The last days of August contained some explicit and upsetting material involving sexuality, assault, and self-harm.It may not be suitable for all audiences.
Can you tell us where we are, James?Hinton.Hinton, Alberta.In a hotel room.
This is James Grabowski, August Ames's older brother.Of course, throughout this interview, we call her by her real name, Mercedes.What was the town like that you and Mercedes grew up in?
Army base.We grew up in Petawawa, Ontario.It's a military base.It's second biggest in the Commonwealth.Dad was military.Mom was a stay-at-home mom.
What was life like growing up on a military base?
Oh, fuck.It's strict.Very strict.My dad, he raised a strict household.We had chores.We had curfew.We couldn't misbehave.We'd get punished if we misbehaved.They'd only fuck up once when we were young.Wow.Yeah.
Gosh. What was Mercedes like as a really young little girl?
She was a sweetheart.She was Daddy's favourite for sure.She could do no wrong.If we got in shit, that was her time to shine even more.She would crawl in Dad's lap or Mum's lap and be a little sweetheart a bit more, you know.
Parents got divorced when I was 12.Dad did a couple tours.When they got divorced, Mom joined the Army as well, and she did two tours.So we followed Mom's career to Colorado to stay with her, right?
And one by one, my brother was misbehaving, so he got kicked out, and I was misbehaving, so I got kicked out.We both got sent to live with our dad, and Mercedes never got kicked out.She was good. Yeah, she was good.
Actually, no, Mercedes did get kicked out eventually, because she did come to stay with us.But yeah, when we got sent to live with her dad, we never knew that he got remarried.
So it was like, OK, going to live with dad, has a wife, has stepkids, and that was culture shock.Yeah, sure, you got to divide the fucking love, but It was almost like he was forcing his love towards us, right?
We're always fucking doing something wrong.But I think it's because we weren't getting the attention that we wanted, right?I was constantly fucking apologizing, as was Mercedes, to try and get on their good terms.
But once you fuck up, oh fuck, it's the end of the world, right?
There was something else going on in August's life back then, something James didn't find out about until later.In the summer of 2017, August talked about this other thing on a podcast hosted by the porn director Holly Randall.
It doesn't exist online anymore.Holly Randall took it down after August died, but we got everyone's permission to play some of it.
I have an awful relationship with my dad because there was a lot of sexual molestation.
It wasn't her father who molested her, she said.It was a grown-up member of his side of the family.
So growing up, I had to suffer with being molested.That's crazy.And when I finally told my dad, he didn't believe me.And I told my dad when I was around 12, you know, because he was like, we're going to go spend the weekend.And I was like, no.
And I broke down and I said, I can't.And he put me in this group home after I told him that, you know, it was kind of like I was fucking his life up.You know, it's so hard to be called a liar when you're 12 years old.
My best opinion on that situation is if she was to claim that something like that has happened to her and never let go of it, and it was brought to family's attention.Okay, actually let me say it like this.
If I had a daughter and my daughter came to me and said, this has happened to me, rather than trying to prove it wrong, I would have listened to my fucking daughter and started asking the appropriate questions, right?
I was in this group home all throughout school because I couldn't live with my dad and my mom.You know, she was going through her stuff.And then finally when I was 16, I moved back with my mom, but it was never resolved.
My mom believes me because he actually tried to come on to her.So my mom absolutely believed me.But all my life I grew up being called a liar by my dad and his side of the family and they
wrote me off and rejected me saying that I was a liar, piece of shit, you know?And I really, I struggled with that because it gave me bad self-esteem and obviously, you know, daddy-ish.I denied it.
for a long time.I didn't want to believe it.Then I started putting myself in her shoes.So sometimes I'm quick to talk before I think.And that happens a lot of times, and this situation happened.I even said to my dad, I don't believe it.Don't worry.
It's not making me change my thought on anything.But then the more I think about it, I think, oh, you're not going to hold on to a lie for this fucking long.You're not going to hold on to pain for this fucking long.
If you got 10 people in a room and nine people are trying to prove you wrong, There's got to be one person trying to be on your side.And I was always on Mercedes' side for every decision she ever made in her life.
So why am I going to stop being on her side?
Also, why would somebody make something like that up?
About your own family.And then having the man that she thinks she should be able to love and talk to and trust, have him try and prove what she's saying wrong, rather than listen and say, hey, no, like, she's fucking hurt.She's not letting it go.
It hurts because actually just not too long ago, a few months ago, I confronted my dad again.I called him up and I was like, Hey, so this was never resolved.This is what happened.I want an answer.
And he basically said that, you know, he didn't believe me. He's living there with his family.He has a new wife and kids and I've just felt like written off by him, you know?So then I'm just like, fuck you.You're not my dad.You've never been there.
You've always been shitty to me.You've always protected everyone besides your daughter.And I just thought it was bullshit.
Do you think there's a relationship between that happening to Mercedes and her deciding to get into the adult industry?
I really don't know to tell you.I've tried to put those puzzle pieces together for a long fucking time, but it's a really complicated jigsaw puzzle.I don't know.
Because obviously the first thing that enters your mind when you hear that story is, oh, well, she entered the adult industry to kind of reclaim her.
That comes into my head, too.Right.But then she was at cheerleading high school.She did the baton dance thing.So, like, she liked the makeup.She liked being the diva, the center of attention. Through high school, she liked having lots of boyfriends.
She liked partying, doing things she wasn't supposed to.Doing drugs and drinking and having a good time.You know, there's nothing wrong with that.I fucking did it too.We were all kids once.All the boys liked her.She knew she was beautiful.
I think I was like 15 or 14 or 15 and I was babysitting and this dad, he was like, oh, meet me in the garage and I'll drive you home.I was like, okay.So we're in the garage.I was like 15 and he's like, hey, if you get naked, I'll give you a line.
And that was like super illegal having this like 35 year old man offer, you know, a 15 year old coke to see her naked.But I did it and it was, yeah.Oh my God.Yeah.Some guys are just really gross.Yeah, weird situations.Oh man, grown up.
I've always had a problem with her and boys, her choice of boys.
What was her choice of boys?
She loved them.I was 10, John was 12, and we saw her, she was eight years old, macking on a guy in the court, and John and I had a fucking run outside.
I was a chubby little kid, I couldn't run as fast as John, but John caught up to him pretty quick and beat the shit out of him.
I think he was John's age.John's age, like 12 when she was eight or I don't fucking... It was a long time ago, but through high school, we were getting in fucking fistfights with her boyfriends.I like girls.I like girls a lot.
You know, she likes boys a lot.There's nothing wrong with that.But the only difference is I'm a hypocrite.I'm a protective older brother.She can't beat up my girlfriends.I can beat up her boyfriends.I just did it because I could.
Even so, James says, he had no problem with her moving to California and becoming August Ames.
She knew she was beautiful, right?She knew she was beautiful and she wanted to flaunt it.There's nothing wrong with that.I was always in complete support of what she did with her career.
I have three older brothers, but the one I'm really close with, James, he like totally rides out the August wave.He's like, oh yeah, my sister's August Ames, you know, and he thinks it's so cool.
So I love it that, you know, he like pumps me up to his friends and stuff.
August moved to California in 2013 and straight away stood out to the porn long timers at the male performer, Ryan McLean.
I remember the very first time I met her and we were on a plane, both coming back from Las Vegas.She was on the window seat and she was just so excited to be in the business.And she's like, oh my gosh, you guys are like big stars.
And she was so excited and happy. And I immediately was just like, this girl is amazing and beautiful and everything.And I wanted to work with her so badly.And then about a month or a month and a half later, we finally got booked together.
And it was her second scene of the day.And she was... absolutely exhausted.Like, I wanted to work with her so much and I finally, you know, get my hands on her, so to speak.And I basically just told her, I was like, just lie back.
You don't have to do anything.You don't have to kiss me or be into me.My point being, in that month and a half span, she became so popular so quick.
She met Kevin soon after arriving in the valley.They were dating by the end of 2013, married a few months later, at least in part for green card reasons, before moving together to the relative isolation of Camarillo.
I thought, you know, moving to California, I'd kind of get away, you know, escape all that stuff, but it, it doesn't go away.Yeah.Wherever you go, there you are.And so some days I'll, I'll be fine.
And, and if I'm not doing anything, I'll get these awful flashbacks of my childhood and I get very depressed and I can't, I can't get out of bed.You know, I had to cancel my scenes for like a week or two.
She wasn't happy, right?She wasn't happy in the relationship.She often left the house.She claimed he was emotionally, mentally abusive.
James says there's a feeling that he can't shake.It was just that there was something strange about the way Kevin acted after August died.
Well, the first phone call, Kevin said it was because Jackson Wheeler had said, take a cyanide pill, go kill yourself.I actually got messages from that Jackson Wheeler guy telling me that I failed her as a brother.
But it was bullying killed her, bullying killed her, bullying killed her.
I mean, obviously, you know, by now that Jackson Wheeler's tweet was written, the cyanide tweet was written after she died.
Yes.The first phone call I had with Kevin, hours after my sister's death, two minutes into the phone call, I was like, well, this is scripted.And it sounded like he was reading it off a paper, so he didn't leave any details out.
It was, she walked up to me.She gave me a hug and a kiss.Fire is going on in the area.My text message said, where are you?She didn't reply.There's three occurrences in my life where I had to deal with death.
And when I was being questioned, I could barely spell my last name. When Kevin's wife died, my sister, he was able to give me a detailed 12-hour play-by-play of what happened.And I said, Kevin, you need to contact my father.
And then after they spoke on the phone, I spoke to my father again, and we both said the same thing.Well, that sounded scripted, didn't it?
And every phone call we had after that, I just played it off like a caring brother-in-law, and I just didn't trust him.You guys know about Marcus Dupree?
Yes. Marcus Dupree is a Russian porn star, 30 years old.I first heard about him from Emma Hicks, who was August's best friend in the industry.We were talking a few weeks after August died.
there was actually something that happened on set and this is a huge factor of why I think she chose to take her life.
She was on set and she felt like she couldn't say stop because she didn't want to disappoint the director, she didn't want to ruin the mood of the scene.
She sent me photos and I actually have photos of the bruises and she started actually missing work because she couldn't go back in.She told me that she's just like I can't even have sex anymore
and not like no one knows about that actually only a very very very few people know about this and i feel like more people i feel like everyone needs to know because it's a huge issue because he was making it seem like she was weak from killing herself from these bullies when in a matter of fact she was struggling through so much more stuff so she was so strong for pushing through it you know and she just took that out when the bullying happened
Emma says it happened in Las Vegas at the end of October 2017, just six weeks before August died.The shoot was for a big mainstream porn company.
On high-end sets like that one, the performers are required to sign in and sign out with video testimony, saying that they weren't made to do anything against their will.
But on that day in Las Vegas, something went wrong, as August texted a friend who passed her messages on to James.
I'll read out the text message if you'd like.
I can't, however, say who she was texting because I promised that person that I'd keep them out of it. Yesterday, I was seriously done and not having it, so I was raging after my scene.The guy was way too rough with me.
He was dragging me around and choked me with my panties, slamming my head down on the table, and was just way too rough, and the scene didn't even call for it.I was so enraged that when he pulled me down to kiss him, I spat in his face.
I literally just was so disgusted by him, I spat at him. Like, I'm into the rough kinky sex, but with someone who I have chemistry with.And if we talk about boundaries and everything, but he just went full on war machine.It was Marcus Dupree.
He doesn't shoot much anymore.He's Russian.So he was just talking down to me in fucking Russian.And nobody on set.This is what I, this is the part that pisses me off.Hold on a second here.I gotta find out where I'm at.
and nobody on set said shit, and I was literally in panic mode, so I froze and didn't say no or stop.I just wanted it to be over.I was looking at the sound guy with help me eyes, and he was looking back at me with I'm sorry eyes.
Ugh, I always talk about being strong and my own boss, but I didn't say anything yesterday, and I should have.I just cried and took a Xanax and texted the director after saying, that wasn't cool.I'd like to know who this director is, by the way.
Yesterday was totally unprofessional, and I wanted to die.I swear to God, I'm not letting that shit happen to me again.But I was in Vegas, and we were already shooting most of the day, and if I would have walked off set, I wouldn't have been paid.
And then the pictures of the bruises.I just got home from the airport and took these.When I did the sign out, which is what they record for these reasons specifically, I said everything went fine and I had a good time.
But I was holding back tears because you don't get paid if you say you were uncomfortable.
Later, the porn star Casey Calvert texts us to confirm that this is a pretty prevalent rumour in the industry.Sometimes they literally hold your cheque in their hand while you do the interview and then they give it to you when you're done.
If you want your cheque, you say that everything was fine.But then she adds, I honestly don't know what would happen if you said you weren't happy with how it went.That's how infrequently it happens.
It sickens me.So he's pushing all this blame towards Jessica, like even the last phone call I had with him a few days ago, he didn't even bring up Marcus's name.
All he was talking about was his hate towards Jessica, Jessica Trait, and saying how bullying killed her.He... He complained more about you sitting or talking to Jessica Trait at the AVN Awards before he even brought up Marcus Dupree.
He was like, well, John Ronson sat beside, like he talked to me and took my side about being bullied, but he sat beside and talked to the guy who bullied Mercedes, like you're a 40 year old man or however old he is, and he's crying about that.
And he's not even going to talk about Marcus Dupree.
Actually, Kevin's story to James isn't quite true.When I arrived at the AVN Awards, I was told which table to sit at, and it happened to be one table away from Jessica Drake.
So we were sitting quite close to each other, but it wasn't as Kevin had described it to James.Marcus Dupree was awarded the Male Performer of the Year that night.
In his words, you deliberately sat with her.And that was after the girl bullied her to her death.I said, what can you tell me about Marcus Dupree?And then he started backpedaling.
Oh, yeah, like she got back from that scene, and I took all these pictures of her bruises and whatnot.I looked at the pictures.Mercedes took the pictures herself.And then he was like, I was face to face with that man at the AVN Awards.
And I called him every name in the book.I was like, OK, if that was my wife,
It doesn't matter if it's a scene or not, you bruise her up, you treat her like that, and you read the messages I had to read from my sister, you don't call the guy every name in the book.You fucking take his life from him.
I'm driving through Las Vegas on my way to meet a porn photographer called Marcos.Marcos was on the set that day, doing the still photography.And although he is very nervous about talking to me, he has agreed to tell me what he saw.
It's funny where I actually had a shoot last night.
We're in Marcus' kitchen.It's early in the morning, 7.30am, and he's laid out breakfast for my producer Lena and I. Muffins and fruit and coffee and juice.He seems pensive.I guess because of what we've come to talk about.
But first, he wants to tell me about a photography series he recently worked on.
I shot this portrait series called Deeper a couple years ago.They were really emotional portraits of, like, porn performers, no makeup, very raw, a lot of them crying, talking.
We got into a lot of discussion about mental health and mental illness, how prevalent it is with people in the industry.
That series ended up kind of culminating in a pretty serious relationship that I had with somebody that was just a catastrophe on every level.It was the wrong way to meet somebody that you're going to be in an intimate relationship with.
It's like, tell me all of your darkest secrets.And it's like, are we in love?I think we're in love.Because we cried.I know we cried together.We definitely cried.Why don't you just stay?Don't even leave.It was so crazy.
It became a situation where I was scared every day, whether or not she was going to hurt herself.So that was rough.You kind of realize, like, I'm not equipped to deal with this.There was a huge age gap.You know, I'm turned 44 today.
And she... Happy birthday.Thank you.Thank you.And so at the time, you know, I'm 43, dating somebody who's about to turn 20.
Were you not thinking the whole time she must be in part doing this because she had some kind of strange relationship with her father?
Oh yeah, as I'm saying that on my 44th birthday, I'm having a moment today where I'm just like, oh.
Have we turned up while you're in the middle of a midlife crisis?
No, not a midlife crisis, but it's that moment when you realize that the people that you normally deal with are half your age.Would you like a plate?No problem.I feel like a grandmother sometimes.I'm like, what did you do?You are 44.
I know, I'm getting there.
Later, when I listen back to this tape, one line of Marcos's really jumps out.It's when he says of his girlfriend, I am not equipped to deal with this.
That line gives me a vision of a porn world filled with young women looking for father figures who turn out to be just like children themselves.But Marcos and I are skirting around what we're really here to talk about.
August, the day of the Marcos debris shoot.
I have a pretty strong sense of what I feel is right and wrong.And I would easily walk off set if I thought something was up.Well, speaking of which... I figured I would segue you into this conversation.Yes.
The day on the set with August.I mean, how many times before that day had you met August?
I've been shooting August since she was brand new in the industry.August was always a great day on set. The goal with her was always to make her laugh because she would do that like little pig snort thing.Always.
So will you talk me through what happened that day?
She came in.It was a school scene.She was a teacher.He was a student.It was sex on chairs and desks. her on-screen partner and I'm not, you know, I, I feel this is the part where I feel weird, like staying names.
Cause I can't speak on behalf of the company we were shooting for.
I mean, you guys can put whatever you need to in the story, but, um, I was very clear with August, like, Hey, you know, the guy you're working with today, he's, he's very loud and he's very boisterous.
And I told her, I was like, look, everything that he does, it may come off as being a bit domineering, but he's trying to make you look good for the camera.
I need to explain how the day in Las Vegas was scheduled.First, August and Marco shot some softcore stills for the purposes of marketing the scene.Then she had sex with Marco's debris, but again, just for stills and not on video.
What we'll do is we shoot the the stills of the sex and then the girl gets touched up and they go back in for video I'm not on set when they shoot video I kind of saw her there were a couple of moments where we took a break while we were shooting stills where she would like Look at me and she just would roll her eyes, you know, because she's like this guy, you know Meaning meaning what what was he doing?
it was annoying to her because I You know, with a girl like August, she's like, I know where to position my legs.Like, you don't have to move my legs for me.
I think they take it as an affront, like, don't treat me like a new girl that doesn't know how to show herself to the camera.
After Marcos shot the stills of August and Marcus Dupree having sex, he went into the other room to select the best ones, while August went to get her makeup done before having sex again, this time on video.
As she was being made up, Marcos texted her some of the stills.And after that, they had a text exchange.
So I sent her four photos.And then I wrote to her, I tweeted these, but here.And then she writes, trade places with me.Oh my God, these are awesome.
I said, I texted... Trade places with me, as in I'm not... You perform with him, because I don't like this guy. Everything now is painted with what eventually happened to her.And that's what makes this conversation so difficult.
It's easy to look at a text message and be like, if you looked at it with zero context, trade places with me could sound like a cry for help, but you have to take into account the relationship I had with August as well.
You know, you want to trade places with me, you jump in and be like, Oh, I'm good.Thanks.You know, like. It was a fun exchange.It was a funny exchange.And so I wrote back.I texted my director in the middle of shooting.
I said, I could see a no list happening.And then she wrote, it's happened.Ha, ha, ha.
Let me explain what that last exchange meant.Porn women have no lists, lists of men they refuse to work with for whatever reason.Maybe there's no chemistry, or maybe they find that particular man creepy.
I've heard from a few people that Kevin actually controlled August's no list.
There's a lot of that going on in the industry, where a boyfriend will predetermine what a girl's no-list is.
That sounds like kind of power stuff.
Of course it is.It's a control.It goes back to that whole thing we were talking about with the daddy stuff, where daddy makes the call.
When a no-list is being controlled by another person, then that kind of like doesn't really speak very well to that whole point of it being based on consent.
Anyway, back to the text exchange between Marcos and August.
I texted my director in the middle of shooting and said, I could see a no list happening.And then she wrote, it's happened.Ha ha ha.And I say, he just has a ton of enthusiasm coupled with retarded Euro passion or whatever.
And she wrote, it'll be a good scene. And I said, it will be.I said, hopefully I'll see you soon, my dear.This was at the end of the day.And I wrote, I'm sorry if today was rough for you.You look beautiful.So I smiled and she said, thanks.
I'm feeling so much better now.She says, it was great seeing you.You make my days so much better.I said, it was great to see you.You're a living doll.And she wrote, I love you, Marcus.And that's the last thing we ever spoke about.
It's a sad thing, even the reality of reading the text messages and seeing where it's done.And that's the last I ever spoke to her.
Let me read you the text exchange that she had with somebody after this happened. Yesterday I was seriously done and not having it, so I was raging after my scene.The guy was way too rough with me.
He was dragging me around and choked me with my panties, slamming my head down on the table, and was just way too rough. He was Russian, so he was talking down to me in fucking Russian too, on top of everything, and nobody on set said shit.
And I was literally in panic mode, so I froze and didn't say no or stop.But yesterday was totally unprofessional and I wanted to die.I'm weak.I can't.And that's it.
Yeah, um... I... I don't even know where a lot of that is coming from, to be honest with you.I don't know how much of that statement is hyperbolic in nature or how much of it is actually true.
But I do know that, I mean, August obviously had tendencies to kind of rage out in her language.And I don't know how much of that is getting carried away.But nothing that day was that.And I was there. Look, you go through an entire day on set.
If things are moving in a certain direction that would lead to that, I think we certainly would have seen something along those lines.But the entire day was kind of played off to me by her as like, You know, this guy's annoying.
That's a far cry from this guy is violating me, choking me with my pants.Like, I don't even know that if that was like a part of the scene, like he said that you were out of the room for like 30, 40 minutes.
I mean, it's possible, but I'm not in a position to. ask for the video as evidence because this obviously is not a trial.
Like, you know, we're not in a, we're not in a situation where somebody pressed charges also to like, you know, here's the thing for me, like I got these text messages from her.They're kind of like painting a different emotional state.
I don't know what's happening, who she's having a conversation with.Maybe she's home.Kevin pisses her off and she's had enough.I wouldn't be a part of something like that.
It's really obvious from your text exchange with her that you and her got on really well and that you liked each other a lot and she liked you and that you're a good guy.
So listening to that, I mean at the moment your response is kind of denial I suppose, like you just don't believe what she's saying is true.
It might be. We're also dealing with the nuance behind how we interpret the way things are going.She was bipolar or had some sort of mental illness that was not being treated at the time.She was self-medicating with Xanax.
I don't know if having a rage like that is fueled by something misfires.It's hard for me to listen or like hear text messages, especially because text messaging is so disconnected from actual emotional context.
I would never let anything like that happen to somebody who I, to anyone, but especially somebody who I'm so fond of, you know, like we were, we were, We were very fond of each other.
I mean, we didn't see each other very often, but to hear that is like, whoa, that's not at all what I experienced.I was there, you know?
You were there for most of it.You weren't there for all of it.
Okay, so a perfect example is, she said, he kept fucking talking down to me in Russian.You have no idea what he was saying if he was talking to you in Russian.
You're interpreting that he's saying all these horrible and mean things to you that would lead you then to spit in his face, which I don't know if that happened for sure.Let me make something clear based on that text message.
I have never shot a scene where a girl was dragged by her hair.
Actually, at no point in August's texts does she complain about being dragged by her hair.She said she was dragged around, but she didn't mention her hair. It feels like Marcos' brain is working too hard to find ways to contradict her story.
I don't think he's even aware that he's doing it.It's as if his sense of personal morality is in conflict with what he's hearing in those texts, and so his brain is going a bit haywire.
Marcos may be good-hearted, but it's not good to leap to the assumption that she only made those claims because she was mentally ill.
I've dated a person who had schizophrenia.I've dated a person who was bipolar.You know, I've been privy to the kind of cloudiness around the way things are interpreted and how things are seen.
You don't know if there's going to be a lot of hyperbole that's thrown around when people are trying to make a point.
We have to understand the generational context too, of like, I am far less likely to be overly dramatic in my interpretation of a day's events.
Well, this doesn't have to be a he said, she said story because it was all filmed.
There were people in the room and it was all filmed. The Last Days of August was written by me, John Ronson.It was produced by Lina Misitsis.The music is by Joel Ronson.The sound engineer is Paul Schneider.
Thanks to Eric Newsom, Colin Campbell, Jonathan Kurland, Vanessa Harris, Rosa Oh, Jose Acevedo, Elaine Ronson, and David Bloom.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal urges or ideation, you can phone the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1800 273 8255.
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