I am multi-passionate/curious about many things. I find it hugely energising to learn about new things, give myself space to pursue different possibilities and seemingly have options. However, I know underneath what is happening is what makes sense to happen based on the programming and until the programming changes the behaviour won’t change. I can see there is nothing wrong with the behaviour but at times it means that I can feel I am pulling myself too thinly and not making the progress possible on any one thing and feeling overwhelmed in the process. Yet when I focus on one thing and excluded others, I can feel bored or stagnant. Would love to hear your thoughts.

'The Expectation Effect' by David Robson. The Sunday Book.  

This image of yourself  is obviously not real. Any more than the idea of a tree is a tree. Any more than you can get wet in the word ‘water’.Alan Watts

 I am interested in joining the course but I am also coming up with all sorts of reasons why I shouldn't!!I suppose the main area I am suffering in life is that when I was 8 years old I came upon using food to dull down uncomfortable feelings from a difficult period of childhood. So innocent I know but I am still doing that aged 58. I think I have tried everything to stop this habit and my mind is saying it is just another tactic and quite an expensive one too. I am also aware it is the same 'mind' that suggests eating rubbish makes me feel better...I hear so much that resonates in what you share Clare and I can see that going deeply into what I am beyond the behaviour will really help in all of my life not just with food and then I hear a voice that says you are not 'enough' for it; not understanding the conversation enough: not eloquent enough; not confident enough etc etcBut I do also know at times that I am pure love and potential.

I’m currently working through Voice in your membership and have a question that is bothering me. If I start to see the illusion of me and see that the identity doesn’t exist then does that mean others disappear? If ‘I’ don’t exist then nor do ‘others’? I know this can’t be true but since the thought has passed through my mind I thought it would be helpful to ask the question since it’s clearly going to hold back my exploration! I’m quite keen for this crappy insecure identity to disappear but not my family! 

I love participating in your courses but have come to realise I am doing them in an attempt to feel better.  I experienced early trauma (I’ve never felt safe) which on reflection seems to have underpinned most of my life.  Interestingly, the ‘symptoms’ (freeze etc) of the trauma are becoming almost unbearable, whilst at the same time my conscious mind ‘piles’ on the pressure to move forward and achieve.  It simply feels impossible to achieve anything given the opposing ‘forces’ and this is becoming intolerable.I am curious, because during my exposure the 3p and ND (8years) I have definitely witnessed others who simply cannot move forward.  Regardless of their desire to and consequently suffer the backlash of ego and remain on this relentless hamster wheel.Could you shed any light on this? Can ND support those with early trauma?  In view of this, is Home a good fit in these circumstances.

I am really tempted to do your new Home course. It sounds really fascinating and I loved the last course I did with you year ago. My only hesitation is sometimes I felt left behind by some of the people on the course deeper into the understanding you centre on. Whilst I know comparison of ‘me’ vs ‘them’ is unhelpful it did mean I sometimes found the live sessions a little overwhelming and my brain decided a few times that I didn’t really get it and therefore it was pointless. I suppose what I am saying is will this start from the beginning? I am well versed in the 3p’s so it’s not the very beginning, but will it be open to all and ‘slowed down’ enough for us that are still at the start of this exploration? 

 I have read all of your books but one and I get glimpses but the books (and the course I took) tend to make me think more and get conceptual. Is your goal here to really to have many of us awaken during the course or learn more about awakening?

Busting Loose from the Money Game by Robert Scheinfeld Every Sunday we will look at a book that is relevant to this conversation. 

