For years, I've been looking at thought and limiting beliefs as a way to work through the feelings and behaviors that they create, to have a better experience in life. Now, working with you, I'm told to turn into the body and experience the physical sensations, to go beneath the labels and experience what's there. I can also be aware of the thinking, witnessing it but to stay with the body. I've also remained present with the behaviors and the conditioned thinking, witnessing what is actually happening rather than the projected reality onto another person making them the bad guy. I've found that incredibly enlightening to see that the experience isn't happening in the external world but is a projection of all the mental chatter and the attendant behavior. My question is do both approaches dissolve conditioning? I ask because for me, it seems that seeing the thinking and behaviors has far more impact, at least at this point. And yes, I am aware that going into the body or witnessing the thoughts and behaviors is done from a curious place rather than trying to get rid of it. 

In the last episode of WANT (day 19) you spoke of money not having any meaning, just a means to buy what you need. And it was a lightbulb of revelation to me.I do not have an issue with money but with wanting a relationship (as you know ;-)) But the same is true for a relationship! If a relationship would not mean all that stuff I put into it (security, belonging, being lovable, being normal and so on)… what would it mean? it would mean a (male in my case) person I like spending most of my time with and love to be close physically - and it would develop into that organically over time. If there is no such person in my life - no big issue and no worries.You cannot imagine how big that insight was for me - I love WANT. And I am so grateful for your work and your generosity in sharing it!

What does it mean 'the phobia is on its way out'? Listener question

Also, unfortunately, I'm someone for whom the subliminals don't seem to have any effect, so it seems like something has to be revealed in a different way.Any thoughts on  this would be so appreciated.

I've been listening to your recent recordings on the "Want"course.  You speak about parenting that comes from the true nature of ourselves, to understand, or release our patterns, conditioning etc which you say are held in the subconscious. It seems fundamental then, that one comes into who they really are to be able to do this.  If one hasn't, then what?  I'm guessing the answer would be to start with seeing who we are before we can progress?

I am wondering if my current experience is ‘normal’I have been diligently moving into and towards all discomfort as you encourage us to do.I have found many things changing easily or just simply dropping away as well as some ‘sticky’ areas that I know I have more to learn from.I am also noticing that as I have less self created drama and trauma in my life, I seem to be floating in a space of what feels like ‘no mans land’ just a rather vague sense of purposeless as so many of the things that I am used to expending my energy on no longer have such a grip on me.I am hoping this space is going to open up and allow other possibilities, but wanted to check to see I am not off track here.

What if the behaviour of another that is impacting us is one we want to say 'this needs to stop' but we can't ask it because it's impossible for them to stop no matter how clear the ask (eg addiction)

A brief summary of this episode

Hi Clare, hope it's OK to message you here. I have a problem I'd like you to discuss on your podcast if that's appropriate.  It's about my 13 year old son who's " friends" have over a number of weeks , dropped him. They don't reply to his messages and don't invite him to join them any more . I have many scenarios in my head for why this has happened and I realise none of them are real..pure fabrication. I suppose my question is, how can I help my son deal with this rejection, my heart is breaking for him . Thanks x

What does it mean to be safe for other people? Listener question

 I definitely navigate through my feelings (I am a Myers Briggs Feeler rather than a thinker) and I can definitely see how this deep identification with whatever emotional response arises sustains and perpetuates the existence of “me” and keeps me unconsciously plunging back into full identification with the content of experience and attempts to secure “myself” within it. How can such a strong conditioned  identification (it feels so dense and multi-layered) with the world and the strong emotional sensitivity towards what is perceived within it ever shift for any longer than fleeting moments of awakening ?  So grateful for any further clarity in this area. 

I wondered if you could please speak more around how we might recognise when our knowing is derived from a need to secure a separate self (impossible) and the knowing that is absolutely without question in support of thriving as life itself.  I sense that really being able to recognise the difference between these two types of knowing as they arise on a daily basis is helpful to bring into the light. 

It can be terrifying to listen to a subliminal if the body reacts extremely heavy. I was ‘lucky’ to recognize these reactions – because they are part of my life already for several years. It was the first time, straight from the beginning of this subliminal (not during the subliminals of THEM and GOLD).  This heavy reaction IS the proof for me because thís subliminal hit me right in the core of the defence- and beliefsystem.It is what I need to regain faith in what I feel. With faith and trusting the body, all these anxious stressfeelings begin to feel no longer like a real danger for me. My high build up defencesystem can more and more calm down and so reveil more and more of who  I really am – ‘An all tollerent loving peace- Home’. I can feel somethimes this beautiful peace in an acceptance moment of a stressfeeling.(can be grief, fear, distrust, lonelyness, resistance, anger..) It helps me(babysteps by babysteps) to trust to embrace everything I feel, and stay with ‘me’ instead of running away, as I did all my life. I don,t judge this running anymore because it is my believed only way ‘out’. I begin to see that a way ‘out’ does not exist . It is all-in.  THAT was the neverending fight of which I can see more and more the uselessnnes. It exhausts me and causes physical problems I told you about. On the 2nd day I listen to the subliminal, my body was much calmer. I’m curious to see what the next period will bring.So all these words mean: I just say YES to the subliminal  that helps me to trust the many reactions in the body and reveil who I really am. The body knows what it is doing . The emotions just want to feel alife. And therefore, I will feel alive again – at last 😊

We've been talking about boundaries and inner yes and no in a previous podcast and I've been wondering about that in relation to friendship and connection with people who we want a romantic relationship with but when that is seemingly not possible. The tension between wanting the person in our life still but not being able to have them in our life in the way that we would really desire. What do we do with that? What does an exploration of reality and 'no other' have to say? 

Lifting consciousness is profoundly important - yet today very possibly far too slow and too late to stop this crazy juggernaut of distress, greed, bellicose tribes, fast negative judgement, bad thinking, closed hearts and minds, unthinking innovation combined with wild, untamed capitalism combined with often powerless global institutions - from crashing and killing maybe all our children – so - such lifting of consciousness is just not enough, nor will it happen fast enough. So, a question: You are doing some of the best work I have seen – but you and others like you just don’t have the time or scale to stop the crash – so what else to do as well – fast enough, profoundly enough? 

I was interested in your work because it seems you are a kind of bridge between the 3 Principles and Non-duality worlds.  I spent many years in the non-duality worlds, and have worked closely with a very kind hearted teacher and friend for the last 3 or so years. There were many profound and beautiful seeings and experiences, but somehow my work with him would always get me kind of stuck in very heavy mental structures.  My sense is that the depth and profundity of his "transmission," if you will was so profound and loving and deep that is would stir up all my resistance at once,, cause the mind to spin out after really big openings or "popping throughs"   So I my housemate brought me the 3 Principles around the beginning of the Pandemic, something eventually took with that, and it did help lighten things, and it did continue the work I was doing with the non-dual teacher.  What I felt was lacking in the 3 Principles community was the embracing and empathy of the pain in the human experience.  So in a way I found both paths lacking and excelling in separate areas.    Mostly I was able to kind of do both, but I ran into some issues with this too, and it's been a source of confusion and some temporary mental illness.  It's like my thinking mind kind of split and got confused about what's true etc etc... and a lot of fear and confusion have come up.     I think where I'm at now is underneath it all I get to trust me, and if I oscillate between the two, then that is what I need to do for now.  I think I do realize they are essentially pointing to the same place, with a slightly different approach.  We are all so unique from one another, there must be a wide variety of ways to reach freer and freer understandings of being in the human condition.  Anyways, I was hoping you could at least briefly comment on your understanding of the difference and similarities between the 3 Principles and Non-duality. I am curious if you consider yourself more in the non-duality world, or neither and what you got out of your time in the 3 Principles and what lead you onto your work you do now?    Thank you so much for your offerings, you are truly offering a positive service to humanity.

It feels to me as if i want something and then that 'want' shows up but after it shows up THEN i panic and want to get rid of it or tell myself its unwanted. Its as if i resist letting the 'wanted' thing in fully once it shows up. Whats going on with this ? .. we want something, the want arrives or is got and then the resistance shows up. Does this reaction still mean that the original 'want' is unclean or is this reaction showing up due to some other dynamic. It seems different from the situation where resistance is preventing something wanted from being 'got' in the first place.e.g's could be wanting money, then money turns up freely and then we freak out or we see something we want, we buy it and then freak out or (in my case) recently designing a wanted patio door, getting a quote, it being much more affordable then ever hoped but then i freak out and can't order it. It's almost as if the system fights against the 'upgrade' or the things that could make life 'nicer/easier' so wants to push it all away again once it arrives.

I just listened to your conversation with Caroline about freedom and presence. At one point you asked her „what money represents“… and I translated it inwardly for me to my issue :-)„what having a man for me represents“…The answers I got instantly were: - security- being worthy of love- being worthy in society- being lovable from a society point of view (look at me I made it)- being „normal“- belonging to my „tribe“I know that it is conditioning and beliefs… that a man does not give me security (rather the contrary, the men in my life made me highly insecure), I know that I am lovable from my female friends,… But I was thinking it would be great if you could talk a bit in WANT or in a podcast about wanting to belong, and not to be outstanding… I have the same issue with being happy, it feels dangerous to me because I do not belong anymore if I am too happy… I very much love everything you say and I am so grateful for your presence in my life

One question that is arising for quite some time is...What the F*** happened to learning capacityover time?As you're saying learning happened or happens automatically. There is no decider no chooser or doer. And still it seems learning slows down through life comparing to this super turbo learning that happens in childhood years and when the system is a huge sponge absorbing lotz of different information.Is rise of idea of SELF slowing all this down turning it into rusty old machinery only producing same old - same old reactions/behaviours?

On your recent podcast with Piers Thurston, I heard you say ’something that is manifested from within us and then held in place by our resistance to it.I understand how we hold it in place by our resistance to whatever it is, but am not clear about the manifesting part.Do you mean we create it due to our conditioning? Or is it something to do with the Law Of Attraction whereby we attract situations to us due to our way of being in the world? Or both?? Or something else altogether?Thanking you in advance for any light you can shed on my confusion.

I'm in wondering mode.I've long wondered about the phenomenon of multiple personalities. I guess it's called Dissociative Identity Disorder now. It's long fascinated me how each of the personalities can display abilities and even physical limitations that the other personalities don't have. I have a deep wordless feeling that this speaks to and illustrates what we're learning in your courses. The lack of solidity, the creativity of the identified mind.I'd love to hear your take on what you think is happening when someone has multiple personalities. Not so much why it happens, but how from a nondualistic perspective. 

A brief summary of this episode

I was chatting to the sister of someone I knew 30 years ago.She mentioned that her brother felt there was something off with me back then.I felt denial rise and fall.Before I replied saying something like well I'm in a better space now.But then came a sense of dread - was it that obvious that I was fucked up?I was oblivious to it. Was I that bad?

A brief summary of this episode

I've just listened to your podcast on "Unconditional Love".  Can you say a little about how to parent our inner child?  One of the reasons I was drawn to non duality was that I liked the idea of there being no self.  This is largely because I don't like myself.  Thru the years of listening I realize this isn't at all what it's trying to point to.  As with the previous writers' child, I too have a lot of suicidal ideation.  This might be too large a topic for a podcast, but maybe there's a few things you could say about it.

Could you speak a bit about common sense how do you see it? Is it the expression of intelligence behind life or it's well engraved learned program offering illusional stability to self and to maintain the belief that there is a seperate decider/doer from where we run our lives?Somehow common sense has been a great GPS through my life as very solid & clear guidance.

A conversation with the excellent Piers Thurston ahead of the November on-line course WANT. https://piersthurston.comThe membership to have access to on-line courses is now closed. You can click here to join the wait-list for when it next opens.  https://claredimond.simplero.com

The moment has come when I’ve been asked to do something that fills me with abject fear and would require throwing out all my safety behaviours. I know the answer is in me not out there but i don’t know which voice it is! I have been asked to speak at a large gala dinner early next year. It will be late on in the evening (already I am uncomfortable at that part alone!) in front of 300 people and all my colleagues. About 12 years ago I had a panic attack on stage during a work presentation- my first ever panic attack. So here I am having learnt so much but still none the wiser it seems. Do I want to face this fear (or see the fear for what it is) or do I want to learn the art of saying no to something that will bring about weeks of discomfort and sleeplessness to please others? Which lesson needs to be learnt and how do I find my wisdom? 

 I'm struggling with my phobic reaction around health checks, specifically blood pressure.  I have my pre op screening on the 31st Oct and was just looking at the appointment letter to see what was involved.  I had a reaction which I can only describe as a full blown anxiety attack.  The adrenal rush was huge, my heart rate went into overdrive and god only knows where my blood pressure is. Tunnel vision, dizzy, the works.  Two hours later I am still suffering from the after-effects....feeling really toxic.When I sit with this I'm only seeing the after effects of something that happens in a split second.  I feel like it's too late by the time I have the opportunity to sit with it.  I know it's only thought and feelings, and neither of them are really me, but it's truly awful.   It's the biggest double bind.  The anxiety which causes my blood pressure to spike is caused by my thoughts of having to have my blood pressure tested.  It's about getting awful news I think.  In this case it is self fulfilling in a major way.Do you have any thoughts on what I can do?  I somehow need to break the link between the trigger and the response.I'm getting a bit desperate.  I think they will cancel the op if the blood pressure is too high.

My question is this. What if what the person you are with is saying “I don’t want to carry on living and I want to end my life” in terms of accepting what the other chooses to do with their actions. What I think I’m seeing in the book is that I can’t yet tell what is being actually said as there’s still massive reaction to these words so more work to be done first. Currently then I’m in reaction to me and my needs trying to be met via her and so no space for her and in fact a pushing away of the love and connection I want us to have together (so I can feel like a ‘good mum’). So my need for her to make me feel like a ‘good mum’ by not trying to kill herself or even talk about it is what’s creating the whole shit show. Have I got that right?

I notice that i have many judgements about the way I look. On a theoretical level I understand that this is a layer of thought, and not reality. But it seems so real. Because it looks so real, I have all kinds of behaviour in place in order to manage the ‘fact’ that I am ugly. A couple of examples are: Avoiding to give interviews on camera, searching for ways to improve my posture, frequently going to the hairdresser etc. Can you explain how I can use this way of seeing myself in order to deepen my understanding about reality? 

My darling clare dimond, I honestly don’t know how to express the impact your latest most personal book has had on me.As you always so lovingly say to me and others in our community, you’re speaking for all of us, Clare! Nothing could be more true in my case. As you know and we have talked about, i was in a 2 year relationship with a man whom i was convinced would be my life partner, and in June when he told me for the 2nd time he could not give me the “commitment” that i wanted l, i broke it off with him. He tried several times to reconnect with me afterwards, but i pushed him away. The deeply profound suffering i have been in since that time led me (again, with your suggestion on one of our courses) straight into“The Work” which has cracked me wide open even more seeing the projection that he is and its not about HIM!!l It never was.. OMG What a GIFT! I am sitting in what needs to be felt no matter how difficult or painful and now seeing it as a way back Home to self love which requires nothing of anyone else… wowI had a tiny understanding this morning of what has been hard for me to grasp: “no separation, no other” whereby i could see how this man has been a complete projection of my wounds and I havent seen  “the person” thats the separation, and when i can see him without the need to fulfill or complete me, i am present to the actual person .. would appreciate if you could expound on this.. another thing i would love to hear from you on is going deep into the feelings as pain arises, feeling in the body without attaching the story.. i find this sometimes difficult as my ego mind gets involved running the movie of whats not happening now.. so i can somehow fix, resolve situation, go back and say things differently for different outcome. How to turn off the bloody projector!!  Insanity.. There is so much in your book that literally floored me but this quote was one:True love is not devastated by another person living life in the way that makes sense for themOMG, yes! I look forward to This man finding the love of his life as I am finding mine: and she’s right here with me ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏So much love a gratitude to you dearest Clare 

Should I ask my father if I was the reason he left (Follow up to Oct 13th podcast)

We think that we resist certain states because they are there, but actually they are there because we resist them.Adyashanti

I am in the midst of a six week course called radical love shift based on the work of Byron Katie.  doing the worksheets with different partners from the course has been very powerful and I’m glad I joined especially now given my recent breakup. However, there is confusion when it comes to non dual conversation and some of these practices around  “falling in love” with myself.  Maybe I’m just overthinking it but wondering what your thoughts are on the assignment to make a list of what i need/want in a relationship and then turn each one around to the “self” what self?An example: I need my partner to love me unconditionally. Turned around; I need me to love myself unconditionally. You may of already addressed this topic in another podcast but If Not, love to have your answer on a podcast… 

After listening to your podcast today (Oct 6th) re Syd’s quote about Free Will and then listening to some of these podcasts below. I am once again confused as to wether what you are sharing is aligned with The Three Principles? Sydney Banks said that 'when you live in a beautiful feeling, it will teach you everything you need to know. ' Is this ‘beautiful feeling’ something completely different from 'sitting in the feeling' that you encourage us to do?Is one Universal beautiful feelings and the other personal difficult feelings?Is what you are sharing the same as the Three Principles? It seems to me that although you never contradict the Three Principles you are adding an ‘addendum’?

Hi Clare,Can you speak more to the idea that this conversation isn't attempting to get rid of the self, or if it is? The more inquiry that happens, the more it seems that suffering IS the self. For example in one of your books you point out that feeling grief is not the self, it's the resistance to  it or a belief that it's wrong to feel grief is where the self is. As more practice at 'being with sensations' is happening, it feels like the suffering isn't there when the inquiry goes into the body. Then, when the mind drifts somewhere else out of attending to bodily sensations the suffering returns. It's bizarre.Thank you!

I have some trouble to see how faith and trust fit into this conversation.I always had a strong knowing that I am guided, and all will just work out in some way. Like being part of a benevolent universe. So if we are life living, and there is no me, then there is also no me some universe may care about. Life moves towards thriving, but as I see it, not in a particular way, when we look at biology, like plants and animals. It seems the one particular tube is not important in the big picture. So now what, are those body-mind systems just randomly held in life or not, depneding if it serves the thriving?  If yes, how can the human psychology get along with that?Or am I misunderstanding everything?

I seem to have created a situation on my life including a romantic relationship which exactly mirrors the painful feelings of abandonment  from childhood. I am triggered constantly inbetween some brief periods of feeling secure and safe. I could eliminate some of triggers by ending the relationship but then I know I will be seeking again to fill that void.It is really difficult and I often feel unhappy to constantly get triggered so I want this to end but I’m very scared and maybe I will recreate it again and 

I think the real question for me is how did you come to be teaching the way you do?Is this something you have developed yourself from your personal work? Are there other 3P teachers pointing to the same thing? Is this what non-duality is pointing to?

We have tried everything to get rid of suffering. We have gone everywhere to get rid of suffering. We have bought everything to get rid of it. We have ingested everything to get rid of it. Finally, when one has tried enough, there arises the possibility of spiritual maturity with the willingness to stop the futile attempt to get rid of it and, instead, to actually experience suffering. In that momentous instant, there is the realization of that which is beyond suffering, of that which is untouched by suffering. There is the realisation of who one truly is.Gangaji

This question keeps returning to meSo thought I’d ask again!I am feeling safer gradually but I do find that when a person/situation triggers the child in me I still cannot move one way or another either in out away. It’s like I’m stuck thereWhat to do?

I’m leaving in just over a week to be with my dying dad. He left us when I was 6 and I didn’t see him again until I was 31.Something I’m aware of is a programme acquired around not being enough and things being my fault and I’ve wondered recently if this comes from a small child’s mind creating associations and innocent beliefs about that situation.I would like to directly ask my dad if he left because I wasn’t good enough or whether I did anything wrong. I feel that perhaps hearing his response will bring more reality.But I don’t know if this is just a separate self seeking more security.Any thoughts would be so gratefully received.

Email 1I am loving the ‘do the thing’  theme  and have a question that I hope you can help as I sense that at the root of this will be a huge shift.My father and I have had a difficult relationship for many years and we maintain the peace by keeping our conversations fairly superficial and avoid any ’sticky’ subjects.I call him every week to 10 days and notice myself getting uptight leading up to the call and then feeling completely relieved when it is over. He always thanks me for calling but also complains to other family members that I should be calling more frequently.So when I heard the podcast about it sometimes being about not ‘doing the thing’ I wondered  wether that would apply in this situation?On one hand I really do not enjoy the calls and would not miss them, but on that seems unkind and to be honest I am not sure I could not make them.Looking forward to whatever you have to offer me, I am up for a challenge after having some days off…[I asked - In what way is it difficult?] Email 2Wow, I am not sure if you meant for this question to send me spinning in the way it has, but if so that was brilliant!I sat down last night to try to elaborate and give you some examples.I wrote about 5 different emails going over some past issues, and each time I went to send them, I realised that all those situations are no longer true….and even more disconcerting, I am not sure they ever were.So I shall sit with this a while longer and see if I can come up with something that is other than a story I have been telling myself for a very long time, but right now things seems to be evaporating before my very eyes!Now what??Email 3Wow, who knew much a simple question could unravel my whole life story?!Your questions have been keeping me up at night and waking me in the am.At first I was happy to get into the stories of my father and I, that are quite interesting and colourful, however as I began writing them out, and feeling all these old emotions they began to lose their lustre and grip on me.So here is what I am left with, and even this, that felt so solid, is starting to look questionable.A little background…..I come from a culture that expects the women to centre their lives around everyone else’s needs (husbands, children, parents..) and my father and I have clashed regarding these expectations since I was a teenager. I finally realised that I would never be able to meet those expectations, so stopped trying.I no longer attend the multiple extended family get togethers and am considered the black sheep of a large multi-generational family.I do feel a desire/obligation/duty to maintain a relationship with my father especially since my mother passed away, however I think if we were both to be honest we do not really enjoy each others company. He likes for me to phone or visit, but mostly so that her can tell the rest of the family that I did so.We have tried to work out our differences over the years even with the help of a psychologist, who ultimately suggested that we do not get into conversations where we had different opinions. So that limits our conversations to the weather as he has very strong opinions that are not up for discussion.He speaks quite negatively about most other people and I am aware that he does the same about me to others.He refuses to give up his drivers licence even though he is not longer safe on the road.I absolutely can see where we are similar in many ways, however this does not seem to shift the fact that I find it really hard to spend any length of time with him.So I guess to sum it up, I feel he has un-reasonable expectations of me, and we disagree on most topics, yet feel I want to maintain some sort of a relationship with him especially as he ages and is going to need he

'What was your revelation of no free will?' Listener question

Thank you again for a insightful conversation we had during 1:1 call.It was a big opener for me as I noticed that till then I misunderstood the principle of thought.I understood that feelings are product of my thinking about circumstance in my life.As i see it now from our conversation, feelings arise from thought (universal energy) and there comes feeling. For that feeling,  we then look outside in our circumstances to attribute it to something, to pin it to some happening in our life.So through learning and conditioning the system body-mind made learned connections as solid blocks/platform on which our life operates. Going round and round in circles in a sense what a thinker thinks the prover proves.Oh my God.. the platform is totally made up...

The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté (part 1) Sunday Book

if we keep heading into and even appreciating the suffering, surely we’ll just keep finding ever more of it. In your mind that’s a good thing (!), in my mind ‘why would you want to ruin every day looking for more experiences of suffering?’ Why not choose to spend your time looking for all the obvious beauty, love and joyful moments instead? It seems to me we get more of what we focus on….? I guess I cannot get my head around the fact that you would rather be in suffering than happiness - so that you can find out true nature (ie happiness). Why not just cut out the awful middle man?