Meg Zucker, author of Born Extraordinary, busts myths about visible and invisible differences. She offers up language for how to speak to our teens about inclusivity and tips for parenting kids with differences.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notes Many parents want their teens to be compassionate citizens who care about people of all kinds. Others might Yet, it can be difficult to advise our teen on how to interact with people who are visibly different from us. We know people with differences are just as capable as anyone, yet sometimes it’s hard not to focus on the difference until that is all there is. We know there is more to someone than their difference—but how do we do better? To help us understand how to speak with our teens about differences, we spoke with Meg Zucker, author of the new book Born Extraordinary: Empowering Children with Differences and Disabilities. Meg is the founder and president of Don't Hide It, Flaunt It, a nonprofit with the mission of advancing understanding and mutual respect for people's differences. She was born with a genetic condition called ectrodactyly, and has one finger on each hand, shortened forearms and one toe on each misshapen foot. Her two sons have the same condition and her adopted daughter has her own invisible differences. Meg, through parenting with her husband, running her non-profit, her own experiences, and in researching for her book, has become an expert in all things differences—visible and invisible. She offers new insights into sticking points for people with differences and how everyone can think differently about differences.  The Urge to HelpMeg explains that, above all, we should keep in mind people with differences are people. People with differences are usually just as capable as ourselves, and often have already figured out how to navigate the world with their differences. She often has to field strangers asking if she needs help doing normal, everyday activities, like putting groceries in her cart, zipping up her coat, or opening doors. Meg wants others to know people with differences may struggle navigating certain aspects of life, but that they have a sense of pride to do it themselves, just like we do. Questioning “What should I do?” suggests we have to do something at all. Meg says this isn’t the best way to go about it. Sometimes the notion we have to do something, is to soothe our own feelings of discomfort or awkwardness about someone’s difference. The best way to interact with someone who has a difference is to first treat them as you would any person. Next, follow their lead. People with differences (or, all people for that matter) are living in their own version of normal, and so, they don't expect anyone to do anything. People living with differences aren’t constantly thinking about their differences—it’s not on their minds. Meg offers this advice for helping someone with a difference: observe first. It might seem a little creepy, but often after a moment, the person struggling will often figure it out. Take a breath before you are, what Meg labels a “Mighty Mouse” and say ask yourself, "Let me see if that person actually needs it." Usually, a person is ready for help when they start looking around for help. We can speak with our teens about this exact situation, and offer them Meg’s simple guidance for helping people with differences. The Pitfalls of Rules on How to Treat PeopleAt the same time, Meg encourages parents not to make ordinances about how to treat people with differences.  When parents give their teens orders about how to treat others with differences, it takes away their inherent drive to be kind to others. Instead of a “could,” being kind becomes a “should,” and teens may resent being kind because it is not out of their own volition. And people on the receiving end of obligatory kindness don’t want to be resented. As an example of what she means, Meg shares a story about her son who was feeling down after his soccer teammates didn’t slap his hand after a game. He told his mom he believed the cause was how his hand looked. “They didn’t want to touch me,” he lamented. As heartbreaking as it was, Meg helped her son to see it in a different way. There could be many reasons why the other kids hesitated to slap his hand. Maybe they thought it would hurt him, or they didn’t want to draw attention to it, or they were just surprised. She suggested he make a game of it, and see how many slaps he got after the second game. Sure enough, her son exchanged some hand slaps with about half of his teammates after the next game, and varying numbers the rest of the season. If Meg had complained to the coach and insisted everyone always slap her son’s hand, she would have put her son in a position to receive resentment rather than genuine kindness. Similarly, if a parent makes a rule that their teen must always concede to a person with differences' demands, the teen may grow to have less empathy for people with differences as an adult. In the Episode…My conversation with Meg gave me so much to think about in how society views people with differences and how parents can raise inclusive teens who see the person before the difference. Meg and cover a lot of ground including:the importance of showing our non-different kids just as much love and attentionhow people with differences can embrace being an everyday heroraising kids with differences, both visible and invisiblemitigating media influence on how we think about differencesI hope you enjoy listening to my discussion with Meg as much as I enjoyed speaking with her! Check the links in Meg’s bio for where to follow her and her work! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

In this two part interview, Margo is joined by licensed illustrator, adjunct college professor, and online course digital illustration instructor, Beth Buffington. Like many creatives, Beth has been drawing since she was old enough to hold a crayon. After graduating with a degree in art and graphic design, she began her creative career working for “in-house” corporate art departments. 
After years of corporate communications, she decided to focus on her personal creative passions, by starting her business, BDI-Celebrate-Today, and BDI-Create-Today.   Margo and Beth discuss: Wellness when it comes to working and taking care of yourself as part of the creative process Diving deeper into the four R’s as it pertains to her creative process and what she teaches Mind mapping Giving yourself permission to step away from work  Student accomplishments after taking her course How she removes overwhelm in her own life and within the course Celebrating life everyday   Beth’s work is two-fold. She creates illustrations and home decor products—and she also instructs college and online students how to be curious about trends, color, texture, and materials—through the creation of digital illustration. She is also passionate about sharing with students her thoughts on being a healthy artist who is confident and brave about their artistic skills and their artwork.   Connect with Beth: https://bdi-celebrate.today/ (Illustration & Product Design) https://www.bdi-create.today/ (Learn the ART of PROCREATE) https://www.instagram.com/b.b.buffington_celebratetoday/ https://www.facebook.com/BDIcreatetoday https://www.linkedin.com/in/bbbuffington/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFNR_jaR-CnBXIHC5RVTnQg https://www.skillshare.com/profile/Beth-Buffington/4859209   Connect with Margo: www.tantaustudio.com https://www.instagram.com/mtantau/ www.instagram.com/windowsillchats https://www.instagram.com/relishyourcreativity/ https://www.relishyourcreativity.com/

Margo is joined by Lisa Solomon. A teacher by trade, it took Lisa years to call herself an artist first. As a half Japanese, half Jewish [Eastern European] Caucasian woman, hybridization is literally a part of her DNA and shows itself often in her practice. Lisa’s mixed media works revolve thematically around discovering her heritage, the notion of domesticity, craft, feminism, and the pursuit of art as science/research. She is frankly obsessed with color/color theory and is drawn to found objects, tending to alter them conceptually so that their meanings and original uses or intents are re-purposed. She often fuses “wrong” things together – recontextualizing their original purposes, and incorporating materials that inherently question and skirt the line between art and craft. Lisa received her BA in Art Practice from UC Berkeley in 1995 and her MFA from Mills College in 2003. Her work is shown internationally and is in numerous public and private collections.   Margo and Lisa discuss: Her path and what she’s learned along the way Finding comfort in consistency Why grad school was pivotal for her career while simultaneously seeing the challenges brought on by going to University today and mitigating the pressures and costs Why art is one of the last spaces you can really share anything and put it all on the table Color Theory: Understanding colors, creating colors, and teaching color Her color meditation deck: how and why she came up with it and the many ways it can be used Her mixed media work and where she finds inspiration for it Time management and figuring out a system that works for YOU Reframing your schedule and allowing for flexibility Making space for yourself and your creative practices    Mentioned in this episode: The Subversive Stitch: Embroidery and the Making of the Feminine by Rozsika Parker Lisa’s highly curated Amazon shop list   **Get 30% off The Color Meditation Deck and/or A Field Guide to Color by purchasing through www.shambhala.com and using code MARGO30 at checkout** (valid through 8/13/22)   Connect with Lisa: www.lisasolomon.com www.instagram.com/lisasolomon

I have seen men and women emerge from far less strenuous circumstances than the apostle Paul's, full of anger and hostility. They were mad at God for what He did to them. But not Paul. Why? Because he recognized that what God allowed to be done to him was simply preparation for what He wanted to do for him. As Paul grew more and more dependent upon the Lord for strength, it became second nature to him. His faith in Christ grew to the point that he could say with all sincerity, “I am well content with weaknesses.” The whole idea of being content with weakness contradicts the messages society sends us. In an age characterized by so many striving for power and control, it is unusual for people to get very excited about living in a state of weakness. But upon examining the life of the apostle Paul, one hardly gets the impression that he was a weak man. On the contrary, he debated against Christ’s apostles over the question of Gentile salvation, and he won! He spent his life preaching in the most hostile of circumstances. He planted churches throughout the major cities of Asia Minor and in the port cities along the Aegean Sea. Paul trained the first pastors and elders of these early congregations. And to top it all off, he wrote half of the New Testament! I don’t know what you think, but that certainly doesn’t sound like a weak man to me. If Paul had been a businessman, he would have been extremely successful. He knew how to set goals and accomplish them. He understood the principles involved in motivating people. He was a mover and a shaker. So how do we reconcile Paul’s claim to weakness with his amazing accomplishments? Simple. The answer is in the phrase “when I am weak, then I am strong.” A paraphrase of his comment would go something like this: “When I, Paul, in and of my own strength, am weak, then I, Paul, relying on the power of Christ in me, become strong, capable of whatever the Lord requires of me, full of energy and zeal to accomplish His will.”

Matis Miller, author of The Uncontrollable Child, dishes on how to handle defiant, unruly teens. His practical tips based in DBT all start with one simple step, that’s sometimes harder than it sounds: acceptance!If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesFalling into a destructive cycle with your teen is far too easy–and incredibly frustrating. You yell at them to stop coming home late every night, or beg them to stop neglecting their homework for their Netflix….but they just don’t listen. Even offering rewards or doling out punishments never seems to work. It can feel like you’re living the same day over and over again, with no end in sight!On top of feeling like your words are falling on deaf ears, all the fussing and fighting can start to put a strain on you and your teen’s relationship. It’s hard when you feel like you and your kid are enemies, or like the two of you are always bickering instead of connecting with one another. How can we get kids to listen, while also keeping our relationships harmonious?If we really want to end the cycle and connect to our teens again, we’ll have to change the fundamentals of our approach. Our guest this week is Matis Miller, author of The Uncontrollable Child: Understand and Manage Your Child's Disruptive Moods with Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills. Matis has been working as a clinical psychologist for over fifteen years, and has some groundbreaking ideas about how you can transform your parenting philosophy to bring peace to your home again.Are you familiar with dialectic behavioral therapy? In this week’s episode, Matis and I are breaking down this fascinating method of clinical therapy, and sharing how you can apply it to tackle your toughest parenting battles. We’re also talking about how judgement and invalidation might be harshing your parenting approach, and discussing how you can dish out more effective rewards and punishments.The Power of PerspectiveSometimes, fixing even the most challenging parenting problems starts with a small change of perspective. In our interview, Matis tells us all about dialectical behavioral therapy: a clinical approach to changing behavior which starts with a shift in mindset. This method calls upon the parents to stop begging teens to change, and start looking at the causes of teen’s upsetting habits instead. Matis explains that dialectical therapy encourages parents to accept teen’s behavior while also striving for change–even if those two things appear contradictory.But what does that really mean? First, Matis explains, we need to ditch anger for acceptance. When our teenagers are driving us up the wall, hurling harsh words their way is not going to make things better, he says. Although you want to see change, you first have to accept things for how they are. Matis and I discuss how many parents are in a sort of denial, refusing to acknowledge their teen’s behavior, wanting them to be “perfect” or fit into expectations. The first step, Matis says, is to accept the reality of the situation.In doing so, Matis explains, we’re able to see the truth in our teen’s perspective, even when it contradicts our own. It doesn’t mean we condone their questionable behavior, but it can help us shift our focus towards the behavior's causes!Instead of reprimanding our kid over and over again vaping to no avail, a dialectical approach can guide us to see why they keep reaching for that vape, says Matis. Maybe the stress of school is overwhelming, and they need an escape. Perhaps they’re feeling symptoms of depression or anxiety! Once we isolate the cause, we can help them find an alternative, or make