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Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

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Episode NotesAdditional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

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Episode NotesAdditional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

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Some of the topics discussed in this week's episode include:Community Connections - what it was and who participatedHow to work with kids in a group setting and build trust and emotional safety for allSetting up Agreements with youthWhat to do when Agreements are brokenUsing a talking piece as a strategy for respect and emotional safetySticking with empathy first in all circumstancesAnd more... Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

In this Episode:What to do in moments of intensity?Thinking about your intention - what does that mean and how can it inform your self-empathy process?Going beyond intellectual understanding of your feelings:  an example of what this looks like Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Are you struggling with NVC and how to make it come alive in your everyday interactions?  The good news is that you are in good company.  NVC is simple in concept but quite challenging to make come alive in your life. Join us to hear some of the Common Pain Points people tend to experience including: Feeling resistant to the processThinking NVC is the only way to communicateThinking the NVC process is too mechanicalFeeling too overwhelmed or unsure to practice Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

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There are a number of topics we discuss all in service to greater understanding around presence. Self Connection - this is modeled on the show5-4-3-2-1 - a cool activity you can do to get yourself back to presence, especially in a heated momentHaving patience with presence and how it is similar to a meditation process.How NVC is mostly about presence, so is it useful to use NVC language without presence?Join us for this show to learn about all of this and more. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Imagine having a place to go to practice, on the regular, your NVC skills and where you can get very specific feedback on your skill level.  TBM Empathy Gym is a membership based program where people can go to be in an NVC community, practice their NVC skills, and get performance-based feedback on their progress in learning and implementing NVC.  This episode goes into the details of The Empathy Gym and tells you how you can join from anywhere in the world. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

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We've talked a lot, in past Episodes, about evaluative language and how it is tied to the trauma epidemic which tends to have a dominoes effect of one person (often unconsciously) triggering another.  If this is so, than where do appreciations come into play?  Is it in service to connection to tell someone they are great or they did a great job?  Dr. B and Heather unpack this topic a bit.  They talk about the NVC way of expressing appreciations and why it may be help to create greater emotional safety and clarity than the way we oftentimes provide "positive" feedback.Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Expressing is just as important as giving empathy in the NVC model, and yet it is the component that is sometimes overlooked.  In this Episode, we discuss why it's important to express and how to do so using Observation (O), Feelings (F), Needs (N), and Request (R).We debated using this recording, because we got a "little silly and raw" - meaning we were concerned about effectiveness and acceptance.  However, we believe the topic is an important one and most of the examples and non examples, we think, can help listeners gain some clarity on this topic - at least, that is our hope. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

There tend to be some patterns that occur, especially when people just start learning NVC and then want to share it with others.  In this Episode, Dr. B and Heather address to questions and provide a bunch of tips and insights: What to do when you first learn NVC and want to share it with others?How to give empathy to someone who is jackaling without agreeing or reaffirming their judgments? Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

If giving empathy and expression in NVC is based in connecting around needs, what is one to do when the other person involved is not interested in contributing to your needs?  This is a very tough topic to explain and Dr. B shares a bit about her own process when this sort of thing happens in her life.  It tends to be helpful to do deep self-empathy and "meet"  your own needs but not in the way that most people would think.  Take some time to listen here to learn more. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Kelly McGrath worked for 20+ years in the General Counsel's office at the Florida Department of Children and Families.  After learning NVC from Dr. Bigbie, she was inspired to take her work in a different direction and now has a private law firm with the focus on communication first.  In this Episode, she shares a bit more about her own personal practices to support herself in her career and she also shares what it looks like to integrate NVC into the legal field. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

In this episode, we quickly go over the components of empathy:  presence, reflection, and needs guesses.   Then, you will hear Dr. B going through a list of "mock" statements and Heather responding - first with reflection, then Other Conversational Responses, and then taking needs guesses.  The contrast is done to help people experience, side-by-side, the different kinds of responses.  We, especially, would like the listeners to come away with some imaginings of how empathy could sound in a conflict situation. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

In his book, "My Grandmother's Hands:  Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending our Hearts and Bodies," Resmaa Menakem shares about historical and generational trauma and how it lives in our bodies.  Dr. B believes this work is significant and very much aligned with the ability to move or not with NVC skills in the world  - to disrupt the trauma epidemic we see playing out around us. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

