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Presenting Orson Welles as The Third Man.The fabulous stories of the immortal character originally created in the motion picture The Third Man. with Zipper Music by Anton Keller.I once thought I knew all about women.
But I was pretty young at the time.How was I to know that mercy would squeal on me?Well, I soon grew up and since then I've learned a few simple rules.Blondes cannot be trusted.Redheads aren't reliable.
And if you want to avoid trouble, never get mixed up with a brunette. Life is much more simple.There's only one trouble, it isn't any fun.In my life, I'm glad that I've had a lot of fun.Take your time around here.
Some people tell you live and learn, but I for one prefer to learn and live. And now, Orson Welles as Harry Lyons, the third man in The Dark Synthesis.Ah, Algiers.Algiers.You've all heard of it.Algiers, the port of mystery and intrigue.
Convaded by the Phoenicians, the Carthaginians, Romans, Andals of the Indians, Arabs, the French, and Harry Lyons.Algiers.You've all heard of it.A city that is all things to all men.Algiers.The Indianapolis.
that Mr. Carlsberg made so popular some seasons ago, and Mr. Charles Boyd.But jokes apart, there is a place there where tourists definitely are invited, and where I'm welcomed, or at least permitted to enter, and it's called the Barbary Queen's.
Oh, my God!What's the matter with you, Casper?
I've been saving your favorite table here for how long is it?How long?Oh, too long to do.I see the Barbary Queen hasn't changed.Same sights, same smells.I'm sure Casper's gone home since my last moonbleed, mon ami.
It's not that much like the old days anymore.The Barbary Queen is becoming almost dull.Nothing ever happens.Tutu, nothing ever happens?How many soaps are split on a night when things do happen?Oh, you can't be serious.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
The trouble is just beginning.
That depends on what you call trouble.May I join you?
Thank you.You haven't been to the Barbary Queen before?
Uh, not recently, not since you joined the staff.Ah, thank you.I'm glad you discovered my friend.This is Harvey Lyme.You treat him good.He's a fine man.I shall do my best to do so.Now, I send over two trains on my horse. Who's a busy little bee?
You're friends with Tutu and you're an American.Few Americans ever come here.And none of them are friends with Tutu.
Oh, we aren't exactly bosom chums, Tutu and I, but we've been partners in a couple of deals.
I think so, that's it.I knew you must be valuable to him.
And you, Magda?Just how valuable are you?
Uh, we'll take that up in a minute.What's your connection with Tutu?
I think... I entertain the cussing.
That's what it says on your passport.With your looks, you could have a couple of rackets.Maybe I can help.
And you, Harry Lyons, you are one of those men who profess to know women too well.
Not me, honey.I profess to know nothing whatsoever about your sex.I just enjoy it.
You know, Harry Lyons, I'm a little sad for the years I didn't know you.
Don't burst into tears, honey.Remember, to know me better is to like me less.
Is that a warning?I like it.Very much.
Here you are.How are you now?You look about time to do your... Your Magda has me back to do a corner.I'd make her, after you finish the drink, another song, please, no?Of course.But for now, just enjoy yourself.
I believe I was warning you about me.
I was scared to death.I thought perhaps you'd gone home or something.
The barber queen is turning into a regular grab bag of surprises since when do high school girls complain about a sedan of inequity?
Did you think you were the only one?
You don't have to be nasty about it.
Susan, I thought I told you never to come to the Queen's.
Oh, but Magda, I want to be here, you see.
You have no business in the cover at all.It's dangerous for tourists.
It's taking it for a young girl like you.
Oh, it was all right, Magda.Nobody paid any attention to me.And I arrived here just in time to see the last of the fight.
Wasn't it true?You must leave, Susan.I can't give you any time tonight.You see, I'm working.Go back to your hotel.I'll see you tomorrow.That's the way you want it. That's the way I want it.You're not angry?No, no, of course not.Go now, Susan.
All right, then.I hope I didn't cause you any trouble, Mary.
You see, the Americans, we try to be nice to them, show them around.
You?You're not an American or a European or anything.You're Harry Lyne.I drink to our long friendship.
Thanks, honey.Now you better go sing your little song.I've got something to attend to.
Susan, I said you're going to attend.
Honey, you're a mind reader.
Meanwhile, we're getting an education.Schoolgirls are okay with me, particularly my cute little redhead, but I... I don't think she's got much business in the concert, not in this part of it, not this late at night.
It just occurred to me that your friend Susan may have more trouble getting out of her house rather than see her coming in.
Very well, Harry Lyne.If you wish to be gallant.When you tire of her, then you know where to find me.I'm always here, or in my rooms above the cafe.
OK, honey, now if you'll excuse me, you'll see.
You're very insulting, Harry Lyman.Now I'll tell you something.I don't care whether you come to see me or not.I don't care whether I ever see you again.
My darling, don't say I didn't warn you.Remember, to know me is to loathe me. The Magda horoscopes of this world, and I will show it to you, this particular one, had an interesting, uh, agenda.
One I couldn't quite fathom, so I gave it time to solve it for me.Meanwhile, there was this young Susan.I found her at the doorway of the Barbary Queen, peering somewhat uncertainly on a narrow cobbled stoop to the side.
Though he was waiting for a streetcar.Huh?
Oh, you're the man who was with Magda.
Yes, I was just leaving, suppose. We can climb out of there together.
Thank you, but I can take care of myself.
I can take care of myself.It's a familiar title.So many tragical stories of girls like you.
You're going to start reading.
Five years is an election.It's the saddest thing in my life.You want to get kicked out of the children's business, I'm not.
I think it's silly.It's kind of odd.None of us came here from Marquette.
Marquette?I thought you hailed from San Francisco.What?Nobby Hill and all the families, am I right?No, you didn't.So it is, isn't it?So it is.Even the dusty chatter is the cause.Don't your parents worry about you?
I'm on the phone. Oh, all right.I'll go with you.
Okay, the routine wasn't sparkling.I know what it was.It was... I smelled money from the first moment I set eyes on Susan.
a well-known limelock was in, just how it would pay off, I had no idea, so I took Susan to the edge of the cosmos on a cab for her, and was just sending her off home to mother, when I noticed a bulky individual, derving a service too, too close to me.
He caught my eye, and then left the neighborhood.Fast.I pondered this over a cup of so-called coffee at a friendly tavern, and then went on to my own hotel.Come right on in, Harry Lyon.Well. I don't know, this is a night of surprises.Who are you?
You can call me Mike Nolan.Oh, you're a detective.Right down the button, Mr. Lyons.What do you want for a prize?A cupid doll, maybe?Or a genuine plaster of Paris injuncture? Uh, how would you like me to call the manager?
Haven't you heard about invasion of privacy?It seems there's something wrong.You always suspect the minute you land it in that gear's line.Next thing I know, you're chaperoning Susan Clement.Oh?That's pretty fast work, Ed.For you.
You seem to be speaking English and all that, but I don't get it.Passing over the fact that I'm suspect, as you call it.Just who is Susan Clement? Oh.Oh, Susan.She's a light, Mr. Lyons.That girl I put in the can for James.
It may interest you to know that her father asks us to keep an eye on his daughter.He's worried.Seems he's taken up with the wrong friends in Algiers.Mm-hmm.Fascinating to see why.Sounds like he has money.Mr. Moneybags himself.As if you didn't know.
No, I didn't, but thank you for saying. And you may tell the authorities that I was merely escorting Miss Claremont to safety.You?
You may also advise their father that his daughter went into the castle quite alone if he's so concerned about her welfare, and I devote more time to her whereabouts.But good night, Mr. Nolan.
You're only engaged to single here, so if you insist on staying, I'll have to notify the management, of course, you'll pay the additional fee for your stay.What?Ah, well, you warned me you were simply lying.
But if you try any funny business, just remember, We're white.Good, good.I expect the same protected interest from the authorities as they extend to other American tourists.Okay, white guy, but watch it!
Tonight, Mike Nolan... In my business, twists of fate are a specialty.I usually know how to keep the police wondering where I am during working hours, but just as I'm taking a vacation, and all the authorities in town are suddenly very busy.
In this case, the cops worrying about Susan only quieted my interest. I hadn't the notion of the spot she got herself in the next afternoon.
Oh, this must be it.Sweet?Oh, that was a charming visitor.
I must have the wrong address.I thought this is where Miss Polaris... But of course, you are through there.
Magda told me to expect you.
Oh, then I am in the right place.
May we?Please, come in, mademoiselle.Magda was somewhat delayed, but she told me to amuse you.After all, she planned this rendezvous for us.
Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.
Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.
Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.
Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.
Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.
Thank you Taxi!Taxi!You heard me, I want a taxi.No taxi, missus.Please buy a rug.I don't want a rug.Get me a horse and carriage.Please sit down, missus.Would you like to see some pretty girls?Fancy girls?I've got my own pretty girl.
We're not going dancing.She's unconscious and I want to get her home quick.Get me a donkey or something.Get me a camel.Get me a helicopter.Get me out of here! Orson Welles returns in just a moment as the third man.
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And now Orson Welles as the third man continues with The Dark Enchantress.I didn't dare take Susan to my place, which was possible, she was a police lad.
So I took her to the last place I ever thought Harry Long would enter, the convent of the Little Sisters of Charity, just off the carpet.
The poor child.This is a terrible thing for mine.Mama.You are quite There is no one here by that name.
Would you like to tell us just what happened, Susan?
Oh, no, just leave me alone.Perhaps you should take this matter to the police.No, no, no.
I think her parents are the ones to judge that, sister.
Oh, no, they mustn't, no.I'll get the money from Dad somehow.Money?
Tell us what happened.Nothing is so bad that a little understanding won't ease.
I went to Magda's apartment to meet her, I thought.But he was there instead.He said his name was Charles Colter.He was very good looking about my height and dark.He said Magda had arranged a meeting and he served cocktails.
It was after that that things were hazy and I don't remember... Mickey's.What, Mr. Lyle?
Yes, Susan was evidently drugged, sister, that the cocktails were... Oh, yes.
When I came to, Charles was very different.He said if I didn't get him 5,000 pounds, he'd tell my parents I'd been along with him.And he knew all about me, where we were staying, everything.
There, there, there.So how did you manage to get from Magda's room to over to Barbary Queen to where I ran into you two?Your condition certainly didn't warrant it.
Well, Magda doesn't live above the cafe, Mr. Lyme.She said she was staying at 356 Romano.Romano?I talked with Charles, and I ran out in the street.
I didn't know what I was doing.Mr. Lyme! This is Remembrance.That 356 address is almost across the street, in the building on the corner.
So Magda keeps two establishments.
She must have given me the wrong address.What do I do?
Go home to Mother and tell her off.That's what you do.It's the only way, Susan, unless you prefer the police.
You happen into an unscrupulous blackmailer, and the best way out of the trouble is to inform your parents what has happened, and then leave the rest to me.
I... Well, I find I do have an Achilles heel, my dear.
How can I ever thank you?
Now, now, now.Don't start weeping again, I will.Flood out the little sisters of terror, they ask.Come on, Susan.Let's get to your parents.Before I change my plan.Mr. and Mrs. Claremont were exactly what I'd expected.
Wealthy, well-meaning, and incredibly stupid about the realities of life.All this fitted into my plan perfectly, and his mother Claremont bustled her child into the boudoir, father Claremont and I,
discuss business but this is a terrible thing Mr Lime why such a scandal wrecked my daughter's reputation I can't understand how she can allow herself to get into such a predicament happens all the time and all such things happen to beautiful young girls besides the point I want to come on the important thing is how to deal with it.
I'd like to beat him to a pulp.I'll make a pretty headline for the Chronicle.Tenancy of manhandled daughter's blackmailer.Please
This was never get to the press and that's why I suggest you keep the police out of it what do I do with you trust me you of course Mr Lime why you save my little girl and give me the five thousand in cash.
Allow me to pay off your blackmailer and see that he doesn't come back for more Mr Grim.You see I understand these things.The pieces of the puzzle were dropping nicely in place. and also getting a little more of Mr. Charles Poincare for my title.
I'm sure you understand that when there is a certain amount of honor, it's not a big deal.
So, I went back to my hotel room, and then I called for a quick bath, shave, just getting ready to start for the mysterious address on Rue Madeleine, when... Yes?Yes?Mr. Harry Lyons.Who wants him?
Well, if you come in, Mr. Poincare.Thank you. Need I say, I hardly expected you.
Oh, very much.But, uh, since I realized it was merely a matter of time until you visited my quarters, monsieur, I thought I would save you the trouble.
I thought, ma'am, I'm sure that I... I followed the girl into the street when she slept.I saw her approach you.
And from said meeting, you knew my identity, that Susan would tell me all.
And that you would offer to aid the distressed family, that you have, in fact, my $5,000.
I see, your powers of observation amaze me, Mr. Funke.
Susan called Magda and confided in her.And you and Magda... Are birds of a feather, Mr. Holmes.Even as you are.Learning this much from Susan, Magda took the trouble to learn more about you.
I see, I underestimated the lady.
You're not the first one.And now... My money.
First tell me one thing.Wait.Even though I am a bird of your feather, Poitier, what's to stop me from going to the police with an old story?
You did not think I would allow you to continue living, did you?
Well, now I'm asking.So, this is the picture.I hand over the loot and you dispose of it, is that it?
But of course. A gun with a silence is a beautiful way to end such a life.Your body will be found, but the world will be most happy to be rid of Harry Lyme.They do not worry about who did it.
I have no choice in the matter.None whatsoever.Even though I planned how to get much more revenue from Mr. Claremont.$50,000 as it started.And this time no one will tell Magda.We split the take.You and I. I'm not closing this deal.
I was just going to deliver this down payment. And I track a buck and snare a doe.Oh no, oh no, Magda, this is too good a joke and it'll cost you your five thousand. Well Mike Nolan again.I don't explain.
The end of the story the clock is struck twelve the coach has turned into a pumpkin and the friends are changing to say what are you talking about like if you take this lady of my hands and I'll attempt to explain him is that the man of my daughter.
All the time I know. I'm going to introduce my life for you.
I want to say Mr Graham and she assumes masculine disguise to blackmail her own sex and use her own devastating personality and appearance to hypnotize the masculine quite a girl I should say I don't believe in his trying to talk me into getting more money from you claim that I believe like I said when Claremont told me you were helping him why he was jumping from a frying pan into the fire.
Looks like we got here just in time.As always, Detective Nolan, you have performed magnificently.What are you trying to give me, Lyman?Nothing but praise, you flatfoot.
But, Mr. Claremont, I give $5,000 for blackmail fees, for which I did not have to pay.I can't find words to thank you, Mr. Lyman.Wait a minute, Mr. Claremont.This guy's trying to weave a lot of a fast deal. I believe what this magazine says.
He was in on a deal with her, and he's hungry for more.Mr. Nolan, I asked the authorities to watch my daughter's activities, yet she fell into the worst kind of trouble.Mr. Lyme was the one who saved her.But don't you speak at an angle.
He was trying to... I came here with you to prove to you his innocence, but that wasn't necessary.Mr. Lyme has pleaded his own case and won.What?No, no, he's guilty, I tell you, as guilty as I am.Take this woman away, officer.
I'll be down later to prefer charges. I don't know how to thank you Mr Lime now I'm doubly in your debt won't you accept a more substantial expression of my gratitude this five thousand dollars for a thousand dollars with pressure.
What's the game now Lime?What are you taking that money for?Charity old man, charity.Charity?That's a new one.Yes, as a matter of fact it is, entirely new.I'm surprising myself old man. I'm a surprising kind of guy.
I swore a solemn oath years ago never to do anything fundamentally decent if I could possibly avoid it.And look what I'm up to.Taking money again.What are you up to?Exploiting these people.Nolan, that's a reward after Magda, isn't there?A reward.
Well, don't try to chisel in.The reward goes to me.
I don't want to be greedy, old man, but I've got my expenses to cover.But you've got $5,000.Oh, but that isn't for me, Nolan, old man.No, believe it or not, this is... is going to the convent of the Little Sisters of Charity.That's quite all right.
Right, that ought to help morph a sanctuary to someone else's wandering daughter.Well, now I've heard everything.Tell you what, old man, I'll cut you in on the reward.I locked her off your rocker.Now I know it.Why?I'm giving Dodo a convent?
And splitting the reward with you, Nolan.The reward, a small percentage, if you promise never to tell.About the split?About the convent.After all, old man, I've got my reputation to think of. And now, Harry Lyne.Well, now, friends, you know all.
Harry Lyne, who started his career by putting his hand in the poor box, slipped so far that he even gave some money to a condom.Believe me, I was so depressed after doing it, I got right out of town, took a tramp steamer that night.
Funny thing, the name of the ship was the S.F.Polaris.Hmm, yes.She had been a beautiful craft.Hmm. Well, well.Heaven help the poor working girl.And so does Harry Lyons.
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