Often moms are told to "not take things personally," which could be said by a well-meaning spouse. Sometimes those words are said to shut down the conversation that mom desperately needs to have. Well, that's not helpful.     However in this episode we are going to explore "it’s not personal." My intention is not to minimize mom's experience, it is to help protect mom's heart and energy. "Taking things personally" can cause so much anxiety, hurt, anguish, sadness, suffering and just sucks the life out of you.    We will explore what "taking it personally" really means. What are some of the things moms take personally? Why does taking things personally cause so much pain and suffering? Why taking things personally is not helpful to you and your teen?    Then we will look at why "it's not personal" through the lens of neuroscience. Finally, and most importantly we will discuss how you can protect yourself and your heart from taking things personally. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you ever wake up and wonder,  "How good can the teenage years get?" or do you think, "How am I going to survive the teenage years?" Many moms just wonder how they are going to survive the teenage years. And that's no surprise since this is one of the most challenging times to parent teens.  The problem is, human beings have a propensity to remember only the negative. We can forget that we have good moments with our teens. The negative experiences can erase the positive experiences from our memories. The truth is that there are many gifts we can receive from our teens and the teenage years. Because of the unique challenges in this culture you will not naturally experience how good the teenage years can be. You have to be intentional and strategic and knowledgeable about the teenage brain. In this episode you will learn how to dial up the good experiences with your teen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your teen stress you out? If you have a normal teenager then the answer should be yes and the reason for that is where they are developmentally and I talk about the science behind that in the podcast.  So yes your teen will stress you out. The better question is how often does your teen stress you out and to what degree? In other words whats the intensity of the stress you feel. In this episode I go into the major categories of what stresses parents out like monitoring, worrying about their safety and their future. There will be stress but you don't want the stress to dominate your life, your parenting, your teen and your home. Stress is not good for you or your relationship with your teen. Here’s the dilemma. It is stressful parenting a teen but your stress impairs your parenting. Your stress can stress your teenager out. Learn 4 ways to dial down your stress so that you can enjoy the teenage years. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we are going to talk about the "4 Steps to Creating the Routine You Want". This is crucial to establish routines that work for you and your family this new school year.  It's easy to think that you are starting your year off with a blank slate, but it is never a blank slate. Here’s why. The truth is that the same issues and struggles that drove your crazy last year are going to reappear this year. And why is that? Patterns repeat. Your son and daughter will do what they normally do and then you and your partner will typically react like you normally do. Over time these verbal and behavioral exchanges become predictable patterns of interactions. These interactions are often unconscious and on autopilot and can be triggered with an eye-roll, disrespectful comment, or the infamous slammed door. And then your last years amnesia has shattered and you remember the draining teenage drama from the past. You don’t want these unconscious patterns of interactions to become your “automatic routine” for your new year especially if they were fraught with drama. Many parents fall into routines or patterns that are not working for them or for their teens. You may be aware of some routines and not be conscious of others. Because the fall semester is busy, it’s easy to go on automatic pilot and just tolerate disrespectful behavior day after day.  And this becomes routine. The good news is this year doesn’t have to be a repeat of last year. But things won’t automatically change you have to be intentional. Listen to find out the "4 Steps to Creating the Routine You Want". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The new school year is starting soon or may have already started. Before the year takes off at full time speed, I want to discuss why intentional downtime is a big deal. With our busy schedules downtime is not going to happen naturally, you have to be intentional. Downtime is a pressure-free zone. It's non-productive time. There is no competition or comparing yourself to others . There is no pressure to get anything done. There is no agenda. There is nothing hanging over your head. Downtime allows for your mind to wander instead of having focused attention. You get to relax and chill out. Downtime is restful. In this episode I discuss the 5 Benefits of Intentional Downtime. 1. Downtime allows you and your teen time and mental space to let go of stress caused by friends, grades, a busy schedule, and lots of demands. 2. Downtime naturally brings out our playful nature.  3. Downtime allows for creativity and innovation.  4. Downtime allows you to slow down.  5. Downtime allows your mind to rest,  6. Downtime is good for the teenage and adult brain. I spend the rest of the episode getting practical. What is a good use of downtime and what is not? How to insert downtime into your very busy schedule? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Has your teen ever said anything like, "Mom you are the only one who won't let me . . ." or  "Everyone else is doing it so why can't I . . .?" If they have, congratulations you have a normal teenager. Teens from all over the planet use tactics like these to try to manipulate you to get their way. In this episode will look at the  many different tactics that teen use. These teenage tactics only work when we are not 100% clear if we are making the right decision. These tactics can open the door to a whole lot of drama. You can shut these tactics down when you are 100% clear. However, there are two big  challenges to becoming clear. One, is the Moving Target Syndrome, and two, is Mother Fog. We will discuss how to take your clarity back. Also, in this episode we will discuss the downside of making decisions based on consensus and why your clarity is a personal decision.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode we'll discuss why curiosity makes you a better human being and parent. You’ll learn how healthy curiosity dials down the drama, and improves your relationship with your teen.  Healthy curiosity is the secret ingredient to a well-lived life. Curiosity makes us feel alive, leads to more happiness, boosts achievement and creativity, expands our empathy and strengthens our relationships. Walt Disney once said, “We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”. Instilling healthy curiosity to your teens is one of the best gifts you can give them.   