After a conflict that started on Mother's Day, Dr. B and her daughter had a conversation using their NVC skills and it was "quickly" and "sweetly" resolved.  Afterwards, Dr. B wished she had recorded the whole thing so that her listeners could hear how this process works in real life situations.  Luckily, her daughter was game to come on the show and recreate the conversation so that listeners could hear and, hopefully, learn.It may see odd to hear this and folks may think it sounds "weird" or "inauthentic" or "rehearsed."  But, this was really how the conversation went and it really ended with connection for all.  We hope you enjoy a little window into our world. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com  

Sometime out loud empathy may not be connecting and, in those circumstances, silent empathy may be just the ticket.  What is silent empathy?  How is it different than just getting quiet in a moment?  When is the best time to use silent empathy?  When might you want to try a different strategy?  All of this is discussed during this week's episode.  Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com  

According to author, Steve Taylor, humans have three different states of mind:  Abstraction, Absorption, and Attention.  Abstraction is the busy mind, consumed with thoughts about past and future.  Our minds are so consumed that we are not plugged into the present moment at all.  This is, primarily, where most of us live.Absorption occurs when we are sucked into some kind of activity and it takes over our mind.  Playing a sport, reading a book, watching TV...our minds are so absorbed in the task that we are not present with our immediate experience.Attention is the state of mind that is most akin to the presence that is so important to the NVC process.  It's hard to come by - especially when in conflict and, yet, it can be built.   Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

WAIT stands for Why Am I Talking or What Am I Thinking?  Both are important and serve different roles in the NVC process.It's important to let the other know that you are WAITING - otherwise there is a lot of room for making up stories and causing further disconnection.There are a number of ways to share that you are WAITING.  Dr. B gives several examples on how to do so. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking that created them." Dr. B ends this episode with quote from Albert Einstein.  This week's guest provides a perfect example of addressing conflict at a very different level of thinking.  By providing this week's example as well as the one on Episode 32, it is our hope to inspire others to try doing conflict in a totally different way. Of course, if you need support, you can always contact us and/or take a course through The Bigbie Method.  Please see contact information below. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

This episode starts out with some lamenting and some empathy regarding the technical problems with the podcast's audio quality - which were pointed out by a listener.Dr. B. is a bit frustrated and perplexed about how to go forward and receives empathy from Heather - thus giving our audience an example and reminder of the NVC empathy process.NVC empathy combines presence, reflecting, and needs guesses.A listener's email is shared and broken down to show all the places where NVC process was  used to share about the technical difficulties.   This is done to provide a real-world example on how to write in NVC language.  Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comShow Less 

On self-connection..."... It's a good habit to get into. I recommend people start doing this when you start a meeting, when you're beginning a class, before you get out of your car in the morning to go to work, just pausing and getting connected with self because often we don't even know what the heck is going on inside there, so then we certainly can't speak from that place,"  (00:36.6)"Yeah, I guess I think of NVC is like a super power you can wield and sometimes you can misuse it..."(06:36:0)"I guess that's what I'm wondering. Is it more harmful to do it in a way that's not in alignment with the process or... I guess anything helps. "  (07:55:8)"It always comes back to connection, is it getting you connection, and if it's not, then that's a place to pause and self-connect and figure out and take a look at what you did or what you didn't do... It's a hard question. I think I'm hearing you ask me, which is, do people need to get it a 100% right, or should you point it out to people?  You're just wanting to know, Is it dangerous if people think that they have it and think that they're applying it and they're not actually applying it. And what do you do in those kinds of circumstances?"  (08:11:1)"Often, I have my greatest gains in the process and my greatest learning in the process has to do with when I screw up the process, I don't have the level of connection that I want."  (10:41:6)",, one thing I would love to talk about, since you brought it up, is just to remind people what empathy is and what it's not."  (11:41:8)"but let's just do a couple of minutes of empathy just so people can be reminded of what it is in case you're out there in the world thinking I got this down. We wanna just make sure that you're really truly getting what we're talking about when we're saying NVC empathy, which is staying present, reflecting back what you're hearing someone say, taking needs guesses, and you can do this either out loud or you can do it silently."  (13:30:4) Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

Mournings and Celebrations are a way of talking about things that have occurred while keeping our language judgment free.NVC groups tend to use this kind of language during check in and check outs to help people talk about the NVC process while using the NVC process.  We go more into detail about what this means in this episode. Some folks really struggle with the concepts of Mourings and Celebrations, so we provide several examples throughout the recording. Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

