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Health & Fitness
Vern Tompke
For those who are looking to gain traction and momentum as they move away from the destructive effects of porn and porn behaviors and pursue the life and relationships they dream of.
Total 146 episodes
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Ep. 147 - Direct from Brazil

Ep. 147 - Direct from Brazil

Vern has been down in Brazil working with couples around marriage and men in the area of recovery.  Take a listen to some of his thoughts and screwups direct from the land down under (the other land down under)We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life.  We have a a group for young guys, a group for older guys in or near retirement and a few guys waiting to start a "Married with Children" group. If you want more information on these groups email me at [email protected].  We can also arrange a free zoom call if you want to ask further questions and discuss your recovery needs further.If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my circle learning platform.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link will get you started (although if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app - (white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2
19:3723/11/2024
Ep. 146 - Before the Day After

Ep. 146 - Before the Day After

November 5th is a big day - its Guy Fawkes Day, Vern's Birthday and yes - the American election.  How deal with the big feelings that will follow the election can make us truly vulnerable to relapse.  Vern walks through how we navigate these strong emotions.We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life.  We have a a group for young guys, a group for older guys in or near retirement and a few guys waiting to start a "Married with Children" group. If you want more information on these groups email me at [email protected].  We can also arrange a free zoom call if you want to ask further questions and discuss your recovery needs further.If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my circle learning platform.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link will get you started (although if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app - (white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2
16:2102/11/2024
Ep. 145 - Welcome to Plan B

Ep. 145 - Welcome to Plan B

There are two types of pathways we can walk in recovery - Plan A is the one we prefer and we have all tried it - unsuccessfully.  This episode is about Plan B - and why we end up having to follow this route.We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life.  We have a a group for young guys, a group for older guys in or near retirement and a few guys waiting to start a "Married with Children" group. If you want more information on these groups email me at [email protected].  We can also arrange a free zoom call if you want to ask further questions and discuss your recovery needs further.If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my circle learning platform.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link will get you started (although if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app - (white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2
21:3028/10/2024
Ep. 144 - Porn Free Millennial

Ep. 144 - Porn Free Millennial

A big step of recovery is when you turn around and help guys who are not as far along the journey as you are.  Mac is one of the guys I coach and he has created a great podcast that he shares with younger guys - it's called porn free millenial and you can access it here. https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/porn-free-millennial-podcast/id1688517945On the episode Mac and I discuss how you can combat temptation by asking 3 questions:Then What?, So What? and  Now What?We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life.  We have a a group for young guys, a group for older guys in or near retirement and a few guys waiting to start a "Married with Children" group. If you want more information on these groups email me at [email protected].  We can also arrange a free zoom call if you want to ask further questions.If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my circle learning platform.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link will get you started (although if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app - (white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2
46:4621/10/2024
Ep. 143 - What is Your Primal Question?

Ep. 143 - What is Your Primal Question?

What is the Primal Need which drives your behaviors, informs your fears and causes you to reach for your medicine jar? (porn)  In this episode Vern asks the question "If porn is our favorite solution, then what is the primal question  we are seeking to answer or problem we  are seeking to solve?If you are interested in reading the book, 7 Primal Questions, the author has the first three chapters available on his website: https://www.mikefoster.tv/downloadsYou can do a quick online survey to get a quick idea as to what your primal need is by going to the following link.https://primalquestion.typeform.com/to/DmcABGY6?typeform-source=www.primalquestion.comWe are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life.  We have a a group for young guys, a group for older guys in or near retirement and a few guys waiting to start a "Married with Children" group. If you want more information on these groups email me at [email protected].  We can also arrange a free zoom call if you want to ask further questions.If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my circle learning platform.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link will get you started (although if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app - white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2
25:1807/10/2024
Ep. 142 - The C's of Recovery

