Ghosts and ghouls and goblins and scary things popping around every corner In the previous scary episode I did the grim grinning ghosts and I wanted to do that again But then I was like I'm just gonna sing my own song and I made it up and I hope you all liked it liked it
As long as it came from the heart, I think we all loved it.
Ghosts and ghouls and goblins and things and spooky stuff poking around every corner.Sing your truth, King.It's very brave of me.Welcome to Oddly Human.It's the podcast where we overanalyze all the weird, awkward,
slimming it in and uncomfortable micromoments in life this intro has been a clusterfuck i'm one of your hosts evan cox i'm one of your hosts chris binning and hey today we are talking uh ghosts and ghouls
I'm gonna write a Halloween song, and that's how it starts.We're talking haunted houses, mazes, cornfields, you used a term I don't think I've heard of before, scare zones, and I need to get into what that is.
We're talking about all these things today, but before we get spooky, and we're gonna get spooky. Before we get there, I wanna talk to my spookiest friend, the one in the pumpkin shirt.
Yeah.Chris, how you doing?Well, first I'm honored to be your spookiest friend.
I'll have to think about that, you might not be.
I feel like I'm generally not very spooky.So you mentioned before we get spooky that you wanted to talk to me. I regret to inform you there is, there is spooky undertones to the story I'm about to tell.
Um, but it is, you know, it's, uh, unfortunately a topical. uh, thing, or at least how we'll get into the story is, is topical and unfortunate.I'm sure that you've heard, um, the, the passing of, uh, one direction member, um,
That was, uh, I was at work the following day.So it happened, you know, the night before and then the following morning I was at work.There was a complicated situation at work.
Uh, so I had a manager and two supervisors with me and the TV was on and it was, uh, you know, talking about, uh, his passing on. the news.And so I'm with one supervisor who's about my age.Another supervisor who's maybe 10, 15 years older than me.
And then, uh, the manager and, uh, The supervisors and I are all dudes, the manager is a woman and she is maybe 20 years older than me, maybe 15 to 20.And she was like, oh, what songs would I know from One Direction?
And, you know, they were a very popular music group.
And if you've continued to work in a customer facing position, like myself and my supervisors have, if you've worked any sort of customer service role in the last 12 to 15 years, you've heard their music.
You know what makes you beautiful.
But the three of us all, I regret to inform you that the three of us. all had the masculine urge to not know.To be like, I've never, I've never heard of them.I've never, I don't know any, I don't even know what they are.
When they said One Direction, I thought, you know, he was, yeah, I thought it was a compass. um i thought a member of a compass had passed away um but i you know because i don't want to
then you can't be like, Oh, the song, um, you know, best day ever, or the song.That's what makes you beautiful.You can't just say that.Cause then it's like, well, how does that song go?And then you've now, you know, it's the best song ever.
And we danced all night.Like you can't, there's no good way to, I don't really know that one, but I like your rendition. yeah they're the best song ever um evan yeah how many one direction songs do you know and how you doing
Boink, boink, boink.I think just the one.I'm sure if I heard that song you're talking about, I know it.
And I would assume, again, working in customer service, I assume I know way more because they were so popular right at that time I was working in customer service.So I heard plenty of it.
The only one I know absolutely 100% for sure is That's What Makes You Beautiful.
You don't know you're beautiful.
That's how I would have performed it for my manager.
I would love to get a full group of just, like, embarrassed One Direction members, but there's the same amount of people, they're doing the same harmonies, so, like, it works, but they're just embarrassed about it. What would that sound like?
Good harmonies, but bashful?
I think it's a project worth exploring.That's the direction I'm looking in.How are you doing?Hey, I'm doing fine.
Get off my back.Well, I asked you once and you didn't answer.I answered your other question, which seemed more prescient.
We have to talk about One Direction, R.I.P.Liam Payne.I'm doing fine.Minor, I don't know, at what points, at what points do you consider an annoyance going from minor to major?And if it's a major, can you still call it an annoyance?
I feel like that's beyond an annoyance.That's just pain in the ass.Long story short, Two weeks ago.No, last week, one week ago.We had a warning that there were going to be high winds in our area.Southern California Edison.
Oh, they let us know about it.I just got an email.Jocelyn was getting phone calls, text messages.She collectively got like 10 and the news never changed. Some of these calls, and she showed me, I'm like, I didn't wake up for this, but it's real.
They called at two in the morning.Then they called at five in the morning.They left voicemails both time, neither with new information, just saying, hey, it's really windy and we might have to shut your power off.Fuck off.
Don't call us at two in the morning when you told us that at like 5 p.m.earlier today.
Automated messaging or automated human being?
OK, if it was a real human being, that would be sad.It's maybe the one spot.I'm like, I'm glad that's not a real person up at 2 a.m.calling everyone one by one.Hey, just checking in again.That's the worst job ever.
And we called all night at the worst job ever!
So that kept her up that night, I slept through it, sometimes my CPAP machine helps me with that, I'm not hearing stuff as much.
But the power did not go out last week, so it was like, you know, you're happy, we didn't lose power, didn't have to deal with that, but also like, I mean, we were ready for it.He really prepared us.So just felt like wasted effort.
Last night, power just went out.We have not had this happen.We were told like, yeah, that happens up here.We've lost power for like five seconds.But this was an all night thing.And it wasn't planned. some sort of accident occurred.
When I looked it up on the website, they're like, it can be weather related, it can be a car accident, it could be this, it could be that.And the last thing on there was metallic balloons.These events have doubled in the last five years.
I'm like, all right, stop using metallic balloons, people.
Stick to the old rubbers, whatever balloons are made of.
Call them up.I just want to have you guys try sticking to the old rubbers.
Stick to the old rubbers.And by that, I mean, don't have kids so they don't have birthdays.So we were not ready for that, but ready enough having prepared before.And it's we've our landlords got us a very nice generator.
I had that prepared and ready to go.You know, I'm no expert on this stuff, but I've read that manual backwards and forwards a bunch of times, I've looked up, so I'm absolutely positive, when the power goes out, I know how to do this."
And so there's like, I'll keep this brief, I've already talked too much, but there's your, uh, let's see how good I am at this, the box surge. Fuse box?Fuse box.
So you got your fuse box, there's a little plug where you plug the generator in, and in between those is a panel that has six switches, I think, on it?
I forget, maybe I mentioned this before, but so like, that's the part, when I looked it up, I'm like, oh, that's easy. It's currently switched to line, meaning we're on the grid.
You can switch it to off, that'll shut everything down, and then you can switch it up to generator.Now it's running through the generator.Makes perfect sense.These are listed A, B, C, D, E, and F. The six switches.On the fuse box,
They've written stuff next to it.The stuff makes no sense.And they're listed by number.Yeah.And those numbers go to eight.
So I'm like, I just figured like, you know, when the time comes, I don't want to be like, popping on the generator, like fucking around with stuff while the power is not out.Now I feel a little more confident.I understand how it works.
I feel like I could do that. But I'm just, we talked about it in the electricity episode.I don't want to fuck with like house electricity.That shit's scary.Um, but so I figured it would be so simple, like flip on a, and it's like, Oh great.
That turned on the kitchen.Flip on B. Oh, that turned on the bathroom.Great.Go and go turn off the ones we don't need.Now I flipped on a turns on the outlets in the kitchen and the bedroom.
Flipped on B, it turns on the overheads in the kitchen and the bedroom.Then as far as I could tell, it was like, that was it.A and B turned everything on except one wall. None of the other switches seem to do anything.
And that one wall is the wall that needs, because that's where cable is, needs to power our Internet and to get our furnace going.So like the things you might want if, say, we were snowed in and lost power, heat, the Internet, these things come up.
Long story short, I say again, after telling a long story, It's annoying.Why?Who did this?Why is this house wired so weird?I don't have the answers, unfortunately.Someone better give me answers.
Yeah, so I think we're going to have to have like an electrician over to poke around and shit, and that sucks.
Yeah, just yeah, call them over.And then when they get there, just be like, what is this?Do you explain this?Did you do this?Did you do that?
That is the tough thing, and we gotta move on and talk about Haunted stuff.But like, it is such a small community.
It was the same when we were getting the internet hooked up, it's like, oh yeah, you're the same person that set this up in the first place.There's kinda just one or two contractors for every
thing you could need so yeah that's that's the pain in the ass I'm dealing with but I feel like a near expert I could be an electrician myself now well I
I find that shocking.I couldn't even look into the webcam to deliver that.I had to just stare into space in shame as the words fell out of my mouth.
Well, for your own safety, we don't want you getting shocked either.Are you ready to sign the waiver to enter the episode?I am. Have you had to do that?
I've only been to one, and it wasn't like an extreme haunted house or anything, but they're just like, no, this is really scary.You have to sign a waiver.Have you had to sign your life away to go into a spooky event?
I don't know, actually.I feel like maybe it's just in the fine print Maybe you have to check a box when you buy the tickets online or something, but I don't think I've had to sign a waiver.
This year I went to both Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights and Knott's Berry Farm.Not scary farm.The name.And it's not scary.
I, I don't think we had to sign waivers for either park, but I, I would imagine that there was still like a, a box you have to check.That's like checking this box and purchasing these tickets.
I mean, you know that this is supposed to be a little bit spooky.
Yeah.Cause I've never done. Universal Horror Nights, whatever it's called, Hollywood Horror Nights.
Halloween Horror Nights, my dear boy.Damn it.
I was so close.I told you I've never been.I'm an amateur.But I have.Total me style.The only time I've ever been to Knott's Berry Farm was for work.So I was behind the scenes.I met the actors.
that do the spooking, and then walked around filming some stuff.
But like, if I didn't have that behind the scenes, it's like, you know, you're scared by a scary movie, and you want to watch the behind the scenes footage to go like, okay, it's not real.I had that like invincibility of like, this ain't real.But
it seemed scary as hell.Like it could give someone a heart attack.
I do.Uh, I think that not has the, um, the longest running like Halloween events.Um, but I do think that universal has the most popular one.Um, at least, you know, obviously in the Southern California, theme park realm.
I think that both of them are more popular.I've never been to Six Flags Fright Fest, but I believe that's the least popular of the three.I haven't either.That's probably the city you got to travel.
I guess Knott's Berry Farm is pretty out of the way, too, isn't it?Yeah, it's right next to Six Flags.
Um, they in fact are not right next to each other, Evan.I don't, they're in fact as far away as can be.I think you're thinking of Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm are next to each other.Probably.
Um, but, uh, yeah, no, Knott's Berry Farm and Six Flags Magic Mountain are perhaps an hour and a half to two hours away from each other.All right.
Alright, I'm like, yeah, you go, but I'm looking those up.If there's a 5% chance I could be right.
Talking to the guy who was just there.I've been to all of these parks more than once, and not just for a one work event one time.They might be pretty close.
I have been to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios three or four times now, but this was my first time.It's an hour and a half.All right.That's nothing.Okay.
That sounds exactly like I'm correct when I say they're an hour and a half to two hours away from each other.
Well, that too was overshooting it quite a bit.Yes, there was a range.It does look very close to Disneyland though.
Oh, that's so interesting. go on.Um, this is my first time going to not scary farm and I thought I think it was the better of the two events.Um, but I think it depends on what you like to get out of a haunted house experience.
We did a haunted house draft, uh, two years ago with Zach and Kaylee.Um, but I find myself, I mentioned this a while ago on the podcast too.Like I've gotten very into like theme park design for some reason.And so I'm very fascinated, like,
going into these haunted houses and like, you know, I'm not here to be scared.I'm here to admire your craftsmanship.
Like to me, everybody else is like, you know, going around like, Oh no, don't jump out at me.And I'm like on an episode of house hunters, like, Oh, very impressive overlay up here.
Yeah.All right.I like that.Do you feel though?Like, in spite of not wanting to do you get scared?Someone jumps out at you?
Um, I can, but it's rare.And this is the, the key.If you are, um, a man going through a haunted house with a woman, the scare performers are always going to target the woman.It's true.
And if you're a little fraidy cat like me, that's the best because you get to experience it, but they're not really, they don't give a shit about me.And so I can just be like, Oh, what a, what a clever place for you to have popped out from.
I have a similar situation of being a man.But also, no, I have a... This is one of those hashtag all men, yes?I was similar to that when Jocelyn and I, because we've done two or three.
I mean, I guess one was an event, less of a scary thing, but we've done two, I'd call them haunted mazes. One haunted maze, one haunted house.Okay.Nah, they're both mazes, fuck it.
Two haunted mazes.Man, you are super indecisive today with your stories.
I can't, I can't.I need something.Probably food.But I have, in spite of my ocular issues, I have very good night vision.
Uh, less when driving the headlight, like in the night when then like a car is coming by, that fucks with my head in a different way.
Well, almost every car, it seems like it has their brights on all the time.
So awful.Uh, it kills me.Uh, and you've done the drive up here.Well, the windy man.So doing that at night, everyone's got the brights on it sucks.
Anyways, so I, in a Haunted House, Haunted Maze sort of situation, I always find I'm able to see the people before they're ready to be seen, or if they're doing... Nine times out of ten, and I hate this.
This is a new thing, I feel like, and I don't like it, but there'll be just a person standing there frozen, creepily, Yes.And then you're walking up to them and they're still just there.
And as soon as you are right next to them, they scream in your ear.
Oh, I don't.Yeah, I don't like the screaming part, but I my favorite scare in haunted houses is when you think maybe somebody is a prop like they have a bunch of like mannequins and one person's real, but also frozen and then they jump out at you.
That's my favorite.But I would not enjoy it.The screaming in my ear.
No, that that one I'm talking about was at Sky Park where we went.Santa Village, of course. Uh, before we lived up here, we came up here and did, uh, they do a haunted thing every year.
Uh, and we did it and, uh, someone screamed in my ear, but more confusingly, and then I'll let you talk.
part of it was closed so there's like one path and it winds you've walked around the area the area that they're using for the haunted house there's just like one path you can go in this way or go in this way and when you're walking up towards it this one over here comes up first and it's covered in caution tape
Spooky.OK, right.This is the problem.You can't make caution tape look real in a haunted house.Yeah, I just see caution tape.And so us and like 10 other people, we're all standing outside the caution tape going like, so is this where it starts?
Are we supposed to go past?Because there's like a gate you could still keep walking that way.It took an employee coming up to tell us like, No, it's roped off, you idiot!Go around!The entrance is up here!"But I'm like, you gotta put a sign up.
Like, anything that says, keep out!Caution!How am I supposed to know the difference?
Yeah, there it is interesting when there's like a real thing in like a haunted house situation, because this year at not scary farm, we were in a maze or haunted house called Cinema Slasher or something.And so it's like a movie theater.
And then there's, you know, things jumping out at you.Um, there was somebody in like a giant popcorn costume with a knife.Great.Love it.Um, that's awesome.
But as you like start, especially, I don't know if Skypark had this, but, uh, at both knots and universal, they have people in hoods with like, uh, wands. at different corners, kind of like waving people through like, go this way, go this way.
So you don't get like lost in there and keeps the flow moving.Yeah.
But, you know, we were in a section of this maze and it's, you know, we're right by one of the people with the wands and then there's like a scare actor on the other side of them and you walk in between them basically.
And the, uh, usher, I guess we'll call them, uh, with the wand to the scare actor puts up their hand, like the number five. And the scare actor.
Checks their watch as if to say they're going on break in five like they have to go on break in five minutes. And it was such a like, uh, you know, pulled us out of the experience a little bit.Like, Oh, get your union breaks, my guy.Yeah.
Uh, yeah.Anytime you like, Oh, something scary happens.But then it's like something does. Break that and you just see the person behind all the makeup It's goofy shit.It's goofy shit that we're doing.Yeah, it's very fun I think I don't know.
I am a person I get scared.These things do scare me.I Tend to laugh through fear though So I go ah, and then I'm just laughing the whole time which I think is a good thing
My instinct is to, if a scare performer gets me, my instinct is to compliment them.To be like, oh, very good.Good job.Or, oh, you got me.I want them to know that they're doing a good job.
Oh, we had a, uh, kind of funny break of character.I'll have to talk to her afterwards.I don't know if she wants me to tell this or not, but so there was this.We, Hmm.I forget where we were out of town for some reason.
And in October and we're coming back, like the day of Halloween or the day before Halloween. we agreed to do something with a couple of friends of hers.I don't even know what to call it.It was, they called it a haunted soiree.
So it's one of these Halloween parties in downtown LA.You pay money, you get in, everyone's in costume.
There are little, there are actors everywhere that are like, there's like a ghost woman and you can like sit and talk with her and try to get her backstory, shit like that.Almost like dinner theater.
But there's also a room where there's a spooky band playing the Red Hot Chili Peppers.Another room where fortunes are being told.And then there's also a haunted maze in the on the bottom floor.And this is the one I had to sign a waiver for.
And so that in and of itself, I think all I mean, you're going to need that waiver anyways, whether it is snuck into the ticket.
I found it so much scarier to sign it before walking in, and I recommend everyone does that, because that puts you in a fucking mood of like, oh dear god, what's about to happen?
So we start going, you know, there's some strobe lighting going on, which is common.I don't love that.I understand the idea.It is spooky because you see a person standing there and then it blinks and they're closer.That is freaky stuff.
But it also gives me a headache, just like screaming in my ear.How about a quiet, like, you know, there's silent discos.What about just a quiet haunted house?
Universal this year they had a Quiet Place themed maze and it was maybe the loudest one out of the ten.
You got the real life experience of what the start of A Quiet Place would be like, which is everyone being way too fucking loud.
And I have more to say about that later, but yeah, go ahead.
I'll wrap this up real quick because the whole experience was real quick.We got it in there.There was like one person pops out in the strobes.That's scary.It scared us both.I'm laughing.She's getting a little unnerved.
But then we get to this long hallway, and it is a maze.You know, sometimes they say, like, haunted maze, and it's just like, no, like you're saying, like, no, it's a walkthrough.We're pointing where to go.
This is like, you can get lost, and you can be stuck in there with the spookies, and that is terrifying.So, this is another case of with my night vision.
I saw a spooky at the far end and I go, ah, just cause I saw them there and in the strobe, they looked scary as hell.She did not see them.And so, you know, I screamed and she's going like, where, where is it?Where are they?
And the strobe lights going and it starts getting closer to us and like, you know, it's like big monster thing. As it was getting closer, Jocelyn just yells out, WHERE'S THE EXIT? ! And the monster drops his arms and just points over there.
And we're like, thank you!It's like, goodbye!
It was very funny to me.But I get it, you get in there and you have that panic reaction, you're just like, oh no, this isn't fun.There's a difference between, like... I don't know.
I'm being spooked and I'm having a good time and like, oh, no, the intention.I signed a waiver because the intention is to give me a heart attack.Yeah.So that made me laugh.That's that's my waiver experience.
I at Universal, they have, you know, like they have the quiet place.They have different IP themed houses and then they'll do original ones also.
Um, stuff like Ghostbusters.
Yes.So that was an empire.That's right, Evan.Um, and I'm glad you bring that one up because it ties into the quiet place one and what I want to talk about, which is when they build these mazes or, or houses or whatever you want to call them.Yeah.
Um, they, we'll follow the plot loosely of the movies.Okay.Um, but that doesn't like not every scene of the movies is scary, right?So sometimes the people jumping out and scaring you, are the good guys in the movie.And I hate this.
This is such a nitpicky thing, but I don't like this at all.The Ghostbusters one, the first room you walk in, there's somebody doing like a Dan Aykroyd, not impression because it's prerecorded and they just like mouth along to it.Got it.
The universal ones, it's always like prerecorded sound, prerecorded screams, prerecorded like jump scare effects with the strobe lighting and everything.And then it not felt like it was a little bit of that, but sometimes also.
like there was not to, you know, be all over the place with this story, but there was a maze based on a series of books, I think called the Grimoire.Um, but basically we're a bunch of kids at camp, like, I think resurrect a demon or something.
I don't really know what the premise is, but one of the like campers, Like comes up to you in the maze and is like, have you seen my friends?And then I, but like, it was so disorienting to me to not respond to him.So I was like, no, no, man.
But anyway, at the in the Ghostbusters one, there's somebody doing a prerecorded lip sync to Dan Aykroyd or Dan Aykroyd sound alike, I should say, because it's not Dan Aykroyd's voice.Lip sync battle.
And then, you know, the kid who plays the character Podcast in these new Ghostbusters movies jumps out to scare you.Yes, he's named Podcast. Um, these new movies are not great.It makes me want to cry.Yeah.So then he's the one that scares you.
And in a quiet place, sometimes it's, you know, the Emily Blunt stand in scares you.
Yeah.Um, it's also because these events are so popular.I don't know what the haunted soiree or the, um, The Skypark things that you've been to were like, but because these like are such popular events.There's really like.
It truly is like everybody is walking in essentially a single file line through the path, and there's not really like, oh, I saw you scare this person 6 people ahead of me, so yeah, I'm ready for you, you know.
I don't, I understand that you have to move people through because it is so popular.The waits are often so long.Anyway, I mean, we bought the express pass at both parks so that we could skip to the front.
And it was a lot of money, but when you see everybody else standing there for three hours or an hour and a half or whatever, you're like, you know what?It was kind of worth it.
I think that if I. Own a house in the future.I want to be.A house in the neighborhood that creates a haunted house for Halloween for trick or treat.
Did your neighborhood have one?
Yeah, because we made it.It was the shed in our backyard.That's right.I've made a haunted house when I was like six.I had a little Frankenstein toy where you could take the top of his head off, and we filled that with spaghetti.Nice.
I made something like eyeballs.You know, all the classics.Not very scary.Sure.But my parents loved it. Otherwise, no.We had somebody in the neighborhood who adamantly, not adamantly, just like was an avid decorator.
So loved going all out with Halloween and Christmas decorations.But no, nobody took on haunted house duties, which should be a part of every HOA.
i agree um the halloween owners association um i there was there was a house in our neighborhood for like oh they only did this i don't know if they moved or if they just stopped doing it but for like two years where uh they had a haunted house
And my friends and I went through one year and I very distinctly remember going through.I think there were like four of us.We were maybe eight to 10 years old, maybe between eight and 12.
And we were, uh, making our way downtown, walking fast because we were scared and we're going through this maze.And I distinctly remember like a, a scene where like there was a doctor with a chainsaw or something like that.
Um, you know, operating on a patient and we're like, Oh no, you know, try to go to the next room.But there was some sort of like, stop that we that we made.I was at the back of the group, so I don't know why we stopped.
If there was like, you know, a worker being like alright, we gotta wait a second till the next room is ready or whatever.But I feel a little tip tap on my shoulder and I'm like I know that I'm at the back of the group.
So I know if I turn around feeling. This is the doctor with the chainsaw.But Evan, I decided I'm just not going to turn around.I just faced forward. Not going to get me.
And, you know, we were recounting at the end of Halloween night, we all met back up with our parents.We were recounting the event.And I remember telling them, you know, somebody tapped my shoulder and I reckon it was the doctor with the chainsaw.
And something horrifying happened, Evan.My parents and my friend's parents all laughed at me for using the word reckon.And I go, yeah, you reckon?Oh, you reckon?Oh, you reckon that's what happened?
It is funny.I feel like we've talked about this before.Like that has also slipped into my vocabulary where I'm just perfectly comfortably saying, I reckon, I don't know where it comes from.
Yeah.I, I think that since then I've, I've, uh, you know, since the public humiliation, I abandoned it from my vocabulary, but I did, I caught myself doing like,
uh, an unironic, like Larry, the cable guy style of speaking, uh, the other day where, you know, we were talking, I was talking to a coworker about something and I ended it with, I tell you what, I didn't like that.
I don't know where that came from, but I did not like that.
These things sneak in, the ghosts of Southerners sneak in, and you either embrace it or realize, like, I shouldn't talk like that.And I got that lesson when I was a teenager.
And out of nowhere, we were on a vacation, and I called my sister, Honey, like a Southern Belle.Honey? And found out real fast, like, that's not how I should talk. But don't worry, I was filming at the time, so I have a forever record of it.
You know, you dropped some of your standup into our standup episode.If you have that footage of you saying, honey, you may need to drop that into this episode.
It's on a mini DV tape.I don't know.I know I transferred it.I think I don't know where it is.My parents might have it.I'll look around.
But I also have a funny photo. Oh!And I love this.I've talked about this experience in the past, so I won't spend too much time on it.
But I, my first ever trip to Las Vegas for my friend Anthony's birthday, we went to the now defunct Eli Roth's Haunted House.
I forget what it was called all of a sudden.Eli Roth's, I keep wanting to call it Grindhouse, something along those lines.
Slaughter!Hostile... town.
Yeah, like House of Horrors or something like that.
I feel like... I hate... Wait, I'm gonna tell the story while I look it up.So... I'm not... I can't multitask!I thought I could and I'm wrong.Uh... Oh, he has a new one.Trick VR Treat.
It really does suck.Uh... Haunted House Vegas. Goratorium!
Alright, Goratorium's not a bad name.I wouldn't want to go in there, but that's not a bad name.
Exactly.Eli Roth's Goratorium.Now, this has brought me to an article, Six Scary Obvious Reasons Goratorium Kicked the Bucket.And I want to read through this.He spent ten million dollars on it.That doesn't help. I shat my pants.Shirt.I don't know.
Nothing good here.Anyways, it was a pretty solid experience.It was definitely scary.Um, but yeah, I have, so two things. You reminded me of this, because I was taking up the tail of our line, because it was kind of a single-file thing.
They did a good job where there weren't so many people at a time.Like, they'd send a group in, make the next people wait like five or ten minutes, even.
Just like- That's basically what they did at the neighborhood haunted house, too.Yeah.
It was a stop-and-go kind of deal.Let these people have their experience without everyone else around them.Probably part of the reason they went out of business.Not enough people going through it at the same time.
So, you go through all of it, it's kind of what you would expect, gory, but genuinely scary at times.But then the very end of it is like, I don't know how to explain it.Like, a butthole?
Is maybe the best I can use?
It wasn't supposed to be that, but it's like a bunch of fabric closed in the middle, so you have to go through it?And it's literally like you're being birthed out of the haunted house.
But so you're in a situation, you know, it's like you can't see what's in front of you.Okay, you're just going to blindly go into this thing.And it's like, curtains this close, so you're unable to see what's going on in front of you.
And I'm taking up the end here, and it was just my friend Mike and Anthony ahead of me, and they go in each one.It's like, we all looked at it, it's just like, I don't want to do this, but there doesn't seem to be another way to exit!
And one by one, it's like, they go in, they SCREAM, and then you never hear from them again. And then Anthony goes, and he screams.And then it's just me by myself.And I'm like, I know something really fucking scary just happened.These are the worst.
I should never take up the tail end.These are the bad moments for me.I'm confident in a group setting.As soon as it's just me by myself, and I'm like, I'm about to get the shit scared out of me, here I go!"Bad.
But I thought that was a very smart way to end it.Birth yourself out of the Gloratorium.The other thing I wanted to talk about, though, is they have the photo op afterwards, like an escape room or whatever.
where you pose with a thing and you get your picture taken.I survived the Goratorium!
And so it's this old haunted looking bellhop's cart. I don't know how to explain that it was haunted looking.It just looked like Tower of Terror style, Twilight Zone looking thing.And so you just kind of put your arm on it.
They got the camera person there.It's just like, all right, yeah, everyone pose around it.Great. Okay, three, two, one, and then right before he clicks the thing, air shoots out.So it launches coats and stuff into your face.
It scares the shit out of you as the picture is being taken.So I've got great photos of all of us just like, and if I can find those, I will share those.
That's a cool way to do that.
It was smart.It was a good time.I would recommend it if it didn't go out of business.
Yeah.Uh, when you were, uh, walking around filming behind the scenes stuff for not scary farm, did you talk to any of the actors be like, Hey, what, what is a day in the life?Like for a little haunted clown like yourself?
Yeah, that is what I was talking with them about, because I found it A, fascinating, B, admirable.Like, I wanted to do it after talking to them.And these are all, like, friends of ours.These are just people who are
improvisers and actors, and this is seasonal work for them.We have actor friends that do dinner theater around Halloween time.This is just one of those gigs, but it seems to be the same group of actors unless you leave or assault someone.
It's the same group of people every year, and it's a good gig. And fun as hell.
And so, I was like, fuck, I would love to just shoot with these people more, but my job was to shoot the radio hosts getting their makeup done, which was still cool to watch.The makeup.That's not Scary Farm is impressive.Yeah. I don't know.
I don't know how to explain it other than to me, it looked like a blast.The radio hosts got the opportunity to get made up in spooky ways, and then go out and be scary people.And they did.
But for the most part, I feel like they didn't put their all into it.And I was getting real jealous, walking around with my camera.
Cause there's, I don't know if they still do this at Knott's Scary Farm, but they got these fucking guys that put elbow pads and knee pads on that are made of metal?ALICE Oh, so they spark when they slide around?
LIAM They slide at ya, and sparks come out.Oh, I want to be that little gremlin fella.
I didn't see, I've seen videos of that.Um, I think maybe they still do it at six flags, but I didn't see it this year at knots.Um, but I will say that, you know, you asked, what is a scare zone earlier?
And this is basically what it is is when you're in a certain section of the park that where they just have free roaming. uh, people that can come after you, that's a scare zone.
So they have the haunted houses and then there are a couple spots in the park that are, are scare zones.So this year they had some like clowns on the boardwalk and they had like 1920s ghosts or something like that.
Uh, in another section of the park, um, at universal, um, it would have been, You know, maybe a little cooler if they had more, but they had people on stilts on these like giant in these giant crow costumes.Anytime scare actors on stilts.
That's my still shit.That's my spark sparking metal pads is people on stilts.
I said it in a previous episode.That's my dream Halloween costume.
And I don't normally dress up for Halloween, but if I can ever get it figured out where I can be on stilts and have a massive oversized purple wizard's robe and a beard and just be like an eight foot tall wizard, that would be so much fun.
My brother. also has been a scare actor.Really?Yes.So in, when he was in college in, uh, Illinois, um, for one or maybe two years, he was a scare actor at some, like, I don't, I couldn't find the name of it.
I asked him for some thoughts though, on his experience and what it was like.Um, It was essentially like a haunted house that you go through.And then after you get out of the house, then you have to go down a haunted trail to the like real exit.
And so there's also people like in the woods or whatever that can come after you in the woods.
I hate that.That's my really had an episode about fears.That's my fear zone is just like being in the woods in the dark.Yeah, and things being there.I don't know that's that's not fun.
Fuck off.So my brother, I think I've mentioned this before, but my brother uses a wheelchair and he was there on a like wheelchair sports scholarship and so he was.He says that he was recruited by the owner of.The.
haunted house whose name was apparently big mike and big mike found my brother and his two friends at the uh champagne uh for champagne illinois the champagne sweet corn festival hell yeah and so big mike came up to them recruited them to be actors
Um, he says that there were like five or six makeup artists that would do everyone's makeup.And if you were in the house, you were in like zombie makeup.And if you were on the trail, you were in like evil clown makeup.Got it.
Uh, and so he, my brother says that he, uh, did both. Uh, where he was sometimes in the house and sometimes, uh, in on the trail, but instead of someone who can do both.Exactly.Uh, he was rarely ever in his chair though.
So he was on the ground under a table in the house and he would reach out at you from under the table.Then he'd be able to crawl out after you and you're trying to leave. It's awesome.
And then similarly on the trail, he was like, he would come crawling out from the trees and chase you.And then I guess they had it set up where. Like he would come after you from the trees.You start running.
His other friend also like normally in a chair, but now crawling comes at you from another section of the trees to divert you towards these two big dudes with chainsaws and then you get all sorts of freaked out.That sounds fun.
Sometimes they wouldn't be able to reset into those original positions, so they'd have to, you know, do something else. And he said that sometimes he would, you know, pretend to be frozen and then jump out at somebody.
And he was kind of like, yeah, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Uh, they would give him props.Sometimes, uh, sometimes he had like a, uh, a prop sickle and then he, uh, and, um, of course, sometimes it was Brown.So it was a fudge sickle.
And, uh, sometimes he had a nerf gun that he would be allowed to shoot at people with. Uh, but he said that, uh, one person didn't like getting shot at and came after him.So cool.
I've always heard that as the big threat of being an actor in these things.It's like some people's fear reaction is to start swinging.
I would also think that, um, you know, there's the reaction to start swinging.And then I think you mentioned there's like, Oh, the haunted ghost lady at the, the soiree. that you can sit down and talk to how many people are trying to pick her up.
You know what I mean?Like how many, how many people are into goth ghosts, ladies?I'm going to say a lot.That seems possible.Um, he, he also said that, uh, they gained popularity pretty quickly.They were by the end, they were voted.
to be in the top three haunted houses in Illinois.He said he can't remember if they were number one or just in the top three.That's awesome.
They had Machine Gun Kelly came by and some old Chicago Bears players came by and he says that some of them participated as actors.I don't know if like the football players did or if Machine Gun Kelly did or both.
But he said that they had a lot of customers cry, pee their pants or pass out.
I think it would make me happier than anything, because that sounds like a genuinely scary haunted house.
But if at some point you're having the shit scared out of you, your brother comes out and diverts me down this way instead of two guys with two big guys with chainsaws. It's the old 80s Chicago Bears defenseman singing the Superbowl shuffle.
That'd be awesome.That's a dream.Having met your brother, I can't imagine him doing this and I love that so much that this is a part of his history.
I mean, he, I've seen photos of him in the makeup, but I like, I also just kind of struggled to like, Imagine him doing that.
I know.You're desperate for cash.
We're running long.I just have two important things to say.One, I'll just say quick.
I talked previously about being at the Sky Park haunted thing, and we ended up meeting these two little boys because we were in line for a train going around the cornfield, and we were just talking to them because they were super nice and funny, and they were too young to get on without.
supervisors so we let them get on with us and we were chatting with them a bunch and at a certain point when we were in line talking to them they were like oh turn away he's right there oh and i'm like what the fuck there's like a security guy walking around like what happened and they said we got uh caught because we started hiding in the bushes and scaring people along the trail and a security guard got mad at us and told us we had to leave
uh it just made me laugh i'm like every now and then kids are really funny to me and the thought of just being regular kids and just jumping in the woods and being like yeah we're gonna scare some people too fuck it that makes me laugh and then hiding from the security guard the other thing which this could be very uh quick i found the photo uh i forgot it's on my facebook
Oh, and looking back at it, you could tell everyone else has been like startled, but they're laughing.I'm the only one that looks like I shit my pants.
We'll share this.I mean, to be fair, like, you know, you are the closest to the car.I was hit.Yeah.So, you know, I do like I can understand why you were put into that situation of being the most scared.Look at the veins in my hand.
I am clutching myself so tightly.It scared the shit out of me.R.I.P.Eli Roth's Coratorium.
Yeah, I know we got to wrap up here.I do want to say that of the two theme parks that I went to, I do think that Knott's had the stronger experience, but a real delight of the Universal Halloween Horror Nights is going on.
They turned the studio tour into the terror tram.
where they just kind of let you loose into like part of not really the back lot, but you know, controlled areas that they can put you through and just have like people from the purge come up to you and they try to they try to get you.
You know, this year it was all the Blumhouse. uh movies so they had you know somebody doing the Megan dance right there in front of you um but uh one year we went like as soon as it was open so it's still daylight out And we're on the terror tram.
They're taking us down in the little tram, getting ready to drop us off.And they're like, Oh, you know, something pretty spooky is happening.Uh, you know, there's this old clown who used to terrorize the back lot or whatever.
Um, but because it's light out, we can see him like. 800 feet away.
It's like the Monty Python running at the screen.
I love it.It was so funny to me.That's hilarious.We do have to wrap up though.
We do, but I have one more thing I have to say.Oh no.This is important because I felt very let down by one of these things once because it sounded like the coolest thing ever.
And I understand why you couldn't do this, but it sucks that you advertised it that way. It was a haunted corn maze, or just like a, whatever, not a maze, but there was corn there.There were zombies, and we all got paintball guns.
This sounds like the most fun time ever.Well, have you ever wanted to be in a haunted house and have a gun? Mow down some zombies.
Yeah.I mean, I am starting to understand why you can't do this, but go ahead.
Exactly.All the zombies had like armor on.
But as soon as we got there and we signed everything, we paid for it.
We got on and it was like a trailer being trailered behind a truck.So you're just on a path.
and guys are just like walking out of the corn and you have fixed paintball guns where you just push a button and it just goes and it's like they're not reacting to it they're just still walking uh big letdown i think yeah yeah not what i was looking for
I mean, yeah, I definitely understand why you can't do the version of that that we all want, but, uh, it's still, it's a letdown to, uh, to tease it and then not offer.
I'll make this happen.Wearing masks and costumes anyways.
Speaking of, um, doing stuff.We want to, uh, let everybody know what the results of our Saturday night live draft were.Um, according to you, the listeners, our guest, John Schneider did win that, uh, draft.Um, I disagree, but he did get one.
That's all I said in the episode.I need to hear one other person thinks me.
And you logged into your burner account and you cast that vote for yourself.
I definitely did not because the rest of that comment was complimenting the two of you.But I love Denzel Washington.
Yeah, it did kind of feel like that person just kind of threw it away at the end.
but uh hey we appreciate any and all votes and listens you can listen to this podcast on all platforms and you can check us out on the social media that we choose to be on uh you can also send us an email if uh an instagram comment or whatever doesn't
Uh, feel like it's enough characters for you to talk to us.Send us an email to how do we human pod at gmail.com.
You can also email. Get ready to play along with our little trivia game.Uh, you know, we had played to a hundred points and I had one and we've restarted clean, wiped the slate clean.And Evan got out to a solid start last week.
Um, the score currently is four.That's how many Evan has to two, which is how many I have.
Do you think you're going to have as impressive of a performance today, Evan?
I think I can't be- I think I can't be stopped, and I'll tell you why.I didn't realize this until I just looked at the calendar.Do you know what today is?No.And by today, I mean when people are listening to this.Oh, is it your birthday?
Well, happy birthday to me.For your gift, I'm going to either Let you win, or I'm going to give you the gift of heated competition and I'll tell you which one it is after I answer the five questions.
Question number one, Evan.Yes. Orly airport serves which European city, Lisbon, Frankfurt, Helsinki, or Paris.Only one of us has flown out of the country.Don't worry.It doesn't help me at all.Orly.
I have a guess and I don't know where it's coming from, but, um, Let me know when you have your hands.
I am between two and weirdly feel confident if it's one of these two Okay First instinct best thing No first thing best think you're going with Helsinki.I'll go with Helsinki.
That's also what I'm going with My other guess was Lisbon.
It was Paris Worldly travelers we What is the single world? god what is the single you got this slow down what is the single word title of the famous novel by alex haley roots landing cold or obtuse
I have my answer and it's bad.
I have my answer.Okay.I know the answer.I'm 95% sure.
Okay.This really reflects more on me and my knowledge of books because I've heard of one of these and that's the one I'm going to go with.I'm going to go with Roots.I think you're right.I believe it is Roots.All right.That is correct.
We both get that correct. Uh, question number three, Norma Jean Mortenson was the birth name of which movie star Sandra Bullock, Jessica Alba, Marilyn Monroe, or Mila Kunis.
I feel like I know this one.Okay.Are we both going with the same answer?I don't know.I'm going with Marilyn Monroe.
That is Marilyn Monroe.I didn't want to give you the whole time you were doing that.As soon as I see that name, I'll say goodbye Norma Jean. Oh, I never knew you.But I'm like, oh, fuck, this guy likes Elton John.I don't need to give him any tips.
I mean, don't get me wrong.I thought of the song as well, but I didn't.OK.Connect the dots to a name.
So, you know, that song's about Marilyn Monroe.No.Damn.Listen to it again, baby.OK.
Or the Princess Diana version, which is not as good.The popular pet bird, Budgerigar. Budgerigars?Something like that, I don't know.Originate in which country?That's a B-U-D-G-E-R-I-G-A-R-S.Australia, Madagascar, Congo, or Thailand?
Um... I know an animal that has a similar name and I know where that animal's from, so I'm going with that answer, but... I've never heard of this.
I've never heard of this either.I'm going to go with Australia.I'm also going Australia.All right.Have we answered the same way for every single question?Possibly.All right.We did get that right though.
So I assume it's the same bird.Budgies is what I've heard them called.
Which I understand because I couldn't figure out how to pronounce it.
Yeah.The name of that bird just sounded the best coming out of an Australian accent. Yes.The final question here, Evan, we've both gotten three points so far.Yeah.
Voodoo beliefs are often practiced in which Caribbean island nation, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, Cuba, or Haiti?
Um, I have an answer, but I also feel like it's practiced in three out of these four.So maybe that's, uh, says more about me than. Voodoo beliefs themselves.My guess is Haiti, Evan.
I believe it is Haiti.Every single one of these has been the same, where it's like, oh, at least the ones we got right.I know this!And then you're like, man, I don't fuckin' know.Maybe that one. And you're also right.I mean, look, it's not fair.
I just try to make educated guesses.You know, I picked Helsinki because I thought that that sounded I thought orally sounded finish enough to me.
I agree.But I should have remembered like it sounded familiar.
Evan, you brought us in with music.Would you like to take us out with another special spooky little song from your own heart?Goodbye, Norma Jean.
Goodbye, listening audience, ghoulie ghosts and goblins.You all had enough of your shit.You can go about your lives. Here now seems to me that okay bye is the only words to say.Okay bye.
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