Welcome to The Mix, a fusion dance podcast where we dive into the world of blending dances and all that comes with it.We're talking about everything from the highs of nailing that perfect combo to the lows, emotional and mental challenges and more.
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All right, welcome to another episode of the Mix of Fusion Dance Podcast.I'm Trang.
Today, if you are beginning or considering to get into dance, this is the episode for you because we're going to share about what are some things we wish we knew when we started dancing at dance socials.
Not just classes, but getting into dancing in the wild with random people and also what we wish existed at dance socials.
Oh, yeah.Yeah, I'm ready.I'm ready.I'm ready for this.Yeah, I'm ready for this one.
I think.Well, OK, I will say when I started, I remember coming in, you know, I went alone.Well, OK, first I start to go to a dance social for salsa because acquaintance now friend said like, hey, do you want to check it out?And I said, OK.
And thank God that friend was there with me because she taught me the ropes in a way.And I remember walking in and it's very intimidating.Everyone is dancing.Everyone looks like they know what they're doing to a certain extent.
And she kind of gave me the lowdown, like, okay, well, this is how it works.Like a guy might come up to you and ask you to dance and you can say yes, but you can totally say no.And it's considered like A-okay.
Like it's not awkward or anything and it's okay.Or if you want to, you can go ask a guy, go up to a guy and ask them to dance. And I remember thinking, okay, this is weird.
This is my first time ever at a dance function, but I was so glad she was there to guide me or teach me the etiquette and show me the ropes.And that was salsa and bachata.And then I decided to go to a West Coast swing dance social for the first time.
I remember being so nervous because Again, I went by myself.I didn't know anyone.And it takes a lot of, I think, looking back now, a lot of courage for someone to do that.And it's going to like a random house party and you know no one.
And you hope it's good, right?
Yeah.And I remember- Are they going to like me?Are the people nice?
Yeah, exactly.Am I going to suck?And sucking is totally normal in the beginning because you're just trying to take what you learn from class. and actually put on the real world.
You know, it's like, there's a difference between going to cooking class and then working in a restaurant where like everyone's around you and it's like fast pace and everything.Right.
And I remember wishing there was like, I'm saying, I don't know, it was like a welcome committee.You know, there's always a receptionist, but more so like, hi, if this is your first time, here's a video or like a one-on-one
dance social sheet for you to read just to help you understand here is the etiquette, here are the ground rules, these are things you can do, these are things you should refrain from.
But of course most places, I don't think most places have that or they teach about maybe consent or maybe mention that.
So at the West Coast Wing one, I remember going up to the DJ who happened to be an instructor for the class that day and being like, um, excuse me, this is my first time.
And I was wondering if there's any etiquette I should know about or how it works.Is it the same as like the social social that I went to where you ask in and he keep a pointer like, well, yeah, it's kind of bit like maybe.
be not rude but kind of hurtful if you say no to a person when they dance and then you walk and then you end up going to some other guy and dance with them you know and I was like okay got it but it's just this like little one-on-one thing that I wish I had when I started out and I'm sure people that are new to dancing or go alone and stuff like that without a friend and there'd be well let's say they're the only dancer in their in their own friends group so
I think it would make the transition smoother for them, I feel like.
Yeah.You brought up something that I actually think would be a phenomenal role that I've never heard of or never seen.
And I think that if people had, maybe not a welcoming committee, but welcoming people where they have a wristband or something like that.
And if you're a beginner, there's a little sign or a poster that's like, hey, if you're a beginner, find the person with the red band. That's your onboarding, that's your safety, that's the person that you can go to with any questions you have.
If you're just like, hey, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, you go to them.
I feel like that would be such a cool thing, especially for people who are just like, I'm here, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm a little terrified, and I don't want to cry, but I might.
That's such a good idea with the wristbands.It's even like people like, we're here to help you if you're a bit lost or if you want to dance with us, we're happy to do so.
Or I don't know if the newbies or first timers want to have a wristband to be like, or even like a glowing wristband being like, hi, I'm learning.So kind of like a student driver.
That would be amazing.I feel like what would be so good is like, you know how sometimes some socials, they're like, hey, we have volunteers if you want to work the door or like, you know, help with like cleanup, like make that one of those roles.
Make that a role where like, oh, if you're someone who's been here before and you have you have some experience under your belt, like, you know, from this time to that time, because maybe you're like, OK, like for the first half of the night, I want to be really social for the second half.
I'm all business.I can't talk to you.Don't talk to me.I have I can't speak to you. I can't, I have to do me, right?Like make that one of those things.
Okay, from, you know, from the first half until the second half, like you're, you know, you're on and you just make sure people who are new feel warm and welcome.
Yeah.It's kind of like a, sort of like a welcome committee, but not, I think.Yes.
And the thing I also noticed that when I went to dance socials too, is that some of these people, they probably dance with each other or they've been doing it for a couple of months.And so they become friends.
You kind of become acquaintances first and friends because you kind of see them every other week at a dance social.
And so they start having a visually, I start seeing kind of like, not, I guess it looked like clicks and, you know, they're talking to each other.And I remember just standing against the wall being like, I don't know anyone on I'm extrovert.Right.
But I don't know anyone on everyone seems to kind of be in their group.And granted, like everyone's nice and everything.I later on, I find out, but I think it's just more of like,
it kind of helped when I could tell like other people were single, but they came alone as well.And you kind of bond over that.Cause you're just saying like, Oh, is this your first time?That kind of stuff.And just bonding over that.
It's just know that in the beginning, the first couple of dance socials, it's going to be off.You're going to be, you're going to be like, man, I learned this in class, but I'm taking the wrong steps.I'm on the wrong foot.
I'm like spinning the wrong way.And it's just know that it's normal to be bad and kind of sucky in the beginning.
But I feel like the dance socials where you put it in, like, as you call it, dancing in the wild and you really implement what you learn, I feel like that's where I personally learned to dance better at a much faster rate.
Yeah, you know, I think there's something about something about being in the wild that just like it makes you, it makes you figure it out, you know, my, my first my first dance social was actually a Lindy Hop dance, and I went to my, I went to the classes for like three months, because I had friends who were like you should
Come out, you should try, you should try.I was like, I'm not doing that, that's not happening, that's not me.And then one friend in particular, he was like, there's this girl that I like.
It was like during Valentine's Day or during Valentine's, right?He's like, there's this girl that I like and I really want to impress her and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.And I'm like, all right, I'll go with you, right?I was there as moral support.
So I was like, I'll check it out.I'll check it out.And I go and I'm like, okay, we're still doing this thing.We're still doing this.Like we're here, it's been three months.I don't, I'm not, I don't understand what I'm doing here.
And then they were like, Oh, we have a social coming up is this big thing so you know I'm like okay cool I mean I've been going for three months I'm basically an expert I could teach the class right like I'm just, I'm just like I have no concept of like what the social is going to be like.
I didn't understand when we would have practices, we would, you know, we'd learn the technique, you know, you do the technique, you know, and you trade, you trade partners or you rotate.
And at the very, very end, they would have kind of like a little pocket of time to do social.But I was like, I don't, why am I sticking around, dude?I know this, I'm good, I learned it.
I learned the choreo, I learned the steps, I'm good, I'm done, you know?And so I just never, I never applied it.And I pull up to the social. Everybody is like there to see people dressed up and I'm like, oh, I'm dressed up too.
Cause you know, I saw the little flyer.I was like, okay, yeah, I'm in here with my little tie and everything and my vest, right.It looked like a, like a waiter.I was ready.I was ready to serve.
And I'm telling you on me, the, like, I didn't even know I was supposed to ask somebody to dance.That's how lost I was.I was just, I was like, what am I doing here?Like, what is this?I don't belong.
And I see people who did not go to my school showing up and killing it.And I'm like, Why are they here?What is this?I felt bamboozled, you feel me?And I got to the point to where I said, you know what?My pride can't let me just sit here on the side.
And so people were like, oh, you're supposed to go up and ask people to dance.And I was like, OK, I'm going to go do that.So I just found somebody who was very clearly significantly better than I. And I was like, can't be that hard.
I learned this in class.And I'm telling you. My mind went completely, completely, totally blank.And I was like, I don't even know, what is the basic?Like, what am I supposed to do?I was so lost.I'm telling you, I was so lost.And I was just like, OK.
What is happening?And so she was like, it's okay.It's okay.It's like, you know, that happens.It's your first time.I was like, this is my first time.But, but like, I couldn't, I couldn't let, like, I couldn't let that, I couldn't let my pride down.
You know what I mean?I was like, that's my first time, but I'll get it.I'll figure it out.I'll figure it out.Right.And it was very, it was a very painful, what, three minutes.It felt like it was three hours.I was like, this is so bad.
And eventually, by the end of the night, I kind of had a little flow.I was like, oh, I got my basic and I know how to put the turn in and this, that, and the third.But I was just so disillusioned.You were humbled.I was humbled.
I was like, oh, this is not what I thought it was. That was like the eye-opening, okay, something about how I've approached this needs to change, like something about this needs to change.
Mind you, again, I was still wrestling at the time, like I wrestled all four years in college, and I was like, I'd go to practices and stuff, and I felt like I was pretty, like, you know, I was pretty aware, like I could go in, learn something, and do it, and I just, you know, I practiced it a bunch, I'm like, okay, cool, now I know if I wanna use this live, I can do that.
But the thing that I had missed is that I wasn't practicing live I was just going through the moves I was learning the technique.And I think as a beginner.
What made such a huge difference from that first social to the next social is that I started saying hey. Can we practice this?Just in our free time.There was another friend of mine who was there.And I was like, hey, can we practice?
Marissa, can we go?Can we practice?And we would start practicing.And when we did the next social, I was like, oh, I'm ready.I'm ready, ready.And I felt like, granted, this was what?I might have had four months, five months at this point.
You know what I'm saying?I was not good. But in my mind, in my mind, oh, I was like, I was ready.I was like, listen, put me on so you think you can dance, whatever.I'm there.I am prepared to win some kind of medal for this.You know what I mean?
I was like, I'm here.I am here.
Oh my God, that's too funny.I remember dancing for the first time at the Salsa, Bachata, and West Coast Swing Social.And like you said, you're in class, you're like, I got this step.
Okay, one and two, blah, blah, blah, five and six, whatever, all that stuff.And you're like, I got this, I got this.And you're in your head a lot because you are trying to learn the recipe, right?
Instead of you're not in a place where it's muscle memory, where you can flow at this point, and you don't have to think about it.So that's the thing in the beginning where I think people get tripped up and it's totally normal to do so.
And looking back now, it's just like, it's like you're going to puberty, you know?And I remember thinking, in the real world when I was dancing.I was like, why is my footwork so off?I like drilled this over my head, playing it over and over again.
And I'm always, I'm like 80% of the time or 70% of the time I'm on the wrong foot.And I still notice that I do that to this day.But then I started to learn
that a lot of times, well, first of all, this is a dance social, it's not a competition, so you're not being docked off points, right?But a lot of times part of partner dancing is recovery.And when my private teacher told me that, I was like, oh.
