Total 2 episodes

27/09/2020Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Ep 105: The Hormones Behind Bonding, Relationships, and Sex

Dr. Larry J. Young, author of The Chemistry Between Us and researcher at Emory, joins Andy to discuss the hormones that drive humans (and animals!) to form deep bonds with each other. Plus, how increasing your teen’s oxytocin could be the key to creating a sociable adult.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesIt can sometimes be worrying when our teenagers struggle to form bonds with other teens. As our kids get older, we want to make sure they’re able to form positive relationships with others so that they can move successfully through college, thrive in the workplace, become president of the United States… or whatever great things they plan to do!So what can you do when your teenager is struggling to connect or even choosing to isolate themselves, playing video games all day instead? You might feel like something’s gone wrong, or that you’ve made a mistake as a parent. Don’t fear, however. With a little scientific exploration, we can get to the bottom of how teens connect with one another, so that you can guide your teen towards better social habits.Our guest today, Dr. Larry Young, is an expert on the hormones that help teens forge and maintain relationships. He’s a professor, leading researcher on social behaviors, and the author of The Chemistry Between Us: Love, Sex, and the Science of Attraction. He’s here today to delve into the science behind teenagers’ interactions, and how parents can help their kids find social success.In order to examine how teenage brain chemistry affects their ability to socialize, Larry began by studying a subject he knew well: wild animalsSurvival StrategiesDr. Young grew up on a farm, and was always interested in what we could learn about friendships, relationships, and sexual behavior from the behaviors of different animals. In his research, he found that there was a lot of variation amongst different species--and that the same was true for humans.To aid his research on relationship and bonding hormones in humans, Larry spent nearly 25 years studying the mating patterns of voles: small, stocky rodents similar to field mice. He found that unlike many species of animals (and similarly to humans), prairie voles are socially monogamous creatures, who form lasting pairs and raise their young together.For these prairie voles, monogamy provides extra protection and resources for their litter by having both parents around. This ensures that offspring will have a safer upbringing, allowing them to get a head start when it comes to surviving in the world.However, Richard was surprised to find in his research that another, almost identical species of voles adopts the exact opposite strategy. Instead of forming monogamous pairings, males of this species tend to be loners and bachelors, while females often abandon their offspring as early as two months old. For these voles, leaving youngsters to fend for themselves is the chosen strategy to raise a successful litter. Despite being very similar to prairie voles, these voles have their own way of raising kids that doesn’t follow the same rules.This goes to show that not all of us adopt the same survival strategies--and that’s ok. There’s variability in what brings about a successful, happy individual. Some teens are more likely to fend for themselves, while others are more inclined to find a partner or a pack. Similarly, no parenting strategy is perfect, and each of us approaches situations with different perspectives. In the episode, Larry speaks further about how variability presents itself in the wild and amongst humans .Although we’re all different, we all have similar hormones in our brains, informing us on how to attract mates, take care of others and ensure our safety. Learning about these hormones can help us understand our teen’s behavior, and nudge them towards being a little more social. Larry focuses on two of these hormones: Oxytocin and Vasopressin.How Oxytocin Helps Teens Socialize SuccessfullyWhen it comes to forming bonds, one of our brain’s most active hormones is oxytocin. This powerful chemical is what is released in a mother’s brain when she gives birth, the hormone that causes her to care deeply for her child. Throughout the child’s youth, when she engages in nurturing behavior, she releases oxytocin into both her own brain and the brain of her child.Larry explains how kids who may have received lots of skin to skin contact, or heard their parents’ voice consistently throughout childhood have higher levels of oxytocin in their brains, even into adulthood. According to Larry’s research, teens who have these increased oxytocin levels may be more socially capable and confident. For example, politicians are known to have brains with high levels of oxytocin, allowing them to be charming and likeable.For those with lower oxytocin levels, communicating and creating strong relationships can be a little more difficult. Richard discusses how those with low oxytocin have a harder time reading others’ emotions and may not always have an easy time socializing. When a teen appears to have lower oxytocin levels, this is not necessarily the parents’ fault, Dr. Young emphasizes--often times this is out of anyone’s control. It could be caused by small cumulative, cultural factors, or just occur naturally in a person’s brain.If you feel that maybe your teen isn’t experiencing the highest levels of oxytocin, then Dr. Young shares some tips in the episode to help your teenager boost their social abilities to ensure that they’re socially capable and comfortable as they approach adulthood.Now that we’ve discussed oxytocin, let’s look at another significant hormone developing in your adolescent: vasopressin.Vasopressin and EffectsIf oxytocin allows individuals to become more nurturing, Vasopressin is the hormone that causes them to become protective. It’s particularly high in males, as it’s linked to testosterone. It’s the behavioral motivation for males to guard property, children or even their partners.Has your teenage son seem to have developed tendencies that border on violence or aggressiveness? Does he seem a little more possessive than he used to be, getting ticked off when you go in his room or move his things? That’s likely due to increased levels of vasopressin.Richard expresses how important this hormone is to the process of mating; it’s key to bonding females and males together. Although it’s stronger in men, it’s active in females as well, and it's part of what makes people fall in love. That means that if your teenager has begun dating and seems inseparable from their new “friend”.... it’s the hormones at work.Richard talks more specifically about the effects of vasopressin in the episode. Although it may cause a sudden shift in teenage behavior, it’s a perfectly normal part of puberty. By understanding the hormones at work in your teen’s brain, you’ll be more equipped to handle them at their worst, so you can raise them to be their best.In the Episode…Beyond hormones, there’s a lot we can learn from Larry about how teens form relationships and understand one another. His research spans many different topics, and he’s been in the field of behavioral science research for quite a while! We talk about:Whether ...

# AdolescenceThe developmental stage characterized by the transition from childhood to adulthood, marked by hormonal changes and social challenges.

# Parenting Tips # Hormones # Socialization # Dr. Larry J. Young

05/04/2020Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Ep 79: How “Manhood” is Hurting Our Boys (and Girls!)

Dr. Michael Kimmel, author of the NYT bestselling Guyland, speaks with Andy to discuss boys, men, and everything in between. Masculinity doesn’t have to be “toxic” but the way we teach (or don’t teach) our boys about what it means to be a “man” has dire consequences for us all.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notes“Boys will be boys,” right? Unfortunately, the playing field of masculinity in society today is more dangerous than you might believe. From hazing gone wrong, to depression and suicide, to jail time, the consequences of not understanding masculinity and what it means to be a man can be dire. It can literally be a matter of life or death for some.Not only are young men harming others by learning harmful behaviors, such as not processing emotions and being overly aggressive, but they’re also hurting themselves. They’re limiting themselves by acting in ways that were dictated to them by media, pop culture, their peers, and older men who perpetuate a “traditional” sense of masculinity.Growing into adulthood is hard enough for anyone, but there can be a particularly toxic mindset when it comes to teenage boys. Leaving our teenage boys and young men completely unchecked is not a healthy way to raise them. When boys transition into manhood in their late teens, they’re forced to figure out what it means to “be a man” on their own. The late high school, college, and early adult years are perceived to be a proving ground for young men, and they’ll go out of their way to show off their machismo in order to be accepted by their friends.These rituals, such as hazing and initiations into social groups, have become dangerous, harmful, and completely unnecessary elements of masculinity in society today. Binge drinking, experimenting with illicit substances, and physically dangerous tasks are usually dictated to them by their peers or by other young men who are only a year or so older than they are. And no one is talking about manhood, so the question remains: what does it mean to be a man?This is an important question for any parent raising a young man. For the answers, I turned to Michael Kimmel, the man to reference when it comes to understanding men. Author of Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men and books on masculinity and gender, Kimmel is dedicated to dissecting the world boys grow up in and revealing how and why boys are impacted by the idea of “manhood.”Trying to Define ManhoodIn this week’s interview, Kimmel notes that at the beginning of the 20th century, there was a clear cut distinction between when someone was a child and when someone was an adult, and that distinction usually came at 14 years old. They went straight to work as an apprentice, assisting in their family business, or if they had the means, left home to pursue higher education.Today, the transition from child to adult is not as quick. The term “adolescence” was coined to describe the gradual process of growing into adulthood, starting at about 14 and continuing into one’s early twenties. Kimmel claims adolescence and early manhood have blended together. Because of the lack of a clear demarcation between “young boy” and “young man”, masculinity in society today has turned this stage of youth into an unstructured, unsupervised playground to show off their “manliness”.Kimmel notes that when it comes to parenting boys, parents often take a hands-off approach. Although there is a sense of freedom given, young boys experience a sense of being lost and unsure of the road ahead. This is particularly true in American culture where young men are “self-governing.” Kimmel notices that it's usually the younger men, such as the team captain or the president of the fraternity house, who call the shots within their peer group. Young American men don’t have the same positive influence from masculinity in society today compared to other cultures and countries.Without learned guidance from older, more experienced men, young men often learn harmful tropes about masculinity in society today from porn, movies, and pop culture because those are the most accessible mediums to gather information from. It’s crucial for adults—especially parents—to step in and guide young men on this journey and influence them in an empowering, positive manner so they don’t hurt themselves or others in the process of growing into adulthood.Consequences of Toxic MasculinityIn our conversation, Kimmel deconstructs the concept of masculinity in society today and lays it bare. Young men are traditionally taught to be in control. When they feel emasculated, they feel they have to reestablish their status in order to regain respect and control of a situation. This is known as the “alpha male” mentality.The “alpha” mentality is a slippery slope and can lead into truly unsavory and dangerous ways of expressing masculinity in society today. Specifically, toxic masculinity leads to a sense of entitlement, and entitlement feeds into other toxic ways of thinking, such as racism, sexism, and nationalism. Tune in to this week’s episode to hear Michael and I discuss at length how masculinity in society today has created a sense of entitlement in young men.When insecure men feel threatened by women in the workforce, the men assert their dominance by acting out in ways that are misogynistic and unfair. Why? Because insecure men feel entitled to being the sole presence in a company or even in an entire industry. The mere presence of women threatens their grip of controlThis sense of entitlement bleeds into the issue of race and nationality when it comes to masculinity in society today. When insecure men feel threatened by the presence of immigrants, they act out by saying things like “This is my country” and “Go back to where you came from.” This stems from a toxic sense of entitlement to a country and what they believe to be their rightful land. Insecure men feel like the presence of “outsiders” threatens and challenges their power and sense of control.Let’s face it, men have been in control for the longest and have benefitted the most. It’s important to teach teenage boys and young men that although there is nothing wrong with embracing your manliness, masculinity in society today should go hand in hand with using your strength as young men to help lift others instead of break people down.Kimmel argues that the norm for masculinity in society today is to encourage breaking others down in order to only build themselves up. Another topic we touched on is about hazing and how the basis of hazing is humiliation. If young men used as much of their strength to empower their peers instead of break them down, the world would probably be a different place.How do I Teach Positive Masculinity?When raising children, you want them to be compassionate, fair, and honest people. And that goes for everyone, no matter their gender. When it comes to raising young boys who will eventually become young men, it’s imperative to instill respect and kindness in them. This week’s episode explores ways to do exactly that.Embracing masculinity is not a bad thing. There are so many ways to positively influence and uplift teenage boys and young men. However, there is work that has to be done to unlearn...

# AdolescenceA transitional stage of development between childhood and adulthood, now recognized as extending from around age 14 to early twenties, characterized by significant psychological and social changes.

# Parenting # Empowerment # Masculinity # Toxic Masculinity # Dr. Michael Kimmel

# adolescenceRelated Episodes

# adolescenceRelated Episodes

# AdolescenceThe developmental stage characterized by the transition from childhood to adulthood, marked by hormonal changes and social challenges.

# AdolescenceA transitional stage of development between childhood and adulthood, now recognized as extending from around age 14 to early twenties, characterized by significant psychological and social changes.