You'll learn how curiosity brings down the teenage wall of defensiveness and  helps you have the hard conversations with your teen with minimal drama. This skill is foundational to parent effectively. There is also a dangerous side to curiosity, that our teens are especially vulnerable to. When you combine a strong drive of curiosity with the teenagers faulty brake system (of their undeveloped prefrontal cortex), it can lead to trouble. You'll learn what you can do to protect your teen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I hope that Mothers' Day was all that you hoped it would be. But if you ended up  disappointed, you are definitely not the only one. Heres the problem with Mother's day. I think you come to that day with huge expectations that your kids and partner will somehow make up for everything that was not right in the past year. Realistically on Mother's Day you are still dealing with teen issues and are in the kitchen cooking a meal for your mom or your mother in law. Even on Mother's Day it's hard to have a whole day that you are actually off duty. That's why moms need more than a day! Often moms are influenced by implicit messages in the culture like, "it's selfish to pay attention to me." It feels like that this message is true, so many moms feel guilty if they spend time taking care of themselves. They wait for someone to give them permission to invest in themselves. This results with moms feeling "all mothered out" and resentful for not being appreciated enough. Actually, it's not selfish to pay attention to you; it's CRUCIAL. 1. it's crucial to pay attention to you . . .So you can honor and appreciate you for everything you do for your family. 2. It's crucial to pay attention to you . . . to reclaim your self awareness. This is the first step to know how you are doing, what you need, and what you want. If you don't know what you need, a good place to start is the 5 essential areas of feeling good. In order to feel your best, you’ve got to focus on five essential needs: foundational, maintenance, relational, self-enrichment, and spiritual. 3. It's crucial to pay attention to you . . . every day. See part of each day needs to be mothers day. What I mean by this is that YOU needs to get in your calendar.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whenever I speak to moms I tell them, "This is one of the most challenging times to raise a teen." A huge reason for this is navigating through the treacherous waters of cell phones, social media, and internet with teenagers. Most parents are blind sided with their teens about all thing digital because we didn’t go through this when we were teens. It feels like the iPhone has been around forever but actually it was released in 2007. So your mom didn’t have to deal with these cyber space issues when parenting you. Did you know that the average American touches their  phone 2617 times a day? Did you know that According to Common Sense Media, teens spend an average of nine hours a day online?  Studies have shown that the rise of anxiety and loneliness in teens is directly related to how much teens are online. 1 of 3 teenage girls will experience significant anxiety. In this podcast I talk about "The 4 big problems with phones, social media, internet and teens." 1. The addictive nature of all things online 2. Loneliness 3. Social comparison and why selfies are more like a question than a statement 4. Fomo (Fear of missing out) and how Snapmap is really EOMO (Evidence of missing out.) Most importantly we will end with what moms can do about this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I think what's challenging and perplexing about parenting is that your child/ teen can feel like a moving target---or you could say a growing target. You feel like you finally have mastered one stage and then your teen grows out of it and you are up against the next stage. This new phase  has new dynamics to figure out and its own set of perils. Every time you turn a corner, there is new terrain to manage. You finally have elementary school down and then they are off to middle school. You finally have middle school down and then they are off to high school, and then your kids are wanting to get their drivers permit and on it goes. . . Add to this moving or growing target another factor that can completely throw parents off balance and is the source of much confusion and frustration. This is the Maturity Gap.  Maturity Gap in adolescence has been studied by many neuroscientists. They look at the maturity gap through the lens of brain development. They define it as the discrepancy between an individual's cognitive maturity and emotional maturity. I am going to broaden the definition of Maturity Gap and will share some interesting studies about the brain.  Here's what I mean when I am talking about the Maturity Gap. All the different facets of your teen (physical, social, cognitive and emotional) are not growing together at the same rate. Because of this there is a maturity gap between the different parts. Some areas of your teen may seem more adult-like. You can feel like your teen is maturing and you can relax, but  then your thrown off by another facet that screams immaturity.  This Maturity Gap doesn't magically go away at 18, it's alive and well until age 25. This podcast will explore how knowing about the Maturity Gap can help you be a better, happier and wiser parent.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I hear parents second guess themselves saying things like, "I wasn't hard enough on him," or " I was too soft on her." And what they are really talking about is their parenting approach in regards to discipline. The challenge about parenting is "one approach doesn't fit all." I have seen parents come into my private practice baffled because the first two kids sailed through the teenage years with no problems, but their third kid who now is a teenager is driving them crazy. Why is that? They are doing the same things with the third kid that they did with the first two. Why the different result?  This podcast gives you some guidelines on how to approach different types of teens, specifically the one-down and the one-up teen. The one-down teen is a little more sensitive. She is hard on herself. She has poor self esteem and  lacks confidence,  She often has the intelligence and the abilities, but lacks the confidence. She needs to be pulled up to feel like she is on the same level as others. This is the one-down position.  The one-up teen thinks he is better than everyone else. He has insecurities they are just more covert or hidden. Teens in a one-up position put others down because it feels good to be at the top. In other words they have to put others down to feel good about themselves. They tend to belittle, brag, bully and think they are always right. When they are in a one-up position they need to put someone else  down in order to feel powerful. Bottom line When you are dealing with a teen that is in a one-up position they need to be pulled down to have good self-esteem. You need a very different parenting approach for the one-down or one-up  teen. The one-down teen can greatly benefit from the wild card of grace. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you foster your child/teen's creativity?  Expressing your creativity through art, dance, writing, film and music is an excellent way to develop the teenage brain. The brain is having a major growth spurt during the teenage years. It is a season where you use it or lose it, meaning that neurons that are not used wither away. Neurons that are used wire into the teenage brain. It is the easiest time to learn a new language or a piano concerto. There are many challenges parent face when trying to encourage their teen's creativity. Teens don't want to practice. They want to quit. There is too much competition. All of these situations can lead to arguing and conflict.  