OkCupid and Tinder are garbage fires, but occasionally you can find a diamond in the trash heap. In this episode, we give you the low-down on online dating: our favorite sites, our successful and not-so-successful dates, and our best tips for better matches. Plus, find out how Bex managed to have a threesome on a first date, and why Kate's one-night stand from Minneapolis sent her an apology a month later. Tinder vs. OkCupid | South Park | Show, Don't Tell | Compatibility Percentages | The End of Tinder | You Should Message Me If... | Conversation Starters | Obscure References | Kink Hints | Manic Pixie Dream Bean | Sex-Nerd Chats | Fizzling Out | An Excess of Cis Dudes | First-Date Threesome | Long-Term Ex | Unfeminist Ex | The Uber of Sex | "Makeouts, Etc." | Proofread Your Shit | Tutu to the Symphony | First-Message Formula | Pet Names | Commonalities | Tinder Guys With Tigers | Swipe Right For Dogs | Group Shots | Ace Ventura | Queer Apps | Social Media As Motivation Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

It's time for us to talk smack about smackin'! Let us regale you with tales of Bex's birthday spanking party, Kate's mid-bang spanking lesson, and the saddest paddlin' either of us has ever participated in. We also tell you our favorite toys to hit people and get hit with! (Content note: this episode contains a minute-long discussion of self-harm at the 37:30 mark, and mentions bruises throughout.) Early Morning Podcasting | Rainbow Bagels | #BirthdayBruises | Teaching Vanilla Boyz to Spank | 1-10 Scale | Suz | Face-Sitting | Platonic Spanking | Tantus Pelt | Good-Dick Garbage-Human | Punishment vs. Reward vs. Service | Tinder Tops | Gateway Kink | "That Girl on NCIS" | Ducky Doolittle | Sadists | Subspace | Kinkmergency | Enthusiasm | Mental Health | The Saddest Spanking Party | Bruises on a Bus Ride | Jillian Keenan | Bruises | Spit Scene: Good Girl | Pervertables | Sex with Shakespeare | Bible Paddle | Lolita | Book of Erotic Fantasy | Stay Paddle | Leather and Lattes | Stone Crop | Taylor J Mace | Kink Machine Works Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

Sexting isn't all hot commands and flowery prose: there's a visual element too! This week we pontificate on sexy selfies. What makes for an exceptional nude? Why are dick videos superior to dick pics? And why did we once snap a boob selfie together on a rainy highway in Wisconsin? Tune in for the naked truth! Trust & Vulnerability | Smiles | Disembodied Torsos | Strap-On & Wink | Selfie Sticks | Butt Selfie Tips | Selfie Yoga | Signature Poses | MySpace Angles | Suz's Butt | Artificial Cleavage | Renaissance Painting Nudes | Boner Through Underwear | Jeans Unbuttoned | "Cute Boys" Folder | Critique My Dick Pic | Hand For Scale | Dick Videos | Consent | Slow-Mo J.O. | Inanimate Sexy Pictures | The Boss Fight of Nudes | Reacting to Nudes | Slut-Shaming | Dicks in Blankets | "I Found a Fork!" | Snapchat | Pornkémon Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

This week we get into the nuts and bolts of sextual communication! We discuss our sexting origins, the sext etiquette we wish everyone would follow, and the best and worst sexts we've ever received. We also weigh in on controversial issues like emojis, autocorrect mistakes, and the benefits of read receipts. Furcadia | Runescape | Princess | Strongman Finger | Social Intelligence | Yes, And... | Sexting as Negotiation | Sexting and Anxiety | A-Spot | Getting Your Partner's Cheat Codes | Etiquette | Read Receipts | Initiating Sexting | Stone Crop | Proofreading Sexts | Word Choices | Emojis | Is That An Order? | Threesome Dreams | Smuggling a Potato Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

What what, in the butt?! Bex and Kate talk about that not-so-taboo-anymore taboo, butt stuff. We regale you with first-time anal sex tales, debate the merits of planned anal versus the spontaneous approach, and enthuse about butts ad nauseum (duh). We also rep our favorite anal toys, lubes, and ways of integrating kink into butt stuff. And, surprise: we both wore butt plugs throughout the recording of this episode! Asshole Politicians | Diving Into Butts | Pure Plugs | Sex Toy Semantics | Marijuana Changes Lives | G-Spot Comparisons | Mr. Universe | #DPursuit | "Naughty" & Taboo | Anal on the First Date | Vibe Pairings | Enemas | Oreos & Coffee | Pain & Pleasure | Planned vs. Spontaneous | Post-Sex Eats | Doin' Stuff to Other People's Butts | Super Gay | Sex-Nerd Brain | Tantus Uncuts and Ryder | Cam Shows | Lelo Bob | Fuze Plugs | Best Friend Butt Plugs | Uberlube & Sliquid | The Buttsex Cowboy | Small-Town Lube Shopping | Tinder Dudes | "Njoy Your Day!" | Thigh Tattoos | Butt Counterpoint Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

Is PIV really a thing anymore? Kate asked that very question in a recent article, and now she and Bex explore that idea even further. They discuss  their first times, their best times, and the times it's disappointed them. They also tackle the big questions: Does size matter? And what do you do when dicks just don't stay hard??? First Times | Simultaneous Orgasms | High Fives | Positions | Harry Potter | Standing Up Sex | Orgasm Faces | Dirty Talk | A-Spot Dicks | Mindfulness | Dick Size | Mustang | Maverick | Boner Problems | Threesomes | Vibrators During Sex | Tango | Hitachi | Connection | Goal-Oriented Sex | Condoms Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

Handjobs aren't just for high schoolers! In this episode Bex and Kate discuss all the reasons they love hand sex, some of their favorite hand sex stories, and their hand sex fantasies. Find out all the places they've been fingered (and want to be), why, once again, Kate has clit opinions while Bex cares very deeply about their G-spot, and the reasons they both so desperately want to be fisted. Eye Contact | Public Hand Sex | B99 Fan Fiction | Magic Wand Rechargable | Musician's Fingers | Kate's Clit is a Diva | A-Spot | Internal Clit | Dirty Talk | Orgasm Control | Wrestling the Little Monster | Good Girl | Fisting | Microflex Gloves | Sliquid Soul | Southern Butter | Good For Her | Pjur Lube | Uberlube | Funkit Signet | We-Vibe Tango | Crave Bullet | Hello Touch | Rainbow Paddles | Reid Mihalko | Tristan Taormino | Escalator Model | Sex Down South Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

As the companion to the popular BJ episode, Bex and Kate sit down to discuss something they're considerably less excited about: cunnilingus. They each tell the story of the first time they ever received oral sex, and how their opinions have changed on it over time. They also discuss their anxieties around both giving and receiving, and what people can do to make cunnilingus really enjoyable for them. #DildoHoliday | Playground Conference | Taylor | Cunnilingus Preferences | Good Dick Garbage Human | "Treat My Clit Like A Dick" | Shame | Anxiety | Periods | Sex Lab | Fingering | Queer Imposter Syndrome | House | American Horror Story | The OC | Liz | Dominant Cunnilingus | Sex Down South | WOCSHN | Andre Shakti | Positions | Sinclair Sexsmith | Fire Play | Orpheus Black | Dr. Ruthie | Lovingly Objectified | Pay Me Hat Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

This is it! FINALLY! The episode we've you've been waiting for! Kate and Bex get a tiny bit intoxicated and geek out about their all time favorite subject: Blowjobs! We finally explain why we love them so much, talk about our favorite tips and tricks, and get very, very giggly. Find out why Kate was once told she gives "the cashmere of BJs," listen to Bex talk about the kind of dick that makes them make terrible decisions, and finally learn what it means to have a "good BJ dick."     Inebriation | Boners | BJ Origins | Penis Anxiety | Good BJ Dicks | Threesomes | Tantus Uncut | Vixskin Mustang | Vixen Leo | Getting Emotional About Dicks | BJ Porn | Gagging | BJ Mindfulness | Service BJs | Praise | Strap-On BJs | Socratic Method | Being a Good BJ Receiver | Noise | Giving Direction | What Do I Do With My Hands? | Accepting Pleasure | Communication |  Channel-Surfing Method | The Worm | The Cashmere of BJs | Enthusiasm | Entitlement | Feminist Guilt | This Dick is Going to Ruin My Life… | Semen Recipe Book | BJ Painting Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

In this episode your hostfemme and hostbean discuss our gender identities and what they mean to us. We discuss Bex's gender feels, Kate's femmeness, and the way cis men impact the way we present. Segue? So gay! | Sexting | Gender Feels | Pronouns | Bean | Femmes | Skirts and Dresses | Patriarchal Bullshit | Hot Pink Lipstick | Pop Punk Skater Boi | Soft Butch Dykes | Faggy Gay Boys | Cleavagey Shirts | Aggressively Gendering People | Batman Dress | Thrift Store Prom Dresses | Mental Health | CisHet Dudes | Good Girl | Not No… | Girly Girl | Body Hair | Archer | Blue Eyeshadow Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

This week the Dildorks delve into one of their all time favorite topics- Kink! We talk about our kink identities, fetishes, and some of the things we really want to try. We think back on how our kinks manifested in childhood and what it looked like when we realized we were kinky. Then we wrap things up with a discussion on blowjobs and our memories of Bex's epic birthday party. Submission | Bratting | Pup | Service | Pillow Princess | DD/lg | Daddy | Good Girl | Teacher's Pet | Little One | Veruca Salt | Dane Joe | Pet Names | Humiliation | Being Called a Slut | Kinky Beginnings | Power Exchange | Developing New Kinks | Kinky BJs | Suit kinks | Spanking | Restraint | Impact | OxBalls Paddle | Lexan Paddle | Grappling | Anal Sex | Fisting | Skype Fist Bumps | Suspension | Fire Play | Zoomline | Managing Anxiety with Kink | Productivity Doms | #BirthdayBruises | Exhibitionism | Kink Flirting Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

As sex toy reviewers, we get asked the same questions over and over... In this episode we discuss our desert-island toys, weirdest toys, and the first toys we ever used. We also get real sassy about the stereotypes of using toys with partners, and our two least favorite luxury companies. Good for Her | Rubber Ducky Vibe | The Softies | Icicles No. 1 | Prehensile G-spots | Working Up to Fisting | Desert Island Sex Toys | Magic Wand Rechargeable | Njoy Eleven | Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble | Oasis | Porn Shoots | A-spot | Lexan Paddle | Unicorn Collaborators | Artemisia Femmecock | Vixen Maverick | Vixen Randy | Tantus Uncuts | Fuze Foreman | NYTC Ellis | NYTC Packers | L'Amorouse Prisms | Leather and Lattes | Stone Crops | Sadist Attraction Devices | Problematic Bad Dragon | Pokemoan | Magic Banana | Butt Plug Shoes | Courtesy Hitachis | JimmyJane | [Intro 2] [Form 4] | Lelo [Hex] [Scented Sex Toys] [Dick Tux] | Pevertables | Machete Spankings | Sex with Shakespeare | Vixskin [Goodfella] [Outlaw] Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.