Listener question: I'm not sure how to best put this question other than when there's this suggestion to move toward where there is the most resistance and fear, and to do whatever the things are that seem to bring up fear - what if there's no clear "most" fear?  What if the body seems to go into resistance to any number of situations. Is it just pick one, any of them? I keep replaying our call together for this section:"watch the playout of the resistance, the fears, and what seems to be at stake, we keep moving in and where there is most resistance, do that thing...where there is most fear do that thing...where we're most shamed talk about it...And that is being right on the edge of the limits of our identity, and we're just allowing reality in a way to show itself for what it is. So all these things that were on the other side of our limits are held as conceptual truths, that because we don't venture beyond they don't ever get a chance to be seen for what they are...they're just held as worst fears, held as things I can't do, held as ...they're just there in a distant landscape but fixed as reality. So now we're going to go, where there's most discomfort we go...and we just notice what is at stake and how it is never ever what we think it is." 

A brief summary of this episode

I am hoping you could do a podcast around a subject of ”not knowing and health issues”. My son got a diagnosis of borreliosis recently. What has been a pattern so far when it comes to health related issues is an activity of using google and getting   more information on the subject and getting more help from alternative medicin. I don’t seem to trust medical experts in the western medicin while I have had too many bad experiences and learned about so many other alternative methods that can be less harmful to the body. I have a degree in nursing and it seems that my understanding of health has gone into more holistic understanding of health and the importance of microbiome.   It seems to me that I would like to have acceptance of a medical doctor who would say I am doing the right choices for my son. When it comes to my own body I have no doubts. I don’t like aggressive treatment and numbing fysical symptoms while what I have learned is that the body is always towards balance, if we just let it do that and help the body. Still when it comes to my son, it is more difficult to trust this learning. The unknown seems to make me restless, it looks like my sons health is in my shoulders so the ”I” needs to do ”right decicions”. I can see how mind is actively trying to secure the self...I do what makes sense given what has been understood so far plus the selfing may happen or not. Maybe I have a different understanding about bodys ability to heal than the doctor has. What seems to be here is a possibility to explore the unknown...

Listener question:  I still get caught up in or am stuck with the stories created by the ego mind when it comes to public speaking...and I know how familiar that will be to you with your own personal experience!  I work in a fairly senior marketing job for a large corporation and 'public speaking' formally or informally is a major part of my day to day life!  For big presentations or customer meetings I am often having panic attacks in the moments before (& even during) where the fight or flight is really kicking in.  I also try to suppress that gut wrenching feeling when a meeting is scheduled in my diary for weeks in advance to stop myself worrying for days about it.  It certainly feels like more than the normal levels of adrenaline you would associate with presenting or performing.I believe that because this has happened repeatedly over many years, it has somehow become habitual for my personal mind to act in this way and that's where I am drawn to subliminals, to help go deeper into the subconscious mind for a little re-wiring!  I have watched your video explanation on them and read the information on your website but wanted to have your opinion on whether in this instance it could really help take me further towards peace, comfort and confidence in that specific situation (although situations don't create feelings)?![For more information on subliminal recordings please see here: https://claredimond.com/subliminal/] 

I was very impacted by the webinar last night. It’s really got me thinking about what we really are. I think the idea that the self is just learnt patterns that our brain joins up and makes a person from is  fascinating. It’s like something at the very edge of my vision at the moment and if I try and look at it too much it disappears. But it’s really left me thinking - in a good way! It leave me wondering who I am, what I am? And in a way more importantly to me in this moment , what other people are... because if we are all one consciousness. If there is nothing differentiating me at my core to anyone else, what makes me me? Or someone I love them? Underneath all these questions I think is one most important. I have lost people I love. I have never had faith but I’ve stTted to have belief in them being here, all around - in nature, little signs. And that one day when I die I will sense them again. Not see them but be with them. But if we are all one, I can’t see how I can hold that anymore. Because there is nothing that defines them (without the body) as them is there? I kind of want there to be. 