In this episode I share an interview by Jean Ireton on her online video series Breakthrough to Creativity on how to get past the drama and truly encourage your teens creativity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My friend sent me a post that said, "Check on your friends with strong willed daughters. We are not ok." I laughed but what really struck me is how many thousands of moms had shared it. Obviously it struck a chord.  A strong willed daughter has an upside and then the shadow or dark side. Think of it as different sides of the same coin.  Really we want a strong willed daughter. Strong: Having great physical, moral, and intellectual power. Will: used to express desire, choice, willingness, consent, or in negative constructions refusal. There is something beautiful, courageous and noble in a strong willed girl.  And then the dark side of an immature teen.. 1. They approach the world from a one-up position. 2. They are relentless about getting their way. 3. They are all armored up. They hide the vulnerable emotions. 4. They can take on too much. It's hard to ask for help. In this episode we will talk about how to protect the spirit of the strong willed girl and how to effectively parent the dark side. And not let it get the best of you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You need to be prepared when your teen has their first big break up. Parents see the worst version of their teen after a breakup. This makes it hard for you to help your teen and console them. They are angry and shut down. They can lash out at you. They are edgy and negative. They lose their motivation. They don't want to pick up their room, do their chores, or their homework.    Helping your son or daughter successfully work through a big break up is extremely important. They will end up either wounded or wiser; depending on how they process it. This is a season where your teen is very vulnerable. The big break up is an assault on your teen’s heart. It's not just girls who have broken hearts I have seen plenty of teenage boys who have been deeply affected by a painful breakup. Often parents are more worried about their teen’s sexual activity than their hearts. We don’t want our teens to get pregnant or get an STD but we also don’t want them to have lasting trauma from a bad break up.    This episode looks at the 3 big reasons teen relationships will probably end badly. You'll learn what "not to do" when your teen has a broken heart and what your teen really needs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why is it that you can be a CEO of a company and feel on top of the world and yet a sassy teenager can bring you to your knees. Why is it that moms of middle school and high school teens rarely wake up and think, "Wow, I am a successful mom. I'm rocking it with these teens." What is a successful mom? The important question is who or what is answering the question. There is a cultural definition of a successful mom that looks a-lot like a perfect mom. These implicit messages from the culture inform our expectations  of what a successful mom is. These unrealistic expectations and ideals lead to hyper vigilance, which leads to anxiety, and then leads to exhaustion. Both parents and teens are not benefiting from this definition. It's time to redefine a successful mom. You can dial down the pressure just by redefining the successful mom. Listen and find out how.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode I interview my friend and colleague Angela Caughlin, MA. Angela is an expert on how journaling can help you find your inner parenting wisdom. She has lived her message. When recently widowed she had to raise three children by herself. Angela has authored four books on different aspects of journaling.  Angela is an Integrative Coach, which means she uses a holistic approach that integrates with other modalities of treatment during her coaching or counseling sessions. Angela’s integrative approach comes from her extensive training in journaling and her training in mindfulness and meditation, as well as traditional western psychology.   Angela discusses all the positive benefits of journaling. It can help you be a better parent, stay connected to yourself and have a better relationship with your teen. She shares Dr. James Pennebaker research which reinforces this.  Angela states that journaling can be your best friend and she shares her 3-part process which helps you move out of reactivity into a much greater clarity. What is emotionally true is not always factually true. This process helps you sort through your emotions to discover what is really true. 1. Download your emotions. 2. Ask yourself, "What's really true and what's not true. 3. And then you can rewrite your story. Towards the end of the episode she shares her practical tips for how to get started, how to protect your privacy, and how to find time in your busy schedule.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do I mean by a hard conversation? Basically it's any conversation your teen doesn't want to have with you---and there are a-lot of those. In this episode I give you 5 key elements to help you have a (successful) hard conversation with your teen. 1. You want to balance the hard conversations with intentionally having positive conversations/experiences with your teen. 2. Timing has to be right.  Bottom line is that if either you or your teen are emotionally flooded or have been drinking or high, it's the absolute worst time to have that conversation. This comes from understanding neuroscience. When you are emotionally flooded, you are in stress response. You are offline from that part of the brain that has everything you need to solve a problem. 3. You need to be clear.  And to do that you don't want to rush into that conversation. Time is your friend. I describe the different areas you need clarity. If you rush in too quickly you vent. The problem is that venting is all over the place and it's not a conversation. Venting dials up the drama and your teen will not learn anything from this.. 4. You need to listen to your teens and hear their story.  This can be challenging because often you need to have the hard conversation because they did not tell you the truth. But if you can get your teen to open up, you'll find the gold. You want to find the places your teen is stuck. The more accurately you can identify this, it informs the consequence and lets you know what your teen needs to learn. 5. You must be strategic and not reactive. The strategy is slowing down and deciding how you are going to approach these conversations. Often it is mapping out what you are going to say in the next conversation...and it might take multiple conversations. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every mom worries. You can't eliminate worry. Parenting a teen gives you endless things to worry about. Worry can be useful if it leads to effective action.  But too often worry is just wasted energy. It doesn't lead to solutions it just leads to more worry and before you know it the worry grows exponentially like a wildfire.  You don't want worry dominating your life and your parenting. Don't let worry control you; you can control the worry. A worried mom lives in a state of worry where her actions and responses are continually fueled by worry. Constant worry is not healthy for you and actually is a hindrance to your parenting. Constant worry negatively impacts your relationship with your teen.  We want to replace the worry energy with reflective energy.  All moms worry in some ways. We are biologically hard-wired to worry,  but not all moms are reflective.   Reflection is incredibly important to your parenting. Reflection is essential for you to be a happy, thriving, "I love my life" mom. Worry leads to a drained, anxious, and resentful mom.  In this episode I am going to contrast worry with reflection and show you why worry is a hindrance to parenting and why reflection is the key to enjoying the teenage years. Reflection is foundational for conscious and intentional parenting.  If you are tired of living in a state of worry, learn how reflection can actually set you free from the burden of worry and set you on a course to create the life you want. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Power Your Parenting: Moms with Teens is back.  This is going to be an exciting year. I have lined up some great guests and of course I will be sharing some practical parenting tips and sharing current research on teens. One of my primary goals is to raise the bar on what's possible for moms and teens. You don't have to dread these years. You can actually enjoy them. In this podcast I first answer the question, "Why am I hosting a podcast on moms and teens?" Was I the perfect mom with the perfect teen? You'll have to listen to find out. :) I will share with you 3 key strategies that turned my relationship with teenage daughter around. You really can change your relationship with your teen in fifteen minutes a day. I shared some of these ideas in my TEDx talk, "Stressed-Out Moms and Ticked-Off Teens: 3 Keys to Dial Down the Drama" Watch here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0U-U-Gggf8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do your teens need better communication skills—especially when they are wanting something from you? In this podcast I interview Laura Lyles Reagan who is a family sociologist with more than 30 years of experience in practical youth development and parenting coaching. She holds a Masters in Sociology specializing in interactionism and communication dynamics. She is the author of her new book, “How to Raise Respectful Parents” which is a teen’s guide to navigating adult culture by equipping teens with communication skills. Each chapter introduces a new communication skill by using real world examples and conversations between parents and teens.  I’ve invited Laura to be on this podcast because I think Laura will bring a very interesting perspective. In my book Dial Down the Drama I empower moms to reduce conflict by using effective communication skills with their teens especially when there is drama. Laura trains the teens to communicate effectively with their parents and gives them the tools that they desperately need. She teaches a technique called co-creation, which especially helps with the hot button issues of teen life such as failing school grade, desire for more freedom, alcohol use/abuse and social media. You can contact Laura at www.lauralreagan.com. Her book How to Raise Respectful Parents is available at Barnes and Noble and Amazon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you feel like you worry about your teen 24/7? Does your son and daughter seem to always be stressed? Ready to dial down the worry and the stress! In this episode I interview Jodi Aman, who has been a psychotherapist for over 20 years. Jodi is also the author of You 1 Anxiety 0 Win your freedom back from fear and panic. Besides being a seasoned therapist, Jodi is also a mom of teens and can relate as a parent. Jodi answered these two questions. What tips do you have for  moms struggling with their own anxiety?What can moms do when they see their sons or daughters really anxious or stressed out? Jodi believes you can win your life back from fear and panic. Her advice is practical and based on science. The good news is that  though we live in a fear based culture, worry doesn’t have to define your life or your family. Bio: Jodi Aman wrote the bestseller, You 1, Anxiety 0 to help people WIN their life back from fear and panic. With sharp empathy into the complexities of people’s pain–since she has recovered from her own family chaos and panic attacks–and a keen understanding of how and why people get stuck there, Jodi has decided to dedicate her life to helping people feel less lonely and afraid. Find her at http://jodiaman.com. Check out her videos at http://youtube.com/jodiaman. Get inspired on Instagram @JodiAmanLove. Or feel loved on Facebook: http://facebook.com/jodiamanlove. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Has your daughter ever eaten a big bag of Cheetos and then fifteen minutes later run out of the room and screamed, “I’m so fat.” Monitoring teenage girls and their food choices can be tough for moms. You can tell your daughter is struggling with her body image and you try to calm her down and she gets angry. You try to hold your daughter accountable by asking her if she really wants that second Crave cupcake and well…she doesn’t say thank you mom. Moms know that a healthy diet is important and when we try to help our daughters it can quickly go to drama. In this episode I interview Connie Sobczak, the author of Embody: Learning to Love Your Unique Body (and quiet that critical voice!). She is an educator, speaker, filmmaker, and co-founder of The Body Positive, a non-profit organization where, for the past 20 years, she has skillfully and lovingly reconnected teens and adults to their body wisdom to make more balanced, joyful self-care choices. Her Be Body Positive Model offers a guide for people to create a relationship with their whole selves that is guided by love, forgiveness, and humor. Connie’s experience with an eating disorder in her teen years and the death of her sister Stephanie inspired her life’s work to create a world where all people are free to love their bodies. She raised her daughter, Carmen, in The Body Positive community, where children and teens learn to value their authentic beauty and identity, and use their energy and intellect to make positive changes in their own lives and in their communities. In this episode Connie tells us why she started The Body Positive and why she wrote her book Embody. (which I highly recommend) Connie encourages moms to not make negative comments about  their daughters food choices and eating habits. She states that it won’t help and will only create shame and resistance. Connie has a fresh approach that is practical, helpful, and doable for moms. In this episode she shares her proven techniques of The Body Positive that she has used for 20 years in schools and communities. Connie believes in creating supportive communities so that it’s not all on mom. She also shares what moms can do to help their daughters love their unique bodies. You can contact Connie at [email protected] Her website is www.thebodypositive.org. On her home page is a FREE gift for you: 3 ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR LOVING THE SKIN YOU’RE IN! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do you need a long-term perspective when parenting a teenager? The answer comes from the final Chapter in my book, Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting with Your Teenage Daughter. It’s important to remember that we were once teenagers and we did a lot of crazy stuff too. Despite our secrets and mistakes we made it safely into adulthood. When you are mired down in the daily drama it is easy to lose perspective. We just want the stress, struggles, conflict, and attitudes to go away and we can end up counting the days till our teen leaves home. It’s important to remember that your teen is a work in progress. Much of these irritations are because your daughter’s brain is under reconstruction. As she matures many of these infuriating behaviors will fade away. But perspective reveals another facet of the teenage years which is what’s good about teens. Teens have many gifts to offer us. They are emotionally vibrant, adventuresome, playful, creative, and lots of fun. They can wake us up from our doldrums and help us break out of our routines. It’s also important to have a long-term perspective on your relationship with your son or daughter. This is what helps you get through the teenage years with your relationship in tact. Dialing down the drama, is also dialing down the potential to do harm to you and your teen. There is a belief that once you ship your daughter off to college that your relationship will magically improve. This is not true. I’ve worked with women in their 60’s who are still having issues with their 90-year-old mothers. You want to create a relationship now that will carry you and your daughter into her adulthood. It’s not to late to rebuild your relationship with your teen. Start creating healthy patterns of communication now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“How to be your daughter’s (or son’s) dream maker” is a complicated question.  Your daughter or son may not know what they want to be when they grow up. Your son is set to get a scholarship for baseball in college but he decides his... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever felt like everyone in your family is driving your life? I had one mom tell me, “I feel like I’m my daughter’s personal assistant. I wish I had one!” This episode is the practical “how to’s” on how to recapture your life which comes from the eleventh chapter in my book Dial Down the Drama. The first episode of the Dial Down the Drama series was “Are you all Mothered Out?” We examined why mothers tend to let their own needs get bumped to the bottom of the never ending family to-do list. I can tell you after working with thousands of moms, this is not working for us. Here is the reality and this is the challenge. I have never met a mom who wasn’t busy. This is why we tend to let the daily demands consume our life. The problem is when we are speeding through our life we tend to lose control and sometimes our demanding daughter is driving the car. But to create a healthy home environment and live a healthy life, it’s crucial that you learn how to be the CEO of your life. A CEO steps back and evaluates the current situation and determines what needs to change. The CEO keeps the big picture in mind. She knows what are the important priorities are and how to implement strategies to move forward. She evaluates what is a waste of time and where she can delegate. This episode is full of practical suggestions to help you recapture your life like exploring “false obligations.” You can free up a lot of time when you eliminate these false obligations. They are the “shoulds” in our life (I should serve a home-cooked meal every night of the week) and we feel guilty if we don’t do them. In reality, we do have a choice and we can free ourselves from false obligations and decide what is best for us and for our families. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does your son or daughter need to thrive? This is an important question for both you and your teen. The answer is sometimes personal to your own taste, but often it is applicable to all of us. This is especially true for teens. One frequent mistake mom’s make, is becoming hyper-focused on the teen’s crises of the day, which causes us to miss important information. The episode today comes from the tenth chapter in my Dial Down the Drama Series. This gives you a proactive parenting strategy. Instead of reacting to the problem at hand, we look at the big picture. We zoom out to see all the crucial elements needed for a teen to function at their best. This podcast gives you a checklist to see what’s missing in your son or daughter’s life. For your teen to thrive they need the fundamentals of nutrition, sleep, and exercise. Your son and daughter need a flourishing home environment, a place to belong, and a team of supportive adults. Most of you know this information. The challenge is implementing it, because your teen is not receptive to your suggestions. When your teen argues with you day after day, it’s easy to let go of your ideals and resign that this is how it is. Don’t give up. This episode gives you some practical ways to communicate with your teen on these important topics. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s face it disciplining a defiant teen is challenging. Because parents often feel powerless when it’s two hours past curfew,  we can be flooded with a whole array of emotions. At this point we are not thinking clearly. This is why it’s so easy to” lose it”, but “losing it” is not an effective discipline. We may be “letting them have it” but there will be no lesson learned, except how to lose control. It’s important to get back to the basics. What is the point of discipline and what makes it effective? Discipline comes from the Latin word disciplina, which meant “instruction given, teaching, learning, and knowledge. This means that empowered discipline is about equipping, guiding, teaching, motivating, and ultimately empowering your teen. Implementing effective discipline is only possible when you are calm and clear. This takes time. At the moment you learn about her BIG mistake you are definitely not clear or calm. You feel betrayed, disrespected, angry, panicked, and hurt. You may need to wait a day or two to get clear. Effective discipline is strategic. It’s so much more than grounding. See the question you need to ask is not “How could she do this to me” but “What does my teen need to learn?” Remember your teen is a work in progress and though she may look like an adult her brain is under major reconstruction and she still needs your guidance and instruction. Teens are hard-wired to make errors in judgment. This episode will give you discipline strategies and equip you with four potent parenting tools. Don’t give up mom. Your teen needs you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How Good Moms Become Drama Mamas is the title of Chapter 8 in my book Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting with Your Teenage Daughter. In the previous podcast (which comes from Chapter 7) I discuss why teens are hardwired for drama. However,... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s easy to see why moms and teens can fight more during the month of May. Neha Gupta, Founder of Elite Private Tutors, gives us tips and tricks on surviving the month of May with our overwhelmed, stressed out teens with finals and how to... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

