This episode of Ear Hustle is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.
Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash?
Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies.
Try it at Progressive.com.
Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates.Potential savings will vary.Not available in all states. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
This month is all about gratitude, and I'm grateful for a lot of things, Erlon, including you.
Oh, right back at you, Nodge.
And you know what?There's a person we don't often remember to thank, ourselves.
Yep, like buy ourselves some flowers or something.When was the last time you did that?
Exactly.You know, in a way, that's what therapy is.It's doing something nice just for you.BetterHelp empowers you to be the best version of yourself.
Yeah, therapy isn't only for people who experience major trauma.It's helpful for all of us.And BetterHelp is entirely online, convenient, and flexible.
Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist.
Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp.
Visit betterhelp.com slash EarHustle today to get 10% off your first month.
That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash EarHustle.
Hello, this is Rahsaan New York-Thomas, producer with Ear Hustle, co-director of the San Quentin Film Festival, and executive director of Empowerment Avenue.
The following episode of Ear Hustle contains language that may not be appropriate for all listeners.Discretion is advised.
It's Thursday, 7 a.m., and I'm sitting in the San Quentin parking lot, looking out at the bay.I haven't done this in a long time.
I'm going in to meet the guys down in the media lab, and we're gonna do something we've never done before, which is to go into East Block, death row.
Well, I guess, can I say it's formally death row because they're closing it down and they moved everybody out. And we've got permission to go in and look around and record before they clean it out. So, what do you think?
Spooky.Is this a Halloween episode?
No, it's not, but I can see why you'd think that.
So, I want to ask questions, but I don't want to ask the questions because it may come out.
So, I'll hold back.But first, Nodge, I think we should probably explain what these mystery episodes are.
So for the mystery episode, this is our second season where both you and I select a story we want to work on kind of solo without the other.And we keep it a secret until the day we come in to record the first narration, which is right now.
So everything is unknown to you at this point.And when you do your mystery episode next time, I won't know anything.So it's just kind of a fun way to stir things up.And it's exciting.I was really looking forward to presenting this one to you.
So, here we are.It's the East Block story, but you know, Erland.
Yes, but you know me.That might not be all it's about.
Okay.All right.I'm listening.Did you get the walls to talk?
Quite possibly.Okay.All right.You know, you're pretty intuitive. I'm Nigel Porte.And I'm Erlon Woods.And this is Ear Hustle from TRX's Radiotopia.
I need you to help me explain this because there's been a big change at San Quentin when it comes to death row.
And I think you understand this better than I do.Okay.So what happened?
All right.So first of all, there's currently a moratorium on executions.And that happened under Gavin Newsom when he became governor of California in 2019.OK.
But people can still receive the death penalty as a sentence, right?
Right.Right.Yes, they can.In fact, there are still about maybe 700 people in California with the death sentence. And in 2016, the voters passed a law that said these people need to work so they can pay restitution to their victims.
So to do that, they need to be part of a mainline in a prison where the jobs are at.
Right.And so in San Quentin, because of the security level, they couldn't leave their cells.So they couldn't get to those jobs.
Right.San Quentin don't have a high enough security.So all of the individuals that were on death row were moved to other prisons within the state so they can start working and pay back the restitution or pay restitution to their victims.
Right.And so death row was closed.
Death row. where they've just housed at for the last 40 something years was closed.
Yes.Dismantled.Yes.It's huge.And so that means all of a sudden inside San Quentin, there's this whole block that's now empty.
So not just me, the whole Insight team really wanted to see this empty block.Really?We talked about it endlessly, okay?But before we did that, I just stood in the parking lot for a while, kind of thinking about what the experience would be like.
East Block has always been an unknowable area to me of the prison.I say it's unknowable, but I walk by it every time I go into the prison.And I could always hear people there exercising, but I could never really see anybody.
So I know it by sound, and I know it by reputation, and I know it by the stories that have been told around it.I guess it's embedded itself in my imagination.
And in the imagination of a lot of guys inside San Quentin, if you believe that physical areas hold the experience of what's happened in there, I imagine there's a swirl of things in that place.
I'm sure it's haunted by memory, loss, and sadness, hope, remorse.Yeah. All right, time to go to the Media Lab, see the two Tonys, Tom and Sadiq.The thing that I really like about this is that we're going to have an adventure together.
Obviously, you can't just walk into East Block on your own.So we had to arrange with Lieutenant Barry to escort us there.And you know, she's super busy, right?
So it starts off in the morning with just me and Sadiq and Tony DeFoia, just waiting in the media lab, hoping that this thing was actually going to happen.What are we about to do?
So we're going to go into Death Row.Well, it's not even called Death Row anymore.We're going to East Block, the Condemned Row.
And we're going to see all the stuff that they left behind and how it used to be in there.
When you think about it, what's in your imagination?
Ghosts, a lot of history, a lot of scary stuff going on in there, a lot of, just a lot of baggage in there, I can just imagine.
Yeah.What is your understanding of that place?
My understanding is that this is a place where everybody goes to die, literally.Like, this is the execution area.It's been a lot of deaths over there.It's been a lot of violence, a lot of just misery over there. Anytime we used to look over there.
They tell us to turn our heads so we couldn't really peek around the corner, but yeah What do you think Tony?
Like what's the feeling?What's gonna be on the floor?What does it look like?
Do you remember the big searches that they always do?Mm-hmm at any housing unit right after they're done with a massive search.Yeah, just leave stuff everywhere everywhere So I think there's just gonna be stuff everywhere
Right, just things thrown out of cells.I think there's gonna be t-shirts places, blue shirts, blue pants, just all over the ground.There's probably gonna be a lot of dust.I think it's gonna have this, honestly, like a deep sadness.
Do either of you believe that places hold onto the memory of what's happened there?
I believe so.Yes, I believe it lives in the building.Yeah, definitely.And I heard a lot of people didn't want to leave.It was a lot of screams and yelling.So a lot of that stuff is still there.
Why do you think people didn't want to leave?
It was comfortable.This is all they knew.They thought they was going to die here.So for you just to up and take them away, it's like... And then you have to remember that these guys spent 30, 40 years by themselves.
So now to go out to a mainline and to sell up with someone, it's scary.It's like, what am I supposed to do?How am I supposed to react?
I'm, like, nervous energy about going up there, but I do really want to see how people lived.
I'm really curious about what's left behind, and I'm really glad that we're doing it together, because we'll have a shared experience about doing something we've never done before.Oh, Barry's on the phone.What?We got to go now.We got to go.
We just got the call from Barry.We are going.Is the equipment ready? We have to go now.OK, so it's the two Tonys and Sadiq and me and we are heading up to East Block.
We were just like casually recording ourselves and then we got the call from Barry, you need to be up there immediately.And luckily, Tony was just heading down here.We would have had to leave him behind.
I was trying to run to catch you.
So what are you imagining, Tony?What are you imagining?
I think it'll be a very desolate place.Looks like someone just abandoned something after an earthquake.
You think there's going to be ghosts up there?
We won't see them, though.Stay time.
So ghosts are sleeping?They don't live in the day?They're nocturnal, aren't they?I don't know if ghosts are nocturnal.OK, so what's your plan?Because we only have one mic.Stay close.Stay close for a couple of reasons.
Sadiq and I are going to stay close.
Yeah. It's going to be real ghostly in there.This is going to be fun.
Are you going to touch anything?Yeah.Yeah, why not?
I don't want to steal stuff.
I know, I want to collect things too.
See, you want to go in for totally different reasons than them.
What do you think the reason is?
They're trying to go in and find some clothes.Because the guys on Death Row used to have all the button-up shirts.They had the jeans.So they're trying to see if they got a pile of that stuff in there somewhere.
I'm trying to get a nice new shirt, maybe, you know.Do you want to wear a shirt?Huh?A condemned shirt?I would wear a blue shirt like that, with the button up.Yeah.It's a condemned shirt.It's not the shirt that was condemned, it was the person.
Okay, Erlan, so it took a while, obviously, but we finally got to East Block with almost the whole team.
We had... It sounded like Tom was missing.
Exactly.Yeah, exactly.We just had the two Tonys, Sadiq, and then San Pablo, our friend in the media lab.
Okay, so we're at the entrance to East Block.
We're at the door that says East Block Condemned Row.You want to try to describe it from the outside?
yes it's like a big building and on the doors it says east block condemned so it looked like an old rusty building that's been around since the 17 1800s and it's very long and it looked like it's like a few stories up like five stories up hey tom tom just got here how are you feeling i'm sorry is that tom or is that the ghost of tom
So we've just been talking about what we think it's going to be like in there.What do you think it's going to be like inside?
I feel like it's going to be haunted.There's, like, generations of people that have been in there for, like, 30 years.They died.And I hope I see a ghost to make it more entertaining.
Here comes Barry, too.We just beat her.We was walking so fast, we beat her.Here's Barry in her Celtics gear.She got her Celtics gear ready for the finals today.
You're a Celtics fan?What?Wow.
We're gonna head into East Block right now.I believe they're cleaning it, but we can head in and take a look and see what we see.And we can just, we can walk around?Yep.Okay.You can walk around, just document what you see.Let's do it.
Okay, you ready?All right.
Pretty excited?Yeah, we're all excited.Anxious.We're anxious.Do you think it's weird that we're excited to go in here?
No, not at all, because it's East Block.It's a historic area.
We have 30 minutes to move around.Should we start at the top?
Right now there's an incarcerated worker cleaning everything.
I hope they left something for us.
Even though I miss those California sunrises, we will soon let that go.
And who was that?Was that Tom or that's the Trinidad?No.Sadiq?
Was he trying to be Sam Smith or was he trying to be a ghost?He sounded like a ghost.
So remember I told you that it might not all be about Death Row and East Block?
So here's our first little detour.Okay.All right.Let's describe where we're going right now.
Okay.So we just got up to the chapel and right now we're walking.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.Yeah.Yeah.
Is this chapel in Death Row? Nope.On the left, it's set up like a horseshoe.The count gate and the opening to the free world is beyond that visiting in that door.
Do you realize where we are now?
I believe y'all are at the Garden Chapel.
I believe y'all are in that manicured area.
Exactly.So we went into where the different offices are for people who work in the chapel, and we went into this very drab, small office where Tony spent a lot of time. Erlan, this is really what the episode is about.
It's an episode about spaces, and some of them are notorious, like East Block, where Death Row was, and some of them are these just very ordinary, humble spaces where people spend a lot of time.
And what I wanted to look at in this episode is how memory transforms spaces.So first, we're visiting a space that holds memory for Tony Tafoya, you know, on our inside team.Right.So we're going to visit his memory place first.
And how much time do you spend here?
Now, I don't spend as much time as I used to, but during when I first got to this prison and then during COVID, I spent probably 12 hours a day up here. All right, so let's go see what's special about this place for you.
Hello, Rabbi.So the rabbi's opening the door for us.And we're going to step inside.Thank you.
Thank you.Sadiq, can you describe what's in here?
Yeah, so in this office, it's a coffee pot.We have a cabinet, like a ministry cabinet there.We have a bookshelf. We have a desk, we have two chairs, and it's not really big in there, it's kind of small, so it seems like it can get real hot in there.
Yeah, it does.It's about half the size of a cell here?
Yeah, about half the size, and plus you have the sun beaming right on it, so I know it's hot.
When you think about this place, what sort of visuals do you get?If you sit in there and you look out the window, one, you have a window that opens.I can open that window.So there's control over that.And two, when you look up, you don't see prison.
You see this amazing palm tree. It's a small one, but that palm tree with the sun kind of coming through it and it being separated with the light.
So like the light shining through and then it kind of rays around the palm tree and it comes into the office.I don't know, I just, you don't see barbed wire.You don't see fences.So I feel free.
Okay, so what are you doing?
It allows you to have a real sense of comfort and privacy.
Well, it also just created such gentle, soft light.
And look at Sadiq's smile.
Yeah, you can control the light.You can control a whole lot with just those blinds.A whole lot.
So what memories do you think are left in this space?
I was in San Diego for like four or five years at Donovan, and it doesn't really rain down there.And when it does, you're not really outside.
And up in Northern California, where I love the rain, you kind of feel like you want to be more in it and more involved with the rain.It was probably the first time it had rained
I throw the window all the way open so I can get a big fresh breeze and the smell of rain.I could actually listen to the rain falling off the leaves of that palm tree. For my birthday, my mother had stationery made for me with my name on it.
And so I would sit down and I would write.I would write letters to everybody.And I would specifically tell them that I am sitting at a window watching the rain roll off of a palm tree right now.And I never, ever thought that was possible in prison.
I guess music wise, I'm saying it because I love myself some Taylor Swift.The Folklore album from Taylor Swift is like the vibe that it gives me.Like wearing a cardigan on a cool day, drinking really good coffee and awesome teas.
Shout out to all the tea places in San Francisco.
The longer you stay in a space and you talk to somebody about it, the more it reveals to you.Like, I think when we first walked in here, we were like, yeah, OK.
Yeah.But Tony has a lot of memories here and he brought up those memories and you can kind of like see it.
You start to see it through his eyes.
Outside of the cell, those type of spots are, you know, the peaceful spots.
And not everybody gets one.
Not everybody gets that.Yeah, I think he made that space into a Tony space.
Yeah, absolutely.And I love how he could control the light and that was a big deal for him.And then listening to this, I'm realizing that the majority of people inside San Quentin don't even realize that some people have these really private spaces.
They seldom let you get a space that you can just have for you.
All right, we're back on.We're going on back to the media center.Going to my secret space.
Oddly enough, when Sadiq said his special place was the Media Lab, I was a little bit disappointed.I don't know, just because we work there all the time.And I was trying to imagine how it was going to feel like a secret space for him, you know?
So, I didn't tell him I was disappointed.I really kept that to myself.He'll hear it.He'll hear it now.So, of course, you know the layout of St.Quentin.We walk down those stairs.I'm always afraid I'm going to fall down these stairs.
I know people who have. You would get hurt.And then Sadiq, Erlan told me don't ever touch that rail.Because I used to always hold these, like don't do that.And then do you know Erlan has a little thing he would do?At the bottom?Yes.
Do a lot of people do that?Is it like a good luck thing?Do you do it?
Every now and then I do it.
Erlan, you got to explain this.
So there's this, there's this rail that's in the middle of a walkway, one side coming down, one side going up.And at the very bottom, there's like this little ball thing.And at the bottom of it, it has a hole in it.
And I guess one day I was going up it and I felt this, this like little rock or something inside of it.And I couldn't pass. going up them stairs without hitting that rock.For some reason, it just became a thing, you know?
It was just something to do when I go up the stairs and just hit the little rock inside, boop, and keep going.
And it makes that great jangling sound, right?Tickle, tickle.
Look how packed the yard is.
So usually we walk past the first gate.It's like a bunch of clearances.You go through the first gate, and from the first gate you go to what they call A building, which is the main education building.
I drop off my ID there, and right next door is the media center office.
Listeners probably don't know this, but the Media Lab is not a place that everyone has access to, right?Do you think it's fair to say you kind of have to earn the privilege to be able to go down there?
Well, I would say you would have to have business in there.Like you would have to be a part of one of the programs, be it San Quentin TV, be it San Quentin newspaper.You have to be in something that goes in there.So it is a little exclusive.
It's very exclusive.It's members only.Members only club.Members only club.
If you were somebody who didn't come down here, what do you think people assume happens down here and what is it like to be down here?
Right.So some people are not really sure what goes on.They just hear stories.
What do they think the vibe is down here?
They feel like it's a bunch of entitled, incarcerated people working down there.They don't want anybody in.
See, when I was there, I don't think it was like that.
It's changed so much, Erlon.
It was a space away from the yard.Like, you know, one of the things you always say, where outside and inside people can collaborate on something.You know, that's what that space was.
Let's go see the reality of it through Sadiq's eyes.
Let's do it.It feels so good in here.I love being in here. One of the reasons I love being in here is that it's like I get away from everything.
You know, I don't have to really worry about what's going on in the yard, if they searching the buildings, if I can get a shower, or anything that's related to the incarceration population. I can just focus on what I need to focus on.
If it's reading, if it's studying for the board, or studying for court, or studying for class, I can get that done down here.And the reason I can get that done is because we have headphones.
Having those headphones allow me to just tune out anything around me, and that makes it easy for me to just be in my own world.
Describe this space, the colors, the smells, the textures.
Bunch of white walls.So we have paintings on the wall.We have an Ear Hustle logo on the wall.We have the awards hung up on the wall.The Peabody Award nominee.The National Magazine Awards.I just love looking at that award right there.
We have Nigel and Erland Pitcher hanging up.We have five computer stations.We have the mic for the recording sessions.We have speakers.And we have a bunch of chairs in here.
Listening to this with you now, it makes me feel really nostalgic.
Oh, no, it's the spot, you know, it's a fertile ground place, you know what I'm saying?Where, you know, I don't want to say dreams can happen, but it's a place where things can happen.Yeah.So.
I mean, I would never wish you back there, but it does remind me of like those years were so important.
No, definitely.Definitely.It was the changing.
And what I love so much about this room is that it's quiet.It's nice and quiet.It smells fresh, you know.I don't have a stench.I'm able to catch these aromas of nothing, which I love.And sometimes I can hear the clock.That's how quiet it is in here.
And I love that. I'm always down here.I get down here like 6.55 and I just wait.I wait for the gate to open at 7 o'clock.And then if I don't have class or practice or anything, I'm down here till 7.45.So I'm always down there.
Even when I didn't have this job, even when I didn't have a job assignment for the media center, I was still coming down here like 6.55, just beating everybody down here to clean up, just to let people know that I want to be in here.
It's a lot of memories here.It's a lot of struggle here, you know, so why would you want to leave a place that you didn't made all of this here?
We need to explain what he's talking about.So there's this plan to build a new media center at San Quentin, which is part of the California model that Governor Gavin Newsom is spearheading in the state.
So once the new complex gets built inside San Quentin, we will actually move out of this media center into a brand new building that's going to be... State-of-the-art.Yes, the way they describe it.
So that's what he's mentioning here, this idea of leaving this place where everything started. I feel a little, like, I don't know, a little bit sad about that.
Well, I mean, you know, it might not have that scrappiness to it, but it might be great.It might be a new start on something.
Yeah, it'll be different, but it won't be our place. I really believe in the power that a space accumulates over time, and so much has happened here.So I feel like we're going to be going to a blank slate, and it will take a while to make it our own.
But when I come in here, for me, this is like, this is our space, and it feels like our space.
Yeah, you get comfortable as soon as you come in.
If we stopped using this room, what would we leave behind in here for people?
I think that it would just be a sense of professionalism.I think it'd be a sense of just feeling welcome and at home.This place brings that welcoming feeling, just coming in here.
I remember when I was on the outside looking in, just seeing you guys come in, I always wanted to just peek through the door. I was always happy when y'all came in, you know, even if y'all probably had disagreements, I couldn't tell.
So that's something that I think this room is going to leave.
I'm always trying to pinpoint what is the joy that I associate with coming in here.To hear you say that you also see that sense of joy.And I wonder what, what accounts for that feeling?
When you're around positive people, positivity just happens.When you have that aura of goodness around you, it just comes in you.
This is one of the reasons I think it's joyful in here.When you're around people that are collaborating and working together, you feel really alive.And so it's like a communal spirit that happens.
Yeah, I totally agree with that because it's like we're all in sync.We're all tuned in at one time.And I don't know if it's like that on the outside, but in here, it's like we all together and we all working to get to this one common goal.
And our brains, it's like clicking at the same time.
No, it definitely does.You know, and you know, people might not understand these type of areas in society, but I think for us and for them, it was a place to where you had the time to be hella creative.
It was a place where you could really do stuff differently, move differently.It was definitely a place to give you the opportunity to be the best you could be.
I'm glad, I mean, I'm glad that the new people on the team get to have that feeling, but it does remind me, and I sometimes need to be reminded of, like, what an incredibly special creative time that was.
And even though horrible things were happening, you were in prison.
It's pretty hard to really explain what those years were like, starting your hustle.And it's cool to think that's left behind for other people to experience now.
I think we did our shit, Nige.
I'm with you.So we've got one more stop on this tour.
But first, it's about time we took a break so we can pay a bill and go to get some water.Exactly.And come on back.
So when we come back, there's something I'm really excited for you to hear, Erlon.So we're going to go to a place that is familiar to you.
But I think after I stop there, you might see it and even hear it in a slightly different way.
Huh.So they got new light bulbs and new speakers.Maybe.
Hey, listeners, Amy and Bruce here from the Ear Hustle team with some pretty cool Radiotopia news.
That's right.For over 15 years, our friend and fellow Radiotopian, Nate DiMaio, has been telling incredible stories about the past on his podcast, The Memory Palace, which is such a beautiful thing.I listened from the beginning.
It's just like perfect gems of stories.They're short, they're amazingly well-written, and they're like surprising, true moments that you would never believe happened.
I also have been listening to this show since the beginning, and it was one of the first shows that had such a strong voice to it.
It was unlike anything else.
And now, Nate is releasing his first book.It's called The Memory Palace, True Short Stories of the Past.
The book collects beloved stories from the show, news stories, photographs, and gorgeous illustrations.It's available for presale now, wherever you buy your books, or you can find it at radiotopia.fm.
With the holidays coming up, this is a perfect gift.It's called The Memory Palace, true short stories of the past.Hey, congratulations, Nate.
I'm going to go get my copy right now.
Listeners, do you want even more Ear Hustle?
And even fewer ads like zero, zilch, nothing, nada?If so, subscribe to Ear Hustle Plus.Ear Hustle Plus subscribers get access to ad-free episodes and bonus episodes.
Our Ear Hustle Plus episodes are really fun.Subscribers can find out what's happening with people they've heard on previous episodes, and they can also send in questions for us to answer.
Me and Nigel get to sit here and chop it up with our producer Bruce and just talk about whatever.
If you want to hear more of that, subscribe to Ear Hustle Plus at EarHustleSQ.com slash plus or directly in Apple Podcasts.
And thanks for supporting the show.We appreciate y'all.And send in some provocative questions.
And where are we heading?
We're headed north block.
So what's the mission, Tom?
So you said you wanted to identify a place where something meaningful happened.So it would just be in my cell.
OK, let's check in at the desk.OK.Hi.I just wanted to check in that we're going to be recording.
And then Tom is going to take us somewhere.I wonder how high we're going to go.
There's a guy showering right now.Let's go the other way.We can't.The other way will also still be the same thing.There's no stairs over there.No, they don't let us up that way.
We have to explain this a little bit.So, you know, it's we're in North block now Mm-hmm, and we're walking up the tier and of course, you know what you have to walk by the showers Yes, you are almost in the shower.
Yeah, you're walking by the swingers And I was really trying to avert my eyes wasn't trying to swing no I did not want to see anything and so Tom and the other guys were being very nice trying to help me Not see anything.Okay
So let's just, you can stand to my, to my left.And then look.Nope.Nigel's walking with her head down.
You know the craziest thing about the shower, though?You will have the most craziest conversations in the shower.Everybody want to talk about everything.They just want to, you know, just talk about shit.Like, not shower and get out.
People want to talk about sports, politics, courts, personal shit, all kind of shit in the shower.I mean, I would imagine you were more shower and get out.
Shower, get out.You know what I'm saying?So, Nigel's walking around with her hair covered over her face. So guys don't think she's checking them out.
Do you think that bumps them out?Like they got no privacy?
No.I think most of that guy's like, man, I wish you would look.
So then we started going up the stairs.They're crowded.They're kind of steep.
We're going up the stairs right now.Headed towards the fifth tier on the second.
I always feel claustrophobic going up them.I'm always afraid I'm going to trip, and I don't know where to look.So it's not the most relaxing experience walking up those stairs.
I mean, you know, there's a lot of stairs, because they want to take you all the way up to the Dirty Nickel.Bingo.
Welcome to the fifth tier.
Wait, is this the Dirty Nickel?
Yes, this is the Dirty Nickel.This is the Dirty Nickel.
You know why they call it the dirty nickel?I think it's because where all the action takes place.
You know, the officers is five tiers down most of the time.So all the shit happens on the top tier.
So we're stepping into my cell.You asked about a place that's meaningful for me, where something meaningful happened.It would be in the cell because I spend most of my days.Yes, you guys can all come.
You just want to close it and then turn on the fan.Because you used to live in North Block.
I didn't.Oh, I used to live on a dirty nickel.
Damn.Okay.So the cells, let's just explain what the cells are like.Okay.Two people are in there.Go.
No, I would say this. When I first seen the cells in San Quentin on TV, I said, I could never live in no shit like that because that's how small they are.
They're shockingly small.
They are shockingly small.
And there's the two bunks, there's the toilet, the sink.
I mean, it is- And all your property.
Yeah.So there was, in this tiny cell, there was this one particular place that Tom wanted us to see.
Is it the space that's by the toilet in the back?
The place in the cell where you have the most room is on the toilet, right by the sink in the back of the cell, because you can sit up straight and not hit your head to the bunk.And so I sit here and I write songs, I write my legal work.
When I study and I read, I sit right here and I put stuff on my celly's bunk.
So Tom is sitting on the toilet.Tony's sitting on the floor.I'm leaned against a wall and the bunk is maybe 18 inches away from me.Tony is about other Tony's about two and a half feet or three and a half feet away from me.
Um, it is hot cause we had to turn the fans off.It's humid, but Tom is describing where he sits to work and it looks like you've created a comfortable space.Maybe as comfortable as it can be in here.
as comfortable as I can be at San Quentin.
— So tell us about what happens in here.
— When I got moved to this prison, I was just stressed out.I didn't know a lot of people.And it's really rowdy outside, as you can see, and it's noisy.
But because this is the one place I can control, I like sitting in the cell and being able to do all the things I do. writing my songs, doing my legal work, doing my study for classes, for college classes.
And as you can see, this is the only place where you could sit straight and not hit your head onto something.
I don't know if you know this, but Tom had a really hard childhood, and he did not have a great relationship with his parents.He was way closer with his grandparents, and so he spent a lot of time with them.
But his grandfather died, I think, right around the time he came to prison, and his grandmother died maybe five years after he'd been incarcerated.
So I sat in here and I just wrote out things that I remembered about my grandparents.Because I can't sit outside and cry thinking about my grandparents.I would look weak.People would try to pick on me, think they could bully me.
Here is the safest place I have.I can sit here and write whatever I want to write.If I'm sad, I can like vent it out emotionally, cry if I need to.So I wrote a song about it in this little space on the toilet.
You know what we're going to ask right now? Will you sing some of it?
Yeah, yeah, you want it?Okay, hand me the guitar please.
There's so little space in here.We're trying to pass it to him without dinging it against.
That's also why this is the best place to sit with a guitar.
OK, one second.So now I'm going to kneel down on the floor.
You might have to close the door, Tony, so that it will kill some of the ambient.
He's sitting on the toilet.I can see part of the toilet underneath him.So he's literally sitting on the toilet.The sink is right off to his right.And there's a little water running.But it doesn't make any sound.But he fits perfectly into this corner.
It is literally just enough space for him. And I'm wondering if because he's in the corner, the acoustics are going to be kind of cool.And the light, he's got light on him, like stage lighting almost.
So half of his face is in light and the other half is in shadow.So it's actually quite dramatic.He looks quite peaceful.
OK, let's let's.All right. Sun shining down on me, breeze brushing my face.Tasting salt in the air.Watching the waves rolling, feet in the sand.Sweet voices fill my ears.
Oh little sisters laughing while little brother sleeps Innocent while we're young The summer's ending quickly back to the city streets Where our future was on the run
Oh, I miss those carefree summers They were so long ago Oh, I miss those carefree summers Would've cherished them If I'd known there'd be no more
Oh my God.It was about me, my sister, my little brother, when my mom had left when I was like seven or eight, because my dad was pretty rough on her, you know?And so he didn't know what to do with us.He sent us to Arizona where live my grandparents.
And so that's my memories of being with them.It was the most, the safest time.But then when we would have to come back to the city, back to LA, then I knew it was going to be all bad.
So, I mean, I had a time to process it when I got here, just sitting here, writing my songs in this little space.And I cried when I wrote it a couple, like sometimes I sing and it makes me like cry now.
You know, I'm a fan of Tom, so it was really nice to hear him on that guitar again.You know, I could tell y'all had a cool vibe up in there.
Yeah, we did.There's something about being in the small space that holds your voice.It's reverberated nicely in this small area.It just felt very personal.
Yeah, yeah, I felt like we were at like a small nightclub and we were sitting at the table in the front, which is really nice. When people walk in here, what emotions do you think they might get from what you leave behind?
I hope that they get like, you know, somebody who felt really strongly.I mean, like had a lot of emotions.I can't express openly out there.Like I told you, I can't cry.I can't talk about how much I miss my family.So in here, like.
Yeah, I hope somebody feels like, you know, a presence like somebody's emotions, you know. Maybe they become a singer-songwriter because they hear my music in their soul when they're sleeping.
One of the things I like about this particular story is that we get to do these little field trips together.And while you were playing, I was listening, but I was also thinking, this is crazy.We are together in this tiny cell.
We have permission to be here.We're recording.We're hearing you perform.And it's really beautiful.
You know, considering all the things around that are not beautiful here, just to be able to share this time together and hearing you sing makes it all the more special.And the light, for some reason right now, the light looks so pretty.
We left Tom's cell after that beautiful concert, but of course, we had to go buy those showers again.
Hello.I'm good, thanks.Okay, showers are still going.Hey.
It's towards the end, so when you walk, walk to our right.Okay.So when you go down, stand on his right side.
And then we'll walk, and then I'll just walk on your right side.
We're safe.We're safe from any views of...
So, Erlon, you've been to all of these places, you know, the office, the media center, the cell in North Block, and you know exactly what they look like.
They're not spaces that on the surface have any kind of like magic or mystery or, you know, sort of hint at something delightful. they're bland or like the cell, you know, they're kind of like these tough, hard spaces.
But when you experience it through the person who was really attached to this area, it opens up in this like, almost like a film.Right.
Everybody got a little peaceful space somewhere, you know, somewhere where they able to just do them.
And then you realize like any space, no matter how drab, can be animated.And like you feel their emotion, right?And even hearing it here, I don't know, you're like escorted into someone else's experience in a really three-dimensional way.
And I love sharing it with you because not only are we experiencing their spaces together, I'm getting pulled back to our shared experience of San Quentin.And it's really connective.
So, you're probably wondering, um, when are we gonna get to Ysblok?
Yeah, uh, I believe we haven't heard from, uh, the Trinidad yet.
Exactly.So, that and the much-anticipated peak into the now-abandoned death row, um, is gonna happen on our next episode.
Hold up, hold up, Niles.This is just... You're cheating.How you get two mystery episodes and I get one?
Well, that's a first on Ear Hustle, a part one and a part two.
And E, more surprises are coming.I might even get you to make these walls speak. Maybe.
Well, all right, all right.So tune in next time for Ear Hustle's Nigel Mystery Episode Part 2.
And just to keep you and the listeners curious, I'm going to play a little teaser for you.Cheater.
Let's go.And the gates are open. Yeah, let's make our way up.
Oh, it's getting hot.Oh, look at this.It's getting stuffy already.
So whoa, here we go.Here we go.Look at this cell right here.It has a funny smell in there too as well.Nigel, you see that?Look at that.
Oh, yeah. Ear Hustle is produced by me, Nigel Poor, Erlon Woods, Amy Standen, Bruce Wallace, Rahsaan New York-Thomas, and Kat Schuchnecht.Shabnam Sigmund is our managing producer.
The producing team inside San Quentin includes Darrell Sadiq Davis, Tony DeTrinidad, and Tom Nguyen.The inside managing producer is Tony Tafoya.Thanks also to Aristeo San Pablo.
Thanks to Acting Warden Andes at San Quentin, Acting Warden Parker, and Lieutenant Newberg at the California Institution for Women for their support of the show.
Thanks also to one of the hardest working women at San Quentin, this woman right here.
I am Lieutenant Gia Marie Berry, the public information officer at San Quentin Rehabilitation Center, and I approve this episode.
This episode was made possible by the Jest Trust, building a smaller, more humane engine of justice and safety across the country.
Erlon Woods sound designs and engineers the show with help from Fernando Arruda, Harry Culhane, and Darrell Sadiq Davis.
Music for this episode comes from me, Erlon Woods, Antoine Williams, and Darrell Sadiq Davis.
For more information about this episode, check out the show notes on Ear Hustle's website, EarHustleSQ.com.And if you're a teacher while you're there, check out our new curriculum.It's fantastic.You can use it in all your classes.
And if you want updates about the show, the inside scoop on this and other episodes, and other fly shit, sign up for our monthly email newsletter, The Lowdown.
In The Lowdown, you can see photos, go behind the scenes to find out what the Ear Hustle team is up to, and more.So go sign up at EarHustleSQ.com slash newsletter.
You can also find us on social media.Don't act like you don't use social media.We're on Instagram, we're on Facebook, and we're on YouTube at EarHustleSQ.
You know what, Erlon?I'm going to challenge you this month to post at least three times on Instagram.Something that's going to surprise me.Oh, OK.
You know what?What?I would take that challenge.
Because I have your blessings. And I can do me.
Can we do one live thing?
All right.And if you're not already, follow and review Ear Hustle on any of your favorite podcast platforms, like Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and the iHeart Radio app.
Ear Hustle is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a network of independent, creator-owned, listener-supported podcasts.
Discover audio with vision at radiotopia.fm.
Sign in
