On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is fresh off her shows in New England and ready to buy a house next to the Bush family on the beach. She felt the cool crisp seabreeze across her tits and its reinvigorated her to take on turning 36 with gusto! She makes a list of all of the things she still wants to do before 40 and it turns out its just two things. She also hits the hotline and answers your questions like "do you want my grandma" and "why did a woman in florida try and break into my hotel". Its Heather's birthday episode and she is just getting the party started!    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   Let Dipsea be your go-to place to spice up your me-time, explore your fantasies, relax and unwind, or heat things up with a partner. Get an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely   It's golf. It's not golf. It's Topgolf. Download the app, book a bay and Come Play Around.   Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can entry at any time, on any occasion. You can try for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com    Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from serving her country by performing comedy for drunk white women. Not only did she get to visit the white house, but bamboozled her way into the hearts of the national press and will never have to worry about unflattering TMZ photos ever again. She also hits the hotline and tries to make sense of why women can't open marinara jars and how do we stop our elderly mothers from getting swindled by ex-cons. That and more!   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $100 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Angie's Boomchickapop brings you a boom of bold, craveable flavor. Try for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather is back in the studio with friend of the pod, Raymond Padilla, to talk what they're giving up for lent, Ray getting high on THC drinks and channel their inner Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. Then they hit the Instagram DMs for some listener Q&A.   Episode Sponsor:   Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is fresh from the Philly show where she may or may not have gotten in trouble for being a little too honest with the sports takes a little too soon. She got cookies hand-delivered to the stage by one of her favorite chefs, and later it almost got sticky for everyone at the Ritz-Carlton Club. Heather also hits the Absolutely Not line to discuss Uber drivers doing too much, when to die with the lie, and doubling down on some get back for one of last week’s callers.   Episode Sponsors:   Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.   Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today at Prose.com/absolutely.   Go to HelloFresh.com/absolutely65 and use code absolutely65 for 65% off plus free shipping.   Try Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com   Produced by Dear Media    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather introduces her new little nugget Macaroni to the world with a real attitude. Heather is coming in hot because she already knows some woman named Willow is gonna bitch that she didn't rescue- but the defense will rest that she freaking TRIED! Heather also hits the Absolutely Not line to answer questions like- "what to do if you get a pube stuck in your throat?" to "why did my boyfriend break up with me after he found out I  have an incurable disease?" Were solving the world's problems one voicemail at a time!    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE:ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checkout at starface.world   Don’t sleep on savings. Brooklinen’s President’s Day Sale is happening now. Listening after the sale? Get the deals of your dreams at Brooklinen.com with promo code absolutelynot   You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support the show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save fifteen dollars off your first month’s subscription   Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back from a weekend sling jokes in the midwest! She saw a woman smoke a blunt while buying Zyrtec, ate some pasta in Ohio, and had a lovely gal sneak into her dressing room in indiana! I FOUND YOU!!! If the midwest doesn't keep you on your toes, well then hell, nothing will! She hits the Absolutely Not line to learn about the beef between Iowa and Indiana and has a moment of self reflection.    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at Starface.world   Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is sitting down with business gal and bff, Christina Tompkins- also know as TINA! They are reporting live from the turks and caicos on a very important Business trip, or at least that's what the accountant told them to say it was. They cover everything from vacation enemies, Robin's cough, what to look for in a man and a primary care physician. They solve to world one problem at a time, why? Because it's the year of the Rabbit!    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today   As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY    Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

      On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is home from a wild weekend of shows in Augusta and Charleston. A woman tried to sit in Jeff's lap, she found a scammer at a hotel valet in Augusta and her to-do list is too long but she's keeping the attitude fresh.... until she fights with a crazy woman who is calls into the hotline to justify keeping her christmas tree up all year. ABSOLUTELY NOT.   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checkout at Starface.world   For listeners of the show, Dips is offering an extended 30-day free trail when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely   Grab your Liquid I.V.in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LiquidIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout   Go to HelloFresh.com/absolutely21 and use code absolutely21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

     On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from Texas with cedar fever and some new boots. She is taking a quick breath before she is back on the road again this weekend to listen to your insane voicemails. One girl is starting a business and another is hooking up with a Bouncer who threw her out. It's a wild ride and we're leaving no stone unturned.   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners freeshipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checkout at Starface.world   Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support the show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save fifteen dollars off your first month’s subscription   It’s the time to treat yourself this New Year. Go to printfresh.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT or use code ABSOLUTELYNOT for 15% off your first order   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

     On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is reporting live, from Austin,Texas! She narrowly made it to her hotel after riding in a maroon escalade with a drug dealer named Charlie, but is staying positive and looking at the brighter side of life. She got into a soft encounter with a woman doused in Aussie mouse and a man making 10 million dollar deals on the tarmac. She also hits the Absolutely NOT line to discuss y'all's bullshit too.   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   For a limited time, Brooklinen is offering 15% off comforters. Listening after the sale? Visit Brooklinen.com today and use code absolutelynot for $20 off plus free shipping.   Visit www.californiaprunes.org for recipes, and be sure to look for California prunes at your favorite supermarket or specialty shop.   Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today at Prose.com/absolutely.    Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

           On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is fresh off a z-pack from Mexico and the ride of her life through the sofi stadium to be an SEC ally for the dawgs. She is sniffling her way through a week of LA work but truly no days off because tinseltown wait for no one. She discusses her own pretty woman moment at the Beverly Hills Hotel but how she reassured the staff that even though everyone at the Polo lounge has a soft southern accent- they werent gonna walk out on their tabs. Stay Humble but Stay Smoking!    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   Save 10% when you shop The BFF Bundle — a pack of classic AND salicylic acid stars designed to love your pimples all the way through the healing process at Starface.world   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.   Printfresh is a woman-owned, size-inclusive sleepwear and lifestyle brand with sizes ranging from XS to 6X. Head to Printfresh.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is ringing in the new years with fresh boundaries with her negative CVS. She will no longer allow their filthy carpet and refusal to take her insurance dampen her mood!! She has realized that sometimes you need to just sit in the shallow end of the pool, and think about shit on the steps, before you dive into the deep end of life!    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.   To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com, and use the code ABSOLUTELY​ to ​get $100 off of your first month​ and show your support for the show.   It’s the time to treat yourself this New Year. Go to printfresh.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT or use code ABSOLUTELYNOT for 15% off your first order.   Visit www.californiaprunes.org for recipes, and be sure to look for California prunes at your favorite supermarket or specialty shop.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is sitting down with her Italian stallion to recap 2022 highs and lows and doomsday prep for the 2023 shit show season. Jeff and Heather both share their "rose and thorn" of the year and never really address how over-budget the wedding really was- It is too touchy of a subject that I guess they will push on to their therapists 10 years down the road. They both realize they need to learn a tangible skill like flying or boating, and Jeff promises to build Heather a tunnel behind the pool.    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Start a new healthy habit today. Visit Seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed'sDS-01™Daily Synbiotic.   Visit www.californiaprunes.org for recipes, and be sure to look for California prunes at your favorite supermarket or specialty shop.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather prepares herself mentally for the battle of Christmas and reminds herself it's not about fighting a petite elderly woman for the last giftcard at Talbots. but rather a time to reflect on all the selfless good she has given the world through the years. She hits the Absolutely Not Line and gives unsolicited advice on how to survive the holidays and plan a cruise for your conspiracy theory loving in-laws.    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30.   Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather sits down with friends and road dog, Andrew Collin. They are fresh off 3 shows in the midwest and recording live from a Hilton in Grand Rapids where the vibes are good but the temperature is frigid. Andrew and Heather discuss staying motivated, only working to 70% of their potential and what they would tell to their younger selves. This podcast is the least bit motivating and they are both idiots.    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Visit Brooklinen.com today and save 15% on your first purchase plus free shipping.   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today   Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   This Holiday season gift Away at AwayTravel.com/absolutely   Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% by using code ABSOLUTELY on spritzsociety.com   Produced by Dear Media  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is recovering from a wild weekend in the Big Easy where she received alot of attitude from mixologists and almost fought a college kid in a night club. She gives advice to a newly wed who paid for their wedding, unveils the mystery of how our parents are still able to post on facebook and questions what happened to a man who went overboard on a carnival cruise!    Sponsors:   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? To make trying something new easier, Ritual is offering my followers 10% off their first 3 months when you shop online at ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY   From exercise, to errands to sunset –I love my goodrs. You can go to goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY to get FREE shipping   Money can’t buy happiness. But not worrying about your money comes close. See for yourself why Chime is so loved at chime.com/absolutely   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her weekend in Mississippi eating pork rinds & cheering on the Sportz- She hits the Absolutely Not Line to dissect all of your Post- Thanksgiving Drama. You hoes were eating out doing Zero Tipping, talking to pervs in Dog Parks and ended up with a crotch staph infection. It's been a wild weekend and Auntie Heather is here to help.    Sponsors:   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30   You can now get ready for any occasion in head-to-toe Steve Madden. Use code ABSOLUTELY20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase at SteveMadden.com   Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   If you want to support the show and pick up a pair, goodr is giving Absolutely Not listeners FREE SHIPPING on your first order at goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY   Right now, you can get up to 45% off their best-selling products when you purchase select holiday sets by visiting ThriveCausemetics.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is breaking down the pre-holiday anxiety we are all feeling in the back of our throats. The next week is going to be filled with family fights, food sensitivities and lots of farts! Heather walks you through your step by step Holiday survival guide so that you don't lose your shit on your Aunt Regina before the mashed potatoes even hit the deck. She hits the Absolutely Not-line and tries to give some sage advice to fellow stressed out holiday hosts- but remember at the end of the day- have your emergency cigs on stand-by.   Sponsors:   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Brooklinen's Biggest Sale of the Year is only for a limited time, and the deals don't get better. Visit Brooklinen.com and get $20 off plus free shipping on orders $100+ with code absolutelysnot.   As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY ​to ​get $100 off of your first month​ and show your support for the show.   Go to littlewordsproject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order.   Visit SteveMadden.com and use code ABSOLUTELY20 FOR 20% off your first purchase.   Start a new healthy habit today. Visit seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic.   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh from a weekend of shows in Florida. She was not invited to Tiffany Trump's wedding but instead spent the weekend slingin' jokes and searching for a new therapist in West Palm. There is something bout that Florida humidity that stirs up forgotten emotions and family trauma. We are working through all the feelings leading up to Turkey Day and answering your questions on the Absolutely Not Line.   Sponsors:   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.   Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   This Holiday season gift Away at AwayTravel.com/ABSOLUTELY   Visit SteveMadden.com and use code Absolutely20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase   Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% off by using code ABSOLUTELY on SpritzSociety.com   If you go to GetQuip.com/ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT NOW, you’ll get your first refill FREE.   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her trip to Space Camp, aka a weekend of shows in Huntsville. She met a scientist at a bar that told her we only got a few weeks left- and wondered why can't the aliens fix our heavy periods? "Surely some bitch in outterspace knows how to stop a heavy flow?"- ya know that kinda vibe.   Sponsors:   Check out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot for $20 off and free shipping on orders of $100+.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30   Get 10% off your first 3 months of Ritual when you visit Ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY & add Essential Protein today.   Go to LittleWordsProject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order.   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh off her comedy special taping weekend- full of gratitude and adrenaline. She witnessed a fight over a snack break in the back kitchen of a salad joint and was ready to jump in and pop off, if need be. She's back with her weekly dose of unsolicited advice such as- "How to spice things up in the bedroom" to "Is it ok to eat del taco alone in your car to avoid your in-laws?"   Sponsors:   Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1-year supply of immune-boosting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY    Right now, you can get 15% off your first order when you visit ThriveCausemetics.com/ABSOLUTELY   With each can only 25 calories and 5g of sugar or less, Poppi can be found on Amazon for 15% off with code “ABSOLUTELY15” and in retailers nationwide   See for yourself why Chime is so loved at Chime.com/ABSOLUTELY   Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% off by using code ABSOLUTELY on SpritzSociety.com   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has a few biohacks for her early girlies. She hits the Absolutely NOT-line and comes up with a genius idea of how to start a men's therapy group under the full disguise of a man named Harry.    Sponsors:   Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/absolutely   Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely   For listeners of the show, Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at Everlywell.com/absolutely   So start your credit journey with Chime at Chime.com/absolutely   If you go to GetQuip.com/ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT NOW, you’ll get your first refill FREE.   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather has a very exciting announcement for the new tour! It's a big one! She hits the Absolutely Not Line only to give life changing advice for a young listener, help a woman keep her job at the gym and navigate what to do if you've dated a murderer.    Sponsors:   Go to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE   Go to paireyewear.com/absolutely for 15% off your first purchase   Go to littlewordsproject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

         On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather recounts a scary moment from Trader Joes, how her life flashed before her eyes and why she was mad at Robin. She also hits the Absolutely Not Line- We've got grown men sucking on hard candy while they sleep, children getting tattoos, Ole Randy shits the bed and more!      Sponsors:     Check out Brooklinen.com today for their luxurious home and bedding essentials, and use Promo code [absolutelynot] for $20 off plus free shipping on your purchase of $100 or more.     Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely     Go to Talkspace.com and make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY​ to ​get $100 off of your first month​ and show your support for the show     Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% by using code ABSOLUTELY on spritzsociety.com     From Sony Music Entertainment, Hello Sunshine, The Home Edit and Somethin' Else, listen and follow Best Friend Energy wherever you get your podcasts.     Produced by Dear Media     Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather hits the hotline to answer questions like " Why Kentucky" and " How do I  stop scrolling the internet for my ex's"? The fact that folks come to Heather for actual advice is alarming but dammit she's hitting the advice line HARD. Heather also has a guided meditation for anyone over 30 who is feeling the weight of the world.    Sponsors:   Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box.   Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at everlywell.com/absolutely.   Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at Visitritual.com/ABSOLUTELY   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.   For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her trip to Detroit with a new respect for the thin women of Michigan and the attitude of the TSA precheck staff. She hits the hotline and asks the age old questions like "Why dont Boomers drink water?" to "Do people in Charleston have pubic hair?"   Sponsors:   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30   Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely   Rright now you can get $20 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY20 at Nuuly.com   Right now, you can get 15% off your first order when you visit ThriveCausemetics.com/absolutely   f you want to support the show and pick up a pair, goodr is giving my listeners FREE SHIPPING on your first order at Goodr.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather  hits the Absolutely Not Line and the voicemails are SHOCKING! One caller is getting fired from her job for being with child, while another is out-of-the-blue allergic to pulled pork. It's literally a game of survival. We have deep embarrassing confessions and some triggering core memories. No stone is left unturned on this insane episode!    Sponsors:   Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.   Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box.   Go to Nuuly.com and enter the code ABSOLUTELY20 and sign up to get $20 off your first month.   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is back after way too many difficulties joined by best friend of the show, Raymond Padilla. They talk about everything from the royal family to Ray almost losing an arm after his monkey pox vaccination - and Robin joins in after being bamboozled by the MOMA.   Sponsors:    Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at Visitritual.com/ABSOLUTELY   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.    Right now you can get $20 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY20   For listeners of the show, Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at Everlywell.com/absolutely   Use code “ABSOLUTELY15” for 15% off Poppi on Amazon and get sippin'.    Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather hits the hotline with some wildly new and improved SCAMMMMS! After a weekend of dealing with Robin's international catfishing fiasco, Heather is on High alert to the tricks and deals y'all are trying to pull. As if we didnt have enough shit to deal with already- The hotline is filled with 1200 back cracks and a frantic 911 call from Australia!   Sponsors:   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Visit Brooklinen.com and use Promo code absolutelynot for $20 off plus free shipping on your purchase of $100   Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/absolutely   For listeners of this show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather hits the Absolutely Not Line to solve the world's problems. However, after the first voicemail she quickly realizes we need to call animal control. On this week's episode- we've got a lady with a bat in her designer bag, a lady on a cruise to nowhere, and a mom trying to navigate how to save teenagers from turning to the darkside!      Sponsors:     Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely.     Go to goodr.com/absolutely and get 15% off when you use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.     Use code ABSOLUTELY15 for 15% off on Amazon and get sippin' Poppi soda.     Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY​ to ​get $100 off of your first month​ at Talkspace.com       Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has business consultant and friend, Raymond Padilla come to the Absolutely Not Headquarters for a full take over. It's the Board Meeting no one wanted to sit down for, but absolutely needed to attend. We're getting our ducks in a row while simultaneously fixing the world's problems by using the 5 pillars of efficiency. Ray also asks for donations at the end because Heather is sure as hell not paying him for his time or knowledge.    Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely   Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site.   Get 35% off site-wide at CozyEarth.com when you use the code ABSOLUTELY.   Get 20% off and free shipping with code ABSOLUTELY EatDeux.com   Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at Article.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is reporting live from the PANHANDLE of Florida, aka 30A.  She is back from Mississippi and narrowly skirted death on the highway, only to have a new lease on life. She is taking no bullshit and dishing out some of the best advice she's ever given from the hotline. Like- Why heterosexual couples should never own catering companies- to what to do if your teeth are falling out. That and more!    Check Out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Use promo code absolutelynot for $20 off and free shipping on your order of $100+ at Brooklinen.com   Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.   FX’s Little Demon premieres August 25 on FXX. Stream on Hulu!   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- After a wonderful weekend back in the college town of Athens, GA- Heather is shooketh to her core taking a walk down memory lane- the nostalgia of sorority row, the tequila shots from locals are all flooding back to her hypothalamus. She hits the Absolutely Not Hotline to fight with a woman who doesnt like Tang- another broad bitching about getting a titty on her back during a massage- and makes a public apology to the Mid Atlantic.    Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at VisitRitual.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box.   Head to EatDeux.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off and free shipping.   Get 35% off site-wide when you use the code ABSOLUTELY at CozyEarth.com   FX’s Little Demon premieres August 25 on FXX. Stream on Hulu!   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is wondering if her August invite to the hamptons got lost in the mail? So weird- no one has invited her to stay at their mega mansion while Robin skeets down the long island highway on a crotch rocket on her way to a tj maxx. She hits the Absolutely Not line in hopes that the invitation is on the voicemails.. but looks like she'll have to wait till next summer.    Check Out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ABSOLUTELY   Visit AthleticGreens.com/absolutely for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.   Cozy Earth is providing an exclusive offer for my listener’s today. 35% off site wide when you use the code ABSOLUTELY.   Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is hitting the Absolutely Not Hotline to answer your hard hitting questions- like "Why can't we make Tanning Booths a thing again" or "What should I  do if I have Alopecia on my head but not my crotch". Heather dissects her own quarter life crisis while simultaneously helping your figure out yours- its a real team effort this week!    Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Visit AthleticGreens.com/absolutely for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.   Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site.   Get 20% off and free shipping with code ABSOLUTELY at eatdeux.com.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her whirlwind year long honeymoon. While she should feel refreshed, renewed and wildly in love- she is lucky to not be in an italian jail cell after clearly spending TOO MUCH TIME with her husband Jeff. She breaks down the importance of communication, how much wine she drank every day at lunch and her plans to do it all over again.    Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Visit seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic.   Go to goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY and get 15% off when you use code: ABSOLUTELY at checkout.    To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com and use the code ABSOLUTELY ​to ​get $100 off of your first month.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather chats with fellow comedian and newly single pal, Jared Freid. They break down the hard truths of what it's like to navigate show biz, inspire folks with humor and have someone literally NOT be a fan. Jared breaks down his new- on-the-scene dating horrors and these two giggle like thelma and louise over how TikTok will slowly kill us all.    Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.   Athletic Greens is going to give you one FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather sits down with her favorite grumpy old man- comedian Andrew Collin. They dissect his new life living with a lady, reminisce on Spring Break in Destin and he helps Heather understand why Jeff packed a scale in his carry-on.      Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code [absolutelynot] to get $20 off your purchase of $100 or more.   Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual.    Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Produced Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews the queens of the southern hair empire, Salty Locks, Britt and Amber Harrington. They discuss working with family, a female run business and explain why the alligators near the nuclear plant in Augusta got 3 legs and an attitude. These girls mean business while also keeping it real country and that's why we love them!      Athletic Greens is going to give you one FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY     Go to dailyharvest.com/ABSOLUTELY to get up to forty dollars off your first box!     Get free shipping on all water and merch at LiquidDeath.com/ABSOLUTELY     Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site.     Article is offering our listeners 50 dollars off their first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/ABSOLUTELY     Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

       On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her genuine friend, Jackie Schimmel. They discuss their summer plans to move to Europe, Eat all the food, lay horizontal and release their aggression on innocent bystanders through shoving and pushing tourists. It's unhinged, it's dialed in and it's insane.    Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Go to Brooklinen.com today and use promo code [absolutelynot] to get $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping.   Go to Grove.com/ABSOLUTELY today to get a free gift set worth up to fifty dollars with your first order plus free shipping.   Visit seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code [ABSOLUTELY] to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic.   To grab your two pills a day, head to moonjuice.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has had a fully mental breakdown from the complete shitshow that has been her wedding prep. She has finally turned into one of THOSE brides and is about to hoard the wedding gifts and tell everyone to fuck off. Honestly- she's probably spending too much time in her sauna bag and its quickly kiling off her brain cells- but who is even paying attention anymore. She hit the Absolutely Not line- She's unglued, unhinged and unwell!    Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your fist purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely   Exclusive discount (they never do this) - 20% off and free shipping with code ABSOLUTELY at www.EatDeux.com   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hits the hotline- only to double down on the fact that women might be the REAL scammers. We've got a lady running an ER out of her garage, A time traveler, a handful of bad drivers and a sweet woman named Abby prepping for a colonoscopy- All that and more!    Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Match with your dedicated therapist today at talkspace.com, and use promo code absolutely during sign-up to get $100 off your first month.   Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Article is offering our listeners $50 off their first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her final farewell tour performance. Just when she thought it was time to get an IV drip of propofol for her medically induced coma, her friends throw her a surprise party filled with drag queens, secrets and snacks! Heather breaks down what a wild week its been and also hits the Absolutely Not Line and more!    Go to athleticgreens.com/absolutely for a FREE 1 year supply of immune supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.   Follow Ashland on Instagram @ashlandhardseltzer   Go to goodr.com/absolutely and get 15% off when you use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.   Head to moonjuice.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off.   Go to grove.com/ABSOLUTELY today to get a free gift set worth up to fifty dollars with your first order.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely not podcast, Heather is letting you know, School is out for summer and bitch we are fully booked! It doesn't matter if you are hustlin' as a lifeguard, taking the kids to camp or treating yourself to a hoagie by the highway, Summer 2023 bout to be on and poppin!    Visit Brooklinen.com and use Promo code [absolutelynot] for $20 off your purchase of $100   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely   Follow Ashland on Instagram @ashlandhardseltzer   Right now, for a limited time, you can save $10 on your first purchase when you go to StoryWorth.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather takes you down memory lane and drives you right into the "Core MeMories" of your childhood- from the sheer joy you'd feel on a field trip day, to the sadness you felt if your mom was late to chaperone- It's a whirlwind of emotion and its all flooding back after hitting the Absolutely Not Line.    Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Receive 20% off PLUS Free Shipping on your order at DRINKOLIPOP.com/ABSOLUTELY   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.    Visit seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code [ABSOLUTELY] to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic.   Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box! That   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back south of the border from her weekend of shows in Toronto. After getting held up at the border, listening to a threesome all night and crushing an international Nordstrom- she lives to tell about it- We also have a surprise appearance from Robin McMahan to spill the tea on the latest suburbian drama!    Get 5% off + a free Pique sampler pack (with 6 of their best-selling flavors) when you purchase 2+ cartons with code ABSOLUTELY at piquelife.com/absolutely   Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely   Ashland is gluten free, malt free, zero carbs, sugar free, no fat, and 100 calories. For more follow them on instagram at @ashlandhardseltzer   To grab your two pills a day, head to moonjuice.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off.   Produced by Dear Media    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is back in the LA studios fresh from a midwest weekend on tour. She's working, but apparently not enough to save her from being humbled in a burger joint by general manager who takes his job REAL serious.   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Match with your dedicated therapist today at talkspace.com, and use promo code absolutely during sign-up to get $100 off your first month.   Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Get free shipping on all water and merch at LiquidDeath.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back from a 3-day bender on the West coast. She saw a mormon trying to escape in Salt Lake, a man with a neck tat cry in Phoenix and a drive-by in Sacramento. Three amazing shows but spilling all the tea, with Tina T.    Visit Brooklinen.com and use Promo code [absolutelynot] for $20 off your purchase of $100   Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/ABSOLUTELY or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off plus free shipping.   Visit athleticgreens.com/absolutely for a free one year supply and five free travel packs with your first purchase.   Use code HEATHER at checkout for 25% off your first month or diagnostic test at allarahealth.com   Go to Grove.com/ABSOLUTELY today to get a free gift set worth up to fifty dollars with your first order.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.