Another thing I remember was when I went to the West Coast Swing, the social dance, they said, okay, let's take the first 15 minutes to warm up before we start the dance social.And
all the people that seemed to know what they were doing were warming up, just dancing with each other.And I remember just sitting in a chair in the corner feeling like I want to go home right now. You know, it just really is intimidating.
But now looking back, there were probably other people that were sitting down and kind of intimidated as well.
And just know that if you're listening in, if you're starting out, like these are all very, very normal feelings and emotions and thoughts that go through.
But it gets, it's kind of like you have to go through the discomfort of this and puberty, I guess, to get there.You know, we all start from somewhere.You and I both did.
Yeah, no, that's, that is, that's so true.You know, I think when I first, like, first got into, into salsa specifically, which was relatively short, I want to say it was about, they kind of happened, they kind of overlapped.
But I think I really, really took to salsa about, I'd say it was like probably six months into social dancing.And when I did, I was like, man, this is so cool.This is so much fun.Like, I love it.
But I didn't really know that at socials, there were certain things I was supposed to kind of be aware of.Like, you know, for example, the way that I understood was,
I'm supposed to do, like, I'm supposed to be very loud and very, like, you know, as a lead, like, I'm supposed to be, you know, very forceful, right?Or, like, very clear.I understood, like, clarity is, like, force.
So I was like, oh, okay, if this person doesn't know they're supposed to turn this way, I'm going to stop them and, like, move them around.
And as far as I knew, because that was what I had learned, and that's what, you know, I had learned because I had, you know, partners who were showing me or friends who are showing me how to dance.They're like, oh yeah, this is how you do it.
This is how I learned, so I'm going to teach you how I learned.And that's how they preferred to be led.So because that's how they preferred to be led, I just understood it as like, that's how everyone wants to be led.
Everyone wants to be thrown around.So I was like, OK, I can do that.Whee!Right?I'm just like, OK, cool.We're going to just launch.And I wasn't really aware of like, I was like, Oh, like, like sensitivity.
I don't I don't know what do you mean like this is, I'm trying to make sure this is clear I'm trying to make sure you know you know where to go what to do.
And so it was very one sided and I learned it as like a one sided dance it was like, Oh, I'm giving you input.And my follow is just taking the input and they're supposed to do whatever it is I say.
It wasn't until I really learned, like, until I started learning blues, I think that I started to kind of understand, oh, no, there's a, there's a level here like there's sensitivity, this should be a back and forth conversation not just like a one sided monologue where I'm yelling.
You know, like, it shouldn't feel like I'm kidnapping my follow and saying, hey, we're going to Disneyland, whether you like it or not.You know what I mean?It should be like, hey, would you like to, where would you like to go?What are you feeling?
You know what I mean?It should be a little bit more balanced.But I don't know, if no one tells you, I think, like, how are you going to know, you know?And I didn't know until, I think, way, way, way too late in the game.
that's also one of those things where I don't know how you would put it in a, but you know, on that one-on-one intro to dancing, like dance is conversational and you, part of the process is being able to read your followers or, you know, or have a kind of like a talk to them about it.
But I don't know, not like telepathically, but you know, just having that, knowing that they might have an input or things like that, but that's really hard to like somehow um, include that.
And I feel like that's probably something where certain dancers will learn over time if they're willing to explore that.Whereas maybe some dancers like, well, I'm more mechanical and this, this is all I know.
This is why I learned in class and we're going to do it this way.You know?Yeah.
Um, another thing I want to add for like, uh, to just kind of, um, so people can understand this too, especially when they're starting out, especially if they're followers is it took me such a long time to muster up courage to ask the guy out.
and to dance.And I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, is this is what it feels like for a guy to ask a girl out for dating, you know?Talk about it. salsa and bachata.It's a different dance culture there.
And that was where I, um, had my first dance social.I remember thinking, wow, I only have to wait two seconds and a guy will straight up, walk up to me and be like, do you want to dance?
I didn't have to even, I never even thought about asking a guy out.Right.And when it came to, I noticed the swing, like West coast swing, and then also fusion, the culture is different there.
It seems a bit more, um, I don't know if it's like the right word is like less machismo or if I didn't ask a guy to dance, there's a chance that I was just standing on the wall, like against the wall for a while.
And I don't know how to describe that, but I remember thinking like, oh, there's like a couple of songs that I've sat out on because a guy hasn't asked me to dance yet.And it took me such a long time to, I was so scared.
It was only until I started chatting on the sidelines to other dancers and Finally, this male dancer was saying, you know, you should just ask.Women ask me all the time.
He was an older gentleman, so kind of, I wouldn't say mentoring me, just more really encouraging me.
And I'm so grateful for that because it was a whole process for me to be able to be like, oh, I'm going to ask a guy how, oh God, do you want to dance with me?But now I'm so used to it.Now I just go like, hey, want to dance?And that's it.
Yeah, yeah.No, I think that on the other side of it, going to, like, I was very much used to it, going to Latin dances and everything, that when I was in the kind of like blues swing spaces, I was almost uncomfortable.I was like, yo, what?
Why are you asking me? i was like am i am i just like on fire tonight like am i just like am i just at that level because i i'm having people no wait no i'm having like like multiple oh my god it's like 10 20 i'm just good i'm just and it was like
It took a minute to realize like, no, that's just like, that's just the difference.Right.
But, um, I, I, I very, I do like, I like the, you know, kind of like when people, you know, come up to you and ask you to dance like that feeling of like, of being, you know, being chosen, being selected, being picked.
