How does attention shift if there is no do-er? Listener question 

In your book “Inside-out guide to life, unlimited”, pages 58, 59:It looks like when someone dies that they have gone. In reality, they have not gone anywhere because the Awareness and Love that they really were, is the same Awareness and Love that we are. The way we experienced them through Thought while alive, is still the same in death. As Byron Katie says, “No one can leave me.”… Whether he is physically here or not, his life lives for me, as it always did, in the Awareness that I make possible.… And that within this Awareness that we are, it is impossible for us to lose anyone, impossible to be separate.Query I still can’t get it that “no one can leave me”, that “it is impossible for us to lose anyone, impossible to be separate.” Can help?

Why explore reality if it's not real?

Morning Clare. I’ve listened to this understanding for a few years now and a feel no wiser. I have recently done a course with Amy Johnson. I feel more confused than ever. It’s like everybody talks in riddles. I’m 62 now and I think if I haven’t got it now I never will. I feel like my mind as a mental block and no information gets past that. I had a nervous breakdown 6 years ago with phsicotic events. It’s left me a bag of nerves I rarely leave my home now unless someone is with me. I’ve recently been diagnosed with cronic fatigue syndrome. Do you think the brain can be damaged through a breakdown. 

How does writing go for you?An insight flows through. An ah-ha. And I’m moved to write about it. The process of writing it out always seems to deepen the insight, making it richer, deeper and more delicious. The words flow through and express themselves on the digital page. I am writing this? Not really, I seem to be reading this.When the writing seems to be done and no further tweaks are needed and reread, it feels too good not to share. So I post it.People respond. They resonate with the words or they don’t. When they respond positively here’s where the confusion comes in. In truth, “I” didn’t write this. I, too, am the receiver, the resonator, if that’s a word.Yet… the “I” that I think I am is pleased, takes pleasure in these positive responses. A mini or not so mini reward is seen and felt. And I somehow feel “I shouldn’t be feeling this. I didn’t write it. And, I admit, I feel like “After all the classes, all the seeing, this mini reward shouldn’t be felt.” So I wonder, what does Clare feel when she writes or puts stuff out there?

I saw this quote: Late diagnosis (of autism) means grieving all the time spent trying to fix parts of you that never needed fixing.How does that fit with what you are teaching?

I have heard you say a few times now how the healing we do for ourselves, sets the whole world free.Can you please say more about that as I am not sure I follow how that works. 

I am wondering what I should look for when I choose a spiritual teacher. In theory if someone is enlightened then they are living life from love and abundance and should therefore have everything they want. Can I ask about your personal life? Would you say you have everything you want? If not why should I listen to what you say because this is obviously not working for you. 

What about autism? “I am autistic” is an identification of the self as something other than what we really are. But to simply say it’s therefore untrue feels like a denial/spiritual bypass. And are the challenges this particular diagnosis presents with still ‘gifts’ that are portals to healing? I saw this quote: Late diagnosis means grieving all the time spent trying to fix parts of you that never needed fixing.How does that fit with what you are teaching?

“Specificity forces the mind to say what it wants and get what it wants" Can you say more about that 

Is there a risk that this self reflection is creating more identitification and ego?

My first post in here. Absolutely love everything you share Clare Dimond. It's life changing. Just had a really cool experience I wanted to share. This morning I went to type an email greeting. My usual greeting is, 'Hi there' but on this email I had it in my head to write a different greeting. But my body remembered 'Hi there' and typed that instead. So the thoughts said one thing and the hands typed another.Would love to hear thoughts on what is happening.  I think I can see a link between this and those habitual reactions our body has to the world 'out there'. Feels like a bit more clarity on this.

You often use the words aliveness, consciousness, intelligence, love and presence interchangeably but there are huge differences between them. Why don’t you stick to one?

Do things need to become conscious to change? What is the value of an experience being had at a conscious level 

Dearest Clare,I think I understand this concept but want to check it out to be sure and clear – forgiveness  A few times you have mentioned not using forgiveness or acceptance anymore  --- as a bypass is how I heard it.Now in Be the Change (and yes, I laugh along with you as you love this course and so do I !!!!), you bring in the Ho-oponopono for us to use with the mirror exercise.It does say, I am sorry, Please forgive me –etc.Is this forgiveness “right” because we have already seen and acknowledged source accountability?In other words, we don’t use acceptance of another’s behavior or just flippantly forgiving them without seeing the mirror of the behavior in ourselves first?How about forgiving ourselves as we are just conditioned by so much when these reactions/triggers/resentments arise in relationships (after the mirror of course)?

I hear you talk about the absolute, the relative and the illusory. Can you remind me what these terms mean? I have it in my head that the absolute is the infinite/mind. The illusory is our constantly changing experience of form via the medium of thought. But then there this in-betweeny thing of the relative that is neither and the body, I’ve heard you say, sits in that category, and the body you talk of as ‘real’. I’m not sure why the body doesn’t also fall under the category of the illusory and gets its own category as it is also form. Confused…-- 

Is there really an advantage to the separate self if so what is it and why does it make sense to dissolve it

Hi Clare,I've been inquiring into the intense anxiety and desperateness that shows up in nearly all situations where it looks like I'm responsible for something.The child wants approval from everyone, all the time. And yet there's not enough assurance in the world to address this deep bottomless need.Is telling that child "I approve" part of addressing it? Does that reinforce a separateness in the psyche? How is it different from simply saying "I love you"?Any input you have would be appreciated,

Is there a time and a place when we don't need to go into the feeling. Is there a danger of becoming too hypervigilant around feelings

Can you say more about what you mean by 'pinning the mind down'? 

There's an experience of 'head-funk' right now (an indication of separation/mind entanglement) so I'd appreciate some feedback..Responsibility. It comes up A LOT here and in coaching conversations. In the sense of a heaviness of personal responsibility for children/team at work (as a team leader) and others in general. It's a pervasive story about their wellbeing resting on me. That obviously can't be true but looks SO true. Especially with the blurred lines with children in the context of guiding/caring for and looking after their needs.In no-separation (dropping out of that self-story), it feels like it's about source accountability - ie. showing up moment-by-moment and responding in alignment with what makes sense (feeling the integrity of that intersection between 'all-that-we-are' and the gritty, humanness of life).So in sanity, it drops out of the loop of going via the 'story self/identity' and there's simply intimacy with the moment. That already feels lighter and clearer.I'd welcome your perspectives x

Dear Clare,For some time I wanted to ask you how you see quriosity in this process of inquiry of who we truly are?Looks like its energy brings openness and lightness. It carries little self identification and is true balsam in life in comparison with heaviness and devastation that shame brings.Thank you a lot :)All the bestUrska

Hello Clare,The last few times I felt shame, I got excited as the realisation hit me:“Oh… I’m feeling shame!” … like in ‘discovering a hint in a treasure hunt’Who knew shame could be exciting?? You make me curious of my ‘worst nightmare’. :)I then heard ‘Clare in my head’ saying:“What’s at stake here? What is being protected? Shame is where you are most identified. There’s a ‘you’ doing, a ‘you’ deciding…”Indeed! So much energy involved in trying to control the way people see ‘me’. So much energy that could be used to flourish. And, little by little, ‘I am’noticing some of that energy being diverted towards new endeavours. ‘I am’ noticing the doing of things I would not have dared trying in the past. And now, I’m hearing ‘Clare in my head’ again: “This is freedom!”Thank you, Clare. I’m so grateful for your teachings 💛Dear Clare,Thank you again for the powerful conversation we had yesterday. I felt safe with you and wasn't so scary to dig deep into one of my core wounds.Just wanted to share that yesterday awareness went a bit further and I noticed later on accompanied feeling of guilt with feeling of not being OK/ not being worth the way I am. Welcoming this feeling of guilt firstly revealed the feeling of guilty that I need so much love & approval. And staying present a bit longer I saw this feeling is actually shame in disguise. Feeling responsible with strong believing in a doer/chooser/decider that is behind this strong craving for attention and love and that he/she shouldn't be like that.Thank you again and lotz of love :)Urska

Firstly thank you, I feel so lucky to have found you & your teaching.I feel my grounding is accelerating & I am living in the home space so much more.Can we talk about hormones? This month I have been feeling a low grade depression, I feel it is hormone related as it happens after ovulation.  This has been my pattern all my adult life but once I saw through it with the principles I saw that it was not two weeks low mood & I had good days and bad days in the 2nd half of my cycle. But this month I am not lifting & I am totally resisting this. Then I go to, I must be perimenopausaul , how can I fix this? or what do I need to feel & trying to manage my experience.  Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

hi Clare I loved your book it’s not me and it’s not you. Would you say that When we heal do we get what we want to have in our life?' 

This course is blowing me away - quite literally 🤣 and I’m loving the journey. It is so powerful to confront the ego and feel into that contraction and inquire into the story from the position of neutral, curious awareness.I am wanting to get more experientially connected with the portal of powerful healing. Your book recommendation for this portal is Dr Nicole LePara How to Do the Work. So before buying, I listened to a podcast with Dr Nicole speaking about the book and what she teaches in it. She talked repeatedly about her ethos being about moving beyond the traditional teachings of psychology to embracing the holistic inter-connected whole mind-body system and its inter-connectedness to all life as a whole..  Then she emphasised about us being the chooser of our actions and I wondered if this was contradictory to the non-dual teaching of no chooser and doer. The latter is starting to really land for me - particularly the way that new choices/decisions occur sub-consciously through changes in what is understood by the mind-body system-  and I don’t want to resurrect old beliefs by reading this book if one of its keystone premises is that there is a little me who has the power to makes choices. Please can you advise me on any caveat as to how I engage with the messages in the book in order to gain from it the things you had in mind when you recommended it.

I am on the Be the Change course and I love what you are saying. Is there a risk though that it might open the doors to victim blaming? How do we make sure that doesn’t happen.

What was your most intense spiritual experience this year?.

I don't understand a word of what you are saying. Can you tell me the basics? 

I was on a retreat and the teacher and the participants laughed at the idea of non-dual therapy because all of it is an illusion anyway and yet your work seems to be going more and more in that direction. Can you say more?

Cycle of retraumatisation: example from social media My partner moved in at the beginning of the year, a month later we bought our first puppy. Neither of us has owned a dog before but were both super excited.  I hate my life now. I was so happy with my partner moving in, it felt so natural and my 12 year DD adjusted well too. Home has always been my favourite place and now I absolutely hate being here. My partner is very active in caring for pup so it’s not like he’s not helping.   We’ve just had a row over pup as he tried to come downstairs and take over because he thought I was getting too angry. This just felt so patronising and obviously hit a nerve because I do feel like the worlds shittest dog owner.  He loves pup and they are best mates, I just feel like the evil puppy hater and I’m jealous of the bond they have. I’ve had 3 hours sleep tonight and I'm currently on the sofa next to pups crate just crying. Someone please tell me it gets better because I’m starting to feel very very dark.I’m just gobsmacked at the emotional toll it’s taking. I find the screech type barking really hard and I don’t have a huge amount of patience. My partner does though so I just feel so inferior.     I wasn’t a great mum to my daughter when she was born and it’s triggering that exact same guilt. I knew it would be hard I just didn’t expect it to make me miserable and resentful

OMG, I just realised the “I can’t do xyz or I’ll die” (the basis of nearly all of our/my fears) doesn’t mean my body will die, it means the construct of ‘I’ will die!! It’s total bullshit, all of it, because I doesn’t even exist!

How can the mirror exercise not lead to self recrimination - something that I am very good at? 

I would like to be "love", "hope", "freedom", "peace", "joy", and me. How? The "me" would love to wake up one day and be the definition of these words. 

Does anyone have a story they can share with me of suffering = healing. It really doesn’t feel that way right now!

I listened to today’s podcast and found it really helpful, but I have a further question if that’s ok? Clare talked about going into the body being the way in which we come into reality, into the present moment and into true healing. But if we feel our thinking, then surely the sensations in the body are a result of our current thinking, in that moment, which is made up of the continual searching to find peace? I do find it helpful going into the body but it also revs up my mind, but perhaps that is because I have such a detached relationship with my body that going into it brings up fear. I hope the question makes sense! 

This morning I went into the body instead of the narrative. Within a few minutes I experienced quiet and then got out of bed. 5:15 am which I often would go back to sleep but I thought I'd journal. There wasn't much there. I could have gone back into the narrative while journaling but I didn't. Okay so here I am SANE as you would say. My mind goes - Now what? 

I spent years doing a method where I would question thoughts/beliefs. It served me to see that "I" was making a choice and that if I wanted to feel happier then I could choose to believe something else. It was powerful to discover that my thoughts created my reality. After 15 years of this approach, I entered the coaching world and found an infinite number of approaches to feeling happier, content, grounded including meditation, 3Ps, falling into the space of who/what I really am, etc.When I came across your work and had the mind-blowing realization that "I/ME" was an accumulation of thoughts, stories - a spinning mental narrative projecting an external world of childhood wounds, traumas, insecurities - I was excited because I knew it was true. "I" was a story. Even with that knowledge, every morning, I wake up into a fear-based, identified mind e.g. terror, low-level anxiety, worry, out-of-control imagination of bad things happening to me and my loved ones, etc and when I engage with those thoughts, I notice the same themes of lack, control, wrongness, trying to be safe, resistance, etc. This experience feels real, feels like ME, who I am. Intellectually, I know that isn't true but it's experienced as true, real. I've heard you say to question the mind's narrative, get curious, parent the child/survival mind. . .but I end up caught in the negative mental loop. And I've heard you say - get sane, present - go into the body. When I do the latter, I can feel the levels of fear, discomfort. I can get beneath them to feel sensations and often quiet is experienced. But nothing else. Isn't this a form of spiritual bypass? I know I'm not using spiritual superiority as a way to hide from insecurities but I'm "avoiding" the mental narrative by going into the body. I'm not experiencing the fear or anger or upset. I'm not "facing" the stories of lack, examining the childhood wounds, questioning them nor understanding them. Any more thoughts on this would be helpful. 

Dear Clare, Regarding The Mirror - is this what you mean? I am resentful of my badly behaving teenage daughter because SHE is limiting MY freedom. She won't do what I say. She's out of control. I can't control her. And I need her to behave differently as I cannot continue with this intolerable situation. As a result of her constant drama, my life is out of control and not as I want it.The Mirror: Where I am I doing what I am accusing her of?My daughter is appearing as she is because I am limiting HER freedom. I won't do what she says. I'm controlling her. And she needs me to behave differently as she cannot continue with this intolerable situation. As a result of my constant drama, her life is out of her control and not as she wants itI had not thought about it that way before, and I see that is totally true.Now what? Stop limiting her freedom so she can stop limiting mine? Not possible due to the catastrophe and actual danger that would create - such a resistance to even considering this. Plus my identify of 'parent' is also pulled into this. BUT there is still an obvious 'me' and 'her' in what I've just written.Thanks for the mirror, Clare - what do I DO with what I see? How do I 'unseparate' the 'separation' as is that even the aim of the game. Or what?

 I've been experimenting.  I'm a new coach and a few days after listening to the abundance subliminal secured my first paying client, hehe!I am immersed in your youtube podcast ... and have read the Home and It's not You books ... so far!I hope you are feeling better ... and thank you for your work!

What does "heart not in it" or "going through the motions" mean if there is no self?"to do the base functions of an activity without much thought or interest or enthusiasm" also to do it without commitment or insincerely. If emotions are continuing to shift, is this just the system doing what makes sense without the emotions ending up as interested or pleasurable? I do dishes every day, I wouldn't describe it as going through the motions, and also wouldn't say it's interesting or that I do them enthusiastically.

I just found out that my daughter is self harming again or still. Also she thinks she can’t anything and so she just doesn’t care. About school in this case. She still cares a lot about animals. I have like a black out in an exam. I want to see my equivalent but I don’t know what to look for. Ok, the don’t care was quite a pattern but not so much anymore. But the self harming? Yes I used to smoke, and take drugs and binge eat, but I‘m not for decades/years. This can’t be it?

1. Can we revisit the "real world" bit as in where information about reality stops and imagination begins and vice versa. 2. I noticed in a recent call you said "isn't it interesting how reality can shift so dramatically from one moment to the next?"The speaker had been commenting about what I have noticed as well, that for example in the morning there will be "bad" feelings about a specific situation, and then in the afternoon it somehow looks different although nothing about the situation has changed. I have called this the perceptual lens changing. But you call it reality. Is that because there is no doer choosing to have one specific lens or another? Or is it because all reality is subjective? Or both? And this is also why non-dual teachers say everything is an illusion at the far end of this discussion?

I get confused around the notion of "privilege" that's more and more common these days.How do racism, sexism, classism, etc. all fit into our understanding?As a valid, white, heterosexual cis-woman I sometimes feel the social pressure to acknowledge my "privilege" or witness people confessing theirs, but it doesn't quite make sense on a deeper level. How can I be responsible or sorry for my race/gender/sexual orientation, etc?I was at an anti-racism workshop lately and the vocabulary appeared to reinforce duality: victim/villain, people of colour/white people, etc.How do you approach discrimination through a compassionate non-dual lens?Is there really such a thing as "privilege" ?

I've often heard you talk about the love that we find when all our believed thoughts and illusions are finally dropped.  Obviously, I've never gotten anywhere near a million miles away from even first base in this respect, but I'm feeling a tad anxious and lacking that even in my most "oh, I think I just had a bit of a glimpse of what everyone's pointing at" moments, I never seem to have any kind of connection with anything like a love feeling.  I can feel nice and peaceful and calm enough, yes, but it's a pleasantly nothingy kind of feeling at best.  So I was wondering if one day you could talk a bit more about this love and joy and expansive freedom that is real Reality, and -  oh, I don't know - I suppose I'm asking you to make me feel a bit better at not being able to feel it. Sorry.  Told you I'm a real pain.  But I truly am curious/puzzled as to what exactly you mean when you use the word "love" for what lies beyond.Still, I do know what I mean when I say all love to you,

I am doing the Be the Change course. I understand the message that change happens from within us . but there are still terrible acts out there. People’s behaviour can be violent and dangerous. is there not a risk that we will let this go untacked while we are working on ourselves? 

Since starting to learn about non duality and having some big shifts in realisation I am finding myself getting frustrated with my friends and the inconsequential things they discuss. I feel like saying to them that none of these things are real anyway but of course I don’t but I do end up withdrawing from the conversation and getting quieter. What should I do about this. Is it only possible now to have friends that are in this conversation? 

The past - I can see why on the one hand it isn’t always true and can change but at the same time if I think about people with alzheimers or brain damage who’s memory is damaged we can’t argue that memories and a sense of time are crucial to live independently and interact with the world. It is dangerous to not have that - forgetting to turn off the gas or where we live.