"The crossroads episode!" (I miss my uncle Charles, y'all) Fed Ex, bloody Fed Ex. Door Drash drama. $48 haircut. Mr Destiny as theft deterrent. New Studio A. The comedy show in Bellflower. One expensive Asian titty.

First mic (eh, dude-) of 2024 in the books, and boy it was a doosy! What an uplifting experience. Rest of the Buffalo trip wrap up, and ruminations on the guy that came up with the idea of the toilet seat disposable sheet covers. 

Can you believe it...I got a cold! In Buffalo! Who saw this coming! (At least my grandpa guts have settled down) "City Services" showed up for that abused kid a couple episodes ago. The flight to JFK, New Years Eve and New Years Day. Walden Galleria Mall anxiety showdown. The Union/Integrity/Despair show, and a fully clothed escapade at a chick's house. (But I was inexplicably entertained by...wrestling??)

Merry Christmas, and hello Mystery Illness II. (Right on time!)  Christmas day, travel, a few LA things. Texas Roadhouse stinks. The Tim Dillon/Rogan episode was great. (Onto Buffalo...)

Could there be a PRO-Luke rebel faction Bureau™ operating in Los Angeles?? "Hit Me Baby One More Time?" Stop bothering Shaq by letting him buy you things. The Wrestlers doc on Netflix, Leave The World Behind on Netflix, and another fulfulling and totally worthwhile Hinge date. 

The locquacious Lukester is coming at ya, with a dramatic and action-packed two parter. Talk about a stocking stuffer!! LOLLL!!!!! We begin somewhat heavy with a dramatic child welfare incident outside of Gold's Gym Venice, where I desperatel wish the Punisher was real. I went to the "Roast Of LA" 'comedy' show with the mighty T Dog, and share my thoughts & observations on that. I ruminate on the politics of ATM card charges at mom & pop Los Angeles establishments. I lament the lack of portionality at Chipotle of late, and the unequitable charges for double meat. (Which now gives you the amount of meat/chicken you USED to get) Hear about the dramatic incident at LA Fitness, where a hapless fool threatened us all with a 2 ton leg press. I revisit Mission Impossible 4, Ghost Protocal, and the motion picture "K9" starring the quite tactless "not John Beushi." Finally, I recall the saga of my Sony studios FX3 adventure, starring rock star cinematographer Jacques Jouffret, and the the guy that directed "Lights Out," whuuuut!!

Rap metal was a thing once. 265...the kid's still alive! I spilled whiskey on my balls, and it burned. (Don't..let that happen to you) Mission Impossible 2; more like Dougray NOT! Netflix can't even make a documentary about fuckin Pepsi and not manage to malign Trump. I got thrown on a last minute show on Saturday; did I prevail? FIND OUT! I saw Interstellar for the first time, and have thoughts about it. 

Un-Hinge'd. I don't know what's more dreadful, a bad date, or a bad band practice session. Shitbit. If you're anything more than a 3rd car going through a yellow to red light, a Dr Strange portal to hell should open underneath and suck all proceeding cars into hell. Formica. Don't get each other anything for Christmas this year, we're fucked. Gelsons really put the "deli" in "delight" for me this weekend. The John Gotti and Sylvester Stallone docs on CommieFlix. Bokes & I see biohazard for the first time in almost 30 years. Cupid's Aero.

Thanksgiving, 2023! Thanksgiving, the movie. Planes Tranes & Automobiles. (Also the movie) Worst era of fashion in LA history? Things that annoy me on dating apps: shitty dogs, and pretending you go to the farmers market on Sunday. (You dont) Another totally reasonably priced Hinge date, and hot stuff Eric Rocha doing the main room at the Comedy Store. "Bland For Peace," the Neil (not so) Young video. 

Neil (not so) Young. JFK hangover. Chocolate cookie grenade. "Welcome in," and "full stop." Divine interventions, and the LA Fitness girl. Things that aggravated me on other podcasts again: Theo Von, and The Opportunist. 

