🤑 CHIP IN TO OUR PATREON https://www.patreon.com/ARationalFear📨 SUBSCRIBE TO OUR EMAIL LIST: http://www.arationalfear.com/👕 BUY OUR MERCH HERE 🎟️ BUY TICKETS TO THE A RATIONAL FEAR ADELAIDE FRINGE SHOWHappy new fear!Currently I’m on holidays in the south coast of NSW. Yesterday I found myself sitting in a local cafe with my laptop going through the year of sketches, and my favourite bits.Suffice to say regional cafes are not used to award winning podcasters sitting in the corner laughing to themselves and maniacally writing jokes. Before they called the cops, I pulled together about an hour of some of the best bits of A Rational Fear for the year.Some of which has previously only been avaliable behind the paywall on Patreon.And despite how many people quit the Patreon based on the fact that "Alan Jones" was hosting the end of year special... I decided to invite him to do it again.He's back by un-popular demand.By doing our podcast he literally gets 100 x the audience of his YouTube show, but at this time of year it's important to be in a giving spirit, even to your enemies.Big thank you this episode go to my in-laws, whose spare bedroom I recorded this podcast in. They too are not Alan Jones fans, but were quite obliging to allow him to seep through into the living space for 20 minutes.It’s been another big year for us on A Rational Fear. We did live shows around the country, played the Sydney Opera House, won Best Comedy at the Australian Podcast Awards (again), we put out 2 new series; Julia Zemiro Asks Who Cares, and Jan Fran Has Issues, as well as a limited election column by Kara Schlegl who now has her own brilliant substack you can subscribe too.And we couldn’t have done it without the help of our listeners who support us on Patreon, on Apple Subscriptions or who pay for this otherwise free newsletter on Substack. The thing about podcasting is the more popular you get, the more you pay in bandwidth and hosting. We also are one of the very few podcasts, or shows of any kind for that matter that actually pay our comedy guests. This is really important to us. It’s cool we can do that, and we can because of Patreon, every little bit helps.Come see us live next year:Adelaide — March 4th — Garden of Unearthly DelightsBrisbane — March 26th — World Science FestivalMelbourne — April 2nd — Capitol TheatreAnd also in 2023 — we will hit 1,000,000 downloads.I know! 1,000,000!If I had a dollar for every time someone downloaded our show, I’d have enough money to buy a mouldy 1 bedroom deathtrap in Sydney with an outdoor toilet. We’ll do something special for it, we may need your help for suggestions.Thanks for listening this year, we love making this show. It makes us feel better about the world.I hope it does the same for you.CheersDan IlicChefJerry’s Pizza, Romania   🤑 CHIP IN TO OUR PATREON https://www.patreon.com/ARationalFear  0:00  This podcast is supported in part by Australian ethical.0:03  This episode of irrational fear was recorded on the land of the Darrel wall people. Sovereignty was never ceded. The first step to treaty is the voice. Let's start the show.0:12  A rational fear contains naughty words like bricks, Canberra, fed GM and section 40. Have a rational view recommended listening by immature audiences. Hey, a0:25  rational fear fear mongers Welcome to a rational year. This is where we rip through the highlights of the year in one little podcast so you don't have to spend more than you know about an hour or so listening to us but if you can, and you want to in person, we are going to be performing live for you around Australia very soon. We are going to be at the Adelaide Fringe Festival march for Brisbane at the World Science Festival March 26. And we are going to be at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival April 2. In fact, our Melbourne lineup is so big. In fact, we've called the show irrational fear has too many guests for a one hour festival show spectacular it is going to be a lot of fun, and I can't wait to do it. So join us then in Adelaide, Melbourne and Brisbane in the first half of the year. But right now, I'm going to be handed the mic over to a good friend of mine, Alan Jones. Alan,1:19  welcome to rational fear. Good morning, dad. Do you know who else has too many guests? No Christmas dinner and Scott Morrison said.1:28  Well, thank you for coming back to host the end of Year special.1:31  Good to be with you.1:32  When you hosted last time 30 people unsubscribed from the email list and six people cancelled their Patreon memberships. Yes, well,1:39  you know, go woke go broke. What were the listen to numbers like well, it was the most listened to episode we've ever had. Well, there you have it. You know, my own internet show on YouTube has registered its 15 subscriber. I'm more popular than Anthony clear in an area after party. Well, Alan, the floor is yours. Take it away. Thank you, Dan. Good morning, everyone. I'm back hosting irrational year. This show is dedicated to the most important people in the country, the sponsors of irrational fear. Yes, we'll celebrate them all in this very special episode, the highs, the lows and meet in between. This is genuinely cash for comment. Okay, let's kick it off from a message from one of most popular podcasters in Australia called Mark No, not Mark Latham. The other one.2:28  Imagine your true crime podcast hosts tracking down some of the grisly murders ever committed in Australia, only to discover that they're all already covered by other True Crime podcasts. That is the moment I discovered something so terrifying in myself that I had no choice but to turn it into a blood curdling audio experience. Hi, I'm Mark Fidel, and I host the true crime podcast is not for now. A murderer. Yes, he is. Come with me as I investigate a freshman that I come in each week until I get caught. I pick victims out at random from the white pages. I know shocking. How did I find the white pages in 2022? To find out you'll have to listen to is Mark funnel a murderer? Yes, he is available only on Audible and as a transcript from criminal court and while you're there check out my other podcast stuff Mark stall and that murder guy. Shit. I have to go now by3:26  Coronavirus. Remember that God I barely do. I failed COVID-19 away in my brain in the same place where I still have memories of when the Wallabies lost when a match got. Well back in January 2022 The New South Wales government gave up on Coronavirus to, to them all of a sudden it no longer existed, just like climate change.3:47  49,900 the New South Wales Government is changing the way it's counting Coronavirus cases because we only learned how to count up to 50,000 89,999 50,000. From today if you have symptoms of Coronavirus, you'll have to acquire a rapid antigen test through a series of physical challenges in your local district. The winner of each district will battle it out for the title of state champion who will then be given one rapid antigen test. And if that person tests positive they will then be added to the daily count.4:22  We've got one more that 50,000 plus one4:26  and if you've done report your positive test result you will be shocked oh my god Max is so hot from all of us at the New South Wales Government may the odds be ever in your favour.4:36  countdowns on radio are still a big deal when I was still on to GB we used to have the hottest 100 liberal Prime Ministers of all time, Scott Morrison took out the top 50 Well back at generate the woker radio Triple J insisted on starting a new countdown.4:53  Hey Veronica Milsom here to remind you that you've only got two days left to submit your favourite years for the hot is 100 now with over 2000 years to choose from, we want to know which year you think will come out on top as the hottest year ever.5:09  I thought 1989 was pretty high. No, no,5:12  it's not when you will asked hot the temperature of Earth.5:15  Oh gosh, it's gotta be 2007 that's the year I was born and my mom was in labour for like four hours and that was5:22  hot. Yeah, okay, I can understand from a friction perspective. But once again, we're talking about the earth's temperature.5:29  You know, the hottest year was actually at 90 and the Earth has been getting colder every year since I'm sorry,5:35  is this Senator Malcolm Roberts?5:37  No. It's round from the from the ABC.5:44  Get ready for the most predictable countdown most of the world is ignoring the hottest 100 years ever. Spoiler alert, it was last year. It's always the last year.5:59  Cash flow coming is disgusting, which is why you'll never hear me do it. But if you want to support a rational fear, simply log on to patreon.com forward slash a rational fear and chip in as little as $5 a month to keep this podcast kicking along Patreon. It's like Centerlink for comedians. And when it comes to cash for comment, no one knows more about it than our political class.6:20  In these uncertain times, it's important to be fiscally responsible6:23  our nation's on the edge of an economic cliff6:27  with very little interest in interest rates6:30  at a record low 0.1%.6:34  And with the stock market sliding faster than a Test cricket out into your DMS $50 billion wiped off the value of Australian shares. Today there's only one place to put your money that will see guaranteed returns political donations. starting as low as $25,000 you can be guaranteed enormous returns such as $21 million of subsidies and grants for your fossil fuel projects. That's the return of 840% Imagine how many politicians you could buy off with that kind of fuck you cash. Ask your financial advisor if political donations are right for you. Political Donations is as safe as houses owned by parliamentarians in Canberra.7:18  Jason says apply check the PDS for details. Oh actually there is no PDS just a handshake.7:23  So you know, whatever. No rules come February of 2022. As Scott Morrison was tackling eight year old boys and the footy field Australian was overrun with election fever. Everyone I know wanted Scott Morrison to win again including my former friends at Channel 960 minutes.7:43  Sunday 60 minutes goes behind the doors of Curability house to present Australian politics like you've never seen before. It's hard. The Prime Minister Scott Morris Good morning tag and journalist cosplay. Calm Stefano8:00  pm Good morning to you.8:02  You know our long succession very hard journey from behind from Prime Minister to A prime Daddy, I gotta tell you, I'm coming from breakfast television journalist to chief of scomo staff. Well, it's 60 minutes of Walkley award winning 69. And then you put the finger through their watch Carl Stefanova get large to buy Scott Morrison in the launch8:29  the big stick Sunday on nine and nine now.8:35  I would like to see if you would marry me love your8:41  God. That was the longest 60 minutes of my life, which is why I prefer my ads for