We all have different capacities, but I think trying to stay in tune and listen to those nudges and realizing like, okay, some of the alarms are starting to go off.Let's just take a quick minute here and reevaluate.
Andriana Gunco is the host of The Juggle Is Real, a podcast about finding balance and self-care while juggling work, family, and other responsibilities.She's also a mother of three, and that's a lot to juggle.
Today, we're focusing on burnout, what it is, how to prevent it, and what to do when you're feeling it. Welcome to the whole damn pie.Let's just start with like, what is burnout?I need to know.I need to know all the things.
The one thing when we're talking about burnout or just that feeling of being done, it's not unique to just you or I.
I don't think there's ever any time or place where we're like all 100% perfect and in perfect balance and harmony, but we're in a place where we know that we're teetering, right?
And we know that we can find that sweet spot where we know we've got things under control.So for me, you know, I was experiencing different symptoms and I was feeling like that feeling of done.
What I told the doctor was, I feel like I just can't catch my breath. no matter what I do, even if I get a good sleep, even if I had the bubble bath, even if I felt like I was, you know, resting, I still couldn't catch my breath.
Even if is such a strong phrase, because I feel like just even today, you know, I'll see something on Instagram or TikTok, you know, the three things you should be doing if you're feeling better.And you're like, but I've done these.
And now even if I'm doing these, I'm still feeling this. feeling?
What I like to say is like the whispers, you know, your body is so beautiful and so, so smart and it's trying to tell you something, right?Your skin is breaking out, like pay attention, pay attention.
Your libido is really low, like pay attention, something's wrong, something's up.You're feeling really tired, you have the brain fog.
For me, I was losing weight, I wasn't trying to, I wasn't really even exercising and it felt like I was like trudging through mud.Every day felt like we got to do this again and just like brace for it and pull through and you can do this.
And then eventually got to the screams where I really I couldn't perform the tasks that I could typically do with a lot of ease.And so that's what led to the diagnosis of burnout.
So I didn't even know that burnout could be a diagnosis.So what was it like to receive that diagnosis and who gave it to you?
Burnout is a medical diagnosis and it can be difficult to detect and to come to that conclusion.But for me, it was with a naturopath.And so we did some blood work and we kind of did a deep dive.What was on my plate?What was happening in my life?
Okay, let's close our eyes and take us back to 2018.You have two young boys.You are working full time. and teaching at a community college, and you are just having a hard time.What was like your day to day then?
So in those days, I mean, like classic high achiever, people pleaser, wanting to continuously strive for perfection.Whatever that means, that's what I was doing.So a typical day, I mean, I would wake up,
I feel exhausted because I was pushing myself too far, right?And any mom knows that before school, before daycare routine, trying to get anywhere for a specific time, it's a stressful time.And so that's really what it was.It was a juggle.
So I had a four-year-old, he was in kindergarten.I had a two-year-old, he had to get to daycare. I had to be at the office for 8.30.I felt like I was constantly being pulled in every direction.
And I really wanted to succeed and excel and be perfect in every single aspect.So it was a full day.I'd work 8.30 to 5.30.I'd get the kids, you know, we do the dinner routine, get them to bed. And then I was teaching in the evening.
So, I mean, so many of us are doing this right here and right now.And sometimes my days are very full like this.But back in 2018, I wasn't really equipped to manage it because I was trying to. pull myself in all of these directions.
I would never say no.I didn't have a structure in place so that I could come back to myself.I wasn't caring for myself at all.It was doing everything for everyone else and really absolutely nothing for myself.
So, you know, I think this is a little bit cultural.I think this is a very, I don't know, maybe American experience, but I also think
women take on a lot of this, but I, you know, what were those contributing factors in your life that made you want to take on all these things and, and be perfect at all of these things and overachieve?
Like looking back, you're the oldest child and the only daughter in your family.Do you think that played a role in your burnout?
It's so funny that you say that because I have thought of this and it's interesting.So, so my mom, she's the oldest of four children.She's one of two girls, but she's, Firstborn of four children.I'm also the firstborn of four children.
I'm the only girl.I have three younger brothers.And so I think a lot of it stems from my upbringing.My mom, no fault of her own.
really truly was the literal definition of like goody two-shoes, absolutely like, like the best daughter and the best person.And I just assume that that's how I have to be as well.And so
I was obviously the number one babysitter because I had these three younger brothers.So I was like babysitter duty all the time, happily taking care of people and getting that recognition and getting that praise.
And, you know, my parents would be like, Andriana, like, you're so perfect.And so you hear these things. And it really gets to you.So you want to continue that, right?
And maybe it led to some of those patterns in my career and how I expected I should be a mom.
And I feel like society and everything around us is giving us all those shoulds as well and telling us what it should look like and how we should be able to manage things and how everyone seems to be doing it so much better than us.
And so I think it really is self-perpetuating.Absolutely, I had these expectations of myself. I was putting all these things on a pedestal.I was expecting perfection.Now I know that's impossible.
But yeah, I think all of these little things can kind of contribute to the bigger picture.
Absolutely.So you were feeling completely burnt out.What did you do to feel better again to regain control of it all?
So there wasn't like one thing like, okay, and here's the pill for burnout and take this and you're good, right?
And so it really does happen through lifestyle shifts, through nervous system regulation and through some holistic remedies, different vitamins and some supplements and some dietary changes that I had made that supported my body through
feeling like I was in that fight, flight, or freeze mode constantly all day.And it took a little while to come back from that.But one of the biggest shifts for me was slowly incorporating just a little bit more mindfulness and actually
flipping my list of priorities.And Amalia, this was really, really difficult.And I'm not going to just say like, just do this and you'll be fine.
But for me, taking myself from being the absolute last on my to-do list and actually putting myself at the top of my priorities. And that's tricky, right?
And saying that as a mom, you know, I had little kids, but I had to become number one to me before my kids, before my husband, before my career, before anything else, I had to be number one.And that can be jarring.
And I remember feeling like, okay, well, like that, that's going to make me a bad mom.That's going to make me a bad wife.That's going to make me a bad colleague, friend, all of the things.
But what's really, really funny and what's so, so interesting is that when I did that and when I made those shifts and had to make some tough choices and had to say no and had to actually set some boundaries, even to things that maybe I would have also enjoyed, what happened was when I started to feel better myself,
make my well-being a priority, I could then show up in such a better capacity and such a better light for those around me.And then there were noticeable shifts, you know, having more energy, feeling present.
I wasn't feeling like I was being pulled because I had more clear boundaries and my intentions were set to spending the time with my family when it was family time.
giving my focus to my career when it was that time, being able to be mindful about what my priorities were for myself.And it started literally, Amalia, with two things.
One, and it sounds so funny, my doctor told me every hour this week, every hour set an alarm.And when your alarm goes off every 60 minutes, you stop what you're doing and you take 10 deep breaths. And I was like, I don't have time for that.Stop it.
And I mean, you know, if I was in the middle of a meeting, but as much as possible, I'll stop, pause, take some deep breaths, focus, you know, like really be present in the moment and then carry on.
And then the second thing I did was I went to a yoga class once a week. It was literally a studio right next door to my office where I was working.They had a 45 minute class, a lunchtime class on Tuesdays.And it was not like, let's flip on our heads.
It was not hot yoga.It was like a yoga nidra class, very slow, easy to do.But I found myself in those pauses.
And so when I speak to people who feel like things are really out of control and they're really overwhelmed and they have no idea how they can even begin, like, can you stop to take some deep breaths?
and then move on.Wow.Yeah.I mean, it does sound so simple, but we know it's not, right?So how do you even start those conversations with people in your life, like your husband and other friends and family?
Did you stop and have conversations and say, like, things are changing?Or how did you start even making that change?
Well, it started with myself, you know, it started with really wanting to change.And so from my internal shifts came the outward shifts.Being able to take those breaths, being able to do that yoga class, it led to waking up a little bit earlier.
And I was not a morning person because like I'm telling you, I was like so exhausted all the time.And I thought, oh, yeah, those people out there running at five in the morning, like, screw you, like, what are you doing, you know?
But it was like, can I wake up 30 minutes earlier than the boys, right?And it was like, let's write down 10 things I'm grateful for.Let's start something, right?
Let's have a few sips of coffee in peace so that when the kids wake up, I can greet them because I've already taken care of myself in a very small way, having some peace.That's what I really needed at the time, right?
So from those shifts, I was able to see some small changes.And then that led to me being able to have some of those tougher conversations, you know, speaking to my employers and just being like, this is where I'm at.This is my capacity right now.
I'm going to be shutting off my computer at this time.And I know I used to stay late every day, but now I can't.And so when it's five o'clock, regardless of where I'm at in my day, I'm going to have to Turn that laptop off and be done for the day.
One thought I was having during this conversation is that not everybody might have the same options available to them as Andriana.
And although I am an advocate for establishing boundaries and saying no to things that don't serve you, you know, I also want to recognize that's not available to everyone.And maybe your boundaries look a little bit different.
Whatever those are for you, do you. So you also slowed down your weekend time.
Regardless of who's doing what, regardless of what invitations we get.And I can remember my mom inviting us over for like a beautiful dinner.And I was just like, you know, thank you.And I appreciate that.And someone cooking for you.
I mean, like, it's not something I turn down often. But it's like, we need slow Sundays and just getting the kids up and out the door and going somewhere and coming back and having to do bath time and bedtime.It just felt heavy.It felt like a lot.
And so it was with love, setting up the boundary that we are available, but not on Sundays, just for the next little while.And let's see how this goes.
And then you realize you build up this bank of evidence and it's like, okay, well, when I wake up 30 minutes earlier, I feel so much better.I feel prepared.I feel more present.I feel like I can tackle the day because I've had that time.Okay.
That's evidence of I'm doing something right.You know, or I've had this conversation with this person.I built it up to be like really scary, but
then they understood because they love me and they want to see me feel better and they want to see me do well and succeed, right?
And so we build these things up and we feel like the world's going to end if we don't carry forth in the same ridiculous patterns and the same habits.
And for myself, it was like making these small little changes, committing to myself in small ways, and then it becomes habitual.The seven days of deep breathing, well, that led to me wanting to take those pauses more often.
And so it starts with me and myself so that I can be there for others.
That's great.When you started making the changes in your life, were there any reactions that were surprising to you?
Did anybody give you grace that maybe you thought was going to give you a hard time or vice versa kind of pushed back when you thought, wow, I'm really being authentic and honest here?
Give me a little... Yeah, I think it's Steve Jobs that said, you can only see looking backwards, right?What all those little steps were.You can look back and see, oh, that's what led me here, right?This bridge of incidents.
And so in the moment, there were some things that were kind of tricky, right?There was a few of my friends who didn't really understand that I needed a break from the group chat.You know, I had to release with love some of those relationships.
But now looking back, I realize that it really truly was the best thing for me because maybe the gossiping wasn't what I needed or the constant complaining in my life.
People just realized that I was no longer the person that they could come to to complain or to gossip or to just like be there at any moment at the drop of a hat. And that can be challenging in the moment and it can feel like a loss at the time.
But if it's not for you and your best interest, like if it's not doing you good, if it's not making you feel good, you know, sometimes I say like if you can set things down even just for a small amount of time,
You can try to pick it back up if it's not serving you, but most of the time, these things that we're releasing are for the higher good, right?
And so I can still see these friends and, you know, I actually have something coming up this weekend with a group of friends.We're celebrating our 40th birthdays collectively, and it's going to be great.
But I don't have to be the person who's like number one in the group chat anymore.And I'm okay with that. because the people pleasing isn't something that I need anymore.And so, yeah, I'm not going to lie.
There were some challenging moments, but I realized that having my eye on my priorities, my values and my well-being, well, it just didn't align anymore.So it just didn't make sense.And so that's kind of how I looked at it.
Yeah. Well, that's great.I mean, you talk about, you know, the physical demands of just working and being a mother and, you know, the day to day schedule, the physical demands.
But then I don't think we often think about how accessible we are through technology, through the group chats, through the notifications, like you put it all on top of each other.And it is it's exhausting.
And it's hard to achieve all of that, especially as a fellow overachiever. Yes.Yes.It is hard to, I mean, it's tough to navigate.
And we talk about the mental load, especially of motherhood, right?
This mental load that we carry, this invisible load that no one can see, no one really truly understands unless you are a mom, unless you're going through this juggle of life of trying to balance and carry it all.
So for me, it was like, well, what am I letting go of?
I can't be juggling all of these balls simultaneously and instead of them dropping and some catastrophe happening or some illness happening or some major life quake, what can I release with love even just set down for a short period of time so that I can recollect and find that inner peace, that balance that I need
so that I can start to pick things back up.So I mean, we all have different capacities, but I think trying to stay in tune and listen to those nudges and realizing like, okay, some of the alarms are starting to go off.
Let's just take a quick minute here and reevaluate because it's so easy to say yes to all of these things.And I'm in a different place in my life right now where Two of my boys, they're in competitive hockey.We've got tournaments all the time.
We're in different cities.My husband is a coach.My little guy was still napping.So it's juggling different things.
So it's learning what is the priority right now and what do I have to let go of in order to make sure that what I feel is most important truly is getting what it needs.And then the things that maybe aren't as important
regardless of other people's expectations, regardless of what other people think, the shoulds can sometimes be put down.
Yeah.And I love the idea of what you said, that you can put something down temporarily and see how it feels.Like it's just temporary.
I mean, you might be able to pick it back up, but that might seem a little bit scary for someone who's thinking of making a change.It doesn't have to be a big sweeping change.Let's just put it down.Let's see. Still there if you want it, right?
100%, even like a little thing.This is just a quick example.But I used to fall asleep watching Netflix.And so, yeah, you know, like the binging.But then it's like, okay, so you're watching the shows and some of these, they get you, right?
They suck you in.And so I'm like one more episode, one more episode, right?And then I was like, obviously I'm waking up tired because I didn't go to bed because I was watching Scandal or whatever it was at the time, right?Right.
So I made the commitment for 30 days, I'm not going to watch TV before bed.And so I, I picked up reading again.I hadn't read in so long.And now sometimes I watch TV before bed.
It's not like I'm banned from Netflix, you know, like I don't have an account anymore, but. I know now that when I choose something else, it really helps me in the long run and it makes me feel better.
So yeah, I'll get into a Bridgerton or two, but like I know my boundaries and I know that in the long run, what's best for me is probably going to bed a little earlier.
So it can seem scary even in the funniest little things of like binge watching Netflix, but try it and see, and you can always pick it back up if you really miss it.But is there something else that you can,
do that's going to be more nurturing or that can help you in the long run.
It sounds like you have made so many changes that you're really on the other side, but I'd love to know, when did you start feeling better?
If there are any specific moments when you knew, okay, this is working, I am on the other side, and what does that start to feel like?
I think it really was gradual and Gay Hendricks talks about this in his book called The Big Leap.So in caring for myself and in making myself a priority, what I realized was that I was kind of shutting off parts of my life.
in order to be the best version for everyone else.I ended up releasing my full-time career.And it was a really scary thing.And at the time, I wasn't quite sure, but I felt as though I needed to move on. And I needed to take that next step.
I had the courage to do that because I knew that I was meant for more.And I had the energy and I had the capacity to take that next step.And so it led to teaching full time for a few years and really pursuing what I was passionate about.
And that's where the Juggle Israel podcast actually started was in 2021 when I felt as though I needed to
share my voice and tap into what Hendrix calls your zone of genius, what you're truly meant to do, why you were put on this earth and what really brings you joy.Because back in 2018, joy was not even on the map.
So being able to tap into that zone of genius pursue my passions.It was a big stretch for me, but I felt like I had the capacity to do it.
And being able to help others and support and serve others, it has shown me that even though I do not get it right every time, I yell at my boys sometimes, I find myself getting to the point where like I need to take it down a notch.
And I've come up to this point of, okay, like I need to reevaluate and reprioritize things.
But being able to see the signs, hear the whispers, understand what is happening in that process, and being able to dial it back, to turn things around, I think that's been one of the biggest things that I've noticed since being in that doctor's office, since going through that process, it's shown me, and I think we learn this with age as well,
But it's shown me that when I'm listening to myself, I truly can't get it wrong.Yeah.
And now, I mean, you have three boys, you have a successful podcast.How do you stop yourself now from not taking too much on?Because you said you got competitive hockey, you're going all over the place.What is the day to day for you look like now?
Well, it's so interesting because even after everything that I experienced in 2018 and really saying goodbye to a version of me, right?
Like mourning the death of the Andreana, forgiving myself and then creating new truths for myself of who I wanted to be.And then what does this person think and how does this person feel?And then what are the actions that this person takes?And so,
coming from that place and getting into the pandemic.At that point, Amalia, I had a baby that I was nursing.I had two children that was virtual schooling.I had a full course load.I was teaching from home.And then I felt things starting to slip.
like so many of us, but I could see these warning signs and these signals.And I knew that I really needed to shuffle things around, continue that process of even in the midst of this very, very challenging time, I still needed to put myself first.
And so I sat down and I'm like, well, how can I do this?What can I do during this very tricky time to continue and to maintain so I don't slip back and so I don't experience burnout?
So I put this little worksheet together for myself and I said, for the next 30 days, this is what's gonna happen.And I divided into five categories and I made five little goals for myself.
And so I was like, okay, I'm going to do these little things for myself in these areas to make sure that I'm not falling off the to-do list, to make sure that amidst all of the chaos, that I'm still putting myself first.And so it was working for me.
So I thought, let me share this.So I called it 30 days for me and I put it in Canva and I tried to make it cute.It wasn't just like jotted in my journal.And so I'm like, Who wants this, you know?
And so it became this free download that people could get.It's still available today.And then this journal came to be.
So, The Juggler's Real Authentic Self-Care Planner came from the very real necessity of needing to make sure that even during busy times or even during these times that no one can really predict, you're still coming back to yourself and loving yourself so that you can be that for everyone around you.
You know, I still find myself sneaking back and doing these things and I'm like, wait a second.What's this all about?
Yeah, I still catch myself, you know, and and so it's just this continual process and finding these things that bring you joy and making the time for it.
Yeah.Yeah, that's great.Okay, Andreana, I ask this to everybody.I would love to know what the whole damn pie means to you.
For me, the whole damn pie really boils down to freedom.You know, like the freedom to choose myself, the freedom to choose what's best for me and for my family and for my life.
And to have the courage to actually create that freedom, to actually put those things in place where I'm choosing who I want to be and I'm taking those actions to make sure that it comes. to be.
And I do that every single day because I believe that we can have the whole damn pie.I mean, we can have it all, maybe not all at the exact same time, maybe not all in one day.
But when we're putting ourselves first and when we're making our wellbeing a priority, it makes it a little easier.And when we're putting those things down that we don't need,
and we can say no, then I think it opens up more space to have what we feel is the whole damn pie.
I had no idea that you could be diagnosed with burnout.I mean, I feel like I know what it is.I know how it feels.And up until recently, I really just thought it was part of the plan.I thought it was part of life.
I thought it was part of being a woman, a mom, an entrepreneur, and just what it took to kind of get everything done.And I think we're in a different place now, and I'm really happy.
that Andreana and others are having this conversation and starting to kind of raise the white flag of, this isn't healthy for me, and I can't do this anymore, and I need to make changes in my life.
And she really inspired me to make some changes in my life.
Sign in
