Sign in
Arts
TV & Film
Green Blooded Bastard
The Green Blooded Bastard podcasts primarily feature movie commentaries. While they do not cure cancer or offer profound insights into filmmaking, they may provide a touch of humor, and be warned; I swear a lot. In addition to the free weekly movie episodes, I occasionally post side podcasts on the main feed. These include a Star Trek-focused show titled The Bastard Boldly Goes, a Battlestar Galactica series called Fat Apollo is Life, a Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman commentary known as The Bastard V Lois & Clark, an ALF-themed podcast I Am, Therefore I Watch Alf, and an Ash vs Evil Dead show named Ash vs Evil Dead vs The Bastard. Sometimes, I write bad poetry, create chaos art, and am generally emo.
Green Blooded Bastard - Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice (Extended Cut)
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice (Extended Cut). This movie is an expensive polished turd that sucks more dick than filipino ladyboy during fleet week! Seriously 3 fucking hours of this shit bro.
02:55:5104/12/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Doctor Strange: The Sorcerer Supreme
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Doctor Strange: The Sorcerer Supreme. This movie is about a dick head hot shit surgeon that treats people like shit until he gets in a car accident and fucks up his hands and his life. He learns how to kick ass with magic and knife fight like a fucking puerto rican on speed. I have a pr friend so I can say that. haha
01:14:0227/11/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Camp Nowhere
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Camp Nowhere. So this film was a childhood classic for me that I decided to rewatch and see if it held up. I think that it did and I still enjoyed parts of it, but I'm a crazy fuck head so whatever. cheers son.
01:34:3520/11/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Angry Birds
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Angry Birds. This movie is ok for a movie based on a crazy mobile phone game! Haha give it a shot son.
01:28:3913/11/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - The Invasion
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Invasion. This movie is actually better than you'd think, but there are some issues. I enjoyed it, but watch the older ones if you found this one ok. Thanks son. 8=====D--------
01:34:0606/11/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Saw 7 (Saw 3D) & (Saw: The Final Chapter)
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Saw 7 (Saw 3D) & (Saw: The Final Chapter). This movie is actually better than the last one, but the actual production quality/ practical effects suck. Just pop some pills and get it over with and still eat a pussy.
01:26:4431/10/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Hulk
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Hulk. This movie is that first shitty one from 2003 and it's as bad as I remember. Seriously it's polished shit, but still shit. that is all.
02:13:4830/10/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Saw 6
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Saw 6. This movie is fucking awful! Seriously don't fucking watch this shit show... eat a pussy instead. ;P
01:27:2823/10/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - London Has Fallen
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches London Has Fallen. This movie is the sequel to a fairly fetch movie that recently came out. Yet again there was another problem recording this, but fuck it we got it done anyways! Fuck it son.
01:33:5716/10/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Scooby-Doo
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Scooby-Doo. So Freddie Prinze, Jr. is a half breed asshole that can't act for shit, but somehow he's still a pilot in this damn movie. Saffron Burrows is sexy as always and loves chewing dbag's assholes out left and right. Matthew Lillard is subdued in his fucking lameness, but still manages to "help" save the day? Also David fucking Warner! So as you can guess I just copy/pasted the wing commander info into this! haha fml son. ;(
01:21:0509/10/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Stealth
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Stealth. This movie is about some small dicked fuck heads that fly shit rice burners and think they are awesome until their buddy "Tin Man" goes loco and shit gets real!
01:53:5202/10/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Bad Boys
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Bad Boys. This movie is about two cops that just happen to also be Bad Boys... oh dear!
01:56:0525/09/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Saw 5
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Saw 5. This movie is actually kinda better than the last one and is ok kinda. Also my dvd skipped like 5 mins from the end for no reason when it didn't skip the last time i watched it and there are no reasons for this besides fucking kill me.
01:31:1018/09/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - The Fast And The Furious
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Fast And The Furious. This movie is about some small dicked fuck heads that drive shit rice burners and think they are awesome and they steal shit and fucking crap.
01:40:5911/09/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Hercules
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Hercules. In this movie The Rock runs around semi naked kicking ass and looking for BJs at every turn while wearing a fucking lion's head as a fucking hat! This movie is ok, but Brett Ratner makes shit movies so throw back a few tall ones and say it with me... fuck it!
01:32:1405/09/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Batman: The Killing Joke
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Batman: The Killing Joke. In this movie the Batman gets to fight the Joker kind of! The Joker is out there romping and stomping crippling bitches and stuff.
01:15:3204/09/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - The Matrix
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Matrix. In this movie Neo is a smooth talking computer programmer from Chicago where they not only blow whistles, but also blow minds! fml. *NOTE* the original recording lost sync so i had to re-record over half the podcast so that's why the first half might sound a bit shitty and off.
02:09:5628/08/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Saw 4
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Saw 4. This movie is yet another sequel to a sequel to... fucking kill me and there is fucking Donnie Wahlberg again! I'm starting to regret doing this damn series already and sadly I have several more to go. I'll stop now fucking pop pills now.
01:30:1521/08/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - The Transporter
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Transporter. This movie is about a guy named Transporter... um Frank Martin who drives cars and delivers shit unless you double cross him and blow up his car. He's got a "girlfriend" and he fucks shit up plus skydiver. enjoy suckas!
01:28:3814/08/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Special Correspondents
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Special Correspondents. In this film Ricky Gervais and Eric Bana are a couple of loveable losers that are hiding out from Kevin Pollak. Their hip shooting gets them further and further into trouble. While shit is slowly hitting the fan Vera Farmiga is fucking great and sexy and Kelly Macdonald is into Ricky Gervais and wishes that he was inside her. America Ferrera is having fun while Benjamin Bratt is like wtfbbq?!?!
01:37:4207/08/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Under The Red Hood
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Batman: Under The Red Hood. In this movie the Batman gets to fight demons from his past! The Joker is out there romping and stomping... I'll stop now.
01:13:3831/07/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Saw 3
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Saw 3. This movie is yet another sequel to a sequel to a somewhat classic and they amped up the gore even more and they tried to make Donnie Wahlberg seem like a capable actor again! This third one just keeps amping up the gore and views like a railed up ride or a video game that you just watch and point and click once in awhile. bleh.
01:49:4124/07/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Crank
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Crank. This movie is about a guy named Deadpool... um Chev Chelios who kills people and fucks shit up so he doesn't die. He's got a hot girlfriend, a funny Doctor and his roommate is a blind black woman... um I mean this is Crank, not Deadpool. I'll stop now.
01:22:5717/07/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Halloween: Resurrection
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Halloween: Resurrection. This movie is a pretty shitty sequel in this franchise, but still better than those horrible middle ones. This is not the one with Paul Rudd in it.
01:26:2210/07/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Independence Day
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Independence Day. This movie is the prequel to a fairly shitty movie that just came out. There is alien rape(brent spiner) and a black pilot(will smith) and a jewish man boy cable repair man(jeff goldblum) and i'm pretty sure that i passed out a few times while recording this. fml son.
02:17:5404/07/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Tomorrowland
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Tomorrowland. This movie is directed by the Iron Giant dude and written with the Lost guy. It's a perfectly average movie that looks pretty, but it takes a long time to get anywhere fun which is too little too late for my fucking tastes. Bleh. Anyway it's an ok film, but not high on my lists of rewatching fun time stuff. Fuck it.
02:03:0603/07/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Saw 2
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Saw 2. This movie is the sequel to a somewhat classic and they amped up the gore and they tried to make Donnie Wahlberg seem like a capable actor! This second one tries to push forward in new directions, but fails somewhat in certain aspects, but is still on the better side of these Saw movies.
01:27:3426/06/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Now You See Me
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Now You See Me. In this movie there are 36 ninjas and the are crazy fast and can do magic like nobody knows! Jk, but there are these 4 playas known as the 4HorseM3N and they fight for the little guy and like to fuck shit up son! NOW YOU SEE ME bitches.
01:46:0819/06/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Scream
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Scream. In this movie a girl named Scream is hunted by some crazy fuckers and is forced to... Scream! There were some production issues with this episode so if it sucks then i'm sorry and fuck you.
01:44:5912/06/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Alien vs. Predator
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Alien vs. Predator. Paul W.S. Anderson fucking hates us all and gives us this shitfest! This movie is a combination of a great franchise and an average(but loved) franchise that was forced to hate fuck each other while doing massive amounts of drugs on camera. I'm not even joking... that's the fucking story son. Aliens + Predators + fml = this fucking movie. kill me now please.
