I hope a blaring TV screen doesn't turn on. Oh god.Oh no.You're so grotesque.
Hang on.Oh my gosh.My recording levels are high again.Somebody messed them up.
I'm gonna drop it down because it's... I hope this doesn't mean we have to film this intro over.This guy's so full of himself.
I didn't mean to startle you.I meant to scare you but not startle you.Brandon, Alex, hello.
You guys have done something bad.
Did you ever see the Saw movies? You didn't see the Saw movies?
No, I've never seen any.I think I get the general idea.
Well, I have to do some table setting.
I know about Amanda Young.
I know about Amanda Young.
She's from the Saw movie.She's Jigsaw's disciple.She wears a big mask.
She's in like the sixth movie.
No, she's in the second one.Don't argue with him, Alex!
I'm gonna cut your feet off.Normally I would put you in some sort of a death trap and give you an opportunity to get out of there.
Wait a minute, she's the very first victim in the whole movie!
That's right.It's been a while since I've seen them.
She's the pig, dead by daylight.Wasn't there something about insurance?
Listen, I hope this isn't anyone's first episode because there's a lot of overlapping dialogue.We're not agreeing on the premise.And it's your fault, Alex James.That's why I've trapped you and brought you into my secret basement.
Andy North is nowhere to be seen.
Clearly, why is Brandon here?
It's me, Sawboy.Brandon is here because I couldn't find Andy.He's not around.He was doing something cool.I went to kidnap him, but he was making out with a bunch of girls.Pretty cool guy.
I'm a murderer.I think that's worse than being homophobic
I don't know about that one.
Quiet down, everyone.I'm a murderer, and you guys are in my death traps.I'm Sawboy.
It's a Halloween special.
That's right.I didn't even know we were recording.
Alex, you're familiar with the Impossicast.
I know, it's the podcast where we play silly little games and we just try to make each other laugh.
They're not silly little games!That's right, it's lightning.He shocked you with lightning. Over the next hour, I'm gonna subject you to horrible death traps.And if you can escape, then you're forgiven.
But if not... You're gonna forgive me for not kissing girls?
No!I'll never forgive you for not kissing girls!
It sounds like I'm laughing, but I'm crying.
It's so scary.Is it a fun bit to be a homophobic murderer?I don't think so.Let's drop that.No, okay, you're just a murderer.I just misspoke is all.
Yes, you're just a murderer, and I'm really scared right now.
Yes, and I am a murderer. Welcome to my death house.Alex, if you look around your feet, you'll see that there's two boxes of bugs. Uh, it was a rat.His head was in a thing.
I'd rather have a rat.Mammals don't scare me.
Well, okay.That's a bold statement.I think maybe you've not caught on to what I'm trying to do here because of the idea of me giving you what you'd like.If you'd rather have a rat, I'm not going to give you a rat.
Do you understand kind of where I'm coming from?Yeah, I get it now.
But yeah, Sawboy, could I have more comfortable seating?
Okay, I thought it was worth it to add.
You'll sit in that chair made of sort of like ketchup.It's a normal Lazy Boy chair, but I put ketchup on there.
It's more comfortable than a box of cogs.It's not painful, it's just sticky.
Slimy though, right?Yeah.And it's sort of getting tacky because it's been out for a while.
And I'm scared, so I feel like my body is heating up.
I'm like... cooking this ketchup.
Plus, you didn't know what that ketchup was in the dark.It could have been anything like the time where you put your hand in a box of grapes.
Oh, yeah.You see that there's a box of grapes next to you.
Don't topple.You're not supposed to tell them that's a box of grapes.They're supposed to be eyeballs.
Well, I couldn't get eyeballs, but grapes kind of feel like eyeballs.So it's just as bad, I feel like.And if you don't score enough points, I'm going to put your hand in the grape box.Oh, OK.
Don't say okay, is that not scary?
It doesn't seem like you were very scared of that, so maybe bugs for you too?I don't know, I've got plenty of bugs.So if it's just bugs for everybody, then that's what it is.
So, Sawboy, you're telling me that you kidnapped me, Alex James, and my very good friend, Brandon Holmes, for the Halloween special of The Imposter Cast?
I couldn't kidnap Andy because he was being too cool, but... I didn't ask that, I just wanted to say what was going on.Well, you left it out of your explanation, but I wanted to make sure you fully understood the table setting that I've been doing.
Yes, Andy is not here in the room, it's only... It's just me, Sawboy, with my mask.
Yep, we don't know who you are behind that mask.
It's a Jimmy Carter mask.
That's an in joke about something that we talked about off mic.
I'm going to release two bugs onto you just as a punishment.
Oh, they're ladybugs.That's not so bad.Oh, yeah.That's cute.
They're kissing on your face.
I actually have a really good friend who's like deathly afraid of ladybugs and I don't understand it.
They're just trying to get attention.
What's their name?Because I've got tons of ladybugs.So if there's somebody that's really scared of them, that's great news for me.
Well, I don't think I want to tell you my friend's name.
Just give me their like sort of give me the street number, but not the street name.
Uh, I don't even know where she lives anymore.
Brandon, how have you been since the last time you were on the Impostor Cast?It's me, Sawboy.
Pretty good, Sawboy.Yeah, just keeping my head down.I got a promotion at work.
Ooh, congratulations.Easy, yeah.The sound quality is much better since the last time you were on the ApozzaCast.
It is.I feel very professional right now.You sound very professional.I feel very professional.Apart from the ketchup chair.
Yeah, and I was gonna say that you don't have to record in a closet anymore, but now you're in my murder dungeon with bugs and ketchup chairs.
It's a lot bigger than the closet, though.
It is pretty big.It still is nicer than that closet.It's true.But it might be your grave!
Sawboys you know about I'm sorry I'm really hung up on it you know the reverse bear trap probably one of the most iconic Saw thing.
Amanda Young built the reverse bear?
No she was in it she survived it and then she followed Jigsaw's disciple and the second one she pretended to be one of the people captured.
I invented a reverse bear trap but it's a trap for getting reverse bears.
You redeemed yourself on the homophobia front, Sawboy.
I was never really homophobic.
That was part of the terror of the beginning.
Well, now I know why I'm here.
Welcome to my murder dungeon.All right, game number one. This game is called Make It Spooky for $100.It's called the $100 Spooky.Are you terrified yet?Alex, if you don't score enough points in the $100 Spooky, it's bug time for you.
I know.How many points is how many points?
I know you've wanted to make it big time, but have you wanted to make it bug time?
I didn't even want to make it big time.
You didn't want to make it big?Everybody wants to make it big time.
I wanted to make it bog time. I wanted to go out there and spend time with my friends in the bog!
You're a strange guy.What friends does he have in the bog?
This is called... Hondo Dollar Spooky.Here's how it goes.You guys know Andy North?
Yeah, we've heard of him.
When he was in his 20s, he got hired with his friend Keith to make a haunted house at one of those sort of like old world, you know, like the old world places where it's like, here's how we used to churn butter.
This was at Naper Settlement in Illinois.
That would be a fun job.Don't you think, Sawboy?
I think so, it sounds great on paper, right?Where it's like you get to take one of these buildings and make it into a haunted house for our annual haunted house night.
And because Keith and Andy were doing some similar work in Chicago, they got tapped to sort of create a haunted house for this neighbor settlement.Unfortunately, what they found out when they just accepted the job,
was that their budget was going to be $100 to turn this place into a haunted house.And not only that, they weren't allowed to touch or move most of the things in the house.
So they just kind of had to build around this already very crowded house and try and turn it into a haunted house.And they couldn't use the upstairs or most of the rooms in the house.
So you really just walked in the front door, went down the hallway, went into the kitchen and left through the back door.
I think at that point you got to buy like the $99 seven foot tall skeleton and call it a day.
Just call it a day.That would have been an easier way to do it.
There's a bunch of yawn that looks like spider webs.
They tried their hardest and ultimately failed to make anything that impressed anyone.And it was so unimpressive they're like, well, maybe no one will show up.
But then right away when the park opened, there was very quickly a 45 minute line outside of there. outside of their haunted house, that after the first group went through, they realized was not working for people.
Even the people who didn't have to wait for very long were audibly unimpressed and disappointed with the house.So, this game is called the $100 Spooky. Your job is going to be to solve the same problem that those boys did in Napers Settlement.
What I think would be fun is, I've got some local businesses here, but I want to pick one randomly.So I'm going to go to downtown Durham on Google Maps and kind of scroll it around and you tell me when to stop and then I'm going to pick.
One of the businesses or like a type of business and I'm going to give you a hundred dollar budget and you have to turn it into a holiday spooktacular Glad to know that we're still in town because he's talking about local businesses and being among dumb dude I was I don't know how long I was knocked out before being kidnapped.
So oh, yeah We're in like, you know foreign country.Yeah.
No, no.No, this is a local murder basement.Oh
That's like farm-to-table.You guys are supporting local businesses.And you're going to be farm-to-table.I'm going to cut your feet off at the knees and eat them as a sort of a... But that'd be his legs.Huh?
Cut his feet off at his knees, that's not his legs.
I'm a vegetarian, so I don't know the names of the cuts of meat.
Oh, wow.So is Andy.Did you know that?Andy hasn't been kidnapped.He's also a vegetarian.
Oh, he only talks about it all the time.
Well, he is the coolest person in the world.
He's a pretty cool guy.He is a pretty cool guy.He is.I'm not going to cut your feet off, maybe, Brandon, because I agree with your opinion about Andy Norton.OK, I'm scrolling around.I'm scrolling around.I'm scrolling around.
Tell me when to stop, Brandon. You pressed my electricity machine?
And it cooked this ketchup even more.
I wondered why it smelled like vinegar and tomatoes.I thought that was Alex's cologne.
Is that how you spell me?
You can pick up your face at the murder factory.
Because you ripped it right off.
I did.I'm a ghost now.I'm just kidding.I'm Sawboy.You Brandon, you have $100, and your objective is to make a spooky haunted house out of the Boxcar Beercade, Boxcar Bar and Arcade.
In case you're not familiar, local to Durham, this would be your typical throwback beercade.You got skee-ball tables, you got a whole bunch of throwback arcade games, Super Mario Brothers 3 for some reason. Battle toads.
Alex, do you like battle toads?
It is, and it's going to be even more difficult when you're battling toads in my toad pit.
Oh, I don't mind toads either.
Yeah, they'll eat all the bucks.
Well, you have to battle them.It'll be horrifying.It's like the Hunger Games.
If they're real toads, I don't think I'll have a problem.
There's a million of them, though.
I guess I could drown in toads.And they've learned to work together.Ah!
You're next, Alex.But for now, Brandon, you got $100.Tell me how you would do $100 spooky.
So at first I thought I was in real trouble.
Because the barcade is so big.Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
But then I realized that I feel like nostalgic arcade type of vibe is spooky now these days.
I think so.So what I'm going to do is I'm going to spend $100 on streamers that are orange and black.
Uh, you mean like a three-month Netflix subscription?A hundred dollars on streamers?
Friggin'... That's what I'm paying these days.
You call them streamers, right?Crip paper streamers, sure, sure, sure.I was just making a little joke about there's so many streamers these days.Very funny you saw, boy.Thank you.
Hey, are you live streaming this video feed?
I'm dead streaming this video feed.
Okay, we didn't sign up for the Crip Keeper, am I right?
No, no, that's what I'm saying.
If you ever, I mean, you are currently, This is not a good strategy to use for somebody that has you locked in their murder basement, is to make fun of them and call them the Crypt Keeper Alex.
I think it's a compliment.
You're skating on thin ice.
You're on thin ice.You're going to be on thin mice later when I put you in my mouse... Again, mammals aren't... Let me finish.
My mouse kiddie pool.Go ahead.
Brandon was the one that was still talking.
So that's where my money's going.It's just to the ambiance.And what I'm going to do is I'm going to like mess up all the games that I have so that they flash inconsistently.
So it's kind of a spooky, like the, the skeeball machine will like goes down.Do you see what I mean?
The skeeball machine goes down and you made a thunder noise with your mouth, but I'm not quite sure I follow.
You know, it, whatever the lights are, I would, I would rig something in there so that the light would like.Oh, so it's sort of like a strobe effect.Yeah, sure.
That's pretty spooky.And it'd be like stranger things.Like I saw the TV glow, like that type of nostalgic.
Maybe a girl's gonna crawl out of one of the arcade machines.
I feel like that's the static, you know The ring girl yeah, she has a name right isn't it like no
Well, okay, the reason why I asked is because I was watching a lot of spooky stuff because it's spooky season, and they kept on referring to us Samira, which is the English one, but I've always known her as Sadako, because the Japanese one, because I'm pretty cool.
That was a roundabout way to get to... Well, Andy's making out with all those girls, I'm learning about Japanese culture.
Yeah, no, I didn't remember either of them. I think that's a good one.It's sort of poltergeist too, is what I was thinking.Like the static, the little girl in front of it.It sounds like you're setting up sort of a poltergeist arcade.
And I think that's wonderful.The place itself is halfway there.
You just gotta push it over.
Feels like you didn't even need any of the $100, but you still went out to buy $100 worth of streamers.
Scary.I'll give you three points out of five for that one, Brandon.
You look mad about it.No, Subway, that's fine.I respect your decision.
Alex, I'm zooming in and out.You need to tell me when to stop.How about I tell you to stop right now?I'm frightened of Kevin's detailing. LLC.I guess I shouldn't really name the, because we're not, we're not advertising for Kevin's Detailing LLC.
They do have five stars, two reviews, support your local businesses, but I can't vouch for them.I don't know if they're good or bad people.However, we'll say, yeah, a car detailing shop.So you've got your,
Detailing means cleaning the inside and the outside, right?
And modify.I think some modify.
We could maybe do just like a Jiffy Lube style.You know, I feel like people are familiar with those.Your garage.
Cause yeah, Kevin's, they probably do like lights and stuff.
They probably do lights and stuff.
How would you get your undercarriage fixed at Kevin's Detailing for $100?
I think this is what you do for $100, randomly for... How much do ghosts cost?
How much do, like physical ghosts?
Yeah, like if you capture physical ghosts.
I feel like haunted dolls, they talk about those, my brother, my brother.Yeah.And those can cost between like 20 and $50.So you could probably get like two or three ghosts.
Okay, okay.Two or three ghosts, that's perfect.So just for one day on Halloween, we put in haunted dolls that have ghosts attached to them.We hide them in
the like trunk of the car so they come in everyone else gets details fine and then but for three people they're gonna be terrified by how haunted their car becomes and then and then like a wildfire is gonna spread about like I went to Kevin's detail and that was fine
Well, did you hear about the haunted car?You kids to have it too good these days.Up in these hills, these cars are haunted.
Are you also hiring?It sounds like a character actor to sit on a rocking chair.
Based on that performance, I don't think the rate's too high.Yeah, I really had to go. I had to pay really, really small amounts for this act.You can't get good talent out there anymore.I probably had like $14 left to buy three haunted dolls.
I've heard a lot of people don't get paid for doing theatrical work.So I think you would.That has never happened to me, but I've heard that it's very common.So you could probably get someone to do that just for fun.
Do you get paid doing theatrical work, Sawboy?
Oh, were you the baby Jesus?I was the baby Jesus at the Nativity.And I still wore the little mask and everyone said, this is a fucked up Nativity.
Sawboy, if we guess who you are, do we get to leave?
No, I'm not Rumpelstiltskin.
uh anyway so that's what i'll do i'll i'll possess three cars and then hire harbinger of death to come and scare people i love it there is one weakness in that i feel like it's predicated on the idea that ghosts are real and i feel like there's a very good chance that no one's actually going to get haunted as part of this but it's high risk high reward because if even one of these people does
What, die?In your local legend forever.Yeah.
Okay.Well, the harbinger of death will still be there and tell everyone.
I'm going to give you two points for that, but I'll up it to five points if anyone does get murdered by a haunted doll within the next 30 days in Durham.Nice.Oh, and that's a standing promise.Let's do, should we do one more?Update your Google alerts.
I want to do one more, but I want you to do it together.And you'll sink or swim as a pair.You do?Maybe I should human centipede you two then if you hate teamwork.It sounds like that would be the ultimate. Human centipeding is the ultimate teamwork.
In a way it is.Have you guys seen that movie?
I haven't seen it.It sounds quite unpleasant.
Have you seen the second one?No.
The second human centipede.Too fast.
I watched the first one and I was about to watch the second one and it starts out with a security guard watching the human centipede and thinking I could do that and I had to stop and I was like if I'm ever watching this it has to be in a room full of comedians.
Thinking I could do that.
Meaning what?That he thought that he could be in a human centipede?
He could make a human centipede.
So, the human centipede- Making it doesn't seem hard.The first one is called a human centipede first sequence, because it's only three people.But then the second one's called human centipede two full sequence, because he wanted twelve people.
Tell me when to stop zooming.This one you guys are gonna do together, and you had better do it real good. Okay, all right, what do we have here?A lot of technology, a lot of. It's a private pool at a country club.
I'm not gonna tell you which one because we can't, we definitely don't wanna, we definitely don't wanna do free advertising for a country club.
Yeah, not at all.In fact, I'm buying my tongue to not get political about this.
So you, but okay, we can assume there's a gate around it to keep out the undesirables, and you've got a little concession stand, and you've got a private pool. And you have to make it spooky for $100.And I want it to be spooky.
I don't want it to be like a Halloween party fun guacamole time.I want people to be scared of going to this pool.
Okay, I'm coming around on this spookamole now.You've got my interest.
My thought, because I did a prank at a summer camp that I worked at for the kids.Have I told either of you about this?No.Of course, I haven't told you, Sawboy.I've only met you today.Correct.
We told the kids before they went into the pool that there was a chemical that would turn your pee purple.And so we were like, just don't pee in the pool.Do not do it. But meanwhile, I had a little Ziploc bag with some Kool-Aid purple powder in it.
And I like jump in the pool with the kids and we're hanging out and I like open it surreptitiously.And we didn't know how it was going to work.That shit like was like a like it just like turned so much purple.And the kids were like,
Brandon's been in the pool.
It was hilarious.It was amazing.So what I would do is get like $5 worth of Kool-Aid granules.That's a lot of Kool-Aid.Yeah, it's probably a lot of Kool-Aid, right?And put it in the pool, blood pool.
I was thinking the exact same thing.Yeah, teamwork.
Okay, so you've got blood pools.
Here's my input.Going off of Brandon's blood pool, swamp thing.
Swamp thing's in the pool too.
Swamp thing.Give him a... I guess the other... Are you hiring the same actor?Yeah, I'm the same actor.
Alex also said earlier he's got friends in the bog, so he might just have access to a swamp thing.
Get Doug Jones, classic monster actor.Just have someone be underneath the pool, underneath the Kool-Aid pool, the blood pool, and then occasionally just poke their head out.
Who did Doug Jones play?You said he's a classic monster actor.
He was the Shape of Water. Oh That guy thing too.
We'll see the same guy that played Abe.Abe sapien in the hellboy movies Maybe a different guy that sounds right.
He was I think the only one I could clearly say that he was was um, The the scary thing in pan lab with the pan.Oh, yeah Oh, I never thought about that.
Those guys do kind of move very similarly.
Yeah But uh, you know, it pisses me off.What's that?How much shit people talk about the shape of water.Do people talk shit about it?I thought people loved that movie.Yeah, they're like, oh, where she fucks the fish.
And I'm like, it's a gorgeous movie.
Yeah.It's a gorgeous movie.And she fucks a fish.And she fucks a fish.
Well, they almost refer to it that way in the... I feel like the movie kind of takes that attitude of like, isn't it kind of silly that this lady's fucking this fish?But it is nice in that way.
Yeah, by maybe like the first act, but by the third act, you're like... You come to understand that it's this like true love that they have.But you think that they're... That didn't fit in your little boxes, society.
You think people are saying that in like a denigrating way or demeaning way?Yeah.
Yeah.Yeah.That would bother me too.That it wasn't like enough of a, uh, what do you, what do you call it?Metaphor.And it was like a little too literal that how much he actually fucked the fish.I thought that was like a great choice.
And he wasn't even a humanoid.I mean, when they talked about his genitals in that movie, it was like, no, this is a creature.
But you know, you don't need genitals to love. wow you've been reading my t-shirt yeah our eyes are now adjusted to the dark we can see my eyes are up here i'm holding two eyeballs that i stole from uh i only have these two whose eyes were those
Okay, nevermind.A neglectful pet owner.Yep, so a blood pool, a swamp thing inside the pool.
I think you've still got about $95 left.
Let's do, we should buy some tees, like golf tees, but make them look like teeth. Walk me through.
Yeah, they go down and they go down to put a thing, they go, oh my god, they think their teeth are falling out.Oh my god, I thought that was my tea, but it's teeth.We replace, oh man, every time they slap their balls around the cross.
You guys are going too fast, I have a lot of stuff I need to follow up with.
So they hit their ball, it goes far away, we run out and we replace their ball with teeth.
You guys just high-fived.
I'm glad you're excited about this.I just have a couple of follow-ups.You're gonna make the golf tees look like human teeth or monster teeth?
Well, I think it depends on which part of the tee you use.
You could have some fangs in there.
I'm asking you that question.I think most of them would be like, like molar.Yeah.
I think, I think it would be human teeth because then you'll get on off chest.Someone think that their actual tooth fell out.Right.
You're going to get golf tees and whittle them down into human teeth shape.
You wouldn't have to do much whittling.Yeah.You were the one that would say, we don't want like.
I'm just asking.I'm not challenging.I'm just clarifying.
It would be, if I found like monster teeth laying around, I would be like, Ah, that's a silly, this is a silly wolf thing that's happening.
The scariest things are closest to the truth, you know.
That's true, that's true.I'm just sort of a stand in for the audience and I wonder if the audience is gonna have any questions about what you mean by... No.Okay, good.
Second question, so you have these carved teeth that are monster teeth that look like molars.When people hit, their ball outside of like the tennis courts, you can replace it with teeth, you said.
No, so like, yeah.So they hit, it's a golf ball, right?They hit the ball.
It goes far and then run out there.
They come out to reach it.They reach out to pick up their, what they think is their golf ball, but it's a ball of teeth.
I'm in the sand pit again.Oh no.And then they go in and there's, oh, there's,
And then it's like, it's like this must be some like ancient, like ritualistic, like, you know, when you see normal looking rocks, like in a pattern, like if it's normal looking teeth shaped as a ball, it's like this is this is ancient.
But if people have left the pool by now, Doug Jones will be a teeth monster. Just like oh, yeah, he's covered in teeth.
Oh, okay.So sort of cheap of cheap of water teeth.Yeah Well, that's actually very scary.So I'm going to give you each five points for that.That's absolutely frightening.Does that mean we can go home now?No!
That was just the end of the first game and coming out of a rip-roaring first game.We have Mr. Brandon Holmes with eight points and Mr. Alex James nipping at his heels with seven points.I want to play a game.But I don't want to run this one, Alex.
I do wander on this one?I think the theme of the narrative that's happening here makes more sense now that we're into it.Okay.I'm just so scared I'm peeing everywhere.
You're peeing everywhere?
He's so scared he took his pants off so he could like get- Yeah, I can aim angles I could never get before. I mean, Sawboy, you're in charge if you think it's better for me to... No, Sawboy knows what he's doing.
Do y'all need a minute to talk about it?No, I think we got it.I'll put my passbook on.
Why did you take your pants off?I missed that.Because they were peeing everywhere?
So we could actually pee everywhere and get more distance.
I'm terrified, but I didn't want to pee my pants.That's embarrassing.
That would be embarrassing if you had peed your pants.It's much less embarrassing to have taken your pants off and peed, apparently, as far as you could around the room.Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
OK, for this next game, our final game, a terrifying creature game. I'm not gonna be running this one.I have to go get my most frightening assistant.Well, he left.Hello.
I'm just Sawboy's assistant.
Why does it smell like pee in here so much?
Oh Alex, did you take your pants off and pee everywhere?Yeah, because I didn't want to pee my pants.Because you're so scared.I do the same thing.
Thank you.What's your name?
I'm just a very normal guy.I like things to be normal and not scary and not weird Yes, well because I I came in here to clean things up because it's a little bit too scary in here There's bugs on your feet.Did you see that?That's weird.
That's not very normal and you're in a chair made of Made it work.Ketchup?That's weird.That's not normal.I was in a comedy duo called Ketchup and Pee.
We broke up the group because it wasn't normal enough for me.Normal Bates.
You say you was a straight man in this?
Have you heard of Mad Libs? Yeah, of course.I hate mad libs.Because you put fart a lot?Because it's not normal?Because people don't fill them out normally.They make them weird and funny and they put like the word butt in there.
So this Halloween I'm getting my revenge.We're going to do a normal lib.Okay, okay.
Thank you. I am going to, you are going to help me fill in this mad lib, because if you don't, I'm going to put the bugs on you and I'm going to put the ketchup on you.That Sawboy told me to do, because I'm his little minion.Okay?
But you're not going to give weird answers.You're going to be graded on how normal this normal lib is.If it's weird or funny and not spooky, then you're going to get in big trouble. It's a normal lib.
I can see you having trouble with this, Brandon, a little bit.No, I think I get it.I think I just need to hear the word normal just like four or five more times.Well, just call me by my name.
I'm Normal Bates.Then you'll hear it a lot.
Normal Bates?What's your favorite Pokemon type?
Normal's a type of Pokemon.
No, that's the only type of Pokemon that I'll use at the normal ones.Normal baits?Is Matchup in that group?Nope, it's a fighting type.He's a fighting type.Well, he seems pretty normal to me.I kind of like him.Who's a normal type Pokemon?
Uh, Rattata.That's five more normal.
Yeah, what would you classify him as?
Normal Bates, what's your favorite way to abbreviate the painter Norman Rockwell?
Why would I abbreviate his name as normal?Cause it's not, it's that would be a weird way.That would be a weird way to abbreviate Norman Rockwell's name.I'm not sure.I like that brand.Sorry.Who's your favorite cheese character?
No, I'm Peterson, but really it's Diane.Norm sometimes gets a little too wacky for me.You also said his name really normal. I know.I'm known for it.We're going to do something I like to call Normal Libs.You heard of Mad Libs before?I have.
Well, this is... You explained the game in case Andy's not cutting out.
This is Normal Libs.Andy's not cutting out any of this.So please give me... Your objective is to make the most normal story out of this Mad Lib. Do we understand one another?Yes.Can I have a scary thing, please?Who's going first?
You're to take turns, and you're going first, Alex, since you shot your mouth off.A scary thing?Yes, and it had better be normal.Dying alone. All right.Dying alone.That's a little weird.
Well, it's not like a spider.I might have picked like a spider.
I mean, like I have some phobias against spiders, but at the end of the day, there's only one thing I truly fear.
Well, we'll see if it sounds like a normal lib when we say the words dying alone in it.See, I was thinking climate change.You want me to put climate change in there?
Do you think that's going to look normal in your normal lib? I'm just saying that's why my brow was furrowed earlier when we were describing the game because I'm worried about... You were thinking about climate change?
I'm worried about what is normal.
Yeah, I'm thinking about how the social-economical class system is dividing us all as humans.
Okay, but that's not very... Do you understand the nature of the game? I can't help but feel like you did yell at me for starting to explain it again, and yet you still seem to have a shaky grasp of what the objective of the game is.
I just have a shaky grasp of what's normal, because we all have unique lived experiences.
That's making me normal-mates think a lot. I'm going to stay awake for a while tonight thinking about that.What's an adjective?And it better be a normal adjective, not like fart like.
Yes, it's a descriptive word.
Right.The most common way to describe something probably is like surface level.Keep in mind, this is a Halloween themed Mad Lib. Well, see, now you just added another layer to it.I'm going to say that the most normal adjective is green.Green.
That's a very normal word.I like that.I like that one, Alex.Alex, give me a number.And it had better be a normal number.I listened to an episode where you were talking about the square root of an imaginary.
Number seven that wasn't very normal I Love it sometimes When you're just talking about things that are going on in your lives But sometimes you do weird things Sometimes you haven't heard that one before
What's a normal number 72 72 that's pretty high You use the number 72 often What a weird thing to say you think when I'm reading this you think it should be 10 7 like the movie 7 Yeah.I liked that movie because there was nothing unusual about it.
Nothing unusual.The title of the movie is S.E.then the number 7 and then E.N.
I thought that was weird.You're right.I'm angry about it.
It should be called Se7en.
I also didn't watch that one.
It was you have to watch the three good to know.It's a seven seven.It's a seven.
It's a seven.It's a seven.It rolls off the tongue.
What's a verb?What's a normal verb?
It looks like he's doing that himself.
Wint is fine.Wint is a very normal verb.I I guess.I'll change it.I'll change the tense if it doesn't fit.
What is the change of the tense?I'm bad at grammar.
Go.It's okay.It's normal to be bad at grammar these days.Have you seen how people write business emails these days?No.Alex. Give me a normal person.Who's a person?
But they'd better be normal.
I don't know why. It would just, normal encompasses the Rockwell too.Right.Norma and then L to shorten both names.
It's not a very normal thing to do is to make plays on words.
Again, it's like, who is normal?If I had said one person, no, uh, Danica Patricks.
It might be pretty weird Are you implying that women aren't normalized
to Brandon's criticism.That was the first, I don't know.That was the first thing I thought of when you said normal person, but I was like, someone's going to say, yeah, the first woman race car driver.Is that normal?
No, but you know what you're doing, Alex, you're calling me in instead of calling me out.And I appreciate that.
That's a pretty normal thing to do, Alex.
I think we all appreciate it.What's a plural food, Brandon? Fries.That's good.Fries.Doesn't get much more normal than a burger and fries, Alex.
I know.I can clearly see that bread is much better at being normal.
What's an adjective?Sleepy.Sleepy.Pretty normal.Sleepy hollow.Yeah.That was a normal story.
What, Stars Hollow, is it a Pokemon thing?No, it's- Stars Hollow is a town?
In Gilmore Girls.In Gilmore Girls.
Oh, Andy's wife is watching Gilmore Girls right now for the first time.
Rory!It's a pretty normal show.Melissa McCarthy.Sort of just a domestic drama.
In an early role.An early role.Is her name, no it's not. I haven't seen it, because she's not in my life.
Is it Suki?It is Suki, yeah.
That's what I was gonna say, but then I thought it wasn't that.Wasn't Suki the character in Vampire Diaries?
That was Sucky, because they sucked blood.
Watch yourself, Alex.That's a weird thing to say.What's a normal monster, Brandon?
normal monster tread very carefully if you say a daniel craig made of teeth or whatever you boys were talking about i was listening at the door i think a normal monster with a normal monster is probably frankenstein frankenstein it doesn't get much more normal
What's this kitten doing here?She's trying to break us out of this jail.Chase her down later.What is the kitten doing in our murdered dungeon?What a brave little kitten.
I guess now's a good time to say during a Halloween special, people love Gibby on social media.
Gibby is a great creature.There's no one that I've shown a picture of Gibby to who hasn't fallen in love with her immediately. I mean that Andy has shown me too.
Why do you know so much about Andy?
He's a cool guy.It's like you haven't even been listening when I've been talking about how cool he is.
Sorry that I don't fall into your social norms and I have ADHD and I can't listen to it.We probably take Andy for granted.
Social normals.That's what we're learning.That's the lesson that Sawboy is trying to teach us.Don't skip to the end.
What's a normal animal?Two more, two more.
It's bug time for you!Okapi's the weirdest animal I ever heard of!I'm gonna put a single bee on the end of your knee.
Oh, it flew away immediately.Ah, shoot.That was my only bee that I had.Say hello.
I'll collect one later for you.
No, a normal animal.Okay, a pig.
A pig.A pig's kind of... You think you would encounter a pig in a Halloween story?
Oh, I didn't know it had to be a moose, then.You think a moose is a better... Way more Halloween.Way more Halloween than the pig.I should have made this, uh... You should call it a cat.Cats.Cats.Cats.Shhh.Don't tell him I told you that.
Yeah, what did you say, Alex?Cat.Cat.No whispering over there.No.Of course.Even though it's very normal to whisper with one another.To try and escape.
And a thing.Wow, I feel like that's pretty general for a Madlib.
A normal thing that might be found in a... I guess noun is what they're looking for, but it just says thing. Um, I'm going to say a leaf.A leaf.
Oh, my moose was out of left field.
The audience is not on your side with the moose thing, Alex.All right.Are you ready to generate your normal lib?I hope it's normal enough.
Now, when I read this story, if it's weird or funny, I'm realizing a weakness of this as a piece of entertainment product.But if this is weird, then you're in big trouble.This had better be normal.
Do you think we'll get like a spooky Halloween track behind it?We'll see if you're good.We'll be good.If spooky Claus comes around.Alright, here is a very normal Halloween story.
I was worried my Halloween was off to a bad start when a black cat crossed my path.That's a pretty normal story so far.I think that was the animal, a black cat.Can you imagine if it was a black moose?Wouldn't have been very normal.
I was worried that my Halloween was off to a bad start when a black cat crossed my path, but it turned out okay.My best friend Danica Patrick and I. Pretty weird, Alex.
My best friend Danica Patrick and I went trick-or-treating the minute it started getting dark.I was dressed as a sleepy dying alone.
And my friend was a green leaf.
Oh no!The first few houses gave out their traditional fries instead of candy.When we reached the end of the block, my friend dared me to ring the doorbell on the spooky house at the top of the hill.
I tiptoed to the door, and just when I was going to push the button, a Frankenstein answered the door.I screamed to went until I realized it was just a mask.I have to change it.I screamed and tried to go until I realized it was just a mask.
Very normal.The old lady behind the mask gave me 72 candy bars. That's too many candy bars, Alex!
To be fair, 10 candy bars are also going to be a lot, too.
10 candy bars would have been... It should have been a number like 3.And for that... 3 is very normal.The lady behind the mask gave me 72 candy bars since she didn't have many visitors. Paste your best PG Mad Lib into the comments.
Do you think this is PG?Yeah.It gets pretty weird.I wouldn't want any kids seeing this.
Well, with their parents' guidance, they could probably understand.
I don't know.You went as a sleepy dying alone.You got 72 candy bars.That's pretty weird, Alex.I'm not giving you the equivalent amount of points for this.Out of the possible 10 points. Alex, I'm giving you four.
Yeah, I feel like I messed this up for everyone.
But this is a good mindset for people to think about.Everything I thought I said, normal.So.You were doing your best?Yeah.Even when you said moose?
It's as normal as Alex gets.
I did get moose as my third pick. What was the first pick?Oh, copy.It's it's an animal that looks.
Oh, you're making me mad talking about the copy again.What kind of bugs do I have over here?I've got like a what is this thing?Well, it's just cute.Oh, this is an M and M with some belly button.
I can I can open up the box a little bit more if you want more bugs to come out.
Yeah, open up the box.We'll see what we got in there.Oh, it's all ladybugs.Oh, wow. He was afraid of dying alone.Brandon, I'm giving you eight points because those were pretty normal things that you did.
I've never been more proud to be so normal.
And now I have to leave so that Sawboy can come back.Goodbye.Goodbye, normal Bates.Oh, he's kind of nice.
Hello, it's me, Sawboy, again.I think there's a sexual thing happening with his normal thing.
How did it go here?Was it cool and fun?I hope you were very normal for normal Bates.
I think so I think so I think the problem was I think normal sounded more like saw then yeah all right it's time for me to reveal the trick behind it are you ready for my grand reveal yeah this is the part where we find out Amanda Young was in on it the whole time no I'm not Amanda Young
It's me the Wolverine.Oh my god.That's right.I'm Hugh Jackman from Deadpool versus Wolverine.
You got me.This is a very timely reference because the movie just came out so we're I'm hoping to be able to piggyback off that fame.
I think people Think of Wolverine and Hugh Jackman hand in hand for the last 20 years.So I think you're fine.
It's an evergreen reference.
So this explains a lot why I've been talking about how cool Andy is this whole time, because Hugh Jackman famously is a big fan.
This is your Hugh Jackman voice.
Oh, because I was jealous.Ever since Andy came and saw me in The Music Man on Broadway last year, I've been thinking, boy, I wish I had his life.
And this was the closest thing I could get, kidnapping his two best friends in the world and threatening to cover them with bugs.He hasn't told us that.
What's that?He hasn't told us that.Yeah. Told you guys what?That we're his best friends in the world.
Are you not his best friends in the world?No, we're pretty close, but... I just took a best guess.What about his wife?Did you ever think about kidnapping his wife?
I did, but she was too into it.She kept covering me with kisses from head to toe. Oh boy.Sounds like Amelia.No, well you don't know about their marriage.I think he was fine with it.
No, I was gonna say that sounds like a pretty normal thing that happened to Hugh Jackman.
Do you want to know a secret?Yeah.Normal Bates was me also.I just turned the Jimmy Carter mask inside out.Wow.
Happy birthday, Bubby.All right, so after a rip-roaring Halloween episode of the Impossicaz, we have Mr. Alex James with 11 points and Mr. Brandon Holmes with 16 points. You know what that means.Both of you get lowered into the kiddie pool.
Kitties.It's a full-sized pool, but there's a bunch of kitties in there.
Wait a second, they're all turning purple.Brandon, are you kidding?
I know, I peed in it.Weird.Okay, have a spooky Halloween, everyone.
You've been listening to the Impossacast with Alex James and Andy North.You can find us online at at Impossacast on Instagram.You can also email us at impossacast.podcast at gmail.com.Our podcast art is by Sid Ratkiewicz.
You can find them at at sidwitz on Instagram.If you like the podcast and you'd like to help us out, please tell a friend or write us a review or rate us five stars wherever you get your podcasts.See you soon.And thanks for listening.
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