I remember when I was young I was put out by the fact that I really wanted to be in a place of management yet I always had to start at the bottom. This feeling has gone on for many men for centuries. There are those who think they deserve to be in a higher position than where they are. They don't have the skills to even contemplate the amount of work that actually takes. Many workers only see that the Managers don't do the manual labor of that industry. They don't see all of the other tasks that a manager has to do for their job. This is also why from time to time when someone is promoted the great worker makes a lousy manager. They focus on what they think a manager does instead of what a manager actually does. The problem with this thinking Nobody owes you anything You have to prove yourself victim-oriented Scarcity oriented You have to have skills You learn these skills from that position that you are in to have the block needed to climb to the next level. You have to show that you are dependable These skills allow you to be efficient at the next level of your profession. This is why the CEO gets paid more than the receptionist. How do you get into higher positions? Have a goal in mind Know that it's not instant If and when you screw up you will need to add some time to your deadline. Work as if it is all you can do ask for more responsibility Take on other tasks that you see needing to be done. This goes for you starting your own business You may think that running your own business means for a while you get to choose your own hours and you can have 4 day weekends and other luxuries while the money just rolls into your account. Yet that is the farthest from the case The Different Hats There are many different hats that you have to wear as a new business owner. Many think it's sunshine and rainbows shortly after starting. Yet that isn't the case. Many see yeah getting started is hard but that's actually the easy part. Keeping the momentum going is where the work actually happens. This is the problem with the Tech Industry They go out and make a business that has to have venture capital and don't even think of how to monetize their product. They get angel investors to throw millions or even billions of money at them and then you see the founders running around in fancy cars and huge executive suites without actually getting the other needed skills to effectively run the business. Sign up for a Discovery Call

It is time to review I was thinking of what I could do for a 100 episode. I guess I could have really hyped it up and probably should. Was surprised by how fast it went. It feels as if I should be just now hitting episode 50, yet here we are at one hundred. I need to put myself out there more. I don’t step out and talk to people nearly as much as I need to. If I want the business of Relaxed Male to become as successful as I dream it will then I have to start saying more than just, "Hey! How's the weather". Let boys be dangerous Now I knew that boys like to do some downright dumb stuff. Yet watching boys skateboard down a set of stairs or see who can jump the farthest on the neighborhood sketchiest ramp is actually good for boys as they are developing. The need for danger and excitement actually stays with boys as they progress into manhood. We need to answer that call of the wild and go on adventures. Test our skills against nature. Audio gets better when you upgrade When the show started out I just used my phone. It wasn't the best and I knew it wasn't going to be the best as long as I used the phone so I had to et an upgrade in equipment soon. So I ended up picking up a Podtrac P4 by Zoom and I haven't looked back since. I thought of adding some sound effects to the podcast but I really haven't gotten to that point as of yet. My son is more popular than me This is a point of pride for me. One of the most popular episodes I have is the one where my son and I talk. The episode was fun to have and the fact that my son's friends jumped in a listened is quite awesome. I am not sure how many actually stay and listing to other episodes but heck as long as they heard some. I have a lot to learn I know I didn't know much but the more I learn the more I realize how much ignorance I actually had. I am learning so much about myself and about how humans interact with each other. I get that there is no way to know it all but at the same time, I have to take the time to actually invest in myself and the business. So To help me learn more and to accept the learning in a more efficient manner I am going to be taking a Coaching Certification program. This is to help me learn some new tools that will help my men become the strong noble masculine men the world needs them to be. It will also help me come to understand how to actually start making the ask that I shy away from. That there really was a Forrest Gump running around I found this interesting when I came across Timothy Dexter's life. This guy was under-educated and ignorant as the day was long. He couldn't spell or write correctly yet because he tried he succeeded in his dream of becoming wealthy. I am learning more about how men actually talk NOw I know that men talk very differently than boys but as a recovering Nice Guy I have been busy exposing myself to men and I am seeing and coming to understand the difference between how these two subsets of the males of our species actually talk. The fact that I use to talk in a very hymn-haw style showed me how I really wasn't talking in a very effective manner. In fact, I still struggle and have to rephrase my words in a more assertive and direct way of talking. Yeah, I feel as if I am going to step on a toe or two when I do talk this way, yet, I haven't had a complaint one. That I was more of a nice guy than I believed Thanks to Robert Glover and his book No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life I saw myself in way too many instances of the book. especially in the resentment from the lack of sex with my wife. For many years I was thinking it was her fault and come to find out it's because I wasn't being a man. I wasn't being the man who made her feel hot and bothered when she saw me. She saw a guy who was just wanting to sleep with her. That isn't being sexy to my wife that was being a sad creature. So I have really stepped up my game and I am making many changes to who I am and what I do so that I can be the man my wife married. My wife doesn't want fixed I have to stop reading with my elbow. Thinking this or that is something that my wife needs to get changed in her life. So I need to change my life first so that I can inspire my wife to want to make the needed changes. Then offer her the safe space to be uncomfortable as she starts her journey. The marriage is far from perfect Yeah, I have been married for 25 years. Though there haven't been too many huge rocks to cause turmoil in my marriage I do see now that there are a lot of places that I have dodged. These are places where we could come to know each other better. The conflict of learning about my wife has been shoved away because I couldn't handle the emotional rocking of the boat. I worried about what my wife would think, What if it gets too rocky for her and she leaves? There are many questions and what-ifs that actually never happen but because I wasn't confident in myself, so I let many opportunities pass. So my marriage is far from perfect but as you will see I am not giving up. That marriage is worth all the effort Though my marriage isn't perfect and had some tough times, there were some places that It got a little sketchy and could have ended in divorce. Yet it didn't and at 25 years of marriage, I see that marriage is worth the effort. Will it still work out? I don't know, though I would love to think it will. The connection you have with your spouse is one of the greatest connections you will have with another person. I have a lot of work todo Man looking through where I was compared to when this podcast started I see I have made progress yet I also see that I have a long way to go. That I really love coaching I did a test on myself to see if I really was after coaching or if this was just a craze or something. I have often started stuff and soon lost interest in it. I was pretty sure I was really following my calling and so I imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t follow that calling of being a coach for men. The results were pretty compelling. I felt pain and loss when I imagined not going down that path. The sensation was enough to prove to me that this is where I am supposed to be. I have let my schedule get out of hand I have so much to do and so little time. My schedule is out of whack. I have enough time to get some things done but not everything. So this is an area that I have to work on and apply some discipline. Because as my plans kick in more and more I will need to have a tight hold on my schedule. I am not working to kill myself after all but I do want men to take control of their lives and live on their terms Kids are amazing If you have ever sat back and watched kids play, you see humans in their purest form. The boys are rough and tumble and the girls gather into circles. You see all aspects of humans being themselves. This is before the pressure of what if. Kids see the freedom of what if. What if I can jump that ditch. What if I swing all the way around on the swings. What if, and the adventure that it entails is beautiful and amazing. The Red Pill /Men Going Their Own Way Sadly I have become aware of so many men who are giving up on women or just leaving the field of contributing to society. They call it the red pill or Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW). These are men or more specifically Nice Guy's who have decided that the world is against them and that dating or marriage isn't worth the effort. What these men don't realize is that the world's against the Nice Guy. It always has and always will. Manipulating people doesn't work and because these guys want to play the victim card they are packing up their toys and going home, instead of deciding to live life on their terms and have the wife and life they desire. They are letting the world dictate to them that they need to quit. That is absolutely the definition of failure. Our veterans need help Now through this podcasting adventure and actually a little before I had a friend that I talk to on a weekly basis join up with his brother-in-law and together they created a foundation that is setting out to help our veterans overcome the urge to end it all. They are committed to helping get the men and women of our military out into nature and help them mentally reset. They are giving them the needed time off to dump the world off of their shoulders and relax. These guys have created Operation: Tears of the 22. Matt and Rich are setting up a plan that will be able to reach out to our veterans and be a safety net for those who feel as if they have no one to turn to. This is a group of veterans helping our brothers and sisters who are struggling with where they fit in their civilian world and because of that, they believe they can drop the suicide rate of 22 veterans a day. Consistency is the key I have found out that you have to be consistent in what it is that you do. You cant be waffling on what you stand for. If you are going to do a weekly podcast you need to make sure you release it at the same time every time. If you are going to do a blog then release those blog posts and keep the message consistent. Have a vision Do you want to complete some audacious goal? Then you need to have that vision as to what it is you are going to do. What does it look like feel like and smell like when that goal is completed? How are you going to act? How are you going to feel? That is all dependant upon your vision of that goal. If you don't have the vision of the goal then you are going to struggle because you don't see that land before you. You won't have the drive till you know where you are going. So, You have to have the vision. You can love anybody you choose This is a wild one that has come upon me fairly recently. The concept is that you can actually love anybody you choose to. You have that choice of do you want to tolerate them or do you want to simply love them. Now, this is a bit odd coming from a masculinity site I know but that is how much so many men don't fully understand masculinity. Yeah, we love our kids and our wife, but can you love the woman who ditched you and is now getting married to your old best friend? That is a challenge, I agree but it is possible and you can choose to do just that. There is beauty everywhere So many times we get caught up in life that we fail to gather the rosebuds. Yet if you stop you can see beauty in even an old spiderweb. The awe and beauty in an incoming storm. The beauty in your wife struggling to keep it together while the kids are being heathens. There is beauty everywhere and as men, we can and are allowed to appreciate it.

What is burnout Burnout is the loss of drive to do a particular task. Often the act of burning out isn't so much the problem as the effort we put in to try to push through that burnout. As a whole, it is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. It happens when we become overwhelmed by the constant demands of a task. This often happens in an office scenario. Where the team is pushing to complete a project. Burnout often is very prevalent in the crunch for game programmers. What causes burnout? The main culprit is when you are not feeding your soul. The job is just that a job. You don't receive any emotional or mental reward for doing that particular job. When a person is doing a job that is in their Zone of Excellence but not in their Zone of Genius. When you are not in your Zone Of Genius you are often having a bit of resistance at first but as you go that resistance gets greater and greater till you burn out. Problems with burnout Burnout is one of those things that can be a slight irritation or it can even lead to a person's death. Depending on how severe the burnout is. I have seen men who have left their dream job simply because they just can't do it anymore. There is a reason Sunday night and Monday morning are when most suicides occur. Physical problems Take all the problems of stress and happy them here. High blood pressure? Yep Heart problems? Yep Weight gain? Yep Headaches Overall body aches? Yep yep yep Decreased libido? Yes to the limp noodle Mental problems Irritable or even anger Lack of focus sadness and depression Lack of sleep Emotional problems Causes people to seek other forms of escaping Increased alcohol intake Other drugs Affairs How do you avoid burnout? Notice the Signs of Burnout. Lack of motivation Sense of dread when thinking of work Avoiding Burnout Take a break! Take an extended break Mix it up find how to apply your zone of genius to the project Say No Talk to your Band of Brothers Eliminate delegate

Men need violence in their lives. For today's society that sounds almost scary. What! See this is toxic masculinity at its core! Men need to be removed from all of society because they are advocating everything violent. All the wars are fought because of men. Crimes are committed because of men. Well, this isn't exactly the case but the saying, Hard times make strong men strong men make good times  good times make weak men  weak men make hard times. this phrase shows how society has cycles, and those cycles need men who have violence in their lives. So there should be killing going on? Well no not fully to that extent of violence though non-masculine men do resort to that type of violence. When they think they have something to prove. Violence in one's life can mean many different things. It is more about doing stuff aggressively. To have controlled violence in your life is an element all men need for them to be able to maintain the needed strength and to have the calm they desire in their lives. When men don't have struggle and controlled violence in their lives this is where they often will turn to other substances and unhealthy coping mechanisms. This is to buffer the emotional turmoil they are having because they are not venting the violent need in their life Men are built for violence Look at boys at play They are always wrestling and roughhousing. This expels more energy than just running or swinging. They will imitate war when giving the right tools. Be it a stick and a pine cone. They will have machine guns to fight off an invasion or try to recreate the battle of Iwo Jima. Look through history Gladiators In Rome, there were violent competitions that pitted man to man and man versus nature. These were used as a form of sports. This distracted men from their day-to-day grinds. by watching men get eviscerated the violence we see helps with sedating the need for violence in our life. If a man is sedated then he is less likely to talk about any need to rise against any injustices he witnesses. Public executions Public executions also showed that men were always out to see violent events. No matter what their reason why public executions always brought forth huge crowds some as large as 100,000 people would attend if the convict was vile enough. No Boxing in the west Interesting boxing was huge in the east. There was and still is a large turnout for boxing matches in places like Atlantic City. Yet boxing never really took off in the west. Yeah, promoters would try to bring boxing to places like Dodge City and the such yet it never really caught on. Why? My thought is that the men had enough violence in their own life that they didn't need to watch men beat themselves up. Their need for violence was full. Look at Seattle and Portland for when men don't have normal violence in their lives. A recent example of men not having intentional violence in their lives is the young men in the west coast cities of Seattle and Portland. These men have needed manufactured strife in their lives. So they join groups like Antifa. Where they can justify their violent actions against a perceived enemy. They burn buildings hit people with bricks, skateboards, and baseball bats. Sometimes going as far as killing those who went as far as questioning their reasons. Sporting Events From Football to hockey there are men on the field who are interacting violently. This is one-way men try to satiate the need for them to get out and exercise their need for controlled violence Go, Hunting Besides getting outside this allows for men to provide for their family and community by harvesting meat from nature When a man has violence in their life they are more balanced in their mental processes. They are calmer Examples as to when men had satiated their violence Yes, some ignore the need for men to have violence in their lives. The APA even looks at masculinity with the wrong lens. They look at it in a way to try to remove violence from a masculine man when in reality men need to have that violence to stay sane. The Missing Point Doesn't violent men make for unsafe women? No, You are mistaking Unmasculine men with masculine men. An unmasculine man has all the tools for a masculine man. A penis and testicles and the testosterone that comes from this. The strength and muscle mass and added energy that comes from testosterone. The missing point is not knowing how to use this tool correctly. If you are using a hammer to drive a screw in you will do way more damage to the wood than if you were to use a screwdriver. If you are using a knife to pry apart two rocks, you run the risk of breaking the knife. Have a piece of the blade fly back at you and injure yourself. Each tool has a specific purpose and this goes with masculinity. It can be used to destroy or build. The choice is in the man. If a boy has been shown how a noble masculine man acts he will be a credit to society. If a boy grows up without a good and just man in the house he will learn how to use the tools at his disposal by other boys who don't have men in their houses either. When masculinity is correctly applied you have safer women. You also have women who are stronger and more sure of their place and purpose. When there is a masculine man in a woman's life. She doesn't have to strike out at others out of fear How to apply violence into your life Exercise more aggressively Join a Martial Arts Group Find a heavy rock and throw it in the backyard Play sports Get out and go hunting

What are standards? Your standard is a level of quality you accept. Too many people tolerate things below their claimed standards. Maybe it is the incompetence of a co-worker. Your spouses infidelity Examples of low level standards Poor health Over weight Relationships The quality of your friends marriage quality Work relations Career the Level of your income Being skipped over for promotions Why are they important? How do you raise your standards? Set healthy boundaries Voice what is bothering you Why are you allowing substandard living? recognize when you are tolerating the low standards do the work start recognizing your value in the world. raise that value. let go of your limiting beliefs

