I would love to hear your thoughts on this ‘choice/no choice paradox’.“It is equally true that we have every choice and that we have no choice. (That is one of those famous Zen paradoxes we must grow into.)Through awareness practice, we come to see that our world continues to be the same not because that's the way the world is but because we continue to make the same choices. Making the same choices is the result of unquestioningly believing the same beliefs and assuming the same assumptions.”~ Cheri Huber

I came across your podcast about a year ago and love your take on non-duality and the crucial piece of allowing the experience to be had rather than using a non-dual conversation to bypass it.I have a question regarding the 15th February episode where you talk about going in deeper where there is discomfort or anxiety, and in the case of your friend with the anxiety about driving, to drive as much as possible.Over recent years, I have come to see that there was narcissistic abuse taking place in my family of origin. This discovery, together with exploring where behaviour really comes from, has been both painful and liberating and has shed an entirely new light on my tendency to prioritise pleasing others over my wellbeing.My parents are separated and now my mum is in her 70s and showing signs of dementia. She is even more emotionally fragile than she has always been. In her world, she knows better than everyone and has to teach them or put them in their place, and she will be vitriolic towards anyone who doesn’t see the world as she does. It has always been this way but now it’s like the filters are gone and it’s expressed much more openly. I can see the innocence in it and yet, it doesn’t make any sense to me to engage with her or spend time with her. It doesn’t feel right to make myself available as an emotional dumping ground, and there’s a jolt to the nervous system when she is aggressive towards me, which then impacts on how I function in my own life.So my question is, in a case like this, what’s the difference between having boundaries and going in deeper where there’s discomfort? I don’t think you are saying this but sometimes it feels like you are saying that I should spend as much time as I can hanging out with my mum so that I can feel the discomfort. My whole nervous system screams NO to that, and it seems that limiting or perhaps even ceasing contact would make sense for the health of THIS bodymind. Would you say that this is bypassing? Also I know in reality, no one else is coming to sort out care for her and I will have to have some sort of contact with her as part of this process.Thank you for reading this and I would absolutely love to hear your take on it.

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I am trying to break down my fears and understand what is behind then. Maybe due to my upbringing and environmental factors an learned behaviour, it seems I've always compared myself, been too self conscious, low self worth, self critical, etc. But behind it all I think i protect myself from being judged, found out; humiliated. It's all about the presence of others. It is such a strong force that it keeps me from doing stuff for fear of all those very things. I know we are all equal but it doesn't feel like that, or should I say, that is my perception.

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Is there such a thing as a healthy ego?: listener question

Thank you so much for the reply to my question in the Podcast "Protection" 2 February.  It's taken me a while to let your words settle and really start to look deeper into the separate "me" that is still lurking!  Initially my body/mind wanted to reject and ignore what you were saying - there was quite a visceral response in my body - punch to the stomach, anger and annoyance.  So slowly and with a few days in between, I have listened to the episode a few times now over the last week and each time I am to see a little more. One part that I have found helpful, is where you said something along the lines of "the whole protection campaign continually maintains the inner psychological belief system" and "how the actual act of avoidance - eg. not going to the social occasion/party, etc in order to protect that self, is providing more evidence that I shouldn't go.  Which in turn reconfirms the belief system, embedding it further."  No wonder we feel like we are in a never ending loop!So even with fear and anxiety about what might never happen - I now move forward to do the challenging things!  

What I have realised is that up to know and all my life is this huge separation of me from others self blame and self discomfort. Wishing I was one of my friends (growing up). I've just labelled myself all my life. I am this, I am sensitive, its my upbringing, I was lonely, I wasn't the popular one, she, hated attention, wanting to fit in. It goes on and on.  Feeling I am abnormal,  that i have a problem, I can't do this or attend that and standing out like a sore thumb for fear of humiliation, ny secret being revealed.  Family and friends pitying me. This great importance of what i am. All of this concerns I, ME, SELF hugely and that's why it's such a huge issue in my life because I am looking for a reason, someone or thing to blame for my behaviour... like divorces parents, an anxious mum, so this is why I am the way I am. I an convinced I'm stuck with all of this. By removing ME removes blame and reason. It is very hard to do but I cam see its the answer.

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Just reflecting on connection being a biological imperative to ensure survival as a newborn.Could this tie in with why as we mature we replace the secure attachment needed from our primary caregivers by trying to secure the experience of being ?

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My sister has recently 'gaslit' me more than once and has now 'ghosted' me.  She did pull me in originally ... until I stepped back and realised.But now there's silence because she won't talk to me, saying it stresses her out.So I feel stuck.  Yes, I did want something from this other person - and now I must not.  Am I looking for where "I am" doing this (or have done this) in some area of my life please?  

I just wanted to let you know that the Energy Course was brilliant how much it has opened up and deepened my curiosity and inquiry into "Who am I".  Thank you so much for your wonderful guidance and help in opening up the cracks, enabling me to see so much more.My question relates initially to Day 28 "Takeaways" video and then secondly to the Podcast question from 30th January regarding Energy and Capacity.You spoke about social situations and the use of alcohol as a coping tool in the Day 28 video.  What if "avoidance" instead of alcohol is used to cope?  For example, making social situations as something to avoid - easier to not go than cope with fear, humiliation, anxiety, etc.This is an area in my life that I have been looking more and more at recently.  I see myself going to some social occasions now - but there still appears to be a lot of thinking and physical symptoms around them.  Some occasions I just find myself not attending - this is then followed with shame, lack, remorse - why can't I just go, what is there to fear, dreading the next one.And then I listened to today's podcast (30 Jan) regarding Energy and Capacity.  Brilliant question and answer!  Near the end, what I took from it was, that there is no capacity at all to be with an experience, when all energy is used to protect and try and keep in place "that version of myself".  Why do I need to protect "that version of myself"?  I'm curious now?  What's in it for the "ME"?

I'm going a little round in circles with the being movement and the document. I found great value in creating the document and identifying negative self beliefs that were under the surface and creating I am statements. However something is holding me back from speaking the document each day as it feels like "doing" being. When I am connected to my being, it feels like nothing else is required.  I would love your input on this as I can see people have enormous value from this , however I want to be careful it does not play into securing the ego and identity. 

A little while back you mentioned Human Design (which I know very little about), and it made me wonder how a system like that can fit with the understanding you talk about here. I would have thought trying to fit our experience into some system would only take us several steps further away from reality. But maybe I misconstrued what you were saying in the first place, or else there's something I'm not seeing (very likely) that renders such systems helpful even in this understanding. Is it possible you could enlarge upon this, please?

Was wondering about the connection between capacity & energy? Is there a certain amount of energy that is in the body-mind and is distributed/needed for different tasks and processes. And in body mind fortresses were built through conditioning, shocks, trauma ets. with closed doors on which is written STOP PAINFUL - DO NOT ENTER. And energy is spent to keep those doors closed & protected and nothing is left for capacity.

Totally on board with oneness in the moment of all that is true being intelligence in action and any separation coming from conditioning beliefs generating by lack or fear. What I can’t get my head around is are we saying that if there is no reality that life is an illusion because all those experiences of oneness are momentary then disappear? This leaves me feeling wobbly…

re. seeking love, validation & approval. Do you think we can ever be truly free of seeking these things? I know that I need validation & approval far less and I am not looking for it a lot of the time. However there is still a small part of me that wants to be loved, recognised & approved of & despite being present with it when the need arises.Maybe I am asking the wrong question as I am wanting this suffering to end  in me , the mind tells me it is wrong to want these human needs

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There is a lot problematic going on in self, life and family of late. It is around mental health, physical health, relationship issues, house problems, slow down of beloved work, end of life care and all within this dark SAD time of year. I could list them all out specifically, yet I’m conscious that wouldn’t be a helpful practice. Very clear signs of overwhelm, stress, depression and anxiety in self are prevalent. In your latest wonderful book you share “moments of suffering are the greatest of gifts in our life’s.”“Enough of the fucking gifts!!!”They say things comes in threes and this is closer to 33. You can these situations in life The Field. I am getting very muddy. I SEE that this is a glorious opportunity to get curious and explore within. # What happens when it just feels endless and totally overwhelming? 

How do we account for personality or nature? 

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I'm curious about your invitation to sit with the discomfort and bring it in closer, inquire about what is actually real, rather than avoid or numb with distraction. Sometimes I have the where with all to do this yet a lot of the time I can be in brain fog / overwhelm / busy mindedness / emotional reactivity and the distraction of going for a walk, doing Wordle, having sex (I wish more often), jumping in cold water helps my mind settle and I can then more clearly see what is actually real and what needs doing. I see these activities to complement being able to inquire and take a look rather than escapism although I can see it's that too.My question is whether it is alway sensible, realistic, even desirable to expect oneself to have the wherewithal to stay with the discomfort and bring it closer. 

I am trying to break down my fears and understand what is behind then. Maybe due to my upbringing and environmental factors an learned behaviour, it seems I've always compared myself, been too self conscious, low self worth, self critical, etc. But behind it all I think i protect myself from being judged, found out; humiliated. It's all about the presence of others. It is such a strong force that it keeps me from doing stuff for fear of all those very things. I know we are all equal but it doesn't feel like that, or should I say, that is my perception.

how do you know whether you’re genuinely orientated towards the truth or secretly using this exploration to solve your problems / resolve your stresses and strife?

Completely understand the importance of where we direct our energy. When experiencing immense bouts of anxiety energy is so misused that the body becomes weak, breathless, shaky, jumpy, nauseous, and fragile. My question is does, or, will this suffering cause any actual harm to our mind or body in the long run? Surely it has an effect on our defenses over time after repeated bouts? This concerns me.

Its about the war in the middle east. I have for the mostpart been cutting myself off and trying not to think about it as the stories coming out are just so so horrific.. The stuff of horror films and nightmares. So much hate, loss, grief, and unimaginable suffering. When I do allow myself to think about it, I just feel utter despair and sadness. So heres my question. Is all this just a reflection of human consiousness right now? And if it is, it seems the only solution must be to simply go within and ask myself honestly, where do i feel hate, rage, seek revenge, make others suffer, etc etc. Would you agree?So all the futile attempts by goverments for deals/ peace agreements or whatever, is none of that needed or necessary? Is it all down to us as humans one by one to find peace and dissolve conflict within and then the outside world would automtically follow suit?Also, since the war is in the middle east, i was wondering if this particularly reflects the level of consiousness/inner conflicts of those living there and those most affected? Or would you say it could have happened anywhere and is a reflection of humanity in general?Would love your views..this topic to me seems so heated and hard to bring up for fear of attack..but I guess thats just more reflection...hall of mirrors, cant escape it, sending so much love,

How do you define Flow, Clare and how do we make The SHIFT from grind to Flow? 

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I feel like I've asked this question in many forms, but here I am again.  I've just watched your latest video in the "Energy" course.  I was shouting out to it, "but I do move into the space of discomfort, in fact it feels like there's no choice about it!"  The retraumatization that you talk about is seen so clearly and of course it's depleting my energy.  Over the past few years I've decided that it's not worth my short or long term health anymore. I've been applying to  any job where I feel like I can at least cover my bills.  No interviews have been offered. I have lots of stories about that too as I've done all the research and any housework that seems necessary.  I also shouted at the podcast about you saying that if the listener wanted another job they would have one. I seem to shout at you a lot even though I love you like crazy!  I ask the big questions and stay in my body as much as possible.  I don't have the capacity to do this all the time therefore, I"m not in that place where you've been, where you didn't care about what came up for you in the talk you gave.  I've listened to another of your podcasts about it being more difficult for people who've been harshly conditioned or traumatized.  This is the situation here. I therefore, have thoughts about how it's always going to be like this and the trap gets tighter and tighter. I'm not exactly sure what my question is now, except that I'm very envious of the people who see thru it all and then suddenly it's magical or at least it seems like things fall away and there's a larger capacity.  Can the forcing of the facing of things be too much for the system especially when the programming is strong?  I did this job for 2 decades without a problem and now the brain rewiring is also a story I tell myself about.  This is quite a long winded question, but if you can make heads or tails of it, it would be much appreciated.Thank-you Clare.  I have so much love for you.  Most of the time I'm not shouting at your videos and podcasts, instead they resonate deeply, and yet nothing shifts so there's huge frustration.  There's the feeling of haven't I suffered enough already!  Ughhhh

Just reflecting on energy. More specifically the amount of energy that as stated by Adyashanti it takes to maintain those illusory beliefs,the false narrative ,the conditioning ,the projection of the I at the centre of a created reality as opposed to being alive, in flow, whole, true and home. My question is are we saying that we do not have a mind i.e it is a  maladaptive programme running on false data. Or that the mind does exist but that inner engineering is required to make it work in service of us as human beings. Hope this makes sense ?

I am still marvelling at the shifts happening on a daily basis at the moment.I forgot to mention on our call about how out of seemingly no-where I find myself doodling, drawing, painting, making shapes out of paper napkins…. having never done anything like that before and swearing I didn’t have a creative bone in my body !This really is like magic!

Good morning, my dear ClareI just finished listening to your utterly brilliant response to the participant in your Energy course who is struggling with histamine issues. My mind was immediately transported back to 2019 when I was taking all of you courses, and when I took REAL for the second time in October of that year, my own histamine symptoms went through the roof! I was terrified. And yet, something kept my ass on the seat in your course. My mind hated every word you said, and my body’s histamine symptoms increased and morphed daily as I continued the exploration. And then, for whatever reason I’ll never know, something deep within me really SAW that the symptoms were BRILLIANT. They were my greatest teachers. Something within me stopped fighting them so much. There was a knowing that the actual physical symptoms were somehow doing amazing work on behalf of this exploration and expansion. By December, they diminished and by January, they were gone altogether. They simply were no longer needed. Now, I see the beauty and intelligence in the body’s sensations and symptoms. I recently wrote a love letter to my brilliant body with all its adorable little idiosyncrasies. I’ve attached it in case you’d like to read it. Thank you, Clare, for always pointing us INTO the very core of the body, the sensations, and the emotions.❤️ So very helpful. Love Missy https://www.missymaioranocoaching.com/blog/a-letter-to-my-body

These last few days have been really uncomfortable and at times painful, as I am staying with what’s going on. No numbing, no trying to change it. I feel the pain, I feel the grief as I see again and again where my mind goes to… the stories it tells, the narrative that’s been going on for so long, most of the time unnoticed. “Unconscious mind activity makes you unhappy” says Eckhart Tolle, and I am seeing more of this activity now. I am experiencing “feeling” like I’m unwanted, ‘low vibe’, ‘a failure’… The deep feeling of not ‘enoughness’, and of rejection. I was reflecting on that today, and the fact that some people weren’t answering my messages (yet), and how my mind was going to habitual and painful narratives. I realized again how these were opportunities I am thankful for. Opportunities to actually observe those narratives. And less than five minutes later, I received a message… haha! A wink from the Universe, like a confirmation. “Yeah! You’ve unlocked the next level at the game of life.”All of it is a mirror. Life is mirroring ‘yourself’ back to you. This story of rejection is a very old story, but what is new is seeing the nuances and being present when it emerges, instead of lost in the mind’s story. And I am so grateful for that, because this is the key to the prison’s door. This is freedom, “Feel the pain and know that you are free”

I’ve not asked a podcast questions since ‘Find the narcissist in you’ many, many moths ago, so here’s a new question inspired by page 66 of GAME…Whist I get the subjective lens of the character, is it True that there is NO absolute reality? 

On today's podcast on truth you talk about Truth being beyond the mind. I've long been curious as to how all similar concepts that we might lump under "ethics", "eternal values" or "the verities" fit in with non-duality. Is it all relative in the Real, in the field beyond good and evil, with no place at all for absolutes? I've been rereading C. S. Lewis's "The Abolition of Man", and he does make a lot of sense about the pitfalls of trying to live in a world where all values are relative. But maybe if it's all ultimately love, that subsumes everything?

I'm loving the Energy Course that we are doing at the moment.  Day 4 video WOW - I found everything you said just seemed to almost flow through me, making complete and utter sense.  I have a question for you - one area I seem to struggle and get caught up in still, is my health (believed to be caused by high histamine levels).  My mind/body system still wants to resist the energetic flow of Intelligence/life and shift back to a Reality of fear, confusion, insecurity when the physical symptoms appear.    Interestingly over the last few months, these symptoms have become a lot worse, continually changing in how they present themselves.  Along with that, there has been the growing frustration and annoyance  around what I can eat, drink, how much rest, etc and wanting to give it all up and just eat what I want.  Then again fear, confusion and insecurity appear.Why does this area still look so real - the physical symptoms keep changing and reappearing as more severe?  Are the symptoms pointing me towards the resistance?  Where to go with this?  

I am finding myself at a lockdown all thought believed but unable to see a way through this.  My husband died in 2015 when i was 51 and 3 months later my brother committed suicide. At the time of his death he was under mental health care.  I believed 100% that he wouldnt kill himself, and tried to constantly tell my parents that he wouldnt and that it was all attention seeking, but he did.  He hung himself and had a massive heart attack and was not dead when found and taken to hospital and put on life support, after brain scans he was deemed as brain dead and we had to make the decission to turn off his life support.  His actual passing was traumatic for my Mum his son, wife and myself. So much guilt. Moving on my son 34yrs  suffers with his mental health and i cannot see that this is ok.  everything in me wants to secure him to secure myself and not have to face this again.  I understand i cannot control anyone or anything but the ongoing fear of this is agonising and not good for our relationship.  What my mind says is well you cant control anything so you know this can happen again, which i know is true and i cant see this any other way and any attempt to feel into it just blocked, nonething.  If you have time to reply to me i would greatly appreciate it, i just dont know how to approach this.

I havent been on holiday abroad since 2017. In June 2018 I was ill with GAD and couldn't go on holiday with my husband and daughter. I came back in taxi and they went alone. That same year in November 1st my husband aged 51 passed away from sepsis at the hospital I worked at for 16 years, due to negligence. We won our case it was an awful experience. My anxieties are more to do with me all my life and are not about my husband if you understand what I mean. Grief is a completely emotion. I was very strong I have been told. I have been in a new healthy relationship for 2 years now and both our children get on amazingly. No problems at all, only my personal anxieties that never go away. So the main issue is going on holiday abroad. All the family want to go and I am having to say no I can't. I feel like a let down as I know everyone wants to go but I'm so afraid to commit in case the same thing happens because when I am hit by my anxiety I am very ill and I spiral right down to the pit of doom. I know the answer is to do the thing but I'm so afraid. That's why I'm doing your courses. You're the only person who seems to resonate in a different way. X

Seems to me that I have chosen to put myself into Reset to feel all the feelings or the identity has but my concern is, is that healthy for me? By saying there is nothing to gain, I get it but, I am here to gain something, some kind of change to the endless suffering. Aren’t we all here for something, some gain, change or peace from pain? The premise of Reset, seems to be re-traumatisation in order to see through the made up self-identity/story of me. It is based on a belief that this is true. How do we know what is true? 

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