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Hi.Hi.Something happened after I went to France.What?We got fancier.Celsius is in the studio.You guys in the fridge.I felt really excited.Still not sponsored, but still not sponsored.But they are here.
And I was like, is this someone's personal supplier can have this?And they were like, you can have one.And I was like, Daddy list.Celsius is so daddy.I can't wait to wash my blood mug when I get home and drink out of it.Oh, my God.
This fits the spooky season.I still have my chiclet TV.Too much happened before I left.Now you're leaving.We didn't even.Let's see here.You will be in Europe by the time this comes out.
I know I'll be in London town.
You'll be in London.You guys are just doing London, right?Yeah.OK.
I'm literally going to be there for not even five days, including travel or weird.Like I'll be there Friday afternoon and I'm leaving Wednesday morning.Wow. So that's a quick trip, mate.It's a quick trip, mate.What's on your agenda?
What are you most excited about?
Obviously, the Beartooth show.
Yeah, well, I'm there for five nights and like three of the five nights I'm going to shows.So Friday night, I'm going to go see Citizen, this band I really love.They're playing their youth album in full, which is so iconic and wonderful.
So I'm going to go see that with Rosie. And then Saturday, Fleur's getting into town.And then Saturday night, we're going to go see Beartooth.And then I'm taking Fleur to Last Will's Pizza.They have like a brunch on Sunday.
And then we're going to like bop around Camden and like go to like some bars and do that whole thing.
Well, they're in a new location now, I would assume, right?
I can't remember if we had told the story.We went to this place called Lost Souls Pizza.It was amazing.And then a few months later, it caught fire and they had to close down.
But it's all like, it has a lot of, like, vampire themes.So very, like, heavy and like the Lost Boys themes of it all.But it's so cool.And the people that own it and work there are so lovely, so cool.So definitely excited to go back there.
And Monday, we're going to meet some of her friends and go to Dishoom for lunch.And just like whatever, whatever else our hearts desire.Oh, and then I'm going to go see McGee on Tuesday.Yeah.Love.
I mean, to shoom.Yeah.I mean, we went twice.We were there for like four days to do it twice.It's so good.I know.I'm so excited.OK, wait, really quickly.I know that this is the Friday episode.We're doing hometown heroes.
But I feel like we didn't hear enough about your when we were young experience.Can you please tell us more about that?
Yeah.I mean, it was so much fucking fun.
Welcome to Disrespectfully with Katie Maloney and Dana Kathan.Unapologetically, we're here to do what we want to do, spilling the tea.
Babe, you're going to see the power of women like Disrespectfully.
So I mean, when we were young, it's it's two days, but it's the same like lineup.So it's like so basically a one day, but I went both days.And I mean, it's a long day.It's doors open at like 10 or something or 1030.
And like the first band started like 11.The headliner, which is my cam, go on at 10, 1040 p.m.Yeah.So that's a long day.I mean, obviously, I didn't go. All day, every day.But the first day I got there, like one.
And because there's I mean, it is such a stacked lineup of bands, you know, and they're all playing like some of their most iconic albums in full.You really want to try to like hit as much.
But they they chose violence with those set times because, you know, you really had to make some choices.Decisions had to be made of like who you're going to try to go see.But I mean, just saw so many amazing sets and so many
People I know some friends and it was just so much fun.I obviously with Kristen who's like my sister and you know Watched my cam with her and had so much fun and like the first night Friday night.
I got there when had really amazing dinner and then met up with her and her mom and her sisters and everything and we just had like a fun fun time hanging out and then yeah, I just It was so much fun.
And it was great because the weather was so nice like It can be, it can be.I was going to ask, was it pleasant temp?Oh, a little toasty.I got burnt.Yeah.SPF.Oh, yeah.I forgot.I forgot.
I know.I believe or not, I forgot to bring.I forgot to bring.
And also me lose my ring.You're not putting SPF on.
And everyone was commenting like wrong because the weather didn't look like it was going to be that warm, but it ended up being pretty, pretty toasty.Give me an example.Like what was the temp?
Well, it was like 77, which isn't like super hot, but like the sun was hot on you.And but it was nice because when you're outdoors all day, like you don't want to be too cold, you don't be too hot.So you want to be dressed right.
But when the sun went down, it didn't get too cold.So it was just like it was nice because the first year we went, it was nice during the day, but that the minute that sun went down, it was windy and freezing.So this year was really lovely.
Curious, if anyone doesn't know, when we were Youngfest, so well, I guess like Kitty was saying, they each play an album, like a past album.
This year they did.They didn't do that the first year.
OK, so maybe OK, maybe it was a new thing, but All American Rejects pulled out because they were feeling upset and stifled that they couldn't play like a range of music they wanted to play.
So I'm curious, since you had boots on the ground, what what is your opinion on that, about them pulling out?And like, do you understand their side of it?And another band too, I can't remember who it was, pulled out too.
Distillers did, but didn't really give any context as to why.But I mean, the thing is, I think, I don't think that I'm not sure if they knew at the time, I think they were told that they were going to be playing an album in full.
And I'm pretty sure they were told which album to play, but they wanted to play, you know, just their like hits.
And I think maybe they agreed to it thinking that you know later on they would just be able to submit their set list and it'd be fine, but then I think there was some Rearranging and some changes up at the top or when we were young that changed and ultimately they were just like no So they were like then fuck it
And it's just like, I get it, but it's like if everyone else is okay and doing it, the only band that didn't do a full album was Fall Out Boy.And maybe they were just from the beginning that was like written into their contract.
But I mean, everyone else did it.And I think everyone, I think that the only, the only band that had to shorten their album and couldn't play it in full because it was like an hour and a half long is Coheed and Cambria.
I mean, they're, they've got like eight minute long songs.So like, that's fine.But like, they were great.Always really great.
If you don't want to do what's the premise of the whole theme of it all is, just don't ever agree to do it in hopes that you can like change minds.
And then have to do this whole like last minute pull out thing, you know, especially if you're a huge band like that, that a lot of people are looking forward to see.I don't know, it's just... No last minute pulling out.
Yeah, so I think boys like girls filled in their spot.
Great.Love that.Yeah.OK, well, I'm glad you had a great time, you little hometown hero.
Yeah, it was a lot of fun.But like, boy, my my body was like put through the wringer.Oh, my back hurt.My knees hurt.My ankles hurt.My like just weird little like pains are firing off throughout the joints and everything.
In Europe, I was averaging 15000 steps a day.One day we did over 20.Then I realized how American I am, that you're supposed to do 10000 every day.And I was like, I'm averaging 2300.OK, so like having to do 50000 steps is so much for me.
I will say on the third day of my trip, I didn't mention this, or second, our first nice dinner that I cried all throughout.We had been out walking all day.Those stupid loafers that I bought that are cute for here would have to walk five steps.
It was a 15 minute walk to dinner.So I just was like, I'll just change, throw the loafers on, it should be fine.They gave me third degree blisters, which I don't even know if it's a term, but I was at the bone basically.
So for the rest of the trip, I ended up having to I was I had so many Band-Aids.But by the third, by the time we got to Paris, I was so fucked up.I end up having to spend quite a pretty penny on a pair of slide.They do.
I got some hey dudes, you got a lot of heat for that still.I know people I'm like, but actually I feel like people have been kind of they're like, no, they're cool here or whatever.But maybe people are mad.I don't know to each their own.
We're just. giving little shit.
No, I purchased a pair of Christian Dior slides, flat slides, which we went to because we went to a nice like shopping place, like a big building, the department store.
Yes.And yes, there were there may be some more economical options.I could not find a slide of any like a loafer slide.They were the only ones that I found.And I was like, unfortunately, this is just going to be a cost of the trip.
And I never buy designer items.So I'm kind of upset because I would have preferred some I would not have purchased a loafer slide.But it was like, That is the cost of having a trip with a goddamn blisters.
So anyway, yeah, things were just not going my way.But that was the way my body ached.They're going going through that.I'm like in the catacombs doing like stretches near the bones because I my body hurts so bad.
Yeah.I mean, I definitely.Yeah.Just too much.I sound like the tin man by the fourth day as I was like, just like my body hurts from just like holding itself up.Just I had to like do the holy bend over, touch the toes, that kind of thing.
And just, you know, really my
lower back these days, that bend over, it's like, that's on the daddy list when you bend over and you're sore and you just feel it right there.
When I saw you on the lower back, like, the shoulder right here, the tip, I was just like, weird, weird little pains.Back of the knee.
I deserve a massage for my troubles and how my body's feeling.I should see if your thing has an opening today.That would make me feel better, a little rub down.Speaking of rub downs, should we get to these hoes?
Let's do it.Hometown heroes?
Yeah. All right, Gabriela says, so excited y'all read my story.My stepdad passed away or else I'd absolutely make him be on the pod and talk about his visit to Area 51.
This is that this is she we read her story about her stepdad's experience.Oh, yeah.
Oh, well, I'm sorry that he's not with us.And yeah, OK. I do however have awesome paranormal stories too of course.I gotta tell my fam's top two.A personal ghost story that happened to me and one having to do with Pablo Escobar.
I promise they're worth the read.One, for context, my grandma on my mom's side passed away before I was even a thought. When I was six years, my mom and I were helping my aunt, her sister, unpack her new house she moved into.
They were unpacking upstairs and I had to use the bathroom downstairs.As I was making my way to the bathroom, I glanced to my cousin's room and saw what I now know is a ghost.Black and white woman holding flowers, staring at me.
But it was like she was laid to rest on my cousin's bed.
That literally gives the imagery.Also, if you're just like she's like, what I now know is a ghost.How did you not know in the moment?Like it's you just thought it was like a lead.Your cousin had a friend over.
You thought it was Becky from ninth grade.What?
I remember vividly the image, but I wasn't intimidated by the ghost.So I went ahead and went to the restroom.When I walked by after I was done, I looked and she was gone. And then I went upstairs and played with my toys as they continued to unpack.
I don't remember this part, but my mom and aunt always tell me they unpacked a picture of my grandma and pointed to it and said, I saw her downstairs when I went to the bathroom.They questioned me again and realized what happened.
Examined the house and got the fuck out of there for the night.Grandma.
Amazing. Grandma, what are you doing here?Grandma, maybe be in a less menacing position for the child.Yeah, try like... She just starts levitating.Smiling and waving.Maybe read a book.How about Winnie the Pooh?Let's do something.
Let's kick this thing up a notch.
Oh, God.OK.And number two, Pablo Escobar hitman story.My same aunt, as I told in the story, lived in Mexico in a beautiful home.
When they traveled, it was normal for them to have house sitters outside their normal house staff to monitor, manage them.Rich, okay.Lux.In this instance, my second cousin went and watched their house.
He was from Nicaragua and had ties with Pablo Escobar and the government slash letting the drugs through.Loki, okay. Apparently he fucked over Pablo and Pablo was searching for him to kill him as he was watching my aunt's house.Oh god.
Pablo's team was indeed successful and when my aunt came home from their trip, This is how she described what she found.I walked in my house and went to my room to bring my bags and a pack.
As soon as I walked in the room, all I saw was red blood everywhere on every inch of my room, splattered all over the floors, walls and ceilings.They had high, high ceilings.
Then I saw my cousin on my bed, sliced from asshole to his throat with his balls shoved in his mouth. How do you recover from that?
No, that is... I saw the exact same in the Terrifier 3.
Oh, OK.Maybe she wrote it.OK, that's so upsetting.I actually didn't finish this when I chose that, but OK, that's... Oh, there's more in the back.Oh, good.OK.
Oh, with his ball shoved in his mouth.She she then goes on to try and stay in that same house after everything is cleared out and saw his ghost nonstop, which caused them to move out.
I do want to add to the Pablo story that the staff was paid off and scared to let the hit happen.Insane and had to share.Love you all.Happy Halloween.
The I mean, obviously, as we know, via Netflix and or the imagery, that doesn't surprise me.Like, I believe that because I feel like he would do these truly gory, awful.Yeah.To like really send a message.So any who.OK, well, thanks for reading.
And maybe maybe some more area 151 stuff next time.Damn.Love you, though.Damn. Let's talk about holiday gift giving.Are you one of those people who had their list checked off in July?Because me?No, definitely not.
I'm usually scrambling up to the very last minute.
Oh, same.I'm a master procrastinator.But the great news is that Ouai is making it super easy to give better gifts this holiday season.
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All right, let's talk about the arrival of fall.Let's do it.Everyone's getting back from vacation, headed back to school.And you know what that means?Yep.It's time to talk about Bombas.
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They even have a new heavyweight cotton tee that are extra thick and soft.Perfect for layering this season. And the best part?Tell me.
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Just head over to wearewild.com slash US and use code DISRESPECTFULLY20 for that discount.Or you can simply click the link in the episode description. Brown Lentil says, hi, Katie and Dana.
I'm listening to the episode where someone wrote in that they had sex with a truck driver with their friend in the top bunk.And it reminded me of the story. Eight years ago, I was helping my friend move from L.A.to N.Y.C.
We turned this move into an epic cross-country road trip.One of our stops was in Denver, where my friend had a friend that could host us for the night.I'll call this guy Dream Weaver.
Dangerously handsome with ice blue eyes like Paul Hollywood or the Night King from the Game of Thrones. Is that the ice guy that summons things?Yeah, the, the, the nightwalker guy.Yeah.That's a white Walker.
So that's a weird, hear me out, but I get it, but also wearing those grotesque toe shoes and starting each day sucking on a volcano, starting each day, sucking on a volcano vaporizer.
Like he was the big bad wolf taking that final breath to blow down those three little pigs house. Wow.We have a writer on our hands.What a description.We showed up to his address and realized that he lived in a commercial space.
He used the space as both his residence and an illegal grow house.His living space was about 300 square feet.
There's a couch and two seats, a queen size mattress and a twin bed in the kitchenette surrounded by shelves of ball jars filled with lentils and nuts.The back of the space had a huge open.OK, also this already this guy's energy.
It's giving like prepper, you know, like just having like the weird jars of nuts and shit and then just like a bed in a kitchenette.
Yeah, he's very like hippie granola bread.
Yeah. Reds to go.Reds to go.At the back of the space had a huge open room that he used to grow for his illegal operation.At the back room, he pointed to a door locked on the outside and he mourned us.Don't go in there.
At this point, you'd think I'd want to run out of there or at the very minimum ask questions.But Dreamweaver's ice blue eyes inscroll me.I just go with the flow and hit the vaporizer.Smart.
After a few hours of watching Grand Designs on his chiclet sized TV, I got the vibe. Am I Dreamweaver?I get the vibe from my friend that I need to make myself scarce.I move a few feet away to the small bed surrounded by the lentils and nuts.
I pretend to go to sleep, but even with earplugs, I can hear my friend having sex with Dreamweaver.As I lay there trying my hardest to disassociate into a brown lentil.
We started to feel a connection with whatever or whoever was in the room that was locked from the outside.We were in this together, eyes wide shut and not hearing ball slap against skin.Ew.I don't even like when it's me and I'm hearing that.
It's such an upsetting noise, especially if it's someone else.It's such a bummer.Yeah. You may be wondering what was behind the secret door.Obviously, we survived the night.
The next morning over a Denver omelet, I asked Dreamweaver what was in the back room.It turns out that one of his employees lived in the back of the commercial space and he didn't want them to be able to get into his living space.
Kind of weird, but OK.The guy was living in his illegal grow house in a commercial space sandwiched between a Chinese restaurant and a lawyer's office.So some unconventional living situations were to be as expected.It's very Better Call Saul.
feeling.You don't even feel like that kind of lawyer's office.Yeah.I don't think my friend ever saw Dreamweaver again, but every once in a while I like to remind my friend of the time I was the chillest weaned woman of all time.Big fan.Brown lentil.
Also, he lied to you.There was definitely like a nice lady tied up back there.Unfortunately, I really hate that.It wasn't just like an employee.
I mean, why didn't I don't rather than just say don't go in there, just be like, hey, by the way, like someone like there's someone that lives there.So like we just we can't just like walk in there.Someone lives there.
Yeah, so don't just like don't just present.Don't go in there.You can't go into the West Wing like all be like.
Also, if you tell me not to do something, I got to do it.
And that's how the scary movie starts.Don't be weird about it.
That is amazing.Also love your storytelling.Yeah, that was awesome.OK.Anyways, Lauren says, Hey, Dana and Katie.Hey.Hey.This has been funny to me for a while, so I thought I would share.
I'm a research and development scientist in cosmetic ingredients.Essentially, if you go to the store and buy a face lotion that claims reduces appearance of wrinkles, I'm the person who created that active ingredient.Wow.I bet you.
You're not ready for this.But you have really good skin.
Anyways, we work with a preservative called Kaethon. Are you getting it now?LOL.Dana's last name, although spelled slightly different, is pronounced the same.It's my biggest PTSD starter at work.LOL.
Kaethon isn't regulated in the EU anymore because of that.About a year ago, I had to reformulate every one of our ingredients to remove Kaethon.
It's spelled K-A-T-H-O-N and mine is spelled A-N.That's so funny.It was the worst few months of my career.
This probably isn't podcast worthy, but I just wanted to share since every time y'all do the introduction, I wince at Kate.Thanks for reading and happy almost Halloween. Also, I do have a poop story.LOL.
We've been lacking in poop stories, y'all, so it was time.My first job was at Old Navy when I was 17.I worked there for about three years, surprisingly.Being an employee there is not for the weak. So one day, my responsibility was the fitting rooms.
I hate working in fitting rooms.I did that for two weeks at Hollister.It was terrible.
Cleaning them out after people tried on folding slash hanging the clothes and putting them back on the floor.
There was this little closet essentially that we worked in where people who tried on the clothes had to pass in order to get back to the store. Anyways, a lady walks by and she's pale on the face.
We make super awkward eye contact and she says, I'm so sorry, and then immediately leaves the store.I'm 17, so I don't really care to investigate at this point because I'm stressed.
I'll be fired from my minimum wage job if I don't fold all these clothes fast as fuck. Somehow, someway, I was the one to discover that this lady shit in the fitting room and used our merchandise to wipe her ass.
My gag reflex is so bad, I had to sprint out of the store.Luckily, my shift was practically over, so I didn't have to deal with the cleanup.Thank God.Long live poop stories.Disgusting.What is wrong with people?
So, you know, between tanning beds and fitting rooms, like, what is wrong with you?Like, for real?
It's funny because, not funny, haha, funny, awful, but I was listening to MFM yesterday when I was trying to get my life together.And I was, I'm obviously caught up to my comfort podcast.
So I was back in 2021 and Georgia, one of her first jobs was working at a thrift store.And she said on her first shift, her first day, someone shit in the fitting room.I'm like, what is with that?I mean, obviously this lady apologized.
So I like to think she was an IBS queen and just had an accident, but like, Yeah, and also, am I a forever chemical?What is that?The Kaethon.I know, but now I don't know what it is.
Well, a poop story in Kaethon.Keep on Kaethoning.Peanut butter and jelly. Taylor says, Hi there Disrespectfully Pod.I have been listening since the beginning and obsessed with the pod as well as Vanderpump Rules.
I recently listened to the latest podcast when you mentioned to write in spooky stories we may have and this one's pretty freaky.I moved to Orlando from Los Angeles about eight years ago and travel back home twice a year to see my loved ones.
Last year, my high school friends and I met up to celebrate our 10-year high school anniversary, just the four of us.We are all lovers of spooky things and decided to take a trip to the Patterson House in Hemet, California.Do you know what that is?
Interesting. We're able to stay until 2 a.m.and use all the paranormal equipment we wanted.When we started our adventure, they give you a tour and the history of the house and the people in it.
I can't recall much of it besides the man saying that the uncle was a very mean guy who had a thing for blondes.I'm the only blonde in the group.My friend turned on her spirit box after the tour and we started trying to hear spirits.
Although her batteries are brand new, the box wouldn't work.That was when we first started getting nervous. Thankfully, we had dowsing rods so we could still communicate that way Do you know what those are?
I'd love that fucking solar energies chick on on tick-tock.That is a never scroll for me Yeah, all four of us would take turn using the rods But the spirits only like communicating with the blonde but her with me fine Oh, with me.She's the blonde.
Now this house is two stories and we were upstairs we noticed a quilt neatly folded at the staircase handle and we made sure not to touch it.
After a while communicating upstairs we went downstairs and instantly noticed that the quilt was on the stairs like it had been thrown down there for us to trip on.
We instantly freaked out and also noticed a figure in the window watching us from the top stairs at this point.We said, absolutely not. and decided to grab our things and head back to my mother's house.
When we got home, my mom's two dogs greeted us at the door, but her black lab would not come near me and was scared to be around me, which is strange because she loved me very much.
We all started to panic and thought maybe something was attached to me and followed me home.We eventually went to bed and I woke up that morning to my mom in the kitchen.
She asked how our night was and I told her how the dog was acting and asked if she noticed.She started freaking out.Very Christian lady.
My friend mentioned she could do a cleanse with a whole egg and say a Spanish prayer while rubbing the egg all around my body.
So we agreed to do this as she finishes grabbing a glass of water so she can crack the egg in it and see if any of the lines come out of the egg.And they definitely did.
After this, I sat down on the couch and the dog, terrified of me, ran up to me and cuddled right in my lap.Needless to say, we think the mean uncle with the hots for blondes followed me home.
I hope you enjoy hearing this story as I was extremely excited to share my experience with you spooky queens. OK, well, good thing your friend knew how to do the egg thing.I've seen that.I've heard about that.Yeah.OK, I'm kind of confused.
No, it's like just like if you if you have some type of like entity attachment or something like that, the egg, there's something with the yolk will float or sink and then there will be like stringing attachments to it.So like there's a cleansing.
Look it up on TikTok.There's all kinds of videos, but it's interesting.OK.I don't want to be the one to explain it and like not get it right.But like I have seen it. Okay, I'll take a look.Very interesting.That's totally what that was.
Cause there'll be people that do it and not, it'll be like the same egg from the same thing.It's the same situation.
And the one person that like doesn't have it, the, it'll act accordingly, not, you know, and then the person that does it will be weird.
All right.Well, thanks for your hometown hero stories.
Yeah.Lots of spooky shit.We loved it.Should we dub dub DD?Let's dub dub DD.
All right, Anna says, hi, I need some advice about my relationship.My partner and I have been together for seven years.When we first met, he was a professional athlete, really attracted to me.
Now he's a coach, but lately it feels like he's lost all ambition and direction.Meanwhile, my career is taking off and it's frustrating to watch him struggle with any clear goals or motivation.
He's really scared about what to do next with his life, which honestly is a huge turnoff for me. If I'm being completely honest, I don't even want to help him figure out what to do anymore.
I could lay out the steps for him, but he'd just follow along blindly, leaving me responsible for the outcome for the rest of our lives, which is a burden I don't want to carry.
To complicate things, he's gone from now until April for his coaching schedule, leaving me with seven months to sit and deal with these feelings alone. We also have Elise and a dog together, which adds to the pressure.
I felt like I've been settling for good enough for a long time.I'm starting to realize that maybe being a good person isn't enough for me in a relationship.I'm tired of forcing something to fit my life when it just doesn't.I care about him deeply.
He's truly one of the best humans I know, but I don't think I can keep living like this.I know where I'm at emotionally, but I don't know how to take the next steps after seven years together.
Yes, I'm only 25, so part of this is probably due to my 18-year-old self deciding it'd be a great idea to date an athlete.So I'm assuming he's probably about the same age, or maybe slightly older?
I get the vibes maybe slightly older, but I don't think there's a huge age difference.But athletes, you know... Wrap it up young, yeah.
Yeah, so, but he's a coach.Like, it sounds like he's not just sitting at home.I'm confused as to, like,
Well, I mean, I think that we don't know what type of coaching and maybe it's more so that he, this is what I'm getting from this, that he took this role in coaching because it was just the next step to do, you know, after you're an athlete or whatever, but maybe he doesn't have his long term plan.
So I think that he's maybe feeling some analysis paralysis because he's just like, I don't know what to do.And so he's relying on her to tell him and like guide him through it. So for me, first of all, it doesn't matter what age you're at.
You shouldn't, I personally think, stay in a relationship at any point just because you someone's kind.
I can't tell you what to do, but basically it sounds like what you're saying is that you know what needs to happen already and that you're feeling suffocated by this person.
And it is really draining when you have direction and you know what you want, when you're feeling like you're having to parent the person next to you as far as like what their next steps are, because ultimately
We're all our own person and we do need to figure out what is, you know, next for us or long term for us.I also think I know that you're like we share a place together and a dog.Everything's figureoutable.
So please don't let the fact that you share a lease and a dog be the reason that you stay in a relationship that ultimately isn't right for you.And I think that I understand his feelings, but I also understand
if you stick it out for an amount of time and the struggle doesn't change.And so they just look to you to be doing the work for them.At some point, they have to figure it out for themselves.I don't know.Who knows?
Maybe it's a thing that you break up and then he figures this shit out.But it sounds like you are a consistent thing in his life that is possibly keeping him in the holding pattern of like looking to someone else to fix it.
Yeah, I don't know if he's just like looking for you to fix it or if this is just sort of like a temporary period in his life where he's gone from, you know, something consistent.
All he's maybe known is in his life is like sports and being an athlete.And now he's trying to transition to the next thing that maybe he's not sure he wants to do.
Maybe he just needs some time to figure it out and maybe is looking to you for support during this time.I know it can feel like unattractive, but
You have to ultimately do what makes you happy and you shouldn't be in anything too long If you're not happy because it's just gonna harbor resentment But I think also you want to make sure that you're never dating somebody's potential You know, um, like you like you said you 18 years old you were like I'm gonna date an athlete like I'm not saying you should blame yourself, but I'm just saying like this is
person isn't somebody that's maybe lacking ambition or not a great, you know, partner in life and everything that like you were dating this idea or this person that you couldn't promise to be this that same person forever.
And doesn't mean that they can't figure out something wonderful to do for the rest of their lives.Like this could be a very temporary thing if there's if he's in his 20s or in late 20s, like that's OK.Yeah.
Some people go to school for four to five, six years even, you know, and then graduate and it's like, I don't know what I want to do.
And then they spend another five years figuring it out and then they have a great lifelong career and they're super successful and super happy.So I think just figure out like what you want to do, what's going to make you happy ultimately.
And if like it's not with this person, you just don't think you can make it work with them, then do that.But also I think be realistic about your partner that you choose next.Yeah.
And don't date them for where they, you know, their potential or where they are now.Like, think about long term.
Agreed.Anonymous says, hello, you beautiful badass ladies.My friend broke up with her ex over a month ago and it was messy.I have been there through it all, but the problem is it now seems like all she ever wants to talk about is her ex.
Think Carrie in Sex and the City constantly talking about how she was the poof in the relationship.
I want to be a supportive friend and be there for her, and I know healing takes time, but I don't know how much longer I can sit around and bash this guy who is clearly not good for her. I've tried changing the subject and I never bring him up.
But even a simple, hi, how are you?It turns into a long rant about him.She doesn't ever ask about anybody in my life.And I feel like it's a very one sided friendship now.But I'm afraid if I say anything, she just won't talk to me much anymore.
I truly value our friendship.So how can I politely tell her that I really cannot entertain these conversations about her ex anymore?How do you support a friend who's in a post breakup spiral?Love you.
So you said over a month ago in the grand scheme, I don't know how long they were together, but even if you're not together with someone long, like those certain relationships that get under your skin can take a really long time.
However, like I don't think over a month means that she's had plenty of time and she should be over it.However, I do think it's completely fair for you to be drained by it being a constant.This is the only thing on the menu and you had to be
the fix it person for her, particularly if when someone's so wrapped up in their own shit sometimes about a relationship, job, life, family, whatever.And that is happening over and over and over.It's so taxing when you're like, I'm fine, by the way.
Like, thanks for asking me about how I am. I understand that you value this relationship, but if it's a relationship that is meant to test the stand up time, it will survive this conversation.
And I think what you do is just come from a place of understanding and not being attacking and just saying, hey, I really love you. what has happened to you is awful.I'm sorry that you have gone through this.
I'm not saying we can never speak about it again, but I do want to point out it's been X amount of time and I just feel like every conversation leads to him and it's starting to get to me.
And I don't feel like it's reciprocated as far as what's going on in my life.And I want to be a good support to you.And I want to know how I can do that.
But at the same time, I have to look out for myself and I just need to set up a little bit of a boundary here and more so even point out to you.
Maybe you should speak to a therapist or some or, you know, seek other external things, because at this point, I don't think I've helped you.And it's we it feels like Groundhog's Day.
Yeah, I know.I agree with everything that you're saying, because it can it can be very draining to be the soundboard constantly for the those types of things.
And the thing is, I don't she's probably not fully aware of it, which seems crazy because you're like, how how are you not aware that this is like all we talk about ever?And that, yeah, maybe like a month plus is like, all right, let's wrap it up.
But, you know, it can take some time and eventually like Once she's talked out of it, she will be fine.Like that's sometimes this is like someone's healing process and you're obviously a safe place.
And she probably like enjoys, not enjoys, but like you're probably the person that she feels comfortable around bringing these things up.So I think there is a there's a way to like bring it up and be like, hey.
Love you much, you know, but I wouldn't say like it's been a long enough because that might set her off.Yeah, I think it's just like I want you to always feel safe coming to me and talking about these things.
But I feel like it's not good for any one of us to just have it be only this.So like if there's something you like really need to like get off your chest, can we like talk about like let's also talk about other things like again, don't bring up.
Never ask me questions, just like mention it and then tell her how it makes you feel.And again, she might not be aware of it.So making her aware, which is such a good point.
of it and how it's just like kind of making you feel that it does feel like kind of one sided and that like, you know, you want it to be a friendship where you both are sharing what's going on in your lives and like you're not getting that opportunity.
Or you could be like, hey, do you want to watch Sex in the City season two, episode eight?What do you think about Carrie in that episode?I think she's so fucking annoying, don't you?
No, I mean, I the thing is, I've definitely like been
We've all been there.We've all been there.
Been that friend that's just like, you know, and as some people like had to bring up to me, I'm like, oh my God, you're totally right.So like, but you don't want to make them feel like they can't ever talk about it because it's like, they'll explode.
And like, yeah, therapy is one thing, but also like, you know, your friends.And I think just like, do you like, do you, are you talking about me?Cause you just want to like talk the vent.
Like, I don't have an, I don't have anything else to like say, like, we've kind of, we've kind of talked this out.It feels like we're on a hamster wheel.
Yeah, I think just bottom line, just don't be like, you annoying ass bitch.Just, you know, come from a place of love and you'll be fine.Yes.
Anonymous says, Dear Katie and Dana, I am a lesbian and I have been with my girlfriend for almost five months now.I am fortunate enough to have a very supportive and accepting family, but my girlfriend, not so much.
Her parents are split and she's very close to her mom, but they can tend to have a pretty tumultuous relationship. right now especially is pretty rocky off off and on and she has been waiting for the right time to tell her and her dad.
I've been very reassuring to her that there is no pressure for me to tell them at any specific time and we've had very deep conversations about it and how it doesn't change how we feel about each other and our relationship.
The issue for me is there have been a couple of instances where I could be around her parents, but it would have had to be in a way where we were presenting only as friends, since her mom does know who I am, but only as my girlfriend's friend.
I haven't put myself in those situations because something about it seems so ingenuine and gives me immense anxiety.I guess I'm asking should I feel silly for this?I feel dramatic sometimes.
I also never been in a lesbian relationship before and certainly haven't been kept a secret so I find myself getting in my head and worrying.
I should also mention she has had a very short term girlfriend before me that her mom knew about after the fact and didn't treat her any differently.So it doesn't make any sense to me why she can't know about me.
At the same time, I am not in her shoes and have had and have a much better relationship with my mom.So I have no place to judge or talk about all the things I would do differently because I've never experienced it.
The only thing that really bothers me is that I've been invited to be around her parents, but have to pretend to be just another one of the besties.It just hurts sometimes.
If you guys end up reading this, I hope it can help other people in similar situations, and maybe someone could write in and talk about their experience as well.Love you guys so much.I've been listening to the pods since day one.
Makes me sad and makes me sad.It's like that's a tough situation to be in.And, you know, I just I'm wondering if it's just like she just really has reservations about it or if it is just about like the tumultuous relationship.
I'm just wondering, like, what the real issue is.
Well, I think that first, just to answer your question, you're definitely not silly.No.Oh, my God.Your feelings are completely valid.Completely, completely valid.So first of all, no is the answer to that question.
I do think that family dynamics are complicated, as it were.And maybe if she's just not feeling very safe in her relationship with her mom, It just doesn't feel right.But I also I think that you can't, you know, apples and oranges.
She was in a short term relationship before, but it's not your relationship.So I don't think you necessarily need to compare or it's a reflection of how much she cares about you.
So I would honestly, I would say you just need to have a conversation with her.And I think it's great that you've been supportive up until this point.But if it's now making you feel
insecure in your relationship or unloved or ashamed or bringing up these feelings, I think you just need to sit down and talk with her about it and just say, hey, I don't want to pressure you and I don't want to feel like A plus B equals C, meaning I'm only valid in your life if your family knows about me.
But it is it is making me second guess things and it is making me feel, you know, upset and wondering how the quality of our relationship or whatever
But I think it's just going to have to start with that and just say, like, you know, even if it's something that you need more time on, that's fine.But then maybe I just need some reassurance right now.
Totally.I think, yeah, I think it's just having that really open dialogue just so like you can fully understand.I think it always boils down to the communication.
If you're feeling unsure or not understanding, I think just getting down to the brass tacks.
Yeah.And I think, well, and also letting these feelings fester over time is going to create problems.
Because you start writing stories and scenarios in your head and it's always worst case scenario too.Yeah.And, you know, makes you feel insecure and makes you not feel like safe.And that might not be the case.So I think, yeah, just having that
real open, honest conversation.I'm sorry that I'm making you feel that way.I know.I know.
Emma says, Hi Dana and Katie.Love this podcast.I have laughed out loud in public so many times listening to you guys that people might think I'm crazy when I'm taking my hot girl walks in the park. My name is another hysterical woman.
My name is Emma and I'm a 23 year old girl.This is the first time I've actively put myself out there in the dating scene.I'm fairly new to this since my past only includes a two week relationship in high school and no relationships in college.
Now that I'm working, I'm ready to put myself out there.I met a guy on Hinge about a month ago, and so far it's been going well with conversation slash communication every day.
I went on my first, second date last week with him, and it ended well with a steamy makeout.
Since I've only been in the dating pool for about two months and don't have much experience with dating, what advice can you give on making sure conversation continues and how to turn dating into a relationship?
I like the guy and want to make sure I'm not overthinking things.Love you girls and any advice for this newbie dater would be great.
Love, Emma.Well, don't overthink it.I mean, I just think I think taking a one day at a time and always checking in with yourself to ask and figure out like how you feel about him.
Don't think about what he thinks about you and how he's feeling about you.And I think that just always being like, do I like the way I feel around him?Do I do I really like him?You know, I think
Everything else will like naturally come I mean if it's if it's kind of like meant to work out and he's like really feeling you He's gonna be putting in an effort and you just reciprocate as long as you're feeling it as well Completely agree with everything you just said I think even the way you worded this what advice can you give me on making sure conversation continues your goal should not be making sure conversation continues because if it's supposed to it will and if not I
So honestly, if I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self what Katie just said about focusing on how you feel.Do you like this person?But also de-centering men.De-center them from the conversation, especially around dating.
It'll make your life so much easier because if it's all about I want to keep this going.How do I turn this into a relationship?It's mostly about taking a big breath and just making sure checking in with yourself, making sure you feel good.
You like what's happening.You're interested in them.
I can't tell you how many losers I have dated that were not worthy of my time that I didn't even like because I was just like looking for something and chasing them and wanting to get the validation from them.
Just do you like them? Do you like them?And then yeah, and then eventually, you know, if it keeps continuing, then you can be like, you know, do I only want to see that?You know what I mean?Like you can keep your options open along the way.
I mean, like that's a great healthy thing to do.But like, I think it's just keep it about, you know, you want to obviously like ask them questions and find out things and be curious and understand them.
But like, you know, try to also keep it about you in the process, because you have to know and be paying attention to like Just like little things here and there.
Also, it's kind of trial and error.Like you're you are young and you're first starting out.So we can give you this advice or blue in the face, but some of it's you're just going to live through it.
And also, if it doesn't work out, it's not about you.You didn't do anything wrong at all.It's just it's it's a it's not a game, but like that's how dating is.It's just like sometimes it doesn't click.Didn't click.
That means it's someone else's out there.But I hope.
But good luck.We hope you get some hometown hero stories out of this we want to hear about.
Yeah.Anonymous says, Dear Dana and Katie and the whole disrespect for the crew.Did you hear that, Alyssa?Hi.Thank you for being my yapping buddies throughout the week for a girl that now lives with a boy.Ew.
It's so nice to have a podcast to listen to that feels like I'm back chatting with my girlfriends.Obsessed with you both. I'm 25, female, and have a 28-year-old sister.
Before I get into the crazy, I feel like I should preface this with saying I love my older sister dearly and she is the baddest bitch on the planet.She's just on another level these days and that's where I need some advice.
For context, four years ago, my sister got out of a toxic relationship with a military man.He broke up with her on their anniversary. and was so mid.At the time, this was her first major relationship and therefore her first major breakup.
Short story, it sent her into a tailspin, like a full-on depression, lost her sense of self, got into some really bad eating behaviors, and was taking a Benadryl to sleep every night.
It seriously broke my heart, especially considering she is one of the most independent, badass, confident, self-reliant queen I've ever known.The fact a man was able to take this away from her so quickly made me want to hunt him down.
Fast forward a year and she met another boy.At the time, she wasn't interested in him at all.
She was still hung up on her ex, but this guy was pining for her, bought her expensive shoes for her birthday, bought her meals, flirted with her constantly.But she didn't really care for months until suddenly she did.
I guess her feelings developed about a year later with him and shocker, but once she was interested in him, he lost interest. Kept her on a short leash to still keep her in the game, but started being really manipulative.
I kid you not, they had been in a situation ship now for Drumroll, four years.That is unacceptable.He's horrible for her, 38 years old and living with two roommates.
Struggled to hold a job down and has been encouraging her to smoke, which I'm not against smoking by any means. Am I dating her?But this is incredibly unusual for her.She was always against any type of drugs or alcohol.Maybe weed?I don't know.
So my question is, how long is long enough for me to really lay the hammer down with my sister?I played along for about two years.
The past years, I have not been encouraging, but not necessarily telling her she needs to move on from this mess of a man.She's extremely fragile all the time now, and I just want her to see how much time she's wasting with this guy.
All I want is for her to be happy and I haven't seen that side of her in so long.How would you approach a conversation like this, especially when we would probably have it during the holidays with my fam all together?
How long is too long?It's been 84 years, babe.
A four year situation ship. Excuse me?
Look, the holidays are the perfect time for family trauma.It's just there's nothing quite like a fight over a turkey.So I just feel like bring the big guns out, involve everyone, get all liquored up first.
Nothing says Christmas like really holding someone's feet to the fire.
Jazz and liquor and getting in a big fight.
Tears around the dinner table.
Also, it's so hard when someone you love is in a situation like that, but four years is crazy.I mean, it's time to snap your fingers in her face and Mrs. Nice Guy is gone.Like, you got to run the tape.
You got to bring the receipts, put it on a timeline for her on a piece of paper, make a slideshow.Yeah.
Tire to a chair, tape her eyes open and click through the slideshow.Click through the slideshow, yeah.
Show her photos of the roommates over and over.
And it's hard.I understand.It's really hard when like you your self worth is in the pooper and you just like, you know, some guy is giving you breadcrumbs and you're convincing yourself it's a meal and she just is like taking whatever she can get.
But it's like.Enough is enough.
Here's the thing, you're saying she's in a fragile place right now.Well, her fragility will only increase every day that this goes on.The only thing worse than a four year situationship is four years and a day.So it's time.
She needs you to be tough for her right now.You know, don't like beat her with a wiffle ball bat, but definitely, definitely have a little chat.Yeah. I'm rhyming today, like I'm like fucking Dr. Slutty Dr. Seuss.Good luck to you, though.
I feel so sad for her.We have compassion.But then there's times when, as Carrie Bradshaw once said, and then there's times when a woman should not just shut the fuck up.Anonymous says, Thank you so much for answering my question on the pod.
I got so excited and wish I could have been in the room with you guys to add commentary.You guys are so cool.And I was giggling with you.
The things I didn't include in this slash why I'm concerned is my boyfriend has crossdressed with me a few times.This is the pegging now.Oh, welcome back.OK.OK, cute.
The thing I didn't include in this why I'm concerned is my boyfriend has crossdressed with me a few times.He's demisexual and I'm bisexual.
But I wanted to tell you two to add context to why I'm so concerned about the future and not having a real dick. He's brought multiple pairs of thongs for me that ended up being for him.
I just didn't want to put it on blast in the pod because I'm honored how comfortable he is with me and his sexuality.But after giggling with you two, I've looked into anal Obsessed!
I looked into anal kits and I'm deciding to let the future unfold itself before my anxiety makes assumptions.I will follow up to let you both know how it went and so we can together make pegging a thing and not shame it.Yes!
I'm having a hard time not comparing sex and sexuality.He's dated trans girls in the past but have never been pegged because trans girls usually aren't into that because they usually want to take on more of the feminine role as well.
But I should have added all of this to context on the pod slash for the pod, but I was just worried again, because I'm honored about how open he is with me.Thank you guys for answering my questions and making me smile.I'll be strapping it on soon.
Love you guys. And they say we're not helping people.Here's the thing.OK, obsessed with this.I do understand.I understand what your fears are around that, but I just think that that your partner is real open and is honestly my one dream.
Imagine like, you know, shopping together.How great things could be if this is, you know, you could become so much closer.Intimacy could just skyrocket.I don't know. Or it could, I just think, you know, you got to just give it a shot.
Yeah, we just, I mean, you ask a question, but like, it's awesome.I'm just very excited for you.
Don't forget the enema.But yeah, this is this rocks.We can't wait to hear a follow up.Thank you for sharing with us.
We love a follow-up, especially about pegging.Yeah.
P says, hey, Queens, hey.Hey.Katie, you've been my favorite for years now.Fuck what anyone said.Tequila Katie is an icon.Recently, like very recent, I broke up with my boyfriend.He was my first boyfriend.
Makes me feel like a loser late bloomer because we started dating when I was 26. Anyways, now I'm back to being single at 29, moving back to my small hometown where hey dudes are a staple part of almost every male wardrobe.
I just feel like I lost myself in the relationship I was always putting in first.Then our sex life became non-existent.Then I caught myself doing wifey shit without a ring.As to which he doesn't see himself getting married.
It's been the hardest decision I've ever had to make picking myself.Why do I feel so guilty?Any advice on how to start feeling bad for leaving him alone?The cats are so bonded to him.
I could never separate them, but I feel like a mother leaving her children. When does ugly crying stop?Love you, Queen, so much.P. I mean, girl, you're going to give yourself a gift by choosing yourself and choosing happiness and not like.
Becoming someone's mother, forget wifey shit like that's mother shit, you know, sometimes I think that those things are confused.
I think some people get confused and they think they're doing wifey shit, but you're really being a mom.Yeah.
And it's like, yeah, some of that is great, but some of that needs maybe sometimes take a step back and examine like what's in my parenting or my partnering.
One thing, if you like split household, you know, responsibilities of like, you know, cleaning or like, hey, I'm going to put these clothes in the dryer, you know, and then the next time they do it, you know, but if you're like doing everything for someone and like, I don't know.
Well, I think also if you're saying this is your first experience with this, I want you to know it's all normal.The ugly praying stops when you've grieved it.Like there's there's no unfortunate time frame I can tell you.
I think in every breakup I've ever had where I've And honestly, I've left most of the people I've dated as opposed to being broken up with, not because I'm a prize, but because I have an anxious, avoided attachment style.
And if I'm scared someone's going to leave me, I will break up with them immediately.But it is scary.It is scary to leave something that... And wondering.And wonder.So, well, my point.Yeah.
My point about that is I I've spent a lot of time second guessing.But then when I've had enough time to have perspective, 100 percent of those were the right decisions.
Oh, yeah, I think giving yourself an opportunity to be happy to find something that feels like it's It adds more value to your life that you're not, you know Again, it sounds like maybe that it's if he doesn't want to get married possibly you do So I just think give that gift to yourself.
You'll be fine.You're gonna you're gonna you're gonna feel good one day You made the right choice.
Mmm, promise you that yeah, and we love you.
Allie says, Hi, ladies.Love the pod.It's the one I'm most excited about listening to every week.Twice now.Fuck yeah.Fuck yeah.We love you.I can't lie and say I've loved you guys from the beginning on Vanderpump Rules.I'm too honest for that.
I always went back and forth, to be honest.But after starting Disrespectfully, I'm absolutely obsessed with both of you and recommend your pod to all my friends.Anyways.
I've always been such a nice, polite, raised in Catholic school girl, but I'm trying to perfect my dirty looks these days.For example, some old man slammed the door in my face when I was walking right behind him, even though he saw me.
Whatever happened to chivalry?Sarcasm?Because he's old. I tried giving him the dirtiest looks I could, but I didn't know if I did it very well.I think I need more practice and some advice on how to perfect it.Thanks, Alex.
You want to know how to be a. All right.You come to the right place to see the right place.Take a seat right there.The problem is for me, mine. I came out of the vaginal canal with that.Mine never leaves my face.Mine never leaves.
So I have the opposite problem where I have to try and look friendlier because I look so like pissed off all the time.
Yeah, I got to soften the brows, lift the corners of my cheek.
I just think the biggest key is to feel the rage in your chest and then let the slit eyes express it.Like when someone makes me like the way that I just
I think it's just sometimes deadpan just staring uncomfortably long.Uncomfortable.Don't be afraid to sit in it.Sit.Yeah.
You get in.Yeah, that's good.And they're looking in there and you're just like.
Like let your eyebrows move as much as your Botox will allow.
You'll know when you hit it.It's like it's you know, this doesn't have to be like dirty like that.But I think just also just being like very confident in like your eye contact, like also condescending.
Like you just did that.Let's just take a minute and let you think about what you just said.Yeah.I watched Zoolander on the way to Europe.It is so fucking funny.I forgot how funny it is.
But basically what I'm saying is you have to find your blue steel, blue steel.You got to find your blue steel of being a practice in the mirror.Practice in the mirror.
And just, yeah, I think the biggest key of whatever, everyone's different, so you'll find what face is right for you, but it's the amount of time in leaving the, let them be uncomfortable with that, a neutral response.
People don't do well with that, so just.
Yeah.They're confused by it.I think making people really confused by like, and you're just like, hmm.And sometimes like a weird little smile too, whoa.A head tilt.Throws them off. It's crafty, it's bitchy, it's kind of like one of my go-tos.
Yeah, mine gets demonic real quick.When I get the slit eyes, you better run.I think that's our episode.That's the episode.Well, from past us to future you, we hope you're having a good time in London town.Thank you.Sure you are.
Can't wait to hear about it.Can't wait for us to both be on the same continent for more than three days.
Okay, love you, bye.Love you, bye.
Babe, you're gonna see the power of women, like disrespectfully.
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