As we progress through the HOME course I have noticed that I have been unsettled, unhappy, scared and just haven’t really felt happiness and peace inside me.The more I listen the more I am becoming scared of my feelings, of what is showing up in life.At first I was meeting whatever is showing up and felt my understanding was growing. My question is I feel my ego, self whatever we call it is trying to self sabotage.To frighten me off.My mental chatter is becoming so much louder and constant that I sometimes feel I’m going crazy.I’m becoming just so scared of everything I do .Can you help please.

Frientimacy by Shasta Nelson 

We're not human beings having a spiritual experience. We're one spiritual being having seven billion human experiences. And who you really are is that one spiritual being. Your true identity is consciousness itself.Teilhard de Chardins

Can I ask you a question please ? I heard Jeff foster say that once the fear is in the body it has been admitted/ allowed there . And it’s just like a wave not separated from the ocean . Is this my opportunity to see the fear for what it is ? The apparent seperation - but still one with consciousness. My resistance by the mind to whatever the body has admitted is the source of my suffering? And unless I just allow it to be there it will plague me forever. It makes acceptance a little bit easier to accept if you get what I mean . The intelligence of the system has allowed the fear and pain to be in my body and i should respect universal intelligence by not resisting whst is happening in the moment ?

In one particular area the stakes seem really high if I’m not going to be able to face a certain situation which is quite imminent. I’m aware this is just a story as I have no idea how it will turn out but equally I feel very uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelmed about this sticky area. 

I have real financial problems. I am living hand to mouth in a job I hate and am desperate to leave. I feel completely trapped. It seems to me that there is a reality to money and that anyone who says it is just a mental creation is just denying the facts and making it worse for those of us in poverty. There is a webinar on 6th April 8-9 pm BST to look at the hidden treasures that money reveals. 

'How can a person develop insight into madness and sanity without again ending up in the searching looping from hell?'

I have seen a lot about my weight issues in the last few weeks and days. I saw the war going on inside between wanting to be thin and not being thin and also about wanting to be thin and not being able to make myself thin. Two wars going on, so much effort and exhaustion.In looking deeper, I saw that what I want from being thin is life to be easy, because life is so hard for me. I don’t really have a hard life, the opposite is true, but life appears just so hard, except for eating, sleeping, reading and watching TV. When I realized this, it struck me that this is exactly how my parents were living their life, or how it appeared to me. Thinking everything is hard and/or dangerous and the only allowed ease and joy was eating and watching TV, well and reading and sleeping. I had to sleep a lot as a child and I didn’t want to. Same with food, I had to eat a lot and I didn’t want to. It was such a shock to see that after all the therapies and stuff I’ve done, I still function with this old pattern. I also understand that all the life I lived before which was completely different to my parents’, like a ballet career and decades of partying and doing lots of adventures, even having lots of children and pets, was always done with a sort of fight spirit, fighting against this old pattern but the older I get the more the fighting ability vanishes and only exhaustion is left. The true program is revealed, eating, sleeping, reading and watching TV. No other thing is classified as easy or worthwhile, all other activity need more or less amounts of effort to push through. Even my handstand training this is true, which I love on the one side but I have to overcome resistance to do it every single day. It’s a relief to see the deep programming I didn’t know it existed but on the other hand I just don’t know what to do with that. It’s like realizing I am in a trap but not being able to leave the trap.

You often say something like : see what's true, or what is real. This is highly confusing to me. I don't know what the definition of 'true' or 'real' could be. Doesn't it depend of situation and person and, and, and? So it's highly subjective and transient?For example I might see in a moment the truth as beeing treated unfairly by someone, and in another moment just feeling angry, in another moment just feeling energy moving through my body and in another moment just a body sitting. All truth about the same situation. Someone else might not even see a body, as there are no bodys. Well I'm making this up, it's not my experience but I have heard people saying that. So many different truths and realities? Is truth always the momentary subjective truth? Or is there another truth? So what is the truth or the reality you speak about? This words really send me in a complete confusion. 