Listener question: In Clare's May 12 podcast she speaks about suffering as a sign that a story is believed which isn't true.  What if the story is true time and time again ie panic attacks at work over and over.  They seem true?  My brain has been conditioned to this.  I know the place of freedom in this is to see the non separation, and then they might fall away or I wouldn't care about them but until that is seen it seems the story is true.  Maybe the whole dam thing is a story!  The mind trying to be in control.

Could you maybe say something about the concept of ‚being lost in thought‘ and life Intelligence of rebalancing. If life’s wisdom is shrouded in thought, where do the choices in the moment come from that are pure love, pure life intelligence, pure peace that we apparently are? Or is this seen as an attempt by the overactive mind to soften the harsh reality?

Listener plea: make the suffering stop

Listener question: what about doing and distraction? 

Listener question: Hi Clare,It seems sometimes that when the mind is in a pattern of creating separation listening to your podcast or one of your course recordings for some reason more settling happens. What's happening there? Is it truth moving through to presence, new conditioning, old conditioning getting cracks in it? All of the above?

Listener question: how can I get this to change? 

Listener question: I am suffering en struggling for a long time with my relationship (and in life generally, nothing really changes, it seems that I don’t want to, never knew what i wanted in life, no plan, no ideas, to serious).I started this relationship because i was curious about the person but I also had the thought of being afraid of men and I wanted to overcome it… So not really because I was in love.In a way I pushed an forced myself, not at first but later on I did. Got scared, confused, didn’t understand my feelings/thoughts, controlling them, did not really know anymore what is a good feeling and what not.Many times thinking and tried to end the relationship, which of course created a lot of scary feelings and doubt.He is actually a good person, quite patient with me (of couse not always), loves life. He is human and has stuff, but he can deal quite good with it. I am actually jealous of him about that. He lives abroad so we don’t see each other very often.He says wise and true things about the thinking an living life. He also says he does want to live this way with eachother.I know he is right and that I have tot do something, stay and live with him or go. Because if have been busy and thinking so much about the situation I dont’feel well. I work less at the moment because of the stress. Sleep not very well. I am scared my head, heart can not cope with the situation anymore, often headaches and a heart that feels very upset, palpitations. I am scared that I am doing this to myself, first it didn’t feel that way, but i guess I am doing it (my mum used to say to my, what are you doing to youself).There is hardly any room for new or other thinking (I did not even know that was even possible) my head goes back tot the same story over and over again because I have to figure it out and because I am suffering.I feel low and down, especially when people or he says, do something about the situation, live life before it is too late.It is true, I don’t live, I am in my head and it scares me. Scared that I, thinking wil not change, and that I will miss life an maybe great opportunities. I stay in the same place, situations.And I don’t feel good or joyfull feelings.Numb, surpress. I hope you can give me some new perspective about me, life, thinking.

Intimacy and protection 

Listener question:  I’m in the middle of confused thought storms, so please forgive me in advance. So my question is: what if the intellectual understanding gets in the way of the falling away of patterns? What if the mind totally gets it, but the suffering is ramped up extremely? What if every tiny interaction with another human being becomes painful? The feelings are raw and relentless.What if the mind says, you understand now all of this, so why the hell are these patterns are getting stronger? Fear, emotional pain, suffering as sign that there is something believed that’s not true, says the intellect. Fuck, I m drowning in my suffering and we would probably say there is no I, there is no suffering, fuck it. I’m bright awake every night around 4 am (despite being on sleeping pills) being immersed in the Horrorfilm of my mind. I am fighting with myself and everyone around me and the minute I see what I am doing I collapse in utter selfdisgust, wishing myself or the other to die. It’s smoke and mirrors, a fight for life and death, it takes too much energy to function in everyday life. When asking the question what is at stake here, the mind goes blank. There is no way out.

Listener question: What does this understanding say about suicide? Is it that the self would rather kill the whole thing instead of face the self's death? Meaning the illusion is more compelling than reality?