Ep. 142 - The C's of Recovery

We all know the things that we want to leave behind - do we have a clear sense of what we want to see grow in our life?  In this episode Vern shares the result of a brainstorming session he did with a group of guys around the things they wanted to move toward.  Funny thing - they all start with "C".We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life.  We have a a group for young guys, a group for older guys in or near retirement and a few guys waiting to start a "Married with Children" group. If you want more information on these groups email me at [email protected].  We can also arrange a free zoom call if you want to ask further questions.If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my circle learning platform.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link will get you started (although if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app - white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2
18:5918/09/2024
Ep. 141 - What If

Ep. 141 - What If

When it comes to living in sustained recovery two of the most problematic words we can utter are the words "What If".  Today I unpackage why those two words get us in trouble more often than we realize.We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life.  If you want more information on these groups email me at [email protected].  We can also arrange a free zoom call if you want to ask further questions.If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my circle learning platform.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link will get you started (although if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app - white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2
18:5709/09/2024
Ep. 140 - 6 Dumbest Things I've Heard

Ep. 140 - 6 Dumbest Things I've Heard

I've heard a number of pretty dumb things in coaching guys.  I've even thought and said a few of them myself - the following are six of the dumbest things that I have come across.We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life.  If you want more information on these groups email me at [email protected].  We can also arrange a free zoom call if you want to ask further questions.When it comes to living in sustained recovery two of the most problematic words we can utter are the words "What If".  Today I unpackage why those two words get us in trouble more often than we realize.We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life.  If you want more information on these groups email me at [email protected].  We can also arrange a free zoom call if you want to ask further questions.If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my circle learning platform.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link will get you started (although if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app - white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2
19:3804/09/2024
Ep. 139 - Signs of a BaaaaD Recovery Group

Ep. 139 - Signs of a BaaaaD Recovery Group

frEver been in a bad recovery group? Ever felt nervous about joining a group because of the many ways it could go wrong?  In this episode Vern explores how to tell when a group is toxic and when it is healthy.We are starting up new Finding Traction groups in September 2024.  Normally groups are $149/month but if you sign up by August 31 - Vern is offering them at the old price of $99/month.  The cost includes all 52 videos plus handouts to guide our time together.  To get more information about these groups email Vern at [email protected] before the cutoff.When it comes to living in sustained recovery two of the most problematic words we can utter are the words "What If".  Today I unpackage why those two words get us in trouble more often than we realize.We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life.  If you want more information on these groups email me at [email protected].  We can also arrange a free zoom call if you want to ask further questions.If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my circle learning platform.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link will get you started (although if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app - white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2
14:5127/08/2024
Ep. 138 - Eat Your Frogs

Ep. 138 - Eat Your Frogs

Have you ever heard of the saying "Eat Your Frogs"  I hadn't!  But today we talk about an issue that many porn strugglers have embedded in their lives - their propensity to procastinate!Vern has a brand new circle learning platform for people looking for connection and free resources in their recovery from porn.  To get access to this platform join up using the following link - if privacy is a concern use your initials or an alibi for your name... (I have my regular name and I have another called Tom Landry - so you can find me!)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2If you want more informtion on these (or for any other reason - like football advice)  you can contact me at [email protected]
14:5420/08/2024
Ep. 137 - Relapse After a Long Sobriety

Ep. 137 - Relapse After a Long Sobriety

What if we have a relapse after a long period of sobriety?   In this episode Vern shares from his life about how demoralizing this can be but also how to get back up on our feet with the proper perspective.Vern has a brand new circle learning platform for people looking for connection and free resources in their recovery from porn.  To get access to this platform join up using the following link - if privacy is a concern use your initials or an alibi for your name... (I have my regular name and I have another called Tom Landry - so you can find me!)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2If you want more informtion on these (or for any other reason - like football advice)  you can contact me at [email protected]
19:0812/08/2024
Ep. 136 - Snickers Bars and Marriage Tips

Ep. 136 - Snickers Bars and Marriage Tips

Ever seen that Snickers Ad - "I'm not myself when I'm hungry"?  Today we introduce a marriage tip called Filters that has been of immense benefit to myself.  To add a living example I introduce one of my coaching clients, Jim, who has applied this to his marriage.I love to help guys walk away from porn toward a fuller richer live.If you are looking for some free resources go to the website bandofbrothers.care and click on the Free stuff tab.To contact me, Vern, you can email me at [email protected]
23:0527/07/2024
Ep. 135 - Letter to Me