If you have heard any other episodes or read any of my blog posts you know that I am not a fan of people who are victims. I often say, and rightfully so, victims are not respected because they dont earn anybodies respect. If that is the case then why do so many people turn to the victim mindset? Then you look at todays society and you see people parading around screaming about how they are victims of hate. Victims of white people. Victims of corporations. Victims of Slavery. Victims of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Yeah Peanut butter and jelly sandwich is racist. The whole woke culture is a culture of see who can be victimized the worst and then they want to celebrate the victim. This is sad on one hand because of the absolute absurdity of it all, and horrifying because it is backed by the schools these parents pay for. So what is a victim? A victim is a person who voluntarily gives up their personal power to another person or thing. It is easy We all fall into the victim mindset from time to time so you know how easy it is to be a victim. Yet sadly it is a type of manipulation. You are lying to people saying that it isn't your fault that are in the situation that you are in. Yet if you were to be honest you would see that yes it was your fault for putting yourself into that situation. That is why men will take responsibility for those times that they failed. Those times that they didn't complete the work they were suppose to. Take being late for an event. Many times you will hear that it was traffics fault. When in all reality you left too late. You didn't account for traffic snarls. You didn't properly prepare for your journey. Yeah you may want to take the power you had and delegate it to the inanimate object of the traffic situation. Yet the real power is that you chose to leave too late. It gives immediate acknowledgment Someone will always come and feel sorry for you. They 'Help' you and tend to you and they show you how they are sorry for your hard times. It is comfortable Yes it is comfortable. Some people may try to argue, how being a victim is being comfortable. You think it is comfortable to be taken advantage of? I now dont have enough money to pay rent. This is what happens with the poor. They dont have the mindset to build wealth and then people wonder why they are poor. There is this concept called the upper limit challenge. WHen you exceed your upper limit you will do what ever you can to get back down to a more comfortable level. That is why if you give a poor man a 10 million dollars they will have it spent with in a year. The Victim's perception of worry is drowned out. Why worry about anything when you can have others do the work for you? That is one of the big reasons for playing the victim. it is too uncomfortable to actually fess up to the fact that it is your fault that you are in your own mess. The Victim avoid's responsibility It is always someone else's fault for the problems they are. You will see people complain that their pants are wet and muddy all because they are sitting in a mud puddle, and instead of getting up out of the mud they are handed a new pair of pants and complain about the same thing because they never changed their environment. All that sounds great but why is victim mindsets so bad? Because people get tired of the constant fires they have to put out for you. It is never your fault and so the other person eventually gets tired of the constant crisis and they leave. So the victim then has a real crisis on their hands. Nobody is going to come rescue them so they have to find another person to take care of them. Yet because you are always giving up your power you feel helpless and you starve your soul for what it needs. There for most victims become angry bitter and resentful. Many victims also have a scarcity mindset and do not feel gratitude towards anything they are helped with. There is a charity cycle that many organizations find themselves in when they try to help. At first the victims find themselves happy and grateful for the charitable gifts. Yet each year the gift is given those who come bace are more and more ungrateful and feel entitled to new and better. This cycle happens each time you help a person and not give them the ability to help themselves. Many will fight against helping themselves. They will come across every reason possible so that they dont have to help themselves. Victims can’t grow Because the victim doesn't take responsability and they are looking for people to rescue them, victims miss all the oppertunities available to them that allows them to grow and learn from their mistakes. Because they are usually in a state of scarcity they are often focused on what it is that they dont have instead of seeing all the resources that are available with in their reach. Since they dont want to see and are comfortable in their own misery they dont want to do the work needed to dig themselves out of that hole and to live their wonderful life. If you are wanting to get out of the victim mindset and start living a life of of intention and integrity you can work with me and see how I can help you shed that old lifestyle of misery and live life on your terms.

You have heard of the Laws of attraction right? Some folks don't buy the whole laws of attraction they say it is only skill and discipline. These are the people who also believe that there are times that a person can get lucky. Well, I came across a guy in history who without realizing it applied the laws of attraction and achieved his wants and desires. This guy's name is Timothy Dexter. What is the laws of attraction The Laws of attraction has been around for a long time, but it first came to prominence thanks to Abraham Hicks. Which their whole story is a bit on the woo-woo side and a bit hard to swallow. Yet if you can get past the fake-sounding Romany accent on the tapes the information is pretty good. The Laws are the belief that the universe or God provides you what you truly want. It is all based on your thoughts. If you have a big sales meeting that you are cant be late to. Yet, your belief that something is going to happen so that you are late, Then you will wake up with a flat and your battery is dead. There will be a huge wreck on the way to the meeting. It will seem as if the universe is trying to make you late. If you think and believe that you are going to score that big account you are going to. The Laws of Attraction deal with a lot of visualizations and affirmations. Then add on your belief that you will either succeed or not succeed and the universe will manifest the results you most want to have. So how does Timothy Dexter fit into this? Timothy Dexter was a man who was born in 1747 to a poor farming family, He dropped out of school in the second grade, and at the age of 16 he decided he wanted to become rich. So he left the farming life to become a tanner apprentice. Realizing that he couldn't get rich being a tanner he left the business and married a wealthy widow, Elizabeth Frothingham. With his newfound wealth, he bought a mansion in Newburyport, Ma. Yet he annoyed the others who were of old money because they realized he was weird and very simple in his form of thinking. Yet he still wanted to be richer still. So the Continental Congress, to fund the revolutionary war, had started printing its own money so that they could pay their troops. The problem is that the money wasn't with anything. So the rich society folks of Newburyporttrying to ruin him told him he should go and buy up all the continental dollars because if the US wins their freedom then they will pay back 1% of the value of those dollars. That is precisely what Timothy did. Now many people really didn't believe that the new country had a chance of defeating the most powerful army in the world. When the US lost, all that money Timothy bought would be worthless. Well if you are paying attention to history you know that the US didn't lose and Timothy became even richer. Now what he did with all that extra loot? He builds the most ostentatious mansion in the middle of the rich district of Newburyport. He surrounded it with 40 large wooden statues of who he thought was important men, this included himself. Timothy also bought two ships for his shipping endeavors. Because his "friends" in society were a bit miffed that his bad advice had netted him some large gains. So his business friends suggested that he ship bed warmers to the Caribbean. Thinking that they will not have a use for bed warmers. Except they turned out to be excellent molasses ladles. They also suggested that he send woolen mittens to the same place. Yet They found some Asian traders who bought them all up so they could send them to Siberia. So his ships kept coming back making him richer and his friends even more befuddled and angry. Timothy then gathered up all the stray cats in Newburyport and sent them to the Caribbean only to again succeed because they were in the middle of a rat infestation. He sent bibles to the east indies and made a profit because there were missionaries that needed them. He was also convinced that he needed to buy up all the whalebone. At the time whalebone was losing value fast. YEt when he had a basement packed full of these bones suddenly it became popular for men to wear corsets and they needed all the whalebone they could manage. So again his friends had inadvertently given him an opportunity to make even more money. Now he was quirky and illiterate. Even so, he wrote two books. The first on A Pickle for the Knowing Ones was a 25-page essay with no punctuations. People couldn't understand what he had written because he wrote sort of phonetically. IME the first Lord in the younited States of A mericary Now of Newburyport it is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and so Let it goue Now as I must be Lord there will foller many more Lords pretty soune for it dont hurt A Cat Nor the mouse Nor the son Nor the water Nor the Eare then goue on all is Easey Now bons broaken all is well all in Love Now I be gin to Lay the corner ston and the kee ston with grat Remembrence of my father Jorge Washington the grate herow 17 sentreys past before we found so good a father to his shildren and Now gone to Rest Timothy Dexter - A Pickle for the Knowing Ones Yet they bought the book because they thought it was a joke. His second edition of the book had punctuation. They were all on the last page with instructions to pepper and salt these as you please. So was he a master genius? No, but I do see the laws of attraction in effect. I see his belief that he could make himself a success and the universe or God took his desires and made them real. Notes on Timothy Dexter Today I found out Wikipedia Looking to take control of your life? Brotherhood of Men

There is one thing women absolutely hate and that is the one thing society has pushed on men. The Nice Guy. Ever since the industrial revolution men have been raised by their mothers. Dads leave to go to the factory and come home at the end of the day. They may get weekends with them but that's not a guarantee. Now because of this, we have been getting more and more nice guys showing up in the world. Nice guys are not nice. Nice Guys and People pleasers are liars and manipulators. Just about everything a Nice Guy does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone’s approval or to avoid disapproval. Robert Glover "No More Mr. Niceguy" There are several tactics nice guys use to manipulate those around them. Covert Contracts They lie to others and themselves Not share ideas Try to control all aspects of the situation Cant handle emotions Emotions to a nice guy are anxiety-ridden messes. They cant have extreme emotions of any angle because Women have to be the leaders Because nice guys don’t want to be seen as being bossy they will not take the lead in anything. So to fill the void of leadership the woman has to take the reins and that isn't what they signed up for. Ask their wives for decisions. Instead of stating their intentions, they beg their wife and girlfriend if they can go out and play golf or ride a bike. The woman of the house has to become momma to this grown man. Nice guys are liars to make sure they are liked by as many people as possible they will change their story as to fit those around them. They will not even see that they are telling any lies because many nice guys pride themselves on being honest. They will boost to those who will hear that they are as honest as the day is long. Yet then over-promise and then make as many excuses as they can to cover when they are not able to deliver. They don’t have their own thoughts. Nice guys will go with the flow. They would be the greatest debaters they can be because they pick up everybody else's thoughts and make them their own. They will not have a thought that is outside of the norm because they don't want people to be upset. Seek the approval of women over men This often comes from their upbringing. Many times boys who are raised by women, only know how to relate to women Nice Guys don't have the skills to handle the interactions of men. So they hang around women more and have very few guy friends. Often they are also seen as a Momma's boy, because they are so loyal to the approval of their mom. Give up their balls Because they don't make the decisions and they give up their leadership they basically give up their man card in hopes of being able to sleep with their wife or girlfriend. Because nice guys won't commit to one thought they are soft and women hate men who are not able to take charge. Women love a guy who says they are going here or doing this. They want a guy who can lead. So they turn to the jerk because that is the closest semblance of masculinity they see. Avoid masculinity Men are loud, rambunctious, they are not always gentle with their words. Men will call it as they see it. This is scary to a nice guy. The actions and words used are intimidating to a nice guy so they avoid men. Which is to their detriment. This is because hanging out with good noble men is the best way to drive the nice guy out of a grown boy. When you hang out with real men you see how they act and you start to talk like they do. You talk in an assertive manner and you start to get noticed, which is also scary for Nice Guys Lack of meaningful relationships with men Because they don't hang out with men and do hang out with women more they don't have the needed masculine friends in their life that they actually need. Sacrifice for the approval of others. Nice guys will give up their integrity for the approval of others. Internally blame others When they don't get their way they blame everybody else. Resentful of the women they want sex from The nice guy will often perform different actions for the woman in their life with the covert contract in place. then when the woman doesn't follow that contract then he gets resentful. He will sabotage romantic endeavors so to prove his point. Yet he will not blame himself for the problem, it is her fault. Why doesn't she like sex She is just a bitch I try to help around the house and all she does is gripe about my work. I bought her a new ring so I deserve a roll in the hay. etc Is always playing the victim Since they are not able to take command of their own action and won't stand for anything, nice guys tend to be the victims. they blame everybody but themselves. People who cant take responsibility for their actions do not get respect and without respect, they don't get the attention they want. Now you see why the nice guy doesn’t have sex that they wish for. and women grow tired of having weak and pitiful men taking the place of a strong commanding man.

What does it mean when you are broken. Feeling a sense of no hope Beaten Whooped upon Feel like you need to just give up. Feel that you can't give any more Feel lost. How do you get back up? Understand what you are actually feeling. This is when you need that little extra push to get yourself past that sensation. That feeling of being broken often means that you are right at the cusp of a huge breakthrough. Feeling broken also can be helped by talking to a therapist. There is a whole group dedicated to ensuring that you power through this feeling of loss and you stay with us without checking out. How do you heal? Grant yourself some grace Get help from your Band of Brothers These men are able to help you but they can only help you if you tell them what the problem is. examine the feelings you are experiencing Use your purpose and your hobbies. Find the things that you can find joy in. Stick with the gratitude journal Understand that life is 50% pain and 50% Pleasure so yeah you are going to feel the unwanted negative, but you are also going to have joy and happiness and purpose and all the other positive emotions in your life.

When it comes to events in your life we have to take into consideration what you are starting with. Many times as men get frustrated with the lack of results that we get when we try something. The problem is what are you starting with? The meaning is this, guys, we want instant results. Many people grow frustrated with our jobs when we just started, we wonder why we are not higher up in the echelon of our jobs. We wonder why we have no credibility when we just start something. These are problems of us not wedding the leather before we start the pump. What are you talking about? What I'm actually referring to are the old-style hand pumps that used to be how people took water out of the ground. You have a well whole older well you dropped a bucket down the well. But later on, you would actually have a hand pump. This hand pump was just as it sounds you actually had to take a handle and move it up-and-down up-and-down until you got water to come out There were times that you would actually find these hand wells dotted around the countryside. Some were used a lot while others we rarely used. These later ones are what I want to focus on. Many times if you came across one of these wells there would be a bottle of water lying next to the well. Why was this bottle here? Because you have a choice. You can either drink the hot stale water that was in the bottle, or you could pour that water down the well. Now depending on the level of thirst you had, you may be tempted to drink that bottle of nasty water in the bottle. That would be something a person with a scarcity mindset would do. Yet if you have an abundant mindset you can pout that water down the well. Yeah, this may seem like a waste. You are thirsty NOW! Yet if you know how these old wells work you know that there are leather baffles in the well. IF this well isn't used much those valves dry out and they shrink. So you don't get the lift and suction you want from this hand well. You can pump and pump and pump and no water would ever rise. Yet if you pour that water down the well you wet the leather valves and they expand and start working as they are intended. Once the valves are wet they start drawing up the water and soon you will have all the water you could ever possibly drink. Now, this isn't the only problem. You also have the problem of how deep the well is. Sometimes you have to pump for 10 minutes or even more before the water comes rushing out. There is a saying in the south the deeper the well the sweeter and colder the water is. You have to put stuff in before you get stuff out. Zig Ziglar This also goes for work. When you first start on a job you have to provide value for your pay. The employer is actually taking a chance on you and your sales pitch. So how do you rise in the ranks of your work? How do you build the needed trust in your boss so that he knows you are up for the task with each promotion? You have to take initiative. You have to prime the pump of success. That means you have to do some menial tasks and work on them as if the whole company depends on your work. This also goes with customers you may be trying to get to sign on with your own business. They don't trust you at first. They see you as just another person selling to them. To wet the leather of that pump you have to take your time and fully understand what it is that they need before you offer them a solution. That may mean talking with them several times for the next few weeks. You have to listen and fully understand the problem before you do the ask. Goes for marriages You have to put into your marriage, emotional security. You can't just take and take, or you will wind up with an emotionally exhausted spouse who will one day decide that she is done and leaves. This is where the nice guys always fail. He is taking emotionally by requiring emotions from his spouse or girlfriend and he never repays the emotional debt he has created.