 Have you ever had a “What was she thinking moment?” If you have then you are going to want to listen to this podcast and see why her dramatic flair ups and disrespect aren't personal. This is the seventh episode in my Dial Down the Drama series. It comes from the seventh chapter, Why Your Daughter is Hard-Wired for Drama. Scientists in the past have blamed crazy teenage behavior on raging hormones, but in the last ten years neuroscientists have discovered there is a lot more going on developmentally. The teenage brain is under major reconstruction. Many of you know that the prefrontal cortex is undeveloped to the age of 25, but you don't really know what that means. That undeveloped prefrontal cortex is one reason the teenage years can be challenging. But there is so much more going on in that teenage brain. The teenage brain is having a tremendous growth spurt and there is a Window of Opportunity to “use it” or “lose it.” Simply said if the teenage brain is going to reach it’s full potential there are specific challenges the teen needs to pursue that will “use” it. Also, you need to be aware of how the teen can “lose” it and actually hinder the brain's development. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How to Like Your Daughter Again comes from the sixth chapter in Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting with Your Teenage Daughter. "Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with your teen?" "And what does that even look like?" This is the million dollar question. You don't want to be your teen's best friend but you don't want to be her enemy either. When you are in a daily battle with your daughter, it's easy to not like her very much. This is why so many moms believe they have to wait until she is older and out of the house to "like" her. It doesn't have to be that way! It is possible and crucial to have a healthy relationship with your teen. Even though your teen is depending on her friends more and developing her autonomy, a secure attachment with your teen matters significantly and can be her lifeline. There are three elements that make a secure connection with your teen that I dive into in my book. Being there for your teen.Being tuned in.Being responsive.In this episode we'll focus on the first element. You'll learn how to be there for your teen, and how to get your teen to open up to you. (You'll also find out why your teenage daughter is like a cat:) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode comes from the fifth chapter in my new award-winning book Dial Down the Drama. It takes a lot of energy to protect, nurture, and guide your teenager. And this is only one facet of your life. This doesn't include the rest of your family, or your life. Moms are good at pouring out their good energy to their family but typically we are not good at replenishing this energy. It can feel selfish. But if we don't intentionally recharge our lives it starts to show to everyone around you. Believe me everyone in your family knows when you are stressed or exhausted. See our life is like a cup. We can only give what's in our cup. If are cup is full of joy, we pour out joy. If our cup is full of frustration we pour out frustration. We can't give and give and give and give and not think that it will take a toll on our body and emotions. No one wins when you are exhausted. If it's been awhile since you've laughed or enjoyed yourself, then you need to listen to this podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode comes from the fourth chapter in my book Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting to Your Teenage Daughter---A Guide for Mothers Everywhere. Today we are going to discuss why your clarity matters. Your clarity is huge. Without it you can't parent effectively or enjoy your life. See your teenage daughter (or son) is clear about what they want. They may not be clear about when their history project is due but they are clear about what they want to do the next weekend. Often we lose our clarity because we live our lives at 90 miles per hour. We may accomplish lots of things on our to-do lists, but we can end up in a huge fog. What happens when foggy mom meets clear daughter. Well clarity trumps fog every time. It's time to get on the road to clarity which starts with understanding how you lost it in the first place. Next you need to know where you are, (which takes courage and honesty) to get where you want to go. This can be overwhelming for a lot of moms. You may feel like you  have no idea what you want. Don't worry we can start small. I'll give you practical ways to tap into your clarity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This podcast comes from the third chapter in Dial Down the Drama: Why Moms and Daughter's Can't Get it Right All the Time,which was published at the end of October 2015. No mom or daughter can get it right all the time, but we feel the pressure to do so. This pressure drives us to do more and do it better. I call this the Pressure to be Perfect. Not only do we feel this pressure, but your daughter feels this pressure too. She feels pressure to have the perfect hair, body, friends, boyfriend, and grades, even when she acts like she doesn't care. This pressure is a setup for drama between you and your daughter. You want to get this parenting thing right and so your self esteem can be linked to how well your daughter is performing or behaving. If your daughter is doing well in school, you feel good about yourself as mom, if her grades drop, you feel like your making a D on your mom report card. Because your daughter is hard wired to be imperfect and actually the same applies for you, basing your self worth on how she is doing will take you on a stressful emotional roller coaster. All of this craziness is driven by Powerless Parenting Messages. In this episode I look at replacing these with new messages that will empower instead of shame. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The podcast today comes from the second chapter of my upcoming book Dial Down the Drama. Today we are going to address fear and how this impacts you, your teen, and your parenting. There are no shortage of things that we can worry about. Will your son or daughter turn out okay? Will they make it into college? Will they turn out to be successful adults? And many of you have heard the saying, "keep them alive to 25," well that's  not very comforting either. And then their are all the teenage issues from getting pregnant, addictions, eating disorders, to fatal car accidents. No wonder we can worry 24/7. The problem is that there is nothing productive with that kind of worrying. It robs you of enjoying your time with your teen and your life. Most of what we worry about and are fearful of, will never happen. It's just our imagination torturing us. The problem is that intense fear throws us into the stress response and compromises our ability to protect our son and daughter. You can literally be paralyzed with fear, or find yourself LOSING it with them when they come home ten minutes after curfew. In this episode I give you a tool that helps your dismantle the "F" Bomb. ("F" = fear) This way you can excavate the truth from the fear and take effective action to protect and guide your teen.     