Welcome to our listeners questions.This week I have Giovanna Fletcher and I can't wait because this is going to be fun.Right.OK.Are you ready?Yes.OK.
My partner and I both have demanding jobs and lately it feels like we're just two ships passing in the night.We hardly spend any time together and it's affecting our relationship.Do you have any tips?
That's really hard, isn't it?I can relate.I can relate.I feel like with Tom, if we manage to watch something together and our feet touch in the evening, that's a win.
Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.And I also think being aware that you're so busy and that you're juggling or that you're drifting is really, really important because then you can do something about it.I think not being aware of it is the is the difficult place to be.
Could be problematic.Yeah.Yeah.
Yeah, I think you just have to do what you can when you can.
Don't forget that each other exists.
Yeah, and I think it's so easy to look at other couples out there, whether that's your mates or online, and kind of go, oh my gosh, they've got it sorted.It's all bollocks.It's all bollocks.Total, total rubbish.
No one has it sorted.I remember one of my friends said the best thing that Hollywood big stars could do for the average woman is to admit how many people they have on their staff.
Nanny, driver, cook, housekeeper, accountant, to admit how many people it takes to put that perfect life together.
And also, when you are doing all day, I think when you get to the end of the day, you're touched out, you're asked out.You know, when Tom wants to engage in a conversation at that time of night, I'm like, I'm done.I've switched, she's switched off.
Yeah.Thank you.Yeah.And I think you have to kind of ride it in a way and realise it's not forever.It's a now thing.So don't panic.It's a now thing.And if you're aware of it, you can change it.
Yeah, and the time does come back around.You know, Jim and I had that when the boys were young.We were tag team, literally one in, one out, night shift, day shift, night shift, day shift.Yeah, for a long time.And then now the kids are all grown.
Happy days.Dropped the grandkids home.
And you found each other and you like each other still.Yeah.
I mean, sometimes. My four-year-old has just been diagnosed with autism and I'm struggling to come to terms with his diagnosis.I don't want to tell my friends as I'm scared they will judge him and not want their children to play with him anymore.
Should I be honest with them?Claire.
Yes!Of course, if they're your friends, for sure.Yeah, and if they judge, then get new friends.They're not friends.No, they're not at all.Absolutely, I think...
I mean, we always worry about our kids and we want to put them first and we want everyone to champion them as much as we do.But I mean, that diagnosis is so common now.You're not the only one.
And I think there are probably amazing platforms out there that will help as well.
For sure.You absolutely tell your friends.That'd be the first thing I would do.They would know it was coming too.I'd be like, I have to talk, you know, I'm going to take them for a diagnosis, like it's driving me crazy.
Surely they would be talking about it already.
Yeah.It might not be a shock.
No. Okay, best tips for keeping young kids entertained at home that don't involve any screen time.Jodie.Don't ask me, Jodie, because I think screens are fantastic.Because we didn't have them in our day and you bitches are lucky.
You can go sit with the babysitter for 10 minutes while mummy does this.We had to keep them entertained with no screen time.
You know what, my favourite game with the kids, we've got chickens obviously, so we've got a lot of eggs.But basically, after we've had eggs, we keep them.
And then we play a game where we lay them all out on a tray, and I write numbers on them, just single digit numbers, and then I give the kids a wooden spoon, and they take turns.
So I then do a sum, so say it's three plus three, the answer is six, if you didn't know.And then they have to bash the six.There's something about bashing that egg with a wooden spoon that is endless fun.So that is a very cheap and cheerful game.
I think it depends on whether it's boys or girls, not to be too stereotypical, but I did find that my boys wanted to beat things, hit things, kick things, throw, hit, like anything like that, whereas Ava was very much
Actually, she entertained herself.I think maybe it's just easier for girls.I don't know.I'm not making a sweeping statement.
I think being at home is really hard.I think getting out is, especially with my three boys, they need to just get outside.They need to go and be feral.
And I think sometimes there's knowing that that energy is there and kind of go, OK, someone's going to get hurt in a minute.So it's going to happen.Something's going to happen.I'm going to have to shout.Or we just all get our shoes and go outside.
Have you had any major incidents that involved A&E with them play fighting and things like that?
Ooh.Actually, no, the play fighting hasn't.They generally have their own accidents.We've had broken arms, split knees, split head.Yeah, but thankfully, none that are just fights.
Ben and Dan were play fighting Star Wars when they were young with brooms.And Daniel jumped off the... One of the brooms had broken off the end and that's why it was in the garden in the bin, but they'd used it as a lightsaber.So Ben went,
as Daniel jumped and it landed and just went straight into his side yeah so but by then it happened so often that I went downstairs and went okay we're going to A&E you don't even oh that's hospital you just know when you look like normally be like maybe I could wash that away we'll see if it you know if it doesn't heal properly oh we're going to A&E let's go
Also, I do love the fact we give the kids things like, well, lightsabers or brooms.Wooden spoons.And then we're surprised when they then hit each other with them.You know what I mean?We should just give them a pencil from the start.
I've seen boys do things with pencils that would make your eyes water. And yes, that is what I mean.
I do think, though, as soon as they were little and I started saying, no, leave your willy alone, leave his willy alone.Exactly.That kind of set it up, really, for the future.For failure.
Yeah.Yeah, for failure.Boys and willies, it's just going to happen.And if how men relax is to put their hand down their pants and chill, it must be inbred from birth.
Yeah.Something about holding it.
Making sure it's still there.
Tweaking, wibbling.I mean, there's only so many times you can say, can you please play with your willy in your bedroom?Does this stop, Caroline? No, I have said to Jim on occasion, love, hand.
If we've got people coming round, he's not actually doing, he'll just, it's just how he relaxes.Hand and pants, beer.I'm like, love, please, the hand.What?It's comfortable.Okay.No, he doesn't do anything on tour.
He's not, he's not standing there butt naked when we have guests.My 10, sorry, love.My 10 year old is falling behind everyone else in her, I said that too, now I've read the context, I need to be a bit more serious.
My ten-year-old is falling behind everyone else in her class at school and it's really getting her down as she is worried she won't get the secondary school she wants.
She tries her hardest with her homework and studying but she's just not very academic and we can't afford to get her any private tutors.How can I support her through this period?From Bex.
I think we focus, especially with school, we focus so much on what kids cannot do in that classroom setting.Kids can do so many things.We need to celebrate the things that they do.The classroom setting is just one setting.
There are so many other places that they can thrive and it's about really celebrating those areas. We have it.
It's hard though because the school system is set up that everyone gets exactly the same treatment.
And it took one of... So we had Ben and Dan who went through the system, hated it.All of the kids have got one variation of ADHD.All of them. And it took getting to Max and Ava for the teachers to go, do you know what we've learned?
Your kids cannot do these languages.So we're just going to take it off.It's a wasted attempt at a GCSE.And we all went, oh, thank God.Because they were like, you know, you can do German and French and Spanish.
And I can see the kids are like, mum, can you just tell them, please?Because I just.But what they can do brilliantly is accents and acting and singing.You know, let's celebrate what they can do and stop trying to make everyone do frigging physics.
Yeah.Yes.I don't need that. But don't put the pressure on.Also, where's the pressure coming from to get the secondary school?I understand that, but she's 10.I would feel like you have to cushion that a bit more.Don't put the pressure on the kid.
Yeah, it's so hard, isn't it?Because especially when you hear of other people getting tutors and things like that, you're suddenly like, oh, this is something I'm meant to care about.Yeah.Do you care about it?Yeah.
Do you care about it enough to put the pressure on your child?And also, I don't think it's a very healthy way to learn.No.To put that pressure on so they have to retain facts. Yeah, I find it really weird.
It feels like every part of the school system is set up for an exam.We're going to learn this.And then test you.
That's exactly what Stacey said when I spoke to Stacey Solomon.She said she has obviously the two boys that have been at school.One is set up and does really well in that atmosphere and one just absolutely does not.
And you can just see the difference because children are different, but they're not treated differently.
Okay, myself and my partner are vegetarian and we have chosen to raise our daughter the same.Last week she came home and told me she tried a burger at her mother-in-law's.It was not me.
I am fuming and can't believe she's going against our wishes and feeding my child food I haven't authorised her to have.How can I confront her?Anna.
I mean, maybe it was like a vegan burger.
I think you're being nice.I would I would ask how old the child is.I would want to know how old the daughter is, because if she's a certain age, you might want it to be vegetarian.She might not want to be.That's number one.Also, for me, it's
what your child wants.It can't be you deciding you're going to be vegetarian, I think.It's easy for me to say.I was a vegetarian for a few years until I wasn't.I got pregnant with Ben and got cravings and it was out the window.Really?
I've had two stints of being a vegetarian.Loved it until I didn't anymore.
Yeah.And then yeah.But I mean, naughty mother-in-law. I mean, she has to say something.
Let's assume the mother-in-law did it on purpose and the child is younger and it is the mum's choice.Let's assume that that's the case.You have to talk to the mother-in-law.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.Because If you've set, if you've decided to live your life in any way, and that's with anything, right?It's not just about a burger.
Any choices that you've made for your child has to be, have to be respected by whoever's looking after them.
But if, if, if your daughter is older and said, nanny, I want some burger.Firstly, she should have probably called the daughter-in-law.I would, I know I would call Lily and say, Lily, okay, she wants a da da da da.
I think it's about more than the burger.
Maybe Anna and the mother-in-law don't like each other.
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More details in the show notes. My 15-year-old daughter has started hanging out more with her friends, and I'm a woman obsessed.I have her on my phone, my friends, and I'm nonstop checking her location like a hawk.
It's becoming obsessive, but I just get so anxious and worried about her.How can I calm down and avoid checking where she is every five minutes?Lou.
It's funny, isn't it?We find ourselves going into certain habits, you know, and then they just stick and they take over.I mean, I get it.
It's not like when we were 15 and there was a bit of freedom because... It's not like when I was 15, I was a latched... I mean, there's that meme where there's like parents saying goodbye to their kids these days.Have you got your phone?
Have you got this?Make sure the app is on, da-da.And my dad was like, see you later.Be back for tea.
Or the lights coming on.Gone.Street lights are on.You better get home.And if someone's mum was going, Caroline, your mum's looking for you, you'd be like, shit.
I'm in trouble so I can't relate because I when I we some of the family like we share our location I don't know why but we do but I will occasionally remember that it's there and I like oh so-and-so's there and so-and-so's there I don't have the same like panic yeah I don't know how I would feel I mean it wasn't around when Ava was 15 which is probably for the best
But yeah, because you were both quite fiery with each other, weren't you?To have that, I knew you were here, would be intense.
We still had the thing where she'd call me and go, she'd text me and go, can you please say that I've got to be home, be angry.I'd be like, got it.So I'd call her and go. you need to get your arse home now.
But I had to be so mean that all the kids' friends are still afraid of me because I would do that for the kids.I'd go, you better get home now, I can't believe you haven't done this homework.
Or I'm going to come and get you now if you're not here in 10 minutes.And then they take you like, I'm on my way home, thanks mum. So now I'm like, now all the friends are like, hi Mrs. Hyrens.I'm like, you do not have to be afraid of me.
I'm not going to throw my kids under the bus, but I was doing it for a reason.But I probably would have stalked her.15 is a hard age.
The thing is, when the technology's there, it's very difficult to kind of just let it go.You know, I love, we've got security cameras.I love having a look.Is everyone home?Oh, they're playing in the garden.Oh, they've hit each other.
I'll turn it off now.Yeah.
They're fighting, they've broken something, goodbye.
Just that little check-in every now and then.I get it, but I guess it's when it's encroaching on privacy.It's a 15-year-old daughter who's gaining her independence and kind of doing things.
You just have to trust that she's going to come to you with the things that she actually wants you to know.
Yeah.I mean, literally.And then don't obsess.Maybe check she got to where she said she was going.
And then if she's staying the night, I would still, if they were staying the night, I'd absolutely check again.
I absolutely would check again.If they say they're going to be where they say they're going to be.
But you also, with things like that, you don't want to do it so much or make it turn into an issue that then they might leave their phone somewhere on purpose.Yeah, exactly.So then they're not with their phone.You've got to play it clever here, Lou.
You've got to play it clever.Yeah, it's really hard.
Right, last one. I am getting married next year and my husband and I have started planning our honeymoon.Our son will be two by the time we get married.
My husband is desperate for us to have a holiday by ourselves and I would love that but mum guilt is eating me up.Am I a terrible mother if I leave our son behind?Get on the plane. Do not even think about it.
I don't know why you're asking us that question.Sorry.
But you go, G. No, I completely agree.It's your honeymoon.And you know what?I completely understand the fact that it's family time.It's you together.This family is like bonded in a new way.But it's still your honeymoon.
And mum guilt, it's a rubbish thing, to be honest.And you're always going to have it, no matter what.Even if you have your baby there, you're going to feel guilty about certain things.
So I would absolutely embrace the fact that it's your honeymoon and go for it.
Before you have maybe subsequent children, and then you're never going anywhere.
And also, they're not even going to remember you weren't there.
Get on the plane.Because when that kid has grown up and leaves and doesn't give a shit about you anymore, it's going to be you left there with your husband.And you need to make sure you still like each other.
Which Jim and I do, thank God.For now.For now.Spoken like a bit of wisdom there, G. You ever have moments where you're like, you know, you can't, you can't.God, you're annoying.I'm going to kill you.I'm going to kill you.
You know, Ava said, I know you and dad are getting divorced.I was like, this is a while ago.Oh, no, it's fine.What are we talking about?Should I know dad slept in the other room? This is the only reason, and I went, Ava, dad snores.He snores.
And you've all left home like it's- We've got one of our kids in our room at the moment.Yeah.And we were away some, and me and Tom slept in the same bed.And I was like, gosh, you're actually such an annoying sleeper.You're so big and annoying.
Whereas the kid's so much easier to sleep next to.
Yeah, well, when they're out of bed, you're like, oh, I can sleep like Jesus on the cross.And you know, she said, are you absolutely sure?You're lying to me, aren't you?And I was like, Ava, trust me, I may kill him.I'm never going to divorce him.
I think it's a really clever thing to have separate beds.
I said it's not divorce love, it's a luxury.We have a spare room.
Go snore in there.Yes, to sleep better.You're a better human if you sleep.And I am a terrible human if someone wakes me up.
Whether that's a light going on, the bathroom door opening or closing, a snore, anything like that, I'm just a bit like, and I'd rather not wake up in a... I'd rather just be a restless sleeping lion.
Yes.And then You can do that on honeymoon.Go on honeymoon, leave the kid at home, have all the sleep, all the food, all the other.Because that also goes to the point where you're like, I'm actually very tired.
Me and Tom took a pile of books on our honeymoon.We had the other as well, but we had a pile of books as well. That's a nice place to leave it.
We had the other, but we had a pile of books.Thank you.Thank you very much.Thanks, everyone, for your questions.I think we had a font of knowledge there, especially with, well, between us, we've got six boys.Yes.Oh, my gosh.
And Ava, who, by the way, could outdo them on everything, on not even her best effort.
What is it like now having three men in the room?
Fantastic.I'm the shortest person in the family and I'm 5 foot 10.Really?Wow.Fantastic.But they're still boys.Mess.Have you done all of the childhood things?Have you done knits?We never had knits.My boys have long hair now.
How have you never had knits?I don't know.They are clean, I promise.
Never had worms.Wow.Have they been away on any school trips though? One of them's been to France.See, usually it would be when they came back from a school trip, you'd be like, oh Jesus Christ, I need to disinfect you.God.
My kids are going to be like, great mum, thanks.You've just basically told the world that we've got nits, worms, everything.
My chickens had red mites and worms, so you know, in some ways we've had it in the house, just not with the kids.Just with the chickens.Yeah.
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