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Green Blooded Bastard
The Green Blooded Bastard podcasts primarily feature movie commentaries. While they do not cure cancer or offer profound insights into filmmaking, they may provide a touch of humor, and be warned; I swear a lot. In addition to the free weekly movie episodes, I occasionally post side podcasts on the main feed. These include a Star Trek-focused show titled The Bastard Boldly Goes, a Battlestar Galactica series called Fat Apollo is Life, a Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman commentary known as The Bastard V Lois & Clark, an ALF-themed podcast I Am, Therefore I Watch Alf, and an Ash vs Evil Dead show named Ash vs Evil Dead vs The Bastard. Sometimes, I write bad poetry, create chaos art, and am generally emo.
Green Blooded Bastard - Teen Wolf
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Teen Wolf. This movie is a quickly great fucking 80s movie about coming of age, underage drinking and basket ball! Fuck yeah son.
01:30:2224/09/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Blair Witch
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Blair Witch. This movie is about a guy named Blair and his sister is a Witch and none of that was true.
01:20:1617/09/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Lego DC Comics Super Heroes: Justice League vs. Bizarro League
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Lego DC Comics Super Heroes: Justice League vs. Bizarro League. WTF?!?! haha
47:0010/09/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Extended Edition)
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Extended Edition). This movie is about a guy named The Hobbit that somehow saves the day after bungling it up like a mother fucker!
02:54:0403/09/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Mortdecai
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Mortdecai. This movie is about a guy named Mortdecai that somehow saves the day after bungling it up like a mother fucker!
01:38:1727/08/2017
The Bastard Boldly Goes - ST:DS9 S1E3 - Past Prologue
Hey dudes here is another episode of my side podcast The Bastard Boldly Goes! This episode is for ST:DS9 S1E3 - Past Prologue.
45:4923/08/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Lethal Weapon 2 (Director's Cut)
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Lethal Weapon 2 (Director's Cut). This movie is about a guy named Lethal Weapon and he will still fuck you up and your wife too. Danny motha fucking Glover mother fucker!
01:54:0420/08/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Fast & Furious
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Fast & Furious. This shit film is about some jackwad that can't run for shit and has trouble pissing while standing up... YOU KNOW HIS NAME! This is a fairly boring film that had a few big scenes that revived a franchise and lead to the best of the series... Fast Five.
01:40:5213/08/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Los Bandoleros
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Los Bandoleros. This short film is about some jackwad that can't run for shit and has trouble pissing while standing up. This is a prequel to Fast & Furious.
19:5310/08/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Battlestar Galactica: The Miniseries Part 2
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Battlestar Galactica: The Miniseries Part 2. This is the second part of a miniseries that revitalized scifi and storytelling and turned a cult classic television show into a classic.
01:29:3706/08/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Battlestar Galactica: The Miniseries Part 1
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Battlestar Galactica: The Miniseries Part 1. This is the first part of a miniseries that revitalized scifi and storytelling and turned a cult classic television show into a classic.
01:34:4930/07/2017
The Bastard Boldly Goes - ST:ENT S1E1 - Broken Bow: Parts 1 & 2
Hey dudes this is another episode of my side podcast The Bastard Boldly Goes! This episode is for ST:ENT S1E - Broken Bow: Parts 1 & 2.
01:26:5126/07/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Bad Boys 2
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Bad Boys 2. This is another movie about two cops that just happen to also be Bad Boys... again!
02:20:1223/07/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Wes Craven Presents: Dracula 2000
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Wes Craven Presents: Dracula 2000. This movie is about a guy named Dracula 2000 and it's fucking garbage! Seriously this movie sucks and isn't even fun. ***NOTES*** the HBO app was working for shit again and kept buffering so by the time this episode is over it's probably about 20 secs out of sync. i also feel like i might have passed out a few times while watching this. #sorrynotsorry
01:34:4816/07/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Transporter 2
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Transporter 2. This is another movie about a guy named Transporter... um Frank Martin who drives cars and delivers shit unless you abduct the kid that he's supposed to be keeping safe... then watch yourself son. British 'Murica and Matthew Modine!
01:21:4709/07/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - The LEGO Batman Movie
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The LEGO Batman Movie. This movie is a surprisingly well made, nicely made film. The jokes were a nice balance for all ages and fan types. enjoy it my peeps.
01:37:2702/07/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Superman 3
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Superman 3. In this movie Blackman has to save Superman's ass from fake Lex's robot computer thingy! It's a fun movie, but way too long.
02:03:1025/06/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Broken Arrow
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Broken Arrow. This movie is about a guy named Broken Arrow who meets up with some strange fucking dudes that steal some nukes and he fucking save the day.
01:42:5718/06/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. This movie is about some small dicked fuck head that crashes after a stupid race with the oldest brother from Home Improvement and has to go to Japan because that makes sense. Han dies... The End?
01:38:5411/06/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - The Naked Gun: From The Files Of Police Squad
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Naked Gun: From The Files Of Police Squad. This movie is about a large cocked fuckwad copper that is out of his mind and somehow still saves the day bitches!
01:22:3304/06/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them. This movie is about a polite and friendly hippy that has lots of fucking critters in his suitcase and shit goes crazy.
02:05:5928/05/2017
The Bastard Boldly Goes - ST:TNG S1E24 - Conspiracy
Hey dudes here is another episode of my side podcast The Bastard Boldly Goes! This episode is for TNG S1E24 - Conspiracy.
45:5724/05/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - 21 Jump Street
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches 21 Jump Street. This movie is about a two fuckwad copper that can't shit standing up so they get sent back to school! Well school is out for summer bitches!
01:44:3921/05/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - The Secret Life Of Pets
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Secret Life Of Pets. In this movie the pets rise up and get into shenanigans and all is well just as the humans get home.
01:20:2114/05/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Guardians Of The Galaxy
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Guardians Of The Galaxy. This movie is about a guy named Star Lord who had a above average cock, but nothing gaudy or whatev. He meets up with some strange fucking p33ps and they fucking save the day. Also Thanos and shit.
01:55:1007/05/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Major League
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Major League. This film is a comedic look at baseball and is funny. haha
01:41:5130/04/2017
The Bastard Boldly Goes - ST:TOS S1E17 - The Galileo Seven
Hey dudes here is another episode of my side podcast The Bastard Boldly Goes! This episode is for TOS S1E17 - The Galileo Seven.
50:2326/04/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Batman Unlimited: Mechs vs. Mutants
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Batman Unlimited: Mechs vs. Mutants. In this movie the Batman and Robin 5.0 fight giant ass fucking villains like maniacs on meth!
01:15:3723/04/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - The Passion Of The Christ
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Passion Of The Christ. This movie is about a polite and friendly hippy that gets fucked up by some small cocked assholes!
02:01:0916/04/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Iron Man & Captain America: Heroes United
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Iron Man & Captain America: Heroes United. In this movie Iron Man & Captain America are heroes and unite and fight the Red Skull and a bunch of uber men!
01:08:0909/04/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Problem Child
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Problem Child. This movie is about a little fucking prick kid that shows why children are bastards just like you and I!
01:17:1902/04/2017
The Bastard Boldly Goes - ST:VOY- Caretaker: Parts 1 & 2
Hey dudes this is the first episode of my side podcast The Bastard Boldly Goes! This episode is for ST:VOY- Caretaker: Parts 1 & 2.
01:32:2729/03/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Friday The 13th
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Friday The 13th. This movie is a game changer of sorts that spawned a mega horror franchise!
01:34:0426/03/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - The Turbo-Charged Prelude for 2 Fast 2 Furious
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Turbo-Charged Prelude for 2 Fast 2 Furious. This mini movie is about some small dicked fuck heads that drive across country because that's what rebel outlaws do or someshit?
07:2823/03/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Lethal Weapon (Director's Cut)
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Lethal Weapon. This movie is about a guy named Lethal Weapon and he will fuck you up son. Danny fucking Glover mother fucker!
01:55:1119/03/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - The Devil's Rejects
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Devil's Rejects. This film took the life out me literally. I passed out at least 2 times while watching this fucking shit pants film. I give up.
01:45:4112/03/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Planet Of The Apes (2001)
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Planet Of The Apes (2001). This movie is a remake of a classic film and beloved film franchise. It's a fucked up bleh fest and shit. haha
01:54:1405/03/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Olympus Has Fallen
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Olympus Has Fallen. This movie is a pure fucking ass pounding in the name of freedom times 10! Ahaha this shit is dope and shit son. Go watch this fucking movie!
01:52:1526/02/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Alien vs. Predator: Requiem
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Alien vs. Predator: Requiem. Aliens + Predators + Requiem = this fucking movie. kill me now please.
01:28:1719/02/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. There are 3 facts in life: big cocks are what women want, longer cocks are better and uncut ones make women feel like silver dollar pancakes! I don't know what the fuck this means. haha
01:17:4212/02/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - XXX
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches XXX! This movie is about a donkey dicked bastard that will fuck your butt just to save the world! He also does stunts and shit.
01:54:5105/02/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - House of 1,000 Corpses
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches House of 1,000 Corpses. This film took years to come out and is probably one of the more watchable Rob Zombie films for me. Still not great, but enjoyable for the retro horror feel before the hellbilly took over.
01:25:4029/01/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - The Night Before
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches The Night Before. So I never even knew this movie existed until like 2 months ago. I now watched it and enjoyed it well enough. Go give it a look son.
01:36:3622/01/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - It (Part 2)
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches It (Part 2). This movie is about a extra dimensional spider alien creature thingy based on the awesome book! This miniseries two part movie stuff is pretty solid and holds up ok so i figured i'd post it before the new films start coming out. thanks and enjoy it son! this episode is not good. sorry bro
01:33:0415/01/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - Saw: The Original Short Film
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Saw: The Original Short Film. This is the demo presentation piece filmed as a proof of concept to sell the script and get the first Saw film made. It's not too shabby so give it some love.
10:5313/01/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - It (Part 1)
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches It (Part 1). This movie is about a extra dimensional spider alien creature thingy based on the awesome book! This miniseries two part movie stuff is pretty solid and holds up ok so i figured i'd post it before the new films start coming out. thanks and enjoy it son!
01:35:1208/01/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - 2 Fast 2 Furious
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches 2 Fast 2 Furious. This movie is about some small dicked fuck heads that drive shit rice burners and think they are awesome, but this time they are working for the man and go undercover to fuck shit up son!
01:41:0901/01/2017
Green Blooded Bastard - John Wick
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches John Wick. This movie is about a guy named John Wick... John Wick don't take shit. You take his car and he gets pissed. You kill his dog and he gets even ffs!
01:37:1526/12/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - D2: The Mighty Ducks
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches D2: The Mighty Ducks. This movie is the sequel to a fairly fetch movie that came out like forever ago... Fuck it son. haha Emilio!!
01:43:5019/12/2016
Green Blooded Bastard - Pet Sematary
The one where Green Blooded Bastard watches Pet Sematary. This movie is about a guy named Johnny Rotten.. JK. Anyways shit dies, gets buried and then comes back to life... rinse & repeat! Stephen Fucking King bitches. ;)
01:40:2511/12/2016