The Flop House
Comedy
MaximumFun, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington, Elliott Kalan
The Flop House is a comedy podcast devoted to the worst in recent film. Your hosts (Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, and Stuart Wellington) watch a questionable film, then engage in an unscripted discussion about the movie's shortcomings and occasional delights, while never being afraid of a pointless, silly digression or two hundred.
The Flop House: Episode #40 - Friday the 13th
0:00 - 0:35 - Introduction and theme0:36 - 39:20 - We apparently have more to say about Friday the 13th than any movie we've watched previously.39:21 - 43:40- The most shocking final judgments yet.43:41 - 51:24 - Listener mail51:25 - 56:06 - In lieu of film recommendation, a slew of plugs: a zine, Elliott's film series, and Dan's sketch group.56:07 - 56:42 - Goodbyes, theme and outtakes.
56:4228/06/2009
The Flop House: Episode #39 - Bride Wars
0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme0:32 - 2:22 - We introduce our guest host: stand-up comedian and comedy writer Amanda Melson.2:23 - 31:20 - In Bride Wars, there are no winners. Only bloodstained white tulle.31:21 - 34:23- Final judgments34:24 - 39:02 - Listener mail, and a revelation about Dan's slumlord background.39:03 - 45:40 - The sad bastards recommend45:41 - 47:24 - Goodbyes, theme and outtakes.
47:2413/06/2009
The Flop House Movie Minute #26 - Orson Welles for The Flop House
Paul Masson's got nothing on us.
01:1707/06/2009
The Flop House: Episode #38 - Beverly Hills Chihuahua
0:00 - 0:41 - Introduction and theme0:42 - 31:36 - We discuss Beverly Hills Chihuahua, the movie that made talking Chihuahuas a national sensation. Wait... I'm thinking of Taco Bell.31:36 - 38:38 - Final judgments38:39 - 46:00 - After some hilarity about the Civil War, we read a letter from a listener.46:01 - 53:19 - The sad bastards recommend53:20 - 55:35 - Dan reveals a shameful talent for remembering celebrity nude scenes, followed by goodbyes, theme and outtakes.
55:3530/05/2009
The Flop House Movie Minute #25 - Remake Reuse Recycle
Elliott lists some terrible remake ideas, while Stu contributes a remake he'd like to see.
13:1925/05/2009
The Flop House: Episode #37 - Seven Pounds
0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme0:34 - 27:04 - Will Smith. Rosario Dawson. A Jellyfish. The formula for a blockbuster smash? We discuss Seven Pounds.27:05 - 29:50 - Final judgments29:51 - 34:38 - The sad bastards recommend34:39 - 40:04 - Some last minute bitching and moaning about Seven Pounds, followed by goodbyes, theme and outtakes.
40:0417/05/2009
The Flop House Movie Minute #24 - 18 Again, Again
America swaps bodies with its younger self, to go back to a time when body-swap movies were popular.
10:0811/05/2009
The Flop House: Episode #36 - The Spirit
0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme0:34 - 31:12 - After a brief trip south of the border, we talk about The Spirit. The movie that manages to make superheroes dull and cleavage unsexy.31:13 - 33:24 - Final judgments33:25 - 42:27 - The sad bastards recommend42:28 - 46:09 - A little talk about ghosts and Jedi molestation, followed by goodbyes, theme and outtakes.
46:0903/05/2009
The Flop House: Episode #35 - Fireproof
0:00 - 0:35 - Introduction and theme.0:36 - 29:03 - We are way, way too soft on Fireproof, in order to avoid ticking off our vast, yet nonexistent, audience of evangelical listeners.29:04 - 35:26 - Final judgments. 35:27 - 44:39 - A letter from a listener illuminates important Flop House guidelines.44:40 - 55:09 - The sad bastards recommend.55:10 - 57:34 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
57:3416/04/2009
The Flop House Movie Minute #23 - Twisted Trailers 3: Your Sister is a Werewolf
Even more trailers for upcoming films.
