This is Day 1 of a 3 day mini series about clean communication. Each day is a different exercise to do. If you are interested in going deeper into this topic of expression and authenticity, come and join us in November for the on-line course VOICE https://claredimond.com/current-live-program/

I was just listening to a podcast about how to be in the best situation to be open to insight. I heard, maybe incorrectly?, that you show up to whatever the situation is and bring a good feeling to it?This has confused me a little, as firstly, I have recently seen that we are not in control anyway, so how can we control the feeling we bring to something? And secondly, my brother has just had a cancer diagnosis, is it actually possible to bring a good feeling to that? I can see how I can ‘choose’ not to entertain the thoughts that pass through, add to them or catastrophise. But bringing a ‘good’ feeling to the situation seems like a doing rather than a being? If any of that makes sense? I just wondered what your take was on this, I keep hearing that we are not in control and this felt like a bit of a contradiction, an area that I am obviously not clear on. Does thought not create all feeling? I think there a space before thought? Any clarity on this would be great. 

Listener question: I feel like my anxious energy is trapped in my body.  It's usually there, I know there's still a lot more for me to see around who I really am, but is it a good idea to also try to release this energy?  I know I've had childhood trauma (totally forgive my parents), and I also wonder if the constant panic attacks at work are a type of trauma as well.  Finances always come into play when it comes to therapy, so I'm wondering if yoga or something else that can be done in a class or alone, would be helpful?  I'm not really sure if this is the separate self that wants to feel better, but maybe some body/minds need a two pronged approach.  Do some clients go for acupuncture or reiki?  I could swing a monthly treatment, and perhaps that's better than nothing.  

[Follow up to 15 October podcast) Thank you so much for your podcast on my question.I‘m trying to write to you and describe what happened but I don‘t really know how. After listening to your podcast I cried for a while.. a space opened up. And things felt very different than usually before concerts.. almost to the point that I got suspicious if I should become more nervous again.. Afterwards I had a beautiful concert experience. I almost feel a bit ungrateful to ask this follow up question but it seems somehow important right now.. If a concert is a moment where I get challenged to let go of my selfidentity.. What happens afterwards?I noticed that after the concert I stayed in this amazing „open space“ for another two days. But slowly some habbits started coming back. I endet up occupying my mind with either TV or listening to podcasts, sort of trying to distract myself from something, but this time I didn‘t even know what I‘m trying to distract myself from..I have two more concerts to play but I don’t have this clear vision anymore what needs to get done until then. Also I got a cold which is a thing that seems to happen quite often to me before important events..I suspect that I‘m making up some stories there but can’t really see it.It still feels like somethings are fundamentally different. I don‘t feel so tight and scared anymore.. it almost feels to me that I‘m scared of this new freedom. Is that possible?Sorry for this long E-Mail..

My daughter, at University is having problems and it is consuming my thoughts at times. I see that I am in separation, there is a definite daughter and an actual problem to be solved,it also feels like I should be able, or its up to me, to solve it.   Last night I found myself wracking my brains to see where this conversation can help me.  "It's just thoughts" kept coming to mind, which I argued with myself that I am actually a thought too and I have jumped on a hamster wheel of trying to fix things, be in control.  Then the fork in the road picture came to mind, well I'm on the left fork, the right fork it where I need to be, so how do I get there?  Thinking so hard to figure it out.   As you can see the ways I have felt in the past in this conversation have deserted me in favour of the separate world. In quieter moments I can see that I am identifying with her problems and1. thinking my anxieties have given her these thoughts, so she is taking after me, or2. I am using my experience and assuming her experience is exactly the same.  I can see that I have knowledge that could help but am forcing it a bit too much. I find myself giving her suggestions I have not followed myself.  

I really valued your two Podcasts last month on clean questions and have listened to them several times. I see a link between don Miguel Ruiz’s most important First Agreement; Be Impeccable With Your Word and Clean Language/Clean Coaching. Please can you expand further on what you mean by clean questions and where it originated? I am just about to order Radical Candor and I wondered how that ties in with clean questions too. Please can you share a further Podcast on this? 

Learned 'helpFULness' 

Listener question: Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of selfidentity.. I am a musician and will soon have some concerts that seem very important for my future. I don‘t feel prepared enough, I have this feeling that I really don‘t know what is going to happen and if I will be able to play the pieces or if I will be too nervous. At the same time, I know that I would have the same feeling even if I had more time to prepare.I started wondering if playing in front of an audience kind of forces me to let go of the idea of who my self is. In the phases when I‘m freaking out about the concert the words „I‘m going to die“ crossed my mind a couple of times. I started wondering if thats actually what is happening: my self identity is questioned whether it‘s real or not, so there actually is a part of me that is under the threat of metaphorically dying..Also it feels so weird that the thing that is most important in my life is the one that now scares me to death.I‘m actually not really sure what my question is.. It just feels like such a massive risk to play. And I was wondering if you could share with me some thoughts on this.

Podcast to accompany today's blog post on the outside-in life https://claredimond.com/outside-in-life/

Listener question: Can you speak to the mind's tendency to hear/label statements like "there is no other" or "there is no self" or "any thought isn't true, all thoughts are untrue" or "this world is an illusion" as denial or bypassing illness, injury, racism, and other harms in this physical world? Is this a slippery way for the mind to reinforce itself and be "right" with its insistence that there IS a world, people, etc.? Or is the mind reinforcing itself when it avoids illness, injury, racism, etc. through using these statements? Both/And? No way to know?

I’m revisiting the material in the YOU course and during one of the lessons you spoke about the:“Localisation of being in this apparent form”I’m not sure that I quite understand what you mean!  I get the second part, the apparent form, but can’t grasp what you mean by localisation of being! Would you be able to talk more about this on a Podcast sometime please?

Listener question: Where do I draw the line (part 2).

I've struggled with being significantly overweight most of my adult life and I'm finding myself more and more confused about it. This conversation has helped me to see more clearly around other suffering and I feel much more at peace with whatever arises. However, when I'm suffering about my weight (which is often) and I look at what's true, I get confused. It is true that it's healthier not being so overweight, and then there's hunger, I don't know when it's real or habit etc. Also, when you say that genuine change can never come unless identification with self falls away I get scared because I wonder if my motives to lose are to secure the self. I want to lose so I can be healthier, feel better and go up stairs without getting out of breath etc., but I also want to look better in my clothes - so I wonder if I'm trying to lose for the "wrong" reasons. Can you shed any light on this? 

Conditioning, behaviour and choice 

A brief summary of this episode

This may have been answered before, but how do you know where to draw the line in relationships? I have been married for over 30 years. My husband regularly -maybe once a month or every couple of months - loses his temper and then will shout and swear at me. I have told him not to do that on many occasions, and how my ‘self esteem ‘ ( I know, intellectually, no such thing, if no self)then sinks even further because I don’t just walk out. But if all is inside out, it is my thoughts about the shouting and swearing, I could instead - in theory- feel compassion for his discomfort and stress. But the pattern is that I tend to freeze or shout back . Sometimes now I can just be present with it for a bit, but can’t maintain it, and it doesn’t seem to help much.  But if we are supposed to be unconditionally loving of our partners, then I feel I should be able to accept this, when otherwise things are ok, and he has to put up with my almost constant anxiety and depression. ( and then the question arises , would I be different without the regular injections of bile) And  I know that other people in my position probably wouldn’t give it a second thought and just brush or laugh it off, it’s probably just my insane overthinking and analysing that keeps me stuck. It feels like all the positive things are just wiped out when he behaves like that, but then that is me expecting inhuman perfection perhaps.Thanks for your help

I was wondering if you could follow up on your recent Podcast about 'Who are we' to talk about what makes us unique?  Fundamentally we are all the same awareness, intelligence & energy made into form but what about personalities, preferences and skills?  People in reality can seem very different - some people are more analytical and scientific whereas others are naturally creative or good at practical things.  Where does this conversation sit with nature v's nurture?  I like the idea that we all can do anything if we practise enough and that our abilities aren't fixed but how similar or different are we really?

Resistance and behavioural change

What is going on with confusion? 

I have been reflecting on the use of the terms consciousness/awareness which appear to be interchangeable in the way some teachers use them and life/animating force/intelligence. I have heard our true self as both awareness and life/animating force/intelligence and although I know they are all concepts I wonder if you could help me understand them as relative concepts a bit better or in fact if they are pointing to the same indescribable truth.

Can you speak more to how dissolution of the self concept, or the belief in it, makes us more of what/who we really are? Who are we if we aren't identified with the constriction of fear?Thank you

A brief summary of this episode

I wanted to ask you about a lack of motivation for the conversation I have felt since dropping out of the STRESS course, I am doing the YOU course but feel I'm just going through the motions.  I still enjoy and always listen to the podcasts, it seems to be the courses that are affected. When I dropped out of the STRESS course I could see that it was because the lesson (16) hit a nerve.  I was having to face my biggest fear.  I can see that it was part of SELF preservation but I'm getting caught up with SELF preservation and physical preservation.  The fear is around 1, having a seizure or panic and 2, having it where I am not safe e.g. on my own or somewhere I could inflict harm to myself and yes even die. Point 2 is clearly a sensible thing to thing about but how does it fit in with point 1 they seem to be connected. Life is also throwing connected things at me, like,  an old friend has asked me if I wanted to meet, in an area I have felt anxious before and she thought it would be where I would be dropping of my daughter for work, so I have to say I don't do that anymore,  I cant meet her and have to say why, that I don't drive anymore and that all my instincts are saying in ignore the message!!   I know I'm withdrawing and most of these things can be worked around.  I embarrassed about my situation and worry that she think she will be meeting the old Karen not this version.  All Embarrassment, self consciousness, fear and helplessness.Really want to hide from this. 

Listener question: what can a participant expect on a course about reality? 

Listener question: what do I expect to see change in someone who is doing the courses?

Listener question: Being at work I am acutely sensitive to other peoples moods, interpersonal undercurrents and not to mention so-called elephants in the room. It feels like my sensitivity is too open for this maybe unhealthy atmosphere. What am missing here, what's true? How can I feel safer in this environment?

For anyone waking up in the night or struggling to sleep. This podcast reminds us of the ultimate peace and relaxation of our true being. 

Listener question: can you talk more about experiencing emotions without identifying with them or becoming them?

The computer mind 

Listener objection: This is chilly, abstract and off-putting

Your courses seem to provide a safe place to explore that the identity is not what we really are. So is that we are providing a support for the brain-body system so that the identity is less insecure that the information goes in? Or is it that when wholeness speaks to the wholeness the identity is simply less of a factor? both/and?

Listener question: What should I do? I hate my job.

Hello, Just want to ask what you think of something that bothers me. Don’t really know why, but I’ll ask and if you don’t want to answer it’s ok. I don’t like subliminals. It’s not that I don’t like it, I would love it if I worked, and maybe it does, just like hypnosis,nlp,eft and so on. My thought is why do you use that, isn’t it to “risky” for you to get involved in “a technique”. What I come to like about 3p and non duality is that it’s vey pure, just our basic understanding of how we work as humans and how our experience of life happens. Hope you understand what I mean, I am not very good in writing in English. And I should say that I really love listening to you and reading your books. I’ll explain a little of my background, then my question maybe becomes a bit more understandable. I have like you had a lot of social anxiety. Some years ago I got tired of eating pills and started looking at alternative methods. First I tried hypnosis, seemed to be perfect, someone hypnotizes you and then the problem is gone. Didn’t work for me. Then I tried hypnosis Together with nlp. Didn’t work. Then I started to learn nlp, it was interesting but my problems just got worse. Tried different coaches, and lots of approaches like eft and so on. All of this just made my problems worse. Then I talked to a guy who pointed me in the direction of 3p and non duality. And this seems to be the most logical approach to life. I still have alot of anxiety in social situations but in some way it feels better, I guess I haven’t really got it jet. 

I currently feel as though I'm putting in a lot of mental effort to be 'conscious' of my thoughts and to bring awareness to what is being believed and felt in the moment.  It's like a huge amount of self-talk back and forth with the ego.  Especially in those moments of heightened anxiety or in anticipation of future events, I am trying to coach myself or rationalise the feelings in order to calm down*. I definitely have an increasing level of awareness but it has not become natural or effortless.  Is it likely to become more effortless in the future?

In relation to the podcast I have been noticing when I tell someone something, because of a hidden reason that I want to tell them. For example, I may bring up to someone about me being busy on Saturday doing a bike ride because I secretly want them to know I am going biking. When they never asked and I could of just said I am busy on Saturday. That is not a great example however it happens all the time. It is not a clean response to an answer to someone’s question because I, for some ego based reason, want them to know what I am doing. Does that make sense?My podcast question is does this go along with your clean response podcast? Because I notice I do it a lot.

I am unsure how to be in the relationship with this man whom i care deeply about but because of all thats coming to the surface around my sexuality and sense of feeling unworthy, i feel too vulnerable right now to sleep with him, but don't know how to tell him and ask for the space i need right now as its a big part of the relationship.  You said in podcast to just leave the relationship alone for now, which i agree with but unsure how to navigate this piece with him. Any thoughts appreciated. 

Listener question: You may recall our conversation regarding my dilemma about moving. In brief: my partner had asked me to marry him a few months ago and so a move was on the cards and my daughter was very unhappy about this. An update on that:  last week we moved and my daughter started her new school. Sadly she hates it. She has cried and cried and cried (as have I) the entire week. We've barely slept or eaten.  Myself and my partner have been into school and had extensive meetings and the school have put a robust system of support in place for her. My partner has been brilliant with her and of course she's getting a lot of support from me. So from that respect she is not alone. None of that changes the fact that she hates it. She says no-one speaks to her apart from one girl (but she doesn't see this girl all of the time because they are in different lessons). So she is largely alone during the days.  I don't think there is anything wrong with the school and I don't think the kids are being deliberately mean, I think she is just feeling so vulnerable, out of her depth, misplaced, scared, insecure, lost, shy, awkward etc. that it's so hard for her to connect with anyone- and of course the more she feels alone the less she feels she can join in and the worse it is- so it's a vicious cycle. She says she's living a nightmare and it's killing me witnessing it.I'm considering moving back because I can't stand to see her suffer like this but there is a part of me that knows with love and support that I shouldn't run away from the suffering, and that neither should I be taking it away from her necessarily.  My partner is not in favour of us or her (there is an option for her to live with her relative) moving back. He feels we should work through this with her and help her get to the other side. I see that point, but I am finding it very hard to see her suffer and I want to make things ok for her again.I feel so lost with this. Is there anything you can see that might be helpful? 

Can you say more about when there is a trojan horse request where the outside superficial ask is hiding a deeper, what most of us would call an unconscious, ask? For example if I were to post repeatedly in a facebook page seemingly to be helpful and really a deeper desire is to be seen or approved of. Why would we listen to, or ask for, the unconscious ask when emotions and thoughts are so transitory? Why take that unconscious ask seriously? Aren't both coming from an insecure self?

Listener question: I had a falling out with my friends several years ago. Should I contact them to try to reconcile? 

Clare said on the last webinar something like, "Nonduality teachers say there is nothing to do but there are things we can do to settle the mind.". What things can be done to settle the mind?

Listener question: what are the pros and cons of the COVID vaccine from the 3P perspective? 

In July i began to listen to the subliminal you made for me.The funny thing is that my ego construct is a bit afraid to listen to it.  It seems to me this is an attempt to control and protect the self identity..I still listen to it but i was wondering if you heard this before and what you think about this.

Finding the concept of the self being pre-programmed into the system fascinating. I can see how the incredible ability to conceptualise is key within society and all the incredible things that have come from it. But I wonder if you could talk more about  if there is a point where the evolutionary benefit of having the avatar/self is outweighed by the suffering/threat to survival of having an avatar/self. Hope this makes sense? 

In meetings at work I often find myself very self conscious and so I don’t often speak. I try to force myself to but i feel awkward and even more self conscious. How can I stop feeling like this? 

Dear Clare,If someone has spent most of their life dancing between fight, flight or freeze and living in the survival mode. It is likely that this may have taken a toll on the physical body at the cell level. If, as a result, the cells are no longer to work optimally this suggest that the cell trauma might then limit a persons connection to their 'life energy' and even an ability therefore to connect to their 'truth'. Literally, as if the cell 'processor' for truth and life energy is worn out. In your view, if the body isnt functioning very well at that cell level, does that inhibit being able to 'access the back room' and is there a place for taking things like 'bio-hack' health supplements, etc OR should we leave alone and trust that our bodies 'innate' built-in health repair system is 'on the case'. Is healing at the physical level more about letting go of the resistance and conditioned patterns and getting our minds out of the way OR does taking bio-hack type supplements, etc support us in changing conditioned patterns from stored trauma in the body.

Listener question: the professional coaching world I've lived in (up until now) was about choice and who I was being, etc... What would you love to create? How would you like to feel? Your reality comes from how you think so change your thinking!  How does that make sense based on what I'm seeing here with you and our group? Presence. Love. Awareness... I read books that talk about choice and living with intention around Who do I want to be?  Or how do I want to feel? Your feeling state if a choice. Would you share your thoughts on this? Is there a way to reconcile these two "worlds"? 

A brief summary of this episode

A brief summary of this episode