Your habit is not “you” and it is not personal. It is simply your brain doing what it does.Dr Amy JohnsonWe are beginning a series called Wonder-Full Words. Each Saturday we will look at a particularly powerful sentence or quote, wherever possible exploring it directly with the author. Today's words are from Dr Amy Johnson, author or the Little Book of Big Change and Just a Thought.   https://dramyjohnson.com

I am in part aiming to transition from a career in the corporate world to a career in the third sector after voluntary work in the sector. I find myself naturally moving in that direction and really energised. One question I have been contemplating is the significant disparity in pay between the two sectors. I can see that money is a concept and as such nothing about it is ‘true’ and yet it doesn’t seem to make sense that they should be so differently paid. I appreciate that there are narratives/ beliefs around the third sector being short of money and people working in the sector get paid in fulfilment and yet I feel by accepting these and the salary that comes with them I am seeing the beliefs as true and being constrained by them. I can see at times a sense of ego popping up feeling it deserves more money and is ashamed it will not get this but when this isn’t so strong I can see that there is information in this which may be helpful. Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

A brief summary of this episode

I have a question about fear and avoidance. I heard you say to ask what the fear is and do it anyway and this will transform something. I have panic attacks as soon as I have a session (I am a therapist, or I was, because I stopped doing it). I just couldn’t tolerate this feeling anymore. I inquired into it (I feared I will die or dissolve), I felt the body sensations ( a lot, because this is where I come from as a body and movement therapist), later, when I came across the 3P I tried to see it as just thought (didn’t work), I did all sorts of traume therapy and looked at this as a client, but nothing ever helped, it got even worde and worse.  I did go on with working as a therapist anyway over years and despite feeling always better after the session (maybe just because it was over), it never improved, I was terrified before each appointment. At one point I just couldn’t stand the severe symptoms anymore and decided to stop. This was a big relief.I thought this was maybe just the way life told me to not do this anymore. I teach apprentice therapists now in different skills like psychopathology and movement analysis, and although it’s fun and I don’t have panic attacks before teaching I feel like it’s a bit meaningless and not really using all I know and sometimes I find myself envying people who work as therapists or coaches, although I don't want to go back there. I’m totally confused about what life wants to show me here. Maybe you see something.

It seems we are consistently questioning reality in this understanding. Is there a potential in this of gaslighting ourselves? The question comes up in view of adverse childhood experiences. When we are babies and our identity hasn’t formed yet and our primary care takers are confused and traumatised themselves, the main survival mechanism for the brain is to conclude that „I am bad“ and later „the world is dangerous“. That seems to be running deep in the system. Sometimes when I immerse myself in this teaching, I feel like it’s confusing me more and I’m afraid of gaslighting myself into „everything is not as it seems, hence my perspective, voice, input is not valid“ along these lines. 

About ADHD. Several years back i was told by psychiatrist i could have ADD (the more "dreamy' version) Can we see it as (different) neurotype instead of a diagnosis/label/"you are broken" point of view?The label or problem is made up but i think we can't deny the human body mind had different types of form.The "i" can easily get lost in the story of i have Add so "i am broken".So on the other hand we can acknowledge the diversity and get real with it what can leads to freedom.No denial but also not claim it..and get lost in it. How you see it fit in this conversation of reality and true Self?

I'm hoping you can help me see something new around worry and preoccupation with my Grandchildren. I can see that the Parents are doing the best they can from what looks true for them, but from my perspective I can see how much of it is based on misunderstanding. And I see my Grandchildren soaking it up (as the learning sponges that they are) and I just want to jump in constantly and say no - don't believe it! For example, my Son and his Wife put my 12 year old Grand Daughter on anti-anxiety medication because they see her emotions as a problem. I feel helpless to stop any of it and I spend way too much time thinking about it. Can you help shed some light on this? 

Can you please do a podcast on What's at stake, I have been using that phrase and it really helps. When the need to ask that comes to mind it is usually at a time when the sensations are so constrictive and felt so deep. It has been helping me to not react at those times. It helps to have that realization that the only thing at stake is the thought of the identity. Why is it that the sensations are so dramatic at that time?