Episode 422, "The Harkening." I harken back to Rob telling me "everyone gets afraid, dummy." (It's Not Just You, Murray!) I have to watch out for "Drum fever." I harken back to when I said I thought The Marvels was gonna bomb, and it did. I harken back to the motion picture Lethal Weapon 2, and discover they go to my Subway in it! I harken back to this past Saturday, which was effectively Luke Allen's Day Off (minus anyone looking even remotely like Simone being around me) Unfortunately it left me with one of the worst hangovers Ive ever had. I offer my thoughts and insights to the new David Fincher flick, "The Killer." 

I can't get no re-leaf. "Cinema X." Succulent Chinese Meal guy is innocent (he's innocent) The 6' jew photographer. Semi-annual "I quit comedy" existential crisis (and percussion purchase) Cam's show at the Two Roads. 

Weed. Show prep. Re: Union. Toe-tal chaos. Halloween, Part I&2. South Park still fucks shit up.

It's weird that a president has never really had a drinking scandal in our entire lifetime, or even seem to appear drunk in the public view. The bar show at the (not so) Good Nite. I saw Say Anything at the Regent. It was sweet Eric's birthday Friday. Ralph's deli department should have been part of Dante's Inferno. Observations (and criticisms!) about Theo Von's & Marc Maron's recent podcasts. I saw Killers Of The Flower Moon, so that you don't have to. 

Shows & shit. The Bouncing Souls extravaganza. The return of Studio A. Swing & a miss on 285. Somewhow I still find fulfillment at open mics? Wtf. "Police Drone In Use." The Creator. 

I got my Harley back after 3 months...or did I? Why is it so hard to get my lunch meat cut thick/the way I want it. I'd have a better chance at alchemy than getting lunch meat cut to my specs. I saw Converge with Bokes for the first time in over 20yrs; it went about as well as everything else did this fuckin' weekend. 

Wet handshakes. White knuckle weekend. Girls on dating apps think they're hilarious, but no one will tell them guys only pretend to laugh at everything they say because they want to see their butthole. (And other annoying LA dating profile attributes) A moderately revelatory week of stand up/open mic grindage. The lost Howard Stern cassette archive. (Worst Indiana Jones plot ever) This new doctor is a real backstabber. 

The human blinker! Gen Z are socially maladjusted weirdos, and I'm tired of them. A most unusual Hinge date. The Dope Show/comedy show in Venice Beach, and the valley hang after. (With famous comedian ________) Stand up low point for 2023, get your shit together. (Me, I'm talking to. Well, you too, maybe. Let's all kick ourselves in the ass) El Coyote. Somene get Joe List to listen to god damn Hold Steady.

More like the Ice PICK House! LOL!! Fuck me for missing the Sparta tour. Most people are predictable, unfunny bores. Steak & a cigar Friday, like a real man. (Contrary to what my gym teacher thought of me) Open mics have been brutal lately, they feel more like a comedy study hall. More like Matt Rife-with-boring-personality. (See what I did there?) Bobby Tongs doesn't belongs. (on a podcast) Chimneysweep and lack of sleep. Someday I'll figure out what's wrong with my wretched, 98yr old man guts. 

"Research," and night vision goggles that accidentally let you see into other dimensions, and shit. HBO has ads now (gtfoh), but I watched that Telemarketer documetnary and had some thoughts about it. The Opportunist pod-khaast. Titties & totalitarianism. I'd rather juggle scorpions than have to try to find a pair of size 12 sneakers in this city, and grandpa goes shopping for video games. 

A chip off the ol door. Zuma Beach, 2023: Attempt #4. My show at the 4th Wall Cafe Friday night. The Flash movie stinks, but it was nice to see Keats back as Bats. Jay Leno at Flappers. The Will Haven show, and the Slayer paradox. 

Wood Ranch? More like "WOULD Ranch, stay open past 9pm?" We need bullies. For heavens sake, Heavens Gate. Why do MRI machines seem like technology that hasn't progressed since 1968. Impromptu Improv. Hogan on Rogan. Metallica show at Sofi stadium. One of the worst dates I've ever been on. 

Id rather have a ghost in my house than cockroaches. More things that annoy me about my stupid rental car. (I promise, I think this is the last one) The hurricane, the earthquake, and the no-hawk. Three O'Clock High, and Talk To Me. (Also, f Brie Larson) Ishtar, DC Cab, and "a potential scene from a horror movie" in the parking lot. (After watching a horror movie) Au revoir, Chicken Al Pastor. (We hardley knew ye) Student loans wackiness. 

Lawdy lawdy, I hate this Audi. Nothing else mattress. Thumbs down (from afar) on the Pantera-ish show in Buffalo. Uncle Joe's card. The show Friday night, at Comedy Blvd. Ashoka trailer for Disney Plus. Road Dog & I went to see Falling Down at the (shittier) Aero. 

Emasculation through transportation. Pantera is playing in Buffalo as I record this, and I'm missing it. I hope I can get my mind right. The Chimneysweep jukebox is ruining my life. (And their profit margins) Chocolate Rain. Vicky Cristina Barcelona. 

Comedy Blvd Show, Take 2, Aug 11. Things are looking up after "Why, God, Why July," but someone had ONE last surprise in store for the Lukester! Au revoir, Pee Wee. August will be a damn good movie month. Biden's bag-flation(?) One less prick to deal with at the dentist's office, and a trip to the emergency room with my friend Jimmy. The Fighter gets better every time I (and hopefully, you) watch it. 

Strawberry Bobo's update. Harley update. Rushing or dragging at the mics. The Sound Of Freedom, and The Feeling Of Obligation. 2nd job at Amazon, if they'd stop jerking me around. I wish "being forced to watch CNN" would have been the worst thing that happened to me at the gym Saturday. 0 for goddamn fucking 3 on "the beach." 

Help me fill my 2 person quota for my "bringer show" Friday night. The wheels on the bus go pound and pound (on my face, and upper body). Bad influences got me to hate Pink Floyd, and Frank Pietrantoni. (sp) Roommate update. Ian Fidance is an old school hardcore kid, and the time I got on Sick Of It All's tour bus, and crushed! Asians can't even ride e-bikes without crashing. Adventures with/near Ed Harris. 

Eskimo brothers with Steven Spielberg. More totally reliable and relatable women in Los Angeles, dating here is just wonderful. A reflection on one year as a Sherman Oaks resident, and a fond farewell to my first roommate. Stand up round up, and a sort of review of Funny People. (Apatow flick from 2009) Rocha's show at the gay bar, and a 4th of July run down. Arnold still pulls chicks. 

I saw the new Indiana Jones movie, after swearing I wouldn't. I really wasn't prepared for how ridiculously embarrassingly unexpectedly emotional it was gonna make me. I have a lot of time to kill today on a Sunday/stuck at work, so I figured I'd make this a one-off instead of making it part of Ep 402, because I knew this dumb subject was long enough to be an episode in and of itself.  I probably should have waited til I saw it a second time or given it a few days to digest, but...fuck it. There's spoilers in it, so if you want to wait til after you've seen Dial Of Destiny or don't plan on seeing it/don't give a shit either way, it'll be here. 

A Bumble miracle. I finally approached a woman in the gym after 20 years of working out in public. I helped T Dog move (again) this weekend, and realized Im gettin fuckin old. I rage-fucked the drug dealer after a long day Sunday, and I had a show at THC Friday. I elaborate further on these seemingly rather narrow topics, and it's funny here & there. There's only one way to find out. 

The Ass Menagerie. Venting about the vents. The Arnold doc on Netflix. Indiana Jones 4? Micerz. (The movie) Mel's didn't cut my toast in half. Red light tickets. Fuck Kliph Nesteroff. (Mostly) 

"The analogy episode!" Listener alert - it's Fathers Day on Sunday, don't fuck up like I did. One more note about Bokes' drowning pool. The Joe List show at the Improv. "Goonies II," and the confounding nature of early NES games. Quarterly comedy existential crisis: The Rec Room and Bakersfield shows. The New Guy at MDR film festival recounting. A Bumble date with Giselda Blanco. (basically) 

