I was wondering if you could do a Podcast about gaining weight, food and the stress around it? I wish I could just eat 3 meals a day, enjoy it and not think about gaining weight. Instead I do not eat a proper meal, snack the whole day (specially now in Home Office), constantly think about food and keep beating myself up that I do not eat a proper meal. The excess calories I gain with the snacking I compensate with sports (which too is no fun anymore). The thought of gaining weight is terrible. I feel it is again one of your "Catch-22“: I am stressed about eating a packet of chips and cookies instead of a proper healthy meal - and then I calm my stress with eating more chips and cookies… I know it sounds like I am joking with myself - but still, I would love some insights around it! 

Can you talk about categorisations and truth? 

I’ve been thinking about this “self-compassion” idea and wondering what you make of it, how the non-dual understanding would see “self compassion” especially if there’s no self to be compassionate toward, and how to talk about it.

What I am confused about is the "awareness/consciousness" as my true self.   I feel I don't know or don't experience consciousness directly. I experience or sense it only from  what I am aware "of", and not from an actual space or knowing of conciousness. When I ask myself who am I, I am aware of myself asking, and I am aware of being aware of that asking. It doesn't go anywhere, all I see is layer upon layer upon layer of thought created through me. It feels like all I am is always  thought... and I'm aware of that too being another thought.;)I'm laughing now, as I re read this,  it all sounds so ridiculous.  I think I'll send it anyway.   

Listener question: Another question: my brain is overloaded and my heads hurts all the time (so is the rest of my body - + heart rythm disorder). (. The questions you ask in the second recording "What is at steak "can't be answered anymore(I did it in the past with the help of coaches over and over again and found a lot of answers). My outside situation has changed and is better, but my brain stays overworked as if it is continously looking for a way out and can't find it.  It still believes those needs, insecurities, fears and grief. So it keeps me in an emotional rollercoaster.  My brain will never find a solution for this - so I skip the question: what is at steak" and just go on...

I understand/read from/in your book Well, that pain in the body is information about the system. Like a red warning light it is drawing attention to that part of the system. The signal of pain is designed to bring the attention into the body, into this moment, into reality. So instead of making mystery out of it, placing it in the future, the past, etc. what I am familiar with :), so not to use it as evidence as you write, and if so, no problem, it has no meaning, though, no truth, no information.The example of the King and the soldiers, bringing the King information about impenetrable lands. Just honoring the soldiers (pain, information bringers) instead of doing something with what the information is/figuring it out (which I don't know about pain)? Is that what you are saying? Like I am busy figuring out the pain instead of seeing it as a system sign in that moment and that is it? Honoring like "my system is working" and that is it? Then no panic and the next move will appear. Is that it?

Listener question: when we truly stop resisting the feelings that arise in us when confronted with 'anger or angry people' (or other emotions) ... do we then (as a side effect) appear in general to draw less experience of meeting 'angry people' into our lives. ?

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Listener question: Can you talk a bit about how the mind sometimes has information? A common theme I hear in some of the podcasts is that "the mind doesn't  know" and that's linked to the fact that the mind is the brain creating a self identity at the same time there is intelligence moving the body and creating action.Sometimes it seems the mind brings an idea forward, and while it may have layers of selfing suc ahs "is this a mistake, will someone be upset, what will they think of me, etc." there is a thread of information in whatever idea is coming forward. For example, I facilitated a first meeting with a new team yesterday and the behavior that showed up was rushing and interrupting people. While it was a productive meeting, the mind brought forward a preference of not wanting to do it that way because it can lead to folks feeling shut out. This has ingredients of selfing, and also useful information of a preference. It was all afterwards, so in that case "imagined" and this still seems useful. Thank you!

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Listener question: I have a couple of questions which you might like to address in a podcast or two sometime?1. I’m curious to know how religion sits with this conversation, any religion I guess, but particularly the Church of England?2. If we are spiritual beings having a human experience, how do we transition, how will our true essence remain infinite when we no longer inhabit this current human form? I realise it’s impossible to know the answer but I’m interested to hear your take on death and the afterlife!

Listener question: Hi Clare  You have said a few times that we have thousands of choices, but no free will. I understand why you say that, as we can only do what makes sense to us given the understanding/belief we have at that moment, but could you please say more about what you mean by “free will”? 

Listener question: Are we really ever against reality "out there" or are we allways just against our thinking? How does this apply to bullying boss.Am I experiencing him bullying me only because of my thinking?

Listener question: how do motivation and confidence fit in this understanding? 

Listener comment: I have a Non Dual question:This is one of those questions that I don’t know if it is one, or an observation. The direct path of presence to, and enquiry in to, the suffering, shows, or simply dissolves that strand, or layer. If life presents the awareness to do this, then it gets done, or it doesn’t. The concern is over using this a a tool to get enlightenment, and creating a dog chasing its tail, but missing the point that nothing is ever chosen. I want to be rid of suffering, but life will continue to present reflections of this identity for as long as it is here. I think I am faltering on this as I cannot believe the peace I feel after relinquishing COVID control over my family. I’ve let them go, to do as they see fit, without all my hours of research and evidence to protect them, which they don’t believe anyway, as it happens. Can it be that I am finally free to face grief, if it comes? Something that I have run away from for decades, and Control? What if Billy Boy and his crew have their way? What if this mass agreement on a potential outcome, two potential outcomes: Great Reset vs Rebellion and natural order, is the reflection of inner fears (of course it is), that may manifest or not? I cannot influence conditioning, full stop. What you have been saying all along is true. This, is the only way. Come what may.I’m feeling threatened. I will always feel threatened. LolFor more information or to join our July on-line course STRESS, getting real with challenge, please click here 

Listener question: hi Clare - It seems like denial to me to bring in any discussion of thoughts and beliefs when it comes to stress. My circumstances are really bad at the moment. It is that causing the issue not beliefs. To say otherwise is actually dangerous as you are saying I’m making it all up... 

Listener question: Am still struggling to understand the ‘what’s at stake’ part of going deeper and being curious and feeling the feelings. I feel like there are so many patterns and conditioning bubbling to the surface to be seen, but when I ask the question ‘what is at stake’ I come up with an answer and I don’t know if it’s true. Or my mind just making something up? Or I just hit a brick wall. Can I give you an example please…. I get really anxious on hot days. I endlessly check the weather to see what it’s going to be like and if it falls into my narrow band of ok weather it’s a sigh of relief, if it’s over 22 degrees I feel the contraction of anxiety and start worrying about it before the day has actually arrived. I even check the direction of the wind because if it’s from the south it’s a major disaster! I wake up anxious about the hot day to come. I have done this forever. I watch myself doing it now, the checking, the worry thoughts, the anxious feelings, and I ask myself what’s at stake here? Somewhere something is telling me that I think people pass out in the heat and that might happen to me, that I look awful with a sweaty head and hair, that it means I should be at the beach or in the country having nice sunny days out and that’s impossible right now because of high anxiety levels. There’s so much story to this one thing! Am I on the right track with this Clare. What’s at stake is the idea of myself passing out, looking sweaty, mid panic on a beach in front of hundreds of people? It all about how this imagined idea of me should look and act? Sorry if this sounds crazy and confusing. To find out more or to sign up for our July 2021 programme, STRESS, getting real with challenge please click here 

Listener question: Dear ClareI believe that I have heard you say in your courses that we never want suffering to end. Could you please say more about that and how suffering is a gift?

The concept of the fork implies a choice and someone who makes the choice to go left or right. But i notice that when the ‘me’ tries to make this choice, it gets messy. When I reflect on that, i think it is kinda obvious why that is the case: a me that is making a choice consists out of thoughts about a self image, choices and forks. So that is the mind taking the left route. I also notice the ‘urge’ to ask things like “how can I..” , “what can I do..” but that is also the left route. So here I am. Wanting to ask what I can do to take the right route, but also having a slight understanding that this question leads me to the left route. Thinking that it is super complicated, but also contemplating about that the right route is less then complicated: it is just what is. It is experience minus complicated thinking. Well, now that I wrote this down i might as well send it to you. I think I kinda answered my own question but maybe you have a reflection about it. 

Creation has always been a struggle. Now I understand the depth of confusion around identification. And as you suggest, it seems to originate at school. The profound need for validation borned from the possibility of failing, being wrong, or even worse: insignificant. These days I have brief moments of lightness, but the habit of creating in order to prove myself (or find some kind of security/satisfaction) is still quite strong. I think of the crossroad image you shared and wonder how "doing" can be the way out of identification when it seemed to have always been it's confirmation.Maybe this can serve a podcast episode?

Listener question: I have had a huge shift in my happiness and peace of mind since discovering the 3Ps. Now I feel drawn to teach and coach. How do I know if that is what I should do? How did you know? Ask where / how would I begin? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Listener question: 'My issue is basically experiencing debilitating fear.  Just to explain......To date I have elected not take up the offer of vaccines in relation to the current pandemic.  This decision is based on my own research and I do not judge those that have done differently. I see a time very soon (I know future thinking) when the unvaccinated will be unfairly discriminated against for their decisions. I wondered if you can speak to this fear Clare? Primarily,  I think it’s around being unfairly judged, blamed and punished (Wow - as an aside Clare, even typing this made me well up) by many who have chosen a different road or those that impose the rules. Secondly, I’m afraid of where this is going, Our civil rights are changing, the impact on society of lockdowns imposed whilst many experts are being ignored.Thirdly,  I fear, the outcome if the government blame the unvaccinated for the continued restrictions, in the same way symptomatic spread was Incorrectly targeted. I’m trying really hard to pinpoint this Clare....it’s around a fear of standing out, being unfairly judged, blamed and punished and the abuse of power/trust.  When I speak of fear, it can present as all consuming ‘terror‘.this is a fear of judgement, physical punishment (harm) and abandonment.  But more importantly as an adult, it’s how it manifests in the body.... how debilitating and fear inducing those sensations are that seem to render me in fight or flight.  These can be triggered easily, ie just being in the spotlight etc.  Could it be possible this has nothing to do with the pandemic???

Listener question: I participate in your June  course. You speak about going deeper. Can you elaborate on the proces of going deeper? What is it? How does one do it? What I hear in this is that one becomes silent and witnesses what is playing out ‘behind the scenes’. Scrutinise your thought. But everytime I ‘do’ this, I get stuck in the weeds. Like I get sucked in the fantasy world of thought and I don’t hear the birds singing and feel the sun on my face. Same thing with deliberately feeling what is going on: then I seem to get sucked in anxious feelings and ramped up thinking. Few years ago I was very committed to seeing what was going on behind the scenes, and that resulted in being very depressed and deeply sucked in to a world of thought. For this reason, right now I’m a little step away from just stopping with this course.

Would it be fair to say that the primary characteristic of disidentified creation is the state of flow?  When I am simply delighting in how the line or the colors unfold on the canvas, or thrilling to a particularly delightful turn of phrase that has just emerged from nowhere.  Or, is that yet another elaborate trick of the identity claiming not to be there?  In other words, is a “pure“ state of flow even possible? Or are we , as in many other things, always dealing with both the awareness and the Lego figure?

I am writing with a question that is not so much for myself that I ask as for another who has seemingly been in a state of constant crisis for the last several months. The constant agitation of her mind has her body in perpetual overdrive, which leads to a lot of misery and loss of sleep.  She is quite frightened by the whole experience and even wondering whether there ever will be a solution and whether life is worth living.That preamble sets the stage for my question. For those who are so caught up that they simply cannot sit with the suffering, would it not be helpful to point them in the direction of what is working. The little miracles of sunshine coming through the window in the morning; fragrance of the 1st cup of coffee; The joy of watching children play in the park. These are just random examples that fall into the category of general gratitude. I know for my part that the only reason that I don’t get totally sucked into my thinking anymore is because I am so deeply savoring all the other aspects of my life.  The main appeal for me of your style of teaching is that you build bridges: the bridge to the first step followed by a bridge to the second step… And the third… And before you know it you are in a completely different head space. What I am suggesting here is that those who are struggling may need additional bridges.

I have a question for you that maybe you can address on a podcast if appropriate.My question is about all the conspiracy theories flying around about what's currently going on in the world (some of which are quite frightening!!). Going back to basics, it seems that nothing is really true. If everything is simply a reflection of the identity, do conspiracy theories appearing everywhere in front of my eyes just reflect my own fear and mistrust of what's going on and nothing more? So is there no place for vigilance or preparation in the face of everything I hear? The next point is probably more a law of attraction question or perhaps its all the same thing. If I entertain and focus all my attention on conspiracy theories (which seems to be what is currently happening!!), apparently these will be drawn into my reality. I am therefore finding myself in a battle of trying to distract myself from these thoughts for fear that I will manifest them! So for those who believe this stuff, it will play out, while for others who are oblivious, it wont?? I have clearly lost my way!! Would appreciate your clarity!!

Listener question: As a follow up from today’s podcast can you please talk more about what you mean by ‘going into the body’I’ve spent years scanning the body as a way to determine ‘how I’m doing’ This is unhelpful as it just ramps up my thinking! How is what you’re proposing different?

Listener question: Can you say more about when something is a pattern from the brain-body keeping an idea of self in place versus when it's a quality of unique beingness? It seems like anything can be either. In looking over patterns from a no-self accountability perspective, some patterns seem like they are preferences of this brain-body...sometimes keeping a self in place and sometimes not. For example this brain-body loves new experiences. On one hand, this body doesn't seem to find as much of a "problem" in boredom because "new" is always possible in the moment. On the other hand there can be a seeking of new experience as an escape from presence or that same moment that at times is easy to be in.thank you!

Listener question: Just woke up. My alarm went off. I noticed for a very few seconds, kindness, friendliness. Then thoughts came, you have to, must (work etc). I started to think this at a certain moment in my life. I feel miserable right now, heavy, low, haert beating (almost every morning). It is hard to to let those thoughts feelings go, I think they scare me so much that I want to reduce them or something in my head. As if I am trying to manage them. But then they only stick isn't it. They feel so painful, but I guess that is the resistance towards them. I don't know how not to. To let them be, flow. 

In your opinion, was the Jewish Holocaust a factual event that occurred between 1939 and 1945?

Listener question: I would like to enjoy life and do things but my limiting beliefs and emotions just won't let me... I suffer daily from intense negative emotions and feelings.. And 3 days ago i found out that the woman i love wants to date with another man.. It crushed me into pieces with jealousy anxiety sadness and fear.. The intense emotion is sooo uncomfortable... It makes me very difficult to do anything.. I left myself totally helpless and i lie in bed all day long.. These intense negative emotions suck all the energy out of my body... Leaving me weak and tired and fearful... I want emotional freedom from my suffering... I am writing to you to ask you how could i eliminate or neutralize my intense emotions and be free from all of these sufferings?

I have a short question: You speak often of going deeper into the experience and asking ourselves „what’s at stake here?“ That’s the point where the mind usually goes totally blank. Could you maybe give us some real life examples of how this would look, feel, be in simple terms please?

Listener question:  Dear Clare I wonder if you have any help regarding anxiety? My anxiety has been in the background for the last 15 years.  And I feel like all the actions I do are just to avoid feeling it. The discomfort is too much. I'd love my anxiety to end for good. Is there a way to get rid of it other than to just accept living with it? 

hi Clare Can you talk about boundaries and relationships please? I’m in a relationship and I like him very much but I don’t know if he is good for me and I don’t know if that is just my fears of imtimacy resulting from a difficult childhood or whether it is a wisdom telling me to be careful with someone who could potentially harm or upset me. Thanks 

Listener question: Clare I’m not doing to great I got sick and still can’t do much physical stuff witch I hate as that’s what I do running football building kids nature swimming o my god just eat that stuff . My mind is all about that stuff and I just can’t accept it I’m so fucking pissed   Off .like finally I think I’ve sorted myself out I’ve had the deepest peace like never ever felt so still and able to have a life like a normal one and now this I just feel  like comeeeeeeeeee on I’m tired Clare it just never lets up yep the mind is definitely the guvnor

Listener question:  there has been a pattern in the past decade plus of judging my partner as "not giving me enough attention" and there is lots of evidence the mind will use to bolster this position. In recent months as I've worked with integration practices or noticing the patterns of self (sometimes called the shadow, or the unconscious) there's been a willingness to receive from my partner in a way that feels new. Then, in that receptivity, there is a feeling of deep received support, a form of attention, and appreciation. For some reason there's been a dropping down of the "do it my way" and receiving a lot more of "let's try his way" and the amount of love experienced is astonishing. Yet it still feels like a "need being met" or a "feeling loved" which is still self language. The brain creates a self in the same way it creates emotions (they are goal based concepts) so does this just mean the self is shifting gears vs disappearing? I guess there's some skepticism that the brain can shift to a degree where the self isn't built/rebuilt in some way. Is this still upholding that same story just in a new way?

Listener question: how does this blog post fit in this conversation?"Wherever you go, however far you travel, regardless of how hard you try to disconnect, you will always be there. I think, more than anything else, I began to realize the importance of living a life that I can be proud of. Because there is simply no escaping it. You will always be you. You can travel to the ends of earth, but you always take yourself with you.The habits we form, the relationships we foster, the parenting strategies we employ, the work we choose to do, the character and integrity we pursue… all contribute to the person we spend time with in the future. No matter where you go, you will always be there. Make sure it’s someone you want to spend time with."

Listener question: I can't stop hurting and crying. Am I going insane? What is insanity? 

I loved your analogy about marriage being like a car which can loose its purpose (besides looking pretty in the driveway). On a similar line I was thinking of past relationships like old dresses which became too small in size and are not my style anymore but still hang in my closet. The closet gets so full that no more new clothes fit in - no more new ones fit in and at the same time I cannot wear the old ones. Back to the relationships in this analogy: I still remember all the birthdays, the dates when we first met, all the places which remind me of them. Even that I do not want to be together with any of these past relationships when I am in my analytical mind. But there is so much grief and sadness, looking at these dresses, and knowing I will never fit in ever again. Any thoughts about how to process grief and sadness….

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A brief summary of this episode

' While conversing the conversation flows and when I begin to feel like my “I” is in need of defense, protection and/or reaction I feel it, i become aware almost like a thick yellow highlighter is highlighting a scene. I continue to remember nothing is personal. We all have our own conditioned beliefs and that is where behavior arises from. And don’t meddle. Meddling  was awhile ago a behavior of mine when “I” felt it was my job to explain this paradigm to others. I am now seeing how that too was a behavior caused by my own conditioned beliefs.

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What I'm not seeing is that you said we don't have free will- that the programming is running the show and it is that that decides all behaviours. An incident in the past therefore could not be personal or have been any other way because the programme decided the action. Does that not relinquish the individual of any responsibility then? Are we saying that they literally had no capacity for awareness in that moment to think 'I can choose not to take this action'?

I have been reading recently about how people who experienced the realisation of non-duality (not sure how else I could call it) experience life day to day. What’s the difference between the before and after the realisation. A few people pointed out that any kind of emotional suffering completely ceased for them and they experience nothing but peace or bliss every single day I don’t know why I’m sceptical of it but that’s my problem :) so I thought I’d ask you about your experience and whether this is everyone’s experience after that realisation.My hunch tells me, the suffering, distress, anxiety and all those emotions we label as negative, still happen but our relationship to them changes as they are not seen as problematic but, of course, I can see how others may really be at peace at all times. Anyway, I’d really appreciate your input.

I see how much the “I” hates hates hates hates a colleague and a particular situation. Being with that anger in my body is challenging but slightly more possible than before. Is it a sign of my boundaries being crossed (origin of the pattern from early childhood)? Or what is under thread here in my identity? 

What is my accountability in the storyline of being wronged, mistreated, not valued enough?