02:3204/04/2009
The Flop House: Episode #34 - Mirrors
0:00 - 0:38 - Introduction and theme.0:39 - 30:46 - Is Mirrors scarier or less scary than any other horror film starring an inanimate object?30:47 - 33:46 - Final judgments. 33:47 - 43:35 - Letters from listeners and a window into Dan's low self esteem.43:36 - 49:25 - The sad bastards recommend.49:26 - 50:11 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
50:1128/03/2009
The Flop House Movie Minute #22 - Extended Outtakes
Since people seem to enjoy the outtakes, here's an extended peek behind the Flop House curtain, with even more talk of Demon Knight and other topics.
02:4422/03/2009
The Flop House: Episode #33 - An American Carol
No time for show notes this week, but enjoy the episode.
54:0015/03/2009
The Flop House Movie Minute #21 - Who Watches the Watchmen's Penises
Turns out it's Whoopi Goldberg.
03:0408/03/2009
Academy Awards Flopstacular 2009!
Apologies for the sound quality of this show. We had sound issues we weren't aware of until well after the taping.0:00 - 0:26 - Theme0:27 - 45:34 - We discuss the Oscars. Oh surely the skies will be dark tonight as all the stars are in Hollywood's Kodak Theater!45:35 - 55:35 - Letters from listeners.55:36 - 56:39 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
56:3901/03/2009
The Flop House Movie Minute #20 - Pool Cleaning
Clean up in your Oscar pool the scientific way!
02:4121/02/2009
The Flop House: Episode #31 - Swing Vote
0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 3:41 - We introduce guest host extraordinaire Will Hines.3:42 - 33:37 - What happens when the American election comes down to JUST ONE VOTE? Wait. You say that would never happen? Shit. Then what are we gonna do about this Swing Vote movie? I guess we should just make fun of it.33:38 - 38:23 - Final judgments. Plus: the weirdest joke ever to appear on The Flop House.38:24 - 51:09 - Letters from listeners.51:10 - 58:26 - The sad bastards recommend.58:27 - 59:17 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
59:1715/02/2009
Flop House Klassic - Untraceable
Dan was on vacation this week, and he owns all the recording equipment. So, until next week's new episode, please enjoy this re-run.
41:2008/02/2009
The Flop House Movie Minute #19 - Oscar Bait
We make up for our lost movie minute with our longest supplemental episode yet, about how the Oscars are always wrong.
20:4701/02/2009
The Flop House: Episode #30 - Bangkok Dangerous
0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme0:32 - 22:00 - Watch out for Nicholas Cage. That motherfucker is BANGKOK Dangerous.22:01 - 34:35 - We get bored of talking about Bangkok Dangerous, and quickly digress into talk of AVP2, pornography, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Zombie Strippers, Return of the Jedi, and Hitman (with a little more Bangkok Dangerous thrown in as anti-spice)34:36 - 39:28 - Final judgments39:30 - 46:59 - Letters from listeners.47:00 - 52:35- The sad bastards recommend.52:36 - 53:54 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes
53:4625/01/2009
The Flop House: Episode #29 - Step Up 2: The Streets
0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme0:32 - 2:00 - We reintroduce ourselves, after our long winter's nap.2:01 - 33:51- In the long tradition of dance films, this is certainly one of them.33:52 - 36:40 - Final judgments36:41 - 43:25 - Letters from listeners.43:26 - 54:33 - The sad bastards recommend, New Year's special - our top five films of the year.54:34 - 55:50 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes
55:5011/01/2009
The Flop House Movie Minute #18 - Misfit Toys
Christmas specials under the microscope.The music you hear in this episode is Hark the Herald Angels sing, as performed by Doug Hammer on the album Noel, courtesy of feelslikechristmas.com, which provides free Christmas music for personal and nonprofit use.
