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Welcome to this week's listeners questions.I am joined by the brilliant Rochelle Humes and we are answering all of your probing questions.Okay, there's lots, varying degrees of parenting, all sorts.
So, okay, Joanna, I just found out I'm pregnant with twins.Do you have any newborn tips?
Oh my gosh.I don't have any twin tips.But I just think, actually, everyone will chuck so much advice at you.Like if that's your first pregnancy, and yeah, twin tips, I definitely don't have.
And I think you're gonna need to tap into a new level of patience.Yeah, it takes a village.But I also, I remember when I was pregnant with Alaya, I was young, so I was 23 when I had Leigh.
And I obviously didn't have the first clue what I was doing, but I just took everyone's advice so literal.Like, I could have met you today, and you'd have said, you need this, and I'd have been straight on Amazon ordering it.
And I just really felt like I just took every bit of advice that I really overwhelmed myself.But actually, you've just got to learn your own baby, or babies in your case.
Because they're all so different, and you'll probably quickly learn that with having two at the same time.You will know how to settle your baby, and there's just that instinct that you can't, you know, nobody else can advise you in that way.
I would say have a routine.
Yeah, routine and just limit outside noise.
put those kids to bed, go to sleep.
Do you know what my big tip is as well, actually, that I couldn't do with Blake because he was a lockdown baby when he was born, was I actually had all my visitors to the hospital.
Because I actually... So when you got home, you wanted the peace and quiet.
Yeah.And I really learnt that.And by the time I had Valli, I was like, that's what we're doing here.Everyone comes to the hospital because I was sort of a little bit like, you're on such a... high after they're born.
You feel like Superwoman because you're like, I have done this.I don't think any other woman has ever done what I've done.They've never done it quite like I've done it.
You're so like obsessed with your baby and like, you know, patting yourself on the back.And actually, you've got people there and they can stay for a limited amount of time.You know, they're going to pop by and then they've got their fix.
They've seen the baby and they leave you alone.
And then you're like, I just want to go home and have peace.
Yeah, because when everyone piles over to your house, you end up making everyone a cup of tea.You end up making the tea.Yeah.And sandwiches and whatever else, you know.
So I would either say get everyone to the hospital, or when you feel better, you know, however long that is, I then started to visit them.
So you could pick them up and leave.
Because then I could go, I've got to get back for bath time.So yeah, I just think limit everyone to your house, because people actually don't know when to leave, they don't.
They don't, and you will be, you will have gone through this whole process, whether it's a section, or you know. and you will be up.
So my advice is always, I wrote a blog post years ago on advice for new mums, and it was just like, don't listen to anyone, don't listen to me, but here is what I say when I'm staying in your pyjamas.
Shower every day and put fresh pyjamas on, because then when people come to the house, they remember, oh, she's been through something.Don't look like you're all fresh, and forget the pressure of trying to look good, you know?
Have the leaky nipple pads, like, just be unknackered, and say, can you please make me a brew?
Yes, yeah.I would just limit them coming over, to be honest.Because when you've got downtime in your own house and the baby's asleep and you've got a minute, there's always something that you wouldn't like.I actually want to make my bed.
Do you know what I mean?You actually... Oh, sleep at the same time.Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I'm mum to a six month old and I can't help but feel desperate to go back to work.My maternity leave isn't due to finish for another six months, but I'm really missing my old life and working.
I'm feeling really guilty of having these feelings, as it seems most mums dread having to go back to work.Am I being selfish?
I relate.I relate.I mean, I feel seen by hearing that.Thank you, Dee Dee.You've made me feel a lot better because I it's that real sort of am I a terrible person?I love this baby more than anything in the world.But I actually I love what I do.
I need that.And I was sort of grieving the past life of me.But I'm now not in denial, and I don't kind of feel ashamed of the fact that I actually bloody love what I do.And it is what makes me me.
And having a family has added to my life like you wouldn't believe.And I'd live for them.But at the same time, part of my DNA is what I do. Well, I barely took a maternity, to be honest.I'm self-employed.It's not really a thing.No.
And you don't have to stay off for another six months.
No.Just say, I'm coming back.Yeah.And maybe you could go back.You know, people that work for me, they want it.They are the same.They want it to come back.And we kind of looked at how that would look for them.
So why don't you maybe do... Dip your toe in.You might get your fix by doing a day or two and then being online one day from home. And if you're valued and, you know, I was just thrilled.I'm like, listen, I'm trying to be the best boss here.
I want you to be sure.I don't want to rush you.I don't want to push you.
Please come back.Please come back.I'm crying every day without you.But if you, I would benefit from having you back one day a week because I really value you.Take your time.So just take your time and build up to it.
And don't feel guilty and know you're not being selfish.No, absolutely not. Oh, this is funny.I strongly dislike my nine year old, my nine year old daughter's best friend.
I know it's mean to say about a child, but she's a bad influence and I've seen her be rude to my daughter on several occasions.I'm sorry, I'll tap you out then.You're done.I don't want her playing.I don't want her playing with her anymore.
But should I let my daughter make her own decisions?What would you do?She's nine.No, you do not let her make her own decisions.She's nine.
Get the little brat out of your house.
Yeah, I mean, it's really so funny.I'm so mean, I can't.No, it's just funny because everybody goes through that, don't they?They're like, I'm not really sure about that.
But you know.She's my best friend.And then you look in the kid and the kid's got like Damien.You've marked your card, mate.
Yeah, but it's a really hard one to manage.And I think if you can really I would just really point out values that we love as a family versus like being like, no, get rid of the friends because you don't, but I would, yeah.
I would definitely.I'm old, I've seen too much.I'm like, drop it.I mean, I would definitely have an opinion, but to them I'd be like, right, you know when I've just witnessed, if this happens, that's not how we act.That's not how we behave, is it?
So yeah, I would really point out your core values.
And therefore she's satanic and you should not be her friend.
And therefore we hate her, she can't come round for dinner ever again.
And her parents are horrible.
And actually, I don't want a cup of tea with my mum either.Yeah, I would go down that route and just make those sort of bits that you've picked up on, make them aware of it, because then they slowly might think, like, you do too.
I don't want to be her friend anymore.Yeah.
Just watch out it doesn't turn into bullying.
Plant the seed.Plant the seed.
My mother-in-law is constantly criticising my parenting decisions and undermining my authority in front of my children.My partner just says to take no notice, but it's getting me down.Would you confront her?That's just from Frankie.You never know.
Oh my gosh, that is, well, this is a hard beast, isn't it?Family, and it's really hard when you have a sort of feeling about a family member that isn't your side.Because if my mum was being, I'd go, mum, leave me alone. And that would be it.
And we can talk, we can have that dialect.
You can't say shut it woman to your mother-in-law.
Well you can if you're my daughter-in-law to be fair.But I would, yes, I think you're, cause you're going to stew on it and it's going to annoy you.And I think it doesn't have to be like a real sort of confrontational chat.
It will get to that though if you don't do something.If you don't it will.I wouldn't say confront.I would say, listen, do you know when you say that in front of the kids, we don't, maybe you should say,
about your husband and say, look, we always... Get your husband to do it.It says partner, husband or wife.Get them to do it.
But then sometimes that can make, that could also make a situation between, oh, she's obviously got him to talk to, you know.So I would just say it in a nice way.And then if it happens again, then he can Woman to woman, right?
But yeah, I saw a meme the other day that said, it was really made me laugh, it says, my mother-in-law keeps, we actually, we always write up funny little memes for My Little Coco, like parent memes.
And one of the girls from the office sent it and it was so funny.It said, my mother-in-law keeps criticizing how I'm parenting her grandkids when I'm actually married to one of hers and it's fucking useless.
I saw one that said, my mother-in-law, my mother-in-law needs to, telling me how to parent, needs to take several seats.I've seen your work.
Yeah, exactly.It's so good.Maybe just send her that.
That's why I couldn't say anything to my door-in-law.Is violence acceptable?I love you lot.Is violence acceptable when a stranger kisses your six-month-old baby?Yes.How did they get close enough, number one?How did they get close enough?
I find this bizarre.Some people are really... I don't know if it's older people sometimes, but they're like... Get your mouth away from my child.That's like a trigger to me.And do you know what else they do?
I remember being in an airport flying and I was on my own once and... They were actually a fan of my husband.And they were like, oh my gosh, we're so happy that you're having a baby.And she lifted up my top.She did not.
And I was just like, and I weirdly let her do it.You know, like, I think I was so dumb.She lifted up my top and she was rubbing my tummy.And I was just like, oh, like that personal,
Boundaries, Doris, boundaries.
Then afterwards I felt like, you know, I wanted to tell her everything and I was like wanting to find her in the airport again but at the time I just said nothing because it was sort of happening in slo-mo and I was like, oh yeah, she's actually touching me, right, okay, she's lifting my top, okay, fantastic.
But yeah, I really, yeah, I mean violence may be a little far but yeah, you've definitely got the rights.
knocking a hand away, absolutely.And I'd get away with it, I'm a nan, so I'd get away with it.
Yeah, and do you know what's worse as well?When someone wears that really strong oud, and you smell it on your baby for days, that's my worst.
That's a lesson to people, if you're going to visit someone that you know, a friend or a loved one who has had a baby, do not wear perfume. Do not wear perfume.We are animals.
When I pick up that newborn, if it does not smell like my newborn, because you're literally like... Yeah, well, you could bottle that, couldn't you?
That smell is just the best ever.But when it's masked by someone's oud... And also, don't worry about smelling nice for me.I'm breastfeeding.I don't care.I can smell nothing.
I don't care.I stink.I'm sweating.Yeah. This episode is obviously brought to you by the Skinrocks app.You're free to download Ultimate Guide to Skincare, made by me, all in one place.
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Oh God, okay.I love these questions.I can't do this one, this is all on you love.Oh no.Rochelle, I need your advice.I recently started a band and one of the members is constantly late for rehearsals and meetings which disrupts our schedule.
How do you address this?Did you ever have these issues in the Saturdays?I feel like that could be a reporter from a newspaper just trying to sneak it up in there.
She's called Imogen, apparently.
Hi Imogen, apparently.Do you know what, that's a hard one because it's early days, there's gonna be those teething issues.Have you communicated it?
Have you said, listen, you've got to start, like, you could do that thing that my husband does to me, like, say rehearsal start at a different time.Like, be smart.
Are you the one who's late and he's the one who's on time?
Yeah, but do you know what, he's like, he is like, What does he say on early as... Five minutes early is on time, on time is late, and five minutes late is unacceptable.
It's like, I'm not at work, we're literally going for a bit of food, like, drop me out.Like, on holiday, he'll be like, are you ready?I'm like, I have to be ready all year long.
I just, if I'm 15 minutes late to the table, like, it's not gonna, no one's gonna hurt us, like, it's fine.But yeah, maybe start, I would say it, and then, it depends how much you value them as a member of the group.
Because some people, that is just their traits.We could all be better at it, don't get me wrong.If she wants to show up, she could start getting there on time.But yeah, I would say it, and then if you, like, is she the lead singer?
Are you gonna miss her, is what I'm saying here.Is she crucial?
Yeah, I would tell her, and then if not, I would just start factoring in some buffer room. So if you say, right, it's at eight today, and then you're like... That's tolerating it, though.You're very polite.
Yeah, but it just depends how far you are into this.
And who they are in the band.
Because you know when some people are like, I'm just late.That's me as a person.No, late isn't in your DNA.That's something you can change about yourself.You just have to want to.
I think it's that kind of, when you're late, when you're repeating, when you are repeating behaviour and you are repeatedly late, you are telling everyone that's waiting for you that your time is more important than theirs.
And it isn't.And it isn't.
That's why I've had to drill into a couple of my kids because they don't do it on purpose.No, no, no.But they're just, you know, in their own time zone.
Yeah, but you don't have... you know, late in your DNA and that's why, and I say that to my kids.We don't, like, we can't have that as an excuse.I'm just late, you know what I mean?I'm just untidy.No, you're being untidy.Sort yourself out.Nice.
So yeah.What are your top tips for being successful in the music industry?I've forgotten that.I haven't left the music industry in a long time.I'm not probably the right... I think they just want to tap into some Saturdays here, clearly.
I'm not well equipped, to be honest. It's so different to when I, as I said, I've not been in the music industry for 10 years.Wow.
What worked for you guys?What was the magic ticket, do you think?
I think we were really resilient and we didn't, we were, we launched at a time where everybody was launching off the back of an X Factor or a reality show.So they had that instant overnight boom.And that's really hard to get.
So we were like doing every uni gig.We were getting dressed in toilets.We were like, you know, doing the most and like working the scene.And so we really so we actually really appreciate every little achievement.
I think when you like boom off of one of those shows and I always I ask Marvin this quite a lot because he obviously, you know, X Factor overnight.Of course.Yeah.And obviously they were together first.
But that real sort of like peak was when they were on those shows and actually like it's a blessing because you've got instant exposure, but also you've got to learn on the job.
And if you're not instantly cut out for that, you'll know pretty much straight away.But for us, we really appreciate every little milestone.We're like, oh my gosh, they're now playing our song on the radio.
Or, oh my gosh, we've been invited to perform at the big weekend of that radio station.Like we really were, like we couldn't believe every little moment we had because we did all this kind of shit before.Whereas I think,
You had time to enjoy it for what it was.
Yeah, and we were really grateful.And then when we got that number one, we didn't have a number one a week after launching because we were on a big show.We kind of really worked for it.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I think I don't they used to used to put everything on MySpace then.Oh, my gosh.Wow. Oh, my granny over here.But I just think there's so and I think that's what's good about now.
And the way that I would see is there are so many avenues with YouTube and TikTok and Instagram.So much more than just put it out there.Be a grafter.Put it out there and be a grafter.There's always somebody.
Nick Grimshaw said to me once, there's always I think he'd done an interview of Katy Perry.And it's always stuck in my mind because he was I cannot believe her schedule.She arrived and she got off the plane and she was going here afterwards.
And he told me this story.And apparently she said to him, He met her, and she said, oh my goodness, Mia, are you tired?
And she went, no, no, no, we never say we're tired, because there's always another girl waiting in the wings ready to whip my wig off.And I was like, it's so true.
I mean, that's true in business.
And if someone at that status gets it, there's always someone that will work harder than you and show up.So I think you've just got to be a little grafter.
Which is also a message to the previous Imogen about the person who's turning up.Show up.She needs to show up.Show up. My husband and I are constantly clashing over household responsibilities.
I'm currently on maternity leave and looking after our eight month old.He is working full time.I'm struggling to keep on top of the housework and he comes home expecting everything to be spotless.
I think he should pull his finger out and help out a bit with the housework.But do I have a leg to stand on as he has been at work all day and I'm at home with the baby.Olivia.
I think you're phrasing it wrong, Olivia.He's been at work all day and I'm at home with the baby.Well, should we just stop there?You're doing yourself a disservice by even saying it like that.
I take my hat off to anybody that stays home all day with children because I, you know, yes, I do that some days.Some days I'm at home with the kids all days and then the next week I'll be working quite a lot.But it is, that's my toughest gig and
Going to work, which is why I was like, didn't take a long maternity, is my escapism, and that's where I feel like me.
So I think, I don't know if he needs to stay at home all day, and you just practice this, and just see if the house is spotless when you get home.
I would have stopped it and he comes home expecting everything to be spotless.
Yeah, this is all too much for me.
You need to sit down, babe, just know.
Yeah, and I think, That feels really archaic.And I get it because I know loads of households are set up in that way.But I just think you're putting too much pressure on yourself and almost she's sort of playing into the narrative that he's creating.
Yeah.And he doesn't have a point.And of course he's been at work all day.We get that.You appreciate that.But at the same time, this is a real job.
I mean, couldn't have said it better.
And your dinner's in the dock.
Yeah, literally.Come home, maybe put, or if you want to come home and take the baby off me, that's fine.That doesn't mean I'm immediately going to go and start cooking.I might just need to lie down.I would really struggle with that.Oh, God.Yeah.
I have to do a presentation at a big conference for work next month, and I'm petrified.Any tips for being confident presenting to a room of people?Vanessa.
Oh, I think knowing that everybody feels that anybody that has to and I'd like talk for a living, but anytime I've got to pitch something in front of it, like everybody will have that everybody in that room. will have been in that position before.
And like, be at ease with that.Don't think like, don't have imposter syndrome.And yeah, don't get into that headspace.Like, you're there to do a job.It's no different.It's just on a little bit of a bigger stage.
And yeah, I think, I mean, make sure you really know inside out what you're talking about, that you wouldn't need anything in front of you.That's the only thing I always say, fail to prepare, prepare to fail.I'm like a little mispreparation.
This is like a listeners questions of bumper stickers.
Yeah, it is, isn't it?So I think really know it, know what you're talking about, believe it.And then if you have a little mind blank, there'll be something that you know to come back to because it's so locked in there.
There'll be a trigger or something.
Because you've obviously spoken, you've sung in front of, what's the record audience you've sung in front of back in the day?
Oh, gosh, like.I don't know, I'll probably get this wrong, but maybe like a gig, maybe like. 30, 40,000 people, maybe.
So you've done that.And then you do TV, which is talking to a camera.I think it's actually in the middle where it's harder for people, because you're much closer to people.
If you're doing a room of 20 people, a room of 150 people plus is like, oh, that's a lot of eyes.When it's a big crowd, I can imagine it's- You can't see anyone.
You can't see lights.I mean, you can when they put the lights up, but you're kind of, it's more of an atmosphere than like faces looking at you.I did a business chat. I was a speaker a few weeks ago and I was so nervous.
And obviously it's something that is like newer to me.So that's probably why.But I was actually had those real butterflies because it was probably about 80 people and I could feel the eyes and see the facial expressions.
And that is where it is a little bit more daunting, isn't it?
Yeah, I think that middle ground group is certainly more daunting.
But everyone gets nervous.Everyone gets nervous, Vanessa, just know your shit.Yeah, know it.Know it inside out and you'll be good.
I'm a mum of two, two months old and three years old.I'm trying to care for them both but feel like I'm neglecting one or the other and it's tearing me apart.Why are we so hard on ourselves?
How can I ensure both my children feel loved and attended to?They will and they won't remember being three and two and two months and three years old.They will.
You're so right, like who remembers?And also you're doing the best you can.
I'm not saying leave them outside the shop.
And there's always one child that has to run errands for the other child when you have more than one, don't you think that?
Like dropping one to ballet while the other one's in the back of the car because they're not quite old enough to go to ballet yet and you feel bad because they've been basically in the back of the car for a few hours of the day.
we're all in the same position.You know, I'm lucky that my mum is close by and she will kind of help me.So I'll try and do like a focused day on one child if the other one has a friend, a play date, or I will try to make a bit of a conscious effort.
But so I would say like, depend on people that you can.And if you want to do that one on one day, I would say that, but ultimately, you're right.Don't be hard on yourself.
And if the two-month-old is two months old, just focus on the three-year-old and just keep the two-month-old in your arm.
Yeah.That's really where they want to be.They want to be fed.Just keep the two-month-old here or there.And they want to sleep.
And keep the three-year-old busy.
And the two-month-old is going to be napping a lot throughout the day.They're going to sleep a lot.It's eight weeks.They're just going to sleep.When the sleep's happening, then do some colouring with the three-year-old or however that will look.
But yeah, the hard time mums give themselves is just... No, don't do it.We'll do it, but it's...
Yeah, you're right.It's not getting us anywhere, is it?Thank you.I've loved this.I've loved the world to bits.
Love a nice little listener's questions when it's all things, well, clearly not being in a famous band.That's like, you know, when I win the Grammy for Best New Artist, I'd like to thank Rochelle for her advice.
Do you know what?It wouldn't surprise me.You've got it all covered, mate.That's all you're missing is the Grammy at this point.
Thank you.Thank you.And thank you for sending your questions, guys.They're always entertaining. Thanks for listening.I'm back on Monday with a new guest, so make sure you tune in.Until then, I'm glad we had this chat.
New episodes are available every Monday and Wednesday.Follow or subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.Glad We Had This Chat is produced by Waterwall Media.
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