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Welcome to the Game of Roses.
This is the Game of Roses.Welcome to the Game of Roses.
It's a rooster or it's a chicken?It's a rooster or it's a chicken?It's a rooster or it's a chicken?It's a rooster or it's a chicken?It's a rooster or it's a chicken?
It's a rooster.It's a rooster.
Welcome to Game of Roses.
This is Pace Case.This is Bachelor Closing.We have just witnessed the first Golden Bachelorette.Fantasy suites of all time.And God, it was thrilling.Excitement.Thrilling.
The sex was... I don't want to say oozing out of the screen, but there was... there was some, uh, some juices flowing.
Suffice it to say, this was the most boring fantasy suites of all time of any bachelor product.We will cover it.Nonetheless, there were plays that were important to be recognized for their mediocrity as well as for their, uh, horrendousness.
I should say at least one play.I think, you know,
I do think I know what you're talking about.And I can confidently say that we learned not a new piece of information about any single one of our four characters.
Actually, not even five.Not even Dark Lord Palmer.We didn't even get You know update on the baby or anything.
This was a non-television program in my Opinion and we'll get to it But one of the things that really stood out to me was the morning after you didn't see any of these fantasy suites together Okay, what was that?You didn't see Joan with any of them.
It was just a shot of the guy by himself Whatever pondering or journaling.I think it was her why I think she wanted it that way.I Because she was very against anything sexual happening.This is just about talking.
They don't, you don't even see them in the fantasy suite together.You see the door closing and that's about it.And then it's just like the next morning, the guys are really thinking about all the good conversations they had, you know?And that was it.
That makes much more sense that it was Joan, but I started going down these conspiracies of like, oh, well, it was so obvious.She's like sitting in the far corner of a room from two of them or something, and then she's just like riding chalk.
I think she got the hell out of there.I think they did a fantasy suite where they talked for a couple of hours and then the guy left and that was it.I really think it was just like as boring as you can possibly imagine.
And look, you're the bachelorette.You get to do whatever you want to do.You get to do this whole process.However, you know, you think it's best for you to find all this.I don't, you know, uh, think it's a bad play, but it was presented poorly.
You know, there are.There's bachelors, for example.Think of Sean.For me, it is a fantasy suites.
But do you do you, boo?I just think there's a different way of going about that.Like, I would have set up some sort of like, you know, a two twin bed situation, you know, or something.
And then you can like actually do scenes in the fantasy suite because we didn't, of course, get any scenes.I just was like, If you're watching it for the first time, I do think it wouldn't bump you.
But as a repeated viewer, it was jarring to not get the morning portion of those.
It was jarring to get nothing.There was literally nothing important happened in this whole episode.I just have never seen really an episode of any Bachelor season, let alone a fantasy suite, which is
For me, anyway, it's my favorite episode of every season because so much happens.The jealousy comes out.Maybe there is sex happening.Maybe there's not.The dates themselves are extravagant and luxurious, blah, blah, blah.
And they did have some nice Jorge Moreno's here.They had some nice creature play.
They did, you know, do what Bachelor does best, which is like set them up with interesting settings, scenarios and activities to do on their dates, many of which we've seen before in these tropical locations. They pulled that off great.
You know, that was like standard quality bachelor.That's the Cadillac.They did that part well in it.
Unfortunately, I think in this case it was the players that let us down because I think if the producers had absolutely other than what they showed us, they would have put it in the show.
100% it was poor play all around.
Yeah, I think we learned more from Gabby Elnicki's fantasy suite date where the sound cut off and we just walked her silently riding horses with Zach Shallcross than we did any of these players this fantasy suite episode.
I completely agree.I still, all I know about Joan really is that she is guilty about her dead husband.I mean, this is all I'm ever going to know about her.Guilty about her dead husband.Yeah.Anyways, with that being said.
I feel like I don't even know her, the fact that she was into the ATV.I was like, oh, I don't know Joan.I would have thought never in her life would she agree to do this.I thought she will only go on a nice boat.
And I just didn't think she wanted to be jarred.And she wanted to be jarred so much that I was like, who is this free spirit?Yeah.That's what I learned, actually.I did learn one new thing about Joan. She's a jar girl, and I had no idea.Okay.
Well, we're going to get into the jar girl and all of her misadventures or non misadventures, however you like to look at it in just a moment.Thank you for joining us.Of course, if you are just listening to this, please check us out on YouTube.
All of this is in beautiful 1080p video right there on YouTube, and you can check it out with us.
We are glowing.Look at it.
You should mention if you think we're glowing or not.
Yeah.Drop us a glow in the comments if you think.Yeah.
Actually don't say no.Just don't comment if you don't think we're glowing.Just positive glows only in the comments.Thank you.
I'd like positive glows and blessings and as many love levels as I can get in those comments.Thank you. Um, we should also mention that we are still doing our watch parties for this season of Golden Bachelorette.
There's only going to be two episodes left after these fantasy suites.There are, there's the mental and there is the finale, which is now down between, uh, Guy Gansert and chapel.
Only one of these men, only 50% of the finalists have restraining order problems in their past.So that's good.It's a good ratio.
And 50% of them are going 100% chalk tonight.
Chuck has to win.I mean, I think that's clear.
It's hard to not see that happening.And I do.I'm like, I think that's part of the problem at the end of the season.But we see Joan stalking the hallway of what looks like a ship. Again, jarring.I don't know where this is coming from.