I wanted to ask you or maybe just see your thoughts around something that happened for me yesterday. They were a job rejection and a strong angry reaction to a FB post that was about repeating days over and over not being a life.​  I see that reaction speaks directly to my own shame and embarrassment that my life seems to be just that - repeated, wasted days. Later that night I woke with thoughts of shame and disappointment of how my life seems to have turned out, that I am wasting my life and embarrassed of the perceived barriers that lay heavy on any creativity or potential.  I compare myself to the collective "them" who are so much more worthy, useful and successful and the old me who could do the things I can't.   So separate and lacking. I felt anger rise up and in my mind I am smashing against the walls that surround me and screaming as loud as I can.  This was in my mind as my husband would have a start, but I silently screamed. I was reminded of something you had said about hitting at walls made of nothing but thin air.     ​​​​​​​Today I don't feel different about my situation. I think I know what has to happen, VOICE was so brilliant and started me down that path.  I just don't know who I am, I feel a bit lost. 

'You mention Ho'oponopono how does it fit in this conversation?' Listener question 

What is this heavy sense of guilt and wrongness that comes up from the depth of unconsciousness again and again? It comes up especially in dreams at night and in relation to people. 

I am caught between wanting to change (lose weight, get fitter, move more) & being stuck not making those changes.  I have plans to exercise & eat well every day, but rarely do. This has been an issue most of my life. Even thinking about it now brings tension & conflict feelings. I feel like I'm fighting myself. The one obstacle/habit is the pull to 'not move'. This started as a young teen when I moved away from family & friends & it was safer to keep my head down & not move/be quiet for hours each day (before then I was active & outside most of the time). I ended up sitting & thinking  thinking, thinking, which eventually led to eating. Over the years I have found myself sitting & mindlessly thinking, eating for hours (& sometimes rocking back & forth) wasting days. My husband would work on a Saturday & I would mean to do so much with my day, but I would end up sitting, thinking & eating & then rushing to tidy up/ shower before he got home. I would then lie about my day's activities. The inevitable weight gain killed my marriage & I am now doing the same in my current relationship. There is real fear about this relationship ending & being alone, but there is also sadness/anger about not being loved unless I'm this different active slim person.What is going on with me & how do I break this habit (I am now in my 50s)?

Every Sunday we'll look at a different book. Ideally one that is about the 'real' world and which is relevant or useful for a conversation about spirituality, non-duality or reality. Today we are looking at Algorithms to Live By by Brian Christian. 

Why, when someone tells me they love me, I often can't feel that come into my being?  Is it because I don't know myself as love in that moment, or is thought telling me I'm unlovable or is it that it doesn't sound sincere (which is also a thought in that moment), or just what's up with that? Maybe it's all of these things.

Can spirituality have practical implications? Listener question

Listener question: do we need to be enlightened to help people? 

[Question abridged so that we can focus on the principles involved rather than the content of the experience. ]I understand that you are very clear about spiritual bypassing. That’s why I have a question.Can there be a difference between spiritual well-being and effectively helping people?[explanation of situation] I was neither free of resentment, nor was I in a clear, calm mind when I acted.  It was urgent, I acted, I got what I wanted and that’s peace for the people who live there under my watch.When I listened to your episode on Ausschwitz I took away, how we should really always start with ourselves, which makes total sense. I can see my resentment towards this family- they also threatened to kill me but it somehow was a warm goodbye in the end. “They” are beautiful people. I can see that. But it was irrelevant for the solution.Isn’t my spiritual well-being completely irrelevant? What role does spirituality have in situations like this? Is spiritual advice even needed?

If the outside world is only ever a reflection of our inner life, which it seems to be, how is it that things appear to be happening for everyone? I am speaking about vaccination schedules, governement restrictions, masks, lockdowns etc. Though we are all experiencing these things differently, they are happening..arent they? Just as in world war 2, there really was a war even though everyone had their own unique experience of it. Is this to do with collectively manisfesting something on the outside due to our similar inner worlds??