The Mind-Gut Connection Emeran Mayer. The Sunday Book 

A brief summary of this episode

I am afraid to do things wrong in eyes of this course.. or that i am not allowed to have a different view. (Projection)My upbringing was, based on indoctrinate with less room of free thinking and was a lot about those topics of approval and judgment of God. (someone outside of me who says and dictate what i have to think or do.)This caused that I project on others around me, like; They know better than me. I am not good enough. When i am writing this i see it's total confusion. And maybe that's why it feel so contracted, although i know that I am freedom itself, however something inside me still think i am not. This routine habbit still need to fade away. 

Over the years I have learned to trust in following my intuition as best I can.As I might put it now, to make the choices that I most "resonate with" at the time.To put it in your words, I might say that my system will make the choice that makes the most sense to it at the time of the choice.I might also say that in the moment of the choice/action, is the only time that I will know the best choice to make.So, be faced now with some major life changing choices, I wonder.Can I teach my system to be even more aligned with some kind of inner knowing or True Self/Higher Self knowledge?Is there even such a thing?It seems that you teach that by observing the beliefs and patterns in the system, that they begin to loosen and maybe dissolve, allowing more possibilities, which I might relate to wisdom.Knowing I have these choices to make in the near future, how might I teach my system to be as wise as possible by the time I must make those choices?Again is that even possible?If there is no "I", then there is no "my system" that is getting in the way of being-ness or knowing-ness.So maybe nothing to do?

The mind is just going very hard, fast for such a long time. Attacking itself etcIt feels like the fear is too big. Guilt, shame. I feel, think that I will never be normal again. Too damaged with all the thoughts. 

I have a question about the home course. It seems like it’s increasing my patterns of social anxiety. On the other hand, the things you say don’t really sink in. The information looks like interesting concepts, but i doesn’t cause me to really experience that i am awareness of intelligence of live etc. So listening to the courses and noticing the thoughts and feelings apparently isn’t enough. How does a person comes from the perspective we’re i’m in, to the perspective that you describe? What can a person that is living from the first perspective do in order tot see things in new way? 

I have just watched day 22 video on Aliveness. Your description of your Dad passing reminded me of seeing my Grandad pass, that life of him there one moment and gone the next. He was elderly and poorly and it seems to me that the body couldn’t sustain the life force or aliveness any more.I’m now piecing this together with the suicide of my relative, where it looks to me that the actions of the body prevented the life/aliveness from being able to be in that form any more. Although the body was sick, he died as a result of his own actions / the actions of the body. The aliveness was prevented by the action taken and there was intention to do so. Whose intention? Does aliveness have intention? I sense not…but there’s something here jarring. I was thinking today…I was sat in the chair drinking tea and I asked “who decided to sit and drink tea?” And I thought, the system did, it made sense to the system here given all learning and conditioning…I guess it was the same for my relative in taking his life? 

