We all bring different perspectives to parenting that are borne of our upbringing, culture, or religion. Sometimes, we find these perspectives clash over basic parenting issues like sleep, healthy eating, crying, behavior, to name a few. Janet’s guest this week is Melina Gac Levin, a mother, parenting educator, and founder of Pueblo (parentpueblo.com), an educational and consulting organization that focuses on providing evidence-based advice for helping couples weave their various perspectives together. Through self-reflection, collaboration, and sometimes compromise, there's hope for all of us to find common ground. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A parent emails Janet with the subject line: Help! Strong Willed Child. She feels frustrated, exhausted, and completely overwhelmed by her 7-year-old's unmanageable behavior that's been continuous since he was about 3.5. She and her partner have made repeated attempts to stop his rudeness (and a host of other behaviors he knows are unacceptable), to get him to follow directions, shower, dress, and even eat. Janet encourages these parents to consider the why—why is their child acting this way? And why does his behavior cause them to react as they do? Janet explains how reflecting on those questions can bring clarity and help these parents shift the dynamic with their child in a positive direction.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Janet's inbox: A parent wonders if reminding her 3-year-old of negative consequences to his uncooperative behavior is the same as using threats or manipulation. She writes that her goal is not only to help him move through transitions with less pushback, but to learn the concept of time, how to manage it, and to feel empowered to make choices and achieve his desires. Janet offers her thoughts on the differences between threats, consequences, and punishments, and suggests minor adjustments this family can make to better enable their goals. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. Our Sponsors:* Check out BabyQuip and use my code UNRUFFLED for a great deal: http://www.babyquip.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet shares words of support.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How can we help our kids overcome their fears? Most of us have the instinct to provide comfort with messages like "don't worry, you're safe, it will be alright." In this episode, Janet explains why our children often need more than our reassurance, even when their fears seem unreasonable or overblown. The key: validating and encouraging each child's intuitive process. Janet provides details by responding to notes from three families who have concerns about their children's seemingly irrational fears.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Most of us hope that as our children venture out into the world, they'll possess enough innate assertiveness to set boundaries and navigate the common struggles of childhood like toy taking, unwanted roughhousing, unkind words, bullying. When our kids don’t stand up for themselves, it’s easy to assume that their lack of assertiveness is derived from a lack of self-confidence. Janet doesn’t believe that’s necessarily true and responds to two emails from listeners who are concerned about their children’s seeming inability to assert themselves in social situations. One parent describes her son being bullied on the school bus. Another says her daughter’s friend is clingy, bossy, and controlling, and this parent doesn’t believe her child has the self-confidence to set a boundary. Janet addresses each situation and offers advice for how the parents can help in the most effective manner.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our young kids are adaptable, so it's always possible for us to change routines, rules, and behavior patterns that we decide are no longer beneficial for us or them. Problem is, our kids are bound to object— loudly, vociferously, perhaps relentlessly—when these changes aren't their idea (which they seldom are). Our new plan may be met with whining, crying, screaming, even tantrums. And since we've played a central role in allowing our family's habits to take root, it’s natural to feel uncertain or even guilty for introducing new boundaries. As an insightful parent concerned about her children's excessive TV use writes: “Though I fully believe that changing our strategies and habits will improve our lives and relationships, taking these steps is so hard that I find myself just doing the usual thing and beating myself up about it instead of doing anything different.” Another parent writes that she feels trapped by her toddler's refusal to play without her presence, but she's afraid to make changes because she's uncomfortable with upsetting him: “I feel I’m stumbling and, in the process, feel myself losing the joy of parenting.” Janet offers ideas for helping parents find the perspective and strength they need to make changes for the better.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Self-directed play is a gift that keeps giving with profound benefits for every aspect of our children's development. As an added bonus, nurturing our child's ability to self-entertain affords us the occasional much-deserved break. So, cultivating independent play and establishing it as a habit is well worth the effort. Unfortunately, no matter how early we start noticing, valuing, and then encouraging our children's inner-directed play choices, there can be setbacks along the way. In this episode, Janet responds to emails from parents who describe their own setbacks. One parent shares how her 14-month-old flits from toy to toy, then suddenly announces she's "done!" and cries until the parent removes her from the play area. She's also begun demanding to be “done” with car rides and walks in the stroller. Another parent shares that her 8-month-old, who previously reveled in his play time and entertained himself for long periods, has lately become angry whenever there's a gate between them, even when she's doing chores right next to him on the other side. Janet shares insights for encouraging self-directed play and suggests ways these parents might help their kids get over their respective humps.