The Institute for Family Governance (IFG) conference last month highlighted how extended families can stay together through wise planning and resilience. IFG describes its mission as implementing strong governance that endures, by empowering beneficiaries through inter-generational planning. The fourth annual IFG conference in New York City brought together advisors, consultants, and the families they serve. Though we attendees heard some familiar cautionary tales of what can go wrong when families fight, we heard encouraging stories too. Families can prosper with resilience in challenging times and wise planning that addresses tough questions and allows for flexibility over time. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

Understanding individual perspectives on money can help families who value their legacy to stay connected for generations. Bhaj speaks from her personal experience and her work with families to find ways to help them forge their own paths forward as they seek to preserve their family and their wealth through generations.You can learn more about her work at https://www.focusandsustain.com/ or https://www.linkedin.com/in/bhajtownsend/. You can reach Bhaj at [email protected] or 425.823.0984.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

When someone raises a concern or makes a suggestion, we can choose to react, reply, or respond. It’s worth the effort to think through whether we want to react quickly and briefly, offer a slightly more thorough reply, or an even more thoughtful and engaging response.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Change is one thing that we can count on to occur. In interpersonal conflict, changing conditions can provide an opportunity to move past an impasse or stalemate. Priorities, people, outside conditions, and factual information can all change – and the chance to revisit the impasse opens up.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Jürgen Strauss, of Innovabiz and the Innovabuzz podcast, offers experienced-based insights on innovation and cross-cultural communication. Jürgen’s work in the corporate world included managing teams across different cultures and countries in Asia and Australia. That experience and his ongoing interest innovation enrich his current work, helping small businesses to embrace transformational marketing.  You can learn more about his business (based in, but not limited to, Melbourne, Australia) at https://innovabiz.com.au/.  You can access his podcast, Innovabuzz, on the major apps or at https://innovabiz.com.au/innovabuzz/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

The inaugural year of the podcast was great; more insightful guests and helpful tips are on tap for 2020! Join the global audience and enjoy.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

The concept of Christianity’s Golden Rule can be found in major religions around the world. Treating others as we wish to be treated is a universal principle in world religions and considered by some to be an ethical bedrock. In the context of interpersonal conflict, it’s important to remember that the idea is about how we behave in relationship to one another. It’s not that everyone agrees with us or that we convince everyone to see things our way. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.  

A proverb about family wealth proclaims that it won’t last over the generations. The U.S. version is “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations”. Other countries use other language, but the idea is universal and of long-standing: a family can build wealth but will not be able preserve it over generations. This possibility – some claim it’s a near guarantee – causes stress and conflict over measures to try to prevent it, as well as stress and conflict if it does occur. Additionally, thought leaders in the field are now expressing their own conflicting view of the way the concept has been often used. I agree with them that building on the positives that a family has and can create is preferable to using this well-known adage to try to frighten families into action.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. 

Arielle Nóbile of Legacy Connections Films talks about how families can become closer by preserving family stories. We discussed how family films can bring families together, through the process of making them, viewing them, and having them preserved for the future. In some instances, families can heal a rift and move past a conflict that has plagued an earlier generation. You can learn more about Arielle’s work with families at  http://legacyconnectionsfilms.com/. To learn more about her work in the public documentary arena visit: https://www.belongingintheusa.com/. As you might expect, but websites include videos that give viewers a taste of Arielle’s work.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

At times, we can handle conflict better when we let some things go.  The release of the movie Frozen 2 has brought to life the song from the original Frozen, “Let it Go”. In situations of potential, active, or even past conflict, we can sometimes serve ourselves and the relationship we care about if we just Let it Go. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. 

We benefit when we give thanks for the good intentions behind others' conduct, even if we don't always appreciate the conduct itself.When we don’t like the conduct, we may assign a negative motivation to it, when in fact good intentions are the source. We may be able to avoid damaging conflict if we can try to focus on the positive intention. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Phyllis Weiss Haserot champions the power of cross-generational conversation and collaboration. Phyllis focuses on addressing knowledge transfer, succession planning, and attracting and retaining clients and employees of different generations. In our conversation, she provides some tips and ideas, and explains the terms “GENgagment ™” and “collaborageism”. You can learn more about Phyllis and access free offers at https://www.youcantgoogleit.com and http://www.pdcounsel.com. She welcomes feedback at [email protected]  on the challenge she laid out at end of our conversation.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. 

We can easily think that our preferred way is superior. That’s not necessarily so and we can avoid negative conflict when we keep that in mind. Our own preferred way, the familiar way, the easy way, the default isn’t always better. Keeping that in mind can help us see conflict as good, not necessarily bad.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. 

When our role is to welcome a person, and not to select, we would do well to remember that. It can be hard to keep our opinions to ourselves about the choices, especially personal ones, that someone else makes. Yet we can avoid unnecessary, and often futile, negative conflict when we do. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. 

The so-called soft issues are the human ones –those that can keep caring family members awake at night. When advisors to wealthy families focus only on the “hard” issues – investment returns, tax strategies, and other purely financial concerns – they may fall short on client service. Susan discusses a more comprehensive approach to addressing issues that truly matter to these families. Susan mentions a “single family office”. According to Investopedia: “Family offices are private wealth management advisory firms that serve ultra-high-net-worth (UHNW) investors. They are different from traditional wealth management shops in that they offer a total outsourced solution to managing the financial and investment side of an affluent individual or family.”  Susan also refers to a “liquidity event”; here it means the sale of a business, in which the value represented by the business assets now becomes “liquid” and can be invested in other types of assets.You can reach Susan through her consulting practice website, https://wlallc.com/, or her public speaking website, https://www.susanschoenfeld.com/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. 

In October 2018, I started to learn how to produce and host a podcast, and the Crafting Solutions to Conflict launchpad was built. My original idea evolved to one that would allow me to share some of the useful tips I have learned over the years, the insights of interesting guests, and a few observations on topics about conflict. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Every year, The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) celebrates Conflict Resolution Day. This year it’s on October 17th. ACR is an international, professional organization enhancing the practice and public understanding of conflict resolution. Members include mediators, arbitrators, educators and other conflict resolution practitioners. ACR’s Vision:  All people know their choices for conflict resolution.  ACR’s Mission: ACR gives voice to the choices for quality conflict resolution.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Through his two businesses, Jamie Forbes brings empathy and trust to the forefront of his work, encouraging communication and healing.  We spoke mostly about his work with Forbes Legacy Advisors, Jamie helps families align values and priorities with how they use their money. https://forbeslegacyadvisors.com/   Through Hadley Rock Advisors, Jamie helps schools and survivors navigate the challenges that come with sexual misconduct investigations. https://hadleyrock.com/You can reach Jamie at [email protected] or [email protected] you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

We tend to hesitate to address conflict, but there are important advantages to taking the plunge. If we care about the relationship, we don’t want negative conflict to start, to escalate, or to continue. We really can’t do much to get the other person to make the first move, but we can control our own behavior. And, who knows, maybe you will find you are fascinated by conflict, as I am. If so, we should connect – there aren’t many of us!Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. 

Making a commitment to address a conflict together is an important, and often overlooked, step in a conflict resolution process. A commitment to work together reduces the stress of the conflict, establishes some common ground and a first agreement, provides some momentum when the going gets tough, and demonstrates that you value the relationship.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.       

Scott Perry is the person behind the Creative on Purpose community, newsletter, blog, broadcast, and coaching program. Scott captures the flavor of his work succinctly. The Creative on Purpose Vision & Mission: Vision - Creative on Purpose makes things better by helping aspiring and advancing difference-makers enhance their lives through endeavors that elevate the lives of others. Mission - Creative on Purpose encourages and enables those ready to lean in and contribute to making things better through work that matters.You can learn more and reach Scott through the Creative on Purpose website: https://www.becreativeonpurpose.comDo you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. 

A few simple ideas can help minimize the risk of conflict over an estate: get professional help, avoid misleading your loved ones, and use common sense. Last time, I talked about some of the late Aretha Franklin’s estate planning blunders. All of us can benefit from working with a competent lawyer. If we feel we can’t bring ourselves to inform loved ones about our estate plan, we can at least avoid misleading them. And – as in all things – we can use common sense and follow the applicable rules. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Even the best estate planning doesn’t guarantee prevention of all conflict over an estate. But some actions and inactions can significantly increase the risk that conflict will break out. Aretha Franklin was an outstanding musician and a lousy estate planner. She nearly guaranteed that her family would fight over her estate by refusing to work with attorneys to create a plan, allowing her loved ones to believe that she had left no will, and creating three wills of questionable validity that were discovered after her death. Next time, a few thoughts on better options, for celebrities and those who are less famous. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Carolyn Wilkes Kaas, Esq., Co-director, Quinnipiac University School of Law Center on Dispute Resolution, discusses the Center’s comprehensive and creative perspective on dispute resolution. Carrie is also Associate Professor of Law and recently became Associate Dean of Experiential Education, a reflection of the Law School’s commitment to that teaching philosophy. The Center’s innovative approach to law is clear from its mission and vision statements. Mission: “To partner with diverse communities in developing creative and compassionate approaches to resolving conflict”. Vision: “Re-imagining law as a healing profession”. Learn more about the Center’s role in the School of Law, trainings open to the public, and the QU-Yale Dispute Resolution Speaker Series here: https://www.qulawdisputeresolution.org/. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

As William Ury has phrased it: “Try to expand the pie before you divvy it up.” When a potentially damaging conflict is about dividing resources, think creatively about how big the pie can be. Getting to Yes, a bedrock book in the world of conflict resolution, was published by Roger Fisher and William Ury in 1981. It is filled with ideas and suggestions related to finding effective ways to reach agreements. One concept set out there is the idea that the “pie” we first envision might become bigger, to everyone’s benefit. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/

Although we value speed in many contexts, hitting the pause button can serve us well in managing conflict. We can benefit from taking a breather in an ongoing attempt to address a conflict, from thinking deliberately about when to raise a difficult issue, and when stopping for a moment before spewing a snarky comment or reacting instinctively to a statement that pushes our own hot button. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Steve Legler, family legacy advisor, shares his insights as a facilitator, mediator, and coach. Steve is based in Montreal. He has a personal perspective on family enterprise transitions and a commitment to education to help him serve families effectively. You can learn more about Steve, his books, and his blog at his website: https://shiftyourfamilybusiness.com/about/ Steve is on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/steve-legler-259065a/. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

: Embracing collaboration, creativity, and compassion allows us to handle conflict more effectively. The Purposeful Planning Institute (PPI) held its annual Rendezvous in Denver, Colorado last week. In a keynote address, founder John A. Warnick spoke of the value of Collaboration, Creativity, and Compassion as cornerstones of the work that PPI members do. Those three ideas can also be effective tools, taken together, for addressing conflict effectively. You can learn more about PPI at www.purposefulplanninginstitute.com. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Publishing my 30th episode is a marker and a cause for celebration. I started to learn to host and produce a podcast in fall, 2018. The Podcasting Fellowship was a great experience. I published a trailer in December, 2018 and then began publishing weekly in January, 2019. It’s a blast. Podcaster Joanna Penn has been at it for 10 years. I heard her anniversary episode in March, in which she spoke of the 30th published episode as an indicator that a podcaster is committed. The idea stuck with me. And here we are: episode 30!

Andrew Karlen, Esq., provides counsel to serve the legal and human needs of his client business owners. Business owners should be clear about their ultimate business goals as early as possible, and put those goals in writing. They should plan for a business exit that allows them to achieve their financial, family, and community goals – recognizing that the implementation of the plans they make with a collaborative team of advisors will likely take much more time than the planning itself will. Andy recommended the book Finish Big, by Bo Burlingham. You can reach Andy at [email protected] or his cell, 914.629.7678. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Bad conflict (the damaging, anything-but-creative kind) happens. Knee-jerk reactions don’t help. When enmeshed in a bad conflict, it can be tempting to hunt for someone to blame. That’s not always useful. Think about what may have caused the problem (objective causes? subjective causes?) and then carefully consider your next steps.

Declarations in interpersonal relationships, such as ultimatums, can do unexpected lasting damage. Ultimatums, threats, and lines in the sand are hard to walk back, can cause a loss of face, and can lead to stalemate. It’s smart to think through the risks and rewards or the costs and benefits of declarations – before issuing them. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Dr. Vanessa Avery shares insights on religious diversity training, conflict in religion, and her role as Consulting Director to the Sharing Sacred Spaces Initiative (SSSI). Vanessa shares her academic and professional path, including her interest in René Girard, the late French historian, literary critic, philosopher of social science, and author of Violence and the Sacred. Her work with SSSI has a tangible effect on those who participate in the program. Vanessa’s other work, including religious diversity training and consulting, is both practical and inspiring. You can reach Vanessa Avery by phone at 203.500.0166 or by email at [email protected]. Her website is https://vanessaavery.wordpress.com/ You can learn more about Sharing Sacred Spaces here: https://sacredspace.world/sss-initiative. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Approaching conflict with authenticity may seem difficult. Even if it is, it’s usually worth it. Perhaps the biggest advantage of authenticity is avoiding its opposite. And that’s because fake frequently fails. People usually know when the other person is not being genuine and resent it, even more than the genuine disagreement. Being authentic allows everyone involved to engage and move forward.

The phrase “yes, and” sends a different message from “yes, but”. “Yes, and” can lead to further discussion instead of rejection. The “yes, and” phrase comes from theater improvisation, where a statement is affirmed (yes) and then built upon (and). The same concept can apply in discussions about ideas and suggestions: instead of rejecting them with a list of their shortcomings (“yes, but”), acknowledge the ideas and work together on them. It’s the best kind of conflict: ideas that clash -- and also invite collaboration and creativity.

Rogério Faé Rodrigues, currently a visiting scholar in the U.S., talks about helping enterprising families, in the U.S. and in his native Brazil. Rogério describes his work, as one of the founders of Une Consultoria, as a being a facilitator as much as a consultant: helping families to decide and implement what is best for that family. He noted that “there is no way of doing succession by imposition” (a valuable insight on avoiding damaging conflict). He also named dialogue as “the most valuable tool for my work” (always good for both preventing conflict and resolving conflict.) Rogério recommended “The Power of Openness and Trust: How to Increase the Impact of Your Management Team” by Lars Clemedson. You can reach Rogério at [email protected]. His company website (which translates to English very well) is https://unesucessao.com.br/.

Managing conflicting memories of a past event can be essential to preventing and undoing damage in interpersonal conflicts. At times, it’s possible to have a civil conversation about those conflicting memories. In other cases, it’s best to agree to disagree and move on. Managing the potential damage to the valued relationship is the key. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Cookie cutters are great for making cookies: quick, easy, and uniform. Not so great for interpersonal conflicts. Cookie dough responds well to cookie cutters when all the conditions are consistent – that’s the idea! Humans aren’t consistent; we’re human. So, human interactions don’t respond well to a cookie cutter approach to conflict resolution. A solution crafted to address a particular conflict and, perhaps even better, a careful look at conflict management will serve humans more effectively.

Louise Duncan, Managing Director of TetraMap International, in Auckland, NZ, described the framework’s key concept that “Strength lies in valuing differences”. Facilitators use a process that allows individuals to discover their own elemental preferences in the world of nature: earth, air, water, and fire. Louise recommended: “The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth” by Amy C. Edmonson. Learn more and contact Louise through https://www.tetramap.com/ or https://www.linkedin.com/in/louiseduncan/. Louise hosts the podcast In Your Element, available for free wherever you listen to podcasts and on the TetraMap website.

The tragic fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris demonstrated the value of having a plan and testing it as a way to reduce conflict and mitigate damage. The Fire Department devoted more than one hundred firefighters to rescuing artifacts in the cathedral. The plan identified key people and priorities. And it had been practice, on site, twice last year. These steps were essential in minimizing the impact of the fire.

The tragic fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris highlighted some positive lessons to reduce conflict and mitigate damage. Control what you can. Adopt the good, though not perfect, solution. Start the process of improving a proposed plan, with a goal and a timeframe.

From life in an intentional community with his young family to his current passion as a patient-caregiver activist, Danny van Leeuwen, aka Health Hats, has had an appreciation for governance. Good governance can greatly reduce the likelihood of damaging conflict, and allow solutions to conflict to be crafted when needed. Danny has understood the importance of rules for a community to follow and the need to have a fair process to create -- and, when appropriate, to change -- those rules from the time he was living in an intentional community with his young family. Danny and his wife acted as champions of the process, keeping the group focused on continuing and completing the enactment of by-laws. His adult sons now live some of the lessons they learned as children, holding regular family meetings with their own families. In his life and work in the health care arena today, Danny has an appreciation for the power of governance, or decision-making, especially with regard to who has a seat at the decision-making table. You can reach Danny through his website: https://www.health-hats.com/. It has a wealth of resources.

Finding a way to broach the subject of an ongoing simmering conflict can be difficult; creating a catalyst can help. If there is a time-limited opportunity to address the conflict, or a deadline imposed from the outside, it might be fairly easy. Otherwise, how do we get past an implicit or explicit “why now”? It may work to use a specific date like Reconciliation Day (see the April 2 bonus episode), to mention an article, video or podcast on conflict, or to refer to others who have faced the same situation.

Denial can be an easy approach to conflict, but not a very good one. Pretending that there is no conflict or that an admitted conflict has no negative impact is rarely effective. Recognizing that a conflict exists and that it is doing real damage is important. You can then determine what the conflict is costing you – the first step in deciding if you want to address the conflict and attempt to resolve it.

Bruce Hammer, based on years of experience as a psychologist, therapist, leadership and organizational consultant, offers more insights on effective interpersonal communication. Today’s episode is part two of my conversation with Bruce. Don’t miss part one, which is the regularly scheduled episode just before this one. (There’s a bonus episode in between because that covers a time-sensitive topic.) Bruce and I had been talking about how we tend to speak in groups, when we have the floor (or the talking stick). We pick up the conversation there and move on to the importance of recognizing that different perspectives are inevitable and will affect how we view – at least initially – our conversations with others. Bruce also noted the value of setting “rules of engagement”: expectations of how communication and conflict will be addressed. The setting of expectations, especially in family businesses where different spheres of life intersect, can reduce the likelihood that conflict becomes destructive instead of creative.

Advice columnist Ann Landers declared April 2 as Reconciliation Day for family and friends. Thirty years ago, a reader wrote in to the syndicated columnist and suggested that a day be set aside for family and friends to extend – and to accept – the olive branch of reconciliation on a day named Reconciliation Day. Three years later, Ann Landers declared it an annual tradition. In some countries, Reconciliation Day is a national holiday relating to the nation’s history. In this case, it’s a more interpersonal context of conflict. These reconciliations can and do happen! And sometimes it helps to have some nudge outside the conflict to get things started. Reconciliation Day, April 2, can be just that nudge.

Bruce Hammer, based on years of experience as a psychologist, therapist, leadership and organizational consultant, explores communication mindset and a number of factors that can help us communicate more effectively. This episode is part one of my conversation with Bruce. There was so much good – as in practical and positive – information that I decided to deliver it in easy-to-digest bites. In part one, Bruce talks about some specific ideas about communication, including the importance of ensuring that the message you intend to send is the one received, as well as ideas about how to do that, including considering, thoughtfully, the particular person we want to understand our message. We also talked about the concept of the talking stick, literally, figuratively, and in video communications, and how useful it can be to the speaker, the listeners, and the group as a whole. All of these ideas are useful in preventing damaging conflict. You can reach Bruce at http://www.hammerassociatesllc.com / or 516.776.0236.

The Good Friday agreement, signed on Good Friday in 1998, brought an end to The Troubles – violence that had plagued Ireland for thirty years. A very powerful and positive illustration of conflict resolution! Former US Senator George Mitchell played an essential role in bringing the parties together to reach agreement. His comments about conflict are inspirational: "I believe there's no such thing as a conflict that can’t be ended. They’re created and sustained by human beings. They can be ended by human beings. No matter how ancient the conflict, no matter how hateful, no matter how hurtful, peace can prevail.”