I'm enjoying the book REAL but I have hit a block with the chapter on custody. Can you say more about it please?Chapter 8 REAL You are not in control Trying to assume personal control—over anything—is simply not possible. What a relief.Garret Kramer Imagine that you are driving and you bump another car. The other driver gets out of the car in full rage. You have no control over what this driver will do. She could do anything.You also have no control over the thoughts that appear in your mind at that moment:‘How dare she swear at me!’ or‘I need to get away from her.’ or‘She looks upset, poor thing.’Whichever thoughts seem real to you in that moment will give rise to your behaviour:You might swear back.You might walk away.You might ask if she is OK.You are not in control of the other driver. You are not in control of your thoughts about her. You are not in control of the behaviour that results from the thoughts.You are not in control of any of it. Does this mean you are an automaton?Are you just an oblivious receiver and transmitter of whatever is believed?Yes… In a way…The body-mind is the expression of whatever is being believed in that moment. In a very real sense, it is a programmed robot. Executing whatever programme is installed. Where things get confusing is that we believe that we are an individual self, housed within the body-mind, controlling all its actions. But there was no self controlling how language or driving or listening was learned. That just happened. And the self that we really are, is the awareness of that. Who we really are is the space in which all of life is appearing. The consciousness we are brings thought alive as though it were real.  It also allows the realisation that thoughts are ever-changing, transient, neutral mental energy.Inherent in this gift is 100% custody for what you believe in any moment. And 100% custody for what you do as a consequence of that belief, even though what you believe is out of your control.Crazy isn’t it? Even though you have no control over the road woman, for the moment that she is in your life, she is in your care. Every single thing about her is perceived through your mind in that moment. She can’t exist for you other than through your experience of her. It is the same for all thoughts. You have no control over when and how and what will appear. Once these thoughts appear in your head, though, they are in your custody. You have no choice about the behaviours that come from those thoughts. The behaviours though are in your custody. Only yours.So there we have it: 100% custody of anything that appears within our awareness, 0% control.

'I am sensitive to negative energy' Listener question

The infinite potential of aliveness in perception-created form...!!!

Happy end of 2021 and a look at 'endings'

Can you speak to the innocence of the motivation to attempt to secure, or make solid, this transitory ephemeral idea of a me? How do we see this as innocent, rather than as a terrible, thing? Is this even an accurate description when there's no chooser?Being part of this conversation with you has entered a question of how many objects, relationships, situations, have been an attempt to make this transitory idea of a "me" stable.

 'Who does the transcending, and what prompts the idea to observe, to transcend?' Listener question

'I can't not resist' Listener question

'What is the identified mind?' Listener question

Just giving voice to the things I spoke of on today's call multiplied the weight of them.  It really is all a matter of where the attention is directed.  I don't want to give more weight/authority to the story.  I don't really want to pay much attention to the story at all.  Would much rather just be in life and enjoy every minute of it.  So how can one NOT end up in a form of bypass in order to stay in flow?  

Follow up to self blame is an ego trip (10 Dec 2021) Thank you for doing this so thoughtfully 💚.I listened to the podcast umpteen times, and yes I get it.the ego ran the show for so long it’s still protesting against life. When I see my behaviour and witness it more and more I feel the impact it has and it’s terrible, there is no forgiveness in that.It’s like watching a car crash over and over again. So are you saying I have to watch the car crash without doing anything about it?? I always hoped that when I’m aware enough I can prevent this shameful behaviour.I’m desperate for change.

I have a question about subliminals. Is there a right or wrong time for this? I started listening to your work half a year ago and it was so scary and over my head that I stopped. Then I came back later and now there seems to be less inner resistance or protection.Can it be too soon? I am endlessly curious but how do I know that I am ready for it?  Also, if I spend this money on subliminals (I am a social worker and a single mother, so it’s quite an amount for me) am I really sure that I want nothing in return? Don’t I instantly want a change while knowing this attitude send me to hell and prison the last months? The subliminals would be some kind of blind trust which really feels right. Can you help me find out if it’s right for me?

What worries me the most that there is no relief or release. I stay in the stress, tension. Even with good, pleasant things, situations, or situations that go well. I go back to stress, hate etc. It's like I can't allow good things or happiness anymore. 

hi Clare I am divorced from my wife and we don’t have children. She has remarried. My mum is in her 90s and i said I will go to see her for Christmas Day but the whole thing is just making me feel so lonely. I have people I speak to in work but we don’t have the sort of relationship to meet up afterwards. I did have old friends from college but they are all quite far away and busy with their own things.  I would like to have a partner and I’ve tried to meet someone but nothing seems to work. Each year I just feel more and more alone. I know someone might say loneliness is just my thinking but it doesn’t feel like it. 

I listened to your podcast and read your book and of course you scare the hell out of me. Thank you for that.I will try to put my question into words, English is not my first language and I am also not familiar with the words you use. However I try to ask a question about how we create our world.I used to date a lot. After being in a very long relationship I threw myself out there. It was awesome, exciting and devastating. For one and a half years I experienced a range of emotions in a seemingly meaningful, certainly hurtful way. I was like on autopilot, repetitive behavior, the same story over and over again. My mind created heartbreak and drama for 18 Months. The protagonists changed continuously, so it wasn’t about any of them. Then it stopped.Now I see what it was there for. How it helped me to understand what my mind is capable of. All the drama that makes me feel so free and alive is quite the opposite. But kind of amazing to. When I was fully in it, the (Tinder-)Algorithm presented guys on a regular basis. Handsome, smart, funny. To that time I felt like all those amazing men came into my life. Now it feels like I fabricated the entire thing. It appears to have come directly from my imagination. Like I was thinking of a lack of tenderness and there comes heartbroken a guy, talking about how sensitive and tender he is. I felt like I needed security, the came along a crav maga instructor. I sensed a feeling of lack or need and it was fulfilled for a second until it wasn’t. Like my sense of what I need was precisely attacked.The cycle was like this: Sense of lack- search - match - wonderful feelings – disappointment - Sense of lack- search - match - wonderful feelings – disappointment Like gradual deconstruction. That was the word what came to mind over and over again, deconstruction. And the more I see that, the less I can reconstruct the old building. As if I not able to produce that. I cant make it up. Its emptyI recently realized how I have this kind of magical thinking a lot... It is clear what kind of dream theater happened there. In this case, the appearance or absence of men is probably just a psychological processBut then my mind turns it around  like: So when I get the “right” attitude then I can change the outside world. There is this one side which is so clearly made up. And then there is the other where it is so clear that whatever I think or say will not change what is about to happen. Can you see what is confusing me? How can there be such a clear manifestation of the felt sense of lack AND at the same time it feels so cocky to think I can control the outside world by doing/feeling/seeing something the “right” way.It isn’t easy to put this into words. I hope this makes any sense to you at all. I guess, I am looking for magic.

My husband's job is to teach people to live in the now. He has helped hundreds of ordinary people that have been referred by mental health charities and the NHS etc. Some of these people get better after a lifetime of anxiety. He takes them straight to the experience of their true nature and they get it! He lives in the now too and doesn't worry about anything. Ever. You could say he is free. We often have discussions on the topic of the self. His 'argument 'is that if the self is illusory and has no free will /personal agency then who is it that is helping these people get better and how come these separate selves are improving?  He feels that this is not random ie. it's just what's happening - and finds the approach that some non-duality teachers ( Jim et al) take would not help these people out of their suffering in the same way that Mike's approach seems to.These teachers sometimes say "there is nothing you can do '' to help anyone. It's just what it is and yet 5 people have been guided to their true nature and awareness in the last week! Mike knows that he is following his internal guidance system at an individuated level of the all that is, but this doesn't seem random to him. This question is a bit unwieldy. Do you see where he is coming from?

I noticed when i hear something in the media about  a certain movement i want to speak up to my family.A couples years ago i left a community  i was in since birth. I couldnt handle the rules all based (to my opinion) on fear, guild, and sin.From that moment on my family socialy declared me death. My siblings no longer talked to me according to the rules of the community.Sometimes i really want to speak up to them and let them know how it hurts they never contacted me again. I had some hope they come around. Becauce i never changed on a deep level. I "only" have different thoughts about life works.But i know it will make no difference. In there eyes iam the lost one. The lost sheep.I am sometimes stuggeling with it. I think it is acknowledgement i want from them. Being heard. Loved instead of feared. But they believe  they will be punised by God if they are socially interacting with me.Maybe it's a mirror? Can i acknowledge it hurts me (or this mind body system) from time to time. Can i allow i choose a different pad in life and don't need permission from them to feel okay, whole.It must be a mirror! But its SEEMS they are the problem. Out there!  This community! But i also see the flux in it becauce there are periods i don't even think about them or any of it.  

'What is the ego and what am I if not that?'

I'm in knots trying to work out what to cook for dinner. I just can't find anything suitable. Suddenly I am full of self pity because it always seems to be me who has to solve this VAST problem.  I can't do it! Then I just give up and experience peace. Time passes...and then it transpires that everyone is actually out this evening and its just me I have to cook for, so I'm off the hook. I have used this as an example of my inner wisdom, but I am not sure anymore. It is like there is two forms of wisdom...wisdom that wants to keep the identity safe and make it feel good, and wisdom that just unfolds like life itself.**Here is the question**: is the pulling back from the stressful experience of having to choose A og B a form of false wisdom? I often experience a pulling back, because I know my thinking will change. But, what I have learned on this course is that going up to edge of the unpleasant feeling, to look for the ME who is experiencing this,  is a way to transcend a small program within the larger program (like transcending one record in a record shop that exist to play records). Is pulling back a way that ensures that the record will play again and again, until I see that it has nothing to do with who I really am?

What I'm noticing is that I often begrudge other people's successes. I have judgemental and contemptuous thoughts and fear of other people's work being better than mine.  I can see there is a desire to be special. Even being in  this conversation brings out these feelings of superiority. This feels jarring because the thing I want to do (or at least what my mind is telling me I want to do) is to support people and lift them up. I get that these are just thoughts. I don't choose them and I am able to act from a place of support regardless.  It's horrible though. I can see that the other constructed version of myself as 'nice' and supportive is fighting against this shadow side with all of these resentments and meanness. I know the whole point is that we let everything in. I know that real freedom is allowing all of this. I do wish it would go away though so I could enjoy being 'nice me' properly!! I guess I need to fully allow this to teach me what there is to see? Whenever I hear people like yourself I can't help but think, I bet she doesn't think these nasty things like me!     

In a recent podcast you encouraged us to gravitate toward our discomfort, get curious about it rather than flee from it. I tend to be a conflict avoider, spending energy protecting the non-existent “me.” For example, I avoid my husband when his weather is stormy. Although there are swells and troughs, his baseline aggravation is high. Even as I write this, I am trying to be aware of my own projections around it. His irritation is often directed at our children, and when I don’t join him in his gripes, he feels betrayed and unsupported. If I enjoy time with them that is light and unencumbered, he seems resentful or jealous. When I try to soften toward him, he hardens. I see we are both stuck in a story of “This is not how things should be.” He wants our family to be more in line with his expectations. I want him to love us and himself for who we are. Yet do I love him for who he is? I do love his essence, the loving person I sometimes glimpse behind the armor, but I don’t love the aggravation and accusation. Over the years I have become braver about trying to communicate with him. These attempts usually result in him getting defensive and me feeling sad and resigned. I have felt his verbal bullets pass through me like air, no “me” to trap them anymore. I don’t feel my happiness relies on his, but I am so sad that we can’t seem to share happiness together. Where are my blind spots here?

1) Looking at the world scale problems I often see greed as the main driver which causes the problems. Some days ago after reading your book Sane I got an insight that greed is only a symptom of our phantom self which is perceived separate, lacking, not enough etc. The end of this madness will come only by realisation- lifting awareness of who we truly are, a space where life arises and that the self which is being defended, secured is only a mirage in the desert. 2) I have a question for your podcast :) Looking at self improvement field in my eyes look as tool to get in this endless search to be better, to get better, to feel better. But more as I look at it I see this phenomena produces more problems than solutions. It takes us to this neverending journey where goal or peak of the mountain is even not seen and defined. So I wonder when/how do we know when is enough?