Listener question: I think i have a strong tendencie to avoid situations that seem unsafe for my self-identity.  This week I had some very nice experiences with engaging with situations I usually would avoid.There was curiosity but still it took so much effort to try and see what happens if I don't hide in my "safe space". So my first question is: will it get easier? Also I wonder: how can I tell the difference between avoiding things because my self identity feels threatened, and just needing time for my self? Because as you beautifully said the mind can be quite sneaky. Every time I want to avoid situations my mind tells me that I just need some time for myself. If I try to engage with a situation anyways it often happens that I get strong physical symptoms that kind of force me to stay at home and to stay in my safe space.So I guess my second question is:How can I know if I actually need time at home/time for myself? And how can I know if my mind does just it's sneaky thing?Sorry for the long unstructured questions. Am I making any sense?

Listener question: i always felt like there must be something wrong with me becuase i dont seem to have strong reactions to the larger world events (dont seem to feel strong reaction) ... now i see .. perhaps i more able to see those things as neutral and not judge them (unlike the self and other categories) ... but it does beg the question (in relation to the world stuff) ... when are we in denial and cut off from 'feelings'/reactions and when are we just in neutral and not in triggered judgemental reactions... and 'should' we be reacting to 'apparently horrific things ' to be 'healthy' and heart felt.

Listener question: Firstly please accept my apologies for what may seem a ridiculous question and what may appear my poor attempt at asking it.I have read several books on the subject of the three principles, Real, Inside Out Revolution and Clarity plus several others. I find your book very interesting as it covers so many situations one finds oneself engaged in on a day to day basis. I pride myself in gaining an understanding of the subject after reading the various publications I have purchased. I just wonder if you could clarify for me what I might expect as a result of my understanding. I fully appreciate how our experience of life from moment to moment exists. I also fully appreciate and understand that thought comes and goes.From some other publications I have mentioned I understand that when we are aware of the three principles and how our experience of life exists, our extreme thought patterns tend to diminish somewhat and the constant bombardment of thought isn’t as extreme.Could you tell me if my understanding is somewhere near the facts.Again I apologise for my somewhat poor attempt of an explanation but I suppose I’m asking what are the advantages of gaining this understanding

Listener question: can you talk about jealousy and envy please and what is the difference between them? 

Listener question: Thank you so much for the beautiful webinar yesterday.There's kind of a question that's on my mind today. When I was listening to you talking I completely "spaced out". I heard something very beautiful but I have no words for it. After the webinar my boyfriend asked me how it was. I simply couldn't say anything, I was just feeling very peaceful and hugged him.Also many questions about my life and things that scare me didn't seem important anymore. Still I know if I go there I get stressed again. How can I find a link between those two worlds? I don't want to ignore the stressful thougts but at the same time I wonder if it even make sense to ask myself scary questions?

Listener question: I have been working my way through your podcasts and although I am often resistant to what I hear, I find that if I settle myself and sit with it, I can usually see the truth in what you are saying.However the one on April 26 about Sydney’s teachings (listen for a feeling and your feeling creates your thinking) has me baffled!Although I do see what you are saying about how those words can be misunderstood, what about all the seemingly hundred’s of testimonials from people who claim that it is exactly hearing those words and living by them that has been the game changer for them? As well as all the teachers out there teaching the same thing?Personally, I do not feel that I had a massive insight, when I first came across The Three Principles, but life has definitely been more peaceful as a result of this understanding, and now it sounds like you are saying “not true”

