aced a math test was because they studied really hard, says Dr. Brown. Although adults aren’t aware of these subtle cues, they often come from our unconscious mind, she explains.Schools play a part in this problem as well, says Dr. Brown. When kids are asked to name a male genius, they’ve got plenty of names on the backburner. But when prompted to come up with a female genius, kids are usually stumped. Dr. Brown suggests that the origin of this issue is the posters that we choose to hang up in our classrooms and libraries. They so often idolize white men, says Dr. Brown, and rarely ever show some diversity! Studies show that when these posters change, kids are more capable of listing women and people of color who’ve made valuable contributions.A little representation goes a long way. Dr. Brown and I continue to discuss the importance of visibility in our conversation.Why Visibility MattersFor kids who are still developing self esteem, it’s important to know that no matter their race, gender or sexuality, they can live a happy and successful life. Dr. Brown explains that this is especially critical for young people within the LGBTQ+ community. Kids who have these identities are statistically much more likely to develop depression and suicidal tendencies. Reading books and interacting with media that exhibits positive representations of life as a gay person can be very impactful, says Dr. Brown.Young women are also often dissuaded from their ambitions because of lack of visibility, Dr. Brown explains. Girls on TV are either pigeonholed as being sexy and popular, or smart and educated–without the possibility of being both. This means that some girls stop trying to get the answers right on tests or keep their good grades hidden, because they’re scared of being categorized as smart instead of likable. The more you can encourage young women to think critically about this stereotype, the better, says Dr. Brown.Boys have been shown to develop these same stereotypes about women, leading to sexism that pervades into adult life. It’s equally as important for young boys to see women in power as it is for young girls to see it, Dr. Brown explains. If you can put intentionality behind the kind of things your kids are exposed to, it can be a critical way to help them create more realistic and empowering images of people of all genders, races, and sexualites.In the Episode…With Dr. Brown’s advice, we can take steps to shape the next generation into powerful advocates of equality. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why some kids think it’s i...

Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen, helps us break through our teenager’s barriers to have vulnerable conversations, solve conflict, and create more open lines of communication.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesHaving an open, communicative, connected relationship with your teen is awesome…but pretty difficult to achieve. Teens don’t exactly make it easy to get close to them–when we try to have heart-to-hearts, they usually just roll their eyes. Plus, it’s hard to spend quality time together when they disappear to their rooms for hours at a time! Being vulnerable with teens can be an incredible way to bond with them and prep them with life advice for the world ahead, if we could only get them to listen.To make things more complicated, having these conversations is usually a two-part process. Even when we’ve got kids to open up, it’s another challenge altogether to know what to say! When teens tell us about what’s going on with them, we don’t want to shut them down or make them feel worse. We want to give them advice that will help them become their best selves. Although this might feel like an impossible task, we’re giving you some tips this week to help you get there.Our guest today is Mark Goulston, renowned psychologist and author of many books, including the popular Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior and Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone. Mark’s experiences working with patients and talking to parents all over the world has left him with some powerful notions about making an impact on teens. In our interview, we’re covering the importance of opening up to teens, how you can create a safe space for teens to be vulnerable, and how we can move forward to a promising future with kids instead of dwelling on our past mistakes.How Conversations Can Lead to ConnectionsOur words are often a lot more powerful to teens than we might think. During our discussion, Mark shares a touching story about how a talk in his young adult years changed his life forever. When he was on the brink of dropping out of med school, the dean of students told him he had a streak of goodness in him, and fought for him to stay in the program. At the time, Mark's mental health