Do you find yourself in a never-ending chase for the next achievement, the next form of external validation? Well, despite how rampant this chase runs through high achievers, it leads you down a road that only ends in exhaustion, disappointment, and even depression.  Worst part?  No matter how much “success” you accumulate, it will never provide the deep sense of fulfillment your soul is yearning for.  That’s the bad news.  The good news?  While redefining success is one of the most difficult things you can go through (especially after you’ve achieved so much external and societal success), not only is it possible, but it’s the most rewarding thing you can do.  And in this episode, I outline the 3 steps you need to take to redefine success, so you can self-actualize and become a much more fulfilled version of yourself.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The “halfway up the pyramid” problem that robs high achievers from the most fulfilling parts of their lives (2:37)  How to stop relying on external markers for your self-worth with the “wealth from within” secret (3:29)  The “Two C’s” trap high achievers fall into that creates a recipe for suffering (4:03)  2 difficult questions you must ask yourself—and answer—to achieve a level of self-actualization that transcends material and external success (6:08)  The weird reason why traumatic experiences are an opportunity to discover your purpose in disguise (8:12)  How thinking more like a toddler can reconnect you to your true self and true purpose (21:42)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

We’re taught from a young age that success is the best path to a fulfilling and satisfying life. So achievers dedicate themselves to achieving, thinking it will bring success.  The problem is, success is not the same thing as fulfillment. And often, the more successful you become, the emptier you feel inside. As your relationships crumble, your self-doubt, loneliness, and existential fear consume you.  Worst part?  Success only further magnifies these feelings. You could have all the material success in the world, but you’ll still feel hollow inside.  In today’s episode, you’ll discover the hidden emotional toll of success, how to face buried feelings before they sabotage everything you love, and how to be both successful and fulfilled.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The weird way becoming more successful makes you feel emptier inside (and the only true way to find fulfillment) (1:51) The vicious cycle of society that traps you in a never-ending loop of achievement at the expense of true fulfillment, connection, and happiness (4:55)  How success hides your deepest emotional issues until they explode to the surface (6:06)  The hidden emotional toll of success that makes life harder with each achievement instead of easier (9:32)  Why suppressing emotions creates a “pressure cooker effect” that results in a midlife crisis (17:10)  How avoiding your emotions steals your power over them and makes you do their bidding (20:06)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Most achievers who want more from life—whether in their relationships, career, or fulfillment—turn to best-selling self-help books. But most of the “wisdom” in these bestsellers doesn’t stand the test of time—at least not when compared to ancient texts that have helped people for thousands of years.  One such ancient book that offers a treasure trove of wisdom is called the Zhuangzi, an early Daoist text. And while it’s more than 2,000 years old… the wisdom contained inside this text is timeless. In fact, it’s even more useful in modern life than it was in ancient times.  In this episode, we're diving into wisdom that could completely reshape your life coming from a source that most achievers have never even heard of. It's ancient, it's profound, and it might just unlock what you've been searching for in love, career, and your inner life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why this under-the-radar, ancient text can solve your modern day relationships problems better than any best-selling self-help book (0:31) What if you didn’t have to struggle, stress, or endlessly prove yourself? Here’s a liberating mindset that can get rid of these pressures (3:58)  The “Wu Wei” secret for becoming more authentic and aligned in your relationship instead of always at tension’s mercy (8:42)  How to become more successful than you ever imagined by letting go of your expectations and the constant grind for success (13:01)  Do you feel trapped in your own identity? Here’s why a butterfly can set you free from this perspective and give you a healthier one (16:55)  How to permanently eliminate your neediness (both in your relationships and career) (24:45)  This ancient Chinese technique helps you “fast” your mind (and free yourself from worries, pressures, and emotions that aren’t serving you) (27:23)  The Bruce Lee method for becoming wildly successful in your personal and professional life by acting like a toddler (30:14)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Your earliest relationships when you were a child can significantly impact your relationships as an adult.  How?  Well, when you’re young, you develop one of four attachment styles that can make or break your relationships today. The problem is, only one of these attachment styles set you up for a long, thriving relationship. While the other three are the culprits behind why you’ve sabotaged past relationships.  That’s the bad news.  The good news? It’s possible to break free from a self-destructive attachment style and instead learn the skills and mindsets to develop a secure attachment style. And that’s exactly what we cover in today’s show.  In this episode, you’ll discover the 4 attachment styles, how they show up and impact relationships, and how to grow out of an insecure attachment style into a secure one.  The end result?  Not only will you have more luck with building a healthy, thriving relationship, but you’ll also grow in every other area of your life too.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to break free from your relationship-sabotaging attachment style (even if it’s wrecked every relationship you’ve been in) (0:34)  The weirdest, yet most proven way to grow in your career, land a promotion, and bring home a bigger paycheck (2:12)  How your parents’ programming suffocates your relationships today (and how to stop letting your childhood programming control your adult life) (3:53)  4 types of attachment styles, how to figure out which style best suits you, and how each one shows up in relationships (4:14)  The “survival strategy” mindset shift for understanding and healing past traumas that keep you stuck today (11:24)  How the “name it” method builds emotional awareness, improves your emotional regulation, and helps you avoid explosive fights (17:46)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Do you find yourself hopping from one toxic relationship to the next? If so, here’s a tough pill to swallow: You’re the common denominator—especially if you think you’ve just gotten unlucky in relationships.  But here’s the truth…  Until you take full responsibility for your own actions and behaviors, no matter how big or small, you’ll keep repeating the same toxic patterns.  But there is a solution (as long as you’re willing to get uncomfortable and take responsibility for the role you’ve played in sabotaging your relationships).  It won’t be easy, but it will help you finally break free from the cycle of toxic relationships—for good.  In today’s show, you’ll discover why blaming your partner is a double edged sword, how you push your own unresolved issues onto your partner, and most importantly, how to take responsibility for your role in toxic relationships, so you break out of the toxic cycle.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The brutal truth about why you’re constantly finding yourself in toxic relationships (0:30)  How to free yourself from toxic relationships by following the difficult, yet wildly effective “RR Method” (0:43)  Do you find your partner being too flirty with others out of nowhere? Here’s why your deep-seated insecurity could be the reason… (3:56) The insidious “Drama Triangle” that plays out in unhealthy relationships (without either person realizing they’re making their relationship toxic) (4:56)   How to take responsibility for relationship conflicts and turmoil (even if you’re not the one to “blame”) (8:46)  Asking yourself this question when you feel a rush of anger, jealousy, or fear in your relationship empowers you to break free from the toxic cycle that follows you to every relationship (15:25)  Why a victim mentality prevents you from building a healthy, long-term relationship (and how to ditch your victim mentality for good) (17:09)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Nothing is more destructive than a toxic relationship. It’s more dangerous than a bad diet, a lack of exercise, and even smoking. Energy-sapping relationships don’t just mess with your mental health, they also shorten your life.  But how do you build a thriving, long-term relationship that grows stronger each year, instead of one that devolves into resentment, or worse, passionless?  Well, that’s what I reveal in today’s episode.  You’ll discover the 5 key relationship skills you need to master to build a relationship that doesn’t just survive, but thrives—despite the obstacles you and your partner will encounter.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: This is the ONLY way to prevent your relationship from self-destructing in a blaze of fights, resentment, and bitterness (or slowly devolving into a passionless, lifeless partnership) (0:56)  Why getting triggered at innocent, passing comments by your partner can be a good thing for your relationship if you do this after (2:06)  How relying on your significant other to fix how you feel slowly poisons your relationship down to the roots (3:00)  Try this simple “I, not you” technique when discussing your emotions with your partner to avoid unnecessary conflict (4:29)  How to bounce back after an emotional rupture in a way that actually strengthens your relationship (9:44)  This mindset is one of the best predictors of a successful, long-term relationship and one that ends in misery (12:38)  The “time out” secret for de-escalating a conflict that’s heating up too rapidly (17:32)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

