Self-aware leader, Jason Rigby here.Let's get into a little bit about understanding your ego.We're self-aware leaders.That's what we're working at becoming.So I want us to understand the ego trap and how we as leaders contain the beast within.
How can we tame this?I was talking to a leader the other day and they were kind of getting frustrated with me
because I kept asking a lot of self-aware questions and trying to get them to realize, because I don't like to go against people's free will.
So I was trying to get them to realize exactly where they were at in their leadership and the things that they could do to change the way that they communicate with others.And ego kept coming up.It kept
having this desire to be heard, to be wanted, to be number one and you could see like narcissism is mixed in and a lot of times the ego wants to take over and it'll masquerade as confidence, ambition,
And so we will take that, like sports, for instance, and I love sports, so I'm not saying anything against it, but competition, ego helps us with that.
But we will take that and we'll say, on the field, on the battlefield, whatever it may be, this helped me do this.So if I can do this in leadership with people and I have overconfidence, I masquerade like I'm the best leader that they've ever had.
We know we have politicians on both sides, I'm not arguing about that, that have this narcissistic viewpoint of themselves.And it's difficult to recognize it because a lot of times the ego helped us get where we're at. but it's not sustainable.
And that's where I see a lot of leaders that fall or have issues or have to leave companies because something crazy, whether it's stealing money or whether it's sex or whether they have alcoholism or drug use, whatever it may be, it's not sustainable being in your ego and trying to lead from ego.
And when our ego creeps up, this defensiveness, this Desire to micromanage.And so some of you may be, yeah, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not one of those like sports people and just walking around like an asshole.Like I'm a dick to everybody.
No, but you passively aggressive micromanage everyone.Ooh, that hurts.Doesn't it hurt for me?Cause that's what micromanagement is. It's an ability to see the best in your employees.
It's putting you first, saying that I have to do this and I have to be involved for it to have excellence.And it's also an ability, and when I talked to this leader, it was this way, to admit mistakes.
And what happens when you lead from ego solely, that behaviors not only erode trust and morale, But the biggest is they stifle creativity in your team.They stifle innovation.So how can I become self-aware and know if I'm leading from ego or not?
The first step is managing ego.We need to be brutally honest with ourselves and identify those moments when our ego is driving our actions.And it's just a matter of teaching yourself to recognize it.
creating these new neural pathways in our brain that says, oh, you're leaning from here right now.You need to fix this, Jason.So let me give you some signs to look for, and then tell yourself that you want to be notified when these signs happen.
I do this with my dreams at night.You can say, hey, I want to remember my dreams, and then write them down in the morning. And I usually have about a one or two minute window if I want to write my dreams down and see what I was dreaming about.
So I could see what my subconscious was processing.So I take my notes out right when I wake up and I put the dream in and log it.Then over time I can see what I'm dreaming about.You know, I have that data for that.
And this is what you can do as a leader.You can tell yourself in the beginning, say, hey, bring to aware when I'm starting to act in my ego.And here's some telltale signs. Number one, feeling threatened by dissenting opinions.
Are you instantly bristling when someone challenges your idea as a leader?Are you not accepting that?Or do you get defensive?That's all ego.Because a different opinion is a good thing.A different opinion gives you moats in your business.
It allows you to be able to tackle a problem from all the way around it, 360 degrees.That's what you want. You don't want to just have your view of the problem.You want to have discussion so that when you look at it from all angles, you can see it.
And different perspectives, different angles, all of those things create a moat.Next is taking all the credit.Do you find it difficult to share the spotlight with your team?
One of the things that I love to do, and this helped me with this a lot, is I just give all the credit to others.If someone's involved in something, I will never mention that I did it.I will always say this person did it, this team did it.
When we have calls or whatever with the C-suite, whoever it is, I'll be like, hey, this team or these two people, they did an amazing job.If I'm in Slack or I'm in an email, I never take credit for anything at all.
I always give credit to other people. because I know the job got done and I'm the leader.I don't need to tell anybody that I'm the leader and it got done, they know that.
So if I'm taking all the credit, it just shows me as being to other leaders, especially leaders that have their shit figured out, it shows other leaders that you're insecure and that there's a chink in your armor.
So taking all the credit, do you find it difficult to share the spotlight with your team?Next, blaming others for failures.Do you look for scapegoats when things go wrong?This is a big one.
When you have to admit that this problem was caused by your leadership, because it's your team, You have to let people know that.
I did this the other day, I got so aggravated with someone, and I said some things in my ego I shouldn't have said, and then later I said, I am sorry.I was in my ego, I said this, I was in my ego, and I got upset, and I shouldn't have got upset.
I am the leader, it is 100% my responsibility.And then they wrote back and said the same, I got upset too, I'm sorry boss.How can we fix this together?Beautiful, right?Now, We have transparency, don't we?And I was honest.
So now we have honesty and trust and transparency.What's better in business than that? So if you can recognize these tendencies in yourself, don't despair.Self-awareness is half the battle, it is.Self-awareness is half the battle.
Most people reactively go through life living off their talents and abilities, and they're not self-aware about any of those.They do not know why they were put here on this earth.They have no purpose or meaning.
All they're doing is reacting to earning a paycheck, reacting to a position or a title that they're in, and all of their identity is wrapped up into doing instead of being.
So here's some strategies I found helpful in keeping my ego in check personally.Number one, constantly cultivating humility.I have to remind myself, I don't have the answers and it's best that I ask a question and not give the answer.
Somebody comes to me and say, hey boss, what do you think about this, this or this?I was like, what are some of the things that you're thinking about?Like if you were in my shoes, how would you solve this problem?
Well, you know, with resources, da, da, da, da, da, da, you know, and then I'll ask somebody else if there's multiple people in the room, I'd be like, well, how would you do that?So Bill, you just said, dun, dun, dun, dun.
And Susan, you said, dun, dun, dun, dun.What kind of game plan if we take those two things together, what kind of game, so I'm just facilitating questions.So Socratic method, that's all I'm doing.
I have not given an answer or my direction at all in this. That's why I always wanna learn from others.Everyone teaches me something.Even the people that my eagle doesn't like teach me lessons.It's learn, teach, teach, learn.
If somebody's less experienced, a lot of time they don't have that years and years and years of bias, so they can come up with something that's absolutely amazing. How many times have you heard of that?
Somebody coming in off of left field, the next thing you know, it's like the janitor comes up with an amazing idea and it saves the company hundreds of thousands of dollars.This happens all the time.Somebody new comes into a business.
That's what I always like.And I heard this the other day from a NASA director.He asked this question.He said, what talents or abilities do you have that we're not using right now? and then try to incorporate those into the business, or do a test.
Say, well, I'm really good at this, or this is something that I have a lot of fun with.I've asked people this, and it's amazing the answers that you get from people.
Like, boss, I know you do leadership and stuff like that, but I've been reading a lot of leadership books.Well, perfect.
If somebody's reading leadership books and studying leadership, I want to make sure that they're a leader, that they can practice what they're learning. Most people don't read leadership books.
So if you have somebody that's interested in management or leadership, put them in charge of one person or two person or a product or a webpage, put them in charge of things.Say, hey, I want you to revamp our whole website.
I want you to revamp our social media.You're in charge of that.Come to me in a week or two and tell me your plans for this, your ideas.And then just listen, just listen, let people get excited about your thing, your business.Why?
I've never understood that.And I want you guys to listen to this.If you tune me out, cause I've been talking for 10 minutes, I want you to listen to this.
If somebody gets excited about your business that you created, why do you feel like you need to be like, whoa, you know, what's got you so pumped up?
I've seen leaders actively when somebody gets excited about something that they've created in their business, actively shit on it constantly.
If somebody gets innovated about a business that you created and they come to you and say, Hey boss, I'm super excited.You know, I thought about this, this, and this, they're getting excited about your business.
They're your employee, not their own ideas, not their own business.They are getting excited about something that you created.Why would you not want that?It's the ego that says squash.And only I can be excited about my business.It's so ridiculous.
Cultivate humility.Number two, practice active listening.Pay attention to what your team members are saying.Even if you don't agree with them.I don't agree with everybody.
I've got far right people, far left people, people in the center left, people in the center right.I've got all kind of political people and I don't care.They're humans.
As long as they're productive and they're taking their perspectives and bringing it to me, And it's cool, I like having different perspectives.I like having different people, because most people on the left are what?
They don't like rules and regulations, but they're compassionate and caring.Most people on the right are what?Fact-driven, ROI savings.I want both, I want the artistic left side of things, and I want the right, let's get shit done side of things.
I want the yin and the yang, I want all of it. And I want to be able to listen as a leader and allow those two perspectives to come together.Because if I can meld them together, I've got 100%.
I don't want to just all right company or just all left company.That's only 50% of the marketplace.I've just eliminated the other 50%.I want to cultivate those two things together and create unity.How can we be purple?
How can we create unity where we blend the two together?That's active listening.Clarifying questions. Get good at clarifying questions.Look that up.Have ChatGPT help you.Ask ChatGPT.Say, hey, I've got this problem.
You can talk to ChatGPT now on the app.Click the button.Say, hey, I have this problem right now.I have this employee, this employee.Here's the situation.Just go on and on.Talk to it for one, two, three minutes.Give it as much detail as you can.
And then say, I'm having this meeting.Give me clarifying questions for the meeting. And you'll have a piece of paper and you can sit there and they're talking and talking and then you just ask clarifying questions.Guess what?
If you do that in every meeting, over time you're gonna know what to ask.Your brain's gonna learn to be like, oh, Jason's keeping his mouth shut and all he does is ask questions.And guess what you're doing when you're asking questions?
It's the most powerful thing, you're leading.Because you're allowing people to be empowered and they're creating something.They're doing the brick by the brick by the brick by the brick.You know what you're doing when you're asking questions to?
you're not taking any responsibility, you're letting them take the responsibility.And when someone creates something and takes responsibility for it, they usually finish the task because it's their project, not yours.
Work is this negative view, like, oh my God, my boss, he makes me want to do this.
Instead of coming to them, asking clarifying questions, find out what they want to create, and if accomplished the same thing or close to the same thing, let's use their idea.Let's let them take ownership of it, because guess what will happen?
They'll get so pumped and excited about it.I have this all the time.I get Slack messages on Saturdays and Sundays, because I had a few couple hours, boss, just want to relax.What do you think about this, this, or this?
and they're excited, that means they're working overtime on things.Cultivate humility, practice active listening.Next, admit your mistakes.We all make them.When you mess up, own it and apologize. This will show your team that you're human.
Stop pretending like you're not human.That old archaic boomer type.And if you're a boomer, I'm not saying, I'm just saying that type of, of, of hierarchy.I'm perfect.I'm the leader.I never make mistakes.My shirt is always ironed.
My tie is always perfect.And I love wearing suits.There's so many triggers nowadays.People are so sensitive.You can't even say anything nowadays.What I'm talking about is this. You show that you're human.You share mistakes that you've made.
Share mistakes that you've made with clients.And your sales team say, hey, I was talking to this customer the other day and they misinterpreted something that I said.I said this, this, and this, and they thought it was this direction.
So I had to have Shania come in and help me and she helped interpret that to the client what I was saying and fixed it.That's amazing, people love that. You just made Shania's day, and also at the same time, you showed that you were human.
When you mess it, own it, apologize it, move on.If you show people the way when they make mistakes, it's not a big deal.We owned it, we apologized for it, and we have a way to fix it, and we're gonna move quick to fix it.That's amazing, isn't it?
Because hiding mistakes costs how much money? You gotta fire the person.There's no trust anymore.You've got a department in upheaval.They finally figured it out.They've been hiding this for six months.You've lost clients over it.
The list goes on and on.If you mess up, own it and apologize because that's leadership.You're leading and showing them the direction that they need to be.
And it's a culture that's created that says it's safe to fail because we're not innovating if we're not failing. That's all innovation comes from mass amounts of failure.Ask any scientist, they know this.
All the inventions that you so awesomely use every single day, whether it's chat GPT, whether it's a computer, whether it's a cell phone, whether it's your blender, whether it's your microwave, your stove, all those things came from people that failed and failed and failed over and over and over and over again until they finally created it.
And we get to appreciate those inventions, don't we?And then finally, celebrate the success of others.And I've talked about this already.Make it a point to recognize and appreciate.Always, if you're around a group of people, I'm gonna give success.
I'm gonna point out any type of success.That's why I like my managers to tell me, I need to know when somebody does something awesome.You need to pop your head into my office and tell me real quick.And I celebrate that.
I want more positive news than negative news.Don't give me negative news. just constantly.If I have a manager who's always giving me negatives, I pull them off and say, hey, we're focused too much on the negative.
What are great things that your team's doing?If they're not doing anything great, then you're not being a good leader, and we need to fix that.I want shared ownership.I want shared accomplishments.I want a culture of people
following me and seeing that I'm sharing the wealth with everybody else and sharing the credit with everybody else, so they're going to do the same.Handling ego is an ongoing process, guys.
It requires constant vigilance and a willingness to confront our own shortcomings.But I'm telling you, the rewards are well worth it as a leader.
When you can manage your ego, you create a positive and productive work environment where everyone feels empowered and valued. So I want to go real fast just for one or two minutes.Here's some ways to foster self-awareness within your team.
Not just you, but within your team.Number one, provide constructive feedback.Give specific examples of how ego-driven behavior is impacting the team.Be specific on that.Number two, encourage self-reflection.
Ask your employees to consider how their actions are contributing to the team's success or hindering it.I know, Andre, that you're a super badass salesperson and you're a lone wolf and you like to do things by yourself.
but you're kind of mean to the other sales guys.How do you think that affects the team success?How do you think it hinders it?Do you think your ego needs to know that every month you're the bad-ass?I think everybody kind of already knows that.
Why do you need to be, I would have that conversation with him.Maybe he doesn't even realize he's doing it and he's like, oh shit boss. Don't ever be afraid to talk to your high performers.That's what they want.High performers want to be coached.
If they don't have a leader that doesn't coach them, they're going to go find something that will.Offer support and resources.Provide access to training programs, coaching that you should be doing every week.
That can help employees develop their self-awareness skills.Remember, the goal is not to eliminate ego altogether.It is to channel in a positive direction. And we're going to harness together the ambitions and the confidence.We keep the ego in check.
We have humility.We unlock full potential as leaders.And we create a workplace, guys.This is what leadership's about.We create a workplace where people love each other, where they're excited to come to work.They're excited to hop on a Zoom call.
Where people truly, truly, guys, thrive.
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