04:2522/12/2008
The Flop House: Episode #28 - Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme.0:35 - 5:04 - We spend the first five minutes talking about a movie about toys that WASN'T the one we watched, released more than a decade ago.5:05 - 11:14 - We make a brief feint at discussing Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, but quickly get sidetracked by Willy Wonka and old-time character actors.11:15 - 35:41 - We finally manage to focus on the topic at hand, the horrifying tale of a sentient toy store and its insane inhabitants. What's that? It's a kids' film? ...You sure?35:42 - 40:05 - Final judgments.40:06 - 44:10 - Copyright infringement, listener mail, and discussion of nude Lea Thompson.44:11 - 46:34 - The MOST IMPORTANT SEGMENT EVER.46:35 - 54:38 - The sad bastards recommend.54:39 - 58:30 - Goodbyes, outtakes, and theme.
58:3014/12/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #17 - Twisted Trailers 2: Two Shades of Blue
More trailers for the biggest winter releases.
02:5706/12/2008
The Flop House: Episode #27 - 27 Dresses
0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 2:15 - Mustaches are much discussed.2:16 - 32:22 - We talk about the Katherine Heigel rom-com 27 Dresses, and show our affinity for the material by staying on-topic almost never. Also: boobs.32:23 - 36:30 - Final judgments, in which 27 Dresses manages to SHATTER the Flop House categories.36:31 - 46:17 - The sad bastards recommend. Plus, we learn another famous person Elliott has had tangential interactions with. And also: even more boobs.46:18 - 48:46 - November-December is Flop House listener pledge drive season - but you don't have to pay us in cash-- just recruit new listeners.48:47 - 51:30 - We write the great lost sex comedy, "Lustache."51:31 - 52:55 - Goodbyes, theme, outtakes, and a whole heck of a lot more boobs.
52:5422/11/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #16 - Missed Connections
We present this alternate, much shorter, version of the Al Pacino film 88 Minutes.
04:2915/11/2008
The Flop House: Episode #26 - 88 Minutes
0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme.0:31 - 5:02 - We explain why we're the dynamic duo this week, and talk about how much we miss Stuart. Also: we engage in the name-droppiest name dropping yet, as Elliott tells the story of the time he met PRESIDENT ELECT BARACK OBAMA.5:03 - 32:52 - We talk about 88 Minutes, the movie that is a worse example of real-time filmmaking than Nick of Time, and a far worse example of post-mortem semen-swapping than Presumed Innocent.32:53 - 37:25 - Final judgments, plus a brief side-track into dream analysis.37:26 - 45:43 - The sad bastards recommend. 45:43 - 46:32 - We talk about Stuart some more. Jeez! Why don't us guys get a room, already!46:33 - 49:03 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
49:0309/11/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #15 - Hor-nutz!
Stuart's harrowing tale of survival is now a zany comedy starring Seth Rogan.
11:0126/10/2008
The Flop House: Episode #25 - The Happening
0:00 - 0:39 - Introduction and theme.0:40 - 41:28 - It's a Flop House event! We've been waiting so long for the DVD release for M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening that we jump right in and don't stop talking about it for forty minutes. (Would I call it a "Flop House happening?" No. That would be dumb.)41:29 - 44:17 - Final judgments on The Happening.44:18 - 48:30 - What the heck. Final judgments on M. Night, too.48:31 - 56:40 - The sad bastards recommend. 56:41 - 58:26 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
58:2619/10/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #14 - McShane-McCain
In the first edition of Name Droppin', Elliott talks about working with Ian McShane.
05:3111/10/2008
The Flop House: Episode #24 - Prom Night
0:00 - 0:37 - Introduction and theme.0:38 - 1:54 - The whole team is back together again, so to celebrate they ramble off-topic for a while.1:55 - 37:13 - We talk about Prom Night, a shocking expose about the incompetence of the Bridgeport police department.37:14 - 40:35 - Final judgments.40:36 - 49:27 - We explain why we haven't had the Flop House contest winner on, announce a winner of the Ewe Boll contest, and Dan shamelessly plugs his own project.49:28 - 52:54 - The sad bastards recommend. 52:55 - 54:30 - Goodbyes, theme, outtakes, and many, many sound effects
54:3004/10/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #13 - Rainy Day Fun
We give you directions on how to make your own Flop House at home.
03:5327/09/2008
Flop House Klassic - Bratz
What do you get when Stuart is out of town on vacation, Elliott is busy transitioning from one high-stress television comedy job to another high-stress television comedy job, and Dan is having Internet problems? A rerun! Hey, at least we don't do it as much as LOST. (Well, as much as they used to... before their uninterrupted seasons... lets pretend that joke was still relevant and move on). In this, one of our favorite episodes, we discussed Bratz-- a movie that was so unexpectedly delightful in its badness that it became the gold standard for Flop House film ratings. Enjoy.
57:3621/09/2008
The Flop House: Episode #23 - Wild Hogs
0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 2:45 - We welcome back Elliott Kalan, make fun of Stuart, and reintroduce Ritch Duncan.2:46 - 40:22 - We make up for our spottily-released late summer shows by making this our second-longest episode ever and spending far too much time discussing Wild Hogs-- possibly more than the screenwriter took to write it.40:23 - 44:30 - Final judgments.44:31 - 49:10 - We congratulate Elliott on some huge news, and spend a little time discussing the Ewe Boll contest (with a brief R.I.P. for Dan's local video rental place).49:11 - 55:56 - The sad bastards recommend.55:57 - 57:28 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
57:2814/09/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #12 - Ewe Boll Contest
We honor the modern-day Ed Wood with a contest.
03:4107/09/2008
The Flop House: Episode #22 - Vantage Point
0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 2:30 - We introduce our guest co-host, leggy comedienne Sara Schaefer.2:31 - 35:29 - We each give our vantage points on the film Vantage Point. See what I did there? I made you want to shoot yourself.35:30 - 38:40 - Final judgments. 38:41 - 43:28 - We announce the WINNER OF THE FLOP HOUSE CONTEST!43:29 - 47:17 - The sad bastards recommend. (Also, according to our web research, the second movie Sara recommends-- the one where she can't remember the title-- is probably Butcher Wing.)47:18 - 52:11 - Sara plugs some stuff, and Stuart demonstrates his complete misunderstanding of the concept of plugs.52:12 - 53:29 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
53:2924/08/2008
Flop House Movie Minute #11 - Listener Feedback
We talk with the listeners, walk with the listeners.
05:4810/08/2008
The Flop House: Episode #21 - One Missed Call
0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 1:57 - We take a moment to discuss Stuart's choice of attire.1:58 - 38:02 - We discuss the film One Missed Call, the movie that asks the question, "Can anything be all bad, if it involves Ray Wise?"38:03 - 41:09 - Final judgments.41:10 - 49:21- The sad bastards recommend. 49:22 - 51:45 - More on the Flop House contest, and goodbyes.51:46 - 52:30 - Theme and outtakes.
52:3003/08/2008
On Vacation
The movie minute is taking a summer vacation this week, but we don't want to leave you empty-handed, so enjoy this audio sketch.
02:5027/07/2008
The Flop House: Episode #20 - 10,000 B.C.
0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 2:47 - We have our usual difficulty getting down to business.2:48 - 30:30 - Would 10,000 B.C. have been better if it had starred Ringo Starr and Shelly Long? Yes. Yes it would.30:31 - 34:13 - Final judgments.34:14 - 36:45 - A brief digression about the films of Brendan Fraser.36:46 - 46:13 - The sad bastards recommend. 46:14 - 52:57 - A greater explication of the Flop House contest, surveys, podcasty business, and goodbyes.52:58 - 53:39 - Theme and outtakes.
53:3921/07/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #10 - Teen Wolf
Warm nostalgia swaddles the show, as the gang discusses Teen Wolf.
12:5213/07/2008
The Flop House: Episode 20 - Premonition
0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme0:32 - 30:20 - After welcoming back oft-absent co-host Elliott Kalan and dispensing with some off-topic comics talk, we celebrate Independence Day by examining the slow decline of former America's sweetheart Sandra Bullock in Premonition.30:21 - 32:05 A slight detour, as the Flop House hosts make out their audio living wills.32:06 - 36:09 - Final judgments.36:10 - 40:19 - We rewrite the ending to Premonition. Also: a lot of nonsense about C.H.U.D.s.40:20 - 48:40 - The sad bastards recommend.48:41 - 51:12 - Podcasty business, a NEW CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT, and goodbyes.51:13 - 51:54 - Theme and outtakes.
51:5406/07/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #9 - Twin Sitters
We briefly discuss a barbarian-sized hit. Also: fully clothed breasts!
07:3030/06/2008
The Flop House: Episode #20 - Jumper
0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 1:21 - We introduce special guest host, Matt Koff.1:22 - 29:19 - Jump! For my love! Jump in! ...Is a song we'd rather be listening to, than watching the film Jumper, starring Teen Anakin. Skywalker. 29:20 - 33:50 - Final judgments. 33:51 - 39:11 - A little Unbreakable feedback, and Dan hijacks the podcast for his own petty, personal purposes.39:12 - 46:25 - The sad bastards recommend.46:26 - 49:18 - Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
49:1822/06/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #8 - Twisted Trailers
Trailers for some of this summer's biggest films.
02:2115/06/2008
The Flop House: Episode #17 - Untraceable
0:00 - 0:30 - Intro and theme.0:31 - 1:40 - We welcome back co-host Elliott Kalan after a brief break, and he pitches us a Kalan-centric TV vehicle.1:41 - 26:42 - A perfectly pleasant conversation about sticking your penis in various foodstuffs is ruined by the film Untraceable.26:43 - 30:00 - Final judgments.30:01 - 36:16 - The sad bastards recommend.36:17 - 38:03 - Shilling for the website - now with fan art and videos!38:04 - 40:14 - Some final thoughts about Untraceable, fan art, and penises.40:15 - 41:19 - Goodbyes, theme music, and outtakes.
41:2008/06/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #7 - Deleted Scenes
We present an extended cut from a horror movie classic.
02:5302/06/2008
The Flop House: Episode #16 - Alien vs. Predator: Requiem
In the battle between Alien and Predator, there can be only one winner, and you can bet it's not the viewing public. Meanwhile, Stuart reveals a shocking secret about vaginas, Dan does a sub-par 70's TV impression, and Lou keeps urging people to draw things.0:00 - 0:29 - Introduction and theme.0:30 - 2:35 - We speculate about regular host Elliott Kalan's absence, and learn a little about guest host Lou Fernandez.2:36 - 32:05 - Alien vs. Predator, possibly the coolest concept in the world, provided you're an acne-riddled 12-year-old.32:06 - 35:25 - Final judgments.35:26 - 42:14 - The sad bastards recommend.42:15 - 45:07 - We draw your attention to Elliott's recent television triumph and plug our website a little.45:08 - 48:09 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
48:0917/05/2008
The Flop House Movie Minute #6 - Con Men
The Flop House makes a foray into near-journalism and visits the NY ComiCon.
10:1111/05/2008
The Flop House: Episode #15 - D-Wars: Dragon Wars
We answer the question, "How bad could a movie with dragon wars possibly be?" Meanwhile, Dan pitches a new Bikini-themed movie, Elliott has a flashback to the war, Stu makes a love connection, and we all take a big swig of the Hong Kong cocktail.0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 26:07 - After a brief and transparent bid for sympathy on Dan's part, we get down to business and discuss D-Wars: Dragon Wars, the film that can't make up its mind whether to abbreviate itself.26:08 - 27:37 - Final judgments.27:38 - 28:49 - We announce a shameless ploy to increase listenership.28:50 - 32:29 - A long-absent segment makes its triumphant return.32:30 - 38:20 - The sad bastards recommend.38:21 - 42:08 - Some podcast business is taken care of, amidst copious gibberish.42:09 - 43:21 - Goodbyes, theme music, and outtakes.I apologize that the audio quality is slightly lower than the previous few episodes. My allergy-addled mind didn't take enough time checking the levels, so I sound slightly louder and cracklier than Stu or Elliott, despite doing my best to fix it in post.
43:2104/05/2008