was poor. When the dean said Mark had a future ahead of him, Mark finally felt like he had the power to go on. For some teens, this kind of encouragement can be essential.For others, it can be critical to know it’s ok to make mistakes. In the episode, Mark explains how some teens constantly compare themselves to their “perfect” seeming parents, and feel like they can never measure up. By letting your walls down and allowing yourself to be vulnerable about your own mistakes, you can help teens see that they don’t always have to be flawless. Mark and I talk a lot in the interview about the damage of pushing kids to be high achievers and how we can move towards a healthier set of expectations.When you’re able to connect with teens on a deeper level, they develop what Mark calls basic trust. This is an essential part of growing from a teen to a functional, content adult. Without this trust, they often feel anxious stepping into the world and don’t have a sense of safety, he says. When you and your kid are truly able to bond on a deeper level, you can reach what Mark describes as “radical attunement,” which goes deeper than just surface conversation and allows the two of you to be connected by instinct. Mark and I dive further into his concept in our talk.So you know how important these talks can…but how can we go about having them? Asking Teens the Right QuestionsWhen it comes to working out conflicts with teens, Mark recommends looking towards the future instead of the past. Instead of bringing up old points of tension from previous mistakes, he explained that it can be more productive to ask teens how they want things to be different in the future. Is there something you’ve been doing that’s harmful? What can you start doing to help teens develop confidence and healthy habits? Discussing the future can also be a pre-emptive way to figure out incoming issues before they become arguments. Mark recommends asking kids what you should do the next time you find yourself concerned by their behavior. Kids might say to text them, or write them a letter, or just talk to them directly–but getting their game plan will help next time there’s a tussle between the two of you. Instead of acting without a plan, you’ll have their input for how to handle their bad grade or disrespectful attitude.When teens are angry or acting out, they often don’t respond well to punitive measures. What they really need, Mark says, is to be asked how they are feeling–and why they are feeling it. Mark suggests waiting until an upset teen has calmed down before asking them what they feel is missing in their life or why they’re feeling bad about themselves. Or if focusing too much on achievement has left them feeling empty. Mark calls this a time out, except it requires both teens and parents to take a minute and acknowledge that continuing to fight will only make the issue worse.But what can you do when teens are resistant to letting their walls down, or snap at you for even trying to start a discussion? Mark and I talk about how you can get these conversations going in our interview.Creating a Space for ConversationIf you want to initiate a talk but don’t know if a kid will respond well, Mark advises skipping the awkwardness of trying to sit them down for a serious discussion. Instead, he suggests having this talk while doing something else, like driving to the store or washing dishes. This makes things a little more comfortable and less confrontational, Mark explains. When teens are prompted to bring up serious topics, it can often trigger trauma from previous wounds. Maybe you’re concerned about the way they’ve been dressing…but discussing this might remind them of the body insecurity so many teens suffer from. Some teens become angry or hostile when prompted to open up, but if you can meet them where they are and show that you understand how they’re feeling deep down, it can help the conversation become more productive and less hot-headed, says Mark. In our interview, we discuss how problems can arise when teens begin relying too much on angry outbursts to get your attention.Mark believes very strongly in the power of mentorship. If you can’t have these conversations with kids, there may be a non-parental figure who your kid responds to a little bit easier. Mark explains that when kids turn to a mentor instead of their parents, it doesn’t mean parents have failed. Mentors are powerful because kids often find them independently; this person is someone they’ve sought out on their own. This figure also keeps kids from being too dependent on parents, and helps them learn to make meaningful connections out in the world.In the Episode.. Mark and I have a light hearted but rich conversation in this week’s episode, covering a wide range of parenting topics. On top of the topics discussed above, we talk about:What...

Chris and Holly Santillo, authors of Resilience Parenting, shed light on raising teens who persevere. They’re sharing how teens can balance independence and connectedness, and what we can do to model resiliency for our kids.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesThe road in front  of our teens is a rocky one. They’re heading into adulthood in the midst of a pandemic, trying to figure out what they want to do and who they want to be. They’re attempting to find independence, but also curate new relationships. There’s no shortage of obstacles in their path–if they want to get through, they’ll have to know how to persevere. They’ll have to be resilient.But how can we as parents help them get there? Turns out, there’s a lot we can do! And it starts with being resilient ourselves. If we show kids that we can  bounce back from our mistakes, they’ll know that they’re capable of it too. Then, when it’s time to step out into the world, they won’t come running back home scared. They’ll know how to roll with the punches, think on their feet, and get up when life knocks them down!To understand how we can model resilience for our kids, we’re talking to Chris and Holly Santillo, authors of Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence. These two have decades of experience both raising and working with kids. Together, they own and operate a martial arts studio, and Holly leads a childrens’ choir. Plus they’ve traveled all over the world with their three  kids, and learned quite a bit about resilience along the way.In this episode, Chris, Holly and I are talking about the ways parents can teach perseverance by example. Plus, we’re discussing the importance of service, and explaining how teens can become independent without sacrificing their connections to others.How Parents Can Promote PerseveranceAlthough we’ve been around quite a bit longer than our kids, we still find ourselves facing plenty of challenges. We have to keep learning and growing everyday! Our teens  are handling all the craziness of puberty, first love and fears of the future. It can be reassuring to remind them they’re not the only ones who are still figuring it all out, say Chris and Holly. Chris explains in the episode that pretending to be perfect only hurts  our children, because it makes them feel as though they can’t make mistakes themselves!Holly and Chris explain that when kids fail for the first time, they begin to think of themselves as losers or failures. It can be really tough to convince them otherwise! Chris and Holly recommend reminding them that failure is not a person, it’s an event! Just because they mess up once, or even ten times, doesn’t mean they can’t bounce back. Holly emphasizes the value of being vulnerable with kids about your own failures. Did you also struggle with a class in high school? Or find yourself unlucky in love? Sharing these experiences with your kids can help them push through.Holly reminds us that we can model not only resilience for our kids, but integrity as well. When kids see parents doing the right thing, they know to follow suit. But kids aren’t necessarily going to notice, says Holly, so it can be impactful to point out when we display integrity. That way kids don’t miss it! When we lend something to a neighbor or volunteer to help the vulnerable, we can explain to kids why we’re doing what we’re doing. This guides them to see the importance of doing good. In the episode, Holly, Chris and I discuss how we can talk about our virtuous actions without just bragging about our selflessness!Beyond just setting an example, service to others can be a very positive part of life for both teens and parents! Chris Holly and I dive deeper into this in our interview.Helping Ourselves By Helping OthersServing those in need is a great way to give back, but it can also give us something in return! Chris, Holly and I discuss how there are so many benefits for teens who take part in volunteering and community service. Not only does it lift their spirits, it also helps them meet people, socialize, and create a network. This web of social support is something that Chris and Holly believe is essential for remaining resilient.This service doesn’t necessarily have to be in a soup kitchen! Contributing to the well-being of others takes many forms, Holly and Chris explain. In our interview, Holly demonstrates this idea with  a story. She recently helped her mother-in-law hang up some photographs, something her mother-in-law couldn’t do alone. The experience took Holly’s time and effort but also brought them closer together and made her in-laws happy…which is no easy task!For teens preparing to enter adulthood, the lessons and connections they make helping others will follow them as they go on their way, says Chris. Life is tough, but when you support others and find people who support you, resilience comes a little easier. But some teens don’t want to rely on anyone–they’d rather sit in their room with their ear buds in and the door closed, ignoring you. They think that they have to go through life alone, without anyone’s help! In the episode, Chris, Holly and I talk about how teens can establish a balance between having independence and being connected to others.Being Independent Without Being AloneWhen we experience a surge of success, be it a new job, a promotion, exciting recognition…we want to run home and tell someone about it! Chris and Holly believe that a life well- lived requires loved ones, not just accomplishment. Teaching teens to stay connected to one another can do wonders for them as they grow into adults. If they’re going to keep their resilience and bounce back when things go sour, it’ll be in their best interest to learn how to lean on others, say Chris and Holly. However, Chris and Holly are also worried about teens who aren’t independent enough! Some kids never learn to do things for themselves, leading them to become too dependent on their parents or other relationships. Although we need to have friends and family, it’s also important to do things for ourselves, Chris and Holly explain. So how can we strike the balance between these two? It’s definitely not easy, but it’s possible, Chris tells us in the episode. In our interview, discuss how you can help teens develop autonomy while also forming healthy connections.If teens have managed to strike this balance successfully, Chris and Holly believe they can go one step further–advocacy. If teens can start defending their peers when they see wrong happening, they can develop a strong sense of justice that will help them prosper out in the world! This is not just a way for teenagers to help those in need, it’s a valuable way for them to forge strong beliefs, a sense of purpose and impactful social connections.In the Episode…If you want to raise a more resilient teen, you’ll really enjoy today’s episode! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:How to get teens to take their earbuds outWhy you should create a culture of learning in your householdHow to have better dinner conversationsWhat you can do ...

Peter Docker, author of Leading From The Jumpseat, gives us pointers on how and when to let go of the urge to control our teens. Plus, he shares what we can do to stay cool when teens press our buttons. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesIt can be alarming when  teens are suddenly staying out late, dating, and getting behind the wheel. It’s easy to see them as the tiny toddler they once were, when barely able to even walk! Watching them grow from little kids to young adults means that we have to relinquish control and give them more and more independence….which is no simple task. We want to protect them, shelter them and guide their every move to make sure they don’t go astray, but maybe this isn’t the best way to prepare them to take on life in the real world!This week’s episode is about taking the backseat as a parent. Even when we want to run out the door and stop our teen from going out in that outfit, or watch over them until they finish every problem on their physics homework, sometimes it’s wise to step back and let them go at it on their own. Even though teens might mess up, make mistakes and have regrets, a little bit of independence can be an important preparation for the wild ride of adulthood they’ll face up ahead. We’re sitting down with Peter Docker, author of Leading From The Jumpseat: How to Create Extraordinary Opportunities by Handing Over Control. After 25 years serving in the United Kingdom’s Royal Air Force, Peter became a leadership expert, helping companies all around the globe for nearly 14 years. Plus, he’s a father of two! Peter pours his knowledge about service, business, and teamwork into a parenting context this week to help us see how we can run our homes with integrity and purpose.Peter and I are discussing the difference between taking a position and taking a stand–and why this is a crucial distinction parents need to make. Plus, we’re talking about authenticity and integrity, and explaining how you can finally get your teen to put their dirty laundry in the hamper! How Parents Can Take a StandWhen our teens decide they want a nose piercing or to stay out until four AM,  our first reaction is usually to firmly declare “that’s not allowed!” This leads the two of you to argue. Your teen slams the door in your face, and you have the same fight over and over until there’s nothing left to do but give in or give up. But according to Peter, there’s a better way. Instead of taking a position, he says we need to take a stand.You may think those sound like the exact same thing, but Peter explains that they actually couldn't be more different. A position is a strong reaction to the situation at hand, and usually sparks a counterposition. You take the position that your teen can’t vape, they take the position that they can do whatever they want! But a stand goes deeper than just a position. It requires you to look at what you truly care about, and what’s important to you. Instead of just taking the position that your teen shouldn't vape, Peter says we should take a stand for your teens health and wellness.This shows teens that your attitude isn’t just about disagreeing with them, it’s about looking out for them. It might take a little extra effort not to throw a “because I said so” their way, but it’s worth it, says Peter. Teens respond much better when they feel like they’re being considered, not just told what to do. Similarly, it helps to come into these conflicts with a level head.  In the episode, Peter and I talk about the difference between an emotional reaction and a logical response, and how responding to a tricky situation with intention makes a world of difference.Authenticity vs. IntegrityWe care about our kids more than anything…which is why we can get frustrated, angry or upset when we feel like they aren’t listening. But Peter recommends we let our brain process our emotions before we enter into a loaded discussion with teens, or anticipate how we’ll feel and prepare so that we don’t blow up in their faces. As Peter says in the episode, we want to make sure our response comes from a place of love, not from a place of fear.Peter explains that this is the difference between authenticity and integrity. Although people often tell us to “be authentic”,  Peter believes this is an oversimplification of parenting, or any kind of leadership. While it’s good to be honest and vulnerable, Peter says that we can’t just unleash whatever kind of “authentic” behavior we might feel inclined to perform. Instead, he suggests living with integrity, and putting a filter over our natural behavior to make sure we’re acting as role models. Thoughtful, intentional parenting is more impactful than just unfiltered behavior, says Peter.Of course, this is always much easier said than done. That’s why Peter and I