Ever seen an attractive woman at a coffee shop, grocery store, or just on the street who you'd love to get to know -- but don't know how to approach her? It can feel challenging to "cold approach" in a way that feels safe to her. Here, four of us women who have sex with men share stories about times a man approached us that didn't feel so great, and times when it was fantastic! Dating and relationships can feel daunting but can actually be smooth; it always helps to get an insider view.

Both men and women want even better, more connected sex (for that matter, who doesn't)? Whether you're having casual sex, in a dating relationship, or married, all couples can use a boost when it comes to high-quality communication about sex. This is a great episode for those who want an easy way to deepen their sex life.

What if she makes more than you -- or vice versa? Should you pay for dates or go Dutch, and is one of those somehow rude/sexist? How do women really feel about the connection between finances and masculinity? Here, we reveal how we feel about men, money, connection, vulnerability, and love.

Mixed messages in your relationship can be one of the most frustrating elements of communication. Whether it's about sex, love, or something in between, what do you do when you think your partner is upset but they say everything's fine? How do you handle little jabs -- and what do you do when you're the one issuing them? Here we discuss the ins and outs of passive aggression, as well as what healthy anger looks and sounds like (yes, healthy anger is a good thing). Grasping the dynamics of passive aggression and how to handle things instead could just save your relationship -- or help you build a better, healthier, and more rewarding one in the future.

If you're a man who has sex with women, chances are extremely high you've slept with a woman with sexual trauma. Signs can include: she avoids sex (even if she used to want it); she dissociates during sex (she's checked out, not into it, or it feels like she's not really there); she physically pushes you away; and more.It takes a lot of trust for someone to let you know this is part of their history. And if she does tell you, or the two of you discover this, what then? When your wife or girlfriend is a survivor of sexual trauma (child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault), it affects your sex life. For example, how do you balance your own need for a vibrant, healthy sex life if she clearly doesn't want to talk about it? Here, we discuss how to navigate this dynamic, including both supporting your woman and speaking up about your own sexual needs.Books referenced in this episode:• Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine & Ann Frederick• In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter Levine & Gabor Mate

How do you keep sex hot in your relationship over time? How do you generate attraction on a date without feeling like you're forcing it (whether a date with a new person you met while online dating or your wife of many years)? How can you encourage your woman partner to relax, soften, and receive without saying a word? You've probably heard us talking about polarity before -- here, we start at the beginning and discuss what it is, isn't, and everything in between. Polarity is heat, fire, attraction, and magnetism, and it's something you can consciously learn how to work with. Let's do this.

'Tis the season for reflection, and here Jason and I each share our top learnings when it comes to hearing from -- and coaching -- hundreds of men on dating, relationships, marriage, love, sex, separation, devotion, divorce, infidelity, personal growth, dedication, longing, and more. Whether it's wanting or needing more sex in a long-term relationship, surviving domestic violence, moving from feeling insecure about performing well in the sack with a new person to looking forward to it, the joy of connecting with a woman who's receptive to his gifts, overcoming sexual trauma, or navigating the vulnerability of online dating, we've witnessed our guys move through immense challenges and not just "make it," but thrive. We're grateful to our men for their openness and willingness to grow and transform, and giving us the opportunity to share these kinds of stories. To expansion and the alchemy of change. To life!

It might seem like a paradox: You're in a long-term relationship with a woman, yet it's actually harder to approach her for sex. You might think it's more difficult to approach a new sex or dating partner, but in fact it can be even more challenging to initiate sex with your wife/spouse. Here, Jason gets personal in terms of his experience having trouble initiating sex with partners in the past, and how he overcame that in his marriage now. Other things we cover:How do you maintain your confidence to keep approaching even when you've been turned down a few times? (Rejection can be a bitch.)What helps a woman open up sexually during the day that has her want to get down and dirty with you later that night?How you can improve your relationship by initiating sex more skillfullyIf you've ever wondered, "How do I get my wife to have more sex with me" you'll want to give this a listen.

In the world of advanced sexual mastery for men, the non-ejaculatory orgasm (aka "energetic orgasm" or "full-body orgasm") looms large. In this episode, Cam Fraser, Australia's leading sex coach for men, gets into the details around this. Because if this kind of sexual mastery is interesting to you as a penis-owner, you may wonder: How do you actually get there? What do you have to develop (and how) in order to be able to come without actually ejaculating? And what does this kind of mastery have to do with how good you are in bed? The answer might surprise you. Other topics we cover here: semen retention, what it was like for Cam to overcome his own experience with erectile dysfunction/premature ejaculation, how he got on the personal growth path, and what it means for sex with a partner when you take ejaculation off the table. Hint: it can be great in both dating and relationships.

How good are you at gauging whether a woman is interested in you? How 'bout how to "escalate" in a titillating yet ethical (non-creepy) way? YouTube personality Marni has been a "wing girl" to thousands of men over the years, and in this lively discussion we get personal. We cover how she got her start, what she has learned about men, dating, and sex over the years; how her work has been informed by her relationship (married with children); and what she's excited about now.

Ever wondered whether you have a normal or healthy relationship with weed, alcohol, or another substance? Here's a related thing to consider: I've dated a number of men who used marijuana or alcohol to regulate (i.e. they were functioning alcoholics or weed addicts), and I was scared to tell them how it affected our relationship. It's hard to tell someone you care about that their unresolved trauma and subsequent connection to a substance is a problem for you. Here, Jason and I get real about what it means to have a conversation about this, and what the feminine truly craves from the masculine around this. (Hint: it's not perfection.)

When your partner triggers you, how do you respond? Do you have boundless patients and flawless boundaries? Or do you struggle to know how to get your needs met while also ensuring that your partner feels respected, cherished, and seen? Jayson Gaddis, author of Getting to Zero, and I get real in this conversation that includes how to "out" ourselves with vulnerability skillfully, and how that can help with repair (i.e. conflict resolution). We also touch on the deal with addressing trauma patterns with plant medicines like MDMA. This episode will spark some ideas about how you show up in relationships in your own life, whether sexual or not. Practicing repair is just as valuable in dating and committed relationships as it is with friends, colleagues, and family members, and it's worth it to learn how to become more masterful at it.Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships: https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Nope, we're not talking about your favorite porn video -- we're talking about what your particular psyche finds sexy. It turns out your hottest sexual movie is a fundamental part of your sexuality you might not even know about yet. Celeste has worked with thousands of both men and women to discover their core desires, and we discuss themes that arise around them (i.e. women often want to feel desired, special, and seen in sex, while men often want to feel powerful and competent). Whether you're single, in a dating relationship or committed, long-term partnership, you knowing about your own core sexual movie as well as how to elicit that from your partner can up both your pleasure and your mastery when it comes to doing the dirty. ;)Mentioned on this podcast:Somatica Institute: https://www.somaticainstitute.com/Books: Cockfidence, Making Love Real, and Coming Together

When you think of a sex educator, you probably think about school. But the truth is a lot of us need sex education as adults (even married folks!), and Kristopher Lovestone is a passionate advocate of healthy, fun, and informative sex ed for men who have sex with women. His new book Conscious Cock provides a wealth of info, which we discuss. We also cover his own fascinating story of going from a child who survived six divorces (yes, six!) to a happily married husband and father himself. We also talk about a "yes, no, maybe" sex list (it's very cool -- you'll want to know more) and how you as a man can make sex even more pleasurable for both you and your partner on a regular basis. Hot sex, dating, and relationships for all!

What has a woman who has sex with men want to sleep with a man again and again? What, according to sex research, makes a man great in bed? It's not what you might think. I was recently on Robbie Kramer's podcast Leverage discussing findings in my sex research. Thousands of women revealed what, to them makes a man a great lover. Interestingly, less than 5% of women talked about a man staying hard all the time; less than 2% talked about penis size, and less than 1% talked about a man having a good body. But over 70% of women mentioned one specific trait that the men who are best at sex cultivate. Whether you're dating, in a committed relationship, or somewhere in between, you're likely to get something out of this lively back-and-forth on sex, communication, polarity, male/female dynamics, and more.

Ever dated someone from a different background, or from a different country? What's sex and relationship like with a language barrier? Robbie and I get down and dirty in terms of our experiences as North Americans dating in Western and Eastern Europe, South America, Japan, the Caribbean, and beyond. If you've ever had sex or dated someone abroad (or wondered what it's like) you'll enjoy this lively discussion.

Ahhh, sexual shame. Most of us have it to some extent, and it can severely limit your sex and relationship life if you don't get it handled. Fortunately, integrating sexual shame is more than possible when you put attention on the right things. Whether you're in a dating relationship, having casual sex, or you're in a committed relationship, becoming sexually confident results in more fulfillment and joy. Here we go through some of the blocks or obstacles to living a fully sexually expressed life, and how we've seen clients move past these into sexual freedom.

“In short, the idea for Dripstick started at the intersection of baking and laziness.” Frances Tang is the founder and CEO of Awkward Essentials, and an all-around awesome human being. In the world of sex tech, she's also unique -- her product makes it easy for women to clean up cum (yep, you got that right) after sex. That might not sound like a big deal, but for many women it's unpleasant to have the good stuff leaking out for hours after doing the dirty. In the world of sex, dating, and relationships, personal hygiene is always a win -- and hers is a fun story of rising above while cleaning up down below.

Ever felt guilty or ashamed of your sexuality because of your religious background? Nikole Mitchell started life as a Baptist ... and is now an OnlyFans star! Along the way to reclaiming her full, passionate sexuality, she set boundaries with family members and learned how to be right with her own sex drive. She's also a sex-positive mother of three, has been through divorce, and knows what it means to leave the church. If you've experienced religion trauma or find yourself shaming yourself over your authentic sexuality, you'll be inspired by her story of rising above, getting laid, and finding meaning. To good, healthy sex for all!

Sick of getting ghosted or having other not-so-great experiences on dating apps like Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, etc.? While the apps are an important part of the sex and relationship landscape these days, there are lots of other stimulating ways to meet dating and relationship partners. Camille Virgina, author of The OFFline Dating Method: 3 Steps to Attract Your Perfect Partner in the Real World, breaks it down. We also get into how to overcome by social anxiety and loneliness — two common obstacles to dating. Whether you're looking for a new sex or dating partner after a divorce or other breakup, wanting a new polyamorous connection, or just to make new friends, you'll get something out of this candid and uplifting convo on connection.

Ever wondered what it's like to do ayahuasca, MDMA (molly), or psilocybin (magic mushrooms)? Are they right for you (can they help boost your sexual confidence, feel less anxious overall, and/or let go of old trauma)? Here, we share our experiences with different "medicines," as well as their huge advantages and drawbacks. People with relationship issues, including anxious/avoidant attachment now have even more ways of healing and moving forward. Psychedelics like ayahuasca, psilocybin, ketamine, MDMA, and more are increasingly used therapeutically, and have a lot of potential to help boost and accelerate personal growth, recovery from PTSD, and more.Mentioned on this episode:MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies): https://maps.org/Johns Hopkins Center for Psychedelic & Consciousness Research: https://hopkinspsychedelic.org/

"When I got out of the military, I couldn't feel a damn thing." While technically ending his military career as a success, Reeves' internal experience was totally different. He felt miserable and disconnected -- and this was the place from which he dated, had sex, and got into relationships. What happened? Nothing good! His partners were unhappy, he didn't understand why they weren't happy with what he was providing, and arguments ensued. This is a riveting account of one man's journey moving from "traditional," perhaps limited masculinity into its full expression. Breakdown to breakthrough has its illuminating moments. Author of Choose Her Every Day or Leave Her, Reeves

Ever wondered what tantra means, exactly? You're not alone. If you picture a bunch of people having a massive sex orgy, or a married couple attempting to spice up their sex life with tantra, you're also not alone. When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, conscious sexual expression is often something to which we aspire but don't always attain. It turns out tantra has a lot more to it than what you might think -- it could be the gateway to profound transformation not only in relationship, but to unlocking your own vibrant, individual aliveness.

Often the people who are the most sexually attractive to us are the ones who trigger all our "stuff." We call this "trauma sex," and quite frankly, it's hot. It's heavy. It's intense. It's addictive! And it happens to both men and women. Whether in a dating or relationship context (i.e. a marriage) you've ever felt like you couldn't stop sleeping with a woman who was toxic for you (perhaps even a narcissist or someone with Borderline Personality Disorder), you'll appreciate this candid discussion of red-hot sex with someone who's bad for you ... and how to break free of the pattern.

Holly Randall grew up in a household where both parents were in the adult industry (as photographers/producers). Eventually she herself became an adult film director (and podcaster!). In a world where free porn is ubiquitous and affects all of us in our dating and relationship lives, it's worth exploring the differences between porn as depicted onscreen and sex in real life. Here's one gem: She says 90%+ of male porn stars use Viagra, so if you're judging how hard your cock gets or your performance on them ... stop. We also discuss penis size, the hidden truth about anal sex, and much more.

Ever felt like your partner was trying to control you, whether in dating or a committed relationship — for example by withholding sex, subtly shaming you, or making you feel guilty if you needed space? Simone Milasas, author of Relationship: Are You Sure You Want One?, breaks down several common ways women who have sex with men often try to control their partners (sometimes unconsciously). If you've been in a relationship where you didn't really feel like you could be just yourself without triggering your partner, you may find this one validating.

Irene and her husband started out hot and heavy, but that sexual chemistry didn't last. Eventually sex was painful for her and she sought out help from OBGYNs and other experts ... to no avail. She, like many women, thought she was broken. This took a heavy toll on her marriage, and it was years before she was able to truly enjoy sex again. Now she coaches other women and couples hoping to regain intimacy and achieve a thriving sex life. Whether you're currently dating, in a relationship, or married, you'll get something out of this riveting story of sexuality, relationships, redemption, and how the healing process can seem circuitous but eventually always leads to wholeness.Mentioned in the episode:Why Sex Dies and How to Make Love & Sex Work in a Long-term Relationship: www.irenefehr.com/start-here-sex-coachingWebsite: www.irenefehr.com

Got sexual issues like not being able to get hard when you want to (aka erectile dysfunction), premature ejaculation, or being unable to keep an erection when you want to? Or relationship issues like pushing away a woman you like without not knowing why, getting nervous when things are going towards sex, or disruptive anxious/avoidant attachment dynamics? Trauma -- including sexual abuse or other sexual trauma -- could be at the root. Healing from sexual issues and connection problems is possible when you get the right kind of help. Here are some highly effective trauma recovery modalities that work -- often quickly. Somatic Sex Educator and certified sexologist Rahi Chun breaks it down.

Imagine going up to a woman you don't know and saying, straight up, "You're sexy." Can you picture it? Does it give you anxiety? Connell used to be a "nice guy," constantly relegated to the friend zone. But he didn't stay that way — his story is a fun and compelling example of what happens when you reclaim your sexuality and lean into your edges. If you want to become more powerful in your sex, dating, and relationship life, there are valuable lessons here. (And yes, his journey did involve going up to women and just putting it out there: "You're sexy!") As the author of Dating Sucks But You Don't, Connell also lays out some practical dating app profile advice for men here.

Ever wanted to spice up your sex life with some dirty talk? Connected sex leads to a happy, healthy relationship, and that can be enhanced by adding in elements like dirty talk during sex. But how do you actually do it? What do you say, and how do you bring it up with a partner? We cover all that, plus a super fun, sexy exercise you can do with your partner to kick things off (hint: it involves a blindfold, but not in the way that you think ... and all clothes can stay on). Whether you're single or in a dating relationship (or relationship or married), there's something here for you.

Most dating apps for straight folks have about 90% men and 10% women on them -- so the experience for men is often one of scarcity. (If you have trouble getting matches as a man, that's normal.) So wouldn't it be great if there were an app where you could go on 8 mini-dates in an hour and a half? Filter Off is a video-first dating app that helps you meet more people faster, and actually see and hear them before meeting up in person (you'll know if they actually look like their photos!). It's modern dating, streamlined. P.S. Based on this episode, I may run my very own dating event through Filter Off! Want to get in on that? Email me at dearmenpodcast at gmail dot com to get on the list.

If you want a healthy, happy relationship, you'll need to address your attachment wounds. We've all got 'em to one extent or another -- and yours may be more pronounced depending on your childhood. If you've been wanting to overcome anxious attachment (or avoidant attachment) because you're suffering in relationship (or dating), you'll appreciate this episode.Processing trauma as efficiently as possible requires you to include the body. Healing happens in the body, not just the mind. Somatic therapy like the one we discuss here (Network Spinal Analysis) helps your nervous system heal from anxious attachment, and more. Remember that you don't need to be perfect; you just need to be willing to grow so you can be present in sex, dating, or relationships now. Personal growth DOES work when you do the work. <3DROP-IN MEN'S GROUP COMING UP: Monday, June 14, 7:30pm PST $20 evolutionary.men/events

How do you stay in integrity when you have women friends, as a man in a monogamous relationship. How do you handle it if your partner gets triggered over you meeting up with a female friend, and how can you take steps to prevent that? Some men naturally have more female friends than male ones, or find it easier to connect with women in life than men (not just sexually, but emotionally). There's room for everyone in this conversation, and it's important to know how to get your own needs met and also honor those of your partner.

Many couples start out hot and heavy when it comes to sex, only to see that sexual heat fade. One of the sources of this can be unresolved sexual trauma in one or both partners ... which can be hard to talk about. How do you bring up your own need for a dynamic and fulfilling sex life when she clearly doesn't want to talk about it? Here, we look at the dynamic when your wife or girlfriend is a survivor of sexual trauma (child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault), how it affects your sex life, and what to do about it. If you're a man looking to figure out how to both support your woman in her sexual healing work, and how to speak up about your own need for a thriving sex life (which trauma is getting in the way of), you won't want to miss this.Books referenced in this episode:Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma, by Peter Levine & Ann FrederickIn an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness, by Peter Levine & Gabor Mate

If you're a man who has sex with women, going down on women is not a topic you'd necessarily feel safe bringing up with other women in your life. So here's a peek behind the curtain in terms of what women want from oral sex -- what we love, what we crave, what gets us hot. Whether you're wanting to know how to go down on your wife or how to go down on a woman you just met, all the sexy cunnilingus gold can be found here.

"How do I get consent?" is a common question men who have sex with women have when it comes to sexy time. Even movie stars need help when it comes to presenting "sex" with consent and healthy boundaries. Did you know Intimacy Coordinators are a thing? They help actors, directors, and others shoot smokin' hot sex scenes that include healthy communication, consent, boundaries, and teamwork. Hearing from these two Intimacy Coordinators is both illuminating and encouraging, especially as they outline common differences between men and women when it comes to their needs and desires around sex, boundaries, and consent.

If you desire a fun, healthy relationship with hot, connected sex and harmonious teamwork, you can have it ... but it takes consciousness work to transcend the wounding of the past. You know you must become aware of how your parents shaped you, but did you know patterns from your grandparents and other forebears can also be involved? Here, Mark Wolynn of The Family Constellation Institute and author of It Didn't Start With You, But It Can End With You breaks down how to heal ancestral trauma. Whether you're married, in a relationship, dating, or single, this is a powerful episode that proves two things: 1. The wounding from our past will repeat itself until it's healed. 2. It absolutely can be. [Note: this episode was originally aired on Ben Gorski's podcast, The Evolving Man.]DROP-IN MEN'S GROUP THIS MONDAY, MAY 3 (referenced in the episode): https://evolutionary.men/event/drop-in-mens-group-5-03-21/

"My wife doesn't like sex." "Why isn't my wife attracted to me?" "How can I fix my marriage?" These are common questions for men in sexless marriages (psychologists a sexless relationship as one where sex happens 10x/year or less). If you're in a sexless marriage, it's likely taking a heavy toll on you. It's also hard to know what's normal, since we don't get a window into other people's relationships. But if you regularly find yourself anxious, depressed, stressed out, or numbing out due to your relationship -- it may not be normal. Listen for more on what kinds of boundaries are needed in a situation like this. Real talk: Not all marriages or relationships are healthy, and if you're in an unhealthy one, it may be time to end it.

Are you a late bloomer? When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, there's a perception that if you're a straight man, you should have sex ASAP, and with as many partners as possible. But the truth is, a lot of men in their 20s, 30s, and beyond are still virgins (or sexually inexperienced), and we don't talk about it enough. If this applies to you, there's nothing wrong with you. And you can move forward sexually if you want to — here's what to know in terms of overcoming shame, anxiety, or uncertainty around sex — and how to bring it up in an inviting way with a partner.

Ever been scared of your woman's anger, sadness, grief, or rage? It can be overwhelming and hard to handle when a woman fully expresses her feminine storm. The truth is, there are both toxic and healthy expressions and it's critical to know the difference. It's also important to know how to skillfully welcome even more emotion in your partner -- an advanced relationship practice that will lead to hotter sex, more intense intimacy, and ultimately a more free and joyful relationship.

Whether you're on Hinge, Bumble, OKCupid, Match.com, eHarmony, Coffee Meets Bagel or any of the other multitude of dating apps, you've likely experienced ghosting. Many of us have both been ghosted and been a ghost. Why? What's the motivation, and how does it affect dating and relationships? We get into all the sticky questions here around integrity, sexual desire, emotional dialogue, and honesty (& dishonesty).

How do you actually apply attachment theory to relationship, and how do you know when to get outside help (i.e. a couples therapist or coach)? The 2 top things couples argue about are sex and money, and handling that kind of conflict skillfully is challenging. Fortunately, while relationships (whether you're married or not) are complex, but they're not impossible. Here, we discuss uplifting research on attachment, and how it can provide more safety, comfort, and sexy time in romantic relationships.

It's a common relationship question, especially when a marriage isn't working: Should we stay together for the kids? Should I stay in this for the kids ... even if our sex life is dead? ... even if we fight all the time? Here, we explore the line between "making it work" and unhealthy relationship dynamics that do affect the kids. Sometimes the best thing to do is not to stay together, and there's an art to knowing when it's time to choose to exit in order to thrive -- and to role model thriving to your children.

Modern sex, dating, and relationships often Hinge on dating apps (see what I did there?). Whether you're on Bumble, Tinder, Match, eHarmony, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Coffee Meets Bagel, or, of course, Hinge, your experience will vary depending on a number of factors. Here, we get personal in terms of what we, as women, experience on the apps, and how men can get our attention in a good way.

The fear of being called creepy or viewed as a pervert, whether in a sexual scenario, while dating, or even in relationship, runs deep. It can reach levels of terror, especially for men who have gotten messages about their sexuality being "bad" or "wrong" since they were young. What do you do when the fear of being creepy prevents you from approaching women, and how do you address the fear proactively?

How does being bullied early in life affect your ability to trust and connect in sex, dating, and relationships later on -- and how can it actually make you more resilient? Three men share their powerful personal stories of not just surviving bullying, but how that experience has since shaped their relationships (with both men and women) as adults. Hint: You've heard of post-traumatic stress, but did you know post-traumatic growth is a thing?

Women want to feel fully emotionally expressed around men, but where's the line between expression and abuse? Here, we take on the issue of women sharing their truth with full power (whether that's their rage, disappointment, desire, or hurt) -- when it's healthy expression, and when it's abusive. Whether you're in a committed relationship like a marriage, a dating relationship, or a sexual one, this is important to know to be a healthy, aware, and conscious man.

Ever wished you could apply scientific principles to dating? Then you'll love this episode. Behavioral scientist and author of recent Amazon best-seller How to Not Die Alone, Logan Ury draws from social science on sex & relationships, as well as best practices from behavioral science to answer questions like:Should I give up on someone if I don't feel the "spark" right away? (i.e. not even go on a second date)What are the most important attributes I should look for if I want a healthy, happy relationship?How do I sort through all the many choices on the dating apps to find worthwhile matches? (This is especially interesting, since Ury now works for dating app Hinge)All this, plus Ury outlines the 3 different categories she has repeatedly seen in different daters (essentially the "3 types" of daters.) Which one are you? Whether you're single or in a couple at the moment, you'll get a lot out of this lively scientific discussion on sex, dating, relationships, and love -- and you might even learn How to Not Die Alone.