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The Jack Benny Program, presented by Lucky Strike.Quality of product is essential to continuing success.Exhibit A, Lucky Strike.Fine tobacco is what counts in a cigarette, and day in, day out, consistently. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.
Lucky Strike presents the man who knows, the tobacco auctioneer.
Mr. Lucian Purdum, veteran auctioneer of Springfield, Kentucky, has sold more than 240 million pounds of tobacco at auction.Recently, he said, at every auction I've attended, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy fine quality tobacco.
That's fine, ripe smoking leaf that makes a smooth, mild smoke.Smoked luck as myself for 22 years.
Season after season, independent tobacco experts like Mr. Purdom can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco.
Remember, LSMFT, LSMFT.Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.And fine tobacco means real, deep down smoking enjoyment for you.
so smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike yes next time you buy cigarettes ask for lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw the lucky strike program starring jack fanny with mary livingston phil harris rochester dennis day and yours truly don wilson
Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, the New Year was ushered in by one of the nation's gridiron classics, played in the Rose Bowl, before a record crowd of 93,000 people.
This game always produces statistics that are mulled over by sports lovers for weeks to come.475 yards gained by running, 314 yards by passing, resulting in seven touchdowns and seven conversions.
Yes, even the star of our show has been stunned at the amazing figures compiled by this football classic.
93,000 people at $5 apiece.Gosh! What a game, huh, Don?
It certainly was, Jack.It seems that the Rose Bowl game gets more exciting every year.
You're not kidding.I can remember when it was only 80,000 people at $3 a piece.But I will say one thing, Don.You've got to give the California Chamber of Commerce a lot of credit.They sure think fast.What do you mean, Jack?
Well, during the half, they had a man climb up a ladder and paint a stem on the USC score so it would look like an orange. 93,000 people.Oh, hello, Mary.Hello, Jack.
Hello, Mary.I'm glad you're feeling better.Yes, Mary, it's certainly good to have you back on the show.
Well, Jack, I hated him this last Sunday's program, but I had that thing that's been going around.
Virus X. Yes, yes, I know.Did you have a good doctor, Mary?
Oh, Don, I must tell you about him.He's a new doctor in Beverly Hills, and he's the handsomest man you ever saw. Geez, cute.And he's a bachelor, too.Really?All the girls in my neighborhood came over and asked me to throw germs on them.
Oh, Mary, you fall for everybody.When you first got a fever, why didn't you send for my doctor?
I did, Jack, and a fine doctor you've got.
Jack, how long has he been treating you?
Well, I've got news for you.He's a horse doctor.
He is not a horse doctor.
He isn't, eh?When he got to my house, he threw a blanket over me and walked me around the room to cool me off.
And when he started to braid my hair, I threw him out.
Oh, well, then that explains it.One day I called him up and told him my ankles hurt and he sent over four bandages.Well, Mary, what about the new doctor you called?What did he say?
He told me I had virus X and I shouldn't run tomorrow.
Oh, Mary, stop kidding, will ya?You know, you should just be happy that you're well again.
I am.And Jack, I thought it was awfully nice of Alice Paye to take my place last Sunday.
It certainly was, Mary, and she was just marvelous on the show.She did a terrific job.
Yes, she did.And I was amazed how she could come in here at the last minute, pick up the script with no rehearsal, and give such a sensational performance.
Is it true that she bleaches her hair?Mary!
There's no way to start the new year.Oh, by the way, Jack, have you made any New Year's resolutions?No, no, I haven't, Don.Well, I have.
I made a resolution to cut my food in half.Well, good, good.I'm glad to hear that, Don.It isn't good manners to take a whole steak and stuff it in your mouth.No, no, Jack.I'm serious about losing weight.I've given up bread, butter, and potatoes.
Don, if you ever stop eating potatoes, Idaho will secede from the Union.And speaking of food, reminds me of eating.See, and speaking of eating reminds me of my sponsor who makes it possible.And speaking of the sponsor reminds me of the commercial.
Now I've got something swell this week for our quartet. Where are the sportsmen, Doc?
Well, Jack, you remember they all had very bad colds last week.
Well, they're not over it yet, and right now they're home in bed.But, Don, what are we gonna do?
We have to have a commercial.
Well, they thought of that, so they sent their wives over.Their wives?Yes, yes, there they are, standing right over there.Oh, yes, yes.Hello, girls.
Well, it's awfully nice of you ladies to come over and help us out.Have they got a number prepared, Don?Oh, yes, Jack, it is quite unusual.I'm sure you'll like it.Okay, girls, let's hear it.
There's nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina in the morning.Oh, in the morning.There's a toast of tobacco and a chip to tie the sackle in the morning.I say in the morning.It's a rockin' merry morning.Holy sack, you see.
Everyone smokes no smoking A good old MSMFC So free and easy Yes, MSMFC No tobacco, yes, indeed Because they told me Oh, don't you love this?
Quality of product is essential And believe me, that's what's told me She really means it If we had a bathroom, that's the only thing
We make a wish and here's what we say, A wish we were in Texas where they have no virus, Texas in the morn!
very nice girl very nice thanks so much for helping us out oh you're welcome and i want to thank you for sending your doctor over to take care of my husband oh how does your husband feel well i don't know he just looks up at me with his big brown eyes and goes
I guess Mary was right, huh?Well, goodbye, girls!
Say, Don, Don, uh, didn't I, uh... Don, didn't I see two of them at your house on New Year's Eve?
Yeah, Jack, we had a lot of fun, didn't we?We certainly did.And Mary, I'm certainly glad that you're well enough to attend my New Year's Eve party.
Oh, so am I, Dan.I had such a good time.But I haven't had a chance to tell you what happened after Jack and I left your house.
Mary.What happened, Mary?Tell me.Well... Mary, it's all over.Forget about it.
John, it was after midnight, and as you remember, we were still at your house having a wonderful time.
Gee, you know, Mary, this is the best New Year's Eve party I've ever been to.
Me too.But it's way past midnight.How about taking me home?
Okay, Mary, sure.Well, I say goodbye.Goodbye, Don.It was a wonderful party.
Glad you enjoyed it.So long, Jack.Goodbye, Mrs. Wilson.
Now, let's see.Where's Phil?
Well, it's Don's fault.He shouldn't let him drink so much.
What do you mean, Don's fault?Phil was this way when he got here.
Mary, when Phil arrived, I opened the door and he fell in like a body in a murder mystery.Now come on, let's go.Gee, Mary, isn't this a nice night out?
What a beautiful sky.You know, the stars look so close and they seem to be different colors.Red, pink, blue, yellow.
Jack, that's confetti on your glasses.Oh, yes.
Anyway, Mary, it was certainly a wonderful New Year's Eve party.Gee, we sure had a lot of... Pardon me, folks.
Pardon me.Huh?Now, what do you think I ought to get my wife for Christmas?
Christmas?Mister, Christmas was a whole week ago.This is New Year's.
You mean it's already 1945?
It's 1948.Oh my goodness, I better get home.
Everybody celebrates in his own way.Say Mary, did you notice at the party when the new year came in everybody got sentimental and they quieted down.
What do you mean they got sentimental?
Well they stopped singing and dancing.
Well they had to. At the stroke of 12, a triller came in and shut off the phonograph.
Oh, is that who it was?Well, here's your house, Mary.
Well, since this is the new year, how about giving me a little kiss?
Oh, Jack, let's not go through that again.You always get so emotional.
You do, too.The last time I kissed you, you ran home, threw yourself across the bed, and cried for an hour.Well, that was my own fault.
I had two glasses of cooking sherry.
Anyway... Well, good night, Jack, and happy New Year.
Good night, Marian.Hey, wait a minute.How would you like to go to the Rose Bowl game?
Hey, that would be wonderful.But have you got tickets?
There's plenty of time.The game doesn't start until tomorrow afternoon.
Tomorrow?It's already two o'clock in the morning.
Ah, don't worry about it.I'll get the tickets.Come on, let's go in your house.I want to use your phone.
That's an old excuse, but I'll take a chance.
Oh, don't be silly.Let's see, who can I... Well, I'll be darned.There's the blanket. You weren't kidding about my doctor, were you?Now, who can I get tickets from?Oh, I know.I'll call Jeff Cravath, the USC coach.
The USC coach?But, Jack, he may be asleep.
What do you mean, asleep?He hasn't slept since the Notre Dame game.Oh, I know who will let me have his extra tickets, if he has any.
Jack, you wouldn't call Mr. Coleman at this hour.
Why not?This is New Year's Eve.Hand me the phone.
and yet i think that uh... that uh... that the uh... that uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh... the uh...
nine o'clock how could you celebrate the new year that early where i'm not going to have you know well sherwood you know mister coleman has any extra tickets to the rose bowl or i'm sure he hasn't been a well in that case you're what i'm sorry i woke you up but i do want to take this opportunity to wish you a happy new year and that nineteen forty eight will be a year that you and yours will enjoy not only health and happiness i failed at the would you mind saying goodbye
There's a draft blowing up my night shirt.
I'm sorry.Goodbye, Sherwood.Goodbye.
Well, have any luck, Jack?
No, the Coleman's didn't have any extra tickets, but they have cross ventilation.
Don't worry, Mary, I'll get the tickets if I have to.Hey, Mary, look out the window.Look who's passing. My pal, my buddy.Open the window, quick.Hey, Norman!Norman!Have you got two extra tickets to the Rose Bowl game?
Well, Jack, it's way after 2.30.I'm going to bed.Wait a minute, Mary.I just thought of something.
For the Rose Bowl game, they always put about 6,000 tickets on public sale.
all we have to do is go down and buy them at the box office.
But Jack, there'll be a million people there.
All right, so look how early we'll be.I'll call Rochester, have him pick us up in my car, and take us out to Pasadena.
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Do you think your car will make this hill, Jack?
Sure.Rochester, give it a little more gas.Okay.We made it, Mary.You can hop in now.
Why don't you get rid of this thing and buy a new one?
Mary, how can you suggest such a thing?I couldn't get rid of this car.It's like an old friend.Been with me through thick and thin.Through rain and shine.Through joy and sorrow.Through McKinley and Truman.
Seriously, Jack, maybe you can get a new car through Fred Allen.You know, he's changing sponsors this week and he's going on the air for Ford.
Mary, I wouldn't ask Fred Allen a favor for anything.Why, if I were stranded on some foreign island, hungry, and Allen came to me with food, I'd rather starve than accept a favor from him.
How can you say that?A month ago, you sold him Christmas cards.
iraq just returned to the right on camden drive i know a short cut the pasadena okay uh... he mary i hope we can get tickets i would miss this game for anything in the world it's gotta be a jack look at that poor old man where uh... yes little man hobbling along on the sidewalk at the same why feel sorry for him he's going faster than we are
Never mind, stop the car.Say, mister, would you like a lift?Eh?I said, would you like a lift?Where are you going?
Oh, I'm going to Pasadena, to the Rosie Bowl.Oh, you're going to see the game?See it.I'm playing halfback for USC.
Oh, well, you don't have to be there till two o'clock.Drive on, Rochester.Say, Mary, the reason I'm so anxious to see this game, I don't know if I told you or not, but I bet on USC.
Yeah, did I get a sucker.He took Michigan and gave me 40 points.
You know, that's a sure thing.
Hey, Rochester, slow down.There's a parking lot. What does the sign say, Mary?
Uh, park here for the Rose Bowl, one dollar.
What?A dollar?Why of all the profiteering rackets.One dollar, that's outrageous.That's the most... Boss, boss, that's your own house!
Oh, yes.Gee, 15 cars already.
It's only four o'clock in the morning.Now, Rochester, let's get to Pasadena as fast as we can.I don't want to miss getting those Rose Bowl tickets.
Say, Jack, look, we left Phil at Don's house, and there he is walking toward us.
Well, I'll be darned.Rochester, stop the car.Hey, Phil!Phil!Hiya, Jackson.Phil, do you know what condition you were in when I left Don?Yeah, Jackson, I felt awful.It's the first time I ever passed out after the first glass.
After the first glass, what were you drinking?Milk. Mel?Yeah, some wise guy turned out the lights and handed it to me.Phil, milk is good for you when you're drinking.It neutralizes the alcohol.It makes you feel good the next morning.Go on, Daddy.
Now tell me about the birds and the bees.Phil, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.Ashamed of what?So I've been having a little fun for the last two nights.Last two nights?
Everybody else has a party on New Year's Eve, but you have to start your party the night before.So what?Henry Wallace started his party the night before that.Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, Harris, that nasty old milk ain't slowed you down a bit.Oh, brother.
Say, Phil, I don't think you should be walking around like this.Why don't you get in the car and let us drive you home?Oh, no, I feel fine now.I'll get home all right.Hey, Jackson, when did you get this brand new car?What?
You better help men, Jack.Yeah.
Now look, you don't have to help me.I'm going to walk home.
But Phil, when you go out, doesn't Alice worry about you?
Oh, sure.That's why she stole this note to my lapel.
To whom it may concern.If lost, remove ropes from coat pockets, stand them up in time to a lamp post.
Oh, well, and he's all right.So long, Phil.I'll be seeing you Sunday.Okay.Happy New Year, Jackson.Happy New Year.Now, hurry up, Rochester.I want to be sure and get those tickets.Gee, standing here so long.What a crowd.
Yeah.Here it is almost noon and we've been standing in this ticket line for five hours.
Yeah.And the line doesn't seem to... Hey, you back there, stop shoving!I wonder how long it'll be before we get... I said stop shoving!Yeah, I can't understand, Mary.People go to football games, it brings out the worst in them.
Look, I warned you twice.And if you shove me once more, I'll drag you out of line and I'll... I can't help it, mister.
Well... Lucky for her, she's wearing glasses.Say, I'm getting kind of hungry.
Me, too.I think there's a man selling hot dogs over there.
Where?Oh, yeah.Hey, mister, you with the hot dogs?
Why, it's Mr. Kitzel.Hello, Mr. Benny.Happy New Year, Miss Livingston.
Hello, Mr. Kitzel.Say, this is a coincidence.We first met you selling hot dogs here at the Rose Bowl two years ago.
Yeah, now you're back here again.
I've been selling hot dogs for nigh unto twenty years.
Twenty years, eh?Well, how's the hot dog business?
Well, it's pretty good, but I don't relish it.
Yes, you did.Very good, too.Well, give me a couple of hot dogs.Coming up.Oh, by the way, there's a slight meat shortage.Where did you get your frankfurters?From a doctor in Beverly Hills.
Jack, that must be your horse, Doc.
Mary, he means a butcher.Two frankfurters, Mr. Kitzel.
Do you want the pickle in the middle and the mustard on top or the mustard in the middle and Johnny Logden on top?
Mr. Kitzel, stop making jokes and here's your money.
Thank you, Mr. Benny, and Happy New Year.
Same to you.Same to you. He marries a cute guy.
Darn it, this line doesn't seem to move up at all.
Boy, I sure hope we can get tickets.I'm so anxious to see the games.
Hey, Bud.Bud!Huh?You say you want to get some tickets?You say you want to see the game?Tell you what, I'm going with you.What?I got a pair of tickets smack on the 50 yard line. And you can have them for only 75 bucks.He's still on the bed, mister.
He's choking on that hot dog.It's on?
Look, mister, you got a nerve.
Charming $75 for a pair of football tickets.Why, that ain't nothing.Why, there's a crook out in Beverly Hills charging a buck to park cars.That's besides the point.You came here... Hey, you back there!I warned you three times to stop shoving!
If you don't, I'll... You'll what? Gee, somebody must have taken her place.I took her place.I'm her husband.Well, congratulations.She's a lovely girl.Now, where's that wise guy that was trying to sell me those... He's gone.Oh, yes.
You know, Mary, it's a shame.Dennis wanted to see this game today, but he's got a bad cold, too, and he had to stay in bed.
Gee, more people have been... Jack, Jack, move up.You're next at the ticket window.
All right, mister.How many tickets do you want?
uh... how much uh... how much are they five dollars and fifty cents well here's my money jack no no no no no i'll pay for these i'll buy my own i've still got money left from the may company well okay uh... one ticket mister here you are uh... give me a ticket right next to hers yeah they're right together and boy are you too lucky those were the last ticket
Come on, Mary.Come on.Let's get out of here.Boy, we are lucky.I had my heart set all year on seeing this game, and I'm going to see it now.Come on, Mary.We're over at tunnel 16.Okay.You know, it's kind of chilly.I want to get a cup of coffee first.
No, I don't want to get mixed up in that crowd.I'll go ahead and hold our seats.
Okay.See you in a few minutes, Mary.Now, don't let them start the game without me.
uh... fear that i get the coffee others stand over there yet i did it down that he had a dvd dvd dvd yet that way all night that line for five hours worth it to get this ticket uh... dvd that uh... dvd dvd there is a mister how it's a good you got to the game what you pay for it five fifty
want to sell it or not all nursery not me i'll give you six dollars for it are you crazy i've been looking forward to this game all year i've been up all night calling people begging people for these tickets i drove all the way down here from beverly hills in that traffic i waited in line five hours to get this ticket seven dollars it's guys like you that always try to
How much?Seven bucks.Seven dollars?Yep.
do me a favor with it there'll be a girl sitting next to you tell her you picked my pocket okay here's your money so long mister gee i hate to miss that game
but then again with this money i can what kind of a five dollar bill would it be look at the picture on it madman month
Jack, we'll be back in just a minute, but first, quality of product is essential to continuing success.And Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.
L-S-M-F-T?Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.And fine tobacco is what counts in a cigarette.
Remember what happens at the tobacco auction?
At market after market, independent tobacco experts can see the makers of Lucky Strike. consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco.Lucky Strike presents the man who knows, the tobacco warehouseman.
Mr. Floyd Clay, well-known tobacco warehouseman of Versailles, Kentucky, operates one of the largest tobacco warehouses in the world.Not long ago, he said, Up through the years, I've seen American buy tobacco that's ripe and mild.
Tobacco with real flavor and mellowness. I've smoked luckies myself.Lucky strike means fine tobacco.So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, lucky strike.Yes, next time you buy cigarettes, ask for lucky strike.So round, so firm, so fully packed.
So free and easy on the draw.
well anyway down now you know i'll never go to another football game with jack well i don't blame you mary that smart guy stole me the ticket i'd like to see him again i'll tell him plenty well drop into syria tonight and you can how do you know he's going to be there i've got a date with him you would
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