Men talk to each other in a way that women and some modern males don’t understand. You hear talk of how toxic masculinity is the problem with society and part of that toxic masculinity is how men talk to each other. They mention how we tease young men as they start to develop facial hair and we suggest putting some milk on that peach fuzz and letting the cat lick it off. Some folks believe that is mean and hurtful. When in reality not exposing your son to those innocent taunts is setting him up for failure We enjoy trash talk Men like to talk trash. It is a means to build bonds and to test each other’s wit and how fast we can think on our feet. It is a fun and challenging skill to have. To be able to talk trash and then back it up, cause if you fail at walking the walk you will get piled on even worse. This way it teaches a man how, to be honest, and to not be boastful. The ribbings are good for us They show the rest of the group that the new guy can take it. It is a means of understanding new guy It builds bonds Men talk directly Proper communication is direct. To hem and haw around the topic doesn’t serve anybody. Because what is implied by one man is easily misinterpreted by another guy. This is a skill nice guys have to fight off for the rest of their lives. it is so easy to fall back into the habit of beating around the bush that we lose the effectiveness of a good direct line of communication. Men talk assertively Nice guys don’t like to talk assertively Grown boys communicate in three infective ways Passive Aggressive Passive-aggressive We teach our boys how to handle their emotions by ribbing them. This helps boys grow thicker skin and not be overly sensitive. We do a huge disservice to our boys by coddling them. Yes that is what moms are suppose to do while men are there to help them understand how to use their emotions effectively. Many people don’t like this kind of talk because of the following reasons. they find it intimidating they find assertive communication to be mean. 

What holds you back from taking the steps you are wanting to take? Now, these reasons can be many, but one of the biggest reasons is fear. We are afraid that we will change. We fear that our friends won’t like us. We are afraid of what happens if you succeed.  We also fear what people will think if we fail. What happens if we screw something up? What if we are seen as a fraud. Do we really deserve this success if our idea takes off?  According to Tripp Lanier, We want 4 things out of life. Freedom Love To feel Alive Peace. How do you achieve these 4 things? I let you in a little secret you have to play large. Many of us want to play life small and then wonder why we don’t achieve any of these life’s desires. This is because we don’t even give ourselves the ability to try for that awesome life. We aim for the easier that will do. Sometimes by sheer luck we get the awesome spot but that is so much rarer in this case than if we were to aim for awesome. Yet most of the time we are holding ourselves back. Why Aim for awesome? Because you will hit it more times than if you aren’t aiming for it. You may have to give up on the easy steps. You will also miss the crappy events a lot more. You will often land in the average zone, but your chances of being awesome are so much better when you are actually aiming for awesome. Why the Awesome life? Sit back and let your mind wander. You can even do this in the car. Ask yourself what would life be like if your dreams come true? How awesome and fulfilled would you be? What would you do? Now many guys would say they would take it easy, and that would be the wrong answer and that is why you have to keep working. The moment you start coasting is the moment you start slowing down.  Now does this mean you don’t get to rest? No, actually you get more chances to rest and enjoy life’s sweeter moments but if you think you can just sit back on your laurels then you will find yourself back where you started. The awesome life isn’t an easy life. You have to find out what fulfills you. That is where you find your happiness and fulfillment. Many guys see that life isn’t an easy street when they reach a certain point. That is often because they failed to realize that they are not achieving that peace, aliveness, Love, or Freedom they thought they would have. Instead, they are wrapped up in the fear of what happens next. So they start to play small and with that small action, they let go of what they are really striving for.

There are times that life will throw you curveballs. You may have a boss that is just busting your hump and other days you may just drive up behind a jeep with a huge pair of panties on. What do you do? This is a choice you have to make. This was evident with a pair of Jeep panties I saw while over at the Byrd's Adventure Center. While I was at the Operation Tears of the 22: Off The Hardball event, the owner of the Jeep "Severance Package" talked often about how there are those who love the quirky undergarments while others come out offended. What is it about those Panties? This got me thinking about what does this means? I see that society is complex and there are those who laugh at the absurdity of a jeep having on women's underwear. To me that is good. The sudden shock of Oh my god there is underwear on that Jeeps tire. They might see it as the joke it is and laughs. As the owner of the jeep said If it brightens one person who is having a rough day good! They have done their job. Then there are those who don't like them. I see these people having a few thoughts that ignite their anger and outrage. Either they wish they could be as brazen as the owner is, or the image brings up other thoughts of how dare the owner shows such disrespect to them. Underwear is meant to be hidden and these are just hanging out for everyone to see. Either way, these people feel slighted for having something that might be construed as sexual in their face, and as I stated before the joke is lost to them. My point to all of this and what I wanted to point out here is that Life is too short to be taken seriously. We can lighten up and laugh at something as goofy as a very large thong being put on the spare tire of an offroad vehicle. Laugh at all that you can. You can even give yourself permission to let out a huge belly laugh. Laugh at all the odd things you see. Laugh at the delight that life brings. Do something odd that you think might bring a chuckle to somebody. You never know you might just touch the heart of someone who is in a very dark place at that moment and you have then shown them a gleam of light. It might open up the door for someone to make a connection. I am always making fun of myself. Heck, I had my first speaking engagement at Byrds Adventure Center. I could say it was an abject disaster because the words I chose distracted the audience from the point of my talk. I could say it was a serious discussion about how men can take control of their own lives. OR I could point out that I forgot I was talking to a bunch of ex-military and that they all have the minds of 13-year-old boys and that my choice of talking about a man's stick and handling a man's wood created a point of hilarity that was an awesome learning experience for me and the guys heard a memorable speech. For Help on living life on your terms The Brotherhood of Men

Main Topic Is coaching like therapy? The full answer is no they are not the same thing. What is therapy Therapy is used for finding and diagnosing mental illnesses. They help you find new and better coping mechanisms for past life events. Therapy is essentially for the past What is Coaching? It is the finding and helping with mindset problems. Coaches help people to reach their goals and climb to lofty heights that they are actually capable of. Coaches see flaws in thought because of faulty logging and help people to change how they see the world. Coaches Boiling it down Therapists help people with their past while coaches help people with their future. Both are needed for people to find the success that they want. If you combine the two and you find a therapist who is willing to work with a coach you can have the ultimate power of working on both your past and future. You are able to tackle your past problems while also building up the needed mindsets so you are able to springboard into the success you want. What a coach won’t / can’t do Coaches don’t do therapy while there are therapists who can coach. Yet when it comes to looking at possible mental illnesses or past experiences that could be the root of the problem you are facing Sadly many therapists like to try to point out that coaching isn’t regulated as if that is a bad thing. There is no licensing boards or governing body over who can coach in what. That is a good thing. You are the judge. If a coach doesn’t perform up to your standards then you can leave. Just as there is more than one way to skin a cat. There is more than one way for people to achieve their greatness. Sadly it does seem that therapists and some coaches have a scarcity mindset. There are therapists who see coaches as are taking clients from them. That’s not the case. Then there are coaches who want to be regulated and if you look you will notice that most of these groups that want regulation have their own schools that would benefit greatly from having to force people through these doors. That is the great part of coaching each person can have a different attack angle for the same problem. One tactic may not work while another is wildly successful. Therefore, another point that helps is that coaching isn’t locked into a particular way of helping a person. Unlike therapy, whereas a new disorder comes about suddenly you have everybody being diagnosed with that ailment. Look at anxiety for instance. So is therapy good? Yes, it does serve people who need it. Does coaching work? Very much so. If you are looking for a coach I would be happy to fill that spot. You can read more about my services at Work With Bryan

News going to be making some changes to when things are being released. I want to keep the current release schedule for the video of the week the Wednesday blog post and the podcast but I have lots of other plans for the site that are being ignored so Once a month there will be only a video and a podcast. If I can do the other plans and take out an item of the honey-do list and I still have time to write then you can consider the blog post a bonus. But I have been learning about some of the steps I am needing to attract more clients for signing up. To do that I have to focus on other parts of the site. For instance the landing page for the divorce recovery workshop. Still working on the name but I want to get it done so I can help those men struggling with their purpose in the midst of their marriage falling apart. I also need to work on the Brotherhood of Men's Landing page. I am getting people looking at it but they are not nibbling. So many items like this that need to be changed. The Podcast will keep going I am not willing to let it slide just yet. I know I need to work on my short game for this business and the long game will still be there. I am also going to drop the question of the week. Been doing it for about a year and no emails. So I will wait for enough listeners to show up and start asking questions when that happens then I will bring it back. It was a good experiment to see if I can get some people to interact with the show but they just are talking yet. Main Topic We are men of power yet what is keeping us from being powerful? We often want to point the blame to someone else or some external circumstance Examples of Disempowering thoughts It's not MY fault, Everybody/somebody did something to me and now I'm all screwed up. I can’t do follow my dream, I need to prioritize OTHER people because I’m a good person I can't think of that right now I am in too much pain. I don't have time right now I am just too busy. When the kids are out of the house When the time is right I will get it done someday I would if I have enough money It's easy for them! If I had their influence... If I had their money... If... I am practical I'm not that good That's how they get you That just how it goes I have the worst luck I suck at_______ I know they are laughing at me I should have started 10 years ago I don't want to be a jerk. It's easier said than done She doesn't like me She doesn't like sex I cant perform as she wants I can't satisfy her How to change why are you thinking small? You think small because of fear. You fear the worst may happen. Could the worst happen? what is the worst? For some, the worst is looking like a fool. While others fear being successful and being called all the. names they called successful people. It could be that you are fearing that you will be judged by your friends as a sellout or worse. According to Tripp Lanier many times we play life small because want one or more of these 4 things and we are afraid that if we don't play life small we won't get these Freedom Love Aliveness Peace In fact, because you are living life small is why you are not receiving most of these. Ask yourself probing questions Ask yourself questions that dig deeper into why you are thinking this way. What is your why? Why do you think the way you do? When were you told that thought? Who was always telling you that you weren't good enough When as you were growing up did you notice adults saying that very thing? Is what you believe really true or are you just basing it on what you were told? Did someone close to you tell you your dreams were wrong or impractical? Are your thoughts based on fear or scarcity? Where did these thoughts originate? Be honest with your answers This can be difficult but it is possible to tell yourself the truth. Often we will actually lie to ourselves so that we don't have to face the uncomfortable feelings of our beliefs are actually not matching up to what we are believing. Change your Programming When you find yourself thinking these thoughts that are holding you back change that programming. Instead of you are always unlucky, try I make my luck. I am not good enough to be a part of that group try I am good enough or I am going to be good enough that they can't ignore me. You can take those limiting beliefs and with determination, you can alter them. It's not easy and you will fall back into your old habits when you aren't paying attention. Yet, you can change how you view yourself. Start doing the opposite of what you are telling yourself. Think you can't cook? then start cooking. Are you going to burn the eggs from time to time? Yep, but you have a choice to get mad at yourself, make it fun give yourself grace and laugh it up. Life is way too short to take seriously.

Question of The Week By The Brotherhood of Men What are some unknown laws of manhood? There really aren’t any unknown laws of manhood. There are things in men's lives that they need to do to have a great and masculine life. Men have purposes and it needs to be at the top of objectives to find out what that purpose is. Most times that purpose is something that is bigger than them. They are helping other people to achieve their purpose. That could be through a service-based life. Like being the best employee you can be for your employer. You could also be that you need to join up with a charity or even start a charity. There is a chance that you see a need that isn’t filled. Therefore you may have the purpose of starting a business and helping the local community by providing a product that enriches their life. There really is a lot of options you can do. The objective of this is to live your life to the fullest. Don't sit around wishing that you can do something. Get up off the dirt and do it. take action. face that fear you have that it won't work. You never know till you try. Your uncle who is shooting down your ideas doesn’t know. Your parents don't know. You don't know till you act. Men are meant to protect their families. Provide for their family, and lead their family. You do this by making sure you take care of yourself. By working on your Mind, Body, Soul, and building a community of men who can help you. Main Topic What are beliefs? At the root, these are thoughts that you perceive to be true. As we walk through life we gather different beliefs. We see something that catches our eye and we decide whether we will put it into our basket of beliefs. As we continue through life that basket starts to fill up. There are times that we have to trade one belief for another or we struggle to try to keep both beliefs in the basket. Yet our basket is so full that we start going down avenues of suffering because we are trying so hard to make sure we keep all the beliefs together though they clearly don't all fit. The cool thing about beliefs is that though we use them to define us we can actually take a belief out of our basket and set it down. If it doesn't serve us anymore. If we find a prettier stone that would fit just nicely in our basket we may have to put the old belief down for someone else to find. It doesn't hurt you to change your beliefs often if you look at a belief long enough you will see that it's not quite as alluring as you once thought and so it doesn't do you any harm to set that belief down and go about your day. You are able to get a better knowledge of yourself as you examine your beliefs. As you read you are able to find new nuggets of beliefs

Question of the Week By The Brotherhood of Men If you mess up your life in the eyes of family and friends, how do you get it back? Well, know that the phrase “messing up your life” is just a thought. It isn’t a fact. It is an opinion. That is all. You not living your life to the prescribed manual that your family has for you just means that isn’t how they would do it. It's not right nor is it wrong. Every event in your life is neutral it's neither right nor is it wrong. It's not positive nor is it negative till you apply thought to it. So the events that have happened in your life are viewed by you, and they matter to only one person, you. Now you can choose to live your life by your family's manual, that set of instructions they believe you should follow. Then again you can choose to love life on your terms. However, you do it it is up to you to be ok with that decision. Your family can create their own suffering but having any negative emotion they want you aren’t going to feel that emotion, You are simply reacting to their actions. Main Topic There. are some movements that have been going on for a while and I trip over different factions of them from time to time there is the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) and the Red Pill. Now I wanted to look and see if I could find anything about the red pill to be able to better understand it. Did the preliminary search online and came across this Guardian article which is flat out doesn't understand. It is written by a woke journalist. The Writer Stephen Marche defiantly has an odd agenda but he does have a conversation with a guy who is a moderator for The Redpill subreddit which has apparently been around for 10 years. There are some telling parts to what The moderator is saying. I noticed that the dating game wasn’t what I was taught – what my parents prepared me for, and what I learned from movies I found myself putting in all this effort for nothing, it was very defeating. It’s not the way courting worked when my parents met. One interesting thing that is mentioned here is, "We’re accused of misogyny almost daily. I won’t deny that the language is colorful and there’s a lot of emotion expressed by the men on the forum." This goes against everything that feminists state about men in that we are not caring and that we don't express our emotions. Yet when we do it is often misinterpreted. Why are men turning to these movements? The main reason I am seeing from these different groups is that they are disillusioned and so they decide to give up and either decide that it's not worth it or that the field is stacked against them. Is this true? Not really it can seem that way. As masculinity is being shunned for all the good that it does in society there is something that has to take its place and many people look to feminists to do that. Yet as talked about before men and women process the same situation differently. While there are times for tact and men are good at that women are better suited for other types of situations. Can Women lead? Hell yeah, they can lead and they do a bang-up job. There are times though that man is needed. There is a time and place for everything a At the core, the MGTOW and Redpill movements are men who get wrapped up in their victim mindset and give up. This doesn't serve them nor does it serve society. Most of these guys like the moderator are actually Nice Guys and you know that nice guys finish last because nobody respects them. Women don't like Nice guys. because nice guys communicate in passive forms of communication. These nice guys are people pleasers and as we have discussed before people leaders are liars and don't think for themselves. They wonder why they can't keep a person around for long. That is because when manipulating another person it causes the person being manipulated to expel more energy than when you are in a symbiotic relationship. When one person can trust that you are going to do what you say, and not have to harp on you to do it. Women are actually often in leadership positions though they aren't in the limelight quite as much. I know many a huge burly man in my youth who wouldn't step into the kitchen after his wife mopped the floor. Now was this out of fear? A little but it was also out of respect.