an appointment with an expert to learn more. With more concrete, productive steps, we can go beyond the endless nagging and see some real change.In the episode, Matis and I dive deeper into the value of this dialectic approach. Building on that, we also discuss the ineffectiveness of certain parenting tendencies that have negativity at the center–such as judgement and invalidation.How Words Can HurtWhen we’re refusing to see our kids' perspective and making endless “should” statements–such as “my teen should be getting better grades” or “she should stop dating so much”–we find ourselves judging teens. We might label them as lazy or as a “bad kid”, as a way of dealing with our disappointment or anger. But when we pass judgement, we fail to see the whole picture. We’re not thinking about the causes or nuances of their behavior, or trying to see their perspective. Instead, we’re shutting them, without giving them a chance at redemption.Matis suggests trying to analyze and reclaim those judgemental thoughts. Is declaring that your teen is “lazy” going to help him become more productive? Is this judgement going to create a loving, nurturing connection between the two of you? It’s unlikely, says Matis. In the episode, He and I discuss how parents can ditch judgement and instead impart more positivity to really see a change.In the episode, Matis explains how along with passing judgement, parents often invalidate teen’s feelings or thoughts without really noticing. For some parents, invalidation might even seem like encouragement!For example, say your teen is struggling with calculus and is telling you about it on the drive home from school one day. You might deliver an offhand quip, saying how it was much harder years ago when you took it, and it’s only going to get harder in college. You might tell them this is the easiest it will get. While you think this is encouraging, it may only make your kid feel worse.In a situation like this, teens are simply trying to communicate how they feel, and even though you may not realize, you might be shutting them down. In the episode, Matis and I discuss how validating teens’ feelings can actually lead them to become better at regulating their own emotions and help them make a smoother transition into adulthood.So you’ve worked on changing your perspective and watching what you say to teens...but what about things like rewards and punishments? What role can they play in parenting? In our interview, Matis explains how you can use these tools to help teens be their best selves.Making the Most of Rewards and PunishmentsWhen your kids knock it out of the park, getting an A on a paper or receiving that long awaited college acceptance, you likely want to give them something to show them how proud you are. But it seems these days the go-to reward is some new video game or gadget….and your kid gets enough screen time as it is!In our interview, Matis and I get into gifts you can give that are outside of the digital realm. He encourages parents to think about just how many privileges they award to their kids on a regular basis already–and to brainstorm small ways to make them more impactful. Even just giving your kid a ride somewhere or getting them a special treat from the grocery store can be super meaningful, says Matis.But what about punishments? There are a lot of people who think punitive measures are a totally ineffective way to get teens to listen, but Matis isn’t opposed to them. What Matis is concerned about is parents doling out punishments based on emotions! When you’re angry and ground your kid for two weeks on a whim, your kid isn’t going to learn their lesson...or be very happy with yo...

Margo is once again joined by Lisa Congdon to kick off a series of interviews to discuss different topics surrounding creativity, business, and life. In this episode they discuss how to get yourself in front of the right people as a creative and what that even means!   Margo and Lisa chat about: Exercises Lisa gives to her creative entrepreneur students The difference between dreams and goals Having intermediary goals Lisa’s belief in two parts of self-promotion and why you need to do both Several approaches to go about finding contacts Authentic engagement and using social media strategically The difference between audience and customers (and why they’re both important!) Self-advocacy and community And more!   If you have a topic of conversation you’d like to hear Lisa and Margo discuss, be sure to send a DM on Instagram to @windowsillchats or @tantaustudio!   Connect with Lisa Condon: https://lisacongdon.com/ https://www.instagram.com/ https://www.pinterest.com/lisacongdon/