The 2025 Come Together World Tour dates have just announced over 35 new cities.I'm coming to cities across the U.S., including Louisville, Philadelphia, San Francisco, and many more.
Plus, we just announced a run of shows in Europe, including Dublin, Belfast, Glasgow, Manchester, and Cardiff, Wales.Get pre-sale tickets this Wednesday, October 9th at 10 a.m.local time with the code word
Tommy before the general on sale Friday, all at tomcigarette.com slash tour.Thank you.And I'll see you at the show.We are coming to you from our new set in our new home.We have moved together to Florida.
We're back in Florida and I'm so fucking happy.I love Florida.Do you feel like a Florida man? No, but I feel like you are definitely one.Okay.Yeah.So here, okay.
So this is what drives me fucking nuts.Yeah.When you smell Florida, man, you know what I mean?Like I send some, my Spidey senses go off.
I'm going to go get us some beers. Yeah, tell Pete to go get us some beers.I would love a beer.I'm in a Florida fucking mood.Florida man drinks.Florida man drinks in the afternoons.
By the way, I would argue, if you're thinking about quitting alcohol, don't.If you're listening to this and you're thinking, today's the day, I'm going to quit.I'm done forever.It's fucking my life up. Don't.You're setting yourself up for failure.
Don't fucking quit drinking.Did you connect all the things you said though?Because you just said if somebody is like, it's ruining my life.
No, it's not.It's not.It's you.It's not the alcohol.It's you.
Wait a minute, so can they get their life together and still continue drinking?Look at me.
I got my shit pretty together.I'm a fucking mess, right?But I got a great woman by my side, right?Keeps me in track.Okay.
How often does she adjust the levers with, let's just say drinking specifically?I don't know.I'm literally, I don't know.
I don't know if she adjusts the levers.
But she definitely walks up to the cockpit every now and then and is like, how fast are we going?It feels bumpy back there.Are you paying attention?
That happened quite a bit.
It happened yesterday on my flight.
Wait, I thought we weren't drinking on flights anymore.Oh, we're back.Okay.See, that's the thing.Wait, where did you fly from?LA to Orlando.
Okay, you took the LA to Orlando flight.Yeah.And that's the thing is, if you say, I'm it, that's it, I'm done, I'm never gonna drink again, then a glass of wine, your life's fucked.Your life isn't fucked.Your life's fucked.
But there's people that are sober that are like, no, it's been great.
It's been a great pivot.They are holding on by a thread.All of them are holding on by a thread.
Sometimes they're thriving because they quit.
Some people, some people, but then all of a sudden you make a fucking fun play.I would love to see you like this.
What?Just totally sober.I do it all the time.No, I mean like.Like sober for the rest of my life.It would just be fun to watch.I think you would be like, I don't know.You'd be like a Superman version of yourself.
I'll tell you what's better than being, and I've been sober for big stretches.I'll tell you what's a big stretch, like four months, four months.Yeah.Really?Yeah.Three months.Three months is the longest I've ever gone.
I mean, I did like 17 years when I was a child, but yeah, we're not going to count those, but uh, yeah.Four months is the biggest stretch I did.I dated longer once when I first started dating Leanne, but I don't know.
Why did you do that time?
Cause she dumped me. She dumped me.And then I was like, all right, I'm done drinking.I'll never drink again.I want this woman in my life.And then we were flying to Italy.And I didn't know this.This was the last amount of money I had.
I didn't know that I was spending all my money on this trip to Italy.
Didn't you also do that in your honeymoon?
Yeah, I did that in my honeymoon too.
You really don't have a concept of money.I do not.Still?To this day. You really don't know what's there and what you can... I don't even know what bank we have.You don't know what bank you're at?I couldn't even tell you.I couldn't even tell you.
Do you know what investment firm, who you have investments with?
No, I don't care.I got it.But I don't care.And like, I've never cared.Like, that's the thing.It's like, don't think just because I'm have money now that I, I'm going to start caring.I didn't care when we were broke.
I didn't care when I never have cared.
I will say that having known you when you had no money, you don't seem really that different to me.I,
I still get nervous buying things.Like I still, I'm still a child.Like if I, if I'm going to buy something like. My tour bus, I was like, why are we doing this?This is so much money.Let's not do this.We can't afford it.
And then Leanne's like, you have no idea how much money we have.We can afford it.And I was like, I know, but it feels like wasteful.We'll just keep renting.And Leanne's the one that goes, no, the amount of, because when I would rent buses for a year.
For a year, yeah.For this whole year, and that is a lot of fucking money.It is.And so she was like, trust me, this is a wise investment.So I don't even know.
I would do it, except that I realized after the last tour, that I hate the bus.I just hate it.So I was like, why would I do that?Like, you know what I mean?Like if I don't enjoy it.Oh, wow.That's so wild.I think if you had my bus, you'd like it.
I don't think so.Tom, I go to my bus to hang out. Yeah, like I don't hang out in my house like if like Leanne went for dinner with her friends and I was at the office and I just went to my tour bus.
I hate spending time. on any bus, I hate the drive, I hate it.
You're asleep during the drive.I love driving during the day.I love taking two days off and just staying on the bus.I love, I can't wait.I'm taking more time off.I want to fly, I want to fly everywhere.
I have no interest in planes.I always, I wish I could, I wish I could fly from the hotel to this place.Like that's how much I like flying. I wish I could have landed on the roof.I wish I could have landed on the roof here.
I hated yesterday's flight.I hate every fucking flight.
So wait, were you really tying one on on the flight?So she was like, hey, what's going on?
Yeah. Yeah.I got a double Jack on the rocks to start the flight like before takeoff.And then at lunch, I got a, or with food, I got a double Jack on the rocks.And then I started drinking beers and the, and the flight attendant knew me.
So she wasn't slowing me down.
She was like, come back with a fresh one.And I was like, nice.And Leanne was like, And then we got off the plane, I was like, you wanna get a beer?She was like, what, no, we just landed.I was like, a cocktail then?
And she was like, no, we're going to dinner.I was like, I know, but we're going to dinner, we might as well, what are we doing?We have nothing to do, let's fucking party.She was like, let's get a coffee.
So we got coffees, we got to the hotel and I was like. Espresso Martini, she was like, oh my God.What are your shits like every day?Dude, I gotta be honest with you, I'm taking half shits in the morning.
I take like a half a shit, and then I hold it, and then I take a full shit after that.You hold it?I don't know, I'm not all coming out at the same time.It's really kind of frustrating.I'm taking half a shit, and then a full shit.
Do they come out as logs, or are they just kind of like, they don't?Oh yeah.The best feeling is when the log is going and you know if you just do it right, you won't break it.
And you're like, okay, keep going, keep going, keep going.And all these mixtures of different beverages don't affect this at all.No, no.
Here's the other thing is I'm healthy.I'm the healthiest I've ever been.I don't know.
Workout wise.Ever?Hold on.Yes.You know for a fact I've been a lot unhealthier. Yeah.Okay.Okay.So it's not like a big stretch.I'm just in better shape than I've ever been working out like fucking crazy.Feel great.And here's the thing.
I know dude who relapsed, right?Yeah.And by the way, it wasn't a big relapse.Like in my opinion, what's how do you opinion?It was a couple glasses of wine.That was the relapse.Yeah.
And all of a sudden the fucking world explodes because he had a couple glasses of wine.As opposed to saying, yo, I'm not gonna tell the world I'm sober.I'm gonna let my mistakes be little tiny mistakes inside my head.
I'm gonna be like a regular person.It's fucking crazy to me.That this person announces.You know what it is?It's like, okay.The moment you doubt whether you can fly, Yeah.Nevermind.It's a quote from Peter Pan.It's on the wall.
I couldn't read the rest of it.
You cease forever to be able to do it.That's what I'm talking about.Right.It's like, if you quit drinking, then you're never going to drink again.
Yes.It's like, I know a dude whose wife will go to strip clubs.So when he goes to a strip club with us, cause he's fucking regular dude, he fucking melts down.He melts down and then he has to go confess to his wife. And you're like, what the fuck?
That's crazy.They're bummers, dude.
Oh my God.And you're like, don't even come to the strip club with us because we want to have a good time.We don't want to fucking sit with old frumpy pants over here who's like, guys, can we go?I really woke up.Yeah.But I just, I don't know.
I was thinking about yesterday.Can you use your ATM card because mine will show up on the, yeah, those fucking guys.I went to a strip club in Vegas one time and I was like, yeah, we're going to ball out.I'm going to get everyone some cash.Yeah.
I got like $1,000 out and it's in silly money.It's in their money.So you can't take any of it home.You have to give it all to the strippers.It really withdraws their money?It withdraws their money, their money.That's hilarious.
It's fucking so frustrating that you were like, ugh.And then we just wanted to leave because we were bored.And we were like, all right.And then I just gave a stripper like, I was like, here you go.Here's like $700.She was like, for what?
And I go, to get us out of here.
Yeah, they let me in in sweatpants. That's a advanced fucking strip club guy move.I didn't, well, I didn't, I was, we were on tour and I was about to go to bed and everyone's like, yo, let's run.No underwear, a little baby oil underneath.
No underwear, sweatpants.I was about to go to sleep and everyone's like, yo, let's go to the strip club.I was like, cool.Should we roll over?And I was like, I was like, Hey, and they recognized me.
And then the guy's like one, the one guy didn't, he goes, no sweatpants.And he goes, oh, it's Bert.He's cool.And I was like, yeah, why wouldn't, What do you mean no sweatpants?What is there like a wardrobe?Fucking you have to certain attire.Yeah.
And then I sat down and I realized what you're not allowed to wear sweatpants.I was like, wow, they let me in his sweatpants.Pretty fucking.It's crazy.Your dick gets hard and everyone sees it.It's vet move.Yeah.It's very cool.
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Here's my thing about Florida people.Okay.Yeah.So like I get frustrated when I hear, I get frustrated when I hear guys say, you know me, I'm from fucking Brooklyn.Yeah, yeah, yeah.And you're like, I don't play that shit.
I don't play that shit, I'm from Brooklyn.And you're like, I've been to Brooklyn.They've like artesian ice cream.It's not what you think it is. Like everyone's in skinny pants and skinny boots.Yeah, they're like, not that part of Brooklyn.
Not that part of real Brooklyn.I grew up in Brooklyn.And you're like, you're borrowing toughness from a fucking movie or a thing that does, or like, okay, let's do this.What's the most annoying state for a man to say he's from?
Well, it's gotta be a, yeah, I know what you're doing.I mean, definitely the New York thing is fucking exhausting.
What's more exhausting, New York or Boston? They say I'm from Brooklyn, and then in Boston they go, I grew up in Boston, I'm from Southie.You're not from Southie, no one's from Southie.You know why that?You know why?
Because they don't fucking leave Southie.People in Southie I'm scared of, they're fucking tough dudes, but they stay in Southie, they don't come out to LA.
Yeah, the Boston, New York thing, I don't know, it's pretty neck and neck.I would say in my life I've heard the New York thing more.Texas?Texas, that's a big one. I'm from Texas.I'm from Texas.Yeah.
And also, and we're not, because that's the other thing you're like, Oh, cause Texas is essentially the South.And they go like, we're not the South.And you're like, what are you?And like, we're Texas.
And you're like, okay, that's just kind of, that's kind of fucking exhausting.Like, yeah.All right.I got it.Like you talk the same and you fucking walk the same.You say the same, my daddy fucking bullshit, but you're not that.My daddy.Yeah.Yeah.
It's like, if you call, I love when grown men call their dad daddy.
Daddy is a real Southern fucking thing.
I fucked up one time and called my dad daddy in a special.It was the last special I did, and I was talking about my dad, and I said, daddy, and the whole room went.
It's gross.I remember this fucking hillbilly that I went to college with.And he told me that when he was like seven, he said something and he goes, daddy, you know?
And he's like, my daddy said, he's like, boy, you call me daddy again, I'm gonna knock your head right out.And basically I'm gonna beat you if you call me daddy again.I go, how'd that go?And he's like, well, I never said it again.
Yeah, it's a different parenting choice, I guess.I mean, I don't really hear it from my, I mean, my kids are six and eight.They're allowed to say daddy.They are allowed to, but they instinctively usually just say dad.
Yeah, it's amazing how many black men call their mom mama.It's amazing?Yeah, like all black men call their mom mama.Yeah.It's like wild.No matter where they're from in the country, they call their mom mama.And you think that's a Southern thing? Yeah.
But like there was a video, a really cool video.I don't like, I love, I love, uh, I love social content creators, content creators for football teams.And there was some white guy with like a thing like, Oh, we'll give these guys a VCR tape.
They won't know what it is.And then like, what is this?And it's just some 20 year old black kid going, I don't know, a fucking idea.I have no idea what you're saying, but go ahead.I just saw it today.But the one they did was they said to the, um,
They said to the team members, when was the last time you talked to your mom?And every black dude was like, I call my mom first thing in the morning.I pray for my mama.I call my, I talk to my mama every day.Mama, I love you.Like it was wild.
They all called the mama.
Black community reveres mother way more.Yeah.Yeah.I even heard this, uh, by the way, can I trust Peter that he didn't spike this way?Sure.Um, Uh, I think Peter was a shack, by the way.You think what Peter's about to quit?Is he?Yeah.
Move to Italy.Why?Cause he's young and he has money.He's never spent a fucking penny.He's worked for how long you work for me, Peter.
Three years.That's never spent in human years.That's like 15 years.That's fucking crazy.Are you really going to move to Italy?What city?Huh?
He's obsessed with Northern Italy.He's obsessed with the German influence.Nice, dude.
Swiss border, like up there?
He's young.Why the fuck not?I think it's a great idea.That's the thing.Not enough.Many people are taking chances.What were we talking about?You're not going to do it at 45.No, no, you're not.And you're not doing a 51.
We've been trying to fucking get out of the city.I can't leave.I got to work every fucking day.
This is the age to do it.And you'll fucking learn a language and you'll you know, bang some chick that you'll never see again, and who cares if she has your kid?You'll never see her, you know?Yeah.It's great.What were we talking about?Mamas?Mama.
So this is how much I'm saying, though, like Black Community Revere's mother more is that it was a story where Shaq was telling this story about him and Charles Barkley during a game, got in a fight and like threw bows at each other.
And it was, and they were both ejected and they were both like heated.And when Shaq got to the locker room, they were like, oh, it's for you, the phone for you.And it was Barkley's mom.And he was like, oh, you know, mom's on the phone.
So he was like, he just went right to like, yes ma'am, no ma'am.And like she, like squash the beef by calling him like, come on now, we need to behave.And that's how it, that's wild.You know what I mean?
That's it's like, I think, I feel like if it was like two white guys, he'd be like, who the fuck your mom.Fuck your husband.Yeah.
That's so crazy.Yeah.Like if you talk shit about a black guy's mom, he'll fight you.I remember hearing a story about this kid, this dude said like Latin mom shits like that too, though.
A hundred percent.Yes. A thousand percent.It's all Virgin Mary stuff.It's all rooted in Catholicism there though.Really?That, absolutely.I don't really, I mean, I love my mom, but like, if you talk shit about my mom, I'd be like, okay.Yeah.
Most, I was saying like white guy stuff is just like, eh, fuck my mom.But if you go like hardcore Latin, they don't fucking play that either.
I don't even know if I, like when I make a phone call to my parents, I think I always call my dad's phone.I still do.
And he never answers. Yeah, I always wanted to talk to my dad.
I never, like, it's so wild that, like, that's so crazy that the communities are so vastly different.Yeah, it is.It's totally different.Totally different.But you never hear black guys, oh no, black guys do it.What?
When they say what city they're from.
I always thought it was like a white guy.
That's part of a black guy's introduction to you is like rep it and fucking three.Oh yeah.What am I talking about?
Yeah.They tell you the street that they grew up on.That's crazy.I was listening to this thing about Rosa Park, not Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman.Okay.Uh, you know, Harriet Tubman is a bad motherfucker, right?You know, she, so she,
I, this, I, this just broke my heart.So she runs away.She, first of all, she runs away from the South with her two brothers in the first time and they get, they get nervous and they make her go back.
So she ran away and then got far away and her brothers were like, yo, let's get the fuck back.
Did you listen to a podcast?I did.I did.Why?Yeah.
Because I just, this is how you recap podcast.
Yeah.They're like, fuck it.This, this fucking sucks.I'm not going to sleep in the Mars.Let's go home.So they go home.Rosa, Harry Tubman married by the way, married to a free man, black, but free.
Yeah, kind of crazy that he'd be free and she's a slave.Yeah, I don't understand that.I don't know how it works.But anyway, so then she's like, fuck this, I'm out.So she bails, right?She leaves.She then goes back and brings her brothers out.
They're like, yo, I made it out.Philly's not that far.Let's go.So she then takes them over back over to Philly. Then she goes, I'm gonna go get my husband.He's free, I don't really get it, but she gets it.
So she dresses as a dude, goes back to her old plantation, goes to get her husband.Her husband's fucking remarried.In like two months, he fucking finds a side piece.And Harriet Tubman's like, every guy, fucking. Every guy is the same.She's gone.
Oh, yeah.I got to get somebody else.How could you be?How could I mean, I'm sure there's a real simple explanation for this, but like, how could you be a free black man in the South married to a slave?
I don't understand.I don't know.I don't know how it works.I don't know.I'm sure you could call somebody, you know, who was like, oh, here's how we did it.Should I call Donnell?Yeah, you would love that question.
Hey, Donnell, can I ask you a question about slavery?Click.Yeah, no. So, so wait, how many times did she make the trip?A lot, a lot.And she was like, uh, I don't know.I always picture.Is it like horseback?Is it trains?
Like how do you, how was our people making the trip the whole time?My foot there and back is always my foot.
Woman must've walked.If she had a pedometer, if she had a, she was getting her steps.Is that what you're saying?
She was definitely getting her steps in.
That'd be a cool memorial for her.I thought you were going to say integration.No, I just meant like a sign that said Harriet Tubman and then in quotes said getting her steps in.That's a really cool way to honor somebody.
Can I tell you I think about when I was running the LA Marathon, I thought about Harriet Tubman Shut the fuck up And I thought about the Trail of Tears and I was like those guys did it like and they didn't even train They did not, neither did you Like Harriet Tubman did not train You didn't either, you just signed up And I wonder if she was sore as fuck the next day So is it reasonable to say that during the LA Marathon that you ran you were just like I am bringing someone to freedom right now I'm taking slaves to freedom
That's what you was going through your head?No, I was just I was just thinking I am just like Harriet Tubman.That's very cool.
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If Harriet Tubman can do this, I can do this.And she didn't even have good shoes.She definitely didn't.Didn't have headsets.Nope.She didn't have Nikes at all.Wasn't on like a mapped out trail.No.Didn't have water stops.No.
People weren't handing her bananas.Nuh-uh.No.
Little glucose spikes.Yeah.You're right.She did it way different than you.She did it in like boots.Yeah. Harriet Tubman getting her steps in.Yeah.
It's a good.It's the name of a new documentary.Fitbit should do an integration. Oh my God.Do you remember that she was going to be on the 20?Wasn't she going to be on the 20?You don't remember this?No.
It was during like sometime during the Trump presidency, they were like, Oh, we're going to redesign the 20 and, and we're going to put Harriet Tubman on it.And most people were like, well, that's a great honor.Like that seems pretty amazing.
And I would have to get verification, but apparently, Trump and or his office was like, I don't like that idea because she's not very attractive.I swear to God, I swear to God.As opposed to all the other people on bills, those are gorgeous.
Is that wrong?Can they Google that? He Trump said, she's just not that hot.Basically, this is what the story was.Now I'm somebody who will say, maybe that is not true.Maybe, but, but you said it on a podcast.So now it's true forever.
Well, that, that was, I'm saying the rumor was that I'm not making up the rumor whether or not that wasn't a real rumor.That was a real rumor.But I don't know.I can't verify that he actually said that now.
Would that be out of the realm of possibilities of something he would say?I don't think so.I bet he's so fucking fun to have.Hilarious.I bet he's, yeah, unhinged 24-7.Just like, what?Yeah.Look at her.I don't want her on my money.
I could totally see him saying that.
I was thinking it was going to be something else.Is it?
It's true, yeah.Omarosa claims that Donald Trump questioned Harriet. Amarosa?Well, because she was on The Apprentice and then she was in good graces with him for a while and then she had a falling out.Really?Yeah.
So could she have made up that he said that?Yes, I'm saying that.Amarosa was pretty fucking hot, right?So, you know, I don't know, but it's still, it's a pretty cool story.
We did, this is the hardest I've laughed in a while.I think we have video of it, but it's one of the hardest I've laughed. Rachel in our office, we're doing a fantasy football league, and you know, our office is diverse.
We have an African-American young lady named Kyle.Kudos to you, man.Who works for us.
Yes.And we have one too.His name's Eni. we should introduce them.They would probably love to meet each other.
We should get them to play together.
I'll bring Kyle to any, and then me and you will just wink.Yeah, we'll just watch.We'll be like, go ahead.So we're doing punishment for the loser of our fantasy football league.And Rachel goes, you know, you got to spend 24 hours at a Waffle House.
You gotta spend 24 hours at a Buffalo Wild Wings.You gotta- That's the punishment?You gotta get a tattoo.And then one of the ones, she's like, she goes, you gotta get a spray tan, but super dark.
And we're all like, we look at Kyle and she goes, that's a punishment?And Rachel did not see it?She goes, yeah, really dark.And Kyle was like, like how dark? And Rachel, I could not stop laughing.And I was like, and Rachel never got it.
She was like, what?What?Wouldn't that be horrible? Kyle went through my closet and she goes, I think you're a black man.I think I'm starting to dress more like a black dude.What was Kyle's observation?The hats and the shoes?
The hats and the shoes are number one, but if I dress fancy, I dress- Fancy black?Fancy black.Really?Yeah.What's up?Like loud suits?No collar. No collar?Velvet, no collar.Oh, yeah.
I went to Emmy's party, and I had a fucking badass shirt, but it was patterned velvet with a velvet suit, velvet shoes.You dressed like a pastor.Yeah.Yeah.I dressed like a black guy.When I went to Kevin Hart's party for the Netflix thing,
I dressed like a black dude.Not dressed like a black dude, but I just like, like brothers kept complimenting me on what I was wearing.That's a good sign.It feels good too.Yeah.Oh, when a black guy goes, dude, I like that shirt.
And I was like, I thought you would.Yeah.This was for the Emmys thing you're talking about?For everything I dress, I dress like a black dude.Really?Yeah.I started buying black dude outfits.I was telling you this.Yes, you did.
A black dude XL shockingly is not an XL. That was really strange.That was wild.
Are you in a Southern city for that?I think you were.
Yeah.I was in a Southern city and I go to the, uh, for lack of better words, the black guy clothing places, places, sells lots of colors of fedora hats.Everyone knows what we're talking about.I've been there.Yeah.
And so I got these really cool... And you make it work?You feel like you make it work?I wear them all the time.No one ever noticed.
No one's ever like, what are you doing?Yeah, like are you wearing a costume?Yeah.Because you don't wear it like that.
No, people go, that looks good.I don't think I can do that. You can, but the thing is, so I go in and I get two outfits, a tan one, it's like a match, the pants and the shirt are the same.You get those?I get them.The matching stuff.Yeah.
And it's interesting that... Do you wear that out or on stage or just... I don't wear it on stage, I wear it out, like if I'm going somewhere.Yeah.Like...
And so I get them and I mean, maybe this is racist, but I assume that an XL at a black guy's store would be like, actually be like a large. Like I thought it would be the same.You know how like Target XL is really like a double XL?Right.
And then like Abercrombie & Fitch XL is like a large, right?Right.Like you go to Banana Republic, their XL is like a little more of a large.
So depending on the manufacturer and the place you're buying it at, well, and their typical clientele, it's like they make the adjustment.
They make the adjustments so that if you're selling, that you feel good about yourself, because they know who their clientele.
That's right.Or like if you buy European cut clothing.
Yeah, oh, they're fucking get out of here.
I went not long ago to buy a shirt from an Italian designer place.You know what actually fit like normal, like just fit like a normal shirt?What?4X. It was a quadruple X. And I was like, this is a four X. And they're like, yes.Yeah.
We did not have your kind.And that was like, I mean, you know, it was just like a normal size t-shirt.I was like, yeah.Okay.
So, so I go in and I go, I'll get XLs.And the guy behind the counter is like, are you sure?And I thought he was just saying like, you're a big guy.And I was like, no, they'll fit.And he goes, okay.So I buy. Two outfits, four shirts.
You don't try it on.I don't try it on because I'm like, I know my size.And by the way, I know I'm an XL now.I'm like, I'm an XL at Banana Republic.So I'm like, I'm good.Proper XL.Dude, XL shirts, none of them fucking fit.
I bought an XL bedazzled giraffe on the back of one.Beautiful.
Fucking barely, barely get my arms.Dude, I just got, I just got hosed by, I mean, he didn't do it on purpose, but you remember that T-shirt that Bo said to get? And then he's like, you and me are the same.We're the same, so just order.
Yeah, he's like, order what I got.And I'm like, oh, OK.He's like, we're the same.And I go, great.So I order it.I fucking put it on. and it looks like I'm gonna go scuba diving in it.
It's like, it fits here, then it sticks to the body, and I'm like, I look like an asshole.I look like a total asshole in this.Of course, I already took off tags and all this shit.
It's not his fault, but the thing is, if you don't know how something's gonna be cut, then you're just rolling the dice, and this shit, this size does not fit.Wait, who's the designer?I don't wanna say it.You don't wanna say it.I'll tell you later.
Okay. Yeah, I went to put on all these shirts and none of them fit.None of the pants fit.The shirts fit on the suits, on the outfits, but the pants were super fucking tight.They were not XL.And the arms were cut weird.It was odd.
And I can't return them.I just have them.Yeah, I understand.If there's a skinny black dude who would like two outfits, I got you.
Hit him up. him up and I just have the shirts that I bought that he sent me and they just they sit in the corner and I go one day.I put on this eyeballing November like you can maybe get in these in November.
I put on a shirt to go to a premiere of a movie.I was with Leanna and I started going to movie premieres.Really?Yeah.Why?I don't know.We have nothing to do.
Oh, is that fun? Nah, I don't know.I don't know.I like that you keep going.
You're like, I don't even know if I'm having fun.I'll tell you what's fun.I got to be dead honest with you is going to see a movie that I agree with.That's the fun part.So like you're going to see a movie, but they, you can't get anything.
They just give you popcorn and a diet Coke. So you can't get, it's not like you're going to see a movie.What would you normally get at a movie?Fucking everything.Cocktails, fucking hot dog.They don't have hot dogs, pizza, anything.I'm keto though.
So I don't, I probably wouldn't eat a lot of that.
Hardcore keto.So we go the last, we went, we've been to a couple.I'll tell you what's weird is in order to go, you have to do the red carpet.Okay.
Like, cause that's why they're getting you there so they can take pictures of you to say, Oh, look who came to see this movie.Yeah. Oh, you wanna hear something cool about this?
So random as fuck, Andy Garcia used to take acting classes next door to my house. Okay.He's still at it.The guy's still, he'd meet with this lady and he'd do acting, like work on his craft.And it was next door to my old house, my old house, right?
Yeah.It was next door.So randomly, all the time I would see Andy Garcia.I would see him like once a week, I'd see Andy Garcia.Just walking?But in my front yard, he'd be walking past.You remember how close those houses were?Yeah.
And I'd be like, hey, what's up?And every, I'd see him once a week.I saw Andy Garcia once a fucking week, right? So we go to this premiere for this movie, new George Clooney, Brad Pitt movie.
I'm sure that's why they invite you so you can talk about it on your podcast.It's called Wolves.It's very fucking good.It's good.It's fucking George Clooney and Brad Pitt.Well, I know, but I mean, it doesn't have to be a good movie.
So they go, Hey, do you mind doing the red carpet?And by the way, they've, I've, this is kind of cool.They all, sometimes they tell me, and can you just wait while he does red carpet?That's gotta feel good.
I go, yeah, no, just don't ever forget who brings the fucking butter home.Yeah.So they're like, just stand over here.Yeah.And she's cool.She's like, oh, sure, sure.I don't want to be a bother.I won't be a bother.
And then today, this time I go, Hey, can she do it with me?And they're like, yeah, of course.It's amazing.Uh, so Andy Garcia walks up, and they're like, yo, can we put Andy Garcia in front of you?I was like, fuck yeah, of course.
Because he's going to go in.He's friends with those guys.Andy Garcia walks in front of me, and he goes like this.He goes, hey.I go, hey.And he goes. And I go, yeah, what's up?
He was like, oh, like, and you can see he's like, how the fuck do I know you?And I so badly want to go.I used to see you once a week, but I didn't tell him.He just, you can see Liam was like, did you know Andy Garcia?You never told her.
I just, but I was like, I wanted to be like, I see you all the, I used to see you all the time.And, but I just, and then he just was like this, you could see his fucking, he was like, Dementia I love Andy Garcia.
He is he is great George Clooney and Brad Pitt in person fucking gorgeous They were in so I didn't have to do much of the red carpet because they were still on the red carpet I mean that when they do the red carpet like people are all over them George George George turn this way turn this way just fucking great Saw Simon Rex there.
He's fucking Gorgeous, but here's the question.I have about these movie premieres.Oh, so If you're not going to see a free movie, it's a weird, it's a weird like social. dichotomy of life.
Like, it's a weird thing because everyone ultimately wants to get next to Brad Pitt and talk to Brad Pitt or George Clooney.Ultimately, you could see it.I mean, like, the seas were converging around them.
So, there was three places you could hang out at this after party.Front bar, back outside bar, upstairs bar, four places, and the outside bar, upstairs.George Clooney and Brad Pitt were in the outside bar, upstairs.
And it was, I mean, it was like almost like they were releasing tickets to a concert.Like, and these were all people I'd assumed that are in the movie industry, but they're all like trying to get close.It was so weird.
And I was just, it turned me off.I was like, I was like, let's just say I sat out and talked to Nick Kroll the whole time.And I was like, I was like, just talked about standup and.
It is gross.I've been, I was at a after party for after a premiere once. And the way that people are slowly, what they do is like if the talent's over here, they start to like, they're like, yeah, yeah.And you're like, what are you doing?
And then they, the grossest is when stars start to move and then the people gradually start to like drift their steps this way so that maybe they can intercept them. Oh.On their path.
Or people go like this.People go like this.They're talking to you.And this is not Nick Kroll.And by the way, it was so not Nick Kroll that I started doing it.Yeah.Because I'm definitely, I'm someone that go be like, you know, look around.Yeah.
Like, who's that?And Nick Kroll makes eye contact the whole fucking time.He's talking to you.
So then I started going, oh, I'm going to make eye contact too.So I was looking at him in his eyes.Yeah.And it was like really creepy.But most of the people at those parties, they talk to you.
Probably because you were going, keep looking in his eyes, keep looking in his eyes, keep looking.And he was like, well, this is pretty intense, man.
He's like, I'm good.I'm good.I gotta go.But most people at those, this is the worst is you'll be talking to someone and you'd be like, yeah, I don't know.I thought the movie was good.And they're like, yeah, yeah.
And then they just walk away and you're like, the fuck just happened.
It's very, it's very, it's, it's literally not different than high school.It is exactly the way high school hierarchy operates between like the
coolest and there's this kid and there's the there's the weirdos and the like it's the same thing and they're just everyone's just trying to like who's the most popular it's fucking strange.
Leanne said she goes do you want to go upstairs and I was like I was like, maybe.We could meet George and Brad.Yeah, she goes, you wanna see if we can say hi to, they invited you.You should go up and say hi and thank you.
And I was like, I don't think that's how it works.And I was like, and I think, I don't think it's gonna be what you think it's gonna be.
I love if you would have been, hey, George, thanks for inviting me.And he'd go, I'm sorry?You invited me?He goes, I don't fucking know who you are.He'd be like, hey, can you pull up that Aston Martin?I'll be out in a second.
And you're like, yeah, sure.Sure thing, George. Thanks for inviting me.It's so sincere.I've always wanted to go to Lake Cuomo.Cuomo.
And he'll be like, yeah, thank you.So we go upstairs, we go upstairs and it's, I mean, it is slam packed.And the whole time I'm like, yeah, I don't, I go, it's not, it's even if best case scenario, best case scenario.
Brad Pitt turns and he goes like this.And now I have my Andy Garcia moment where he's like, how do I know that person?And then I go, I'm friends with Tom Segura.And then he's going, huh?Like, best case scenario, I still fuck it up.
And so I was like, yo, this isn't, let's get the fuck out of here.And she was like, for real, you don't wanna say hi to nobody?And then Richard fucking Kind.I bump into Richard Kind and he's like, hey, Burt.Hey, Leanne.
That guy fucking remembered my wife's name.Really?Fucking remembered my fucking wife's name.How did he wife's name?We met him at a party.We just met him once.
Yeah, and he remembered my fucking wife's name.And I was like, Jesus Christ, man.I was like, he's better than me.He's awesome.He's the fucking best.So funny.
And then I did say, sneaky, I did see, Nick Kroll gets up, he's upstairs, and he's talking to Richard Kind.And George Clooney came up and dapped up Nick Kroll. Really?Yeah, I thought that was cool shit.That is cool.
I was like whoa and Nick I don't Nick I don't think he knows him, but he's just like what's up.I like your work or whatever I thought that was cool.We went to one premiere and It was a Snoop Dogg movie 1992.It's fucking sneaky good.
It's like you it's it's Tyrese Clint Eastwood son Scott Eastwood.Mm-hmm And it's such a good fucking, it's Ray Liotta's last movie he did.It is such a good fucking movie.1992 it's called?1992, and I'll tell you.And Snoop produced it.
Black premieres, way better than white premieres.
So far you're into black clothing, black podcasts, black shoes.Their matriarchy.Their matriarchy.Everything.
Dude, Stacey Adams are fucking badass shoes, sidebar.Anyway, so. Super diverse episode.So they so it's uh, they Tyrese goes up and talk.
This is like right when Tyrese was like Kind of going wild everywhere right before he got arrested He knew he was getting arrested.It was like it was he went up and gave like a speech and like Scott Eastwood I don't think even went up there.
He was just like whatever.This is your movie and so The best is, he's like, I gotta give it up for Unk.Everybody's Snoop Dogg.And by the way, I'm sitting, me and Leigh-Anne are sitting behind Lunell, okay?Lunell is the fucking greatest.
She is holding court in our corner with everyone.Everyone's, and they're like, Reggie Watts is there.I mean, it's like an interesting corner, right?Who was the dude sitting next to Reggie Watts that is like, I wondered if they knew each other.
He was famous, but I knew him.He was a comedian too, but I can't remember. who it was.But anyway, so they're like, give it up for Snoop Dogg.And everyone goes, yeah, Snoop Dogg.And then this white guy goes, yay, yay.
And Lunell goes, that's Ice Cube, you dumb motherfucker.You culturally appropriating white boy.And the place fucking fell out.Yay, yay.I thought that was fucking great.That's hilarious.She's fantastic.Lunell's amazing.
She had a fish sandwich one time that I've been looking for for about two years. What do you mean?You were somewhere and she was eating a fish sandwich?She was eating a fish sandwich on livestream.Oh.And she was talking about it.
I've talked to her three times about this fish sandwich.I even mentioned it, I think, on Good Day LA. I was like, if anyone helped me find this fish sandwich, it was so good looking.
And it was going out, they were trying to run this place out of business during COVID.And she was like, yo, if you can, stop by this, it's a fucking.
Dude, I'm so obsessed with Fancy Chef, you know?Have I told you about him?
Fancy Chef is this guy who goes by. He posts like his cooking stuff, but it's just, it's not right.Like it's that something's wrong, you know?
Wait, wait, hold on.Tell me more.
What's his, is it Fancy Chef?Yeah, yeah, yeah.And he does like, he'll be like, check out this shit I just made. And it'll be like, it'll be a store-bought cake with blueberries on it.And he's like, look at this beautiful and nice, beautiful and nice.
And you're like, yeah, that's just a cake from Ralph, you know, like that you put berries on.Did you find him?Yeah.So he doesn't make the cake.Listen to this package.
You know what the rate is?
Two to $5 million to cook for those six days.Okay.But if you scroll to look at some of the food he's made, like if you see some of his food, You can see what kind of level we're talking.
By the way, every video is the same.It looks like a Klan member.
Yeah, he wears his hat a lot.
That's a weird fucking choice for a black dude, that hat.It looks like a fucking Klan outfit.
On purpose?He wears his chef's outfit everywhere. His newest move is that he's going to restaurants ordering food.And then he's like, check out what I made.As he's sitting at the table, he just ordered it from a restaurant.
He's like, look at this beautiful dish.And you're like, you just ordered that.Like, you're not in the kitchen.You're just sitting at a table at a restaurant.So I've been obsessed with his videos.And he also like, he puts a lot of shit in wine glass.
So he'll be like, you know, here I have a wine glass, and then he'll put like a rib in there, some raspberries, ranch dressing, and honey, and he'll be like, look at this shit.It's beautiful.I watch his videos, and he also has three phone numbers.
You know, one of those guys who's like, give me a call, 570-214, or 702-600, and you're like, how many fucking numbers do you have?So we've been calling him, and calling him, and calling him, and we finally got him on the phone.
And I was like, I want you to come, to Austin.How much?To cook for me.He's like, I already been through this shit with your man, Zolo.And I was like, yeah.Are you serious?Yeah, because Zolo, and I go, so you're locked in?
He goes, I told him, he said, I only fly first class.I go, done.Five star hotel, done.Ground transportation, done.And then he's like, I don't fuck with paper plates.I was like, okay.So he was like, go buy fancy cutlery.
And then full kitchen, he needs every fucking possible piece of cooking equipment you could have.And I go, great, we'll shop for all of it.And then I was like, are we set?And he was like, yeah.And I go, what will you make?
And he goes, I've been a chef for 40 years, man.I cook anything you want.And I was like, great, I love sea bass.And he goes, yeah, I don't really fuck with seafood.I was like.Are you serious?Yeah, I was like, that's huge. part of cuisine.
And he's like, yeah, it smells.I was like, all right, so what do you want to make?He's like, how about like a New York strip?
I was like, all right.I love New York strip.Strip works.By the way, that's the last piece of steak I'd want out of all the cuts.
Okay.So here's the thing.We're so excited.He's supposed to come Wednesday.To Austin?Yeah.Fuck. I don't know if he's going to show up.I just pointed out to the guys, I was like, do you have car service?And they're like, yeah, picking him up.
I go, no, taking him to the airport.You think he's going to find the airport?Yeah.Oh yeah.Yeah.
You got it.You got to fucking, you got to pick him up from his house.
And they were like, okay, we'll, we'll, we'll add that.So we're going to be very excited.I mean, we are excited.Um, we'd be very disappointed if he doesn't show up.He's not going to show up. I don't know.
I can't believe he's charging two to five million for those six days of work.That's wild.With a 65% deposit of funds.
But here's the deal.It's really smart for him because if he just books one of those, he's set for life.All he has to do is book one and book all of them.
Hey man, I know the range was two to five.I took the $5 million options and I just sent you $3 million for the deposit.We good?
And then, you know, he would just get there and be like, this shit ain't right.I'm leaving.Walk out.
God forbid that those people want sea bass.Yeah.They pay $5 million and they don't get sea bass.I'd be so upset. I love it.I love where this world's turned.I love that you don't have to know how to do what you're doing to do it.Yeah.
I think it's so fucking brilliant.
And make demands.Yeah.That's the thing is he is slowly but surely becoming a star with his, this profile that people are slowly discovering.Yeah.
And we started talking about it and, and, and then the episode is going to come out pretty soon where we highlight him more and then we get him on the phone.And, um, yeah, I've invited, like some other special people to be there for him.Yeah.
We are from a very lucky generation.Yeah.We, me and you, are from a generation where not everyone could do everything.So, like our chefs, our chefs to want to be chefs, they didn't want to be television personalities.Totally.
There was a period where people were becoming chefs just so they could get in front of the camera.Yeah.Like, yeah, I'm a chef, but I want to... I think that's still done now too, right?Yeah.And comics.I chose comedy.
I mean, this is going to sound crazy to anyone, and I know I sound fucking out of my mind sometimes, but I chose comedy when it wasn't an occupation. Yeah.
Like when no one was doing comedy, no one decided to be a comedian when we started doing comedy.
Well, I think people were, but they, we had, first of all, we had no idea that the internet would be the platform that it, like the internet existed, but just barely, but it did exist.But no one was like, yeah, you can share your stuff there.
Like we went into it being like, God, I hope enough the right people see me and I can get maybe some TV deal, but more importantly, have clubs just book me.That was it.That's the big goal.
I didn't even know there were clubs.I didn't even know how comedy worked.Yeah.I just knew I wanted to do stand-up and I needed to move to New York.And I was like, I'd never seen, I'd seen in comics, I didn't even understand how the business worked.
Now I see people doing comedy that they're like, my daughter's best friend wants to be a comedian. Really?Yeah.And I was like, I think she should.I really think she should.She's the funniest fucking human being I've ever been around.
Oldest daughter.Georgia's her best friend.I actually was like, yo, no, don't lie.I tried to get her on stage at Fully Loaded.Me and Whitney tried to get her on stage.We're like, just get on stage.Just try it.
Because she is really genuinely one of the funniest human beings around.That child has made me laugh. that child has made me laugh and not, this is the best.
I always say this about people that like as a comic, you know, someone's funny, you know, someone's going to be great when they make you laugh and they're not trying to make you laugh.Right.
When they're, when they're just being them and you're laughing, that's what a real comic spirit is.
That's what you end up trying to be that person that was not trying to be a performer.
Yeah, the reason, yeah.I mean, I told this to someone the other day.Wait, she wouldn't get on, though, when you guys tried to?No, she's fucking 19 years old, and she was terrified.There's fucking 12,000 people.
Now maybe not the time to do an open mic.Yeah.I was like, Whitney and I wrote her an act.We're like, just say these jokes, get yourself comfortable, and then talk from your heart.Like, just say.She made me, I mean, this, I,
We love this kid like one of our children.She's been with us, you know, but like this kid's genuinely fucking funny.But nowadays it's like, it's like I see so many people go, yeah, I'll just do comedy.Maybe I'll just start a YouTube channel.
I'm going to culinary school.And you're like, but yeah, but what are your incentives?I feel like things have been whittled, like all of a sudden something pops, right?
And then everyone runs to it and everyone goes, well, I'm gonna be one of those now.And you're like, When our generation, it was like Dave Attell became a comedian because that's the only thing he could do.Yeah, and he loved doing it.
Sarah Silverman, I don't think people realize how special Sarah is.Sarah started at a young age. and has been doing standup comedy at a high level for the longest fucking time.
And she didn't pick it because she thought it was a way to get into acting or that this was going to leapfrog her skin line.
You do it for the same reason.That's the thing that is shared no matter the generation is you start it and you do it because you're like, oh, this way I don't have to get a real job.Yeah.
It's like this is the if I can make enough to survive, then I can not have a real job, which is
Really the goal Joe Rogan I mean, I think people forget I think is now Joe is what he is Joe Rogan didn't get in this to have a podcast No at all.He got in it one to get away from head head wounds Yeah, head trauma.Head trauma.Yeah.
And he loved comedy.And I see so many people nowadays, and I'm not shitting on them, I don't really care.It's like, I just have fun with your life, ultimately.
But like, it's so funny that the thing that we picked when we had no real, like, a lot of options now seems like a very viable job for people.
Yeah, I mean, I think- Do you remember telling your dad you wanted to do comedy?Yes. How'd that go?You know, he was surprisingly, like, I don't think he fully got it, but he was really supportive.He was just like, you gotta go try to do this.
Because his story was that, you know, he was like, he ran track, he played football, he was a starting quarterback, he was a competitive Olympic lifter.And what he wanted to do was be a high school football coach and a PE teacher.
That's what he wanted to do.And he said that he told his dad, and his dad was like, no son of mine is gonna be a PE teacher. right?
And he always talked about, he loved football college, but he's like, I loved, he's like, I wanted to be a high school football coach.And my dad was like, absolutely not.So, you know, he went into like a traditional, he became a financial advisor.
He's the guy that you go, I want to open a 401k.And he liked it.You get to work with people and he loved working with people and stuff.And But when I was like, yeah, I want to do comedy, he was like, I'm going to do what my dad didn't do.
And like, he's like, I don't really understand how that works, but I'm saying go try it because you don't want to be older and be like, I wish I would have tried this thing. So he was really encouraging.My mom was like, what are you talking about?
Like, you should go to the post office and get a job at the post office.And I was like, what?And she was like, this way you have a job and you can do your shows at night.And I go, at the fucking post office? And she was 100% serious, you know?
She's like, they have benefits and they're a federal employee.I'm like, what?So, but he was always very encouraging, you know?And like, he was like thrilled when I made 50 bucks.I told him one time I made $50 doing this show.
He was like, Jesus, really?I go, yeah, give me 50 bucks just to pop into this show.And he was like, That's fucking great.He was like telling he was bragging.He was like, I got like 50 bucks to do a show, but he was like super excited by it.
But he also was just like. You know, I don't know how this works.Now, I also remember telling him like, Oh, like this month, you know, I shot that commercial, but like the residuals haven't come in.So it's not good.
He's like, Hey, you got to like figure something out.And that's when I was like, yeah, like one of those early transition stages.And I got a job at a pizza place. off of Riverside Drive in the Valley.Oh, wow.
And I was, I was like, so I was like, I was like, okay, I should have joined the post office.Yeah.Post office would have been cooler.
Um, that's why I started doing all those odd end jobs was like, you know, to float between and then even then, dude, I still remember in 2011, the improv gave me nine weeks in a row of headlining, in a row.
One week off and then 11 weeks in a row headlining.And I took every single week.And when I got back from 20 weeks of headlining, I was like, I have to get a job.They were paying me 12.50, which everyone's gonna be like, 12.50 a week.
You gotta pay for travel.Pay for travel and you live while you're there.You gotta buy certain meals and shit and pay your, got back and I was like, yeah, it's not enough to live.For headlining the A club of the nation, right?
And that's when I became a site rep.Remember when I was a site rep?Oh yeah.So that's what a site rep is like,
somebody's like, yeah, you can shoot in our building for a production, but somebody has to oversee the, like the liaison between the building and the production.So then I had to do that.
And that was like, after headlining all those weeks, I was like, oh, this is fucking, yeah.But he still was like, he was still like, yeah, you know, I go like, yeah, you know, I'm still, doing better than last year.
That's what I always graded on for him.I was like, well, last year I was like this, this year is a better year.Oh, I was the exact opposite.
I had an amazing first year of comedy.Oh, right.Yeah.
I had an amazing second year of comedy.I had an amazing first three, four years of comedy was like chosen child.The chosen one.Pete, can I get a beer?Chosen one.You can have this one.And then, okay.
That second shit's coming up.Is it? Well, that was close.I got a beat.So, um, yeah, I had a big deal six months into doing comedy with Will Smith.I had another big deal, not a TV show.I did a pilot at another TV show and then I spent it all.
Isn't that crazy?I spent it all.I spent money like, I remember one time my business manager called and he was like, are you sick?Yeah.And I was like, why?And he goes, you're spending money like you're dying.
And I was like, I remember my- Like you're dying?Yeah, I remember my credit card, my credit card got declined for a pizza.That's when I knew I didn't have any money left.It was a canary in the mine.Yeah.
I had whatever it was like a Merrill Lynch, right?Is that like a Merrill Lynch card?
And I got a pizza. And I was, and I think I either gave him the credit card number and it got declined.And I was like, so I'm out of money.That's how I knew I was out of money.
Jesus Christ.Yeah.I did know that one time I took, I, this is like, I don't remember the year, but you know, I just started to work more and like, I think I put out an album.
So I had like the, and you look at when you book a trip, like, oh, the rooms are this, this is, and you're like, oh, so it'll cost this much.Yeah. I tell Christina, we're going to Hawaii.We go to Hawaii.
And then during the trip, I'm realizing that like lunch at this hotel is like $400.Like they're just like, this is the only place to eat.It's $400 for lunch.And I'm like, and Christina's like, we can afford this.I'm like,
And we get to the end of the thing and I see like the checkout bill and I'm like, this is like three times what I thought this was.And I'm just like, and I like hand it over and I get back and I'm like, I'm making like payments on this thing.
And I was like, this is fucking stupid.She has no idea that I'm like, I think I have to sell something to pay for this trip.
You know my story of my honeymoon, right?
Yeah, of course.I brought it up earlier.Yeah.That's right.Yeah.Of course. Yeah, it's fucking devastating.You're like, Oh my God, it's fucking insane.And it's how things can just turn.
Like, you know, I mean, dude, I remember this is this crazy, but I remember when my dad came out and like, I think it was 2017, 2017 or 18.And I was like, Oh, these are my tax returns.
for this year and he goes, do you realize that you earned more this year than in my entire career combined?And I was like, really?And he was like, yeah.And I go, do you realize that this was like just talking about my dick and farts and stuff?
That's it?It's just me being like, I farted and I actually shit when I farted.And he was like, that's great, buddy.
Isn't that crazy though?What's crazy is your kids will never have that with you.They fucking better not.My daughters will never make more money than I make.
They're about to start their careers.
They'll never achieve what I have achieved.They'll never fill these shoes.I will be their Bruce Willis.They will always be my Tallulahs and Scouts. They are.
Yeah, it's kind of, I remember my dad's at one point, I remember saying like, I don't know what to do.And he's like, buddy, I can't tell you.I don't, I've never, I didn't make money like that.And I was like, okay, so what do we do?
He's like, I don't know.He's like, good luck.My daughter's old.It's kind of nice.
And by the way, I want to just point this out to bring this full circle.All of my life happened while I was drinking.
Yeah. That is a good point.You're sitting... Look at over here.
You're sitting on your couch right now.You're having your coffee.Thinking about quitting drinking.You're putting the Zen in, you're hungover, you're listening to us, and you're thinking, I need to change my life.No, you don't.
You don't need to change your life.You just gotta dial it in.Listen, here's the deal.
Go to the bar tonight... And if you're having that thought, don't forget, if you're having that thought, Man, alcohol's ruining my life.It's not.It's not.
It's you.It's you.It's you.The alcohol, listen, how many dry drunks do you know?How many guys do we know that are sober that are still a fucking mess?Yes.And then they're like, yeah, man, I couldn't drink.I fucking, I'd lose my life.
And you're like, no, you're still a piece of shit.
But if you're ready to make that phone call to say, I need help, I need to.I should do a hotline. kick this thing that I think's taken over my life, you're saying that's not the thing to do.
No, it's not.Here's what you're doing.You're on your couch, you're having a zen, you're having a coffee, and you're saying, that's it, I'm done.She won't call me back.I fucked up last night.
I don't know where my, you know, I listened to, have you listened to Josh Brolin talk about getting sober?I heard a clip, I think you sent me.I sent you.A clip of him talking about.
I'm a huge Josh Brolin fan.He's fantastic.But holy fuck.
Yeah, he's really had a problem. Yeah.I mean, the clip is worth finding.He's doing a podcast, I think, with Woody Harrelson.I don't know.I didn't even see who else was on there.No, it's Woody Harrelson and Ted Danson.They have a podcast.Oh, really?
Yeah, they have a podcast.That's awesome.Apparently, they're like best friends.Yeah, they did a show together.No, I know that.But they're like legit still best friends.
Isn't that crazy?Yeah.But Josh Brolin's like, He was like, what got you to quit drinking?He said, you know, I woke up on the sidewalk.Yeah.Okay.Here's what I would say when I watch that clip and I met Josh Brolin and I don't know him, but I met him.
I met him.He's the coolest dude.You know what Josh Brolin did?He got, he quit drinking, but he got fucking help.Like he, he fixed Josh Brolin.Right.It wasn't the booze.It's the fucking dude inside the booze.
But couldn't you argue that some dudes just can't handle booze?Sure.Don't drink.I don't care.But, but like, but that's, that's, that's few and far between.
Most of the people that quit drinking are just like, like Steve-O couldn't, Steve-O is a better human being sober by far.
What I'm talking about is the dudes who that man, it's like, it's like they almost get in your head with like, you gotta be sober.And then all of a sudden you quit drinking, but you're like, I don't know.
I don't know what I'm trying to say, but it's like, I think you're ready for this.Yeah.I'm ready.I think a lot of dudes, I'm saying dudes, I'm not gonna talk about women.I'm a man.I only talk about men.A lot of dudes get sober for the attention.
And you got to realize, are you getting sober for the attention?Are you getting sober because you're sitting there going like, I want to tell people, I want to have a reason for people to root for me again.Like, you just, you know, I quit drinking.
And you're like, oh, good for you.And then that's your thing.That's your new thing.But that, by the way, that's the same thing booze was for you.
Booze was that same fucking thing.So in other words, instead of like trying to get the attention that way, stick to who you were.Stick to who you are.Don't quit drinking, but just get it under control.
Do this.Go to the bar tonight, have a drink, and then don't drink for one hour.What about the person who's like, yeah, I can't do that?I don't know.Well, shouldn't they quit then?Get a job on a boat. What happened?I don't know.
I don't know if I can tell that guy.I don't know.
But I think that's who we're talking to is like the person who's like, what do I do if I can't wait an hour?
Oh, I don't know.Yeah.I don't know.Maybe you have a problem. You might have a problem.You might need to quit.
We're going to wrap up on that.Don't forget, if you're trying to get your shit together, listen to Bert.
He has a good ideas and just know that if you are trying to get your shit together, that there's one person in this world that will still love you drunk or sober.If you fall off the wagon, I will still love you.
If you've decided you're sober, I'll still love you.That's the way the world should work.And that's the people you need in your life.And you get more people like that in your life.
Like my best friend, Tom Segura, who has loved me drunk, sober, fat, skinny, Poor, rich, everything.That's what you need.Not the fucking other stuff.
That's true.And we love you.And we thank you for watching and for listening.And we'll see you next week.
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