 Quick Mention about the Event Operation Tears of the 22, Off the Hardball, is coming quickly if you are a veteran this event is free, if you are not a vet then it is only $20 and you get a good time and you are helping out those veterans that are stuck in a dark place. Question of The Week by The Brotherhood of Men  What is the most important thing to teach a child so they will be successful? That they are in control of their emotions. They can be happy or sad and that is OK. Nobody can make them feel anything they don't want to feel. To be able to teach kids that emotions are not things that happen to us but we feel because of a thought we had about an event. Main Topic Divorce is devastating. Not only for the children involved but for the men and women. Often we see the ugly side of people when the lawyers get mixed in. Suddenly the woman you loved and adored seems to be a greedy witch and is dead set on making your life hell. So how do you survive a divorce or even stop a divorce from going through? This is a challenge but this is where applying and working on your 4 pillars of a man come into play. You need to build those pillars back up and get them reinforced. Those 4 pillars are A man's Mind, Man's Body, Man's Soul, and a man's community. each one helps you to find the footing you are needing for the challenge ahead. Why are these helpful for a man going through a divorce? This is because they are intricate for you to have a healthy life. You don't have to curse women or go their own way or even take that red pill that many men are pushing Man's Mind This is your learning pillar. Always be growing More on this can be found In Episode 36 Man's Body This is your health pillar. You have nothing if you don't have your health. You can listen to more on this on Episode 35 Mans Soul This is your creation pillar. You need to be creating something. Be it painting carving a blog a business or a charity. It needs to be your calling, your passion. You can listen to more on this on Episode 37 Mans Community This is your band of brothers but also your family and your town. the different organizations that are involved in your area. You need to be an active member of the community and you can listen to more on this in Episode 38

The guest is Matt Sinkovitz He Helps men to overcome their attraction to porn. Social Media Facebook Group - Making Peace with Porn: We are Noble Men Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/matty2sinks/ How Can You Promote Change Your Brain on Porn - Book He has a How to Quit porn for good event

Event: Operation Tears Of the 22 Off the Hardball This event is to help veterans to reset mentally SIgn up Question of the week be Brotherhood of Men Why is the divorce rate so high, especially in Western countries, if love marriages work? Well, there are theories as to why. The number one resin though is the No-fault divorce. This was started in 1969 by one of the greatest presidents the US had. Now Reagan later said he regretted signing the bull when he was governor of California. He did this as a means to cut down the fabrication of wrongdoings being slung at each other trying to get a divorce. Since then the divorce rate has skyrocketed. For a long time, men were the primary people who started divorces but as time has gone on, now women initiate around 80% of all divorces today. Why? Well, that’s where the theories come into play. Most of the time it is because one person or another is having an affair but money issues also play a part. Yet with the affairs, the problem is that many men have stopped being men and now women are busy having to take up the slack. Men have been told they are to spill their emotional guts to their wife and that does nothing but add stress to their wife’s life. The overly emotional man causes the woman in the guy's life to lose respect for him. All because he listened to society and stopped doing guy things out of fear that he was going to be seen as a toxic masculine guy. Men have stopped doing several things that attracted the woman to him. These things are what turned her on to him. All because he was doing manly things and then after saying I do he started sharing way too much and ditching his friends for his wife. What did these men stop doing? There are several things men have stopped doing that caused their women to not respect them. These things are part of the 4 pillars of a relaxed male. Man's mind Men stop learning they get a job and start working and they think that is it. Job accomplished! Nope, they are providing for their family that is important, but he stops learning and expanding his mind getting smarter. Most men stop reading after high school and read-only if it is required. They don’t learn for the sake of learning. Man’s Body They get a dad bod. Now a few extra pounds isn’t a deal-breaker but 50 pounds? That isn’t sexy to a woman. Now men don’t have to be chiseled, but I shape so that if they can protect their family if needed. You hear women claim that they like a soft chubby man. Yet those claims don’t ring true when you hear who they think is sexy. Bro-Thor wasn’t nearly as hunky as fit Thor. You could hear that from the women's reaction when they saw Avengers End Game. Men need to be in shape so that they are healthy enough to take care of their wives when they get old. A fat man will not live as long as a healthy man. Mans Soul Men have stopped perspiring their passions after they get married. Women love to see men who are driven to accomplish something. Now, this doesn’t mean that the men are to become workaholics. This means that they have work and a hobby or a side business or an activity that feeds their soul. Most men when they are dating have something like this. Then they drop it when they get married and start turning their full attention to their wives. The wives have other things to do too other than sit around and give their husbands all their attention. Mans Community this is the pillar that falls almost completely apart after marriage. First off any friends before marriage disappears. The wife and kids get 90% of the man's attention. He can’t go camping because of his wife and the kids. He does go sit and talk with his band of brothers because of his wife and kids. It not that the wife and kids demand it all the time. It’s just we guys believe that is what we are supposed to do. So we lose our friends and we don’t replace them with new ones. Before we know it 20 years have passed and we have 1–4 friends. And maybe only one of them is dependable enough that we could call them at 3 am with a problem. We don’t have normally get together with other masculine men so we can talk about our problems. So what do we do? We tell our wives our problems. That’s because we have been told we are supposed to share our emotions with our wives. That is only partially the solution we are supposed to talk about with our wives but we share the positives with them and share the negative with our band of brothers. We take the negative from our lives we help them and we ask our close friends to help with the emotional weight it may have. Telling a wife all the financial problems you have doesn’t help her have confidence in you. It doesn’t help her to see you as the provider. You are extra emotional baggage that she has to deal with when you come in and start dumping all over her how crappy your boss is. Women won’t respect you for that and a woman can’t love a man she can’t respect. The other thing that will help a marriage last is to know how to fill your partner's emotional tank. That is know how to talk and be present with them when they are talking. Learn to speak their love language. That will go a long way in keeping wondering eyes from going anywhere other than to you. Main Topic Men stop being who they are supposed to be Victim mindset No responsibility Men act surprised They let their wife’s emotional rank run empty A marriage needs to have lots of communication for a person's emotional tank to stay full. Now the problem is many times we are using the wrong language. In marriage, there are 5 different love languages that can be spoken in the same house. We are often speaking our love language and it's getting lost in translation. GIfts Quality time Words of Affirmation Acts of Service Physical Touch They stop talking Many times we stop talking we don't sit and listen. We aren't present while our wives are speaking. We are thinking of everything else that is going on and not what is happening right there at the moment. We miss so many nuances of what is being shared. In doing so we lose the opportunity to connect. They stop being spontaneous With life, you have to stop and smell the roses. Or as Robert Herrick said in his poem, "To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time",   Robert Herrick   "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may," — Robert Herrick     We let time slip past us with kids and houses and just life in general. You may have financial problems but you can still exercise your creativity and be spontaneous. They just drift Drifting isn't only an example of not paying attention to what you are doing, but also is about you not having a goal set to pursue. You not having a reason why you jump out of bed excited to take on the day is a huge example of drifting. Their pillars have collapsed Man's mind You stop learning You aren't reading You would rather not listen to audiobooks or podcasts but music only When you stop learning you start dying Man's body They are out of shape They are not the physique of when they met They can’t protect their family when they are out of shape. Man's soul What feeds your soul? That is the question if you don't have a passion. Find something to create. Maybe it's a blog or you take up painting, or woodworking, or even blacksmithing. You need to be creating something. From charitable work to a business. Have a purpose in your life. Man's Community This is the huge one for us men these days. We don't spend enough time with other masculine men. We don't sit with other men eating and talking about our lives. A mastermind of like-minded men Is there for you to find balance in your life. They are there to take the negative so you don't have to burden your woman with those negative events, and you can shower her with the positives.

This week we have a conversation with John Teng. John is a public speaker author musician and lover of life. He has written a book called the Hero Mindset: Become(ing) the Hero of Your Own Adventure. This book is not just for men but also for women. People through the ages have struggled with one huge problem and that is the dreaded Midlife Crisis. John talks about how it actually isn't a crisis at all. Yeah, your life is almost halfway over but it really isn't a reason to panic and suddenly try to find yourself. We look at the different landmarks you have in your life to successfully navigate the different pitfalls of your midlife. Talk about laying out a map for you to use so you can enter and pass through the midlife area of your life and be better for it in the end John Teng has several avenues that he is enjoying life to the fullest and on his terms from rocking it out in a band to writing and helping others to find their path. So listen in and see how John Teng and his book can help you. Social Info LIVXTRA: www.livxtra.net Twitter: @midlifemagazine  Instagram: @johnjteng YouTube: @midlifemagazine Facebook: @midlifemagazine

 Also, Check out the Operation Tears OF the 22 Off the Hardball happening on August 5-8 at Byrd Adventure Center The Question of The Week By The Brotherhood of Men Help me. How do I stop feeling hurt when people say mean things about me? Is what they are saying true? If not then why are you giving these people all your power? You are volunteering your peace of mind and happiness to people who obviously don’t have your happiness in mind. Stop with the victim mindset. You have the power to let some bozo hurt your feelings or not. When you can look at your thoughts and decide how that affects you. You will gain the power back from people who don’t even know how to control their own emotions. They need pain from others to beef up their own selves. How sad is that? Now if what they are saying is true you still have all your power. You can take responsibility for what you did and make the needed changes. People only say things about you when they think they can take power away from you and you can choose to react or respond. The big difference between the two. There is an old saying that seems to have been forgotten in the last 20 years or so. That saying is Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Start applying it. Stop handing your power and agency over to other people. You have the power over what you think and how you think. Your emotions come from those thoughts not from some jerk offs actions. Remember that words don’t have power till you decide they have power. If it affects you and it is a lie, then I would ask why are believing the lies others are saying? Main Topic Aren’t we always present when talking to others? No, often we are sitting around waiting for our opportunity to voice our thoughts. Doing so What does it mean to be present? Being present means not trying to wait for a response. Not forming a thought and just being there with the person you are talking to. There can be a lot of details that are missed and even ignored when we are waiting for our time to talk. This often means that we are not fully understanding what the other person is saying. We are not hearing them we are listening but we are missing a lot that is being conveyed. How does being present help? Some people point out that you will have better concentration and more attention to details. And though they are right that is more because being present can be tied to mindfulness. Mindfulness is essentially paying attention to your thoughts which is of immense benefit when you are doing thought work. Better communication skills Better social skills Less worrying about wrong implications How do you become present? Being present can be difficult  

  Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men  I suffer from anxiety and depression. Not debilitating because I keep a job and social life. I'm 32 and have never left home. My parents are enablers and never pushed me out. What advice would you give someone like me? By the way, you phrased the question I would say you already know the answer. You need to move out. You can function out in society. You have already stated that you have a job and a social life. So move out. That anxiety you feel is normal for everybody. My daughter actually came to me crying. All because I made a suggestion with her being 18, that she needs to start spreading her wings, and looking for a place she can move to. She had the thought loop that I didn’t love her anymore because I was wanting her out of the house. That was the farthest from the case. She was telling herself the story that I was throwing her out into this big world unarmed and that the lions were going to eat her. It is scary to move out on your own. You have all these new bills and responsibilities that you have to take on. Some are downright unpleasant, while other experiences give you a huge sense of accomplishment. The anxiety is from thoughts in your head. Your mind is just trying to protect you to your own detriment. Take that anxiety you are feeling and turn it into exhilaration by taking the first step. Move out. Your first apartment is going to suck and it is going to be small and not have anything you really want to have in it. Yet many of your favorite memories of your youth will be in that small apartment. That small apartment will also give you the incentive to find a way to create more value so that you get paid more so you can move to a larger apartment or even eventually a house. Don't believe the Crap your mind is telling you. Your mind is trying to protect you from dying but again the only way you grow and become better is to face the discomfort. Main Topic You have probably heard the phrase when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME. This practice we have of assuming one this has some roots in trying to protect us, yet these days they are rare that you will be hurt. Now assumptions are not intuitions you avoid responsibility for action You are passing the buck They are thoughts It is us looking for a pattern assumptions are not facts It keeps us from connecting and getting to know people Ask yourself some questions from Harley Therapy What facts do I have to prove this thought is true? What facts do I have to prove this thought isn’t true? What is a more realistic, in-the-middle way of seeing this? Is this really my own opinion, or did someone else teach it to me and I didn’t question it? Is this even really what I think or want to think in the future? What would life be like if the opposite of this assumption were true? What if this assumption didn’t exist at all in my life – who would I then be? Assumptions leading cause of Misjudgements Common assumptions that are holding you back That being wrong is a failure It's about you You have to be available all the time Busy and productive are the same thing Your emotions are created by outside events You can do it by yourself You are a victim  These assumptions are all bad in their own ways.   CLAIM=ee28bc540d3b96875c62a004c5938eeaed9129d8=CLAIM

This week we have fellow coach Lindsay Marie Barber on the show. Lindsey is an expert on relationships and helps men to foster better relationships with those of the fairer sex. What is the biggest problem you see with men and their ability to effectively communicate? Website: https://lindseymariecoaching.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lindseymariecoaching/