The Choice by Dr Edith Eger; The Sunday Book This is the passage I read out: A fourteen-year-old boy who had participated in a car theft was sent to me by a judge. The boy wore brown boots, a brown shirt. He leaned his elbow on my desk. He said, “It’s time for America to be white again. I’m going to kill all the Jews, all the niggers, all the Mexicans, all the chinks.” I thought I would be sick. I struggled not to run from the room. What is the meaning of this? I wanted to shout. I wanted to shake the boy, say, Who do you think you’re talking to? I saw my mother go to the gas chamber. I would have been justified. And maybe it was my job to set him straight, maybe that’s why God had sent him my way. To nip his hate in the bud. I could feel the rush of righteousness. It felt good to be angry. Better angry than afraid. But then I heard a voice within. Find the bigot in you, the voice said. Find the bigot in you. I tried to silence that voice. I listed my many objections to the very notion that I could be a bigot. I came to America penniless. I used the “colored” bathroom in solidarity with my fellow African American factory workers. I marched with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to end segregation. But the voice insisted: Find the bigot in you. Find the part in you that is judging, assigning labels, diminishing another’s humanity, making others less than who they are. The boy continued to rant about the blights to America’s purity. My whole being trembled with unease, and I struggled with the inclination to wag my finger, shake my fist, make him accountable for his hate—without being accountable for my own. This boy didn’t kill my parents. Withholding my love wouldn’t conquer his prejudice. I prayed for the ability to meet him with love. I summoned every image I had of unconditional love. I thought of Corrie ten Boom, one of the Righteous Gentiles. She and her family resisted Hitler by hiding hundreds of Jews in their home, and she ended up in a concentration camp herself. Her sister perished there—she died in Corrie’s arms. Corrie was released due to a clerical error one day before all of the inmates at Ravensbrück were executed. And a few years after the war, she met one of the most vicious guards at her camp, one of the men who were responsible for her sister’s death. She could have spit on him, wished him death, cursed his name. But she prayed for the strength to forgive him, and she took his hands in her own. She says that in that moment, the former prisoner clasping the hands of the former guard, she felt the purest and most profound love. I tried to find that embrace, that compassion, in my own heart, to fill my eyes with that quality of kindness. I wondered if it was possible that this racist boy had been sent to me so I could learn about unconditional love. What opportunity did I have in this moment? What choice could I make right then that could move me in the direction of love? I had an opportunity to love this young person, just for him, for his singular being and our shared humanity. The opportunity to welcome him to say anything, feel any feeling, without the fear of being judged... ....I thought of a statistic I read, that most of the members of white supremacist groups in America lost one of their parents before they were ten years old. These are lost children looking for an identity, looking for a way to feel strength, to feel like they matter. And so I gathered myself up and I looked at this young man as lovingly as I could. I said three words: “Tell me more.” 

"You don’t have to create physical objects by your speaking. I don’t have to say, ‘chair, chair, chair’ to have the chair exist. It’s here. I can touch it. I can sit on it. But love is different. States of being don’t exist in physical reality. If you want love, you must speak it into reality, every day. If you stop speaking it, it will disappear.” Steve Hardison 

One message some of your podcasts emphasize is that the identity, and what's believed, is in the reactions to things. So when you encourage us to get as close to life as possible by jumping in and doing whatever it is - we can see what's true and what isn't true based on what the reactions are.Today I received news that I've been hired to receive a short term work situation that will pay me the most money for a single job I've made in my life (thank you for these teachings as I think they've contributed to the receptivity for this moment). What I noticed was a storm of emotions: ups and downs and wild swings. It was almost like a snowglobe of emotions. And lots of crying. Or if you sped up a soap opera and watched it really fast. Yet none of them "stuck" if that makes sense. My interpretation of things you've said is that if there's a strong reaction then this is indicative of a lot of identity being believed. What about when the reactions are both strong and also fleeting? That seems to indicate loosening instead? The crying seemed to be healing somehow. Like it's not personal how we get paid or don't get paid. I don't have words for it.

I’m really struggling with what is going on in the world “out there” and how this equates to what we are learning about. Would a universal source allow this to happen? I recognise in my own mind body system a physical (sick) feeling caused by genuine fear and anxiety. Whilst I have done my best to avoid the news, it is everywhere.  I can switch off when I’m working with the children in my class as I enter their world of joy. But I’m finding everything else completely overwhelming.I suppose my understanding of the universal source or however it is labelled is that it is in charge … it has the control as we as humans have none? It gave me comfort to use this as a point of reference - the universe has your back etc.

Been loving your podcast questions, be great to hear one regarding the minds use once the personal is dropped, and how much fun to be had with it. I was confused about that in respect to its actual use, thinking it had to go and be silent, and it's not like that at all! 

