Ever feel like you're being deliberately provoked by your woman? Or that she sometimes pushes and pushes until she gets a rise out of you -- often about what seem like tiny things? This pattern can be confusing until you understand the deeper reasons for it. And it's quite a common in dating and relationships, though we don't often discuss it explicitly. Related to polarity, the way Jason puts it is that "the poke is a call for presence and deeper feeling." It's not always the most mature or conscious way of relating. And the truth is, we as human beings don't always act in the most mature fashion. But if we can grasp the underlying vulnerabilities that drive us, then we often hit on wells of compassion that help us deepen and relax into love in ways we couldn't before.Remember: Personal growth works. It's not a straight line, but it's always worth it.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"I need to pause you right there.""It’s meant to evoke, 'Where are you?’ And ‘I’m having a hard time trusting your right now.'""This ties into a common masculine feeling of, 'I’m not enough.'""Sometimes there’s a sense of, 'Oh, yeah, caught red-handed. I actually wasn’t here.'""Acting out is another kind of poke."

Ever gotten the sense that a woman is sizing you up ... deciding whether you match up with a list she has in her head around her ideal partner?You might be right. Whether you're online dating, speed dating, or meeting someone in real life, a lot of women do have a list, and it can be confusing or even frustrating when you interface with it.Here, we discuss the nuances of "the list" -- the why behind it, how to engage with it, and the tension between the need to be open/flexible, and the need to stick with personal boundaries.If you have your own list, you’ll likely also relate to this. And you may also relate to the feeling of wanting things to be neat and tidy — to be fully prepared for relationship and have your partner match up with all your expectations.To which I’d share Violet's words: “Would I rather be alone for the next decade, or would I rather have the experience of loving and being loved, and have it be messy?"---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“He has a nice resume; I thought he’d be a good guy.”“My desires and yearnings are holy and I want them to be fulfilled.”“When we cut off our heart in dating, we’re missing a rich human experience.”“You never know what’s going to delight and surprise you.”“If you want emotional safety, you have to be vulnerable.”

What does it actually mean to be needy? We use the term a lot, and sometimes in less-than-kind ways -- both in terms of describing others as well as ourselves.Having needs is a universal experiences. Humans, animals, plants, and every living thing has certain needs. Human beings need food, water, and sleep on a biological level -- and we also need love, respect, and a sense of belonging. If we don't have these needs met, then we have reactions. In a love relationship, it can feel difficult or even overwhelming to advocate for certain needs to be met -- for example, physical affection, quality one-on-one attention, or sex. Neediness nearly always stems from old wounds, so it can be hard to bring this kind of thing forward with a partner.The truth is, we're all needy. We all have certain needs, and our partner is not responsible for meeting all of them all of the time. But there's a balance to be had, which involves navigating difference and being willing to hang in there through discomfort.Here, we explore the themes around sex, dating, relationships, needs, desires, and the nervous system.—Memorable quotes from this episode:"Now it’s about advocating clearly for what I need.""There’s a place in relationships for healthy generosity.""What would I need to be a ‘yes’ to this?""It this doesn’t shift, I’m going to take a certain action for myself.""It can feel like, ‘If it’s not here, I’m doomed.'"

Do you ever feel ashamed of your porn use, or wish you could stop or cut down? Ever had trouble getting it up and wondered if that's connected to porn use? Ever compared dating partners to women you see in porn, and wondered if that was negatively impacting your sex or love life?Over 10% of men are addicted to porn, according to a 2019 study in the Journal of Behavioral Addictions. (As of 2024, I suspect that number is even higher.) Porn has also been linked to to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation in some cases.Here, we talk about why porn addiction has become so prevalent, and help to answer the questions: How do you know if you're addicted to porn, and how do you quit (if you want to)?Jason also delves into his own personal experience with porn addiction, how he overcame it, and what life and sexuality is like now (including with his partner).---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

If you've ever felt anxious around a woman you were attracted to, gone rigid when you tried to flirt, or completely shut down during a fight with your partner, you know what it is to go into freeze.When we're overwhelmed, we can lock up. This is inconvenient if what you really want to do in that moment is to move, get someone's number, or speak up for yourself during a moment of tension with your spouse or in a meeting at work.Where does this behavior come from? Why did it develop? What do we do about it that actually works?Here, somatic practitioner and expert Stacy Matulis breaks down what's actually going on in your nervous system when you freeze, and what to do about it. (Hint: No one is an island, and we need others. We are interdependent.)We also cover the difference between freeze and disassociation, depression and suicidality, and why it can feel like even after years of doing the work, you're still stuck in some ways.Going into a freeze state will absolutely impact your sex, dating and relationship life. Fortunately, there's a way through.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:DM 196: The “invisible” relationship pattern that can affect everything (childhood neglect)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“I felt neutered as a human.”“When we grew up without safe others, we can learn that there are no safe others.”“What would bring me into a life that I wanted to live?”“Attunement is just as much an essential need as food and shelter is.”“Your feelings and needs are all right with me.”“A traumatized brain is programmed to look for the problem, and stay focused on the difficult energy.”“Who I am makes love go away.”

Ever wondered what different women say when they get really real about their last relationship? How about why they do growth work — and what it looks like for them?Here, I take you behind the curtain to give you a peek at exactly that. This is an amalgam episode with responses from over over ten women who answered three questions:What’s the biggest thing you learned in your last relationship?What’s a memorable time a man showed up for you or honored you in some way?Why do you do growth work and what does that look like for you?---When it comes to love, sex, relationships, and personal growth work, one thing is always true: more compassion is always better. So here’s to increased understanding, empathy, and joy — and of course, more healing. ---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

If you love having sex with women and want to be known as a great lover, being good at going down is an important part of your repertoire. ;)But it’s not easy to talk about this with anyone, so here we’re laying it bare. Four of us ladies share openly about what really works for us in oral sex -- what we desire, long for, and what holds us back in terms of receiving deep pleasure.Whether you're married and wanting to know how to excel at cunnilingus on your wife, or you’re dating and want to how to go down on a woman such that she craves seeing you again, it’s all here.—Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

When your partner gets anxious or upset, do you feel like it's your fault or that you have to fix it immediately? How able are you to stay grounded and feel your own self, even amidst her storm/upset?Ever found yourself doing anything to calm her down -- because your sense of being OK was contingent upon her feeling OK? (We find this common in the men with whom we work.Here, we talk about how to stay grounded even when she's going through it. We outline how to know what's actually going on for you in those moments, how to "interrupt" the sense of compulsion around fixing it, and what a deep offering it is to maintain your own, separate nervous system instead of merging with hers.As Jason says, now that he has become more skilled in this area, “I can be connected to her without being swallowed up by what’s going on for her.”Whether it's in sex, dating, or a committed relationship, you will be more stable, reliable, and frankly sexy partner when you learn to master this.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“When she would get dysregulated, I would get dysregulated."“Avoiding conflict often tends to create more conflict.” “If my partner isn’t feeling well, it feels like it’s my fault.” “Oh wow, her nervous system is not my nervous system.” “I’m here with it, whatever it is — and I’m being impacted.”“It’s OK to be messy and imperfect.”

"For so long I felt like, ‘this is only happening in my marriage.’"If you've ever experienced something dark, difficult, or deeply challenging in your love relationship, *and didn't feel like you could talk about it with others,* you'll relate to this episode.Few topics bring up wounds as deep as betrayal. Whether you've experienced a partner cheating (physically or emotionally), abuse of some kind, or some other kind of damaging withholding or acting out in a relationship, you're familiar with the deep feeling of aloneness that often comes with that experience.Or as my guest this week put it, it can feel like "we’re fighting this war in our own little intimate relationship."How do you rebuild trust when you've betrayed an intimate partner? If you're the betrayed, how do you overcome the PTSD that you've developed in response to this? Here, we delve into all of that and more -- and celebrate what's possible on the other side. The depth of healing and restoration that my guest and her husband have attained is truly remarkable.The fact is, isolation is when all the bad stuff happens. When we're isolated, we're often judging ourselves (as well as our partners). We can feel hopeless, despairing, or trapped.I put out this podcast in large part to combat isolation, and bring us together. To know in our bones that we are not alone -- that our story is echoed in the stories of others, and vice versa.Healing is always possible. You are not alone.--- Mentioned on this episode:SAlifeline.org---Memorable quotes from this episode:“Addiction lives in silence and isolation.”“I didn’t know if I would ever be able to forgive him fully.”“He was moving at his pace.”“All of a sudden I no longer felt batsh*t crazy.”“He loved me the very best that he could.”“I did base a lot of my OK-ness on how he felt.”“I never knew that marriage could be so fun!”

What are you most ashamed of? Is it your sexuality -- how much you want and need sex, or your deep-down cravings that you fear others would judge if they knew about? Is it your yearning for love, your desire to be held or seen or known in some fundamental way?Many of the biggest breakthroughs we've witnessed in clients have come when they've headed directly into shame, been witnessed with compassion, and come out the other side.It is almost inevitable that releasing shame builds power, which is often electrifyingly transformative. Shame around sex, relationship, love, need, weakness, neediness, and desire is normal. It's human. But it doesn't have to be paralyzing; in fact, it can be catalyzing.Here, Jason and Luke share personal stories of shame, and we outline the process of transforming shame into power. Learn about the Heart of Shadow men's group and retreat at heartofshadow.com - use coupon "dearmen" when you register!---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“If we don’t feel strong or powerful or directive in our lives, we will feel the tinge of shame.”“I was terrified to be asked to do something that I didn’t know how to do.”“What wants to be said to your ex-wife? What’s incomplete there?”“Whatever you’re not feeling is where all your vitality is stuck.”“I got to feel a boyish curiosity come back!”---Mentioned on this episode:DM 305 GuyTalk: Overcoming religious trauma

Ever experienced porn addiction (and had that affect your love relationship), contended with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, or been worried about what your cock looks like? Then you'll feel right at home with this episode.Here, several men in our community share their unvarnished truth with their own voices. They forthrightly and vulnerably answer 3 questions:What's a major lesson you learned in your last relationship?What's a sexual challenge you've had and how have you addressed it?Why do you choose to do consciousness work?I believe you'll find the raw truth from other men on the path to be illuminating, inviting, and reassuring all at the same time. I couldn't be prouder of these men, and all of you men who are out there learning, transforming, and growing.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Do you wish your woman was more open to sex? Not just intercourse, but the fun of the whole sex thing -- kissing, making out, foreplay, getting hot and heavy, doing the dirty.Ever longed for more from your wife/girlfriend/partner when it comes to sexuality -- and not just "from her" but with her? Ever wished she had more fun when it came to sex, that she enjoyed it more, was more expressed and into it?Many of our clients feel a yearning to connect more with their woman, but aren't even sure how to bring it up. Talking about sex is sensitive, and even more so if sexual trauma is part of the picture. And masturbation can be even harder to discuss, especially in partnership.Here, we talk all things sexual opening and awakening when it comes to the feminine. We draw from our own personal journeys as well as countless stories from other women who've learned how to connect to their own erotic essence (separate from a partner), and the myriad benefits associated with that. We cover the many health benefits of masturbation, yoni eggs, cervical wands, breast massage, G-spot de-armoring and more.To close this out, I'm gonna drop some slang terms for women getting themselves off, because they're all kinds of fab:Ménage à moiAuditioning the finger puppetsWomansplaining yourselfFanning the furChecking the undercarriageButtering your muffinDiddling Miss Daisyand my personal favorite ... Paddling the pink canoe---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 153: Her sexual healing: How to support her *and* get your needs met (ft. Violet Lange)Dear Men 191: Supporting a woman in her sexual pleasure & healing (ft. Violet Lange & Keri Nola) -- the one about jade eggsJaiya's erotic blueprintsPlease Her In Bed (my streaming course for men who have sex with women)Evolutionary Couples (Violet & Jason's new course for couples)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“I’m in a relationship, I’m finally happy! Why don’t I want to have sex with my partner?!”“I hear this from moms all the time: sex is not a priority for me.”“Even if your libido feels like it’s dormant, you can still work with responsive desire.”“I really miss the closeness I feel with your body … I long for you.”“Let’s swim in the sea of erotic energy.”

Ever been around a woman who was closed down, shut off, or emotionally unavailable? Ever felt like your partner wanted to say something but was holding back, and if you'd somehow shown up in a different way, maybe she'd have let you in?Perhaps you've felt some version of, "I can’t handle that anger right now so I need to remove that anger from her." Or if your partner is upset with you, you've expressed something like, "You don’t need to feel that way because here was my *intention* in doing that."Dating, sex, and relationships can feel like a huge mystery. Hell, women and feelings themselves can feel like a huge mystery! But there are certain principles that hold true, and grasping the nuances of polarity can help you navigate everything with more grace and clarity.Here, I share personal stories of feeling opened by a man (as well as times I've felt closed by one), and we outline what it takes to become the man who can open an available woman.—Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"Instead of acknowledging what she was feeling and getting curious, it triggered my wounding around not being enough as a man, so I would try to explain to her why she was wrong.""Can I allow the person who hurt me to then be the person to hold me?""The deeper trust we form is, 'Oh, we can do this. We can move through conflict.'""This is one of the greatest gifts we can bring to another human being."

"When I was at my worst, I didn’t know there was a way out."Sometimes in life we get stuck. We don't know how to deal with big feelings, so we self-medicate -- with alcohol, or porn, or weed, or food.But often the self-medication gets in the way of things we really want -- love; intimacy; healthy, connected sex; joy.You may think of 12-step programs as solely for alcoholics, but they're far mroe comprehensive. There are programs for porn addiction, codependency in relationship, sex & love addiction, and for those who are loved ones of an addict (or adult children of parents who were addicts).*Addiction and recovery profoundly affect your sex and love life, and here, speaker and 12-step mentor Mark Wilde delves into his own story, and how his journey has positively impacted his marriage.In his words, as he grew and healed and learned to lead: "When I became more vulnerable and expressive, I had reciprocation and energy from her that I’d not experienced before ... our relationship began to ascend dramatically."If you want to feel inspired and uplifted, listen on.*These groups are: Codependents Anonymous (CODA), Porn Addicts Anonymous (PAA), Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), Al-Anon (for the loved ones of those who struggle with addiction).---Evolutionary Men RetreatReady to do the work live? Join us in Northern California for an epic time connecting with nature, making friends, and healing your bodymind. This sold out last year and the year before. As of this episode dropping, we've got 1 slot left.Labor Day weekend (last weekend of August), 2024.To sign up or learn more, go here.---Memorable quotes from this episode:"My parents passed away, my marriage ended, and it got bad.""Alcohol became a solution to deep-seated issues that had carried on since childhood."“I still felt myself wearing lots of masks and building up lots of walls.”“How am I going to placate and keep the peace and make her happy?"“When I did work with my body, I felt the unlocking of everything.”---Mentioned on this episode:What Happened to You?

Has your woman ever been in her masculine, and you wished she was in her feminine? Here's something that doesn't work: "Hey, could you drop into your feminine already?" ;)So how do you polarize your woman well? Polarity is one of those mysteries in life like electricity: We don't fully grasp why it works, but we can harness its power to make our lives better.I love polarity work because it can make a concrete difference in sex, love, dating, and relationships. I've seen countless clients ditch old dating advice, learn about this, and then say, "Wow, this polarity thing really works on a date." Or, "Man, I wish I'd known about polarity sooner ... my marriage might have gone differently."The fact is, no one teaches us about dating and sexuality and HOW to connect well. Most men don't learn how to flirt with girls, how to polarize a partner, or even what polarity is. Yet it's a fundamental relationship dynamic that can help with everything.Here we lay out five practical ways to polarize a woman partner into her feminine, helping her to drop into her heart and soften. If you've ever wondered why certain evenings with your wife or girlfriend were magical, while others felt like pulling teeth, this may help.And if you're a man who has sex with women and you want to help your woman soften, receive more of your love, and relax into even deeper levels of trust, this one is for you.Quick note: We talk about this on the podcast and wanted to include it here: If you suspect your partner may have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) (i.e. nothing you do ever seems to make a difference with her), polarity work won't cut it.You may also want to listen to our episode on that subject: 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder.---

Have you ever been concerned about getting involved with a woman because you didn't want to hurt her feelings if it didn't work out?Ever felt like you shouldn't go deeper emotionally with a woman you were dating because you weren't sure you wanted to put a ring on it?Does it ever feel like all women want a long-term, committed relationship, so if you're not available for that, you're somehow doing something wrong?The fact is, sex, dating and relationships are complex. There are a lot of possibilities, and the best kind of relationships are the ones that feel good to both parties.Here, we explore how to date ethically, share what you're available for, and how to be aware of what's underneath your fear of upsetting a woman. We also outline the immense value of short- and medium-term relationships, and what some women really want when it comes to those.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“There are a LOT of men who have so much care and concern, it causes them to not fully engage.”“I’m here for this; let’s see what’s here.”“You cannot be in relationship with someone and never hurt them.”“A successful relationship doesn’t always mean life partnership.”“Experience is always more valuable than theory.”

If you’ve become aware that you experienced developmental trauma (and/or attachment wounding), you may wonder how to heal from it.Where do you go to move through stuck parts of yourself that are holding you back? How do you get things moving and release blocks so you can finally get what you want in sex, dating, and relationships?Jason was a self-proclaimed late bloomer Nice Guy with developmental trauma — he had sex for the first time at 26, and still had a lot to learn around dating. Plus, he was often numb and felt like life was sort of happening to him. He wanted more, but didn't know how to get there.Then he went to a men’s work workshop where a mentor took just twenty minutes to get him to a place he hadn’t touched in 3 full years of talk therapy.It was transformational.(And now he’s married to a beautiful, self-aware, radiant woman with whom he has a thriving relationship.)Here’s the story of how he got there — and how you can, tooEvolutionary Men RetreatReady to do the work live? Join us in Northern California for an epic time connecting with nature, making friends, and healing your bodymind. This sold out last year and the year before. As of this episode dropping, we've got 5 slots left.Labor Day weekend (last weekend of August), 2024.To sign up or learn more, go here.

Ever felt like when it comes to your relationship, you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop? Or that when you come home, you don't know what (or who) you're going to get? Or that every moment is, "Are they OK?" "Are they OK?" "Are they OK?"Reality check: It is not normal to be constantly on guard or anxious in your relationship. That kind of chronic anxiety is highly dysregulating -- and yet it's the "norm" for many of the men with whom we work. Whether they're in sexless marriages, struggle with overwhelming anxiety in dating, or yearn for more closeness with their partners, they're suffering. Are you?Here we discuss the difference between an unhealthy and healthy love relationship. A healthy love relationship is one in which the relationship GIVES you evergy, rather than draining it from you. Or as we put it, “It’s not a healthy relationship if it requires you to abandon yourself over and over.”And: “Our relationship should co-regulate us, not dysregulate us.”---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“There’s a sense, if I don’t keep making my partner OK, they won’t make it.”“We definitely see the toxic loyalty play out with Nice Guys.”“I’ve got to pay attention to survive here.”“Being with you in our dynamic is actually causing me self-harm. I’m hurting myself just being in relationship with you.”“Most importantly, I feel safe with you.”“Your relationship becomes a generator!”---Other episodes related to this one:Episode 106: What does it mean to 'do the work'?Episode 196: Are you a child of neglect?

Ever wanted to explore role-play in sex? If so, you're not alone! According to research, one in three people in North America alone wants to try some kind of role-play in the bedroom, whether that's doctor/patient, professor/student, cop/detainee, pirate/wench or some other sexy dynamic. Why is sexual role-play so intriguing? Is it different from kink/BDSM? How do you bring it up in a fun and respectful way with a partner? What are your hesitations, and what might your partner's hesitations be? And what's your pleasure? What would you want to explore?Here we delve into all of it: sexual taboos, our own personal experiences with role-play, how to talk about sexual role-play with a partner, and more.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode: "We had both had experiences of being in shut-down sexual relationships."“I don’t want to be the director; I want to be the actress.""These aspects of our psyche are more than just entertainment.""Relationships can evolve.""It’s a basket of possibiities!"

"It felt kind of like a trap, but at the same time felt like a soothing warm blanket to feel safe and ruminate within.""The codependent relationship is filled with drama. There is blaming, a victim and the rescuer/protector. That rescuer is filled with needing to be needed. That’s where it began for me.""It was years of trying as hard as I could to make things better but never being good enough to matter how hard I tried."The word "codependence" gets thrown around a lot, but it's not always clear what it means. How do you know if you're codependent? How do you know if your partner is codependent? Can one person be codependent while the other isn't?Here we delve into our own personal experiences of codependency, as well as the experiences of some of our clients. We aim to provide clarity on codependent dynamics and how to overcome them.In Jason's words, "Too many men stay in a place of perpetual suffering." If your love relationships have never felt quite right -- if they've always felt off, or you've felt like you were just taking care of your partner (she couldn't take care of herself), or you've never felt like you could get it right with your partner (nothing was ever enough), this will be relevant for you.A lot of the men we work with are aching for MORE, and I just want to say -- that's available. You don't have to stay stuck. Growth is always possible.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode: “We’re deeply entwined with each other where there’s almost no agency or independence.”“While the relationship was ‘safe’, we were both suffering deeply inside.”“As long as my partner was approving of me, there was a sense of, ‘I’m OK.’”“There was a fear — if I’m not with her, I’ll be alone.”

Did you have a deeply present, emotionally aware father who took the time to attune to you and teach you how to be a trustworthy, integrated man?If so, you're in the minority. ;) Most of our clients had far-less-than-ideal role models when it came to the masculine -- which makes becoming a trustable adult man challenging.For example, do you feel equipped to lead hard conversations with your woman partner, and help the two of you navigate repair? Are you able to stand up for yourself in a deep, grounded way without getting defensive or shutting down? Did you ever see any of those things role-modeled in your family of origin?The fact is, we learn how to be in the world from our caregivers. If you were raised by people who were abusive, alcoholics, neglectful, or just not emotionally attuned to you, then there are gaps in your understanding of sex, dating, and relationships. Here we talk about how to fill those in -- and how to replace bad role models with good ones.If you're someone who wants to grow beyond how he was raised -- this one is for you.Themes from this episode:The impact of having an emotionally volatile dad vs. absent/passive dadIf you don't want to be "that guy" -- the angry guy, the shut-down guy, the guy who makes women uncomfortable -- how do you act instead?How do you reclaim your manhood if you grew up with women who badmouthed men? (i.e. "Don't be like your father")The power of men's work---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

There's a lot out there about Nice Guy Syndrome. But what happens after? What is the magical land of Boundaries, for example?If you’ve figured out you’re a Nice Guy, you’ve likely been in a love relationship or two (or five) where you felt like your partner walked all over you, or where you developed resentment after overextending yourself. Or perhaps you've consistently felt used in your relationships. If you’ve ever had thoughts like, “When’s it going to be my turn? Why doesn’t she want to have sex with me?” or, “I’ve done so many good things, nobody should ever be mad at me.” — then you’re plenty familiar with Nice Guy Syndrome!But what happens after you’ve recovered? What’s the dream? What happens once you’ve mastered things like asserting yourself, knowing what you want and need and how to speak up for it, and how to set healthy boundaries?Here, Dr. Glover and I go through the before, during, and after states of Nice Guy Syndrome. It gets spicy in places, so get ready for a fun ride!Memorable quotes from this episode:“Nobody ever taught me, ‘Say what’s on your mind.’ In my family, that was actually punished.”“You begin to realize that a lot of the patterns in your life are triggered by unconscious toxic shame, and deep anxiety states.”“In the process of having good guy friends, my love relationship has improved dramatically.”“This is the most productive, satisfying year of my life.”“We’re healing for humanity.”

Ever contended with anxiety, depression, chronic pain, ADHD, or OCD ... and had that affect your sex or love life?Ever suspected that you have generational trauma, or thought you were broken?Ever felt like there was something wrong with you because you just can't seem to get it together when it comes to relationships?Spoiler alert: There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not broken. Sometimes we just all need some support to break through big blocks.Here, I talk with David Romero, psychedelic integration coach, about how microdosing psilocybin can help human beings live fuller, richer lives -- including in relationship.So-called "magic mushrooms" have huge potential when it comes to healing. And with all the stresses of modern life, we can use all the advantages we can get when it comes to helping us to have more regulated nervous systems, heal attachment issues, and overcome chronic pain.If you've ever been curious about microdosing psilocybin as a therapeutic modality, you won't want to miss this one.---Memorable quotes from this episode:"More often than not, the root causes of physical pain are deeply psychological.""We’re byproducts of the stress that took place before we even arrived in this world.""These things do amazing things because they help give you a different perspective.""It allows us to take a step back from the crisis our mind is putting us into.""I can confidently say it has made a profound impact on my life and my love relationship."---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:How to Change Your Mind -- mini-series on psychedelics used for healing, streaming on NetflixFantastic Fungi -- excellent documentary on mushrooms (psychedelic as well as other kinds), streaming on Netflix

"I took responsibility for things that wasn’t mine to take."So begins the brave stories of four men who share their personal experiences of what it was like being in relationship with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (or with traits of it).If you've ever been unsure about whether your partner may have traits of BPD, this is a good one to listen to. For example, ever felt like your role in your relationship is solely that of a caretaker? In one man's words, "I felt like a caregiver and she was my responsibility."Thrillingly, this episode is about more than just the intensity of being in an unhealthy relationship. It's also the story of freedom, expansion, and joy. It's how these men got out, and the brightness, love, and peace that's possible on the other side.In one man's words, a turning point was interacting with someone who treated him with kindness and respect: "It was a healing moment and I began to imagine a different life for myself."What does it take to get out of an unhealthy relationship? What is life like after you do personal growth work and heal? Sex, dating, and relationships are complex, and here we delve into all the dynamics at play from beginning to end.---Memorable quotes from this episode:“Anything I shared about myself was eventually used against me, and sometimes in cruel ways.”“My life in the relationship was like being on a rollercoaster with no safety harness.”“My self-worth started to come back, and that’s what made me think, ‘What am I doing in this situation?’”“In my current relationship, I feel grounded, safe and loved. It’s a world of difference.”“Now life is pretty fucking great.”---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Other resources mentioned on this episode:National Domestic Violence hotline (includes a live chat feature, if you don't want to get on the phone yet): TheHotlineDear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality DisorderDear men episode 289: Do Nice Guys attract volatile women?

Have you ever felt like you needed to make a lot of money to impress women?Ever had a dynamic shift around money in a relationship, and not known how to deal with it (for example, she starts making more than you, and you have unexpected feelings about that)?Have you wondered who should pay on a date (do you offer to? Is that considered sexist now?)If you've wanted to be a fly on the wall and hear the unvarnished truth about how women feel about men, money, and masculinity, then this one's for you! Of course we don't represent all women, but you'll likely appreciate the diversity of perspectives. Get ready for vulnerability, depth, and some good laughs along the way.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Ever chased emotionally unavailable women? Ever dropped a connection because you felt overwhelmed, or like something was "off" but you couldn't quite name what it was? Ever been uncomfortable with the "mess" of dealing with someone else's emotions, or been hesitant to share your own out of a fear of rocking the boat? Then this episode will resonate.Here we talk directly about avoidant attachment traits -- including what they've been like for us personally. For example, finding something small but unappealing about someone (like what kind of shoes they wear), and having that get in the way of relationship.We do this to bring these patterns to light, so that we can learn to work with them. When it comes to the different attachment styles, including anxious, avoidant, and anxious/avoidant (aka disorganized attachment), we also want to be clear that we can always move towards secure attachment, and that learning and growth are more than possible.---More episodes on this topic:Dear Men episode 196: Did you experience emotional neglect as a kid? Here's how to knowDear Men episode 62: What do you do if you're not sure she's "The One"? (ft. Dr. Laura Kasper) (this one goes more into de-activating strategies mentioned on this episode)---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Sexy time, pickers, and dating, oh my! Here I answer the following three common client or listener questions:"I’ve heard women say it’s a red flag if the man has not had relationship experience. What do you say?" "One issue I've had is selecting the right female partner. What is a good way to guide myself to go about doing this?" (My picker is off)"How do I initiate sex without coming off as demanding? I come from a relationship where I think I pressured her into sex, or I wrongly felt sex was owed to me … how can I now be bold in initiation without coming across as pressuring?"---I want to give a shoutout to the men who asked these questions. It's brave to put yourself out there and ask about what you really want to know.Got a question you want me to cover? Hit me up at dearmen at gmail.com.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

When is it time to stay and work on things in your marriage, and when is it time to let things go? Perhaps you can relate to scenarios like these:You're worn out and exhausted because you're always the one reaching out to your wife and never getting anything backYou're great co-parents but your sex life is DOAAs a couple you rarely or never openly fight, but there's constant, underlying tensionYou feel like you can never get it right with her, and often feel hopeless about experiencing the intimacy you so deeply crave---The truth is, sometimes it's clear that a relationship isn't working, but sometimes it isn't. If you're unsure and trying to figure it out on your own, you're not alone.Many of our clients have been through the muck and confusion of trying to figure out their marriage, and here they share the depth of their hearts in that process.Both marriage and divorce can be sources of great pain, shame, and longing. They can also be sources of transformation, spiritual growth, awakening, and freedom.Here we delve into what to do when you don't yet have clarity around your marriage. We also touch on what it takes to improve your relationship, and how to make the determination with as much grace as possible.And remember: "There can absolutely be miraculous turnarounds in relationships when both partners are committed and willing."---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"It’s very easy for men to fall into a place of isolation in life.""If one person is not willing to step into the growth, there’s not much you can do.""I keep inviting my partner into that and she’s unwilling.""Sometimes the greatest act of leadership is to stop tolerating mediocrity.""When there’s a vibrant, passionate sexual connection between the couple, it lights up the whole family system."

If your marriage isn't working, you're suffering. Maybe you're fighting all the time (whether aloud or not). Maybe you're great co-parents, but you don't connect in an intimate way anymore. And when I say "intimate" I'm not just talking about sex; I'm talking about warmth, closeness, and connection.Should you automatically stay in a relationship because there are children involved?The fact is, kids are perceptive and intuitive. They're aware when there's distance or discord between parents, even if they don't talk about it. And whatever you're doing in your relationship, you're role-modeling what a romantic relationship is. Is yours one you'd want your kids to have?Here, we go over "making it work" and relationship dynamics that do affect the kids -- and not in a good way. Sometimes it's possible to repair a marriage, and sometimes it's not. Put more frankly, sometimes the best thing to do is to separate for both you and the kids.Growth always requires getting uncomfortable, and if you want your family to truly thrive, sometimes delving head-on into discomfort is the brave and loving thing to do.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old, often intergenerational trauma patterns, and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Have you ever been scared of your wife / woman partner? Ever been harmed by her? If yes, it's likely you never felt like you could talk to anyone about it because you were afraid of what they would say, or whether they would shame you.In polarity work, we often talk about feminine storm. But where's the line between feminine storm, feminine rage, and abuse? We want to break the silence and go into this.According to the CDC, one in seven men in the U.S. has suffered severe physical violence at the hands of an intimate partner. But physical violence isn't the only thing that can happen; emotional abuse is also deeply harmful, and very common for some of our clients.The truth is, there is a way to work with strong emotions without harming a partner. Here, we, as two women who are attracted to men, share our own personal stories of the difference between our feminine storm and our feminine rage. Healthy relationships are predicated on being able to handle conflict well, and that's a skill many of us still need help with.We also help you know: As a man, how do you know whether your partner is within the realm of normal -- if what you're going through is normal?Know that it's always possible to recover from a toxic relationship, and that more is possible.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"Allowing women to be emotional and have emotions like anger, rather than shutting down and being intellectual.""Can we work this through together in our shared nervous system?""Many of us shove our anger inside and then we’re tense and anxious and depressed.""It’s masterful to be able to feel an emotion, witness, and communicate about it.""We’re sharing feelings, not dumping feelings.""I want to blame you! I want to make you wrong!"---Mentioned on this episode:Statistics on intimate partner abuse (aka domestic violence) against menDomestic violence hotline for menBorderline Personality Disorder

"I’m getting a boner — what’s she going to think??"So begins the conflict for a lot of boys and men have around their cock. From a young age -- basically from the time boners start to be a thing, "It’s like a lot of men are constantly tracking, ‘Am I having an erection and if I do, how do I hide it?’"The thing is, hiding and secrets go hand-in-hand, and they generally don't go anywhere good. The fact is, especially during teenage years, boners aren't even always about turn-on. As one man put it, "NRBs are a thing!" (No Reason Boners).We're on a streak here talking about how to overcome sexual shame (see what I did there?). Here we delve into the complex relationship many men have with their sexuality, and in particular to their erections.Related questions:How do you even know what healthy sexuality is if you've never seen it role-modeled?What is a boy supposed to do or say if he gets a boner at an unexpected time?How do you teach boys and young men that getting a boner, rather than a source of shame, can be a source of pride?Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. (We've worked with a lot of men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that's you, we're here.)To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"Our turn-on is visible from the outside."“It’s like what my body is doing is wrong.”"Men mocking men when they get hard creates a deep inner conflict.""The antidote to shame is connection.""Men having an erection is a sign of health.""What that shame is teaching is us to be in opposition to what we are.""‘If he gets a boner, he’s going to try to fu**.’""I have a choice in what to do with my sexuality."

Did you grow up with a religious background? Then congrats, you likely experienced sexual shame! Perhaps you still do to this day.The truth is, it's deeply confusing to grow up having completely natural sexual urges, but be told you're bad or wrong for having them. In the words of the panelists:"For a long time I thought, 'What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get over this?'""I was taught, 'Don’t touch, don’t look, don’t think, don’t act.'""As a teenager I thought, 'I’m going to go to hell and there’s no way to get around it.'"Here, a panel of four men, three of whom grew up in the Church of Latter-day Saints (LDS, aka the Mormon Church), and one who grew up Catholic/Christian, discuss their journey from religious programming to a more full, rich, and healthy sexual expression in the world.But it doesn't stop with healthy sex. Because one of the effects of feeling blocked, ashamed, or perverted for having natural sexual desires is that you tend to have a lot of trouble relating with those with whom you want to have sex.This begs the questions: What is healthy sex and sexuality? What is healthy connection? According to one married man, "It took us 32 years of our marriage to be able to unravel and untwist this trauma."Religious deconstruction from LDS and other religions is real, and it's doable. You can overcome sexual shame, religious indoctrination, and more.If you want to go from being afraid to connect with women to having the healthiest relationship of your life, listen on.If you're looking for inspiration, hope, and dare I say an experience of transcendence, listen on.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. (We've worked with a lot of men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that's you, we're here.)To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"As a child, we were taught that sex-related sins were worse than murder.""I grew up with a daily sense of guilt and shame, and, 'I’m so dirty or gross, why would they want me?'"“I felt like God set me up to fail.”"The sexual experiences I’ve had since my divorce have been unbelievably healing for me."“The more we talk about it, we expand ourselves and it does something in our own nervous system.”“Now I can find some freedom in it. It’s OK to have sexual needs.”"I’m horny as hell and excited to have a fun Friday night!"

"Needing space within a love relationship is crucial for maintaining my identity ... It’s not merely about taking a break; it’s about preserving a sense of self that can slowly wither in the absence of such space."So says one of our clients, eloquently speaking to the need and also the cost of not getting space when it's required.Here we discuss both sides of the need for space -- what it's like to need it (and how to ask for it), as well as what it's like when a partner names that need. It can be confronting or even scary when a partner needs space, especially if we have a fear of abandonment. We delve into this, and how to reframe giving space as an act of love (it's said that space is the sixth love language).We also touch on the fact that some people know when they need space, while others aren't even necessarily aware that that's what they're needing; they just know something is missing, or that they feel lackluster.Romantic relationships tend to have certain unwritten or unspoken rules or norms, and one of my goals is to bring these into the light. I want to facilitate conscious relationship, and meta conversations (meaning talking about how we relate to one another). I hope this one sparks something in you, and look forward to hearing about it. You can always get me at dearmenpodcast at gmail dot com.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"It was hard for me to ask for space because I felt like I’d be hurting her.""Having a space of no demand on our attention is deeply restorative.""They have no space for themselves and wonder why they’re not feeling alive.""What do we want the culture and the values of our relationship to be?""I trust that you’ll come back."

When you were a boy, did you feel comfortable being your full self?Did you feel at ease around becoming a man -- like you knew what that meant and smoothly moved into that identity?We live in a world where boys and young men often feel like it's not safe to be themselves, and where it can be confusing to grow into manhood.According to Nat Damon, who runs Reach Academy for Young Men, "what boys need is to be seen and heard." And for boys who need healthy role models in terms of what it means to be a mature, healthy man, places like Reach are lifelines.Reach Academy gives boys a place to learn, grow, express themselves, bond with peers, and learn about leadership in a grounded way. Mentors there ask themselves questions like, "How can we help them to see the positive elements of being a man, while at the same time addressing the roots of toxic masculinity?" And, "How do you create a hope-filled atmosphere?"It's more important than ever to have places where people who identify as boys and young men can take the pressure off. Where they can get attuned support, and experience healthy leadership. And where they can be witnessed in whatever it is they're going through.If you're raising a son or sons, or if you have someone who identifies as a boy or young man in your life, you won't want to miss this.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"Boys are growing up feeling more self-conscious and seeking more ways to escape the judgment put on them.""Being a mature man is this ability to be listen and be non-judgmental.""Being interested in other people is fundamental to leadership.""The topic of loneliness is something that we’re trying to address head-on.""We were able to exhale."Mentioned on this episode:Reach Academy: reachyoungmen.org

What if you could read about the sex that affected someone so profoundly they were never the same? What if you wrote about the sex that changed you in that way?If you're turned on by audio porn, ASMR, or sexy stories (either reading them or them being read to you), you're not alone. While we seem to be fixated on men being obsessed with visual porn, according to research nearly one in three listeners of erotic audiobooks are men. According to another poll, men now account for 18% of romance readers.This is a good thing for several reasons, including the fact that so much romance is written by women. If you're a man who's attracted to women and want to know what gets them hot, reading or listening to erotica makes a lot of sense! Bonus: It's likely to get you going as well.Here I interview Carly, creator of Aurore, a collection of literary erotica. The twist? All the tales are true. In Carly's words, "These are stories mostly written by women about what turns them on and what gets them off."Intrigued? Listen on.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“In each city in Europe, I decided to go on Tinder and interview people about sex.”“I wanted him, but first I had to leave the marriage that I was languishing in, bored and ignored.”“Even though I loved reading erotica, I was turned off by the aspects that weren’t relatable.”“We women were having interesting sex, and were profoundly affected by a lot of the relationships we had.”“Write your own story; that’s the only one you can truly tell.”“I find that writing this kind of real erotica is a lot like therapy.”---Mentioned on this episode:Aurore: readaurore.com

"As men, it often feels like we should just know how to succeed in a relationship, how to be great in bed, how to be successful in life, all under the counterintuitive expectation that we figure it all out on our own and never ask for help."Part of our my intention with this podcast is to help men succeed in sex, dating, and relationships with women. And a large part of the gap that I seek to fill is due to exactly what this client of ours shared -- the unfair and often unnamed expectation that men should "just know."You shouldn't! It's totally normal to not know. And in my opinion (and that of most of the women I know), the most mature, healthiest, and sexiest men are the ones who are leaning into learning.In the learning and growth process, you're likely to come across both therapy and coaching. They're similar but not the same, and it's an art to know when you need which.Many of the men with whom we've worked have experienced both therapy and coaching, and I polled them before this recording so I could include their lived experiences. Here, we go over the differences between them, and share some real-world examples.Whether you're working on your sex, dating, and relationship life, or becoming stable during or after a period of anxiety and depression, there's something for you here.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“I couldn’t take certain forward-facing actions because I had these wounds from my past.”“I might always have some of these old injuries or tender spots, so how do I move forward working with that?”“Coaching in the community normalizes my experiences instead of isolating them to ‘it must just be me.’”“I needed both, and one is not better than the other.”

A lot of our clients crave more intimacy or closeness with their wife/relationship partner. Often this includes a longing, or a sense of something missing. As Lucas, our guest here, put it, "The feeling I recall most strongly was a sense of loneliness."Have you ever felt lonely in your relationship? If you’ve wished you and your partner were closer, or yearned for a breakthrough but didn’t know quite how to get there, you’re going to want to listen to this.Psychedelics like MDMA, LSD, and psilocybin (the active component in magic mushrooms) are in the process of being re-legalized. And for good reason —they have incredible potential when it comes to alleviating suffering and boosting connection. Paired with quality guides (the right mentors or therapists), they can help us gain a deeper sense of love, trust, and belonging in the world.But it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. Doing medicine (which is how we phrase it, rather than “doing drugs”) is only truly responsible when it’s combined with quality inner growth work. One of Lucas's realizations, for example, was "I was the source of some of my own pain." While in a way upsetting, this was also liberating, because it meant he had control over addressing the pain. "It was a letting go of my conviction that I was right, and being open to something new."It's worth noting, as well, that these kinds of therapies don't have to be reserved for relationship distress. As Lucas put it, he and his wife sensed "There's an opportunity for even more for us."So: Can you use MDMA therapy to deepen love with your wife, regardless of where you're at in terms of level of fulfillment already? Yes. Listen to hear more.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"My need to be loved by my wife was preventing her from loving me the way she wanted to love me.""She was aware of a certain graspiness from me.""What kind of life could I live if I were never afraid of being alone?""I didn't feel a sense of, 'I need to solve this right now' or 'I'm a bad person for having done this.'""Suddenly everything came into play because we'd touched on the scariest thing.""It was really meaningful to feel her move towards me.""The difference is that now it feels really good to do the work together."

Would you ever consider using a matchmaker? In a world of dating apps (and let's be real -- those are rough for a LOT of people!), not to mention a whole lotta ghosting, matchmaking is an appealing notion for many.Plus, matchmakers play a unique role in that they speak to both parties, before and after dates. They're able, therefore, to give people honest feedback about how they're coming across, and help them make adjustments.Here I chat with Anika, a matchmaker for Three Day Rule, about how we can all get more honest in dating. We also talk about how men and women differ when it comes to their must-haves and dealbreakers -- as someone who has spoken to hundreds if not thousands of people by now, that's actually quite interesting. She also shares some memorable matches she has made over the years. This is a sweet one!---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"There are women who wonder why they’re not being approached, but they don’t have an approachable aura.""Success means different things to different people.""Dating really is a numbers game … the more conversations you have, the higher chance you’re going to find someone you want to move forward with.""Some people have told me, 'I’ve gotten deeper with you than I’ve gotten with my therapist.'"---Mentioned on this episode:Anika's site: askanika.comAnika's Instagram: @nikarashaun

This episode is pulled from the podcast Ask Women, where I myself was the guest! We delve into my sex research here, in which I asked over 1,065 women about the men who were best in bed.But this isn't just about finding the clit. It's a deeper conversation about how to talk about difficult subjects. Why is hard to talk about what we actually like or want in sex? Why is it so hard for a woman to tell a man that something isn't working sexually? It's actually the same reason it's hard to tell a colleague that something they do bothers you.If you want a woman to open to you sexually, and make sex great for her (whether you're dating someone or in a committed relationship), it's helpful to know how to set things up. Among other things, you want to know how ask the right questions in the right way. And it's always helpful to hear from women themselves about what they crave, what delights them, what turns them on, and what works for their specific body. Learning to be skillful in asking is part of becoming the unstoppable, sexually empowered divine masculine.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"I was like ... what?!""Sex is important to human beings.""I almost feel like telling a man the sex isn't good is a mortal sin.""He played me like a fine instrument."

Polarity can help you have a hot sex & dating life, not to mention a stronger love relationship overall. And like many things in life, it's not a perfect concept; there are issues with it."In what ways have you found polarity to be useful in your sex and relationship life? In what ways have you found it to be off or problematic?"I posed these questions to our clients in an effort to help shine a light on the problems with polarity. I believe polarity can be hugely helpful in understanding sexual attraction and heat, as well as trust and fulfillment, in both short- and long-term relationships. I also believe it can help us understand ourselves better as human beings in our own rights, not just in interpersonal dynamics.Becoming skillful with polarity is a valuable goal, and including its flaws in the conversation is important. Here we delve into what we see as the top three problems with polarity, and how to use it as a force of good in sex, dating, and relationships.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"Alpha is often observing and omega is being observed.""Things can be in opposition without being in conflict.""Polarity is not an excuse for abusive behavior."---Other helpful episodes on polarity:181: What exactly is polarity? We break it down. (ft. Violet Lange)103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- unless you do this

As a woman, I sometimes feel like saying to all the Nice Guys out there: We need you!We need you on the court, in the game, on the field of Life. We need you not just as romantic partners (though we do desperately want you there), but as fathers, as colleagues, as teammates.And we need you to be in your power. We need you to be able to speak up for yourself, to tell use the truth (even if it's uncomfortable), to come towards us sexually, to set healthy boundaries. We need your full self.If you identify as a Nice Guy, it's likely that you're working on stepping into your power. And we want to support you in that. Here, we don't just talk about what it means to step into your power, but share success stories of men we've worked with who've gone from feeling disempowered/unable to take up space ... to asserting themselves in healthy and deeply satisfying ways.Memorable quotes from this episode:"When I’ve been out of my power, it’s when I’ve lost connection to myself.""It was easier to just let her control everything, and not assert much agency, let alone power. This worked for a while, but eventually blew up in my face.""I’m happy to interrupt people now (in a way I did not used to).""I often used to fall into others people’s desires or wants.""In relationship it’s, 'Here’s my truth, what’s your truth, and then how can we empower each other?'"---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)Other episodes related to this one:Episode 239: Realized I’m a "Nice Guy." Now what do I do about it?Episode 6: From "Nice Guy" to Confident With Women & Married to a Goddess

Here's a pattern we've noticed in a lot of the men we work with:They've never gone after the women they really wanted. As one man put it, "A lot of times the girls that I’ve attracted have come to me … and haven't been the most stable."For some men, these dating relationships have even turned into marriages -- without the man necessarily wanting things to go that way. He has felt swept along by the current, often going along with what she wants rather than deeply considering his own wants and needs.If a lot of the sexual or romantic relationships you've been in have been because a woman approached you, rather than you taking the lead, you might fall into this category. Or if you've been too intimidated or scared to pursue women you find really attractive, this could be you. (We also cover super-crushes here, which you may relate to.)Fortunately there are things you can do to interrupt the pattern, and stand up for what you truly want. We've worked with countless clients who've learned how to stop being passive and become active agents in their own sex, dating, and relationship lives -- and it has absolutely changed the game.Remember: It’s always possible to heal trauma, grow as a person, build community, and enjoy a thriving love and sex life. Listen on to hear more!---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"I was getting hung up on partners that weren't really interested or available.""There was this other thing going on is that the women that liked me, I didn't want. So I felt stuck.""It turns out, it was me!""The hidden thing was that having a supercrush was very safe.""I never actually had to confront my edges of intimacy."

It's a solo episode! I pulled together some questions from clients or listeners, and go into depth on them.Remember that you can always send me your question or questions -- just email me at [email protected]. Everything is on the table, from sex and dating to relationships and repair. I want to hear from you!Here are the questions I answer on this episode:How do I rebuild trust with a partner after a rupture, or a lack of leading over time?How do I date someone in the same friend group without it getting weird?I went on a date with a woman and it went pretty well, but we didn't kiss at the end. I got the sense (especially in thinking back) that she wanted me to kiss her when we were outside waiting for her ride. It's tough because it's so hard to know what the right thing to do is. How do I know when it's time to kiss her on a date??---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men episode 238: How do I approach a woman at the gym? How do I approach a woman at work?

Does it feel exiting for your woman to be fully open with you, feel deeply cherished, and want to f*** your brains out?Then you’re going to want to listen to this one. You’re likely familiar with polarity — that sacred dance between alpha & omega. It’s a potent force that shows up in dating, sex, love relationships, and beyond (and helps explain the mystery of attraction).But polarity also includes the 3 stages of relating. As we mature in relationships, we can graduate from stage 1 (we’re in rigidly-defined roles), to stage 2 (we talk through everything), to stage 3 — the topic of this episode. Stage 3 relationships are cutting-edge. They go beyond societal norms. Stage 3 is exciting, pioneering, and embodied. And in Jason’s words, “it tends to *wake us up* as men.” This kind of relating makes things sexy in relationship, and it also makes things deeply safe — if you know how to work it. The truth is, most omega partners deeply yearn to be fully, truly expressed, and in stage 3, that's the name of the game. In Jason's words, “Through your direction, you can invite expression.”If you want to lead your woman in ways you’ve never even considered — if you want to provide a space within which she can both deeply relax and feel even more of her heart, and even soul, listen on.Note: Credit to David Deida’s work on polarity and the stages of relationships. Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“I used to try to explain why what she was feeling was wrong.”“I had so much resistance to the Hot Mess archetype because I was punished by my parents for being that.”“In stage 2 it’s about wanting it to end — I want to release and get us back to peace. But in stage 3, it’s like, ‘Bring it all. Let’s ride this wave.’”“Tell me that again, but like a hippo.”“Once we welcome the expression of energy fully, it often resolves itself … you don’t have to do nearly as much as you think.”

If you want a thriving sex and relationship life, you'll benefit from knowing about polarity. Polarity, shorthand for the healthy dance between omega energy (aka feminine) and alpha energy (aka masculine), is both life-affirming and hot, whether it's in the context of dating or a long-term relationship.In man/woman relationships, when a man embodies alpha and a woman embodies omega a good amount of the time (not all the time, but in certain key moments), the result is a thriving sex life.But the opposite is also true -- when a woman is more in her alpha energy and a man is more in his omega, you can get "reverse polarity." This can, among other things, damage your sex life as a couple.We see this a lot in our work, and explore the concept in more depth here. It may be a bit confronting to hear about the pattern in such detail, and it's important to keep in mind that nothing is fixed. Human beings, including couple and those in love relationships, can always grow.Even if you're experiencing reverse polarity, you can both grow in different ways and generate polarity again. We can always expand our consciousness and capacity -- it just takes some work and sometimes some skilled guidance to get there. The good news? Figuring this out can lead to the most satisfying sex and connection of your life.Note: The concept of polarity comes in part from David Deida's work, and in addition to reverse polarity, here we also delve into the concepts of first-, second-, and third-stage relationships.Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

As a client recently put it, where do you go to "scrimmage" with women? How and where do you practice relating, flirting, and connecting with the feminine? It can feel like the stakes are high once you're on an actual date (not to mention getting to sexy time and beyond).Here we talk all about that! We cover communities where relating (and practicing relating authentically) is the name of the game. We give you concrete suggestions on where to go during your week to get practice in with women, as well as what kinds of events to prioritize.This is doable. You can join communities where there's a regular partner practice, find spots where women are but someone else sets the container so you can focus on relating to her, and more. We want to support and encourage healthy relationships, and practice around dating can help. It's the new year -- LFG!Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)—Memorable quotes"Online dating can be crushing.""Structure in your life can lead to other structures.""Half my female clients meet their partners in real life.""Creating a structure in your week where there are opportunities to be around new women can be a game-changer."---Mentioned on this episode:Violet's program: Radiant LoveJaiya's community work with the erotic blueprintsLondin Angel Winters & Justin Patrick Pierce's work

When you were growing up, did you have a host of great role models when it came to how to be a good man?No, probably not. The vast majority of men with whom we work lacked solid role models for healthy masculinity, both at home and at school. This damaged their ability to succeed in dating, relationships, and sex, and led to a lot of suffering.Scott Kaltenbaugh is working to change that. He's in the school system working in the classroom as well as doing one-on-one mentorship with boys and young men. The goal is to teach them how to be "a calm but assured version of masculinity."But how do you do that? What do you teach, and how do you describe what it is to wield power? Listen for a fascinating view into an inspiring potential future for us as a culture. (Also, if you have sons or may have sons in the future, this one will be of particular interest to you.)---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)—Memorable quotes from this episode:“I was starting to see so much toxic masculinity I started to devalue my own masculinity.”“These boys don’t get shown possibilities — it’s just, ‘Don’t be these things.’”“I started to see how much harm our boys are facing.”“I can’t control what the world does to me, but I can control how I meet that.”“Emotion are tools. They’re important.”“Power is our ability to meet and shape the world around us.”“Sometimes it’s important to bond shoulder-to-shoulder; sometimes it’s important to bond face-to-face.”---Mentioned on the episodeScott's program, the Inspiring Men Project, and his own siteThis is Your Moment (program to stop rape)RAINN (Rape & Incest National Network) -- free, confidential chat-based support for anyone who has experience any form of sexual assaultSacred Sonz -- virtual and in-person support for boys and teens

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something "wrong," and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you'll likely resonate with this episode.If you're someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certain pattern in terms of the dating and relationship partners you've ended up with.In our work with men we've often seen a certain kind of polarity where men with Nice Guy tendencies attract women with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often brilliant, funny, engaging, witty, exciting to be around ... and volatile. Romantic relationships with them can be a rollercoaster with precipitous highs and lows.Fortunately, we've also seen countless men overcome this pattern and grow beyond it. Here we delve into the pattern itself, reasons behind it, and what to do about it.Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)—Memorable quotes:“One of the hallmark traits of Nice Guys is overextending.”“It’s often the volatile person’s nervous system that gets centered.”“If you don’t see reality their way, you’re the enemy.”“There’s a fear that if I end this, I’m going to be alone."“At an early age, the Nice Guy had to regulate one of his parents, or the family system itself.”“Maybe me speaking up isn’t aggressive.”---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men episode 239: Just realized I'm a nice guy. Now what?Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder