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Tackle these situations in stride.And you of course be annoyed when an unplanned expense comes up, but not let it be something that slows me down.Right.As I did with repairing my credit, you know, hiring somebody to do credit repair for me.
That was a gift that I gave myself that allowed me to then, you know, get my first apartment.
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Welcome to Top Five, a show where we count things down from number five all the way to number one.This week on the show, we are just around the corner from a big holiday here in the United States, and we thought,
We're going to show up to the table this year with good stuff, not Aunt Laureen's coleslaw, not your sister's, you know, attempt at baking a cake.No, we're talking about the top five side dishes to bring to the big holiday.
Matthew, what do you got for your number five?
Well, my number five, since I don't necessarily cook, is a side dish from one of my favorite restaurants here in town.I won't tell you the name, but it is the mascot of a Texas football team.And they have the stars.Yes, the stars, Dallas stars.
Let's call them the long stars.Okay.Okay, so they have on their menu, white cheddar stuffed mushrooms. Now, you may say, oh, well, it's a mushroom.It's just some sort of fun guy, much like myself.But what they stuff it with is like some cheese.
And I think there's some sort of wine in there.You mix it all up.They've got some of like the cheddar.They've got what is it, Parmesan and some crunchy stuff, I think. Panko or something, but oh my gosh, they're amazing.They are super awesome.
And every time I go online and I say, Hey, I want a bootleg menu item.I want you to tell me how to copy this item.I will look at it and it'll get down to step 17 or 18.And they're like, how to clean a mushroom.I'm like, I'm out.I will just order.
So I will order from the restaurant and I will bring. white cheddar stuffed mushrooms.They are so good, you guys.
You know the secret to cleaning a mushroom?Tell me the secret.Yeah, you just brush them off.
You just get either a towel and you brush them off gently, or if you have a mushroom toothbrush, you can just use a toothbrush that you're not using anywhere else and you just brush, brush the dirt off.That's it.
Don't run them underwater because that's how you ruin a mushroom.Just brush them off and then get the dirt off and they're fine.
You know why fungi grow so close together, don't you?
I have no idea. There's not mushroom.Anyway, Rodrigo, what do you have for your number five?
My number five is something that is all the way down at five, even though I really like it because I can't eat it anymore.
I have some acid reflux issues, and this is a food that tends to cause acid reflux, which then gets pickled, which makes it more acidic.So my number five is pickled red onions.I used to just eat these out of the jar when I was a kid.
They are, you know, They're tangy and they're, they have some of that onion sharpness, but they, the, the pickling takes a lot of it.Like, you know, like if you actually take a bite out of a raw onion, um, it's like, uh, like actively abrasive.
So like the pickling, I think either neutralizes that or it's just, or it just like supersedes it in some way.Um, and red onions aren't as sharp as other onions.Um, I think. The ones that I had are red onions.
It's possible that they're like a different onion.And just that in Mexico, they call those red onions.So if you know, go to the discord and tell me. There you go.
We do have a discord.You can join absolutely for free link in the show notes.Go tell Rodrigo how you make your pickled onions.Yeah.My number five is one that I used to hate growing up.I didn't care for it.
You know, you threw some marshmallows on top and some brown sugar and you threw it in the oven and then you made everybody eat it.And I didn't think that that it was very good.But then when I moved to the south.Oh, when I was in Atlanta.
I was exposed to the good candied yams and suddenly yum, yum, yum.These things are delicious.
And I don't know, you know, these didn't have the marshmallows on it, but certainly had the caramelized sugar and all the other goodies that you put into it.And ah, just delicious.Just the thick.
Just the thick, sweet syrup on the yams and super soft yams too, like they've been baking for like three weeks or something.So they're super soft.Oh my goodness.Candied yams are delicious.They got to be done just right.
I prefer the ones from the South.People in the North, I don't know if you know how to make candied yams, but what I've sampled so far, I don't know.Go to the discord, find it, bite it out.Okay.We are into our number fours.
Matthew, what do you have for your number four?
Well, as I mentioned, not so much with the cooking.So I said to myself, while I was out there on the main thoroughfare, what else could I bring?And I thought about possibly the most bizarre but delicious thing that I've had at a restaurant.
Let's say it rhymes with krillies, but It is so good.They actually have added something that they call roasted street corn.Now, here's the thing.
That is not really the definition, because obviously, even though there may be a street near the Squillies, it's not actually street corn.But it is like a grilled corn cob.And, you know, it's covered with crema.It's covered with cheese.
It's covered with cilantro.It's really, really just amazing. And I've actually had, there's a restaurant here in town that does elote, like a traditional and actual authentic elote.And it's a very similar flavor profile.
You got your paprika and your lime and your, I don't know if it's like cotija cheese or some other kind of cheese, but oh my gosh, it is so good.And it's impossible to eat without making a huge mess, which honestly is a plus.
I feel like if there's children involved and I can help those children to make a mess, then I've actually healed the karma that young Matthew had to deal with, you know, 30 and 40 years ago when I was getting yelled at for, you know, possibly getting gravy all over the fixtures.
So my number four is the roasted street, and I'm going to put an asterisk, corn.Totally like, but not from the Skrillex.
Was Skrillex that guy that's like doo-doo-doo-doo-dee? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah
Uh, my number four is, uh, nopales or nopalitos, which are prickly pears.Um, I'm pretty sure these are also pickled most of the time.Um, I like the ones that you just get out of the jar.
Uh, they are like slimy and weird, but I've eaten them my whole life.And they're actually relatively hard to find in the U S like, Some places will carry them, some places don't.
Unlike something like tortillas and refried beans, you can't always find prickly pear in in like the quote unquote Mexican or ethnic or world section of your supermarket.International.International.
I mean, they got to make room for Pocky, and I like that, too.So but yeah, so what this is is sliced up prickly pears.And then they're I'm pretty sure pickled in some way or treated in some way with vinegar.
And then you get them out of the can and they're all like slimy because, you know, cactus slime, but that's, that's part of the good part.
The got to make room for Pocky, but I like them too.Sounds like a Jonathan Colton song.Uh, my number four.Uh, this is something that used to be higher up on my list, but has moved down over the years.
Uh, when I was a kid, I talk about going to my grandmother's house and just having these delicious rolls that she would bring out and put on the table.And then one day I discovered this package.
sitting on the kitchen table that said brown and serve rolls.And I was like, huh, what's this?
And my grandmother, you know, rushed to hide it because she didn't want people to know that she just ran over to the Safeway to get a package of brown and serve rolls.But those are still really good. But either, you know, my tastes have changed.
That happens as you get older or they just don't use the same ingredients that they used to because I don't they don't get as brown as they used to as quickly as they used to.And there's something about the taste that just doesn't doesn't work.
And I know it's simply yeast rolls, but maybe the yeast has changed over the years.But brown and serve rolls still really good.A good thing to have on the table for your holiday meal.
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I like how when we talk about how things have changed since we were young, the idea that our taste buds are the thing that changed never enters into it.
No, I just said that.I think my tastes have changed as I've gotten older. That's, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
Surely if they Brown differently, it's not just Steven's taste buds, although he does have eye problems.
So I guess that's not it.It's it's definitely.I don't know.I would have to go in back and find a package of Brown and serve rolls from 1979 and compare that to a package today.And I bet you're seeing a lot of dyes and preservatives and, uh, GMOs.
Here's my conspiracy theory.They used to, they used to just give them a light coat of egg.Oh yeah.Yeah.And they don't do that anymore because you could get salmonella because it would be raw eggs.
Yeah.Well, you know, we're going to get rid of the FDA, so that doesn't really matter anymore.Bring it back manufacturers.As we get into our number three, Matthew, what do you have for your number three?
So it's interesting that Rodrigo's number four. was vaguely slimy yet pickled.Because my number three, vaguely slimy yet pickled.Now, Kansas, as you may know, is kind of a study in contrast.
If you're listening and you've never been to Kansas, I want you to imagine a wheat field 400 miles wide, 200 miles high.There's about 100 people in there and seven of them are named Junior.
Now, that's not exactly like Kansas, but it'll give you a really good idea of what Kansas is like.And the part that I'm from tries really hard to be a city and a metropolitan area, but is also still the world's biggest small town.
So we have a restaurant called Oriental Express. Now, Oriental Express serves Chinese food.It serves Japanese food.It serves Korean food.It serves a little bit of Vietnamese food.
It serves basically anything that would be in the international aisle in the area that is sometimes labeled as Asia.
They sell Pocky.Do they sell those sodas with the marble in them?They do actually sell those.Those are good.
Here's the thing.They have. an actual chef, a Japanese sushi chef.And he works there and he makes what is called tako sansai, which is basically octopus salad.So I want you to imagine pickled octopus chopped up.
Now, in order to cook an octopus, you have to like steam it for 11 years or else it's chewy as heck.And even after you steam it and then beat it with a hammer, it's still pretty chewy.
But you take that, you've pickled it with like some cucumbers and some little shoots of, I don't know, the green stuff.And you mix it all together and you throw it together.Sometimes they put in like a little bit of spiciness.
I don't know if it's like, obviously not a sriracha, but something with a similar kind of flavor profile.And depending on who's actually mixing it, it can be kind of spicy or maybe a little too spicy, but it's never not good.
And I really, really love just having a nice octopus salad as a side and a bonus.If we were going to Thanksgiving with my wife's family, which we might do because my family, you know, I don't talk to them.There's a good reason for that.They made me.
Why would I?If I took this big bowl of octopus salad.I would get to take home. a big bowl of octopus salad for me to eat.And so that right there.Yeah, that's a big point.
Small, small Kansas trick.Whenever you go to a potluck, bring something that's slightly unusual and you'll get to just eat it while you're there and then take it home.That's something something you love that will frighten.
When I was in charge of the chips, I would bring one bag of normal laced potato chips and one bag of sabritones.And I got to take home a bag of sabritones.
See, that's brains right there.
All right.My number three is also very good.Doesn't require brains because it's super simple to make.It's kind of along the same lines as the candied yams.I am fine with carrots.
I don't really have a problem with carrots unless they're overly cooked, you know, like overly boiled or overly steamed, and then they get a little bit too soft or too spongy tasting.The one exception to that is the maple glazed carrots.
Again, just like the candied yams, you get a nice glaze on, on the carrots.They're nice and soft.They're warm at just the right temperature.And then they're sweet too.
So you don't get that, that weird, uh, carrot-y taste that, uh, you've come to grow and respect your entire life.Because if you don't respect it, it's going to come in and get you in the middle of the night.
Um, but yeah, maple glazed carrots, my number three side dish for 2024.Uh, my number three, uh,
concludes the first three things that I like, which I call the ones that I like because they're offensive.Like there's something about them that's like actually kind of nasty.Pickled red onions are very acidic.Nopales are slimy.
And then my number three, biscuits. Like KFC style biscuits, like dense, extremely salty biscuits.Um, it's like, you have to have something to drink with them.Cause if you just take a bite, they just, uh, I don't know.
It's like, uh, they're just very dense and salty.I had one recently.Um, and it was amazing.I don't know what it is.Probably all the salt, but they. They taste really good.They're really dense.And yeah, they're traditionally a side dish, right?
You're having something like biscuits and gravy.I would say that the gravy very much overpowers anything the biscuits are doing right.And it seeps into them or whatever.
So you're not really getting that biscuit experience where it just completely drains any moisture out of your mouth on the first bite. But for some reason, I like that.So that's my number three.
Very good.Very good.All right.Now we are into our number twos.And Matthew, what do you have for your number two?
Number two.So.As for.Well, this is the thing, I as much as I am. what I like to believe, a relatively entertaining individual.I believe that I'm a little bit worldly, much like, you know, Eastern Kansas.I try to seem cooler than I really am.
But when you break it down, I was raised by a depression grandmother.And you may ask, does that mean a woman who grew up in the depression or a mean old lady who suffered from depression?And of course, the answer is yes.
But she did make one thing when I was a child.Actually, she made a lot of wonderful things.My grandmother could cook.She would make pies.She would make turkeys and chickens and things.And then, you know, stuff happened.
But she always had time to make a green bean.And the trick, I believe, to the green bean casserole that Grandma Mildred would make was she would sneak in soy sauce. Now, again, this is weird because, you know, it's Kansas, it's the middle of nowhere.
Where are you gonna get soy sauce?Obviously, next to the Pocky.But the green bean casserole is basically mushroom soup, French cut green beans, and French cut just basically means floofy, probably gonna choke you to death.
And you cover the whole thing with dried, like fried onions.So crispy fried onions, and then you put it together. But she would put the soy sauce in there and that would make the whole thing just very salty and good.
It just gave it this perfect balance of I believe they call it umami on the food network.I actually used to go to one of the local grocery stores because they had a meal for seniors.
And you would go in and you'd show them your like senior card and they'd be like, OK, you can get the $3.99 meal.And they would have green bean casserole and then fried Brussels sprouts.
And I would get them and mix them together and I would have a Brussels sprout green bean casserole, which is wonderful, but also would scare the heck out of the family.So just flat, normal green bean casserole covered with the crispy, crispy onions.
All right.Rodrigo, what do you have for your number two?
My number two is something that my family makes all the time, like my mom and my sister and my sister-in-law.
Now, anytime we sit down to eat, there's a very good chance that they have made a big bowl of guacamole for everybody to like dip their chips in or spread on whatever they're eating or whatever. I love guacamole.
Guacamole is one of those things, one of those dishes that are, that exist throughout Mexico and now the United States and probably also any place where there's avocados.And different places make it differently.
Um, and you'll get, you know, people will say like, you can't like, don't, don't put mayonnaise in your guacamole.And I, I, I agree with that, but that's because I don't like it generally when it has that.Cause I'm used to guacamole.
It doesn't have mayonnaise. Um, so, uh, the, the super secret recipe for my family's guacamole is to, uh, not put a lot of salt use obviously avocados, fresh tomato, onion, cilantro, um, and a lot of lime.
Like when you think, oh, I've definitely squeezed too many limes into this squeeze two more lines in. And very little salt.
We actually had very little salt because most of the time we're eating this with store bought chips and those things are mega salty already.So when you scoop your guacamole and eat it with the chip, you're going to get that salt that way.Right.
Um, so. Uh, yeah, we love that stuff.
Um, you know, avocados are kind of expensive in the U S. Uh, so I just assumed that my parents have like eliminated something else from the budget, like, uh, the college fund for my nephews, uh, just to, just to keep, uh, a daily, uh, amount of avocados that they eat.
All right, my number two, listen, there's nothing wrong with a baked potato.
Baked potatoes can be tricky because you're either going to undercook it and it's going to be super hard in the middle and everyone's going to go home with a bellyache or you overcook it and it's just a big crumbly mess with little to no flavor.
But what if you cooked it, scooped out all the insides, made a mashed potato out of that, took those skins, packed it back in, and then baked it a second time with cheese on top.This is the fabled twice-baked potato.And they are delicious.
Stop playing God, Steven.No, no.I can do this.Man is not meant to have things so delicious.If you want to go even further, you could take the leftovers.
The next day, when they're cold, throw them into your air fryer for like three minutes and have a thrice-baked potato as a leftover.But let's be fair, there ain't gonna be no leftovers if you have a twice-baked potato as one of your side dishes.
Those things are gonna go like that.So, twice-baked potatoes, my number two, coincidentally, twice, two, yeah, there you go.
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All right, everyone, we are at our number one spot.What is the side dish everyone is anticipating that you're going to bring to your holiday dinner in 2024?Matthew, what you got?
Here's the deal.When it comes down to it, at the very base of things.OK, well, let me put this in a way that my wife would explain it to you.Have you ever heard of a big red balloon?Of course, who hasn't? Okay.
Now, have you ever heard of a red, big balloon?Of course, who hasn't?Sounds wrong though, doesn't it?Sure.Okay.So while I am, you know, charming, charismatic, worldly, awesome.
I believe on a, on a basic level, I am- Hey listen, major spoilers cannot verify those statements.
So please treat them, you know, with some skepticism.
Well, 30 years, 30 years.
Yeah.Snopes up in here.Yeah.When you break something down, there are some characteristics that come before others that are kind of above all.So the red balloon may be big, the red balloon may be small, but it is always red.And so.
When you take into account all the things that I am, you know, a father, a husband, bon vivant, casual hero, all these things, you have to remember that at my very core, I am a fat guy.And so I love garlic bread.
And I discovered with the release of the movie Scott Pilgrim in 2012, that bread makes you fat. But here's the thing.You may say garlic bread is for Italian food.Garlic bread goes with a pasta.Garlic bread goes with lasagna.Garlic bread.
No, no, no, no, no.Throw that out.Just throw that out.Just ignore all those things that you just said to yourself, because A, it's bread.B, it's garlic. Garlic bread is the perfect accoutrement to anything.You can have garlic bread with French fries.
You can have garlic bread.You go to a barbecue.You have a hot dog.You can have some nice garlic bread.You go, yeah, stuff a turkey.You have some nice garlic bread.There is never a time.You have a crab salad.You have some deep fried octopus.
Always room for garlic bread because A, it serves as a utensil. B, it's really, really amazing.And C, who doesn't love a good garlic bread?You can get one for like a buck 99 at any grocery store.I'm sure you can.
And if you don't cook it within 45 seconds, it will turn green and poison you.But that's not the point.The point is this, Scott Pilgrim didn't know that bread makes you fat.And if you ignore that fact, you can eat all the garlic bread you want.
All right, Rodrigo, what do you have for your number one?
Um, my number one is something that I've also eaten my whole life.And as a kid, I always, it always felt like I was getting away with something.
Um, and that is fried plantains, um, fried plantains without, uh, you know, powdered sugar or any sort of syrup or anything like that. are actually naturally pretty sweet, right?
If you've ever bitten into a plantain, I'm sure it was an unappealing experience because you just bit into the starch equivalent of a potato.But when you fry it, all that starch turns into sugar.So I think.
Um, so I'm not a chemist, but yeah, it's, it's, you know, it's the, it's the starch to alcohol continuum.I technically starch to vinegar continuum, but you know what I mean?
Um, so yes, uh, I always felt like they'd be like, okay, well, here's the meal is some sort of meat and some sort of rice and or beans and some fried plantains.And I was like, this is dessert.And I, I get to eat it.
And then I get to have dessert afterwards.Like, I'm getting away with something, but, uh, To this day, I love fried plantains.
Again, you know, when you go to a restaurant and have them, they really feel the need to like shush them up, but they don't need it.Yeah.
If you just fried a plantain and even, you know, like in one side is like a little burnt, that doesn't make him bad.It's just slightly different eating experience.Yeah.
Yeah, and there I I'm pretty sure that I haven't made too many batches in my time, but they're pretty forgiving to if this is the first time you're making fried plantains.
You know, even though it's an unlikeable experience, nothing's going to happen to you if you eat some amount of raw plantain, it's fine.So if you don't cook them all the way, that's fine.Just try not to completely carbonize them.
So yeah, everybody, I guess if we had this idealized potluck, probably plantains is what I would bring.Very cool.
I have a question.It's more of a semantic slash nomenclatural question.And it may be that, as we've often mentioned, my Spanish is about a ninth grade level.Platanos are not the same as plantains, right?
Correct.So we call Um, regular bananas we call platanos, right.And plantains, at least in Mexico, I don't know other places we call platano macho.
Um, which does kind of invoke this weird thing where like, cause you know, you've seen plantains are like bigger and thicker.Like this idea that like those are male banana.Yeah.Those are male bananas.
And like the ones that we normally eat are like the girl bananas, which is no, of course not.They're all fruits.They're all, they're actually all girls.
Okay.I went to a Brazilian barbecue place and I cannot for the life of me tell you if it was a fried banana or a fried plantain.And when I asked, the answer was not really forthcoming.
A fried plantain is a little, the best way that I can say it may be a little meatier than a regular banana. Yeah, it depends like also how it was sliced.
If it's sliced into little button sizes as opposed to being sliced lengthwise, which is what I've typically seen fried plantains sliced lengthwise.
No, like sliced it like a slice of bread lengthwise.
No, that's, that's the fried plantain.Yeah.
Yeah.That's how we usually do it.They, it makes for like uneven slices.Cause a plantain is, you know, a rounded cylinder, but still the ones, the ones that I had were like quartered vertically.
So like you hold the banana up for scale and you cut it from tip to tail and then you do it again. And then you slice that in half.
So you get like, like a wedge, like a spear.Okay.That was, I would say that was almost certainly a plantain.
It seems to fall apart a little bit easier though.
Banana would fall apart if it gets fried for too long.
So if it was, if it was like, if it had like some char to it, almost certainly a plantain.That was really good though.
Yeah, they are they are my number one.I didn't think was gonna be on my number one ever until a Popeye's opened up here in town and Somehow they they didn't place the rice and beans in in my container, but instead they put the mac and cheese in.
And I am someone who has historically despised mac and cheese, like hated mac and cheese with a passion, no flavor, no, uh, you know, it's just blah.
It's like whether you grew up on institutionalized mac and cheese at your school, which is like the worst, or, uh, you've suffered through, um, People in your households attempt at making mac and cheese.
Nobody in my household, of course, my current household, because they would know how to make it correctly.You just have a disdain for mac and cheese.Until I had the mac and cheese that they have at the Pompeyes.
And I don't know if they put any panko or something in there, but they have a little something crunchy in there as well.But throw in some Tabasco sauce.
and mac and cheese with Tabasco sauce or Cholula or whatever that you want to put in there is a delicious combination that I would welcome at a holiday dinner. There you go.There you go, ladies and gentlemen.
What are you going to bring to your dinner?Is it going to be lutefisk?I forget which one of our listeners is from the Netherlands or the Norway's and the place where the sun don't shine during the winter time.
And the lox.Wait, is lox a side dish?Yeah, it's a side dish.
I mean... So what are you going to bring?As Rodrigo mentioned earlier, we have a Discord.Get over there.Share your top five side dishes.If you want to include the recipe, go right ahead.
Everybody will be over there clicking and copying and pasting and writing them down and taking them to their next holiday dinner.Why?Because everybody loves a list.We will talk with you again soon.
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