For millennia, cultures around the globe have known that there’s more to us than meets the eye and that our family trees really are a map to ourselves — an energetic portrait of our lives.   Today, epigenetics has proven that what our ancestors experienced can imprint on our genes and impact our lives today in unexpected ways.    That depression, anxiety, stress or limiting belief? It might be from long ago.   And the field of psychology is finally catching up with this.    A new methodology I just discovered (and got the chance to try as a client) is called Family Constellation work.    In this method, we find unconscious experiences and beliefs that we’re carrying from our ancestors — including those who we never knew — and work to transform them through awareness and compassion.   On the podcast this week, I talked with my Family Constellation practitioner, Emily Blefeld, about what Family Constellation work is, how our family history affects our lives today and how we can clear blocks and dismantle generational cycles by being bold and brave enough to look at what happened before we were even here.   It’s not that different from what we do with parts work in The Adult Chair®, except instead of working with parts of ourselves we’re working with parts of our family tree! It’s SO freaking cool!   Listen to discover: How our family history impacts our present reality The way our ancestors' patterns create patterns for us today What Family Constellation work is and how it works How to heal trauma and clear blocks through Family Constellation work Using Family Constellation work for business, non-biological relatives and more The cool thing about epigenetics is that it describes a tendency, not a fate. These experiences don’t change our DNA; they change the way our genes express themselves.   That means we get a choice in how these generational traumas will manifest in our lives.   We don’t have to agree with the beliefs and experiences of our ancestors. We can look them in the face and decide they stop with us.    And there’s no transformation more powerful than that – for ourselves and generations to come.   “We are victim to our lineage.” - Michelle Chalfant    “What’s unconscious will continue to permeate our lives until it’s made conscious.” - Emily Blefeld   “We actually carry the victims and the perpetrators in our inherited lineage.” - Emily Blefeld   “[Family Constellation work] is predominantly a therapy that looks at the system that we walk around with.” - Emily Blefeld   “Constellation work is less interested in what is causing the symptom, and they’re more interested in who is the symptom.” - Emily Blefeld   "I like to think of it as a family soul on some level." - Emily Blefeld   "There's so much more to us than meets the eye." - Michelle Chalfant   "There are so many different ways to clear our blocks. There's so many different ways to relieve anxiety, depression, feeling not good enough, our inner fraud, all of those things." - Michelle Chalfant   "You'll feel the generations behind heal and the generations following." - Emily Blefeld   "What an awesome thing to hear as a parent, your child thanking you for doing your work. Because it can stop with you." - Emily Blefeld   LINKS & RESOURCES   Emily Blefeld Website https://seeingwithyourheart.com/    FREE MASTERCLASS: How To Heal Your Relationship To Get the Love You Want https://theadultchair.com/healing     MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!  https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/    YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

What if everything you do in your life is actually driven by one question – a question that is unconscious to you but acts as the command center for how you show up in the world?   That question is what Mike Foster calls your “primal question,” and let me tell you, when I discovered mine, it was like my whole life made sense.    Mike developed The Seven Primal Questions system based on his research and work as a coach.   The idea is that we all have a question – like, “Am I safe?” or, “Am I loved?” – that we didn’t get answered in childhood and that we continue to ask as adults.   When the answer to this question is “yes,” we feel good and become our best selves.   When it’s “no,” we start scrambling. Our emotional reactions, compulsions, unhelpful behaviors and survival strategies (things like perfectionism and people pleasing) are all attempts to get this question answered in the way we want.   The cool thing? When we understand our primal question and the question of our loved ones, we can change everything about our relationships by healing our wounds, connecting to our gifts and intentionally answering each others’ question with a “yes!”   I LOVE this system, and I’m thrilled to have Mike on this show giving us a crash course in it as he breaks down the seven questions, their corresponding “primal truths” and “primal gifts” and how these questions can show up in our lives in different ways.   Listen to discover: The Seven Primal Questions and what they mean for your life How to replace your primal question with a primal truth Why the flipside of your primal question is your superpower How you can stop letting your child self run your life and live from your healthy adult self How to apply your primal question in business and relationships  I have a feeling you’ll have some lightbulb moments during this show. I also have a link below to help you find your primal question if you’re having trouble figuring it out.   This tool is a GAME CHANGER for more consciously relating to ourselves and others, and I’m thrilled to share it with you! It gets down to the core of what makes us tick and shows us how to love ourselves and the people in our life better…and who doesn’t want that?   “In our early childhood, we get imprinted with a primal question…The primal question just represents our highest...emotional need.” - Mike Foster   “‘Am I safe?’ is really about survival…where security is really about, ‘Am I resourced appropriately to be able to protect myself and sustain myself?’” - Mike Foster   “[That’s] what children do, we perceive the world we’re in and then we make conclusions about it.” - Mike Foster   “The other side of the question is what I call your primal gift, and it’s this superpower that every question has.” - Mike Foster   "[During the first six years of life] we don't have discernment...we take it on as, 'It's my fault. I did something wrong.'" - Michelle Chalfant   "When we start attuning to our team members' primal question, we can really become a very effective leader with them." - Mike Foster   "What we need the most is what we want to give away to others." - Mike Foster   "Under every behavior is an emotional or feeling driving that behavior. But under every emotion and feeling is an unmet need driving that emotion or feeling." - Mike Foster   "A question being imprinted by trauma is just gonna carry a lot more weight to it than a question just imprinted through confusion." - Mike Foster   "I just see this as such an empowering tool that can help any relationship." - Michelle Chalfant   "I need to be really aware of how my question is showing up in my life." - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES   Mike Foster Website https://www.mikefoster.tv/    Seven Primal Questions Assessment  https://mikefostercoaching.outgrow.us/mikefostercoaching-2   "The Seven Primal Questions" (Mike Foster Book) https://shop.mikefoster.tv/products/seven-primal-questions-book    Mike Foster Instagram https://www.instagram.com/mikefoster2000/    FREE DOWNLOAD: 5 Healthy Relationship Myths https://theadultchair.com/myths    Green Chef https://www.greenchef.com/60adult Use code 60ADULT for 60% off + free shipping   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!  https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/    YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

Grief is a messy, complicated emotion, and very few of us know what to do with it.   We don’t want to (or know how to) feel it, and when we’re around others who are grieving, most of us freeze.   We feel uncomfortable, so we say nothing or say the wrong thing or stay away, all of which just adds to the pain.    That was me in my 20s and 30s. But when I lost my father, I could no longer avoid grief. He taught me how to grieve…and I found that grief, as painful as it was, connected me to the deeper parts of my soul and made me a more whole-hearted person.    In this episode, I was fortunate to connect with a new soul sister, Kris Carr, about her own journey with grief following the loss of her father.    She experienced a lot of loss — including 20 years of living with Stage 4 cancer — but like me, she had spent her life shoving grief down until her dad passed away.   As she walked with him from diagnosis until his death, she experienced heartbreaking moments, precious moments, joyful moments and spiritual moments that taught her more about being human and opened her up to life.   We talk about how grief can show up in many different ways (not just death), what happens in our bodies when we don’t process it, how to support each other through this universal human experience and how to find joy even in a world where pain is part of our reality.   Listen to discover: Kris's story of learning to live with both grief and hope What to say and not say to someone who is grieving What happens when we don't process grief Healthy ways to process grief  Taking a "joy inventory" of your life   This conversation is raw, real and beautiful — it’s wisdom earned by being in the trenches, and I hope it helps you get a little more comfortable with the discomfort of grief.    There is no formula for grief. It’s something we simply have to be there with.    And when we learn to be there with each other and hold space for it, it can become a sacred moment of deeper connection to ourselves and to each other.     "Grief is such a touchy topic, and sometimes it can be hard to even approach the idea of learning more about it." - Kris Carr   "In many ways, grief is a master healer." - Kris Carr   "I couldn't hold [grief] in any longer and expect to be whole." - Kris Carr   "We don't want to feel [grief]. We don't want to go into the negative emotion zone. If emotions are on that spectrum of love to fear, we don't want to go on that side of the spectrum at all. And grief is sitting right there glaring at all of us." - Michelle Chalfant    "None of us are going to get out this life scratch free and stain resistant." - Kris Carr   "I want to welcome all the parts of me and all the emotions to the table." - Kris Carr   "I don't think the [stages of grief] were ever intended to be linear." - Kris Carr   "There's nothing you can do to make my pain go away. So, it's not your responsibility to fix it. It's your responsibility to be present." - Kris Carr   "There's nothing anybody can say or do to make the grief go away...but showing up with presence is one the best things we can do...As a human being, to feel witnessed is such a healing experience for us." - Michelle Chalfant   "Not only are [our emotions] information, but they're energy. [Crying] is just letting that energy out." - Kris Carr   "While you have the chance to be alive, how can you live as fully as possible, even though you've experienced enormous heartache?" - Kris Carr   LINKS & RESOURCES   Kris Carr Website https://kriscarr.com/   "I'm Not a Mourning Person" (Kris Carr Book) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401970060    FREE DOWNLOAD: 5 Healthy Relationship Myths https://theadultchair.com/myths    MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!  https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

You’re here today, doing the work, living from your Adult Chair, becoming who you want to become.    It feels really good. But as we live and grow and transform, it can sometimes bring up negative feelings about our past.   Whether we made mistakes, missed opportunities, were hurt by someone or experienced a life-altering loss, every one of us has something about our past we wish we could change.   Regret can cut deep – into our very souls – and bring a lot of pain, shame and blame with it.    But whenever we live in regret, it causes us to miss another opportunity: the chance to make the most of the moment we have right now.  In this show, I’m giving you three common reasons we get stuck in the past and six ways to make peace with your past and start living in the present moment.  You will gain a new perspective on your past and learn to reframe it so you can rewire your brain to live without regret. Listen to discover: 3 reasons we get stuck in the past (and what to do about them) Why living in present reality is so much better than past reality How to reframe how you think about your past 6 ways to make peace with your past Remember, today will soon become your past. Will you look back and wish you hadn’t spent it stuck in regret? Or will you make the most of the moment and use the power you have right now to be who you want to be today?   The present moment is such a powerful reality to live in.   It's here that we find peace and joy. It’s here that we have the ability to make this moment one we won't regret.   “The decision that we made in that moment, I don’t care how old you were…the person that we were in that moment, we were showing up the very, very best that we could.” - Michelle Chalfant   “97% of the time, our assumptions are incorrect.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Things that happened in our past, no matter if it’s a death or someone has done something to us or we made mistakes, it can be difficult to move on, but it’s possible.” - Michelle Chalfant   “When we live in the moment, it’s a much different reality. It’s almost as if the world opens up.” - Michelle Chalfant    “Living in the past is like having an anchor tied around our waist trying to move forward.” - Michelle Chalfant    “What I’m giving you today are ways to move you forward into the moment.” - Michelle Chalfant    “When we don’t feel our emotions around something, guess what? It keeps us stuck.” - Michelle Chalfant    “When we block our emotions, we’re blocking ourselves.” - Michelle Chalfant    “Forgiveness releases the hold that the past has on you.” - Michelle Chalfant    “When we get in the habit of going back and beating up on ourselves or being mad about someone else…what we do is we form these neural pathways, and they are not healthy. It’s like we set the roadmap in our brains to go back and beat up on self.” - Michelle Chalfant    LINKS & RESOURCES   Podcast #381: Summer Series: How To Get Rid of Negative Emotions https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/381/    A Guided Meditation for Cleansing Relationships and Cutting Cords https://theadultchair.com/portfolio_page/a-guided-meditation-for-cleansing-relationships-and-cutting-cords/   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!  https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

Codependency is one of those issues that can often come across as selfless to those around us...in fact, it might even earn us praise because we seem so nice and helpful (although at our own expense).    But what if I told you that codependency was actually a form of control? This episode today was inspired by a very insightful question from one of our listeners who shared his realization that in his codependency, he was being unintentionally manipulative and controlling. He was showing up as the ever-helpful husband, but he was often doing this from a place of trying to get his own needs met (earning his wife’s love, support, etc.). Of course, this was not conscious, and once he had his awakening, he wanted to know how to move forward and learn how to be genuinely helpful and healthy.    Codependency is one of my favorite topics to talk about, and in this episode, I’m giving you five simple steps for what to do next when you find yourself asking, “I’m codependent. Now what?”   Listen to discover: How we improve our relationships with others when we’re codependent Why this is different than intentional or abusive control Five steps to break the pattern of codependency  Why realizing you’re codependent isn’t a bad thing If this is you, the first step is to drop the blame and shame. You weren’t trying to be manipulative; you were trying to survive based on what your programming told you to do. Once you realize this, you can step into a whole new chapter in your life...one filled with healthier relationships and a healthier connection to self!   “We’re controlling and being manipulative from an unconscious place.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We betray ourselves and change who we are in order to make sure other people outside of us are happy and peaceful. That’s how it’s manipulative and controlling.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We need someone who can fact check us.” - Michelle Chalfant   “That’s why so many codependents are so exhausted, because our energy is going out to others all day, every day.” - Michelle Chalfant   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!  https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

Grief, anger, sadness, fear…YUCK! I don’t know anyone who likes to feel these emotions.    I get emails from you guys all the time asking how to get rid of “negative” emotions like these.   But are these emotions really negative? Or do they serve a purpose in our lives?   While some emotions might feel more unpleasant than others, I personally don’t believe any emotion is negative. All emotions are part of the human experience and carry information for us.   However, they can create negative experiences in life when we get stuck in them.   The problem isn’t the emotions; it’s that we don’t know what to do with them!   In this show, I’m teaching you how to work through the full range of emotions you were designed to experience as a human and how to get unstuck if you find yourself lost in anger, grief or fear.   You’ll discover practical steps for feeling your emotions in a way that allows them to move through you, no matter how you saw emotions modeled growing up.   Listen to discover: Why “negative” emotions serve a purpose in life The messages we receive about emotions as children What causes emotions to get stuck Practical steps to feel emotions and move them through you Emotions are simply energy that moves through our body and creates sensation. And on the spectrum of emotions from love to fear, some feel better than others…but because they are energy, they can ALL move through us (and move through us quickly).   Problems arise when emotions come up that we don’t want to feel. We avoid them and shut them down, which makes us more likely to get stuck in these “negative” experiences.    That's why we have to start going INTO our emotions, no matter how uncomfortable it might feel. When you do this, you’ll be surprised how quickly they move through you...and what powerful insights they might hold for you.   ​​“We’re human, and humans were created to have emotions. We were created to have a range of emotions.” - Michelle Chalfant   “There’s an energy to emotions that rises up and passes through us.” - Michelle Chalfant   “I don’t even like to call emotions on the fear end of the spectrum ‘negative.’” - Michelle Chalfant   “Anger propels us forward.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Energy is always in motion, and emotions are energy.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Something that keeps emotions stuck is a story.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Just let it go and be present with whatever is coming up.” - Michelle Chalfant   “When you put pen to paper, you’re tapping into your unconscious world.” - Michelle Chalfant   “There’s power when someone is witnessing what’s going on in our inner world.” - Michelle Chalfant   “If you feel the energy of peace, it's neutral.” - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES    Green Chef https://www.greenchef.com/adult50   Use code ADULT50 for 50% off + free shipping   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!  https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

Our society today is facing an epidemic of anxiety. Despite technology that promises to make our lives faster and easier, it seems that we’re more anxious than ever. In 2020, Google searches for “anxiety” reached an all-time high.   We have to look beyond the diagnosis of anxiety and seek to find the root cause of why so many people are living with such high stress and dysregulation that are creating anxiety. There is something bigger going on here.   And since we’re whole humans, we need to look at the whole picture – mind, body and spirit – when thinking about how we heal and manage anxiety.   My guest on this show, Dr. Ellen Vora, is a psychiatrist who takes a functional medicine approach to anxiety, looking at mental health factors and physical health factors, such as sleep, digestion and blood sugar, that can add up to throw us out of balance and contribute to feelings of anxiety.   She also helps us to distinguish between feelings of anxiety that come from a physical imbalance vs. true anxiety, which comes from our inner compass telling us something truly isn’t ok.   Listen to discover: What's causing our current epidemic of anxiety The connection between sleep and anxiety   Why blood sugar imbalances can cause "false anxiety" The difference between true anxiety and false anxiety  The many reasons for cell phone-induced anxiety  Spirituality and anxiety management  A psychiatrist’s honest opinion about psychedelics, medications and anxiety  We need to start taking a “layered” approach to treating and managing anxiety by looking at the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual elements of our lives and how they work together to create stress or health. This hopeful approach to anxiety empowers us all to make choices that support our well-being, even in the face of real personal and mental health challenges.    "I was sort of taking the temperature of our society, and the temperature right now is anxiety." - Dr. Ellen Vora   "False anxiety is anxiety that is not our true essence." - Dr. Ellen Vora   "It's not just one thing that we have to look at." - Michelle Chalfant   "Genes plays a role, but that keeps a lot of us feeling stuck and feeling destined to be anxious....it's more dynamic than we appreciate." - Dr. Ellen Vora   "Our problems, our stressors are still valid. It's just that if we had a snack and our blood sugar was more stable in that moment, we would be more resilient in the face of our stressors." - Dr. Ellen Vora   "Our mind is the consummate meaning maker." - Dr. Ellen Vora   “It’s not like we have to dramatically change everything that we do, but we just want to make informed choices.” - Dr. Ellen Vora   “We don’t get to gluten free or decaf coffee our way out of our true anxiety.” - Dr. Ellen Vora   “I would have my clients sit in their bodies and feel what was going on, and their physical symptoms would start to change.” - Michelle Chalfant   “[Anxiety] is the physical manifestation of unfelt emotions.” - Michelle Chalfant    “It’s our body that’s able to listen and really dial in and tap into a deeper knowing.” - Dr. Ellen Vora   “It’s turning toward the anxiety instead of turning away from.” - Michelle Chalfant    “We reach outside of ourselves to ‘fix us’…and it doesn’t end it. We’ve gotta get to the root.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We need to change our narrative of what is materially possible.” - Dr. Ellen Vora    “We’re never stuck. We are never broken.” - Dr. Ellen Vora   LINKS & RESOURCES    Dr. Ellen Vora Website https://ellenvora.com/   Dr. Ellen Vora Instagram https://www.instagram.com/ellenvoramd/    "The Anatomy of Anxiety" (Dr. Ellen Vora book) https://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Anxiety-Understanding-Overcoming-Response/dp/0063075091    The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle https://theadultchair.com/worthy    MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!  https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

Do you ever feel like you’re being disloyal to your family for having your own life? Or do you feel like you’re second fiddle to your partner’s parents?   If so, you or your partner might come from an enmeshed family: a system of relating to each other that is based on dependency, guilt, obligation and too much closeness (yes, that can be a thing!).   In today’s episode, I’m bringing back one of your favorite guests, Dr. Ken Adams, to talk about the important topic of enmeshment – and let me tell you, he is SUCH a wealth of knowledge!   When I knew we were bringing Dr. Adams back, I asked The Adult Chair® community what you wanted to know about enmeshment, and I was flooded with questions! So, I used this time with Dr. Adams to ask him YOUR questions – everything from the difference between codependency and enmeshment to what to do if your spouse is enmeshed with his or her family to how to let go as an enmeshed parent.   I know you guys are so excited to have Dr. Adams back and to get your questions answered, and I am too!   Listen to discover: The line between being caring and enmeshment The difference between codependency and enmeshment What to do if you come from an enmeshed family or your spouse’s family is enmeshed How to manage guilt when stepping out of an enmeshed system What a healthy family looks like How different cultural norms can foster enmeshment Tips for enmeshed parents who want to change their pattern of relating to their children or who are struggling with letting go The key to recognizing enmeshment is to understand that it’s a connection bound by guilt. It goes beyond being caring and even beyond being codependent to the point of obligation, anger and being accused of disloyalty if you don’t follow the family system.  These feelings of guilt can make it difficult to set boundaries, but if you stay in your Adult, sit with your emotions and hold those boundaries, freedom – and possibly a much healthier family overall – is waiting for you on the other side. “In those enmeshed systems, dependency is built on obligation and loyalty is driven by guilt.” - Dr. Ken Adams “Autonomy and separateness feel like disloyalty.” - Dr. Ken Adams “Sometimes outsiders are viewed suspiciously, which includes your spouse.” - Dr. Ken Adams “Both partners are responsible for keeping out intrusions”. - Dr. Ken Adams “Sometimes the guilt is a representation that you’re doing the right thing.” - Dr. Ken Adams “You don’t let the guilt stop you from continuing the boundaries in that relationship.” - Michelle Chalfant “It’s really building up self-worth around who am I now…who am I really underneath these masks that my parents put on me.” - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES   Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/    Episode #256: Understanding Enmeshment with Dr. Ken Adams https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/256/    Episode #276: Raising Teens from The Adult Chair® with Dr. Pam Staples https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/276/    Find an Adult Chair® Coach https://theadultchair.com/coaches/    MORE ADULT CHAIR    The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!  https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

Rejection is one of the greatest fears we have as humans. Even simple rejections like not making the team or being chosen for a job – things we know aren’t personal – still sting deeply. Why does rejection seem to hit at the core of who we are?   Susan Anderson began asking this question when she went through a personal experience of abandonment. The love of her life left her suddenly for another woman, and although she was a practicing psychotherapist with immense knowledge of the human mind, she still found herself in emotional crisis and doubting herself and her worthiness.    As she dug more into this topic, she discovered that we as humans have a primal abandonment wound – a universal experience that begins when we are born and go from deep union and connection with our mother to a feeling of being separate. This creates deep shame and causes us to search for belonging and worthiness throughout our lives.   And this is why rejection hurts so much: it triggers this deep fear that we might not belong and we might not be worthy.    In this fascinating and important episode, Susan shares her discoveries on the topic of abandonment, why we experience it the ways we do and how a whole host of other issues in our lives can stem from this wound. We discussed why healing abandonment trauma looks different from healing other traumas, the five stages of healing and the tools (all of which are part of The Adult Chair® model) that can heal it.   Listen to discover: The hidden shame we all have and the root of it The different defenses we put up against shame How to raise our awareness to our abandonment wounds Why healing from abandonment looks different from other forms of trauma healing Steps to healing abandonment wounding How working with abandonment wounding can help with people pleasing, codependency and self-sabotage  5 stages of processing abandonment hurt  The primal wound of abandonment is also an opportunity for primal healing. When we learn to love and accept ourselves as worthy and recognize how deeply connected we truly are, we not only heal our abandonment wound, but we can change almost anything in our lives. "The loneliness is sort of a secondary feeling. The primary is the primal fear and the shame of maybe never being worthy of keeping someone." - Susan Anderson   "The personality itself is a defense against the shame." - Susan Anderson   "When we look at a relationship that ends, it is a retraumatization of what we experienced as a child." - Michelle Chalfant   "The history that leads to a strong reaction in adulthood to abandonment could be very subtle." - Susan Anderson   "You have to take this step, and you go through it...The pain is there, but you go through it, and you get to the other side." - Michelle Chalfant   "Your adult self can now develop an intense, loving, reassuring relationship with your inner child."  - Susan Anderson   "It turns this awful emotional crisis that's so painful into an opportunity for something that's probably long overdue, which is self-love." - Susan Anderson   "Doing these steps, you will become an even better, stronger, more self-loving person on the other side of it...even stronger than you were prior to this abandonment wound." - Michelle Chalfant   "The kind of self-love that we're developing is deeper, more mature self-love...the kind of love you give yourself because you respect yourself so much." - Susan Anderson   "We have to stop looking outside of self and turn our attention inward. That's where healing, that's where love, that's where hope, that's where peace, that's where all the things are that we're looking for outside of ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant   "When the adult gets strong and is in command, it limits all of this self-sabotage." - Susan Anderson   LINKS & RESOURCES    Susan Anderson Website  https://www.abandonment.net/  https://abandonmentrecovery.com    "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" (Susan Anderson book) https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Surviving-Recovering/dp/0425273539   Green Chef https://www.greenchef.com/adult50 Use code ADULT50 for 50% off + free shipping   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!  https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

In my 25 years of private practice, the #1 issue I worked on with clients was feeling their emotions.  Whether someone was anxious, reactive and raging or numb to the world, the question they were all asking was, “What the heck do I do with these emotions?” I’ve been there too. And it breaks my heart, because experiencing emotions is one of the gifts of being human.  But the good news is that all of us can reclaim this part of ourselves and learn to feel our emotions. And when we do, it unlocks all kinds of possibilities in life!  In this episode, I’m breaking down why it’s so important that we learn to feel our emotions and some practical ways to do that. I’m also addressing some of the common fears and discomfort around feeling emotions (like, “What if I get stuck in this emotion?”) and helping you understand why this is your birthright – and how it can improve your relationships, your intuition and your life!  Listen to discover: Why it's so important to feel your emotions Why most humans struggle with this Four practical ways to feel your emotions  How to connect with your inner child How to overcome blocks in feeling emotions No one is born without emotions, but along the way, we learn to suppress them – and in turn, disconnect from who we really are.  Feeling emotions is the key to connecting back to yourself and one of the foundational pillars of being a healthy adult. I hope this episode helps guide you back to this essential part of you. "We'd have a completely different world if we were all able to tune into what our emotions are." - Michelle Chalfant "We become whole humans when we feel our emotions." - Michelle Chalfant "We're all born to feel emotions." - Michelle Chalfant "When we feel our emotions, it is a gateway into our intuition. We have enhanced intuition when we are in tune with and know what we are feeling emotionally." - Michelle Chalfant "Instead of asking yourself, 'What do I think?" ask yourself, "What do I feel?'" - Michelle Chalfant "Empathy is when we're able to tune into another person and feel what they're feeling. It's a beautiful skill to have." - Michelle Chalfant "Connecting with the inner child is simply activating an energy." - Michelle Chalfant "There's so much power in feeling our emotions." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES  Free Inner Child Resource https://theadultchair.com/innerchild MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com   The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You landed the dream gig, got the promotion, submitted your book for publishing, had an amazing first date. So, why do you feel so insecure, unsure and even unworthy? Hello, imposter syndrome! Imposter syndrome, or feeling like a fraud, is something that everyone struggles with from time to time — yep, even those super successful people you look up to. It’s that feeling that you don’t really deserve the recognition or opportunities you’ve earned or you worry you’re not really good enough for them. It often sounds like, “If they only knew…” Imposter syndrome can pop up when something good happens in our life or it can hold us back from ever going after our dreams.  In this episode, I’m breaking down exactly what imposter syndrome is, where it comes from and the concrete steps you can take to work through it and overcome it! Listen to discover: What imposter syndrome is Where it comes from Practical steps to stop feeling like a fraud or an imposter Feeling like a fraud is part of the human experience. But because this feeling causes us shame, we hide it and then end up thinking we’re the only ones. It’s time we talk about it openly — and talk about what you can do so it doesn’t hold you back any longer! I hope the steps in this episode are steps you can turn to anytime you feel imposter syndrome creep up.  "If you feel this way, don't feel like you're the only one." - Michelle Chalfant   "It's the feeling that you're a fraud, that you don't deserve compliments, praise or success that you rightfully earned." - Michelle Chalfant   "When we have imposter syndrome, we feel like our success happened by chance or by luck." - Michelle Chalfant   "It's like we're carrying around this big, dark secret that we want no one to know about." - Michelle Chalfant   "It's critical to have self-worth. This is one of the ways that we work ourselves out of feeling like a fraud or an imposter."  - Michelle Chalfant   "When we can become witness to it, we give ourselves another perspective." - Michelle Chalfant   "Don't let your rouge thoughts run your life." - Michelle Chalfant   "When we change our thoughts into positive, conscious thoughts about who we are, it feels better." - Michelle Chalfant   "What we're not great at doing is accepting and owning our accomplishments." - Michelle Chalfant   "These are your accomplishments. They're yours. Claim them. Be proud of them." - Michelle Chalfant   "Self-worth is key to changing your mindset about being a fraud." - Michelle Chalfant   "Self-worth is all about value." - Michelle Chalfant   "Imposter syndrome is much more common than you would think." - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES    Green Chef https://www.greenchef.com/adult60   Use code ADULT60 for 60% off + free shipping   The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/    MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ \   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

Cheers. Salud. Skol.    Wherever you are in the world, it seems like alcohol punctuates every celebration.    But have we stopped to ask if alcohol is really good for us? Or have we paused to get curious about why we drink – and when it moves from genuine enjoyment to unhealthy numbing out?   Recently, I’ve noticed more people having conversations about sobriety, from giving up drinking entirely to swapping a few cocktails for mocktails, and I thought it was time we talked about alcohol through the lens of The Adult Chair®.   In this episode, I’m chatting with Laura McKowen, who has written extensively about getting sober and runs a global sobriety support community. She openly and vulnerably shares her story of using alcohol to numb her emotions, why and how she got sober and what her life looks like now.   We talked about how our culture normalizes excessive drinking, all the emotions that come up when getting sober and ways to tell if you might have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. If you’re at all “sober curious,” you’re going to love hearing her perspective!  Listen to discover: Laura's story of getting sober and why she chose to stop drinking How drinking culture normalizes excessive drinking Busting health myths about alcohol The connection between alcohol and anxiety How Laura's life got better when she got sober The way we use alcohol to numb our emotions How to develop a healthier relationship with alcohol, whether you choose to cut it out completely or enjoy it in moderation Like everything in The Adult Chair, we aren’t talking in terms of “do” or “don’t” or “good” or “bad,” but about bringing consciousness into the decisions we make.   My goal for this show is not to tell you to stop drinking, but to encourage you to take a closer look at when you drink, why you drink and how you drink so you can truly live life to the fullest: present, awake and alive!   "I knew I liked to drink a little too much. I loved it a little too much." - Laura McKowen   [When offered a drink after a bad day] "I don't want a glass of wine. I would like to come talk to you about my emotions though." - Michelle Chalfant   "We end up recreating our life in a way that decenters alcohol...my life is still my life." - Laura McKowen   "When you are drinking even a little more than you want to, it keeps you from facing the truth." - Laura McKowen   "Alcohol provides a really great shield to just sort of skim across the top of life." - Laura McKowen   "I was in a lot of emotional pain. I know that's exactly why I reached for alcohol." - Michelle Chalfant   "We don't get away with not feeling things. It goes somewhere." - Laura McKowen   "Shame disconnects us from our humanity and the humanity in other people." - Laura McKowen   "The not drinking wasn't the cure....it was actually connecting with other people in a meaningful way and healing in relationship with people that allowed me to heal." - Laura McKowen   LINKS & RESOURCES    Laura McKowen Website https://www.lauramckowen.com/    Laura McKowen Instagram https://www.instagram.com/laura_mckowen/   "Push Off From Here" (Laura McKowen Book) https://www.lauramckowen.com/books    The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle https://theadultchair.com/worthy     MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

There are so many different aspects of being an emotionally healthy adult. We’re complex, connected beings, and our bodies, our minds, our emotions, our spiritual lives…they all play a role in how we feel every day. It all matters! One of the areas we don’t talk about enough is our hormones. Hormones impact SO many of our bodily and mental functions, and we’ve been kept in the dark about them for too long! Everyone deserves to understand this part of themselves! In this episode, I talk to hormone health educator Candace Burch to help us understand all things hormones…and wow, is she a WEALTH of information!  We talk about how hormones impact our lives from our teenage years all the way through menopause, the symptoms of hormonal imbalances and all the related topics when it comes to hormones: birth control, fertility, anxiety, acne, PCOS, stress and SO much more. You will walk away with a much better understanding of the role of each hormone in your body and the empowered choices you have when it comes to balancing your hormones.  Listen to discover: The classic signs and symptoms of hormone imbalances Some of the things that can contribute to hormone balance Hormonal changes you can expect in each stage of life The key female hormones and the importance of adrenal health How to approach hormone testing and replenishment/supplementation The root cause of PCOS This show focuses on female hormones since they are so complex, but I hope it is helpful for all of us to recognize that our internal chemistry and the cyclical nature of our bodies are not to be ignored.  When we learn to work with our bodies, trust our intuitions and get support when we’re feeling out of balance, we can take more ownership of our health through every stage of life. "Painful periods are not normal." - Candace Burch "So many women are not aware of the symptoms or they become their symptoms." - Candace Burch "The whole concept of hormone imbalance is relatively new." - Candace Burch "Ovulation disruption is one of the big reasons people become hormonally imbalanced." - Candace Burch "When you talk about health or hormonal health in any case, it's always about nutrient dense proteins, good nutrition." - Candace Burch "That's key: keeping blood sugar stable." - Candace Burch "There's this inevitable road to hormones shifting, but they shouldn't be shifting like a roller coaster." - Candace Burch "I think a lot of people don't even know how to relax anymore." - Candace Burch "The adrenals are key to everything really." - Candace Burch "There are not a lot of studies with intermittent fasting with women." - Michelle Chalfant "Progesterone is the great balancing hormone." - Candace Burch "Estrogen has so many functions. We need it." - Candace Burch "I'm a fan of hormone replenishment when testing takes place first, in measured doses." - Candace Burch "High cortisol at night is really problematic." - Candace Burch "I think most PCOS is very much linked to insulin resistance and an imbalance of blood sugar." - Candace Burch "Anyone that has PCOS doesn't need to feel helpless and hopeless." - Candace Burch "I think women have to trust their intuition." - Candace Burch LINKS & RESOURCES  Candace Burch Website https://www.yourhormonebalance.com/ Your Hormone Balance Instagram https://www.instagram.com/yourhormonebalance  The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle https://theadultchair.com/worthy  Build Your Own Rebalancing Package https://www.yourhormonebalance.com/b-y-o-rebalancing-package?ref=48199-The-Adult-Chair-Podcast  Use code ADULTCHAIR50 for $50 off MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com   The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You see their name pop up on your phone, and you immediately notice yourself feeling stressed. It’s that friend who always seems to be in crisis, who always calls to gossip or vent. We all know that person…many of us ARE that person.  It’s called drama addiction, and there’s a part in all of us that is drawn towards chaos and stress. Sometimes this shows up in big, dramatic ways, and other times, it’s subtler, like our need to always be busy, doom scroll through the news or argue with someone on social media. My brilliant guest today, Dr. Scott Lyons, is a trauma expert who has studied what is really going on in the brain and body when we’re addicted to drama. He breaks down what trauma does in our body, why addiction forms in response and what exactly is happening in our nervous system when we seek out stress, busyness and drama.  Dr. Lyons also helps us navigate situations where others are pulling us into their drama (including news and social media), explaining why we do this, how it affects our nervous systems and the boundaries we can put in place to protect ourselves. This episode is full of major “aha” moments that will help you better understand trauma and how stress affects you, whether you are addicted to drama or know someone who is. Listen to discover: What exactly “drama” is The connection between addiction and trauma Why drama addiction forms and its relationship with the nervous system How social media and 24-hour news has changed our brains and made us more prone to drama addiction How drama addiction affects those around us — and how others’ drama affects our nervous system Steps you can take today to minimize addiction to drama We all unconsciously do the things that make us feel safe, accepted, loved and alive. If we grew up in a chaotic or dysregulating environment, drama feels safe to us, and that’s why we seek it out.  Understanding your nervous system and how your experiences have shaped it is so empowering and will greatly increase your compassion for yourself and others. This show is a must listen!  “We all know someone addicted to drama.” - Dr. Scott Lyons  “The first part of a stress response is a release of endorphins, is a release of pain relief…So, we become attached, dependent on wanting hits of things that give us essentially that constant stream of pain relief.” - Dr. Scott Lyons “In our nervous systems, our exaggerated responses are justified if we’re addicted to drama.” - Dr. Scott Lyons “Self-regulation is the ability to know how much energy, attention and emotion to utilize in our system to properly adapt to a stimulus.” - Dr. Scott Lyons “An addiction to drama looks different on the outside than what it feels like on the inside.” - Dr. Scott Lyons “I’ve noticed with people in my life that are chronically busy, when there’s a space of downtime, boom, it’s filled right away.” - Michelle Chalfant “That tornado of chaos that we all know so well, that we’ve either created ourselves or been pulled into, that is a sad cry for a sense of connection.” - Dr. Scott Lyons “I would think as soon as the internet was created that [drama addiction] became a bigger addiction for most people.” - Michelle Chalfant  “The ways in which media, and social media specifically, operate have replicated the conditions of an addiction to drama, but on an endemic scale.” - Dr. Scott Lyons “We live in a stress economy.” - Dr. Scott Lyons “Negative information — fear, anger, sadness — will be more capturing of our attention than positive news…We are more likely in watching the news to believe bad things will happen to us.” - Dr. Scott Lyons “The most contagious state is a stress state.” - Dr. Scott Lyons “We want the drama.” - Michelle Chalfant “I did so much nervous system work with myself for so many years, and I’m finally in this place of much more balance…now I protect myself from drama.” - Michelle Chalfant “That is the curative to an addiction, and it is belonging. And when we belong to ourselves, we can start to lower the drawbridge and feel intimacy, the safety for intimacy and belonging to other people.” - Dr. Scott Lyons LINKS & RESOURCES  Dr. Scott Lyons Website https://www.drscottlyons.com/ Dr. Scott Lyons Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drscottlyons/ "The Gently Used Human" (Dr. Scott Lyons Podcast) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-gently-used-human-with-dr-scott-lyons/id1685789759 "Addicted to Drama" (Dr. Scott Lyons Book) https://www.amazon.com/Addicted-Drama-Healing-Dependency-Yourself/dp/0306925834 The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/  The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses topics such as exercise, relationship with food and body image. Though the intent is to promote a conscious and healthy mindset around these topics, please use caution in listening if you have a history of an eating disorder or body image disorder. Summer is here…and with it, thousands of messages about diets, weight loss and fitness.  There is so much pressure from society to look a certain way, and these messages can be so harmful to our mental and emotional health. At the same time, movement and nourishment are vital parts of both physical and mental health, and many people have positive fitness goals for themselves: being able to participate in a sport they love, having more energy to play with their kids or staying active as they get older. We need a more conscious approach to the conversation around fitness and nutrition – one where we learn to tune out the voices of our society and tune into ourselves instead: our why, what we really want and what we uniquely need to be healthy. Brian Keane is a personal trainer who helps his clients approach fitness from a more holistic perspective, bringing mindset, motivation and emotional well-being into the fitness journey.  He realized that clients would come to him saying they wanted their bodies to look a certain way, but what they really wanted was to feel a certain way: secure, confident, peaceful. Now as part of his training, he helps people identify their why, connect to their emotions, evaluate their relationship with food and exercise and look at the whole picture of well-being – sleep, stress, connection, etc.  In this episode, Brian breaks down his holistic approach to fitness, walking us through how to navigate diet claims, find inner strength while remaining self-compassionate, tap into the power of motivation and make small, lasting changes in any area of life.  Listen to discover: What exactly a holistic approach to fitness is How to tell the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger Sorting through diet culture and the millions of claims about the "best" way to eat Building mental toughness while staying self-compassionate  How to find motivation  Why trying to make too many changes over time is counterproductive  Our bodies are part of the self, and all parts of us are interconnected. Our emotional health impacts how we treat ourselves physically, and how we care for ourselves physically impacts our emotional well-being. The key is to find a balanced approach to fitness that incorporates the whole self. Whether you’re someone who can’t wait to get to the gym, someone who wants to start exercising more or someone learning to treat your body more kindly, it’s all about tuning out the noise, the pressure and the cookie cutter images of beauty and doing what works for YOU!  "I help [clients] rewire their relationship with food and rewire their relationship with fitness so that they can take that holistic approach so that it's serving their life and not taking from it." - Brian Keane "Everything that happens to us happens to us for a reason. What's meant for you won't pass you as long as you listen." - Brian Keane "In their mind, they think that if they look this specific way, it will remove this feeling that they have."  - Brian Keane "When you take a holistic approach to fitness, all those other areas of your life can improve." - Brian Keane "It's always an internal job." - Michelle Chalfant "So many of us, we use food to numb out our emotions." - Michelle Chalfant "With food being 'good' and 'bad,' that's more a projection that we as humans are putting on the food." - Brian Keane "Your body knows what it wants you to eat." - Michelle Chalfant "It's all about balance." - Michelle Chalfant "Motivation is just a state change." - Brian Keane "Everything is difficult when you try to change it first. But...if you persevere and you're consistent with it and you make it a daily habit, eventually it becomes your new normal, and then it becomes easy." - Brian Keane "Too many changes too soon is a recipe for failure." - Brian Keane "The small things done consistently well lead to extraordinary results over time." - Brian Keane "I don't like that word, 'diet,' but I do like having this goal of just being healthy." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES  Brian Keane Website https://briankeanefitness.com/  "The Fitness Mindset" (Brian Keane book) https://briankeanefitness.com/fitness-mindset/ "Rewire Your Mindset" (Brian Keane book) https://briankeanefitness.com/rewire-your-mindset/ Crisis Text Line for Eating Disorders https://www.crisistextline.org/topics/eating-disorders/#what-is-an-eating-disorder-1  The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/  The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

There’s someone in your life you love, but the relationship just isn’t working.    Despite your best efforts to communicate and try to work things out, nothing is changing. This person seems totally uninterested in listening to you or working on the relationship.   You’ve hit a wall, and the relationship feels stuck.   This can be so maddening, frustrating, disappointing and painful! You wouldn’t be trying to make it work if you didn’t care for this person, but you can’t make them change…and you’re hurting in the meantime.    I hear from listeners all the time who find themselves in this situation, with a romantic partner, a friend, a family member or a colleague. They want to know: How do you approach this with an Adult Chair perspective…not just for the relationship, but for yourself?   In this episode, I’m giving you five steps to take when you feel stuck or at an impasse with someone in your life. These are all things YOU have the power to do, no matter the other person’s response, and they will help you find new clarity, perspective and ideas for navigating this situation.    Listen to discover: A higher perspective on why relationships come and go Five steps to working through a relationship dead end or stalemate The power of acceptance and letting go How to control what you can and release what you can’t How to take care of yourself no matter what happens in the relationship  Relationships can be beautiful, hard and everything in between.    It’s ok – and even expected – that certain people will come and go throughout our lives. Perhaps you’ve learned what you’re meant to learn and it’s time to let go, or perhaps there’s something for your soul to learn by working through this difficult process together.   Whether you want to keep fighting for a relationship or you know it’s time to end it, the steps in this episode will help you stay in your Adult Chair, control what you can, let go of what you can’t and take care of YOU, so you can live with peace and hope no matter what happens with the relationship.   “Have you considered that the reason that you’re with this person…is because you needed to learn, grow, transform or find something about yourself?” - Michelle Chalfant   “Acceptance and liking are two very different things.” - Michelle Chalfant   “When you’re able to accept somebody for who they are, there’s almost like a release that happens. There’s a detachment that happens.” - Michelle Chalfant   “People are not going to change until they’re ready and willing to change.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Just because the relationship needs to be shifted, it doesn’t mean it has to end.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We cannot go around our pain. We go through our pain, and we are stronger on the other side.” - Michelle Chalfant    “Emotions are meant to be experienced, felt and processed, or metabolized, through the body and the energy field. And if we don’t build a story around what we’re feeling…those emotions move through us.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Boundaries are not confrontational.” - Michelle Chalfant   “To let go is to truly detach from [the] outcome, and we let go of our expectations as well.” - Michelle Chalfant   “It’s beautiful when we are able to look at our lives and ask, ‘What do I need?’” - Michelle Chalfant   “Relationships can be beautiful, but they can also be really hard…and they can also be somewhere in the middle.” - Michelle Chalfant   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com        The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification       STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

“I’m such a horrible person.” “I can’t believe I did that…I’m so stupid.” “I’m not good enough.”   Do these types of thoughts sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone.   As humans, we can be so mean to ourselves. We make a mistake and beat ourselves up for hours. We look in the mirror and are met with a barrage of negative self-talk. Sometimes these thoughts come at us relentlessly, like a flood.   But these thoughts are not the truth about who we are. They come from an inner part or voice inside of us that is actually trying to keep us safe.    And when we have the tools to work with these parts of self, we can stop these critical and ruminating thoughts in their tracks – and transform so many of the struggles that come with them, like depression, low self-worth and overwhelm.   In this episode, I’m sharing the story of a friend who came to me for help with critical thoughts that she couldn’t shake. I walk you step-by-step through the parts work method I used with her and the process she went through that stopped those thoughts almost instantly.    Then, I explain why parts work is so powerful, how it works in our unconscious mind and exactly how you can use it to work with your own critical parts – or any other part of yourself for that matter! Listen to discover: How to stop ruminating and negative self-talk in its tracks The process I used with a friend to help her quiet her critical, ruminating thoughts My own experience using parts work to transform a ruminating thought I was having How to use parts work to transform any part of yourself A step-by-step parts work process you can use anytime, anywhere The amazing thing about parts work is that you don’t have to spend years working with a part or even be in a coaching or therapy session to do this work. My friend’s transformation happened during a casual conversation we had after work. And as I share in this episode, I use parts work when I’m out for a walk or in the middle of the day. This is an empowering tool we ALL need in our toolbox!    At the heart of parts work is giving ourselves what we needed but didn’t get when we were young. As a healthy adult, you now get to be that strong, caring adult for your younger self – and when you do, you will be amazed at the deep inner healing that takes place.   “I started doing parts work when I was 30 years old, and I changed my life.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Not everybody’s visual, so please don’t think there’s something wrong if you [don’t visualize a part].” - Michelle Chalfant   “I always thank these parts because they are doing such a good job at keeping me safe.” - Michelle Chalfant   “This is what I love about the unconscious mind…they pull things out of left field.” - Michelle Chalfant   “When you are hearing these voices in your head, the ruminating thoughts, the beating up on self…start asking yourself this question: ‘Who is saying that?’” - Michelle Chalfant   “I really think you are going to be amazed at the different parts of yourself that you will start to discover.” - Michelle Chalfant   “This is how we really experience more of who we are, and this is the journey we are on in order to rediscover and live from our true self.” - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES   Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634   The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com        The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification       STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

As humans, we all have needs. From the time we’re babies, when we literally need someone to feed us and take care of us, to adults who need connection, safety and belonging, our wants and needs are part of our inner world and part of ourselves.  But somewhere along the way we start to feel ashamed of these needs, believing we’re “too much” or “weak” or too “needy.” But I believe being able to acknowledge and ask for what we need is actually a superpower!  My guest today, Mara Glatzel, is a coach who helps people stop self-abandoning and start taking ownership of their needs. She digs into the many different dynamics of what it means to be a human who has needs and how we can better take care of ourselves as we navigate this world. We talk about the most common human needs, why we tend to judge and suppress our own needs and how it’s when we suppress them that our needs come out sideways (as anger, resentment, unrealistic expectations or disconnecting from self).  Mara shares how to build a practice of connecting with self to check in with your needs on a regular basis, how to reclaim your sense of self if you’ve lost it and how to start validating and taking care of your needs…the true definition of self-care. Listen to discover: Why having needs isn't weakness The two most common reasons people struggle with their needs Some of the most common human needs The difference between having needs and being "needy" What real self-care looks like When and how to check in with self to learn what you need What "self-partnership" is and how you can take responsibility for your needs The Child Chair (or inner child) is where we are connected to our true needs – physical, emotional and spiritual.  As healthy adults, we know how to advocate for our needs by using the power of choice and boundaries to protect ourselves, as well as asking for what we need while honoring others’ boundaries.  I hope this episode helps you start owning your needs as a strength, so instead of shaming ourselves for having needs, we can become people who support ourselves and others in healthy ways.  "The reality is that our needs are a fact and not a flaw." - Mara Glatzel "A need is whatever it is that you require in order to exist and survive." - Mara Glatzel "I think we need training to tap into ourselves so we can identify what our needs are." - Michelle Chalfant "So many of us are working so hard to belong to the world around us at the cost of belonging to ourselves." - Mara Glatzel "Taking responsibility for your own needs is an essential part of self-leadership." - Mara Glatzel "The self-care that we often see and that we're often sold is prescriptive in nature...I have a lot of clients who come to me burnt out on self-care." - Mara Glatzel "When you take a moment and slow down and really tune in and ask yourself, ‘What do I need?'...it changes things." - Michelle Chalfant "It's a beautiful form of self-care to just check in with self." - Michelle Chalfant "If we don't check in, then we might be living our lives on autopilot in so many ways." - Mara Glatzel "I think anything other than a full-throated acceptance of your needs is self-abandonment." - Mara Glatzel "To learn how to be our best advocate and ask for what we need is powerful." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES  Mara Glatzel Website https://www.maraglatzel.com/  "Needy" (Mara Glatzel Book) https://www.maraglatzel.com/book/  Mara Glatzel Instagram https://www.instagram.com/maraglatzel/  Free Inner Child Resource https://theadultchair.com/innerchild MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/  The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Watch any rom-com or fairy tale and they’d have you believe relationships are as simple as meeting someone and falling in love. But is love really all it takes to have a healthy relationship?    Though we often think of relationships as a matter of the heart, the truth is there’s a whole world of chemistry happening in your body and brain that has more impact on your relationship than you realize, such as:   What partner you pick How you bond and attach  What you perceive as threat in a relationship How you respond to stress  The way your mind stores memories  How you view your partner  And ultimately whether your connection grows or dissolves over time   Dr. Stan Tatkin, who looks at relationships through a biological and psychological lens, is back on the podcast this week talking about the relationship essentials that lead to not just long-lasting relationships but happy relationships.    He breaks down what’s really going on under the surface in different relationship situations (like conflict or betrayal), the critical role our threat response plays in building or damaging connection and how to consciously create more secure functioning based on principles like fairness, justice and mutuality.    Listen to discover: The two things that cause relationships to dissolve  How our stress and threat response systems impact our relationships Why our brains "automate" and how to stop taking your partner for granted The difference between attachment and love The importance of "quick repair" in a relationship  How to build more secure functioning in your partnership  The dangers of loneliness and isolation We must have safety in order to have connection. Dr. Tatkin says the goal is to learn how to remove interpersonal stress and feelings of threat in relationships, which lead to not just relationship health but mental, emotional and physical health for everyone in and around the relationship. The next time you meet a new love interest or the next time you and your beloved are having a conversation, don’t just ask how you feel about the situation – also pay attention to how your nervous system is reacting and what your body is telling you. This awareness is key to picking the right partner, creating more emotional safety and building more life-giving, long-term partnerships.  "[One reason relationships fail is] the manner in which all of us will interact when one or both of us is under stress. And this has to do with threat...where our brain changes and we start to, on some level, believe that the other person is not an ally."  - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "Everything is about relationships and how we navigate our way in those relationships." - Michelle Chalfant   "Learning about ourselves is intertwined with learning about another person." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "The only remedy to automation...is presence and attention. We have to build things in that ensure we're in love or in respect." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "When we are in an argument with our beloved, it's so important to give them something while we are in process." - Michelle Chalfant   "Quick repair actually saves us downstream...the smart thing to do is to fix things now so that we don't end up spending all of our time in the junkyard, not living life but sorting out everything we did wrong." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "The main problem with most issues around affairs, cheating is the lying...the biggest damage is the reveal of information that, if I had known, would have changed everything for me." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "Everybody has a different way of determining what is happy for them." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "It goes back to open, honest, raw communication, no matter what kind of relationship you're in." - Michelle Chalfant   "This whole thing about, 'I can't quit you,' isn't a rational drive, but it is powerful as hell." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "The secret to longevity, happiness, mental health, physical health is the presence of at least one secure functioning relationship in your life." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "I think we need to start taking some risks of just inviting people over for dinner or out to coffee or go to lunch...start taking that risk and be brave and start connecting more. We need in-person connection." - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES    Dr. Stan Tatkin Website https://www.thepactinstitute.com/     "In Each Other's Care" (Dr. Stan Tatkin Book) https://www.amazon.com/Each-Others-Care-Relationship-Conflicts-ebook/dp/B0B19FWBXL    Episode #328: Understanding And Improving Your Relationship With Dr. Stan Tatkin https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/328/   Find an Adult Chair® Coach https://theadultchair.com/coach   Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634   Headspace Try it free for 30 days https://www.headspace.com/adult30    MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com        The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification       STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

There’s something in your life you want to change. Where do you start?   My friend, business coach and wildly successful entrepreneur, Michael Hyatt, says there’s one thing we can change that transforms everything else: our minds. Our thoughts drive our actions, and our actions drive our results, which is why if we want different outcomes in life – whether in our relationships, our business, our finances or our happiness – we have to start by looking within. In this episode, Michael explains the inner narrator we all have, a part of us that seeks to make meaning of our lives by interpreting and telling stories about the things that happen to us. The problem? These stories are often untrue or rooted in fear, which creates limiting beliefs that hold us back. Michael shares his three steps for working with the inner narrator and how to choose a more empowering mindset that leads to a life of agency, choice and power. We talk about how to get out of victim, why adversity can open up new possibilities in our lives and how to avoid getting sidetracked by triggers, fear and grief while still being radically honest about our emotions and reality.  Listen to discover: ●       Why mindset affects everything about our lives ●       How to reframe our stories and choose more empowering thoughts ●       Michael's three steps to challenging our inner narrator ●       How adversity can open up new possibilities in our lives ●       Understanding intuition vs. fear ●       What triggers are and how not to get sidetracked by them ●       The power of taking breaks ●       Choosing imagination over worry ●       Why failure can be our greatest teacher One of the pillars of being a healthy adult is busting stories and living in fact and truth, which is the key to an empowered mindset. And as Michael shares, even when we have a challenging set of facts, we can still choose the most empowering story for ourselves, reframing adversity and believing in possibilities – and ultimately, in ourselves. "Success begins with your thinking…Getting your thinking right is about 90% of anything. If you have the right thinking, you'll eventually take the right actions that lead to better results." - Michael Hyatt "If you don't like your reality, you have to look at your thinking." - Michelle Chalfant "As long as I was the victim, I was powerless. Once I could stop being defensive and accept the fact that I had agency in the midst of this situation...all the power came back, and it gave me a whole range of options." - Michael Hyatt "Our brains are meaning-seeking machines. We can't live without meaning." - Michael Hyatt "Everything that's happened to you is in the past. You can't change any of it. All you can change is how you interpret it." - Michael Hyatt "The greatest advances in my life have been on the heels of some adversity. I had to have a breakdown to have a breakthrough." - Michael Hyatt "I realized that nothing can trigger me. Only I can trigger me." - Michael Hyatt "Triggers are a gift, because when we're triggered, it's a way for us to uncover an unconscious limiting belief that we have about ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant "Stress is antithetical to good creative thinking." - Michael Hyatt "To take a break can be life changing." - Michelle Chalfant "Worry is basically a distortion of imagination." - Michael Hyatt "Experience is our greatest teacher." - Michelle Chalfant "There's no failure. There's only feedback." - Michael Hyatt LINKS & RESOURCES  Michael Hyatt Website https://fullfocus.co/  "Mind Your Mindset" (Michael Hyatt Book) https://mindyourmindsetbook.com/  Full Focus Planner https://fullfocus.co/planner/   Michael Hyatt Instagram https://www.instagram.com/michaelhyatt/  Michael Hyatt LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelhyatt   Find an Adult Chair® Coach https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634 MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/  The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

It’s easy to think everyone processes the world the same way we do. After all, we’re all born with a mind that is here to help us make sense of our human experience. But what if there is actually a huge range of ways we each make sense of reality – and superpowers to be found in our ways of processing the world?   Empaths are people whose nervous systems are wired with the ability to mirror others around them; in other words, they can actually feel the experiences of others in their own bodies. This is a beautiful gift to offer the world – and it can also present its challenges for empaths who might find themselves exhausted or disconnected from self because of the environment around them.   In this episode, the ever-wise Sarah Weiss breaks down what an empath is, signs you might be an empath and steps you can take to find grounding and peace as an empath. We also explore why our culture needs to do a better job nurturing these types of abilities in people and the clues that reality is bigger than just the physical world we can see – from fascinating stories about near-death experiences to the path of a soul’s spiritual growth.   Listen to discover: What an empath is The difference between an empath and a highly sensitive person Why being an empath is a superpower Signs a child might an empath Why we should be cultivating these types of abilities in people How to find more peace if you're an empath The story of Sarah's near-death experience What near-death experiences, dark nights of the soul and plant medicines can teach us As we learn more about consciousness and the complexity of the mind, it’s an invitation into the sacred. Mind-expanding experiences, whether a near-death experience or the way your empathetic brain is naturally wired, give us the opportunity to ask bigger questions about God, soul, the universe and our purpose. The fact that we have the consciousness to ask these questions is a gift – a gift that points to a reality bigger than ourselves.   Let this episode expand your mind and take you on an adventure of asking big questions to understand yourself and the world better!   "You're usually born an empath, and then from the very beginning, you don't understand that you are processing the world in a completely different way than most other people are." - Sarah Weiss   "An empath is someone whose nervous system and brain have a certain physiological configuration...that makes us able to mirror how someone else feels physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually." - Sarah Weiss   "I really believe that empaths are a preview of the future human...it's actually an advanced spiritual quality." - Sarah Weiss   "You do have to learn how to ground yourself and find the definition of your being so you actually have a clear understanding of who you are." - Sarah Weiss   "I just don't see how people can really develop their boundaries without learning about energy." - Sarah Weiss   "There is a wounded child inside most empaths." - Sarah Weiss   "It's not a matter of...'I didn't protect myself enough. I was too overly empathetic.'...Is it just that we just need that alone time to recharge?" - Michelle Chalfant   "I really think that we are severely lacking in the understanding around birth and death and...how important it is to understand, to frame this lifetime, to put it in context." - Sarah Weiss   "There's documented research on [near-death experiences] that's out there." - Michelle Chalfant   "As we develop as human beings, we go through natural initiations...If we were living in a culture that honored and recognized these, then we would derive tremendous meaning from them." - Sarah Weiss   "[The dark night of the soul] is there for a reason, and there are lessons to learn and always something to gain. It's hard though, when you're in the middle of it." - Michelle Chalfant   "I have seen profound healing [through plant medicine]. I've witnessed it... But what's so important is that you do it with a skilled practitioner…The integration is where the greatest healing happens." - Michelle Chalfant   "I think being an empath takes you into the sacred. I think the deep meaning of life gets felt by an empath." - Sarah Weiss   LINKS & RESOURCES   Sarah Weiss Website https://www.spirithealonline.com/   Episode #21: Grounding and the Energy of the Earth with Sarah Weiss https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/21-grounding-and-the-energy-of-the-earth-with-sarah-weiss/   Episode #135: The Enlightened Empath with Sarah Weiss https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/135-the-enlightened-empath-with-sarah-weiss/   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com      The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification      STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

I believe that we are born as beautiful, pure beings, connected to God/Source and full of love – our true selves.  Though we never lose our true essence, throughout our lives, we have experiences that wound us and we put on masks to feel safe in this world. This creates a sort of “false self” that covers up who we were really meant to be.  But I believe all of us can reconnect with our true selves – our Adult Chairs – and in doing so, live more authentic, peaceful and intuitive lives. This is the heart of The Adult Chair® model and a conscious choice we must make every day! In this episode, I’m sharing some practical ways you can live connected to your true self, including how to notice and work with the challenges that try to disconnect you from who you really are.  Listen to discover: ●       What connection to self means ●       Why staying connected to the true self is so important ●       The things that disconnect us from our true self ●       The power of feeling our emotions and working with triggers ●       The way our daily choices impact our connection with self As I share in a personal story in this show, there will always be someone or something that triggers us, distracts us or tries to pull us away from ourselves. But staying connected to self is a choice! We can decide that no one will take us away from us. And as always, remember this is a journey, and each moment of challenge is an opportunity to notice where you are on your path and how far you’ve come. You’ve got this! There really is no better way to live. “At the root of The Adult Chair is our true self.” - Michelle Chalfant “Your true self is underneath all these masks, these limiting beliefs.” - Michelle Chalfant “When I’m connected to my true self, I’m connected to my inner compass.” - Michelle Chalfant “When I’m connected with my true self, I have a connection with God, Source.” - Michelle Chalfant “Every time that you sit and work with these triggers and you don’t let them take you down, every time you work with them, that trigger begins to lose its power.” - Michelle Chalfant “When we’re triggered, there’s something in it for us.” - Michelle Chalfant “A trigger is something we carry with us.” - Michelle Chalfant “Holding that connection to the true self, which means staying in our Adult Chair no matter what, is the healthiest place for us to live. It’s the most authentic place to live. And it takes work.” - Michelle Chalfant  “I am not allowing anybody to disconnect me from myself.” - Michelle Chalfant “The world reflects where we are. The world is our mirror.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES  Summer 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Close Soon! https://theadultchair.com/certification Episode #364: How To Work With Triggers and Parts https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/364/  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Guess what? I got triggered this week. AND I was able to work through the trigger and meet the most beautiful younger part of myself using the tools in The Adult Chair® model. In this episode, I’m letting you guys in on exactly what happened and walking you step-by-step through how I transformed this trigger — and how you can use the exact same process the next time you’re triggered. It all started with a relatively simple interaction with my husband, Graham. Though we didn’t have a fight, this interaction brought up feelings of anger and rage in me.  As I dug into those feelings, I found that a 10-year-old part of me was feeling really scared and unsafe because the interaction reminded her of an unpredictable situation from childhood. And what happened afterwards was SO POWERFUL that it still gives me chills! Listen to discover: ●       What triggers are and where they come from ●       Why triggers are a HUGE opportunity to heal ●       The step-by-step trigger tool I used to transform my trigger ●       A powerful script for working with younger, scared parts of self ●       How working with triggers can lead to healthier relationships The really cool thing is that instead of letting my anger create a fight between Graham and me, we were able to have a really authentic conversation about what happened, and I left feeling seen and supported. This is the power of doing our work!  I wanted to openly share this story to not only equip you with the tools to work through a trigger, but also to show you that the goal isn’t to “arrive” or “stop getting triggered.” The goal is to do the lifelong work of turning inward to get to know and transform ourselves so we can connect more deeply with self and others.  "There are tools within this model that help us to heal and transform whatever is going on in our lives." - Michelle Chalfant "We have so many parts that are within us. So, when you get triggered, remember, it's an unconscious belief that's rising up inside of [you]." - Michelle Chalfant "Triggers are an opportunity for us to see what is unknown within ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant "Oftentimes anger and rage...it's a defense against a more vulnerable emotion." - Michelle Chalfant "Our emotions oftentimes are stacked." - Michelle Chalfant "Nobody can make you feel anything. How you feel is already within you." - Michelle Chalfant "Working with triggers is such an important thing to help us to heal and live with emotional balance…Working with triggers is a way to stay connected to yourself." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES  Summer 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Now Open! https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/  The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Are you ready to have all your relationship questions answered by not one, but two couples therapists…who also happen to be a couple themselves?  Linda and Charlie Bloom are psychotherapists who have been married to each other for more than 50 years, and in this week’s episode, they’re spilling all their secrets about how to have healthy relationships – secrets from both their clinical training and their personal experience of building their marriage. This discussion is like getting weeks of counseling in just one hour!  We cover topics like: the role of self-worth in a relationship, how our partners can help us heal childhood wounding, the importance of asking for what we want and need, how to navigate conflict in a healthy way, what to do and not do during an argument, how to repair broken trust, what to do when your partner doesn’t want to work on the relationship and the underutilized habits that create great relationships. Though this is PACKED with information, we don’t just talk about concepts but give you practical advice on what to do in these situations, from how to hack your brain for more productive conflict to how to appeal to your partner’s self-interest to get the relationship you want. Listen to discover: ●       The surprising connection between self-worth and healthy relationships ●       Why some people have trouble receiving love ●       The importance of asking for what we want and need ●       Why we marry people like our parents ●       How to have healthy conflict in your relationship ●       The three words you should never say in an argument ●       How to get out of threat and fear states during conflict ●       What "committed listening" is and how to show up with more presence ●       What is required to rebuild trust when it's been broken ●       What to do if your partner doesn't want to work on the relationship ●       The most underutilized practice in relationships My favorite takeaway from this episode is that the key to having better relationships is believing it is possible. It’s so easy to get caught up in frustration, resentment and conflict and give up on a relationship that has potential (did you know most couples divorce without ever seeking therapy?). But we have so much power in our hands to change the dance of our relationships and make them work.  Though it takes two to tango and some relationships do end, Linda and Charlie give hopeful advice that will help you fight for your relationship instead of fighting with your partner – grounded in their own story of healing conflict and growing their love year after year.  "We can never give any more acceptance and appreciation to somebody else than we can give to ourselves...We can't give that experience of worth to another person if we haven't internalized it within ourselves." - Charlie Bloom "We learn to love ourselves through relationships." - Charlie Bloom "Don't expect [your partner] to know what's going on with you emotionally. That's your job to share with them what you need." - Michelle Chalfant "When I grew some courage and started to ask [for what I wanted], I got loved in the way I wanted to be loved." - Linda Bloom "There's a part of us that I think is innate within all human beings to want to feel whole, to want to feel integrated." - Charlie Bloom "If we can appeal to the other person's self-interest, that sometimes helps them to get over their conflict phobia." - Linda Bloom "One-hundred percent of the time, defensiveness is activated by fear." - Charlie Bloom "Starting a conversation or an argument with 'you, you, you,’ I call it throwing the shield up...That's not a conversation. It's defensiveness." - Michelle Chalfant "A lot of people, they think good communication is required for a good relationship. But they think about speaking. They don't think about the other side and how important the listening is." - Linda Bloom "One of the statistics that breaks my heart is that most people who get divorced never go to one couple's counseling session." - Linda Bloom “If you can respect your partner and what their path is, then all is well.” - Michelle Chalfant  “Of course we’re going to have differences, but they don’t have to turn into arguments and conflict.” - Linda Bloom  LINKS & RESOURCES  Linda and Charlie Bloom Website https://bloomwork.com/  "An End to Arguing" (Linda and Charlie Bloom Book) https://www.amazon.com/End-Arguing-Valuable-Lessons-Relationships/dp/1646638085  Linda and Charlie Bloom Facebook https://www.facebook.com/lindaandcharliebloom Linda and Charlie Bloom Instagram https://www.instagram.com/linda_charlie_bloom/ Summer 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Now Open! Use code SUMMER2023 to save $1,500 by April 23 https://theadultchair.com/certification Headspace Try free for 30 days https://headspace.com/adult30  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/  The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

One of the things I get asked about the most is how parents can help their children grow up to be healthy adults. How do you set your kids up to naturally slide into their Adult Chair, while they are still literally children and adolescents?  I decided to put myself out there and talk with my son, Blake – who is now a young adult and coaching clients of his own – about his experiences growing up and what he believes is most important in helping kids get into their Adult Chairs.  In this vulnerable and authentic conversation, we talk about both of our experiences during Blake’s childhood, from the work I had to do around my own triggers and codependency to the delicate dance parents need between boundaries and allowing their children to have experiences and make mistakes that shape them. Blake also shares that most of the young people he works with feel isolated and like they’re not enough, leading them to look for external validation. He talks about how, through honesty, safety and unconditional love, parents can help kids navigate the unique cultural challenges of their time and address the most common questions in every human’s heart: “Who am I?” “Am I loved?” “Am I enough?” Listen to discover: ●       The balance between surrender and boundaries in parenting ●       How to encourage your kids to talk to you and open up to you ●       Demonstrating unconditional love, even when you have to discipline your kids ●       The common thing all young people (and humans) struggle with ●       The greatest gift you can give your kids ●       How to help your kids feel their emotions ●       Some of the unique challenges that kids today are facing, including porn and technology Blake was growing up during my years of private practice and working with The Adult Chair® model, so I think this is a beautiful story of what happens when parents and children are willing to learn and grow together.  I’m so proud of who Blake is today, and I hope this encourages you that you don’t have to be a “perfect” parent or have “perfect” kids to raise children who become healthy adults – all you need to do is show up with presence, a lot of love and your own Adult Chair. "Most of the time, people really don't want advice, but what you can do is just offer what you have to say without an expectation." - Blake Chalfant "The culture that we're raising kids in today is scary in some ways. And is not healthy." - Blake Chalfant "We have to surrender, but there has to be a balance of boundaries as well." - Michelle Chalfant "There's a very fine line between things that are gonna really come back to bite them in the ass and then your own projections of how you think they should be." - Blake Chalfant "No one feels like they're enough from a very young age, and we spent the rest of our life trying to fill that void with external validation." - Blake Chalfant "I think that's important too: owning your mistake, apologizing, cause you're modeling that for the kid." - Michelle Chalfant "These beautiful children are with you for a reason." - Michelle Chalfant "You can unconditionally love and support your kids while having extremely firm boundaries." - Blake Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES  Blake Chalfant Website https://blakechalfant.com/  Blake Chalfant Instagram https://www.instagram.com/blake.chalfant  Blake Chalfant YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@BlakeChalfant11  Summer 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Now Open! https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/  The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We know that trauma and addiction affect the brain and body in so many ways. But when Dr. Elisa Hallerman overcame addiction and began working with others in recovery, she realized there was something big missing in the conversation about trauma and addiction: how it affects the soul.  This inspired her to create a new paradigm for talking about sobriety called “Soulbriety,” and it’s changing the game for how people heal.  In this episode, Dr. Hallerman shares all about what the soul is and how we can heal it from trauma, how she worked through her pain (and how you can too) and how to navigate a “dark night of the soul” to bring greater healing and wisdom into our lives.  She also talks about the different types of trauma, how they affect the body and brain and what trauma healing modalities are most effective for different situations. This episode is PACKED with practical information about healing trauma and addiction along with beautiful explanations of how our souls work and the journey each soul takes to grow in wisdom and maturity. Listen to discover: Dr. Hallerman's "Soulbriety" method of healing addiction and trauma What the soul is What trauma does to our soul How to create space to go into your soul and do the work One thing you can do if you're in pain right now Why some people are unhappy even if they have "everything" How to find a good trauma therapist The best trauma healing modalities  What a “dark night of the soul" is – and how it can lead to wisdom The stages of the soul journey and how to turn pain into purpose Dr. Hallerman's Recovery Management Agency If you have experienced trauma of any kind or find yourself in a difficult season of growth, this episode will give you hope, a higher perspective and helpful next steps to turn pain into purpose. "I think that everyone has some form of an addiction...We all have that desire to want instant gratification and to want something outside of ourselves to make ourselves feel better." - Dr. Elisa Hallerman "I describe trauma as soul loss." - Dr. Elisa Hallerman "When we're in pain as humans, the last thing that we typically do is sit, get curious and listen." - Michelle Chalfant "The inner work is really looking at and making what is unknown known." - Dr. Elisa Hallerman "Individuals are different, their trauma is different and the way that their bodies and brains interpret that event are going to be different." - Dr. Elisa Hallerman "If you have trauma, make sure you are finding the right therapist." - Michelle Chalfant "The dark nights of the soul are the moments in our life where we have to take the time and really have the patience to sit and really alchemize all of that information and that pain. And that is where the wisdom is going to come from." - Dr. Elisa Hallerman "What is that piece inside yourself that you haven't yet healed?" - Dr. Elisa Hallerman "When people think we've made mistakes in our lives, it's like 'Are they mistakes? Or can we turn them around and create something beautiful from what we've experienced in the past?’” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES  Dr. Elisa Hallerman Website https://drhallerman.com/   Dr. Elisa Hallerman Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drelisahallerman/  "Soulbriety" (Dr. Elisa Hallerman Book) https://drhallerman.com/soulbriety/  The Adult Chair® Live – April 14-15, 2023 Attend in-person in Charlotte, NC or Virtually https://theadultchair.com/charlotte/  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/  The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant 

Throughout our lives, we hear so many voices of others telling us who and how we should be. Societal norms, our parents, our partners…it can feel like everyone wants something for us and from us.  To cope with this, we develop limiting beliefs, survival strategies and masks that we wear. We start to think these things are really who we are, and they become our roadmap for life…unless we find the courage to look within and discover who we really want to be. In this episode, I talk with fellow life coach and kindness curator, Dr. Jeremy Goldberg, about how we can break out of the boxes that the world tries to put us in, find what we want in life and create a new reality of kindness on the planet. We talk about how to listen to your “heart whispers” instead of fear, what intuition does (and doesn’t) sound like, the role of the ego and the one thing you can do today to break through limiting beliefs. Jeremy is a master of making these big concepts simple through great metaphors and analogies that will help you find more authenticity and peace within.  Listen to discover: How one act of kindness changed Dr. Jeremy Goldberg’s life How to listen to your heart and find who you really are What the ego is + a bigger perspective on life How to audit your life and find your limiting beliefs Choosing wholeness over happiness Being human is hard, and we’re all trying to figure it out one day at a time. When we take the brave step to find our true self, live with compassion and treat our fellow humans with kindness, we not only change our lives…we can change the world!  “I believe that beliefs are choices.” - Dr. Jeremy Goldberg “People may not know who they are, but they do know that they’re not living the life that makes them peaceful. They know that they’re not living from their true self.” - Michelle Chalfant  “We’re all human, and we all have the same exact problems.” - Michelle Chalfant “Sometimes if we’re unclear about what we do want, we can approach that same thing from the opposite trajectory, which is, ‘What do you NOT want?’” - Dr. Jeremy Goldberg “It's really hard to change the picture when you’re living in the frame.” - Dr. Jeremy Goldberg “Heart whispers, and fear shouts.” - Dr. Jeremy Goldberg "The mind is really loud. Our brains are megaphones of fear, comparison, criticism and judgment. And so, my advice would be to get still and feel God." - Dr. Jeremy Goldberg "Intuition doesn't come at you with all this fear and screaming at you." - Michelle Chalfant "It's undeniable that your upbringing affects your life. It affects your nervous system. It affects the way that you see the world around you." - Dr. Jeremy Goldberg "I think a lot of people chase happiness instead of allowing wholeness." - Dr. Jeremy Goldberg LINKS & RESOURCES  Dr. Jeremy Goldberg Website https://www.longdistancelovebombs.com/ Dr. Jeremy Goldberg Instagram https://www.instagram.com/longdistancelovebombs/ Long Distance Love Bombs Podcast (Dr. Jeremy Goldberg Podcast) https://www.longdistancelovebombs.com/podcast  "It'll Be Okay, and You Will Be Too." (Dr. Jeremy Goldberg Book) https://www.amazon.com/Itll-Okay-You-Will-Too/dp/0692624724 The Adult Chair® Live – April 14-15, 2023 Attend in-person in Charlotte, NC or Virtually https://theadultchair.com/charlotte/  MORE ADULT CHAIR  The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

In my 25 years of private practice, the #1 issue I worked on with clients was feeling their emotions.  Whether someone was anxious, reactive and raging or numb to the world, the question they were all asking was, “What the heck do I do with these emotions?” I’ve been there too. And it breaks my heart, because experiencing emotions is one of the gifts of being human.  But the good news is that all of us can reclaim this part of ourselves and learn to feel our emotions. And when we do, it unlocks all kinds of possibilities in life!  In this episode, I’m breaking down why it’s so important that we learn to feel our emotions and some practical ways to do that. I’m also addressing some of the common fears and discomfort around feeling emotions (like, “What if I get stuck in this emotion?”) and helping you understand why this is your birthright – and how it can improve your relationships, your intuition and your life!  Listen to discover: ●       Why it's so important to feel your emotions ●       Why most humans struggle with this ●       Four practical ways to feel your emotions ●       How to connect with your inner child ●       How to overcome blocks in feeling emotions No one is born without emotions, but along the way, we learn to suppress them – and in turn, disconnect from who we really are.  Feeling emotions is the key to connecting back to yourself and one of the foundational pillars of being a healthy adult. I hope this episode helps guide you back to this essential part of you. "We'd have a completely different world if we were all able to tune into what our emotions are." - Michelle Chalfant "We become whole humans when we feel our emotions." - Michelle Chalfant "We're all born to feel emotions." - Michelle Chalfant "When we feel our emotions, it is a gateway into our intuition. We have enhanced intuition when we are in tune with and know what we are feeling emotionally." - Michelle Chalfant "Instead of asking yourself, 'What do I think?" ask yourself, "What do I feel?'" - Michelle Chalfant "Empathy is when we're able to tune into another person and feel what they're feeling. It's a beautiful skill to have." - Michelle Chalfant "Connecting with the inner child is simply activating an energy." - Michelle Chalfant "There's so much power in feeling our emotions." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES  Free Inner Child Resource https://theadultchair.com/innerchild BRAND NEW: The Adult Chair® Live – April 14-15, 2023 Attend in-person in Charlotte, NC or Virtually https://theadultchair.com/charlotte/  Headspace Try it free for 30 days https://www.headspace.com/adult30  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You just met the new love of your life, and after a season of single parenting, you’re so excited to build a life with your new partner and create a beautiful blended family.  But you don’t just have yourself to think about. Between their kids, your kids, exes and in-laws, forming new bonds and creating healthy dynamics can be, well, complicated. Not only do you want to be a great parent or stepparent to your blended family, but you’re also navigating brand new territory with your partner, from different parenting styles to setting healthy boundaries. Certified Adult Chair® Coach, Amber Jones, has lived this as a mom and stepmom to a blended family of six children, and in this show, she drops a wealth of wisdom on how to create connected blended families from your Adult Chair. We talk about the nitty gritty of boundaries with exes, building relationships with stepchildren, parenting roles, when to introduce your children to a new partner, and how to deepen your relationship with your partner.  And, like everything in The Adult Chair®, we know that the true work happens within, so Amber also walks us through how to work with our own triggers, the importance of self-worth and why navigating blended family dynamics can be such a beautiful opportunity to work on ourselves.  Listen to discover: Amber's story of navigating divorce, dating and remarriage in a blended family of six kids When to introduce your kids to a new partner How to navigate different parenting styles The two most common struggles for blended families   The importance of centering the relationship and the "couple bubble" How to deal with pressures from outside the relationship  How long-term relationships can be a mirror for growth The power of gratitude in your relationship   Tips for increasing connection with your partner Amber is a wonderful relationship coach, and whether you’re part of a blended family, considering dating again, dating someone with children or just looking to strengthen your relationship, kids or no kids, this episode is for you! "We both really believe that the relationship is the foundation of the whole family." - Amber Jones "You have to be a unified front." - Michelle Chalfant  "Your self-worth has to be very intact. You have to know that you're worthy and that your partner loves you and that you're good enough." - Amber Jones "I think that when it comes to exes, it's really the responsibility of the partner whose ex it is to manage and handle the ex. " - Amber Jones  "You've got to be #1 on each other's list." - Michelle Chalfant  "The biggest problems that I see are because of other people outside of the relationship causing issues within the relationship." - Amber Jones "I think there's so much power in those words of just saying, 'I believe you. I believe your experience.'" - Amber Jones "Triggers are a gift because they show us our inner beliefs about ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES  Amber Jones Website https://www.amberjonescoaching.com/ Amber Jones Instagram https://instagram.com/amberjonescoaching/ Episode #98: Transforming Triggers https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/98-transforming-triggers/  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We’ve all felt it: the extra tense political discussions, the harsh climate on social media and the overall division between people. It often feels like half the planet is living in a different world and we just can’t seem to understand each other. This isn’t just in our heads. Studies show that empathy has declined 40% since 1979, and today, one third of people say they can’t easily see the point of view of somebody else. We have to learn how to listen, hear and respect each other again. The good news is that we can all learn empathy! My guest today, Rob Volpe, has mastered the art of empathy both in his personal relationships and through his work in market research. Since his job is all about listening to people and creating connections, he’s learned to identify the specific attitudes and behaviors that help people hear each other and feel heard – and he’s here today to empower us with five simple steps to building more empathy in our life and world! Listen to discover: ●       What empathy actually is ●       The wonderful things empathy can fuel in our lives ●       The difference between emotional empathy and cognitive empathy ●       What to do if you have a partner who doesn't have a lot of empathy ●       The difference between empathy and agreement ●       Shocking stats about the decline in empathy ●       The factors driving our current empathy crisis ●       5 steps to build more empathy today Empathy is something we talk a lot about but have trouble defining and practicing. We also tend to think it’s a quality someone either has or doesn’t – when in reality, we are all capable of empathy, and we all need to consistently practice our empathy skills. You don’t have to naturally feel the emotions of others to be empathetic. By setting aside our judgments, asking good questions and listening with curiosity, we can stop talking past each other and learn how to really love each other, even when we disagree! "Empathy as it's defined is about connecting with other people on either an emotional or a cognitive level to understand the lived experience of somebody else as if you were them." - Rob Volpe "Empathy is needed for healthy relationships." - Michelle Chalfant "We just want to be seen, heard and know that we're enough." - Rob Volpe "It's not about agreeing. It's about witnessing and really seeing and hearing them." - Michelle Chalfant "One third of adults could not easily see the point of view of other people."  - Rob Volpe "We're living what I call 'chin up'...and when we're chin up and living in the head space, we're ready to defend. We're not listening." - Michelle Chalfant "We just need to take the time to listen to one another and hear what the other person is saying and not be so defensive." - Rob Volpe LINKS & RESOURCES  Rob Volpe Website https://www.5stepstoempathy.com/  "Tell Me More About That" (Rob Volpe book) https://www.amazon.com/Tell-More-About-That-Conversation/dp/1774580896 Rob Volpe Instagram https://www.instagram.com/empathy_activist/ Rob Volpe TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@empathyactivist The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle https://theadultchair.com/worthy  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Cheers. Salud. Skol.  Wherever you are in the world, it seems like alcohol punctuates every celebration.  But have we stopped to ask if alcohol is really good for us? Or have we paused to get curious about why we drink – and when it moves from genuine enjoyment to unhealthy numbing out? Recently, I’ve noticed more people having conversations about sobriety, from giving up drinking entirely to swapping a few cocktails for mocktails, and I thought it was time we talked about alcohol through the lens of The Adult Chair®. In this episode, I’m chatting with Laura McKowen, who has written extensively about getting sober and runs a global sobriety support community. She openly and vulnerably shares her story of using alcohol to numb her emotions, why and how she got sober and what her life looks like now. We talked about how our culture normalizes excessive drinking, all the emotions that come up when getting sober and ways to tell if you might have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. If you’re at all “sober curious,” you’re going to love hearing her perspective!  Listen to discover: ●       Laura's story of getting sober and why she chose to stop drinking ●       How drinking culture normalizes excessive drinking ●       Busting health myths about alcohol ●       The connection between alcohol and anxiety ●       How Laura's life got better when she got sober ●       The way we use alcohol to numb our emotions ●       How to develop a healthier relationship with alcohol, whether you choose to cut it out completely or enjoy it in moderation Like everything in The Adult Chair, we aren’t talking in terms of “do” or “don’t” or “good” or “bad,” but about bringing consciousness into the decisions we make. My goal for this show is not to tell you to stop drinking, but to encourage you to take a closer look at when you drink, why you drink and how you drink so you can truly live life to the fullest: present, awake and alive! "I knew I liked to drink a little too much. I loved it a little too much." - Laura McKowen [When offered a drink after a bad day] "I don't want a glass of wine. I would like to come talk to you about my emotions though." - Michelle Chalfant "We end up recreating our life in a way that decenters alcohol...my life is still my life." - Laura McKowen "When you are drinking even a little more than you want to, it keeps you from facing the truth." - Laura McKowen "Alcohol provides a really great shield to just sort of skim across the top of life." - Laura McKowen "I was in a lot of emotional pain. I know that's exactly why I reached for alcohol." - Michelle Chalfant "We don't get away with not feeling things. It goes somewhere." - Laura McKowen "Shame disconnects us from our humanity and the humanity in other people." - Laura McKowen "The not drinking wasn't the cure....it was actually connecting with other people in a meaningful way and healing in relationship with people that allowed me to heal." - Laura McKowen LINKS & RESOURCES  Laura McKowen Website https://www.lauramckowen.com/  Laura McKowen Instagram https://www.instagram.com/laura_mckowen/ "Push Off From Here" (Laura McKowen Book) https://www.lauramckowen.com/books  The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle https://theadultchair.com/worthy  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

There is an old Irish proverb that says, “A good friend is like a four-leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have.”  While some people thrive in a big group and others prefer to have a few close friends, there isn’t a human on the planet who doesn’t need friends!  But making friends seems to get harder as we get older. Gone are the days of finding a BFF because you happened to sit next to each other on the school bus. Friendship in adulthood takes intentional effort. In this episode, I talk to psychologist and friendship expert, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, about how to create deep, meaningful relationships as an adult. We talk about why love is so much more than just romantic partnerships, how our attachment style impacts our friendships and the “recipe” for a deep friendship.  Dr. Franco shares lots of practical tips on how to feel more confident in social situations, places to make new friends, conversation starters and how to get over the fear of rejection.  Listen to discover: ●       The importance and power of friendship ●       How your attachment style impacts how you make friends ●       How to make friends as an adult ●       The ingredients required for organic friendships to form ●       The "liking gap" and how it impacts the way we show up with others ●       A method for initiating conversation ●       Why you shouldn't fear rejection Though busy schedules, family commitments and adult responsibilities can make friendship more difficult, connection really boils down to two things: repeated interactions and shared vulnerability. When we understand this, along with our own attachment style, we can take conscious steps to find our people – no matter where we are in life. "How we've connected has shaped who we are...then who you are affects how you connect." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "Research finds, for example, that even learning about attachment theory shifts your attachment a bit." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "Being secure is not about never feeling insecure. It's about having an alternative secure voice too and leaning into or buying into the more secure side of you." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "That's one of my biggest tips when it comes to making friends: assume people like you when it's ambiguous." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "When we really work with our attachment styles, it can really just change the whole way we see the world." - Michelle Chalfant "If you're an adult and you don't have that [infrastructure for meeting new people] anymore, you can't assume it's going to happen organically. You have to try." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "Find a community that's going to give you repeated unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "You also have to overcome covert avoidance. And covert avoidance is our tendency to show up physically but check out mentally." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "People are less likely to reject you than you think." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "It's not so much about what you say. It's about the fact that you are opening up conversation." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "Rejection is just part of the process of connection." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "I think we need to remind ourselves too that if someone doesn't like us, it might have nothing to do with us." - Michelle Chalfant "I think there are so many ways that sometimes what we think is a rejection, the other person is actually thinking of as consideration." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco "Oftentimes, it's not about us. It's about something that other person is going through." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES  Dr. Marisa G. Franco Website https://drmarisagfranco.com/ "Platonic" (Dr. Marisa G. Franco book) https://drmarisagfranco.com/about/platonic-the-book/  Dr. Marisa G. Franco Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco/  The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle https://theadultchair.com/worthy  HelloFresh http://hellofresh.com/adult65 Use code ADULT65 for 65% off + free shipping MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

There are so many different aspects of being an emotionally healthy adult. We’re complex, connected beings, and our bodies, our minds, our emotions, our spiritual lives…they all play a role in how we feel every day. It all matters! One of the areas we don’t talk about enough is our hormones. Hormones impact SO many of our bodily and mental functions, and we’ve been kept in the dark about them for too long! Everyone deserves to understand this part of themselves! In this episode, I talk to hormone health educator Candace Burch to help us understand all things hormones…and wow, is she a WEALTH of information!  We talk about how hormones impact our lives from our teenage years all the way through menopause, the symptoms of hormonal imbalances and all the related topics when it comes to hormones: birth control, fertility, anxiety, acne, PCOS, stress and SO much more. You will walk away with a much better understanding of the role of each hormone in your body and the empowered choices you have when it comes to balancing your hormones.  Listen to discover: The classic signs and symptoms of hormone imbalances Some of the things that can contribute to hormone balance Hormonal changes you can expect in each stage of life The key female hormones and the importance of adrenal health How to approach hormone testing and replenishment/supplementation The root cause of PCOS This show focuses on female hormones since they are so complex, but I hope it is helpful for all of us to recognize that our internal chemistry and the cyclical nature of our bodies are not to be ignored.  When we learn to work with our bodies, trust our intuitions and get support when we’re feeling out of balance, we can take more ownership of our health through every stage of life. "Painful periods are not normal." - Candace Burch "So many women are not aware of the symptoms or they become their symptoms." - Candace Burch "The whole concept of hormone imbalance is relatively new." - Candace Burch "Ovulation disruption is one of the big reasons people become hormonally imbalanced." - Candace Burch "When you talk about health or hormonal health in any case, it's always about nutrient dense proteins, good nutrition." - Candace Burch "That's key: keeping blood sugar stable." - Candace Burch "There's this inevitable road to hormones shifting, but they shouldn't be shifting like a roller coaster." - Candace Burch "I think a lot of people don't even know how to relax anymore." - Candace Burch "The adrenals are key to everything really." - Candace Burch "There are not a lot of studies with intermittent fasting with women." - Michelle Chalfant "Progesterone is the great balancing hormone." - Candace Burch "Estrogen has so many functions. We need it." - Candace Burch "I'm a fan of hormone replenishment when testing takes place first, in measured doses." - Candace Burch "High cortisol at night is really problematic." - Candace Burch "I think most PCOS is very much linked to insulin resistance and an imbalance of blood sugar." - Candace Burch "Anyone that has PCOS doesn't need to feel helpless and hopeless." - Candace Burch "I think women have to trust their intuition." - Candace Burch LINKS & RESOURCES  Candace Burch Website https://www.yourhormonebalance.com/ Use code ADULTCHAIR50 for $50 off hormone testing Your Hormone Balance Instagram https://www.instagram.com/yourhormonebalance  The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle https://theadultchair.com/worthy  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com   The Adult Chair® Events  https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant  

When it comes to standing up for ourselves and setting boundaries, there are few places where this is tougher than with our family of origin. Family brings a whole different dynamic to the table: our foundational attachments, our childhood programming, group expectations and our natural loyalty to our parents. The most successful and strongest people I know can still fall into old patterns or feel like younger versions of themselves around their parents and family. In this episode, I’m talking to my friend, Rebecca, whose family would often criticize her when she would set boundaries. Despite being a successful adult and parent herself, Rebecca often felt small and at the whim of her parents’ emotions. After a conflict around this issue, Rebecca was invited to a holiday gathering with her mom and dad, and she decided it was time to take empowered steps to change her family dynamics. She turned inward and got clear about what her boundaries were and her plan in case her boundaries were crossed – and she had an entirely different experience at that get together! She connected to a deep sense of self-worth, power and her ability to take care of herself that still radiates from her today. In this show, she’s sharing how she did it using The Adult Chair® model and how you can do it too! Listen to discover: ●       How Rebecca learned to stand up for herself and change her family dynamics ●       The inner work Rebecca did to get clear on her boundaries ●       What an embodied boundary feels like ●       Why taking care of ourselves and setting boundaries can lead to healthier relationships What I love about Rebecca’s approach is she didn’t just ask herself what her boundaries were; she asked herself how she wanted to feel. This helped her stay connected to herself, and it gave her an embodied sense of strength and power.  You can feel her grounded energy just listening to this conversation, and she has so many amazing takeaways to share with us – this one is a must listen! “I didn’t know what a true boundary was before all of this.” - Rebecca “My parents never respected me as an adult.” - Rebecca “If they were happy, I was happy.” - Rebecca “I don’t like labels, but it does help us to understand why people show up the way they do.” - Michelle Chalfant  “I need to take care of myself because no one will take care of me.” - Rebecca  “We can’t set effective, strong, clear boundaries if we don’t know what we value inside and who we are on the inside.” - Michelle Chalfant "No one is going to make me feel any other way than how I want to feel. And if they do, it's not selfish to not want to be here." - Rebecca "I hear someone that is choosing their reality versus allowing others to dictate their reality." - Michelle Chalfant "I have the power to change this. I just have to work. That's the thing – you have to work." - Rebecca "Words are powerful...I want my children to understand your words can take you places and can move mountains and can make you feel amazing, if you know how you want to feel." - Rebecca "Unless you have the energy within, then you can't set a firm boundary." - Michelle Chalfant "What's ok for you doesn't have to be ok for anybody else." - Rebecca LINKS & RESOURCES  The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle https://theadultchair.com/worthy  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Our society today is facing an epidemic of anxiety. Despite technology that promises to make our lives faster and easier, it seems that we’re more anxious than ever. In 2020, Google searches for “anxiety” reached an all-time high. We have to look beyond the diagnosis of anxiety and seek to find the root cause of why so many people are living with such high stress and dysregulation that are creating anxiety. There is something bigger going on here. And since we’re whole humans, we need to look at the whole picture – mind, body and spirit – when thinking about how we heal and manage anxiety. My guest on this show, Dr. Ellen Vora, is a psychiatrist who takes a functional medicine approach to anxiety, looking at mental health factors and physical health factors, such as sleep, digestion and blood sugar, that can add up to throw us out of balance and contribute to feelings of anxiety. She also helps us to distinguish between feelings of anxiety that come from a physical imbalance vs. true anxiety, which comes from our inner compass telling us something truly isn’t ok. Listen to discover: What's causing our current epidemic of anxiety The connection between sleep and anxiety Why blood sugar imbalances can cause "false anxiety" The difference between true anxiety and false anxiety The many reasons for cell phone-induced anxiety Spirituality and anxiety management A psychiatrist’s honest opinion about psychedelics, medications and anxiety We need to start taking a “layered” approach to treating and managing anxiety by looking at the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual elements of our lives and how they work together to create stress or health. This hopeful approach to anxiety empowers us all to make choices that support our well-being, even in the face of real personal and mental health challenges. "I was sort of taking the temperature of our society, and the temperature right now is anxiety." - Dr. Ellen Vora "False anxiety is anxiety that is not our true essence." - Dr. Ellen Vora "It's not just one thing that we have to look at." - Michelle Chalfant "Genes plays a role, but that keeps a lot of us feeling stuck and feeling destined to be anxious....it's more dynamic than we appreciate." - Dr. Ellen Vora "Our problems, our stressors are still valid. It's just that if we had a snack and our blood sugar was more stable in that moment, we would be more resilient in the face of our stressors." - Dr. Ellen Vora "Our mind is the consummate meaning maker." - Dr. Ellen Vora “It’s not like we have to dramatically change everything that we do, but we just want to make informed choices.” - Dr. Ellen Vora “We don’t get to gluten free or decaf coffee our way out of our true anxiety.” - Dr. Ellen Vora “I would have my clients sit in their bodies and feel what was going on, and their physical symptoms would start to change.” - Michelle Chalfant “[Anxiety] is the physical manifestation of unfelt emotions.” - Michelle Chalfant “It’s our body that’s able to listen and really dial in and tap into a deeper knowing.” - Dr. Ellen Vora “It’s turning toward the anxiety instead of turning away from.” - Michelle Chalfant “We reach outside of ourselves to ‘fix us’…and it doesn’t end it. We’ve gotta get to the root.” - Michelle Chalfant “We need to change our narrative of what is materially possible.” - Dr. Ellen Vora  “We’re never stuck. We are never broken.” - Dr. Ellen Vora LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Ellen Vora Website https://ellenvora.com/ Dr. Ellen Vora Instagram https://www.instagram.com/ellenvoramd/ "The Anatomy of Anxiety" (Dr. Ellen Vora book) https://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Anxiety-Understanding-Overcoming-Response/dp/0063075091 The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle https://theadultchair.com/worthy MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Do you envy people who can speak up for themselves easily – without stress or guilt? Or do you wish you could go through life with more freedom – not always worried about what others think or if you’re getting it right, being able to make mistakes and move on? If you struggle with perfectionism and people pleasing, this type of life might feel like just a dream. But the truth is that perfectionism and people pleasing are just parts of you – parts that have a good reason for being there. And when you understand how they got there, the role they serve and the attention they need, you can transform them…and live that free, bold, courageous life you long for! In this episode, I’m chatting with life coach Amy Green Smith about her journey of overcoming people pleasing and perfectionism, building self-confidence, learning to speak up for herself and creating a life filled with joy! Amy breaks down why perfectionism and people pleasing are both survival strategies that we learned to keep us safe and how they are connected to beliefs about ourselves. We talked about practical ways to start shifting these beliefs, set boundaries, cultivate more authenticity and boldly stand up for ourselves with kindness! Listen to discover: The root of perfectionism and people pleasing The connection between codependency and people pleasing The situations that can lead to perfectionism The different ways we can experience our inner critic based on sensory processing Practical steps to transform perfectionism and people pleasing Why boundaries matter so much – because our self-worth depends on them! Steps to setting healthy boundaries, with beautiful conversational examples How to cultivate deep, authentic friendships I love the way that Amy connects all of the topics in this episode back to self-worth. Boundaries, accepting compliments and true connection with others are all important because they are part of our self-worth. She also models how standing up for ourselves isn’t confrontational and can be done with radical acceptance…even with people we strongly disagree with. If you’re ready to understand why you people please or why you feel like you have to be perfect – and what you can do to begin to shift these patterns in your life – press “play” now for a fun, insightful show!  "Both perfectionism and people pleasing are symptoms. They're manifestations of a deeper-seated belief about self." - Amy Green Smith "People pleasing is genuinely anytime we are so highly invested in the opinions of other people that we actually shapeshift, twist and contort at a cost to self." - Amy Green Smith "It's rooted a lot in us just genuinely wanting to take care of ourselves." - Amy Green Smith "One of our primary human needs is for one of belonging." - Amy Green Smith "We have emotional feelings that don't feel great, we try to rectify them with physical feelings." - Amy Green Smith "People pleasing is actually a defense mechanism. It's an iteration of our fawn response." - Amy Green Smith "Do not let your silence make you a liar." - Amy Green Smith "Is there anyone that I'm always frustrated with, that I'm always upset about, that I'm building a story about, but have refused to talk to them about it? That is usually a people pleasing dynamic that's happening." - Amy Green Smith "Boundaries can be set with anger and rage...[but] they're not healthy boundaries." - Michelle Chalfant "If it's worth complaining about, then it's probably worth taking action on." - Amy Green Smith "Every time you choose to silence yourself...you send a subconscious message to your mind that your wants, opinions and needs just don't matter as much as someone else's." - Amy Green Smith "You can respect one another without agreeing." - Amy Green Smith "You don't have to agree. Just respect me." - Michelle Chalfant "You can have two completely different opinions about something and still be in relationship with that person." - Michelle Chalfant "It's hard for us to actually be with the goodness in our life." -  Amy Green Smith "The receiving piece is huge." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Amy Green Smith Website https://amygreensmith.com/ Amy Green Smith Instagram https://instagram.com/heyamygreensmith The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You landed the dream gig, got the promotion, submitted your book for publishing, had an amazing first date. So, why do you feel so insecure, unsure and even unworthy? Hello, imposter syndrome! Imposter syndrome, or feeling like a fraud, is something that everyone struggles with from time to time — yep, even those super successful people you look up to. It’s that feeling that you don’t really deserve the recognition or opportunities you’ve earned or you worry you’re not really good enough for them. It often sounds like, “If they only knew…” Imposter syndrome can pop up when something good happens in our life or it can hold us back from ever going after our dreams. In this episode, I’m breaking down exactly what imposter syndrome is, where it comes from and the concrete steps you can take to work through it and overcome it! Listen to discover: What imposter syndrome is Where it comes from Practical steps to stop feeling like a fraud or an imposter Feeling like a fraud is part of the human experience. But because this feeling causes us shame, we hide it and then end up thinking we’re the only ones. It’s time we talk about it openly — and talk about what you can do so it doesn’t hold you back any longer! I hope the steps in this episode are steps you can turn to anytime you feel imposter syndrome creep up. "If you feel this way, don't feel like you're the only one." - Michelle Chalfant "It's the feeling that you're a fraud, that you don't deserve compliments, praise or success that you rightfully earned." - Michelle Chalfant "When we have imposter syndrome, we feel like our success happened by chance or by luck." - Michelle Chalfant "It's like we're carrying around this big, dark secret that we want no one to know about." - Michelle Chalfant "It's critical to have self-worth. This is one of the ways that we work ourselves out of feeling like a fraud or an imposter." - Michelle Chalfant "When we can become witness to it, we give ourselves another perspective." - Michelle Chalfant "Don't let your rouge thoughts run your life." - Michelle Chalfant "When we change our thoughts into positive, conscious thoughts about who we are, it feels better." - Michelle Chalfant "What we're not great at doing is accepting and owning our accomplishments." - Michelle Chalfant "These are your accomplishments. They're yours. Claim them. Be proud of them." - Michelle Chalfant "Self-worth is key to changing your mindset about being a fraud." - Michelle Chalfant "Self-worth is all about value." - Michelle Chalfant "Imposter syndrome is much more common than you would think." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

At the start of a new year, we all wonder what the year will hold for us. Even with the resolutions and intentions we set, there’s also that element of uncertainty around the things we can’t control. What will come our way? What will shift for us? This goes beyond just us as individuals. Our planet also goes through shifts and transitions with the rhythms of nature and the universe – and on this show, I’m talking with astrologer Rachel Lang to learn more about what might be coming for all of us here on earth in 2023 and beyond. Before giving her predictions for 2023, Rachel breaks down what astrology is and why it’s so much more than what many people think. She helps demystify some of the thought processes and patterns behind it and explains some of the shifts that could be coming in the universe. And, to help illustrate just how complex and deep astrology charts can be, I’m putting myself out there and letting her read my chart on air. Curious to find out what might be going on in my life this year? Listen to find out! Listen to discover: What astrology is and what it is not Why it’s much more in depth than birth dates and horoscopes What an astrology chart even is Some of the things happening on the planet in 2023 and beyond A real-time reading of Michelle’s chart for 2023 Astrology is much deeper than just your birthday or your horoscope in the newspaper. It’s about the rhythms of nature and the patterns we see in the heavenly bodies – and what that can mean for trends in the universe and in each of our lives. Whether you love astrology or are a self-proclaimed skeptic, this episode will give you some interesting things to consider and some insights into what this year might hold for you. “Any time we open ourselves up, we have the opportunity to really help others.” - Rachel Lang “It is the least woo woo of all the things that are considered woo.” - Rachel Lang “It’s a study of archetypes.” - Rachel Lang “Everything has some kind of symbolic resonance.” - Rachel Lang “You can use astrology for just about everything.” - Michelle Chalfant “If we would work with the cycles of nature instead of against them, then I think personally we wouldn’t have a lot of the problems that we have right now.” - Rachel Lang “Everything affects everything else.” - Rachel Lang “It’s about space, but ultimately, it brings us to a place of presence on the earth.” - Rachel Lang  LINKS & RESOURCES Rachel Lang Website https://rachellangastrologer.com/  Episode #94: An Astrologer's View of New Year Transitions with Rachel Lang https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/94-an-astrologers-view-of-new-year-transitions-with-rachel-lang/ The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification  STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Journaling is truly a self-discovery tool. It helps us to find who we really are – what we want, what we value and what we feel – underneath the false self. In fact, “journal” and “journey” come from the same root word. To journal is like taking a journey into the self! Journaling is one of my go-to practices for transformation. It’s so powerful for learning more about yourself, processing your emotions, getting things off your chest, finding clarity and getting unstuck in life. And it’s totally free to do! What’s not to love? In this episode, I’m giving you the scoop on the powerful ways journaling works to get you into the flow state and uncover deeper knowledge and answers about yourself and your life. You’ll get tips for how to start a journaling practice and how to get the words flowing, even if you don’t feel like a writer or aren’t sure what to write. Listen to discover: Powerful reasons to journal Why journaling is such an important tool for transformation The different ways you can journal How to start journaling, even if you’re not sure what to write Having a journal is like having a best friend who listens to you without judgment. It’s a place to process your inner world, move stuck energy and gain clarity and answers about yourself and your direction in life. Tune in to learn how to get started with this powerful practice today! “The journaling prompt will take you on a deep dive into the self to help you get clearer about who you are.”  - Michelle Chalfant “It is such an incredible way to discover who you really are.” - Michelle Chalfant “Journaling is a self-discovery process.” - Michelle Chalfant “When you feel really emotional about something, you can journal about it.” - Michelle Chalfant “Journaling can be almost like a best friend.” - Michelle Chalfant “When we journal, it’s an energy. It actually is moving us forward in life.” - Michelle Chalfant “Anything that resonates with you, do it. Experiment.” - Michelle Chalfant “Journaling is a gateway.” - Michelle Chalfant “Anything that comes to your mind – anything at all – start there.” - Michelle Chalfant “There is no right or wrong when you journal.” - Michelle Chalfant “The prompt begins your journey.” - Michelle Chalfant “You will find direction and guidance through journaling.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Free 2023 Journaling Challenge https://theadultchair.com/journal MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

In my 25 years of practicing as a therapist and holistic life coach, I found that there was one common root cause behind many of the issues my clients were facing: low self-worth. From codependency to difficulty with decisions or boundaries, not having a strong connection with the inner self was often the driving force behind these challenges. Most of us have a tendency to look outside of ourselves for worth and validation, and building up a strong sense of who we are on the inside takes practice. One of the simplest and most powerful places to start is with self-validation. Self-validation is when we notice who we are – our actions, thoughts and feelings – and we affirm ourselves. It’s not bragging or comparing ourselves to others but rather speaking truth to ourselves and cheering ourselves on…which not only builds up our sense of self-worth but also leads to healthier relationships as we stop looking to others to validate us. In this episode, I’m sharing more about the power of self-validation and simple steps for how you can begin a practice of doing this every day. It literally takes seconds to do, and over time, it will change your life! Listen to discover: What self-validation is and why it’s important The connection between self-validation and self-worth What self-validation looks like in real life Steps to starting a practice of self-validation The difference between self-validation and narcissism or bragging No one can make us feel or believe something we don’t believe about ourselves. So, if we don’t have a sense of our own self-worth, no amount of validation from others is going to give us what we need. It’s an endless cycle of approval-seeking that never fills us up. That’s why we have to lay a foundation of self-worth and believe in our own goodness so that when others validate us, we can actually let it land and show up more authentically – as the true self that we know and love. “Self-validation starts a domino effect to help heal all of these things because self-validation starts to build self-worth.” - Michelle Chalfant “Self-validation is when we notice what we’re doing or thinking or feeling and we acknowledge it, we own it and then we give ourselves a pat on the back about it.” - Michelle Chalfant “If you want healthy relationships, start out by self-validating. It is unhealthy for us to rely on external validation.” - Michelle Chalfant “Self-validation is the healthy way to feel good about self.” - Michelle Chalfant “When you add that validation that takes seconds, my internal self gets built up, my self-worth gets built up, my sense of self becomes a little bit more positive.” - Michelle Chalfant “It’s your job to share with others what you need.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Free 2023 Journaling Challenge - Starts January 1! https://theadultchair.com/journal MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Whether you love manifesting or you’re still a little skeptical, I want you to consider one thing: if the Law of Attraction really is a law of nature, like gravity, is it possible that it is working in your life whether you know it or not? Is it possible that your unconscious beliefs are shaping your reality in ways you don’t realize – or want – simply because you haven’t chosen another way of thinking? This was the reality of Dr. Joe Vitale’s life when he was homeless and living on the floor of the Dallas library. A lifelong learner with a love for books, he would spend hours in the self-development section, trying to figure out what was keeping him stuck in life. He realized he was carrying a tremendous amount of limiting beliefs, including the belief that he needed to suffer to be successful, and these beliefs were the very reason he was in the circumstances he was in. As he changed his beliefs, he changed his entire life from his finances to his career, and today he’s a wildly successful author, actor, musician and guru on the Law of Attraction – and I was so honored to speak with him on today’s show. Dr. Joe helps explain the Law of Attraction and how it works on a practical level, showing how what we focus on is what we get, and walks us through a beautiful Hawaiian process for healing ourselves and those around us. I asked him all the tough questions and got all of the answers for you, so you can look at this concept through a new lens and start creating the life you want! Listen to discover: How Dr. Joe went from being homeless to being a wildly successful author, actor and musician – just by shifting his beliefs Where to start getting the life you want What the law of attraction is and why it can work for you (even if you don't think so) The importance of choosing love instead of fear for creating the life you want Why your unconscious beliefs make all the difference in manifestation The power of the ho'oponopono prayer and how to use it At the end of the day, the Law of Attraction is based on the idea that we see and get more of what we focus on. Wouldn’t you rather focus on love than on fear or hate, no matter what – and especially if doing so was directly connected to the reality you were living? This is an awesome show to help you get started on that path and begin to see that miracles ARE possible! “The inner work is what got me here.” - Dr. Joe Vitale “In order to change the outside reality, you gotta go inside.” - Michelle Chalfant “You’re not purposely, consciously choosing most of these beliefs. Most of them you’ve absorbed.” - Dr. Joe Vitale “The ‘how’ is the number one thing that stops people.” - Dr. Joe Vitale "Fear and hate are two of the most powerful manifesting emotions that there are." - Dr. Joe Vitale "Emotion is fire for creating what you want." - Dr. Joe Vitale "The law of attraction is how your brain works. It is bringing to you what you're focused on." - Dr. Joe Vitale “I love working with the unconscious mind because that is where, to me, the magic is." - MIchelle Chalfant “It seems to me the only limits we have are mental constructs.” - Dr. Joe Vitale LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Joe Vitale Website https://joevitale.com/ Zero Limits Living (Joe Vitale TV Show) https://zerolimitslivingtv.com/ “Zero Limits” (one of many Joe Vitale books) https://www.amazon.com/Zero-Limits-Secret-Hawaiian-System/dp/0470402563 “Homeless to Billionaire” (Andres Pira with Dr. Joe Vitale book) https://www.amazon.com/Homeless-Billionaire-Principles-Attraction-Opportunity/dp/1946633860 Free 2023 Journaling Challenge - Starts January 1! https://theadultchair.com/journal MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

It’s that time of year again…the holidays are here, and with them come all the delicious food and treats. I’m ALL about treating ourselves and eating for enjoyment, but there can also come a point where it’s no longer fun. You probably know the feeling: the sugar crash, the sluggishness, the fatigue, maybe even body aches or indigestion or mild depression. It turns out there’s a reason behind this: what we eat is deeply connected to our brain chemistry, our hormonal balance and our mental and emotional health. And it’s different for everyone. On the show today, I talked to functional medicine nutritionist Andrea Nakayama about the connection between nutrition and mental health and how we can make mindful choices that support our health and happiness this holiday season. We talked about understanding our food triggers and our inherited beliefs about food and our bodies, the way sugar affects our brain chemistry, the root causes of chronic disease and why understanding your unique makeup and your story is critical to making conscious nutrition decisions. This is a fascinating conversation about how nutrition can actually affect our psychology and how we can develop holistic, sustainable habits that are rooted in a deep connection to self. Listen to discover: What functional medicine is & the role of a functional medicine nutritionist in overall health Understanding our inherited beliefs about food and the reasons why we eat the way we do Raising awareness to our food triggers The role of sugar in our brain chemistry and psychology The three roots of any chronic condition Ways to enjoy sugar or sweetness without negatively impacting your hormones or brain chemistry Epigenetics and its connection to disease that can trigger mental health issues Why it's so important to enjoy our food To be 100% clear, this episode is not about labeling food as good or bad or about how our bodies look. It is about understanding how our brains and bodies FEEL when we eat. We were made to eat and enjoy food! And true enjoyment comes when – like everything else in The Adult Chair® – we stay connected to ourselves, bring things into awareness, live embodied and make conscious choices that support our health – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. "Everything is connected, we are all unique and all things matter." - Andrea Nakayama "There's never one root cause." - Andrea Nakayama "Systems biology tells us that everything in the body is connected, the psychology is connected to the physiology, the gut/brain, the gut/hormones, the detoxification and the hormones...it's all connected." - Andrea Nakayama "We have to remember that we are our best judge, we need to tune into ourselves, what do we need intuitively." - Michelle Chalfant "Understanding all of that, your relationship to your body and the way you eat, is a critical part of the equation." - Andrea Nakayama "There are reasons we may be eating sugar or consuming sugar that feel like they're about regulating things, when they may be contributing to a dysregulation." - Andrea Nakayama "There's nothing good or bad about the food." - Andrea Nakayama "It's not about the food. It's about the food and you." - Andrea Nakayama "No two people are the same." - Michelle Chalfant "We've got to pay attention to our moods…what happens to ourselves, to our emotional state, our mental state, when we are eating these foods." - Michelle Chalfant "I think one of the mistakes is the elimination, elimination, elimination, elimination of food without the internal physiological healing." - Andrea Nakayama "Sugar is like the band aid that gives us the quick feeling of, 'Now I'm boosted," or 'Now I'm motivated,' but it's not the long-term solution." - Andrea Nakayama "It's kind of remarkable to me how complicated the relationship with food has gotten." - Andrea Nakayama "There's so much trauma that's influencing chronic health concerns." - Andrea Nakayama LINKS & RESOURCES Andrea Nakayama Website https://www.andreanakayama.com/ 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Close December 16, 2022! https://theadultchair.com/certification Free 2023 Journaling Challenge - Starts January 1! https://michellechalfant.com/journal/ Episode #237: Healthy & Balanced Eating During the Holidays with Jessi Jean https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/237/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Resistance. Like gravity, it’s such a common part of the human experience that few of us stop to acknowledge it, but it’s a force that exists in all of our lives. It’s in the fear that pops up when we go to move forward in life. It’s in the inner critic, the imposter syndrome and the voice telling us we can’t. It’s in the writer’s block, the snooze button, the procrastination and the distraction. It’s the force that pushes against our creativity and our efforts – especially the big dreams that are part of our soul’s mission – and none of us is immune to it (nope, not even the greats in their fields). The people who accomplish great things aren’t people who don’t experience resistance; they’re the ones who can recognize it and choose to act anyway. I was so honored to have one of my favorite authors, Steven Pressfield, on the show to talk about the dynamics of resistance in our lives. As a writer, Steven understands this force intimately, and some of his most famous work, like “The War of Art,” has focused on the topic of resistance: what it is, where it comes from and how we can stare it in the face and move forward anyway. In this episode, he shares his own 27-year journey of working with his ego to publish his first book, what he’s learned along the way and how he continues to dance with resistance to pursue his soul’s calling. Listen to discover: What resistance is and where resistance comes from How to take action even with resistance (and why we shouldn't expect resistance to just "go away") The many different forms resistance can take How to work with resistant voices like the inner critic The mindset of an amateur vs. a pro (and how you can start thinking like a pro from the start) How to handle rejection and failure and get back up again The danger in resistance is failing to recognize it. It’s so easy to listen to that negative inner voice and truly believe that something is too hard and we shouldn’t do it. By naming resistance and even listening to what it’s trying to tell us, we can begin to separate our calling from our egoic fears and make the conscious choice to act anyway. When we do, we might realize it’s not nearly as hard as we thought it would be. "When I would hear those voices trying to distract me or those voices telling me I'm unworthy, I would say to myself, 'Well, that's not me talking. Those aren't my thoughts. That's resistance.’" - Steven Pressfield "I'm convinced that resistance is a force of nature." - Steven Pressfield "No matter what your passion is, resistance is going to pop up." - Michelle Chalfant "When you feel massive resistance to something, you know that's the thing you gotta do." - Steven Pressfield "The more resistance you have, the more in line with your soul's mission that you are." - Michelle Chalfant "The bigger the dream, the bigger the resistance." - Steven Pressfield "We will think, 'Well, let me wait until the fear goes away and then I'll do it.' But the reality is that the fear never goes away." - Steven Pressfield "Once you take action, resistance will recede." - Steven Pressfield "Resistance has no strength of its own." - Steven Pressfield "Resistance takes the form of a voice in your head. And the mistake we make...is we think it's our voice." - Steven Pressfield "You certainly cannot argue with resistance. The only way is to dismiss it." - Steven Pressfield "The ego, it's based in fear. It's trying to protect us on some level." - Michelle Chalfant "When we build something big and we're here to help others, resistance is gonna pop up and rejection and failure. It's gonna happen. You keep going anyway." - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES Steven Pressfield Website https://stevenpressfield.com/ Steven Pressfield Instagram https://www.instagram.com/steven_pressfield/ "The War of Art" (Steven Pressfield book) https://www.amazon.com/War-Art-Through-Creative-Battles/dp/1936891026  "Govt Cheese" (Preorder: new Steven Pressfield book) https://store.stevenpressfield.com/product/govt-cheese-signed-copy/  2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Close December 16, 2022! https://theadultchair.com/certification Free 2023 Journaling Challenge - Starts in January! https://michellechalfant.com/journal/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When we face challenges in life (and we all do), it can feel like the whole world is against us. Whether we blame ourselves or others for our problems, it’s natural to think of our struggles as weakness. But what if the challenges in our lives are actually a doorway to our strengths? What if they give us the opportunity to build resilience and uncover our superpower – the unique way we’re meant to make a difference in the world? Amberly Lago is living proof that our struggles can become our strengths. After building a career in dance and fitness, her life dramatically changed when she was hit by an SUV while riding her motorcycle. In an instant, she went from having a full, active life to undergoing 34 surgeries, spending six years in and out of the hospital, almost losing her leg and living in constant pain. She had every reason to be discouraged, to believe her life was over and to feel like a victim. But instead, she tapped into her “why” and chose to live a life of victory – and today, she is a wildly successful coach and motivational speaker who helps others find their superpowers in the midst of life’s difficult times. In this powerful and inspiring conversation, Amberly and I talk about falling and getting back up again, how to find your superpower and how to overcome blocks, fears and dead ends in life so you can thrive! Listen to discover: Amberly's powerful story of overcoming challenges and building her resilience Simple, powerful habits that can pull us out of negativity and depression The power of resilience How to find your superpower What to do when you feel stuck, blocked or at a dead end in life How to take the first step right now, even if you feel blocked or scared It’s so easy to hear an inspiring story like Amberly’s and think she must have special superpowers, but the truths of her experience are universal. We all face challenges, and we all get to choose whether we will let them overwhelm us or we will overcome them. We all run into fear, blocks and resistance, and we all get to choose to pursue our purpose anyway. You have everything you need within you to face whatever life throws your way, and I hope this episode inspires you to keep going and encourages you that the difficult moments of life can be turned into superpowers! "I think to really thrive and to tap into your superpower of resilience and thrive, sometimes it is so super simple of just getting back to basics." - Amberly Lago "Gratitude is alchemy." - Amberly Lago "I think that when we start asking ourselves the right questions – like 'Why?' 'What is your why?' 'What is your purpose?' – we can get through the hows." - Amberly Lago "I really, truly believe that the human spirit is powerful beyond measure." - Amberly Lago "Success is built on relationships, and proximity is power." - Amberly Lago "I don't rely on motivation. I rely on resilience." - Amberly Lago "When we read, we learn about the world, we learn about other people. But when we write, we learn about ourselves."  - Amberly Lago "[When we journal] it's like we discover what's on the inside." - Michelle Chalfant "It's normal to feel scared. That means you're doing something really important." - Amberly Lago "So much of it is mental and emotional work...It takes practice." - Michelle Chalfant "I have learned to talk to myself instead of listen to myself." - Amberly Lago "Everybody has resistance that pops up." - Michelle Chalfant "You don't quit on yourself." - Michelle Chalfant "If you can't say that you need help, reach out and see how you can be of service to somebody." - Amberly Lago LINKS & RESOURCES Amberly Lago Website https://amberlylago.com/ Amberly Lago Instagram https://www.instagram.com/amberlylagomotivation/ Free Download: How To Tap Into Your Superpower of Resilience and Thrive Text GRIT to 818-214-7378 "True Grit and Grace" (Amberly Lago book) https://www.amazon.com/True-Grit-Grace-Turning-Tragedy/dp/1683506235 Episode #202: Turning Tragedy Into Triumph with Amberly Lago https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/202/ 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Close December 16, 2022! https://theadultchair.com/certification Free 2023 Journaling Challenge - Starts in January! https://michellechalfant.com/journal/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

All of us have an inner critic – the part that reminds us of our limits and our failures and tries to “keep us in line.” It’s that voice inside your head that can be critical, judgmental and even mean. Though it’s just one part of who we are, the inner critic is one of those parts that can be especially painful and stressful to deal with. Not only does the inner critic impact our sense of self-worth, but it also keeps us stuck and small in life (although it thinks it’s keeping us safe). We will often find this part standing between us and the dreams that are in our heart, telling us all the reasons why we can’t or shouldn’t. That is what Adult Chair® Coach Jenny Jansen encountered when she was considering joining The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program. She knew her heart was telling her to take the leap, but her inner critic dialed the volume up and tried to keep her stuck in fear. In this episode, Jenny tells the story of how she used The Adult Chair® to work with and transform her inner critic and how that was the first step toward living a life where she feels purposeful, energized and successful. Jenny shares a detailed example of doing her own parts work, helping illustrate what this work looks like in real life and how transformational it is. Listen to discover: How Jenny transformed her inner critic from her Adult Chair The tools Jenny used to work with her inner critic A beautiful parts work example from Jenny’s work How Jenny overcame her fears about The Adult Chair Coaching Certification and became an amazingly successful coach As Jenny worked with her inner critic, she discovered that underneath the blame and shame it was throwing her way was fear. This is usually the case for our Adolescent parts – they are afraid and want to keep us safe. When we turn towards them with our healthy Adult voice and let them know they’re ok, they transform. Jenny’s story is a powerful example of how the goal is not to get rid of parts of ourselves but rather to integrate them into our whole self, with our healthy Adult in charge. “I feel like my inner critic was born when I was born.” - Jenny Jansen “When I turned toward it, I realized there was so much fear underneath.” - Jenny Jansen “The more you turn away from that voice, it gets louder.” - Michelle Chalfant “When we’re able to turn toward those parts and get to know them, they morph.” - Michelle Chalfant “A lot of times, we mix up feeling safe with feeling familiar.” - Jenny Jansen “What is it going to take to move your body path in line with your soul path?” - Jenny Jansen “When we take these risks and work with these inner parts and walk through our fears, we become more authentic. We live more from our true self, our true essence, and we have an experience of it.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Jenny Jansen Website https://www.trueconsciousliving.com/ 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Close December 16, 2022! https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

It’s that time of year again…the holidays are officially upon us! This is a happy time, but it can also be really triggering…especially for those of us who struggle with people pleasing and codependency. This time of year puts us around more people than usual, and more demands are placed on us during this time…a combo that is like kryptonite for those who are addicted to other people. No wonder the holidays are so exhausting! On today’s show, I’m helping you figure out how to stay in balance this holiday season, with practical steps you can take today (yes, before the first family gathering even begins!). We’re talking about how to catch ourselves when we’re getting pulled into others’ wants, needs and demands; 3 tips to connect back to self and how to set boundaries – with scripts for common, uncomfortable holiday situations. This is not about healing this tendency overnight, but it is possible to get activated less, even over the next four weeks of the holiday season. And with time, these practices can totally transform you out of people pleasing and codependency…and into a life of peace! Listen to discover: Why the holidays can be such an exhausting time for people pleasers and codependents What codependency is How to bring people pleasing and codependency into balance Three practices you can use to avoid exhaustion this holiday season (and how to implement them in tangible ways) Boundary scripts for holiday gatherings The tricky thing about people pleasing and codependency is that they make us so focused on others that we might not even know we have these habits! If you’re always exhausted and you don’t know why, take a look around and ask if this could be you. As I share in this episode, the first step towards healing this is awareness, so why not try the steps and see how you feel when you do? This might just be your best holiday ever! “I don’t believe that we can ‘heal’ or transform our codependency in just a few short weeks…but you can begin the journey of transforming these habits.” - Michelle Chalfant “What we really want to do is rewire the brain for balance.” - Michelle Chalfant “Codependency, it’s an addiction.” - Michelle Chalfant “We’re just living our lives exhausted and putting our attention outside of self.” - Michelle Chalfant “It’s really about connecting back to you.” - Michelle Chalfant “We are doers instead of just being and being ok with self.” - Michelle Chalfant “I’m not suggesting that you stop being a caring person. What I am suggesting is that you start with you first.” - Michelle Chalfant “It’s going to feel uncomfortable, but this is where the rewiring of our brains begins…It’s beautifully uncomfortable.” - Michelle Chalfant “The practices are going to change how you act and react and respond.” - Michelle Chalfant “If you practice these things I just mentioned to you, boundaries become easier.” - Michelle Chalfant “[Boundaries are] sharing with others what I feel and what I need.” - Michelle Chalfant “Boundaries are your right.” - Michelle Chalfant “The authentic you is in there. It’s just covered up. This is how you uncover and discover the true, authentic you.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now! https://theadultchair.com/certification Tanasi https://tanasi.com/ Use code ADULT for 50% off your first order MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We all know the feeling: someone says or does something, and we feel our heart rate go up, the heat rise in our body, and the anxiety or anger take over. We just got triggered! A trigger is an emotional reaction that we have to someone else’s words or actions. They often catch us off guard and can flood us with “negative” emotions, and if we’re not being conscious, our first reaction is usually to blame the person who triggered us. But triggers aren’t about others; they’re always about us! And after years of working with my own, I can honestly say that triggers are a GIFT! Triggers reveal unconscious beliefs to us – limiting, untrue beliefs that shape our reality and hold us back in life – and give us a chance to heal them. When we have the tools to work through them, we can harness the healing and awareness they hold for us instead of shoving them down, spiraling into negativity or lashing out at others. In this episode, I’m giving you the scoop on what triggers are, how they form and what they can tell us about ourselves, plus my go-to, hands-on steps for working with them. Listen to discover: What the heck a trigger is – and why triggers are a gift How triggers get formed Why your triggers and unconscious beliefs affect your life and your reality The role of projection in triggers Practical steps to work with triggers Triggers are never fun, but we don’t have to get swept away by triggers or let them hijack our emotions. When we develop the skills to work with them, we can live with more peace and balance in every part of our lives…and get to know ourselves a lot better along the way. “[Triggers] are really key to our growth.”  - Michelle Chalfant “Our triggers are our responsibility.” - Michelle Chalfant “Triggers belong to ourselves.” - Michelle Chalfant “If someone outside of you is acting like that, it will not bother you unless you have the same quality inside of you.” - Michelle Chalfant “The more we work on our stuff, the less we get triggered.” - Michelle Chalfant “That’s why I love triggers: because when we’re triggered, it’s like this belief that’s been in the dark gets lifted out of the dark and into the light.” - Michelle Chalfant “They help us to know the unknown that’s deep inside of us.” - Michelle Chalfant “When we get in touch with these unconscious beliefs, our lives begin to change.” - Michelle Chalfant “You have to go into what scares you. That is how you transform it.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Happy Birthday, Michelle! Review The Adult Chair® Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now! https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Realizing your partner is a narcissist or emotionally abusive and making the decision to leave can be one of the most liberating experiences of your life. But what if you’re forever tied to this person because of a child you share together? What if you can take yourself out of the relationship but can't take the narcissist out of your life? Co-parenting with a highly toxic or abusive person adds a whole new dynamic to parenting and divorce. Your child needs more support than ever — and so do you as you heal. You not only have to figure out how to move forward, but you also have to learn how to handle high-conflict interactions with your ex without letting it drag you back into the old patterns that harmed you. Sarah Kamoto is a coach who specializes in helping people co-parent through high-conflict situations. After leaving the narcissistic father of her young child, she has walked this path and navigated everything from how to help your child process the unhealthy dynamics they’re witnessing at the toxic parent’s house to what to do when your ex tries to turn your child against you. In this episode, we dig deep into narcissistic relationships — the signs of a narcissistic relationship, why we experience grief when leaving, dating after leaving and so many questions I get asked about narcissism — plus how to thrive even when you have a high-conflict ex to contend with. Listen to discover: Common signs that you're in an emotionally abusive relationship The dynamics between narcissists and their adult children The process of grief when recognizing and leaving a narcissist Why it's counterproductive to confront a narcissist The difficulties of co-parenting with a toxic ex & how to navigate them Helping your children become emotionally healthy even with a toxic parent How to respond when your ex tries to turn your kids against you Scripts for talking to your children about divorce without pitting them against your ex Everyone deserves to have a beautiful life. You weren’t put here to experience abuse or have your sense of self eroded. You, your children and your entire family can thrive after a narcissistic relationship, but it all starts within. It starts with you doing your work so you can model something different for your children and take the higher path even when your ex tries to tear you down. I hope this episode gives you new tools for growing your self-worth and practical ideas for navigating complex co-parenting situations. "They basically try to destroy who you are as a person." - Sarah Kamoto "They don't ever take responsibility, and they blame you for everything." - Michelle Chalfant "It's a slow erosion." - Sarah Kamoto "I realized that I couldn't have had self-love if I allowed someone to treat me in this way without setting my own boundaries." - Sarah Kamoto "I don't think emotionally healthy people end up in these relationships. You only become emotionally healthy when you've been forced to do this work." - Sarah Kamoto "Isn't the fact that you want more and deserve more enough?" - Sarah Kamoto "It's a lot easier just to switch victims and move on to somebody else than to actually go and do the inner healing work." - Sarah Kamoto "I think anything is possible. And for me it boils down to, 'How aware are you?'" - Michelle Chalfant "Life is too short. I want to live a beautiful life. Everyone deserves to live a beautiful life. We were not put on this earth to be treated in this way and downtrodden and abused." - Sarah Kamoto "Not all people with narcissistic traits are abusive." - Sarah Kamoto "You're trying to parent and you're trying to heal and you're trying to co-parent with somebody who is high conflict." - Sarah Kamoto "You need to differentiate who you are from who the other parent is." - Sarah Kamoto LINKS & RESOURCES Sarah Kamoto Instagram https://www.instagram.com/narc_proof_and_thriving/ Sarah Kamoto Website https://narcproofandthriving.com/ 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now! https://theadultchair.com/certification Tanasi https://tanasi.com/ Use code ADULT for 50% off your first order MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant