When the probability on DS9 gets out of whack, a new gambling hall across from Quark’s Bar may be to blame. But when O’Brien and Keiko start getting along, THAT’s the point when the crew becomes suspicious. How many liters of Odo are there? Does O'Brien prefer to play with himself? Where’s the knuck? It’s the episode that’s a real weird bit of business.

When frumpy refugees come through the hole, Kira has to stop finishing Sisko’s sandwich. But when the houseguests start threatening to extend their stay, Bajor is confronted with a potential avalanche of skin flakes. Is an opaque door the only thing that will get Adam and Ben back into square jobs? !s the hotel discount at Se7enCon a good deal? Is “hey, you like hip-hop?” an effective pickup line? It’s the episode that might need to get a referral to a specialist. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

On the anniversary of a significant event in Federation history, Sisko falls for a woman who keeps ghosting him. But after an awkward conversation at a dinner party, their fantasy romance goes nova. Is Jennifer Sisko reanimated, somewhere? Could a marriage be a “correctable situation”? Why doesn’t anyone want to take shore leave on DS9? It’s the episode where one of the hosts is still numb!

When Quark finds himself in a real film noir situation, it jogs memories with very muted colors for Odo. But when the case connects to events from the past, the sets get even smokier. Did Bajoran jewelers ever go through a modernist design period? What is Rom ever even doing? Are the Siskos being written off the show? It’s the episode where we goo through all the doors. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

When Quark brokers a deal with someone who has a severe case of “bad guy face,” he needs help from a coworker. But when Rom discovers what she’s been hiding under her bed, it forces Quark to choose between his moral and legal codes. Why does the promenade close? What’s the best pretzel in the game? Is Morn is a hobo? It’s the episode that recounts our frequent history of make-out erasure!

When Dr. Bashir tries to give a new ensign “The Brahms Treatment,” he actually manages to charm her. But when she and Dax are taken hostage with Quark, she briefly turns her weakness into a strength. What’s the worst bodily substance in microgravity? Has Dax just been jackin’ it for the last 150 years? How does science work? It’s the episode that retrofits as much of the podcast as possible for ADA compliance. HELP SUPPORT US IN THE #MaxFunDrive AT MAXIMUMFUN.ORG/DONATE! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

When a Cardassian boy bites Garak, it’s hard to blame him. But when Sisko and Bashir investigate further, their digging into the child’s Ancestry.com profile reveals some troubling facts w/r/t the "warphanages" on Bajor. Is the costume department “hattero-normative”? Does Gul Dukat watch the show? Are those Nilla Wafers? It’s the episode that thinks things are bathrooms that aren’t bathrooms!

When Quark prays for bandits to take over the station, he gets more than a sticky gym sock. But when they come for Jadzia’s ankylosaur (anklyosaur?), the crew has to make fists with more than their toes. Are these Klingons seeking the right thing? How much are they charging these days at Vulcan supercuts? Are there any good tricks for finding Mareel’s loaf? It’s the episode where we trade honey sticks for latinum. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Profits!

When the Bajorans seek to occupy Deep Space Nine, they arrive to find it nearly deserted. But when Sisko trusts the wrong messenger with the true nature of the coup, it’s up to his scrappy band of Jeffries tube rebels to fight off a legion of corduroy catbasket-clad soldiers before time runs out. What’s the first thing you should do after unboxing a RealSisko™? Who brings a guitar to a campout? Is Morn smart or dumb? It’s the episode that questions our own heroism!

When a new first officer begins his career on DS9, the old one has a lot of emotional goodbyes to say. But when Quark is deputized by Odo, the mystery of What’s Even Happening gets blown wide open. Which Avenger is Jake Sisko reminding us of? Is Kira as sweaty as Ben thinks? Is the Three Day Rule Lifestyle a pyramid scheme? It’s the episode where we throw all orb continuity out the window. Follow the board game! www.gagh.biz/game

When an ex-investment banker is sentenced to hard labor in a resort town, Major Kira goes behind enemy lines to rescue him. But when the stories he tells the tourists don’t end up holding any water, it’s up to Bajoran leadership to decide whether to keep his legend alive. What is proper "stream etiquette"? Why are dance crew contests still a thing in the 24th century? What are Klingon food safety rules? It’s the episode that questions the age limit on holosuites.

When a fundamentalist religious leader comes on board the station, Keiko inherits more than the wind. But when one of her husband’s wrenches goes missing, his work wife starts to keep him on his toes too. Who ate all the M&Ms out of the trail mix at the Craft Services table? What happened to the popsicle continuity in this episode? Does Neela want the jumja? It’s the episode where we teach the controversy.

When a man with a mysterious past beams onto DS9 to see a doctor, the only treatment he gets are accommodations in the brig. But when the crew begins to doubt the person’s true identity, Kira must come to grips with what she really wants out of their relationship. Which DS9 character would you FMK? What are the sexual ethics of the holosuites? Is there a best pre-murder meal to order from a take-out window? It’s the episode that has no lollipop b-story!

When a Klingon’s dying breath is to proclaim victory, the crew get dramatic about it. But while Odo becomes even more perplexed than normal about his colleague’s behavior, they’re cutting the phone lines and reenacting the death throes of a dying civilization. Should colleges and universities divest in Valeria? Is O’Brien going to have to get used to doing it in front of other people? Where is Quark in the cum hierarchy? It’s the episode where we go “full tube” to preserve our privacy.

When Lwaxana Troi visits DS9, she’s not the only diplomat causing problems for the crew. But when Odo turns to putty in her hands, it becomes a moment of truth for the both of them. Are "social charisma" and "work charisma" different things? Does “picnic” mean grabbing something other than a basket? What is a Yamato Truther? It’s the episode NOT sponsored by a garbage can company!

When characters from imagination and fantasy start arriving without a ship, it ruins bedtime for Deep Space Nine. But when llamas turn into bangers, the crew’s dreams turn into nightmares. Does Writer Salad make a filling meal? What’s Jake going to do with that baseball bat? Will Adam ever learn how to pronounce ‘denouement?’ It’s the drunken episode that nobody asked for (and the episode that will probably get us kicked off Maximum Fun).

When Nog and Jake inherit a boat load of a Cardassian condiment, they propose a deal where anything more than nothing should be a win. But as Major Kira oversees the construction (and then the destruction) of an out of the way Bajoran Pizza Kitchen franchise, her gamble on diplomacy has her losing her shirt. Is Morn packing a hammer? What ever happened to “Genital Knees”? Is there anything higher than empire? It’s the episode that dares you to eat a sauce you don’t understand!

When Sisko is presented with a perfect opportunity to redeem his reputation as a diplomat, he fails to recognize it for what it is. Meanwhile, Chief O’Brien is trying to keep a safe distance between himself and the doctor and failing miserably. How many clown shoes fit in the average bag? Is this old man set in his ways, or is the whole town? What’s the problem with Jake Sisko? It’s the episode with sub-Nagilum-level effects.

When Kai Opaka makes an unscheduled visit to DS9, Commander Sisko, Major Kira and Dr. Bashir take her off the station as soon as possible. But when their Winnebago crashes onto “Planet War,” one of them will be unable to leave. Do humans in the 24th century have super eyesight? Does the promenade have a Claire’s? What’s the greatest amount of emotion depicted in Star Trek? It’s the episode that’s grandfathered into immortality.

When a pair of twins use their prominently placed keisters to smuggle an egg onboard the station, a deal brokered by Quark goes sideways and a man is killed. But when the prisoner shows Odo his necklace, the shape-shifter has a chain reaction. Is Lieutenant Toast a character that exists to save work doe the payroll department? Is this episode meant to be a stirring tribute to the makeup designer’s deceased father? Are these guys gum commercial twins or beer commercial twins? It’s the episode where we open ALL the presents and do ALL the ass jokes.

When an extremely droopy Tony Robbins convenes a group of Ferengi economic minds, scheming for profit in the Gamma Quadrant is their top priority. But when he chooses Quark as his successor, the bartender is thrust from his comfortable place behind the scenes into a spotlight that proves dangerous. Where are the eyes supposed to go? Why would a Vulcan steal homework from a Ferengi? What are the chances that Rom has a nice apartment? It’s the episode that turns on Find My Friends!

When diplomats from the Gamma Quadrant head straight past a good premise, they wind up in Quark’s bar. But when the Ferengi act like Ferengi, the stakes are raised for the staff of DS9 in the worst way possible. Are the Wadi elves or sharks? Is O’Brien just going to spend the rest of Season 1 on an air mattress at his mother-in-law’s house? Is Major Kira our emotional proxy? It’s the episode that is paid for with swag from a natural history museum gift shop.

When Dr. Bashir witnesses the death of a dangerous criminal, the officer in charge of his capture presupposes that...maybe he’s alive? But when a new lieutenant has some fresh ideas w/r/t station security, Odo struggles to ensure their working relationship doesn’t get burnt. When is a super dumb Bela Lugosi voice ever a good idea? How long should you have to wait before dispensing corporal punishment? Is it a good time to start killing characters? It’s the episode that ravaged us all!

When some sneaky aliens decide to out-creep Dr. Bashir, they attempt to abduct Jadzia. But when the trial begins, it’s unclear if she’s an ankylosaur or a floor mat. Can Odo be Christmas Lights? Is Klaestron 4 a “mask and gloves” planet? How do you direct Nana Visitor? It’s the episode with all the great older ladies.

When Vash returns from the Gamma Quadrant with a sack full of toys, she brings back with her a person who knows when she’s asleep and when she’s awake. But when an auction for the quadrant’s hottest item starts causing bangers all over DS9, it’ll take more than a six finger discount to end the bidding. What kinds of holosuite programs does O’brien use to unwind after work? Have we seen ear diddling before? Is Vash more of a “cowboy” or “medium single” type? It’s an episode that was written for the wrong series!

When the station encounters its first Gamma Quadrant alien, they send the handyman down to make First Contact. But when the alien’s pursuers show up, starfleet is forced to relax its policy about gunfights on the Promenade. Is #MeToo going to still be a thing hundreds of years from now? Why does that beverage cart have googly eyes? Is the Predator canonical Flash Gordon? It’s the episode where we become each other’s extravagance buddies.

When the inhabitants of DS9 come down with a case of flop-sweat aphasia, O'Brien has to be thinking that the sexy part comes next. But when the word salad is followed by a deadly main course, Kira turns to kidnapping as a last resort. Does the Federation have enough people to fix DS9? Is it possible to hug the sick out of someone? Can Odo turn himself into cat litter? It's the episode that does not enjoy a gentle touch.

When a Barnaby lookalike gets a decidedly unhappy ending on the holodeck, Constable Odo becomes the prime suspect. But when the kids of Deep Space Nine use the distraction to do pranks around the station, it’s up to a very unlikely character to teach them a lesson. What do we do about movie talkers? What’s the difference between where a Bajoran keeps their genitals and where they put them? Is Odo’s relationship history more problematic than Geordi’s? It’s the episode that’s pro Vichy Bubble.

When Bashir makes friends with a man who is obviously a spy, the subterfuge, like the tailoring, goes way over his head. But when 90’s hair Bajorans start importing suspicious cargo, the crew will have to take risks far greater than hiding in a changing booth after store hours. Who’s your hall pass from the cast? Has DS9 overcompensated for the potted plant issue? What are Lursa and B’etor hiding with their boobs? It’s the episode where we really strain the portmanteau.

When a reluctant and somewhat recalcitrant Ben Sisko is given command of the worst neighborhood in Starfleet, a tone is set for a very different kind of Trek. But when the locals identify him as potentially playing a major role in their religion, the commander's commitment to his job comes roaring back. Is the space station a metaphor for urban Detroit? Did someone tell Nana Visitor that she was going to be the star of the series? Is Picard looking at Sisko’s junk? It’s the episode where we trade Picard’s Beavis and Butthead for Sisko’s Woo!

When Star Trek: The Next Generation trots out its greatest ambassador for a special retrospective episode, it's only fair that The Greatest Generation does the same. But when the hosts start arguing over the best and worst episodes of the series, it could take more than an intergalactic cheerleader to put their relationship back together. Where did Frakes get his wardrobe? Are Members Only jackets cool again? Is this educational programming? It's the episode that takes advantage of what pretty ladies we are.

The Greatest Discovery Episode 1: Oopsie-Daisy Murder When a precursor to the Argus Array gets a hole poked in it, the Federation sends its B-team: the USS SHEzhou. But when executive officer Michael Burnham pokes a hole in a nearby Klingon, the situation escalates quickly. Is Sarek the only Vulcan teacher? Has Georgiou given Burnham too much latitude? Is Saru the COB of this episode? It’s the episode that lights a beacon that can be seen across the galaxy.

When Captain Picard starts slipping through time, his sanity is called into question. But when Q shows up to blame him for the creation of a space-time butthole, Picard must unify the crews of his past, present and future in order to save humanity. Does Star Trek First Contact bubble bath have an expiration date? Does Worf have a holodeck eating disorder? What does all this have to do with Joel Schumacher’s Batman films? It’s the episode that’s the end of one thing, and the beginning of another!

When Lieutenant Ro is sent on a mission to infiltrate the Maquis, it’s just another late-Season 7 daddy-issues episode. But when the conflict between her loyalty to the Federation and her hatred of Cardassians comes to the fore, Picard doubles down on his inappropriate workplace behavior. Is Beverly the ship’s greatest disease vector? Are Starfleet officers the narcs of the Alpha Quadrant? How are we supposed to sympathize with Bajorans when all they eat are wraps? Everybody knows that the Federation are the good guys, but what this episode presupposes is, maybe they’re not?

When a clump of crazy straws sets up shop inside the wiring of the Enterprise, the ship’s holodeck programs become self aware. But when the characters begin to endanger the ship, they attempt to take back control by playing by their rules. Who's got time for canapés? Is there something going on between Jellico and Nechayev? Does the Parrot Army have anything to do with any of this? It's the episode where we finally decide what Riker's favorite sexual position is.

When a mysterious probe delivers a holographic Daimon Bok to the Enterprise, it’s a revenge served lukewarm. But when Picard discovers he may have unknowingly sired a son, the ship drops everything to save the beautifully coiffed boy. Is “farmer” the most eccentric job you can have? Does Picard need to start keeping a loaded DustBuster under his pillow? Why stop work on an amazing invention five minutes before you’re done? It’s the episode where Maury Povich takes a turn as co-host.

When Worf and Alexander take a field trip to a Klingon renaissance fair, an assassination attempt is foiled, and an old family friend appears to help. But when Alexander decides not to go to Klingon summer camp, his mentors must face the possibility that he'll never become the warrior they want him to be. Are Eric's balloons here to stay? What does a Klingon scented candle smell like? Which one is Lursa and which one is B'Etor? It's the episode that knows where to get the raw materials.

When Admiral Nechayev comes aboard, Picard would almost rather be relieved of command than carry out her orders. The mission coincides with Wesley’s Spring Break, and he’s eager to do some sweet bong rips to get out of the funk he’s been in. Who's the George of TNG? Why not deploy the Paul Sorvino Solution? Was anybody woke in the 90s? It’s the episode with all the pan flute. COOL!

When Worf fires a photon torpedo that goes off course, Picard and Data go on a road trip to retrieve it. Meanwhile, Dr. Crusher’s cure for Lt. Barclay’s flu ends up being a step in the wrong direction. How many arboretums are there? Is Nurse Ogawa’s relationship moving too fast? Is Kevin coming to Deep Space Nine? It’s the episode that’s a really beautiful tableau.

When a nacelle engineer totally puts himself into his work, Worf and Troi are tasked with investigating the circumstances of his death. But when Troi starts displaying some similarly troubling feelings, it's up to Worf to keep her from going over the edge. Is LiveJournal a compulsory part of a Starfleet career? Where's the boldest place to kiss someone for the first time? Are there special phasers for the elderly? It's the episode that's only slightly better than Ben Affleck's first film!

When Data’s attempt to become a sculptor coincides with the ship encountering a rogue comet, eldritch emanations from the heavenly body cause him to take his exploration of an ancient art form way too far. Now the Entrepreneur is in ruins, and the only way to save it is for Picard to go incognito. Did we just witness an ice life genocide? Did Worf and Geordi doom the ship by leaving a torpedo next to an open flame in engineering? Should Picard just blow up the damn ship? It’s the episode that pauses at vag on its way to treble clef.

When Data crash lands on "Planet Renaissance," he starts performing feats of strength and sells dangerous cargo to the blacksmith there. Meanwhile, Counselor Troi studies for a test where her answers have life-threatening consequences. Who's ever seen Space Rangers? What is the loaf of the week? Should we change the show's logo? It's the episode that suffers from mechanical amnesia.

When Riker and Troi embark on a quarterly crew evaluation, four fresh-faced ensigns are pitted against each other to see who will get promoted, and who will be voted off the island. But when the Captain takes a special interest in big-dogging a familiar young Bajoran, the competition turns deadly. What does a staff meeting in Ten Forward sound like? Is Worf the best manager on the ship? Is Troi running a long con to get more face time with Lavelle? Its the episode that will serve as a time capsule for post-tour Adam and Ben to understand what pre-tour Adam and Ben were really like.

When Beverly’s grandma wills her an erotic candle, her eye color isn’t the only thing that changes. But Troi and Picard grow increasingly suspicious when she starts dressing like an old. Is this mayor what would happen if the Dark Crystal puppets grew up? Where do babies come from? Was Nagilum an MRA? It’s the episode where we come to loggerheads over podcasting fluid.

When Worf’s brother sends word of pending calamity at the Diet Mintakan planet he’s living on, the Enterprise is there to stand bravely and selflessly by as a young civilization is winked out of existence. But when Dr. Rozhenko sneaks some refugees aboard, the only way to prevent a full blown Prime Directive violation is for Worf to dress up as Carl Weathers. How are these holodeck outages going to affect the ship’s first officer? What’s the best window treatment on which to preserve a historical record? Why isn’t Worf respecting proper hugging etiquette? It’s the episode that is almost entirely dedicated to Paul Sorvino pasta sauce.

When an Admiral from Starfleet Intelligence comes aboard, the Entrepreneur has to cut its holiday celebration short. But Riker’s misgivings about the mission and the man leading it boil over when a terrible, and very un-Roddenberry secret is uncovered. Is the Hood the Siberia of Starfleet? What is the top Riker? How is the Federation going to smooth this over with the Romulans? It’s the episode where Adam and Ben go to war with each other.

When the Enterprise investigates a misaligned telescope on one of the great arrays, Worf begins experiencing some problems focusing. But when his issues at work spill over into his home life, his wife(!) helps him get back to where he belongs. Do amputees finish ahead of people who are bad at bat'leth? What kind of camping can you do in a shuttlecraft? Is there such thing as "the ultimate man-spread"? It's the episode that proves there's no floor drains in a shuttlebay.

When a federation planet is a bit backed up, the Entrepreneur crew pull on their rubber gloves and get to work. But when one of the scientists starts insisting she’s Data’s mother, the mystery goes more than medium-deep. What’s the perfect can? Is this canonical phaser? Will we ever record sober again? It’s the episode where Data’s similarities to Ronald Reagan really start to trickle down.