The longest running study in history has proven, with 80+ years of data to back it up, that your relationships are the single most important factor for your longevity, happiness, and even your career.  Here’s the problem:  The reverse is also true. In fact, being in a bad marriage can shave off 12 literal years of your life. To make matters worse, most people never think that their relationships alter their health, longevity, or success.  In today’s show, you’ll discover how exactly a bad marriage shaves off years of your life, how a strong marriage doesn’t just increase your lifespan, but your success too, and why your relationships are more important than your bank account, your job title, and your VO2 max. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why achieving (and surpassing) your fitness and financial goals won’t keep you happy, fulfilled, or even alive (only THIS will…) (0:58)  3 ways a toxic relationship shaves off actual years of your life (2:04)  How the “slow drain” trap men often find themselves in erases 12 years from your life (7:24)  The weird way a strong marriage supercharges your career growth and wealth (11:03)  The rarely-talked about #1 most powerful asset for achieving lasting success (13:26)  How to get the health and success benefits of marriage even if you’re single (15:36)  This is the most important predictor of your health, happiness, and fulfillment—proven by 80+ years of data (20:20)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Therapy is one of the best ways to better understand yourself, your emotions, and your past. Especially with how they impact your present.  Until it’s not.  Staying in therapy for too long can turn into an endless loop of processing feelings without ever moving forward. It makes you feel stuck in a victim mindset, haunted by your past, instead of actively working to change your present and future.  In today’s show, you’ll discover what to do next after therapy to best move forward, unlock personal growth, and create the life you want to live.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: 4 massive limitations of therapy that can actually make it take longer to grow from your past (0:44) The insidious “Therapy Trap” many who go to therapy fall into that keeps you stuck in place (and what to do after therapy to make real change) (3:19) 3 reasons why leadership coaching leads to more growth and confidence than therapy ever could (5:48)  Asking yourself this simple question when you feel stuck instantly frees you from this feeling (10:57)  How taking full responsibility of your past empowers you to change your present and future (even if everything wasn’t solely your fault) (19:27)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Your decision-making process is the single most critical skill you’ll ever need. Figure out how to make good decisions that align with your values, and your life will become immeasurably better. Neglect this skill and your life can turn into a nightmare faster than a speeding bullet. So, how can you improve your decisions and, as a result, your life? Despite what most people think, you can’t make better decisions by improving your logic or reasoning skills. Instead, you have to hone something most people neglect in the decision-making process: Emotions.  In today’s show, you’ll discover why your emotions are the key to better decisions and how to better control your emotions.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How emotions you avoid “hijack” your decision-making process and can sabotage your life (1:59)  Why experiencing your emotions, not avoiding them, makes them powerless over you (2:51)  The “8 C’s” method for making sounder decisions that lead to a happier life (6:31)  How to tweak your inner dialogue to make even the scariest of emotions less daunting (8:17)   The “Name It” secret that prevents fear from dominating your decision-making process (16:18)  How to leverage “Emotional Momentum” to motivate yourself in an instant (this is especially helpful when life gets tough) (22:02)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There is a massive, misery-inducing downside of success: While achievements are great, they aren’t enough to make life meaningful. But most achievers have been tricked into believing the exact opposite. And the more they achieve their wildest goals, the more empty they feel inside.  If you keep grinding without reflecting on why you’re so miserable, you may find yourself ready to call it quits with life—even if you have external success that makes others jealous. In fact, I found myself in this exact situation: I achieved every goal I had as a teenager… but ended up on a ledge on the 57th floor on a skyscraper ready to jump.  Why?  Because achievements alone don’t make life meaningful and conquering more goals without addressing your emotions will only make you more miserable. But don’t worry - there’s a way out of this vicious cycle.  In today’s episode, I reveal how you can break out of this achievement trap, why your personal happiness improves your productivity and creativity, and how to stop seeking success for success’s sake.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The weird way groundbreaking achievements lead to “rock bottom misery” if you have this common flaw (1:21)  A Nobel Prize-winning philosopher’s warning about how prioritizing your career torments your soul (3:48)  An unusual way to improve your resilience, creativity, and better handle stress that most achievers never consider (5:27)  How seeing your close friends on a regular basis can add 12 years to your life (8:25)  Why dating a model and actress threw me into the deepest depressive funk I’ve ever been in—and how to avoid making this mistake in your life (19:08)  How to unlock a constant stream of peak “flow state” according to hard, scientific data (26:30)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

If you’re an achiever, whether you notice it or not, you’re on a dangerous path.  Why?  Well, most achievers fall into something I call the “Achiever’s Trap.” It’s an endless vicious cycle of achieving. Now, that might not sound dangerous at first, but a constant desire for success can only lead to burnout, isolation, depression, and even an early death.  There are other things which, believe it or not, are more important to your long-term happiness and longevity than success alone.  In today’s show, you’ll discover how the Achiever’s Trap mangles your happiness, why it can lead to an early death, and what you should focus on instead of success to live a long, healthy, and fulfilling life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The insidious “Achiever’s Trap” which keeps you unfilled and unhappy despite your success (and how to overcome it) (0:49)  This Harvard research study reveals the only way to find lasting happiness (1:34)  Why chasing success leads to burnout, loneliness, and depression (4:29)  The #1 predictor of long-term happiness and a long life (10:52)  How your relentless pursuit of success can sabotage your physical health (13:05)  The simple mindset shift that turns your feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction into fulfillment (27:21)   For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

After helping hundreds of thousands of people, from 87 different countries, find fulfillment, happiness and meaning in their personal and professional lives, I’ve decided to start a new journey to help you do the same.  Beyond Success is a brand-new show that explores the ideas that lead to lasting happiness and fulfillment—not just short-lived “success.”  If you’ve succeeded on the outside but feel like something deeper is missing, this show will pave the road for your happiness and fulfillment on the inside.  In this introductory episode, I reveal the key concepts and ideas that we’ll discuss on this podcast, explore how to invite more joy into your life, and shatter some of the biggest myths keeping you successful, yet unfulfilled.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Are you successful on the outside but feel like something deeper is missing? Here’s how to feel fulfilled and successful (1:10)  Why striving for perfection fast tracks you towards failure (and why focusing on this instead unlocks true happiness) (2:32)  Is there a way to enjoy life and achieve your goals with more ease and efficiency? Yes, and here’s how to do it (3:21)  How embracing your emotions (instead of instantly shutting them down) improves your decision-making process (3:49)  The single most dangerous word in the English language for your joy (4:19)  For more about David Tian, go here:  https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:  https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Socially awkward guys don’t get girls, that’s the cold, hard truth. But hiding your social awkwardness and anxiety isn’t the answer either. When you repress, exile, and cut out your social anxiety in order to feel good about yourself, you force it further into your subconscious. And when you cram it into the depths of your brain? It’s still active, and it’s still there sabotaging your success, but now you’re no longer aware of it.  That’s the bad news. The good news? You can leverage your social anxiety and awkwardness to meet and date women in your life. You just need to know how to tap into it. And in today's episode, David reveals a few strange and unique ways to free yourself from crippling shyness. Listen now! Show Highlights Include: The weird way shouting from the peak of a mountain you’re a nerdy comic book fan frees yourself from crippling shyness and debilitating social anxiety (1:55) How following the “normal solution” to inner conflict pollutes your subconscious with negative thoughts that sabotage your ability to have a loving relationship (2:34) Unable to find fulfillment? Here’s how to unlock the subconscious, repressed parts of your brain (and discover how to let go of the things you can’t change) (3:36) The outdated, and backward idea that “ego is the enemy” (and how to never rely on stress, anxiety, pressure, and deadlines in order to get things done ever again) (5:29) How proudly displaying your superiority complex magnetizes unconditional love, approval, and security in your self-worth (17:58) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Do you buy into the myth that success alone brings happiness and fulfillment? The techniques 95% of Americans use to strive for success, growth, and personal development guarantees they won’t be fulfilled in the long run. There is a completely different and unique way to approach success. And it’s imperative you discover this way to gain personal happiness, success, and insane amounts of growth in your life. In today’s episode, you’ll discover how to experience success and growth — while also being happy, fulfilled, and not having to wait until you succeed in order to be happy. Listen now! Show Highlights: The polar-opposite method to build a financial empire comparable to Rome (without stress, anxiety, and depression) (1:20) How your parents lied to you about the concept of self-worth (and how this lie keeps you mired in a state of loneliness and poverty) (3:26) The counter-intuitive way dreaming of “sipping pina coladas on the beach” will force you to become a desperate workaholic who never spends time with your kids (11:15) How immersing yourself in “flow capital” will scientifically unlock a never ending state of high happiness (13:28) Why you’ll chain yourself down with concrete in the Hudson River if you wake up with nothing to do on Monday (14:25) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