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet responds to several messages from parents who feel stumped as to how to respond effectively to their children's behaviors. A 4-year-old has been lashing out at his mom and schoolmates. A kindergartner calls her brother "stupid.” Another kindergartner can't pull herself together to get to school on time without her mother doing 95% of the work. Janet offers general guidelines for responding to unsettled children and, more specifically, how her suggestions can be applied to easing the behavior issues in each of these scenarios. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A parent writes that she's feeling helpless and desperate about her 3-year-old's frequent, intense meltdowns, which sometimes last up to an hour. This mom says they usually "relate to control and power struggles where he tells me or my husband to do something." And although she remains calm, responds with empathetic words, assures him that it's okay to be mad, offers hugs, and tries to acknowledge his feelings, nothing seems to help. Often her responses seem to make him angrier. Understandably, she eventually loses her patience. "I will likely end up screaming at him because I literally can’t handle his screaming at me any longer, and then I feel the weight of the guilt for yelling at him..." Janet offers a slight shift in the parents' perspective and subtle adjustments they can make to their approach that she believes will help their spirited son move through his emotional flare-ups more easily. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet’s guest is Dr. William Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist and co-author of The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives. Bill Stixrud's decades of experience counseling children and their parents have led to conclusions that complement and support Janet's own parenting philosophy, especially topics such as encouraging self-confidence, intrinsic motivation, and inner-directedness. And since many of Bill's clients have been with him from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood, he has the benefit of seeing the results of his practice. Bill and Janet discuss the value of giving our kids opportunities to make choices, discover and pursue their passions, and the challenges and benefits of being a nonanxious presence (because our "calm is contagious").Dr. Stixrud is the founder of The Stixrud Group, a member of the teaching faculty at Children’s National Medical Center, and an assistant professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the George Washington University School of Medicine. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet responds to a parent with a toddler and four-year-old who struggles to connect with her kids individually, and neither reacts well when the other is getting mom’s attention. For instance, she says when she tries to give her older son some lap time, “my 18-month-old clearly gets jealous and starts squealing, attempting to climb on me, hitting his brother.” She’s wondering if it’s possible to really connect with either child when both are upset.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

As a teacher, Michelle Kenney used punishments and rewards to motivate and manage children's behavior in her classroom. Then she became a mom. When her second daughter was born, her first child began exhibiting the typical behavior of an older, displaced child. She talked back, threw tantrums, and at one point became dangerously rough with her little sister. Frustrated and worried, Michelle’s instinct was to discipline her daughter with yelling and punishments, but she soon found that this approach was having the opposite effect and only driving a wedge between them. Introduced by chance to a gentle parenting coach, Michelle was eventually able to see her daughter’s behavior through a more empathetic lens. That changed everything. “It’s such a beautiful thing,” she says, “Having these good, connected relationships… I know they feel safe, and I never felt that way when I was growing up.” Michelle is now a parent coach and shares her experience, inspiration, and knowledge in her new book Unpunished.  Michelle's contact information and parenting resources are available at peaceandparentingla.com.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Toddlers and preschoolers are driven to learn everything about their world, and they are particularly intrigued by the people in it: peers, family members, kids, grown-ups, and most of all their parents. A key aspect of their socialization is learning about personal boundaries, understanding how to assert theirs and respect those of others. They need our help with that. In her response to a parent's question about her 2.5 year old hitting children who invade his space, Janet explains how we teach these invaluable lessons and why they matter. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A parent writes that her 5-year-old is afraid to start kindergarten. Though she’s sympathetic that this is a big transition for her son, as he’s never been cared for by anyone but his grandparents or a cousin, she’s recovering from breast cancer and also has a two-year-old, so she needs this to work. While she and her husband both try to validate his feelings and talk about the fun parts of school, he ends up whining and breaking down, saying he isn’t going to like it and doesn’t want to go. She’s struggling and admits, “I have no words and don’t know the right thing to do or say.”Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Kids seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to detecting our vulnerabilities as parents. And as adept learners and explorers, they can't help but keep pressing the buttons they discover in us. It can be easy for us to get stuck in an uncomfortable, unproductive cycle.Janet shares two recent interactions she's had with friends who are concerned about disconcerting new tendencies they've noticed in their children. One parent says her daughter is portraying herself as a constant victim, blaming others for every mishap, even for her own errors and misdeeds. Another writes that when her son is in tantrum mode, she gently stops him from hitting and kicking, but afterwards, he complains that she is “pushing him.” He remains angry and shouts, “I don’t love you!”Janet identifies the common thread that could be causing these parents to doubt themselves and describes several additional examples parents have shared with her that fit this pattern. She offers suggestions for understanding and approaching these situations in a manner that ultimately curtails them.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Emma Nadler is a psychotherapist, author, and parent whose life was changed forever when doctors informed her that her second child, Eden, had a rare genetic condition. As she became familiar with the complexities of her daughter’s diagnosis, Emma had to confront her preconceptions of motherhood, self-judgment, and especially her tendency toward perfectionism. In her conversation with Janet, she describes her complex journey through grief, joy, and loneliness as she navigates her unexpected life. Throughout, she shares a powerful message of acceptance when life doesn’t go as planned.  Emma's memoir "The Unlikely Village of Eden" is available wherever books are sold, including Amazon.Please note: Listening to this episode in no way creates a client/therapist relationship with Emma Nadler. This is educational in nature. No legal, counseling, or other professional services are being rendered and nothing is intended to provide such services or advice of any kind. If you are having a mental health emergency, please contact 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also text or call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (in the United States).Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors. Our Sponsors:* Check out BabyQuip and use my code UNRUFFLED for a great deal: http://www.babyquip.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When scientist Anya Dunham was expecting her first baby, she decided to take a deep dive into the science behind various parenting techniques and philosophies. She was particularly drawn to the ideas Janet shares from the work of Magda Gerber and Emmi Pikler, because they complemented her own intuition. Anya joins Janet to discuss her research, how it supports the tenets of respectful parenting, and how parents can trust both science and their own intuition in the parenting experience.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The parent of a 4-year-old says he and his partner “have done the best we can to follow the principles of positive parenting,” but their boy has been refusing to follow instructions and often seems to ignore them entirely. His behavior is unsafe around their toddler and newborn, so this couple is struggling to remain calm and respectful. Janet offers them some insights and strategies to connect with their son and hopefully bring some peace to the household. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A single mom writes that her spirited five-year-old “has found a new voice and physicality” lately, calling her names, hitting, and taunting her “to try to get a rise." This mom attempts to remain unruffled and contain her anger and sadness during these episodes, but she's wondering if her controlled response is making matters worse. Janet offers six steps for responding to her son in a more connected manner that she hopes will alleviate the behavior. She then applies these same steps to two other situations where parents describe how their kids are rejecting their efforts to engage and saying hurtful things: One whose toddler daughter is grieving the recent loss of her grandmother; another whose 6-year-old daughter reacts to her mother’s corrections with self-loathing statements like "I"m stupid, I don't want you to love me, I'm just the worst." Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It’s common for young children to get frustrated as they're practicing and mastering new skills. As loving parents, it can be challenging to resist our urge to quell these feelings. We might try to talk our kids out of their frustration, or even complete the task ourselves. In this episode of Unruffled, Janet advises a mom who writes that her otherwise capable, confident two-year-old is easily frustrated. How can she respond in a manner that helps him develop more patience?Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I think families and particularly parents shy away from the term infant mental health. They think, Oh my goodness, does that mean that something is ‘wrong’ with my baby? And it does not mean that at all.” Janet’s guest is Dr. Angela Fisher-Solomon, an Infant Developmental Psychologist and RIE Associate with over 20 years of national and international experience in the Early Childhood field. Angela’s passion and the focus of her extensive work and research is building strong adult-infant/toddler relationships from birth, no matter what the circumstances. Every infant is unique, and every family dynamic is different. Angela strives to equip parents and professionals with tools to support and strengthen their relationships while nurturing each child's authenticity, resilience, and self-confidence.  Learn more about Angela's work and resources at: FIOTbabiesconsulting.com.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Becoming a parent changes us. The intense love we feel for our children makes us vulnerable to elements of their lives we don't control. Protective instincts are activated in us that we might never have known we had. From the time our babies are born, we're faced with a multitude of decisions about what we allow them to experience. Naturally, we want to empower our kids to feel capable and resilient, self-confident rather than doubtful, not anxious or fearful. But how do we know when we should let go and trust vs. say no and shield them? Are we saying no because it's too risky for our child, or because it makes us anxious? How can we manage and understand our fears? Janet's guest Dr. Tina Payne Bryson (co-author of “The Whole-Brain Child”) speaks to all of these questions with her usual brilliance and eloquence.Learn more about the resources Dr. Tina Payne Bryson offers at TinaPayneBryson.com and on her Instagram page: TinaPayneBrysonJanet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

As parents and caregivers, most of us know that it's a good idea to let our kids make choices. Offering choice is one of the ways we demonstrate respect for children as competent people. Making appropriate choices encourages them to be decision-makers and problem solvers, helps to foster a sense of autonomy, agency and healthy control in their world. In this episode, Janet shares how we can begin offering our kids choices even as babies and how as toddlers they crave choice as an expression of their burgeoning sense of self. Janet notes, however, that it can get more complicated. There will be times when offering young children even the simplest choice can seem to paralyze them in indecision. In other instances, they'll make opposing demands on us that can be confusing and infuriating. How do we navigate this? Janet explains by offering guidelines for when and how offering choices works best. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this encore episode (from the height of the Covid pandemic): Psychologist, author, and TED Talk superstar Susan David joins Janet to discuss how parents can nurture their children’s capacity to process difficult emotions, thoughts, and experiences. “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life,” she says, but we can help our children develop resilience and a capability to navigate uncomfortable emotions so they’re no longer scary. Susan offers advice how parents can instill confidence and a sense of well-being. The process begins with awareness, acceptance, and compassion for ourselves.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Children are wonderfully honest about what they’re feeling and thinking, and how they view the world around them. When they feel safe with us, they tend to lead from the heart, without filters. That can inspire some eye-opening and entertaining conversations! What happens, though, when our child openly makes observations or asks questions about another person's physical appearance or behavior? Or when they become fixed on an unsettling or argumentative opinion? Janet responds to 3 emails from parents who are (to varying degrees) uncomfortable with what their kids are saying and wonder if they should do more to correct and discourage them. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Thoughtful parents write to Janet each week sharing concerns about relational dynamics they regret creating with their children. "Is it too late?" they ask. Janet's reply: "Never." In this encore episode, Janet responds to an email from the parent of three kids (12, 9, and 3) who has just recently found Unruffled. She writes: “Your methods and insights have been truly freeing and a paradigm shift in experience for me.” However, she realizes now that her parenting style has included shaming, inconsistencies, and a negative reaction to her kids’ emotions. She says her middle child especially is struggling as a result. She feels guilty and is wondering how to make things right. “How can I help them after all the damage I have done?“Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Creating intimate bonds with our children is the primary parenting goal for most of us, and there are enormous benefits. Our kids are far more cooperative when they're regularly reminded that we see and accept them. The mutual trust we foster creates a sense of safety that helps our kids stay more grounded and self-regulated, so there won't be as much challenging behavior. When it does arise, it will be easier to resolve. Most important of all, our parent-child relationships will be deeper, richer, more rewarding, and lifelong. Janet's guest Dr. Taniesha Burke is a researcher and parent coach who has extensively studied how parent-child intimacy works and what we can do to increase it. Dr. Burke and Janet discuss these findings and how we can apply them with our children and in all our relationships. Taniesha's website is: https://www.tanieshaburke.comJanet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse and JanetLansbury.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“When we understand the reasons we react to our children in the way we do, we can begin to change the way we parent.”Janet welcomes a return visit from trauma survivor Elisabeth Corey, who suffered throughout childhood and her teens from severe physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. As an adult, that horrific period of her life was wiped from her memory, but the birth of her twins triggered painful flashbacks. Elisabeth has not only championed her own recovery but dedicated her life and work to helping others—breaking the cycle of abuse through conscious parenting. Janet and Elizabeth share a brave conversation about how emotional suppression distances us from our true selves, which makes caring for our children much harder. Alternatively, awareness of our feelings leads to healing and sets us free. Elisabeth’s website is BeatingTrauma.com where she offers one-on-one coaching, workshops, a blog, a free video series, and much more.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet frequently advises us not to focus on trying to say the "right" words when we’re engaging with our kids. Why? Because regardless of the words we’re using, our children usually sense what we are feeling and how we are perceiving them moment to moment. So, generally, memorized scripts or phrases aren’t going to be as important as our true feelings and intentions. However, in this episode, Janet switches gears to describe 3 situations where our words actually do matter. In these instances, word choices can affect our perceptions of our children, hinder our ability to connect with them, and impede other goals we have as parents. None of us are perfect, of course, nor would our kids wish us to be, but awareness of the impact of our words can make our lives easier.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Allowing our children to vent their feelings, encouraging and even welcoming them however they are expressed (and not taking it personally!), it is not easy at first. It is a practice that requires taking our head and then our heart into a place where we can calm ourselves enough to genuinely listen, and accept with compassion rather than judgment. In this episode, Janet shares several notes from parents who describe how making the effort to practice this perspective has paid off in major breakthroughs in their relationships with their children. One parent writes: “I have tears in my eyes as I write this because I just didn’t know that this type of connection with anyone, let alone the most important person in my world, was even possible.”Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet responds to an email from a parent who admits she struggles to establish personal boundaries. She says she has "hit rock bottom" regarding her relationship with her 2-year-old. She tries to set limits and then acknowledge his feelings when he reacts, but he screams and cries, and she can't get her work done. She believes her son is "making it very clear that I need a drastic change if I want our relationship to be a two-way street."Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse and JanetLansbury.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We all have certain hopes and expectations of our children when it comes to their behavior in public settings, both organized and informal. We’re often disappointed. The reality is that in any given situation, not every young child will handle themselves with the kind of interest and attention we desire or expect, even when other children seem to have it all together. Janet offers 9 suggestions for how we can better understand our children’s behavior in these moments and how to support them to benefit from the experiences. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

As conscious parents, we're doing our best to learn to anticipate and respond effectively to our children's behaviors and needs. However, the behaviors of the other children in our kids' lives—friends, relatives, new acquaintances in public environments—are far less predictable. It’s inevitable our kids will encounter situations that confuse, baffle, or even frighten them. So, what do we do when our kids are faced with these new and uncomfortable situations? And what is the best way to interact gracefully and helpfully with parents who aren’t on the same page?Janet shares 3 notes from parents whose kids have experienced unpleasant interactions with other children. The parents' instinct was to step in, but they were uncertain how to do that without offending the other parents. Janet explains her perspective and specific advice for handling each of these encounters.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet’s guest this week is Phinnah Chichi, an author, lecturer, and parenting coach whose inspired ideas and worldview help to educate and empower both teens and their parents. Phinnah’s work and philosophy dovetail with Janet’s focus on infants and toddlers. Both prioritize communication, trust, and connection to encourage emotional and social skills, and ultimately to forge lasting parent/child relationships. Phinnah's website: parentingteenssolutions.com. Her book is available on Amazon.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What do children need from us when they're experiencing intense feelings? What are the best things to say and do to calm their emotional storms? Janet responds to notes from three insightful professionals who express concerns that what they're doing isn't working. Janet validates their perspectives and explains why. Then she offers specific recommendations for navigating children's outbursts in a manner that fosters their resilience and a healthy attitude toward emotions while also nurturing trusting relationships.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse and JanetLansbury.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Our Sponsors:* Check out BabyQuip and use my code UNRUFFLED for a great deal: http://www.babyquip.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A mother laments the close relationship she used to enjoy with her daughter before having another child. Lately, her daughter has been testing limits, and she has found herself losing both her patience and her temper. “I really don’t want to continue this way with my daughter.” She’s wondering if Janet has any advice how she can remain calm and confident when her daughter seems intent on pushing her buttons.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With the best of intentions, we can invalidate our kids in subtle ways that make it harder for them to move through their feelings in a healthy manner. Janet responds to three questions from listeners who each recount a specific difficulty they’re experiencing with their kids’ behaviors. These are thoughtful, patient, respectful parents, yet their problems seem to persist. They feel they just can’t get through to their child. Janet identifies a common thread in these parents’ stories and explains how and why they could be inadvertently invalidating their children’s feelings. She offers suggestions for how they might look beyond the problem to understand and address the cause.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It can be confounding when our children behave in negative ways after we've told them umpteen times it’s wrong. Surely they’re aware that we don’t approve! And yet, they repeat the behavior no matter how frustrated, annoyed, or angry we get. Janet offers her perspective on this dynamic while answering a question from the mom of a short-tempered 6-year-old. This boy's father believes certain behaviors are simply unacceptable because their son is “old enough to know better,” but this mom isn't as sure and wonders if Janet can clarify what they should realistically expect for a child their son’s age.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.You can find the Mr. Chazz videos that Janet mentions at: tiktok.com/@mrchazzmrchazz.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Trauma informed coaches Lavinia Brown and Andrew Lynn join Janet to discuss how they help parents identify triggers and heal wounds that are preventing them from being the parents they wish to be and otherwise negatively impacting their daily lives. Andrew says: "Trauma robs you of the freedom to choose how you react." Lavinia and Andrew describe some of the common signs of trauma and repressed emotions, how they recognized their own, and how their respective coaching practices enable parents to process these emotions by connecting with the needs of their inner child.Reach Lavinia at LaviniaBrown.com. Her Instagram is LaviniaBrownCoaching.Reach Andrew at AndrewLynn.net, or on Instagram at Andrew.g.Lynn.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this week’s podcast, Janet breaks format slightly by sharing back-and-forth interactions she's had with listeners and her reflections about these exchanges. In the first, a parent eloquently describes a revelation about his children’s challenging behaviors and how they can bring out his best self. The second exchange explores the nuances of navigating boundaries and the messages we unintentionally give children by walking on eggshells vs. welcoming their feelings. Janet connects these discussions by noting how they both express what putting love into action really means with our kids. Exciting news: Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available now at: NoBadKidsCourse.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet responds to 3 separate messages from parents who are having issues with their children that are making them confused and unsure of themselves. While the details of the children's behaviors all differ, Janet identifies a common theme in the parents’ reactions and attitudes that she believes is perpetuating the behavior. She offers suggestions for how these parents can shift their perspective, gain more confidence in their role as leaders, and respond in a manner that resolves the true need behind the "wants" their children are expressing.Janet's No Bad Kids Master Course is available now: http://nobadkidscourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A frustrated parent writes that she and her partner are feeling like failures because their 2.5-year-old is pushy and demanding to the point that they end up losing their patience and yelling. Most challenging of all is that the toddler screams when she doesn’t get her way -- and sometimes for no reason at all. Occasionally, they've screamed right back. “I know,” this parent admits, “a very low point.” Janet offers insights as to the cause of the child's behavior and a perspective shift to help ease this mom’s concerns while also improving their parent-child relationship dynamics.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

No matter how we approach raising our children, there are times we'll feel physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted. Maybe all of the above. We’re only human, of course, but it may also be that we're taking on more than we need to --- depleting our energy with roles and tasks that are better left to our child. In this episode, Janet offers ideas for lightening our workload by recognizing and trusting our children's intrinsic abilities. Janet's job description reframe can help save our energy, nurture self-confidence, and at the same time foster a flourishing parent-child relationship. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The parent of three young boys is struggling to deal with their demands and the conflicts between them. If she accommodates one boy’s wishes, the other two react with an opposing desire, jealousy, and fighting. She’s wondering how to cope with her situation when everything feels like a compromise. “Most of the time I feel like they’re either fighting with each other or fighting over me,” she says. “It’s exhausting.”Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at JanetLansbury.com and NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet replies to the concerns of 3 different families who all share that they're struggling with their children's controlling, inflexible, and, in one case, possessive behaviors. The children range in age from 2 to 6, and Janet observes they all appear to have personalities on the intense side. One parent is particularly worried about how her son treats his peers when he doesn't get his way. She writes: "I worry he will lose friends or be unable to form deep connections if he yells and screams at his friends like this." Janet suggests a point of view for understanding and addressing these behaviors which can apply to almost any issue parents might face. She also offers examples of responses for the specific behaviors in each of these situations.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available for pre-order at NoBadKidsCourse and JanetLansbury.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet shares what she describes as her most valuable advice for parents -- a mindset that brings clarity to our role in our children's lives, makes our job more enjoyable and successful, and may even offer us personal growth. Janet explains why and how this perspective works, offers practical examples, and touches on some of the common issues that can get in our way. As parents, we tend to question ourselves: are we doing this parenting thing right, or are we failing? Janet's message is to afford ourselves the same trust and grace we hope to give to our children, to fully believe that we can do this!Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is now available at www.NoBadKidsCourse.com and www.JanetLansbury.com.Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble and Apple Books.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A parent is uncomfortable with her toddler's tantrums because her child seems so unreachable at these times. The parent's instinct is to reach out, soothe and reassure her child, but she realizes there is no way to get through to her when she's in the midst of it. She's hoping Janet has advice for how she might connect with respect and compassion. Janet's 'No Bad Kids Master Course' is available for pre-order on her website www.janetlansbury.com or at NoBadKidsCourse.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.