Listener question: Dearest Clare: Thought I'd take a few minutes to compose my thoughts about "life" since doing the RICH course last year. You may recall, I am an artist and my biggest area of "stuckness" was around money and selling my art so I could have my "own" money. There were lots of insights and aha moments during the course for sure. But, here's the thing. At  some point, I saw very clearly and deeply how the making of art was in place as a means to keep the "artist" identity in place. This was a very, very deeply entrenched identity that was thoroughly woven into many facets of my life! So, things began to unravel, as it were, and slowly, but surely, this identity has lost it's credibility. But here's what I have been left with for many, many months now. NOTHING. A deep emptiness, apathy, disinterest, dispassion; unmotivated, uninspired; feeling lost, listless, directionless, adrift. I have forced myself to do some painting (I know, "I" am not doing anything), but the passion and the drive are gone. I have no desire to make art let alone sell it. I have destroyed (as in thrown out) tons of work that was just taking up space in my studio--no guilt, no emotional attachment whatsoever. Day after day, week after week, month after month, I keep trying to "find myself" to no avail (probably a good thing). I sit in my studio looking around at it all, tons of art supplies and the walls filled with work, and I feel like junking the whole works! None of this is "bad" per se, except that, frankly, this "void" is most disconcerting. I would liken it to depression I guess, although I'm not sure I'm feeling depressed! I guess I keep looking for something to fill the void. It's a black, empty hole (oh, I started to type whole, how interesting!), and there is much discomfort with it. I feel truly lost. I have no orientation, no direction. Everything is an effort, not just making art. There is no desire to do anything. I have no enthusiasm for anything and I struggle to fill my days. Nothing--baking, knitting, gardening, my usual distractions-- holds any interest. I mostly sit, listen to music, do some journal writing, go for walks or drives with hubby when he wants to get out of the house, or try to force myself to do something. And what I do end up doing takes great effort! Even so called "seeking" in a way, is taking a back seat. I feel like I cannot read another book, do another course, watch another video, listen to another podcast. It feels like as far as seeking goes, that there is absolutely nothing further "out there" to engage with. Like somehow, everything I could possibly have read, heard, seen is all there is to be read heard and seen. There's a strange feeling of completeness and a knowing that there is nowhere else to go but "within." The tears well as I write this; there's such a feeling of resignation(?), hopelessness(?), despair(?) because it's becoming so very clear that "I" am NEVER, EVER going to find what "I" am looking for, and I love that you know what I am talking about! There is no bliss here, no la la land, no deep peace being experienced! Just this great empty (w)hole. Perhaps at some point I will stop trying to fill that void and just be present to it, stop resisting it, but I know whether that happens or not is out of my hands.I don't know if this is a ringing endorsement for doing one of your courses Clare, lol! I just felt compelled to write it out and send it off to you, for whatever reason. I'm not looking for a response, or answers or suggestions or helpful advice from you, just thanks for being here for me to write to.

Listener question: Hi Clare. Would you be able and willing to speak to anxiety and grief around climate change in one of your podcasts? There’s a phrase that sometimes comes to me in relation to my own life: I can’t get there from here.   The “here” being my current understanding I guess.   Perhaps with climate anxiety, the “here” is our anxiety and grief about what we see happening in the world to the world. And our powerlessness to change it. Yet I know there is more than activism or denial available to us. Would you be willing to speak to this specific topic in the immensely beautiful way that you do where current experience is neither denied or escalated and a door to another experience  is so respectfully and sensitively yet also decisively and clearly opened? 

Listener question: Thank you for the reply podcast my love. However I get the impression that You don’t seem to have trauma awareness or experienced trauma in your own life, bless. I seem to need to spell it out for you: Being screamed at at work by a highly mentally disturbed client can’t be played down and said there are no triggers. Your nervous system would maybe react similarly to mine, but if this was recurring childhood experience then the freeze is inevitable. Or are you saying I’m holding on to my victim status because it’s familiar? The sense of loss of control in a freeze state is anything but desirable. I really want to see something in this. Lotsoflove 

Listener question: Dear Clare,  I wondered if you could please speak to these words attributed to Sir Anthony Hopkins on a podcast episode? One of my ingrained needs is to be loved and I still notice myself work so hard with certain individuals who are so-called friends to stay included and be liked and yet I expend so much energy doing so. Yet, with others in my life the love is reciprocal, almost effortless and flows naturally between us. Is it not better to face up to the needy behaviours and experience as a gift of revelation for the undoing rather than just stop giving time and effort to more one-sided relationships so that they fade into the ether and I don’t get hurt but yet the conditioning remains? Curious to see your take on Sir Anthony’s words of wisdom. https://www.facebook.com/pej.alaghamandan/posts/10160778874808572

Listener question: Life happens out of our control, yes. But trauma triggers are very real to the system, destabilising. If fight or flight is not possible, freeze can feel very dangerous. In this example being triggered at work, going into freeze can be debilitating and i can’t seem to function at work anymore, although I manage somehow. I really can’t seem to see where the healing is supposed to be in this. How can be reliving trauma responses in the body again and again be healing? If I don’t have the necessary support at work this will happen again. The confidence in my ability to hold a job is shaken (although I have been there for 8 years). The possibility of changing jobs doesn’t even come to mind.I see the utter futility of the system trying to prevent these events from happening again, yes that is madness!  But the young vulnerable part needs protection fullstop!!!Probably a protection it never experienced in its young life. I’m all up for having it all when it comes to the full gamut of emotions and I see how they ebb and flow. With this deep triggering stuff that makes me feel unsafe in my own body, I refuse to relive that again and again!I know my own resilience, I made it so far which is a miracle in itself. But im questioning where the peace, love and Freedom is in this, we talk about in this conversation so often?

Listener question: My question is about shame. Most nights and especially in the morning I wake up recalling situations in which I could’ve done better and about which I feel a lot of shame. Some of these situations go back decades, and some are very recent. Consequently I often do not get the rest I need and my days don’t  always start on a bright and positive note! I would like to be able to see this differently and would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you.

Listener question: what about the harmful actions and words? 

Listener comment: Im in the midst of horrible triggered feelings. I feel uncontrollably hurt by just a trigger at work, it’s so painful. I don’t know what to do other than cry and breathe. 

Listener question: I am thinking of having a subliminal recording. I have only listened to a few Podcasts you have done and read your book Real.  On the basis of that information it sounds like you lean a little toward Advaita Vedanta. I find Advaita complex and cold as well as stimulating to the intellect. (Robert Spira is the best example of this for me.  The guy is brilliant but when I listen to him, I feel the need to figure out what he is saying, and I get contracted and tense).  For me, the magic of Syd Banks was his simplicity - talking about finding a good feeling rather than worrying about the vagaries of non-dual philosophies (Compare "Dear Liza" to "The Transparency of Things"). In my subliminal I would need to escape the intellectual sentries who love to get all wrapped up in "not having a self" and "self-inquiry" and rather lean toward "listening for a good feeling" and knowing that "my feeling comes from my thinking".  In your personal teaching and the subliminals, do you come from the Principles and Syd's "The Missing Link" or more from pure non-dual affirmations? 

Listener question: what is wholeness?

Listener question: I've just finished working through the REAL videos / course .. (not the conversations yet) .. is it normal for the .. well basically .. 'shit to hit the fan' inside ? - wont go into great details but just wondering if there is anything to 'do' ? ... it's kind of showed me just how of course i have been and how dysfunctional i have got from trying to cope for years but also the fact that everything i am running from is within ME and not out there .... like i want to be in a 'witness protection programme' from myself ... like i am both the stalker and the stalked .... its given me this massive sense that 'i cant get myself out of this alone' somehow and at the same time not sure what kind of support to seek that wont go and confuse me more e.g normal nhs type counselling options.... and does 'speaking about it all' in that kind of way EVER help us make sense of anything... and free us from basically scaring the shit out of ourself and keeping our own nervous system in a state of never ending vigilant exhaustion .. i see i've been running and running and cut myself off from every possible thing 'outiside' in the hope of finding safety only to find its 'me' whos the problem.So not quite seeing through it all far enough yet to feel the freedom and peace.

Listener question: how does the idea of no-self work in relation to marriage/partnership? I'm just curious. Is this also why many fail? 

Taking the conversation about harmful events and people to the furthest level of freedom. 

Listener question: In you latest podcast you spoke about violence and that it is happening as it is the optimal behaviour at the given moment due to learned belief and conditoning, that there is no deciding self and that it is logical and impersonal. I see freedom in this as it frees me of the obligation "to forgive and forget" and I love that there only remains sanity. I see that my father who was prone to violent outbursts could not act differently given that what he believed and learned in his youth.Nevertheless, one question remains: What about the position of the real victims in this, the person or even small child that has been molested and harmed perhaps even for years. Or even those locked up inconcentration camps.Sorry that my brain always goes for the extremes, but it refuses to be calm without getting the answer.