the Liberal Party to be snack sized and presented in the aisle of the chemist warehouse.8:53  We all want our kids to grow up healthy and not on fire which makes rising temperatures in and around the home a bit of a nuisance but if you want to do absolutely nothing about them Miko past the Liberal Party of Australia not only has the Liberal Party of Australia received donations in excess of $5 million from fossil fuel companies since 2012. Unlike other Australian political parties, the Liberal Party of Australia comes with a unique formula that combines heavy investment in the gas industry with no meaningful plan to transition to renewables or electric vehicles making them the perfect party to guarantee Australia contributes less than our fair share to the global efforts to tackle climate change. So if you want to stick your head in the sand and feel it get harder and harder, why not give the Liberal Party of Australia ago today bland power helping you vote better?9:36  Come April 2022, the Melbourne International Comedy Festival played host to a rational theatre God knows why. We're former Australian of the Year Grace time dalliance didn't stand up for the first time ever. I remember what I did stand up for the first time ever. It was at my ACMA hearing for the coronella riots. I would never get me.9:55  Ah, yes. Oh Crikey. What am I doing here? I'm not a comedian. But if you look up the Venn diagram of me, and these guys, you'll find that it's not actually a Venn diagram at all. It's just a great big flashing circle that says go to therapy. Yes, the natural progression from very serious Law Reform campaigning is self roasting. When Dan asked me to do this, he said, Can you please do a monologue that is topical. And I'm on a serious mission to not talk about anything political, because everyone's been accusing me of being a hack. I know that makes things a little bit difficult. So I'm really sorry to disappoint you if you came to hear me make jokes about a certain someone. I know the temptation is very real. He is like a giant self sourcing comedy putting.Is the joke dessert that answers itself? You don't even have to tell him he just goes and grabs the ukulele all by himself.To get around that issue, I've decided instead to reflect on one of my favourite TV shows from the early 2000s. My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. Which Believe it or not, translates quite well to the landscape of Australian politics. For example, the leader of Equestria Princess Celeste year has let down Australian voters yet again, with her willingness to greenwash her government's reliance on fossil fuels to neighbouring neighbouring Yes, the pawns. The pawns are coming to neighbouring pony kingdoms. She's also very sensitive about a tail tail that she wants shattered in old McDonald's farm in 1997. All right, I'll stop. I'll make a deal. Just don't shame survivors on primetime TV don't under fund support services protect alleged rapists stab people in the back bully people pork barrel. You see we've got a bit of an imbalance daily people.Ah, yes, that naughty little flying horned party. Anyway, what I've decided to talk about this evening has absolutely nothing at all to do with politics whatsoever. And that thing is air fryers. Stick with him. Actually, I suppose they are a little bit political as one of my favourite comedians. Mark Latham has accused me of being since the airfryer came about. It has in some ways, divided the nation. That's the real Mark Latham. By the way as he calls himself on Twitter. All the other Mark Latham's are not in one nation. So will the real Mark Latham please shirt front? Sorry, I promised I wouldn't get political. It's just that I had to give him a shout out because one of the chaser interns the other day was saying that my home Tasmania isn't a real place. So I figured if Tasmania isn't real, at least I can keep living rent free in real Mark Latham was headyeah, it's pretty much just me, Rosie Batty, the 2004 election results. And pretty much well, actually, everyone who isn't a straight white man. Probably why he's so mad all the time. It's pretty crowded up in there. And you Anyway, where was I? Yes, the humble airfryer people seem to love it or hate it. What is this cheeky little unit that just popped up? Out of nowhere? How could there possibly be this smaller version of something that does things we've already been doing this whole time. Only it gets to the point a bit quicker and cuts out all the crapMost of its criticism seems to come from people who don't like change. But really, it's just a lightweight, metal clad Basket Case inside a pressure cooker that has a little vent and no filter Are you15:42  catching my drift? That's an aeroplane, by the way. Doesn't really matter does it because if you're not a fan fan Guess15:55  what I'm really trying to say is, if you don't like it, don't buy it. And that's not a political help my friends. That's just a life hack16:13  right when I ripped off the April 2022 page of my New South Wales Fire Brigade calendar, it was clear the election in May was going to cause things to heat up. Ray Martin joined irrational fear for a quick history lesson on the Liberals greatest ever mistake. John Hewson,16:35  a story begins in the Americas. You know, it is the birthplace of Joe Rogan. In 1987, the US stock market crashed, sending shockwaves around the global economy. At the same time, we were experiencing our own 80s hanging over there we were sitting on a housing bubble that was just about to end the years leading to the 1993 election. Were bad. How bad? Well, unemployment reached 11% 10,000. People went on the DOL in a week. And both the Victorian and South Australian state banks collapsed. The treasurer at the time you may know him as Prime Minister poor feeding. Well, he called us the recession that Australia had to have. So it was no surprise that going into the 1993 election. The opposition's John Hewson was the front runner, with some papers calling the election unlovable. But to win, he would need more than a big lead. He would need a big plan. A plan a so big it would save the economy from going down the drain. It included sweeping tax cuts, slashes to government spending, and at the centre of it all the introduction of a new 15% Goods and Services Tax. You know it is GST? He hasn't had all his bases covered. All that was left was to name that anything. It needed a name that the country could rally around a name that inspires grit and resolve. He called his fight back. Despite its simple name, fight back was complicated and confused voters. Maybe Worst of all, no one could get their head around what g is T would actually mean facts in hand and ready to face the nation. Houston sat down for primetime interview with a current affairs Mike Willacy, who would change the course of the election with one simple question.18:33  If I buy a birthday cake from a cake shop, and an GSDs invoice to pay more or less for their birthday cake.18:44  We may never know what went through John Houston's mind when he was asked the cost of a birthday cake. But we imagined that it might have been something like this18:53  cake to teach us okay. Oh shit. I've got fingers milk, right even lollies. Dammit, John, you idiot. How do we miss cake? Or at night? This is what we train for cake. Mom's chunky cake. I can almost taste it. Okay, two cups of self raising flour. That's 15 cents plus GST for one cup of sugar 10 cents. Vanilla essence. Always remember to lick19:17  the spoon. Shit, shit. Okay,19:20  experiments. Well, it will depend where the cakes today in that shop are subject to sales tax will they're not? Firstly, they might have a sales tax on them. Let's assume that they don't have a sales tax on and then that birthday cake is going to be selling to tax free. And of course you wouldn't pay it would be exempted which there would be no GST on it. Under our system. If it was run with a sales tax today, it would attract the GST. And then the difference would be the difference between the two taxes whatever the sales tax rate is on birthday cakes how it's decorated because there'll be sales tax perhaps in some of the decorations as well. And then of course the price. The price will reflect that according19:58  smelling blood Mike Wallasey with him for the cube has found20:02  the birthday cake. I've been trying to make a simple example. You tell us in what you've published that the cost of cake goes down, the cost of confectionery goes up. That's icing and maybe ice cream, and then just candles on top of20:17  luck. How can I forget candles? Johnny will20:21  stick right in candles as you say that attract sales tax. And of course we scrapped the sales tax yet before20:28  the public reaction with instant the GST ruin cake. And Houston's mistake was fatal. The interview gave Paul Keating everything he needed to take five back to its knees and to win the election. It's been said that he is the never again ordered dessert, and he prefers to spend his birthdays alone. And while we may never know if fight back would have saved Australia, there's one thing we could all agree on. Take it away, Mike.20:58  That the answer to a birthday cake is so complex. You do have a problem with the overall GST GST.21:03  The cost of living is out of control. Do you know in 2022, I had to sell my Southern Highlands estate. I just sold my Northern Highlands estate. I had to sell my Western Highlands estate so I could buy a Gold Coast mansion. It's ridiculous what's a child was baby boomer to do. Thankfully before they were booted out of office, the coalition had a good idea to solve the housing crisis.21:23  The federal government is working hard to ensure all Australians have a home with check builder. We're building 10,000 new homes over the next 100 years using the most sustainable resource known to the coalition novelty sized checks. Previously, every single novelty sized check that a coalition politician gives to a scout Hall sporting club or small business had to be shredded at a bag in a novelty sized shredder. But with cheque builder, they will be turned into social housing. Rest your head each night in a room constructed of Scott Morrison's broken promises I'm very okay with the idea of building car parks to take your morning dump surrounded by the signature of Bridget McKenzie, I am very proud of the sports grants programme all stand in your kitchen surrounded by million dollar views of million dollar checks made out for Josh Frydenberg car parks that never got built22:18  with respect to the car parks in my own electorate. They haven't been built as yet.22:24  And the more promises the coalition makes the more houses we can build with cheque builder. And that's a promise you can take to the bank, Authorised by the novelty size government run by novelty sized men Canberra.22:36  But it turns out giant novelty checks have a supply chain issue after elections. So the coalition joined forces with the mining industry to solve the housing crisis with another policy.22:46  The Morison government is serious about the future of Australians. That's why we're introducing whole sicker Australians will now have the opportunity to access $50,000 of their superannuation to buy their first bunker.23:00  I'm all in on the side of those who want to buy a hole with hole seeker23:04  live out the rest of your life hiding 10 metres underground from whatever catastrophic shitshow the world is hurtling towards who cares what 50k might grow into in 30 years time? Will there even be banks in 30 years, or a job to retire from or air withhold seeker your children and their children's children can feast on canned food or share oral histories about the outside and develop innovative ways to drink their own pee. While the earth witnesses an apocalyptic nightmare of biblical proportions.23:39  It boosts their ultimate retirement incomes, because they're investing in their own home the best investment anyone ever makes.23:45  No matter if you're a first bunker buyer or buying your third investment bunker, sign up for whole seeker and vote for the coalition if your main concern is the cost of living on this planet.23:57  I believe buying a hole is the best economic decision that you can make24:02  authorised by oh my god, you can't be serious. How far can you kick this can down the road before it all comes crashing down Canberra24:06  may 2022 and election promises came thick and fast, including a new proposal to keep crucial death machines operational.24:16  At the Australian government, we know that coal powered electricity plants are running out of time. On one hand, they're old, expensive, and make climate change worse every minute they run. But on the other hand, the coal industry also provides critical baseload donations to the LMP. So that's why we're launching coal keeper. We're spending $7 billion a year to keep coal powered polluting clunkers running way past their use by date. That way the LNP can get more donations from the coal industry to stay way past our use. By Date, the government could invest in new wind, solar and storage that renewable energy is too clean to give us donations, called keeper. A reliable source of donations at the cost of only four $100 per household per year, and everyone's existence25:10  it's with regrets that in May we bid farewell to every single one of Scott Morrison's ministries, which at that point we knew nothing about, and Australia went to IKEA to pick out a new cabinet. Also, the so called comedian Mark Humphreys bid farewell to one of his characters to Barabbas loins live on stage at the Sydney Opera House for the irrational fear 10th birthday, which you could listen to only on Patreon. Please welcome the rabbits login.25:38  Rabbits Thank you very much. Good eye on nationals MP Barabbas loins member for awful seed and until recently minister for tow bars and Special Envoy for McLeod's Daughters. Let me first say a big hello to those in the nosebleed seats. And normally that's the people at the back that after some sinus issues at my recent press club address, the first couple of rows should prepare, prepare for some splashback. Two weeks ago, the Australian people made a foolish error, electing a government that can't be trusted on energy policy. The coalition's policy, however, is crystal clear, and it is this, the sun doesn't always shine, and the wind doesn't always blow. That's really all we know about whether in the coalition. And I look forward to taking that level of expertise to voters in another three years time. But even more tragic than the change of government was the decision this week by my colleagues to remove me as leader of the National Party. But fear not. This does mean I will have much more time to focus on what really matters. Writing my memoirs. Inspired by Don Watson's portrait of Paul Keating recollections of a bleeding half, I was going to call mine recollections of a bleeding loins.26:58  But focus group testing suggested people found that unappetizing even more so than that Mark Latham Alan Jones cookbook. It's an older reference, but I'll stick with it. Reluctantly, I went for something more tasteful. Hence the title, loins, warts and all. There's a lot more like that. My publisher was worried the title will make people think that the book is all about STIs when in fact only one chapter is devoted to genital warts. Now I know I know Ernest highway or Franz Kafka, but I think my writing think about it. Well, I think my writing is pretty good. Goins warts, and all may not win the Man Booker Prize, but, but it has been long listed for the Andy Griffith kids writing competition. I can also recommend the book to those participating in the MS readathon as it has been known to leave many readers with neurological damage.28:08  So for your enjoyment, here's the taste of loins warts and all coming soon to all underwhelming street libraries. Okay, dedication. I dedicate this book to my oldest friend Trent. Trent is my youth. Chapter one. Call me Ishmael. When I asked Siri what a good opening line for a book would be she said that. But I think Siri should have said call me Barabbas because my name is Barabbas Ishmael chapter to the affair. I will never forget when I first saw her. I had an excited feeling down below. I usually only experienced during state of origin. I knew it was wrong. But the loins wants what the loins once she was cab and I wanted to give her herpes even though obviously I don't have herpes. Please consult the footnote for results of my STI test from 1998. It was a classic boy meet staffer story29:26  the kind of romance you've read about in numerous workplace culture booklets. I was driving. I was driving her home because my electorate of Appleseed has banned Uber in favour of our own ride sharing app Utah. It's a good app because every time you ride with you to you get to ride in the youth and to show her that she holds a special place in my heart and groyne we stopped at a Mac as drive thru as I want That's the way she tantalisingly scraped a chicken nugget around the edge of a container of sweet and sour sauce. I knew it was on for young and old. She was young guy was had nothing to lose but our careers and standing in the community. I put the CD player on Joe Cocker as you can leave your head on. Not that I need a judge's permission, mind you. Visual, visual gag though it is a helpful reminder that the ladies that the Cooper doesn't come off for anyone. And although it's not in the song, I believe Joe would have also wanted me to keep on my RM Williams, which I dutifully obliged. Are you wearing protection? She asked. Yes, I said, thinking she meant the Cobra with a UV factor of 15. Plus, I wasn't taking any chances. We were like two ships passing in the night, except where one ship repeatedly rammed into the other one.31:03  It's really good mark.31:09  It would be ungentlemanly of me to detail our passion any further. But that's not what was agreed to in the contract with my publisher. So I must push on. If the interior of minus and Navarro could speak, I imagined it would say something like for I have to say I would be inclined to what have I done? I would be inclined to agree with the interior. That night I wasn't the Minister for Infrastructure and Transport. I was I was the special envoy for getting it on. As well as bleeding the Joint Standing Committee for inappropriate use of Snagit. was more as it was heaven. I even said the correct name on more than one occasion. That night, we went on a one way trip to pleasure town with a brief detour by Streetsville because I suffered a hell of a cramp in my left calf, and needed to stretch for a bit. Thank heavens for the generous legroom of the Nissen nivara. Little did I know that pleasure town would not be our final destination, as we will be driving right on through to baby city, not a literal city, but a metaphor for the miracle of childbirth. I don't think God is the final page. When I found out she was pregnant, I knew it was time for me to accept responsibility and do the right thing. So I got down on one knee and said, Let's keep this secret until the media finds out. It was a difficult pregnancy, photos of my pregnant partner was splashed on the front pages of major tabloids, which infuriated me as I had hoped to sell them to the highest bidder. It was also difficult for my four daughters, but Abby, Burr, Emily or Eleanor and brassica. Dad, you've slipped up but no matter what we still love you is what I imagined they would say if we were still on speaking to. The birth was also difficult, especially as the obstetrician insisted that I not reach into my partner's cervix to retrieve the infant like I would do with a baby calf. That's the line okay. Good to know. Prior to the birth of my son questions had been raised about his paternity admittedly by me, but as soon as he appeared, He emptied his bowels. And as I looked at him, they're causing a complete mess and drowning in his own shit. I knew once and for all that he was definitely mine. Thank you very much.33:58  Thank you, Miranda.34:00  Owl Barabbas Lloyds, I'll miss having our casual off the cuff conversations about small modular nuclear reactors with you over a few drinks down at our local Pontus Chairman's lounge. And a note here about a rational fear sponsor, Australian ethical. Since 1986. Australian ethical has been managing the investments and superannuation for everyday Australians. By investing ethically, Australian ethical avoids human trafficking weapons, fossil fuels and gambling you know, all the stuff I'm into. These people don't have taste. Big thank you to Australian ethical. Come August Anthony Albanese had 100 days of office under his belt, and much like me when I've got anything under my belt, he was determined to shake it loose and show how different he was.34:44  The Australian Labour Party is finally in charge. But don't worry conservatives. We're not here to shake things up. Good governance means more of the same but different, more of the same petroleum exploration but not on Sydney's North Shore in the Southern Ocean. More of the same destruction of sacred sites and song lines, but not for iron ore, for gas.35:06  whatever our differences in political parties we share a love for coal seam gas drilling.35:13  And yes, we know it looks like we've rushed into passing a bill on climate action. But don't worry, it's weeks Pearson won't change a thing.35:21  The Australian people voted for change. And we intend to give them nothing.35:26  Australian labour same suits, different tie. In September 2022, irrational fear performed at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas and event that even I, Alan Jones, the facilitator of the race ride have never been invited to perform at a GOP cow. It's during the show on Australian secrets, Kate McClymont gave tips on how to avoid35:54  right, I am going to give you some tips tonight on how to avoid me. So I find now that often when I ring people up, I can hear them and I say oh, it's Kate McClure I'm on here I can hit and go. But anyway, if you want to be secret, one of the things I want to advise you is not to buy a voice distorter. So I did have someone ring up to give me some very highly confidential information. And they'd gone to the trouble of buying a voice distorter. And it did sound like a crazed robot. But the information was absolutely fabulous. And I said at the end of the conversation, thank you so much. And now I can get you on this number. The safe forgotten. Voice distorter number still came up. Don't buy voice disorder. And too. If you want to remain secret, please use Australia Post snail mail, it's still the best way to send things. However, if you are one of the unburied family, and you are sitting there sending me death threats, please wear gloves. Your fingerprints were on the envelope. And on the inside. So gloves if you really don't want to be caught. And one other thing I'd like to advise Eddie obeyed was in the past. When I rang his office to get some questions. He forgot to hang up. The phone on and I listened for 20 minutes, as they discussed how they were going to lie to me what they were going to say. And in the end, I had to call in on the office. And I said look, Eddie, it's been so lovely hearing you talk about me. It's been so lovely hearing your plans. However, I really need a comment and I just heard them go off. They hung up. Another thing is that when a major crime figure has died, don't go behind the crypt at the funeral to discuss where the money is. This happened at many Macpherson's funeral, and I'd already been threatened. So I thought I would hide behind the crypt on the other side of the crypt, whistling the McPherson solicitor, who was chatting away about where the money was hidden, what companies they had. So that was very handy. And having said those things, I do want to just take one moment to say that I am also an idiot when it comes to, you know, giving my own things away. Louis reminded me today that I accidentally sent a pin with my location on it to the head of the Hells Angels. Caitlin climber is here. Not so good. Then I sent a photo of my ear. How would you take a photo of your ear and send it but I sent that to one of my colleagues who thought I somebody had cut it off and I was and then the last thing I did was that I did have my phone in my pocket. And I sent a whole lot of gibberish to Twitter. And people contacted me saying should they call the police had I been kidnapped? Had I been kidnapped? And was this a secret cry for help? So I would just like to say that I too, like many of the criminals I cover am an idiot.39:44  October 2022 politics in Australia became so boring. We all started to tune in to the UK politics, which was like reading Harry Potter for the first time.39:55  To outsiders the conservative party may look like it's a fucking on new Sham. polls. But to those of us on the inside, we're staying true to our promise to get Britain moving under the Tories, more British people than ever are moving to Europe. Thanks to the Conservative Party, the people of Britain are moving vigorously to keep warm, but the Conservatives are also walking the walk as a party. We're all moving offices every day moving, moving, moving. In fact, there's so much movement at Downing Street. There's a shortage of movers, even Prime Minister trusses looking at her poll numbers and having movements of her very own.40:38  I am determined to deliver40:42  the Conservative Party getting Britain moving figuratively, and literally40:48  watching UK politics for the last week. It's been like trying to catch up on a sci fi TV show you've missed a couple of seasons of the baddies is still in charge but all the characters have kind of changed you kind of don't know where the story is at. Joining us now to shed light on what the hell is happening over there is satirical comedian star of McTell week hosted the DMS are open podcast on radio for extra and a cracking Twitter feed. It's Athena Coupland. Welcome, Sina.41:12  Thank you for having me. How are you?41:14  Good, good, you know, full full kind of disclosure. Rick suggested this story. We all looked at we all looked at each other. And we're like, none of us know what is actually happening. We need an expert What the hell is happening over there in the UK?41:30  The fact you've called me tells me how desperately important you are. And the last I mean know even the politicians themselves that said last night they had a vote they might not be aware but like in Parliament, when you have a vote you either vote on the issue or if your party is in crisis, you vote says a tentative vote on the party. That makes sense. So last night, they were going Do you like fracking or not, but because the party was in such disarray, the break was going to turn into do like the conservatives or not basically this is a bit Fisher Price politics. Right. So42:03  seriously, looking at your political system, it's like looking at Harry Potter. Like we didn't know.42:08  It, just say like a fracking is like a really important issue like causes earthquakes, right? Yeah, no, no, that's not as important is to like, come you're not like how is that?42:19  Yeah, it feels like a twist in like a reality TV show. You know, like, you know, you thought it was gonna be about fracking.42:27  This tastes disgusting when they put in a contest and that's been evicted. So like. So genuinely, the politicians didn't know if they were voting for fracking, or for the party this morning. I was trying to find out what was it about in any case, they ended up voting for earthquakes because earthquake because we were not on a top line and it's not fair. When you sit on a fault line, you get you know, you get quakes and so why don't we Why don't we create a natural disaster so we can be on the news today? I mean, we just got on the news.43:02  We've got a natural disaster though. It's the Tory party. You know. Fracking.43:17  Here is how ITV said what went down last night.43:21  It has been a night of astonishing scenes at Westminster with reports of jostling manhandling bullying and shouting outside the parliamentary lobbies in a suppose vote of confidence in the government. The deputy chief whip was reported to have left the scene saying I'm absolutely effing furious. I just don't effing care anymore before he resigned along with the chief whip, but we've just been told they have now officially on resigned. The Home Secretary has however definitely got insurance. It is total absolute abject chaos43:58  as well so this was a that was supposedly your vote on whether or not the parties have voted lose trust this trust risk the vote to even vote on herself. First of all it was she wants fracking she thinks it sucks he thinks it's important right and just security so she missed the boat on fracking.44:18  That's why she missed it she was she was pumping gas into the ground. She was busy fracking data number 10 Yeah,44:25  so she missed that I wrote to say that I like me. So this is why I suppose44:30  this is why I chose this subject because I don't know anything about it but I do know that it's very funny. And also I see a lot of myself in live traps like she'sunderstanding how money works or market44:47  right? I do love I love that like ITV at the at the end that like because my brain is working in like a music and radio station when I hear so like total abject chaos. with that thing underneath, I'm just waiting for like a dubstep drop to kick in45:11  reporters they seem to always have like such a sense of urgency that you could absolutely remix it and make it a sick club mix. Like45:22  I'm surprised it hasn't been done already, to be honest. And you have to do these. That's the reason why these things happen so they can go viral on the internet. That's what I think to be fair, I do think I'm being a bit cynical. I do think though, they're ramping it up a bit. Just a little clip of them going crazy can go viral, because the good thing about this chaos is it was it's been chaotic for about four weeks. What we've got now if you've got pitches on MPs Avenue Arch bargy in Parliament, but this has been this as the status has been the status quo you know, this is not this is not this last night in many ways is unremarkable. It's just it was just funny because I vote in Parliament you don't have bits of paper you literally you vote with your body you go through a yes chamber or no change it's really you46:03  don't you don't have a button46:08  so that's all happening was46:14  a please don't please don't think this is fisher price because we have literally no idea that's amazing.46:21  It's incredible so the chief whip said the chief whip says it's their job to get people to vote the quote unquote right way to vote with us not against us but because you're not going to get paid for you have to physically move people if the right chamber right so what was happening last night it was they were literally getting them by the exit or whatever. Like apparently there was a bit people were like saying it was like brilliant, like they were like apparently,46:42  Jacob Riis. Mog was one of the people manhandling which is like noodle closet.46:50  If you let Jacob Riis, mog bad habit you get yourself to help still get some iron supplements. Protein shakes. You are withering away the cost of living crisis to doing something because Jacob Riis, mog made us do it. She came home from school, we said I'm being bullied and they've put in a kid and they're taking these Rob, I would kick them out of the house.47:21  And being bullied by like one of those car yard like47:26  I love this line from the chancellor Jeremy Hunt. He told a meeting of colleagues on Wednesday, he said according to someone in the room, this is what Jeremy Hunt said, this would be really interesting shit if I wasn't in the middle of it.47:39  Fundamentally, basically, is because there's an Elisa that has no authority. When she says jump, they all sit down and pick their noses. And when when they do what she says the markets go, What the hell are you doing? You're crazy. So they're in a weird place where they can't do what they've been told. Because what they've been told is horrendous, but not doing what they're told that government can't function. And so that's what we're saying about General Electric, which is horrible because no one likes elections. They're just horrible. You tell them the TV, listen, slow mo the child crying, or whatever some would call it because video. It's just very boring. I think we should just get the formality of a general election. And we should just just edit a coup, but a nice,48:19  nice, consider just going for Mauna Kea, like now you've got the king.48:25  I mean, you know, I mean for the crack. I mean48:30  what about a reverse Monica, you could have our prime minister roll over you it'd be great. Ya know,48:35  we like your one your new ones Nice. We'd like that do48:39  Undercover Boss but just to you know, live trust but48:45  you know, like a school you do like exchange student trips, and you go to France so the family and they stay with you. Let's do an exchange.48:53  Right? Yeah, I don't think we want Ms dress.48:55  It's such fun drama. It's real, like keeping up with it quite tangy. And then and49:09  like, it was just about work. It's very interesting. What's happened now is because and what people are forgetting is it. Boris Johnson two years ago, kicked all the reasonably smart people out of the cabinet because they were not on board this Brexit plan so if you're not with me or against me, any fill this cabinet with idiots. I mean, I don't even see those kind of people who probably weren't very skilled at what they did. And that's a one by one. We've lost anyone with a semblance of common sense. And now we're left with people who just like walking around and saying I'm important. And then you ask them to do something and they can't do anything because they're thick. And there's no one and no one in the back bench who might be good at it been in the cabinet wants to observe it. So that's been run out of options. Yes, yeah. Yeah. Read a book and get smart, but that's not going to happen. Well, that49:59  takes time. time and50:01  your energy crisis.50:03  There's a real problem with the conservative party among many others. But you know, our conservative party they basically roll Prime Ministers whenever they want. They say let's get rid of this guy. Next week the next person in line, we've had enough of this person, but the UK Conservative Party has to wait 12 months before they can ever party motion to wrong someone.50:21  You know something all of these things mean nothing. They really do mean nothing. They just they say that but they'll just change the rules. They'll change the rules and I hope they I hope they do because it's because nobody wants to talk for months. I won't lie like they're looking for windup torches. I'm telling you how power power they kind of they prepared with the press releases and the news bulletins say you're in the dark sorry about that, or whatever. So I50:48  can recommend anything. It would be a solar foldout solar panel, you can charge your phone in the50:52  UK it climate change50:58  is bringing trust down and climate change is bringing this podcast down.51:04  It really was just leaves holding you all together, wasn't it?51:09  The crazy thing so we got rid of forests that can it can't get any worse. And now people are saying we need both shots and back. It's it's sort of it's sort of it51:17  for now. I even heard Theresa Mays name resurfaced51:21  where everybody roll carries.I think he's not. Some college idli51:39  Rick,51:42  I'm aware of what he did. But he was just because I don't know why he was on my mind. I regret saying that.51:48  Come November 2022. The Australian transaction reports and Analysis Centre sent shockwaves through shonky betting agencies. And as the owner of Australia's most richest horse race, the Everest May I just say austrack are the finest institution we have in Australia. They're very talented, maybe even more talented than Anthony Kalia. So to austrack I say good luck out there boys.52:15  Oh no generic trading. What's that bloke man sports betting bet 365 are being audited by austrac Oh, what are the odds are that pretty good according to austrack52:25  the Australian transaction reports and Analysis Centre is bringing financial auditing to the palm of your hand stream every raid Live Trace every transaction be dockside for every judicial ruling. And you and your mates can band together with a sane investigation multi52:47  Oh put upon upon aiding and abetting money laundering. Yeah, and I'll put a dame Nellie Melba on funding terrorism a lobster on them getting off scot free. Better make it a tonne.52:57  austrac been put good pants or bad.53:03  Another month goes by another high profile data breach this time of a health company. If you ask me it's an absolute disgrace. There is only one way that the private information of an individual should be made public and that is on a breakfast radio show. Don't have these hackers no respect. Disgusting.53:22  At Medibank private, we regret the recent data breach of our customers personal information. And while the hackers tried to convince us to pay their ransom as any of our customers trying to lower the cost of life saving medical treatment will tell you we never negotiate. That's why Medibank private is rebranding as of today will be known as Medibank public. So whether you have your first leaky bomb, like Phyllis Thompson of six fo in place Wangaratta or your third STI like Gustav Montague of 35 to brookstreet bonobo Queensland four to seven five whose blood type is so positive and mother's maiden name is Vaughn summer and has three points left on his licence and he's so heavily laden with debt that an extra $5,000 in fees won't make that much of a difference to him tax file number oh three one double 9381 You will get the same overpriced service without any more data breaches. Because it's too late. It's all out there now anyway. Medibank public, we feel better now that there's no more secrets.54:21  November 2022. So the kickoff of the biggest sporting event in the world since I used to coach the wallabies, the FIFA World Cup, nothing more joyous than a month of men running around in their prime for 90 minutes. It's ballet for the commoners.54:37  This Sunday, the entire globe descends on Cata for the event no one will talk about it's the turning a blind eye World Cup54:47  football players that's up picking a champion eto for the wildcards alleged Oh J Trump every game as a loser. There are just lots more losers and football teams playing Oh, I've seen54:58  jockstraps treats better than the construction workers in Qatar55:02  32 nations will go head to head and then turn their heads to look the other way.55:07  Oh no. They've completely mistakes. Look at that. The exploitation, the corruption, the discrimination, the total inability to buy a beer.55:19  Which country will rationalise the cost of kicking around a ball on a field in a country without fields?55:26  I've gotta say cats are is hosting the most awful job that I've ever refused to witness and the final stories migrant deaths 6500 versus the world now, interest55:39  get ready to ignore all of the action further turning a blind eye World Cup or ticket will buy you a whole seat that was installed by someone who died of heat exhaustion.55:50  The Emir of Qatar has come to his senses. It's true. I have come to my senses all stadiums must go at the Qatar Black Friday sale aid barely use stadiums are going for next to nothing. Coincidentally, they're also currently standing next to nothing pristine seats, unused beer taps, mystery bones in the foundation. I don't know how that got there. Perfect if you're hosting your own World Cup ideal for creating an internment camp or if you're a New South Wales premier just wanted to buy a stadium to knock it down to get your mates to build your new one just like it these stadiums cost $200 billion, but could be yours for a shitload of sheep. It's not a bad deal. Qatar's blackFriday stadium sale an opportunity like this won't present itself until an autocratic regime bribes FIFA to make bad decisions again.56:37  It's our culture. Please respect it. Also in November, Anthony Albanese had his first ever bilateral with China's President G. And judging by the press conference afterwards, it sounds like we're getting married. Thank you, everyone. Yes, thank you. Okay, ready. I want to thank President sheet for a productive conversation. Sure, Australia and China have our differences. China has a problem with disappearing protesters. We know exactly where ours are under very strict bow conditions. China is increasing coal use. We are far more into gas. China's indigenous populations face imprisonment, relocation, theft of their land, reeducation, discrimination, forced labour and organ harvesting. We don't do the organ harvesting part. But despite our differences, there's something China and Australia can agree. The best way to support work is to help rich people get richer. Thank you. No questions. What about the questions? Oh, nope. There's another similarity. I forgot about repressing press freedoms and I forget that we're becoming more and more like you every day. As December rolled around New South Wales, Premier Dominic ParaType got into the Christmas spirit by saying that jailing of a climate protested for stopping traffic on the Sydney Harbour Bridge for 20 minutes was quite pleasing to see. You know, what else is pleasing to see Anthony Kalia Live in Concert? Now there's someone who could stop traffic. One a voice.58:14  On the next season of Wentworth, a new contender for top dog has arrived at the prison.58:21  I took a knife and I put it in the side of my husband's abdomen and then I let his intestine spill out across the marble floor of our harbour side mansion. So new fish, or the UN for58:33  iPad to track on the Sydney Harbour Bridge.58:37  Your time total badass.58:39  I then delay traffic for about 20 to 25 minutes. Why would you do that? Because our government isn't doing enough about climate change. Girls.58:48  I resign. Coco was the new top dog around here.58:52  And if you come for the king, you better nothing carbon positive.58:55  It's a whole new level of disproportionate justice. This season on web only on showcase which is on something called Foxtel.59:08  Ask your parents about it. And finally a word from our King though not me the real King King Charles who just this week gave his first Christmas address.59:17  It's now easier to read your majesty just put it back the words are clearly on it. Look, I wrote it in Comic Sans. I want to read it in comics in Yes, Your Majesty.59:29  Good evening subjects and people who live in countries we forgot to invade when times were better. King Charles here to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Just another one of the many goddamn jobs I've had to learn to do at age 75. Did you know that I also have to be the head of the church to Christ almighty. 2022 was a year of challenges for us all. Mummy died and one had to use a blasted inkwell. This year, we're thinking of those suffering at the hands of cancelled culture, namely, Netflix, Hulu subscription we've cancelled for the entire palace. Our thoughts and prayers also go out to those who are suffering under the rule of governments undergoing bloody cool, like in the Kingdom of Great Britain. But there is always hope. For those of you concerned about mommy's legacy, don't worry. It's in good hands. Sure the hands are a little puffy and red, but working fine. Nevertheless. So from all of the top tier Royals, except for Andrew, we wish you all a Merry Christmas. Oh, God, dammit who put this bloody tree here? Why is it inside?1:00:51  Just get rid of it. Just get it get get rid of it. Your Majesty. Of course, your majesty a tree with1:00:57  lights and shit all over it. You can't go chopping down trees with the environment. Bloody hell.1:01:07  Well, that's it for rational faith in the year 2022. Big thank you to everyone who listens to the show, especially those people on Patreon who chip in a small amount each month to make it happen. Also a big thank you to Jacob round on the teppanyaki timeline, all of the comedians of Australia who come into play with us and until next year, there's always something to be scared of. I'm Alan Jones.Transcribed by https://otter.aiHeading into the election your support is going to be more crucial than ever!Thank you FEARMONGERS!If you enjoyed this please drop us a review on Apple podcasts:https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/a-rational-fear/id522303261--------------A Rational Fear on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ARationalFearSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. If Patreon isn't your thing, and Apple Subscriptions are too Appley — chip in with A-Cast here: https://plus.acast.com/s/a-rational-fear-1. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🤑 CHIP IN TO OUR PATREON https://www.patreon.com/ARationalFear📨 SUBSCRIBE TO OUR EMAIL LIST: http://www.arationalfear.com/🐬  A Rational Fear is supported in part by Australian Ethical 🎟 TICKETS TO ADELAIDE FRINGE FESTIVAL NOW ON SALEG’day Fearmongers —On the final regular podcast of the year we’ve got a cheap and cheerful chat on the podcast that the Dude Cinema hosts have labeled “The Boys Say Some Sad News Podcast”. We’re lucky to have said hosts — Alex Jae and Bec Charlwood join us for a spot of fearmongering.We talk about:🚬 NZ banning smoking for people born in 2008 and later.🗃 NZ Rental Crisis is bad.🤖 Elon Musk being booed off stage in San Francisco.Happy Christmas to you all, may all your policy dreams come true. We'll be back for New Year's Eve for our best of A Rational Fear sketches special.And if you’re in Adelaide you can buy a ticket to our Fringe Festival show now!DanGuest BookerChappelle Show 🤑 CHIP IN TO OUR PATREON https://www.patreon.com/ARationalFear📨 SUBSCRIBE TO OUR EMAIL LIST: http://www.arationalfear.com/🐬  A Rational Fear is supported in part by Australian Ethical 🎟 TICKETS TO ADELAIDE FRINGE FESTIVAL NOW ON SALE   0:00  This podcast is supported in part by Australian ethical Day Lewis.0:05  Hello, Dan, how are you?0:07  I'm very well. I'm a little cold colder than usual. I don't know if our listeners can hear but currently, I am sitting outside. Outside doing this outdoors. It's very exciting.0:18  You look like you're doing some sort of like war correspondent like your crash down in a car park. Like you looked at I looked like you're reporting on the Boxing Day sales.0:29  That's well, I'm actually I'm doing some pre reporting on the Boxing Day sales. I'm here at Westfield in Chatswood on top of the roof because I'm doing my Christmas shopping and doing my Santa photo and nothing can stop the Santa photo was not even this podcast. I've had to find space and time and I've had to try to get tethering working. I hope it's all recording. I hope it sounds okay. But you know, all we can do is hoped for the best.0:55  You sound weirdly amazing. Are you Santa? Is that what's happening? You take a quick break from your job as Santa.1:00  My nipples are hard. I couldn't be on the North Pole. This is what this is what we have a hey, I want to say a big thank you to Joel Pittman, Joshua Nicholson toe Lowe's, Stu holding and the incredible illustrator, comedian Megan Herbert, who joined us on Patreon this week. Thank you so much. It's a great way to support the show head to patreon.com forward slash irrational fear. You get an ad free version of this show and Louis we've got some live shows coming up which remind people Adelaide to Melbourne on sale Adelaide is firming up. We've got Alex Fraser and Gabby bolt joining us for Adelaide. But Melbourne is pretty exciting. We've got Alice Fraser, Sami Shah, and somebody who did the show last year Lewis who is excited to come back to do their second ever. Comedy Spot on stage.1:44  Oh, really?1:46  Yeah. Yeah. She they texted me to say in and again,1:52  that's greatly awesome. If it's too I think it is can you put me on before them this time, so I don't have to follow the most beloved person in Australia.2:03  You're gonna close the show. We can't rely on newbies to close the show. All hands closed the show. Yeah, so Melbourne. Make sure you get your tickets for that we are performing April 2 in Melbourne at the capital of huge venue. But we've got some great guests, including some others we haven't announced yet. So full announcement next year in the new year. I'm recording my end of irrational fear on gamma ray go land on the rooftop of Westfield. Sovereignty was devastated. We need a treaty. Let's start the show.2:33  A rational fear contains naughty words like bricks, Canberra, and gum and section 40 of a rational view recommended listening by immature audience.2:47  Tonight Elon Musk appears on stage in San Francisco and gets booed by a crowd of 10,000 of his children. And Scott Morrison claims Robo debt was not his fault as one of his multiverse clones was prime minister at the time, and Dominic ParaType threatens to shut down Christmas as elves vote to Unionise it's the 15th of December 2022. And this is the podcast that is Elliot banks refuses to come back on. This is a rational fear.Welcome to irrational fear. I'm your host disgraced Sky News Anchor Dan Ilic. And this is the podcast that takes the week's news and express posts to the tip for the final time in 2022. Let's meet our fear mongers for tonight. Yes, they are the CO hosts of bobbly, the ladies guide to dude cinema podcast now, just dude cinema podcast and they're not afraid to tell you that your favourite film is probably pretty rubbish. It's Vic Charlwood and Alex J. Welcome to restaurants. Merry Christmas. You know coming into summer, we've got a big blockbuster season coming up. What is the dirtiest cinema? You're hoping to check out over summer just just give us one thing? What is the duty of cinema?4:11  I mean, it's Tarantino releasing his next film. That would be that4:16  basically. Is it avatar is is the new avatar.4:21  I would have to say the new avatar is definitely the duty is first of all, it's coming back into our lives after being absent for 13 years just like my dad4:34  will do a full dude cinema summer blockbuster at the end of the podcast, but please, stay standing. The king of Australia. It's now easier to read your majesty4:46  just put it back the words are clearly on. Look. I wrote it in Comic Sans. I want to read it in comics in Good evening subjects and people who live in countries we forgot to invade When times were better, King Charles here to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Just another one of the many goddamn jobs I've had to learn to do at age 75. Did you know that I also have to be the head of the church to Christ almighty 22 was a year of challenges for us all. Mummy died, and one had to use a blast at inkwell. This year, we're thinking of those suffering at the hands of cancelled culture, namely, Netflix, Hulu subscription we've cancelled for the entire palace. Our thoughts and prayers also go out to those who are suffering under the rule of governments undergoing bloody coup, like in the Kingdom of Great Britain. But there is always hope. For those of you concerned about mummys legacy. Don't worry. It's in good hands. Sure the hands are a little puffy and red, but working fine. Nevertheless. So from all of the top tier Royals, except for Andrew, we wish you all a Merry Christmas Temitope put these bloody tree here. Why is it inside? Just get rid of it. Just get it get get6:20  rid of it. Your Majesty. Of course, Your Majesty.6:23  A tree with lights and shit all over it. You can't go chopping down trees. Think of the environment. Bloody hell6:31  Hill. It's always good to have your majesty on the podcast. Alright, let's get stuck into some fears. Two big stories tonight coming from New Zealand First fear New Zealand passed the law to ban cigarette sales to everyone born after 2008 Yes, starting next year, the country's smoking age of 18 will be raised year on year. And so eventually it's gonna be applied to the whole population. So if you are under 50 Now, you're basically going to be banned for life for the rest of your life to buy cigarettes fear mongers, will this outride smoking ban work back?7:05  I can hear the use of New Zealand crying? Oh no, I guess we'll just have to vape then. What can I don't friggin care. vaping is cool, guys. I reckon this is smoking, admitting defeat. This is what's happening. Giving up to vaping and they can't admit it.7:26  There's gonna be this huge black market soon, you know, people are gonna be buying cigarettes in school, like imagine being like the one year above the people in school. Like who you can actually or you can buy cigarettes but people when you below you can't and be like, What do you think about that punk? And once some cigarettes, no, you can't. It's illegal buddy. Dude all your life, there's gonna be doing it until you at least 50 or 60. Or until you die. You know, there's gonna be7:51  there'll be a huge black market for like, almost CGI and fake IDs. Because at some point, it's gonna be a 20 year old who needs a 40 year olds ID. So I think that's the black market is gonna be like the production value is gonna be off the chain.8:03  And half the people in New Zealand all work at wetter so they've got the skills to make these8:08  Do you feel as though home of Lord of the Rings that's you know, heaps of production value there. Just go go use their studios slaughter the8:15  smoke rings now think it's good. I think if there's one thing that we've always learned is that the more rules that are put on cigarettes, the less people want to shop. I do think that like the one good thing about this is it does mean that in like 20 years, millennials will actually have something that someone else doesn't have like these are our houses now. Like we'll be able to like do you know Louis has three cigarettes.8:48  Yeah, Milan,8:50  will be basically the last cool generation because, yeah, you can't be cool. Unless you smoke cigarettes. Yeah,8:56  probably the most shocking thing for me in this story is that there are people who were born in 2008, who are about to turn 18 In a few years now. That's, that's, that's great. I'm always surprised how time works. I think it's gonna be interesting. It's gonna be huge black market. Soon people in New Zealand are going to be bumming cigarettes and like, hiding it as if they were in school. Like, no matter what age they are, like, there'll be there'll be 50 or 60 trying to sneak a cigarette. And that's such a bizarre notion. We're9:27  just gonna have to start placing random demountable around the city so people can9:34  rational fear. All right, this week second fear it's another New Zealand Story. A tiny room in an apartment has been taken down off an accommodation website after someone suggested it was just a bed in a room that used to be a toilet. Yeah, the lister insisted that it wasn't designed to be lifted full time, but the cupboard size room was advertised as quote furnished and was perfect for taking naps in and you could fall asleep pee. Fully at any time and quote, this is a real home exclamation mark. And it was going for $180 A week fear mongers you can rent car parks bigger than this room in Sydney.10:12  How much was your car park dad?10:17  The beautiful thing about Westfield car parks during Christmas Louis is five hours free parking.10:23  Alright, let's do that10:24  this is not a sponsored this is not a sponsorship spot.10:26  There's a lot of sponsorships. I like a room that you can take naps in and take craps. It's a10:31  versatile room.10:32  They said it used to like it looks like it used to be a toilet but really like any room can be a toilet when you put your mind.10:39  You just gotta work for it. You just got to believe10:42  that I believe I think it's always good when you're like going through a post of something, you know, real estate related. And someone has to say this is real exclamation mark. It's always10:53  exists.10:57  Yeah, I don't know. This is real. I mean, it means that they know it's fucked11:01  the sentence before I feel like is even more threatening. You know, they say this is real exclamation mark. But the sentence before is fall asleep peacefully at any time. Like, that feels like a threat.11:16  There is poison in this room somewhere.11:18  Like opposed to other rental properties where you can only fall asleep peacefully at four and 6pm or something like it's a house just fall asleep.11:27  I guess I'd like to give give you a sense of freedom because you you don't have any freedom to hang up your clothes. So you have freedom to sleep anytime you want.11:37  Until the windowless11:38  nature of it does mean that it's kind of like a blackout room. So it's like a really good hotel when you get those or you think you could go to sleep in the middle of the day because you don't know what time it is.11:47  Yeah, and you can't buy those level of blackout curtains anywhere. They're hard to come11:51  by. I can tell you on this in this on this rooftop carpark. I could do with some blackout curtains right now.11:59  I just love to imagine anyone walking past you at the moment is like, Oh my God, that poor homeless man thinks he's doing12:06  great. Another white guy with a podcast at Westfield.12:09  looses rational fear.12:12  Y'all got a whole different kind of culture around here. She's never coming back. We are a racist country not to get in front of some audience of white people for them to be throwing shit at me.12:24  And finally, since this is the last irrational fear of the year, it's got a real end of school vibe to it. I feel like the last day of school we're really phoning this one in or like me, I'm car park again. I thought we would do something a little different. I want to hear your rational fears of the year. What are your nominations for fear of the year? What happened this year that made you go oh dear, that's not good. There's a few to choose from for me floods fascism. A return to 90s Fashion all reasons to be scared. But fear mongers what are some of yours? What are the things what are the the standout moments of the year that made you go? Oh, dear, that's not very good.13:01  Well, you just reminded me of another one. So yeah, I've got two but not key number one is now low res jeans coming back. 100%. And to my main one is Johnny Jett winning his defamation case that was scary AF13:18  sama for the lady13:21  having a good time on the internet as a lady13:24  just when you thought me too can bum you out anymore. Here comes the Johnny Depp Amber Heard case.13:34  Feels good. So that was terrifying.13:36  It was definitely one of those ones where you learn your bubble, like the comments section of any article about that. I was like, oh, there are people who think that?13:46  Nothing. Yeah. I just pretended that we're all books. Yeah. That's how I sleep at night.13:53  One of my pastimes is reading Daily Mail comments, and it makes me feel like the world is larger. That's for sure. Yeah.14:02  That's a nice way of saying Fox out there.14:07  What about you back? What's what's your number one meme of the year that made you go Oh, dear, that's not good. Oh, well,14:12  I am an anxious person despite who I am in every way outwardly. So I love I love a spiral. It's never just one fear. It's one fear that leads to another to another to another. So what was the first block to fall was finding out that Nick Cannon wilding out host and Elon Musk? Tech fuckhead both have breeding fetishes. Okay, that's scary. The second part of the fee came when days later I saw a tick tock right and this is not facts. But still it's in here so it feels like one that said apparently your fetishes are genetic. So if you have a fetish for something, there's a super high chance your parents had that same fetish, disgusting but then I put those two together. And now all Have the kids that Nick Cannon and Elon Musk are having? They're gonna have breeding fetishes. So that means I'm gonna say 200 years from now. 92% of the world's population is going to be direct descendants of Elon Musk and Nick Cannon.15:19  Oh my god. Oh, well, that is one way to populate Mars that is.15:25  As long as it's Mars, and it's not bloody here.15:29  All the people in Sydney will be paradise. Yeah.15:34  I went to the school with a paradise. In fact, I was Dominic's house captain. I was in school when they were Redfield. They were notorious for turning up to school in an in a high ace because their family has 13 kids. Oh. Yeah. They're very prolific breeders. I mean, that's great.15:55  Well, Harris, he's really just our own Australia's Nick Cannon isn't a16:00  Lewis is there a fear or a moment of the year that struck to you that, you know, this year that you think I'm gonna do like a vindicated fear, like a fear that when it came true, kind of made me happier? We actually talked about it on the podcast, which was earlier in the year and in fact, at the end of last year, the president of El Salvador went all in on crypto16:21  Germanus. That's right. Yeah, he was gonna do the crypto cryptocurrency. He was going16:27  to put the El Salvador cash into crypto. And he's he did a big press conference. And he was wearing a hat backwards. And the whole thing was just incredible. At the time, everyone was like, this man's insane. And there was a part of me that was like, I truly believe he's insane. And I truly believe this is the worst decision he's ever made. Because he's betting everything on a unicorn. That doesn't exist. And then when it Gore came crashing, I guess we're starting to see the crash now and the inevitability, but everyone's like, Oh, wait, we're investing in a dream that doesn't exist. But like, I know that that's bad news for the people of El Salvador. But it was there was something kind of hope filled in the fact that you want you were like, This is wrong. And it was wrong, which I feel like over the last few years hasn't been the way it's gone. I've been like, this is wrong, and it shouldn't go this way. And then it goes the complete other way that I'm expecting like, every everything from like Trump onwards, like, nothing has gone everything's gone the absolute opposite of the way in my mind, it should have. And this was one thing where I was like, No, I still have a grip. Some grip on reality sense. Yeah. Yeah, there is a tiny part of the world that still17:35  is it weird that I'm kind of envious that I'm like, yes, it's awful. It's a crazy thing to do. But if one day, albo got on TV and was like, Guys, this is gonna sound crazy. But I'm taking the federal budget and putting it on red. I'll be like, Ah, don't do that. But I want it but oh my god. You might as well double or nothing give it a go yeah, oh my god. Dan just had two strangers walk.18:11  In the Chicago Bulls jersey. He just looked so upset at you.18:16  This is Boomer podcasting. thing that really got struck me this year. I think the moment of fear for me was when Elon Musk threatened to buy Twitter and then forced himself to buy Twitter, and then bought Twitter and then just systematically destroyed Twitter. And the best thing that's ever happened this year so far, was Elon Musk getting up on stage with Dave Chappelle and him being booed for four minutes straight.18:41  I can't bring myself to watch that video, even though I desperately want to but I just don't know at this. I think a secondhand cringe would just kill me.18:48  I mean, for folks who you know, to I mean, back, you've played some big crowds this year, like you've toured with some big names.18:55  Alan Carr, who cares who Alan Carr National Treasure Anyway, anyway, so19:03  Alan Carr got Deke Smith up on stage. What do you think would have happened?19:09  I think everyone would say who the fuck is that? No idea who anyone.19:15  What what do you recognise Chappelle was thinking about when he brought Moscow up onstage.19:21  I think he's just completely lost his bearings. I think he's like, I think he thinks rich equals cool now. And he's like, he did the same thing. So he's got a sense of humour. Let's bring him on a fucking Stand Up Show.19:32  I think Chappelle also is running out of things. Because, you know, he does this thing at the top of the jokes where he'll say something controversial, and then be like, no, no, no. And then he'll do 20 minutes in the lead up to a punch line. And he's running out of those concepts. So he's just gonna bring out fuckheads and everyone goes19:52  turns into Barnum. Yeah, he was a monkey on a on an elephant.19:58  And also, like you could imagine show that in Dave Chappelle the world that no Dave Chappelle now inhabits like online or you know, like the kind of people that these days like Fuck yeah. Dave Chappelle are also like Fuck yeah. Elon Musk, generally speaking so he would have, I reckon he genuinely would have thought it was a slam dunk. Yeah. So20:15  in thinking about why it is weird that so many people booed him is he that hated that even chapels audience like that,20:25  like a lot of transphobia. But I hate this fuckwit20:27  know, that guy with all the kids.20:31  I mean, if I had to pick who Dave Chappelle is audience what social media they most flocked to, it's definitely Facebook. So a lot of them will probably just like, Who's this guy on stage.20:42  But they're just building Twitter. They're like,20:50  it was a gig in an arena in San Francisco. San Francisco is the headquarters of Twitter. Twitter has just like killed like 5000 people's jobs. Like it's such a strange like, what as Musk why would you want to get up and be stand in a room of people who hate you? Clearly, because you just lost heart. You lost all these people's jobs this week? Yes.21:12  That's another fetish of his. He's got a debt. What does that21:16  humiliation finish? Yes, he does. And we're just jerking this21:21  man off guys. What we need to stop.21:23  We need to turn the other way. The man ignore the richest man in the world because they have21:30  all the footage up. Did he have a boner? Ah.21:34  I know. I know the top of the show. You mentioned his earlier banks who's really just teeing off in Australia at the moment, but she is obviously pretty, like, unpredictable to say the least. But she also is when she's on fire like one of the funniest people in the world. And she's like a poet when she gets onto like a sledge situation. And she wants called Elon Musk apartheid Clyde. And it's one of the funniest things I've ever heard that she came up with that she came up with it. She was telling this whole story about how she went to visit Grimes Milan Moscow to like collaborate and she got lost in their house. And she's just like teeing off on grinds and teeing off on it. She was like apartheid Clyde. And it's the whole thing is worth reading. It's genuinely the best piece of prose that has been written in the last decade.22:22  In a second we're going to have a dude cinema podcast ranking of all the movies that are coming out this summer. But first, we have another Christmas address from another world leader who's remarking on the incredible profits that the Australian fossil fuel companies have made this year.22:39  That I either as a law and bookkeepers revenue. Now Queen is Dead. It is up to me la dear emir, poutine, to fill, vacuum and give Christmas message. 2022 has been a difficult year for enemies of Russia. But it's been a good year for Aussie fossil fuel companies. Thanks to me, Santi, it'd be a poutine when I bring you gifts like world peace, voluntary conscription, and energy market uncertainty when you might this means also the fossil fuel companies can raise prices higher than six storey apartment complex with dangerously open windows. And if Australian customers accidentally fall out the window, it is their own problem. You're welcome or see fossil fuel companies you're not sure option A and if you look under Christmas tree, I have left 45 billion for you and severed head of beer. Just to remind you who your friends are. From all of us here in Kremlin. Happy Christmas, even if you are Western dogs.23:45  Thank you glad deer meow. Always good to have glad on the pod versus23:51  rational fear.23:53  Elon Musk has shared another feed into save the planet. The father of 10 children says that the world needs to make more babies and keep digging for oil.24:02  If we don't have enough kids, then we will die with a whimper in adult diapers. And that will be depressing make more babies24:10  just pausing the podcast here to say Louis I'm very cold. And I think I'm freezing because of global warming. And I think global warming is a major problem. And that's why I've moved my super to an ethical super company. Well,24:24  I mean not to sound like a to TV radio presenter dead but I think there is no cold is not necessarily to do with global warming. It's it's because you're doing this from a roof or roof or the Westfield people doing podcasts on roofs that's been happening for 1000s of years. And so you can't necessarily put it down to being manmade podcasts on roofs24:44  and what's worse is I'm doing it from fossil fuel infrastructure a car park and it's not the most ethical place to to do a ethical podcast drop.24:53  No, this this is a very strange ad because no one can see that you are on a roof but I've just I have to stress this enough Dan is doing his podcasts are it's so important that Australian ethical, do good with your super and not just invested morally and ethically but for as much money as possible because I beg if you did get a studio25:15  we're trying we're trying we're doing this podcast for 10 years this is the first sponsor we've had and quite frankly the it pays the bills but it doesn't put a roof over your head so big thank you to Australia ethical and we really value your support and it's an absolute thrill that you allow us to get keep the show on the road and I think they're coming back next year Lewis which is very exciting. Amazing. Merry Christmas, and an ethical Christmas to all25:50  extra the extra fears extra level of fear factor extra25:53  extra fear extra as we head into extra fear it's great to have some real movie buffs on the show the ladies go to dude cinema now just caught dude cinema first of all ladies go to the cinema. Why did you lose the ladies guide part was it just because SEO or you're worried that Elon Musk would come calling?26:11  Honestly, it was just because we kept getting everyone to saying our name a little bit wrong because it's too late. It's like it's six words long. It's too long for people to remember. We were getting like the chicks guide to Lady cinema. Dudes guide to chick cinema.26:27  Lady cinema of dudes. Yeah,26:30  my mum this morning called it go girls cinema. We've only been doing it for four years but great. So cool. We just cut it down to two so people could find it. So just dude, cinema. That's what it is. Everyone remember dude, cinema send some26:49  of the big blockbusters coming out this year over summer. Which ones are going to end up on your podcast? Do you think? Hmm.26:56  There are a few coming out. Hey, so as you said earlier, back, I do definitely agree avatar is going to be on the list for sure. Because, like you said, it's been what 13 years did you save since the last 18 years? Yeah, and dudes fucking love a franchise that spans decades. So this is perfect dude cinema.27:16  And now similar. So was it split a generation. So that is definitely a big pull factor for men. Men love to argue. And this is going to create tension and men are going to27:28  Yeah, next Christmas is going to be wild Christmas lunches,27:33  allegedly going to be two more sequels. Before 2028 Judging by the schedule, that's probably going to be closer to like 2038. Again, separating another generation. So when we are a geriatric podcast, we will still be reviewing avatar and I27:51  will be so geriatric podcasts will be watching this TV series spin off of Avatar,27:58  and our VR goggles and where the Navi and we're flying on those big things. And we're like, oh, it's not as the CGI is not as good as whatever Marvel's putting out or things like that.28:09  Also is directed by James Cameron, which is, you know, film bros, uncle, basically, James Cameron.28:18  He thrives in a water movie environment. We know this from Titanic. So look that does have my hopes high. However, it is three and a half hours long, which is not compatible with my extreme ADHD that has only gotten worse over the pandemic. I will be bringing my phone into the cinema, I will not be apologising for it28:35  halfway through back, you could just start watching the first Avatar on your phone.28:41  Or people get28:45  to Sam, where things look so much older, it doesn't make any sense.28:49  Well, thank you so much for joining us on irrational fear. Really appreciate it big Charlwood Alex J. What an absolute thrill to have you do a crossover podcast with us with me on a roof. Which is you know that you know, you know, not many people get to experience this and with good reason. It's not a very practical place to record a podcast. I don't think I'll be doing it again.29:14  It's been a pleasure to be across over on the boys say some bad news. We'd love it.29:21  Boys guide to bad news podcast.29:24  Yeah, that is great. That is excellent. That's gonna go on our festival poster. What would you guys like to plug?29:33  Oh, well, the podcast dude cinema Coronavirus. We're on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Spotify apple. I'm on Instagram at Alex j one and Tik Tok and Twitter as well. Again29:44  the podcast I'm just gonna say it again. So people really dude cinema podcast. I am child backward on Instagram. That's probably the only place you could contact me. You can try other places. You won't ever get this go to Instagram and I'm touring next year. Come on down and find the details soon. price the price on Instagram anyway I'm sorry.30:03  Everyone is touring that is for sure Louis you want to plug anything30:06  dead? Of course don't forget to buy tickets to all the irrational fi live shows next year of which I remember all of them.30:17  Big thank you to rode mics Australian ethical our Patreon supporters Rupert Degas Jacob round for those excellent sketches Joel Pittman, Joshua Nicholson, Joe tufts, Stu holding and the Megan Herbert the Great, the great illustrator Megan Herbert for joining us on Patreon. Please hit us up on patreon.com Ford slash irrational fear. That is it for the year that is it that it went down for rational fear. But there will be a very special best off show on New Year's Day as per usual as hosted by Ella Jones all the best sketches of the year all in a row. It always does very strange. Like it's it's a dichotomy that episode. It always gets like over 10,000 listens and I always lose three Patreon subs.It's like the most popular show yet the Patreon people like Alan Jones deletes you haven't listened to it yet. Yeah, you don't know me like Alan Smith doing Alan Jones.We're coming back next year. Dan, are we are we cancel? We're back. No we're not like31:15  we're here to cancel.31:18  We weren't on the board of cancellations.31:21  We will be back next week to come. We will be taking a about a three week break I think four week break and then we're back. First week of February Lewis so put that in your diary until next year. There's always something to be scared off by31:37  Christmas.Transcribed by https://otter.aiA Rational Fear on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ARationalFearSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. If Patreon isn't your thing, and Apple Subscriptions are too Appley — chip in with A-Cast here: https://plus.acast.com/s/a-rational-fear-1. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.