take time to discuss the possibility of messing up in this week’s episode. Peter speaks to the importance of humble confidence, being able to admit to your teen that you may have blown things out of proportion. Asking for forgiveness not only strengthens bonds with teens, it also models humility! Watching you take responsibility for your lip ups can show teens that they’re capable of doing the same.Beyond just staying calm and taking a stand, Peter and I are discussing other ways we can get through to teens. Specifically, we’re talking about the importance of community and belonging.Inspiring Responsibility in TeensIt can be hard to motivate teens to take their responsibilities seriously. Luckily, Peter has some tips! In our interview, we talk about how tricky it is to get teens to put their dirty laundry away. But if they’re going out with their friends on Saturday night and want their favorite shirt to get washed, it's sure to be in the basket! Peter explains that teens are spurred on by social pressure, by the need to fit in and belong. And although this can definitely work against you as a parent, you can also make it work in your favor!Teens’ need to belong beyond just their peers. Reminding teens that they belong in your family too might just encourage them to be more responsible, says Peter. Teens are annoyed when you ask them to take out the dishwasher...but if you remind them that it’s for the communal good of the family and emphasize the important role they play in the household, they might be more likely to follow through, As Peter emphasizes in the episode, we take responsibility for what we care about and what we commit to.Peter has some interesting takes on the idea of commitment, which we discussed this week. As Peter explains in our interview, commitment is not just something you pledge to others, but to yourself.  If teens really want to commit to getting an A in chemistry or make the soccer team, it won’t be because you told them to. It will come because they motivated themselves! Helping teens realize this can bring them to think critically about what they really want to commit to, and where they want to direct their efforts.In the Episode…It was so great to talk with Peter about how we can incorporate principles of strong leadership into our families. On top of the topics discusse...

Dr Anna Lembke, author of Dopamine Nation, shares insight into the pain-pleasure circuitry in the brain and how it affects our ability to become addicted to painful things and numb to pleasurable ones—and how we can do a ‘reset’ to get back a sensitivity for both.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesWhat do you do when your teen suddenly seems to be in a rut? It might be that they barely eat, lock themselves in their room, or stop talking to their friends…whatever it is, they won’t clue you in to what’s wrong. The truth is, they may not even know! These days, more and more people are finding themselves feeling down without an obvious reason—and this week, we’re going to find out why.In recent years, the number of prescriptions for antidepressants has gone up all across the globe…but so have rates of depression and anxiety. How could this be possible? It might just be that relying on medicine is actually making us feel worse in the long run–and the same goes for other substances, or even unexpected comforts like social media and video gaming. To help us understand further, we’re talking to a brilliant psychologist who knows a thing or two about addiction and the mind’s ability to process feel-good chemicals. Dr. Anna Lembke is the Medical Director of Stanford Addiction Medicine and has been a leading researcher on addiction for over 25 years! Her new book, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence, highlights just how easy it is to partake into too much pleasure when we’re constantly oversaturated with media influence and convenient dopamine hits like fast food and vaping. Beyond just substance abuse, many teens are finding themselves addicted to digital stimulation, pornography or social media, but may not exactly why they’re feeling so blue all the time.To help us understand this mental health crisis, Dr. Lembke and I are discussing the neurological and evolutionary reasons behind why teens get into depressive episodes from too much indulgent behavior. Plus, we’re talking about what we can do to make our teens less vulnerable to addictive forces, and how to get them to open up about their bad habits.Why Your Teen Might Be in a SlumpThere are a lot of reasons why teens can end up in a bad mood, but if they seem like they’re in a hole they just can’t get out of, an addictive behavior might be behind it. Anna explains that in our modern world, with access to endless entertainment and substances, we have a tendency to bombard ourselves with pleasure…but it has a price. When we experience a rush of happiness, our minds react by releasing dopamine, a feel-good chemical. Then, in order to restore our mind's balance, our brain brings in different chemicals that make us feel, well, not so good.Usually, this system works efficiently and effectively to keep our moods stable. But when we’re constantly filling up our brain with dopamine by reaching for alcohol or even the TV remote, we set our brain’s balance off, says Anna. To try and restore the balance, our brain pumps out  chemicals to lower our moods…but it doesn’t really know when it’s reached the right threshold. This leads us to feel chronically depressed and anxious as a result of our addictive behavior, Anna explains.This search for pleasure developed as humans tried to survive bleak conditions, and needed that dopamine to go on, she tells us in the episode. But as we became pleasure-seeking creatures, we started to get a little too good at it! Now, instead of wandering through the forest, scavenging for food with enough sugar and fat to keep us alive, we can drive through McDonalds and get burgers in sodas in less than ten minutes. Instead of waiting for the sparkle of the stars to stimulate our minds, we can flip on a screen at any moment and watch whatever we want. We are programmed to search for pleasure as though we are still in a place of scarcity, even though we live in abundance. Dr. Lembke describes us as cactuses in the rainforest! This leads our whole mental balance to fall out of place, especially for teenagers whose minds are still developing. So how can we fix it? Dr. Lembke and I discuss solutions in the episode.Treating a Depressed TeenNowadays, when teens are feeling blue, we tend to prescribe them an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication. But this may not be the answer, says Dr. Lembke. In the episode, she explains that while these medicines can be helpful and even life changing, they really only work in the short term. There is almost no reliable evidence to support the idea that these medications are helpful when taken for months or even years, she says. The problem is that users of these drugs begin to build a tolerance to them, making them ineffective, or even harmful if they set off the brian’s natural balance.A lot of times, teens who are dependent on an addictive substance or behavior might not be open to letting that behavior go, Anna explains. They might believe that the behavior is helping them feel less depressed or anxious, when really it’s the cause of the problem! Anna explains how humans are born with brilliant storytelling abilities, and we often harness that ability to create elaborate and convincing rationales for our own destructive behavior. For teens who aren’t yet seeing the physical effects of their addictive behavior, it’s even harder to see a reason to stop indulging.Anna usually advises most of her patients to do one single thing–lay off their destructive habit for 30 days. This allows their brain to restore its natural chemical balance, free from the dopamine overload caused by that addictive behavior. If your teen has been spending too much time playing Fortnite or scrolling through Instagram, it might help to suggest that they delete it for a month, and see if their mood improves! Obviously, it’s not super likely that your teen will be incredibly receptive to this suggestion. In the episode, Anna and I discuss how you can get teens to open up to the idea of dropping their addictive behavior.Helping Teens Improve Their HabitsIt’s not easy to talk to a teen out of a bad habit. Half the time, they just shut the door in your face, or throw some hurtful words at you to get you to go away. If we're going to figure out how to get through to them, we’ll have to talk to someone who’s an expert at talking to avoidant addicts and helping those who don’t want to help themselves! Luckily, Anna is here to give us some expert tips so we can have productive discussions with teens instead of scaring them off.To get kids to think critically, Anna recommends invoking the idea of the future. Teenagers who are behaving impulsively might benefit from thinking about where they’re at and where they want to be. Young people are especially likely to search for immediate gratification without thinking about future consequences. Dr. Lembke suggests asking them questions like: do you want to keep vaping like that for the rest of your life? Or, do you want to play video games this much when you’re twenty five? This might prompt them to shift their perspective by causing them to think about their life’s direction.Anna also emphasizes the importance of keeping your own parental emotions out of the discussion. This kind of serious conversation should happen...