Dr. B discusses why she thinks making this "simple" distinction, between thoughts and feelings,  in our communication can bring about more peace in our world.It's important to practice in neutral situations to form a habit that can show up in the midst of conflict and help the conflict end in greater connection.Stating thoughts as thoughts, as opposed to couching them in feelings, provides more accountability and clarity for all involved in the communication.Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

In this Episode, you will learn about the various components of The Bigbie Method (TBM):The Intro Course  - a foundational course to learn the basics of Nonviolent CommunicationThe Empathy Gym - a membership style gym where you workout your empathy and NVC muscles instead of biceps.  "Just sit and click" and let your NVC skills come to life in your daily life.The TBM Certification process - for people interested in making this your life's work.  Not everyone will qualify to do this work in schools and organizations but TBM will need help in scaling up to the level necessary in this world.  The Intro Course and Empathy Gym are helpful enough in that they will make a difference in how you move in  your world.  But, some may be interested and asked to help further the mission of TBM to Operationalize Peace and join the TBM team of Certified Guides.Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com   

In this Episode, we share the following informationWhat is The Bigbie Method?How did The Bigbie Method come to be?A little about the Community Connections Restorative Justice Program that was the "testing ground" for The Bigbie Method.The various services provided by The Bigbie MethodInformation on the upcoming Intro to NVC course offered by The Bigbie Method (learn.thebigbiemethod.com)Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

Here are some of the questions answered on this episode.What do you do when you have to have a difficult conversation with your child?  Heather and Dr. B roleplay a situation between mom and 9-year old.Where do feelings guesses fit into the empathy process?Does taking feelings guesses when in jackal talk help you or someone move more towards understanding their needs?Listen in to find out!Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

"Would you say one of our greatest freedoms is in our ability to choose how we react to things? ."  (00:43.2)"How did you get involved and what kind of an impact or what changes have you seen since you've been using NVC? "  (05:28:7)"...if you're speaking in observational terms, then you have a common place to start the conversation, you're not getting caught up in judgments that start the conversation about on the wrong foot. So that's all true, but what we're talking about here is the other real huge benefit of being able to distinguish between observations and evaluations has to do with what kind of internal space, what kind of internal environment do you end up cultivating for yourself when you're operating in evaluation internally, and especially if you don't even realize you're doing it. It just adds a whole level of suffering that is not necessary, "  (08:15:7)"Which of your relationships has transformed the most?"  (09:42:1)"You know what I realized recently, someone was telling me about a conflict and I gave them the option of responding with empathy or giving advice, and they chose giving advice, and I find that more often than not, people who aren't  well-versed in NVC will always choose advice."  (11:04:5)"Do you think there is such a thing as perfectionism and NVC... Have you trained people? And people get really bogged down in the details of getting it right yet." (17:14:4)Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

"Jackaling is using the language of blame as opposed to Nonviolent Communication which is known as Giraffe language, the giraffe is the symbol of NVC."  (00:23.7)" Sometimes it's painful to be in jack mode, but I also want people to note that the jackal can be very productive... Can be actually very helpful. We should embrace our jackals."  (03:32:7)"Can you just stay with that? The pain of it [your jackal]. The frustration with it. Can you meet that need? So to speak, not meeting it, by having it be handled in that moment, having it have expressed outwardly towards it, when I'm saying, meet your own need, you're meeting it fully embracing, oh, that's what all this energy is inside."  (05:43:0)"I do think there is something to jackaling with awareness."  It can be productive.  (08:15:2)"Learn to love our jackals, love the jackal. Don't jackal to someone directly, jackal away, jackal fully have an awareness that you are jacking when you're jackaling."  (10:31:0)Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

Episode NotesWAIT stands for Why Am I Talking or What Am I Thinking?  (01:14.4)"There's nothing passive about the WAIT process." (03:12.4)"Sometimes you're just like, you're at your wits end. You don't care anymore, you have no capacity to try to hear or take guesses about what's going on with the other, and that's when you go on and wait, and that's when you might wanna do some things, to be able to gain that capacity back to be able to gain some level of compassion for what is happening with the other person, and that's where the enemy image thing comes in." (5:08.7)This is the point where we start to explain the Enemy Image Process.  (06:50.1)Additional Resources:Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethodTwitter: @TheBigbieMethodInstagram: @thebigbiemethodLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvcYouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channelBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com