We hear voiceover of her of, you know, her worries.And we're basically going to hit this point a thousand times.It's going to be the exact same thing. Some of the times I think they even use the same exact audio clip.
And I'm like, this is for the promo.Are we asleep?That Lizzie's talking about here.This is like the little intro where they show you the big third act twist that's coming, where she's roaming the ship, wondering if she can still do this.
And they this is just kind of a fallback.This is the what's up?
That was the teaser.It makes sense.It was jarring.
Yeah, that was the teaser.They fall back on this kind of idea that the lead is going to leave the show.The lead is buckling under pressure and doesn't know if they can even continue to do this anymore.And they use that a lot.
Now we know it's always a lie. There's only ever really, in my opinion, been one time that that kind of worked.That was Colton Underwood, the fence jump.I mean, he literally was fleeing the show and the end of that season was disastrous, obviously.
And I think because that works.
In what ways did that work?Oh, you mean in terms of getting people to watch the show?
No, but he actually left the show.He literally was running from the show.This one is not.These are fake moments where they have the leads now pretend like, oh my God, it's too much.I don't know if I can go on.It has never been real.
Book me a flight home.Well, I mean, she left with a guy. process worked.
She's blowing up the bachelorette.
I know, but she wasn't like, I can't do this anymore.It's too much.She was like, it worked perfectly.I found a guy, let me marry him.That's a different scenario.
I feel like, but at any rate, toward the end of the season, they always try to get you with these little teasers.Like, Oh shit, is Joan Vasso's going to quit the show?
And it's like, well, no, because in all the other promos, we've already seen her at the final rose ceremony.We've seen her at the, the altar. So, of course this doesn't work portion one day, Los Angeles.
Joan is walking through the airport ITM ing about her excitement about fantasy suite She's leaving LA going to Tahiti.
We get a commercial here for air Tahiti Nui Joan says the brand by name then we get a shot of her in the airplane being served a drink and a hair flower by a flight attendant this flight attendant was Not my Horry Marino by standard of the week almost
No, almost, because it was such a funny shot of her just, like, wandering as if she's the only person who is at this airport, even.
We see a bunch of statues and creatures as we're traveling on a cruise ship, the Starbreeze by Windstar Cruises, and we get all this I Love Cleveland voiceover of the boat.
Do you know anything about the Starbreeze, Pace Case?
I do not, but I think cruise ships have been ruined for me by the dark season.
Well, let me give you more information and more interesting information.
What's that? Gabby, Wendy, and Rachel, Rocky as crews.
Oh yes, of course.Um, let me attempt to give you more information and more interesting information about this boat than we got in all of this entire episode.The star breeze was formerly called the seaborne spirit.
It's a German bill for wind star new rivalry.
It's a German built cruise ship completed in 1989.The luxury liner travels between Europe and Africa and is owned by Windstar Cruises.In early 2005, she was rated the best small cruise ship by Condé Nast.
In April 2015, she departed the seaborne fleet and on May 6th of 2015, she was rechristened and entered service with Windstar Cruises.Interestingly,
On November 5, 2005, at 5.50 a.m., while the Seabourn Spirit was underway 115 km off the coast of Somalia with 115 passengers, the ship was attacked by two pirate speedboats launched by a mothership.
Machine guns were fired as well as rocket-propelled grenades at the cruise ship and the remains of an RPG's rocket motor wedged itself in the wall of a room, was disarmed by sailors from the USS Gonzales after the attack.
It was reported that the second RPG bounced off the stern.No passengers were injured, but the ship's master-at-arms, Som Bahadur Gurung, was hit by shrapnel while attempting to combat the Raiders with a long-range acoustic device.
The sonic device repelled the pirates by blasting a powerful sound wave.
Security Officer Michael Groves and British shipmate Sambadur Gurung and Ex Gurka were honored for their bravery by Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace on Wednesday, May 16th, 2007, receiving the Queen's Gallantry Medal and the Queen's Commendation for Bravery, respectively.
This ship survived a fucking pirate attack, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you say that pirate attack was on November 5th?
2005.Remember, remember the 5th of November gunpowder treason and plot.We see no reason why gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.
Yeah.Nice.See what you did there.Joan ponders out of the window of this pirate attack survivor as she items that there are three guys left Pascal guy and shock and she can see a future with all of them. She items that she feels alone.
And this is really hard.Then from the ether, Nancy, from the first season of Golden Bachelor, materializes on board.And when Joan sees this familiar face, she reacts with a full mouth aperture look of shocked surprise.
And this was my face play of the game.
Thank you, Joan.So seeing her angel Nancy, appear to her off of one of the Windstar boats that survived all of that stuff Clues was talking about was also my face play of the game.I gotta say, Nancy was
I won't get into it yet, but she was very important to me in this episode.Kind of a bright spot on a dark, um, dark stormy night.
Now it's interesting, you know, later we find out, I guess that she was Joan's best friend out of the season or whatever.But I did think to myself, like, she's an interesting choice for the golden council here.
Um, there were many others I would have rated above her, but she got the call.She got the tap.
Look, Nancy got the call and she stepped up to the plate and also kind of illuminates for me why they need to make the show regional.Joan says that she has kept close with Nancy because they live near each other.
And I'm like, of course, this is her only sustaining relationship from the show is the person who is physically more in proximity.Joan produces tears when she sees Nancy.Nancy says, give me the scoop, like the beginning of a musical.
And Joan sums it all up.Guy, he loves traveling and he's hot, but he's a slow smolder.
And he has a restraining order in his past.
And the restraining order.They do not cover this.Um, Pascal lives life big every day.She loves adventure and she loves his confidence.And we see flashbacks of each of these and I'm like, how many ponders shot?
I know it's like, I'm sure it's the same amount as they do in a normal season, but this episode I felt like I was being accosted.
No, in regular episodes, in regular seasons, they don't usually give you the footage from an old episode.
Usually it's just the guy walking around the city and like one or two lines in an ITM about what's good about him and what needs to happen on the fantasy suite to progress.Tear down a wall.I need to know more about this.
We got to see if we can get past the funny phase.Can he be serious?Whatever. Here, they're giving us literal footage from a show we just watched last week or the week before or whatever.That's when I was like, this shit's in trouble.
They ain't got enough footage to fill a fucking hour of airtime.
The only time I want to see that is a comedic use of it, you know? Oh, I feel like Pascal's always being honest to me.And then you see his I.T.every is like, wait, what was your name or something like that?I don't know.
Yeah, exactly.Some kind of like proof corroboration evidence in some investigation that's going on between players.I totally agree with you.This is wasted.But they ain't got nothing else to show us. In my opinion.
Um, we then see, she says chalk makes her, oh, she says Pascal has the most walls.So she's setting up the storyline for each of them.Chalk is, makes me feel safe and sexy.I'm like, what else do you need other than safe and sexy?
No, but he's too good to be true.That's the problem there. When you're resorting to telling your lead, like, well, there's really, she's like, you know, they had this conversation with her.
The producers are like, well, what's, you got to have something to overcome with, with chalk.You know, are there any problems there?No, not at all.Well then maybe he's too good to be true.Uh, don't say that one producer that never cuts it.
You got to find something else.And I get what they're doing.
They can't tease over eager or like it might be too boring or like, I'll give you 10.
I know there are a bunch of other ones that like too good to be true, never works.And I understand they feel they need some kind of dramatic tension here to keep us watching.Who is she going to pick?
But unfortunately, we don't care because nothing happened in this episode.And so to lay on this fake kind of, um, he's too good to be true is just like, uh, my eyes are rolling back in my head.And that's a producer thing.
How do you really feel exactly like that? So we finally get to she's excited for that valuable off camera time.And Nancy says you need to extract feelings from them.And are there any red flags?She doesn't know about him yet.No.
And John says she's just going to see what what love level she gets to.And she is producing tears here and brings back this and John classic. She's got this overwhelming sense of guilt.And can she move on?Does does it still say she loved job?
And I do wonder if you believed in an afterlife.That would be an interesting situation.
Both of your spouses, you know, there is a company in the afterlife.
Oh, I see what you're saying.Well, look, I mean, it you didn't ask me, but I'll tell you.This is what I think.This is what I think.This is what I'm starting to think.
I think there's a fundamental underlying kind of foundation of consciousness that is under all reality.And I think we're all plugged into it effectively.We are the same entity.So I think john is Joan is you is me.
Wait, why do you think it's all one?
Because, I don't know, there's stuff going on in quantum physics right now where they're essentially linking matter, like all matter is kind of the same piece of matter basically.
There are all kinds of accounts of people having telepathic abilities or the ability to implant a thought in somebody or read a thought from somebody.It just all seems like it's the same thing to me. This is just my two cents.I don't fucking know.
I'm just watching YouTube videos all day, Nancy.
Well, Nancy goes on to say that she also lost her husband, a PTC that I'm sure we got maybe in season, but we didn't remember it until now.And it made what she says right here even more powerful saying, This is not wrong.It's normal to feel this way.
Put you first.Follow your heart.Find the people who see the sparkle in your eye, this friend glow, which was my play, play, play, play of the game.
Oh damn, that's when you know it's a brutal fucking episode.When the friend who comes in for one scene gets your damn play of the game.Friend glow PTC.That's brutal.I gave it to something else, but I didn't want to.
I had a low bar for Nancy and she surpassed it.
Yeah.It was a nice written line.
Now I have a low bar for the whole episode.A nice written line they gave her here.
Lonely is a place you stay.
Cynical.You think she came up with, in the moment, lonely is not a place you stay, lonely is a place you walk through?
Written.Nancy ITMs that she can see hope for Joan, and she thinks she's falling in love, and the fantasy suites will be telling, and we get then portion two.
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Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial.No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these.I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month.
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After this golden council, it's our first fantasy suite date guy gets tapped.He's it.I mean, how magical Tahiti is.He wants to reach another level.He has strong feelings.
He's falling in love with Jones is a loaded love level three, even though he already played a love level three in the hometown.So you can see this going all the way.They meet on a dock and they agree to make.
Did you see how he walked down this dock?
He does not move his torso or his head as he's walking.Yeah.
Like a robot.I like that. It's an aquatic boat date.Yep.He pops some champagne as Joan ITMs that he's further along than she is.And so that's their dilemma.Can she catch up to where he is?They cheers, they agree.Everything's insane.
And then we see this one-on-one time between Joan and Guy.She loved his hometown last week.She loved him talking about his family, reminded her of special times with her family, and She's involved meeting his kids.
They made her feel welcome and it worked.Guy says his kids and his sisters adored her.He says, I don't know how you feel, but I didn't think I could feel this way again.
Joan too has had revelations about her heart status and they both agree it feels good.And that's about as much as you're going to get out of this whole day.
Um, this is the guy that you had to skirt the rules for.
Yeah, just nothing going on here.We see guy reminds her that he's fallen for her.That's like a love level four, I guess, but it's just played so poorly.The word love isn't in it.It's it's fun.
I give it love level three.
I know it probably is for it's a past tense level before. without the sacred word.
Yeah, fine.Sure.They strip and snorkel.And John says he's ready to jump in.
Did you see this motherfucker, by the way?This was the one moment in the show where I was like, what the fuck?Guy is jacked.This motherfucker is got musculature for days.How is this mother for six years old?
when the plane flew over the swimming pool, when all the guys were swimming, that's when I knew he was going to be a front runner.I was like, what honor?He looks 25.Yep.
That ER surgeon.I bet he's got access to all his buddies are probably plastic surgeons in Vegas, just pumping him full of HGH.
Should I start to say you want to juice?
You make a juice.Let's have a juice off.
I don't see who can get the most musk.I'm done.
You got to get the most musk for the wedding clues.That's what they say.
I'm going to start juicing for the wedding.
Yeah.You and me was juice for your wedding.Let's show up and we'll have a pose down.
Okay, as they're swimming around, they encounter sharks, and we see a lone manta ray swimming through the beautiful waters, and then it meets up with its soulmate, another manta ray.
And these two manta rays finding love at the bottom of the Tahitian Ocean under the most boring fantasy suites of all time were my creature of the w-w-w-w-w-w-w-week.
Those manta rays swum by some sharks.
Those two sharks that they swam by, clues dismissed disrespectfully, were also soulmates and even stronger soulmates than the manta rays, and they were my creature of the week.
Guy and Joan make out underwater, and then we cut from that to DLP chalk chat. Chuck, I'm in love with her.Hot, right off the presses, a loaded love level four.And he also does sacred word defense here.
He says, a guy like me doesn't throw out that word, the love word.And he also uses some open gameplay speech here.I've got some tough, tough competition, but you know, he would be devastated.It's devastation or engagement.He sets us up.
No, I agree.Chalk's a decent player.He's he's super for TRR.He's an OK player.He's not like flashy enough to for me to like him.I like players who do some shit outside the box and really fucking, you know, put on a show.Chalk never does.
I feel like he's like a deal.
Dylan B type type date, you know.Dylan Barber with.
Yeah.And it's not quite like. He's not quite a puppy dog player like Dylan Barber is.You know what I mean?
He's not.There's something about his tone that's not quite there.He's a little too assertive, I guess.
At any rate, we see Guy get a couple more kisses and Chalk then says he doesn't want to think about her having strong feelings for another guy, portion three night. This is still guys fantasy suite.This is the nighttime thing.
They walk to a little table on a beach.He said he was really he's it.I mean that the day was perfect and he feels excited for the overnight date.He has strong feelings even stronger than before.
He said he was really falling in love with her, but now you can throw in a few more reallys.That's still level 3D. One on one time with Jim and Guy.
Oh, we get that Smulder clip again.Yeah.As Joan says, it's one of the best days ever.And they talk about the stingrays and she can picture their life together.But I don't believe her.I just don't believe her during this.I just think it's chalk.
Um, and guy little mini error here says more than hopefully 10 or 11 days since I saw you doing the math of it in kind of a guilting way.I did not like.
I agree with you 100%.This is a denouncement of the process while you're in the most important part of the process.Didn't do it.What he wanted, he says, was to start where they left off and they did that as though the hometown was yesterday.
Ultimately, she tells him she's put a lot of thought into it and she's decided that she's going to use the fantasy suite time, the camera, the off-camera time for all talk, no sex.She's saving that for when she has her final person.
So then, Joan, it ends at the person she ends up with.That's your eyes, right?I mean, the whole time I'm just like, can you imagine if they would have had Leslie Fima as the first Golden Bachelorette?
They all she would have already consummated.She's having fun.She would have followed Caitlin Bristow.
Yeah.Night one is fantasy suites.
Let's put them back to back to back to back to back.
Yeah, exactly.She's the first.
immediately.That's how you get those numbers up.Yeah, I, I do feel very robbed of a FEMA season at this point.
Um, they have this amazing fantasy suite though.They're in this like Palapa over water.I felt so bad later when, uh, Chalk's just in that boat room, but it's like, who gives a shit?
You literally could have done this like in a storage closet at Home Depot with a card table.They're just talking.You know what I mean?It doesn't.Who cares?It's wasted.
The ambience, the scenery, the, you know, kind of romantic setting is just fucking wasted.There's no romance in any of this, in my opinion.It's just very like Get down to business.We need to have these conversations.Where what's up with you?
I would say there's romance between the second audience.There's like, I believe in those relationships.
Yeah.All right.I'll buy the friendships they made along the way.Portion four.
This is where we see guy walking the beach by himself with his shoes in his hands.I teaming that he feels great this morning.He's by himself.She's not there.
He items that he got intimacy on an emotional level and he's falling in love with Joan little love level three.He could easily see last night for the rest of their lives.
Then he sits on the beach and ponders and I just wrote in all caps where the fuck is Joan.She's not there with him at all.
You don't get the sense that they spent the night together at all.And I don't think they did.I think she left at like 9 p.m.She was like, well, thanks for the chat.I'm going to get back to my hotel room.Pretty tired.So see you at the road ceremony.
That's what it felt like to me.
I guess the or it could.That's probably the most likely option because I have had conspiracy theories about it.When I was watching this, I was like, If they were again, like maybe, yeah, she didn't spend the night with anyone.
I don't think she did.If they were together that next morning, there would be footage of it.
Why would they at least show him at the door leaving?
Exactly.So I think she just didn't do it.I think she was like, fuck you.I'm not doing that.
That has to be the answer.Good for her.Don't do what you don't want to do.
I guess.Fuck.You're the bachelorette.Like part of the job of the lead is to like deliver a good show. Yeah, she ain't doing it.I'm sorry.She started out this season strong.
This was the worst fantasy suites I think we have ever seen in the history of the game. And it's in large part because there was no fucking fantasy suites.The round is called fantasy suites.That's the whole point of this.
And she said, no, I'm not doing that at all.And you don't have to go in the fantasy suites and have sex.There have been great leads who have not.Goldini, Sean Lowe famously had no sex with anyone.
And that was one of the greatest fantasy suites rounds of all time.You can do it.She just didn't do it.
I'm checking in on it all episode.
God, do you remember when he went to meet Tasha the next morning?And she had to ask TCO.God, that season.It's obviously got some dark taint to it, you know what I mean?But fuck, that was a good.Yeah, that was it.
I mean, the producers have been trying to recreate it since.
Yeah, that was a long time last season.
Fantasy Sweet Date 2 is cock, and he is kissing Joan right upon.Oh, we're getting no hoochies, another terrible thing to see.And he says he's gone 10,000 or 20,000 miles to see her, and they are going on a dune buggy, at least on Algaip.And we see.
Him, it was a dune ref. I know.I got it.Chuck says he has two of these little dune buggies at home. And they're jacked up, which I guess means.The good specs.I tripped out stuff.I don't know.
I don't know.Normal ATV.We're talking in an ATV.First thing Chuck does is jack that motherfucker up.You got an ATV.Bring it on down to shock.Chuck, going to jack up your ATV and take it for a drive.
I'm going to show you how to drive that ATV when you jack it up.That's chalk style. You're in chalk country now.This is better than the show.
This is already better than the show we watched tonight.Joan's a daredevil.She's trying to get chalk to go really fast.She loves to be jarred.And they dis home some local birds.Then they picnic and Cheers to you.I there's not even anything.
I see an absence in my life.Glad you came.Thank you.Talk, talk to die and they make out and they have the only chemistry play in the show.
The other dude got, uh, both of them got some kisses, but not like this.Chalk definitely was the only one that they allowed to kind of make out a little bit.The other ones were just quick lip kisses, but they count technically the stats.
Portion five, we get Chalk's nighttime. Uh, we see Joan getting ready, spraying her hair.She's it.I mean that she's excited about chalk being moral and honest.Everything has gone well with him, but maybe once again, he's too good to be true.
I gotta watch out for that.
Yeah, exactly.Listen, this is going so well.I just think you're too good to be true.Show me that you're not.Can you show me that you're terrible in some way, please?
Chargers takes a giant must be missing some records.
Yeah, it's like, listen, once we get in those fantasy suites, we don't have to have sex, but I'm going to need to drop a two and you ain't going to like it.Something like that.
Talk, don't talk like that.Yeah, exactly.
It's not going to be fun for you.I can tell you that's going to be a lifetime of needing to go to the bathroom as often and early as I can.And you ain't going to like it.
If you've got a bathroom attached to our bedroom, I suggest you don't use it or go to sleep in that room.
I'm going to jack up your bathroom, too, after I get done with your truck.
That's what Chuck does.Chuck jacks up everything.Chuck gonna jack up your bathroom, your ATV, your Honda Civic.Your oak trees.I'll jack up your oak trees.You got a TV.I'm gonna jack that fucking thing up.I'll jack up your house.
I'll jack up your hairdo.I'll do whatever.I'll jack up anything you got. He doesn't want to get hurt.He doesn't know where she's out with her other connections.And then we get this one at one time with them.
They cheers and Chalk asked her to tell him what's going on.Uh, she says it's been a hard part of the journey.She's taking a leap of faith, letting fate figure it out.She likes where fate is taking it.
Um, he talks about knowing how he was going to feel when he kissed her and he knows everything is great now.He thinks that they work together well as a couple.Exactly.
He doesn't say you didn't see me for eight days.
He talks about the competition again with the other guys and other guys attack and thinks they're so good as a couple.He's been overconfident from day dot.But it's just because he was so awestruck and knows they're perfect together.
And he says that he has grown to appreciate.
But the way he's saying it, like puppy dog players don't jack up ATVs, you know what I mean?He's got a little bit too much of like a manly edge to be a puppy dog player.He does say that he's grown to appreciate her and really love her even more.
That's a love level four.That's a, you know what I mean?A past tense love level four. I guess.These guys are just like playing.They're bad with the linguistics of it.
I feel like it's a love level four in the way she and Pascal love level four each other at the end.Do you know what I mean?
Because that was posthumous.That was a friend love level four.
It has to be post-human.I get it.Okay.I'll put it as a level four.
I'm doing this for you.Thank you.They both agree.It feels like they've known each other for a year.Chalk brings up the dirt on his mother's tree in the auto zone when he had to tell her that he was falling in love with her.
So he does this kind of like reverse level before then he loved level threes or Joan says, I know you remember my level three. They both agree, basically, that he's not going to hurt her.And he tells her he's lucky to have found her.
Joan has to read the secret invocation because Chalk didn't bring his glasses.Chalk's vision's too jacked up to read this card.You got to do it.So she reads it.We get a kiss and Joan tells him there's going to be no sex in the fantasy suite.
It's like he's making out her, like, if you want me in your bed, you gotta ask me.Oh, by the way.Except you want me in your sterile room for two hours.
Yeah.You want me to sit there and talk, talk and talk, but I need you to read the card.Um, I gave Chalk's weird love level for my play of the game. I mean, that was a bad game.So a very mediocre play takes it.What's that?
Nancy's PTC glow.Yeah, I just impactful.I didn't even put this on the board.
Yeah, I didn't want to put it on the board.I just felt I had no other choice.
Well, they get this get in this shitty boat room for their fantasy suite wall.Guy got that nice, nice place.And he loads a lot.He loves an actual love level four and he gets three kisses and he does a little cute play here.
Have a good evening to the camera person.Yeah, during what would be the implied consummation normally?
And again, we get no morning portion after this.
It's just Chalk journaling.Chalk's jacking up another journal.He says, waking up remembering the beautiful night with Joan has put a smile on his face.They had champagne.Producers asked him what they did.And he goes, Milo, Chalk's lips are sealed.
That's between me and Joan.
Chalk's lips are sealed, but I'll just say I jacked up Chalk's stock last night, if you know what I mean.
Let's just say Chalk was jacking in more ways than one.It was everything.Okay.
He did kind of imply consummation with his tone, right?
A little bit.Yes.But that obviously didn't happen.Um, he says he can see himself getting engaged to Joan precog.
That's what Zach Shellcross thought on his fantasy suites.Zach Shellcross went into fantasy suites saying there would be no fantasy and look what that got him.
But we get also all these 80 yard lines of like the most simple lines ever.I'm like, there's not even like, these are my two people left cleanly.
There were massive Franken bites all through this episode to get cobbled together.Any semblance of like, it's not chalk and there's maybe a problem there or he's not feeling good or whatever.It's just at this point, I think unfortunately, There is.
And maybe it's a symptom of golden Gary season didn't quite have this, but it also had the novelty of being the first golden season.I think these golden players like once you get rid of the Jacks and the Charles is the funny guys.
Basically, you're left with people who are like really serious about finding the second love of their life, and it's like it's not funny or entertaining.It's very boring and they're just delivering nothing.
I mean, Pascal, I would say is entertaining.
Yeah, he's OK.But like, you need two other guys who are on that level of being bombastic or whatever.And they're not at all.They're just not.They're very boring players, at least in this phase.
And part of the fantasy suites with Golden is like, you know, we want to see that.What is that component of a relationship like when you're that age?That's a huge part of what makes this show interesting, in my opinion.
And that whole thing was just eliminated by Joan. I'm not doing it.Fuck you.Oh, okay.But that's that's the show, though.
And to have Maynard, I think did this as well.
Sure, but even in those cases, the the younger aged bachelors and bachelorettes, there's like temptation.It's like they have to fight hard not to do it.They really want to.This was just like, I'm not doing it and you have to be OK with that.
Yeah, absolutely.That sounds great.I love to talk all night.
That's what I was thinking anyway.
Yeah, it's like, Jesus, this is fucking boring as hell.Even though Chuck did say it made him feel like he's twenty five again.I guess he used to stay up late into the night.
Very interesting necklace Joan is wearing here though.I noticed it was a bee or like some sort of dragonfly and We get this conversation between it This is the biggest missed opportunity.
We get a conversation between Dark Lord Palmer and Pascal, and they do not speak French except for letting Jesse say bon chance right at the very end.
How did we not get these two speaking French?
It should have been all in French, in my opinion, but subtitles.
They love me.Blown opportunity.
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But basically, Pascal is, you know, talking about why he has the walls.He had this love of his life.They were engaged.They kept breaking up back.They were on again, off again. and it broke his heart, and he's had a hard childhood.
So he plays a breakup PTC and a hard childhood PTC, and DOP says, people get the wrong impression about you, Pascal.The Pascal I know is kind and loves his children, basically implying.
Yeah, that the Pascal they're presenting in the show is a real asshole who hates his kids.I don't know.It's interesting.
Very strange line by the girl dad there.I agree.
This was one of the most egregious Frankenbites in this conversation.Pascal says that he wants to move on and thinks he can if he can find the right person.He's looking for someone he could trust and love again.Maybe Joan is that person.
It was just crammed together, this Frankenbite done so poorly. DLP nonetheless wishes them the best and then hugs old Pascal.Pascal then gets ready for his fantasy suite.He's ITM-ing the last time he had one-on-one time with Joan.It's so important.
He mentions his walls.He wants somebody to travel with, go to bed with, and make breakfast with.He's going to try to bring his walls down and see where that's going to lead.And we see some roosters crowing and we see two guys.
with an umu, a traditional Polynesian oven, bringing out this thing.They're going to make a traditional Polynesian meal for them.Joan walks up as she items that everybody has wells up until they find the right person.
And even if you want to keep them up, you can't They meet each other, a hug and a kiss.They see a guy blowing on a conch shell to initiate the day portion of their fantasy suite date.
And this conch blowing man who ushered in the third sexless fantasy suite date of the season was my Jorge, Jorge, Jorge, Jorge Moreno, bystander of the world. week.
This was a tough, tough competition.I have him versus the frond man.
Who leads a group of dancers and singers in the law or not?Not welcome ceremony.Pascal gets into it and starts dancing with John.And they say this is basically your welcome to the Tahitian feast.
Here's some breadfruit they try and John does some French translation.
Yeah, she's like everything was pretty good, but the breadfruit was odd.Oh right, thank you very much.
That's something, yeah, but yeah, there Pascal does some rooster noises.They say the word cock and Joan loves his zest.
But then the conch guy and the frond guy lead them in a bonding ceremony where they add these grass bracelets to Pascal's thick stack of what I assume are Taylor Swift friendship bracelets.
And they are supposed to release their walls during this water wall releasing ceremony. uh, Joan Spears honoring John's memories.Classic.And, uh, They drink this coconut.
She does it on every day now.It's just like her default.Like, well, I got to have something to do here.She's Joan.
And then we get this weird bit from Pascal where he's like, I thought this was going to be more silly and a fun date, but I still have walls and I'm not ready.
I did not see this coming.I didn't either.It wasn't like, it's like, have you ever seen the show, dude?This isn't.You just pour the water and you, you release your walls in quotes and then you go on with the night portion.
Nonetheless, on this night portion, Pascal Ponders could have been, could have been.I think he actually is for T.R.R.in all of this.I think he really is still kind of heartbroken about this breakup or this on again on again relationship.
And he's like, I can't do this.Yeah. Might also be a thing where Joan just isn't the right fit for him, so he's using that as an excuse.I'm not sure.I'm not sure exactly, but Pascal is pondering off the boat, saying that he has a lot on his mind.
He hopes you can understand today.Ceremony freaked him out.He walks onto this yacht.He's not as dressed up as Joan is.She's in like a formal kind of evening where he's just wearing like a little crew neck button up shirt.He doesn't know how to begin.
They're both in black. For the funeral.
Oh, that is true.The funeral of Pascal.He sits her down and they have this little table with some food on it.And he basically says today was interesting.He wasn't expecting it.He wants to have a deep conversation with her.
He says he was in love with somebody last year and he tells her this whole thing about the woman that was in the on again off again relationship.And he talks about there's a lot of competition here in the house.He's a lover, not a fighter.
He wonders why he's here.Why him? He was basically doing a values attack on himself.And I was like this right in that moment.I was like, oh, shit, this is very bad.
Yeah.Jones says Pascal reminds her of her late husband. If you want something, you figure out how to make it happen.John did the same thing.She's not looking for a replacement.Of course, we know that, Joan.
But she is looking for somebody who's fun, adventurous, like John was.She doesn't want to waste any of her days.Classic.Or her years.And then Joan ITMs that she wants a guy who wants adventure and has family values.And Pascal checks those boxes.
He tells her that he got scared at the ritual.I've been there.I've been at rituals where I've been scared.Rest assured. Rest assured.
Oh god.The rituals that we did?
What's that?No, our rituals were fun.
I'll tell you about my rituals some other time.He's having a hard time letting go.He cares very much about her and he doesn't want to hurt her and he can't go to a place where she wants him to be.
Joan says, you mentioned you had walls at hometowns and didn't want a broken heart.And he says he cares about her as a friend.He puts her in the friend zone.He's not in love and it's hurting him.
This admission of not being in love with Joan that turns into the self elimination was my
Error, error, error, error of the game.
Maybe of the season.He says he needs that spark and he doesn't have it with her.Oh, he's I'm so sorry.I'm damaged goods.I'm not ready.And Joan's like, it's OK.Can't force it.No tears or anything.She's just like, well, let me like you out.
She seemed unaffected by this.
I think she's trying to be strong. But this self-elimination, even though it had tier play, and even though I do think it is for TRR, was also my... Error.Error.Error.Error.Of the game.This is not how you go out, Pascal.
He was gonna go out anyway.Like, I feel like had this gone to a ceremony, he was on the chopping block.He should have recognized that.
Exactly. I think he should have, and I think he could have pushed it in that direction just a little bit more as well.
And then you get that victimization edit and you are not getting what I consider to kind of be a villainizing line with the like, I know what love is and this ain't it.
Yeah, I was very disappointed in this, but maybe he was worried it was going to go to the end.
Yeah, it might've been that, but I just think there are better ways to go out of a game if you want it.You want to force the lead's hand so you are the dumpy.You never want to dump the lead unless they've done something like a Juan Pablo.
You know, if you can come out of it on moral high ground that can lead you to a crown, fine, so be it.This is not that, though.She ITMs here.No.That life has a funny way of not turning out how you thought it was going to.He hugs her.
says he cares about her.And then he's like, I'm always a phone call away.And she's like, I want to go.They leave the table.And a producer then asked Pascal in an ITM if he's okay.And he's like, no, I'm not okay.
And then we see him walking with Joan and shooing away the cameras get away from us.Be gone with your camera.What is this TV show?Hey,
This reminds me that the man in the Fromm ceremony from in the day portion was my Jorge, Jorge, Jorge, Jorge Moreno, bystander of the week. I was like, oh, producer was in here for a second.Interesting little moment.
He goes down these circle stairs and we get Joe and I teaming about how it's hard to be vulnerable, especially in public.But again, just kind of staring into space.
Yeah.Doing nothing.There's nothing happening in this. She items a little bit about how she spent a lot of years trying to be perfect.If you have kids, you push your emotions to the side.
When bad things in your family happen, you don't have those emotions in public.I don't know.
She produced only bright spot to this exit by Pascal was.Well, I did like him running the circular stairs, and I did like how he appears to get on a submarine to exit.It was kind of iconic, this kind of.
And then we do see Joan produce tears, crying in her ITM.Now I'm afraid again.Oh, and she also put away in this.
I know.She goes, I had 24 people.Now I'm down to the last three.She says this after we see him get in the boat and leave.I can only assume they shot it before he left.Why would she say I'm down to my last three?
I miss that.She did.So it wasn't even about this.
I think this was like, I mean, of course, I think they just do this all.I think they do it all seasons, but it's especially clunky here.
Yeah, and then she goes to a room and shuts the door and that's the end of the episode.We get this promo.Joan feels.Well, I hope chalk wins.He's going to.Can Joan recover?Will she find love again?She's walking and crying.
Chalk doesn't know what to do.It's the last thing she wanted.But first, the men tell all your favorites are their friends for life.Jack is back.Jonathan Mark DLP plays a some kind of tuning pipe.
I assume they're going to have to resing Golden Mansion men, which I am looking forward to.Charles L is there.Joan is there.And Pascal next week. And that's it.The most boring fantasy suites in the history of our beloved game.Who was your MVP?
for her beautiful Semi-Council of Crowns BFF friend, Chloe PTC.Nancy was my M-M-M-M-V-P.
It's no surprise chalk jacked up this MVP award.There was not a lot of good play in this episode, so the bar was very low to get my MVP chalk.At least play to love level 4.I mean it was a terrible play.It was like yes he did.
It's like in baseball when you hit a fly ball and it bounces off an outfielder's head over the fence for a home run.That's kind of like what it was like.
I feel like I like chalks play in that it wasn't as bad as the other two, but. I gotta say, I didn't like how anyone played this episode.No one on camera except Nancy.
It was just a very boring, kind of nothing episode.
And to be saying that about a fantasy suites episode, sometimes you get an episode like this in the middle of a season somewhere, like episode three or four, where the group dates are kind of lackluster, or one of them gets called off, or there's no rose ceremony, or whatever.
This was just like I can't really understand how this was produced to this degree, to be so bad that there was nothing, no new information, nothing of interest happened.
Not a single new fact, except for that Joan likes to get jarred.I do think there's a way to do the no no Fantasy Suites way, but there should be some like something sexy.The title of the episode is Fantasy Suites.
There should be some sort of romance or you should feel something watching it.I agree.I mean, coming off of I'm going through the Love Island USA season six season with you now and coming off of that to watch this, it's like.
I have to now watch Love is Blind Season 6 in Clues Corner.We need a chaser.Yes, exactly.It is that.I'll probably watch it tonight. after we watch this, because I wait to feel blind.You mean love?I mean, Love Island.Sorry.Oh, yeah.
I would say if it starts with a love, I just always say love is blind, but it's not.It's Love Island, which, by the way, if you're listening to this on, what would it be?
Wednesday night, I guess, or Thursday morning, I will have already had clues corner.Love is blind.Reunion will be up.Get ready for that.
Your eyes were very full aperture on that, as if you were surprised that you were going to even do that.
I mean, I'm not surprised.I'm just like, it's going to be a lot of work that day, but I'm going to get it all done.I can't wait to see that fucking reunion.You kidding me?
I can't wait.I can't wait either.Clues also.I guess this is a mini screen, but one of my shows that I was watching, you know, my pleasure reality shows, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
I finally started watching this season and guess there was a clip that is the controversy of the episode and plays out through the next episodes from a podcast that is a Bachelor podcast that becomes the drama of the season.
It's a file files clip where they're talking about like the villain at it kind of thing.And it's one character calling another a villain.
Wow.Wait, was he interviewing the players from real housewives?
He was interviewing the real housewives of Salt Lake City person.Yeah.
That's what we got to do.
I couldn't believe it.Yeah.And they play it multiple times.
He's part of the real housewives record now.
Oh, I like good for him.He's not the goat, but good for him.
I didn't have to tell you this.
You sure didn't.Thank you.Thank you for the information.Period.And thank you everyone for joining us for this recap of the most boring fantasy suites in the history of our beloved game.Hopefully the mental will be funny.
Hopefully the finale will be good.We will be covering them both.
I can't be worse than this.I agree.This was like arguably one of the worst episodes period in the history of the game. Yeah, in my opinion.It just there was nothing there.It was just like watching nothing.
But thank you for joining us for our recap of this.Nothing.Hopefully the recap had a few bright moments for you.
Exactly.And join us on Patreon for everything ad free.All of our Pacecase palapas, all of our clues, corners, all of our digging deepers, all of our live shows, the discord where you can submit your own screams, et cetera, et cetera.
And what else is that it?That all we got.
For today, come to our finale watch party.If you're listening to this, we will still be watching at 33 taps West Hollywood and the mental.
I'm going to see if I can reengage regarding who Jews with that bystander from last week at tonight, but not tonight, tomorrow.
The temporal fabric of reality is crumbling around his.
Consciousness.You take over the brain cell.
You're a booper.I got to that part last night in Love Island.You're a booper.All right.Thank you.
I felt so sad when we and Rob are like, we're sharing one brain cell and they pass it back and forth and then together.
Maybe they will be later.Thank you for joining us.Happy Halloween.We'll be back this Friday with This Week in Bachelor Nation.
Praise be Dark Lord Palmer.
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