From a young age, attractive women become masters at sniffing out neediness. Most men don’t discover this fact about life until they’ve sabotaged their dating lives and relationships. But here’s the good news: There’s a proven system for overcoming your neediness. It won’t happen overnight, but it will free you from the sadistic grip neediness has over you.  In this episode, you’ll discover the 7 steps to obliterate your neediness for good.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: - How your fear about relationships dupes you into making relationship-ending mistakes (even if you don’t realize it) (2:40)  - The counterintuitive reason becoming wealthy skyrockets your neediness (3:04)  - Why women can see through your inauthentic attempts to get to know their personality like Swiss cheese (4:41)  - The fundamental human needs that help you exterminate your neediness (9:03)  - Why having an agenda of picking up women when you go out subconsciously repels them from you (13:27)  - The 7 experiential steps to meet your own needs and obliterate your neediness (20:30)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

In order to find a loving relationship, you need to become somebody you’re not. You need to rock a new haircut, fill your wardrobe with designer clothes, and hit the gym 24/7. You need to morph into Sean Connery’s James Bond.  Charming, handsome, seductive, and irresistible to modern women. Here’s the thing: If you’re seeking a long-term relationship, this is easily the worst advice you could ever listen to! Now, if you're optimizing your life for a short-term fling, have at it. Be the “player.” But I’m assuming you're reading this because you want a long-term relationship. And if you are, then what you need to do is unburden the already naturally attractive parts in you. In today’s episode, I reveal the 7 steps to unleashing the already naturally attractive parts within you. Listen now! Show Highlights Include: - The “BSYANA” myth that sabotages your chances of finding a loving relationship with the “one” (3:28) - How to unleash the naturally attractive parts of yourself with these 7 steps (9:03) - Why most men fail to be the man that modern women desire most (hint: it’s not being a macho man like Sean Connery’s James Bond) (16:23) - The “LASAE” strategy to be sexually attractive in the eyes of heterosexual women (21:01) - How to form deeper emotional connections with women by teleporting back to your teenage self (23:33) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

A lot of guys struggle with dating for a fundamental reason:  They don’t even know themselves well enough to attract a kindred spirit. Relationships and dating become much easier when you have similar interests and values as your partner. This is particularly true at the beginning of the dating process. And it doesn’t rely on you getting lucky on a dating app.  But how do you discover yourself and your true interests? And how does this naturally attract your ideal partner to you?  Well, here’s some good news:  This self-discovery process is fun! And after listening to this episode, you’ll not only know how to take this self-discovery journey in the most effective way, but you’ll also figure out how to “twist” this into attracting your ideal partner.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to optimize your lifestyle in a way that naturally brings potential partners into your life who are well suited to you (1:49)   5 simple exercises to figure out your favorite hobbies (even if you’ve never done them before) (5:03)  Why discovering more hobbies can naturally magnetize your ideal partner (7:07)  The “Social Aspects” secret for twisting your favorite hobby into a social activity (7:30)  How to meet suitable romantic partners without wasting time swiping left or right on dating apps (9:14)  How to build a balanced and attractive lifestyle (even if you’re naturally shy) (17:48)  An unusual way to eliminate your neediness by simply having fun (21:43)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Do you ever wish you were more alpha?  It’s a big buzzword thrown around in forums by bitter and resentful men. And if you keep striving to be more alpha, you’ll suffocate your relationships, suppress your emotions, and sabotage your happiness.  Why?  Because the pop culture view of the alpha male couldn’t be further from the truth about how real alphas operate. It’s not about being feared or dominating, it’s about leading with compassion, connection, and empathy.  If you want to be a true alpha and embody real masculinity, you have to stop striving to be an alpha. It’s counterintuitive, but effective.  In today’s show, I debunk the myth of the alpha male, explain how striving to be more alpha leads you down a destructive and isolating path, and reveal how to embody a healthier, truer version of masculinity that leads to lasting happiness and fulfillment—both in your relationships and your life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The insidious “Fake Alpha Male” trap men fall into when they frequent forums that leads you down a destructive and isolating path (0:31)  Why true alpha males are actually the most empathetic, most protective of the weak, and the ultimate peace keepers (2:26)  The root causes of wanting to be a toxic alpha male (and how addressing them leads to a happier, more fulfilled life) (6:59)   Why striving to be seen as an alpha male automatically means you’re not (and how to be ok with yourself even when you’re not admired, respected, or feared) (12:51)  How your desperation to be an alpha male suffocates your relationships, suppresses your emotions, and sabotages your happiness (17:44)  The “Aragorn” secret for embodying a healthier and truer version of masculinity (28:12)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Today I’d like you to meet Ryan. Ryan’s a first responder with a strong sense of fairness, and he loves to help people who need it.  Those are both noble qualities, so on the surface it all sounds great. But as Ryan processed the end of a marriage he tried to make sense of why some things bothered him so much, and why certain patterns kept repeating in his life. He turned to me to talk about it, and together we explored how even great qualities can cause problems when they’re driven by unresolved issues lingering beneath the surface. This episode is definitely for you if you get enraged when people offend you, or have trouble setting boundaries. You’ll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries, and practical questions to ask yourself as you work through situations that make you mad. You’ll also be reminded that you’re probably not broken, you probably don’t need fixing, but you, like everyone else, can still grow, improve, and mature. Remembering this can help you be more empathetic to yourself and others. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to know when the high standards you have for other people are justified and when they aren’t. (8:29) The surprising reality behind that rage you feel and how embracing it can help you handle unprocessed resentment. (10:33) Why an empty chair can help you patch a damaged relationship. (13:03) How to set healthy boundaries so people can’t hijack your emotions and live in your mind rent free. (19:00) The clear difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries. (19:24) The stunning reason society is better when people have the right to be jerks. And the nightmare result if that right is revoked. (21:55) The only question you need to ask to know if your anger is misplaced. (23:29) Why spitting on your father’s grave could improve relationships. (23:43) The counterintuitive way focusing on yourself makes you more empathetic. (27:56) “Savior Cycle”: What it is and how to know when to jump in and help, and when to stand down. (34:16) The Jean-Luc Picard method to process trauma. (35:49) The Quicksand Strategy to love somebody through their problems. (45:17) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Inside Out 2 gives you a brilliant in-depth look into your inner world. Just by watching the movie, you’ll better understand yourself, your emotions, and how to handle emotions better. But if you pair this movie with this podcast episode, you’ll also discover the actionable steps you can take today to balance your emotions, access your higher self, and lead the various parts of you more effectively.  The result?  You’ll become more attractive. You’ll have an easier time dating. You’ll develop healthier and stronger relationships. And you’ll create a better life for yourself all around.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why watching movies like Inside Out 2 are more effective for mastering your emotions than many books and courses (1:39)  The weird way watching Inside Out 2 can improve your dating life (3:09)   How to get a better understanding of how anxiety interferes with and sabotages your life (3:42)  Why the “Be Yourself” advice shy guys usually hear increases their anxiety (and how to get over this feeling) (5:58)  How to radically improve your self-confidence by using the “From Within” secret (8:30)  How anxiety hijacks your imagination and weaponizes your thoughts against you (and one trick to help ease your anxiety) (10:35) Why cold water and exercise can dramatically decrease your anxiety (12:40)  An in-depth look at how anxiety affects all of your parts from an IFS lens (16:53)  How to apply the lessons embedded in Inside Out 2 to real life (19:13)  Why balancing your emotions instead of suppressing them leads to healthier relationships and better decisions (25:12)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Perhaps the biggest lie spread by the Red Pill community is how humans are simple slaves to our biology. This is how they rationalize the obviously irrational myth that a woman will leave you as soon as she finds a more attractive, wealthier, or higher-status man.  Not only does this myth corrupt your relationship with women, but it can even corrupt the relationship you have with yourself. The sad truth is falling for the Red Pill lies is a fast way to end up lonely, miserable, and hopeless.  That’s the bad news.  The good news?  Despite how attractive the Red Pill mindset can be to some men, it’s based on blatant lies. And I'll prove it in this episode.  In today’s show, you’ll discover why women aren’t slaves to hypergamy and status-chasing, how you can boost your attractiveness to women, and the real characteristics women value more than wealth, status, or good looks.  If you’ve been stuck in the Red Pill trap, this episode will help free you from it—before you wind up bitter, resentful, and hopeless.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How adopting a “Red Pill Mindset” leads to bitterness and resentment at best—and pain, self-destruction, and hopelessness at worst (0:47)  Why women aren’t only interested in status-chasing with their relationships (even if the Red Pill bros say they are) (3:45)  The biggest misconceptions about hypergamy spread by Red Pill circles that will always make you feel less fulfilled in a relationship than you otherwise would’ve been (7:19)   How to avoid projecting your deepest, darkest secrets onto your partner (13:28) Need proof that the Red Pill community is full of you-know-what? Look no further than at… (16:41)  3 powerful tools for couples to help them build their emotional intelligence and adopt a growth mindset so their relationship improves over time (instead of becoming another divorce statistic) (18:46)  Hate getting into fights with your partner? Here’s how developing your EQ can transform dumpster fires into opportunities to strengthen your bond (20:13)  4 character traits that women value more than your looks, status, or wealth (27:22)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There are two specific virtues characteristic of your higher self. These two virtues can turn your inner demons into inner supporters. They help you overcome deep-seated trauma and pain that keeps sabotaging your relationships. They can reduce your anxiety and depression. And they can make every aspect of your life—whether in relationships, in your career, or anything else—more fulfilling and enjoyable.  So, what are these two virtues?  Courage and compassion.  While courage is generally considered masculine and compassion feminine, the combination of the two is the only way to heal you of your traumas, free yourself from the burden of resentment, and start you on a journey towards true transformative change.  But I won’t delude you: Developing courage and compassion can be difficult. That’s why it’s so rare when it happens in real life.  That said, it’s possible. And after listening to this episode, you’ll be steps ahead of the average person towards developing these two virtues.  In today’s show, you’ll discover how courage and compassion heal and integrate your inner parts, how to balance justice and mercy after someone wrongs you, why forgiveness benefits both the forgiver and forgiven, and realize how crucial these two virtues are for creating a life without regrets.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why hurt people hurt people—and how to break this vicious cycle instead of perpetuating it (0:38)  How to morph your inner demons into inner supporters through the “Two C’s” method (1:02)  The “respond, not react” secret for healing your deep-rooted traumas and pains in a healthier and more effective way (5:18)  How scribbling in a journal or walking in nature can help you reconnect with your true self and heal your traumas (7:03)  Do you have trouble forgiving people who have wronged you? Here’s how to free yourself from the burden of resentment (and why it’s crucial for your emotional health and relationship) (9:22)  2 exercises you can do today and for free to cultivate the skill of courage and compassion (20:11)  How to react and respond better to life’s natural ups and downs (without being overwhelmed by negative emotions) (25:30)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Most men, especially hypermasculine men, feel like therapy doesn’t work for them. Or worse yet, that therapy could never work for them.  And I get it. Not only are up to 80% of mental health workers women, but traditional psychotherapy operates through a feminine lens that further alienates masculine men.  When men go through traditional therapy, they often feel discouraged, angry, and unheard. Because the feminine approach doesn't account for their lifelong conditioning about how emotions make you weak.  But nothing could be further from the truth: Not only do emotions add all the spice to life that makes it worth living, but mastering your emotions makes you more productive and more fulfilled too.  In this episode, I explain why traditional psychotherapy often doesn’t work for men, and I reveal four ways masculine men can start to accept their emotions, undo their conditioning, and use therapy to help them accomplish their goals.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why many men are on the path that only leads to emptiness, regret, and extreme loneliness (and how to jump off this path) (1:24)  The single biggest barrier to effective therapy for men (6:14)  The “color of life” mindset shift that instantly makes you feel more okay with your emotions (7:43)  How the feminine approach to therapy practiced by most therapists renders therapy useless (and how to experience a more masculine—and effective—approach) (8:09) All men who have resistance to their emotions needs to listen here: (13:39)  This one question will start to undo your conditioning that emotions are obstacles to be avoided or solved (15:16)  How a relentless drive to be productive and successful robs you of all the joys of life and turns you into an emotionless robot (19:25)  6 ways to get buy-in from your masculine protector parts that can make therapeutic effective (and an example of how one of my clients went through this process) (22:15)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