Join the Operation: Tears of the 22 Off the Hardball event for the veterans. WIll be happening on August 5-8 at Byrd Adventure Center In the beautiful Ozark National Park Sign up Today Question of The Week by The Brotherhood of Men All my favorite childhood things such as cartoons, video game characters, toys, etc., are becoming a thing of the past. Is this a sign that it's time to grow up and move onto other things? Well, I would ask what age are you? If you are 18 or older then yeah it is time to grow up. Now, do you have to let go of the nostalgia or your youth? No, you can dip into that past all you like but make sure that you are not living in the past. Spending all your time wishing what could have been will cause you to lose sight of all the greatness that is happening in the now. That is why your past is so rich with memories. You were living in the present that whole time. You were excited about the day and what lay ahead of you. You weren’t focused on what had happened. The future was things that were thought of from time to time but that didn’t consume your time either. You had stuff to do and you may have enjoyed the cartoons on Saturday morning and I remember cartoons coming on from 3:00 to 4:00 and that was a snack break before being kicked outside to play some more. Your past is good to remember but don't depend on it for who you are today. You are a different person from what you were 1 year ago much more so from 10 years ago. You can always enjoy the peaks in the past but like I said don't live there you won't like who you become. Main Topic Today there seems to be so much unrest and Yeah I have a view on that and my thoughts on why so many men aren't stepping up to the plate. I wanted to delve into this a little bit this week. Because I think a good part of society has a huge problem in their thinking and this is one reason they are having such a problem with being a victim. These men today are being taught a dangerous phrase that doesn't serve them. It doesn't help them in any way at all. That phrase is "feel safe". Men are being told they should have a safe place to express themselves or to be able to speak up in a "brave" way they need to feel safe and that is such a dangerous place to start from if you are working at trying to be a man. This is dangerous because the people teaching these boys that phrase is holding them back from trying anything daring. It screams stay comfortable. I cant get uncomfortable. I have to feel safe to do anything big in life. You know what? That safety is never going to show up unless it is in a school. That is the worst time you should be telling a young adult that they should play it safe and stay small. Granted some do have the drive needed to ignore that teaching and they go on to do great things. How many more successful adults could be excellent if the kids in college were pushed to get out of their comfort zone? How many more minorities would be successful and prosperous if the administration in college wasn't teaching them to stay in their safe place? Would there be as much perceived disparity if these young adults were able to handle discomfort and not claim they need a safe place to be themselves? What if they were brave enough to be themselves in public and to not worry about the opinions of those who honestly don't matter in their life? Why shouldn't people be allowed to feel safe? First off people have the ability to feel safe wherever they want. The issue is that they expect others around them to make them feel safe. That is impossible. I can not make a person feel something. The same as other people around me cant make me feel anything. I have to take that power myself. Young men are nervous anxiety-ridden wrecks because they are being told a lie. Many of these young adults want people to pander to their needs and often to the expense of that other person. They want to be heard but not have to listen. They have a strong misconception of what is safe.  Look at Mike Rowe's Safety Third Initiative He knows you can't put safety first if you do you are more likely to get hurt. You are going to put your trust into something that will get you injured or worse. You can't control anything around you and to attempt so is a fool's errand. With that same concept have a person feel safe is folly because you can't control what other people will think or do. How do you feel safe when you are feeling uncertain? It's not easy but you have to gather your courage and strength and just say what you want to hear. Is everyone going to agree with you? No, and you don't want everyone to agree with you. If they do then there is a good chance that some of them are being fake. So how do you go from having your safety blanket to being able to walk and talk in an assertive manner? If you are used to playing it small then start by doing something that scares you. Just get out of your comfort zone. You will never grow if you are stuck on the couch watching Netflix every day. Go mix it up with a group of people you normally wouldn't be with. If you are used to being around a church congregation all day then find some bikers to talk to. You may find that a few of them actually go to your church. Join up with a men's group if you are a man. If you are a woman then find a woman's group. Find a civic organization like an Animal Club (Lions Club, Elks Lodge, Order of the Water Buffalo, etc) They are always getting out around other people and doing things that are bigger than themselves. The more you get uncomfortable, the more you will see that the world isn't nearly as dangerous or awful of a place. You stop seeing dangers everywhere and the more you start living to your fullest  

  Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Me Why am I not happy in my life? There are a lot of reasons that you are lacking joy and happiness in your life. Since I don't know you from adam I can only guess as to why you are unhappy and restless. The number one reason I would surmise is that you don't have a purpose. What gets you out of bed each morning? People need to have a why a purpose, a passion Whatever you would like to call it, you need one. Something that allows you to struggle and get out of your comfort zone. Sadly many people are just way too damn comfortable for their life. We need struggle and discomfort to have joy in our lives. Much like how we need the valleys of life to celebrate the summits of our achievements. We need dark to appreciate the light. It may sound like a horrible and cruel paradox but look at anybody who is genuinely happy and they will tell about the hard times they had in their life. Why do you think so many poor people appear to be so happy while rich people often appear to be so miserable. That is because of the benefit of the struggle. So how do you wade into something uncomfortable? I would say write down 10 or more things that scare you. Is it speaking in public or possibly joining a group. Start small. You may do what Jia Jiang did and just get people to tell him no. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vZXgApsPCQ There find the things that scare you and start trying to do them. Don't be afraid of failure. That is a part of learning and skill-building. You didn’t just hop on to a bicycle and start riding no you fell over and over again until you got it. Be a part of something bigger than you. This could be a charity or maybe a project like starting your own business. Yes, the business can be bigger than you. A business is nothing more than you getting paid for a service you perform. So you can find fulfillment from starting a business. You don't have to worry so much about passion. That will actually grow as you get more and more involved with whatever you are doing. Use a gratitude journal You can't be unhappy when you are truly grateful. You can start to change your mindset and attitude by looking at what you are grateful for. Write down each day 3 things you are grateful for. You might even challenge yourself and say you can't use the same thing more than once every 7 days. So Go out and try it. Keep searching for that why and you will find it. Main Topic So many times we let the opinions of others dictate our decisions. Examples You are going to fail He looks ridiculous That is a fool's errand You cant do that What is an opinion? An opinion 1. a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. "I'm writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance" 2. the beliefs or views of a large number or majority of people about a particular thing. "The changing climate of opinion" 3. An estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something. "I had a higher opinion of myself than I deserved" Definitions from Oxford Languages  Opinions are not facts they are thoughts believed to be true. In other words, opinions are nothing more than thoughts. My wife is being irrational, is an opinion. My kids don't listen, is an opinion. Opinions are also anything with an emotion tied to it. My wife is mad, is an opinion. We often take opinions and apply them to our lives. We were told out being a writer was a dumb idea because you can't make any money from it. You cant be an artist because you will starve. Those are again opinions, they aren't true for you. It may be that Uncle Joe failed as a screenwriter and he is sharing his opinion because of how much it hurt for him to fail. His experience isn't yours. Take the opinions as just that opinions. They may have nuggets of truth in them but that doesn't mean you are not worthy of trying. You never know what you can do till you actually take a swing at your dream. Will you fail? Yeah is it because Uncle Joe said so? Only if you allow it.  

Join the Operation: Tears of the 22 Off the Hardball event for the veterans. WIll be happening on August 5-8 at Byrd Adventure Center In the beautiful Ozark National Park Sign up Today Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How do I simplify life and be happy? How to always be happy? Well, I will break it to you you can and actually don't want to be happy all the time. How would it look if you were at your grandmother's funeral and you were just sitting around with a grin on your face? If you were punched in the face you don't want to be just all happy go lucky no you would be upset and rightfully so. So how do you be happy? You accept that life is 50/50. That is life is 50% pleasure and 50% pain. Now, what does pain entail, because it sounds unpleasant right? Yeah, it is anything that is unpleasant or uncomfortable. Feeling awkward is classified as pain. It's not fun feeling like a fish out of water but it is going to happen and it's going to happen often. So, you need to practice accepting that life isn’t going to be all sunshine and lollipops. That is where much of people's anxiety comes from they think they have to be happy and they aren’t they are feeling scared or awkward or uncomfortable in some way and they obsess over this fact that they don't feel like they believe they should. Now you can also mitigate your emotional being by understanding that all your emotions are not created by your environment. No, your environment has no control over you, people have no control over your emotions. They cant make you mad nor can they make you happy. You can respond to their actions. You can have a thought about what they said and if it isn’t pleasant then you can actually start working on changing the perspective as to how you are thinking. Take someone cutting you off in traffic. That person may not have seen you because he just got a call that his daughter was in an accident and is being taken to the hospital. Then again it could be that the guy is just being a jerk because he can. You don't know and you can't change his mind by honking at his car. Your emotions come from your thoughts. Your thoughts come from the circumstance you are currently in. The circumstance is nothing but fact. If there is an emotion tied to that fact that isn’t a fact it is a thought. Mrs, Johnson is being mean to me. That is a thought. I didn’t do my homework and Mrs. Johnson said I have to stay in for recess is a fact. Do you sort of understand? So how do you be happy? You choose to love others. See your world for all the opportunities you have available in your life. Writing out a list of what you are grateful for at that very moment helps a lot. Give a person the benefit of the doubt. Keep practicing allow yourself to fail from time to time. And eventually, you will start to see the rainbow cant be around without some rain. Main Topic The heaviest package you will carry You are always working on letting that grudge live in your mind. You are obsessing over what that person will do and that takes energy. You are often fooling yourself thinking that your grudge is thinking of ways to get you and they aren't thinking of you at all. Why are they bad? They cause undue stress That stress causes physical problems You are obsessing over something that often can't be fixed How do you get rid of a grudge? forgive them Let it go Write it down on a piece of paper and then burn that paper. acknowledge that this grudge isn't serving you Walk a mile in that person's shoes    

Join me in helping Operation: Tears of the 22 and their first-time event over at the Byrd Adventure Center in Arkansas. This is happening between August 5-8 and are they ever putting up a bang-up event. There are going to be music and jeep rides on the many trails that span around the heart of the Ozark National Forest. on top of all that, there are going to be some amazing food trucks there to squash any hunger you have. We will also be having an auction where one of the lots is a 3-month coaching package with me! So join up and let Matt and Rich know that you are going to the event by visiting the event page Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How can you instill the understanding early on in a child's life that gang members should not be looked up to as role models and, despite its appealing nature, to walk their path would be a great misfortune? That is a great question. Now I have a firm belief as to why gangs are so attractive to young people. now I can bash the music. The songs today promote and seem to encourage lots of today's youth to look at gangs in a romanticized manner. There are all the drugs the sense of comradery. you get to have guns and the like. Yet how do you change the hearts and minds of these kids from wanting to join a dead-end street like being in a gang? To answer that We need to look at what the problem is, that problem is that there is no father in the picture. Thanks to many well-intended government programs the role of needing a father in the house has been diminished. Now when a woman gets pregnant she doesn’t have to turn to the father and say we need to raise this kid together. Instead, they turn to their rich Uncle Sam and he gives them money for food and daycare and rent and everything else that a father is supposed to provide. This keeps the men from having to grow up and face their responsibilities of providing for a family and it keeps the women from having to face their responsibilities that they need to be making better choices with their men. The people that lose out because of this lack of responsibility are the kids, especially the boys. You have a group of boys who doesn't have any strong masculine guidance in their life, therefore they turn to the closest perceived masculine and that is a bunch of grown boys who are in a gang. So they learn what it means to be a man from a bunch of people who don't know what it really means to be a man. Instead of the dad, who would know best and having that father be a constant presence in their life. These boys now have a bunch of strangers who are saying they have to do this or that to be called a man. When in reality they don't know anything about being a man because they were also taught by a bunch of grown boys instead of a grown man. So how do we change the minds of these boys thinking that gangs are cool? We get fathers to become involved in their boy's lives. It won't be easy but it is possible. If you don't have kids then start finding ways you can be involved in the lives of boys who don't have fathers. Join up and be a mentor with Big Brothers/Big Sisters. It is a shift in culture which is going to be tough because today's society thinks all the good elements of a successful life are being white. Which the farthest from the truth. So there is a social change that needs to be done. How that is above my pay grade. Answer requested by Viktor Bondarchuk Main topic Today's society is one that they see who can win the race to being the biggest victim. This is why schools have safe spaces. Kids in college want to make sure they can say something without facing the repercussions of their actions. This is one reason the world so so upside down right now. Being a strong masculine man is scored and called out to be the cause of all the good that masculinity does in society. What is a victim? A victim is a person who has given up their power to someone or something else. Society is wanting it to mean that there is no blame to be given to the victim. Though many times that person actually got themselves into that predicament. A person was the victim of greedy capitalists. No, that person chose to spend their paycheck on a pair of high-top sneakers and then didn't have enough money for rent. The poor can't get out of their predicament because the patriarchy won't let them. Again no the poor often made some bad decisions that caused them to be in that environment. They can get back out again if they are willing to change their habits. Yet again you see that the poor supposedly doesn't have any power because of the patriarchy, whatever that is supposed to mean. Look at people who have been under real oppression. You see that though they are victims of that dictator they eventually decide to take back the power that they gave away and either leave that environment or gather strength and make them change themselves. To say you are a victim is to say you are powerless. Why the victim never wins This was touched on earlier, the victim cant win because they don't want their power to be able to change. Many times this means getting out of their comfort zone. The victim has to make a change in who they are or what they believe and doing so can be messy and awkward. They think that it is easier to just sit back and go poor me. Feel sorry for me because I am not able to be successful. Playing the victim means you are playing life small. You will not take the chances out of fear that you may become victimized even more. Yet this is impossible because you will have your power unless you willfully give it up again. Another reason that a victim will not be able to win is that nobody actually respects a victim. They pity and feel sorry for a victim but that isn't respect. You see a cancer patient who decided they are going to live every day to the fullest isn't a victim of their environment they are taking their power back and doing what they were afraid to do before. You see a boy who stands against his bigger and stronger bully is taking his power back. If these people were being victims they would simply give up and hand their power over to other people or their condition. Helping a victim is tiring. There are always emergencies going on, and the powerless victim wants others to put the fire out. When others don't they cry even more victimhood. The person who is helping finally realizes that the victim is actually in the problem because of their own choosing and gives up and lets the victim sit in their own mess. Not because they don't care but because they are tired of sacrificing themselves for someone they don't respect. How do you stop being the victim? The biggest way to get out of the victim mindset is to acknowledge that you got yourself into that situation. It wasn't anybody else's fault other than your own. Once you own your dirt and that you had a hand in the scenario then you can start to make the needed changes to clean up your mess. It isn't easy to change what can be at times years of victim mindset but it is possible. Your power has never left you. Your agency is still sitting in your mind you have to exercise it often and using the help of a coach or a Men's Group  

Mention   The Operation: Tears of the 22 off the Hardball event is coming up on August 5-8 Free for veterans and their families. There are going to be Jeep clubs there for you to go rock crawling and other jeep trails. Fishing and hiking, Then there is the benefit of being our in nature.   Event Page: https://www.facebook.com/tearsofthe22/   Question of the week   Why does toxic masculinity exist in our society?   The term toxic masculinity was a word created by people who needed a boogyman to pin their troubles on. Now with that said there is no actual toxic masculinity there are however guys who don't know how to act and the cause of this is because of a lack of strong masculine presence in these boy's lives.   This is thanks to the no-fault divorce and the government coming in to play the financial part of the father role. There are many people who think with these events that men are not needed for much and that isn’t the case. Men are vital to the raising of kids and boys in particular. Men teach kids boundaries and why sticking to those boundaries is important. Men teach kids that being strong and competitive is needed for you to be successful. Men also teach their kids that hard work is imperative to being able to get what you are wanting.   Men also show boys how a man is supposed to act. Without the strong male influence in a boy's life, they look to other boys who are older and don't have a father who taught them how to act. So the problem is slowly amplifying itself since the ’60s.   https://qr.ae/pGTwqA   Main Topic   We have all heard the phrase happy wife happy life right? What does that typically mean to you or others? It seems that many people and this includes women, people completely misinterpret what this old saying means and how it is supposed to be implemented.   How do you have a happy wife?   You have a happy wife by making sure you let her know that you are on her side. Often we mistake this phrase to mean that if we don’t do her bidding then she will make us miserable. For many men that is true. If you don’t do something she wants you to do then there may be hell to pay in the long run.    For many guys, this is essentially making it so that she has to micromanage you and this causes a reduction of respect, and that is where the problems start cropping up. That is because if your woman doesn’t respect you then she will find someone else who she can respect.    Now if you are in a marriage where the wife doesn’t respect you already, sweat it but know that you are able to turn the tide and start building respect.   You cannot make a person happy   Now one of the biggest reasons that the saying of Happy wife is a happy life is because you absolutely can not make your wife happy. The same as she can’t make you happy, it is physically impossible. It is mentally impossible too.   Your emotions are your emotions and those emotions come from your thoughts. Now you can react or respond to a person’s actions, but your thoughts are what create your emotions.    For instance, if your wife tells you that you are not able to buy that new bass boat, you have the choice to be angry or to be ok with that decision. You can find a different way to acquire that new boat that will allow you to have it. Then again you can stomp around and be angry, which in my experience does no good. Sure you can pout like a 5-year-old who doesn’t get a candy bar, but you aren’t going to win your wife over to your side. She may cave but it will be with great resentment. That’s not helping your case either.   You can also take the old stand by, buying flowers. You can think this will make her happy and it may very well do so. Then again it may cause her to think what did you buy now? See you can’t make her happy. She is the only one who can actually make herself feel the emotion of happiness or joy. Sorry man, you may be able to curl her toes in the bed but if she isn’t happy with herself she won’t be happy.    This means to help them feel safe and secure   To have a wife who is loving and engaged in your life. There are things you can do to actually ease her mind. The biggest is to help her feel safe and heard. This can be a challenge for us Mr, fix-it types because we try to do this all the time and it doesn’t work. Then we sit around and wonder why women are so hard to figure out.   The key to helping her feel safe, secure, and heard is to talk. Don’t fix it, but listen till you fully understand what she is saying to you. Many people think parroting what we believe to be the key points will help, and sometimes it does. Yet it really rings true to her when you can summarise what she is saying. If she says no that’s not it or not entirely then it is time to go back and ask more questions to her until you fully understand.   We also have to make sure that she feels secure. Not only financially but physically too. Now the physical part can be easy for use men, the financial part can be tricky especially when either one of you has a scarcity mindset   That doesn’t mean that you do their bidding   Now sadly many of us guys turn into Mr. Nice Guy thinking that this is what Happy Wife’s happy life means. This is disastrous to a relationship. Mr. Nice Guy doesn’t get any respect. He doesn’t stand for anything and that blushing bride will ride off with a biker quicker than you can say, “Yes Dear”   Now if she asks you to do something you can choose to go do it for her but if you are busy then tell her, I can right now I am in the middle of this project. She will either say Ok when you are done, or she will go get it herself.   Whatever you don’t just drop what you are doing and go run after it. Your wife doesn’t want a slave. If you disagree with something and you firmly believe that it will help you out. Then go for it, but don’t go behind her back. That is a trust violator and that is even harder to get back than the respect.   Build integrity with her especially if the object is financial. You just spending money higgeldy Piggeldy will create more of the financial insecurity and that is shooting you in the foot.   Now there are chores you will have to do and for the same reasons that the kids have to do their chores. These are things needed for the house to run properly. So if you want to help her do the dishes then good. Help her. If she asks if you can help her and you are sitting on the couch doing nothing then help her. Nothing wrong with your two teaming up to get the chores done.   Help her purpose   Another way you can help her is to see when she is showing interest in something and help her with that. Maybe she is wanting to start gardening. Then go find a book that will help her get the best tomato plants. If she is learning how to paint then maybe surprise her with painting lessons. This can be a challenge as it will cost some money but if it helps her find her personal spark in creativity then you are on the right path.    

If you are a veteran there is an event just for you coming August 5-8 in Byrd, AR. It is being brought to you by Operation: Tears of the 22. There will be food trucks, music, talks, and Jeep rides. If you are interested you can get more information on Facebook event page Question Of The Week How does someone adapt to not having a mother throughout their lives and not be bitter? A boy needs his mother yes. The same as a boy needs his father. The same as a girl needs both parents as well. Now why the reasons why your mother left can vary and I don’t know the reasons as to why you don’t have your mom in your life. Yet it could be that your mom wasn’t around because she died, to drug abuse, to some other very selfish reasons. People have had their mothers leave their lives for centuries and millenniums. Yet some people are able to carry on and others sit in self-pity feeling bad for themselves. Asking a question they can never answer. There are some good bits of news and some bad bits of news on this front. The Bad News Let’s get the hard part over with. Yes, your mother left you. It is sad, and you don’t have a reason why. The frustrating part of this is that you will never have a full reason why. Even if your mom is still alive, you won’t get all your questions answered. My mom left me and my dad. Now she was still in my life. So I was in a better boat Thani other people but she left my dad and me to live in a small town and she went to a large city. When I was younger there were times that I was sad that she left. Yeah, I was glad when I got to see her and knew that she loved me. Yet she wasn’t around. I went through a time of thinking it was me and I acted out in those times. really gave my stepmother a rough time. I am not proud of my past as a young man. I almost repeated the whole thing when my daughter was born. I didn’t see her first year in her life yet Thankfully I did see her and eventually had her in my house for several years till she wanted to go back to her grandmother’s house. Now I tell that whole story to explain we all adapt. How you adapt is up to you. There is very little in life you can control and the fact that you are wanting to know how to have that feeling in your life that you had a mom that cared for you. Now since I don’t know your mom I don’t know for sure but if your mom is still alive, there is a chance that she does still care about you. She may not show it in the ways you would imagine she should but that is where your resistance in life is coming from. You are shoulding on her instead of living your life to the fullest. You can’t control her actions or her thoughts. You can’t make her proud nor can you make her proud of you. The same as you can’t make your dad proud of you, or make anybody feel anything. THeir emotions cant be felt by you. Now they may perform an action to display their emotions but you can take those actions to mean anything. I would say if you had a mom how would she act? Then know that is nothing more than a manual for how our mom should operate. She will not live up to that lofty set of requirements. You have the ability to accept that your mother isn’t available. She is self-absorbed or she is homeless and drugged out of her mind. You can and need to apply all the facts you do know. You can choose to love her for all of her flaws. Yeah even if she is a tweaker living on the street. She is able to be loved. The same as you. You may think a mom should at in a certain way yet, moms are human and they will do what they want to do. You have no control over other people’s actions. Sad but true. If and when you have a 2-year-old you will learn this very quickly. They have their own agency and they want to try everything. You cant keep them from climbing the couch and jumping off the back and onto the cushions. The good news Because you don’t have a mom you can turn to right now or at any time you may feel as if you are not loved. You may feel as if you are unloveable. Have you ever really paid attention to that word loveable? Think about it. Mull it over while you read this next part. Do you remember how I said how you can’t feel other people’s emotions? The same goes for others. They can’t feel any of your emotions either. Your emotions come from your thoughts. They don’t come from the actions or events that happen to you. When a particular circumstance comes about you develop a thought about it. That thought creates an emotion. Right now you are having thoughts that are along the line that you didn’t have a mom that showed you love. Therefore you are having something in the way of thought that you are unloveable. That is simply not the case. Now let’s look at that word, loveable. Break it down Love and able. It points to exactly what I am saying you are able to love anybody you want to. The person who is in your life can be there strictly for you to love. You get all the benefits of feeling that love, and the other person can stop you. So you are you lovable? Yes because YOU are able to love. You can control your thoughts, which creates your emotions. Those emotions are for you to feel. You don’t have to feel happy and joyful all the time. In fact, it is good to feel sad and other “negative” emotions from time to time when they serve you. You don’t have to be held slave to the thought that your mother didn’t love you. You just couldn’t see her actions to show you that she loved you. You have a choice you can make. LOve those and live life to the fullest. Make the most of each day or you can choose to pine for someone who may have loved you and thought they made the best choice for what they were experiencing at that time. Main Topic There are two types of people the producer and the consumer. Do you contribute to your friends, family and work? Or do you just show up for a paycheck? The liability man is the man who just shows up for work complains the whole time he is there and expects a paycheck at the end of the pay period. While the producer is adding value to all he does. This goes for his friends and family. He is working to enrich their lives not take from it. 

  Question of the week by The Brotherhood of Men   How do I become a better father, husband, and steward of the community, despite having a rough past? by Bryan Whitson Build your 4 pillars of a good man. Your mind Read learn and grow. Learn about yourself. Read how to communicate with your son and with your spouse. As you read apply the lessons you learn. Write in a journal that way you are leaving a gift for your family. You are also able to see your improvements. Writing does a great job of cleaning your mind and empties your thoughts. with communication though know the secret to all of it is seek first to understand before you are to be understood. A good book to read is The Boy Crisis by Dr Warren Farrell. The first 3/4 of the book is great the last 1/4 gets a little iffy on some of the claims but that could just be my cognitive dissidence in action. your body exercise, build your body. I don’t mean bull up but take care of yourself. This will come in handy when your son and daughter are older. Men also need to control violence in their life, so get into jujitsu or some other physical sport. This teaches you to control and expels the excess energy that will cause you to become listless. your soul  Find your passion work towards it. If you are dreaming of having your own business the do it you don’t have to blow all your savings on getting it started but work towards it. Start that journey. find something that feeds your soul maybe it is volunteering to help the homeless or working for some charity. Maybe it is building RC planes, or carving little figurines out of wood. Find a passion and stick to it. Hint what did you like to do when you were a tween or a teenager? That is a big clue to your calling. Have a hobby or something you do outdoors. This is another activity that will come in handy when your kids are older and you are wanting them to open up to you. your community Get in a church if you are religious. It doesn’t hurt to be in a church if you are not. You need a community that knows you and your family. Don’t forsake your band of brothers. Don’t stop contact with your old friends. They need you and you need them. Yeah, some will leave as you grow but you will also find others who will take their place but always have a group of men you meet with regularly. Be apart of a civic organization. Be it lions club freemasons or what. Have a group you can help be a part of something bigger than yourself. with all that you will be in a better place Main Topic Man, it is springtime and before we know it it will end up being summer. Now is the best time to get outside and start getting the benefits of being outdoors. What are some of the benefits you ask? You have vitamin D from the sun. This helps your mood and strengthens your bones. Vitamin D helps with serotonin production and the blue light helps you have a more positive outlook on life. You also get lots of fresh air when you are are outside. So it would do you good to get the better fresh air from outdoors than the polluted indoor air you have in your house. It doesn't matter if you are running a HEPA filter. Your house is still more polluted than it is in any city. The exercise you do when you are outdoors helping to get the blood flowing and clears the pores of gunk and it is said that you also sweat out some toxins that might be in your body. Does it? I really don't know but it can't hurt. Then add the fresh air and you are able to fully oxygenate your blood. How do you get outdoors? The answer is easy anywhere even in the city you can get outdoors. Yet, if you can get out in the boonies that would be better. You can go camping and see new areas of the world. The camping is really good because you can experience the 3-day effect. which happens when you camp for more than 3 days. So get outside. go camping go swim in a lake. enjoy the wonders of mother nature and all the life that it can give you. 

Announcements Announcements Workshop for Divorced Men New Gear for a better podcast - Zoom Podtrak P4 Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men Is it normal to feel discouraged about hobbies if your parents get too involved? I am going to assume that you are around the age of 14–18 years old, and still living in your parent's house. With that being the case the answer can be yeah. You are wanting to be your own person and when your parents jump into something that you like doing it is like the squares are invading a party. Yet I would encourage you to look at it in a different way. Ask yourself why they are they wanting to do what I am doing? It could be that they are wanting to monitor you and see that you aren’t doing anything wrong. Yet. it could also be that they are wanting to be in your life. They want to understand your passions and what drives you. Most of the time your boring parents are wanting to spend time with you. When they know you are in the basement working on a model RC plane they know they can come down and talk with you and learn from you. Most of the time they are wanting to spend time with you. They do love you and want to have as much time as possible with you before you leave the nest and live your life. Try asking them why they are showing interest. When they ask annoying questions take it as you are able to teach your parents something. Main Topic Define who you want to be your friend Who is your 3 am people? WHo do you look for? No, they don’t have to all think like you They need to have the same drive. Helps if you all can meet at the same time  Where do you find people who could be in Your band of brothers? Church Social Gatherings Community events Civic Organizations Clubs Fraternity organizations Meetups

Question of The Week by The Brotherhood Of Men What is the best way to become a good father to a teenager you just met? Now I don't know all the details so let's do this in two parts. Those parts will be the most likely scenarios, This is your stepson and a boy in your neighborhood. Stepson If the boy is your stepson then your role isn’t the disciplinarian. This isn’t really gonna work for two reasons the teenager doesn’t have that type of bond with you. The other reason is that the biological parent will eventually take offense to you disciplining their child. They may be ok with it at first but they will eventually take the child's side. So thinking you are going to be the lord of your manor is out the window. Your role is to be a mentor. In fact, this role really needs to be what all parents are for their teenagers. They're at the point now that have a mind and they have free will and trying to herd them like they are 8 simply makes the rebellion in then go harder the other way. To mentor the teen, include them in your life. Talk to them but don't lecture. Seek first to understand what they are saying before you ever try to be understood. The understood part will come but if you just do the hardest thing possible and just listen they will actually turn to your for advice before they turn to the moron friends. The kid in the Neighborhood For the kid in the neighborhood if you are wanting to help a young adult out you may want to involve their mother in the discussion because if you don't have her on board you will be fighting an uphill battle because the mom may feel that you are trying to take her child away. When in all reality you are just trying to inject some strong masculine influence into his life. When she is on board then you again include the kid in your life. invite them to go camping. If you are going on a hike then share your time as freely as you can. Again like the stepchild you are a mentor. You don't have the power to discipline. So you have to talk to them and listen to what they are saying. Understand what is coming out of their mouth and let them ask for advice. Answer requested by James F Evans Main Topic Men and their Band of Brothers On average I have heard that the average man has only 1 or maybe 3 good friends he can turn to. This is a truly sad state for men. We don't surround ourselves with those who can push us and encourage us to do the hard things that make us great. Instead, w sit behind a computer screen and have sort of friends. Yeah, you may have some people you play games with, but how much do you know about those people? Yes, there are those people who have very close relationships with others who they have never seen personally. How many people can you talk to about a deep fear you have in your mind? Do you have someone with you who can share the intimate details of a dream you have? Who many people can you call at 3 in the morning and know they would be there to help? That number is sadly pretty small. Then tag on the Men Going Their Own Way movement and you start having a lot of lonely people who have no one to turn to when they are struggling. So you have a Band of Brothers? Why do men need friends? I look at my son Jayden, and he is actually got a small band of brothers. They actually choose to meet every weekend and just talk. They share what they are doing in their lives. There are talks of what they are pursuing in their dreams and they challenge each other. More men need this very type of interaction. Men need friends because we are not solitary creatures. Yeah some of us may be introverts yet from mental health to achieving their dreams you need the power of your band of brothers to help you along the way. There is strength in An odd question right to ask but it has been asked a few times on quora and in other places. Why do men need This is the problem of the whole MGTOW Movement No man is an island There are things men can do that women cant Men need the support of other strong men Men need other men to push them real friends Your 3 o'clock list Why is it important? There is a special level of trust

Question of the week by Brotherhood of Men Why am I getting angry over small things and ending up so much frustrated and at last beating myself or beating others? Well, there are a few points that can help you stop getting angry all the time. The first, is to know what is the opposite of love? It's not anger nor is it often thought of as being hate. The true opposite of love is fear. Fear destroys while love builds. The second is nobody can do anything emotionally to you. They can not make you mad. They cant make you happy. They cant make you nervous. All these emotions you feel come from one thing a thought you had. Now you may have been in a situation that created a thought that generated a particular emotion. The solution is simple but it takes a lot of practice. Start paying attention to what you are thinking. Look at and try to understand what thoughts you have under different circumstances. If you are having trouble with this and you are always jumping to something in your past you may want to see a counselor, to address why past thoughts are your go-to response. Many times when you do “thought work” realize what thought is causing the anger you cant start working on changing that thought and trying to examine the why around that thought. You can see that there are other ways to approach that same circumstance and they can also be very positive. If you find that you are taking minor actions and comments and making them mean something personal and getting angry that way. Then you can seek out a coach or someone of that nature so they can help you with your thought work. There are a few ways you can mitigate anger when you are in the moment that you find yourself getting worked up over something. Take a step back deep breathes talk to a friend Changing your overall mindset is also something that can help with your anger issues. Exercise, not just a push-up or two but get into physical exercise like JuJitSu some type of controlled violence. If you don't have anything like that around you then find a good 50 lbs rock and story throwing it up and down your yard. Run bleachers but do it aggressively. Gratitude journal Each morning or each evening write down 5 things you are grateful for. This helps change your mind from a scarcity mindset to an abundant mindset. People with abundant mindsets see the world as an opportunity and not as a wasteland. So it is harder for them to want to waste energy on something like getting angry. Stop watching the news The biggest cause of anger for the world. They write to keep you watching or reading, it is not for your benefit it is for theirs. You can still find out what happening around you without FOX or MSNBC barking at you to be outraged at everything idiots we elected are doing. Find a purpose This is a huge one. If you have a purpose you will not want to waste all of your time and energy on frivolous emotions like anger. You have a mountain to climb and you are the only person who can do it. Main Topic Do words have power? Sort of but not really. We often want to think that words have power do because it is easier to not have to take responsibility for our own actions. Abara Cadabra has the power to delight a child. Yet if you say Crucio that kids won’t suddenly become racked with pain. (Harry Potter reference) Why doesn’t the unforgivable curse of Crucio not work? If words have power would they not exert the effect you want them to have? What are words? They are vibrations created by our mouth

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How do I become stronger after a breakup? In the last 2 years I've had my heart broken twice… how do I begin to feel worthy again? How do you become stronger? Much like you become stronger physically you have to work on it. There are different fields you want to turn your attention to. Like your arms, legs, and chest. You have to work on 4 main pillars. Now I don't know if you are a man or a woman and these pillars really don't apply to just one sex but work for both. With my coaching clients, I walk them through the 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male. These 4 pillars are The Man’s Mind Man’s Body Man’s Soul Man’s Community Whenever someone goes through a breakup or divorce, people want to slide into a victim mindset. That is the worst thing you can do. It may seem tough but remember it takes two to tango. So, You had a hand in the breakup too. So it is best to work on yourself. Make yourself the number one priority and work on the 4 pillars. Your Mind - This is where you learn. You need to start reading non-fiction books. Listening to podcasts about something that interests you. Start allowing yourself to grow. Focus on yourself by doing thought work on what are the similarities of both of these last two breakups. You may see that you are finding similarities in the type of partner you are teaming up with. Could be that you are going after someone who is pushing you to go against your values. Then again you may be the one who is doing the pushing. Either way, if you take time to think about it you will see similarities in how the relationship crumbled. If you find that you are the problem, awesome! Celebrate that because you have control over it. You are the only person who you can change. So work on yourself. Get better at understanding the why. Accept that your happiness comes from only one place you. It is actually impossible for you to make another person happy. Things in your life cant make you happy. Losing weight cant make you happy. You have to find that thought that makes you happy because your emotions come from your thoughts. Find ways to make yourself uncomfortable. You grow only when you are out of your comfort zone. Your Body - This one is easy in comparison. Get into shape. Eat right. Come to love your body as the vessel that is transporting you around your space. So strenuous activities. Embrace the feeling of soreness. This is part of getting out of your comfort zone Your Soul - Start being creative. Find a hobby or some other activity that excites you. It may be that you start going to the soup kitchen and feeding the homeless. It may be that you take up writing again. Then again you may decide to venture into sculpting or painting. Be creative. You are a creator, and your soul hungers for you to do your passion. Your Community - This is probably the hardest of all the pillars. We are most likely going to neglect our community the most. Even the most die-hard introvert has a community. You need to grow it. Join a church if you don't have one. If a church seems repulsive to you, ok find a civic organization you can be apart of. This will expand your network and help you stay out of your comfort zone. You will be among people and they will help you grow too. Finally, when you do find another person you want to get closer to, don't stop working on your pillars. The reason a person falls in love with you is because of the passion you bring to yourself. That passion and drive are like a candle and when you stop that candle will dwindle. Main Topic Men need a purpose. If not then they start making purposes. They will take up causes that seem noble at the time. Then invariably not take the time to think things through and wind up in a place you don’t like. You will find yourself in waters much too deep. Men need a purpose. Jake Angeli Qshaman is a failed actor who was living with his mother. Even in jail, he feels entitled to certain liberties, such as eating all organic. He has a self-service purpose Edgar Maddison Welch had his older brother die, and according to the available information, this caused him to develop a sense of needing to protect those vulnerable. So he did have a purpose but he really didn’t’ pursue it. He is a struggling dock worker but could have gone into the police or the military. He tried being a fireman but gave it up. He had a noble purpose but didn’t follow through What is a purpose? the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. This is what drives you to get up. You are doing something that fulfills you. That purpose feeds your soul and gives you the drive to keep on.  Men need a why. When you don’t have a solid why. If you don’t you will latch onto anything that sounds slightly reasonable. You will follow a person who has ulterior motives Why do you get out of bed in the morning? A purpose enhances a mans life - This is the need for men to feed their soul A purpose isn’t anything like fame. Many people think they have to get famous or become some type of influencer and that is completely out of order. That is like starting a job for the first time wondering why you aren’t the CEO.  Your purpose causes you to be an influencer. You may not influence many people but when you have a very clear why. Fame doesn’t even enter the equation.

Question of the week By The Brotherhood of Men What is the motivation behind people that voluntarily choose to become parental figures to others even without solicitation? https://qr.ae/pNE9rO Why do affirmations work? Affirmations much like the power of I am, which is an affirmation in itself helps to set your mind into motion what it does best that is making sure it reaches that goal. They affirm a set of beliefs those beliefs can be positive or negative. The reason they work is that you believe what you are saying. So if you believe you have plenty of money for everything you truly want, you know that you don’t have to actually have a scarcity of mindset around money. If you say there is more where that came from you are just doubling up on that thought. If you say you are fat, guess what, you are going to get fat. If you say you are a fit man you will take the steps to make sure that your body fits the image of yourself. If you are a photographer you will  Examples of Affirmations It’s kind of fun to do the impossible - Walt Disney I attract all good things I have plenty of money for everything I truly want I have a choice. I can be angry for what I don’t have or I can be thankful for what I do have. I can not correct my course if I am standing still I am committed to becoming more successful. To do so, I will put my focus on how I can serve others more successfully. I want to cheer on those people living life alongside me Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be. I will not focus on what I don’t want to have happen. Instead, I am committed to focusing on what I do want to have happen. I am successful because I refuse to take “no” for an answer. How to use affirmations Your brain is a computer. As you make statements, be it positive or negative it will take those statements and make those items important. This is the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Also called the green car phenomenon. That is where you decide to buy a new car and that car ends up being a green Toyota Corolla. After you pull off the lot suddenly you start to see green Toyota corollas everywhere.  This is because your brain has decided that green Toyota Corolla’s are important and must bring those cars to the forefront of your thought. This same thing happens when you are doing affirmations., It lets your computer brain know that You are not going to worry about money. Or that you are not going to eat as much. You are more interested in losing weight than you are in eating another crueler.  The most crucial part of any affirmation is that you have to believe that it is true. That is one reason why so many negative affirmations work because we already believe them when we say them to ourselves. Misconceptions of affirmations That it is just faking it till you make it? Not really, I can be if you don’t believe in what you are saying. But if you believe that you’re a fit man with too much weight on your frame you will make the needed adjustments to fit that mindset. If you are just saying an affirmation and you don't wholly believe it then you just talking to the wind.

Question of the week by The Brotherhood of Men What's the best way of handling a teenager’s mood swing? Main topic We struggle with controlling things. Many times we try to control the stuff we can’t control. This often leads to lots of different types of suffering. We get angry and show frustration with those things that we are not able to control but really wish we could. What can you control? There are things in your life that you can actually control. These items can be broken down into three categories. Those categories are your actions, your thoughts, and your emotions. Your actions Taking a breath How you hold yourself How you lead The quality of your work Taking responsibility for your part in the scenario Your thoughts Your integrity Gratitude What you say to yourself Whether you play the victim or not Your emotions Happy Sad Anger Gratitude What you can’t control? There are far more things you can’t control that is going on in your life and these can cause so much extra pain and suffering when you try to control them. We worry about how something will react and will not act in that fashion at all.  Your environment Other people, that includes your kids The actions of Other people Why controlling things beyond your control leads to suffering Trying to control stuff creates worry Stress  anxiety

Question of The Week By The Brotherhood Of Men I wonder ...do know or have contact with anyone that helps single parents pull in the missing element of a mother or father energy in parenting as a single parent or co-parent? Andrea Fitzpatrick How do single parents help their child with the opposite sex influence? This can be single mothers with sons or single fathers with daughters. This also goes for single fathers needing to find A feminine influence for their sons and Girls need a masculine influence in their life. The best way is to find someone who is of that nature that you are needing and ask them if they would mind being a mentor for them. So why do sons need both masculine men and feminine women in their lives? It is for balance. Men are good at teaching kids to be tough. That there is, a time and a place for showing emotions and how to act around men. While women are good at helping kids to emote and to gain empathy. As I have mentioned before Men are not better than women and women are not better than men. They complete the whole puzzle. That is what feminists get wrong. That is what men going their own way get wrong. Are we supposed to understand the opposite sex? Not fully, no. Each half has a part to play and those parts are important for all of society. So where do you find someone of the opposite sex to help make sure your child is balanced? Well, a great place is a church. Another place is in your neighborhood. If you don't know your neighbors why not? Get out and introduce yourself. Get to know your neighbors and you will expand your wellspring for helping matters such as this. Linkedin Profile Main topic Now I am not talking about normal physical attraction. Do you have any of these attributes? Whiner This is the person who is either always feeling sorry for themselves, and whining about how much they suck or the person who can't see anything positive The Ask-Hole This is the person who always wants advice but doesn't really want advice. They will always re-ask the question in a new way. Yet they never take that advice or steps you suggest for them to get better. These people are always looking for sympathy in a very people pleaser way. They often want to make people feel important by asking questions though they never really intend on fixing the problem. The Problem Magnet I talked about this last week. This person always has a problem in their life. Often seen as a perpetual victim and sadly they like the attention of having a problem. They want people to feel sorry for them a pat on the back and words of encouragement. The Mooch I was this for a long time. I took and took and took and rarely contributed back. This can be financial moochers for also emotional moochers. They always seem to be just a touch short on time and funds. You can't expect them to even try to pay back because they The Liar You can't trust much if anything that they say. These people will often stretch the truth to fit their needs. If they are caught they work hard to make up another lie to fit that old lie. These people work way too hard in their life because they have so many plates spinning and act as the victim because nobody believes them. The Clinger We all know that one needy child. They cant be alone. Sometimes this is called the clinger. It is good to feel needed but when you are always around 24/7 and you can't do anything alone. All because the clinger is there almost from the moment you appear to the time you leave. These people often are also people-pleasers The People Pleaser This person will do anything to get you to like them. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Yet the People Pleaser is one of the most unattractive people because of the manipulation you will come across. They will lie. They will overbook. They will invade your personal space. They will be the ask-hole. They will do anything to get you to like what they do but it will be hollow. They hide their personality. They won't share their own thoughts in a discussion. They won't accept a person as they are they want to make that person like them. The worst part is that you will accept them at first they are like a Monet painting. Beautiful at first but the close you look at them the bigger mess emotionally they become. So IF you find yourself with any of these attributes find a way to change. It is possible. You can get a coach or join a men's group and let them know what you are wanting to change. They can help hold you accountable by being aware when you are being an ask-hole or a people pleaser. You can start to become a very attractive person just by making changes from these types of people. Contact Bryan Email - [email protected] Contact Bryan

I bet you know someone who is a problem magnet. Maybe you are a problem magnet. What is a problem magnet you ask well the definition is quite simple it is that person who is always complaining about something going wrong in their life?   Who’s a problem magnet? Always has a problem Has trouble letting go of problems Actively seeks out problems These are people who always have a crisis in their life Complaining is announcing that you want crap in your life   Why do people become problem magnets? They like the attention Victim mindset They are used to the chaos of a problem   How do you stop being a Problem magnet? Own your dirt Stop Complaining Be grateful for what you have Have a Question for Bryan? Email: [email protected]

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood Of Men I have low self-esteem, short height, no talent, no skills, average intelligence, and bad social skills. What do I do? How can you find happiness? Many people seem to think that they cant be happy. That is probably true. The reason they can't find a way to be happy is that they don't know the recipe for happiness. The Recipe Now, this isn't my recipe, and I didn't get it from my grandmother or anything. I am not really sure who I got this from but I believe I heard this from Ryan Michler of Order of Man. Yet the recipe is sound. Because you get out of life what you put into it. 1 Part Discipline Yeah, this is the hard part. You have to learn to hold off the short term success for the reward of being disciplined. Many times we want to reach for the cookie on the counter instead of going for the lower weight. Discipline is not always comfortable. Yet if you accept the discipline you will find that the discomfort isn't that bad. Holding off the short term reward for your long term gain will offer so many better skills for your life. So Why Discipline? Because in real life order is needed. Look at those people who are actually lacking discipline or just want to live life on a whim. You see they really don't get anywhere. Having discipline is like the rudder in your life. You are willing to do what is needed to get to your goals. IF you are just floating along the river of life without a rudder you may get to where you are wanting but those chances are very very unlikely. 1 Part Purpose You have to have a drive. Having a purpose in doing something is the gas in your tank. You need to know why you are going after that particular goal. You need to see what that goal is and have a clear picture of what it will look like when you get there. Find your purpose and remind yourself daily on your why. 2 Parts Gratitude This is the leavening agent for your life. Gratitude is what sets your mindset to the growth and Abundant mindsets. You are willing to try because you see that even when you fail you are learning. Your attitude is more positive and your life is no as hard. You can endure the discomfort of the discipline. When you have gratitude.

Main Topic How can you tap into the power of your mind? The answer is the question. How many times have you asked yourself useless questions? Like why am I fat? or Can I make a dumber question? The reason those are useless is that they go against what you are wanting to be answered. The great computer Your mind is a great computer and if you ask it a question it will find the answer to that question you ask. So, if you do ask why are so dumb it will find all the reasons you have a low IQ. If you ask why you are fat it will give you all those reasons and that will reinforce your overweight problem. Ask Powerful Question What does this make possible? Why is this problem so excellent? What is the next step I can take? What am I grateful for? What Am I going to get accomplished tomorrow?

  This week I talk to my son Jayden about growing up and the challenges he faces. What he thinks is needed for you to be able to succeed. We talk about when he was growing up to when he discovered that rebelling doesn't serve all the time but why kids do rebel. How do young men of today need to do to reach their dreams and how do they approach life? They do want meaning and purpose much as many people do.

Main Topic What do does it mean to hold space? You may have heard people say this from time to time and it sounds a bit odd. Holding space. How could one possibly hold space for yourself or anybody else? That is what I want to actually help you understand this week. How do you hold space for anybody including yourself? What do I mean by holding space? In a nutshell, holding space is not acting right off the bad. We jump in to help our wives when they are having a hard day. We are trying to fix a problem and in reality, they don't want us to fix it they want us to help hold space for them. Holding space is just being there for the other person. You can also call it being present. Be fully with a person, not just sit by them and think of the camping trip. Holding space means you are present with your mind body and with emotions. This is something we guys have a hard time doing because we are looking for solutions we are fixers. Yet as a skill it helps us to connect with our wives on a deeper level. It provides us with the ability to help her feel emotionally safe. When our wives feel emotionally and physically safe they are more receptive to wanting to be frisky. Many times when we are not holding space we make comments that cause our spouse or kid to feel judged and though there are times and places to for placing judgment on an activity it isn't when someone is being emotionally vulnerable and needing your help. So how do you hold space for someone or even yourself? Holding Space Focus your listening Hear what they are saying many times we hear with our own thoughts. This can be a challenging task, and to keep focused on what and how a person is saying something can really be a challenge. Yet if you can develop the skill of being present and listening you can make strides that man men fail at doing. Stay out of problem solving mode Yes men it isn't about the nail. Guys, we know all about this and we feel the man if that classic video "It's Not About the Nail" This hits both sides of the man and woman dynamic so well. She knows there's a nail in her forehead but she doesn't want to have the nail removed she wants to talk about it. https://youtu.be/yWcEhtg7W3s That is what it's like to not jump to fix-it mode. just hear what your son or your wife is saying and connect with them on a different level instead of just running into a room with your tool belt on. > Take yourself out of the equation What would you do if you were in their shoes? Well in all reality it doesn't matter. Your experience would be completely different than your wife's experience. If you want to understand what she is talking about sit and listen and take yourself out of the equation. even is you are a part of the equation put a blank placeholder in your stead. Remove yourself from the story and look at it from a third-party perspective. Hold back the judging THis can be tough. Hear what they have to say get all the evidence first. Then don't just point out their shortcoming right off the bat. You may help lead them to the point where they take responsibility for their part of the scenario. Jumping in and say "I don't believe you" is like taking what they are saying wading it up and wiping your backside with it and then tossing it in the trash. Hold off on judging them while you are holding space. Notice the emotions you feel You are going to experience different emotions as the other person is talking. Notice them and turn back to the person. You don't have to act on that emotion right away.

Question of the week by The Brotherhood Of Men. I handled all the finances. The kids well being, cleaned, full time career, still got told I wasn’t enough. So it’s really just up to what the woman thinks anonymous There is so much that is wrong with this comment first the guy is making the comment from a victim mindset. He does all of these things for the family and is getting no recognition or respect. This is sad but my question is what is his part of the situation. From what I was able to gather from the comment itself is that he is playing the nice guy and is setting up silent contracts about the situation with his wife and she is tired of him not stepping up and doing his part. Instead of hiding from his marital duties the gentle man needs to start stepping it up or he is going to lose everything and probably blame the wife. Main Topic This week talking about respect and how do you get it. I start of with asking the important question of who are you trying to gain respect from? It may not serve you to try to get Ed from accounting's respect when you work in R&D. After that we venture into the trouble with respect is that you can take a lifetime to build up your respect and only one instance of losing integrity to have all that you work for come crashing down. Finally we talk about what is needed to build respect with others. You need consistancy-Be dependable. much like an old ford,- make the adventures of learning something new fun and people will be more willing to follow. If you fail at something take it as a learning experiance and move on. you have to make sure you are going to be where you say you are and do what you say you are going to do. You have to be constant with your words and how you use them. If you become eratic people have a hard time trusting you. Own your dirt - We make mistakes all the time. but if youif and when you do then own your dirt. Fessup to your srew up. Trying to point fingers at other people doesn't build respect. They only make others fear that you are going to blame them for your shortcomings next. Be open to learning Speak your mind

If you have followed this blog for a while you know I am big on setting up goals but I really suck at keeping them. I have claimed more than once I am an average man but I am becoming extraordinary. The reason I say this is because I am in the same boat you are. Maybe you are listening to this in 5 years down the road and you are thinking I could never get to where I am and that is going to be true if you keep telling yourself those types of lies. Yet If you have seen my record for keeping and completing my goals You know that I have failed time and time again. So many may think that I need to just give up on making goals. That is the farthest from the truth. I have reviewed the past 3 years of this blog. I have tried different ways to keep my goals in mind and going. Yet if you see my goals of 2020 were gone way gone. So how am I going to keep my goals this year? I am focusing on the system. The means more than the end would be a better way to put it. I know what my objective is and instead of the end goal, I am going to have 365 mini-goals that are meant to get me closer to the end goal. Weight Loss – Man’s Body For instance, my weight loss is going to be walking 15 minutes each day. At the end of the day before I get into the shower I am going to do a total of 20 pushups 20 sit-ups/crunches. Then do maybe 20 burpees. Doing this each day is a completion of my daily goal and this should get me closer to my target goal. More visitors – Man’s Soul Getting a hundred visitors a day is my goal still. I haven’t gotten that far yet but I am way farther than I was last year and even closer to having that amount than I was the year before that. So I am making progress and that is because I have had a system in place for increasing reads and visits. Sometimes I really hit it off as I did with my Neverending story article. That post actually brings in more visitors than my old video post. So, I am trying some new tactics that will be implemented this next year to incorporate pop culture and how you can see the philosophies in action Maybe More Video’s – Man’s Soul Now this one I haven’t really developed any system for and I am processing how I can fit this into my very tight weekends. I would like to make more videos again. I didn’t make any for the past few years and I actually miss them. I would like to start fitting live streams into the process too. Again I have to do some thought work on how to fit this into my weekends. Better Networks – Man’s Soul & Community Now I have noticed one problem that has risen over and over again with each business I have tried to start. I don’t talk to people. That whole build it and they will come? doesn’t really work. Yeah, I get people to stop by my site but the information isn’t giving you enough trust in who I am, yet. I am going to change that. The system that I am going to have in place is to talk have 5 people go through the FORM of communication progression. I learned this just recently from the Dream Think Do podcast. FORM stands for From/Family – Where are you from? Who do you know? Talk about specific topics about that area that the other person is from. Occupation – What do you do for a living? Recreation – What do you like to do in your spare time? Motivation – What are your dreams? I want to do this 5 times a week. I would do more and it is possible to do more. If I can then I will. I just want a minimum much like how I write. Saturdays are my day for writing but I try to write a little each day. So I can talk to people and get a relationship started. The more I can talk to these strangers and get to know them the more chances I have to build a professional relationship with them. Going To Church – Man’s Community This sounds easy. It is every Sunday morning so it shouldn’t be hard to make it to church once a week. Yet there are so many times that I can come up with excuses as to why I can’t go. Yet this is the one thing I feel I absolutely need to do. It will help me on two fronts. Getting to know more people, and actually have the possibility of growing my business through the skills I developed while in church. So How do you make a system? Well, the honest truth is I am not fully sure I am figuring this out myself. Yet I have a belief that it is baby steps. Think of the goal you want to accomplish. Is it to have a new car. Then set up the goal. Then think of every obstacle you will face. Write those possible worries and obstacles down. You then have enough information to actually set up your system. If it is enough to buy a new car then you may choose that each pay period you set aside $100 or maybe 10% of your paycheck. Rinse and repeat till you have enough for the car you want. As you see there really isn’t a deadline as much as you know what the goal is. Your successes are in working the system instead of forgetting the goal. You are taking those baby steps each time you work the system. You get 1% better that is all you need to do. 1% and you will eventually get ahead of those who are sitting at home watching Netflix and not getting better. With that getting better you draw the attention of your wife and your son. Eventually, they wonder what is happing to you and they start to pay attention.

The Question of the Week - Brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to Do you feel that you are appreciated as a father? on Quora Question by Roderick Wrenn The topic of the week Hey men, This week is sort of a confessional that I want to get started and out in the open. Now I could start with an excuse and say that the problems I had this year were all because of 2020. Yet we both know that is an excuse and crap. Everything I talk about this week is my fault and I take full responsibility for the shortcoming I have had. I have failed this year in many ways. I have failed you. I failed friends and Family, and I have failed myself. How? Well, I will be jumping into that. For us to be relaxed men we have to have integrity, and for this year, I left integrity in the dirt. I seemed to have dropped it time and time again. Thinking that I was going to do better only to throw it harder into the dirt. There are 4 pillars to being a relaxed male, and if I am going to have you follow this path I need to be on this path too, and I have not been on it at all. There were a few times that I danced around like I was on it but if I'm being honest I wasn't. Those pillars are the Man's Mind Man's Body, Man's Soul, and the Man's Community. Want to know which ones I failed in? All of them. The Man's Body How much exercise and upkeep have I done this year? None. I walked 3 miles one day while I was on vacation. That wasn't walking around a town that was an intentional walk. I had a hole where I was going to walk at least 15 minutes each day and I didn't do that. I started out well. but about 3 weeks into the year I was forced to sleep on a highway exit and I didn't feel safe walking on the side of the road. Yet because I stopped that I completely stopped. Didn't try to go walking again. I did lose about 25 pounds but that was because I got back into another habit that I kicked about 8 years ago. that habit was smoking. I smoked from pretty much the start of the year till Dec 8 at 11:15 am. I ran out of cigarettes and decided today was as good as any to quit and so I did. Starting back up was me thinking I was going to be able to control it. Yet also knowing that it is uncontrollable. It took no time at all for me to fall back into the habit of lighting up after meals. driving, sex, all those times that smoking is very satisfactory. The drawbacks also showed back up very fast. The sore lungs. The smoker's cough and phlegm you cough up in the morning. The shame I felt of letting myself down, and worse realizing that I was not living up to the standards I need to be. I did learn why smoking is so nice and I have set my jaw to never have one of those items again. I see why other addicts can fall back into their own ways so easily because we lie to ourselves. We say we can handle it this time and that is not true. So I haven't been working on my Body infact I have been abusing that body this year. That is going to stop. How am I going to stop that? Well, I am going to start doing exercises one I can do in the truck or on the trailer bed. I am knocking smoking out of my lungs. I am stopping the do as I say not as I do actions that have never brought anybody any integrity and start taking steps to get healthy. Eating right and tackling overeating. I have to do that or I will balloon back up to 275-280. I am going to start loving myself for who I am. I am going to start honoring my body instead of cursing it. These are some of what I will be working on in relation to my body. Man's Mind Now I have probably listened to more books than I have ever listened to books in the past. The problem I have noticed is that I don't read. The addiction to electronics in my life is as much out of control as ever. I haven't addressed this till now. I have to get back into reading physical books. There are some key points that I need to understand by reading physical hard copies of books. I have also fallen out of a couple of my mastermind groups. I was making great headway but my motivation has slipped. So I will be looking fr a couple of new Mastermind groups that are for me and some other people who are wanting to get their business off the ground. I need help and people to push me. I lack the needed accountability to fully get up to the speed I need. I realize that this also requires self-discipline and that is something I am going to be fighting through. I will become better at self-disciplined this year. Man's Soul When it comes to my soul it is this calling I have. I have questioned whether coaching is my calling or just a dream. Yet I find myself time again called to help people who see things in a scarcity mindset or in the pits of victimhood. Now I have yet to really get people to make changes that will help them and that is because they are people that I know and I haven't really given them any reason to believe in the power of change because again I have no integrity. SO I have to learn that I have to step back and let them suffer and decide when to come to me. How do I get them to come to me? I have to make the needed changes in myself to show them and you that change is possible. I believe it but I have yet to display or apply those changes. Man's Community This is the hard one. I like staying home and working on the blog and planning videos and such, but the lack of meeting people is what is truly holding me back. I have to get out of my comfort zone and start putting myself out there. How? Well, that is the rub ain't it? I believe the best place I can find people who would like to accept me and maybe be able to help them in return is for me to join a church. The church is the only gathering I can think of that goes on during the weekend. I have many different arguments in my head about getting out and meeting people and I understand what those arguments are. It is fear and comfort. I have to fight against those thoughts that are keeping me small. Follow the fear and use it as a compass. So I believe the church is the best place to start. From there maybe I can Find out exactly what men are looking for when it comes to helping their sons. What am I going to do? This is where I am making some major changes. Those changes are I am stepping away from the normal goal setting that I used to use. I am seeing that I need systems in place to help me make those goals. I will use goals but I will not just make goals and trying for them. I am making goals and then set up systems so that I am getting closer each time. Much like my 100 visitors a day goal. This year I have gotten even closer to my goals than I have ever before. I am averaging 30-40 visitors a day. My system is to put out 3 pieces of content each week. I then make sure those pieces of content are shared on as many different social media sites as possible. As you can see my appearance in search engines is getting better. So I will share what my systems are going to be for each goal in the next episode.

Question of the week - brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to Should the government play any role in the parent/child relationship? Are there circumstances where outside involvement/support/restrictions is/are acceptable? Who gets the final say in what happens to a child? on Quora Main Topic Toxic what? Yeah The topic this week is a little out there. According to some people you can actually be too happy. Which in my thought is a bunch of whoey. And this is for many different reasons the biggest being that you can make people feel bad for being happy. Now if you have listened to any of the other shows you know that you can't make anybody feel anything. They may have a thought about an action but their thought is what makes them feel a particular emotion. They have the choice to feel anything they want. If they choose to feel bad becuase you are in a good mood then that is on them. Another problem I have with this word is the word Toxic this implies that people are able to poison other people and we, as humans, simply don't have that ability. We do not carry toxins in our body. Now I do understand what they are getting at but it is just a horrible miss use of the word so I believe I need to correct it. Now You can use a positive outlook on life if you are trying to repress other emotions but that is again on you you are not going to inflict that on other people if they choose to not be happy.

This week I have a new guest. His name is Michael Mcpherson he is a mens Coach who specializes in Male Sexuality. He helps men get over the problems of porn. we talk about why men get stuck on porn why it doesn’t serve us and the harm it creates to our sons. mod you are interested in Michael’s work you can read more in his book listen to his podcast Book: Everything You Never Learned About Sex Website: https://www.michaelmcpherson.co/ Ceremonial Chocolate Drink: https://www.flykakao.com/ Instagram – @michaeljmcpherson