And I was like, Oh, this is, this is nice.And I think that also helped me kind of be more, um,
more aware of like other people who might be more shy or might be kind of like off on the side because like they don't know and like maybe they're new and want to say oh you know what I remember what it was like when you know what when I was when I was there and I don't want other people to feel that so let me be intentional to like find those people and say hey welcome how do you feel are you good are you feeling good let's dance right like
And I think that when I first got out there, I was very much like, OK, this is going to be cool.I'm going to figure it out.I'm going to get there.But I also had friends with me.I had people who were there with me.
I think that really made a difference.So I felt like I had more of a more of a support base versus when I started really just saying, okay, you know what, I'm gonna go a little bit further.Like I'm gonna travel.
I'm gonna go to, you know, I'm gonna go to Philly.I'm gonna go to, you know, to Reading.I'm gonna go to these other places, DC or Maryland or wherever else.And I may not have people there and it may just be me.
And now I have to really like, I have to kind of like stand in that, I have to like sit in that.Like, okay, I'm new here. Oh, okay.Like that means like, what am I going to do?
And so this little trick that I kind of would like tell myself is however much I paid, I need to get that many dances. twice.So if I if I paid 20 bucks, I'm like, Okay, cool.I need to get 40 dances.That's my goal.
That's just like, you know, I thought I was the only one that thought that we're like, $20.I gotta make the most of it.And I'm sitting.I'm too scared to ask.Yeah.To dance with me.
Yeah.It's like, it's like, no, like, I paid money for this.I'm gonna get my and then I get upset because I was like, yo, I'm just sitting here. I could be at home right now and I'm sitting here.
And then by the time I got past like the first like three or four dances, I'd be there.I'd be like, oh, okay.Like, no, like I'm actually, I'm having fun.I enjoy this.
Or like, I feel like I'm kind of like out of that shell, but it takes, I think just like getting into it and starting and saying, you know what?I'm just going to do it.Maybe that first dance isn't great.Maybe that second dance isn't great.
Maybe that third one isn't great.But if you keep doing it, and you keep asking questions, it will get better.And if it doesn't, go to class.And that's a whole other thing.
I think that the classes and whenever there's classes, free lessons, if you have people that you can reach out to who are doing privates, use those resources.Because YouTube is cool, but it's not enough.
you know, you can watch as many videos as you want, but a lot of the time, I think that, you know, instead of trying to learn new moves, really understanding the basics and understanding like the frame of whatever that dance is, is gonna get you a lot further than, oh, I learned, you know, the 560 tornado spin, you know, double kick flip ollie, like, that's great.
But, you're off beat so it's not it doesn't look it doesn't look like you think it should look.
Yeah. Oh, that's the Ollie.360 Ollie.Yeah, I agree.
And you know, we talked about this before this episode too, is the fact that where I remember in the beginning, I would be standing near a guy and be like, I hope he asks me out to just dance with him.
and they just don't see me but you know and it's like that expectation but even you told me that you had someone that told you about that too.
Yeah, that's real.I was at a place in Santa Monica, actually.And I won't say the name, because I don't know if we're supposed to do that.But I was there for salsa and bachata.And this was a Thursday night.So if you're around, then you know.
So I'm like, I'm standing there.And I go upstairs.I'm near the water, because it's hot.And ya boy overheats.So I'm like, OK, cool.I'm just drinking and drinking water.And I'm just standing and watching the room.
Because I'm like, oh, there are all these people.
and they're interpreting the music differently you know you're just kind of like I'm just like taking it all in and somebody is like they're kind of like in my like in my zone a little bit I'm like okay so I just kind of take a couple steps away because I'm like I'm trying to watch I can't see you're like you're blocking me and they're like I'm just I'm just not present to like what's happening and um
I like I move again and this time I'm like, I'm trying to see right I'm like okay I'm clear, they're not here.
And so they kind of come in from the other side and then they start a conversation that like asking me, I don't even remember what it was about.But they're like, you know, striking up a conversation.
this is cool, but I'd rather be watching and then another guy kind of comes in and he really wants to dance with her.And so he like, you know, he's trying to and I'm like, hey, by all means, buddy, you can jump in.
Like I'm like, hey, jump in the conversation talk because I'm just trying to watch and it took me all of like three or four dances after he asked her to dance for me to realize Oh, she wanted to dance.That's why she was hanging out over here.
And I was like, oh, because I had gotten so used to the, if you want to dance, you ask the person that you want to dance.You say, hey, would you like to dance?And so in my head, I gotten so used to that that I was like, oh, huh.
Maybe I should pay more attention.
That girl was me.No, it wasn't me, but I totally can.I totally can imagine that happening because that's that's what I did in the beginning.
And speaking of you mentioning that you boiling up and heating up in another episode, we're going to talk about hygiene, because that happens when. There's a lot of people in a room and the AC is not enough and you start smelling things.
Anyways, I think to sum up though, what we would be talking about is it seems really helpful to have sort of like, again, that welcoming committee or just kind of certain people that are there to make newbies. feel more welcome.
And I've even had someone tell me that when she came for the first time to Dance Social, when she left that evening, you know, alone and just, I think, probably felt alone, she cried in her car.And I was like, oh, no.
But at the same time, I totally understand.And just being like,
everyone seems to know each other and you just walk out feeling like you dance like a few crappy dances and you made no friends or you or maybe you felt no connection right and you're just like is this I love dancing but I feel I feel so crappy is this meant for me or should I just quit at this point you know so um so it whenever now if I know someone is new or they sometimes they just preface when I'm starting to dance with them like
Oh, I just took a beginner dance or I just started.I'll tell them, I'll be like, Hey, I just started a few months ago too.And I make sure to dance with them and smile because I know if I look like I'm having fun, they will have fun.
Even if they're like their feet are jumbling, mumbling around the dance floor.And the thing is though, if if things were more encouraging for people, right, then they'll come back again, right?They'll be like, you know what?
I know I'm stumbling, but it seems like I'm kind of getting it.She's enjoying the dance sort of with me.
So I'm at the point now, yeah, if I, I'm very, I take special care if I know I'm dancing with someone that is just starting out because you like, you know, and just encouraging, like you did a great job, especially for your first time, because we need more of that.
That's a fact, that is, yeah, I agree with that.
Ooh, okay, so on the, or maybe on the negative side, or not the negative side, right, but like, and I'll start, but what are some of the things that, maybe like some of the mistakes that you made early on?
that now you're like, ooh, yeah, maybe these things are a little cringe, right?For me, I think I didn't really understand, I didn't really understand like open and close and things like that when it came to blues.
And I remember kind of like walking in and just having no frame of reference for what this was.I was like, what are y'all doing?Mind you at the time I was single.So I was just like,
what what is going you know like what what what are we doing here y'all what what happened y'all were upstairs swinging and now y'all are downstairs swinging but it's a different kind of swing i don't but i'm also kind of curious like tell me more
I think, OK, wait.Really quickly, for people who are listening open or new, open, can you explain open and closed?
Oh, yeah, yeah.That's probably important context.So essentially, dancing from open usually means that you're about an arm's length apart, or maybe like an arm's length and a half apart.And typically, you're connected at the hands, right?
So there's enough space to fit another person, perhaps two people, between you, right? there's ample space, right?Because you're connected from the hands.So you're generally going to have a lot more space, a lot more room, right?
You're leaving room for Jesus, right?Versus dancing from close, where typically you have three points of contact, where you're connected.As a lead, you typically will have your hand connected to the shoulder or to the upper back of the follow.
And she'll typically have her hand connected to your shoulder as well as elbow connection, right?So you have one hand under and one hand over.Typically the lead's hand is under and the follow's hand is, or the follow's arm, I should say, is over.
And so that requires you to be a little close.You know, you're a little close to each other there, right?But what I had walked into, that wasn't even the case.They were essentially in close embrace, right?
What we would refer to as micro blues or, you know, micro.And they were, with that, to kind of visualize that or to help visualize that, just imagine you go in for a hug, right?And then you stay there. And so that's what I saw.
That was the first time I seen that.I just walked in.I was like, yo, what?We just hugging?What is that?What is this? But also, I was like, hey, let me find out where we are.So I mean, that was my understanding of blues.
And then the friends that had brought me to swing, they didn't really have a good opinion of blues.So they were already biased against it.And essentially, they were like, oh, yeah, that's all it is.
And so I didn't really understand what the dance was other than what I had seen at a social.So that was a dance that I went to a social before I went to a class.
And I think for some people that can work, but for some styles, especially a style like blues, right, I don't think that's a good idea.
I think you should go to a class, you should learn what the dance is, learn like, you know, what are the concepts, the, you know, the musicality, the basics, etc, etc.The etiquette, especially.
Um, and because of that, I think I just like, I was like, Oh, this is just what you do.And so for a minute I was just like, okay, cool.We just, we just hugging, we just hugging close and grooving.And I'm like, okay, cool.And then I get bored.
Cause I'm like, is this it?This is kind of, you know, this is kind of like, this is lame, dude.I don't want to just like. I mean, I guess my grandma might appreciate because it's chill, you know what I'm saying?
But I'm also not trying to dance with my grandma, you know what I'm saying, respectfully.I love her.But I'm like, I'm trying to move, man.I'm trying to do some things.
So I definitely don't recommend just showing up to a social without having some kind of context.Have a little context.Have a little basic.Have a little self.Go to a class.Talk to somebody. But yeah, that was my eyes.
I was like, what is this?
I, I felt.Oh, we're going to have another episode talking about boundaries and stuff on the dance floor.
That and stuff.But I can relate in terms of bachata and that dance is their central bachata, which is obviously when your bodies are very close to each other.And then there's like opened, right.
For the most part, most people I've, I've noticed like dance open, but Oh man, there are some times where I don't, you know, I go up, I'm dancing with a person and they just pull me really close.And I'm like, okay, I adopt.I adopt.
So I think, okay, this is what we're doing.But I think now I'm used to it and understand. closed position more and realize like it's not necessarily creepy at all, but it took time for me to figure that out.
Whereas like in the beginning you're like, oh, I'm very surprised.Okay, is he going to touch me in inappropriate places?And you realize like, oh, I'm fine.It's just more of like a surprise.
Another thing, I think bouncing back on the welcoming committee for people, make them feel welcomed.I think now that we've both been in the dance scene for a bit, I do wish that there were more social events to get to know people.
Because I think, okay, a lot of people realize
I think I was trying to explain to my friends that you don't really – it's hard to get to know people at dance because you literally are – if you're dancing and then the next song comes on, you jump to another person.
And the only times I feel like you – for me, I like to dance throughout the whole night, but the only times you really get to talk to people is maybe if you both take a water break at the same time.
But even then, you have like maybe a three-minute time limit and then the next song comes on, you're like, oh, I want to dance with someone else now, right?So it's like you don't really get to know them.
I mean, you and I, we start to get to really know each other because we were texting back and forth about dance and that's how this podcast started, right?So, but now we have a different feeling or a familiarity with each other and comfort.
So it changes things a lot for the better.And I wish more of that can happen.So people in the dance community could know each other more, not just on, it's just really difficult to get to know someone as a human at dance.
You know, I feel like when I first got into, really got, like, really got into fusion, I didn't, I kind of compartmentalized, like, my dance friends.Like, I referred to them as my dance friends, you know?
Like, I have my disc friends, my wrestling friends, I have my lifting friends, I have my dance friends, my podcast friends.You know, it was like little pockets, you know, pockets of people.
But I feel like because that's what I was doing, there wasn't really depth. there, you know, I didn't feel as connected to that, to the, to the community.
And I, and I felt like it wasn't until I started, like, they'd be like, oh, we're having a, you know, we're going to be at this park and there's live music.So we can dance, but we don't have to, right.
Or like, you know, oh, we're going to go, you know, we're going to go to, you know, we're going to go to this restaurant.We're going to go to this, you know, this, this, this bar that stays open late.
Like when we started doing those things or, oh, there's a house party or like, you know,
we're gonna be playing you know we're gonna play you know pool or poker or whatever it is like those kind of extra activities started opening up those oh yeah actually actually I actually like these people these are like these people are kind of cool you know and like
I think from there, I felt more of like a sense of belonging, more of a sense of like, oh, I'm supposed to be here.I want to be here.Even if I don't feel like dancing, I want to be here because the people here care.
And usually because of that, even if my mood wasn't really dancing before, by the end of the night, it's like, OK, I'm going to get some in.I'm going to get some dances in.
And you start to really see people in their journey grow, and you care about like, where they are and you care about them as people, not just like, oh, okay, I see you at the dance and that's it, bye.
Yeah, I think that's how I noticed just in life that when you have simple repeated moments, so it could be like happy hour, it could be, well, you and I are trying to plan a dancer's event at the beach, although the weather's starting to cool down now, but where, yeah, you can dance, but you also have room to eat, socialize, or have a potluck, things like that, where
I know they say there's a dance community but when you said that sense of belonging and that extra care you have for each other and that's where and you know someone could be going through something and you're just talking to them on the sidelines being like oh you know and just being seen and being heard and that's where I think that's where I see the community really start to form yeah yeah that part um oh is there a point that you felt like you
identified with the dance community?Or do you feel like that's something you're still searching for something you're still looking for?
Yeah, I still feel like I'm a bit of a lone wolf.But I also feel like that's how I am in life sometimes.So I think it, you know, they're like, I'm an independent woman.So
And I've always done things on my own, you know, like I am.
I'm sorry.Go ahead.Go ahead.
And also, I don't really have dance friends, like in my, like, OG group, right?So you're like, okay, here we go.
I'm starting to see the same faces now, and so I think over time, give it a few more months, it'll be like, hey, so-and-so, I actually know your name now, and kind of keep up with what's been happening since the last month since I've seen them.
So I still feel I'm in the, oh, I'm going to a house party that I kind of know of some people, but that's it, but I don't feel You know, I feel like I'm just now, I don't want to say just now, but I feel like
The difference maker was trying to remember names, like to really be intentional remember names, like because I would always do this thing where I'd be like, Oh, I'm sorry I'm not good at names right and I think a lot of people do it and it's a natural thing because sometimes it's really hard to remember 1001 people's names.
when I stopped or tried to be really intentional to say, no, I'm going to remember names.I'm going to lock in.Whether I do or not, I think that extra effort is subconsciously reminding me to, oh, no, care about these people.
Ask these people about how they're doing.Follow up with it.And then I'm like, oh, OK.Oh, you were I learned that it's easier to remember when you have some kind of context, some kind of story, some kind of something about them.
Like, oh, you're from the East Coast, and you have a Attack on Titan sweatshirt that's really cool.Or like, oh, you love Wu-Tang Clan.I'm like, OK, we can connect on that.We can talk about that, right?We can talk about the Wu, right?We can do that.
When you have those little things kind of connect, I think it makes it easier to follow up and ask about how they're doing.And then what I found is people will typically do the same, right?
They may not remember your name instantly, but then they're like, oh, no, they remember my name.Now I want to remember their name. They asked me about this thing.Now I want to ask them about this thing and vice versa.
And it's like, it's not just like, oh, I do this and then they do it to me.It's like, I do this to someone else and then they do it to someone else.And because they did it to someone else, it just, it passes on, you know?
And everyone starts to kind of like pick up on that.Like, oh, like, let me, let me check in with them outside of just dance stuff.Granted, I also have those times where I forget and I'm just like, hey, I'm just here to dance.
I don't want to hear about your grandma.I don't want to hear about her cat.I don't need to know what's going on.Like, I'm not, I'm not, I don't want small talk.I want to dance.I want to sweat.Let's go.I, you know what I realized.
I'm good at faces, I'm terrible at names, but one thing that actually helped me remember people's names is... So sometimes when I dance with someone, I'll record a video because I'm like, I just want to look back and see the steps and stuff.
And usually, sometimes they'll be like, hey, can you send me a video of that? That's how it happened with us actually.
And then you go like, hey, put your name and your info, your contact info on my phone and I'll send you the video on WhatsApp or like Telegram.That's how I remember like that is the person I dance with and it's seared in my mind.
Yeah.You know how I remembered your name?Okay.So here's the thing.Here's the thing, right? I love Avatar, The Last Airbender, if that's not apparent, it will be abundantly so.I am a big fan.It is just art.
And so, I remember when we had danced, I don't remember the song, but I remember when we danced, I was like, oh, this is like, I'm getting Airbender vibes, right?And I was like, okay, cool, cool, cool.
And then when you said your name, I was like, OK, Trang rhymes with Aang.So I was like, Aang, airbending, right?So I was like, that's how I remembered.So I was like, OK, I was like, airbending, right?That's the feel, that's the flow.
Aang, but then there's a T. So I would do this arrow thing, because Aang has arrows.So I was just building this system of like, OK, I got to remember, and this is how. That's how I remembered your name.
And that's how, like to this moment, to this very moment, when I think of your name, I think of this little bald kid with the, you know, arrows.But it's in the best way, in the best way possible.Okay.In the absolute best way possible.
It works.Good to know that's how you remember my name.
Because I was like, oh, we have, we got airbender vibes.Okay.I'm here for it.Like a fellow, a fellow air nomad.We're here.I love it.
Yeah, I think also another thing that's cool about going to dance socials when you start seeing the same faces again is, well, that where you're like, oh my gosh, hey, Johnny, or hey, blah, blah, blah.
The excitement because you know you enjoy dancing with them.One thing, one other thing I wish in a way now that I've been to a few dance socials
that they had that existed was for people that want to grow and improve, there was a feedback form or a QR code people could scan to be like, if you want some constructive feedback for the dancers, whether it's a lead or follower or for the dance venue, be like, this is what I love.
This is what I think could improve.Or if there's water, that'd be nice.Or even the DJ, be like, I love this. song selection or I wish there were it was a more variety just so they know because I mean like without feedback you you wouldn't know.
Yeah that's that's very true.I think like when I when I really got better at at Salsa Machata it was during a time where I was like yo I want to let me just ask people like what are things that what's one or two things that I can do to improve?
And when I started doing that, I was like, oh, OK, cool.This thing comes up a lot.Like, maybe I'm too forceful.Maybe I need to be a little less forceful, right?Maybe I need to not whip a person around and gently guide them through the motion.
And so I was like, OK, cool.That's a good feedback point.Or another was like, sometimes the footwork that I do would throw them off.
So I was like, OK, maybe I need to disengage before I do that so they don't feel like they have to keep up with that or they have to do that or something like that, right?And I feel like that made a difference. But it's not always apparent.
I think sometimes that, you know, maybe we need feedback or that we need to hear like hey, let's try, try this instead of that.
I would love if we had some kind of like, you know, some kind of way to just have like, hey, like, let's just have open, honest feedback.That's not, you know, it's not malicious, right?But it's constructive.
It's like, hey, this is something that I think would help improve your dances or something that I would personally like, because I think everyone is a little bit different.And at the same time, there are some things that come up again and again.
So when you see those patterns, you see those trends like, oh, maybe I do need to work with that.Maybe like what I hear in the music is not something that's clear to my partner.
And instead of me just like kind of forcing them to follow that trail, like saying, okay, maybe let's split a little bit so I can do my thing real quick.And then we come back so that they're not lost and confused.
Yeah, I, you know, would be cool if there was a dance social, and there was maybe one minute of pause after the song's done of silence, where the dancers can give each other feedback.
And then maybe 30 seconds and then be like, Thank you so much.And that's all you say.And then next song plays.And then yeah,
Like a, like a, like a speed, not speed dating, but like speed, speed feedback.Like, ooh, that, that's actually kind of fire.I actually really liked that a lot.
That's like, I feel like by the end of that, you, you, you have improved so much and you have so much feedback.
And once you get feedback, let's say from the first dancer, you maybe won't create that.You won't do that for the next dancer.It won't come up.
But I do agree with you if there's three, four dancers that are going to be saying like, hey, I wish you did this more, or I really couldn't feel this from you, or the connection, or I'm confused at where you're leading me because I can't feel anything.
know, that means I need more tension from you, from your arms, or yeah, your hands, then that's probably somewhere, you know, that you could probably improve on.
Yeah, yeah.Especially like, you know, because we've been talking about a lot of the, you know, the things that would have helped us as beginners.What is something that you would say is something to look forward to as a beginner.
Like one of those things you're like, Ooh, this makes all of this worth it.This is something to like, to hold up, to hold out for, like for dear life.I have an answer for that, but like, I don't know what yours is.
You mean like, Oh, you know, why should I keep continuing to do this?
Like, why go through the struggle?Like, why pay so much to go to classes and gas money and showing up at these things where you're like, ah, I am alone.Or maybe not, maybe you have some friends with you, right?
But like, what's a good why for someone?
Ooh, this is a good question because it kind of segues into, I think, mental health as well.And I think for me, it started off with curiosity, right?
And knowing that it's going to be kind of messy in the beginning, I knew that, like anything new you start, it's going to be messy.And you just kind of, I just thought to myself, like, okay, I know I'm getting a little better.
I'm just frustrated and patient right now.But I also see that there are other people that are kind of in the same boat as me.
And I have to remind myself to keep focusing on my progress and not comparing myself to the people that are really good already, right?But it started off with curiosity.
And I think because it's a workout, it's exercise, I noticed it started improving my mental health.It started bringing like a little bit of that excitement and reinvigoration back in my life.And just having that feeling made me be like, okay,
even though I kind of suck today, I'm going to try again and maybe it'll even be more reinvigorating or I'll have more of a high.And maybe I just need to go to a different dance place or try out something else.
So I think that curiosity and that feeling of excitement is what kept me going when I felt not so great.
That's a good one.There's something that you said I wanted to just like, like, pull that pull that word out.You said, like, about comparing yourself to others. It's like, yo, we're all on a different journey.We're all on a different path.
I mean, like the reasons that you got into dance or how you found dance are as different as anyone else's.And I think sometimes we can like forget that it takes time to get good at something.