This week’s episode is a special episode, especially if you’re an achiever (like most of our listeners are). Leon, a long-time fan from South Africa, reached out for a one-time session that doubles as a podcast interview.  While your situation might not be exactly the same as Leon’s, if you’re an achiever or struggle with abandonment issues or neediness, there will likely be several themes that apply to both your life, as well.  I treated this interview like an initial consultation. Listening will give you insights into how you could accept your inner child parts that have been filling you with emotional turmoil (even if you don’t have the same exact problems as Leon does).  Best part? Well, about a week after we recorded this interview, Leon reached out to give me an update. It blew my mind—and his initial progress will blow your mind too.  If you feel stuck, abandoned, needy, or just can’t get over your desire to achieve (because you’re unconsciously looking for love), this episode will help you get on the right path.   Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How being a “Parentified Child” forces you to take on your parent’s emotional struggles and become a needy adult (and how to break free from this restraint after growing up) (0:29)  What to do when you feel lonely on your self-development journey and constantly ask yourself when your journey will actually end (8:52)  How to start opening up and being more vulnerable when you feel like you’ll be ridiculed and judged when you do (13:01)  Why resisting reality is the most painful thing you can do (and how your life starts to change subtly as soon as you accept reality) (23:04)  How living in a single closet in a big city as a single man can present you with more exciting opportunities than having a lavish house in a small town (26:53)  Do you constantly worry that you’re not meeting your potential? Here’s why it’s impossible to fulfill your potential (40:40)  Why meeting your therapist in person is actually the worst way to leverage the therapeutic process for your self-growth (48:17)  How to stop being ashamed by your neediness (and how to use it to find the relationship you want) (1:00:09)  Why learning how to embrace sadness, anger, and fear is one of the best ways to embrace love (1:07:18)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

One problem that haunts every relationship, career, and life is falling into a victim mindset. When you blame others for your problems and fail to acknowledge your role, you remain stuck and helpless in this vicious cycle.  Worst part?  As your relationships start to crumble, you’ll likely experience a heightened sense of anxiety and depression. And if you don’t address this, your life becomes a series of missed opportunities, and unfulfilled dreams, leaving you with a sense of regret and dissatisfaction. That’s the bad news.  The good news? While it’s tough to break out of this cycle, it’s possible. And by taking full responsibility, like we discuss in today’s episode, you can improve your relationships, your mental health, and your life’s accomplishments.  It won’t be easy. Learning how to take full responsibility takes time and patience. But tuning into this episode is a good first step.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The ONLY way to break free from the stuck, powerless feeling in your relationship (0:34)  How to transform from a helpless victim into an active creator of your life (1:00)  Why blaming your partner for every argument you have hijacks your power to improve the relationship (and eventually leads to heartbreak) (2:17) The “author of your story” secret that liberates you and enhances your closest relationship (It can even save your marriage from the brink of divorce!) (2:55)  The “4 Ultimate Concerns” created by a renowned psychotherapist that can help you steer your life in the direction you want (5:45)  How to stop relying on your girlfriend or best friends to feel complete and whole (8:25)  Do this the next time you feel lonely and wish you had a partner (it’s a more effective long-term strategy that eliminates your loneliness) (9:06)  Why asking yourself this question while in a heated argument with your partner allows you to resolve conflicts faster and strengthen your bond (22:51)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

When was the last time you felt true joy and fulfillment in your life?  For many achievers, this is something that they never experience. Each achievement and accomplishment is followed by another pursuit, always keeping happiness just out of your reach.  The worst part?  This relentless pursuit of success makes finding lasting happiness and fulfillment impossible.  But it’s possible to break free from this toxic cycle. In fact, there are 5 simple ways to help you break free from this cycle that I reveal in this episode.  If you’re constantly feeling like something’s missing in your life no matter how much you achieve, listen to this episode now. Your future self will thank you.  Show Highlights Include: How chasing achievements leaves you unhappy and unfulfilled (even if it boosts your self-esteem in the short term) (1:04)  The “Deranged Tree” secret for ignoring societal standards that keep true happiness always out of reach (6:57)  The cold, hard truth about why your successes feel hollow and isolating (12:16)  Asking yourself this simple question can help you discover your ultimate purpose in life (15:46)  The “Karma Yoga” method that forces you to become fully present in the moment (16:49)  How to deeply understand what brings you true joy and fulfillment with this simple weekly exercise (18:00)  Why reading books for pleasure is one of the quickest ways to shift out of an anxious state of being and into a calm one (20:54)  The “dancing with the music” mindset shift that leads to healthier relationships, better mental health, and more joy in your day-to-day life (23:26) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Neediness plagues every relationship, and achievers tend to be more needy than other people. Why?  Well, the achiever’s desire to achieve often stems from neediness itself. Achievers think they have to earn every bit of love and approval in their lives. And then the success you achieve from this mindset tricks you into believing that this is a good trait.  However, look closely into a successful achiever’s life, and you’ll see that no matter how much they achieved, there’s a deep void of loneliness in their lives. Look closely into their relationships, and they’re riddled with neediness.  But you know what?  Listening to this week’s episode is a good first step to help you take off the mask of achievement that leads to loneliness and neediness.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The insidious “Do More” trap achievers fall into to eliminate their neediness that only makes it surge (0:42)  3 survival strategies you tried as a kid and how they still dominate your behaviors today (4:05)  How needing external validation poisons every relationship you have from the inside out (7:38)  Why success serves as a mask for your deepest insecurities (and how to take the mask off) (9:38)  A key questions achievers must ask themselves to stop feeding their neediness (14:33)  Downloading this app is the first step towards eliminating your neediness (23:22)  Will you lose your edge if you stop striving for success and achievements? (26:54)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Here’s a harsh truth for many men to understand, especially the pleasers and fixers:  It’s not your job as a man to continuously attract your woman or to make her happy. Instead, it's about understanding the elements that naturally cultivate attraction and happiness within a relationship. But this approach to dating and attraction is a lot harder because it requires improving yourself at the deepest levels instead of putting on a façade.  But you know what?  Despite it being harder, it leads to a more fulfilling relationship. And yes, this includes sexual fulfillment too.  In today’s episode, I’m answering some tough questions like:  What are women actually attracted to?  What keeps women committed in a relationship, especially a long-term relationship where the initial spark has died? And how do you not only attract a woman, but keep her?  And I reveal my 3H and 3P methods for helping you understand the complex dance of attraction and commitment that are the cornerstones of building a successful long-term relationship. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why the initial spark in your relationship dies when you don’t understand this… (0:56)  How wondering how to attract your ideal woman is a sneaky way to display your neediness (and how to stop being needy) (3:59)  The “CRW” secret for naturally attracting women without even trying (7:08) Are women sexually attracted to wealth? Here’s why they’re not (even if they say they are) (13:08)  How meeting the emotional needs of your partner naturally sparks, and intensifies, your attraction to her (and the “P-word” that strengthens these emotional bonds) (18:09)  Why downloading a meditation app on your phone can significantly enhance your attractiveness to women (20:06)  How to both improve the sexual relationship with your partner while also strengthening the emotional bonds that glue the relationship together (28:57)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

One of the most common and deadly fears people have is the fear of failure. And this fear in particular has dire consequences:  It creates a life where every decision is clouded by the terror of making a mistake. Where opportunities are left unexplored because the risk of failure looms too large. A life shackled by the fear of failure leads to stagnation—professionally and personally. Even your relationships suffer because a fear of failure prevents you from being your true self. Living with this fear for too long means never truly knowing the full extent of your capabilities or the depths of who you are.  That’s the bad news.  The good news?  When you liberate yourself from the gripping fear of failure, you view every setback as a stepping stone to something greater. Your relationships improve because you show up as your true self. Your career takes off because you’re no longer shackled by this pervasive fear. And by embracing failure, you unlock a more adventurous, spontaneous, and fulfilling life. It won’t be easy—it takes time and effort to address and overcome this deep-seated fear. But it’s possible.  In today’s episode, you’ll discover where the fear of failure comes from, and even more, how to use both modern and ancient wisdom to overcome it and live a more fulfilling life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why attaching your value as a person to your success and failures is a recipe for fear and disappointment (4:54)  The Buddhist monk’s secret for overcoming your fear of failure (7:38) How striving for happiness keeps it out of your reach (and how to find joy without searching for it) (8:24)  2 simple, yet wildly effective ways to find peace and fulfillment within yourself right now (even if you haven’t achieved everything you want) (10:37)  4 exercises to help you directly engage with different parts of yourself and understand why they manifest as fear and anxiety (14:34)  The daily “Radical Self-Acceptance” practice that not only enhances your personal relationships, but also deepens your relationship with yourself (18:55)  How to become more aware of your intrusive thoughts and transform them into positive ones in just 5 minutes each day (20:06)  The dire consequences of living a life controlled by your fear of failure (and how it bleeds into every aspect of your life) (26:15)  How embracing failure improves your relationships, boosts your attractiveness, and infuses your actions with a sense of purpose and freedom (27:17)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There’s a certain problem that touches the core of men’s struggles, but it often flies under their radar. This problem sabotages intimacy, confidence, and connection, leaving only anxiety and depression in its wake. I’m referring to sexual shame—and it’s something that happens to men both unconsciously and consciously.  That’s why in this episode, I’m going to help you understand where sexual shame comes from, why it has persisted over centuries, and give you the roadmap to break free from these chains.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How sexual shame not only sabotages intimate moments, but also shatters your confidence, connection, and authenticity (2:00)  This quick mindset shift is the first step towards overcoming your sexual shame (3:00)  The weird way studying philosophy and ethical theory can wipe away the seeds of sexual shame inside you (8:29)  3 theories that explain why men feel sexual shame (and how understanding these theories helps you conquer your shame) (10:39)  How religiously-induced sexual shame lingers in your psyche long after you leave the religion (and how to root it out from your subconscious completely) (18:55) 4 ways sexual shame manifests in intimate relationships (24:58)   Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

One of the best ways to become more attractive to women, to feel more fulfilled in your life, and to generally boost your happiness is by building up your internal self-worth. But this practice is easier said than done. And men today often make the mistake of trying to build their self-worth on external sources, like needing attractive women to be attracted to them. This not only backfires, but creates an unrelenting source of neediness that’s waiting to poison any relationship they get into.  That’s the bad news.  The good news? Even if you rely on external validation for your self-worth today, it’s possible to fix this. I did this myself after building my persona on external validation, going through an existential crisis, and attempting suicide.  But you don’t have to go through these same struggles if you listen to this episode.  In today’s show, you’ll discover how you can cultivate a sense of value and self-worth that’s rooted in yourself. You’ll learn how shifting this mindset not only makes you more attractive as a person, but also leads to healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life. And I’ll share some practical tips for starting your internal self-worth journey today.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The “world within” secret for building authentic, unshakeable self-worth that doesn’t hinge on anyone’s opinion of you (1:55)  Where does the need for external validation come from and how does it spoil a relationship from the inside out? (2:53)  Why “shame-based programming” from your childhood keeps you stuck in the friend zone (and how to avoid putting yourself in the friend zone) (9:13)  How pegging my own self-worth to how women viewed me led to me attempting suicide (and how to prevent making the same mistakes in your love life) (13:03)  The proven “AFR” method for creating your own source of validation instead of relying on external sources (16:42)  3 practical ways to start uncovering your emotional wounds that prevent you from building internal self-worth (and how to easily turn these into a daily routine) (20:28)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There’s a psychological condition that’s been flying under the radar for too long. It’s a form of PTSD that builds up from more minor-seeming traumas you experienced throughout your life. And it may be the saboteur of your dating life and relationship success. Worst part?  Most men have no idea it’s lurking in the shadows of their psyche. So, what’s this condition?  It’s something called Complex PTSD, or c-PTSD for short. It makes the work seem like an endlessly challenging place. But by understanding it, you can learn to lessen its grip and stop its control over you.  In today’s episode, you’ll discover what Complex PTSD is, how it starts and grows, and how to overcome it—whether you find it lurking in your psyche or a friend’s or lover’s.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Is “Complex PTSD” haunting your relationships and dating life? Here’s how to find out and thwart it if it is (0:52)  Why c-PTSD happens in interpersonal relationships and how it can be triggered by simply swiping on dating apps (5:16)  2 real life examples of how c-PTSD plays out in careers, relationships, and life in general (7:10)  The insidious way “mundane traumas” can build up in your psyche that can sabotage promotions, engagements, and steal the joy from life (11:25)  3 simple ways to help a friend or girlfriend struggling with c-PTSD (without offending them) (16:04)  How group therapeutic coaching helps you navigate the choppy waters of c-PTSD without worrying about repercussions of your vulnerability (18:43)  How to develop coping mechanisms for c-PTSD so triggering events don’t throw you into chaos (21:06)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There’s often a fine line between love and neediness, especially for men. Women have a sixth sense to sniff out neediness, which can leave you confused and unconvinced unconditional love even exists.  But when you look closely into the differences between love and neediness, you’ll see how diametrically opposed these two states are.  Love comes from a place of abundance, neediness from lack. Love is based on internal validation, neediness on external validation.  But if you can’t even tell the difference between the two, it’s impossible to bridge the gap from neediness to love.  So, how can you bridge the gap and transform neediness into love?  In today’s episode, you’ll discover the difference between love and neediness, practical steps to cultivate self-love and suffocate neediness, and how to nurture unconditional love in relationships (even if neediness rears its ugly head). Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to spot the early signs of neediness before they wreck your chances of finding true love (1:43)  The subtle mindset shift that frees you from the toxic stranglehold of neediness and warps you into love (4:51)  Do you cringe when you find yourself becoming needy? Here’s how to bridge the gap between neediness and love (6:08)  Why people pleasers struggle the most at finding unconditional love (and how to avoid common mistakes people pleasers make—even if you are one) (8:29)  How healthy boundaries prevent unconditional love from morphing into unconditional neediness (10:54)  The indestructible two-step antidote to neediness (12:30)  This book will not only stop your neediness in its tracks but also helps you build unconditional self-love (18:50)  Practical “self-reflection” steps that steer you away from neediness and open the door to true, unconditional love (25:18)  How to transform neediness into an opportunity to deepen communication in relationships (28:52)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Many men don’t understand the difference between sadness and self-pity. And this lack of understanding comes with a big cost: You sacrifice joy and growth when you confuse sadness for self-pity.  Now, this isn’t your fault, per se. Most modern men grew up believing toxic masculinity myths like that crying is a sign of weakness. Not only is this false, it’s objectively wrong and science has proved this.  When you embrace and process sadness in a healthy way, it’s no longer an emotion to be feared but an opportunity for growth. But when you ignore, neglect, and repress your sadness, it can morph into self-pity, which, besides nuking your happiness, also leads to actual health problems.  In today’s show, you’ll discover how to spot the crucial differences between sadness and self-pity, why self-pity is so detrimental to your emotional and physical health, and tools to navigate sadness in a way that opens doors not closes them. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why confusing sadness with self-pity sabotages your entire experience of life (0:22)  How to use gut-wrenching sadness to open doors to your higher self instead of letting it slam doors shut (2:04)   The “Self Pity Quicksand” that traps you in your own head, prevents you from growth, and spirals you into destructive actions (3:25)  How masculinity myths not only cause mental and emotional pain, but keep joy and fulfillment out of your reach (6:18)  Do you think it’s unmanly or weak to be sad? Here’s why this toxic thought process will block you from true love (9:39)  The scientific proof that sadness leads to profound self-growth while self-pity leads to high blood pressure, cortisol, and a weakened immune system (12:45)  How to embrace your emotions instead of shying away from them with the “signal” mindset shift (17:26)  4 tools that will help you embrace sadness without devolving into the quicksand of self pity (20:39)  A real-life example of how to turn self-pity into sadness and growth (26:44)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

A relationship is an investment from both parties. When these investments tip to one side or another, it plants the seeds of resentment and destruction.  This is why nice guys and people pleasers who bend over backwards for their partner find themselves cheated on and heartbroken. While bad guys get the girl (even though it doesn’t blossom into true love). The best way to ensure a relationship is growth-oriented and fulfilling is by balancing the investment scales. But how do you do this in a non-manipulative way?  That’s what we discuss in today’s episode. Besides discovering how to balance a relationship’s investments, you’ll also learn common pitfalls men make that tank their attractiveness, how to improve your self-worth, and why setting boundaries allows love to blossom.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How men unknowingly plant seeds of resentment in their relationships when they commit this mistake… (1:15)  Why buying your girlfriend the most expensive ring in your budget may cause her to get cold feet (5:54)  The counterintuitive reason only aiming for sex in a relationship ensures you don’t have it or a deeper connection with women (17:17)  A few ways to increase your girlfriend’s investment in your relationship and strengthen your connection (17:47)  The “Trading Technique” to use on your first few dates that makes your date dream about you when she falls asleep (21:34)  Why endless pampering ruins almost as many relationships as cheating (24:51)  The single most effective “Attraction Amplifier” that most men are afraid to use (27:44)  How you plummet your perceived value after a date goes well (29:21)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

We're wired to value what we work for more highly than what comes easily. This especially applies to relationships.  But a lot of men accidentally plant the seeds of resentment in their relationships because they have a desire to prove their worth to their girlfriend or wife. But when you do everything for her, you’re actually robbing her of her ability to connect with you on the deepest level.  A better solution is doing the opposite: The more your partner invests in you and your relationship, the more she will value it. Now, this isn’t a free pass to wield manipulation, which only works in the short-term at the expense of the long-term. Instead, it’s about knowing the rules of engagement and using them to your benefit when they’re aligned with your morals.  In today’s show, you’ll discover the “Cost Worth Connection” that can instantly raise your value on the spot, why people pleasers and nice guys struggle in long-term relationships, and how to avoid common pitfalls that come attached to the “Cost Worth Connection.”  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The “Cost Worth Connection” formula for growing stronger in your relationship as years pass instead of withering away (1:17)   How helping your girlfriend or wife with everything actually plants seeds of resentment instead of connection (1:55)  How to increase attraction, appreciation and enjoyment in a relationship (even after you’ve passed the honeymoon phase) (6:13)  Why people pleasers struggle in long-term relationships and cause their attractiveness to diminish (6:37) The weird way this popular habit-building method can improve every aspect of your relationship (10:22)  How bragging in front of beautiful women makes them recoil and run away from you (17:40)  The psychological reason why nice guys always get mistreated, dumped, and cheated on—with real life examples (18:15)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There’s a lot of modern men, especially those who frequent Red Pill and manosphere blogs, forums, and websites, that are deeply unhappy and unfulfilled. But instead of using this as an opportunity to grow, they use it as a way to let their anger percolate.  What happens to these men is they let their anger blind them from the possibilities life presents: Happiness, fulfillment, love.  There’s another, often overlooked, path if you find yourself living an unfulfilled life.  This rarely trotted path?  Morality.  In today’s episode, you’ll discover how morality developed alongside our physical evolution, why it's a key component of successful societies, and most importantly, how embracing your moral nature leads to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How morality has evolved alongside human evolution (and how this helps you find a date with a high-quality partner) (3:22)  The single biggest masculine trait many modern men lack today (5:21)  The overlooked reason why you feel exhausted all the time and ashamed to be your real self around others (8:57)  The simple, yet difficult way to invite a sense of fulfillment and peace of mind into your life (9:58)  How to tell—with near certainty—whether or not you can trust someone else (12:48)  Why falling into the “Is-Ought Fallacy” trap sabotages your chances of finding a high-quality partner (14:31) How to decrease your chances of being lied to or cheated on (18:58)   Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Nothing is more impactful to your overall happiness and fulfillment—both in relationships and outside of them—than a new concept called “Therapeutic Coaching.”  What’s “Therapeutic Coaching?”  It’s when you mix the best of life coaching with the best of psychotherapy—and unlock profound growth in the process.  Why?  Because not only does it show you how to address your life’s ultimate challenges and worries, but it also helps you actively work through them. So, instead of just talking about your challenges without an action plan, therapeutic coaching helps you incorporate them into your life too.  The result?  You gain a deeper understanding of yourself, stronger emotional resilience, improved relationships, and a more fulfilling, satisfying life—much more rapidly than therapy or coaching alone.  In this episode, you’ll discover why Therapeutic Coaching is the missing key to profound emotional and psychological growth. Plus, I’ll reveal a couple of key strategies to help you become the master of your emotions.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Unlocking true happiness and emotional wellbeing is a skill… Here’s how to learn it (1:43)  How “Therapeutic Coaching” is like a master chef cooking up a spectacular cuisine for your relationships (2:53)  Why understanding your emotional patterns and healing your past wounds isn’t enough for creating a deeply fulfilling relationship (5:06)  How mixing the best of life coaching with the best of therapy can turn your stressful goals into ones that unleash a deep sense of joy into your being (6:55)  The counterintuitive way confronting your mortality can unlock a deep sense of purpose in your life (10:07)  How to turn feelings of loneliness and isolation into kinship and connection (10:50)  The “Simply Noticing” secret for making profound improvements in your emotional and psychological growth (16:16)  Does being vulnerable make anxiety squirm through your guts like a parasite? Try these simple approaches to feel more confident when you’re being vulnerable (19:31) How treating therapy like the gym removes the stigma and helps you get more benefit from the process (23:17)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Today, we’re discussing perhaps one of the most important aspects of not only dating success, but to your entire life: Your attachment style.  If left unchecked, your attachment style can lead to a cycle of unhealthy relationships, constant anxiety, and an underlying sense of insecurity and unhappiness. It’s like living in a house with a foundation that’s cracking, but choosing to ignore it. Ignore it long enough, and the whole structure is at risk.  If you have an anxious attachment style—one of the most popular types for listeners of this show—then it explains why neediness rears its ugly head, threatening the health of your entire relationship.  But here’s the good news:  Just because you have an anxious attachment style today doesn't mean you’ll forever suffer from this. In fact, not only is it possible to manage your attachment style, but you can even transform an anxious one into a secure one.  Now, this is easier said than done. But it’s possible.  In today’s show, you'll discover the roots of your attachment style, how your attachment style gets triggered, how to manage your attachment style so it stops sabotaging your best relationship, and how to transform an anxious attachment style into a secure one.  The result?  You’ll not only improve your romantic relationships, but you’ll transform your entire approach to life. You’ll understand how to build a solid foundation for yourself, so you’re not always rocked by the waves of your emotions. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to prevent your unique “Attachment Style” from sabotaging your relationship and long-term happiness in life (0:41)  Despite popular belief: Attachment styles aren’t permanent—Here’s how to grow out of an anxious attachment style to a secure one (1:23)  How curiosity can execute your neediness, behead your fear of rejection, and eliminate your inability to trust others (3:35)  Do you always worry that your girlfriend will up and leave you? Here’s how one of my clients overcame this deep-rooted fear (and how you can do the same) (5:46)  The “Ideal Parent” management style of your inner parts that transforms your most vulnerable parts into some of your most confident ones (7:54)  How to enjoy your most intimate relationship (without the constant, nagging fear of losing it) (9:47)  The Cardinal Rule for Sexual Attractiveness that you must abide by or else you’ll sabotage a relationship as soon as intimacy heightens (10:53)  The wicked way your neediness creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that leaves your partner overwhelmed, suffocated, and resentful (12:07)  The 3-step “AUN” process to obliterate an anxious attachment style and transform it into a secure one (15:20)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Nothing can kill an otherwise good relationship as quickly as not having healthy boundaries in place. Without these boundaries, toxic interactions start to infect the relationship. Over time, resentment builds as the relationship becomes unbalanced and draining.  The problem is, setting healthy boundaries is a difficult task, especially if you struggle with being assertive. You want to have empathy for your partner, and boundaries seem like a selfish short-cut. But this is a myth.  In fact, setting healthy boundaries is a selfless act: It tells your partner that while you’re there to support her, you respect her enough to allow her autonomy over her own actions, decisions, and emotions. In this episode, you’ll discover how healthy boundaries save relationships from devolving into resentment and codependency, how to set healthy boundaries (even if you’re not naturally assertive), and simple ways to become more assertive.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The single best way to prevent toxic interactions from infecting your relationships (0:43)  Why setting healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you’re being selfish or narcissistic (even if this is your gut reaction) (2:56)  The counterintuitive way wanting to fix someone’s negative emotions is a form of toxic manipulation that strains even the healthiest relationships (3:56)  Want to help your partner without crossing toxic boundaries? Try saying this to them when they’re down… (6:23)  The insidious “enmeshing” problem that trips up a lot of guys and dupes them into sabotaging their relationship (and the easiest way to avoid this costly mistake) (9:30)  Do you struggle with setting healthy boundaries with your partner? Reading this book will end your struggles (11:59)  How to tell the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness so you become comfortable with asserting your needs (without coming across like a jerk) (14:36)     Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Most men don’t realize that the patterns they see in their relationships almost always trace back to their core insecurities and emotional baggage.  This may be hard to hear at first, but it’s actually an empowering approach to fixing unhealthy dating patterns.  If you constantly find yourself stuck in a cycle of unsatisfying or unfulfilling relationships, instead of searching for quick fixes or dating advice on YouTube, reflect on how your internal psychology is sabotaging your relationships.  For example, low self-worth and unresolved trauma actively work to rip your relationship apart from the inside out.  However, the solution, while difficult, is also simple: By first focusing on the relationship you have with yourself and addressing unresolved issues, you will naturally attract better partners, form deeper connections, and unlock a more fulfilling relationship.  In this episode, you’ll discover how to confront these internal psychological problems and escape the cycle of unfulfilling relationships forever. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why relying on quick fixes to heal your relationship and dating problems is a surefire way to live alone, isolated, and miserable (0:50)  The sneaky way your insecurities and emotional baggage seep into your relationship and sabotage it (1:17)  How to solve all your relationship and dating problems by focusing on the often-neglected “inner world” (3:12)  Do you think you’re unlucky in love? Well, here’s how your low self-worth manifests in your dating patterns (4:07)   The “Mirror Effect” in dating that explains how your emotions, insecurities, and life perspective influences your relationships (and how to attract better partners into your life) (7:42)  How your insecurities betray your relationship and makes your neediness scare away your partner (8:15)  The key to finally breaking unhealthy relationship patterns and building stronger connections (16:11)  3 reasons why group therapeutic coaching can transform your fear of conflict into a deeply fulfilling relationship (18:48)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Imagine a life where you understand yourself and your relationships deeply. Where you’re no longer stuck in unfulfilling patterns because you have the tools and the experience to build genuine, lasting connections.  Imagine you’re confident and skilled in expressing yourself and your needs. You know how to navigate relationships with empathy, compassion, and assertiveness. And when challenges arise, you have the skills and the courage to tackle them head on.  While this may seem like a pipe dream for men who have only gone through individual therapy or none at all, it’s the reality for those who have gone through a good therapeutic coaching group.  Why? Well, group therapeutic coaching offers certain advantages over individual coaching and can fast track your personal growth, leading to more authentic relationships.  In today’s episode, I reveal the four advantages group dynamics have over individual therapy dynamics, how therapeutic group work helps you confront unfulfilling patterns in real time (versus always looking to the past), and why it’s a more effective route for transformation.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why reading another self-help book or going through another online psychology course only delays your success in creating authentic relationships (1:13)  How therapeutic group coaching is like going through the therapeutic process with a jetpack strapped to your back (2:08)  The “Corrective Emotional Experience” secret found in group therapy settings that fast tracks your ability to create meaningful connections (5:51)  Have you tried individual therapy sessions and are still stuck in bad patterns? Here’s why a therapeutic coaching group can finally break these patterns… (8:07)  How group therapeutic coaching mirrors your outside relationships, leading to quicker and more permanent transformations (8:52)  Why endlessly analyzing your childhood can keep you stuck there (and how the “here and now” approach of group settings forces you to address problems as they arise) (14:26)  4 proven reasons why group therapeutic coaching unlocks faster and more transformative change than individual therapy (23:37)  For David Tian’s “Healthy Dating & Relationships” small-group coaching program, which is mentioned in this episode, click here: https://cf.davidtianphd.com/hdr-og Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There’s a catch-22 that happens in almost every long-term relationship: The more intimate your relationship becomes, the more it triggers unresolved, unconscious issues. This may explain seemingly random explosions of anger over minor disagreements or waves of sadness and low self-esteem.  Despite our wishes, repressing painful emotions doesn’t make them disappear into thin air. Instead, they simmer under the surface, and pop up when you least expect it. The problem is, these explosions of repressed trauma can sabotage even the healthiest of relationships.  That’s the bad news.  The good news? Well, there are proven ways to not only deal with these suppressed emotions, but to make sure that they don’t sabotage your relationships or mental health. In today’s episode, we explore these proven ways, so you can free yourself of the poison they bring when left unanalyzed and unresolved.  Want to improve your mental health, relationships, and discover how to confront repressed emotions so they don’t backfire on you and your loved ones? Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why ignoring your “emotional fitness” plants the seeds of destruction in even the healthiest of relationships (1:13)  How being vulnerable with women often re-traumatizes men who haven’t yet discovered their true self and turns off your date (even if it seems like good advice on the surface) (6:26)  Does your neediness prevent you from making authentic connections with women you date? Here’s the only true way to get rid of your neediness (7:09)  Why your false selves sabotage your mental health (even if they help you land a few dates) (8:54)  How the therapeutic process brings all of your psyche’s parts into harmony and balance and unlocks the deep connections you’ve been searching for in your relationships (13:36)  Why repressed emotions linger under the surface and cause explosions of anger at the worst possible times (and how to handle repressed emotions in a healthier way) (14:48)  The “Emotional Self Sufficiency” secret that enhances your mental health, your relationships, and your general wellbeing (17:21)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery  

The modern dating scene is responsible for why so many people—both men and women alike—struggle with creating meaningful connections. Dating apps treat love like a slot machine, epitomizing this problem. Then, the red pill movement capitalizes on this, duping you into sacrificing your love life and mental health and worse.  But there’s a silver lining… Everyone is searching for connection. And by focusing on showing up as your authentic self, you put yourself leagues ahead of other men in the modern dating scene.  In this episode, you’ll discover why authenticity is crucial for dating and relationships, how to share your authentic self with others, and how to keep the passion alive once you find a deep and meaningful relationship.   Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The truth behind why dating is harder in 2024 than ever before (0:44)  How being too vulnerable in your relationship can be a subtle form of manipulation (even if you’ve heard this is the key to your relationship’s success elsewhere) (2:35)  Why dating apps are like a slot machine for your love life that undermines your confidence and self-esteem (4:51)  The insidious “False Self” trap that works for dating apps, but sabotages your chance of creating meaningful connections and becomes toxic for your mental health (9:13)  How to keep the romance alive in a long-term relationship (even after the “passionate attraction” naturally fades) (12:34)  Have your conversations devolved into “did you pay the bills?” and “what’s for dinner?” … Here’s how to rekindle the flame when this happens (13:08)  Asking yourself this one question is the quickest way to attract better dates, increase your confidence, and even land promotions at work (16:45)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Having an Avoidant Attachment Style—or dating someone with one—can wreak havoc throughout your relationship. It can cause an otherwise healthy relationship that’s headed towards marriage and children into utter destruction.  Why?  Well, people with an Avoidant Attachment Style, while they crave intimacy like everyone else, the more intimate you become, the more fear the avoidant partner feels.  But here’s the good news: Having an Avoidant Attachment Style isn’t a life sentence. In fact, there are ways you can overcome your Avoidant Attachment Style or help your partner deal with theirs, so your relationship continues to grow and blossom.  In this episode, I reveal how you get an Avoidant Attachment Style, the key steps you need to follow if you or your partner has this, and why understanding the different types of Attachment Styles can improve every relationship you have.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How understanding your “Attachment Style” can be a game changer for your personal and romantic relationships (0:43)  Why intimacy frightens you away and can even sabotage an otherwise successful relationship if you have this attachment style (and how to overcome this fear) (2:23)  The 4 main “Attachment Styles” and how they impact your relationships (5:05)  How your attachment style starts in childhood then bleeds—largely without you realizing it—into your adult relationships (7:29)  The 3 crucial things you need to do if you find yourself in a relationship with someone with an Avoidant Attachment Style (13:26)  The insidious push-pull dynamic of the Avoidant Attachment Style that causes self-sabotage, loneliness, and frustration (14:15)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

When a relationship hinges on sexual attractiveness, it’s doomed to fail. Yet despite all the scientific evidence about attractiveness fading over time, the first step most men take when their relationship falters is improving their attractiveness.  They think that if only they had a 6-pack or more designer brand clothes that this will magically make their partner fall back in love with them. But nothing is further from the truth.  Do you think that an elderly couple still obviously in love with each other is fueled by attraction? Of course not. But still, many men miss this point and it sabotages their relationships.  The solution?  Well, there’s a few things you can do to build a lasting and thriving relationship that aren’t based on your attraction to your partner or vice versa. And in this episode, you’ll discover what personal and relationship characteristics help your relationship grow stronger over time instead of withering away into nothingness.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why beefing up your attractiveness backfires and can make your partner resent you (0:53)  Can a relationship thrive on sexual attraction alone? No, and here’s what happens when the “spark” begins to wither… (2:43)  Why thinking of your relationship as a giant and gorgeous oak tree can prevent heartbreak, divorce, or worse (4:10)  The “EM” anchor that keeps your relationship steady, growing, and always moving towards deepening your love (11:13)  How clinging to being “right” can cost you your marriage and happiness (12:00)  Why relying on your partner for your happiness poisons your relationship from the inside out (and how to take control of your own happiness) (19:06)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There's a pervasive myth in society today, especially among high achievers. And that myth is that repression is a reliable and sustainable tool for success.  Why is this myth so pervasive? Well, this strategy sort of works in the short-term, fooling high achievers into thinking that it’s a sound strategy.  But over time, as your protective parts work harder and harder to repress these nasty emotions, they end up resurfacing and causing more trouble than they ever did. This is what leads to isolation, loneliness, burnout, and a sense that you’ll never experience true joy.  So, what’s the solution?  In this episode, I lay out the 5 ironclad steps to stop repressing your emotions, to become more present with yourself (and with others), and to create deep connections with your friends and partner.  The result?  Instead of inner conflict, you’ll feel inner harmony and bliss—something many high achievers never achieve for long. And you’ll be able to experience true and lasting love, happiness, and fulfillment.  So, what are these 5 ironclad steps to undo your deep-seated repression and unlock harmony and bliss instead?  Listen now to find out!   Show Highlights Include: The counterintuitive way repressing your emotions leads to burnout (even though it seems like it would prevent burnout) (0:43)  The “Beach Ball” effect repressed emotions have which makes them surge into your life at the worst possible moments (1:25)  How to align your emotional and rational selves to to unlock true and lasting love, happiness, and fulfillment (2:15)  Why ignoring your exiled parts actually causes them to dominate your psyche, emotions, and behavior (6:44)  How appreciating and loving your shameful shadow parts makes them give their power to you (9:45)  Do you push people away whenever they get too close? Here’s how to finally stop doing this… (15:39)  Why working with your exiled parts on your own is a recipe for retraumatizing your protective parts and sabotaging your emotional health (21:54)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Your emotions are like the GPS to your psyche. They’re the signposts that help you lead a life of happiness and fulfillment.  But the problem most achievers have is that they’ve learned to repress their emotions in order to achieve success. This is an insidious Catch 22—by repressing your emotions you cannot fully celebrate your accomplishments.  This nasty habit of emotional repression also extends to your dating life and relationships. Repressed emotions deter you from creating deeper connections, plaguing you to a life of loneliness.  That’s the bad news.  The good news?  Repressing your emotions isn’t a life sentence. In fact, there’s a simple 4-step process you can follow to stop this habit before it sabotages your happiness even more than it already has.  In today’s episode, you’ll discover why repressing your emotions is so lethal, how it shows up in your career and relationships, and how to stop repressing them.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The invisible obstacle which keeps you from deeper connections in your relationships and plagues you with loneliness (0:32)  Why the insidious “Mental Bouncer” effect in your mind keeps uncomfortable feelings away but also prevents you from aligning with your authentic self (3:20)  How repressing negative emotions also suppresses positive emotions and turns you into an emotionless robot (4:43)  The simple 4-step process to stop repressing your emotions and live a more fulfilling life (6:22)  How to unlock a greater sense of adventure and sexiness inside you by accepting your most uncomfortable thoughts and feelings (7:49)  The lethal “Achiever’s Curse” that rips away the rewards of your hard work (and the only proven way to undo this curse) (9:28)  Why repressed emotions always pop up at the worst time and sabotage your relationships in these two specific ways (19:51)  3 “Repression Killer” exercises to become okay with your worst emotions (even if you have trouble expressing them) (22:09)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery