Holy fucking shit.There's a podcast.It's a very professional podcast.Welcome to the podcast.Hey guys, guys, guys.Let's join a podcast.I think we're basically starting a podcast.What do you think?Let's try and have a podcast.Episode number one.
This is officially episode number one.It's a spooky episode.It's a spooky episode.
So for our listeners, we have a draft tonight.It's going to be super, super sexy.But before that, I actually very, very recently recalled a very strange Halloween story that I wanted to, I think, tell everyone freshly.Maybe Connor was there.
I'm unsure. All the same, I was back in the hometown of, you know, Boise, Idaho.Oh yeah.And I'm not, you know, I'm not gonna run.
Little boy, potatoes, football, he loves it.Boys, potatoes, and football.
Boys, potatoes, and football. Go Tigers.Yeah, definitely go.
Yeah, Purple Skins.Get them boys and girls, sports teams.So I was in the hometown. The hometown having a party kind of at this the usual spot with the usual people keep it a little veiled But we're in as you do in Boise, Idaho.
You tend to drink in a basement and smoke weed in a basement Wow, you just described you've described literally probably 38 state.Yeah I do appreciate that the anonymity is there whatever states don't have basements.Sorry, you're missing out.
It's a good I Just drink in your garages, and that's cool.And that's the other states.That's Florida, basically.
And the reason I bring up that it was in a basement, because if you recall this person's house in particular, but in any basement, if you have a toilet in the basement, if you don't dig it down, you gotta build it up.
And so in this particular basement, imagine that the toilet was on basically two steps.It was like a platform step and then a second step, because they have to make room for the plumbing and all that stuff.
It's very weird if you've never seen it before.
Oh my goodness.I remember this toilet. I remember this toilet.
I think we're all very familiar with this toilet.Yeah.
We've all taken a lot of pisses.I threw up in the adjoining shower stall.Yeah, same.Every time.Because I refused to barf in the toilet.It was disgusting.
Well, especially after shitting in it.I hate this platform in here.I refuse to throw up.
Yes.And most showers are not equipped.
But this was perfect so that if you were shitting and had to vomit, you just had to project it forward.You got the perfect arc.You'd probably make it.
And because you were in the toilet, you were above.So you could play gravity down into the shower from barfing.
If I remember right, this toilet was on carpet, correct?
Oh, I was gonna say, imagine very sad gray carpet of some, there was some small pattern on there if I vaguely remember, but horrific.Covered in piss and vomit and awful shit.
I don't know, remembering the parents who cleaned that place, it might've gotten the toothbrush detail like every other day.
Fucking red pubic hair all over the place.
Yeah, ginger pubes littered the fucking joint. So it did have a door.I have no idea if the shower worked.I mean, I rinsed my barf down, so it worked in that way.But anyway.
So the shower worked to rinse barf.Yeah.
Not sure if it was established to rinse human beings.I don't know if the water ever got hot in there, but that's fine.So anyway, we're having a Halloween party.There's probably like 20 or 30 people there.Typical Boise, Idaho party.
Not a huge turnout, but enough flabby bodies to call it a party.
This is a Zach Bryan song, yeah.Any country song you can imagine.
Try this in a small town.
There you go.We'll fuck you up in the butthole, dude.That's our city saying, yeah.
What are we doing in Boise, Idaho, my dude?These potatoes stretch you out.
These potatoes stretch you, bruh.We don't teabag around here.We potato sack people.
We've heard about we've heard about them people When we're about to stretch you out, I don't say threatening someone to be a potato sacked But then looking at you curious and being like I'm gonna fuck you in your ass with a potato That's how you save a town that's how you save a town that's how you save a town and I wish I KY I wish you appreciated that I wish I didn't
We just got around the small the American way is not a fingerling potato.
It's a big old Yukon gold Anyway So it's going on these two people Show up one or one of these people may or may have been the younger brother.Oh
The host.Connor, were you there for this?
I think I was, yeah.I don't think I was.I think you were.
I'm pretty sure you were.
I think I was there and I was also sober enough to remember this.
Yes, which is also, that's two shocking coincidences.Yeah, that's just a perfect storm.It's a hit and miss.
Perfect storm, that's a perfect storm, guys.
And I was dating my now wife and she reminded me of this because I had forgotten about it completely.
So anyway, so the night's going on, friend's younger brother is there and he was wearing like a jersey and like no shirt underneath, or at least by the end of the night there was no shirt underneath.It was like a Celtics jersey or some shit.
And he brought a date who had, I think, a Pistons jersey on. and by the end of the night we figure out he's getting a blowjob in that nasty bathroom.I might have been there for this, actually.
I think I was too drunk to remember, but this is all starting to click into place here.
Yeah, Sean, I think you were there.I feel like the two of you were there.
Anywho, so at some point, yeah, we all figured out they're having sex or they're doing some shit in this nasty fucking bathroom.They've all been taking drunk pisses in, falling off the fucking platform toilet all night.
I at least know there was my piss everywhere.Whoops.I'm pretty sure my wife peed in the sink that night because I was taking so long for my piss.It doesn't matter.So all I remember is the door gets whiffed open.
And and we started taking pictures And she is and I just I want to put this I want to put this all in your mind because it's important with the stairs He they didn't want to like be on the toilet, right?Cuz that was that would probably be too weird.
So he was like leaning like senior picture style.I On the stairs with like an elbow propping him up.Oh my god.
That's worse!That's worse!God, sit on the sink or something.Sit on the edge of the bathtub.
That's amazing.That's amazing.
And I think about that.Whenever I see a senior picture and someone's like leaning up like one stair.
I have one of those.I have one of those.
Fucking blowjob in that nasty fucking bathroom, man.
Fuck. A carpet in a bathroom is just a horror story to begin with.
Yeah, it is.Snake in the bushes.I might be conflating the details of the story, but I thought the blowjob started on the stairs going into the basement first.And like, we were all outside like ripping cigarettes.
And then like somebody walked in, saw this person getting a blowjob on the stairs in like a public walking space. Right.And then they're like, oh, no, we got to go somewhere else.
And they went into that bathroom.If you're getting a blowjob in two separate spaces, definitely.I would be leaning.I would just be. You got it.
Yeah, you got it an elbow has to touch at that point, right?
You're also frustrated of like I have nowhere else to go for even even drunk This is this of all the times is when I would take a page out of KY's book and I would just be standing I don't need to sit.I don't need to lean.
I don't need to lay down I will just stand and pull my dick out even though in no other circumstance Do I necessarily want to be standing with my dick out but KY beats it while standing?Oh
For our listeners, KY is someone who masturbates standing up.Monster!He's a monster.
KY can only ejaculate when he's in the standing position.Did you guys know that?Yes.That's right.
That's why sex becomes difficult.Roadrunner.We call him the Roadrunner.That's why we call him the Roadrunner.
Well, I thought it was more like marksman.Didn't you have a very crusty towel with like a bullseye drawn on one end and you'd stand on the other end of the towel? You'd see where you'd shoot to.
You'd draw a bullseye on it like fuckin' Wile E. Coyote.
He's got the- he's got the acme cum.He's got the acme cum.
Fuckin' blow holes in the wall.
Nasty bitch. And with that, on the theme of Halloween, on the theme of Halloween, guys, we have the definitive Halloween episode of this year.We're about to do it.We're about to do it.We're about to do it.
We're about to do the draft, if you were interested.I think a lot of people are interested.We hear the crowd reaction.
They love a draft.Oh, my God, they love a draft.They're going to do it.
They love a draft.They love a draft. We're about to jump right into it, guys, off of that incredible Halloween party story.That's right.Here we go.We're gonna go right in.We're gonna go right in.The rules of this one are interesting.
It's movie monsters.Yes.You draft them in various positions based on various scenarios.Up first, if I'm not mistaken, I'm looking at this, round one, is the dream team, meaning
We need monsters to face the 92 dream team, uh, USA basketball dream team, 1990.
And just, I think we should lay it out for our listeners, right?We're talking about Jordan.We're talking about Shaq.We're talking about magic.Uh, it wasn't Shaq.
Magic.It was not Shaq.It was magic. It would have been, in 92, it also would have been Larry Bird.It would have been kind of a lot of the original classics is what we're drafting against.And I am big cat.That's where I'm listed as on the notes.
That's where I'm listed as on the notes.We might need a bloop there.We'll see what happens.You know the respect I have for my guys listening to me as. Probably listed by a fucking individual who's bald on this podcast, but that's okay.
Yay, man Justin had here.
Yeah.Thank you Here K.Y., you ran so far from your hair.You ran so far from your hair, dude.
Our five-team crew, even here on the podcast, we are the dream team of the 92, because we got the guys, we got the glasses, the bald, the hair, the beer, we got it all together.I just pulled it up just so we can understand, right?
The 92 dream team was Charles Barkley, Carl Malone, Patrick Ewing, Scotty Pippen, and Jordan.
Hey, you still have this is Wikipedia motherfucker.I don't know if you got a better source.That's fair.That's fair.What all we're saying is we're drafting a basketball team to go against the greatest who ever did.That's right.Is that the standard?
Is that what we're doing?
That's the that's the goal.That's the goal.
Okay.All right.So I will get started as the Because it's written down it's written down yeah by ky himself Please take that up with ky.I just know we're getting why this is how it started Yeah, if we get canceled, it's all ky.
Yeah, definitely I put worship on our Instagram.
I think we're okay.That's acceptable.That's acceptable.I
But still cancel KY, that's fine.So here we are, here we are.What would I put on my team?I'm going to put the main Xenomorph from the original Alien film, because he was over seven foot.He's a survivor!Really?
The actor was seven foot?
He was he was seven.Wow, that's right now.Now.I'm going to use another alien film alien Romulus the alien baby At the end of alien Romulus spoiler alert.
Oh, yes over seven foot He was a portrayed by an actor who is in the European basketball circuit.He was about seven something ridiculous.I remember audience, our audience, our audience can help us out with how tall and how over seven he was.
You guys helped me out.Something crazy was well over seven foot though.Okay, he's going to be next.So that's going to be that's filling out my center and my power forward positions. Further monsters at point guard, I will have Chucky.
I feel like he has good ball handling skills.
At small forward.Really hard to steal from.
Really hard to steal from, dude.Really hard to steal from.At small forward, I will have The Thing.John Carpenter's The Thing.Oh, you son of a bitch!You son of a bitch!We can still draft, everyone.
So, I know we didn't do a good enough job explaining the rules.Let me back up here. There can be redrafts of certain characters in different positions, that's perfectly fine.In different round draft ideas.
It just has to be justified why they're in that position.
Big Cat, you stole someone out of my fucking dream team, dude, so.
Per round of drafts.That's how drafting works.I'm never getting called out.And so, you heard it here first, I will never be forgiven by J Money for that steal.That is correct, that is correct.Golly.Good.Golly.
The other positions I have open on the small forward position, I will draft. Uh, what was it?
Something to be ignored until you notice it in the corner later.
We didn't edit.We're definitely not editing that part.
We're definitely not editing that out guys.That's in there.That's in there.You guys are dealing with that.At small forward, I am editing Jaws from the original Jaws.That's a good one.
I feel like he's going to flop around the court mostly, but because he eats the opposing team.
That's right.And with that, I have drafted my team.What do we got, guys?Wow.
That's a great team, dude.
And up next is up next is Sean, if I'm not mistaken.
God, this is just I just real quick, I want to take a moment to say I love that we're doing this.I have been a huge horror movie fan my entire life.
And I'm going to explain that by saying the very first horror movie my dad let me see was the original Poltergeist movie.I was like nine. And it is only rated PG, surprisingly enough, for PG-13 tops.
It is not R. It is not R. But all to say... Which is wild.That's wild.My center, my power center, is the clown from Poltergeist, because his arms stretch like a motherfucker.He's got dunks.He's got dunks on dunks.
And he pops assholes as he goes down the court. Can't see him, can't catch him.Can't see him, can't catch him.
I don't remember that from the film, but I think you're right.I think that holds up.
Yes, yes.He pulled the boy under the bed.You know what happened to that boy under the bed.
Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop.That's what that sound is, butthole.
Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, w Jesus.For a penny and for a pound.
Here I go.I actually, I think I'm doing pretty good.Penny and for a pound, penny-wise.Oh.I was, you know.Nah, fuck that.So my defense, my two back players, I'm going to actually pick the two main gremlins from the two gremlin movies.
The one with the Mohawk and the other one who talked.
Yeah, Gizmo and the... Yep, so those are my two defense.And then as my two forwards, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna pick the fly.Jeff Goldblum, the fly.Jeff Goldblum makes any team better.Especially when you can't recognize that he's Jeff Goldblum.
That's what makes it the best. So to be clear he's like a six-foot fly is that yes, but it's Well, yeah, yeah Cronenberg did that shit like a motherfucker, but he is he is a fly.
He's a fly Yeah, but he didn't become like a tiny fly.He's a human-sized monster creature right human size.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah
I mean, he does what a fly does and literally regurgitates acid onto things so he can then suck up the juices that got, you know, boiled down from the juice.
And after that question, everyone knows that KY did his research for this podcast.I did nothing.We all know.He did nothing!No, no, no, no, no, no, no.He just showed up!You did nothing.You did nothing.You did nothing.You did nothing.You did nothing.
God damn it.You did nothing.I'm still the **** on here, but you did nothing, bro.
For sure.That's okay.That's okay. My other forward kind of finishes out the team and I just want you all to be aware that I'm gonna steal this before anyone gets a chance to say it.Teen Wolf. Teen Wolf.
He wasn't on my team, but he was on my list.He's a great basketball player.He was on my list, dude.He was a sleeper.I had him as a sleeper.If I had to go to Kroger and get a fantasy draft list, fantasy draft magazine, I'm sure he would be there.
I like him because he's hairy.I'm just going to come out and say it.
He speaks to my heart and my life.
He's your people.He's my people.
He might be a dirty Serb.I don't know.I'm just saying.I'm just saying.
It's hard to know.Dirty syrup.We might as well just say it because it's already on here.Dirty syrup.
Can't say who.No, no.There's a dirty syrup.Probably the same person who wrote K.Y.the Monster fucking out here calling us out.
We all know I'm the realest monster on this list, motherfuckers.For sure, you're the realest monster.
That's my dream team.That's my dream team.I think they're going to take it down, but I want to see what else y'all guys got.So I'm going to say up next is Kyle.
Yeah.So I don't know what any of the positions do or what they're for, just that they're on a basketball court.
You have three in front, two in the back.Everyone knows all you know is taking a dildo in your asshole.I knew that you were going to fucking tell me that.It's different.No, no, no.
Taking is different than putting.
You can't say I knew you were going to talk about it.That solidifies it as fact.You're fucked now.I know.
Now it sounds like I told you that in confidence.No, Ryan made this fucking joke earlier in the week and he wouldn't let it go.This joke, this fact.I made this fact.Here we go.I made this fact, bro.
This guy's, he's slow rolling his material on us.He's warming us up to win.So I'm a K.Y.only gets off to dildos in his ass. All right, continue.Continue, bro.Thank you.Take it away.Take it away, Kyle.
So anyway, I don't know what the positions do.So at point guard, I had to go Frankenstein.He's a bit way too tall for that position.
Way too tall for that position.Good job.
No, no, no.Tallness I'm fine with.He's just slow.But you know what?He makes up for it with that giant swinging third leg he's got.
Way too tall for way too tall for that way too slow for that position.That's OK.
It's good.I'm glad we did this during your trip.
Yeah.So that's OK.And that really it makes you a bother. My shooting guard, I have Nosferatu.I respect that dude.
He's probably the same height as Kobe.
I bet he can fucking move, dude.I bet he can move.
I bet he can move.He was slender, he was tall.He's gonna be a good swingman.You picked a great item and you're getting that notion from a gay.
So then my power forward is gonna be this is a little bit of a crossover, but I think it still counts as a monster Is the eyeball monster from the trash compactor in Star Wars?
Oh, yeah Forward just because he can see the court so well, he sees he can see the course.
Oh, well, the vision is a part of it you got under is brought to Nosferatu is feeding him.He's going to be good.Yeah.It's going to be good.
On small forward, I have Bette Midler from Hocus Pocus.Oh.She can move, man.Yeah.
And she knows how to command the team.
She knows how to command the team and get what she wants.And especially Hocus Pocus era, that's prior to Hot Flash.
I'm telling you, man.If they ain't playing out of Graveyard, that bitch can dunk, dude.I'm telling you right now.She's out here.
Call out facts. Damn and then at center I have Edward says her hands because I don't know what the center does So I figured if he gets in trouble he can just poke the ball.
That's all he does though That's all that's a foul on your team.I feel like that's you do what you do, baby I'm not here.
I'm not here center your center is always gonna be a liability your center is always a liability What he could do say say there's a lot of momentum on the court and you want to slow it down and
Oh no!Who would have seen this coming?Originally, Shaq was mentioned in some era.Shaq was a senator, so it's your largest position.
And I'm going to keep Edward there.I think he's got the body.You should keep Edward.He has the court presence for it.
And you have the approval to keep him for sure.You started it.It's never going to stop now, KY.You started this.
And then next is well, it's not a It would be Justin Yes, thank you.
Not during Justin.Ah, so you're saying Justin's a monster.Yeah is what you're saying.He's not That's fair.You said he's not but but we need the position filled for the last position I did my position that was on my position
He did all five, right?Frankenstein, Nosferatu.Good job counting, math teacher.Whoa!
I'm not a math teacher.Whoa!I'm not a math teacher.I know, you're a, you fucking clunk.I'm an English teacher.And a history teacher.Get it right.Keep it tight.
That's fine, that's fine.Get it right. We either have to leave it or beep them all.It's going to be brutal.
Well, we've got to leave them because I need everyone to know KY is a monster.So they're definitely allowed.
So, Justin, who you got for your draft?
OK, so my draft, I'll make it super quick.
I was I was affronted by a theft of one of my my my five early on in this draft, and I needed to put together a completely unbeatable team, just like Space Jam, one of my favorite movies, best movies of all time.And she won every award ever.
Yeah, so first on my list for my top five for my unbeatable team.No one can beat it is the alligator from like placid Yeah, you got some moves on dude, oh he can shake baby.
I have no idea how to place them.Maybe you guys can help me solve this, but these are the ones I definitely want on my team.I think up next, probably my center.I think I'm going with the blob.Slow moving, but once it gets there.
Easy, easy.That's a great.
Can't be stopped.He can cover the court.
Can't be stopped.Yeah.He can cover the court.In the paint.
I think probably my point guard, I'm gonna go with Sandworm from Dune.
So when you said that, I thought you were gonna go with Tremor, with the Kevin Bacon classic Tremor.But definitely the Sandworm from Dune is even better.
Well, if you just want to steal my thunder, a Graboid is what they're called.And yes, that is my small forward.Thank you for the proper name.Your small forward is a Graboid.That is absolutely correct.
That's the monster from Tremors.I have an unbeatable team.Yeah.Yeah.From Tremors.Graboids.Graboid.Now everyone is learning something.And from this, you guys are learning something.Here we go.
So my final, my final, my final, my final draft pick for my dream team
the fog the fog oh yeah from from what from what from the movie the from the movie from the movie the fog from the oh i think that was west west craven i think one of one of his earliest ones or john carpenter john carpenter it was john carpenter was it a john carpenter okay either a really early west craven or a really early john carpenter it was john carpenter can't be to be fair okay the fog was more of like a presence that changed people it touched
Can, can, can I not draft?Can it play basketball?
It can.The Fog can play basketball.The Fog, the Fog is absolutely qualified to play basketball.
This is, I fucking, what the fuck?Do I need to fucking submit it to your next test?You need to see my pee pee?What's up?You gonna kick me out of fucking sports now?
There's no birth certificate.There's no birth certificate.You don't need to do that, you don't need to do that, because there's a, there's a- What the fuck? That's right.
You don't we have only one that's gonna fucking qualify what's happening.I'm just saying I've seen I'm gonna put my dick down I've seen the most horror movies and I'm gonna call you out on shit.
So if people put stuff out there I'm just gonna make the details known Yes It's fine.
It's gonna put my brother who's in absolute darkness.Yeah, you can see my eyeballs when it reflects the screen, you know Absolute darkness dude.No, I see the glasses bro.That's what I see.
I feel like that's why I feel like I'm the the enemy of invaders in over here You just see my glasses.That's all you need
Maybe that's my draft.That's my draft.I hope that my team stomped your guys's teams.I'm very competitive I'm a very competitive person it up next hopefully con man.Hopefully you can give me some competition You're in the five spot.Let's see me.
Yeah, so five spots a tough place to be But my pick is going to be a group pick.We're doing all five at once.They're already a team.They already work well together.Don't break up the dynamic.Teamwork makes the dream work.
I'm going with a Nazgul from Lord of the Rings.Obviously the center is going to be the Witch King of Angmar.He's the captain.He's number one.But we've got a full roster. Oh, you know, it pisses me.I was literally watch everyone.
Do you see how much everyone's agreeing with with with with con right now?Everyone's agreeing with con right now.No one's being called.Everyone's agreeing right now.No one's being called that they are not.
They are not being called.
It's not by word or by deed.It's well, a little bit by deed.But I'm just gonna say I'm going to throw it out there.I think con man just took that one.I think he just ran away with it.
I think he took that.I think.
Yeah.Hey folks.He ate that.He ate that.He ate it.He ate it.God damn it.Yeah.They're screaming up and down the court the whole time.
So, you know, I can go into the shadow realm.They're invisible.Can't be stopped.
Unbeatable swords.Metal boots.Yeah.Yeah.Yep.
I don't know, man. Damn, I don't think my grab boys can move fast enough, dude.I don't know.
They cover a lot of the court, though.They cover a lot of court.
Damn.If they're underground, they move real, real fast.That's what I remember.
I don't know.I still think Frankenstein's got some... He's got more ball handling skills than you guys give him credit for.
He's slow and his dick is large.That's up to the dome.Never talk to us about sports, dude.You don't know what you're doing.Never talk to us about sports.How dare you?There's no idea you know what you're doing.
Who did you even draft, dad?
We don't remember.They were so lame. They were so lame, they were extremely good.Good.Extremely good.Here's the problem is that they were very good.They were extremely good.It's okay, it's okay.
Alright.I was gonna, yeah, yeah, so.
We're going to the next one.
That was our draft.I think you guys mostly agreed with me.I think Con Man stole it with his dream team of who's to fight and win and maybe take the souls of. the 92 dream team from Olympics.Just throwing that out there.That's the most important part.
That's the most important part right there.So our next draft idea here that we're going to run with, I'm going to be Sean here, the Dirty Serb, going to take you down the road of who's going to be in my rock band.
Yeah, baby.So for this one, I really wanted to give it a good idea here.I thought it would be best to So I think what we said earlier, just to toss this out there, we can now reuse monsters now that we're on a new draft idea.
In one draft, you cannot.In draft two draft, you can.Make sure that's known.
They are multifaceted monsters.They're multi-talented.
so they kill people numerous ways they can be reused for various tasks yeah i'm gonna go ahead this is rehabilitation and say that i'm i'm gonna give it a little bit of uh a little bit of spice here to start it out so for my my drums which i'm a drummer so i gave this a lot of thought this is this is where we're starting at right here i'm gonna put uh
I guess I can't remember a specific one.I'm going to put one of the zombies from 28 Days Later, because they move real, real fast and they're high energy.
Oh, yeah.Yeah.They are high energy.
That's true.You need that on drums.You need that on drums, right?You do need that.You do need that.And so from there, what I was thinking is a little bit more classical for my next two, actually.So on bass, I have The Wolfman, the original Wolfman.
Yeah.Oh, interesting.He's got those finger claws that help really get some bass groove lines going, I think.I could see that, yeah.My main guitarist is going to be, again, classic, the Creature from the Black Lagoon. You're better than that.
You're better than that.You're better than him.You're definitely better than that.
Swamp Thing is essentially just a ripoff of The Creature of the Black Lake.Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.You know, a lot more plants than whatever else amphibious, I guess, but still.
And I'm so insulted it's not me.I should be on this list.
Listen, KY is a monster.Big Cat, you are not.
I'm the only one allowed on the list.
KY is a monster.Yeah, that is true.I shouldn't have said anything.I should have drafted him on one of these.God damn it.This is what I get for talking too much.So my drummer, my bass, my guitar.
On singing, this was a bit tough, but I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to go with someone really charismatic, right?I got Hannibal Lecter. Nice.That's very good.Hello, Clarice.Would you like to hear me sing?
Most of the songs are just him making bad noise.
Oh, God.Fava beans, I fed you before I eat your ass with fava beans.
Kill me first Bullshit my favorite Hamble lector moment is when he fed brains to a child on an Airplanes it somewhere.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah plan would you like to say? That was definitely very heavy metal.That was cool.
Fucking rock and roll, dude.
So I have to say, Hannibal Lecter, I'm next, but Hannibal Lecter is on, he was on my short list for my Monstrous Issues.So you did take one of mine, but he was not in my rock band.Well, go fuck yourself.
Well, obviously I'm wrong, right?
In the metal bands.Whatever way you go, just whatever way you go.So my singer, I'll start with my singer, I actually chose, no shit, Buffalo Bill. Yeah, because he sings.Very nice.That's actually a great choice.Yes.And he likes to dance.
Very charismatic.Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.He's got the stage presence.Dope-ass outfits.Yeah.He could tuck his cock at any point.
And he's known to rhyme.You know, he puts lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.
That's a fucking great choice.His nipples are very forward.Very forward.Yeah.Very, not sideways at all.
Put the lotion in the basket.D, would you fuck me?
Every song every single song So I am I'm gonna do a reuse here a guitar I'm going Edward Scissorhands you guys can't quit the kid can't he's cutting all the words
Tapping with the scissor hands.I mean you're looking at someone who can reach full fretboard on and we're let's be fair.That's true fret Yeah, it's all true.This is a guy who can hit all of them.
Yeah, any fucking shreds is the thing.So he is known as a shredder Oh man shredder from Maybe by the second movie he was kind of what he's a mom.He's a he's like a villain I actually struggle with villain or monster.
It is a very hard crossover.
Yeah villain and monster are synonymous Yeah, we know how movies go I wanted to make sure when I had my list out It was if in order to be like a human monster they had to have some murders in there You gotta really kill some people to be a monster.
Anywho, so singer Buffalo Bill, guitar Edward Scissorhands, bass Dracula.
He's got those dark, dirty grooves, dude.
Picking up the low ends.Yeah, dude, he just lows.He's a groovy cat anyway.He's got the emo vibe.
I can see Dracula.Yeah, he loves it.Loves it.
And then drums, I'm going to do another reuse, but I feel like you guys are going to agree with me on it.Bette Midler from Hocus Pocus, backup vocals and drums.
Jungle Jam really easy dude.
She fucking is trying to reuse a joke.It was trying to reuse but in the movie in the movie She does sing now.You're mine.She does that whole thing.So she's back up vocals.
Oh Buffalo Bill a Drummer who is backup vocals is a fucking strange thing.She's not drummer dude.
Hey, there's drummers that are main singers.They're out there So that's right.She's very skilled.She's been along.She's been alive for a long time.She's probably got that pat.She's got it down.
Yep There are a few drummers out there who are the lead singers of their band there are weird to listen for sure for sure it was never I can't hear words spoken by I'm trying to listen to third hole
Next we have Justin Justin, what are what's our draft boy?
It's gonna be hard to top it.
It's gonna be hard to stop this guys Okay.So here's what I'm thinking I'm thinking, uh, for lead guitar, I've got Ivan Ooze.Yeah, definitely.That's a great pick.That's the bad guy from the Power Rangers, homeboy.
Where are you?Where are you, bro?
And he was in the movie, just so we're clear.
He was in the movie, bro.He was in the movie.I'm sorry I don't recall masturbating to the Power Rangers like you fucking creeps.
I'm sorry you masturbate so only I'm sorry only only Brought that up.Okay.
I just want you to know I fucking I still masturbate to the Power Rangers, dude Fucking get real and not just one not just one.
There's this take that Tommy.
Oh, yeah Especially Tommy mysterious man Ponytail, I was gonna go for the yellow Power Ranger.
But yeah sure.Okay, you guys go for Tommy Jesus Christ
Why'd you go for the other one, racist?Got the fever, baby.
KY's definitely after Tommy.
He better watch his butthole.
Nope, no problem.Big swing away from Ivan Ooze, but I do think compliments him very well.I'm going to go with Pinhead, Hellraiser, Vocals, and fucking Rock and Roll.We have such things to show you.
I think I stole one from Con Man based on some visual reactions.
Yes, you did.He's upset now, you son of a bitch. It's okay, I got backups.
I wanted to go with like a dark and stormy backdrop.My bass and my drums, I really like ostinato and like repeating things in music, especially with bass and drums.So I want to go with
Two things that are really dark and stormy that seem kind of weird and zany.For base, for certain, I'm going to go with the Pale Man from Pan's Labyrinth, if you've ever seen that.Oh, dude.He's the guy with the fucking eyeballs in the hands.
I used to draw them on my hands at the beginning of our meetups during pandemic, and I would meet you guys on Zoom with the little, yeah, I remember that shit.
Horrifying.Terrified me.But I think that that guy's huge ass hands would make him very effective as a base player.
And he could see the strings.Exactly.
He could see the strings, exactly.
And then on drums, just to follow it up, on drums, we're gonna do something nice and eerie.He can be on all planes, everywhere.He's ethereal.He's where bad things happen.He's dark.Plane crashes.Bus crashes.He's the Mothman.He's my drummer.
Oh, Mothman, for sure.Mothman is great.What a great choice.
Forgot they did the movie with Richard Gere, Connor's father.
Richard Gere, Richard Gere. Yeah, dad's in that one.
That's where I cannot find a Richard Gere movie I don't like.I love seeing Connor's face on the fucking.
Yeah, some people are like Richard Gere's like a bad actor and I'm like, I don't know, I think he's handsome and I think it's just because we're all friends with Connor.
Yeah, we love Richard Gere because we're friends with Connor.That's those are the big items.I've imprinted on all of you.
That's right. That's a solid band, bro.Solid band, J Money.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.And so the next band up, con man, million dollar dick.Yep.
So thank you, Justin, for taking two of my choices.
But I do like that we think very much the same way.
I'm glad we are so connected.We can share band mates, dude.We can co-mingle.
That's all right.I got alternates.You can have them.All right.We got backups. So on drums, I've got King Kong.I feel like there's no explanation needed there.No.He's gonna fucking murder those beats.
He knows the jungle beats. That's a fucking great pick that's I would for some reason my mind didn't go there like honestly Can I I just want to take one second for this because Connor?
I know that you're currently been reading through the Dark Tower series from by Stephen King and in the third book there's a lot of mentions of Velcro fly by ZZ Top and and I feel like Donkey Kong would tear up the fucking drums to that song.
He would.He would.He really would.He's talented.Said to throw that out there.Everyone eat my shit.
Also, King Kong would do it too.I think.He would.He would also do that.He would do that.
Toss your banana around and then toss your salad a little bit.
Yeah.Thanks, Con Man. On bass, as a bass player, I admire someone who's very rhythmic, very technical, very unwavering in their rhythm.I'm going with T-1000, the Terminator, on bass.Yes, he is.
The T-1000, that was the liquid metal one.That was the dude from the second one.
When I think about my favorite bass, I can think about Liquid Metal.When I think about my favorite bass, I think about Tool and how machinish it sounds.That's a fucking great pick, Conrad.
Fucking perfect pick.On lead guitar, we're going with The Predator.
Ooh, that makes sense.He hunts it down, baby.He hunts it down.He also already has the hair to shred.He already looks a little bit like Kirk Hammond.
That was mostly a hair choice.
Yeah, perfect.That's just him doing him.
Yeah.And then my front man is gonna be the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
That's I'm talking about presence Yeah, I feel like you do I I feel like you do get Signature movements of like a Bill Murray with that one right you get you get some some appearances from folks I see some like blues traveler coming up with a safe, but the safe up marshmallow, man
Yeah, he's got his little sailor hat on, he's ready to party.
Yeah, he is, he is.That's a fucking rock and roll ass band, dude.Mm-hmm.That is, god damn it.Oh, man.Was that, uh?So that's my bands.
I think Big Cat.Okay.I am up, I am up.You're in the five hole this time.We're in the five hole, we got a number of folks we're drafting here. We did the one, okay, so then at, I will draft at guitar, I'll have, easy enough, easy enough.
We'll edit this out, or just leave it all in.It's better that way.At guitar, we'll have the creature from Jeepers Creepers, I think that's fair.
As a guitar player, I think the creature from Jeepers Creepers has the creepy long fingers enough to shred on the fucking guitar.
He does, he does.And he's ready to fucking roll.The extension of his hands, he's ready to go.Exactly, exactly.Right, okay. At base, at base, interesting item.I'm gonna go with Predator at base.I think he's gonna hold it down.
You show up on this planet, you have extremely long hands, you're seven, five, whatever.You're ready to hold it down.
I mean, he's got the hair for it, too.Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Exactly, with Trent like that, you got rhythm.With Trent like that.
Connor, didn't you call out a Predator for your band?
Okay, then Big Cat, you can't have Xander in your band.
We're fast and loose.We're fast and loose.We're fast and loose, and we're allowed to draft numerous times.Okay, listen to how the rules change.
We're fucking getting fun over here, okay, Sean?Listen to how the rules change.
I have another shot ready to go.Look at y'all motherfuckers talking to me about rules.They were established.They were established.They were established. Okay, so I guess Predator is drafted trice.That's cool.That's cool.
That's let it happen expect that um at at at at Drums I will bat I will go ahead and draft the triceratops from Jurassic Park Yes, the one that's sick where they come up and they realize that the shits are are toxic The Triceratops is toxic.
And then lastly, at Singer, I will draft the Diplodocus, which was from Jurassic Park as well.The one that was spitting with the- Oh, okay.Oh, that's the one that spits hot fire.He spits hot fire.Yeah, Diplodocus.He killed Numis, man.
Hey, if you go searching on the internet, there's a lot of fan fiction based on if Numis didn't actually die in that moment.
Oh, really?A lot.That's cool.And that's not and that's and we can have a separate podcast on that.But that's that's my that's my draft.That's the first metal song of the band.
It needed to only be people who were either absolute killers or fucking dinosaurs to form.I think I did that.I think I did that.
I think I definitely did that.
I feel like Barney should have been your lead singer then, because he's a dinosaur that sings.
No, bro.It's the Diplodocus from fucking Jurassic Park.
And he's a monster.He obviously finger popped all those kids.Like, come on.
He obviously finger popped all those kids.So you heard it here.You heard it here from KY.
I think you might have been better off, though.Instead of the Triceratops from Jurassic Park, you should have gone with Triceratops. from Come Fury.
Ooh.Oh, that's a great one.So now I'm out of here.I'm drafting Triceratops.I'm drafting fucking... I'm keeping you on top of your game.I feel like I'm watching TV shows with my nephew.You should be.That's fair.That's right.That's fair.That's fair.
Anyway, cool band, bro.So, all right.So, who wins the Battle of the Bands, do you guys think?
I'm going, I'm going Khan.He had the best.
I think Khan was the most thought out, especially in the bass and drums aspect, which I. Yeah.
Wow.It's kind of a focal point.I was going to say you, J Money, but I retract any previous thoughts on that statement.
Kyle, wait, who was your band again, Kyle?I had no idea that my vote would curry another vote for myself.Sean, I easily love what you picked.Whatever that was.Oh, now we're trading favors.I'm for sale.What's up?
Kyle, wait, who was in your band again?
Yeah, I think I was banned.All right, fine. Ooh, shit, who did I have?I had Buffalo Bill, Edward Scissorhands, Dracula, Bette Midler.
Oh my God, the Bette, I love the Buffalo Bill as the lead singer.That's such a- Yeah, me too.It's coming back around.
I could put it on KY.I could put it on KY.
That's a that's a great.That's a great all the bands can't play an instrument suck it So just just to recap mine mine was Ivan ooze pinhead the pale man from the lot from pans labyrinth and and the Mothman
Infinitely better infinitely better infinitely better than whatever KY said that was just a big cat.
You're such a good, dude The team was team was the most lopsided nonsense I've ever seen I'm sorry you had a dinosaur who only lays down in your band and
and dies that is true that is triceratops bro the one that's sick go hey hey try to sit below a lane triceratops idiot nerd try me try it bro all right
All right, we might have a tie between KY and Justin for this one or a con man and Justin in this one I think yeah All right.
So let's do is this gonna be for all the marbles this last one bar crew?
I think this will be a good I really enjoy this one and I can't wait to see how it turns out and I believe Kyle is actually starting out our bar crew.Yes.Oh
Yeah.We're gonna do the bar crew and positions are, and Sean told us this, well I didn't know this, so we're gonna do manager, hostess, bartender, and dishbish.Dishbish.
Oh, server's on there?Yeah, you wrote it down, you dishbitch. I didn't put it on my own personal list.You don't know about my personal list.
I don't see you personally, but like you're the smartest, right?You'd like to think of yourself.
You told us to look at the fucking notes and then he's not working off the fucking notes.
And it's not on the, it's not on the notes.
I yelled at Ryan to look at the notes.Not everybody.It was just, I was just in yell that should not take it.
So at least two people got, so if you're listening, if you're listening, K Y is false.Everything.He's the worst. Yeah, he's terrible.He's terrible.It's possible.I could see that.
Anyway, so I am very, very, while, you know, trying to speak, type at the same time, for the spot I missed.Anyway, so we have manager, hostess, bartender, dishbish, and server.There we go.Five people.My picks as follow.I'm going to do manager.
I'm going for Errol Childress, which is the bad guy from season one of True Detective. Yeah, okay Wow, if you saw it, he's very like manipulative.
He's also like doing like personalities a lot finger-popping a lot of young ladies I'd like where your mind is that with this one my dude I do like where your mind is out with with this.I think he can properly harass the staff
and any potential customers.
It makes you better as an employer if you have those qualities for sure.
Yeah, if you're able to like murder and then crucify and then make funny little kind of caricatures in a field, that makes you a really good manager. As hostess, I have the gal from The Ring, that young gal, does the TV climbing.
Just that wet hair in the face bitch.
She is always wet.You walk in, there's like a TV with like, welcome to Arby's.Welcome to Arby's!
I want to go to that RV shit I need to be welcomed when I walk into that motherfucker where they put liquid on a flat-topping right my roast beef But then she just she just crawls out of that screen to help you, and I think that's really nice feature That's that is pretty nice.
She's the one that crawls right.She's the one that crawls.Yeah.She's a crawler.
Yeah.She wasn't yeah That's for sure who's the it doesn't matter so then as for bartender.I went with this This is a redo a recycle.I'm going with Dracula Especially if you're doing like a nice speakeasy place like old-timey cocktails Exactly.
He's got always has a tie on you know, what would you like to drink?
But like the one who's the one from Sesame Street also a monster He teaches you how to count man get fucked dude, he's a hero he's a count because he's related royalty, that's why he's a count
No, learn Sesame Street, bro.
He's teaching you how to- I don't think you understand the concept here.No, no, no.He's right here.
Hold on.Hold on.Hold on.Check this out.One drink.Ah, ah, ah.Two drink.Ah, ah, ah.Three drink.Get the fuck out of here.You're drunk.I don't want you here anymore.
There we go.This is KY's fault.You gave him a pass to do that voice, KY.You gave him a fucking pass to do that fucking voice.
Bartenders must be keeping track.They should be keeping track.That's a boy.
Why has created an enormous KY has created an enormous number of alcoholics Right now, huh So for for dish bitch is gonna be the eyeball monster from Star Wars and the trash compactor.
He's in the dirty water anyway He's already down there he's already down there he at least will not be bad at the job
And then for my server, I'm gonna do Kevin Spacey from Seven, or technically just Kevin Spacey.
He's a monster in his own right.He's a monster in his own right.
He's gonna touch my pee pee and take my order.
But he's very charismatic, loves to get jerked off by straight guys.Lots of stuff going for him.That's what I'm talking about.
He takes your order so good that you don't even know you're jerking him off while he's taking your order.
Can you imagine walking up to a waiter and being like, hey man, let me jerk you off while you take my chicken order.
It seems right to do.It seems right.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hold up.
Let me just put my mouth on it a little bit.Let me just put my mouth on it a little bit.I'm not Kevin Spacey, but I'm going to put my mouth on it a little bit.Here we go.
Yep, so that's me.I'm the bad guy from Season 1 True Detective, Gal from The Ring, Dracula, Eyeball Monster from Star Wars, and Kevin Spacey.
That's a good one.That's a great one.That's thinking outside the box right there, too.Not bad.Proud of that one.All right, so I'm up next in this one.And I would like to introduce my dis-bit, my bus-boy first, my dish-bitch.It's super hard to say.
Bus-boy. Get him out of the way.This character has always scared me, and I've never liked him personally.I've always wanted to fucking sock him in the fucking mouth.Chuckie, for some reason, the fucking bully in me wants to hurt that little thing.
You know what I mean?Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.That makes sense.Fuck you.Get my fucking trash, bitch. By the way, I peed a little bit in the stall.
Clean that shit up later.Motherfucker.So, Chucky.
A lot of hate for Chucky.I have no love for him, but I didn't know there was that much hate out there.
Don't like him.There's hate.There's hate.There's hate.A host?I want someone very charismatic.Someone very likable.I want to put Hannibal Lecter out there with his mask on.
And he is.He is.Very likable.Yeah, that makes sense.
Wanted to suck him in.Come on.I want him to convince me that brains taste good.You know, on a flight somewhere.I want to be that kid.
Yeah.Oh, so when he's walking him back talking about the specials, there it is.He plugs it.
He's plugging it.He's selling it.You're going to want to try the brain.
He knows a lot about food.That's a good idea.
That's what I'm saying.You want to try this?
So I think he's I think he's a great host Bartender, I think that's easy I need us I need a face that everyone loves that people gonna give money to and they're gonna be forgiving when he fucks shit up I'm going with Cujo the dog and that Stephen King He fucks it up every time he sees a dog obviously
But everyone loves a dog.Everyone's like, oh, who's a good boy?
He convinces you to kill people.And that's his charm.You know what I mean?
And if you don't, he kills you.It's it's simple, right?
Yeah.You know that when Stephen King wrote Cujo, he has no memory of it at all.
Wasn't he like whacked out on coke or something?Yeah, he was like, yeah, it was a ton of coke.It was a ton of coke, if I'm not mistaken.
No memory of it, which is wild to me.
Well, coke is coke is an amazing drug.That is true.It's what makes a hell of a drug.It's what makes a hell of a drug.
So I got so my server.I'm gonna go with the bride of Frankenstein.I think that's an easy This is that people a lot Again yeah taking all my employees, dude I offer bullshit health care.Did you know that?I offer a bullshit health care plan.
So I get people who are literally pieced together.Exactly.
If you are part of this bar crew, it's a lot of UnitedHealthcare.It's a lot of UnitedHealthcare.It's some serious bullshit.
Yeah, someone has a UnitedHealthcare plan.That's pretty accurate. Okay, finally, finally, my last person, my manager, the person that I wanna keep this whole fuck, this ship running, I need someone meticulous.
I need someone who's not gonna, who's gonna be straight and narrow the whole fucking time.
Connor is like shaking his head.Do it.Yeah, I'm gonna fuck you again.
Do it, pull the trigger.I think I'm gonna fuck you again, because we are so synchronized.I need someone who's gonna hold us together with a haircut like that.I need Anton Sugar to fucking hold me together.
from no country for old men he's that silent shotgun and and know the the nail pump the nail pump yep exactly I would like to speak to the manager no the fuck you don't heads or tails heads or tails he just brings that fucking piston pump to the table you wanted to speak with me
You brought you brought you brought a you brought a a cattle gun yeah I I but the scene where he chokes just her out in the in the little jailhouse Just absolutely everyone bought everyone bought in everyone bought in as soon as they saw that scene and then you were stuck in
for the remainder of the pretty much 90 minutes.Oh, it's just like, yeah, we're fucked.
Sugar sold that fucking movie, dude.Javier Bordem is an amazing bad guy.
Incredible.He is a he is an amazing bad guy.Yeah, there's no question.
So that is my that is my bar crew.That is my bar crew keeping together.Nice. Kahn, baby, I think you are next to present your bar crew.Sorry for robbing you.
All right, so I'm going with my manager first.I'm going in a different direction than Justin.My manager is going to be Mike Wazowski from Monsters Incorporated.He's neurotic.He will circles around you.Yeah, yeah.
He needs to know everything that's going on. That's fair.That's very fair.He's going to have good coverage of that floor.
It's Billy Crystal just doing, what do you think?
What do we got?I'm just trying to get by here.
I just want to go to work and I want to date the pretty lady over here with the snake hair.
I woke up, there was a cross and I was like, oh shit, wrong heaven.You know what I mean?This is bad.This is bad.And that's what I did in the movie.That's what I did in the movie.
For my servers.I'm gonna do the creatures from the descent Always ready for it.
No one will fuck with them that fucking movie That's not a cool movie to watch my dude Try the second one god damn it.
That's that just continues the terror damn not a chance Fucking good pick though waffles.Oh, yeah Do you need a review? Oh, no!Jesus Christ!
You show up out of nowhere when you're eating.They always show up when you have food in your mouth, of course.
My bartender is a re-pick.It's Pennywise.You can't beat him.Pennywise, yeah, he's a great bartender.He looks good up front.If he needs to turn into a spider to make eight drinks at once, he can do it.
Oh, that's a good call.He will do it.He will do it.Oh, wow, that's good.
For my hostess.I'm doing Audrey to from Little Shop of Horrors That's a great one.I want to talk to Audrey to all day long right there She'll sing me a song show you to your table Sassy little plant.Yeah, amazing.
Yes, that's a perfect call right there.That's a perfect call right great perfect call Okay, it looks like I'm taking over.Well, I got one more, I got one more.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.There we go.
So my busboy, my dishwasher, is gonna be the smoke monster from Lost.
He's everywhere.All at once.
He is everywhere.He is everywhere.Oh my God.
That show hurts me to think about, man.I gotta tell you.
He's just putting all those dishes in that plot hole.
Never to be seen again.This is the plot hole.Matthew Fox is forever just stuck there because of that dishwasher.
And Evangeline Lilly too.But hey, the smoke monster is there, covers all the gaps with all those empty dishes.Still dirty, but covers the gaps. Yep, I love that shit.God, definitely.
That's a good call.Holy moly.
That's a great bar crew, con man.That is a great bar crew.I think that your serving crew actually is the one that fucking kills me the most.The freaking, the monsters from the descent.Monsters from the descent.
All right, BC, who you got for your bar crew?
So we'll go rapid fire here to finish this off.Manager, I have Patrick Bateman.I have Christian Bale, Patrick Bateman.I need to return some videotapes, because we know we're going to be on time for everything.Yes, that's true.
And if we're not on time, it's murder.It's murder.It's murder if you are on time.I think those are the two items we need to consider.You have to always be running late. Always be running late, always be running late.
Server, I'm gonna have, and this is a shout out to my own girlfriend and what we have witnessed as horror films, The Terrifier.I don't know if you've seen it.
That's the clown, that creepy clown looking guy?Arthur Clown, Arthur Clown, correct. I haven't seen the movie, but I know who he is because that movie was supposed to be a standalone.It's bad.
And because of him, they made movies for him after that first movie.
They made many movies for him.And the first one is the lowest rated film of all of them.It's bad.It's incredibly bad.
But Art the Clown would show up as my server, because he would just show you to your table, he would show you your stuff, he would murder you as he's giving you your drinks.Beautiful, that's a beautiful, that's a synopsis item.
Bartender for me, and this may be more nuanced, this may be more nuanced, that's cool.It is going to be the little goblin from Tales of the Crypt.
So many nightmares about that little fucking thing when I was a kid dude, oh, yeah.
Yeah.Yeah, just Righty just sure never and he is here to terrify you Host host is interesting.That's your first.Oh Welcome to the rock of fucking horror, and it's going to be for me.
It will be the parents from get out It will be the parents from getting oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're terrifying that's fair.
No, but a little bit welcoming
I think this one best fits the old saying that we brought up earlier, consider eugenics. I think that hits just fine.
For Dish Bish, I'm gonna go with the Blair Witch.I'm gonna go with the Blair Witch.
Put her back in the kitchen!
I've never actually seen that movie, so all I know is that it's all the found footage and then someone told me the last like 30 seconds to a minute is like the most horrifying thing possible.
Yeah, yeah, and that's what it is, and that's where she would stand out as Ditch Bishop.
Did you think as she was murdering that last guy, was he just screaming, like, you know, get back in the kitchen?That's what he was saying.
He was.Get back in the kitchen.You're the worst.You're a woman.Mega 2024, Trump 2024.Get back in that fucking kitchen.And then just gets cut in half.Just gets hung.
I'm giving this place one stars on Yelp.Oh, yeah.
You're going to hear about this on Parler.
Mega, mega, mega.Yeah.January 6th is a hoax.Chemtrails are gay.
Which belongs in the fucking kitchen.
weird cat ladies let's go that's where he was at that's childless cat ladies that fits that fit i'm sorry i'm sorry check out childless yeah but that is that is that guys we did a fucking draft i'm not done bitch hold up i'm about to win this because i wanted to let you guys know i i thought of this draft idea because i think i'm the one of us who's worked in the most bars
I've got like four under my belt.So I wanted to bring you guys from the bottom up here.I wanted to bring you from the bottom up.I'm gonna start out with my busboy slash dish bitch, Leprechaun from the Leprechaun movies.
He's underfoot, he cackles a lot.He's not really bothering people all that much.
So it's a little ginger.That's why I wanted to beat up Chuckie too, dude.I get it.
They grab those plates so stealthily.
Don't touch me with your fucking freckly-ass fingers, motherfucker.
Get the fuck out of here.I don't know if we're giving anything away, but let's keep in mind Justin's mother is a ginger.Fuck you, bitch!I'm here!You did this to me!
Hey, that stays in standing.That stays in standing, you know?All right.
I'm going to work.I'm going to keep working my way up from there.Um, I have a feeling I'm waiting to see if someone says that I'm wrong here, but I have a feeling none of you have seen the movie smile.No, no.All right.
So Ryan's going to be the main one to get this, but the movie itself makes it obvious.My host is going to be the monster from smile. They got a smile, right?
They got a big smile on their face, but I just want you guys to know, it's like the moment in Bone Tomahawk where a dude gets split in half, the end of the movie Smile.That movie made me cringe and turn my dick inwards.
I just want you guys to understand, if you ever sit down to watch the movie Smile, put up with the thriller and scare moments at the beginning, because the end has a moment like that, where you're just like, oh my God, and your dick turns inwards.
That makes sense. And there's a big ol' smile.
There's a big smile.So that's my hope.
God damn it.I just watched Bone Tomahawk this week.I was screaming.Screaming into a pillow.
It's so surreal.It makes you just want to... Have you ever seen it before?Fucking wild, man.I saw it years ago.First time I saw it.Holy shit.It was a great movie.Blew my mind.Great movie.It's actually a really good movie.It is.
That's what the shitty thing a part of...
And talk about Matthew Fox coming back around.That's where he was.
Yeah.That's where he was.
He finally escaped the lost ghost monster, smoke monster, you know. But okay, so going up a little bit further, I'm gonna do a callback.
Let's keep it to one more.Let's keep it to one more.
Yep, so I'm gonna call it back now.We're gonna go to my serving crew, the killer clowns from outer space.I hope some of you know what I'm referring to.
I know what you're talking about.I hear the reference.Super campy, but you know, it's got us mumbling.
But they're bumbling around like some dumb ass servers do, and they're big and they're stupid, so it makes sense.So now I'm gonna go to my bartender, right?Hear me out. Killgrave from the Jessica Jones show.
None of you saw that Marvel show on Netflix?His main superpower is that he can tell people what to do and they do it.So that's why he was a great supervillain to her being a near-ish Superman type character.
Because you can be as strong as you want, but if he tells you what to do, you do it. So, you know, but that's good for bartender.You want more drinks?You want more drinks, motherfucker.And then you start paying out, you pay out.
And so that, that brings me to my final here.The Night King, the manager that you don't really, that, that, I'm sorry.I said that all back, back ass words.The Night King from Game of Thrones is my manager.Ah, there we go.
Night King.Yes.Yes.Yes.That is a good one.
Yes.He will ice you out and you absolutely don't want to deal with him.
Yeah.Absolutely not.No, that's a good one.That's a good one.That's a good one.
If that guy walked out after a complaint, after getting a shitty ass drink. I'm like, you know what, man?Bodyguards be bodyguards, you know what I mean?I'm not that mad.I just want you to know about that shitty asshole, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.That's so fucking true.These are some killer lists.These are some absolute amazing lists.Please, if you listen to the podcast regularly, let us know what your list might be.We would love to hear from you.We're on all social media.
Check us out on Facebook, on Instagram, definitely on Instagram. On Twitter, let us know what we got.I'm sorry.I'm sorry, Lord Elon, it is X. Let us know what we got right, what we got wrong on these.But we'd love to hear from you.
We'd love to hear from you.
That's right.That's right, baby.We're coming to the end.I just want to part ways with, I do want to get this out there because I think that I have a killer one and I see a couple of y'all's faces.I think all of you could smash the dick down here.
I want to throw out a lightning round.We called out who would be your best wedding date.And I just want to start out that call out right here.I got Zool from the first Ghostbusters movie.Ah, damn it.
Yes, he's great.He is great.She's just looking for the key master.
That's what I'm talking about, dude.Dude, if I take someone on a wedding date, oh, it's such a good one.I'm going to take the stuff.
Oh, that was a nasty old movie.That was a nasty old movie.
It's clearly calm.It's a gag, but you know what I mean?It's gross, and I'm taking that to a wedding with me.If I'm forced into a wedding, that's where I'm going.
You're gonna fuck some people.I'll go with the mummy from the original Mummy. Brendan Fraser tried to kill him and he was still living, so that does say a lot.And it follows you.
It follows you the entire night.You don't have to worry about your date staying with you.That motherfucker's hunting you down.
Yeah, yeah.In the same vein, I'm going to go with the Invisible Man.
I'm gonna go with the whale from free Willy
Yeah, you should have gone with blackfish from blacks actually he was in blackfish it was all good man Great fucking reference to That guy killed a lot of people, you know, I mean a lot of fucking that just means you're going to die at the wedding.
No, no, no, no, no.It'll be on land.It'll be on land.It's a dead whale.
It's a dead whale.Hey, look at this dead whale.He killed lots of people.Let's go fucking talk about it.
And he's already wearing a black tie for the fucking thing.Yeah, exactly.He's dressed for the occasion.
We'll absolutely play the Michael Jackson song in between.Yeah, definitely. All right, that's good together.I think that's fair.
God damn it.We had some good ones here tonight.That was a good one.
We had some good ones.We had some good ones.And with that, please let us know what you liked, what you didn't like.This is the Halloween episode.That's right.What was your draft?Let us know what your draft would be.And with that, we love you.
We love you.Yeah.Stay spooky out there.Keep us spooky.Keep us spooky.
Sign in