Listener question: discipline, accountability and no self 

Listener question: anger was always heavily sanctioned, and deemed very unfeminine. There was only room for being the good girl and that resulted in a lot of rebellion. (The rebel inside can be still strong at times 🤣)Later on my healing journey I learned that anger can signal where a boundary was crossed or violated. And that suppressed anger can be very damaging for the system and in my experience suppressed anger can lead to depression. At the same time i see the destructive force unbridled anger can be. I love the story of the Boy who asks the shaman: „Wise one, I seem to have two wolfs living in my chest. One is loving and the other one is hating. Which one will win?“ and the shaman answered: „The one you feed“. Now im wondering if this all ego storyline going on here? I see that there is something here that wants to be integrated instead of battled or suppressed. Maybe anger is misguided power? The people I see as innately powerful don’t get angry, they are not battling. Or maybe that’s just another side of the story that is ready to drop.When you speak of going to the backroom it’s a bit murky here. I Imagine going back to the roots and further. Maybe in a profane way it’s saying: ok if I have clearer boundaries I don’t need to get angry. If I really see that nothing is personal, we are all just programmed tubes bumping up against each other until we don’t need to do that anymore. Maybe life doesn’t care if there is anger and joy and sorrow, maybe life just wants to get on with it, warts and all. 

Listener  question: I wonder if you could give me your thoughts about the following.  I have become aware of my disproportionate sense of fear in 'perceived as threatening' situations.  I first became aware of how extreme it was during my divorce when I felt terrified...I was experiencing Gaslighting from my ex husband who still lived in the house.  It was horrible but the terror was disproportunate.  Subsequent to this, the societal issues around the pandemic and an ongoing health scare seem to elicit the same response.I would sincerely appreciate your thoughts about this and whether Subliminals could help.

Listener question:  To see what's being pointed to the mind needs to be settled and when one sees what's being pointed to the mind settles.  It seems like a catch 22.  I do question my mind, but somehow I'm doing it wrong, or hoping it will change things, or I don't really know.  It's hard not to find the story believable when it almost always comes true. Sadly I'm feeling like this conversation may just not be for me at this time.  I wish it were, and maybe it will be again.

Listener question: Thank you for the podcast which I’ve just listened to again.  I’m still confused!  How is it that you know there’s protection going on here?  Is it because the reactions to my friend’s diagnosis and my Mother’s are different?  Is there really one, undiluted response that we can have to all situations, events, relationships?  Sounds a bit bland to me.  Also, I don’t quite see that there’s a hierarchy of relatedness with family on the inside, then close friends etc.  I can feel real connection during a random interaction with a complete stranger. 

Listener question: Clare, I’m wondering if you might do a podcast on one of your common phrases, “it must begin here.” For example, if I am judging someone as, say, cruel, I must begin with me, here, and see all the ways that I am cruel. This is where my tricky little mind goes with that: “ok, so let me find all the times, past and present, in which I have been cruel. Well, now we just have two shitty people in the scenario. Two, cruel shitty people.” And then I don’t know where to go. The idea of “begin here” feels heavy and dark, which lets me know there is obviously confusion happening over here.

Listener question: I just listened to the latest video and podcast that you sent out and feel somewhat clearer about this whole thing to do with our ‘shadow’Basically my understanding is that whatever I see ‘out there’ is simply a reflection of what I have going on ‘in here’ So the only thing for me to do if I am having a reaction to something or someone is to look for where in myself I am not being my True Self…is that right?If so, can you help me see how this could possibly apply if I or someone close to me or a child had been sexually abused or murdered?This is not something I have ever thought I would even be remotely interested in seeing, but somehow I can feel the freedom it would offer to be able to even consider this possibility.

Listener question: I have stayed in this conversation, listening to your podcasts and am seeing more. However, I still get caught up in believing my perceived reality and there is an intense over identification with ‘self’ and the desperate need to protect it, for fear of being exposed and feeling vulnerable in the world.You probably cannot say, and it’s different for everyone, but what has made the difference for the person in the video you sent out? Has she just stuck at it? What has helped her shift her whole perception/understanding? I’m just curious!

Listener question: I found your website while reading “Real” and had a complex reaction to your talk about subliminal s. I thought it was brilliant to try to get past the intellect sentries to allow an opening as I think it is my feelings about my intellect that prevent me from seeing deeply. On the other hand, I met Syd Banks at the Hawaii lectures in 2001 and have listened extensively to him saying I shouldn’t need subliminal or psychological tools because I am sitting in mental health and I am one thought away from insights that would be life shifting.  I would be very curious about your response, since you are definitely anchored in the principles and have “made it” to the other side. I would appreciate any ideas you may have.

Listener question: My husband had a primarily emotional affair with his HR director. The flirting started pretty much right when he met her, then 6 months later it ballooned into an actual affair (not sex but kissing) and then I found out and we hashed things out for 6 weeks and he stopped the affair for a couple weeks. Then he started it back up for another 3-4 months but just texting. Nothing physical. Finally, about 4 months ago he really ended it. And he is working really hard on us. Genuine heartfelt apologies, spending lots of time together, talking and planning our lives, etc.However, he still works closely with her. They have meetings most days and often several times a day. I know their meetings are not just business. I know he spends lots of time just catching up and chatting about her life and his. Full disclosure, he is a very chatty, friendly, engaging kind of boss with many of his team. So it would be a little unnatural for him to really pull back completely.But I of course hate it. I hate that he still chats with her daily, I hate that she is his "confidant" which he justifies because as his director of HR, they have to discuss all the employees and new hires etc. I hate that he keeps me so separate from her. I'm not sure what would be normal there, but I know for sure he will mention my name when talking to other employees but never with her.Basically, I am insecure and worried about their relationship but he insists that it is necessary for work. I just don't know what to do. I am constantly tempted to ask him what's going on with him and her. I am tempted to look at his messages. Eavesdrop on his calls. And of course always wanting to know where we stand and my favorite, "How could you??"Does this perspective offer insights into how I should be making sense of this situation? If I was really free and anchored in my true beautiful self would I be so insecure and suspicious and jealous? Or is is actually wise, strong to ask to see his messages and demand he minimize his interaction with her? 

Listener question: In recent months there has been more and more phases where I am overflowing with love towards nearly everyone in my life, uninhibited joy about life and aliveness. And then there are these phases of old familiar pain. Often I wake up with intense bitter and resentful feelings in my throat. The mind replays stories of people having been hateful and hurtful. The undercurrents of rage in my system are difficult to be with. When the self feels like that not the best decisions come up.I suppose the question would be how can I be more unconditional loving with myself and others in these times of the distorted lense? 

Listener question: A pattern of conditioning has arisen for me a few times and I wonder if you could explore it on a podcast, please, if you had space?What is going on with “I’m ok, only if you’re ok” or “I’m not ok if you’re not ok”? I notice that when others are happy or settled or peaceful, then I’m ok. If they are sad, distressed, angry then I’m not ok. Although I have times where I can be very close and settled with feeling down, I continue to find it hard at times when someone else is low and I can’t appear to ease it for them. 

Listener question: I guess this is a ‘what is love?’ and ‘am I normal?’ question to which the answer is probably ‘who the hell is there to know one way or the other?’ but just out of curiosity:-My Mother has been diagnosed with what is probably terminal cancer; we’ll know the prognosis this week.  Ours has been a strained relationship to say the least of it and, while we’ve got things on to a more or less amicable footing, there’s no real intimacy there, and therefore hardly any response inside me other than ‘I hope she goes peacefully’ and even that feels like one of those learned responses you speak of.  On the other hand, a friend who I don’t see much of but pops into my thoughts periodically has also just been diagnosed with what is probably terminal cancer and I feel much more shocked and sorry about that.  This isn’t something I’m especially perturbed about but it does raise the question ‘what is love?’ and perhaps just a little bit of ‘am I normal?’Much love, whatever that is...