Bada, bada boom, sold.Huh?Just sold my car on Carvana.Dropping it off and getting paid today.
What, you still haven't sold yours?You told me about it months ago.I just... Is the offer good?
Don't have another car yet?
I could trade it in for this car I love.Come on, what are we waiting for?Ah, you're right.Let's go.Whether you're looking to sell your car right now or just whenever feels right, go to carvana.com and sell your car the convenient way.
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Hickory dickory dock. Here's what the mouse said when he ran up the clock.You won't know what you're missing if you don't see Norge.
Transcribed from Hollywood, Norge, a division of Borg Warner, manufacturers of America's most modern automatic and ringer washers, water heaters and home freezers, gas and electric ranges, originators, and world's largest manufacturers of self-defrosting refrigerators.
Norge presents The Red Skelton Show.
With Red Skelton, David Rose and his orchestra, Lorraine Trottle, Pat McGeehan and the Smith twins will be me, Rod O'Connor.
And now the star of our program, Red Skelton.
Thank you.Thank you very much and good evening, ladies and gentlemen.Hiya, Rod.Hiya, Red.What's up?Well, I've, uh... What's up?Have you tried to buy meat lately?Hey, it reminds me, I haven't eaten.
I gotta go over to the Turkish fast and see if my hot dogs are done. I gotta be careful, that's why I do all my cookings over in that steam room.Last week I went in there and by mistake I got two sunburned midgets.
That stinks.Yeah, it does.
Look, just read.Don't agree.You know, there must be a more honorable way of making a living.You mean than what we're doing right here?That's right.Oh, yeah.
You're right.Hey, how about you and me getting in a little business and we kind of team up, huh?
Well, what sort of business did you want to go into?
Should be something that we're both capable of doing.
Oh, no.I'm not going back to Fresno to those wine factories. I used to be known as Redfoot.I used to stomp grapes.You see, my feet were so big.You think I got big feet, though?You should see my father.
He's got feet so big he has to put his pants on over his head.
Well, let's see.Let's look through the want ad section of the morning paper and see if there are any businesses for sale.
Oh, a bully idea.Bully.Good show.Good show.
You've been in England too long.
Yeah, England.You can see I haven't been wasting my time looking at those British pictures on television.
Bully.Bully.Hey, get a load of this item in the personal column here.It says, young man with pet skunk would like to meet young lady with air wig.
Well, that should be a whirlwind courtship.
Hey, how about this for sale?A rabbit ranch.Stock includes two rabbits and an adding machine.We don't want a business like that.You have to count them every day or they get ahead of you.
This one looks good.High-class restaurant in an exclusive neighborhood.Owner must sell because of ill health.
He's probably been eating his own food.Hey, let's call that restaurant and see what's cooking, huh?Now, what would we do in a restaurant?Well, I don't know.I love to cook.You remember the birthday cake I baked for you?
I sure do.The only part I could eat was the candles.
Why are you kidding?Boy, I can really cook.You may not believe it.Any of you ladies got a pencil and paper?Take this down.I'll give you a recipe for a cake that's wonderful.You take a, uh... a pound of flour, see?
And then you take four eggs, just the whites, and you add the yellows later.And then you take a cup of sugar and some shortening, and you mix it up real good, and then sprinkle paprika all over that.
Bake in an oven temperature of 500, the finest slab of Italian marble you've ever tasted.
In fact, I think I could sell that recipe to CBS.
They can make a cornerstone for their new studio.
Well, maybe we better just stick to the jobs we've got, Red.What do you say?
Oh, if the sponsors heard what's going on so far, we may not even have a job anymore.We'd better call on Dave Rose to save us.Dave, strike up the band and let's hear your arrangement of The Portrait of a Flirt.
let's take a minute to talk about a real by the
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But not this new Norge pyramid model.Norge is the only streamlined ringer washer designed with a wider base and five instead of the usual four casters.That prevents tipping.
But this new Norge doesn't take up any more floor space and it rolls just like a baby carriage.Or you can anchor it from either side instantly because two of the five casters are self-locking.Now then, what about the washing action?
Norge triple action agitation has always been famous for getting clothes cleaner and doing it faster. Norge really gets the deep down dirt, but it does an average load in only seven minutes.
I wish you'd compare this new Norge with any other ringer washer on the market, for you won't know what you're missing if you don't see Norge.From the Skelton Scrapbook of Satire, we present a story entitled, Job Hunting.
Chapter one is entitled, Help Wanted, Cowhand. And it concerns the poor man's Gabby Hayes, Deadeye from Texas.Hey!Hey, you, Deadeye!
Whoa!Whoa!Aw, come on, horse boy!
Whoop there! You know, Jedi, that horse gets skinnier every time I see him.Well, you see, it's this way.I flip a coin every day, you see.Heads, he gets oats, and tails, I get beer.You know, he's the unluckiest horse I ever seen.
He's lost ten times in a row, you know.Say, you haven't seen any of the law around here, have you?Why, no.Tell me, why are you so afraid of the law?Because I'm wanted in Texas.But they'll never take me back there.
Of course, the way Texas is growing, I may not have to go back.It'll come and get me.Thank you, representatives from Dallas.
You know, Jedi, you look different from most of the cowboys out here.
Tell me, what's wrong with your leg?I'm bowlegged, that's all.Everybody in my family was bowlegged.More used to hitch rides on oil trucks.
Well, I haven't got time to stand here and chat.I gotta go round up some of the actors for a western show I'm putting on.Oh, look, that's what I wanted to see you about, Corny.Uh, you can count me in.
You know, I can do some fancy shooting and I can sing a song with my educated horse.You, uh, really can handle them six shooters?Well, you just start counting.I'll show you how fast I am on the draw.All right.Ready?One.Two.Three.Four.Grunt.
That's what it says here, grunt.You know, it ain't as easy as it looks.
Five.You know, they get heavier every day, grunt.Six, seven, eight, nine.Well, don't stand there, help me, will ya?Just as I thought, you're nothing but a big blowhard.Oh, yeah. You mean that, huh?Yeah.I'm a blowhard, eh?That's right.
You say that to a Texan?Yeah.Okay, I just ain't taking no foolishness today.We'll see about that, though. Why, say, you shot before you pulled your gun.Yeah, I think I lost another toe.I got an open-toe boot here.
Hey, help me take my boot off, will you?All right.Could I have my leg back?Count my toes for me, would you?One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.Seven?I lost two of them that time. I think we'd better forget about that fancy shooting.Yeah.
You tell me that that's an educated horse there?Yes sir, that's really an educated horse.Now watch this.Yeah.Hey boy, now pay attention horsey.What is two and two?Come on boy, one more. What do you think?
Well, thanks just the same, did I, but this is a play we're putting on.I only need actors, so thanks just the same.Okay, giddy up, boy.Giddy up.
chapter two of job hunting is about a bunch drunk fighter but the name of cauliflower mcbug who's always imagining he hears bells and birds anyway it seems one day he saw a help wanted sign hanging in a restaurant window and
I can do the marking point.I can do the marking point.I can do the marking point.I sound like Margaret being dragged through a knot hole, don't I? Hey, you wanna have a bell put on that door?Then you can tell when somebody comes in.Get smart, boy.
Well, there is a bell on that door.Didn't you hear it ring when you came in?
What are you, a wine guy or something?You know I didn't hear no bell.What, do you think I'm punchy or something?Hey, what are you, running a pet store here? Them parakeets are making an awful lot of noise.
Cut a fire.For your information, this is a restaurant.
Well, from what I am hearing, you're catering to nothing but boys.Why don't you wait on them canaries?They're singing for their tuffins.
I saw you looking at that sign in the window.Is that what you came in here about?
That's what I came in about.
I came in to see you about that sign.How long does your clearance sale last?
Well, the sign doesn't say anything about a clearance sale.It's the short order cook wanted.Can't you read?
Step aside, here comes the super chief!
Why did you ask me just a minute ago, would you mind eating away doing that again?
Sure, I can read.I can read.Well, I'm reading, but I can't read writing, you see.I can't write, and it won't write.
Hey, grab an apple for the teacher.
The school bell's ringing again.How punchy can you get?I said, how punchy can you get?
Well, I don't know.That's pretty hard to tell.I'm still rather young, you know.
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You say you need a cook on this place.How about hiring me?
Well, what do you know about cooking?
I know plenty, boy.I did three years of KP in the army. I used to cook food for the whole regiment, and they just loved it.Some of the boys, they just licked my hand.I was the pride of the canine corps.
The canine corps, huh?What were you, a dog face?That's cute, that's cute.You can get a laugh, but it's cute. They, uh, why do you want to work here?Aren't you fighting anymore?
Yeah, I fight a couple nights a week at the bar, though.Oh, uh-huh.Hey, stop it!We ain't got that!
What's that stop it stuff you always say?
Oh, that, that Speedy.He's always playing tricks on me.Mm-hmm.He walked up and he slapped me in the back of the head, but when I turned around, he's never there.
You say you fight two nights a week, then you'll want two nights a week off from this job.
No, just two minutes.Just two minutes, you see.I'll get the bout over with in a hurry.I'll speed up my form.You're picking up the lines when you don't get a lap.
But after the fight, will you feel like working?
Believe me, I won't feel anything, boy.That one thing about me, I come out of a fight the same condition as I go in, unconscious. Get there, boy.I'm quite a fighter, you know.I hit a boy, a flock of them flew over there.
Now you take my fight that I had in Burbank last week.I was fighting, um... Irish Irving.
And the way he went after me, you'd think he was drumming up business for some mortuary somewhere.He hit me in the nose so hard that ever since then I've been breathing down my own neck.
I hit the canvas and I bounced for five minutes, just kept bouncing there.Finally my manager had to dribble me to my dressing room. I like them better when they're not there, you do?
Well, no wonder you walk around on your heels.Your brains are scrambled.
Oh, you think I'm punchy, huh?You ought to see that Wackler I room with.Yeah?That long-haired monkey.Yeah?Him and them beautiful back robes.He runs around in all the time.That poor dunker is really good.What's the matter with him?Oh, he likes to...
show people i nut about flying an airplane and he's always flying all over town get to tell everybody how good he is but in the neighborhood you know that poor nooker well what's wrong with that he ain't got no airplane
I know, I tuned up his motor for him.
Well, I'm sorry, cauliflower.I can't hire you for a cook, but we need a dishwasher and the job's yours if you want it.
Oh, a dishwasher, huh?Well, how much does it pay?How much does it pay?How much does it pay?Top it!Well, the pay is $4 a day.Well, that's reasonable.That's reasonable.
Of course, out of that I deduct $3 a day for your meals.
That's reasonable. And there's another deduction for income tax, social security and medical insurance that comes to $0.92 a day.
Well, that sounds reasonable.
Now, let's see, that leaves you a net earning of $0.08 a day.And that's not counting your car fare.Oh, yeah. Well, that's only 10 cents a day.Hold on.Are you, uh, sure you want the job, Cauliflower?
Cauliflower, on second thought, I don't think I can use you as a dishwasher.
Okay, take that.No, but see, I gotta run anyhow.I'm a volunteer fireman and I've heard a third alarm bell ringing for an idea.I gotta go.Okay.
Which brings us now to the Smith twins who will sing Down yonder.
Down yonder someone beckons to me Down yonder someone reckons on me I seem to see a race in memory Between the Natchez and the Robert E. Lee Oney sure I miss you more and more.Every day my mammy lands.Yours simply grand.
Down yonder when the folks get the news.Don't wonder at the hullabaloo.There's daddy and mammy.There's Ephraim and Sammy. Waitin' down yonder for me.Waitin' down yonder in the land of cotton, waitin' for me.
Waitin' down yonder where I'm not forgotten, just wait and see.I seem to see a race in memory.Oh, waitin' south between the Natchez and the Robert E. Lee.Swanee Shaw, I miss you more and more.Every day my mammy and I see you're simply grand.
Oh, wait down yonder when the folks get the news. Don't ever wonder at the hall of a loo There's daddy and mammy, there's Ephraim and Sammy Waiting down yonder for Waiting down yonder for Waiting down yonder for me
And now, Jesse Cartwright, co-director of the Norge Home Economics Department, has a wash day hint for homemakers.
If washing handkerchiefs is a chore you dislike, try this easy trick.Before you put the handkerchiefs in the washing machine, soak them in lukewarm salt water.Use about a tablespoon of salt to each quart of water.
Of course, if you have a Norge triple action washer, you'll never have any real problem in getting clothes sparkling clean.
You bet. Norge Triple Action washes clothes cleaner and it washes them faster.Seven minutes is average and many loads take even less time.
Rod, don't forget the automatic timer on the new Norge Pyramid model.
Yes, with Norge you can wash clothes automatically for any of five different washing times.Lightly soiled, average, and so on.You just set the timer and Norge shuts itself off automatically.
Every single feature of this new Norge Ringer washer with its non-tip pyramid construction is streamlined.Why don't you go down to your dealers and look it over? You won't know what you're missing if you don't see Norge.
Our final chapter is entitled Competition, Junior Grade, and of course it's about Junior, the mean little kid.
Uh-oh, there's that fat Joe O'Connor standing in front of his new restaurant.I gotta talk to that guy.Yoo-hoo!Mr. O'Connor, stay right where you is.I'm coming across the street.No, Junior, no!
Well, good heavens, I better see if he's all right.
Junior!Junior, are you all right?
No, I didn't get a scratch!I didn't get a scratch!But did you notice that Cadillac wearing that off-the-shoulder Chevrolet? I read that like they were a sponsor, didn't I?
Junior, you know better than to run out in the street like that.
Never mind, Factor.I came over here to talk a little business with you.You step into your place of establishment here.
Well, come on in, Junior, but don't slam the door because I just put a new glass in it and it might break.
Oh, you can't break a glass by slamming the door.
I can?Well, thanks for your permission.
Well, you told me I could.Now, if you want another demonstration, you'll have to put another glass in that door.
For two cents, I'd give you a whipping.
I could give you two cents for a whipping.I can get all I want from home for nothing.
Go on away and don't bother me, Junior.I'm busy.
Yeah, you're busy.That's what I happen to come over to see you about, Basho.I'm sorry to say, but this restaurant has to go.Why does it have to go?
Because I happen to run the lemonade stand across the street, and I'm not going to stand for any competition whatsoever, you see.Now, I'll give you just 24 hours to clear out of this neighborhood.
What if I don't feel like clearing out?
Well, look at this book back.
Now take a look at that big window.Not yours, the one on this door.You see that?
Well, put two and two together, you big stupid fat snob.And imagine how drafty it's going to be in here.
Now Junior, there's no need to threaten me.I'm sure we can get along doing business in the same neighborhood.After all, I don't sell lemonade and you don't sell food.
I do too sell food. Now who would buy mud pies?I'll tell you who buys it, the people that drinks my lemonade because it tastes so rotten. that they buy a mud pie just to throw at me.You can see me after a busy day, boy.
I'm loaded with pennies and I'm covered with mud.
I is known as the Filthy Witch.
Well, Junior, to show you there's no hard feelings, I'll give you some sugar for your lemonade.How's that?
Well, now, that's mighty neighborly of you.Could you give me a lemon, too?The one I have been using is getting a little moldy.I don't know why.I've only had it for two months.Now, Junior...
Don't look now, but here comes your mother.
Uh-oh, the hairbrush kid rides again.I was wondering how long it was going to take her to discover that I figured out the combination on the crib.
Oh, oh, hello, Rod.Have you seen Junior?
Uh, he was here a minute ago. Oh, there he is, picking out of the garbage disposal.
Wait till I get this half a grapefruit off of my head.
Now you get out of that garbage disposal.Somebody's liable to turn the switch on, and you'll clog up the plumbing.
Well, it's nice to know that somebody cares for me.
Hey, Mommy, you sure look pretty.Oh, Rick.
Now don't start that Huffy Mugusky stuff with me.
Watch your language.This show goes through Pasadena.
Oh, stop trying to change the subject.
How many times have I told you never to cross that street alone?Rod, what am I going to do with him?
Well, I know a good taxidermist where you could have him stuffed, chief.
Oh, Rod. How can you ever think of such a thing?He wouldn't look good hanging over the fireplace.
Well, now look, if you're both so anxious to stuff me, how about doing it with ice cream and cake or a piece of pie or something?That banana pie, cream pie, they look both so good.Now get your hands off of that pie.No, no, I want it.
I want to stuff myself so you can hang me over the fireplace.Now stop bugging.Now stop.Let go of me, Mommy. If you folks have ever watched those comedies on television, you know how this is going to end, you know.
Okay, you ask for it!Oh!Junior!When you said let go, it's the first time I've ever enjoyed obeying you!Just wait until I get my hands on you!
You'll never take me alive!She's coming out the back door!Don't slam it, Junior!
Well, that's funny, it didn't break.
Let's face it, they don't make glass like they used to, let's face it.
This is Ron O'Connor saying, remember in refrigerators, home freezers, gas and electric ranges, washers and water heaters, everything Norge makes, Norge makes right.Why don't you stop in at your local Norge dealer soon.
See the washer that's streamlined in looks and actions. The new Norge Pyramid model with triple action that gets clothes cleaner in less time.And the new gentle touch ringer that gets clothes drier with less wear and tear.
See this new Norge triple action washer now at your Norge dealer.
And now until next week, this is Red Skelton saying thanks for listening and reminding you that you won't know what you're missing if you don't see Norge.
Join us again next week for the Red Skelton Show.Red Skelton has heard of this program through the courtesy of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios.
This is a copyrighted feature transcribed from Hollywood.
This is the CBS Radio Network.
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