470 episodes of this bloody show.Can you believe that?That's a lot.That's a lot.Live from the 405 podcast hosted by yours truly, Luke Allen and Uncle Luke 2 on Instagram.Live from the 405 podcast on Instagram.Thanks, everybody.
Thanks for coming back to join me for another thrilling episode.You know, last episode, as soon as I got finished with this bloody show, I was on my way home from work, from
hours of podcasting, of giving you just riveting and unforgettable, undeniable entertainment.And I just had a hankering, the last couple weeks straight, just a burning pit in my stomach of hunger and ravenous desire for junk food.
Every once in a while I just get in a mode where I just want shit.And I'm hungry all the time for junk and such.And I have to fight it with all my might.
you know, it's, it's, and I think a big part of it is, and I say this every year, I don't know if this happens to you, I don't even know if this is a thing, I think it is, I'm going to say it is, I'm going to go with yes, okay, I'm going to make a, be decisive, like my, like my actor, like Vincent O'Neill told me in acting class at the University of Buffalo, he said, whatever you're going to do, if you're going to improv, if you're going to be in a character, make strong choices, don't do something,
middling.Go strong one way or strong the other way.Make bold choices.So I'm going to say it does happen.That your body naturally stores fat starting around this time.
Because for 25 years and all the genetics of my family, I grew up in a very cold area in a cold town. And I believe that this is indeed a thing that I have to contend with.
And that's why lately, it's really been, I could be, you might be laughing your butt off.You might be hitting your string and going, I can't believe this stupid son of a gun thinks this.But I'm going to say it's possible.
And that's why the urge is so profound.Anyways, after holding it together all day, I finally came.I'm only fucking human, like the worst Billy Joel song I know of.
I fucking hate Billy Joel.I don't hate him as a guy.It's not like I have, it's not like a Jack Black hatred or a Rainn Wilson hatred.I just, I can't stand 99% of his fucking music.I know the guy's talented.I'm not taking that.I personally hate it.
I hate all his boring, it's almost like listening to commercial jingles.They've been so, corporatized and played over and over and over.And it's all just like adult themed themes and lyrics and things.
And as a child, I was forced to listen to them over and over again in doctor's office waiting rooms and in my parents' cars.The only songs that made it out where we didn't start the fire in Allentown.I love those two songs, I really do.
But other than that, I fucking, I'm all human.Ew!
Billy Joel but I'm only human so I came down the way I almost fucking crash my mother knobs in my car actually like the steering wheel almost I get out of here I take Washington up to Sepulveda I take a left on Sepulveda I go up fucking 300 yards and there is a left on to the
The eponymous 405 freeway entrance that takes me home.But just another hundred yards up from that freeway entrance and you can see the sign on the horizon like a mirage in the desert.
Like if you were crawling through the fucking desert just on your hands and knees and elbows like army crawling. And then on the distance you see naked 1996 Pamela Anderson holding two big fucking jugs of water.This is how the Carl's Jr.
sign appears to me.And I have to fight it sometimes.And this time it won.I jerked the steering wheel violently over to the other lane and I proceeded past the 405 on-ramp from health and a feeling of not complete self-disgust.
and caved and I went to the fucking Carl's Jr.to get a meal.I just wanted a damn hamburger and fries this night.I think I, to my credit, I think I barely ate that whole day.So, it wasn't a complete disaster.
I think I even still came in under 3,000 calories, but my sugar was really high.It was like, I ended up having like 70 fucking grams of sugar a day.Watch out for the sugar.
But, you know, I got everything I fucking deserved because I went to this Carl's Jr.over here by my work in Culver City, California. And I ordered the, like I said, they changed the whole menu.
And by the way, they also, I noticed, I forgot about this because I haven't ordered it in a while.There's a considerably less shitty thing you can get.And I used to get it all the time.
It was a pretty good post-workout snackaroo if it was late at night and you didn't get a chance to eat proper.And now it's after 10 and everything's closed.They used to have a barbecue chicken sandwich. And it wasn't deep-fried or anything.
I mean, obviously, there's a lot of junk, preservative, and fat from the grill and everything else.But all things considered, it wasn't too terrible of a meal.
And it had this barbecue sauce, and you'd scrape some of the barbecue sauce, and you'd just get a little kind of a chicken patty.It was at least something.And you eschewed the French fries, and you got a Coke Zero.
And then all in all, it wasn't really that terrible of a meal. They got rid of that too.That's gone.They completely obliterated their menu.They changed their hamburger quite a bit.
It was a perfect, I know I've complained about this, but before it was a third pound burger and it was a fucking perfect patty size.And I swear they reduced
the portion of meat if you didn't you can get either a stick they ripped off Wendy's you can get a single or a double now and the single is not quite enough and the double is a kind of too much the one they had before even like five months ago was perfect and that middle management character appeared I think we should change the whole uh Wendy's menu because uh it's it's it's too easy and and uh and good and too many good choices for people so let's fuck it all up
So I go in, I order.I said, I'll get a double hamburger.I ordered.And I get the same thing every time.And not only is it easy for me, it should be even easier for the person at the counter.Because there's less stuff you have to do.
I said, I want the burger with no cheese.Because the default setting is cheeseburger out here.I said, no cheese and no veggies.That's it.Just ketchup and a little mayonnaise.Well, they're usually going to put a lot.And I scraped some of it off.
Ketchup and mayo, right?Pretty simple.And I came this time.I can't.I'm sorry.If I'm going to get a burger, I can't.It's almost impossible for me to drink a Diet Coke or a Coke.I need a fucking Coke.I need the sugar.
I never drink the whole fucking thing.I'll drink maybe half, which is equivalent to about a can of Coke, which is 140 calories and 40 grams of sugar, right?So I wait for my order.They give it to me in the restaurant.
I get to my table, I unwrap the burger, and I got every, karmically, I got every fucking thing that was coming to me.They fucked up every single step of this burger.It had cheese, it had veggies, and it had cheese. He only gave me a single.
He didn't give me a double.And he only charged me first, and I didn't even notice.I said double.I absolutely said double.Yes, I equivocated, and my nails dug.There's still a mark there.
In the graphite counter, my nails dug in, going, go, go, go, get a double.I ordered a double.I got a single.Every step of this fucking thing was wrong.I was like, this is fucked. Now, the one by my house, they have a tremendous track record.
They get it right almost every single time.This one over here, this one in Culver City fucking stinks.So I got to go to the counter now and get a knife, a plastic knife, and scrape the fucking cheese off.
And I don't know, the way the table was, the way the wrapper was, I didn't have that much room to work. The burger, as I'm scraping off the cheese, starts sliding around the table.
So I gotta grab it and catch it, because it keeps slipping out of my hand.I get fucking hamburger juice all over my hands.And then guess what happened?
I had fucking one of the worst fears, one of the most avoided nuisances of my life that I tried to never have happen.Fucking hamburger.I told you guys about hamburger hands, right?When you hold a hamburger and you get natural juice.
juices you get the natural you get the hamburger juices on your fucking hands and it's just got this weird sticky resin like just gross like you picked up dog shit with your bare hand i fucking i i despise and i live in constant fear of hamburger hands and so much time had gone by i got in my car and i realized once i touched my stick so this is what i get i had to drive all the way home with hamburger hands and got hamburger hands all over my
fucking steering wheel.That's what happened.And that's what I get for going, caving, and ordering, and getting that fucking shitty food.They fucked up every single aspect of it.
Now, despite that, like I said, I'm going through all these dietary issues, these urges, these tremendous urges that I have to fight, like Odysseus in the, wait, is Odysseus in the Odyssey?Or is that Homer? Who am I thinking?
Who's the guy that had to get... He heard the... They go through the part of the ocean where the sirens are and he orders the crew to tie him to the mast so that he can't... Because you'll jump off into the... The siren song is so irresistible.
You'll jump off the boat and thousands of sailors have lost their lives in this area because the sirens actually turn out to be like monsters when you swim up too much and they fucking eat you.And just like that, I had to be tied down.
And I resisted day in, day out for several fucking days in a row where I was Thanks. I mean, this happens to everybody.You just get an urge to just not even eat shit, but just to eat.Eat more than you should eat.I'm just fucking hungry.
And I'm just, I white knuckled it all fucking day.And I have not weighed myself in weeks.And I weighed myself last night.And you know how much I fucking weigh?You are not going to fucking believe this.
According to the digital scale at Gold's, which I think is accurate, I don't know, 215 pounds.
Pounds?Holy shit!I lost like seven pounds in a week!I'm never gonna get it!I didn't cut back at all!This isn't any better!And I need to work out for a week and I lost seven pounds in a week!
Damn!215, if that's true, I haven't weighed 215 fucking years.The lightest I weighed, I remember back in March when I was in my slimmest shape, I was, I think 217 was as low as I got.This waffled between 214 and 215.I was, Astounded.
I could not believe it.And also, on top of that, I went on YouTube trying to get this.You might not even be able to hear the difference.There's a little bit less fat slapping around on my little piggy fat sides.
And they have definitely visibly receded slightly.They're still there because I have those genetics.But I'm fighting.I'm making progress, right?And I started doing it.I think I'm on my third week.
where there's this program I saw on YouTube that every three days, the guy says, just do these two fucking ab workouts twice a week.And I got to check.Is it six weeks or six?I don't know.I hope it's not six months.
But something like it's six weeks, you'll have a six pack.And the exercise, and I hate these.They're over the head.They're pull downs.So you take the little rope on the universal machine that's on a pulley.
You get down on your knees, and you pull the thing down to your head, and then you bow, you hold the ropes against like basically the side of your face, right?
And then you pull the stack of weights down, you bow from your, like you're bowing to a fucking, your sensei or whatever.You go down, and your nose almost touches the ground.
And you gotta do those, and you gotta pull that whole fucking stack with you. And it never feels like it's doing anything.You've got to find this weird middle ground to make sure you're not pulling it too hard with your arms.
Especially when you've been doing it a while and you're getting a higher rep range and you're starting to get tired and you're starting to lose your form and your discipline. Discipline and the fuck after a while now you're almost like oh my god.
I'm pulling it with my arms I gotta I gotta keep it all my so like the first like bunch of times.
I felt no I felt like nothing It was really fucking pissing me off, and then I learned that you got to go heavy, and you got to hold it You got to pull it off, which sucks even more I It's the best.Time under tension is the best.
Effective reps and time under tension are the most, is where you get the most progress out of working out.But you hate doing them because they hurt and they're fucking tedious.So I got to do three fucking sets of 25.
I've got to put my nose all the way to the ground and hold it for like five seconds and flex.So it took me like three times to figure this out and I was just miserable.I'm like, I hate this.I don't have the proper form.I can't.
Some stuff you try new stuff and it just kind of naturally comes to you.And this just does not.I don't know what it is.Whatever way I'm configured, I'm just not cut out to do those kind of crunches.
And then you're supposed to follow it with just leg raises.
You can do hanging leg raises, or you can go on that, I forget what they call it, but there's like this little kind of apparatus, you can hold yourself up with your arms on it kind of thing, and just do your legs.
And then I do weighted ones, I put a 15 pounder between my feet, and I do as many of those as I can, but I got really long legs, so those aren't, whatever.So I'm doing this for like fucking days, I'm not feeling anything, and I fucking hate it.
Then finally, after the third fucking week, now I'm getting sore every time I do it, which is nice.It's hard to get – because I kind of beat up my abs all the time, but I don't change stuff up enough.
Now I'm getting fucking sore and I'm starting to see actual results.Right now, my fucking abs are fucking hurting.It's punching my fucking abs.I'm punching myself in the stomach and it feels like I'm punching a fucking frying pan.
So the moral of that, Luke, what was the point in telling us that?Because sometimes you got to stick with the, I wasn't seeing any results.All my holding back of food and everything else, I still looked and felt fucking fat and bloated.
I swear to God, I was getting so pissed, because I would just be starving all fucking day.It's so uncomfortable.But you know, it's called self-discipline.This is why big fat fucks turn into big fat fucks, because they can't
fucking stop shoveling shit into their fucking face.And the urge to not do that is very hard.And I'm doing it for days and days and days.I'm like, nothing's happening.I still got little signs and everything else.
And then all of a sudden, like one day, it was crazy.I was really getting fucking frustrated.I'm like, I'm doing all the work.I'm not seeing any fucking results.And then I finally did.And you will too.So keep at it.Whatever you're doing, keep at it.
You might not think anything's happening, Sometimes it is.Sometimes it is, all right?Well, this might be the most caffeine I've ever had in one day.I did legs last night, right?
I got done late, I ate late, I was... I fucking barely... Dude, I still came in, even doing legs and everything else, I was at like 1800 calories by the fucking end of the day.
Everything, from the time I went to bed and everything, I went and had a big ass fucking meal at like 9 o'clock.I went to Cabo and got a big ass... It was fucking fantastic.But that fucker kept me up all night.I was so tired.
A night I couldn't sleep, I tossed and turned, candlesticks in the dark, visions of bodies being burned.And I woke up, I was in such a fucking slumber when I woke up this morning.I could not get my ass out of it.
I'm on my second cup of coffee of the day, and I had a full Purple Haze, bang!Bang energy drink, bang!I had a fucking full, that's a lot.I'm up to like 400. I'm thinking my fucking heart's going to explode, but let's see what happens.
If it does, it'll happen on the air.I hope someone will have the knowledge to be able to take this SD card out and still post this final episode, 470, after the Luxor had a fucking massive cardiac arrest from fucking having too much coffee.
Now, remember last time I was telling you about I was complaining about the Dunkin Donuts, sorry, the General Mills Monsters last week, Monster Cereal, how they brought in this imposter, Carmella Creeper, and replaced.I don't think they replaced.
I'm just saying at two different grocery stores I've seen, there was no Count Chocula, but there was a Carmella Creeper.
And I said, why the fuck does this town that is obsessed with Halloween and has two year-round Halloween stores only have these fucking cereals? for the month of Halloween, for the month of October.
Well, an astute listener, Polish Brandon, co-host of the Liquor License Podcast, both from Buffalo, reminded me, hey, ding dong, the General Mills headquarters and plant, It's in Buffalo.How on earth did I forget that that place... It's in Buffalo.
If you drive downtown on what they call the Skyway, the elevated highway, and you go around the city, there's the gigantic General Mills, the silos full of oats.It just smells like Cheerios.It smells like oats for like a mile around.
It's very pleasant.It's a very distinct characteristic of Buffalo, downtown Buffalo.And I was like, that's right, they're downtown.So we have them year round there, the monster cereals, because they're from there, it's ground zero, it's home base.
So yeah, yeah, I know what you're asking.Next time you go home, you're going to do a visit to General Mills and ask him what the fuck. Carmela Creeper is what happened to Count Chaka.Yes, I am.I'm going to show up like Michael Moore and Roger and me.
I'm going to show up to General Mills and I'm going to say, where's the general?I need to talk to him.Who is this South American bitch?This, I don't know, zombie, whatever the fuck she's supposed to be.And where is my Count fucking Chaka?
And conversely to that, we are now, what is it?It is October the 16th. You know how it do.They start putting out Halloween decorations September fucking second.There's already ghosts in the Frankenstein, whatever the fuck.
There's ghosts and shit, every fucking store, especially the drugstores.They already got Halloween candy out for fucking three months before Halloween.But then you go to Dunkin' Donuts. Damn, no, what the hell?
In my lifetime, one of the great complaints, the complete degeneration of the airline industry, how they just anally rape us every fucking time you get on a plane.
It's up there with that, the invention of the leaf blower, the implementation of the leaf blower.The total faltering of Dunkin' Donuts is such a travesty. They don't even have fucking Halloween dough.They don't give a shit about anything.
They're out of doughnuts by 11.01 a.m.There's like four fucking doughnuts left in the whole thing.All the ones that, you know, nobody wants.Some weird flavor some ass, that middle management character came up with.
What if we do a, what if we do a oak, oak root maple flavor, like with butterscotch? Fuck off.That's all that's left.Just the crappy, like, the grandma ones that, like, some old fucking coal miner's wife wants to buy.They're all gone.
They don't have one Halloween donut.And when this one, I was so excited when they first opened.When did they first open here, like? I've been here 20 years, but they did not open for a while.I don't think this one opened until like 2016 or 2017.
It's fairly recent.Last five, six years or so, and they finally opened.But they were a mere shell of either, I don't know, maybe they're this bad on the East Coast too, but growing up, they were not like this, of what they should be out here.
And I know for the first couple of years, they would have Halloween-themed donuts, and it was the only fucking time they would ever make a strawberry, frosted strawberry fill donut. Normally, all you get is sugar.
It's a fucking fill with jelly in it, dipped in powdered sugar or granulated sugar.That's it.But back east, you get vanilla frosted, which is the fucking shit.And then out here, they would make this whole Frankenstein face.
There'd be this whole ornate artistic creation made out of fucking... Frosting?I'd have to be like a half a pound of frosting on top of a donut.
This is why it's so frustrating, because Dunkin' Donuts' jelly, the actual jelly in the bun is fucking so good, it's delicious.
It's even better than Tim Hortons, and Tim Hortons I still think beats Dunkin', but Dunkin' does have a better strawberry actual filling.But I don't like them when they're dipped in just fucking powdered ground sugar.I want frosting on top!
And they make a Frankenstein face, so there's a fucking, it's fucking fantastic.The thing weighs a half a pound, for Christ's sakes. Not even a hint, not even like an accidental bat fucking drawn on one of the donuts.It's not festive.
It is lacking in the fill with the icing that I want.I just spit, did you see that?Let me complain about California here for a little bit. Some things going on.I applied.A whole bunch of my friends did this and I jumped on the bandwagon.Why not?
I want to be with the cool kids.A bunch of people applied for their concealed carry permit here in California.Now you'd be shocked. but it is a bureaucratic miasma and they've made it as absolutely difficult and confusing as humanly possible.
Because they don't want you to have guns at all.They really don't want you to have... I don't know why they don't just... I mean, they're breaking every other law and rule and completely unconstitutional insanity.
Anyways, why not just completely revoke a citizen's right to concealed carry?Maybe there's like that one last dangling participle of a resemblance of the Constitution left and they can't quite do it yet, I don't know.
But the amount of hoops and things they make you drum through and the fucking waiting period to even get seen for an appointment is a minimum of one year.An entire, if you're lucky,
An entire year just to, then it's like 50 bucks just for that, right?Then you gotta take this training course and all this other stuff.
It ends up costing, I'm not kidding, by the end, you will have spent three to 400 fucking dollars taking a 16 hour course and all kinds of other insane shit.It gets even better.I spent like hours on this yesterday.It's pretty slow at work.
I spent like hours on this yesterday looking into it. There's like a, you don't get a concealed, at least not here.I don't know where else, but you don't get a concealed carry permit, and then you can just carry a gun.
You can only carry specific guns of which you have entered the serial number of the pistol already on the application.
And if you're found carrying a different pistol that's not that one, you might as well not even have the concealed carry permit, and now you're illegal carrying.You can only carry these guns, and you can only enter up to three.
In my case, I only have one fucking pistol right now.Well, what if I buy one in between now and the fucking 17 years it takes when I, God forbid, actually get the concealed carry permit.Well, what if I get one in between?What am I supposed to do?
A gun that holds more?This thing only holds fucking five rounds.What if I want one that's got a clip? Too bad!Too bad!Unbelievable.They so do not want, they fucking hate people having guns and everything else here.
They don't want you concealed, fucking carry.They hate, they want criminals to be armed and not you.
If there's one thing that it really makes sense that the left doesn't want, it's, you know, which makes so much sense, responsible gun owners carrying.That it could actually, you know, that you see in the news, stop all kinds of mass shooting.
I mean, maybe you don't see, they bury those stories, but that happens all the fucking time.
boy my one okay I'm gonna crack open hang on goddamn death that a liquid death here hang on okay I don't I think I should stop at the cafe I'm gonna fucking lose my mind and I'm gonna crash like that Zeppelin in 1929 um you know I was in the 30s over there 31
So yeah, just like everything else here, just a complete joke, horribly mismanaged, needlessly complicated and difficult.Just ridiculous.Just ridiculous.Let me hear.So did I cover this last week?I don't know.Really quick.
So it has been another thing.
It's been taking me weeks to try to get back involved in this stupid central casting debacle where I'm trying to get a job again as a background actor and stuff because we're getting our hours cut at work and I'm trying to find ways to fill the days.
Like I said before, years and years ago when I signed up, you showed up to the office, you filled out the fucking forms, you wait in a really long line.It was like a two or three hour freaking wait.It's crazy.Go all the way down the street.
They would have it like every other Tuesday or something like that.And like hundreds of fucking people.It was really a spectacle.
But, you know, I'd rather have that where you're there in person and you can get answers, questions answered and everything else. Instead of now, it is all online.And their process is so fucked up and incomplete.
And there's things you're supposed to do, and they don't tell you how you're supposed to do them or where.It is a complete mess and a shit show.
And after weeks and digging up all these documents and all this stuff that I'm supposed to have, I came to a complete dead end on it.I'm like, I have no idea what I'm even supposed to do here. I guess I'm not signing up for it then.
I guess this isn't possible.So I went to go on fucking Yale, which doesn't matter because there's like no fucking postings on there anyways.It doesn't matter, which sucks because I really wanted to do that.Now there's other services.
I'm going to look into that.There's different places that are like a central casting that casts background actors and stuff like that.I'm going to have to join one of those because Actual Central Casting, which has been around for 100 years.
I think next year it will have been around for 100.It's a 100 year institution here in Los Angeles.It's impossible.So I went to go to Yelp to complain about them.And just to make sure, like, am I the idiot?
I scrolled through a bunch of the Yelp reviews, and it turns out a whole shitload of people were equally confused and critical of me.Everyone's like, their application process is insane.I have no idea how I'm supposed to sign up.
Something in my profile got hung up.There's no one, no one will answer. Can you believe this one?I mean, it's a local business.It's not like a giant, no one will answer the phone.I called all fucking day.It's like, you gotta leave a message.
The mailbox for this number is full.You can't even leave a message.You can't get anybody on the phone.It was a complete fucking shit show.And everyone on there is like, this is so badly, how do they have any, maybe that's the point.
Maybe there's not enough stuff shooting and they don't want more people on their rolls than are already on there that they can even keep up with. No one else is going to be able to fucking join this thing.
Their whole computer and their whole system is completely... I literally, seriously have an easier time getting things done at the fucking DMV than I do signing up for fucking Central Casting.It's absolutely fucking insane.
So that won't be happening at all, which is a bummer.I already got the profile and everything else, but I can't reactivate it.It's not letting me.It's all fucked up.
And then one more thing about the bureaucracies of LA and trying to get official type things done. Number one, if you're in LA and you vote a certain direction and you want help filling out your, I already filled out my ballot and sent it in.
Now I have resources of people and databases that basically are a cheat sheet to tell you who to vote for.I have it.If you got a ballot and you want to vote, you should.
And you know who you should vote for, uh, DME life from four or five podcasts or my regular at uncle Luke two on Instagram.And I'll give you all the, uh, I'll give you a cheat sheet to fill everything out because. just like everything else.
It's overly complicated.It's really confusing.It takes way more work to vote than it should.I don't know who most of these people are.They're like local school board.How am I supposed to know this?Do they send you something that has a...
I don't know, but I'm like, I don't know who, now more of the bigger type positions that needed more important stuff, municipalities and things around town that need to get filled.I kind of knew them, but there's a whole bunch.And then there's like,
I don't know if any other state passes.Are they even allowed to?Is this a California specific thing?With the fucking props?Props and measures.Propositions and measures are everywhere.All over the place.
Proposition 1A, Proposition B. I swear to God, there was like 16 of these measures they're trying to get passed locally for all this stuff. I went to the local California GOP website.I'm like, you got to go out of your way and do your own research.
In this fucking day and age, you might as well have to dig a ditch from here to China.That's the level of fucking work it takes for all of us lazy assholes.
I'm slightly more politically aware, I think, than the average guy, and I still don't fucking know any of this shit.
But, like, they broke down, like, vote no on every single prop in measuring this whole thing, except for fucking two of them, out of, like, a dozen.They were all so bad.
They were like, this, like, will further ruin the state, plunge us into debt and chaos and everything else.I was like, oh my God, what a fucking shit show here.
God, I got a whole other fucking chunk I want to do on that, but I don't, I'm going to save it towards the end if I even got fucking time.I don't like getting political, but something's really fucking bothering me.
I got to yell at it about it, at least really quick.Anyways. Give me one second here.Okay.In Los Angeles, you've been listening to this show for 470 episodes. There's one thing you know about the old Luxor.
It is one thing that I fucking dread in this life is having to get my haircut.I hate it.I hate the process of it.I hate being bothered with it.
I hate how often I show up to the appointment structure and the lack of availability of just being able to walk it.I can't stand it.I can't stand it.Drive me fucking insane.So need a haircut.
Got a bunch of days, a bunch of shit going on the next bunch of days proceeding, proceeding the day that would be best suited for me to get my haircut.I said, I need to really get my, need, quote unquote.
I'd really love to get my fucking haircut today.This day was Saturday, year of our Lord, 2024, this past Saturday. I had things going on.I had to come into work here and open up just for a little bit for a few extra dollars.
And my old pal from Buffalo, Rusty, was coming out.He's in town.He's driving up from San Diego.I'm going to meet up with him.We're going to hang out later on.
And then we're going to go over to fucking Bogues, dude Bogues' house out there, way the fuck out in Canyon Country, where I used to live, and hang out and drink and get this hot tub.Maybe touch each other's fucking brakes. Beautiful fucking day.
I had a good night of sleep.I sleep fine.If I don't have to get up the next day, I fucking sleep fine.I didn't have to be here until like 11. Came in, thing gets wrapped up, and I'm thinking of places I could possibly get my haircut now.
A few weeks ago, a few colored gentlemen walked around the neighborhood here, and they handed out cards for their new barbershop right down the street, around the corner, everything else.
They're like, hey, we open up barbershop, you guys need your haircut, everything else.Seemed like nice guys. I think they said they would give us a discount.I didn't realize that till after.I think they said, like, yeah, come in.
We'll give you a discount or something.But I forgot.If that was the case, I forgot to employ that privilege.
And you've heard me talk about it many times, the scourge of the mom and pop, the cholo, now these are blacks, the cholos are the Mexicans, of those barbershops always take exceedingly long and they are exceedingly expensive.
There's sort of the plus side that you're supporting a local business and people open their own place and everything else feels kind of nice, the problem is, They're on average $15 to $20 more than somewhere like Supercuts or Floyd's.
Supercuts is the cheapest.Well, what about Fantastic Sam's?There's no Fantastic Sam's around here, but they do exist, but there's none anywhere near the vicinity either that I live or work, okay?
So against all warnings, all previous knowledge, I very foolishly went down around the corner, because I figured I can get it done quick.They're right there.I'll give them a shot.
And I've never had my hair cut, I don't think, in a black barbershop, which really is kind of, it is an American institution.That is one thing very germane, Jackson, to their culture is the barbershop.It's like the, I think it's the white guy,
You know, the white guys have the cigar fucking lounge and the blacks have the barber shop where you just go and you all grouse together and talk and everything else.
So for all these reasons, I eschewed all forewarning to go to this place and I went anyways.
So I show up, there's two barbers, there's an old black fella, probably 60s, and there's a real young kind of whippersnapper with like, they call them tarantula heads.That's the way the guy's got his fucking hair, right?
And the older guy's cutting a white dude's hair, and the younger dude is cutting a black guy's hair.And I sat on the very uncomfortable couch, and I waited, and I waited, and I'll be right with you, man.I'll be right with you, young fella.
Okay, cool.About a half hour.The white, I don't know what they did to this, it was like this ginger-looking dude.And, you know, he was younger or whatever.I don't know what they did to his fucking hair that took this long.
And the black guy, who was a little fur, you know, the black dude that was getting his hair cut, I saw no difference from when the guy walked in to when they were done.I don't know what he did to this fucking guy's hair.
I saw no fucking change in anything.I don't know.So, they're in the middle of cutting these guys.It was taking so fucking long.I'm like, why don't I should just leave. I'm looking around the shop, trying it.
Now, to their credit, a lot of the Cholo ones, it takes some doing, because they usually have a ton of shit all over the walls.And the Cholo guys always have TVs going.The black guys did not.
The Cholo ones will always have TVs with movies and stuff playing on it.You know, training day, which half of them are probably extras in, speaking of central casting.But they'll have a little price breakdown hanging up somewhere.
This one very conspicuously did not have one.I said, all right, I'm going to roll the dice.They're usually about $40. Whatever it is, I need my fucking haircut, I'm already here.I almost stood up to leave like twice.
This is taking way too fucking long, it's ridiculous.I just had a bad feeling about it.But no, once again, how running of a theme is this?
So the past couple episodes, against every fucking instinct, I profile, I look at the situation and I said, the odds, the Mr. Spock in me broke down the data at hand and said, this is not gonna end good for us.
But I just couldn't bring myself to stand up and walk out.So the younger barber guy goes, all right, man, come on over.So I go over there, sit in his chair.Now, I tell him what I want, and he starts going to work on me.
In the middle of this, this other dude that's friends with these guys, this black guy, he's probably around my age.He looks like he's in his 40s.
He comes in, now they're all like, you know, like it's just, imagine the most stereotypical black barber shop, and this was totally it.The way everybody was talking, everyone's busting each other's balls and everything else.
It was kind of like, it was kind of fun, and they were kind of like funny, and the stuff they were talking about was just, I don't know, there's, I'll give them this, they're very full of life, the blacks.They really are.They just, they just.
Their cup overfloweth with life and life experience and everything else.
And this guy just happened, he was kind of dressed like a, not like a literal bum, but just like, you know, he's going to go to the gym or this guy just kind of looked like he was just in his bum clothes.
But apparently he was rich and he was telling us of his trade.He just got back from Europe.He went like Europe hop.He went all over the fucking planet.This guy for the last like three months,
and he must be doing well in real estate because he was telling me how he owns the bar.In fact, I talked about this bar.
The very bar I mentioned not too long ago, episodes ago, that I said, why does a place that fails, the business fails and then someone else comes and buys the building and then opens the exact same type of business in the exact same spot.
Anyway, this is a bar that is closed like five fucking times.It was that very bar.And you know what the guy said? Yeah, I own that bar.Oh yeah, I know where your shop is.You're right around the corner from the blah, blah, blah.
The bar that used to be the Sports Harbor.And I was like, yes!Living podcast subject. Sir, why did you take a building that's been a bar at least three different iterations of a bar that has failed over and over and over again?
And he goes, yeah, man, I don't know.There's something about it.It just doesn't get enough foot traffic or whatever.And I was like, yeah, because it was the sports, if you're more of Boston inclined, HABA, the sports HABA,
That place was here for, I don't know, at least a fucking day.It was here for a long time.It was like a local shit, kick, or die bar.And the guy said, that one initially closed, here we go, we'll get some closure, literally and figuratively.
Because the fucking rent, when the bar opened years and years ago, and it wasn't... The real estate stuff just skyrocketed out here.Everything has so much fucking money.
And he said the guy closed Sports Harbor because he couldn't pay the fucking rent.They did okay business-wise.And even if they had a busy weekend, it just wasn't enough to pay all the expenses of the place and fucking pay the rent on top of it.
So for whatever reason, that guy bought the... He goes, whatever.He's selling that bar too. But we're sitting here, and that guy's kind of holding court in the middle of the whole barbershop.
And he's talking about all of his travels and everything else and all this shit that he's seen.He's getting ready to take another trip.
Next week, he's going to, I kept meaning to ask him about Ireland, but he's going to fucking Australia or something.He's been all over.He just got back from England and France and all this stuff.
But everyone starts talking about fucking, oh, it was so, it was so, I just wanted to lean back in the chair and go, thank you.They start, everyone's, this dude starts complaining.
Now he's, this guy's like a, he was an all right looking dude, but you know, he's got some money and he's a bachelor in LA and he's out there dating and it just hit, just went right down the checklist of every goddamn thing that's wrong with every goddamn woman that's in this fucking city and county of Los Angeles.
All the worst people, all the shitty dates he's been on over and over and over again.How much money he has fucking spent and wait.He's like, all these girls want is a free dinner.All they want is a free dinner and drinks, man.Everywhere we go.
They don't want to come home after, they don't even want to kiss you after.And I was like, amen, brother.I just like stood up and started dancing around.I just turned into fucking the James Brown church scene in fucking, in Blues Brothers.
I was doing somersaults down the fucking, Every time, I'm just like, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.Everyone else, every fucking thing, this is a city and county-wide plague.
I don't know how much it's, I'm sure it's worse here, I'm sure it's worse in the fucking, in the major cities, because we attract all the worst people from all over the place.
They all come out here to do very self-absorbed and narcissistic activities, like actors and singers and everything else.It's all me, me, me, me, and they're very shallow and very good-looking fucking people.And there is a, We're lousy with them.
So we're all experiencing it.So anyways.Meanwhile, this guy's working on my hair, OK?He had quite the unorthodox style of barbering.I don't think he ever once, I said, get it as short as you can get with your fingers on top.It's the same direction.
Short as you can get with your fingers on top, and blended, shaved it on the sides.What number razor?A number two. 45 years pretty much getting this fucking haircut.
The guy never once put his fucking hand, I don't think, ever put his hand on top of my head to squeeze his fingers together to trap all the hair between the fingers and then take the scissors like a lawnmower and cut all the hair down, right?
He was just like, Taking the scissors.
I feel like he was individually cutting each and every hair on the top I don't know what the fuck he was doing, but I could barely feel any scissors cutting any of the hair off I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
And then he kept so he would talk to me and he would get all wound up He would talk to the other guys in the shop.He would jump into their conversation.Then we'd have our conversation This is all too much I don't want any of this.
I don't really need to talk or have a conversation.Like I said, it was a yin and a yang.Yes, it was kind of fun just to be in the atmosphere and the ambiance of a legitimate black barbershop and all the fun silliness that goes with that.
But at the same time, I got shit to do.I just want my fucking haircut.Walk in and walk out. We got to talk and everything, got to get life lessons.
And this guy, he was fucking combing my hair so hard, he was just cracking me in the side of the head with a comb.The more he was talking, the harder he would comb my hair.I was trying to get him to talk about gentle topics.
I'm like, hey man, you ever lay out in a field full of daisies?It's really, he was fucking hurting me.
And then he would get so amped up, he would stop cutting my hair, and he would get in front of me, like... You ever see when someone does, like... Say it's a rap video with Drake and all of his... They'll all be rapping together, and then one guy will step up and do his verse, so he gets a little single, like the camera shot.
It was like this.The guy would get in front of me, and he would fucking talk.It looked like they were filming for a rap.This is how wound up this guy would get. You know what I'm saying, man?
I get my coffee, I go into the garage, the guy don't know what I'm talking about, he fucking ripping me off.
Obviously, he turned into a cast member for Goodfellas there, but like, and I'm like, yeah, can you talk and cut my, you have to completely stop and get in front of me and give me a fucking, a Shakespeare soliloquy here, can you just fucking cut my hair?
Half hour, this guy must have taken 40, fuck, I swear to God, I must have been in that chair, 40 fucking minutes, I'm like, God, fuck, this is ridiculous.No more mom and pop, no more mom and pop fucking shops.I'm done, I'm so fucking tired of this.
And then the guy's telling me, now I can't remember, I missed the detail of whether or not this is something he plans to do or something that he has done.I'll go with something that he plans to do.
But I could be wrong in that he's actually done this or claimed that he's done this.He told me he'd be wanting to be an actor.So his plan is to show up at movie sets
and just hang out there, I guess, and talk to production people and things until they put him in the movie.But we're not done yet.This guy's like fantasy or whatever.
He's just going to show up like Terry Malloy and on the waterfront with his hook down there and just hope for work.But listen to this added bonus.If you cast this guy in your movie that has just shown up and demanded to be in it,
He said, he don't be remembering the lines and shit because he be wanting to put his own spin on it because he got a big personality.So I don't really want to read the lines on the page.I want to add my own thing to it.
I'm like, I don't know how much research you've done, pal, but this isn't really how the filmmaking. But you know, God bless you.Go ahead.What the fuck do I know?LL Cool J did that on Crush Groove.
And he did indeed end up in the movie and then got himself a featured part.So what do I know?Maybe it'll work.But this was this guy's plan.And I'm just like, just fucking come.Just cut my hair, Chico.Get this done, will you?
So after all this fucking, the running time of Godfather 2, he fucking finishes, and he hands me the mirror.And it didn't look like, I'll give him this much.He gave me one of the best fades.This is what the Black Barber is infamous for.
The fade, he gave me a really good fade, but the fucking hair on top of my head is the same length. Can we get it any shorter?"He's like, yeah, yeah.So I took the scissors and like three times, again, I feel nothing.
I don't feel the scissors making contact with my hair.I don't see any hair, pieces of hair falling off, nothing.I'm just taking the scissors and just kind of moving my hair around with like, you know, they're not even open.
They just closed the scissors and kind of rubbed my head with them.I go, all right, man.And then it kind of looked like he did something and it looked shorter.And I was like, Okay, I guess this will do.
So I got home and I took a shower and everything.Especially when they wet it and they comb the hair over hard to the side like John Turturro's haircut, Miller's Crossing kind of thing.I'm like, I don't know, it looks short enough.
And then I got home and really washed my hair and then dried it with a towel so that my hair stuck.And I stuck my fingers in it and the hair stuck out considerably taller than my fingers.And I got fat fingers and I'm like, motherfucker.
He finishes the haircut.I stand up to leave.Do you know how much this fucking... Now, I said, financially I'm a little strapped.We're down a day at work and everything else.Do you know how much this... I'm taking my glasses off.
This fucking haircut cost me... $60, six zero.So with the $10 tip, 70 fucking, I don't think Trump pays that for a haircut.The most expensive haircut I have ever gotten and hope to ever get, I don't ever want to have to pay $60.
$70, and then didn't even fucking cut it short.Where's haircut?I think I've ever, no, I can't say that, because at least he did the fade right.
It does, I do actually kind of look cool, even though it's nowhere near as short as him when he did a good job with the rest.$70 fucking dollars.Can you fucking believe this?No more mom and pop.No more.I know I've said it.
I mean, I swear on my kids this fucking time.No fucking more.I've had it.The length, the price, the aggravation, All of it, all of it.What time is it?I gotta be somewhere at, okay.Oh, hang on, let me cut one more time here, sorry.
Okay, anyways, so I get my haircut.Now, I ride, I gotta kinda rush back home, not because they took so fucking long, I gotta rush back home and meet up with Rusty, who's staying over in West Hollywood-ish. And he and I are big film nerds.
And we used to, growing up back in Buffalo and everything else, we'd go to the movies.We'd all, you know, go to movies and shit, all of us together.
And I said, what do you say we go see that fucking Saturday Night Live movie called Saturday Night about the, well, I didn't know it was about the night of the launch.It all takes place in one night.
It's the lead up to the launch of the first episode of Saturday Night Live.And he said, yeah, sure, why not? I rush home and take a shower, and I hop my bike, and I take Laurel Canyon over, and the Sunset, well, it's called something else now.
I still call it, everybody still calls it the Sunset Five.It's right at the bottom of the hill.You go over famous, historic Laurel Canyon, and when it terminates at the bottom at Sunset Boulevard, the movie theater's right there.
And the ride to work, the ride back to my place, and then the ride over the hill to the theater, and even the ride back, it was just a beautiful, perfect fucking temperature, riding, it was just great.
It was really nice, despite having to come all the way to work and everything else, and that fucking $70 goddamn haircut, it was... It was a very nice day of ride.
It really was like a nice, I don't know, it was just a nice Saturday vibes, as they say.So I haven't seen Rusty since I went back in July.So I saw him when I went back to Buffalo and hung out.But he hasn't come out here in 20 years.
Him and his chick came out here the week me and my chick moved here, and he stayed here for days. And I could have swore he came one more time, but I guess that was it.I haven't seen him.He hasn't come out here since I moved here.
So a lot of, a lot of, sorry, I got a cough drop.A lot of commemorations and anniversaries of things.Now I've been to this theater in a while.It's changed hands like three times now.Who owns it now?It's maybe Regal.I don't know.
It's kind of a small theater.It's in a big ass plaza. In fact, I just found out it is built over the ruins of what was, what's that famous, that famous soda shop or whatever where all the stars were discovered.What the fuck was the name of it?
Like Lana Turner was discovered there.Really, really famous place.It used to be a, oh, it was a drugstore.What the fuck was the name of it? You know what I'm talking about?They knocked it down, I think, in the 60s or 70s.
But for like 40 years, it was this like really famous, really famous Ellie Lance box.I don't know, look it up.But it used to be right there at this address.But now there's this whole big plaza with shops and restaurants and everything else.
But this movie theater's in there. So I had barely eaten.Once again, this is a running theme.I'm staying hungry, staying horny.I had barely eaten.So we went to the fuck.They got a nice little bar in there.
And your only choices, I'm not complaining about this, but your choices for whiskey, it was a limited selection.But it was either Jack Daniels or Bullitt.And you can get rye, or you could get the bourbon.And I like Bullitt.And I like Jack.
And I have not had a Jack and Coke in a very long time.I've moved on up to Makers and Cokes. And I said, fuck it, I'll get a Jack.He said, you want a single and double?I said, a double, on an empty stomach.
And Rusty got, he got some kind of tequila and something, I think.And it hit me fucking just for, oh my God, it was such a, the only downside is I forgot how much Jack, I don't know if it's, nothing else makes me piss like Jack and Coke.
I had to piss like four fucking times in the next like two hours, ridiculous.But it was very good, it was very fucking yummy. Jack and Coke, forgot about the glory of that drink.
And the ironic part is we're going to see Sarah and I, the launch, you know, this launched John Belushi into stardom.And the fucking, the steps when you walk into the fucking door of the Sunset Five,
Maybe 400 yards away is the Chateau Marmont, where he croaked.You go in and you see the fictionalized beginning of this guy's career, and then you walk out and see the literal end of it.He died right fucking there in that building.
That was a little fucking surreal.I like stuff like that.That's what I like about Los Angeles. One of the last things there is to like about Los Angeles.But God, it's driving me crazy.I can't remember the name of that fucking drugstore.
I keep wanting to say Reed's, or like Rex, or something like that.What the fuck was the name of that drugstore?I can't remember.But anyway, so a good handful of people, good sized screen room, nice layout and everything, a handful of us.
And we're sitting there.We were a little early.We were fucking 10, 15 minutes early.The show's supposed to start at 4. 405, 410, 415, 420.There has not been a thing on the screen.Nothing.Nothing has come on.Nothing.Just no preview, no advertisements.
Just a dark screen.And after a while, people are like, what the fuck is going on here?It's 20 after 40.I haven't even started it yet.So somebody finally went out into the lobby.I don't know.
I mean, it's kind of like a, all things considered, kind of a high-end theater.And somebody had to go out into the lobby like, are you guys going to start the movie?And they were like, oh, sure. Like, I guess they just forgot to start it.
So it started 20 minutes late, and we're like, Jesus fucking Christ.Like, we were all like, what the fuck, man?But to their credit, I'll say this.They cut out every single, there wasn't an ad, there wasn't a trailer, there was nothing.
They went straight into the fucking movie, and it just started.And then like, we were kind of stuck with the moral, Question, would you rather just sit here for 20 minutes with nothing on the screen and then just have the fucking movie start?
Or would you rather have, you know, it's nice to see, I don't know, it was just, it was a moral, I don't think it's ever happened to me in my life.It was so, it was so strange, but yeah.
Oh, by the way, so I finally saw the, now this movie, Saturday Night, I never saw, I never saw, I knew nothing about this movie going in.I don't know who was in it.I didn't even know what it was.
I mean, I knew it was about Saturday Night Live, but I didn't know it all took place like in one, it almost takes place in real time.
Like the show's coming on at midnight and this movie starts at like, it's like, you know, the opening chyron is like 10 p.m.Saturday, whatever the date is.They're going to air in two hours.So it's almost like you're living, that is cool.
I always like when movies do that and pull that off. Someone was just talking about in Aliens, when Ripley starts the self-destruct sequence, when it's self-destruct in 15 minutes.
The runtime of the movie is exactly 15 minutes from when she pushes that button to when it actually, like to be able to coordinate that, it's just a nice little fucking kind of cherry on top, but like.
I do kind of like when that kind of stuff happens, but I didn't know who directed it, nothing.I didn't know shit.I didn't see one trailer, nothing.I just saw the poster.And I said, the concept sounds kind of fun, so I'm down to check it out.
Conversely, I have seen, never saw one in the theater.I just got curious and pulled it up on the computer.The trailer for Smile 2. Smile 2 is coming out, and it's the same creative team.It's the same writer.It's the same director.
Obviously, the cast is different, because they all die at the beginning of the first Smile.Trailer's not great.Pretty rough.It seems like they're really reaching.They shot their lot in the first movie.
The whole concept really doesn't quite lend itself to another movie, because it's going to be pretty much the same scares all over again.And when I was reading the reviews, It pretty much sounded like that's exactly what it is.
It's like this is kind of just a rehash of the first movie with a couple extra little things thrown in.But overall, I don't know.Maybe I'll go see it.I don't know.I'm not very excited for it because, yeah, it doesn't scream sequel to me.
I'm not sure how you can tell that story again in a particularly fresh way.But so that was that.
And also, I want to take a quick side note here to say, I don't know, well, this will be good for you because you won't have to listen to me complain about it anymore, but I'm done with Penguin.
I made it four episodes in, I'm still watching it, Penguin on HBO.
HBO used to be so, man, the fucking, from 2000 to about 2019 or so, just like a lot of other things, Marvel movies and everything else, what a great, undeniable era of HBO that was, so many classic, culturally indelible shows, Sopranos, Game of Thrones, Curb Your Enthusiasm, amazing writings, the best talent in the business, behind the scenes and in front of the camera, everything everywhere.
And it seems like it has just completely, it has lost all HBO magic.I don't know what happened when it turned to Max and everything else, but it just seems like it has been completely fucking diluted.
A bunch of fucking amateurs, a bunch of people that don't know. what they're doing or anything else.By episode four, I'm realizing I love Colin Farrell.
It's a great, fun character, but I mean, I don't know for me personally, besides him, there is not one single interesting, not only character, but actor playing the character in the whole fucking rest of the show.I don't care about anybody else.
I don't think that they're written very well or fleshed out properly or anything else.One guy that's like pretty fun, It can't hold an entire show together for me.
And I can't stand that fucking chick that's like his... The other main character in the show, the hangman girl.She's got Beetlejuice from Howard Stern eyes.And I can't unsee that.And it drives me crazy.And she's a bore.And her face fucking annoys me.
And none of the storylines are doing... I can't... I'm done with the fucking kid and everything. I tried, I'm sorry.It was good for a little while, and I had hope for it, but it just, it's so badly fucking cast.
I don't believe any of these people are gangsters, but none of them, none of these actors fit these fucking roles properly, which used to be the crowning achievement of HBO in these shows.
They would get the most perfect people, even if they were total unknowns. You'd go, I don't know who this person is, but they're awesome as this character.Like when they cast another one, a fucking Boardwalk Empire.Jack Houston as, what's his name?
The guy with half of his face blown off.Richard Harrow, one of my favorite fucking characters ever in any fucking TV show ever.And that guy was, I mean, I know he's a,
Speaking of the thing I'm writing, he's John Huston's grandson, I believe, of the famous Hollywood Huston family that's been a name since fucking movies started.They're like the Barrymores.They're like Hollywood royalty.
But he hadn't been in a ton of stuff.You couldn't even recognize him because he had that thing on his face, but he was such a fucking great That guy's not a great actor, really, but he was so good in that fucking part.
I don't think, I've never seen him, I like that guy in general.I don't think he's like, he's no Danny Houston.That's the man, I fucking love that dude.This is Jack Houston, right? He was, I believe, his brother.
But he was so perfect, and they just seemed to have lost.You know what it was?It was, honestly, God, you know what was one of the common elements in all this stuff?
George Ann Walken, Christopher Walken's wife, was like this arch fucking casting agent, and she was so talented, so good, and so good at finding just the right person for all these fucking parts.
And it just seemed that they just don't fucking have that magic anymore. And lastly, call me stupid, whatever, call me a fanboy.I mean, I don't even care about Batman.But the fact that they have not mentioned Batman once in this entire thing.
They constantly reference everything else that happened in the movie.The Riddler blowing up the city and flooding everything and everything else.
But these criminals aren't talking about a legitimate concern, the Batman, who's gonna come and fuck their business.It doesn't make any fuck, it doesn't make any bloody sense.Remember when he says an adaptation? So, done with Penguin.
I don't know about you, but I'm finished with it.Sorry.Four episodes, rest in peace.Now, back to this movie.Saturday Night, about the opening.The night of Saturday Night Live.I have no idea what to expect.
The movie begins, and the best thing I can compare it to is, if you're familiar with one of my favorite movies of all time, Magnolia.The thing opens up at Rainbow Room Studios there.It's NBC, where they film Saturday Night Live for all these years.
But this is the first night they're going to put it on. And everything's a mess.Everything's coming apart.It's going to be a live show, which adds an extra element of stress and danger and everything else.
And they're, you know, it's an hour, whatever, and some change, two hours before show time, and they don't even have the episode locked yet.They're not exactly sure which sketches and which things are going to.
Who of the crazy actors, all these big personalities, like John Belushi and everything else, who's even going to show up?You know, Belushi might just leave and go get some Coke.All these people, they're very type A personalities.
And even though they're quite talented, you know, many of them are fraught with problems and neuroses and all these other things that you have to try to navigate and to wrangle, you know.
So, it's this steadicam shot, like in Magnolia, when one of the earlier, you know, they're introducing a shitload of characters.
It reminded me of Magnolia in a lot of ways, sort of, because it throws a whole shitload of characters, but you know them all.They're all famous.It's like, you know, Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, that main original cast.
But most of the story focuses on Lorne Michaels, you know, the director, the producer, everything. And it opens up where he's walking around.
He's in this very bustling studio, the studio space, where everyone's running around trying to put all these last touches on it.And person after person are coming up to him going like, what do you think about this?
Should he wear blue or should he wear yellow?And he said, I'll have him wear blue.And he's walking around through this floor.And then just to introduce everybody as quickly and efficiently as possible,
And I like when they do this stuff, and I really like they do it in Magnolia.I've referenced this eight times, Luke, you're going to actually fucking spit out what happens.
It's this scene where Michael Bowen, you know, the guy, he plays the other cop, and Jackie Brown, that's with Michael Keaton.He takes his kid, Stanley, he's taking him to the set of What Do Kids Know?
And they walk in, I think it's at CBS Radford, actually, in Magnolia.And they walk in the studio doors, and they walk in through the studio,
And there's this really impressive, very long, one-take Steadicam shot that follows Michael Bowen and the kid, and then it even gets in an elevator.
It gets in an elevator with Stanley, and he hands off his kid to the show coordinator, and they go and walk, and they get in the elevator, and they have a whole scene.
They come down, the elevator opens, then they walk onto another floor, and there's just people everywhere.You know, there's production staff walking around, there's other actors that are gonna be on the show, just people everywhere.
But it's all one take.They don't cut.And, you know, the camera will walk down the hall, and then, like, you know, Jimmy Gator will walk by, and the camera will catch him.And then now we walk with Jimmy Gator.
We go into Jimmy Gator's office, and we get into this whole thing.And it goes on.It's like a four-minute-long, uninterrupted cut introducing all these fucking characters, and it's really... I always... You know, it's a nice touch.I always like that.
It's technically impressive, and story-wise, like I said, it's quick and efficient and gets a lot of stuff done in a short amount of time.And it also sets up a... Not a chaos, it sets up the pacing of this that it's stressful for everybody.
In both movies, in Magnolia and in this.It just reminded me so much of Magnolia.So, back to Saturday Night, it's the same kind of shot.It's him walking through, then the camera will catch, you know, Chevy Chase walks in.
And then the steady cam catches him.Chevy Chase walks down the hall, he talks to Dan Aykroyd.Camera peels off, follows Dan Aykroyd down the hall.He goes and talks to Bobo. It was really long.
I have to really, for a myriad of reasons, I really want to watch this movie again, because I think there's a lot of cool stuff.But I'm almost positive this shot went on for like fucking, I kept waiting for a cut or a cheat.It'll go around a corner.
If anything passes in front of the lens, any solid object passes in front of the lens and takes up the whole lens, it means they cut.Like if you watch Children of Men, there's a really, I mean one of the most famous,
One take, I mean it goes on for like six, seven minutes, and they're going through a fucking war zone, and there's shit exploding, but there was, oh my God, it broke my heart, because it's so imperceptible.
They did it like digitally, they figured out a way to actually be able to cut.
If you watch that and didn't know any better, you would swear that they actually, it was one long take, and the amount of coordination it must have taken for like stunts, and all the huge set pieces going off, and everything else, and then never have to cut is like, how the fuck did they do that in one take?
It's really, You know, like he says in Three Amigos.But then I found out there was a Twig, Twig Photography.I was crushed.I was like the German pilot in fucking Three Amigos.
But anyways, going long, and then, side note, after, I was like, well, you know, this must be so much easier now that we're, it's digital, because you can just run forever.You don't have to, you know, film is a whole different thing.
The mag only has, you know, you can't put a big, well, you can.You can put a thousand foot mag of film on a camera, even on a Steadicam.I've seen people, I saw the great Colin Anderson do it. many times.
It was the SETI cam up for Casino, I'll have you know.But a 1000 foot mag, that's 10 minutes of film.So I found out they shot this on film and 16 millimeter film.What the fuck! I couldn't believe it.I was like, wow.
So that made it even more impressive, because it was film.You only had so much.So if it was a lighter weight mag, which it almost always is on a Steadicam, a 400 foot mag, that's four minutes of film.That's 400 feet.
You get about one minute per 1,000 feet of film.That's how this works.So you only got so much time to get it right before you run out of film, and they've got to change the mag and everything else.So that adds one more layer of difficulty.
And the credibility of it being an impressive feat.So that's, they set that up.They set that pace up.It's this guy, this guy, this guy, this guy.We got to figure this out.It's going all different rooms.Everyone's trying to solve all these problems.
They go, you know, the writer's room, they go to the makeup room, they go to wardrobe, they go to all this fucking stuff.You know, some of the cast members are bickering and shit.So it's bouncing all over the place.
And it goes on for a good 10, 15 minutes.And I'm like, Okay, again, creatively and technically impressive how they're doing it.
They're getting a lot done and this is the pace of the movie because they're throwing you into this atmosphere with these people because that's what it was like for them.
It was high stakes, it was pressure, it was their first show, no one knew what the fuck they were doing and what was going on and everything else. After about 25 minutes or so, it's still doing it.It's still, this camera's just bopping around.
It's just nonstop steady cam going around here, here, here.It'll peel off to all these different cameras.And you're not really getting one character's point of view.
It's just this constant tossing to this person, tossing to this person, introducing this.And it works because it's all, you know, guy playing Dan Aykroyd, guy playing Chevy Chase, blah, blah, blah.So they're all people you know.
So it's not like it's not interesting, but it's getting frustrating and it's getting kind of exhausting in the same way that if you saw, remember 1917?
That's another one where they tried to make it look like it was one continuous shot for the entire runtime of the movie.And it was the same thing.After like 20, 25 minutes, I'm like, I'm getting, I'm getting a little tired of this.
And the guy says, Ghostbusters. You start getting a little sick of it.It's like, can we have a tripod?Can we have one settled shot?Can this be from someone's, you know what I mean?
Can we have some sort of conventional structure of the way a movie is told to us?It really started getting old.It really started grating on me.And for a good 15 or 20 minutes, I was over it.I'm like, yes, this is all very impressive.
I don't want to say impersonation, because it cheapens it.Everyone's version of all these famous talk about casting and everything else.Now, this thing was fucking so well cast.And I mean, they're such iconic people.
Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Garrett Morris, all these guys.You know, Lorne Michael, all of it.At first, you're like, that doesn't really look like that.But then when they really start getting into it, all these fucking actors are nailed.
Every single person that played every single person at least did a pretty good job, if not fucking amazing.
there was not one fucking performance in this whole thing or one version of any of these really famous people that missed and the entire thing which is like unbelievably impressive especially for these people you know you know something fucking Chevy chase for christ's sake and like the guy really he you know it wasn't like a dead ringer for him but he just you believed it was him you just it's like yeah that's that's that seems like you know it was written well and all their their um
their characterizations of them were fucking really good.The guy nailed, Dan Aykroyd, his voice and his delivery, the fucking guy sounded just like him, right?So they did a great job in that.
So I was never like, this sucks, but it was frustrating for a while that there was just no, again, just no one's point of view, which just keeps jumping all over the place.And there didn't seem like there was any script structure.
Again, I want to see it again because I couldn't detect one fucking script, like one act break.I couldn't tell, are we in the middle of act two?Are we in the beginning of act three?Like how long is this?
What's the fucking, I know the ultimate goal is like they're gonna be on the air, but it's like. Ironically enough, it started to get boring because of all the nonstop pressure and problems going on after a while.
You're like, yeah, but what else are you gonna show me here?
I get it, it was stressful and everything else, but somewhere, somehow, I don't know if it was me, I don't know if it was them, it felt like it settled in a little bit more, I guess something that would be a third act, and then it really kind of lands and sticks with Warren Michaels, which like, they could have done this earlier and taken away some of the,
You know what I mean?Some of the kind of like, we're kind of lost out in the weeds here.Like what the fuck is going on?There's too much going on and too many different people and too much, there's no focus.You know what I mean?
It's just a complete fucking chaos.But they do get it together and then I really liked it.I'd say besides Civil War, Civil War and this, two best fucking movies I saw this whole year.
The fucking editing, this fucking thing, it was so impressively edited.I guarantee you this will be nominated for a fucking Academy Award for editing and probably will win.It's the best edited movie and not just like
I'm not trying to sound like I know more than you, but there's like a real, I don't know how, I'm not an editor, but there's such an art and a skill to editing.
especially when there's so much going on and so many fucking characters and everything else, but to let the right moments come in at the right time and to stay there for the right amount of time, you know what I mean?
It's such an underappreciated fucking art, and it's so rare.Good casting and good editing, underrated, and I fucking appreciate more than the average swinging dick, I feel like.And this was so impressively,
edited, well cast, great fucking versions of all these people.I almost don't even want to spoil it because there's so many, so many, you know me, old showbiz nerd.
I'm writing a fucking TV show about this pretty much right now about almost this fucking same thing. These people tell me, I'm like, oh my God, it's like, I didn't even know, God, I didn't see the trailer, nothing, I didn't even know who was in it.
But there's a, the scene between, well, I'll slightly spoil, I mean, it's probably in the trailer or whatever, but there's a showdown between Milton Berle, fucking, speaking of Whiplash, J.K.
Simmons, and the guy that plays Chevy Chase, and they go at it, and it was probably my favorite fucking scene of the whole year, it was so fucking good, I was like, oh, Oh, that fucking hurt.God damn it.
And God damn, that girl that's playing Chevy Chase, I don't know if that's based on a real chick, but holy fuck, that girl was gorgeous.I was like, Jesus Christ, who was that?You could see her nipples right through her fucking shirt.They're all good.
The black dude that played Garrett Morris, holy shit. fucking dead, fucking, I mean, nailed it.That was the best of the whole game.Even the guy that did Belushi was pretty good, good Belushi and everything else.
And then, you know, he's really kind of like, you know, Garrett Morris, probably a little less known because he had some troubles after SNL pretty quickly and didn't, kind of flamed.I mean, he always stuck around.
He's still around, but like didn't take off for stardom.I think he had some drug problems and things, but man, that fucking guy. Perfect fucking Garrett Morris, unbelievable.
Like, didn't just like, you know, look and sound like him, but had all the fucking, all the character, all the, every little personality quirk and everything, that guy was un-fucking-believable.That was a really good, really good Garrett Morris.
But, yeah, aside from that, and the fucking guy that plays Lorne Michaels, holy, he, that guy, definitely Oscar, Oscar, I thought it was Oscar performance to me.So good, that guy just ran the gamut of every, really subtle and underplayed.
I mean, you know, when he had to be loud and explosive, but the guy did so much just stuff with his face and his little, really, I never, he played, I knew I recognized him somewhere.I'm like, I fucking know this guy.
And he played the young Spielberg in the utterly lamentable The Fablemans about the goddamn, about the youth, about fucking Spielberg's youth growing up.And basically the whole thing was just a giant self-aggrandizement.
Self-aggrandization of his life and his abilities like thanks.Let's be ready fuck face, but this guy was really good He was so fucking good as Lorne Michaels Really liked it and Yeah, yeah, go see it if you're wanting to go to the theater.
See something new amidst a mountain of just absolute fucking crap.I mean, Joker 2 just turning into one of the biggest fucking flops of his fucking history.What a fucking disaster.
Been a bad fucking year, but I don't think this and Civil War are my fucking top two fits.Shockingly, I did not expect like Civil War.Most people I know didn't care that much for it.They were like, yeah, it was okay.
But I think two big fucking differences was seeing that in the theater.That's one of those movies where like, I don't say this for every movie, but like, Seeing Civil War in a theater and then seeing it on your fucking TV is a goddamn whirlwind.
It's like going to see Gravity.It's like watching Gravity with Sandra Bullock and George Clooney and not seeing that in a theater.You've got to really be immersed in it.The sound editing in Civil War was fucking phenomenal.
That was another amazingly well-edited movie, but the sound editing in that.It was so loud.It was so fucking It felt and sounded like you were in a real gunfight and shit.It was just so visceral.I fucking loved it.
And I had set the bar so low, I didn't even think I was going to like it at all.I was like, maybe I won't hate this at best.And then when you set it that low and it's even a little bit better, it feels like it's eight times better.
It's like if you're going to meet a blind date and they're like, ah, she's kind of chubby.I don't know.And then she shows up and like, she's relatively cute, not too fat.
You're like, it instantly erases her fucking attractive level by like nine more fucking points.You know what I'm saying?You know what I'm talking about.
And it was a rare one of those, I wanted to fucking pick up a camera that night and go shoot one of those movies.Not every movie has those quality, but like, man, did it inspire you to be creative and to take on the odds and go do...
The creative things, you know what I mean?Like, hey, these people made it happen.I can do it.It really was very, very inspiring.If you're in the arts and shit like that, this is going to make you want to do stuff.I love that.You know what I mean?
Like, every time I see fucking Mean Streets, still to this day, the old Scorsese, you're just like, I can do that.I can get my friends and do that and shoot this.You know?It's just one of those things.
It's like, just get a fucking camera and go around my city and just shoot these little scenes.You know, this fucking kind of gay shit.But anyways. That was that, and oh my god, I got so much more, but I don't have fucking time.
I gotta go meet, speaking of that thing that I'm writing, I have to go meet the people involved with the 1-100th of a chance of making that happen, and Vince and some of the production guys who are reading it and interested in it and wanna know.
We're going to some mixer thing over in Santa Monica, so I'm gonna go say hello to them.I still think I made at least, what's this fucking episode? They go so long, it feels fucking short to me.I think this is at least an hour and a half, right?
I feel like it's an hour and a half-ish, but I want to fucking tell you more.God damn it, I don't have fucking time.So maybe I'll have to do it next week.Anyways.Oh, so anyways, movie wraps up.
I wanted to take my bike all the fucking way out from Hollywood to Bokes' place, but it's been getting fucking really cold at night, and we were going to go in the hot tub, and I didn't want to ride home wet, you know what I mean?
So I stopped, and I got my car, but we all met up, me and Stryker, all my Depew friends, Depew, New York, a small suburb outside of Buffalo where we all grew up, and all were in bands together, went to high school, we're all metal and shit, and we don't, I mean, I live out here with Stryker and Bokes, but we never fucking hang out together.
I don't know, Stryker's always off doing his own thing or whatever, but,
We all met up at Dude Bogues' house and drank and cooked burgers and went in the fucking hot tub and shockingly, and I drank a good, I had that drink at the theater and I didn't have another drink for hours later, but it was just one of those, I think,
I wasn't even tired.I don't know what it was.I just, I couldn't really, I wasn't trying to get drunk, you know, but I couldn't.It's like, do you ever have one of those?
I was just drinking whiskey on rocks, because Gentleman Rusty brought a nice bottle of fucking Woodford Reserve whiskey, and maybe because it's a nicer, you know, it burns cleaner, it's a better quality booze, so it doesn't knock you on your ass, but I just couldn't really get, I was barely keeping a buzz, and I had a good,
two, three glasses of it, you know, not, you know, really a couple fingers or whatever, like your, your average, uh, rocks glass size of a drink, but it never really got me.
And, uh, I went to sleep till two 30 in the morning, but, uh, shockingly, I was pretty much fine.So I couldn't fucking believe I had no hangover, uh, and go into bed light and drink and I'll really fuck grandpa up.
But this time miraculously it did not.And, um, It was a very nice L.A.Saturday, it really was.
Nice bike weather, stark weather, and going out to Bogues is how it's nice out there, out in the fucking mountains, out in the desert and everything else, and nice to see everybody, and we all hung out, it was very fucking cute, and that was that.
So that was that, and this is that.So yeah, this weekend I'm going to, Saturday I'm going with Bogues to see the almighty
Wilhaven, I haven't seen a show at the fucking, more LA stuff, LA specific, the Troubadour, the classic fucking venue, the scene of so many famous rock incidents throughout the last hundred years, seminal musicians, John Lennon, everything, I remember John Lennon and Harry,
Harry Connick, do you know what the fuck's his name?Harry Nilsson got in a fight there or something.John Lennon heckled Harry Nilsson, and they kicked him out.You know, the Troubadour family.Metallica used to play there.The Doors used to play there.
In the early days, the first bunch of years I was here, there was always tons of punk and hardcore shows there.Now, there kind of isn't so much anymore, but they're having this show, my boy's fucking Wilhaven.
And this classic band that I never got into, but they always had the best shirts.All their merch was awesome.Strife.One of the early big victory bands.It was Strife and Snapcase and Bloodlet.
And well, Hey Breed, a year or two later, Earth Crisis, like this is like this original crop of just these fucking legacy bands, you know, that were the first big hardcore bands to break.And that was the big label victory with Strife.
I never got into Strife, but like I said, they always have the coolest shirts and everything else.I always wanted to buy them anyways, but I was like, I don't want to be a poser because I don't listen.Anyways, I never got to see them.
I don't think, I don't think. But they're there too.
So I'm going to bring in... It's too hard to mosh for Wilhaven because there's too many long... They have... There's like three albums I really like, but they only play a couple songs of each and they're spread out to around... I can't keep the mosh momentum going.
I can't go off hard for one song and then there's nothing for 20 minutes.I can't turn the mosh juice back.You know what I mean?I need to be fed a proper...
a proper dose of these things to keep it going properly, because I'm getting old and I flame out quicker.But anyways, going to see that.Sunday, I'm going to see Ed Wood again at the Gardena Cinema.And Dana Gould is going to be who I love.
Old fucking, you know, used to be a Simpsons writer. I used to love his podcast, but he can't stop talking about his fucking, like the rest of it, he could not control himself talking about fucking politics on it.
So I stopped listening, but I still kind of like the guy.But he's one of my, he's up there with like Gilbert Godfrey of just those great, like, they know everything about old showbiz history.
And they have all these great stories and insights and everything else.So he's doing a, I don't know, a Q&A thing talking about Ed Wood and what I'm really excited about. So that'll be cool.
And I think the chick, I'm still, I'm still with Fast Guys from Aliens.I'm still seeing her.I hung out with her Sunday.I don't know.I don't know.It's certainly not what I'm used to.
I don't, it's gonna be, I hesitate to use the word challenge, but it's gonna be weird.I like what she's about and her style.You know, she's a Marine and she's a Fast Guys from Aliens type.Short hair and everything else.
I like that sometimes, let's see if I can handle it all the time.In short, it's nice to fuck a chick like that once in a while, because there's something sexy about it.But to have that be your main chick all the time, let's see if I can pull it off.
But I tell you, she's 20 years younger now.She's in her fucking mid-20s. She's a good kid.She is a good, she's the first non-LA stuff to complain about.
The first chick with any kind of fucking heart and soul at all, grounded and relatable and just not a narcissistic, superficial, vapid piece of shit, which is the overwhelming, I'm sorry, amount of overwhelming personality that I've met of every fucking girl in the last two years.
I swear to God, it's the first normal person I actually have a conversation with and is fun and funny. You can throw around where she is not a liberal.She's not political, but she's certainly not a liberal either.
And there's words that we can throw around with each other and you go, oh, thank God we can fucking say that around each other.I'm not gonna tell you what it is, you can think about it.And you know you do it, you're friends too.
Don't be fucking holier than thou.Not to me, not you.
My baby born in Birkin She's been tellin' me all night long Gasoline and groceries The list goes on and on It's nine to five, ain't workin' Why the hell do I work so hard?I can't worry about my problems I can't take them when I'm gone
Here comes the two to the three to the four Tell him bring another round, we need plenty more Two-steppin' on the table, she don't need a dance floor Oh my, good Lord Jumbo caught me up a double shot of whiskey They know me and Jack Daniels got a history There's a party downtown near Fifth Street Everybody at the bar getting drunk
I been boozy since I left, I ain't change it for a check Tell my ma I ain't forget it Walk up drunk at 10am, we gon' do this shit again Tell your girl to bring a friend, oh lord One, here comes the two to the three to the four Tell him bring another round, we need plenty more Two, she stoppin' on the table, she don't need a dance floor, oh my
Somebody pour me up a double shot of whiskey They know me and J. Dale's got a history There's a party downtown near Fifth Street Everybody at the bar getting tipsy
Here comes the two to the three to the four When it's last call and it kick us out the door It's getting kinda late but the ladies want some more Oh my, good lord Tell them drinks on me Cause I'ma pump me up a double shot of whiskey They know me and J. Dale's got a history There's a party downtown near 5th street Everybody at the bar dancing
Someone pour me up a double shot of whiskey They know me and Jack Dale's got a history At the bottom of a bottle don't miss me Everybody at the bar getting tipsy Everybody at the bar getting tipsy Everybody at the bar getting tipsy
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