In which our heroines do what all good children do: Shave a dwarf bald and then stand by as a bear kills him.

In which our heroine demonstrates that you should NEVER Robinson Crusoe a story without a damn good way to end it, which Robinson Crusoe absolutely DOES NOT DO CAUSE ITS A CRAP BOOK.

In which our hero finally learns his lesson.

In which our hero gets the authorities to roust out a bunch of unhoused people from their home where they were sleeping soundly, not bothering anyone, cause he's a total complete, unrepentant asshole. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xnvevABp-5FjZkZD2kO14PmSNEpn8t6v/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

Be nice to your elders, kids, or you'll be stuck with a frog on your face FOREVER.

In which our heroes have to deal with an unreasonable father.

In which our heroines plays the name game.

In which our heroine just absolutely REFUSES to stand up for herself.

In which our heroine asks for a head with hair. Long, beautiful hair. Shining, golden, flaxen, waxen.

In which our heroine goes hippie, and we get the most abrupt nonsensical ending to a story.

In which our hero mercilessly destroys a man's life, but for a good reason.

In which our hero is just a huge, raging, unrepentantly terrible, asshole. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/18nMuLcaSH9DAA-8ZCSUe_chUmeCVASkN/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes lament a lost child.

In which our heroes HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER THIS IS THE MOST MESSED UP STORY YOU WILL EVER HEAR AND IT WAS MEANT FOR KIDS WHAT IN THE BLUE HELLS WAS GOING ON IN GERMANY

In which a turn up has very little to do with anything, and in which a rich man is, predictably, an asshole to everyone he meets.

In which our heroine learns to take extra care with strangers, even flowers have their dangers, and though scary is exciting, nice is different from good.

In which everyone just needs to CHILL OUT AND BE HAPPY WITH THEIR LOT IN LIFE AND QUIT TRYING TO SHAKE UP THE STATUS QUO OKAY?

In which our hero makes a name for himself.

In which our heroine, does what mothers do best: makes sacrifices to ensure her kids have the BEST life.

In which our heroes have a nice, quiet, little storytime. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1j3vXMgvxls3jdRu4HhwPb5_5yLAwdCp5/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero has just the best life that any kid has ever wanted, or dared to dream.

In which our heroes just do some random stuff and then disappear.

In which our heroine gets a serious case of the vapors.

In which our hero's father learns that you can be a selfish, petty, cruel father, and still get all the gold and jewels in the world when your son marries rich, because what the hell even is justice?

In which our heroes learn that violence is not the answer. Violence is the question. The answer... is yes.

In which our heroine does the bare minimum to being a decent person, and is rewarded beyond the wildest dreams of everyone who has ever lived.

In which our heroine kitbashes a costume.

In which our hero isn't a therapist, but he plays one on a podcast. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1TgVnYJwUp8vPMBO6OhsUfEO9r3xZm8Ix/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes make a deal. I'm sure everything will go exactly right.

In which our heroine makes a wish

In which our hero's life is expounded on at great length.

In which our hero, in the parlance of the Wheel of Time, wakes from the dream. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rcr2uhSBVTEG1rIDpnuTf6jfX6U58Zk8/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

Here's some get hype bonus content. This is

In which our hero does some Marble Hornets Reenactments Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/169dvHj_oPRwflRJFglw4iWrUii7eObYO/view?usp=sharing The Wheel of Time, After Time: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/after-time/ Support the Beatson Cancer Research Institute: https://www.williammeikle.com/theunspoken.html Feel free to check out Podurama and listen to my show there! Http://Podurama.com The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero minds his decisions. (That's a YouTube math joke. Look it up.) Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xSE7HBSIgane5NKjwSmO-f-DTEjyrOa1/view?usp=sharing The Wheel of Time, After Time: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/after-time/ Support the Beatson Cancer Research Institute: https://www.williammeikle.com/theunspoken.html Feel free to check out Podurama and listen to my show there! Http://Podurama.com The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero pays lip service to his lady love. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1D6pNY-wQuAztdhFazGruZGLrBccATUmr/view?usp=sharing Support the Beatson Cancer Research Institute: https://www.williammeikle.com/theunspoken.html Feel free to check out Podurama and listen to my show there! Http://Podurama.com The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero plays a round of golf and gets a good night sleep. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uoaEQNAh-yCe_GrZnDO8fraJgViTEXG8/view?usp=sharing Support the Beatson Cancer Research Institute: https://www.williammeikle.com/theunspoken.html Feel free to check out Podurama and listen to my show there! Http://Podurama.com The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero takes a pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, along a briny beach. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1g5m9bMZaDEoVbnM32KEuji0xgXiSOAiR/view?usp=sharing Support the Beatson Cancer Research Institute: https://www.williammeikle.com/theunspoken.html Feel free to check out Podurama and listen to my show there! Http://Podurama.com The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero does a little marine biology Transcript of the episode: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wvtS-T4mu2fN1moENaUJOUiecL9f2wng/view?usp=sharing Support the Beatson Cancer Research Institute: https://www.williammeikle.com/theunspoken.html Feel free to check out Podurama and listen to my show there! Http://Podurama.com The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero does his best interpretation of I Corinthians 13:12 Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/10VitFWMp0lNrqjFoEB0-3_4VEKHNsCTr/view?usp=sharing Feel free to check out Podurama and listen to my show there! Http://Podurama.com The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroine goes in for some art restoration Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WdV9WoWDvUdIG1T-wOugvYAbAfdKfW_N/view?usp=sharing Feel free to check out Podurama and listen to my show there! Http://Podurama.com The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero is mocked by Deadpool for not counting Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_mzn-omQuh-7NaZ5a9e6Jc-TsxxWQNGf/view?usp=sharing Feel free to check out Podurama and listen to my show there! Http://Podurama.com The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero encounters surprise. Surprise and fear. Fear and surprise. And Ruthless efficiency. And an almost fanatical devotion to the pope. And nice red uniforms... Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Y8TDXjMBy8VINFB0x3LERnYDCfqfLnpf/view?usp=sharing Feel free to check out Podurama and listen to my show there! Http://Podurama.com The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which we get to know our hero really REALLY well. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1p6DR0fI6VuaFgv8qetu_kq4pvRhyY2_u/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero, after a bout of Dickensianism, conducts a little sociology Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GL6QTVYgy6ZZE_gmtjKmkX6-BpBhWnII/view?usp=drive_link The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero has an experience.   Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1i42DGdYx-xbQudAlBTiHf6udsGm39PSK/view?usp=sharing   Follow Claire on Twitter: @PitsOfDesclaire Instagram: @Claire.B.Watson Please consider supporting The Small Trans Library: https://smalltranslibrary.org/

In which our heroes, in the tradition of adults in fiction since time immemorial, do not listen to the children.   Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1paGTgeG506YkNGL84aP5QpLvJtHC8r1X/view?usp=sharing   Content warning: There is some racism in this story. It is the opinion of the Weird Tales Podcast that racism is wrong no matter when it happens, or the circumstances of same. Furthermore, to ignore it, or to plaster over it is to do a disservice to those who have fought against it, and those who have suffered under it.   Follow Eastgate on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@EastgateAudio   And on Twitter: https://twitter.com/EastgateAudio