Ep. 135 - Letter to Me

What if you could write a letter to the younger version of yourself?  What would you say?  In this episode Vern introduces the idea of writng a letter to the future you - towards a specific recovery application.If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] offer both weekly finding traction groups using our 52 week video course as well as a monthly connection meeting where you can join with other guys committed to walking away from porn and moving toward a much much better life!If you are looking for some free resources as well as information on the 52 week video course "Finding Traction" you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
14:1001/07/2024
Ep. 134 - Its Finally Done!

Ep. 134 - Its Finally Done!

Remember what it's like to walk out of the final exam of your degree or finish a project you have been working on for years?  Today Vern shares is sense of accomplishment regarding a recovery project he has been laboring over for the last few years.If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] offer both weekly finding traction groups using our 52 week video course as well as a monthly connection meeting where you can join with other guys committed to walking away from porn and moving toward a much much better life!If you are looking for some free resources as well as information on the 52 week video course "Finding Traction" you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
13:4624/06/2024
Ep. 133 - Help I Act Out Every ??? Days

Ep. 133 - Help I Act Out Every ??? Days

Many guys express that they have noticed that their acting out tends to be cyclical and regular.  They often feel that they come up to a wall that they cannot get over in terms of days clean.  in this episode Vern talks about how to ovecome these embedded walls that have tripped us up.If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] offer both weekly finding traction groups using our 52 week video course as well as a monthly connection meeting where you can join with other guys committed to walking away from porn and moving toward a much much better life!If you are looking for some free resources as well as information on the 52 week video course "Finding Traction" you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
18:2424/06/2024
Ep. 132 - I'll Die Without Sex!

Ep. 132 - I'll Die Without Sex!

Most peoople who struggle with porn actually believe some version of the mistaken belief "I'll die without sex"  In this episode Vern explores how that belief may be closer to home than you care to admit.If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] offer both weekly finding traction groups using our 52 week video course as well as a monthly connection meeting where you can join with other guys committed to walking away from porn and moving toward a much much better life!If you are looking for some free resources as well as information on the 52 week video course "Finding Traction" you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
14:5017/06/2024
Ep. 131 - A Strategy for Sunny Days

Ep. 131 - A Strategy for Sunny Days

In this episode Vern shares a useful tool to be more strategic in how you handle this coming summer.  If you want a copy of this weekly planning tool - as well as a number of other helpful resources  you can access this by joining the bandofbrothers.care learning community.Create an account using the following link.  If privacy is of concern to you, feel free to use an alias or just your initials...   If you are using a mobile device you will first need to download the circle app - (white C on blue backround)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=5388d93418377c032a4cc121558868401484a4f3-39382185-b376-4e67-8d18-183f81064cc2
18:4112/06/2024
Ep. 130 - Platform Arcade Recovery

Ep. 130 - Platform Arcade Recovery

One of the biggest strategic challenges in our recovery is dealing with the many transitions we face.  In this episode I look at the challenges of these transitions - both big and small.If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] offer both weekly finding traction groups using our 52 week video course as well as a monthly connection meeting where you can join with other guys committed to walking away from porn and moving toward a much much better life!If you are looking for some free resources as well as informatin on the finding traction podcast you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
18:2203/06/2024
Ep. 129 - The Art of War (Losing and Regaining your Territory)

Ep. 129 - The Art of War (Losing and Regaining your Territory)

Do you ever feel like the enemy is seeking to push past your borders and take ground that should be rightfully yours.  Today we use the example of the war in Ukraine as an example of the steps we need to take to regain lost territory in our life.If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] offer both weekly finding traction groups using our 52 week video course as well as a monthly connection meeting where you can join with other guys committed to walking away from porn and moving toward a much much better life!If you are looking for some free resources as well as informatin on the finding traction podcast you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
17:1729/05/2024
Ep. 128 - My Favorite Recovery Practice

Ep. 128 - My Favorite Recovery Practice

My favorite recovery practise is actually an ancient spiritual practise that helps me throughout the day ... it actually was best taught by a Catholic dishwasher hundreds of years ago - take a listen...If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] offer both weekly finding traction groups using our 52 week video course as well as a monthly connection meeting where you can join with other guys committed to walking away from porn and moving toward a much much better life!If you are looking for some free resources as well as informatin on the finding traction podcast you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
22:2429/04/2024
Ep. 127 - How we do Life

Ep. 127 - How we do Life

When most of us started recovery we thought we needed to just tweak a few things so that stopped our problematic porn patterns.  What we soon find, however, is that recovery is a window into the disfynctional way we have been doing our lives and a springboard into a whole new set into new life patterns!If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] offer both weekly finding traction groups using our 52 week video course as well as a monthly connection meeting where you can join with other guys committed to walking away from porn and moving toward a much much better life!If you are looking for some free resources as well as informatin on the finding traction podcast you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
20:3622/04/2024
Ep. 126 - Porn Drive versus Sex Drive

Ep. 126 - Porn Drive versus Sex Drive

Is our porn drive the same as our sex drive?  In this episode Vern explores the differences between the two and how returning to our normal sex drive is the goal of our porn recovery.If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] offer both weekly finding traction groups using our 52 week video course as well as a monthly connection meeting where you can join with other guys committed to walking away from porn and moving toward a much much better life!If you are looking for some free resources as well as informatin on the finding traction podcast you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
27:1217/04/2024
Ep. 125 - Recovery Drift

Ep. 125 - Recovery Drift

Anybody who has been at porn recovery for a while can identify with the natural drift that can take place.  When we take our hands off the steering wheel - this drift can lead us into the ditch or into oncoming traffic!If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] offer both weekly finding traction groups using our 52 week video course as well as a monthly connection meeting where you can join with other guys committed to walking away from porn and moving toward a much much better life!If you are looking for some free resources as well as informatin on the finding traction podcast you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
18:1329/03/2024
Ep. 124 - 3D Relapses

Ep. 124 - 3D Relapses

Most of us would like to reverse engineer our last relapse so it doesn't happen again.  In this episode Vern looks at the idea of 3 different dimensions of a relapse and how to reverse anticipate what will take place when we are drawn to porn the next time.In today's lesson we also introduce our brand new Finding Traction Community for those who subscribe for $10/month. On the last Sunday night of each month we will be offering our subscribers an opportunity to connect with other like minded guys around the topic of porn recovery. I'll be sharing a short lesson and there will be an opportunity to ask question and hear from other guys as to what has worked for them. For our subscribers we will also send out a link to the first 13 weeks of the video course Finding Traction:  Freedom from Porn.  Each quarter you are in the group I will be sending out the next quarter for you.To receive your zoom link for our monthly meetings as well as the link to Quarter 1 of the Finding Traction course send me (Vern) an email with the word "Community" in the subject line to [email protected]
15:1620/03/2024
Ep. 123 - Recovery Doldrums

Ep. 123 - Recovery Doldrums

What happens when life feels "Meh..."  Today we talk about the term recovery doldrums - the feeling that you could use a pick me up to compensate for feeling "off".In today's lesson we also introduce our brand new Finding Traction Community for those who subscribe for $10/month. On the last Sunday night of each month we will be offering our subscribers an opportunity to connect with other like minded guys around the topic of porn recovery. I'll be sharing a short lesson and there will be an opportunity to ask question and hear from other guys as to what has worked for them. For our subscribers we will also send out a link to the first 13 weeks of the video course Finding Traction:  Freedom from Porn.  Each quarter you are in the group I will be sending out the next quarter for you.To receive your zoom link for our monthly meetings as well as the link to Quarter 1 of the Finding Traction course send me (Vern) an email with the word "Community" in the subject line to [email protected]
18:0311/03/2024
Ep. 122 - The Critical Stages of Recovery

Ep. 122 - The Critical Stages of Recovery

Is there as way to look at our recovery in a series of stages. In this episode Vern looks at some of the stages common to recovery, how we can get stuck at any one stage, and how we can proceed to truly walking a life of freedom and blessing.If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] you are looking for some free resources as well as informatin on the finding traction podcast you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
30:0304/03/2024
Ep. 121 - If Relapse is Forgetting then...

Ep. 121 - If Relapse is Forgetting then...

There is a funny super bowl ad that says to remember something you need to forget something. In this podcast Vern talks about the role that forgetting plays in our relapses and the need to bring specific things to mind.If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is [email protected] you are looking for some free resources as well as informatin on the finding traction podcast you can check out the websitehttps://bandofbrothers.care
19:1819/02/2024
Ep. 120 - Intensive Recovery with Jonathan Daugherty

Ep. 120 - Intensive Recovery with Jonathan Daugherty

When I tell guys about what caused a tipping point in my recovery - I often forget to include an event that helped cement some of the recovery changes that were happening. In this episode I explore the value of that experience by inviting Daugherty of Be Broken Ministry to discuss what can be an invaluable recovery experience - the Intensive.If you want to connect with Vern (and he loves to hear from guys) you can contact him [email protected] you want to find some free resources as well as information on the Finding Traction course you can check him out on his website https://www.bandofbrothers.care/If you want to connect with Jonathan Daugherty you can connect with him and the Be Broken Ministry at https://www.bebroken.org
26:3912/02/2024
Ep. 119 - Mission Impossible - Mission Accomplished

Ep. 119 - Mission Impossible - Mission Accomplished

There are two opposite ditches we can get into when we are walkg out our recovery. One is the despair (Mission Impossible) that creeps in when we relapse or fail to live up to the best hopes of our intentions. The other is the over confidence (Mission Accomplished) that we want to leap to when we are having a few good days or weeks! In this episode Vern talks about how to navigate between these two ditches.If you want to connect with Vern (and he loves to hear from guys) you can contact him [email protected] you want to find some free resources as well as information on the Finding Traction course you can check him out on his website https://www.bandofbrothers.care/
17:3605/02/2024
Ep. 118 - Random Winter Recovery Thoughts

Ep. 118 - Random Winter Recovery Thoughts

Being at home on a "snow day" gives you time to think. In this episode Vern talks about how to "keep your road clean" as well as the NFL advice given to it's new rookies "Nothing good happens after midnight". If you want to connect with Vern about the finding traction course, joining one of the Traction groups or just have a zoom call with him to get started on your recovery you can contact him at [email protected] or you can check out the website for free resourceshttps://bandofbrothers.care
21:1429/01/2024
Ep. 117 - Erectile Dysfunction and the Dallas Cowboys

Ep. 117 - Erectile Dysfunction and the Dallas Cowboys

Ever heard about PIED? - it stands for Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. In this episode Vern explores a not so fun topic through making fun of his anemic football team's playoff performance.To contact Vern you can reach out to him at [email protected] he mentions regularly - he loves to connect with guys who are looking at making changes in their life around their problematic porn use!You can also check out the website for further recovery resources https://www.bandofbrothers.care
14:4922/01/2024
Ep. 116 - 12 Rules for Recovery

Ep. 116 - 12 Rules for Recovery

It is popular these day to write a "12 rules for Life" to try to replicate the success that Jordan Peterson had in his book (whatever you think of him). In this episode Vern shares a fun rule from Malcolm Gladwell's 12 rules and then gives his own shot at writing 12 rules for recovery.To contact Vern you can reach out to him at [email protected] he mentions regularly - he loves to connect with guys who are looking at making changes in their life around their problematic porn use!You can also check out the website for further recovery resources https://www.bandofbrothers.care
21:1415/01/2024
Ep. 115 - Do You Have a Yearly Focus?

Ep. 115 - Do You Have a Yearly Focus?

As we head into 2024 Vern shares about a tool that has been helpful for him as he starts out a brand new year. It just so happens that this one leads Vern into making changes that are long overdue!To contact Vern you can reach out to him at [email protected] he mentions regularly - he loves to connect with guys who are looking at making changes in their life around their problematic porn use!You can also check out the website for further recovery resources https://www.bandofbrothers.care
28:4509/01/2024
Ep. 114 - Mulligan Thinking

Ep. 114 - Mulligan Thinking

In golf, a Mulligan is a do-over where you pretend that you're last shot never happened! What are the ways that mulligan thinking gets in the way of us progressing toward health and wholeness in our recovery? This is an especially important podcast as we near the end of the year!To contact Vern you can reach out to him at [email protected] he mentions regularly - he loves to connect with guys who are looking at making changes in their life around their problematic porn use!You can also check out the website for further recovery resources https://www.bandofbrothers.care
12:5026/12/2023
Ep. 113 - Stuff is Getting Better

Ep. 113 - Stuff is Getting Better

To quote Kevin Costner from the Postman - "is stuff getting better" for you in your recovery? In today's episode Vern explores a number of ways that we can determine if we are growing and moving forward in our recovery - or stalled out and stuck.To connect with Vern you can email him at [email protected] or check out the website for further resources https://www.bandofbrothers.care
22:2720/12/2023
Ep. 112 - When Can I Check This Off?

Ep. 112 - When Can I Check This Off?

It makes a huge difference whether you see your recovery as a project to complete or a process (or way of living). In this episode Vern outlines the difference and how this makes a major difference on the way we experience recovery hope for the long haul.To contact Vern you can reach out to him at [email protected] he mentions regularly - he loves to connect with guys who are looking at making changes in their life around their problematic porn use!You can also check out the website for further recovery resources https://www.bandofbrothers.care
18:3911/12/2023
Ep. 111 - How "Ish" is your Recovery?

Ep. 111 - How "Ish" is your Recovery?

Recently a politician covered over a lie he made about his heritage saying he never said he was Jewish - he only said he was Jew-ish. "Ish" is a word which means we are not quite something or the other. We can also be "ish" in our recovery in ways that sabotoge our desires to be free from porn. This podcast explores some of those ways.To contact Vern you can reach out to him at [email protected] he mentions regularly - he loves to connect with guys who are looking at making changes in their life around their problematic porn use!You can also check out the website for further recovery resources https://www.bandofbrothers.care
18:2004/12/2023
Ep. 110 - Lessons from Rutting Season

Ep. 110 - Lessons from Rutting Season

Are you a deer hunter? I'm not. But one of the guys I coach is and he shares some fascinating and fun parallels with things he learned in deer hunting which specifically apply to our journey away from porn. After all who wants to end up on someone's trophy wall?To contact Vern you can reach out to him at [email protected] he mentions regularly - he loves to connect with guys who are looking at making changes in their life around their problematic porn use!You can also check out the website for further recovery resources https://www.bandofbrothers.care
33:3027/11/2023
Ep. 109 - Recovery Gratitude

Ep. 109 - Recovery Gratitude

One of the absolutely central tools to move forward in your recovery is to combat discontentment through the practise of gratitude. This podcasts gives you some pratical handles for how to grow in your recovery gratitude.If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at...email: [email protected] you want to check out more about him or the finding traction course go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
21:0321/11/2023
Ep. 108 - Recovery Rules with Mark Denison

Ep. 108 - Recovery Rules with Mark Denison

Vern loves the new book that Mark Denison has written Recovery Rules because it gives simple one page reminders to help any porn struggler re-orient themselves on a daily basis. In this podcast Vern interviews Mark as they dive into some of these rules (at least the ones that Vern especially loves!)If you want to connect with Vern directly - you can contact him at...email: [email protected] you want to check out more about him or the finding traction course go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.careTo connect with Mark Denison you can find him at the following web locationhttps://www.theresstillhope.org/
23:5313/11/2023
Ep. 107 - Whiteknuckling vs. Sobriety

Ep. 107 - Whiteknuckling vs. Sobriety

Recovery is a lot more than simply not looking at porn. In fact there can be a sort of psuedo recovery which is really just a form of abstinence or "whiteknuckling it". In this podcast Vern explores the difference between true Recovery (or Serenity) and the type of recovery that leaves you simply trying to "hang on"!If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at...email: [email protected] you want to check out more about him or the finding traction course go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
22:1406/11/2023
Ep. 106 - When Resentment Comes Knocking

Ep. 106 - When Resentment Comes Knocking

Anybody who is in a relationship knows something about resentments. Resentments are especially dangerous because they give us permision or a sense of entitlement to go back to porn. In this podcast Vern explores how we can combat the sort of relational resentments that leave us vulnerable to returning to our life of porn.If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at...email: [email protected] you want to check out more about him or the finding traction course go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
18:4230/10/2023
Ep. 105 - Today could be the day (I look at porn)

Ep. 105 - Today could be the day (I look at porn)

No matter how far down the road you travel - the ditch is still the same distance away! This is a podcast about combatting the complacency or over-confidence that sets us up for failure in our continued journey toward a better life.If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at...email: [email protected] you want to check out more about him or the finding traction course go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
15:3423/10/2023
Ep. 104 - Control Freak

Ep. 104 - Control Freak

At it's core - many of our porn behaviors are an attempt to control everything around us - something which is unhelpful and ultimately fruitless. This is a podcast about recognizing our inner "control freak" and what to do about it.If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at...email: [email protected] you want to check out more about him or the finding traction course go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
25:1411/10/2023
Ep. 103 - The First 100 - Looking Back

Ep. 103 - The First 100 - Looking Back

Hard to believe but there are now over 100 episodes of Finding Traction! In this episode Vern talks about some of the episodes that have elicited the greatest reaction and response. This is a helpful episode if you are new in the podcast and want to try a few episodes to whet your appetite.If you want to connect with Vern directly - you can contact him at...email: [email protected] you want to check out more about him or the finding traction course go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
22:3227/09/2023
Ep. 102 - The Steps of Recovery

Ep. 102 - The Steps of Recovery

Building on the stages of recovery from last podcast, Vern talks about specific markers or signposts for each of these three stages that can help us determine if we are progressing down the road toward a better life. Welcome aboard.If you want to connect with Vern directly - you can contact him at...email: [email protected] you want to check out more about him or the finding traction course go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
27:4518/09/2023
Ep. 101 - Stages of Recovery (and fixing my car)

Ep. 101 - Stages of Recovery (and fixing my car)

When you look at recovery from a higher altitude, you see that there are really different stages we go through. Using the analogy of fixing your car, Vern talks about 3 distinct stages of recovery - 1. Breaking the Habit 2. Looking at the Underlying Issues and 3. Recalibating our Sexuality.If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at...email: [email protected] you want to check out more about him or the finding traction course go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
24:4105/09/2023
Ep. 100 - Slot Machine Porn

Ep. 100 - Slot Machine Porn

There is a new kind of internet activity which is even more problematic than the traditional forms of "surfing the net" In this episode Vern explores this new form of problematic behavior and why men are finding it so ensnaring.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: [email protected] you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
18:4216/08/2023
Ep. 99 - Verns Summer Musings Pt. 3

Ep. 99 - Verns Summer Musings Pt. 3

Is it possible to over-spiritualize our struggle with porn? In this episode Vern explores some of the ways that "spiritualizing" the issue can actually get in the way of our recovery.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: [email protected] you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
22:0627/07/2023
Ep. 98 - Verns Summer Musings Pt. 2

Ep. 98 - Verns Summer Musings Pt. 2

The term "betrayal trauma" is applied as a catch-all term to describe how wives view their husbands internet behavior. Is this term helpful? Does it apply to every situation. In this episode Vern pushes back on the trauma model as a "one size fits all" approach to every couple.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: [email protected] you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
33:4817/07/2023