01:29:4605/06/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Saw
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Saw. This movie is a somewhat classic in that it kicked horror off into a new and gore filled direction. This first one has it's flaws, but is still an ok watch from time to time and is still one of the better films in this series.
01:40:1729/05/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Deadpool
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Deadpool. This movie is about a guy named Deadpool who kills shit and can't die. He's got a hot girlfriend, a funny friend named after an animal and his roommate is a blind black woman... what more could you possibly ask for?
01:41:4022/05/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - G.I. Joe: Resolute
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches G.I. Joe: Resolute. In this movie Cobra tries to anal rape the world again and almost achieves it until the resolute Joes turn the tables and push Cobra's shit in! America Fuck Yeah!
58:4316/05/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - It Follows
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches It Follows. This movie is a instant classic in the horror genre! It's about an std that literally kills you to death in the vein of 80s horror. This movie is dope.
01:37:0813/05/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Batman: Year One
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Batman: Year One. In this movie the Batman gets shot, stabbed, punched and tends to fail quite a bit... fuck it Batman! It's a lot like the comic and pretty good so watch it and read it and send me brownies!
01:02:3308/05/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Pee-Wee's Big Holiday
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Pee-Wee's Big
Holiday. In this movie Batman has to save...jk! Pee-Wee
goes on holiday to spend time partying it up with his buddy Joe!
enjoy son. :)
01:26:3501/05/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - The Green Inferno
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Green Inferno. This movie is a pretty solid non torture porn horror movie where a bunch of red fuckers are eating white fuckers in the green jungle. 'Murica
01:36:4124/04/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Species
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Species. This movie is about a horribly cast Ben Kingsley or at very least a poorly acted performance with a horrible accent... fuck it. Lots of tits and shit.
01:44:3417/04/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Futurama: Bender's Big Score
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Futurama: Bender's Big Score. I just watched this movie like 10 hours ago and honestly don't know if i was fully coherent while i watched this and cannot remember anything that i said about it. Seriously i'm sorry for recording such a horrible podcast.
01:29:0110/04/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Thirteen Ghosts
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Thirteen Ghosts. This movie has ghosts that look like the are rejects from other horror franchises that got caught in a glass house trap. FML
But seriously it was ok in a bad way.
01:27:0003/04/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Home Alone 2: Lost In New York
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Home Alone 2: Lost In New York. This movie is about an asian dude... just kidding this is about a family full of assholes lead by two negligent parents and an asshole son. Cops and Robbers in the big apple or something. This episode is not good.
01:56:2427/03/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Iron Man & Hulk: Heroes United
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Iron Man & Hulk: Heroes United. In this movie Iron Man & Hulk are heroes and unite and fight an energy being thing that has some sort of name that.... i give up!
01:09:2220/03/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Trespass
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Trespass. This movie is about a diamond broker with a cheating wife and a shit head daughter. Some people break in and shit gets real... Lethal Weapon 2 style!
01:26:0713/03/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Halloween H2O: 20 Years Later
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Halloween H2O: 20 Years Later. This movie is a pretty solid reboot of the franchise and has some ok action and works pretty well.
01:22:0206/03/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Fifty Shades Of Grey
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Fifty Shades Of Grey. This movie is full of useless people being useless fuckers that piss me off and don't deserve to be alive. This podcast is awful and fuck you.
02:00:0328/02/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Superman/ Batman: Apocalypse
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Superman/ Batman: Apocalypse. In this movie Batman has to save Superman's ass from Lex's robot cock...JK that was the last one. So anyway Supergirl shows up, Darkseid is being an asshole again and Superman literally blows shit. Fuck it.
01:16:1921/02/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Zoolander
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Zoolander. This movie is about a dumb, yet physically ripped model that is brainwashed in order to kill some asian dude or something and there is breakdance fighting and Relax bitches!
01:24:4314/02/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Silver Linings Playbook
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Silver Linings Playbook. This movie is about a couple of crazy, broken and beautiful people that find love with each other. Peace and love bitches.
01:56:5707/02/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - The Devil's Advocate
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Devil's Advocate. In this movie Neo is a smooth talking lawyer from the land of Flo Rida where they not only blow whistles, but also eat ass! fml.
02:20:0831/01/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Jay & Silent Bob's Super Groovy Cartoon Movie!
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Jay & Silent Bob's Super Groovy Cartoon Movie! Jay & Silent Bob get high, jerk off and there may be some anal involved too.
59:3124/01/2016