One thing remains a bit of a mystery (Well, not just one, but this is flavor of the day!). Why does the identified mind continue to feel the compulsion to pounce on us with anxieties and concerns the moment we open our eyes in the morning? It doesn’t make a lot of sense. I can’t speak for my friend, but for my part I generally surrender to sleep with thoughts of gratitude for the day that I have had the delight of experiencing. Sleep comes easily. I sleep well. Morning arrives without the jarring voice of an alarm. Instead, my thoughts seem to feel compelled to slap me awake. I know it was not always like this. As a child one springs from bed full of joy and eager to greet the day. Since resistance what is is what holds a pattern in place, I guess the better question  is why do I object to being slapped awake by my identity?  I just do.  

My biggest problem right now is that I feel like I'm in a prison that I can't get out of. Things that people take for granted like having a shower have become very difficult for me and whatever I do doesn't seem good enough.My adult children are suffering because they are trying to help me but are frustrated because I'm not doing anything to help myself eg eat healthy food and exercise.I seem to have no desire to do anything at all.I seem to be very lazy and also incompetent and I don't know what to do about it. If I can't start looking after myself I'm afraid of what my future will be. I could very well end up on the streets and so could my children, especially my son. I'm living with my elderly parents in a rented house and I'm not doing a good job of looking after myself and spend most of my time doing nothing except lying on my bed, walking up and down the hallway, eating or watching a couple of quiz shows on TV.It's a very insecure, confusing and frightening place to be.My son came back from Europe to try to help me and is so disappointed and frustrated because no matter what he says and how hard he tries to motivate me, he can't see me trying to help myself at all. My daughter had a baby 7 months ago and I haven't been able to be the support she would have liked and I'm not the Nana I think I should be.I feel very separate, lonely and isolated. How can I move forward? There are so many reasons why I'm struggling right now but others eg my son just think I'm making excuses for why I'm not doing what I "should" be doing.I have no desire to do anything, which is a real worry for me.I'm currently under the mental health act here in NZ and am taking medication for anxiety and depression.I've done my best to explain what's going on with me but I don't believe you or anyone can fully understand what I'm going through.I don't know what I want from you or if there's anything you can say or do to help but I'm reaching out anyway.I wonder if I am a special case, the exception to the rule and maybe there's no hope for me.