What is the difference between enlightenment and grounding? Listener question

Do we keep questioning the way the mind functions at the same time we keep looking toward what is stable (what you call "true") because seeing the continual motion of thought, feeling and sensation compared to the backdrop of constant presence is what supports the realization of the core "I" as presence, instead of identification as temporary feeling/thought/beliefs?I noticed today that when there is more identification with a feeling, there is more resistance to the feelings we've been conditioned to view as wrong/bad. So the feeling experience of cranky becomes "I am cranky" and then there's resistance to it and then the body seems to move into default learned patterns that may have side effects that would also be resisted (junk food eating, scrolling, etc) indicating a seeking to avoid the first identification to feeling. cue vicious circle.And in contrast, in the last few days it seems that when there isn't this identification with a feeling, when there's just "oh here's crankiness again" then there's no resistance to it and therefore no related default avoidance/seeking patterns to escape that feeling...there's just the feeling and whatever else is going on. Yet whatever else is going on somehow ISN'T an escape/avoidance/distraction...it's like they happen side by side. cue virtuous circle.Oddly there's no efforting or the "I" that does either of these things, it seems to just be flipping back and forth like a switch.

Cracked. Why psychiatry is doing more harm than good.' by James Davies. The Sunday Book. 

'The mind is its own place. And in itself can create a hell of heaven, a heaven of hell.' John Milton 

Briefly my story is that I accidentally disovered the 3P in 2019, it completely changed how I saw things and I trained with Michael Neill Supercoach Academy in 2019.  I find that the things I've seen bring so much ease and freedom to my life and I love helping clients find the same ease and freedom. However, I know that this only goes so far. Questions around behaviours, fears, other things, don't feel like they are fully addressed by the 3P understanding alone. Patterns repeat, fears stay in the way. (My personal "stuck" is that I am an "invisible coach" - I get my clients by recommendation and referral, but am unwilling (terrified?) to go public as a coach, be much more visible etc - this is very clearly a "self" protection problem, I know!). Here's where I'd love your opinion, if I may.  I've set out on this journey with you a couple of times, as is the intention (of course!) it starts to wobble my realitiy to the point where I don't know which way is up.  I have a pretty solid grouding in the 3P in that I've got myself, and can take my clients to, a place where life feels easier and lighter and freer than ever before. When I set out on this journey with your work, it (quite rightly) wobbles some of the solid ground that the 3P understanding sits on.  A couple of times I've ended up in a place where I don't know how to coach my clients - I can see that what I'm offering through the 3P isn't true-true (isn't the WHOLE story), but during the two 60 day programmes I did with you, I didn't really find a solid footing in this deeper understanding. I don't want to short-change myself and my clients by offering them only part of what is possible/available, but I have the sense that I may well be "all at sea" in this new exploration for quite some time and may not see a new "truth" to coach from in the meantime.What can I offer from this place? If I could go on "coaching sabattical" for 5 years and take a break explore this more deeply and come back to coaching once I've seen more, I'd do that, but that's not realistic/or what I want to do.  Do you have any brief words on how to continue to coach whilst  exploring the understanding you offer, as I expect it will remove a lot of my "solid ground" which, whilst not true-true (and doesn't go all of the way), is certainly very helpful to my clients. I know there's a lot to gain in the long run (for me and my clients) by looking at this work with you - but until I really "get it"  I feel I might lose the solid (if limited) ground that I stand on, before I  truly understand what's there to take it's place. I think you made this journey yourself, so I'm wondering if you have any guidance/suggstions on how to navigate it. 

Yesterday during the webinar you were talking going through it, feeling it all.But what about immediately reacting, numbing. This just happens.I didn't want to feel reality at that moment. Because I was ashamed I felt disgust about someone, I didn't want that. I felt sorry for the person and ashamed so I numbed it. I know I started, or the system started to do that. And now I am so numbed, closed, it's like the system isn't able to be natural anymore.It worries me. 

You often use the metaphor mountain - no mountain - mountain. And you also encourage us to stay with the discomfort, to notice it, observe it, and see what's believed and what's actually true in those moments. A peer in your community shared with me that staying with the discomfort is "no mountain" - can you speak to that? I'm not seeing what she's seeing yet.

I have a question after hearing the last Home webinar, which I could not attend in person. You spoke about the conceptual mind as a gift, the only problem being that it makes a concept of self. But as I understand it at the moment, to build a concept of self is inevitable in the developmental phase. There is a time where the child just realizes it is a separate entity somehow and we call this I. So if this is the problem, why is it built into our evolutionary design? Or is it only in our culture, where the I is so worshipped, that this happens, and in a society, where people would not give such an example the I wouldn’t develop? But even if, obviously the overall evolution favours the development of an I. There is a philosopher Jean Gebser who has a model of the evolution of awareness (he calls it mutation of awareness), where he shows we started with an archaic awareness where there was no sense of I at all and evolved over the magic and mythical state to the current mental state, the culmination of separation where the I sees itself as always facing a Not-I. He also says that we will move to the integral awareness, where we will combine all the previous states and can access them simultaneously. It seems the evolution leads us to the formation of a separate I.If this concept of self is the problem, why is it inevitable? It seems to me either the design is flawed and sets us up for suffering, and again, why would it be like that, or I don’t see something. I bet it’s the last one.Can you shed a light on this topic please?

I have long turned to writing as a way of, what feels like, processing or making known felt insights.Something stirs in me and I reach for my laptop to try to put words to the knowing that is felt. I love the process of trying to match words to a feeling.When what is written feels as complete as I can make it, I go back and reread it. I’m often struck by the wisdom, beauty and deep resonance in my words. I know I’m reading Truth.The moment passes and if I were to reread these same words later on, they may or may not ring with resonance. The moment has passed.If they no longer ring as they did, I’m left with a mind that jumps in and somewhat snottily points out all the ways “Sure, you write that, but that’s not how you’re living.”In your conversation with Shelly you mention how writing like this comes through creating words for the mind to hear. My paraphrase. My mind jumps in and wants to control this process. Or work it somehow. I see through that. That’s the tail of the elephant judging it’s own ear and looking to fix it.And, darn it, my mind just wants to know how this works. Is seeing a belief believed  in the light of day what dissolves the belief? Or sees the belief as part of the body/mind/psychology and nothing needs to be dissolved or done. Just is. IS fine? 

When I hear about the observer and the observed being the same thing it feels like there is a deep truth to this. My (very simplistic) understanding of quantum physics seems to point in that direction.  I teach in a school for a living. So in my day to day experience, it seems as if what I'm being asked to do by my employer is to control the behaviour and (to an extent) the thoughts of others. But really, if there are no pupils and no me this can't really be the case?  I feel like there is a lot to be seen here and that the classroom I find myself in each day is really a space for expansion. Could you speak about this please? 

The Body, A guide for occupants by Bill Bryson, Sunday Book 

Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.Pema Chödrön

I feel like a grenade has gone off inside of me, very thing going off and blown up inside of me.I am experiencing the raw grief and heart ache of loosing my husband as you know.I have properties trying to be sold and yet have no home. I have money held in the bank but have no money.The security I had with being with my husband has blown up I am no longer a WE. I no longer have my husband to do things together.Wills and taxes and so much more having to be dealt with.I am learning from the course about reality and mind activity but the reality is so real in all it’s goings on.Through your course  Claire I am seeing bit by bit who I am not, about the self.However this afternoon I felt that without my husband life is going to be so much different and that is reality.But I felt hurt upset insecure lost and so much more and I found it difficult to actually see the difference in the reality and the mind activity making up stories.I feel very confused about what I am experiencing and making up.Life will change because I have never know really what it is like to be the real I to know the real I have lived worried and concerned about my family and others. People pleasing etc.I have had a melt down today and I think your amazing course and subliminals are blowing everything up to be seen but I feel overwhelmed which I feel is amazing. But also having to deal with life I just fell apart.And Clare you are teaching me that it’s not down to the self to control be in charge is the self doesn’t exist.I was just wondering if you have anything to say on when life throws so much stuff at one time and being open and real to it all but also living with the stress and also the effect on the body.Clare I love being with you, I love all that you point to, I feel so much love when you speak of this understanding. I respect you and most of all I thank my wisdom for guiding me to you because without you and Home I’m not sure I would be as ok as I am.

I was listening to the podcast about ‘Why do I shut down?’ As you know I’ve been experiencing anxiety and depression, everything has improved a bit even the low mood isn’t as low but the comment about triggers in the podcast and information that is being given made me curious. I notice that I am constantly comparing my life to others and as my life circumstances currently don’t feel favourable (although I know that is very outside-in) I have feelings of jealously, lack of connection and despondency that things will never improve, while at the same time not begrudging anyone else their joy and abundance. I am observing and trying to be with the feeling without judgement, sometimes easier than others when you want to feel better. Also wondered about that feeling of striving to move connected, reaching out to friends to meet and when they are busy taking it personally and starting the despondency cycle again. Seems like the striving to say connected is an attempt to be validated and being isolated feels like death as you put it on this weeks webinar. We are social animals so if feels natural to want to connect. I wondered if you had anything to say these points. 

I love your podcasts and listen avidly . Can I ask you where should one keep the attention if it’s now not on thoughts. I try not to get attached to thoughts and see them  just pass by but my mind goes haywire    and seems worse and then I’m sucked back into my mind.

Can you please help me out? The 'i' concept is not real. Like Allan Watts said in the quote you discussed on the "Saturday quote podcast."But the experience of it seems real. I can see that we are the lifeforce/consciousness but on the other hand my experience from nanosecond to nanosecond differs.. i sometimes really get lost in the stories the i (made of thoughts intangeled in each other) spins. Full of blame, selfpity, anger and fear. Then my body gets contracted, my heart area hurts. I want to have control (to stop it) but that keeps the whole structure intact.When the "i" gives it up, i notice the story collaps. And i am free! But there is still a need for control, how can i lossen this? Or is that (the need to lossen it) the problem? What to do? 

What I found harsh is: You are pointing toward a gap. It sounded to me like you are saying: look, where you stand right now, suffering will go on forever. What you see right now, will not help you. Unless you see this, there is actually no relief from all this. (in reference to Feb 3rd podcast) 

'Ready for Anything, 52 productivity principles for work and life' by David Allen.

"But sometimes... and not very often... sometimes we'd get glimpses of the truth.We'd see someone across a crowded room at the prom and our heart would stop. Our thoughts about ourselves would disappear and it felt like we were in heaven. What was happening? Were we falling in love?Maybe what really stopped at that moment wasn't the heart. What if what stopped was just all those thoughts? All those thoughts that were headed for the future or else going into the past.What if when the truth (beauty) is glimpsed those thoughts fall away? And love is just the beauty arising out of feeling the here and now. " Right Now p. 172, Steve Chandler (The John Keats quote Steve refers to in the interview is:"Beauty is truth, truth beauty--that is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know." 

Can you talk about planning? My coach said it is better to just turn up and let wisdom take over...

Can you speak to why it looks like there is a me that is making a choice? Is it that the brain creates a narrative that links the behavior the system took, based on what made sense/learning/belief in the moment, to an "I"?For example, it looks like there is a "me" that either pays things on time or not. Yet I can see that the system would learn due dates, and use them, while the brain could then claim that behavior after and say "I did that".

Can you tell me your thoughts about tools such as the Enneagram and Human Design.They seem to be quite helpful for many people but I wonder if this is another way of solidifying the ’self’ and may actually confuse the understanding I am gaining from your work?

How do I address the physical symptoms that seem to prevent me taking on this wonderful information?? For example, I can become so overwhelmed (shutdown) during a webinar I have no recall of the content. 

'I don't exist? What does that mean?' Listener question 

Work Clean, The Life Changing Power of Mise-En-Place to Organise your life, work and mind by Dan Charnas

Today's Wonder-Full Words are from Michael Neill When our thoughts look real, we live in a world of suffering. When they look subjective, we live in a world of choice. When they look arbitrary, we live in a world of possibility. And when we see them as illusory, we wake up inside a world of dreams.

I've been thinking about healing and I know I've heard people talk about healing also heals generational lines backwards and forwards. This makes sense in quantum physics and 'oneness' terms but not to the human mind view of linear time. Can you say more?