Not so urgent care. A day of comedy/cultural Marxist indoctrination in Los Angeles. How did Cowboys & Aliens flop so spectacularly, and why is there a ginger in the Mexican gang from Colors? Car compliments, and the Bureau takes my Kroger French salad dressing. That poor 18yr old bastard who drowned (or got eaten by sharks) in the Caribbean. (I probably spelled that wrong, but Im not checking) 

Remember when you used to just "catch a cold," but since COVID you basically get "a touch of Ebola" every time you get sick now? (Im sick again) Steven Segal stories. Dice on Joe Rogan. Notes & observations on random things I watched: Kill Squad, Knocked Up, Chef, Colors, and a show about monsters by way of HBO. (Or HBO Max. Or Max. "Or whatevadaFUC.")

Lauren Bobert needs to make her congressional seat "my face." Tina Turner died. Michael Knowles stole my bit. Dave Attell at the Improv. Another night of valley bars with bad music choices. A Hinge date with a fat black in downtown LA. Sisu, that new movie. 

Getting bit by the bit. You say "tomato," I say "politically obsessed reviewers." A pleasant encounter in Los Angeles morning traffic. A mega weekend of doing stand up, and the...results. (I probably shouldn't own a gun...)

Inflation. The Arnold doc. A game of "ketchup" from last episode. Harvest. More like Mexi-CANT. I saw "Somewhere In Queens" so that you dont have to. 

Self Discipline intervention this weekend, and on air therapy session. (Sorry) Guy Ritchie's The Covenant. Some shitty new show from BJ Novak. 

"I don't know you well enough to meet you out for a drink," a new LA dating scourge. Jukebox zeroes, and karoke assholes. Hangover roullette and a Kurt Schlicter book signing/GOP event. Shitty steaks - a new Los Angeles restaurant scourge. Traffic events. Metallica tickets.

The Bureau acts against my Bobos. Everything Is Ruined - Hollywood movie sets edition. Friendly LA citizen encounters. A date with Oswald Cobblepot. Birthday shenanigans, and a birthday weekend in Las Vegas

One more note about two 389 stories (and some developments) Birthday plans for the big 44. More like Casa FAG-a. My friends' show at the Improv, my show at the Hollywood Comedy. 

Comedy, April. Pantera™. Rogue car horn. Golds gets rid of their outdoor canvass and I'm here to tell you about it. The Der Vas Engel goes to work on my teeth. "Air," that new Ben Affleck movie. The "End Racism Tour" comedy show

I went to Florida for my shista's wedding. I drove 500 miles round trip from West Palm to Key West to give Nick DiPaolo a pilot I wrote for him. (Almost sounds romantic) Crunch Florida complaints/tribulations. The actual wedding. I watched Dark Knight and that Waco doc on Netflix and have thoughts on both. The flight home, and things of that nature. 

Fat motorcycle cop. I got to hold a screenwriting Oscar, hopefully not for the last time. (LOL!!!!) Kale makes me ail. The Last Of Us had about 12 zombies total across 8 episodes; what they were actually afraid of were "heterosexual white couples." More like Perry GAY-son. Commissioner Gordon from that last Batman movie is worse than a video game character. This weekend I settled all family business, women-wise. But also..."pussy." The idea of and appreciation for pussy. (sorry)

"One person away," a rather pointless historical rumination to start the show, from a professional podcaster. Go fork yourself. I went to the dentist, you know the drill. Shitty cowboy hats on LA chicks. A shaky show Weds, and a lousy mic last night. (And the implications of such) Date 1 and Date 2. Moon landing conspiracy crisis. 

Got thrown on a show Saturday night? How did it go? There's only one way to find out! (unfortunately) Rob jumps on a grenade for me. Sunday at Barneys, and The Steak Knife Challenge™. The Sopranos (surviving cast) are decrepit. Creed III review. My Tom Sizemore saga. 

I swear I didn't mean to swear. Go watch The New Guy! r/Shorts. I've had Carls Jr 5-6x in the last 2 weeks. "Do Or Die," apparently NOT starring Erik Estrada. Breaking The Fourth Wall documentary. So long Jew Broad, and noncommittal LA people. (Mostly women.) (Sorry, it's the truf.)