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you feeling "All Mothered Out"?You are definitely not alone. This has become a cultural phenomenon for women. In this podcast you will learn why so many moms feel "All Mothered Out" and how you can turn that around. This is the first podcast in my Dial Down the Drama series. I can't believe it, but in less than three months my book, Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting to Your Teenage Daughter---A Guide for Mother's Everywherewill be published by Amacom. Because I can't wait to share it with you, I decided that each week I would give you a couple of takeaways from each chapter of my book. I am also starting the Mom Question of the Week. On each podcast I will answer one question. If you are interested in me answering your question then you can leave me a comment here, email me at [email protected], or go to my Facebook page at Colleen O'Grady:Power Your Parenting. I look forward to hearing from you. I actually wrote a song called "All Mothered Out." It was great therapy---I'm sure you could have written your own verse. You can go to You Tube to hear my video or just click this link https://youtu.be/Rawxc9m3WZI. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your daughter feel like you are the clothing police? Well you are not the only one. This is definitely one of the hot topics for mothers and daughters. (and not in a good way.) You give her constructive criticism. "That dress doesn't look good on you." You just want to protect her. "You can't go out wearing that shirt or that short skirt." Your daughter doesn't see your good intentions and goes ballistic. What she hears is "you think I'm fat," or "you think I'm ugly," or "you are trying to control me." What is a mom to do? To answer this question,I invited Catherine Cassidy to share her expertise. Catherine Cassidy founded U*styled in 2008 to give professional women the tools to live their lives in style by curating a wardrobe they love that makes getting dressed each morning easy and effortless. For Catherine, it's not just about style. It's about empowering women to step into their power using their style as a catalyst. She helps women define their style, integrate it into WHO they are and how they show up and then help them build a wardrobe they love that supports their personal and professional goals. In this episode I ask Catherine these questions. 1. Brene Brown talks about the #1 shame issue for women and girls is body issues. Being a stylist how do you address this issue when helping women find their style. Would you approach teenage girls differently? 2. How would you work with a teenage girl? What can a mom do if her daughter is wearing something inappropriate? 3. What about mom's style...Her daughter doesn't want her dressing like a teenager but she also doesn't want to be embarrassed by what she wears. In this podcast you will learn how to talk to your daughter about her clothing and style in an empowering way.  You will be given practical tips on how to approach your daughter, what you should say, and what you should avoid saying. You want to affirm your daughters beauty, build her self confidence, and empower your daughter to find her own style. Catherine has a message for moms too. Learn what it means to be a Style Icon. Learn more about Catherineand get her free gift How to Build A Wardrobe You Love!at www.Ustyled.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No parent wants to believe their middle school teen (or younger) is sexting. Maybe it's not your teen, but it's the teen culture. One thing that moms don't think about, is that your teen may not be an initiator of the sexting but could easily be the recipient. Sexting has become a huge cultural problem for teens. Here are some statistics from 2009 and the numbers are not getting any better. The percent of teenagers sending or posting sexually suggestive messages: 39% of all teenagers, 37% of teen girls, 40% of teen boys48 Percent of teenagers say they have received such messages71 Percent of teen girls and 67% of teen guys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content say they have sent or posted this content to a boyfriend or girlfriend.36 Percent of teen girls and 39 % of teen boys say it is common for nude or semi-nude photos to get shared with people other than the intended recipient.51 Percent of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images; only 18 % of teen boys cited pressure from female counterparts as a reason.52 Percent of teenage girls used sexting as a “sexy present” for their boyfriend.34 Percent of teen girls say they sent or posted sexually suggestive content to “feel sexy.”12 Percent of teen girls felt “pressured” to send sexually suggestive messages or images.  In this episode I interview Benjamin Dancer. He is an Advisor at Jefferson County Open School where he has made a career out of mentoring young people as they come of age. He wrote the novel PATRIARCH RUN, a coming-of-age story. Benjamin writes about parenting and education. He is also a father of three. Today we are going to talk about a very important issue that catches many parents unaware--sexting. Besides being the founder of Power Your Parenting, I have been in private practice as a marriage and family therapist for over 20 years. I have worked with many teen issues over the past two decades. By far the biggest issue I have dealt with this year is the devastating consequences of sexting. Many of these clients were girls in middle school, who because of pressure, naiveness, and an undeveloped prefrontal cortex, ended up sending semi-nude pictures to boys who forwarded them throughout the community. This is every mothers worst fear. My hope is that this podcast will help moms become educated and aware, so they can educate and empower their teens to say no to sexting. Benjamin and I talk about when we were teens we made lots of mistakes. The problem in this culture, is that a mistake like sexting leaves a permanent record in the digital world. Here are some questions we address.  At what age does sexting become an issue?What moms need to know about sexting.What can moms do to prevent and protect their teen from sexting?How do you talk to your teen about sexting?What should parents do if they suspect their son or daughter is sexting? *** If your teen has been shamed or humiliated because of texting there is a lot you can do. You can help your teen get on the other side of this.The girls I have worked with were able to learn big lessons from this experience and come out wiser, stronger, and with a greater confidence. Contact Benjamin Dancer at Website:BenjaminDancer.com Blog:http://www.benjamindancer.com/Blog/ You can download SEXTING AT SCHOOL for free at Goodreads or if you're feeling generous you can buy it for $0.99 at Amazon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Not only is your teen impacted by hormones, so are many perimenopausal moms. In this episode I interview Dr. Anna Garrett who has been a clinical pharmacist for over 20 years. The goal of her business is to help women who are in the middle of midlife transition. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your son or daughter is swimming in a teen culture of drugs and alcohol. Because of this you can't help but worry. Today my dear friend Julia Wolf answers your questions about the impact of drugs and alcohol on your teen. Julia is a seasoned Licensed MFT and has a thriving private practice in the Houston area. Julia was the Director of Community and Behavioral Health at the Houston Council of Alcohol and Drug Abuse. "So what's the big deal if my teen drinks wine and beer with her friends. They all do it." First Julia and I discuss how alcohol and drugs affects the teenage brain. The teenage brain is vulnerable to outside toxins of alcohol and drugs. This is because the teen brain is under construction just like a house with no roof. Because of this teens are more at risk for addiction especially when you throw in the undeveloped prefrontal cortex. Binge drinking and drug abuse are more than a moral issue, it is a brain issue. In this episode we discussed these questions. How does alcohol or drugs put your teen at risk? How can parents know if their teen is using? What are the warning signs? What do you do if you suspect your teen is abusing alcohol or drugs? The good news is that there is lots of support for moms and teens. One of the most important things you can do is stay connected to your teen. You want to be able to have honest and real conversations with your teen about the risks of alcohol and drugs. Most importantly you want to be your teens safe haven and take action when needed. Current research has shown that a healthy attachment between parent and teen reduces the risk of addiction. That's one of the reasons I created the Power Your Parenting program. It gives you practical ways to reconnect with your teen and open up the communication. You really can turn your relationship with your teen around. If your interested in learning more about the Power Your Parentiing program contact me. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I recently talked to a local church about why moms need to feel blessed to be a blessing. Moms frequently feel anything but blessed. They feel stressed, anxious, blah, resentful, and give up on feeling good. This is totally understandable. In fact our brains have a propensity to go to the negative. That's why you can have 55 good things happen in your life and one negative thing seems to erase all the good memories. This podcast gives you practical ways that you can not only know you are blessed but you can feel blessed. When you feel blessed everything is easier. You have more tolerance for the defiant teen, moody spouse, or the draining friend. You become the light to your family and community. The good news is that to feel blessed you have to be good to yourself, but when you do everyone in your life will benefit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

School is winding down, but the stress is amping up. Finals are around the corner and the pressure is on. It's easy to find yourself in a battle mode with your teen around studying and homework. When you add stress to the mix, it's easy for your teen  to blow a gasket when you ask them a simple question like, "Do you have a test tomorrow?" Tests, homework, projects, and finals can be very stressful for moms. You know their grades matter. It's easy to feel like the burden of your child's future is all on your shoulders. The good news is that it doesn't have to be. You can build a Mom Team. A great place to start is to hire a tutor, or an organizational coach. Neha Gupta, the owner of Elite Private Tutors states "she makes mom's life easier."In this podcast Neha talks about when is a good time to hire a tutor, how they can be helpful and what to look for. She gives advice on how to sell the idea of a tutor to your resistant teen who thinks they don't need any help. She also gives moms tips on how to best motivate you son and daughter and how to avoid the common pitfalls moms fall into. She believes the secret sauce for moms  is to be consistently positive and encouraging to your teen.  Get Neha's free report "How to Stop Your Child From Being Entitled Unmotivated and Disorganized" at www.eliteprivatetutors.com   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The greatest gift you can give your teenage son or daughter is to believe in them. The real question is--what do you believe about them? And what you believe, boils down to what you focus on. If you focus on their good qualities and you combine that with faith, you are going to believe good things. If you focus on their attitudes and mistakes it's going to land you in fear. When fear strikes it blinds you from the good qualities in your teen. Your sight get's restricted to the very thing you are afraid of. Fear blows things out of proportion and greatly impacts both you and your teen. Your son and daughter are significantly impacted by what you believe about them. See, there is no perfect teen. They are a work in progress. Every teen is a mixed bag of drama, mistakes, talents, beauty and amazing possibilities. Listen and learn the Five Ways to Restore Your Belief in Your Teen.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The teenage brain is under major reconstruction during the teenage years. There is a window of opportunity to "use it or lose it." What this means is that the brain is doing some major pruning of brain cells. If you use these brain cells these neural connections will stay. Experience is what causes these neurons to fire and wire together. If you don't use them you will lose them and they will wither away. The neurons that get used repeatedly by experience are wired together into the brain's electrical networks. If the digital world is not monitored it can be a barrier to your daughter "using it." It's not that the digital world is bad. There are many benefits.The Internet is a great resource for learning, sharing information, connecting with people, and being entertained. But how things have changed since we were in high school.The new digital world catches us off guard, because it's unfamiliar territory. When I was in High School I had a phone with a telephone cord. I could only talk in the kitchen or in my parents' bedroom. There was some built in accountability, but no more. With the ever-changing apps, instant messaging, texting, skyping, on cell phones, ipad's, and laptops; monitoring your teen can feel like an uphill battle. Shelly is a therapist and has a daughter who is in middle school. Shelly came to my office extremely upset. She had just gotten her phone bill. Her 7th grade daughter had sent three thousand texts in the past month and most of them were from midnight to 4am on school nights. Shelly was shocked, hurt and felt extremely betrayed. Shelly was unaware and unprepared. She didn't think about the addictive side of technology. She didn't consider her daughter's undeveloped PFC, and the dopamine thrill of connecting with boys at night. Once Shelly was educated about teens and cell phones, she realized it wasn't personal. Shelly intervened and put the brakes on, and took her daughter's cell phone at night. There are three big reasons you can "lose it" with electronics, which is too much screen time, inappropriate content, and chronic distraction. Dr. David Walsh in his book Smart Parenting, Smarter Kidsstates, "Today the average school-aged kid spends more than fifty-three hoursa week watching television, playing video games, or using the computer." Most teens don't get this much sleep in a week. A huge problem with this amount of screen time is that it is empty brain calories.They are not investing their attention, skills, and abilities in real life. This especially impacts their relationships. Many moms have complained that when their daughter has a friend spend the night that they barely talk to each other. They can be in the same room texting other friends, or even each other. As shocking as this is to us, in 2010 Pew Internet & American Life Project found that face-to-face communication fell behind texting as teen's favorite way of communicating with friends. This causes big problems for brain development. This is a critical time for the teenage brain to wire networks for communication skills, empathic listening and the ability to interpret and respond to non-verbal cues. All of these skills take practice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices