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The Magnificent Montague, starring Marty Woolley!Yes, it's The Magnificent Montague, the Saturday night transcribed feature on NBC's all-star festival of comedy, music, mystery and drama.
Brought to you by Chesterfield, by Addison, for fast relief from pain of headache, neuritis and neuralgia. And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, and first in television.And now, the magnificent Montague.
The country is ready for Father's Day.The stores are ready, the family is ready, father is ready for anything.But high in a Manhattan office building is a committee that isn't ready. It is the National Committee to select the Father of the Year.
Gentlemen, gentlemen, we must reach a decision.Father's Day is almost here and we still haven't chosen our Father of the Year.We have to find someone.Well, how about Bing Crosby?Crosby?
How many times do we have to tell you our committee is sponsored by necktie manufacturers?And have you ever seen Crosby wear a necktie?How about Leo Derocher? that's all we need brooklyn will secede from the union how about bonnie baruch?
too dignified how about milton burr?uncle milty?not dignified enough hey wait a minute wait i got it i got it i got it uncle goodheart you mean that afternoon radio program uncle goodheart?
why he'd be the perfect father of the year the most beloved man on radio his program is on right now here where's the radio?here listen and so dear listeners
When Ronald handed his father $50,000 in cash on Father's Day, the old man broke down and sobbed.The fact that Ronald is now serving a 66-year sentence for robbing his firm's vault is beside the point.
The main thing is, Ronald did remember his dad on Father's Day.Yes, as your Uncle Goodheart Sit in his little cottage on the sunny side of the lake.Great.Who is he?Who is this Uncle Goodheart?That's the surprise.He's Edwin Montague.Edwin Montague?
Means nothing to me.He was only the greatest Shakespearean actor in the country.Oh, you mean the one they used to call the Magnificent Montague.Jeepers.Is he still alive?You just heard him.That voice.That bearing.What a father of the year.Dignity.
Culture.Yet beloved by the masses.Here's his name in the theatrical yearbook. Montague, Edwin, married Lily Bohame, 1927, son, Cyril Montague.The kid must be about 12 or 13.What a picture of the two of them for the cover of Life!
Great, I'll call the newspaper.Get the publicity out quick!I'll call Montague and get him prepared.Edwin Montague, father of the year.What an inspiration!
Okay, okay.The residents of Edwin Montague and Lily Bohame, Agnes the maid on this end, over to you.Roger.Who?He ain't home from his broadcast yet.Who knows when.He may get hit by a truck or something.Gotta get a break sometime.Who?
It was for your husband.Somebody by the name of Henshaw from the Father's Day Committee coming up.Father's Day Committee?Yeah.Oh, there must be a mistake.Are you kidding?They probably think he's Father Time.Agnes, stop that.Edwin isn't that old.
He ain't, huh?I was cleaning out his desk the other day and ran across an old love letter he wrote.An old love letter?Who was it to? I don't know, but it started, dear Betsy, how's the flag going?Oh, stop exaggerating.
Intimating Edwin had a romance with Betsy Ross.Well, he had to turn to someone when Martha Washington jilted him for George.
Oh, now you're being silly.
Edwin isn't much older than I am.And who are you, Margaret O'Brien?
All right, Agnes, that's enough. Dear, I wish you hadn't asked that man from that Father's Day committee to come up here.It's probably another one of those publicity stunts his sponsor wants him to do.
And you know how he feels about sentimental holidays.I don't know.When he was a kid on Mother's Day, he gave his mother something she'd always wanted.What was that?He left home.Stop that nonsense.
After all, Edwin is my husband.Beauty and the Beast.Now please, don't start up with Edwin. It's going to be bad enough when he hears someone's coming to see him about Father's Day.
You're not kidding.Hey, remember the guy who came up here and tried to get Montague to cut off his beard?Said it would make a great publicity stunt to launch Fire Prevention Week?
I wonder what happened to that man.I don't know.I still keep finding pieces of him around the house.
Now, Agnes.Maybe that's the Father's Day man.I'll get the door.Who is it, Agnes? Hello, Lily.Oh, Edwin, it's you.Who'd you expect?Rocky Graziano?
Now, Edwin, what a sunbeam he is.The minute he gets home, the house lights up like the black hole of Calcutta.Agnes, don't start again.
Lily, we have no luck.Macy's has just cut over 6,000 items. couldn't one of them have been Agnes' throat?Agnes, that's enough.Edwin, sit down.Relax.Oh, this heat.Agnes, bring Edwin some lemonade.No.
Well, how about a punch?I'd love to, right in his kisser.
Oh, please.I don't understand it, Lily.This should be the breeziest apartment in New York with Agnes' tongue flapping all the time.Can't you two stop this bickering long enough for me to say something?All right.
I want you to decide what we should get your father for Father's Day.Father's Day, I've had enough.My whole program today was reeking with love for dear old Dad.
Father's Day, the one day when the family gather around the poor man, gushing out, dear Dad, wonderful Dad, sweet Dad.For the rest of the year, it's drop Dad.Edwin, that's a terrible attitude to have.Please, I'm not her father.
I don't particularly admire men who have so stupidly allowed themselves to replace the position of fathers.And furthermore... Uh-oh.Go on, Edwin.What were you saying?Well, didn't the doorbell just ring?I didn't hear anything.
Did you hear anything, Agnes?Not a thing.Go on, Edwin.What were you saying?Strange.I could swear I... Oh, well.This Father Day tripe is just a... Well, if that isn't the doorbell, Lily, call the doctor.My asthma is back.
Agnes, will you answer the door?Edwin is probably just a salesman.He'll go away.What's going on here?I'll answer the door myself.Mr. Monague?Yes?Edwin Monague?Yes?Father! Father?Edward, let me explain.
Lily, a full-grown man stands in my door and calls me father.Isn't it a little bit late for explanation?Mr. Montague, my name is Henshaw.I'm on the national committee to select the father of the year.Shame on you.You don't understand what's happened.
You, Mr. Montague, for your wonderful work as Uncle Goodheart on the radio.For the thousands who remember you on the Shakespearean stage, you have unanimously been chosen as the Father of the Year.The Father of the Year?
Yes.Excuse me, I have a bagel in the oven.
Mr. Henshaw, there must be a slight... Quiet, Lillet.I am the Father of the Year, Mr. Henshaw.Well, Mr. Montague, Does that hit you right between the eyes?It hits me somewhere.I tell you what's going on up.
This year our Father of the Year is going to be different.
I know.For your information, this year your Father of the Year is not a father.Not a father?You stupid idiot.I have no children.
but you know what about most of our money to do a lot of you know that my uh... uh... but that was one of the uh... here it is not it with edwin monaghan on there are a lot of you look closer and read it again edwin monaghan son of zero monaghan you know monaghan is not a problem our father of the year not a problem with the money what we're going to do we are going to put an end to all this is about by being a part of the uh... not too late
Your picture's gonna be on the cover of Life.My picture on the cover of Life?
Well, this is one time when life isn't gonna be beautiful.
Lily, the cover of Life?But, Edwin, you're not a father.Lily, the cover of Life?Even in my greatest days on the stage, I never made it.You'll have to forget about it.I guess so.Well, Mr. Henshaw, you'll have to get someone else.Oh, we can't.
It's too late.We'll be the laughingstock of the country.But I tell you, I'm not a father.
Well, the door exits.Hang on, folks.We may be saved.Maybe it's historic.Well, well, it's Mr. Zinzer, the director of Montague's radio show.
Oh, hello, Zinzer.Hello, Mr. Montague.I just dropped by to congratulate you.Father of the Year.That's keynote.How did you find out?It's in all the papers.Look. uh... my picture on the front page.Edwin, you'll have to explain.
I tell you, it's too late.The truth leaks out.It may be the end of Father's Day.Imagine, finally getting a chance to be on the cover of Life.You'll just have to forget about it.
Gee, Mr. Monaghan, I didn't even know you were a father.Neither did he.
Quiet!Oh, there must be a way.How old is little Cyril?Eighty-six. They're interesting at that age.Yeah, that was a boy bride.Now be quiet.Mr. Monaghan, think of something to say Father's Day.Do I love Father's Day?Boy, oh boy, oh boy.
I have 10 children.Didn't say no one's interested.Father's Day, they all chip in and get me something.Oh, good, good.Last year they got me a wash rag.That's enough.And my initials on it. All right, all right.It's reversible.Please!
You can use it as a pocket handkerchief.Look, Mr. Henshaw, it's no use.There must be a way.Even if you haven't got a kid, Mr. Montague.Maybe if you got a kid to pull.Oh, that's not fair.Why not?Who would know?It's the spirit of the thing that counts.
No, I won't do, and where would I get a kid to do?Oui. I wonder what they'll give me this year.A kid.A kid?All year I've been hinting I need shoelaces.I have it.I have it.Ten children.That's the answer.It is?Yes.What's the question?
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Linda, don't you want Father's Day to live?Don't you want Dad to have his day?Certainly.Linda, you must be ready to make a sacrifice.I have to borrow one of your children.Borrow one of my children?Linda, a mistake was made.
They made me Father of the Year, and I haven't a child.How about that?Linda, just for one day.And let me have one of your kids.Well, sure, Mr. Montague.Take anyone you want. What kind have you got?Oh, all kinds.What kind do you like?
Well, give me an idea of how they run.All over the house.Then I need a boy that will look well with thee and a color picture on the cover of Life.Has to be a boy, huh?Yes.Well, I'm a little low on boys right now.Three of them went off to summer camp.
You couldn't see your way clear on using a girl?Loaded with them.Zinzer, the publicity went out that I have a son, Cyril.Well, let me see.Which one would look good on the cover of Life?Quick, Zinzer.It's a tough order, Mr. Montague.
Most of them photograph horribly.Well, look, Zinzer.They take after my wife.Your wife?She's a guckle.She's a what?A guckle.That's her family name. He has the guckle lip.
Look, Zinzer... Hank's way down.
All right, she's a beautiful woman.Zinzer!About the boy.I think Oscar's your best bet for the picture.Oscar?What color suit are you going to wear in the picture?My gray pinstripe.Oh, then Oscar's out.He's got freckles.He'll clash.
All gins are for heaven's sake.Let's see, who have I got that goes with a gray pinstripe?I think Rudy is your boy.Rudy?Good.What time do you want him delivered?Oh, Edwin, I forbid it.No, Lily.It's a fraud.Using someone else's son.
Oh, think of little Rudy being borrowed, used for a day, and then returned.Oh, you're going to return him? Now, Zinzer, listen closely.You rush home and bring Rudy right over here.Monic, you will never forget you for this.Father's Day is saved.
You're a real father of the year.Thank you.And Mr. Zinzer?Yeah?We've got our eye on you for next year.The father of ten children.Next year?Yes.It'll be eleven.
We'll be back with a magnificent Montague in just a moment.And now, back to the magnificent Montague!
Montague, this year's Father of the Year, is anxiously awaiting the delivery of his child, the borrowed son of Zinzer, which will officially make him a father.In the meantime, gifts from sentimental manufacturers are pouring in.
Hello?Who?American Express?Another gift?Oh no, a Shetland pony for little Cyril.Well, you can't bring it up here.This is the apartment of Edwin Montague and one beast is enough.
Agnes, will you help me with this crate that just arrived?
Jeepers, how'd they get it through the door?What is it, honey?I don't know, it weighs 300 pounds.
Oh, Lily!Yes, Edward?I'm going to buy all the ties in the incinerator.And, uh, Gad, what's that?Well, it just arrived.Here's a tag on it.What's it say?Greetings, Father of the Year, from the Put-It-Together-Yourself Boat Company.A boat?
It says we present you with this Put-It-Together-Yourself kit, which, when assembled, will be a 37-foot cabin deluxe cruiser. which sleeps six people, which can be assembled into your own home with just a screwdriver and some scotch tape.Oh, no.
A cabin cruiser in that crate.Why, it only weighs 300 pounds.No, Lily, look what it says.Parts will follow.This crate only contains your book of instructions.
What do you use for a bookmark?A canoe paddle?
Edwin, you must stop all this.Getting all these gifts under false pretenses.You're not a father and they're going to find out.Lily, stop worrying.Zinza will bring his kid.They'll take our pictures with his cover of life and it'll be all over.
Using a sweet little child just so you can get that picture.The kid will be delighted.Look at all these gifts he gets.
the trains the hobby office who died when the leader always say you love children now sweet little kid coming to our home for everyone call it all prior to where he is injured if he doesn't allotment Azinza, did you bring him?
Here he is.Come in, Rudy.Come in, my boy.
Take your dirty paws off of me, lady!Rudy!I'll give her a shot in the head!Now, Rudy, you promise to behave if we let you out of the closet for the day. Zinza, was this the best you could do?Watch those cracks, whiskers!Brody, this is Mr. Montague.
This is gonna be your father for today.Ya kiddin'?
Put me back in the closet.Now, Rudy, my boy.What's with that beard?What's the matter?You're too cheap to buy neckties?Rudy, now behave.All right, all right.Linda, you'd better leave.They might get suspicious of you around.Sure, Mr. Montague.
Be a good boy, Rudy.Beat it.Good-bye.Now, Rudy, you understand what we're up against.I was made father of the year.I know the bit. The old man explained the whole thing.Good.Except for one thing.Yeah?What's in it for me?Well, just look around.
Electric train.Hop along, Cassidy.Hop along, schmop along.Who needs it?Who do you think I am, a square or something?You'll get your picture on the cover of Life.Big deal.That's all I need, publicity.
Every cop in the Bronx can put their finger on me, huh?Now, Rudy.Let's get it straight. I'll have to give a kid what he really wants, what he dreams about.What's that?My own gun.A white subscription to the racing form.A hot rod.A pair of loaded dice.
I want to be introduced to my television heroes.Joe Adonis.Greasy Thumb Goosick.Virginia Hill. That's what I want for Father's Day.Oh, Lily, our dream has been realized.Into every life a little son should come, and we got the son of Frankenstein.
Come here, Rudy, my boy.What do you want?Come here.
Ow!Look over here!Look over here!
Look over here!You listen to me!We are going to be photographed by life as father and son.Now get into that hop-along custody cowboy suit and quickly.
Agnes?I got the phone.Hello?Who?No kidding!When did you get into town?What?Oh, stop.Okay, here.What?Of course, I love you madly.Come right up.What a guy.
Your father.Oh, no!Call from the lobby.He's coming right up.
Edwin, he came in for Father's Day.Lily, of all times, for him to show up.Now, Edwin, just because you think he's still jealous of your success as an actor.Lily, he refuses to believe I ever was an actor.Come along, Rudy.We'll slip off the back way.
Edwin, you stay here.Here he is. Mr. Cyril Montague, the idol of the Shakespearean stage.
Agnes, my little pigeon.Come here, you luscious wench, and give me a kiss.
Dad, it's stuff like this that keeps me alive.Hello, Dad.Lily, where is Edwin?Where is that boy of mine? Hello, Father Terribly Glad to see you again.Hello, Father Terribly Glad to see you again.
Spent half my life trying to teach him to talk correctly as an actor, and what comes out?Hello, Father Terribly Glad to see you again.Oh, Dad!I'm here to congratulate you, Edwin.This is a great day for the Montagues.Oh, you heard about it?
It was in all the papers.I rushed here as soon as I heard about it.Now comes the happiest moment of my life.Where is he? Where is who?My grandson.Ay!Uh, Dad, let me explain.
How could you have kept the secret from me that you had a son and named after me, Cyril Montague?Where is little Cyril?Hey, use the character!What's with this all rum-dum?Quiet!Who is this little monster?Dad? This is little Cyril.
Now then, what else could I expect from you?You tried to be an actor and you botched it up.Now you try to be a father and look at the mess you made.Father, he's not my son.Don't lie to me.He's the spitting image of you. The same stupid look.
Now wait a minute, old stuff.What's with the cracks?Dad, listen.They made Edwin Father of the Year without knowing he didn't have children.It's too late to do anything.So we had to borrow a kid.
What a disgraceful thing to do, making a mockery of fatherhood.Edwin, you are a nasty boy.Dad tried, understand? Chairman of the Father's Day Committee, Mr. Gumpert, is on his way over, leading the motorcade.I can't back out.
Edwin, your father's right.Call it off.But the motorcade, Mr. Gumpert, is on his way.Oh, no, Mr. Gumpert.I'll talk to him.Open the door, Agnes.Mr. Montague, Mr. Montague, everybody's waiting.Look, Mr. Gumpert, there's something I have to tell you.
It can wait.Get the kid into that hop-along cast of the outfit for the life photographers.They're holding up everything to shoot that cover of you and the kid.
uh... what cover the cover of life magazine that uh... the father of the year in fact uh... uh... so that is what you were willing to sacrifice the name of what did you fall thank heavens i would be able to stop this fraud and i'm hot yet fraud mister comfort this is my father i don't know what you're not going to get back in about half a lot out there that i'm glad it's all off off off why all my daddy won't let me know that they won't let them out
My boy is an honest boy.But it was just a mistake, sir.Let me explain it to you.Step into Edwin's den with me.There we are.Edwin, your father stopped you from making a big mistake.I guess father knows best.
I imagine you, father of the year, just because you wanted your picture on the cover of Life.Wonderful, wonderful!I'll call the Life photographers and tell them that the father of the year and his son are coming right over.Excellent.
At last, Cyril Montague will be on the cover of Life. The father of the year and his son, but dad!
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