And even when you're, when you feel like, or like, even when you're good, there's always room for improvement.There's always like a level higher than the level that you're at.And so it's very easy to get,
discouraged and to be discontent when you're looking at how everyone else is doing.Like, you're like, oh, this person who I started with maybe, they're like, they're miles ahead.But like, one, you don't know like what they had to do to get there.
Two, you don't know how they even feel about their dancing.Three, like your journey, your story is not over, right?And like, and there's plenty of other reasons, but I think one of the main ones is like,
you're trying to figure out and find your own expression.Whether you're sticking with a particular style or fusion, you're still trying to find your own expression.Like there's still your way of doing things.
And I think for me, one of the most rewarding things is feeling like I have kind of a sense of, I wanna say sense of identity, because my identity isn't in dancing.Like dancing is something I do, but it's not who I am.But figuring out the,
This is my brand of dancing.This is how I can let my personality out in what I'm doing is such a refreshing.It's like finally figuring out how to speak a language, but it's your language. It's like, it's not anyone else's.
It's like, okay, I know, I know the moves.I know the, you know, I learned the terms and the twists and this, that, and the third, but now I know which ones I don't really need.Not, it's good to know.You should know it.You should learn it.
But like, these are the things that are, that are, that are me.These are the things that, that are, that are what I want to emphasize.These are the things that I want to bring to the table.
You know, it's like, this is, this is my voice and this is how I want to, I want to express it. And there's nothing like it.There's nothing like having that realization that you're like, I have a rock.Even if you're like, oh, I can still work.
My turns can be sharper.I'm like, maybe I got to bring another stick of deodorant.You know what I'm saying?Out here in the social.You're like, oh, I know for sure there's places that I can improve, right?That I can improve.
But knowing that you're getting to that point of like, OK, true self-expression, that is just full.
Oh, you know what?I love that answer because it is finding and discovering the language of your body.
And as a woman, and I've known, I know other women feel this way too, or get to a point, it takes time, but ladies, you get in touch with your body in a way where, okay, I grew up as a tomboy.
So now people see me like the feminine side of me and dance, but outside of dance, I'm not.I'm just like someone in a baggy t-shirt and yoga pants, right?But it made me really get in touch with my feminine side and it took for like
that took me years, decades to get to.And being able to appreciate the body and also learning how to be sensual with yourself.And again, it's kind of like that identity of how to express yourself through your body's language.I love that, love that.
For anyone listening and thinking like, oh, I'm not talented.I was not naturally born with dancing abilities. I met a guy that had two left feet.
And he told me that there was a program where Arthur Murray, where they teach you to be a ballroom instructor. and they pay for you to do that.
And he said in his cohort that he was learning, he was the worst out of all of them, like terrible, terrible.I remember asking like, how did you, so how did they teach you?He said, brute force. Just footwork, drilling footwork.It's a sport, right?
So they drilled footwork into him over and over, recorded videos.He had to watch it over and over again.And now he's a ballroom instructor.
So for those who are thinking, I am not naturally born talented like that, it's a skill that you can learn just like this guy that I met.
That's a fact, that's a fact, yeah.
And okay, to finish off, what is one piece of advice or a couple pieces of advices that you would give to someone who is starting out in dancing or they're curious in doing this dance social scene?
I'd say find good people.If you have friends who are in it, that's like an easy thing, but then ask them, who are the good people?Not good, like, oh, they're good dancers.They're proficient in skill.
Good, like, they're people who are going to look out for you, people who are going to check in on you, people who are going to be there to just like, oh, I'm having an off night.And they're like, you know what?Here, let's dance.
Let's just have a fun one.No rules, whatever.Let's just connect.Let's focus on that.
that's gonna make probably the biggest difference because most of the reason that people do it is because of the people you know we go to one event over another because we're like oh i like this crowd over that crowd i like the feel of this room over that room and even if the music is music is good right and like you know the location is good the venue is great but the people aren't
It's like, it's just going to make a difference.So I would say, look for and find good people.Of all of the other things, focus on that if there's one thing that you focus on.
At least for me, I think that was one thing I was like, yeah, this made a difference.
Yeah, good people, good crowd.I'm trying to think about what it was like for me when I started out solo.
I think if you have a dance friend or someone to kind of go through with, that helps a lot, especially just to be like, OK, we're going to be crappy together tonight.It's all good. If it's a bit more comfortable, also take classes like group classes.
However, and that's how you meet other people and they'll kind of connect you to other things and be like, oh, have you tried this?Like I'm coming.I'm going to on Friday.You want to come kind of like that.Also taking private classes is.
One of the things that helped me the most, I feel like if you take one private class from a great instructor, that's like taking five group classes.You just learn so much more.
And I noticed the leads that I feel like are strong leads, they usually have taken privates or they've been dancing for a long, long time.
And also people, most of the time, they're there at dance socials that are, they're there to help and give pointers too.You can feel free to ask and be like, hey, do you have any feedback for me?Or I'm new.
You know, if you say you're new, most likely people are going to be super friendly and welcoming because we were all there at one point.But just know that you don't have to be scared.
It's okay to feel sucky in the beginning, but people are really there to, for the most part, like to help you and they do care.
If you're new in your dance journey and you have private questions for us, or maybe there's an area we can help you out and give you advice in, feel free to reach us at fusiondancepodcast.gmail.com.
And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or give us a follow and a five-star rating on Apple and Spotify.
You can follow us on social media at Fusion Dance Podcast, and I'll be including all that info down below in the show notes.So with that, Thank you so much.Thank you, Kalen, for also being here with us.And we will see you next time.Peace.
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